#if you listen to the linked video im kissing u so hard on the lips

[magdalune]

HEARTBREAK. PART ONE he says i'm prettier when i'm quiet

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poem linked:

I tried to change Closed my mouth more Tried to be softer, prettier Less... awake Fasted for 60 days Wore white Abstained from mirrors Abstained from sex Slowly did not speak another word And that time my hair I grew past my ankles I slept on a mat on the floor I swallowed a sword I levitated Into the basement Confessed my sins And was baptized in a river Got on my knees and said, "Amen" And said, "I mean" I whipped my own back And asked for dominion at your feet I threw myself into a volcano I drank the blood and drank the wine I sat alone in begged and bent at the waist for God I crossed myself and thought I saw the devil I grew thickened skin on my feet I bathed in bleach And plugged my menses with the pages from the holy book But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know Are you cheating? Are you cheating on me?

#ts4 edit #ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 edit #simblr #ts4 simblr #show us your sims #magdalune #my sims #if you listen to the linked video im kissing u so hard on the lips #this poem has fr been on repeat for me while making this sim and it grew into me taking these garden-esque shots #which i feel are soso fitting together :)) #warsan shire you are HUGE!!! #her name is solana btw<3 #solana* #when we love*

[abitnotgoodiebag]

Thinkin’ About You

Title: Thinkin’ About You

Square Filled: U3 - Promise

Warnings: PWP, fluffy smut, terrible innuendo, terrible everything

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Sam Wilson

Word Count: 3,408

Summary: Each day that he spends around Sam passes by too fast and each night that he spends without him is longer than the last.

Link to AO3

Thinkin’ About You

It has been 50 hours since Bucky had seen Sam and he doesn’t know how much more time apart he can take.  Ever since that night after the Unsnappening Celebration, he and Sam have been practically glued together (the odd work thing keeps them apart for a few hours at most). Until now.  Bucky and Yo-Yo (who Sam still pretends to like even though Bucky could tell Sam wants to pee all over him at any mention of her) have been sent to New Mexico to track down one of the last known Hydra officers identified in Project Insight and the bastard is proving difficult to find.  He and Sam are forced to communicate mainly via text and Bucky is not happy about it (although he has been brushing up on his gif game). Sighing, he drops his head onto the scratchy pillow of the bland safehouse he and Yo-Yo have been assigned too. This bed is made even more terrible by the fact that Sam Wilson is not in it with him.  His phone vibrates in his hand and he stares at the latest messages in the thread.

TooCanSam: why do you do this to me?

Bucky bites his lip at the picture that comes through right after.  It’s a super close-up of Sam’s well defined V that leads down to Bucky’s favorite plaything.  The waistband of Sam’s boxers is pushed down, a gap that alludes to (but doesn’t directly show) Sam’s arousal.

Bucky bites his lower lip as he palms his cock through his briefs with his metal arm, twisting the other hand to get the best angle possible for his Sammy.  After his third attempt, Bucky is satisfied enough to send the photo to Sam. Seconds later, his secure StarkPhone chimes a new message.

TooCanSam:  Woah there, hot stuff

TooCanSam:  that eggplant emoji wasn’t lying I see

Bucky chuckled as he typed his own reply.

WeinerSoldier: you should know this dick never lies sammy😏

TooCanSam: goddamnit

TooCanSam: I miss you Buck

Bucky immediately thinks of that scene in the movie he and Sam watched last month.

WienerSoldier: my name is buck

WienerSoldier: & I like to fuck

He snorts in amusement, still absentmindedly stroking his cock through his underwear, rocking his knees side to side waiting for Sam’s reply.

TooCanSam : facepalm.gif

TooCanSam: Why are you like this?

TooCanSam: We can never just have a moment

WienerSoldier:  you insisted on tarantino day birdie

WienerSoldier:  2 more days tops

WienerSoldier:  one more pic???

WienerSoldier:  pr plz

Bucky waits with bated breath for Sam’s response.  As soon as his phone buzzes, Bucky is transfixed by the image he sees.  Sam’s briefs are not even in the frame anymore. There is nothing but smooth brown skin across the screen.  Sam’s dick is fully hard curving up and slightly to the right in the way that makes Bucky’s mouth water. Sam’s hand is cradling his balls and Bucky wishes for nothing more than to be home in their bed running his tongue over every single inch of it.

WeinerSoldier : droolface.gif

WeinerSoldier: baaaabe

WeinerSoldier: i wish i was there sucking your cock rn

TooCanSam: O yea?

TooCanSam: That definitely makes 2 of us…

Bucky bites his lip, taking a quick selfie (he knows Sam loves it when he’s all flushed with his eyes half-lidded) and sends it to Sam before shucking his briefs and the sweatpants gathered around his knees.  He glances toward the door, listening to guarantee that Yo-Yo isn’t up and around their current safehouse. He hears nothing and lays back on his pillow and runs his hand down his stomach. He imagines Sam’s hands on his body and lets out a breath as his hand reaches his cock.  Two strokes later, pre cum is leaking from the tip and Bucky spreads it around his cockhead, making it shine in the light of his lamp. He snaps a photo with his left hand and quickly sends it.

WeinerSoldier: guess I have to take care of this myself…

Bucky closes his eyes and begins stroking himself with purpose.  His grip tightens and he speeds up his rhythm, not needing anything but a quick release.  He’ll save the long drawn out shit for when he’s at home and wrapped up in Sam. His phone drops to the bed as he sticks two of his metal fingers into his mouth, wetting them thoroughly.  He slides his left hand underneath his balls, giving them a quick tug before reaching further back. He runs a blunt finger slightly thicker than his natural ones over his hole, whimpering softly at the touch.  There are definite advantages to having an arm made of vibranium and one of them was that fingering himself was always a delight. He slowly pushes inside, enjoying the unyielding vibranium, slightly cooler than his internal temperature.  Pretty soon his finger is thrusting in tandem with his right hand’s strokes bringing him right to the edge of climax. He imagines Sam fucking into him and shoves his finger as deep as it will go again and again. He groans and squeezes his dick as his orgasm hits, arching his back in pleasure as his hand is coated in his release.  He vaguely hears his phone vibrate and he sighs, looking for something to wipe himself off with. He grabs his discarded briefs and hurriedly cleans himself off before checking to see what Sam has said.

TooCanSam : 05222024_2316.mp4

Bucky opens the video only to be greeted by a loud moan from Sam.  The video is shaky but Bucky can see Sam’s hand moving fast bringing himself off.  Unlike Bucky, Sam has their entire apartment to himself and can be as loud as he likes (and Bucky knows that Sam likes to be heard).  His moan is filthy and Bucky watches as Sam’s abs clench and unclench as he strokes himself hard and fast. Sam speeds up even more as his voice pitches low and rough.  “Fuck, Bucky!” Is the last thing Bucky hears before Sam comes all over himself still stroking pulling every single drop out of his spent cock.

WeinerSoldier: fuck 2 days

WeinerSoldier: im coming home tomorrow and im going to fuck you until you cant walk

WeinerSoldier: i promise.  me, you,

WienerSoldier : fingerinhole.gif

TooCanSam: I can’t wait. Good night, Terminator

WeinerSoldier: good night babe

WeinerSoldier: dream about my dick. c u soon

Bucky puts his phone on its charger on the bedside table and shuts off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. Bucky needs to rest, he’s got around 14 hours to capture a nazi and get back to his guy.

————————————–

Bucky runs up the stairs to their building’s door (the very next afternoon, because Bucky doesn’t fuck around when it comes to promising Sam anything) before waving his key card frantically against the sensor.  The door unlocks and Bucky makes straight for their third floor apartment. As he enters, he hears nothing but silence.

Bucky pauses in the entry after toeing off his shoes, confused by the lack of music inside.  There are no lights on, if Bucky didn’t know any better, he’d think there was nobody home. A tiny noise from the kitchen catches his ear and he’s off immediately, desperate to see Sam again.

Sam is there bending over in front of the open refrigerator (in those goddamn gray, cotton, Polo sweatpants.  Sam knows what those do to Bucky).  Bucky’s stomach is caught by a sharp swoop of lust and He dons a predatory smile. He moves quietly until he’s close enough to grab Sam’s hips and pull him back against his groin.

“Honey, I’m home.” Bucky practically growls, dick hardening against Sam’s oh-so-delectable ass.

Sam yelps in surprise and straightens up immediately, the refrigerator door swinging closed.  Bucky takes advantage of this and pulls Sam flush against his chest and nuzzles his stubble against Sam’s neck as he lazily grinds his hips into Sam’s (glorious, wonderful, exquisite ) cheeks.

“Yes you certainly are.” Sam murmurs as he brings his arm up to tangle his fingers in Bucky’s hair (and damn does Bucky love it when Sam pulls his hair).  He turns his head and Bucky meets him halfway kissing him hungrily, having missed this something fierce. Sam turns around, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s neck enjoying the feel of Bucky’s body flush against his.  Sam bites at Bucky’s lower lip hungrily, before pulling away. A single thread of saliva follows their parting and Bucky chases it back to Sam’s mouth, planting one last lingering kiss on Sam’s lips.

“You keep greeting me like this and might just give a guy a big head.”  Sam teases, stroking Bucky’s broad chest.

Bucky drops to his knees with a gleam in his eye.  “Birdie babe, I will never in my life not be ecstatic to see you.”  Bucky grabs Sam by the hips and yanks them forward, nuzzling the cock hidden by those damn sweatpants.  He breathes in the smell of Sam as his mouth waters in anticipation of what’s to come. Tugging the (thirst trap) pants down in one swift motion, Bucky let’s the weight brush against his cheek before turning and licking lightly at the tip.  Sam groans as Bucky sucks the head into his mouth slowly, swirling his tongue around the slit. He feels Sam’s fingers grip the hair in the back of his head. Without any warning, Bucky sinks down Sam’s entire length until his nose meets Sam’s body.

“Holy shiiiiiiit.”  Sam grunts and grips Bucky’s hair tight sending shocks of pleasure through him.

Bucky hollows his cheeks and hummed.  Sam’s moan stretches out throughout the kitchen, music to Bucky’s ears.  Bucky’s dick is almost bursting out of his jeans and he can barely wait to be inside of this beautiful man.  With one last hard suck, Bucky pulls off Sam’s cock with a loud pop and looks up at Sam through his lashes licking his lips.

“Mmm.”  Bucky hums in satisfaction and Sam’s hungry look.  “Turn around.”

Sam doesn’t hesitate and immediately adjusts his position, placing his palms flat on the counter.  Bucky stares at the ass presented in front of him and licks his lips.  Not having seen Sam in days means this won’t last long, but Bucky can draw it out a little bit.  Bucky wants to sink his teeth into those cheeks and with nothing to stop him, he does. Sucking twin marks in the center of both mounds, Bucky rubs his thumbs along the cleft.

Without further preamble, Bucky spreads Sam open.  At the first touch of Bucky’s tongue, Sam cries out.  Bucky smiles as he works his tongue deeper inside Sam opening him up.  Sam is beyond words and can only whine. Bucky rubs a finger over Sam’s hole and he feels Sam clench slightly around his tongue.  He works the finger alongside his tongue and groans at the feeling Sam’s insides (and Bucky really doesn’t think he can hold himself back any longer).

With one last lascivious lick, Bucky pulls back and slowly gets to his feet, dragging his hands along Sam’s sides as he moves.  Kissing his way from the back of Sam’s neck around to his cheek, Bucky unbuttons his pants and pushes them down. Bucky gently pulls Sam back around to face him once more as he steps out of his dark jeans.  They kiss each other as if they have been separated for years rather than mere days.  

Bucky, flushed with wanting, grabbed Sam’s buns and lifted him up into the air, growling.  Sam quickly wraps his arms and legs around Bucky and smiles in pleasure. Bucky backs up until he feels the table at his back and turns and lays Sam across it reverently (because Sam Wilson is an entire meal).  Frowning at the lack of lube nearby, Bucky grabs the closest thing he sees on the counter, a jar of coconut oil.  Dipping his fingers inside, Bucky quickly coats his cock liberally in the oil. Bucky returns to his position between Sam’s legs.  Sam’s heels come around to dig into Bucky’s back as he strokes his cock along Sam’s opening, not quite pushing inside just yet.

“Are you waiting for a hand-lettered invitation, Buck?”  Sam asks when Bucky does nothing but continue to tease him.

“Can’t a man take his time?”  Bucky asks as he presses just a bit harder, making Sam snort in frustration.

“I could’ve sworn you said you were going to fuck me until I can’t walk.”  Sam grumbles, squirming to try and get Bucky to move closer.

“Mm.”  Bucky hums in acknowledgment.  He pushes just a bit harder, the very tip of the head of his cock pressing inside Sam.  “I did say that didn’t I?”

Bucky sees Sam open his mouth, no doubt to say something especially taunting, and picks that very moment to push his cock slowly inside Sam until he’s fully seated.

The words transform instead into a satisfied moan and Sam reaches out toward Bucky.  Bucky leans forward, grabbing the edge of the table by Sam’s head. He adjusts his angle a bit and Sam clenches around him with a loud cry.

“Oh God, Sammy.”  Bucky pants as he increases the speed of his thrusts, feeling the table scrape against the floor beneath them.  “You’re perfect,” He breathes as he brushes their lips together, barely kissing.

Fingers find their way to Bucky’s scalp causing tingles of pleasure.  Sam pulls harder and Bucky drives so deep the breath is sucked from his lungs.  The table creaks dangerously and Bucky pulls up a bit, pushing against the tabletop to keep up his pounding rhythm.  Sam keens and throws his head back only for it to bang against the composite wood.

A loud crack is the only warning they get before the table can’t support them anymore, but for Bucky it is plenty.  He is able to scoop Sam up easily without disconnecting their bodies and stands there in the middle of the kitchen with their table and its legs strewn about.

Bucky huffs out a laugh along with Sam, their foreheads resting against each other.  The fluttering tightness around Bucky’s dick has his brain quickly refocusing on what they were doing previously.  He thrusts up experimentally and Sam squeezes Bucky with thick thighs, leaning in for a kiss.

It takes Bucky no time at all to find his previous rhythm as he kept a tight grip on Sam’s ass.  Caught right on the edge of orgasm, Sam reaches down between them to wrap a hand around his length. A few pumps later Sam’s heat squeezes Bucky’s own climax from him.  A few stuttered, shallow thrusts and Bucky stills, his pants mingling with Sam’s as they both enjoy the last aftershocks, twitching minutely.

“Well?”  Bucky asks with a smug grin as he squeezes Sam’s ass, “Can you walk to the shower?”

“You know damn well you can feel my legs shaking.”  Sam gripes, then smiles in satisfaction. “Now hurry up and get the water running before we get crusty.”

“10-4, Sammy.”  Bucky carries them down the hallway, completely content.

——————————————-

Feeling extremely sated after their long shower (in which there were many languid kisses and tender touches and Sam definitely used Bucky to lean on), they decide that cooking is definitely not something that is happening that evening.  Not only do they have nowhere to eat the food anymore (Bucky refuses to feel bad about that, plus he didn’t hear Sam complaining at the time), but neither of them has the energy.

Sam’s knees no longer shake when he stands, so they decide that the mexican place 2 blocks over was the best option.  Once out of their building, they crossed through a small park on the way to dinner.

The hostess greets them and leads them to a table near the back of the restaurant so they’re less likely to be bothered (although living in the neighborhood for the past year has cut some of the novelty of seeing the two Avengers so frequently).

“I’m glad you were able to come back so soon,”  Sam says as he grabs his slightly sticky menu. “The whole sleeping alone thing is for the birds.”

“So, for yo-”  Bucky stops with a laugh at Sam’s glare.  “Whatever pigeon, you waddled right into that.”

Bucky and Sam order 15 tacos between the two of them and none survive to become leftovers (Sam and Bucky had worked up quite the appetite).  The food has given them a bit of much-needed energy and Sam decides that they should start shopping for a new table as soon as they get back home.  Bucky makes a mental note to get something much more sturdy than the IKEA furniture they’ve been utilizing. The more Bucky thinks about it as they leave the restaurant, the more he thinks several key pieces of their furniture should probably get upgraded before they inevitably tear it up.

As they walk through the park back to their place, Bucky tugs on Sam’s arm, dragging him over to a nearby picnic table. They sit down on the warped surface in the park leaning into each other.

Bucky sighs, “This is nice.”  While the words are hopeful, Bucky’s tone gives Sam pause.

“It is nice.”  Sam agrees, waiting for Bucky to elaborate.

“I mean this.  Us. It’s nice.”  Bucky gestures between them and ducks his head so Sam won’t see his blush (Bucky can be the most vulgar person but starts blushing at the barest whiff of feelings).  “I like that we’re going to pick a new table for our place.  I like that we’re an ‘us.’  I mean, we’ve been an ‘us,’ but you know–”

Sam rests his head on Bucky’s shoulder smiling broadly.  “I know what you mean, Buck.” Sam’s grin fades slightly.  “Can’t imagine what everyone else is going to say when they find out, though.”

Bucky wraps his arm around Sam, “You know I’ll beat up anyone who says anything sideways, pigeon.”

“I know you will.  That’s not what I’m worried about, Buck.  I’m just-” Sam pauses as his shoulders droop.  “I’m fed up with everybody thinking that they know anything about me or you or any of this.  It’s just a lot of constant noise and it just gets tiring.”

Bucky knows that Sam will probably have it easier without this whole mess.  He knows that they are probably going to have to prepare for the day the story breaks (and knowing them, the story will be breaking sooner rather than later).  They’ve already received a few looks from some of the brass at SHIELD after they disclosed their relationship.  Bucky remembers before, when he was paralyzed with fear at burdening Sam with all of this, but he can’t feel too bad if this is the alternative.  If Sam’s feelings are even half of Bucky’s, then Bucky knows that neither of them could give this up now that they’ve tasted it.  Come what may, Bucky is going to keep Sam as safe and well-loved as he possibly can.

Bucky squeezes Sam’s sad shoulders before getting up off table and pulling a knife from his back pocket.  Sam’s quirks a brow as Bucky goes up to the largest tree surrounding them. Bucky thinks Sam would feel better after a laugh, so tries his best to give him one.  He works quickly, getting the heart and arrow expertly carved into the bark in two minutes.  It’s the initials that Bucky can see Sam trying to work out. He’s gotten the first capital ‘T’ done and is starting on the last line of the slightly crooked ‘P’ when they are startled by the shout of someone else.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THAT TREE?!”  A man in a tie-dye bandana and cargo shorts screeches from the outer edge of the park as he shakes a fist at them.  Sam hops off the table as he starts running toward them. Bucky grabs his hand, (immensely glad he wore a hoodie so the guy might not have seen his vibranium arm) and they take off down the block laughing the whole way.

The shouts quiet down soon as they make it down the street and around the corner towards their building.

“T & P?” Sam asks as they climb the stairs.

“Terminator and Pigeon, duh.”  Bucky explains. “Plus, we go together like double-ply toilet paper.”

Sam’s facepalm is so loud it echoes down the hallway as Bucky opens their front door, laughing.

#buckybarnesbingo2020 #bbb2020 #square fill: promise #fanfic #sambucky #k's sambucky playlist #winterfalcon #Bucky said he'd be there the next day and shablam; he was #because no one can stay away from sam Wilson's ass

[chaekkung]

Hello,you're my favorite blog of all times,so i thought you should know the history of how i became a loyal monbebe and Hyungwon Stan in the last few days.Buckle up,is a long ass one ,sorry :) // So,one friend of mine is a HUGE monbebe,and for a while now i've been listening to her talk about it,i mean,i knew of them,and listened to some of the songs,but i didint think i was a fan,as i didint know the menbers,hell i didint ever watched the video songs //My friend has been bugging me - pt1

//because apparently i just HAD to know because i would fall in love with them,especially the one called Hyungwon//I was curious because is not her style to do that,so i looked it up and the first thing i watched was the Hero one and i was like “NIIIIIIIICE”// So as i was watching that video i felt like i just knew one of them,like the tall blonde one?It was a deja vu sensation so strong and i cound not place it?I decide to watch the next video(youtube sugested Beautiful),and so i did -pt2I was enjoying the song when BOOM,there was a close up of the KING Hyungwon and i HAD to pause it because WHAT THE HELL?My BOYFRIEND was in a music video ???That was when the funny part began,you have to know,my bf,his name is Douglas,he is 26 and he LOOKS like Hyungwon long lost twin,i swear to fucking god,to the full lips to to small face,i was fucking shocked(the diference between them is that my bf has a little bit more of meat to him,not as slim as Hyungwon,and have darker eyes -pt3because otherwise he could easily pass as him)//So i pause the video ,and call my friend,because i was so shocked and after i tell her and the bitch start laughing like a madwoman and tells me that se was waiting for that moment//She says that she have to send me the best links to look up(that was how i came across your blog btw)//long story short i fell in love with MX(honorable mentions of things that winned me over :Mx playing with babys,MX singing in chinese and air humping ,pt4,MX dancing to girls group songs and THAT FUCKING interstellar song,Jesus slay me Hyungwon)//At first it was little bit weird stanning a guy that looks so much like the one that i kiss on a daily basis,but he was such a talented,funny and precious one that i was over the weirdness real quick,btw his parted dark hair in the recent pictures makes him look even more like my bf LMAO! Im glad that now i know such a hard working,talented and special people

afsgdhjash omgv im sorry for such a late response i couldnt get on my laptop until today but wow… that was an adventure and fun to read LOL first of all i\thank u wow im someone fave blog?? also bless ur friend in helping u find mx and also my blog,,, and tell your bf he won in life… to look like god himself,,, amazing. AND I GHOST WROTE EVERYTHING ABOUT HYUNGWON/// THT CLOSEUP IN BEAUTIFUL KILLED ME AND IM STILL N*TTING THINKING ABOUT IT TO THIS DA.Y.. ALSO? interstellar? the song of the century?? i still cant stop listening to it, it’s still on repeat every day… and every time hyungwon speaks chinese im like yoo… just fuck me up :// in any case im glad you starred stanning monsta x aka the most wonderful and amazing boys all with humble hearts and filled with love for all of it. honestly what would my life be without them?? i dont even know/// they’re really my entire world :( and thank you for sharing this!! this was wild ad fun to read xoxoo

#treasure ur bf #also welcome and enjoy ur stay here forever bb #monbebe world is the place to be #the best #paradise #never go hungry #always smiles and rainbows and happiness #replies

[impalawanderlust]

12x18 Wincest Tag

question about the lore research you were talking about

That’s the subject line of the most recent email in Sam’s inbox. It’s from Dean, which would be weird enough on its own, but the fact that he’s asking a question about some research that Sam read weeks ago, that had nothing to do with a case, well...

He didn’t actually think Dean listened to him when he talked about stuff like that. It doesn’t bother him. Really--he knows he can get annoying when he’s excited about statistics or whatever. Particularly when Dean’s always been more interested in the bottom line than in the cause-and-effect that led to it.

Still, it warms the part of his heart that still needs his big brother to validate him. He types out a quick answer, a tiny smile on his face when Dean shuffles in still half-asleep, hair sticking up in every direction as he clutches his coffee mug--only seconds after Sam clicks send.

*

This is not a case IMO, Dean emails two days later.

It takes Sam a second to get past the shock of his technophobic brother using chat speak, but when he does, he opens the email and reads rest of the message:

but I thought it might be interesting to u. gotta love that true crime, huh Sammy? 

ps have u watched that people vs OJ thing yet? looks right up ur alley.

There’s that tiny, pleased feeling again, but now it’s sharing space with no small amount of confusion. Dean’s going out of his way to acknowledge Sam’s interests, but only in emails. They spend almost every waking moment together; is emailing really necessary? Is something wrong? Their relationship is in a pretty good place right now, so unless Dean’s buttering him up before revealing some horrible secret, Sam is flummoxed. 

“Your relationship,” jeers the voice in the back of his head that always manages to sound like Lucifer. “How good can it be when you’re the one keeping a horrible, twenty year-old secret?”

Sam pushes the thought away and types a quick thank-you for the link. He’s closed out of his email inbox and is surfing a monster-sighting blog by the time Dean gets back from the grocery store. His green eyes shine as he crows about homemade hamburgers and fries, so Sam gets up from the computer to help him and resolves to put the whole email thing out of his mind. 

*

click this link?

Sam stares at the new email that’s just popped up in his inbox, incredulous. It’s been over a week since the last email from Dean (not counting the youtube video of a hot dog eating contest gone terribly wrong). Sam thought that it was over.

Stranger still, Dean is sitting directly across the table from him looking, for all intents and purposes, totally engrossed in his Words with Friends game. Sam stares at him for a long second, but Dean just hunches his shoulders and keeps tapping away at the screen. 

With a put-upon sigh and no small amount of trepidation, Sam clicks on the link. It redirects him to youtube and he braces himself for another vomit video, or, if he’s slightly luckier, a rickroll.

It’s neither of those things. It’s Pearl Jam covering Metallica’s Nothing Else Matters, and even though the picture quality is questionable, the audio bursts from Sam’s laptop speakers, making them both jump.

Sam hits the mute button as quickly as he can, ears burning. When he chances a glance at his brother, Dean isn’t looking much better. There’s a dull red flush creeping up his neck and he’s staring at his phone, fingers frozen.

“Uhh, thanks?” Sam ventures. He’s not exactly sure what the protocol is, but he’s pretty sure that he can’t pretend that he wasn’t just reading Dean’s email.

Dean shrugs, grunts. “Know you like Pearl Jam.” he mumbles, still not looking up from his phone. “If you’re gonna listen to pansy-ass alternative music, ‘least it’s a damn good song.” 

Sam thinks about telling him he’s always thought of the lyrics as being about the two of them. He thinks about saying that Dean’s the only person he’s ever really trusted. The only person he’s ever loved so completely.

He doesn’t say anything. He never does. The urge always passes after a few moments.

*

The night they carve their initials on the bunker table, Sam goes to bed early. He was already emotionally raw from nearly losing his brother during the hunt, and then Dean had pulled out his knife and started talking about their legacies.

Sam won’t have a legacy, and it’s probably better that way. He’s done too much bad to have it outweighed by the good.

His phone chimes, heralding a new message, and Sam throws a glance at the notification. An email.

From Dean. 

The subject line says legacy and Sam has to smile at how, even after all these years, they still manage to be in sync.

Sammy u have saved a lot of people. u saved the whole world. u deserve to be remembered forever.

Sam blinks away the tears that are suddenly pricking at his eyes. He’s stunned.

Didn’t know you felt that way.

Dean’s answer comes so quickly he can’t be doing anything other than staring at his inbox.

i know. startin to realize u dont know a lot of what i feel. 

my fault. im not very good at talking about it Sammy.

Sam’s fingers tremble as he writes back.

I wish you’d trust me.

Dean’s reply is puzzling.

u might not like what u hear

Frowning, Sam runs his thumb over the screen. There’s plenty that Dean could say that he wouldn’t like to hear. That he’s a failure, a fuck-up. That Dean still thinks he’s a monster that should be put down. Somehow, though, Sam knows that’s not what this is. This feels like something that should’ve happened a long time ago. Something that could clear away all the years of misunderstandings between them. But if he’s wrong, it could ruin everything. Sam’s heart pounds as he taps out a rejoinder.

Try me.

He waits for a few long moments, but Dean doesn’t email back. Disappointment starts to creep in, like a pit forming in his stomach. He pushed too hard, he’s always pushing too hard...

There’s a single, sharp knock at the door and Sam bolts to his feet. He takes two long strides over and wrenches it open. He barely gets a look at Dean’s expression, hope and fear warring in his eyes, before his brother shoulders his way in and grabs Sam by the front of his nightshirt.

“Sammy, I--I...” he falters, fists tightening in the front of Sam’s shirt as his bravado deserts him. 

Sam reaches up and puts his hands over his brother’s. “Dean. Trust me. Please just let me in.”

Dean opens his mouth to speak again, but still nothing comes out. Before Sam can do anything else, he makes a frustrated noise and drags him down to his level, crushing their mouths together.

Sam gasps and Dean takes the opportunity to press deeper, saying with his lips, and teeth, and tongue all the things he can’t manage to give voice to.

I trust you implicitly. I’m sorry for the times I didn’t. I believe in you. I love you. Sam hears it all in the frantic drum of his brother’s heartbeat. He feels it in Dean’s calloused fingers at the back of his neck. He tastes it in the candy-coffee-Dean of this kiss. 

And he knows that Dean doesn’t verbalize his feelings very well, knows that he has to respond in a way that his brother can understand. So he wraps his arms around Dean’s waist and kisses back, putting a lifetime of devotion into it.

I want to give you everything. I’ll always look up to you. I’ve never loved anyone else so completely.

Dean smiles against his mouth and Sam knows he heard the message loud and clear.

#supernatural #fanfiction #wincest #season 12 #spn 12x18 #flash fiction #what even happened here holy shit #crossposted to ao3 cos it got way longer than I anticipated #no beta

[sockboxes]

LAST drink – water phone call – wrong number text message – friend sending me a link to the “if the bee movie was danganronpa video” they don’t even like darnitrope song you listened to – off with his head by jack conte time you cried – how do u know I’m not still crying HAVE YOU EVER Hated someone twice – Probably found out someone was talking about you- yea met someone who changed you – like I dunno doesn’t everyone found out who your friends are – I mean I know them so yeah kissed someone from your facebook list – my mom has facebook Kissed a stranger – no thanks drank hard liquor –see above lost glasses or contact lenses – yes turned someone down – yup sex on the first date – no thanks x2 broken someone’s heart – apparently had your heart broken – I worked on something rlly hard once and it turned out crappy(every day) been arrested – im pure cried when someone died – depends if cats r included fallen for a friend – no kissed on the first date – no GENERAL list 3 favorite colors – yellow grey avocado how many facebook friends do you know in real life – I had a history teacher with a Facebook once do you have any pets – currently? Three dogs two cats do you want to change your name – I fugkong hate my name what time did you wake up – 11:54 what were you watching at midnight last night – the new svtfoe episode releases name something you can’t wait for – sleep when was the last time you saw your mom – half an hour exactly what is one thing you wish you could change in your life –Wish I was telepathic what are you listening to right now – water pipes Have you ever talked to a person named Tom – Once. My brother punched him in the stomach and somehow my best friend (at the time) and I got blamed for it. We got detention. something that is getting on your nerves right now – stuff I gotta do later most visited website – webcomic page mole/s – I dunno probably mark/s – Self harm? Cat scratches? Acne? Come on give me a hint childhood dream – to become an imagination mover (watch the show) do you have a crush on someone- no what do you like about yourself – I’m better at video games than my brother piercings – I’ve never actually considered getting them. I like those square ones on the sides of ur ears they look nice. Dunno if I’d actually get them tho blood type – green nickname – don’t like them relationship status – not in the market zodiac sign – green pronouns – whatever I’m having a crisis right now favorite TV show – right now I really like little witch academia and Rick n Mortimer tattoos – Maybe later 
right or left hand – Right 
surgery – tonsils
hair dyed in different color – Like I’ve had like five different ones. 
sport –I used to do a lot of dance softball soccer track all sorts of stuff vacation – I’ve been places
eye color – W O O D
favourite movie – iron giant or moana WHICH IS BETTER hugs or kisses – I like both but I’m gonna have to go with hugs on this one. firm. 
lips or eyes – Eyes
shorter or taller – Both is good. 
nice arms or stomach- what sensitive or loud – Music wise my ears r too sensitive for loud music. hook up or relationship - nah troublemaker or hesitant – Why not both DO YOU BELIEVE IN yourself - sometimes?? miracles – Lies and slander love at first sight – I saw that one garnet episode once so I guess not. Santa Claus - he seems ok kissed someone and regretted it – yes been cheated on – No someone special – my friends :3 have been depressed – mhm gotten drunk and thrown up – I drank half of my grandmas champagne once. I think I did. I was little. made new friends – uh. Yeah? fallen out of love – i mean I've stopped like caring about certain people so I guess? laughed until you cried – a lot This was too hard but interesting Sorry it was so bland I don't have a lot to say Thanks @whydoievenbother444 -_-