#idk what the fuck this is. idk what im fucking experiencing

[bignutspatrol]

Lowkey been going through the 5 stages of grief the past few months while realizing constant low level of dizziness + very easily motion sick + seeing stars if I blink too hard + bright lights making my ass unable to think+ memories when there's a bright light in it just being Shit (I have amnesia. I have a detailed diary. I have to do this.) is probably a sign something is not going very well for my body :))))

I... will have to see my doctor, probably, but how the Fuck do I even begin to approach this when I know my ass is not going to be believed . . . . .

#personal #i already have so much shit on my medical record. i already have to get my ass to the doc for whatevers going on with my joints #i.man #mannnnn #idk what the fuck this is. idk what im fucking experiencing #im no professional #this shit is confusing #but. ky ass is probably not okay!

[shadyhouse]

hey im sorry to ask for help again, i just dont know what else to do right now. im starting my new job today (just onboarding for now but im finding out my new schedule today and i'll be starting next week) and my bank account is currently at -23, i just had to pay my phone bill so that put me at -78. if anyone has anything to spare so i can get out of this hole itd be greatly appreciated 🙏 as soon as my new job starts i'll be able to get on track fairly quickly but my boss completely screwed me over with scheduling for my last few weeks of work, idk what im gonna do

pp: paypal.me/bewearrr

vnm: tobias_leviathan

thank you 💕 of course plz only help if you can afford to

#im trying not to be angry about my schedule but its hard not to when i need to work to live and my boss doesnt give a fuck #good thing this is my last week!!!!!! that was maybe one of the most toxic environments ive experienced at a job in years. #toxic in a way im not used to or experienced before #and now my finances are going to be in shambles for months bc my boss wanted to be petty. thats literally all this is #i hate the world. i still have bills to pay and im on the verge of getting my bank account closed bc it keeps getting overdrafted #idk what im gonna do. trying not to freak out its too early for a freakout but uuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhh

[kulliare]

yippeeee the dices

#this dice collection is so pretty but i’m giving most of it to my friends… #ive been playing dnd or pathfinder with this group for literal years and i’ve like spent so much time with them LOL #and i’m finally seeing some of them this summer #so this is the gift. i still have to get a set for the dm but like i think i’ve already spent ~200 on the dice here so im like oh my god #but im like fuck it lmao they have given me so much happiness lol 😭 #also since im already typing i was listening to one of the celebs from my hometown and sometimes it hits me how strange it is #tht i am vaguely interested in this man even though i literally like saw him for 5 seconds #he is like so incredibly famous #i know like 90% of people experience this but it does annoy me so much that i treat famous ppl diff in my brain differently even tho ik #they just want to be treated like normal people lmao 😭 #i think its bc my brain goes ‘oh theyre so loved i wish that were me!’ even tho theyre not really experiencing love #w the masses of ppl online #i have a headache from all the plum wine i drank but plum wine is soooo tasty guys #idk what they put in it #probably plum but wow it is so good. lol 😭 #i think i will let this headache go away for a little and then go to bed. gn everyone 🐈🐈

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #ladies... its lovesickness on the menu again tn NDNNDNDNDMDMDNDMDMDMDM #god help me #i made it like 29 years without this. why now NFNDNDNNDNDNDNDMD #like ok im happy to be experiencing this in the sense that like... now ik what it feels like to really like someone #but man oh man is it... A Lot #and like maybe its this intense at any age. but idk..... it feels like So Much..... #and im freaking out bc i talk to my mom about it ok. and shes like oh ya that reminds me of how i felt with ur dad in the beginning n im #just... like ... o #bc my parents were like friends first and are like in Love love and have a v happy marriage so im just #the... Potential of having that n like oh god idk. i just dont know its all too much...... #and im also like what if its all in my head. but then again like why is he waiting around for me n messaging me out of the blue. #i also caught him staring at me n looking away after i caught him. i just..... idk like i wanna Believe so bad but im so scared too........ #im all over the place JDJDDMDMDMDMDMDMDNJDND #but i also am just..... i'll be patient .... bc rushing is no good #like idk. i feel like things have been Moving. and its not super fast but its a pace i can handle #bc ok say i Do ask him out or he asks me.... then oh fuck. then all the Scary things happen. like ok not scary #i dint think itd be scary with him #but idk.... physical... things. would start happening n like. id l9ve to hold his hand n like k___ him ok OK. but at the same time i just.. #idk !!!!!!! im v shy !!!!!@@@@@ and ya. ....... idk 😭😭😭 #like i like him so much that i think id want him to .... i just .. ya idk. #getting kind of ahead of myself here but what else is new

[naamahdarling]

Asks

#slightly worrying test results today and no movement on getting to the root of what i assumed was a minor problem #so asks would be welcome #im trying not to freak out and mostly i am not #i am mostly the kind of not worried that is actually worried but keeping a lid on it effectively #mostly #okay sort of #we'll see how i do until thursday when i can get a little more information perhaps #humorously it is possible the issue is being caused by bedroom activities in which case that IS a relief but oh my god do you understand #my boyfriend is so fucking good in bed it is real mean to tell me to do it less vigorously #like the temptation is big time there idk what to tell you #you'd understand if you'd experienced it doc #another possibility is stress #which what the fuck do you do bout that except become a recluse

[ruthlesslistener]

listen I am about as pro-abortion as anyone can be, but aborting a baby just because they have Down's Syndrome should be fucking illegal. If you're someone who actively wants and is trying for a child, then you should be mentally, financially, and emotionally willing to provide for that child for the rest of your life if something goes wrong- because that is what being a good parent takes, and many many things can go wrong. Down's Syndrome is not at all close to the worst thing that can happen to a baby, and people with it can grow up to be happy, healthy, content adults- they just need a little bit of extra help and a different approach to raising them. If you just want a 'normal' child so that you can boot them out of your house when they turn 18 and have them around to take care of you when you're older, then you don't actually want children, you want an investment. A doll, not a family member. Not a person.

#the only exception to this would be people who cannot financially provide the aid for a baby with downs syndrom #but even then the government should be giving you money for childcare anyways soooo #context for this: i am a genetics major in a genetics class studying nondisjunction (the thing that leads to down syndrome) #and boy oh boy are some of the opinions im experiencing while studying making me mad!!!! #just. idk i think the reason why i got diagnosed autistic so late was bc my mom did an incredible job accomidating me when little #bc she didn't care that i needed extra help all she cared about was that i was healthy and safe #bc i'm her child #i'm *family* #and that's what you do!! you fucking care for your family!! #(provided they aren't abusive) #this is why autism moms piss me off so much too bc they dont actually WANT children they want the popularized experience of children #they want it easy and they don't see their kids as people. they just learn that they need a little different or extra help #and then bitch about it for all eternally #maam your child isnt sick they dont need a cure they are a PERSON that is a HEALTHY HUMAN BEING WITHIN NORMAL VARIANCE VALUES #TREAT THEM LIKE ONE FOR FUCK'S SAKE

[hecksupremechips]

Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩

#the klock keeps ticking #yttd #i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks #but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD #i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin #i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr #first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with #all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying #and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so #good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all #like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad #he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP #and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just #being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how #well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler #and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end #and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts #cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish #but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like #the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries #and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer #and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive #and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori #and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent #and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse #he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA #im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad #and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof #I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN #have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes

[jorvikzelda]

HANG ON. HAAAANG ON AM I OUT OF MY SAD BITCH TRENCHES

#??????????? #I PUT ON HAPPY MUSIC TO DO THE DISHES AND I FELT... IDK HAPPY AND GOOD AND ALIVE #IVE NEVER EXPERIENCED BEING AT PEACE WITH MYSELF BEFORE... THIS IS FUCKING.... REVOLUTIONARY #but also. am I out of my sad bitch trenches or am I just wearing overalls and put on happy music #also Physically doing the dishes made me uh WORSE im feeling feverish again now lmfao #thats what standing up and moving your arms for extended periods of time will do to a bitch with a cold #z talks #not horse game

[imaginarianisms]

more asoiaf comparisons, parallels & antiparallels to the first dance of the dragons vs the second & final dance of the dragons (& possibly the sixth blackfyre rebellion): the blacks being daenerys i targaryen's supporters, the golds being aegon vi targaryen's supporters, tommen baratheon being a close equivalent to gaemon palehair & his mother essie & sylvenna sand which may be interpreted as a parallel with queen cersei lannister & taena merryweather of myr, trystane truefyre being a close equivalent to aegon/young griff & perkin being jon connington & the shepherd being the new high septon the high sparrow, dalton greyjoy being euron i greyjoy's ancestor & the latter surpassing him, alyn waters later alyn velaryon resembling aurane waters later aurane velaryon & finishing what their ancestors started. history repeats itself.

#out of the galaxy. || ooc. #LIKE!!!! LOOK AT THE PARALLELS BRUH #it kinda makes me wonder who the hightowers would support this time... #its literally so wild how history repeats itself #i think the lannisters would support aegon after he takes king's landing bc they're lowkey fucked either way. #cersei lannister's probably either in hiding at casterly rock or will end up as aegon's political prisoner. maybe jaime too idk. #i have no idea who would lead the lannisters on the side of the golds now that kevan's dead killed by varys tho... maybe genna lannister? #cersei jaime & tyrion's aunt? to parallel johanna lannister who attacked the ironborn like a boss bitch?? #i personally predict aegon'll marry sansa who would have the north the riverlands & the vale at her back—it'd be arranged by baelish & varys #i also think it's possible he'd take arianne martell as another wife to parallel aegon & his wives visenya & rhaenys. #so by taking sansa & arianne as his wives & queens both of whom are well beloved in their countries he'd restore honor to their houses. #bc aerys & later the baratheon dynasty was a terrible time for the starks & the martells so he brings the north & dorne back into the fold. #so by marrying sansa he honors & respects her given her past betrothal to joffrey & forced marriage to tyrion & mending what aerys did #particularly to her grandfather rickard stark & her uncle brandon stark & to her aunt lyanna stark. #& by marrying arianne he's restoring honor to house martell considering all the bs his mother elia martell experienced in king's landing. #(whether elia actually Is his mother or who he perceives her to be) & restoring the line of succession again in dornish hands #& they'd probably marry him on the condition that the northerners & dornish gets special rights & privileges that others don't. #& not to mention that the targaryens starks & martells have a common enemy. #polygamy's a big nono in the faith of the seven but that didn't stop aegon & his wives & im sure after everything w/ the faith rn?? #w/ cersei & the sparrows?? & considering aegon's actually a decent person & he'll be foreshadowed to be popular & loved?? #i don't think most would bat an eye tbh. i actually think daenerys would wanna talk to aegon first tho. #then everything & everyone around them goes to shit & they end up fighting bc like. daenerys wants SO BADLY to have a family. #so like i don't see her immediately perceiving aegon as a threat. #the starks & most of the north would prolly be wary of dany @ 1st due to aerys & having a MASSIVE army w/ three dragons until the long night #except for like. maybe jon. but anyway the martells could be slightly wary of dany bc of what happened with quentyn in meereen. #idk maybe there's a division in the north & dorne. i think sansa & arianne would actually get along personally. #anyway im presuming stannis is gonna be at the nightfort & i personally don't think he's ever gonna come south again. he'll die at the wall.

[cyeayt]

Back on my bullshit answer my questions

while doing some rudimentary research for this poll it has come to my attention that pins and needles are a feeling felt while the limb is asleep, not the period of intense sensation/tingling/sensitivity experienced while it comes back online. or maybe it's both? the stuff i read referred to it as tingling that happens while the limb is pinned/under pressure/numb. i cannot find anything that references what i have come to think of as "the agony" but ive referred to it as the pins and needles in the options for this poll anyway.

Mild: limb has muted sensation but can be moved and used carefully, pins and needles begin almost immediately after limb is moved from whatever position caused it to fall asleep. Pins and needles not painful and do not appear painful, and last a few seconds, person affected is capable of speech and moving other parts of their body during pins and needles, which last a few seconds.

Middle intensity: limb is numb or partially numb and can twitch but not be moved precisely. Pins and needles begin a few seconds after limb is unpinned or when it is moved. Pins and needles not painful but intense and appear uncomfortable, taking a lot of the affected person's attention/capacity. they last between 5 and 7 seconds.

Intense: limb is numb and cannot move/be used, pins and needles begin 5-7 seconds after the limb is unpinned. pins and needles are intense and may be painful or not painful but 'unbearable', causing the affected person to cry out, grimace, or otherwise appear to be in pain. Person cannot speak or move their other limbs during pins and needles, which last 10 or more seconds (without shaking) and have residual tingling for a few seconds after limb regains movement/becomes bearable to move

obviously this all depends on how long the limb was pinned but just answer whichever is the most common for you, and if you want you can put in the tags what positions make your limbs go numb/how you deal.

#polls #poll #tell me your secrets #idk i was just shaking out my hand but im sick/tired rn so i was actively crying out and was thinking #that limbs falling asleep/pins and needles are a very common and intensely unpleasant experience #and its kinda fuckin weird that we as a society dont talk about it more #and that it can be brushed off or be a single line in books n stuff #and like theres a lot of things that get done dirty in books for how intense/scary/dangerous they are irl #like the first time i got the wind knocked out of me and thought i was dying cause its only ever described as #getting the wind knocked out of you #rather than you can't feel the air coming in and out of your lungs #and the only way you can tell youre not dying is that you aren't experiencing air hunger #which can happen when you are dying in certain situations so fuck if i know #and like headrush like i see new colors/lose track of reality/twitch or faint when its real bad and in books its always like #a bout of dizzyness or some shit #and before i get called out yea i know what an iron deficiency is #also rip to all book characters who've been knocked out for several hours after a head injury or passed out from blood loss lol #anyway #then theres shit like my psycosomatic faux asthma symptoms or swallowing issure or the foot thing that are unique to me as far as i can tel #and boy howdy does that suck shit #but to conclude #bodies are weird why dont you tell me how yours works.

[barkingangelbaby]

I feel like such a broken fucking person lol

I talked way too much in the tags don't read them

#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!! #been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust #i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short #i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways #i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and #i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc #we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk. #i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus #t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do #n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on #being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it #I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her #like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky #i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up #i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on #like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything #idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions #today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others #i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day #rAMbles

[pepprs]

my anxiety is unbelievably fucking bad rn. i am so scared

#purrs #delete later #ask to tag #(​putting slashes thru things so that they don’t show up in search btw) #i have no right to be scared bc im not there. but im so scared for the people of ga/za. and i am so scared that… idk. it’s completely my #fault bc i go looking for these kinds of things on purpose to hurt myself. but i doomscrolled last night about ww/3 and the possibility of #nu/clear war being fueled by is/rael’s ‘war’ on pale/stine and not only am i sick with fear about the people living directly in that region #but i am so fucking scared of the possibility of nu/clear war. or like. any war breaking out in the us. which i know is a ridiculous self #centered thought to have but my anxiety is out of fucking control rn and it has been getting worse throughout the week. i just don’t know #how to wrap my head around the violence of this week. and so few je/wish ppl i know irl are antizi/onist and ppl just expect me to be #supportive of is/rael jsut bc im je/wish and it makes me fucking FURIOUS not only because i resent these horrors being committed to innocent #people in the name of my own people but it is so extremely dangerous to conflate j/udaism with zi/onism. the consequences diasporic je/ws #are goi ng to face are of course nowhere near as central or all-consumingly violent as the people in gaz/a and i feel personally safe enough #as someone who (and i know this is kind of a terrible thing to say) passes very easily as a go/y (esp w a mask on) and has a g/oy last name #but i am so fucking terrified of the antise/mitism getting worse here and have been exposing myself to evidence of it even though it is #extremely destructive to my mental health. but also i deeply resent the rhetoric around ‘reach out to your j/ewish friends they’re suffering #rn’ because…. we are not a monolith nor are we the direct victims in this situation and it just feels so uncomfortable and centering to make #it an issue of silence etc etc when… there are innocent ppl in g/aza who are experiencing terror no human being should ever have to endure #and most of them are children and they are the people who will ‘pay’ most directly and immediately and severely for what happened a week ago #i just feel so fucking on edge from this entire situation and unable to do anything to help when the destruction is imminent and this #nightmare of a country is at the core of so much suffering in this world and it will take centuries to undo it all and in the meantime so #many innocent people are going to die and maybe the entire world will be destroyed by nu/clear war which we are basically begging for at #this point. it’s so hard to function in my personal life when i am keenly aware of what could be happening at any moment #i don’t know how to end this post. im just fucking scared and there’s nothing i can do

[evenstarfalls]

Each character's top choice at the poll's conclusion will be their move. I am very curious to see if this works out and I enjoy pitting characters against each other so

#vicious #villains series #ve schwab #eli ever #victor vale #villains duology #vengeful #evervale #villains #this is so unhinged of me idk what the fuck im doing #our fandom is rotting from no content and I'm experiencing symptoms

[manaosdeuwu]

they come and preach to us about 'argentina is white' 'argentina is racist' and don't look at their own history & present. we know better than anyone about how strong racism is here!! those affected by it live through it every day, you can easily see it in your day to day life and we learn about most of the genocides at school. we have the biggest jewish community in Latin America, a big muslim community, many people of different native tribes, afroargentines, etc. all of this data is easy to find with a quick research. you're not fucking helping by reproducing white supremacists discourse. who do you think benefits from the 'white argentina' idea?

#there's not a single country that doesn't systematically oppress a big group of people #girl use your fucking brain a bit. #do you go to brazilians and reproduce what bolsonaro says at them? #do you go to usamericans and tell them they're a white country? #sick and tired of seeing the same discourse every time my country is brought up #we are so much more than the racists that live here #aside from all the poc that already lived here before the big immigration waves more and more people from places all over the world came!! #idk if im putting this into the right words and i cannot talk about experiencing racism firsthand since im white but i needed to get it out #my father is Not White almost none of my coworkers would be considered white by outsiders‚ you walk 1km from the richer parts of - #cities and you can See how many people are anything other than white. #nero habla

[jarvis-cockhead]

i still kind of believe that one of my past consciousnesses had sex with james hunt i wont lie

#also as a child to understand the concept of death i had to like. ok so i couldn't fathom a consciousness dying and disappearing #so i imagined it just jumped to another person. no memory of what was before . you just are someone different #i still find myself believe this acc whenever i feel like dying. im like ok but what if i jump ship to something better. what if its worse #what else happens?? it cant just End surely #i dont believe in reincarnation in the sense that these ships are all one person #i just think the consciousness gets recycled maybe #like switching tv channels #i got laughed at when i told someone this a few years back and idk why #i get the whole process up until the very point of nothing. but nothing cant exist. there has to be something #you cant experience nothing. and if you arent experiencing nothing then youre experiencing something #you see the logic??? it made sense to me when i was 8 anyway #anyway i used to be tuned into the channel of someone who fucked that stupid man i think #with the way i dont react like a normal human being or even like myself when i see him

[lildoodlecat]

h

#ive been finally trying meds for my adhd and i think current one is working but #if im not super productive every day i feel bad #bc this is supposed to help #but idk what's a reasonable amount of productivity when it's finals and ive been rawdogging life up to this point #are the meds actually helping or am i just experiencing adhd stress response. who knows!!! #are they not working or am i burned out!! who knows!!!!!!!!! #i did just finish being extremely fucking stressed and working all day every day to stay caught up #so maybe i deserved to do fuck all this last weekend #but it feelsbad #idk im doing so much different from usual i cant tell if thats bc of the meds or if it wouldve gone like this anyway #man. #i feel like it's making me change plans unexpectedly more and it's fucking me up #or mahbe im just doing that #idk. ill see how i am after finals #there's too much to do and im way too small i wish i could just nap and read and play games for a bit #but my ps3 is still dead and i cant replace it until june or later probably #i have other games but i wanna play tales #and finish the sotc playthrough i was in the middle of #also i still have finals #;-;