#if yall know how this bojack episode goes

[kdipshit]

In the moment

I notice I self sabotage as soon as someone notices how good I’m doing, when I get praise. It’s like my head thinks ‘Oooo yo some trust, let’s see how much I can get away with’ and I follow suit because it’s comfortable and what I always do. I’m not sure where this stems from…. And to push through that is difficult and I get irritable, frustrated and snappy. I’m trying to work through this, and I really really want to, it’s just the emotions scare me and continue to get worse until I leave the situation. I don’t think I’ve ever just ridden it out, I’ve always escaped. But I’ll get through it, if I just keep focused on my goals, writing and well being. Well I can’t be well I don’t step up, I’ll die, maybe, I’ll end up in the hospital and I would be suicidal. Maybe I’ll be the writer I’ve always been in my head, either way I’m still a writer. I guess I should still choose the path that teaches me discipline and determination and all that shit coz If I choose the other pathway I’ll never change.

I feel like I’m going insane man. There is so much information I get, but hardly and structure or organising, maybe that’s a sign I shouldn’t have that much things juggling up there at once. I see and am so aware of all of this, but it taking all of my effort and energy. My sister said maybe I’m trying too hard. Maybe I should prioritise where my energy goes. Since I’m doing relatively fine with my mental health, I can stop making that my #1 priority and shift work up there. I just have to stick it out and ride the waves because my #1 priority is work. And the holiday I get at the end of the year.

Why is this moment not enough?

When I’m happy, there’s not a care in the world, not 1 single doubt about myself, any obstacle I face becomes easily regulated and controlled effortlessly, I have the means to fix anything, I have energy and it makes my life so much easier because I’m not connected to my thoughts in an unhealthy way. Yanno that episode on bojack horseman where he’s in his mothers childhood home and would get drunk and have flashbacks of what happened back in her day? And bojack is an absolute MESS because of his thoughts. Idk if that makes sense but it does to me, that’s how I feel.

Sick of explaining myself, yall sick of me expunging? Coz shit. I’m really over this shit like I need to make a change 555 is everywhere, here there Fuck ya okay well SHIT. there’s no more side quests if I want to continue moving forward I have to get past the boss. That’s pushing by through, who knows how long or short this will be, it’s a must. It could be really short, just do it, I feel like I’m dying stop being scared and just do it.

Work is number one. Get that fucking bag.

I’m extremely obsessive, so literally WHY NOT use that obsession and put it into the job that pays me. If I can do it with a Person I can do it with a job. Motherfucking watch me. Ok ok I like to see some enthusiasm I’m very grateful let’s meditate on this feeling 🧘🏻‍♀️

I don’t think I’m capable of letting anyone new in. So I keep my friendships and naturally they fall off or we grow apart, I only have my bestfriend who’s always there. That’s all I need, and how incredible grateful I am for that.

#blogging #mental health #new blog #actually bipolar #actually borderline #mental instability #actually bpd #original post #original writing #original words

[the-paris-of-people]

18, 19, 20 for nhie ask game please!

tw: eating disorder

18. What’s something that you wish they would have done differently this season?

Honestly I didn't like Devi's apology after starting the rumor about Aneesa's eating disorder. Was it in character to get up on a table and shout a public apology with the rest of the student body watching? Yes. But the proper apology would have been in an one-on-one, intimate setting. I also feel like the implications of gossiping about anorexia so flippantly should have been discussed in more detail. NHIE has the perfect platform to bring awareness to that problem. I'm glad they linked the wannatalkaboutit resource at the end, and I don't think they handled the issue super poorly, but there could have been a trigger warning before the relay episode (I personally didn't see one, lmk if yall did!) or discussion from a professional's POV of how the rumor was fucked up. At the same time, I've never experienced an eating disorder so the show's handling of the issue is not mine to judge, but those who have been affected by one.

I also just hated how Devi tried to cover up the rumor by launching a student investigation. Yes it was in character and ultimately she confessed but I would love to see her take better accountability for her actions.

I also would have been fine with Aneesa not accepting Devi's apology and Devi learning that it's not people's job to accept her apologies (because I think that's a huge issue with her) I think it's a valuable lesson that sometimes if you fuck up, people won't forgive you, or at least take more than a few episodes too (I've heard this happens in BoJack Horseman and happened a bit in Crazy Ex Girlfriend too)

Smaller opinion: I also thought Fabiola and Dr. Jamie Ryan were ROBBED of screen time. They should have been in there more!

19. Just anything you want rant about, get something off your chest.

Okay, multiple things. Can we like, give Ben Gross some friends? Like he has no friends besides Malcolm, who sucks ass so he doesn't really count.

Also, I'm hoping the show pulls a Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and fully diagnoses Devi's mental health problems so she can adequately seek out more intensive therapy and medication if she needs. I really want her to be her best self, she definitely has had character development but she still lacks the ability to self-regulate emotions and actions. I hope season 3 gives her a lot more therapy than this one did (though I adored the scene where she broke down to Dr. Jamie Ryan. Again, I'm in love with Dr. Jamie Ryan)

Also I hated how Sasha (Eve's friend) constantly insulted Fabiola and no one completely stood up to her. It was rude as fuck and I did not like her. Justice for Fabiola!

20. What are your hopes/theories for season three?

Okay I have a few theories. I think that Nirmala or Aneesa will end having the individual episode. I hope that Nirmala and Devi forge a bond and Devi will realize appreciate the connection she has to her dad through her.

In general, I hope that Devi will learn to overcome her internalized racism/misogyny and appreciate Kamala and not see other Indian women as competition. I think this season was a step in that direction after her encounter with Aneesa, but I would love to see her talk that out in therapy. (wow all my headcanons include therapy)

I hope that Eleanor goes back to dating Oliver because I actually loved him and think he's hilarious and sweet. I also am hoping for more Sharon and Mr. Wong because they are the best and totally under appreciated.

I think that Ben will end up being Paxton's boyfriend tutor and I'm hoping they forge a friendship! Paxton will ultimately realize that Ben knows and cares about her better than anyone and chaos will unfold heehee

I'm hoping Paxton continues to grow and develop as a character and grow more confident in his ability to be intelligent. My biggest fear is that Paxton is afraid he isn't smart enough for Devi, and her leaving him for Ben would only reinforce those ideals. I hope they ultimately realize that Ben is a better fit for her, or they break up for other reasons.

Honestly, at the end of season 3 I just want Devi to be happy and mentally stable. Again, my hope for her is that she receives a diagnosis for her mental health problems and ultimately gains the proper treatment she needs (because I don't think therapy once a week is enough for her) I absolutely love Ben and Devi together and I'll be so so so happy if season 3 culminates with a confession of love, as long as Devi has grown into the person she wants to be. I think that she and Ben need to cultivate that trust and security in their relationship again that was lost after dating other people, and she needs to show up as her best self for Ben as well (because let's be real she has screwed him over and he doesn't deserve that) I would love if season 4 ended with a big romantic gesture of Devi to Ben because the sweet boy deserves it!

Also, comeback of Dr. Jackson!!! (#I love him)

#anon #answered #never have i ever #yes i was nit picky but i have a lot of thoughts #team devi get mental health help #also im here for this post inspiring gifs of dr jamie ryan and sharon