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separatist-apologist · 2 years

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Are You Ready For It

In the middle of the night, in my dreams, you should see the things we do

Summary: When Elain Archeron's roommate can't interview wealthy business man and school alumni Lucien Vanserra, Elain agrees to step in.

Little does she know what Mr. Vanserra does behind closed doors.

Or what he'd do to her, if she'd only agree to let him.

NOTE: Still a 50 shades of orange rewrite but without any of the problems with consent.

Chapter 5: Are You Ready For It?

Read more: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | AO3

Lucien couldn’t recall the last time he’d had such a shitty day. Wrapping up his last meeting, all he could think about was Jess and her impromptu meeting. He’d just barely heard anything that was said, his mind constantly replaying Jess’s words, her hands, her touch, her sultry eyes as she said the words he’d spent years waiting to hear.

I want you. I made a mistake. Can we fix this?

Was he a bastard for how tight those words had made him? For entertaining the thought for a moment? He’d let himself indulge in that daydream, one he’d clung to for so long he lacked imagination for anything or anyone else. And for a moment, he could see how perfect it might be—how good it would feel to get everything he thought he’d ever wanted.

Before the whole thing soured. Before Elain’s pretty face slid into his mind, reminding him that he hadn’t known what it felt like to be loved until she showed up and even if he left her for Jess, Jess would never want him even a fraction the way Elain did.

Lucien would never want her the way he wanted Elain. It didn’t stop him from feeling like shit, though. Jess, who’d likely done the math and realized she’d never do better. Who saw Elain and realized Lucien, her perpetual backup, was in danger of no longer existing and she needed to fix that.

Lucien pulled his tie from around his neck and picked up his phone. He dialed Elain, frustrated when it went straight to voicemail. It forced him to look at his screen—no texts from Elain, the person he wanted to talk to. Just Jess.

I think we should talk about this.

I know I fucked it all up, but you have to know I still love you? You know that, right?

Has she ever? Or had she loved what he’d given her? Lucien ignored her messages in favor of trying Elain again. No answer. He snarled softly, dialing Arina instead.

No answer.

Girls night in, then. Lucien heaved a sigh and plodded out of his office, the last one out after being the first one in. Anxiety rumbled through Lucien, phone in hand. It wasn’t like Elain not to send one text—usually an irritated one when she realized he wasn’t going to be home before she fell asleep. If he could count on nothing else, he could always count on her lecturing him on his bad habits.

You should take better care of yourself. He could hear her sweet, albeit chiding voice in his mind. Lucien wondered if she hadn’t turned off her phone on purpose, angry about finding his ex in his office. Lucien almost couldn’t blame her, though the idea of fighting about Jess made him want to die.

He tried Arina again. Still off. Sitting in his car, Lucien swallowed his pride and called his brother. Eris wasn’t so petty he’d screen his call even if Elain asked.

“It’s one in the morning.” Eris sounded angry and exhausted.

“Is Elain still up?” Lucien asked, not bothering with apologies or pleasantries.

“How should I know?”

“She’s in your fucking living room ignoring my calls. Ask her to call me.”

“She and Arina went to your place. If she’s ignoring you, she’s doing it in your home, not mine.”

Lucien exhaled his relief.

“Go home, Lucien, and maybe she wouldn’t ignore you.”

Lucien merely hung up on his brother, uninterested in some clever rebuttal he didn’t have. He was almost happy by the time he pulled into his garage. It was late. Lucien could picture Elain curled up on the sofa, some movie playing in the background. He’d get to scoop her up and pepper her with kisses. If she was in a forgiving mood, she might even let him apologize with his tongue.

For thirty whole seconds, Lucien was in an incredible mood again. The elevator doors pulled open, dragging with it the scent of one of Elain’s cinnamon christmas candles. He could see a pair of Elain’s running shoes lined just against the wall, left out so she could slip them on before she made her way to the lobby.

It wasn’t Elain, though, sprawled naked over his sofa. Lucien looked up at the hanging light fixture of his living room, irrationally angry to be thwarted yet again by his very naked ex-girlfriend.

“You never took back your key,” she explained softly. Lucien was going to have to throw the whole piece of furniture out if he ever wanted to banish this memory.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I wasn’t done talking today,” Jess explained, as if that somehow made her actions reasonable. Lucien exhaled a frustrated breath, annoyed that one of the pictures Elain had set on a nearby side table was laying face down. As if Jess couldn’t stand the reminder.

Lucien was more annoyed that his brother had told him Elain was here. He yanked out his phone and fired off a too quick text.

Stop being an asshole. I know the girls are at your house—tell Elain to call me or I’m coming over.

“Get out.”

“Lucien–”

“Jess,” he interrupted, impatient and frustrated, “we both know you don’t miss me. This charade has become tedious. You ended things. You’ve fucked all my friends. You tried to fuck my brother. If I hadn’t met someone, you’d still be making your way through my social circle without a care in the world.”

“That’s not true—”

“It is,” he said flatly, hating himself for having to admit it to himself. “There was a time when I would have done anything for you to come back. That passed long before Elain. I don’t miss you and I don’t love you.”

“And you’re cruel, now?” she asked, her eyes burning with unshed tears. Lucien sighed, exasperated.

“You are naked in my living room. How did you imagine this moment going, Jess? That I’d fall on my knees and we’d make love on the floor? All those years apart forgiven at the sight of your pussy?”

She reached for one of Elain’s blankets scattered about the apartment in an attempt to make Lucien’s home feel cozy and soft and wrapped it around her body.

“Time has made you an asshole,” she snapped as his phone rang angrily. Lucien’s relief was short lived—just Eris, calling to complain about being woken up.

“Get dressed and give me back my key,” Lucien ordered, silencing his phone. Jess, sullen to the last, dropped the blanket so he had to watch her shimmy back into her clothes with a body that had once made him half mad every time he’d gotten his hands on it. Now…now she was nothing but a series of ugly memories.

“Good luck with your new girlfriend,” she hissed. “I’m sure her doe-eyed innocence will remain charming and sweet forever.”

“Thanks,” he replied dryly, yanking the key from Jess’s outstretched fingers. For a moment neither of them spoke, the pair too close for Lucien’s liking. His phone saved him from whatever obnoxious parting words Jess meant to offer him. She glanced down at the device in his hand, her expression unreadable.

“Bye, Lucien,” she murmured, stepping around him. It was so reminiscent of when she’d left the first time that he ignored his phone to watch her go with the same tightness he’d felt the first time. It wasn’t longing or regret that made him do it—but a sense of closure. The closing of a door with such finality that he couldn’t do anything but watch it happen.

The doors closed just in time for his phone to ring a third time. Eris again.

“What?” he demanded, forgetting for a moment that Elain was ignoring him.

“Track Elain’s phone,” Eris ordered, his voice tight and breathless. Cold crept up Lucien’s spine.

“Why would I do that?”

“Because I’m holding Arina’s,” Eris told him. “She never would have left it. She loves it.”

“Elain’s phone is off–”

“Where was it last?” Eris demanded. “Just tell me she turned it off in some bar and I’m worrying about nothing.”

Lucien pulled out his laptop and, feeling like a total bastard, tracked the phone he’d bought for Elain when she’d lost hers in that fire. It had pinged when she made a phone call, ironically to Arina. That by itself might have offered Lucien relief, had he not seen where Elain was calling from.

“She’s not in your apartment?” Lucien asked, his whole body living, burning ice. “Her phone is in your parking garage.”

There was only silence on the other end. Lucien stared at his screen, at the map that told him Elain had been doing the very thing she’d said she was. Maybe not even angry with him, like he’d thought.

“I’m going to kill him.”

Lucien forced himself to take a breath. “Give me ten minutes. I’ll help.”

ELAIN:

Elain woke to the cold. She could hear soft crying from somewhere in the blackness, shifting in an attempt to reach whatever it was making that noise.

“Shhh,” Arina’s voice drew Elain further towards consciousness. “He thinks you’re dead.”

“Who?” Elain tried to ask. She choked on the coppery tang of blood, shifting again. She was outside—wet, from the snow covered ground. Gingerly, Elain pushed herself upwards only to immediately vomit just beside her from the motion. Her head spun violently, blurring her already bad vision. Her hands were unbound, she supposed because she was believed to be dead.

Arina sat beside her, hands bound behind a tree trunk with a white zip tie. Her face, mostly hidden beneath a moonless sky, was swollen and bloodied, her clothes torn. Her ankles, too, were tied together, keeping her immobile in the cold. Arina was shaking, head resting against the bark.

“Jack,” Arina whispered, looking from side to side. “He’s coming back for me. He left us here, but he’ll be back once his alibi is solid.”

Elain forced herself back up, slower, to avoid throwing up again. She didn’t want to think of the implications of why she was sick, or what Jack had done to convince him he’d managed to finally kill her.

“Where are we?” Elain asked, looking at the spidering tree branches over them.

“The state park,” Arina said, her voice cracking. Elain realized there was a string tied to Arina’s neck, binding her to a nearby tree, and another…as if Jack had set himself up a bread crumb trail leading directly to Arina. “If we leave, we might make everything worse.”

“I don’t see how,” Elain managed, sliding her hand through the cold for anything sharp she could use to free Arina. A nearby, jagged rock was good enough to saw through the plastic, though

Elain’s disorientation meant she cut her friend more than once. Arina didn’t complain, not when they managed to get the makeshift collar from her neck and the plastic off her wrists and hands.

Arina flung her arms around Elain, sobbing softly into Elain’s shoulder. What Elain had assumed was cold was, she realized, fear.

“I thought you were dead, too,” Arina told her, pressing her frozen cheek against Elain’s.

“I think he hit me with a bat,” Elain managed, holding her friend both because she loved Arina and to keep the world steady. “It took me a minute to come out of that.”

“He hit you a lot,” Arina told her, fingers touching Elain’s aching face. Elain could feel the hurts when Arina touched them, but was otherwise numb when there was no attention paid to her wounds. She preferred that, given their current circumstances. For all Elain knew, Jack was already on his way back. They couldn’t be waiting for him when he returned.

At his core, Jack was lazy. Determined, but so lazy that she truly believed he wouldn’t put effort into tracking them down if he could pretend he’d done nothing at all. Elain managed to get to her feet, unsure how far she could actually travel. Arina slung her arm under Elain, helping to keep her upright.

“My ribs–”

“He stomped on them,” Arina whispered, taking a staggering step further into the dark woods. “He was trying to kill you.”

“What else is new?” Elain grumbled, pouring all her energy into breathing and walking.

Arina didn’t laugh. She said nothing at all as they began their journey down a gently sloping hill. Elain knew they were leaving whatever road the end of that string was tied to, choosing instead to take their chances in the expansive wilderness that was the forest.

“Eris told me he loved me,” Arina whispered once they reached the bottom. “And I didn’t say it back.”

Elain looked over at her friend. “I’m sure he knows—”

“He doesn’t,” Arina managed, her voice cracking. “I told him I hated him, that I wanted to leave. And he looked me in the eye and said he was in love with me and I told him to go to work.”

“Arina,” Elain interrupted, not daring to let herself think about Lucien. She needed to keep walking, and her resolve would break if she thought about him coming home and getting in their shared bed, unaware she was hanging by the thinnest threads somewhere in a state park. “Eris knows.”

Arina cried softly, not bothering to respond to Elain’s assertion. And Elain was too exhausted to explain what she meant. Arina would have left him had she not loved him, too. Elain understood her friend was pushing, looking for Eris’s snapping point. What would make him lash out, would prove he was no better than her ex.

The bar was in hell, now. Jack had abducted them, had tried to kill Elain. So long as Eris never did that, he could get on one knee and expect Arina to agree.

“Look,” Arina whispered as they trudged on through the night. The air was getting colder and Elain was become more exhausted with each passing step. Her head throbbed, her vision blurred.

She was stumbling over nothing at all, was upright only because Arina willed it. Each new breath was agony, a knife directly between her ribs. Elain was so close to begging Arina to let her lay on the ground and hoping someone found them.

A small cabin sat on the edge of a still, dark lake that stretched in every direction like a small ocean. Elain exhaled her relief. There was warmth, there was shelter, and there was, ideally, some means of escape.

Arina let go of Elain as they made their way up the small, wooden porch. It was, upon closer examination, a ranger station. Arina broke the nearby window while Elain slid down a support post, pressing her forehead into her knees. She closed her eyes, finding immediate relief in not having to have them open.

She had no idea how much time passed, only that Arina returned to tug Elain back to her feet.

“There's a phone,” Arina told her Elain, setting her in a dark room on a squashy, slightly damp smelling couch. “We can call for help.”

Elain meant to say, call the police. In her mind she spoke them so clearly. Outloud, Elain managed, “Call.”

Elain didn’t have to ask who Arina, in her panic, decided to dial. She knew before she ever heard the whispered, “Eris?”

Elain pried her eyes open, rubbing them with the heel of her hand as she turned towards the window.

And screamed at the face staring back, crowbar in hand. Arina froze from just behind the desk, the phone useless in her hand. Jack was looking back, a cruel, almost amused smile on his face.

“Hey baby,” he said, reaching through the window for the door handle.

Arina realized at the same time Elain did what was about to happen. There was nowhere to go—no escape, not without leaving Elain behind.

Arina looked back at the phone in her hand.

“I love you.”

Arina hung up the phone before Jack made it inside, holding her spot in the dark room. Jack flipped on the lights, gaze falling on Elain.

“Look who didn’t die. And you were so scared I killed her,” he said, as if the whole thing was funny.

“Just one more thing you suck at,” Elain muttered as he sat beside her.

“You look like shit, Elain,” he said, throwing an arm around her neck and pulling her towards him. “If you die, no one is going to recognize your body.”

She shivered violently.

“Come here, sweetheart,” Jack added, beckoning for Arina. “Tell me who was on the phone.”

“Your mom,” Arina shot back, rooted to the spot.

“At least they’ll find her,” Jack replied conversationally. “Poor, sweet Elain. Ripped apart by bears—”

“There are no bears out here you dumb fuck,” Arina snapped. Jacks eyes flashed, his grip tightening around Elain until she was clawing at his arm to get him off her neck.

“But you’ll be trapped at the bottom of that lake,” Jack whispered as he cut off Elain’s supply of air. It was almost a relief to slip back into unconsciousness. To opt out of the horror that was coming for her in favor of the unending oblivion. Elain’s body was made of sludge, her burning lungs the only thing her panicked brain could think about.

There was no guilt, and strangely no fear. She was just gone to some dreamless, unknowable place where she didn’t hurt. Waking back up was a new, more terrible sort of hell. She was on the floor of that cabin, alone in the dark and behind her was the sound of muffled screaming and something heavy being dragged through snow and leaves.

“-make everything harder than it has to be–” Jack grunted. “It’s over, you fucking stupid cunt.”

“Oh, God,” Elain whispered. Rallying her strength, she forced herself to her feet. Dead, only not once again, Elain stumbled out of that cabin louder than she meant to. It didn’t matter, given how much noise Arina and Jack were making. He didn’t hear Elain make her way towards the back, her feet leaving prints in the snow. And he didn’t notice Elain’s swaying walk to the doc where he was hauling Arina. She was rebound, her feet weighed with heavy rocks that Jack was struggling to move.

Elain sluggish mind didn’t realize until the last possible second that Jack was going to kick Arina into that freezing water. She didn’t know where that burst of adrenaline came from—would never be able to explain how she cast off her exhaustion to take off running. All she could think about was her best friend on the edge of that long dock, eyes closed as Jack raised his foot. Bound and gagged, Arina couldn’t have escaped even if she’d wanted to. The rocks were merely added cruelty, one last horror to make her impending death all the worse.

Jack pushed Arina into the water mere seconds before three simultaneous things happened at once. Elain’s body collided with his own, taking them both to that same inky lake.

A gunshot blasted through the air, causing Elain to scream with fright.

And a man’s voice roared through the silence.

“ELAIN!”

Lucien had come.

That thought should have consoled her. She didn’t think she wanted him to watch her die, of which Elain was certain she would. She was tangled in Jack, who didn’t fight back as she pushed away from him. He, too, she supposed, was more focused on getting away than dragging her down. Elain kicked into the dark, hands searching wildly in front of her until she found what she was looking for.

Elain grabbed Arina, trying so hard to tug her upwards. Everything was working against her—the invading cold, gravity, her own terrible body that wanted so badly to succumb. Still, Elain fought viciously when hands grabbed at her, tugging her upwards. She wouldn’t leave Arina to die in that water—even if it meant she died, too.

It was a futile attempt. Her head breached the surface, and it wasn’t Jack who was holding her. Her first clue ought to have been that Jack would have tried to keep her down there.

“Shhh,” Lucien ordered, his brown eyes wild with fear. “You’re okay, you’re safe, I’ve got you—”

“Arina—”

A loud gasp ended Elain’s protest. Eris was dragging a lifeless Arina to the dock with a look of open, murderous rage. Elain twisted, looking for Jack, floating face down not far from where Lucien swam.

“It’s over,” Lucien repeated.

Elain wondered if Eris was telling Arina the same thing. Wondered if her friend believed him. If she believed it. She turned back to look at Jack, wishing the sight of his death moved her at all.

“Good.”

LUCIEN:

Lucien had never wondered what money could buy until he had to take a battered, beaten Elain before the police and tell them he’d shot her abductor. She hadn’t heard him say it—her eyes were made of glass, her body mere paper. Nurses had rushed her and Arina off where Lucien would later learn the horrible extent of the beating she’d endured.

Eris, a politician, had a lawyer in that station before Lucien could ever utter the words I did it. A foolish confession, and yet better than letting them try and pin Jack’s death on Elain or Arina. It didn’t matter. The case was closed before Elain was ever discharged. Self-defense, in the wake of a truly heinous escalation of events. The prosecutor declined to press charges and the rest was quietly covered up. No news, despite the Vanserra name attached. No mourners. No calls for justice. Just Lucien traipsing in and out of the hospital every day where he worked from his laptop while Elain slept off the painkillers they’d given her and slowly began to heal.

It would take longer than the three weeks she spent in that hospital. Longer for Arina, who smiled every time he poked his head in to say hi, despite the shadows in her green eyes. And For Elain, who jerked every time she heard an unexpected noise.

Taking her home was a relief. Lucien had forgotten the night with Jess until Elain came back in, her eyes sweeping the room for the familiar…and landing on the overturned picture on the side table.

He wanted as she padded towards it, picking it up to look at the contents. “You were mad.”

“I wasn’t,” he swore, walking behind her to look at the picture. Him and Elain, grinning into the camera of her phone. He remembered that day so clearly—she’d said, smile, Lucien, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And he’d been awed she even wanted a picture with him at all.

Elain righted the picture and Lucien fussed until she agreed to get into bed, though his mind remained with that photograph. He waited until she was asleep, tucked beneath the blanket of their shared bed, to pull out his phone.

Can we talk?

Lucien met her in the lobby. Jess, in her beautiful clothes, her immaculate shoes. She breezed in wearing sunglasses, despite the dark around them, just so she could take them off and survey him with disinterest.

“What’s so important—”

“You helped him,” Lucien half whispered, sliding his hands in his pockets. “That night, when you were in my office, my home…you knew. You helped him. You told him when she left, you heard her say where she was going. And you knew she wouldn’t be in my apartment when you came up.”

It wasn’t a question. Jess’s eyes widened, her face palling for only a moment. “What are you talking about, Lucien?”

He shrugged his shoulders, holding her gaze. “I wonder what Eris will do when he learns?”

“There’s nothing to learn,” she snapped. “And I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lucien turned his back to her—her fear was all the confirmation he needed. Jess was worse than Jack, who had at least some conviction. How they’d found each other—why she’d decided to help him, Lucien would never understand. Jess would never tell him. She was too used to getting her way, had likely thought the ends justified the means. Maybe Jack hadn’t told her the scope of what he meant to do.

Or just as likely, Jess simply had not cared. It wouldn’t matter when Eris finished ripping her life to shreds. Eris was vicious on a good day and loved a self-righteous takedown. Lucien thought it was justice for Jess to lose all the things she loved—status, money, and position. And over what?

Him.

Who would have given her all that, had she ever thought to love him back.

Maybe he was petty, too.

Not so petty to shoot his brother a text before he crawled into bed with Elain. Elain would have never demanded that kind of retribution. She’d have asked him to let it go, would have assigned Jess the nicest possible motivation.

“Is everything okay?” Elain whispered, eyes screwed shut tight. Lucien pulled her towards his bare chest, combing through her hair with his fingers.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’re in pants.”

He brushed a curl off her face as Elain continued, “You’ve been in pants since I came home.”

“I’m not a total bastard, Elain.”

“Maybe you should be,” she whispered, scooting close enough her could feel her breath against his neck. “Maybe I’d like it if you fucked me like an animal in heat.”

“Your ribs were fractured,” he reminded her. “You had a concussion–”

“I want to forget it,” she interrupted, finally opening her eyes to look at him. “And every time you treat me like I’m made of glass, I can’t. I remember our safe word, Lucien.”

“Awfully hard to speak when you’re choking on my cock,” he grumbled

“I had a dream about you last night,” she said instead, kissing just beneath his jaw. “Would you like to hear it?”

Given Lucien’s cock was rapidly filling with blood, he absolutely wanted to know the next words that were going to fall from her lips.

“Tell me.”

“You had me tied up,” she began, sliding her hands down his chest. Lucien had to swallow his groan. He’d missed being touched by her more than he’d realized.

“Tied up how?” he asked, letting himself imagine it. It felt wrong, given how bruised Arina’s wrists had been when Eris had pulled her from that lake. Lucien had promised himself he’d never ask, that he’d figure out his own kink without forcing Elain to relive whatever Jack had done to her and Arina?

“There was a vibrator between my legs,” she said, dragging her tongue down his skin. “And you had your cock in my throat, so I couldn’t escape.”

He did groan then. “Not tonight.”

Elain’s pretty pink lips fell in a frown. “Yes, tonight. Or I’m going to tie you up, tie the vibrator to you, and make you eat me out until you’ve drenched our sheets in come.”

“You’re going to peg me?” he whispered, his pulse throbbing in his cock. How he wanted her to.

Elain straightened, raising her brows.

“Maybe.”

Lucien pulled her against him, leaning over her body for a kiss. He was far too tempted to let her, and still half sure he had no right to touch her while she recovered.

“No restraints,” he offered, thinking of something that would work the way she hoped, but give her access to her limbs should she need it. Lucien didn’t want to see her tied up and couldn’t tell her why—every time he thought about it, he thought about Arina being flung into that frigid lake. Of a half dead Elain rushing after her, and how easily it could have been her, too.

Her gaze was filled with reproach. “Lucie—”

“No. Restraints.”

He buried his face into her neck, gulping down great breaths of air to keep himself from utterly falling to pieces. Elain immediately slid her fingers through his hair, holding him gently against her.

“I thought—” He couldn’t make himself say it. He couldn’t let her see him cry, and he couldn’t say the words out loud.

I thought you were dead.

This is all my fault.

She didn’t say anything. She didn’t need to. Lucien knew she understood, that she forgave him before he could even ask for it. He wasn’t sure he deserved that kind of unconditional care.

Elain pressed her lips to his wet cheeks. “It’s over, Lucien. I just want to forget it. Don’t you?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, pressing a kiss to her mouth. Elain seized the opportunity to deepen it, to slide herself half under his body while hooking her leg around his waist.

“I want you, Lucien,” she breathed, pressing her hips into his stomach.

Misery warred with arousal. Burying himself inside her would feel good, would let him escape the onslaught of emotions he was drowning in.

And Lucien found himself unable to tell her no. Not when Elain’s clever fingers slid into the waistband of his pants.

“I hate these,” she whispered, pushing them over his hips. His traitorous cock was half hard at just the mere thought of her slowly moving hand, and by the time he managed to shed them entirely, he was fully erect and all but bursting with need.

He undressed her with far less care, his shaking hands making a mockery of the reverence he felt.

“Luci—”

“You’ll take what a give you,” Lucien growled, yanking his head from her hands as he began his very slow descent down her legs. “I want to eat you out, Elain. Nothing else will satisfy me.”

He punctuated his point by sucking one of her nipples into her mouth, laving attention over the sensitive bud until Elain gasped and writhed beneath him. Each new roll of her hips slicked the wet heat of her pussy against his thigh, driving Lucien half mad with want.

Not yet, not yet, not yet.

This was an apology, he decided, switching sides. He was trying to go slow, to tease her without mercy until she was little more than a wild, needy beast. He was, unfortunately, already there. Lucien ground his cock against her and was rewarded when his skin met her own, branding the proof of her arousal all over his erection just as she’d done to his leg.

Lucien groaned.

“Fuck me, Lucien,” Elain whispered, tugging at the strands of his hair. “Don’t be nice about it.”

He’d eat her out afterwards, he decided. He couldn’t stop himself from rubbing the sensitive head of his cock against her, teasing her clit while Elain bucked and wiggled, trying so hard to get him to sink into her.

He thrust roughly.

Elain arched off the bed, sighing with what he could only describe as relief.

“More,” she demanded, nails digging viciously into his biceps. “I need more.”

So did he. Lucien needed to somehow merge their very beings into one, so even when he eventually withdrew he still felt her.

Lucien thrust again, and again, and again—until he was certain she’d feel the effects of the rough fucking well after they finished. He grabbed her knees, angling her off the bed to drive himself deeper, to claim her as thoroughly as he could.

“You’re mine,” he panted, his arousal overwhelming him. He had to press closer, to bend her knees against his chest so he could rub at her clit and drive her closer to the brink. They’d go together or not at all. “No one else can have you. Only me.”

She whined an incoherent, near babbling response, her pussy tightening rhythmically around him. Lucien inclined his neck to the ceiling, clenching every muscle in his body to keep himself from falling apart. She wasn’t the only one who needed more.

He rubbed tight circles around her clit until she screamed loud enough half the building must have heard. He was going to get evicted at the rate he was going—and maybe that was a good thing. Maybe what they needed was a house out in the suburbs. Maybe what they needed was—

“Marry me,” Lucien asked without thinking mere seconds before Elain came again. He thought she said yes, but maybe she was just babbling about coming.

He forgot for a moment as he lost control of his own release, coming so hard he swore he saw stars. Lucien’s whole body jerked, taut and tense as he spasmed wave after wave into Elain. She grabbed his shoulders, pulling him against her.

“Stupid, you’re so stupid,” she panted, kissing just beneath his jaw over and over.

“Is that a yes?” he managed, his cock still twitching. He wasn’t done with her—not by a long shot.

“Of course it is,” she whispered, squeezing him tight. “It’s been a yes since the moment we met.”

He nodded, certain she was right.

Smoothing the hair from her face, Lucien pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“I think I’ll get that vibrator now,” he whispered.

Elain burst out laughing.

“You better Lucien.”

Who was he to deny her?

[1 year later] A pounding knock from the front door sent Elain scurrying from the kitchen,

“Okay, alright,” she grumbled, walking from the kitchen to the foyer. Elain yanked open the heavy wood and glass door to reveal Eris and Arina on the other end. Bundled head to toe in warm hats, mittens, scarves and two identical black, puffy coats, Eris and Arina stepped into the warmth of Elain’s house and immediately began kicking snow all over the wood.

“Lucien is gonna kill you,” Elain said in a tattling sing-song voice. Eris merely rolled his eyes and began unpeeling his layers.

“He could certainly try.”

“What is Lucien going to—oh for fucks sake Eris you can’t use the welcome mat?” Lucien grumbled, joining Elain in the wide, open hall. Eris offered Lucien his middle finger while Arina hugged Elain. Chilly hands slid over her stomach, slightly rounded—proof that her and Lucien were always at it like rabid animals. That would never change.

“You ever gonna actually get married?” Eris asked dryly, catching sight of the ring sitting on Elain’s finger.

“Something…milk for free…something—” Lucien cut himself off when he caught the narrow eyed look on Elain’s face.

“Should we have run to the altar like you two did?” Elain added, gesturing for her best friend to follow after her.

“Yes,” Eris agreed. “Having a wife is much more agreeable than a girlfriend–”

“You never had a girlfriend,” Arina reminded him.

“Even better,” Eris retorted.

“And every man’s dream,” Elain agreed. Lucien’s eyes sparkled though, as if he so badly wanted to know if his brother was right. Though Lucien would never rat her out, it was Elain holding them up for no other reason than she liked what they had. A beautiful house overlooking a sparkling lake, two good jobs that ensured Elain didn’t have to worry about money, and most importantly, they had each other.

Eris and Arina had eloped two months after the incident with Jack. Elain thought almost dying had put a lot of things into perspective for Arina. She’d seen who she could depend on with her life, and for better or worse, it was Eris.

Eris was so obviously pleased with his good fortune that he kept his mouth shut when it came to their very quick wedding. There had been a lot of press—most of it speculating he’d gotten her pregnant.

That honor was reserved for Elain. They hadn’t done it on purpose per say—she’d let Lucien know she was taking it out and he’d merely suggested she not replace it. It was laughable how quickly things happened after that.

They’d get married once the baby was born and things settled a bit. Elain had a pretty, flowery dress she wanted to see the baby in, besides. They’d be a cute little family in all the pictures, which made Elain happier than anything.

Back in the kitchen, Arina began helping Elain with her Christmas Eve roast.

“I feel like I never see you anymore,” Arina said reproachfully. A common refrain, given Eris was never going to leave the city—and neither was Arina. Still, Elain offered a cheerful smile.

“You should move out here. I hear one of the neighbors are about to put their house up. I could get you in.”

“I’ll bet you could. And then it’ll be me next year pregnant and making a roast. No, thank you.”

Elain only shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

“How are you?” Arina pressed. Elain glanced up at her friend and her wide, almost nervous eyes. Jack had been dead for over a year—no charges filed. Elain still didn’t know which of the Vanserra’s had killed him. She didn’t care.

Arina had told her later she thought Lucien’s ex-girlfriend had helped. Eris, it seemed, was on a quiet rampage. He’d destroyed her life so thoroughly that even Arina had wondered if he was just a politician. If it bothered her friend, Arina gave no indication of it. The only thing Arina wanted to know was that Elain was okay.

“The nightmares stopped a long time ago,” Elain said, not for the first time. “Therapy is helping.”

Arina nodded. They’d taken the same approach. While doing their best to forget the entire thing, Lucien and Eris had paid for really nice therapists and Elain was still taking advantage. Maybe she’d stay until she died. She liked her therapist.

And she liked not having Jack hanging over her.

“Me too. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Like I should be sadder, but…”

But Arina was happy. Elain offered her friend a smile before leading Arina out of the kitchen to the dining room. Everything was set up and Elain had technically cooked enough for ten people, despite it being just the four of them. Lucien and Eris were lounging in chairs like bastards, twin glasses of whiskey in their hands.

“Don’t help,” Elain said sarcastically, earning a bright smile from Lucien.

“You’ve got this,” he teased, watching her put that pan down directly before him.

“Lucien’ll clean up,” Eris added, as if it were ever in question. Lucien nodded, reaching for Elain’s hand to press a kiss against her wrist. Arousal bolted through her quicker than she could squash him and she knew he knew it.

Arina and Eris didn’t. With a sigh, Elain sat just beside Lucien at that long, square, sliding her hand beneath the table to rest it on his knee. Lucien shifted closer by a fraction, inviting her to move her hand if she wanted. Elain didn’t. Not in front of their friends—their family.

True to Eris’s promise, Lucien cleaned everything up when they finished before they exchanged gifts. Eris and Arina brought a mountain of things for the new baby, dragged in by Eris while Arina and Elain sat beneath a blanket on Lucien’s dark sofa.

And though it was wonderful to see them, Elain was a little too pleased when they finally departed, leaving her alone in a paper strewn living room with a rapidly undressing Lucien.

“I hate this stupid tie,” he grumbled, tossing it onto a nearby chair. “And this belt.”

“Might as well take the pants, while you’re at it,” Elain teased. Lucien grinned, then, and removed those, along with his nice button up too, until he was only in a pair of dark briefs. Elain sighed, drinking in his lovely, toned body before opening her blanket in an invitation for him to join.

They wouldn’t make it to the bedroom that night—which suited her just fine. Lucien adjusted them so she was tucked between his legs, his arms tight around her body. He pressed a kiss against her scalp.

“Did you ask if Arina wanted the neighbors house?”

Elain sighed. “She said no.”

Another kiss on the cheek…and then another against her neck told Elain Lucien was only half paying attention. He hummed noncommittally, an invitation to keep talking while he kept kissing.

“Lucien—” she turned her head to try and get his attention and for her trouble, was offered a nipping kiss against her bottom lip. She opened her mouth to protest and Lucien, crafty as always, slid his tongue in, effectively silencing her.

It was nice, kissing him on the couch until she was needy and breathless. “Take off your dress,” he panted.

“Wait, wait,” Elain breathed, halting his hands with her own. His warm breath against the tendrils of curls of her neck made her rethink speaking at all. Maybe it was better they didn’t. Elain wanted him to know. “Arina wanted to know if I was having nightmares.”

That drew his attention. Lucien went still, head pressed to her own. “And? Are you?”

Elain rubbed a hand over her slightly rounded stomach. “No. Not in months.”

She felt his smile against her hair. “You’re so lovely, Elain, and I love you so much. Do you know that? How much I love you?”

Elain twisted.

“I do.”

#elucien #elucien fanfic #elucien fic #IS IT GOOD?#no #but its done #and i just need to be done with this so my apologies if its disappointing

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elidereads · 3 years

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You Came For Me (NSFW Elriel Fanfic)

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Summary: The night after Azriel rescues Elain from Hybern Elain goes to his tent to make sure he's okay.

Word Count: 5,800

Warnings: NSFW

Notes: This is my first fanfic. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated it. 🖤

AO3

She couldn’t sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she shivered remembering the things she was trying to forget, the feelings she wanted to scrub away. She couldn’t make herself trust that she was safe. She tried to focus on Nesta’s steady breathing and failed. Sounds that had once assured her of her safety now felt meaningless. Nesta had always been her safe haven, the only person who wouldn’t fail her or leave her. But the last time they had slept in this tent Elain learned that she was not safe. The cauldron could find her anywhere.

Not that it was Nesta’s fault, really she only had her own stupidity to blame. Her heart and mind warred with themselves, trying to decide what feeling made her cringe more, fear or shame. If she had allowed herself to see what everyone else saw, that Graysen now detested her, then she could not have been so easily lured. But last night she hadn’t wanted to accept that his affection could be anything but true. Even now a part of her brain defended him, reminding her that Graysen had been the one to lead her to the cauldron, is was the cauldron acting alone. She felt an internal embarrassment for continuing to defend Graysen to herself, that she allowed her stupid heart to create some hope that wasn’t there. She was pathetic.

Everyone in her village had grown up hearing terrifying stories of the Fae above the wall. She had always believed them to have godlike strength. Nothing could, or would, break them. Often she envied them. She was always the meekest of her sisters. Everyone assumed she lacked an opinion on anything, just doing whatever her sisters, mostly Nesta, wanted. In reality she lacked confidence in herself, she always told herself that letting her sisters lead made them happy, why should she push back. But she could imagine herself gaining everyone’s respect by becoming Fae or revealing some secret magic. Now, that secret dream made her feel even more pathetic. She had become Fae and had gained no one’s respect. She was still told what to do more often than she was asked her opinion. The lack of any transformation into the strong female she had imagined she truly was only added to her shame. No, even as Fae she was pathetic and boring. Perhaps Graysen had tired of her before her transformation, he just now had an easy excuse to end their engagement.

How many times did she need to suffer embarrassment in front of these people she barely knew? Starting with Graysen making the very public proclamation that he did not want her. Then, she made herself a further fool by wandering off and getting herself captured. In some ways it would’ve been easier if she had died in captivity. Then she could have been spared everyone’s pity that was so palpable she could almost see it hovering over them as they looked at her. But no, because of her stupidity she had to be rescued forcing Feyre and Azriel to risk their lives to save her.

Azriel.

Although now she thought very courageously about her death she had to acknowledge that that had been a very real fear just a few hours ago. She would swear she felt the world shift when she saw Azriel appear in the tent in Hybern’s camp. She had never felt relief like that. His presence had a way of making her feel like the person she imagined herself to be, certain, fearless. He looked at her as if he knew her. Well maybe not her, not the her that everyone saw, but the her she wanted to be, the heroine in her daydreams.

She exhaled loudly and rolled over, trying again to fall asleep. Mother, she was pathetic, creating some romantic scenario in her head where Azriel was the one person who saw her. He was probably the angriest with her. He suffered the most injuries attempting to rescue her. Would he resent the fact that he was injured before the battles had even begun? All because Elain couldn’t let go of her fiancé. What if Azriel’s injuries hindered him in the battle? What if because of Elain’s rescue he couldn’t fight as well and he …

Elain sat up quickly.

No she couldn’t think this way. She would have to speak to him, ensure he was fully healed before he could be allowed to fight. Surely the others had thought of this but if they hadn’t, she wouldn’t allow that to happen, couldn’t allow it. If there was a time for Elain to speak up it would be now. Well not now, not in the middle of the night with everyone sleeping, but now in there proverbial sense. Would he be angry with her if she was the reason he couldn’t fight? It didn’t matter. She was sure he was angry with her anyways.

Maybe that was why she couldn’t sleep.

She slowly pulled back her blankets and set her feet on the ground. Keeping her eyes on Nesta the whole time, making sure she didn’t stir. She pulled a blanket off her bed and wrapped it around herself as she moved towards the entrance of her tent. A part of her brain was warning this was a very bad idea. If she was worried about everyone being mad at her then she should definitely not make it worse by wandering the camp at night. Again. But another part of her brain, likely the sleep deprived part, was urging her on. Telling her a conversation with Azriel was the only way she would be able to calm down and get any sleep. She slowly pulled back the tent flaps and, with one more glance at Nesta, Elain slipped out.

She was almost positive Azriel’s tent was to the left of theirs and Cassian’s to the right. Too soon she and began to doubt herself. Was he sharing a tent with Cassian? Or Mor? Possibly even both. This was a bad idea. She couldn’t even knock and announce herself because how did you knock on a tent. She would just need to go right in.

She began to turn back to her own tent suddenly Azriel was there at the opening, catching her off guard and leaving her standing there speechless, like an idiot.

“Elain?” Azriel seemed to exhale her name after a few seconds of silence.

“How did you know I was here?” A perfectly appropriate greeting.

“My shadows. They patrol while I sleep. They told me you were outside my tent but I didn’t … are you okay?” Azriel’s eyes narrowed as he ran his gaze over her, looking for a source of harm.

“Yes. I’m okay. I just … I wanted to see you. To apologize.” Azriel gave her a look of surprise as a wind whipped through the camp causing Elain to pull the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

“Come in. Please.” Azriel quickly opened the tent further and stepped to the side so that Elain could get out of the cold.

At first his tent seemed smaller than hers, but she saw that was due to the amount of things he had inside. Not that he was messy, but he had a desk covered in neat piles of paperwork. Armor on a dummy in the corner and an impressive display of knives lied out on a small table top. A fire burned near the middle of the tent, immediately warming Elain as the tent flaps closed.

“Are you okay?” Azriel asked again.

Elain turned away from his things scattered throughout the tent to look at him. “Yes. I promise you I am okay. I couldn’t sleep and I wanted to … I hope I didn’t wake you. Were you asleep?”

“No I wasn’t asleep. I was reading.” He motioned to his desk of papers and Elain caught him wince as he lifted his arm.

“Please sit down. I’m sorry I made you get up. Are you okay?” Everything came out in a rush. Gods. What was she thinking coming here and bothering him in the middle of the night. She touched his arm, gently guided him to a chair and sitting herself down across from him.

“I’m fine. You don’t need to worry.” She noticed how he slowly lowered himself into the chair.

“You’re not okay you’re hurt.” Elain reached to touch his bandage before catching herself, leaving her hand hovering between them. “Is there anything I can get you? Maybe some tea?”

“I’m fine. You don’t have to get me anything.”

“Please. I would like to help.”

Azriel paused, ready to repeat his no, before seeing that accepting the tea from Elain would help her more than himself.

“Some tea would be great. Thank you.”

Elain busied herself bringing water to a boil over the fire and, after Azriel’s shadows brought her the dried tea leaves, making a pot for the two of them.

“Cups?”

“Over there. There are drawers under the table with the knives. They should be in there.”

“Thank you.” She located the cups as the tea steeped in the pot. As she poured the tea she realized how calm her body not felt. Perhaps she shouldn’t have come here. She suddenly felt exhausted and very ready to sleep.

“Here.” She set Azriel’s cup on the table in front of him. She blew on her own and began to take a sip before thinking better of it and setting it down. Finally, with nothing else to busy herself with, she looked at Azriel. He was already looking at her.

She wasn’t sure where to start.

“I’m sorry.” She decided to lead with the phrase she couldn’t stop repeating. “My foolishness put Feyre and you in danger. I will never forget myself for that.”

Azriel closed his eyes, as if steeling himself for what he was about to say. “You have nothing to apologize for. It isn’t your fault the Cauldron tricked you.”

“If I hadn’t been such a fool about Graysen it wouldn’t have been able to trick me so easily.”

Azriel shook his head. “It is not foolish to believe the best about the person you love.”

Elain grimaced. “I don’t love him.”

“You don’t?” He responded, slightly tilting his head to the side.

“Well,” she blushed. “Perhaps a part of me does but no … not anymore. I see the situation for how it is. How everyone else sees it.”

Something in that statement made Azriel pause. He looked away from her, as if considering something. “Does it matter how everyone sees it?”

“A few weeks, even days ago I would have said no. It only matters what we, or I, felt but …” She gestured in a direction that she believed was south. “Before today I thought everyone was wrong and didn’t understand what we had. Now it appears I was the only one wrong. When the majority of the people in your life disagree with you, at some point you have to admit it’s probably you who’s wrong. Don’t you?”

Azriel didn’t say anything from a few seconds, continuing to stare at something on the ground, before responding. “That logic makes sense.”

They lapsed into a brief silence where Elain attempted to drink her tea again. This time only slightly burning her tongue before turning back to her next question for Azriel.

“How bad are your injuries?”

“They are fine.”

“I could see you grimacing as you sat down. Please Azriel, be honest with me.”

He raised his head when she said his name and met her eyes. “They are bad, but I have had worse. Rhys, however, has already implied that he doesn’t want me in the battle if it starts tomorrow.”

Elain started to apologize again but he waved her off.

“It’s fine. I don’t plan to listen to him. I will be fine.”

That caused her to gasp. “You cannot fight tomorrow. Not if it’s not safe.”

He offered her a grim smile. “I don’t think battles are ever considered safe.”

Elain did not return the smile. “You know what I mean. You are already injured from rescuing me. You’re already vulnerable. If you were to hurt yourself more, I couldn’t…” She trailed off, not being sure what it was she “couldn’t”.

“I will be fine. I have seen many battles and survived.”

She felt her anger grow, both with herself and his casualness. “You shouldn’t have rescued me. You are more valuable than me. Your life means more than mine.”

His grim smile quickly changed to something close to a glare. “My life means nothing compared to yours.”

Instinctually she reached out to touch his arm, wanting to offer him comfort in any way she could. “How could you say…” But when her arm touched his she was too overwhelmed with images to speak.

They reminded her of the dreams she had been having. Ever since she was Made every night she dreamed like she never had before. Dreams that were as vivid as Feyre’s paintings. Sometimes that how they started. She would be looking at one of Feyre’s paintings and not realize she was dream until it came to life or pulled her into it. Some of the dreams were filled with light, the warmth of the sun, the feeling of a new day. Some filled with shadows and whispers, hidden objects that she could never find clearly.

Surprisingly the dreams of the sun were the ones that preceded her worse days. Days filled with anxiety and unease that made her long to go back to sleep but also made her afraid to. These are the days she spent her time in the garden. Dedicating complete focus to her plants and flowers, working through meal times and until the night was so dark she could no longer see the roots. It wasn’t until day turned to night that her heart stopped racing.

But now she was sure she was not asleep. She could feel Azriel’s arm and hear the crackling of the fire in his tent. Smell a combination of musk and sweat that she noticed whenever he was close. But what she saw was out of place with the war time tent.

Golden, barely-there sunlight coming in through the windows. Another fire in a different hearth. Windows left open, light grey curtains blowing in the breeze. A garden could be glimpsed through the windows full of red roses. A soft moan that sounded vaguely familiar. Was it her own? She looked around to see white sheets were gripped in her hands. She felt a heat climbing through her body starting at her core. She felt something between her legs. She moved her gaze down her body. Heavy breathing moved her peaked breasts up and down as she tried to find air. Scarred hands on her hips. A head of dark hair between her legs. Another moan. She couldn’t help but move her hips in time with his tongue.

Her dreams had never felt this real.

“Elain?” She heard someone call her name, but she wasn’t sure who. She could still feel a tongue moving between her legs, bringing her to the edge of something she had never felt before. Her body began to shake at the feeling, getting closer and closer to a feeling that wasn’t familiar with but was desperate for.

Then her body was truly being shaken.

“Elain!’

Her eyes fluttered. Had she closed them? She tried to focus on why she was shaking.

“Elain? Are you okay?” The scarred hands were no longer on her hips but on her arms. Holding her firmly, shaking her gently. Azriel’s head was no longer between her legs but looking her earnestly in the eyes.

“I … yes. I think. I’m okay.”

“Did you have another vision?”

“Yes. I think so.”

“Have you been having many?”

“I’m not sure. I have dreams every night, but I’m not sure if they are visions. They aren’t like this.” She motioned to the air as Azriel lowered his hands.

“What was this one of?”

She hesitated.

“Even if it doesn’t make sense it may be important, for the war.”

“It was of us.” She couldn’t help but answer.

Azriel gave a brief pause, concentrating on keeping his face neutral. “Who do you mean by ‘us’? You and me?”

Elain nodded.

“What were we doing?”

A description of the images flowed out of her. “We were in a house, I’m not sure where. It was peaceful and beautiful. There was a garden outside. We were in bed.” She could feel a blush creeping up her chest to her cheeks. Why did she answer his question. She could have deflected. She must not be fully awake.

Azriel’s cheeks began to blush as he sat up straighter. “Oh. And what were we doing in bed?”

Was it a repercussion of the visions that they had to be spoken whether she willed it or not?

“We … your head was between my legs and you were…”

Azriel stood up suddenly, effectively cutting her off. “I got it Elain. Thank you.” He quickly walked over to the fire and angled himself away from her.

After a few moments of taut silence Elain braced herself and stood. “I don’t know why I said all that. I’m sorry I’ve made things uncomfortable for you. I will go now. I’m glad you’re okay.”

But before she could make it more than a few steps Azriel was behind her. Placing his hand gently on her arm, quickly dropping it as she turned around to face him.

“It’s okay. I know what it’s like being a seer. Some visions must be spoken.”

Elain raised her eyebrows. “Are you a …”

“No.” Azriel cut her off. “But my mother is, I know what it’s like.”

“Did all of her visions come true?” Elain asked, pink staining her cheeks again.

“I cannot remember if all of them did, but I believe most. Although, not often in the way she suspected.”

“Oh.” Elain breathed. The air filling with tension and words left unsaid, until Elain had to say something.

“I would not be upset, if this one came true.” She surprised herself speaking so boldly, but she supposed the vision of the possible future gave her courage that her feelings would be reciprocated.

“Elain.” Azriel repeated her name in a rough tone she hadn’t heard him speak before.

She wasn’t sure who moved first.

His scarred hands were on either side of her cheek, pulling her towards him.

Her hands found his shoulder blades, pulling him to her.

A few touches they had shared before. His hand on her elbow. Her hand on his shoulder. Their fingers brushing. Always they had been gentle, reverent even.

This time their lips clashed. A different kind of reverence, as if their bodies were made to worship one another’s.

The line between sin and sanctification had never been so thin.

With Graysen Elain had been always been demure, unsure of herself. She had rarely felt much pleasure of her own and had the vague impression that he didn’t expect her to have any.

With Azriel she felt uninhibited, she could be herself with him. Elain Archeron, the naive, mortal girl and Elain Archeron, the high fae, the seer. Either way Azriel knew her and accepted her. It drove her confidence now.

Her hands moved to his chest, broad and firm. She had been held against it many times when he winnowed her, but she would never forget how it felt earlier today when he rescued her from Hybern’s camp. Now she allowed herself to give into the temptation she had felt so many times before and ran her hands over it. Unbuttoning the top of his tunic.

His tongue ran across the seam of her lips, urging her to open them for him. She did so eagerly and when their tongues met they both exhaled quiet moans. His hands moved down her hips, over her ass, gently squeezing before moving further down to the backs of her thighs. He bent slightly to get a hold of them and life her up. Pulling her closer to himself, so that their bodies were perfectly aligned. Her hands moved from his chest to circle his neck, one hand threading through his hair.

She felt his pause. His uncertainty in what she wanted next. She pulled his mouth away from his only far enough to speak. “Take me to bed.” Azriel emitted a louder groan before moving his mouth back to hers as if to claim her. After a few steps he was gently lowering her to the bed before positioning himself on his elbows above her, ensuring no weight was put on her. But she didn’t want to be treated so gently. She wasn’t afraid of the weight of him, of this. She pulled his neck down towards her as she lifted her hips up to his. Her body responding on it’s own.

Azriel shifted to one elbow so that he could move a hand to her cheek, gently, down to her neck. His hand circled her neck and he squeezed, lightly. Now it was Elain’s turn the moan, the idea of being at his mercy making her come undone. He squeezed harder before releasing and moving his hand down her body, pushing down her loose nightgown until her breasts were exposed. He broke their kiss to look at them.

“Gods.” He muttered before moving his mouth to her neck. Kissing and nipping until he reached her breasts. She arched her back, begging him to take them into his mouth. He looked up at her as his mouth hovered over her right nipple. His breath causing it to tighten, nearing pain. He kept eye contact as his tongue darted out. Barely licking the peak. Elain trembled and moaned his name.

“Azriel.”

It was his undoing. His mouth covering her nipple, a hand moving to the other. He sucked and bit until she couldn’t stop writhing beneath him, then he moved to her other breast and repeated his worshipping. She felt ready to explode from the feeling on her breasts alone, not to mention the hard length she could feel through his pants when she rubbed against every time his teeth closed around her nipple and she couldn’t help but rub against him.

“Take off your clothes.” She managed between breaths. She knew she was shaking too much to manage removing them herself, not to mention she wasn’t sure how to remove them from his wings.

He removed his mouth from her breast and lifted his head up so that he could look down on her and meet her eyes. He paused, as if he wanted to capture the moment like he was afraid that when he moved to take off her clothes she would suddenly disappear. She gently placed her hand on his cheek, hoping to offer reassurance through her touch. He lowered his head to place a gentle kiss on her lips but raising himself to stand at the end of the bed.

He made quick work of his clothes and she pushed her own night gown the rest of the way off her body. The soft blues of her gown melting into the dark greys of his clothes at the end of the bed. She barely had an opportunity to take in his hard length, standing straight at attention.

Then he was on her again. Without the barrier of clothes every inch of their skin is touching. Elain had never felt so alive. Like her skinning is on fire and freezing at the same time. Every inch of her taut and screaming for more of Azriel. In any way. In all ways.

He leaned forward to leave another kiss on her lips before moving down her body, leaving a trail of kisses between her breasts, her stomach, above her sex. When he was between her legs he looked up at her. “Is this what you saw in your vision?” He didn’t wait for her reply before his mouth was on her. He wasted no time kissing her legs, her thighs. Suddenly his lips and his tongue were between her legs, her sex, exploring her, feasting on all her. “Gods Elain.” Azriel moaned into her, causing her to write more. “What do I taste like?” She had to ask, had always been curious. Her question caused Azriel to moan again, she felt the vibrations in her core. His tongue dove into her, as if he was trying to distinguish her taste. “Sugar.” She laughed gently at his general assessment. Something, anything, sweet. She wondered how he would taste.

His tongue was unrelenting. Licking her up and down. Moving between her folds. Pushing into her. There wasn’t a spot of skin between her legs that his tongue didn’t touch. Over and over. Her hands moved to his hair, gripping it hard enough that she was sure he must be in pain. But he didn’t relented. She couldn’t help as her hips began moving on his mouth, riding his tongue. He brought one of his hands to her ass, helping to lift herself onto him. She didn’t spare a thought for the fact that they were only in a tent, did not stifle her shouts with the fear of being overheard. She became overwhelmed with the feeling that she was about the explode. Her body barreled towards some kind of release, but there was some a part of her mind that seemed to hesitate, fearing there was something she wasn’t doing right, that her sounds were too loud or her writhing too much.

As if sensing her hesitation Azriel moved his hand from her ass to her clit, rubbing it while his tongue moved inside her.

She saw stars.

Her hips bucking into him as he helped her ride out her orgasm. He continued to lick and suck her until she had all but stopped moving. Once he saw that she was exhausted he left one chaste kiss on her before moving back up her body until they were eye to eye. They held their eye contact until Elain lifted herself up to kiss him on the mouth, tasting herself as she did. “You’re right, like sugar.” She offered, surprised that her own voice was deeper and scratchier than usual. Hopefully that wasn’t an indication of how much she had been screaming.

Her declaration pulled another groan from Azriel as he moved to kiss her more deeply. After a few tangles with their tongues she pulled away, bringing her palm to rest on his cheek. “I’ve never felt like that before.”

“Never?” He asked with a slight raise of his eyebrows.

She laughed softly. “No. Never.”

He kissed her again, at first gently, before she was lifting herself to deepen the kiss. To take more of him in. She wasn’t done devouring him, having him. Tension began to find it’s way back into her body, her veins. The satiated bliss she felt just moments ago being replaced with the need for more. One hand remained on the back of Azriel’s neck, gently holding his mouth to hers while her other moved down his body. Over the planes of his broad chest, down to his solid stomach, further down until she could feel course hairs and then her hand found what she had been looking for, had been so curious about. The touch of her hand caused Azriel to hiss.

“Are you okay?” She began to feel embarrassed that her inexperience had somehow hurt him. She and Graysen had had sex yes, but there was no extra touching aside from what was needed. She had been content with what it was, but the orgasm Azriel had already given shattered all illusions of satisfaction she had had with Graysen. She now knew how much she had been missing.

Azriel moved his hips so that his hard length was again touching her hand. “With you I am always okay.”

Her lips turned up in a smile as she kissed him again, capturing his moans with her mouth and she touched his length with her fingers, her hands. Running them up and down him. Marveling at how hard he was, with skin smooth as silk. She wrapped her hand around as much of him as she could and squeezed, pulling another moan out of Azriel. He bucked into her hand once, twice. “Fuck Elain. Fuck.” He moved his mouth to her neck and bit down on the skin between her neck and shoulder, causing her to gasp as the pain and squeeze him harder.

Suddenly he was pulling her hand away from him. “If you keep doing that I’m going to explode.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” She went to move her hand back to him, but he caught her wrist.

“It just depends on what you want.” Azriel didn’t make it a question, not wanting to push her in any direction she didn’t want to go. He wanted to be sure it was completely her decision, her call.

“I want this. I want you.” She had felt that draw towards him, that longing, ever since he first showed up at her father’s estate. Cassian had been the Illyrian who had caused her paused, caused her palms to sweat and her legs to tremble with fear at his presence. But upon seeing Azriel in the doorway she had felt a calm wash over her and had somehow known that if Azriel was with Cassian, then she had nothing to fear.

“Have you ever?”

“Yes. With … yes I have.” She didn’t want to ruin this by speaking Graysen’s name. She didn’t want any thoughts of him in her mind ever, much less in this moment.

Azriel nodded, understanding, before lowering himself, lining himself up with her.

“Stop me if it hurts.” She nodded but he before he moved he looked her in the eyes and repeated himself. “Ask me to stop.”

“You won’t hurt me in any way I don’t want you to.”

He kissed her as he pushed into her, slowly, only a inch but still causing her to gasp. He pulled out slightly before pushing in further. Her gasps mingling with his moans. On the next push her eyes fluttered close, a pain mixing with the pleasure. He moved his left hand to where they were joined, his right staying by her head where is elbow was propped. He moved his thumb between her legs, above where they were joined, he rubbed her until she began moving on him, arching into him, wanting more.

Then he gave her more.

He pulled out nearly all of the way before sheathing himself inside her fully. Pushing her legs wider to accompany his hips. Her hips arching up further to meet his as she let out a loud moan. When he had allowed himself to picture this with Elain he had imagined going slowly. It was an image he had tried to stop himself from thinking but one what often came to him in the time between waking and dreams, when he didn’t have full control of his consciousness. But now that he was inside her, her perfect tightness surrounding him, all rational thoughts were gone and every instinct he had took over. He kept himself from unleashing completely, but only barely.

He squeezed her breast as he moved inside her. She pulled his hair. The sounds coming from her mouth were better than anything he could have imagined. No matter how much he wanted this to last all night he knew he would not last much longer. He raised one of her legs slightly, so that he could push deeper into to her and also be closer to her. He kissed her mouth, her jaw, her neck. Grazing his teeth down to her pulse point, he bit down, claiming her in all the ways he knew how.

The sudden pain of his bite mixing with the wild pleasure she felt every time he reached a spot deeper inside her pushed her over the edge. She clenched around him, bucking wildly to ride out that final explosion of pleasure, moaning her first coherent words.

“Azriel.”

The feeling of her coming around him, the sound of her moaning his name, brought Azriel over his own the edge. He spilled himself inside her, glad for her clenching walls milking him till he was thoroughly spent.

He stayed on top of her after, catching his breath. Hearing her labored breathing in his ear, feeling her breaths gently moving his hair. He gently kissed her cheek, ending their passionate fucking with something so sweet she struggled to catch her breath.

Then he moved, pulling himself out her. She groaned at the absence of him. He got up and walked over to his wash basin. Dipping a cloth into the water before returning to her and gently wiping her between her legs. After he was finished he tossed the cloth back towards the bin. It landed on the floor near by and he didn’t bother picking it up. Instead he turned back towards her, taking her in as she lay bare in his bed, starting at her toes and ending with her eyes, as if committing her to memory. Then he brought his hand to his face, as if wiping at the shadow of hair covering his jaw. Finally he sighed, seeming to reach some internal decision, and picked up her nightgown from the floor and holding it out to her.

She frowned as she took it from him, hoping that he would lie down next to her instead.

But he caught her disappointment, as he seemed to catch all of the emotions written on her face.

“I don’t want you to leave. Never that. But if Nesta wake and you aren’t there, there would be hell to pay.”

She smiled at that truth. “Do you think I can get in without waking her?”

“I will put you in your bed with my shadows. She will never know.”

Elain pulled on her nightgown and picked up the blanket she had wrapped herself in to come to his tent before turning to face him.

For a moment they both looked at each other. Trying to read each other.

Finally Azriel broke the silence.

“Was that like your vision?”

She blushed. “Yes. Well. It was similar but we weren’t in this tent, we were somewhere else and I didn’t see us do everything.”

He offered one of his rare smiles. “Good. So we don’t have to be worried this was the last time.”

“No.” She agreed, returning his smile. “We certainly don’t need to worry about that.”

#elriel #elriel fanfic #elain x azriel #azriel x elain #azriel #acotar #fanfic #elain archeron #elide reads #elriel smut #a court of thorns and roses

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fawnandshadows · 3 years

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After the Ceremony - Chapter 3

I had so much fun writing this chapter, and I could not be more excited to share it! Please let me know what you guys think, and I also wanted to thank everyone for their support because I was so convinced that no one was going to read this, and I am so incredibly flattered at the response I have received. This story is also available on AO3

Summary: Elain and Azriel after Nesta and Cassian's Mating Ceremony.

Words: 2,938

Story Rating: M

Elain was giddy. She couldn’t remember the last time she woke up and was excited about the day ahead of her. Well, before the solstice she used to wake up and be content and hopeful. She would tend to her garden and try to make the world a more beautiful place; gardening was something that she was good at, something that she enjoyed, and it was something that was just hers. There were many times, before Feyre had been taken, that she wished she could have done something more substantial for her family, but they couldn’t afford the seeds to grow any food, and she didn’t even know how to grow food. So, once Elain settled into her fae life enough, she decided to learn a valuable skill - one that almost anyone would approve of.

She learned how to bake, and then she learned how to cook. The twins were surprisingly gracious and they were more than welcoming and patient with her, and before long Elain started to think of Nuala and Cerridwen as friends. The first friends she ever made that were hers, and hers alone. She knew they worked for Feyre, Rhysand, and Azriel, but the twins weren’t friends with them.

It was during this time that Elain started to hope to see Azriel every day when she woke up. Whenever she was with the twins there was always a part of her that wanted Az to show up and ask for a report, he almost never did, but she imagined it just the same. He would come in after a long day, and she would offer him the chocolate chip cookies she baked herself - Elain made those cookies at least once a week after learning they were his favorite- and they would simply enjoy each other’s company. She dreamed that he would open up to her, because the Mother knew he needed someone to talk to, and Elain would give him a lovely, cozy space where he would forget about his spy business for a bit. A space that he could think of as home.

And then there were the daydreams where Elain imagined they did a little bit more than talk. On many occasions, when Elain was alone in the kitchen baking bread and covered in flour, she thought of Azriel storming into the kitchen in a flurry of emotion - sometimes it was anger, but it could have been passion, or even an overwhelming lust - and he would take her into his arms and kiss her as if his life depended on it. They almost always ended up covered in flour, or whatever Elain was cooking, and right when her imagination was starting to get interesting somebody inevitably walked into the kitchen, and it was almost never the person she wanted it to be. Sometimes her family could be such busy bodies.

None of her fantasies lived up to the real thing.

The real Azriel, the one crafted from flesh and blood and bone, was so exquisite that her dirtiest most intense fantasy seemed childish.

Her heart pounded wildly just thinking about it.

A soft knock sounded from the door, disrupting Elain from the memories she was reliving over and over again, and Elain told whoever was knocking to come in. She briefly entertained the idea of feigning sleep, but she had already lazed in bed for almost an hour. A small indulgence she allowed herself - normally she would rise with the sun and immediately throw herself into the garden, or help with breakfast, or do something to show she was useful.

Feyre, to Elains surprise, entered the room and shut the door behind her.

“Good morning.” Elain raised herself up and smiled at her sister.

Feyre had not yet dressed for the day, she still wore her navy silk nightgown and robe, and it warmed Elains heart to see her sister in such finery. She was happy that Feyre found herself a mate that treated her like a queen - she deserved it after everything she did for their family. There were times when Elain felt the crushing urge to hug her sister, and she decided after last night to grant herself those small kindnesses - she had come to learn that it was never a bad thing to show someone you loved them, even if you couldn’t say it.

Elain had opened her arms and said, “Doesn’t it seem like a fine morning for a cuddle?”

Feyre laughed and walked over to her sister before plopping herself into the bed and into Elain’s open arms.

“We haven’t done this in forever,” Feyre said with a sigh - as if she were remembering the last time it happened and how everything had changed since then. “As much as I love Rhys he tends to hog the bed. He kicks off all the covers and then has the audacity to accuse me of stealing them, can you believe that,” Even though Feyre’s voice held a hint of exasperation Elain knew there was a smile on her face, probably one that found its twin on Elains face. “I barely got any sleep last night. Nyx woke up crying and I had to search the entire house for his favorite toy, you know the one - the stuffed bat that Cassian got him. Somehow it ended up downstairs in the ballroom.”

Elain felt tears start to well in her eyes. She was just so happy for Feyre, and her joy was only amplified knowing that Feyre was happy. Feyre was completely, utterly, and divinely happy.

“Is that why you decided to join me this morning? To get some peace and quiet?” Elain asked.

It was Feyre that almost stumbled upon her and Azriel last night. Her cheeks warmed not only at the memory, but at the fact that Feyre almost saw them. Elain was almost certain that Feyre didn’t know about the scene she interrupted, but still she wanted to make sure.

“Yes and no,” Feyre said, and Elain could tell from her voice that she wasn’t going to like what her sister said. Feyre shifted on the bed to face Elain. “Were you downstairs last night. I thought I smelled you, and you know how not great I am at distinguishing scents,” It was true. For all of her power and abilities, a keen sense of smell wasn’t one of them. “But I thought I smelled you downstairs when I was looking for Nyx’s bat. Of course when I actually got into the room you weren’t there, and I know my nose has been sensitive ever since I was pregnant, so I could have just been smelling you from earlier.”

A small smile tugged at Elains lips, and the delightful urge to share with her sister moved through her.

“Can I tell you something?” She asked shyly.

Feyre’s eyebrows raised as she said, “Of course.”

“I need you to be my sister. Not High Lady.”

At Feyre’s nod Elain couldn’t hold back. In excited whispers she told her sister everything that she felt, and most of what transpired last night, Elain kept some of the more private details to herself.

“That explains the torn nightgown.” Feyre commented at one point, and Elain couldn’t contain the giggle that burst out of her. It had never really been like this between her and Feyre, Elain had always drifted more towards Nesta, but she was glad to have this moment with her younger sister.

“Feyre,” Elaid started with a bit of hesitation. “Has Rhysand ever talked to you about me?”

Feyre’s brow furrowed a bit as she thought.

“He adores you, and he thinks of you as his own sister, but I can’t think of anything recently.” The two sat in silence for a moment before Feyre exclaimed, “Oh! He loved the tarts you made the other day, the apple ones, he was rather put out that you saved the last one for Az,” Feyre nudged her with her shoulder. “Although that makes sense now.”

“He hasn’t mentioned anything else?”

“No, why? Should he have?”

Elain debated whether or not she should share this part, that part of Rhys being a meddlesome mother hen, with Feyre. She thought that her sister would be on her side, but Elain didn’t want to be responsible for a rift between her sister and her mate.

She shook her head and said, “No reason. He just stepped on my toes a little harshly last night, but it wasn’t his fault. Cassian was practically falling on him, and when Rhys tried to get out of the way he landed on my foot. I was hoping to tease him about it today, but I’m afraid he might have been a little too tipsy to remember it.”

Before Feyre had the chance to respond, Nyx's cry filled the air.

“I suppose the day has to start at some point,” Feyre said and she rolled out of bed. “Starting it with my sister and son seems like a pretty good way.”

Elain nearly tripped over her cobalt dress as she rushed down stairs. She couldn’t help it. She was just too excited to start the day and to see Azriel again. She wanted to see him in the light of day, not that she minded seeing him in the shadows of the night when it was only them and the Mother, but Elain wanted to see his face blush with unobstructed vision, and she wanted his hazel eyes warm in the light of the sun.

It had been too long since they allowed themselves to be together in the light of day.

When she reached the kitchen Elain wasn’t surprised to see it was only Nuala and Cerridwen in the kitchen. Her friends gave her sly smiles as they took in her goofy grin and red cheeks before saying good morning to her.

“Good morning,” Elain replied, eyeing the cinnamon rolls that just came out of the oven. The rest of her family must have been waiting in the living room before breakfast, and a thought popped into Elain’s head. “Did you guys use the recipe we just came up with?”

“Yes.” They said in unison.

Elain didn’t stop herself from piling three rolls onto a plate and filling up a mug with coffee. She bit her lip to contain her excitement as she made her way to the swinging door, saying a quick goodbye to her friends before leaving the kitchen.

The trek to the living room was short, but the anticipation made butterflies flutter in her stomach. She knew what she was about to do, she was going to offer food to another male while her mate was in the room, but Elain was determined she wasn’t going to hide her feelings anymore. She brought Rhysand and Cassian food all the time whenever she wanted to surprise them. Elain even went out of her way to bring Amren the croissants she liked because Elain remembered how Amren was the only one who thought her strong enough to look for the Dread Trove objects, and Elain wanted to show her appreciation.

When Elain stepped into the living room no one noticed her. No one but Azriel that is, and even though he didn’t show it she was certain he was aware of her presence.

Azriel was on the far side of the room, in front of a big bay window, smiling down at More. Hesitation and fear threatened to break her resolve, but Elain moved before she could talk herself out of it. She suddenly remembered the one burning question she had forgotten to ask.

She had to trust Azriel.

As she approached them Elain was suddenly overwhelmed by Azriels beauty. She spent so long avoiding him that it almost felt indecent to look at him freely and openly in the light of day. The morning sun illuminated his tan skin and set his hazel eyes aflame. She could even make out a hint of blue in his inky hair. Hair that she had just found out was as soft as it looked.

“Good morning,” Elain said as she stopped a few feet away from them. “I brought you something. I know you love to have sweets in the morning, but you’re too disciplined to indulge yourself.”

His face was unreadable, but there was an undeniable warmth in his eyes as he looked at her. Elain was sure he noted that her cobalt dress matched his siphons which caused his eyes to go molten. Elain heard the conversations turn dull, just for a moment, before returning back to normal - and she was certain that a pair of violet eyes were watching their every move.

Elain could also feel vexation radiating off of Lucien as he watched them from his place next to the fireplace. Feyre, Elain noticed on her way in, planted herself firmly between Lucien and the group Elain was with.

Azriel took one step towards her, and Elain inhaled deeply his scent of night chilled mist and cedar. A small thrill skittered down her spine as his scent intertwined her own. Az let out a raspy thank you before taking the plate and the mug. He took a deep sip on coffee, his bright eyes maintaining contact with hers over the lip of the mug, and Elain would have sworn that the entire room disappeared.

Her eyes left his for a moment as they watched his tongue trace over his lips. Elains hands fisted in her dress to stop herself from grabbing his face and kissing the coffee away.

Elain watched as he set the coffee on the windowsill before picking up a cinnamon roll and taking a bite. A small groan emitted from the back of Azriels throat.

“Good morning.” A chipper voice broke Elain’s connection to Az.

Elain mentally shook herself as she looked at the blond standing with them. She had completely forgotten Mor was here standing with them, and Elain recognized the amusement in Mor’s tone.

“Good morning,” Elain managed a small smile as a furious blush overtook her face. From the knowing grin on Mor’s face Elain knew she had witnessed everything that just happened between her and Az. “You’re a lovely dancer. I saw you last night.” Elain had hoped to distract Mor with conversation.

“I think you might have been more interested in my partner.” Mor winked at her, and her face somehow turned warmer. She was blushing more than she ever had before. Elain noted the satisfied, and proud grin, that formed if Azriel’s beautiful lips. She wanted to kiss that grin off his face.

Mor looked between the two of them, as if she could see something that they couldn’t, and a frown appeared between her eyebrows. She quickly excused herself and left the room.

“Was it something I said?” Elain asked as she watched the blonde leave. “I didn’t interrupt anything, did I?”

“Of course not,” Az said quickly. His hand reaching out to touch her, she shivered at the feel of his calloused hands on her skin. He quickly dropped her hand and reached for his mug, took a sip, and then thought for a moment before offering it to her. “You are never an interruption.”

Elain didn’t hesitate before taking a drink of his coffee, she had brought it to him black because he liked it that way, and Elain almost always dumped way too much sugar in her own coffee. It thrilled her to know they were sharing a drink, and that they were doing it in front of everybody. They were done hiding. It moved her, and made her insides turn to gooey, as she realized that this was a giant step for them - that it was Azriel that initiated it. They could write off her bringing him breakfast, but sharing a drink was as intimate as they have been in front of everyone else.

Her eyes widened as she felt a damn break inside of her. Before her eyes, a silvery blue chord appeared and flowed towards Azriel, who just looked at it in complete surprise. It looked like a river flowing from her heart into his and after a moment or two it dissipated.

They looked at each other without saying a word, but somehow they were more aware of each other. She swore if she concentrated hard enough she would be able to feel his heart beating in his chest.

No one else seemed to be aware of what had passed between them. The conversation still raging around them, and Elain knew that if Lucien had seen what happened he wouldn’t have stayed put on the opposite side of the room.

“Do you know-” Elain cut herself off at the shake of Azriels head.

Elain opened her mouth to say something, she didn’t know what, but stopped at the appearance of the twins and the announcement that breakfast was served. She brought her hand to his tentatively, giving him the option of pulling away, and gasped at the jolt that went through her as their skin touched.

What every passed between them felt electric, and Elain noticed the warmth that was pooling between her legs and the need to rip her dress off to feel more of Azriel’s skin on her.

“Ready for breakfast,” A friendly voice asked her and a heavy arm landed on her shoulder. Elain looked up to see Cassian smiling down at her, looking a little too fresh considering how drunk he was last night. “Not everyone got special cinnamon rolls this morning.” Cassian winked over his shoulder as he steered her out of the room.

#elain archeron #elain acotar #elriel fanfic #pro elriel #elriel fanfiction #elain x azriel #elriel #after the ceremony #after the ceremony chapter 3 #my work #my fanfiction #azriel #acotar fanfiction #acotar

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inkedstarlight · 3 years

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Bittersweet: Chapter 11

Summary: The Inner Circle rings in the New Year. Notes: Read it here on AO3! Warnings: brief mention of (implied) self-harm scars, themes of depression Bittersweet Masterlist

“I fucking hate the holidays,” was Emerie’s greeting to Nesta a couple days after Christmas.

Nesta glanced up from the drinkware she was cleaning to watch Emerie hang her jacket on the hanger in a huff. Her raven hair was pulled back in a loose braid, her eyes lined thickly with kohl and mascara. Nesta couldn’t help but smirk with amusement. “I take it seeing the family didn’t go well?”

Emerie snapped her head to glare into Nesta’s eyes. “They spent all of Hannukah lecturing me about doing something else with my life, something more respectable than 'slinging drinks around a dirty bar,’” she recalled with air quotes, her lip curled in disgust.

Nesta dried the last glass. She threw the towel on the counter and turned to face her coworker. Crossing her arms, Nesta inquired, “And your response was?”

“I threatened to go into sex work.”

Nesta quirked a brow. “I thought you already worked at Euphoria on the weekends. If I recall correctly, you invited me to watch one of your performances.”

“Yes, Nesta, I'm aware that I'm already a stripper. That's the beauty of it. I threaten to join an even more unconventional line of work so they will accept my moderately unconventional job. They would much rather I bartend than strip.”

Nesta snorted. “I can’t argue with that logic.”

Before Emerie could try to convince Nesta to visit her at Euphoria again, Helion swooped in from behind them. He planted a loud kiss on Emerie's cheek. She feigned disgust, wiping the spot where his lips had been. Turning to him, Emerie smacked his chest playfully.

"Hello to you, too. You look ravishing," Helion wiggled his eyebrows with a wolfish grin.

Emerie rolled her eyes. "I'm immune to your charm, Helion. You should know that by now."

Helion gave her a questionable look that said, You sure about that?

He then turned his attention to Nesta with a grin and took a step forward - most likely to try to kiss her cheek as well - but he was quickly met with a death glare. He did this every time he came into work, and Nesta always rejected his affection. She had to admit he had balls for not giving it up.

Then again, he was a certifiable slut.

Helion's hands were raised in surrender when he turned to address both of them.

“I see you ladies are falling behind," he said, nodding his head to the current score of their little competition. Helion had titled the game, "Who's Got the Biggest Tip?" with an obscene drawing next to it.

Nesta looked behind her at the chalkboard. She was in last place.

The tip competition hadn’t even crossed Nesta’s mind. What with college, Tomas, and family, she wasn’t quite prioritizing the opportunity to man the music at Rita’s. Free booze on the other hand... that she could get with.

“Hey, I’m not that far behind you!” Emerie protested. “It’s Nesta who’s lagging behind.”

They both turned to her. Nesta merely stood there as they inspected her, Helion rubbing his chin in contemplation while Emerie tilted her head as if she would see something different horizontally.

“I’m not entirely surprised,” quipped Helion. “I mean, she’s gorgeous, but if looks could kill…”

Emerie hummed in agreement. She gestured to Nesta’s chest. “The uniform does wonders for her tits. It’s just once you get to the face. The hair can be let down, maybe pinch some color on her cheeks.”

Nesta continued to give them a blank stare. She was highly unamused.

“Don’t forget the smile,” Helion chimed in.

“How could I forget? Gods, her resting bitch face is even worse than mine.”

"There's potential, though."

"Undoubtedly."

Before the mischievous duo decided to go all "Miss Congeniality" on her, Nesta interrupted their daydream. “Are you guys done?”

Her question brought them back to reality. Helion sighed. "Yeah, I guess. Time to make some tips."

With that, the three of them got to work. Throughout the night, Nesta found herself trying to smile more. At customers, at Emerie and Helion. But every time she managed to pull her lips up, an invisible weight seemed to drag them back down to a deep frown.

Smiling had never been so hard.

They were celebrating New Year’s Eve at Feyre and Rhysand’s place. Nesta hadn’t been looking forward to it considering they had all just gotten together on Christmas Day. Seeing her sister’s asshole of a boyfriend and her infuriating neighbor biweekly was enough for her, thank you very much.

The night was uneventful. Elain had volunteered to be the designated driver, so Nesta took the opportunity to have more than just a couple drinks. By the time the clock struck 11:30, Nesta was far gone. She rarely ever got drunk in social situations, instead choosing to get fucked up in the comfort of her own home. The last thing she wanted was to lose control and do something she would regret the next morning.

But all those worries were thrown out the window the minute she had her first sip of liquor.

Nesta hated the phenomenon of New Year’s resolutions. She hated the idea of self-reflection, of changing, of setting a personal goal. It was bullshit. She felt this obligation to be better. To change into an entirely different person, someone sensitive and warm and outgoing. In other words, someone - anyone - except for herself. It was suffocating.

So as Nesta downed drink after drink, she watched the people around her – she doesn’t quite consider them friends, save for Amren – waiting for the new year to begin. Particularly Elain and Azriel.

Since Elain confessed her feelings for Azriel to Nesta – though some may say Nesta forced Elain to spill the beans – Nesta had been watching them like a hawk. Elain hadn’t yet been in a relationship, at least to Nesta’s knowledge. Perhaps that was why Nesta felt so protective over her sister. That, or because she was the most gentle person Nesta knew.

Nesta didn’t know much about Azriel. Their conversations had been scarce. All she really knew was what Elain told her. He had grown up across the street from Cassian and Rhysand, and the three of them had been thick as thieves since childhood. While Rhysand attended Pryth U and Cassian joined the Marines, Azriel stayed home after graduating high school to take care of their mother, much like Elain with their father. But their mother died just a few months after the three boys graduated. After working a couple minimum wage jobs, Azriel founded a local animal shelter a couple years ago with his friend and since then, his entire life had been dedicated to it.

From what Nesta could tell, Azriel seemed like a good man. But she could tell he still struggled with things from the past. And it wasn’t just the scars on his hands that gave it away. Feyre had briefly mentioned to Nesta that Azriel had gotten in trouble with the law many times in his younger years. Although Feyre didn't elaborate on his wrongdoings, Nesta couldn't help but imagine the worst.

Nesta would be lying if she said she didn't see similarities between herself and Azriel. The scars, the haunted looks, the guarded demeanor. And because she knew that there was no way she could possibly be in a healthy, functioning relationship, she had a feeling that Azriel couldn't either. It was painfully clear that he hadn’t yet dealt with whatever trauma he’d experienced. If he were to get into a relationship with Elain, it would only end in heartbreak for her.

Nesta watched from the kitchen table as Elain and Azriel played the Wii. Nesta could tell just by Elain’s body language that she was smitten. Her entire body leaned towards his when they sat next to each other to take a break from their “bowling” competition. And while Azriel engaged with her, Nesta noticed the hesitance in his expression, the way he shied away when Elain got too close. Almost like it was a reflex.

Nesta's hand twitched. She wanted to interfere.

It’s Elain’s life, Nesta reminded herself. As much as you worry, she has to be the one to make her own decisions.

With that uneasy thought, Nesta relaxed back into the kitchen chair she was sitting on and took a large gulp from the mixed drink she held. Everyone was mingling in the living room as Nesta watched from the breakfast bar. All their backs were facing her, offering her the slightest bit of solace knowing that no one was paying attention to her.

She hadn't seen much of Cassian tonight. They both seemed to be holding themselves to their agreement to distance themselves from one another. He seemed perfectly content to stay out of Nesta's way, and Nesta felt the same. She just couldn't help but be surprised he hadn't tried to get a rise out of her.

At least, not yet. There was always time.

Nesta loathed the way Cassian was able to get under her skin, hated the way he made her feel. She didn't understand it. He was virtually a stranger and yet he made her blood boil. And all because he found it entertaining to watch her lose control? Gods, he was twisted.

As the thirty-second countdown began, the couples paired off. Mor grabbed Aurra until nothing separated them. Feyre leaned against the wall and Rhysand rested his hands above her head. That only left Azriel, Elain, Nesta, Cassian, and Amren.

Cassian and Amren remained seated on the couch that was directly in front of Nesta. Amren was whispering to him, no doubt making fun of every couple in the room. They laughed together. Then of course, Azriel turned to Elain with a shy smile.

And that left Nesta sitting alone at the bar, her drink half empty. Her glazed over eyes followed Elain and Azriel.

Ten.

They looked at each other.

Nine.

Azriel took a couple steps closer.

Seven.

Azriel dipped his head to Elain’s ear and whispered something.

Five.

Elain blushed. She looked up at him and nodded with a smile.

Three.

Azriel gripped her waist with one hand and pulled her in.

Two.

Elain melted into his touch.

One.

They stared deeply into each other’s eyes.

Zero.

Azriel pressed a soft kiss on Elain’s cheek. She closed her eyes as if she were trying to savor it, to hold onto that moment for as long as she could. Azriel’s lips reluctantly left her cheek, only for him to lean his forehead on her temple. Their chests rose and fell heavily, their breath seemingly in sync. They remained like that for a moment, both unwilling to let go of one another. It wasn’t until Rhysand hooted, “Happy New Year,” that Azriel broke away from her and re-entered the present. Eyes wide, all they could do was blink at each other, the air between them palpable with uncertainty and excitement and pain and hope.

Everyone around them was cheering. It was almost too loud for Nesta. Her ears rang.

As everyone around them laughed and yelled, Cassian looked behind his shoulder from where he sat and his eyes met Nesta’s.

They looked at each other for the briefest of seconds before Nesta flipped him off.

Nesta could've sworn Cassian's eyes brightened before he returned the gesture.

---------------------------------

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@sjmships @sleeping-and-books @sirgwaines @books-for-sure @blowing-mikey @b00kworm @wineywitch202 @drielecarla @liquifyme @gisellefigue08 @theoverlyenthusiasticwriter @loysydark @stardelia @sayosdreams @maastrash @superspiritfestival @courtofjurdan @ireallyshouldsleeprn @thewayshedreamed @booksstorm @laylaameer01 @rainbowcheetah512

#nessian #elriel #bittersweet #my writing #acotar #acomaf #acosf #fic #fanfiction #a court of thorns and roses

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thespianbooks · 4 years

Text

A Court of Nightmares and Starlight //Chapter 2//

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3) (Chapter 4) (Chapter 5) (Chapter 6) (Chapter 7) (Chapter 8) (Chapter 9) (Chapter 10)

Maybe I was sick.

As a high fae, I had never actually been sick before. In fact, I hadn’t been sick since before that fateful day in the woods; when I shot an arrow and killed Andras in his beast form. I cringed, my stomach churning at the reminder of Tamlin and his court. The memories of my past human life, of my life at the Spring Court, were only going to make me feel worse just as I was beginning to feel better. A few days had passed since I jolted awake and puked my guts up in the middle of the night. At first, I thought it was a one-off. A recurring nightmare that reared its ugly head, and my negative reaction to it. However, the next day my nausea spell returned with a vengeance in the middle of a painting lesson at my studio in the Rainbow. I barely had enough time to excuse myself and leave Ressina in charge before winnowing back into my bathing room at the estate before hugging the toilet again for the rest of the hour. By that evening, I had miraculously been able to eat a light dinner, but after a fitful couple hours of sleep that was plagued by another nightmare, I was in the bathing room once again.

I managed to hide my illness from the others that day, but I knew Mor was suspicious the next when I showed up to breakfast and only nibbled on a piece of bread with butter. She was the first to theorize I had the flu, and both Elain and Nesta prompted the question on whether fae could actually get sick. Elain was more curious than Nesta, who simply snorted a remark about how she thought fae were too powerful for common viruses. While it was meant to be more of a snarky comment than an actual question, I couldn’t blame her for it. After learning about how terrorizing a female's cycle was during my first year after being Made, I had also been curious regarding what other ailments fae experienced.

Such powerful immortal beings, like myself, aren’t so vulnerable to the common cold like humans are Feyre darling, Rhys had remarked with an amused grin when I asked him about it. But there are times we do fall prey to it on occasion. Although, it's more like a nasty, lingering flu since our symptoms are more severe than humans.

It made sense; as immortal beings with magical abilities, we wouldn’t experience the same ailments our human counterparts would. When we did, it would be more enhanced; just like a female's cycle was more exaggerated than a humans. I supposed as a more powerful and stronger being than a human, dramatic ailments were the trade-off. The more I thought about it, I figured Mor had probably been right, because as the next day and a half passed, my nausea spells lingered along with some body-aches and fatigue. I also noted a strange and faint glimmer in the pit of my stomach. It had been there for the last couple of days, and it felt strangely instinctual--intuitive, rather than a symptom of my illness. I thought of it even now, as I sat in the library with Mor and Elain; finalizing details for the party we were throwing on Starfall in a couple of weeks.

For the most part, my symptoms had subsided today. The nausea still lingered through most of the morning, but now as lunch was approaching, I was confident I would be able to eat and keep a meal down. The nightmares had stopped as well, and I was finally able to get a full-night's rest. After the night they began, I made sure to keep my wall of adamant up for Rhys. My stupid illness was the least of his worries while he was in the Illyrian mountains, and the least of mine as well.

“Feyre, what do you think?” Elain asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

I turned to her, “About what? I’m sorry, I wasn’t listening,” I admitted, reminding myself that now wasn’t the time to be drifting away in thought.

Mor giggled, amused. “I told you she wasn’t listening to anything we were just talking about. She’s too busy daydreaming and worrying about things she shouldn’t be worrying about.”

I rolled my eyes, “Well excuse me, Mor, but as High Lady I think I do have plenty to worry about,” I argued, but she merely waved it away.

“Leave the Illyrian camps to Rhys. He, Cassian, and Az can handle whatever situation might be brewing,” she reasoned.

I tried not to notice the way Elain’s face seemed to redden at the mention of the shadowsinger. While it was no secret that she and Azriel spent more time together since moving into the estate, I knew Elain still tried to avoid any conflict with Mor; despite the secret Mor still hadn’t revealed in the last decade. She had centuries at hiding her closeted feelings, and just as I had promised her during the war, I wasn’t about to reveal a thing. Despite wanting to ease Elain’s nerves in regards to the Cassian-Mor-Azriel situation, I knew it wasn’t my place. We had plenty of time to see things worked out as they should.

Nesta, on the other hand, had little regard for their delicate circumstance. On the rare occasion that she would join us for dinner, she frequently bit out any remark she could when she noticed any connection between Azriel and Elain. In the last decade, her hard edge did not soften a bit. Some years ago, I realized that would probably never change, and although she seemed in a better place now than she previously had been after the war, I was glad to know she was at least slowly allowing us back into her life. Things had been tense after I banished her from Velaris at the beginning of the decade, but after her period at Cassian’s cabin in the Illyrian mountains, I saw a flicker of hope on the horizon. She returned with Cassian after a year, and while I had been expecting nothing but contempt in those grey-blue eyes we shared, instead there was...an understanding. Our reunion was uneventful, but at least tensions were beginning to ease.

After learning Elain and I were working on the estate, she outright refused to have a room, but Elain insisted we include one anyway. She somehow managed to figure out a way to connect their quarters together, so at least when Nesta deigned to visit her, she would see she had a place of refuge from the rest of us. Amren and Elain were still the only ones she allowed closest to her; though from time to time I could hear her and Cassian with their usual verbal sparring matches in the library. She never discussed what happened in that cabin, at least not with me. I had an inkling she discussed it with Amren, but after her return I thought it best not to ask any questions. I was happy with our current standing, because at least she was here now and the rest could wait.

“I guess you’re right,” I amended, trying not to dwell on the Illyrian mountains and the tension Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel had to face in the camps.

“I’m sure they’re alright,” Elain added, “I’ve heard Cassian and Azriel talk about the Blood Rite. I bet they’re enjoying the final ceremonies right now.”

A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips as I nodded in agreement, noting how quickly she threw in Cassian’s name before Azriel’s.

“And they’ll be home in a couple of days, which means we have to finish up this work now before Rhys gets back and holes you up in that suite of yours for Cauldron knows how long” Mor shot me a knowing grin as she rolled her eyes in mock disgust.

Elain’s face flushed again, but I merely shrugged, “I can’t help it if my mate finds me irresistible.”

“Does he know you’ve been sick?”

I sneered, turning to the paperwork laid out in front of me, “Let’s get back to party planning, shall we?”

Mor grinned again, knowing she had made it under my skin but said nothing else about it as we spent the rest of the afternoon finalizing our plans. Since moving into the estate seven years ago, we moved our Starfall celebrations from the House of Wind here. Elain had been the one to suggest we hold a grand party for all of Velaris; knowing full well our expanse of land allowed for such an occasion. I had been so happy to see that she was finally starting to return to her old self; to see just a bit of the person she was before she was Made, that I couldn’t argue. Even Rhys and the rest of the inner circle approved of the idea, and it became an annual tradition for us.

To my relief, I was able to eat lunch and an early dinner without experiencing any more nausea. After my meeting with Mor and Elain, Mor whisked her away for a shopping trip at the Palace of Thread and Jewels. I opted out, happy to wear my traditional Starfall gown Rhys’s mother created for me. Well over a decade later, and I never tired of wearing the same gown every year; it bore too much sentimental value to wear anything else. After the first couple of years, I tried playing with the look by adding different pieces of jewelry, but after trying and failing at several attempts to match a jewelry set with the gown, I now let Nuala and Cerridwen style it to their heart's content. They were better at dressing me anyway.

I sighed, eyes drifting from the paperwork on my desk to my office around me. The wall of windows to my right allowed the natural light in; accenting my off-white furniture and the pale lilac rug in the center of the room. After the nightmares of darkness and closed-in walls, I wanted nothing but open air and light. I wanted our estate to allow us to view the city at night as it was intended; bright and colorful lights in the distance as well as mirroring off the river. I wanted to allow the elements and natural cycle of the day to reflect inside and for everything to simply breathe comfort and home. After everything we had been through, we all deserved this bit of peace--and the estate served as that peace. I smiled to myself as I reminisced over the furniture pieces Rhys and I mulled over; after noticing the off-white color scheme I was planning, his argument had been that since this was the Night Court after all, we should-

I bolted upright in my seat; startled by the sudden flicker in my abdomen that ripped me from my thoughts; that same instinctual flicker I noticed a few days ago. I paused as it fluttered for a few seconds, like a miniscule heartbeat pulsing through my core. Just as quickly as it had arrived, it vanished. I remained unmoving, scared that the nausea would return along with it. When I felt nothing, I slowly reclined in my seat, loosing the breath I held throughout the ordeal. I had been feeling that flutter for days and related it to my symptoms; now that I was on the mend, I expected that to have gone away as well. It was such a strange and foreign sensation. It wasn't outright physical, more like a gut feeling personified. I couldn’t pinpoint the exact way to describe it, the only thing I could relate it to was the bond Rhysand and I shared.

Perhaps it was the bond letting him know I was sick, because not even a second later I felt Rhys run a delicate finger along my shields. I willed my heart to slow before lowering them just enough to allow us to communicate.

I felt that, you know

Felt what? Innocent. Just play dumb.

He wasn’t falling for it. Felt whatever it was that just rattled inside of you. Did you have another nightmare?

I was silent for a minute. He didn’t know what it was either; probably assuming it had something to do with the other night. No, I wasn’t asleep.

Have you been sleeping?

I sighed, knowing I couldn’t hide the last few days from him forever. On and off, I’ve had a few nightmares here and there.

I could feel his dark shadows roiling and gathering from here; concern immediately taking over my mate. Do you need me to come home?

My heart fluttered at the thought, knowing deep down I did want him here. It didn’t matter how long we were apart, a few hours, days, weeks; I would always want my mate at my side, but the rational part of me knew we had our obligations to attend to. I had to remind myself that this wasn’t like that period of weeks I had infiltrated the Spring Court before the war with Hybern.

No. You’ll be home in a couple of days. I’m fine now, I had a couple of bad nights but last night was actually good. No nightmares, and no puking. Not a total lie, but I felt like I could omit the suspected illness I had been experiencing. For now.

Those dark shadows lingered, as if trying to create a protective and calm aura around me. It was rare that Rhys had felt so possessive, and I knew it was an innate male-bonded reaction more than anything. Still, I felt his reluctance before he said anything else.

After this week is over, it's going to be a long time before I leave your side again

I smiled, part of me still finding it amusing when his feral male-bonded instincts took over. He still cringed and apologized whenever his overprotective behavior became too much and leaked out, but I knew it came from those primitive, feral ways of our ancestors.

I wouldn’t complain.

His shadows began to dissipate as he chuckled. The sound immediately filled me with want for him and I had to sigh deeply to quell it. I miss you.

I know

I could feel his smug grin as I sent him an image of my vulgar gesture. Prick

Always. I could almost see that grin on his handsome face as I moved from my seat behind my desk to an armchair on my attached balcony.

I’ll be back before you know it, my love, and we can resume our nightly attempts. Maybe this time apart is what we needed.

I looked out towards the city from my seat on the balcony, willing my heart not to ache at what he implied. The sun was setting on the horizon; its amber glow bathing me in its warmth as the image of my would-be son plagued my thoughts. I thought of the way those bright blue eyes sparkled, so like Rhys’s always did when the light caught them at a certain angle. He would be so beautiful.

Yes, he will be

I smiled, and closed my eyes as I leaned my head back. Just come back to me and we’ll see if we can actually make that happen

Oh, I have every intention of making sure that we do

I had to bite my bottom lip in an attempt to once again repress my desire. I pictured his suggestive grin, throwing my shields up once again in response and as a goodbye.

That night, I dreamt of those bright near-violet eyes as I had pictured earlier. Only this time, they belonged to a young Illyrian male that greatly resembled the High Lord of the Night Court as said High Lord led him through the camps he would one day train in.

(tags: @df3ndyr @judexcardanxgreenbriar @emikadreams )

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thebriarpost · 5 years

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A Small Gift: Chapter 5

This took forever! You know when you can picture something in your mind, but you can’t make your fingers cooperate! I hope everyone is having a lovely December and thank you for all your kind words on my last chapter.

Elain had fallen asleep after hours of pacing her floor. Rhysand had assured everyone not to worry yet, they needed to wait for more information. Although, she had a feeling his words were meant to bring her calm.

Feyre had finally convinced Elain to go upstairs, and the rest of the group followed. Once she was alone in her room, she found it harder to keep her thoughts level. “He is fine Mistress” the shadow on her wrist began to move up and down her arm, matching her pacing. “I would sense any trouble, it is late. Get some rest” She stopped, they were right. This worry was not helpful. They had been in many battles, Azriel was one of the strongest Illyrians ever born. All her anxiety had done was reveal her feelings to her family. There was no hiding it now. She made her way to her bed and lied atop the blankets and closed her eyes.

An hour or so later she woke, her heart beating fast. A sense of panic washing over her, she searched her room. Nothing. She looked down at her wrist, the shadow remained in place. As she was about to pull herself out of bed to splash water on her face, her vision became blurry. She froze halfway out of bed, feet barely touching the floor. He was on his knees, dressed in his fighting leathers. His head hanging down, hair falling in his eyes. There was blood all over him, gashes across his chest. His face was covered in blood as well. Movement from behind him pulled Elain’s focus, a black figure she couldn’t quite make out. She could see Azriel move slightly, he seemed to suck in a breath and brace himself. As if waiting for the impact. The glint of a blade rose up behind him. Why didn’t he move, why did he just sit there? She had never seen him like this. Everything started to go black as the blade moved closer to his wing and as the image disappeared completely, she could hear him scream. Elain's vision came back to her room. “He’s hurt” she gasped. She stood fully, her heart beating in her chest. She ran to her door. She had to get to him. Wait, no one would bring her there. She knew it, they would ask her to stay behind and wait while they checked to see if she was right. But she didn’t know where he was or how to get to him. She could ask Nuala or Cerridwen but they would tell Rhysand right away. An idea came to her then, the wraiths moved through shadow. She held up her wrist. Gods, she would feel stupid if this didn’t work. She didn’t even know where to begin. She moved to stand in front of her mirror and closed her eyes tightly. Nothing happened, and she opened her eyes again. “Take me to him” she whispered to the shadow on her wrist. It began to crawl up her arm, and she closed her eyes and listened. “Focus” the shadow whispered. How could she focus Azriel was in trouble. “Feel him, follow it” she could feel the soft touch of the shadow surrounding her. She focused, on Azriel. On the thought of him being in trouble. She let that feeling take over her. The need to be where he was. She felt surrounded now and opened her eyes. Everything was black, like a vision but she could tell this was not one. The blackness began to fade, and she realized it was shadow fully encasing her. She looked around her, for Azriel. She could feel the rain falling, and she looked up to the night sky. Where was she, where was Azriel. She looked frantically around her, Illyrians walked by staring at her but not stopping. She began to turn around looking for any familiar face. Her eyes stopped on a small tent at the edge of this site. Just like when she was in shadow she felt a tug towards it, she hurried barefoot through the wet grass. Pulling open the tent and stepping inside.

AZRIEL Anger coursed through him, the rage he hadn’t felt in a long time. He could still see it in his mind, arriving at that village tonight. Families with children torn apart for nothing. He stopped walking, the rain starting to fall harder. He was so tired of being here, of no information, of not knowing what was coming. He needed to get away from everyone. That anger inside of him had proved useful when disposing of remaining rebels, but now he felt like he would burst from it. He needed a release. He began walking again towards his tent. Reaching it, he pulled the flap back and stepped inside. His eyes adjusting to the darkness and landing on the person in his tent. Elain.

There she was, hair wet, standing in a white nightgown.

“You're okay,” she said sounding like she didn’t fully believe it. She looked him over from head to toe. “But I saw..” her voice trailing off. “How did you get here” his voice sounding harsher than he had meant it. The anger he had felt seconds ago, changing. “You can’t be here Elain” Adrenaline from this evening coursing through him. “I had a vision, I saw you” she looked away as if remembering the vision. “You were hurt” she looked back to him again. Her eyes were full of emotion. “How did you get here” he took a step towards her closing the distance between them, the air was thick and the tent felt small. She stared back into his gaze and seemed to steel herself and stand taller. He would have laughed at her sudden confidence if he wasn’t in this mood. “I used this” she held up her wrist to his eye level. Showing him the small tendril of his shadows he had left with her. “That’s not enough to travel through” he responded back. “Well, it worked” she took a step closer, “I thought you were in trouble and I just focused on where you were and summoned them” He felt like he’d been struck in the chest and almost took a step back. She had summoned shadows, his shadows. How was that possible. She began to bring her wrist down to her side, and his eyes followed. She was wet from the rain, nothing but her night clothes soaked through. They clung to her body and a new feeling coursed through him. She noticed his gaze and moved her arms to cover her chest, visible through the white gown. He breathed in through his nose and exhaled as he said “I should take you back now” she considered this for a moment, “Or I could stay” he searched her eyes. Without thinking he reached out and pulled the arm across her chest down again. He would do anything she said, she could ask him to walk into flames, and he would do it without hesitation. What was she asking from him now? He wanted Elain, the feeling overwhelming but she was in control here.

ELAIN

She wouldn’t let him send her away, especially since she hadn’t fully processed what she had done to get here. She didn’t know she was capable of that. Azriel was always gentle and patient with her, but she could feel the tension radiating off him. To see him in these surroundings was strange. Not the Azriel who sat in her garden back home.

He was so broad and with his wings slightly extended he took up most of the room in the tent. If she extended her arm she might be able to touch his wing. Something she thought of often when daydreaming. She recalled her determination in the garden to get what she wanted.

“I’m going to stay” she looked back at him, gauging his reaction. “I want to stay” again he said nothing. “Please, Az”

One minute he was standing a foot away, the next his mouth was crashing into hers. This kiss wasn’t soft like the one they had previous, this was all want. His arms reached behind her and lifted her up, wrapping her legs around his waist. “I think this is what I need right now,” he said resting his forehead on hers and breathing heavily “Me too” she responded and brought their lips back together. He held her tighter against him, the hem of her nightgown riding up, leaving his hands on her bare skin. One of his arms wrapped around her, holding her to him, while the other moved under the nightgown to her ribs. His thumb softly stroked the underside of her breast, she tightened her legs around his waist in response. He moved his hand higher, grabbing her breast fully and needing it gently. He moved his mouth to her jaw kissing her and making his way to her neck. He began to walk towards the bed and laying her down, she didn’t let go. Keeping her arms wrapped around his neck and taking him down with her. As he brought his mouth back to hers, she began to search for a way to remove his leathers. “How do I” she kissed him back but her hands continued to search. She felt him grin against her lips. He continued to smile, standing slowly and keeping his eyes glued to hers he seemed to summon the shadows around him. With a sly grin on his face, the shadows worked their own magic removing his leathers in one quick motion. He looked at her, but their eyes didn’t meet as she was too busy taking in all of the strength and beauty in front of her. Her eyes trailed down from his, taking in his broad shoulders, wings peeking out from behind them continuing down his well-defined chest and muscular thighs.

Elain could feel the heat of her need coursing through her cheeks leaving her flushed with her mouth slightly open. He took immediate notice of her lips, and within an instant, he was kissing her once more. Pushing her down against his bed, he continued to kiss her hard. Trailing his rough hands over her stomach and up to her breasts, she felt a soft moan escape her lips. Her body moved against his without any thought, she could feel herself pressing closer to him, needing more of him touching her. He let out a content sigh as she lightly touched down his chest and began softly massaging his thigh. Elain could feel the butterflies well in her stomach as she knew she wanted to touch more of him. Those butterflies continued to grow as Azriel moved his hand from her dress to her thigh. Moving his lips to her neck, trailing slow intentional kisses downwards toward her collarbone, his hand moved the opposite direction taking the bottom of her nightgown with it. She felt her breath catch in her throat as his lips made contact with her breast and his hand was right there, making her feel completely new and delicious sensations. He continued to touch her, making her breath harder to catch with the anticipation. Before she fully realized he had stopped, she heard the unmistakable sound of somebody opening the tent doors. Hearing his obnoxious tone before seeing him she heard Cassian say “well, well, well.. Am I interrupting something?”

#Elain #elain archeron #elain and az #elain and azriel #elain x azriel #acotar #acowar #acomaf #acofas #Azriel #sarah j maas

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jabnews · 6 years

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How to hack your brain to improve focus and creativity

Author Caroline Williams struggled with psychological focus, so she spent a 12 months hacking her mind.

“I’d misplace issues and put issues into my [datebook] on the incorrect dates,” she tells The Publish. “My household and I as soon as arrived to the airport a day late as a result of I put within the begin of our trip incorrectly. We needed to re-book the flight and spend the night time in a resort.”

Courtesy of the authorWilliams chronicles her try to enhance her focus and different cognitive talents in her new ebook “My Plastic Mind: One Girl’s Yearlong Journey To Uncover If Science Can Enhance Her Thoughts” (Prometheus Books).

Over the course of her quest to assume extra effectively, Williams visited analysis labs within the US and Europe. She had her mind stimulated with magnets and electrical shocks and carried out varied duties to construct psychological muscle and attain varied objectives. Magnets and electrical energy had been used to reroute some ideas and block others. She got here to acknowledge the perfect way of thinking for various kinds of psychological chores, which was eye-opening.

“I had been going about issues all incorrect,” she says. “I’d wrestle to pay attention after I had a deadline and actually stress myself out. Via researching the ebook, I realized that the higher option to go about it, when you possibly can’t focus however you must, is to do some workouts, get into the correct state and check out once more … Studying to provide myself a little bit of a break when I’m not in the correct zone was a revelation.”

Learn on to see how Williams fared with varied lab experiments — and how one can hack your personal mind at residence.

Purpose: Enhance focus

Caroline Williams undergoes remedy to enhance her focus.Courtesy of Caroline WilliamsMethod: On the Boston Consideration and Studying Lab, researchers used magnets to redirect the movement of some data via Williams’ mind. “They quickly shut down the left facet of my mind’s dorsal consideration community,” she says. The remedy compelled her to make use of the extra environment friendly proper facet of her mind as she discerned various kinds of pictures on a pc display screen. “It was like holding down one arm to strengthen the opposite,” she says.

Time at it: Thrice per day, eight minutes at a time, for every week.

Outcome: At first, says Williams, “I used to be the worst wholesome particular person they examined [in terms of focus]. However by the tip I neared the highest tier.” Via the coaching, she now acknowledges “when she is relaxed however alert, which is the perfect mindset for staying centered and concentrating.” And since she is aware of the way it feels to be within the zone for extended focus, Williams will now step away from her pc and go for a stroll when she’s hopelessly out of the zone.

What we will do: “Meditating or strolling via the woods can get you right into a centered however relaxed state,” says Williams. “Acknowledge the way it feels and check out calling it up when it’s good to keep centered.”

Purpose: Cut back nervousness

Technique: At Oxford College, researcher Elaine Fox works on cognitive remedy for power worriers. “Anxious individuals give attention to the three depressing company at a celebration, get anxious and look at the entire night time as damaging,” says Williams. Fox retrains the mind utilizing a system developed at McGill College in Montreal. Topics should have a look at a pc display screen with 15 angry-looking faces and one glad face after which click on on the smiling face. Williams says present process the remedy skilled her mind to hunt out the optimistic.

Time at it: Ten minutes per day, on daily basis for seven months.

Outcome: “Now, at my baby’s college, I look away from disagreeable individuals and give attention to the nice ones,” she says. “I really feel higher and, additionally, have fewer irrational fears.”

What we will do: Do your personal McGill-style coaching by way of the free Glad Faces app for Android telephones by way of Google Play.

Finding a contented face amongst angry-looking ones is a part of the coaching at McGill.ShutterstockGoal: Improve creativity

Technique: On the College of Kansas, a analysis scientist utilized electrical stimulation to Williams’ frontal cortex to close down the a part of the mind that controls logic. Williams would then have a look at a pc display screen exhibiting images and write intelligent sentences to go together with them. The objective was to do it in fewer than 9 seconds. “I discovered the expertise to be liberating,” says Williams.

Time at it: Thirty minutes per day for 4 days.

Outcome: Along with her frontal cortex out of fee, Williams’ thoughts wandered and he or she didn’t maintain again. She checked out a picture of a pair of chest-high fisherman’s boots and known as them “trousers for horses.” The irrationality didn’t final past the stimulation, however Williams now realizes wandering thoughts current a possibility: “Fairly than considering of daydreaming as a nasty factor, I notice that it’s when inventive considering can most naturally happen.”

What we will do: Imbibe. “Alcohol tamps down exercise within the prefrontal lobe,” says Williams. “It’s why individuals dance after a beer.” Or, once you’re drowsy and having hassle concentrating at work after lunch, enable your ideas to float a bit to let the inventive juices movement.

Electrical stimulation is utilized to Williams’ frontal cortex.Courtesy of Caroline WilliamsGoal: Enhance sense of path

Williams wears the feelSpace belt whereas on an tour together with her canine.Courtesy of Caroline WilliamsMethod: Researchers at Osnabrück College, in Germany, have created the feelSpace belt. It computes the path of north and south and gently buzzes the a part of the torso that corresponds to the north. “You get fixed suggestions and are speculated to ultimately construct up a psychological map in your mind,” says Williams. “Issues lined up for me however I generally discovered myself arguing with the belt” — about the place north was, primarily based on the place she needed to go. And she or he averted utilizing expertise to settle issues: “Whereas out, I’d not use my iPhone for instructions.”

Time at it: For six weeks, not less than two hours per day.

Outcome: Her sense of path improved with the belt on, however with out it she was misplaced. “I’m not wired for navigation,” admits Williams. “Generally you give your self a break and notice you possibly can’t do sure issues.”

What we will do: Hearth up your Xbox or Ps. “Individuals who play video video games — equivalent to ‘Tremendous Mario’ or ‘Minecraft,’ the place you must navigate a international land — develop spacial consciousness,” she says. “By being conscious of the place you might be by way of the sport, your skill to make psychological maps will get enhanced.”

Purpose: Get higher at math

Technique: Williams had lengthy assumed that she was “garbage at math.” However after it was decided that her stress hormones went up when she calculated numbers, researchers at Oxford College concluded that the issue was about being “math-anxious” fairly than missing abilities. “They boosted the prefrontal cortex [which controls behaviors such as planning] with electrical energy,” she remembers. “That additional juice turned down nervousness indicators.”

Time at it: As much as 30 minutes per day for 3 days.

Outcome: It labored. With out the nervousness, Williams’ math scores improved. The expertise had an enduring impact. “I take a breath, take away the blockage and do math,” she says. “I’ll use the calculator after I can, however it’s good to know that I’m not garbage at math.”

What we will do: Hit the books. “The researcher overcame math nervousness by training,” says Williams. “Confidence goes a good distance.”

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