#idk why my dreams are so visceral

[knxfesck]

noticing a phenomenon where whenever I go to bed before 12am I have raging nightmares, but whenever I sleep after 1 have zero consciousness in my sleep at all. This explains a lot actually

#just had the most vile dream about some serial murderer being held at gunpoint and chased down but I was stuck in his consciousness #so I felt all the stress of being shot at 15+ times #while running #and then they caught me in a cathedral and blew up the cathedral and it cut to me at my parents old house #and the sky was green and there was a burning cathedra in the background #and smoke rushing through the streets and I could see the souls of the damned floating in it #and I just thought ''this really is the end of the world huh'' and packed everything into 2 backpacks #but then it got kind of kitschy and I spent the rest of the dream having anxiety over the weird upside down type tentacle muck that kept #trying to creep into the house via any opening #idk why my dreams are so visceral #like I could fully feel the bullet going through my skull #what the fuck #txt #my life as the worst show you've ever seen

[solradguy]

Can't complain about my stupid monster dreams on here because it'll just look like 'kin posting and it's NOT. anyway, at least there will always be images and weed gummies. Ok good night

#textpost #drugs cw #I don't know why tf I have so many dreams where I turn into a mindless beast and kill someone and then feel horrible and run away forever #They're visceral af too like can we Not #I usually turn into a similar type of monster in these that's mostly humanoid with big claws and fangs #For a while I just called it a vampire but that's not really accurate #Idk what I look like in them just that I can see my hands and feel that I have meat tearing fangs #No dreams when I'm stoned though :^) I'm hoping if I don't have one for a while that they'll stop #Or at least stop being so violent lmfao #Writing them down just makes them more vivid so I stopped doing that #White noise and weed gummies for now

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

i feel like i should finish the season before i give a more thorough assessment but like i do think the biggest problem with netflix sandman is that it just looks like complete and total shit

#when did this happen to me when did i become a person who like #physically can't enjoy something if it crosses a certain threshold of Looking So Bad Like So So Bad Though Oh My God #it's like even the stuff in it that i like i can't actually enjoy that much because it's so viscerally lifeless to experience #because of how it looks like shit #the score is also somehow distractingly generic #which doesn't sound like a thing that would be possible #but it... is. #idk. the writing is fine the adaptational choices are fine the acting is acceptable to quite good #but it's just not a very well made piece of television #and seems to have been made by people with like... no aesthetic sensibilities whatsoever #like. riverdale guy has a more skillfully executed and distinct aesthetic vision than this does #and we're supposed to be here watching a story about like. #dreams. life. the unconscious. the expansiveness of imagination. etc. etc. #which... yes... is based on a comic with a particularly playful and exuberant approach to its visual expression #it's just like. why #you can be me when i'm gone

[sylvaridreams]

I Get not vibing with or liking a character for WHATEVER reason, I don't feel like anyone needs to police which characters you're allowed to dislike or whatever. And it's often simply not that deep. But I do find it frustrating and uncomfortable, trying to... idk. Engage with people who are So vocal about viscerally hating a character who we meet when he's a teenager, who watches his mother die just as he's getting her back in his life, who struggles and fights to take the reins of his own destiny, who has the gall to criticize The Hero, BASICALLY. I think that's what it largely boils down to for a lot of people is that there's little separation for them between The Commander and themselves as a person, i.e. heroics as wish fulfillment, and so being snapped at by an angry, grieving young man who looked up to us, who blames us for his loss (is the anger unfounded? Much to discuss) feels to some like a personal attack on their own actions. In other words sometimes playing the hero means that you do or don't make a call and bad things happen and whether it's truly your fault or not you may take the blame for the death and destruction, you may be hated by people you tried to help, you may be shoved away by a friend when you try to reach out. And I love this about this game. That you can do the right thing and make the right call and have the least losses and turn around and find that people still suffered in agony as a result. You flipped the switch on the trolley tracks and only killed one person rather than 4 but that one person had a life and a family and a dream or two that you chose to crush. I like that. There's not always a right answer that fixes it all. Anyway I think in my mind at least, that's why so many people dislike Braham. Because for some period of time during his mourning he pokes at the edges of the Commander’s conscience and says what about the people you chose to die. What about the trolley switches you flipped. What about the death and destruction you leave behind, the people left to grieve their loved ones. People hate having that mirror held up to themselves... That's too bad. It's a fascinating avenue to explore, and Braham is a fantastic character, and it sucks that I see so much criticism targeted at him for taking us down that path. The dude calls us his best friend. He tells us he loves us. We should be allowed to equip a legendary BFF heart necklace that Braham has the other half of to be honest.

[queerdraws]

⚔️👒 Zolu Playlist 👒⚔️

28 songs Full tracklist, selected lyrics, n writeup below cut

(Contains: The Happy Fits, PUFFY, Illuminati Hotties, Paramore, The Shins, The Orion Experience, Best Coast, Utada Hikaru, etc) (+a couple songs absorbed from ao's zolu playlist)

1. The Shins - Simple Song Mixed POV, Zoro being recruited by Luffy. ... You sure must be strong And you feel like an ocean being warmed by the Sun // My life in an upturned boat Marooned on a cliff You brought me a great big flood And you gave me a lift // I know that things can really get rough When you go it alone Don't go thinking you gotta be tough To bleed like a stone Could be there's nothing else in our lives so critical As this little hole?

2. Slow Pulp - Cramps Zoro POV, vibing with being a pirate, actually. realizing he's a lot like Luffy / they have a lot in common. Wants to protect his crew. Part of a family now. But also specifically drawn to Luffy, drawn along with Luffy. Has a nice confident, grungy, fighty vibe. ... Be a better lover, I know that I'm a runner Oh no, I think I've become her There's nothing better than being the protector Out of a routine, the only one I've ever seen I wanna be a foolproof machine There's nothing better, wanna be like Heather I'll take anything That you wanna give But I want everything Everything

3. PUFFY - Friends Forever Mixed POV, perfectly in sync. friends forever. big adventuring vibe. facing the world together. slight nod to whiskey peak. sidenote: it's really annoying to find this song on youtube without scooby doo noises playing over it (official music videos my beloathed...) the "pokemon and their trainers" (...gijinkas) video is the best one for my region at least. ... Just when I thought I had to make it alone You were right there by my side Making a stand holding my hand the way you do There to remind me of a "me and you" When I'm with you all my fear disappears Like if I reach, I touch the sky You've got my back, pick up my slack when I can't see But nothing picks me up like knowing we'll be Friends forever Face whatever Friends forever Yay! we're never gonna be apart You and me, we are so oddly the same The way we think, the way we play Right from the start, so off the charts, about this thing But we didn't know at first that we were making Friends forever Bound together Friends forever Yeah! We'll always be there Oh yes, there also can be times that get rough And all that can be said is "sorry" That we were wrong and said some meaningless stuff And we'll go on together, through any nasty weather Yeah

4. Illuminati Hotties - Sandwich Sharer Luffy POV - flippant & happy vibe. but also visceral, grungy, fighty. kissing. sharing food. "you thought i was bleeding but that's just my spit!!". ... Restarted kissing You said "I'm dreaming" I couldn't stop from laughing Cause it's the realest thing I ever did Taking our clothes off Painting on rooftops Sit back on shingles in the shade, I bare my teeth at future fake outs we had coming Drooling tomato sauce, to make it look legit You thought i was bleeding but that's just my spit Sandwich sharer Unprepared for What comes after this Take the big half I will bite back What you won't finish Until we're finished

5. The Happy Fits - Sailing Zoro POV oops catching feelings for a friend ... My body's achin' My ship's left the shore Your eyes are waiting My knees on the floor And it's been so long Since I had a friend And it's been so long Why can't we just pretend? And I feel your laughter Your warm, open stare And I'm chasing after Somethin' that isn't there

6. The Pillow Queens - Favourite idk just vibes "tell me i'm your favorite" + "i'm being so normal" ... i’ve got no reason to be feeling like you’re mine for the next four seasons let it die, let it die i can’t help hoping that you think i’m really nice want some brief hand holding on the sly, on the sly hey you can say it, i’m your favourite hey you can say it, i’m your favourite

7. The Beths - Warm Blood Luffy POV - Zoro is warm and good feelings. Not "you make me feel protected", but "you are a raincoat". Feels very Luffy. "you really get me" ... Nothing makes me feel like this Nothing makes me feel like this Nothing but you Nothing but you My head is hanging from the roof I'm floating all about the room Because of you Because of you I wanna bask in the rays of the way I feel right now (Ooh oooh) I wanna bask in the rays of the way I feel right now (Ooh warming up my blood) You are a raincoat, you are a zeppelin flight You are a bonfire burning a three dog night You are an isle of calm on a stormy sea You really get, you really get You really get me I wanna be here when you call Pick up the phone and I would fall in love with you In love with you

8. MONKEY MAJIK - Around the World Mixed POV. During timeskip. Counting down the days until we can see eachother again. We'll change the world, make it better, we're training to make that happen. sidenote: the mixed eng/jpn version of this song is my favorite and the one i'm referring to here ... Every night I look to the skies And wonder what we did Always a naive point of view that breaks us in the end If I could find the meaning of it all I’d take the chance Maybe in time We’ll walk the mile and change it if we can It’s now and always (How did we get this far,did we get this far now) Always (We’re making a brand new start, just a brand new start now) Always (Nothing will hold me down, never hold me down now) Always (Wave goodbye to me!) Around the world 新しいことに(with the power to) Around the world 踏み出す力で(step forward to something new) Around the world 世界は変わる(I'll change the world) But don’t run away ’cause if it’s not OK! I’ll change that world Into something better honey!

9. Natalie Holmes - Hideout Zoro POV, Luffy brings light to all those around him, reawakens ppls dreams and leads his crew in to a beautiful inspiring new life :') ... Under the stars, out in the elements If there's no room, there are no elephants When you speak the waves are radiant You've got a face that softens every muscle in my body I’ve never needed all these things to feel whole Something familiar in the love that you provide (And now) I’ve got an empty hideout cause I don't need to hide now The wind can blow out the candle, cause I'm certain I can't fall You've got a face that softens All of the glass I’ve trodden Now I’ve got an empty hideout I don’t need to hide now I don’t need to Something in your love makes everything light up We don’t say a word although we want to Your heart was on the line now suddenly it’s mine There’s something in your love Something in your love Something in your love, in you love

10. Daft Punk - Digital Love just vibes. dreaming. dancing together. having fun. ... Last night I had a dream about you In this dream I'm dancing right beside you And it looked like everyone was having fun The kind of feeling I've waited so long Don't stop, come a little closer As we jam the rhythm gets stronger There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun We were dancing all night long The time is right to put my arms around you You're feeling right, you wrap your arms around too But suddenly I feel the shining sun Before I knew it this dream was all gone Ooh, I don't know what to do About this dream and you I wish this dream comes true Ooh, I don't know what to do About this dream and you We'll make this dream come true Why don't you play the game? Why don't you play the game?

11. Mitski - Stay Soft Mostly just like the bridge "open up your heart like the gates of helllll". But feels more like Zoro POV (thirsty). And touches a little the communication issues these two have ... Fury, pure and silver You grip it tight inside Like a knife, it glints in your eye It's why I've arrived, your sex god Here to take you where You need to go, to where the dark remembers you Open up your heart Like the gates of Hell // I am facedown on my bed Still not quite awake yet Thinking of you, I tuck my hand under my weight Just tell me what you want to do Tell me what you want to burn away 'Cause I could be your stoker

12. Air Traffic Controller - You Know Me Mixed POV. You know me! Perfectly in tune. ... You know me You know everything about me now My heart is in your hands, and you know you could break it But wouldn't you rather make me sing like this? You know me I try to find some good in everything Since you came along, somehow this got easy 'Cause all you wanna do is please me, my love This could be a roller coaster But we're gonna make the most of it Whether on top, or we're going down, you know me You know me (I know you) And how I get when I'm uncomfortable If I'm too hot, or cold Tired, bored, or hungry I'm fine when you're around me, boy And you know me I've never been on time for anything I do apologize, I know it's such a bother I promise to try harder for you, girl, oh I will

13. The Orion Experience - Honeysuckle Kisses Luffy POV. Desires filed away in a very Luffy way "All I want is all my wishes, and I've love to have your honeysuckle kisses". Romance as an afterthought to the great big adventure. ... They say we're crazy, completely insane I don't give a damn, I think we're fascinating We keep it moving and riding this train They can stop and stare But I don't care Oh, they just can't see who we are You and I, yeah We belong to the stars No matter how they try They won't tear us apart All I want is all my wishes And I'd love to have your honeysuckle kisses All I need to fulfill my bliss is Is your honeysuckle, honeysuckle kisses That's what I want

14. The Happy Fits - Around and Around Zoro POV, Pre-relationship, unsure about what's happening due to poor communication. Things are coming to a boiling point. And also "I could see the world with you" - be by your side forever, go on adventures. Do you want that? Do I? Will you have me? ... I don't know what I'm seeing, when the world keeps spinning around my eyes I think I lost my meaning Just another day to survive And I can't keep thinking about it, keep thinking about it Can't be still anymore No, there's nothing so simple about it, nothing simple about it Can't be still anymore I can't be still anymore I can't be still anymore I'll go 'round and around Go 'round and around with you No, don't slow me down No, don't slow me down, will you? And I could see the world with you And I could see the world with you

15. Paramore - Proof Mixed POV, during timeskip. They're apart. Missing eachother. Believe in you, ride or die. So strong! They'll meet up again, even stronger than before. ... It's really hard I can't cry in your arms 'cause you're not here It's not your fault, and if it was, I wouldn't care My heart is bigger than the distance in between us I know it 'cause I feel it beating So strong, it'll knock you down So strong, so strong Over here I can count the miles away from where I wanna be I bet your skin is warm and that you're smiling Yeah, that's what I always loved the most about you So strong, come and knock me down Hey! Baby, if I'm half the man I say I am If I'm a woman with no fear just like I claim I am Then I'll believe in what you say There's nothing left for you to do The only proof that I need is you

16. Utada Hikaru - Chikai (aka zolu "wedding" song. Primarily Zoro POV, making oaths, matching rings, liking someone so much it makes you feel uncool, waaaaaaauughhhhghgh😭) ... I don’t know about fate But this time I have to accept that it exists // Today is a day without lies It's a perfect day for making an eternal vow Don't need pretty flowers or witnesses Let’s wear rings of the same color // What I say now isn't borrowed words It’s not a promise, it’s an oath I can’t go back to being a liar Let’s wear rings the color of the morning sun Let’s dance with our hearts pounding Let’s celebrate being alive in this moment // Kiss me once, kiss me twice Give yourself to me Let’s listen to sound of the sun rising, side by side Let’s swear to live our lives together

17. Best Coast - When I'm with You Mixed POV ... The world is lazy But you and me We're just crazy So, when I'm with you, I have fun Yeah, when I'm with you, I have fun // I hate sleeping alone

18. Gerard Way - No Shows Pre-relationship. Not wanting to be tied down, but also being drawn in to it anyway, idk. ... Been weeks I been living And your smiles are giving me All types of treble Weak knees I been given And those nights are making me Star-struck and metal Stay free, don't go 'Cause we don't need no Try to be living as your vice And can you be my type? 'Cause we need to be given a good life And can I be your type of metal? Stay free, don't go 'Cause we don't need no shows

19. VUKOVI - Colour Me In Mixed POV - Follow you anywhere, die for you, we're one together (you're mine you're mine you're mine!) ... All I am And even more I'll give it to you Couldn't count All the ways That I'd die for you We are one We are whole And I'll go with you Breathing out, breathing in And I loved you again // Where you go, oh, I'll follow Through our bodies in the dark We want it and it's perfect With you in my arms Where you go, oh, I'll follow Through our bodies in the dark You're mine You're mine You're mine Mine

20. Opus Orange - It's What I Do Mixed POV - just vibes. I feel like it describes them but can't explain it ... every time you look for me you know i think i might disappear every time i look for you i know the bright lights interfere ‘cause i’m not the kind that’s so easy to find when you’re looking for me you’re not the kind with the salt water eyes at the bottom of the sea so take my hand we are the blind leading the blind no i don’t have a plan so let’s go where the sea meets the sky now we're gonna float away everything i want to say to you gets washed away downstream everything i want to give to you is a shade of blue or green i’m not the kind to draw straight lines in the desert sand you’re not the kind with peace of mind and a gun in your hand

21. Illuminati Hotties - Toasting Primarily Luffy POV. Just vibes. Short and sweet, flippant and reckless. They cause descruction and just laugh it off, and move on. ... Toasting a Pop-Tart And thinking of you There's a lot I'd rather do Instead I'm biting my lip And I'm biting yours too 'Til the blood tastes like chocolate goo Our bodies Are twirling The kitchen is burning When we both choke down the ashes You mention you're bored I guess I could've toasted more

22. The Happy Fits - Sweet Things Mixed POV after the end of their journey, pirate king and worlds greatests swordsman continue sailing together forever ... So tell me three things, three words that you know about me I'll say, I'll say "won't you come with me, baby?" Nothing lasts forever It's only now or never Tell me sweet things, sweet things that you know about me I'll say, I'll say "won't you bury me, baby? Underneath our loving forever" Don't you take me, take me all the way and then erase me I could be the one if you stay here Underneath our loving forever So take me home Well you say that nothing matters Well you said that nothing mattered except when I'm here with you Does it feel right? (Does it feel right?)

23. The Black Keys - Go Narrator POV - The two boys growing old sailing together ... There comes a time, two hearts of gold Leave together, run forever on the open road They gotta go oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh They gotta go oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh In the winter time, when the day is long You're halfway there, the field is bare And the fire is gone Are you all alone? Are you feeling cold? Find your flame, call her name, and hit the road

24. PUFFY - Love so Pure Mixed POV - love so sure. two people perfectly suited for eachother from the start. mutual trust. soulmates. :) ... I was his from the momentthe we first met From our solo to duet, it took no time Call it fate Or just two hearts magnetized But I never felt so high Since he's been all mine We've got a love so pure, yes a love so sure The kind of love you hold so tight We've got a love so pure, yes a Love so sure The kind of love that lasts a girl for life! With a kiss I can't resist on turn away All I want is him to stay, it's paradise With out a word Nothing heard me say so much With a look or silent touch I know we'll bе all right

25. Tegan and Sara - BWU Mixed POV - don't need to follow conventions to prove their love. ... I love you I don't need a ring to Prove that you're worthy You're under my skin It's easy I don't need a lock to Prove that you trust me I walk the walk To be with you Just to be with you Oh, to be with you Just to be with you Save your first and last dance for me I don't need a white wedding Save your first and last born for me We don't need a white wedding All the girls I loved before Told me they signed up for more Save your first and last chance for me 'Cause I don't want a white wedding

26. IRONTOM - Partners Just what it says on the tin. They're partners. lol ... Partners, we're partners We're partners, we're partners

27. Ashley Eriksson - Arguably Mixed POV - idk, vibes ... Sometimes I wish I was talkin' to you 'Cause you know everybody that I do You would hear my story, and you would agree We are always right on, you and me And you can always count on my company On and on and on, endlessly We're all loving creatures of the same decree But we've got one up on them don't we? Don't we? Arguably, don't we?

28. Animal Collective - The Purple Bottle Luffy POV. Frantic. Explosive big feelings. Can't stop talking --about Zoro to other people, and to Zoro about anything (sometimes i'm talkitive and you're not talkitive, I know...). And idk, the vibes. "purple" as a metaphor for sensuality, feels playful and lovely. But the end of this song really drags on so it's at the end of the playlist lol. ... I've gotta big big big heart beat, yeah! I think you are the sweetest thing I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud I've been having good days Think we are the right age to start our own peculiar ways? With good friendly homes // Sometimes you're quiet and sometimes I'm quiet, (Hallelujah!) Sometimes I'm talkative and sometimes you're not talkative, I know // And my dear dear dear Khalana I talk too much about you Their ears are getting tired of me singing all the night through Lets just talk together You and me and me and you And if there's nothing much to say Well, silence is a bore. // Can I tell you that you are the purple in me? Can I call you just to hear you would you care? When I saw you put your purple finger on me There's a feeling in your bottle Found your bottle, found your heart Gives a feeling from your bottled little part

------

Aaaand that's all of it! Thanks for reading :)

#zolu #luzo #playist #was able to finish formatting this quicker than expected #woooo #again not sequential or like only vaguely sequential at times #songs just kinda placed in to make it a pleasant-ish listening experience #obsessed obsessed w chikai #anyway i refuse to use spotify so my apologies

[leojurand]

this might sound weird but i really like the casual misogyny in house of niccolò. it reminds me of that one post about realistic historical fiction. of course this men from the 15th century would think less of women simply because they're women.

it's not super prevalent within the main cast so it's not exhausting to read, but it is there sometimes and it reminds you of its ugly existence.

it's different from lymond. of course there's misogyny there too, but it's less offhand comments/thoughts and more deep-rooted, visceral stuff like everything surrounding joleta, which makes you wonder if it's actual, period typical misogyny or if it was dunnett not being careful enough with the storyline she wrote.

and you even have lymond himself making rape jokes which are really fucked up when you look back on them after reading the series, and lymond really loves women! as people and not just sexually! but he still makes those jokes (so does nicholas once or twice i believe).

but anyway, there's a huge difference, i feel, between the sexism surrounding the stories of characters like oonagh and joleta, and julius thinking something along the lines of "ugh why is a woman the head of a business that's so annoying". that's the kind of trivial misogyny that feels very real. julius doesn't say it, he still works for a woman, but he has those thoughts a few times.

i also think it works well because then you have a main character like nicholas, who tells a woman who wants to rule a kingdom that "in a perfect world the fittest would rule, irrespective of sex". and it doesn't feel like the author is trying to make the main character in her histfic more likeable by giving him modern views. because we're told from the beginning that nicholas is very loving and accepting, so of course he wouldn't be sexist. just like he loves and respects umar, when most other characters only see him as the black servant.

idk, i think dunnett in this series finds a very good balance between realistic portrayal of bigotry and a more subtle sort of storytelling with her female characters, like kathi's frustration over the expectations of her marriage vs her dream of going on adventures. it's good

i haven't read many recent histfic novels (or any at all) so i can't talk about the way they do it, but in my opinion this is a very good way of writing bigotry which makes the time period still immersive, but the novel(s) modern enough that it doesn't feel punishing to read

#house of niccolo #lymond #two paragraphs of lymond so it counts i guess #is kathi's arc even subtle. maybe that's not the word. but it's more subtle than julius's ew woman in charge #or that scene where tobie tells margot something like we're men we have to read that letter first or something #i really wanted to snap his neck there lmao #this reminds of that meta i'll probably never write about how dunnett's writing of female characters is in fact less misogynistic? in hon #like i adore the women in lymond chronicles. but if u start thinking about some things. well. #there's very some 'good' women vs 'bad' women going on there #and the 'bad' women are very much punished by the narrative #but 💁‍♀️ some other time maybe

[flowersandbigteeth]

How'd you get a husband?

How'd you and the hubby meet?

Or did your hubby get you?

My friend "introduced" us on AIM when we were kids. I was supposed to bully him (for the record, I was never a bully I have no idea why they asked me to do that, lol, tween logic) but we started RPing instead. Much, much later we met again when we returned to our hometown after college and he asked me on a date. He gifted me the book Crash and we walked around in the snow talking, so then we started dating. Idk who got who exactly, except that getting married came sort of naturally...? It wasn't a huge production. We decided over a series of conversations we wanted to get married, went on a little vacation and got married at the courthouse. We used some antique rings passed down in his family, so that was pretty effortless. It was still very special, I remember saying my vows very viscerally and have the dress I wore stored away. It felt crazy actually committing to someone for life, but it also felt right. I was never someone who dreamed of my wedding or being married, so it was a surprise for me, but I was and am still very happy.

#admin's thoughts #admin speaks #sweet asks

[microtyalm13]

Give...... Gavriil lore........ Please, I'm so hungry..........lore

there's no lore i made him two years ago in the middle of the night while being insanely horny with my bestie 💋

alright there's SOME info about the setting he's in.... but im still figuring it out. so a whole llot of rambling under the cut. if you want basic info you can go to this post .!

this is vivian and gavriil! they have a weird relationship, but what do you expect from a mortal x deity dynamic? vivian my darling my beloved old man works at the HELLEGTUM VUN DEAPAIX sanctuary, a place that trains future hunters. it looks like a pagan church from the outside. a weird one, sure, but their goddess is very much real! the hunters are mostly women, there are very few men that work in the institution. vivian manages the hiring process of other workers such as janitors, cooks, and laundresses. he can even mentor rookie hunters if they want him and not other mentors, but that's rare.

who are they fighting? everything from tiny evil spirits that feed on human energy to the corrupted lower deities who are going rampant in the city <]. termination squad 💪

deapaix, the goddess of peace and serenity, known and worshipped mostly by women. she's a member of a council consisting of other goddesses (i'm working on them... i have like... TWO designs gjkjhkej... also need to come up with a recognizable symbol for deapaix's religion... ehggheugh). they make sure that other, lesser deities do not overstep and control their influence on humans. that's why veniamin was punished after killing and eating his followers, and gavriil was, umm... deprived of the privilege of reproducing and creating new life. taisya is one of his last creations btw. that's why they are similar in some ways :] but ough gav is a BAD father so no wonder he's not fertile anymore. he and deapaix have a very very "older sister x younger adopted brother" energy idk.....

even though gav has a family he's not very close with them... visits them only if it benefits him. his mother is like a huge powerful goddess who's in charge of people's dreams and their subconscious desires. not in the council bc she's an overworked woman leave her aloneee

ven and taisya are lurking somewhere in the world. gav doesn't care about taisya anymore and barely remembers he exists and his relationship with veniamin...................... 👁👁 homoerotic, visceral hatred that goes both ways. they have equal powers but still think that one of them is stronger than another..... smh ANNOYING and iNSUFFERABLE both of them .

something like that. in not very good at world building i just like to draw silly characters ......

#“there's no lore” writes a whole paragraph about her silly little universe #let me ramble..... please #i feel silly about my settings bc i dont have a lot of time and strength to thinj about them #but hey im passionate.... right. right. does that count #microtya: gavriil #microtya: vivian #microtya: deapaix #microtya: veniamin #microtya: taisya

[egipci]

Sorry for the long message but I 100% agree about Alicent and Otto’s relationship feeling more viscerally wrong than the actual on-screen incest. With the Targaryens, incest is just an accepted and normalized part of life, and the show (unfortunately imo) doesn’t really try to unpack the harm in this kind of institutional indoctrination and grooming. Even with Daemon and Rhaenyra, they aged her up to be conveniently 18 when he takes her to the brothel, and it’s framed as sexy and liberating. There’s still grooming, but it feels like the writers went out of their way to sanitize it as much as possible so that audiences would root for them.

The intimacy, secrecy and AMBIGUITY between Otto and Alicent otoh is just so… uncanny. Especially with how the daughter/wife role she plays for both Otto and Viserys blur into one. And you’re right that this is definitely a gendered issue that can’t be compared 1:1 to a male character. A woman in this society is her fathers property first, until he hands her over to a husband, and in a way this implies that these two relationships are synonymous.

But I think it’s so interesting how both Dean and Alicent are so consumed by the idea of duty, obedience and sacrifice (especially to family). So much of their worth is tied to how useful they are and how much they can give of themselves to others. Their repressed bitterness towards the one who they feel managed to escape this burden: "While you flout all to do as you please. Where is duty? Where is sacrifice?" to Rhaenyra + "You don’t think I had dreams of my own? But Dad needed me. Where the hell were you?" to Sam. Idk I just love this kind of character who tries soooo hard to be a good tool even if it’s futile and to their own detriment.

hello hello sorry i'm late <3

I do think it's kind of strange/a missed opportunity that HotD isn't exploring the "why is incest bad?" question more. Neutralizing the social stigma allows for something deeper that just "because it's icky" (if you're at all familiar with communities where cousin marriage is common you would know that the "genetic risks" are at the bottom of the list of issues -- and even that is very distinct from sibling incest or uncle/niece, etc). I think the choking scene in the finale hints at something there to do with heir/heir rivalry, but other than that they're giving us a nice wholesome older man/younger girlboss relationship.

Anyway-- back to Alicent! I love her! She is Daddy's bestest girl! I haven't read the book but I know one change the show made was aging her down to maker her closer to Rhaenyra's age-- but imagine if they hadn't and we got to see her be her dad's wife for a while before being shipped off to Viserys. Like I said, John is so deeply parasitic and reliant on Dean, and we don't get to see Otto exploit her for his own personal *well-being* in the same way-- we see him comparing her to her mother twice: the first time he redirects her sexual appeal to another man, and the second he redirects her motherly influence towards her son -- I would say the best J/D parallel to that is the monster bait/ hitchhiker business and that outsourcing of sexual violence. Which isn't to say she couldn't have served that replacement spouse function for Otto-- my girl just didn't get the chance. And now I'm thinking once again about fantasy au J/D!

#asks #sorry for taking 10 days to simply say I agree and you're so smart #but I agree and you're so smart <3 #q

[unauthorizedmagicians]

Episode 4 - The World in the Walls

a lot of the commentary for this episode is more serious bc of the nature of this episode so be warned

tw: abuse, addiction, mental illness, anything else this episode covers

i genuinely forgot this happened RIGHT after the end of the last ep w julia lying abt being an addict

this episode was so traumatizing im gonna be so frank. i will be skipping large chunks of it

the windows being weird overblown shit is so dkjfsldkhgd

right forgot the part where they made q out to be kinda racist and then penny calling him out abt it

no cuz julia was so fucking foul for this shit like worst fucking nightmare shit

this ep does remind me how good of actors they are

"i wanted to see the fireworks" gets stuck in my head so often its not even funny

fr makes me think about how people can convince u ur insane and how that eventually leads u to believing it. idk gaslighting and manipulation and shit and like this is not me saying mental illness isn't real this is about abuse and shit

ok but is the jane thing in this ep actually jane doing the dream thing or is it his own brain trying to come up with a way out

not the "these books are my way of getting out of here" followed by "everytime i talk i sound batshit" like SKJLDFGHJDS

bro the fact that that song is the answer to the whole puzzle makes me so viscerally upset

why does he think going to LITERALLY ANYBODY in this hellscape would do anything but push him further down

i will be skipping any and all scenes with his dad tyvm

also the way that "getting better" in this is so similar to how they treat mentally ill people in real life and like irl there is no solution or counterspell or anything to getting rid of people's afflictions but either way the way ppl try to sedate mentally ill people and they think that's them getting better is just a thing i've been ruminating on

the first time outside of the dreamscape being as q yells wake up ooooooooo

its so funny how committed he is to the tape like u don't technically need tape to piece together the pages that's just to make them stick

i wish they brought back q reading parts of the book with reenactments overtop its artistic i like it

fr so funny that hedge witches r like the edgy side of magic or whatever but they r a metaphor for institutionalized poverty or whatever but haha silly leather jacket bondage clothes

skip skip skip hehehe

they all have like unique little boxes that's so silly

ok now for my favorite scene in this whole episode: the light cage!!!

#the magicians #the magicians syfy #quentin coldwater #eliot waugh #alice quinn #kady orloff diaz #margo hanson #penny adiyodi #unauthorized magicians rewatch

[pammydawes]

Wow! Sry for the wait folks I’m at 4:31 hours left in Hell Bent and I have Thots

🛑!!!SPOILERS BELOW!!!🛑🛑

It’s been so long that tbh I’m a little fuzzy on the details of where I left off but DANG…….that trip to hell???? Everything I hoped it would be!

I absolutely loved getting so many of the main team’s POVs, I’m hoping that on the return trip we can maybe get some more!! I am so curious abt the meaning of Babbitt rabbit being threaded through all their…..dreams? Visions? Experiences? Idk it’s hell man

The insight into Turner’s background left me feeling pretty broken. Cannot personally speak to the accuracy of Bardugo’s representation of the experience of a Black detective, but I thought it was moving.

Tripp’s backstory was intriguing! I actually know how to sail so the whole thing was pretty visceral to me, I wonder if Leigh has experience with boats bc the accuracy was impressive! Also Spencer can eat shit!

Whew….hellie’s POV. That was excellent. Just hearing how much she loved Alex already had me, but it’s rly the details of their relationship that I think Bardugo hits uk? Loved hearing abt Alex from the perspective of someone who loved her, because in NH darlington was predisposed not to care for her, and 90% of the other insight she hears comes from people who are underestimating her, judging her, or trying to kill her! So I’m glad that we got a glimpse of a diff perspective. Still hurt to re-live ground zero tho

In turner, Alex, and to some degree pammie’s cases, I can understand why they meet the criteria for murder, as justified as it was in some situations. It’s a little blurrier with Tripp, though, and I think an argument could be made that Pammie didn’t really murder her victim. So that leads me to think that maybe the murder requirement to get into hell is based more on a person’s own feelings of guilt or regret rather than some objective external judgement, which I think could have some interesting implications!

LOVE that darlington’s personal hell is trying to rebuild a ruined Black Elm, I feel like that illustrates both his love and hate for the house really well!! Nice nod to Sisyphus in Greek mythology also!

FINALLY some good wheelwalker content!!! Basically crumbs but I LOVE the imagery of Alex and the blue flames. I wonder why they’re blue?? Blue fire is supposed to be the hottest after white, right???

Anselm has rly done a magnificent job of disappointing me, which is somehow still very satisfying!! Honestly if he’s the next murder victim…….my condolences to his family ig

Love how everyone basically drags themselves out of hell completely distraught, having come so close to success only to fail, and Mercy is like great job team let’s get them in the next half!!

The demons………oof. Alex reuniting with Hellie was ROUGH man. Kind of cool how as the reader, Leigh put us in hellie’s head, which meant that when you start clocking that something’s off it’s not just like “next logical plot point”, it was like actually realizing something was wrong the same way Alex did. The hellie we got a glimpse of would NEVER say those things to alex!!! And we knew that not just bc Alex told us, but bc we actually got to read it and draw those conclusions ourselves.

I would bet my entire family that my prediction abt Lionel and the praetor is correct. They were 100% in love back in their school days and now demon Lionel is gonna kill the praetor via some gruesome/emotionally manipulative manner as literary comeuppance for his misogyny!

The talismans? Excellent. Superb. Dare I say, delightful. MORE COSMO EASTER EGGS. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I cannot wait to learn what that little guy’s deal is!!

The vampire’s visit…..uh oh. My theory is that Michelle is working for him, bc I feel like I remember her having a white umbrella at some point?? It’s a toss up whether she’s being coerced or doing it for her own benefit, I really couldn’t say. Maybe he’s turning her into a vampire?? And that’s how she’s connected to the murders???

I paused halfway through the return of Eitan, which I have mixed feelings abt tbh. I still keep feeling like his storyline is kinda tacked on needlessly, but I also do think he’s a fascinating character, so we’ll see how the rest of the convo goes. It’s also just like….Alex literally killed a room full of people that WERENT actively out to get her. What is the hold up here.

Love a good Lauren tidbit!! I’m curious to see how the rooming issue resolves. I would like for them to bring her into the fold somehow, but I also feel like the direction they’re going in is that Alex and Mercy are ultimately going to leave her out for her own protection, thereby alienating her and sacrificing their friendship. That’s definitely NOT my ideal outcome, though. Ideal would be Lauren getting to join them and get some character development. What can I say, I have a soft spot for the vinyl girlies bc…..I am one.

Now, to see what eitan has to say for himself! Next you hear from me will be, gasp……the end. I can’t believe it, I’ve been waiting for this book so long and idk if I’m ready for the next wait!!! Hhhhhnnnnng ok bye

#alex stern #leigh bardugo #ninth house

[themidnightcrimson]

So I had another dream with Wanda last night, maybe I do need professional help. 💀 (it wasn't ABOUT Wanda but god knows why she appeared in it. i think it was cute tho idk). Also I'm starting to consider everyone here like a group of astrology bitches who hang out and discuss our dreams with eachother lmfao 😭. Anyways what happened is that the sea level in my city was rising quickly and all places were submerging. People everywhere were being evacuated and me and my family were rescued from a parking lot, we wanted to use our car to leave the city but the roads were closed so we had to simply run, it all was chaos. I was running up a street among a lot of other people trying to escape from the large waves behind us when Wanda appeared running behind me and picked me up with one arm (she's so strong brain goes brrrr 🥴💦), turned me around so I could hold on to her and I wrapped my legs around her waist and grabbed her from the shoulders tightly. I looked at her and told her she needed to do something and she was kinda anxious and said that she no longer had the darkhold, that destroying it had weakened her and she didn't know if she was going to be able to contain the literal ocean (all this while she kept running), so I held her face, looked at her in the eye and told her "You can do this honey. You're powerful and you're capable. You can do it." She mumbled "I'm not sure." and I smiled at her and responded "I promise, you can do this. Save us all, Wanda." She then calmed/focused and did something super cool and the waves turned red and became solid, like stone, the force of the sea broke them but as she repeated the process again and again the water started to lose that force and began to settle (I think at one point I pecked her on the cheek in relief when I noticed it was working??). That was basically the end of the dream, I was glad and proud, those feelings I can remember clearly. Should be noted tho that I have no idea what we were in the dream or if we were anything at all maybe Wanda just randomly saw me and was like that one idk lol, nevertheless I think it was nice and she seemed to be doing better

The funniest thing about this is that I never know with my dreams. Will Wanda fuck me? Try to kidnap/murder me? Save me? Who knows. Find out in the next episode of Max's deliriums

“Wanda randomly saw me and was like ‘that one’ lol” THAT TOOK ME OUT IDK WHY LMFAOOOOO. God I love this so much, please everyone keep telling me your dreams. This dream of yours sounds like a whole ass movie and I love it. I still haven’t dreamed vividly of Lizzie/Wanda yet but last night I had a visceral, surreal dream of an alien invasion/purge typa situation and it was… weird

[llycaons]

I saw les mis live today (special treat). I’ve seen the show in high school and read the book a few times, but not recently

it’s such a gut punch to think that the social issues the books addresses are still a massive problem. idk about france but at least here in the us

I haven’t been listening to any music recently so when they started singing I was like “oh shit! this is great! cool how they do that!’

I didn’t cry, but at the beginning and at the end I got very close. ‘look down’ is such a fucking visceral song series

I forgot they have a live orchestra so halfway through I noticed the conductor and went ohhhh yeah there’s people down there playing instruments. sweet

my first les mis experience was the 2012(?) movie, which may have been bad musically speaking (didn’t love the valjean) but I have a lot of fondness for javert’s nasally voice and samantha barks’s eponine

I always had a crush on eponine when I was younger because barks was that beautiful, and in the books the ways she was described really appealed to me because I was 15 and didn’t think about how tragic her life was and sad it was that she’s been hardened by her experiences at such a young age. but I also think I connected with her loneliness a lot...leave marius and I’ll treat you right etc.

the theater songs are slightly differently delivered than in the movie, which I found sounded unnatural. they really have to sing fast, wow

live theater is really cool!! I haven’t been able to see any in years, and the lighting, effects, design, etc. are all so different from film and tv, they have so many more limitations but also unique opportunities that tv doesn’t. and I really loved to see how they put together each set right there on stage and how nothing looked *realistic* but the performance has its own character because of it

les mis has some of my favorite theater songs of all time, but also some of the most boring :/ ‘bring him home’ and ‘drink with me’ barely have real melodies. also im sorry but all the lyrics to ‘I dreamed a dream” are very juvenile. I get that fantine is young but those lyrics just sound ridiculous

but I really loved master of the house and lovely ladies, those are SUCH fun songs. I think the thernardiers were some of the first villains I saw onscreen who were just really fun with it

so fucked up that they killed gavroche. SO fucked up. I think his death scenes, in both the movie and the theater, were just gutting. I get why they did it! it was a good choice! but wow

I like how the movie had javert give gavroche that medal in recognition of his courage, but why did they actually have rain during ‘a little fall of rain’? the point was that eponine was so soaked in her own blood she just thought it was raining

the movie is the most pared-down version of the story that can still be comprehensible. it’s impressive how condensed they made events. the theater had several scenes I remember from the book that couldn’t fit into the movie

watching made me want to read the book again, it had so much detail that i really enjoyed when I had energy to get through it

god, anyone remember the les mis fandom ca. 2012? naturally people would flock to the shippable college students with one-sentence personalities and repeat the catchy songs and make memes rather than actually consider the social messages in the book or talk about the actual main character

speaking of messages, this is the only story where I watch it and feel I kind of get people being into catholicism to which

even so something that drove me crazy about valjean was in the books he would just not enjoy himself or let himself be happy. catholics will love to suffer. catholics will present suffering as a noble thing to do in life so you get rewarded in heaven. drove me up a wall. in the book he literally had no reason not to be with cosette he just felt unworthy of her or something and would just stop visiting her even though they missed each other so bad

oh wait it’s because he told marius about him being a convict but not about anything else in his life and it made marius cut him off because he thought he was evil or smt even though valjean later revealed that his wealth was from an honest idea he had and they reconcile just before he dies. so what was the fucking point, anyway? be as miserable and noble as you can die and then get to heaven because you were Good (tm) ugh

also, why didn’t valjean just tell marius who he was? he knew cosette loved marius back, what need was there for him to do this elaborate sewer crawl after marius was injured? what if marius had been shot dead, huh? like I know the character reasons for his determination to do everything in the most secret way possible but it would have made things so much easier

don’t love how women and sex workers are treated about by any of the versions or how cosette is treated by valjean or marius like she can’t handle the truth but for 1860s, not as bad as it could have been?

but the themes of just...kindness and second chances and forgiveness and sympathy for the most oppressed and mistreated members of society and doing right by others and loving them is so fucking good anyway

#up next is cats in march #haven't seen the movie don't know anything about it #the one song is catchy #cor.txt

[millenniumringg]

talking about grief, not very positively. read at ur own risk

i think one of the most frustrating things about experiencing loss and grief is knowing that you are going to miss this person/thing forever. (I'll be transparent, im talking about my mom.) Yes, time goes on, yes time heals, but every day it's like experiencing it over and over and over again because i'm constantly aware that something is missing. And then I think about it too much and I think dang. this feeling, the feeling of missing, of longing, is never going to go away. I will wake up every day and go to class and go to work and go to bed missing. the feeling of missing has got to be one of the worst emotions in the world, man! it's like an itch you can never, and will never scratch. It lessens with time, for sure. I do find myself feeling less visceral in regards to "missing," but i truly don't think it will ever go away. I'm not really sure why I'm typing all of this out (probably because I need to go to therapy but do not have that outlet at the moment) but idk... I just think... nobody really talks or prepares you for this feeling. and, not to keep talking about it, but I honestly tried to prepare. As soon as I found out time was running out, I stared at her in the car and looked at the drawings we made together and hugged her and just wondered... What would it be like? I guess this is it. it sucks

And you know what, another thing I hate about grief is dreaming about it. I have had so many dreams where its like "miraculous recovery! didn't all that grieving suck?!" and then I wake up and its like wtf... why would my own brain do this to me JFIEFJ but its ok because sometimes when I dream about her I am happy because I... am seeing what i've been missing. Idk. Grief is weird. If you read this and you're grieving im so sorry but i'm holding your hand and kissing it gently because even though it hurts so bad and will hut for forever (this is not a debate. it will always hurt.), there are still many things to be excited for and many feelings that feel so so so so much better than longing. And sometimes when I "remember" to miss, it makes me realize how ... powerful the good feelings are to have made me forget something so heavy. time, grief... life... weird. idk. tried to end it on a positive note!

#dont read unless u really really really want to see thhe sad ramblings #also #before you say anything #IM FINE #IM OKAY I PROMISE #ive just had these thoughts bubbling up and i.. have no where to put them at the moment #sorry for personal posting i really try not to but #this summer has been really hard for some reason :( #so many thoughts so many worried #worries #but its ok im okay :) #no need to worry about me #also.. you can interact if u want to but #i dont see why you would want to ffjjfi #anyways ok bye #personal

[teeelsie-posts]

what a day for a daydream 5 7 10

Ooo, an oldie!

5: What part was hardest to write? 

Honestly, the 10+K of frantic sex.  It’s hard to. Just. Keep. Writing. Sex.  For me anyway.  But I felt like the premise of the fic really required the visceral, raw depiction of what happened to them.

7: Where did the title come from?

In a literal sense, as I said in the notes, it comes from the song Day Dream by The Lovin’ Spoonful.  Why this song though?  Honestly, I didn’t even know this song beyond the refrain line, “What a day for a day dream…” and then the whistling part.  But for some reason, as I was beginning this fic, that little piece of the song became an earworm for me for literally no reason.  I hadn’t heard it or anything, it just popped into my head and then I kept humming it.  When I finally googled the lyrics after a few days, I saw the line “Tomorrow I’ll pay the dues for dropping my load”, and I was like, well, that’s kind of perfect isn’t it?  The whole experience is a bit of a nightmare (day dream) for Clint and Steve, but it’s also very much the after-effects that they have to keep paying for and which are equally bad. Idk, maybe I saw too much in it, but I knew instantly that was the fic title and couldn’t help wondering if somewhere deep deep in my memory, I knew those lyrics and my subconscious was trying to tell me something. 

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

At first, I was going to have it be Clint and Tony (I don’t remember why).  But then the idea to add the extra component of three-sided awkwardness popped into my head.  At the time, Clint/Coulson was by far the most common Clint pairing, so that seemed logical (and I like that ship) so I immediately changed tack and made it Steve instead of Tony because of the added component of Phil’s thing about Captain America.  It made it all the more angsty and I loved that! Also, I thought Steve’s sort-of newly-unfrozen-naiveté worked well with the whole premise and also piled on the angst!

Thanks for the ask, nonnie!

From the fic question asks here

#my fic #fuck or die #sex pollen #clint barton #hawkeye #fanfic

[theredpharaoah]

Finally watching Prey, and they pissin me. The only reason Naru was caught unawares was cuz Mr. Misogyny wouldn’t shut tf up. And Taabe’s talking about how he had to carry her back, y’all had to carry back two fully fledged hunters too, no? How you gon ask the newbie to kill what the veterans can’t as initiation? And she definitely speared that shit in the side while balancing on the branch of a weak ass tree. Give my sister her tens!

Mind you, the whole fucking hunt was sabotaged cuz the Predator big sloppy ass roaming around. He keep scaring the fucking animals and messing my sis up. And they not worried enough for me either! Baby, animals don’t skin and gut other animals. And bear tracks? Naru was like “that’s a big ass bear”, baby don’t even give these men that much. You know that’s not a bear’s foot. I don’t even hunt and I could clearly see that. Them LaCienega Boulevardez ass tracks - be serious! I feel like she was being sarcastic, but them dickheads probably didn’t even catch that.

And her mom get on my nerves too. Literally praying on Naru’s downfall. How you ya own daughter’s biggest opp? She can heal and hunt, clearly she already got her degree in the herbals n shit anyway. And let’s get into that, why was they tryna tell her how to do her job when they was carrying Puhi back? I’m sorry, I could’ve sworn I’m the only one who been sitting at home making medicine with my non-supportive mother. Do y’all got some healing knowledge I don’t? Oh, ok….

Anyways, idk if Comanche men still wearing the face paint, but if y’all are - imma need y’all to wear it out more(mind you, I don’t leave my house). The black face paint on the forehead did something visceral to me. I would literally just drop and start giving y’all throaty(consensually of course). Like idk that would probably look hard asl with some Rick Owens or a leather jacket or something. And the feathers? Yes. My only issue is that people gon try and see it as a trend to jump on instead of minding they damn business. I can see that shit now “I’m actually 4% Cherokee”. Lord. So I guess it’s probably not a good idea. I can dream tho.

#prey 2022