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shattered-catalyst · 5 years

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So this isnt for anything other than just to say what happened just so I feel heard and I can explain why I cant be as energetic and socially active on here. Its not a callout post or to be reblogged/shared by people. Its not to get anyone in trouble or to cause any reaction. It’s just for me to let it out and reclaim this space again. Its been a year since it happened and I guess I’m just still noticing how badly it has impacted my PTSD. How much its changed me as a person both online and off, and this isnt a woe as me thing either this is just me feeling a need to be heard and explain my own behavior over the year and also to make one simple request of you guys: no matter what you do, always treat your rp partners as people first and writers second.

Because I feel myself becoming bitter and that isnt who I am and I dont want to be someone like that. Or like this. I want to be me again

The person who did this wont be named mainly because they dont deserve it and yall dont need to know. Their behavior when I confronted them more than cements the impression that they dont see any harm in what they said and how they reacted. And again this isnt about them though In A Way I suppose it is? it takes two to tango but it takes one to encourage someone to kill themselves.

This is going to be long because I need to inform on the activity that lead up to this because it didnt just happen over night- though in a way it did. But you need a better picture of this person because apparently they present a really great face that only a few of us see the manipulative and toxic side of.

This person was always very judgemental and hyper critical. I witnessed a lot of very negative and toxic behavior from them but I was naive and just hoped they would mature as they grew older and gained more independence. I thought it was just a toxic friend group and that perhaps she would recognize her self destructive and immature behavior and grow from it.

My first red flag should have been when they accused me of being their ex girlfriend SOLELY because I was living in PA. I hate to break it to yall, but PA is a big ass state and has a lot of comic book loving ladies. Thankfully I have never met this person IRL and I hope I never do.

They tried to pull me into making fun of other muns on discord, including mocking sensitive pictures from a mun’s personal blog. I blatantly said it wasnt okay and made me uncomfortable and she continued laughing and making jokes about it with her friend group on discord. She kept trying to pull me into it no matter how often I tried to change the subject.

Her group of friends also did this thing where one of them would go interact with a mun an they would take screenshots of the convo and share it with the group and mock the mun they were interacting with. Whether it be their presentation of character/grahics/writing style/ etc.

The other red flags I ignored? How much she complained and mocked other muns and compared them to me; if anyone did anything or said anything she disagreed with it was an instant blow up. She took EVERYTHING personally including other people writing the same characters she did, having differing headcanons, not knowng obscure details about canon, etc.

She once tried to make fun of a new writing partner I had who was writing the same character, and I had to break it to her that this new person could write in her first language if she wanted to; im being very vague but let me just say if you and your character have the same first language and you want to write in it then its completely WRONG for a white mun to try and make fun of you for it.

She once suggested I had stolen pictures off her pinterest when she sent me a moodboard request for my character. Jokes on her I didnt even know she HAD a pinterest and I had gotten all my pictures from the ‘green aesthetic’ tag on tumblr. Which I told her but she kept pushing the idea on me I had stolen them. I of course dismissed this and put it on the back burner despite the alarm bells going off.

This hyper critical and paranoid behavior continues with everything from other canon blogs making similar head canons/ vaguely similar graphics/ to fanfiction authors having similar head canons/plot ideas.

My penname Citrus? I didnt want one. I didnt want it. She demanded I have a pen name and if not she was going to call me Cat. Now as yall know I dont like being enmeshed with my muse so I keep myself separate from them. I didnt like being called Cat and I told her that explicitly. She kept doing it. So I had to make a pen name because she refused to respect my boundaries.

When the Deadpool movie came out she DEMANDED I change my FC to reflect the movie Despite Not Changing Hers to reflect her own characters new look - which might i add is fat erasure. It was clear then that the rules and standards she held other people to didnt apply to herself. I was labeled problematic for not giving into her demands to change FCs (which I have a literal logical reason for not changing and im not explaining that here)

So I shouldve left. Long story short I didnt because every friendship I’d been in until around this time had been abusive and toxic. I thought this was all normal behavior for people to have and I was convinced I was just being critical of someone elses opinions/ insensitive etc. Thanks to my colleagues in graduate school and to several of you on here I learned that ‘hey dumbass friends dont treat your ass like this’.

Im leaving a lot out about the shit she did/said to me but those snippets give you an idea of things.

Leading up she decided to leave fandom and asked we didnt talk about marvel I said cool okay and didnt talk about marvel with her. If I did I would ask first if she was okay if we talked about one small aspect I thought might excite her/ she would like to know about but it wasnt often that happened because she began ghosting me. Hard. She stopped replying to me at all over discord when I would try and talk to her how we used to about our lives. She didnt answer any asks for munday or character development, in fact she blatantly ignored me.

I checked in a couple times with her to make sure I hadnt done anything to make her uncomfortable and she said no. May I emphasize she said no here. Im emphasizing it right now. She said no. She said everything was fine. So when I was like hey dude this is super triggering for me can you send me like a hi every once in awhile just so I can know we’re okay because its super triggering for me. Yall know what she did? She ‘lmao’-ed. she thought that was hecka funny. Yeah triggering ‘Citrus’ is hilarious isnt it? No it isnt and I shouldve cut her ass off right then and there.

Heres where shit gets confusing: she kept fucking talking about marvel to me. Id get messages at random times about marvel and then silence for weeks. I vividly remember during this period I was cleaning the museum vault and she kept messaging me about her marvel fc’s and how she wouldnt get a plotline and how characters were wrong etc.

I remember being REALLY confused because she had said NO MARVEL. But here she was bitching at me about marvel. In fact thats all she did when she did talk to me. Which was only like three or four times during the ghosting time period. She’d bitch about marvel and then vanish.

Shed make claims about not watching her dash and thats why she never responded to me/ interacted with me. She’d say she wasnt talkng to anyone while I see her on the dash TALKING TO PEOPLE and Id like to point out Ive told her I would be fine ending anything as long as she let me know.

but she followed me on every blog and throughout this time period she made and followed me on numerous ones. She kept reaching out sporadically to bitch about her fcs/how horrible marvel was/ and thats it.

It was extremely confusing because if someone doesnt want to talk to me I assume they will; 1. unfollow 2. block 3. say goodbye 4. ghost and stay ghosted.

Not cycle through behavior rapidly. I asked her a few times if we were good and that I was confused and I got another ‘lmao’ reaction so I assumed we were good. At this point I still have no idea what was going on/ what message I was supposed to be receiving other than confusion.

So following this is heavily suicide tw and I encourage you not to read this part and to scroll down until the suicide tw is over which is highlighted in bold- if you’re triggered by that because I care about those who follow my blog.

So thats when this shit happened. I had tried reaching out to her on a different fandom platform to try and maintain the friendship. Because she said numerous times that we were friends. So like I reached out thinking maybe she just didnt want a marvel blog period. It wasnt too long after that that she suicide baited me.

I was in a really bad place and had been for awhile and when I posted about how the only thing holding me on was the new comic coming out and specifically said “im seriously suicidal and this comic is the only thing giving me hope #idk what to do anymore ”. I was surprised when she liked the post.

I was three steps into a four step plan. I had everything but the method planned out and was just waffling along with that. Because yknow its complicated and you do it you make it count amiright. Right. I was in a fucked up place. I had just realized I was gay, I was horrendously depressed, I was in considerable physical pain, I was working 70 hours a week, my OCD was at an all time high and the only thing that kept me on this earth was a fucking comic book. You hold onto what you need to yknow?

WELL APPARENTLY NOT

Because this person who doesnt read her dash? This person who doesnt want to talk about anything? Liked that post where I specifically stated I was suicidal and sent me a discord message saying “dont have hope”.

Thats all it said “dont have hope”

Now I know what youre thinking but hold on because it gets worse.

I said something about being confused I dont really remember because I was pretty out of it. I do remember she kept going on about how horrible the comic would be and that it would be a piece of trash. I remember telling her I was really numb and in a bad place and couldnt feel anything. I remember her sending me screencaps and continuing to go ON AND ON about how it wasn’t worth reading.

I remember with gross intensity how someone who said they were my friend was taking away the only thing that was keeping me alive.

I dont remember how the conversation ends. I called out of work for the next three days. I was catatonically depressed and unable to really move. I didnt eat either. I went to internship, work, and school in a state of dissociation.

I took screencaps of everything and set them aside for later. IDK what I was going to use them for but I set them in a folder on my desktop, looking back I regret what I did next; because I deleted them. I deleted them because I thought maybe she had been manic or drunk and hadn’t realized the scope of what was happening. I wanted to talk to her about it and clear things up because I believed in her. I believed there was no way she would be so callous as to do that on purpose. No way would someone try and get someone they called a friend to kill themselves. So I deleted the screencaps and my post on tumblr. I deleted all evidence to protect her and I encourage you all never to fucking do that even if you think that person misunderstood the gravity of your situation. Because if you’re wrong no ones going to believe you.

I remember shifting between intense depression and total denial.

I spent the rest of that month in and out of intense dissociative states when I wasnt in class or working with my clients. During the middle of October my sister sent me pictures of a litter of puppies and I was like ‘well, i really need to either kill myself or make sure i dont’. I spent a few days continuing to waffle with that decision but then i remembered my mom cosigned my loans and I cant leave her with that debt because fuck we cant even afford my funeral to begin with. So I adopted a dog, I named him Julio to remind me to keep living and he finally came to me on halloween.

He was the only reason I left bed on my days off. I tried not to think about it but I did.

I continued to spiral with heavier dissociative episodes and vivid nightmares about it.

SUICIDE TW OVER

I waited until Christmas to ask her to clarify the situation and let her know I no longer felt comfortable writing with her. I reminded her what happened and told her to check her discord if she wanted to see for herself etc.

She sent two long asks of combative, emotionally abusive, and gaslighting accusations. The first thing she did was say I needed to provide evidence if I went around making accusations like that. Then she cascaded into how I always talked about marvel *points up to where i explained what happened earlier*. She tried gaslighting me like a champion and tried turning me into a horrible person the only problem is everything she was accusing me of doing was the shit she was doing to me. Everything.

Even if I was bad at any time I had given her numerous chances to tell me I was overstepping a boundary- she always said no. I gave her numerous times to unfollow me if she wasnt interested in interacting with me- she never did. In fact I had unfollowed her that month because of her behavior towards me and she hadnt even noticed.

I let her know I could tell she was angry, and that I didnt take receipts of private conversations because I believed in settling things like adults, and that if she ever wanted any proof it was all in her discord anyway. I let her know she could contact me to apologize but otherwise I didnt want her on any of my blogs and I told her the first thing she should have done wasnt demand receipts but she should have asked if I was okay. Its a real reflection of where her priorities were when she demands evidence rather than checks to see if a writing partner is okay.

Even if I did something horrible it doesnt warrant someone trying to get me to end my life.

I was notified she put a post on her blog apologizing to her followers for being a bad friend and that she was a horrible person and ofc everyone was like ‘noooo youre perfect’ and its like ya thats not for me who hasnt followed her in months- thats to save face.

Her friends blogs kept visiting my profile and going through the month where this happened.

Everything she did and said was to save face. Her blog and her reputation are the only thing she cared about. She has never approached me to apologize or anything of the sort and I doubt she ever will. I would hope she would never do this again and I hope she has grown as a person since. That her life is better and her mother is okay, that shes happy and learning.

I know by posting this I will never receive an apology- then again i never expected one to begin with. I could go through all the trouble of restoring the deleted files but to be honest it isnt worth it because theres no room in my life for that type of toxicity.

Since this happened I:

I have stronger episodes of depression and dissociation since.

My PTSD has increased and I have week long spikes in anxiety attacks, depression and decreased self worth if I even see her around the rpc despite being blocked, blacklisted on xkit etc.

Have more difficulty completing basic self care tasks due to an increase in depression and a decrease in self worth.

I have nightmares about this event and her to this day a year later.

I cannot interact with the RPC how I once did as I fear seeing her on my dash or any sort of information getting back to her about me.

It took me half a year to see the character she wrote as as safe again and for awhile I couldnt even look at him without experiencing an anxiety attack.

I keep having nightmares. Its been a year and I still have nightmares about this.

I find myself having more difficulties connecting with people online especially on this blog. I’m constantly on edge when interacting with people and I feel spikes of anxiety at the merest thought of someone talking about me to her.

I find myself unable to have confidence as a writer or creator online because I have been reminder of the cement wall between oc characters and their canon counterparts.

I cannot go out and just follow anyone and be friendly and trusting with them anymore, even with people I already know. In the back of my mind is a constant reminder of how she and her friends used to check up on people and pretend to write with them/ interact with them just to take screenshots of conversations to share with the group. I have become a paranoid little bitch in the past year is what Im saying. like theres 0 need for that shit.

I blocked most of the people she interacted with simply to save myself from being triggered by her blogs/ mentions of her and that isnt fair to those people.

I remember the photo incident and how people derived such joy from mocking someones body. I can think of so many incidents of them making fun of others and I remember how that could be happening about me rn, and I wonder if anyone would stick up for me like I did for the other mun.

I hope by posting this I can try and return to the person I was before this happened. I can try and not be so bitter and reach out again to others. That somehow I can continue working on making tumblr a safe place for me again and not a PTSD laced minefield.

I would like to remind this isnt a callout and I request if you know who this is about you dont say anything to them. This isnt for them. They have NEVER reached out to apologize for their actions. They have NEVER checked to see if I was okay after that. They have NEVER shown any remorse for encouraging me to kill myself and while I hope they’ve grown from the situation and will never do it again I doubt I will ever get closure from such an event. But i DO hope by writing this I can take this place back.

Consider this my first step towards bringing this up to a therapist.

Consider this another step to me taking this blog back and feeling safer here; and maybe just maybe Ill make up a cool pen name for myself and own that shit.

If you’ve read this far thank you for your patience with me, and I request you always treat your writing partners like the people that they are.

This post is not intended or written to leave this blog and therefore I request you not reblog it or share segments of it with ANYONE. If I find you have shared anything on here without my explicit permission I will block you.

‘Citrus’

#suicide tw #gaslighting tw #emotional abuse tw

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johnnythirteenguns · 6 years

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just seen justice league (this isnt spoiler free at all)

also went to thor: ragnarok for the third time to wash the taste out.

so i went to go see it for miller, momoa, and mera in that order. i was super impressed with mera. i thought they were gonna go the like easy way and give her an Accent like the amazons, but they didnt. even though her cadence was different like idk man i know very little about dc but i picked up a one-shot earlier this year where mera neatly beats the fuck out of the justice league on her own and she’s a semi-jerk who kind of hates surface dwellers and you know what for the thirty seconds we had her onscreen i believed it and she was powerful and felt like a character with backstory and i COMPLETELY didnt hear what aquaman was saying i just heard her side of the conversation

man ben affleck really doesnt wanna be here huh anyway we should recast him at the earliest convenience

also why was batman 90% CGI like fine i get it no one can be a gymnast in a 50 lb rubber suit but like every single one of his moves that required any bending had to have been cgi

speaking of which the cgi isnt like bad in and of itself it’s just typical like it’s the cgi youre used to seeing. it doesnt blend seamlessly into anything and the characters dont blend seamlessly into it. the cornfield looks fake as can fucking be and i dont really know why? what else there was another fucking weird cgi moment. anyway, steppenwolf is ugly as sin and has no emotion and is all one color and is??? generally weird looking

speaking of which. he is not frightening at all. the New Gods isnt something casual dc fans are gonna be familiar with (i am barely familiar with it) and like? apparently, darkseid was supposed to have scenes in this but didnt? anyway go see thor ragnarok which features 1) a horned villain that is legitimately terrifying and powerful, that you fully believe can do the things she does, and who is beautifully designed and 2) features glow-y eyed masses of disposable soldiers that are cool but goofy and dont take themselves too seriously but were still frightening and made for thrilling fights because you believed they could actually pose a threat to the characters they were attacking

the beginning... uh i think like three scenes of the film looked pretty good, but they looked like cutscenes. very GOOD cutscenes, but honestly... if i wanted it to look like this id have played... a video game. like, i want it to look like a real place even if it’s heavily stylized. uh but the first showdown where batman is luring a parademon out looks beautiful if fake as shit. the scene with wondy in the bank (which features a group of girls from an all-girls school... at a bank?) and terrorists wearing cheap pinstripe suits (like, this is fine! it’s nonsensical and stupid but fine it’s a comic book movie) was kind of cool because for once i felt like... maybe diana was a creative person who goes in wit ha strategy? like picking the dude up with the lasso and holding him up was fun i was like oh!!! thats not something a typical movie would do! it was the first time she felt like Wonder Woman to me (ive seen the wondy movie itself, it was... eh). uh and idk what was up with the standing on the scales of justice or whatever idk the hilarity of gal gadot on that statue which sits on top of a bank like. it was funny.

hey question what the uh... fuck was the “what are you” “a believer” line about it made zero sense in context at all

dont quote me on the order of scenes i dont remember fuck all of this movie in order because literally, the pacing was so weird. so... it was very obvious there were parts missing from the movie. not like, cuts made where you could be like oh there was something there or maybe there'll be a deleted scene no like you Knew there was stuff that was necessary that was gone. the football scenes with victor from the trailers were gone!!! i think the movie was trying to set up a really strong friendship with wonder woman and cyborg but it never really went anywhere? and i suspect because it all got cut! and i dont understand why because ray did a really good job and he sold cyborg to me so well i loved his take!

also... i dont know if theyre saving it for the aquaman movie next year but did Arthur get a bunch of his stuff cut too? because i like jason momoa, and i like his arthur and so im sort of torn because, like, he didnt have much to do. like, he has the bit where he sits on wonder woman’s lasso of thruth and tells them all this stuff but you dont know enough about him for any of it to land? but i really wanted to know more (at some point i did give up on, this was a very passive viewing experience). my friend was saying that like literally why did they try to make arthur so Cool he’s already jason momoa he is by default cool now you can do whatever you want with him we’re all going to love him.

speaking of the lasso scene... was the entire last half of the movie re-writen and re-shot by whedon because like? the lasso scene is a whedon. the bit at the end where wondy goes “children. i work with children” is a whedon (THERE’S NO REASON FOR HER TO SAY THIS? I THINK THIS WHEN SHE HAS TWO TEAM MEMBERS LIKE LAYING ON THE GROUND AFTER NEARLY BEING BLON UP? IT WAS FUCKING WEIRD). i genuinely cant tell if all of barry’s dialogue was written by whedon or if that was ezra improvising but uh... man he’s... he needs to practice if that’s hm. if it’s just whedon i mean fine but he also doesnt have the shitty RDJ quality thats let’s him say those lines with believability.

speaking of which, going to see barry was my priority because apparently im gay for miller rn so like. uh. man he wasnt funny like there were a couple parts where he was cute and the line landed and it was fine but generally he just... wasnt funny? because the movie wasnt funny? like... idk man ezra really acting his heart out and ive said like cool i wanna follow his career and see if he does good stuff and gets even better at his stupid art but maybe he peaked with credence barebone i dont know. the first scene where we meet barry, with the flash pad and the pizza, that was good, that was funny. the bit at the prison was good. he has very soft eyes and thats nice. the panic attack is cute in the clip and the beginning like rhrgrh moment he has is good but then idk the pacing falls apart again

why is his character like this? i just dont think ezra’s... funny enough yet. (tbh i think he takes it too seriously even if he’s trying to be light-hearted man sometimes jokes is just jokes). there’s a bit where theyre digging up superman’s body and it’s JUST HIM AND CYBORG FOR UH? SOME REASON? maybe they explained why they sent the two babies but i didnt hear it and it’s literally just them two. and he tries to fistbump victor but vic is like “no” and tbh barry is annoying? like maybe u think he’s cute and an audience member but he’s uh... you can tell he’s annoying in the story and anyway then the flash says “right, racially charged” ABOUT A FISTBUMP? WHICH? LITERALLY MADE NO SENSE? WAS THIS LINE IMPROVISED? WAS IT WRITTEN? IM GONNA PUT MONEY ON IMPROVISED BECAUSE HE IS EXACTLY THAT KIND OF STUPID BITCH

if they were breaking into the lab why even bother going through the front door? barry drives the thing in (theyre trying to smuggle superman’s body into star labs) disguised a soldier (the literally most unconvincing thing, not to me as an audience member, because it was cute and funny to me,, but that a guy with THAT FACE is military like yeah sure, why did that guard believe him) but then they get to like the normal ass parking inside and the other three are standing there in full costume in full grey DC-brand daylight? are you telling me between 5/6ths of the justice league they couldnt sneak in a fucking pine box when wonder woman can lift a fucking tank on her own? like.

speaking of which uh.... superman is stupidly overpowered. like i said i read an issue of JL where mera hands every one of the justice league members their own gently roasted ass in hand on her fucking own. diana regularly kicks superman in the head. why was she not able to take him down? when theyre fighting steppenwolf for real it’s not until superman shows up that they even have a real fighting chance. they dont fight as team, they dont even fight as people casually unified in a common cause. theyre playing high-stakes legos and cyborg gets pulled away from them like three times?? and it gets fucking annoying? and then supes shows up and literally wipes the floor with him. it is so completely bizarre and stupid.

here’s a problem i still have with wonder woman: why is she so thin? the other amazons (except Hippolyta and maybe one other one) look built as FUCK? LIKE THESE WOMEN COULD EASILY TOSS ME ACROSS THE ROOM. wonder woman has serious fucking arms, where are they

also those amazon bikinis were bad. the whole styling of this movie is bad, but especially the amazons. everything is red and gold, for some reasons? the outfits dont looks heavy like armor, they look heavy like bullshit material. there is no reason for the fucking bikinis. the gold cloak hippolyta wears is??? heavy and looks like? like drapes like window dressing like thats the weight of it. additionally, there is no reason for their hair to be SO STYLED. it’s really like prom night hair it’s like shiny and muss free and always loose and in perfect clearly salon-styled curls. also, why are they so heavily made up? it’s really prominent. wondy herself has the same issue going on, she looks much more heavily made up (why is everyone’s blush so PINK, like it's distracting, is this a side effect of the recoloring process) and her hair isnt loose and doing its thing like in BVS or Wonder Woman it’s like... idk she looks really. Pretty when she’s on the field and it makes no sense.

the amazon fighting style is still ugly and makes no sense ive never seen such a wasteful fighting style it made sense exactly once during Wonder Woman

why is themyscira entirely the ugliest cgi i have ever fucking scene

why does the camera INSIST ON MOVING LIKE THAT. the action is super hard to track, the cgi is ugly as fuck (it really cannot be overstated)... i made it to about... i want to say when theyre on the way to the big fight and then the combined everything gave me a heaache that o had for the rest of the movie

i mentioned earlier that the pacing is weird the transitions are also weird. you get cuts to and from places that never fade into each other, it’s always a hard jump cut but it’s never the right cut to make? like, in thor ragnarok for example, there are a bunch of scene changes that happen via the bifrost, via people going through doors. there are wide shots that jump to wide shots in other places, so youre not suddenly on a close-up. there are a lot of people emerging from something into view, and there are a lof of people being alone in the center of the frame. it’s a very smooth and easy to watch movie. JL is the opposite of this in every way. I SUSPECT. AGAIN. THAT WHILE THIS WOULDNT HAVE BEEN FIXED ENTIRELY. THAT THOSE EXTRA TWENTY MINUTES THAT WERE CUT WERE PROBABLY REALLY IMPORTANT

the lois lane bit where she calms supes down just reminded me of the age of ultron and i quoted “sun’s going down” at my friends who were with me and they shit themselves laughing

ma kent calls lois lane “thirsty” in a Hilarious Teen Humor Gag thanks joss whedon you fucking hack

bruce wayne is fucking useless he could have got barry ANY JOB EVER and like... my god whatever.

also i still dont understand how how voice sounds like that when he’s batmanuh the after after credits scene is setting up, according to my friend, a sinister six movie. deathstroke isnt played by manu bennett so it’s fucking usless thanks for coming to my ted talk

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comicteaparty · 5 years

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November 8th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on November 8th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Anacrine Complex by Sae.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Anacrine Complex by Sae~! (http://pigeoncomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

RebelVampire

i liked the whole sequence in Lee's head. illustrative wise it was really creative and had so much subtle detail that helped breathe that sense that they were not in the real world. not to mention the color balance really leaves you feel kind of ominous

ShaRose49

What criticism? Man, I agree! I loved the sequence in his head, it was cooler to me than Inside Out in many ways cause it reminded me more of my own head

I think Lee was my favourite but Ben was so funny he reminded me of Hinayana from Haikyuu

Superjustinbros

Hello there~

ShaRose49

Hinata

Is what I meant to say

Hi!

Superjustinbros

Pleasure to be here ^^

ShaRose49

My favourite scene was probably the scene in Lee’s mind too-but I also loved the Jujitsu scene, and the scene at the beginning with Ben and Lee and the explosion

The pleasure is all ours

And I just found out that I have nowhere to be this evening so I’ll probably be chatting more than I thought

RebelVampire

fantastic

Superjustinbros

http://pigeoncomic.com/page/4

Looking through, I found this one charming

ShaRose49

It was a ton of fun

RebelVampire

i think ben is my favorite. cause while hes not as serious or practical as lee (which lee is a precious angel), i like how he has to basically interpret everything as a game. and i think they just make him really unique and entertaining

i like ben and lee as a package though. i think they have an interesting personality mesh that isnt quite perfect for drama but isnt quite completely opposite so they can work together and achieve common goals. like its that perfect blend of subtle awesome that not a lot of comics can achieve

Superjustinbros

http://pigeoncomic.com/post/170447488832/spider-ben-spider-ben-does-whatever-a-spider-ben This one was also good, the effects especially.

ShaRose49

Yeah I think characters were this comic’s greatest strength, which is the most important part of a story to me

AAAH that was great

Superjustinbros

Oh yes

Characters mean lots to me

Of you write them well and provide enough side-material to back them up

RebelVampire

yes that was definitely a fun scene. in general i like how the powers are visually depicted. i think it was a great choice to give them all diff colors schemes and aesthetics. it makes them stand out and you can always tell who is doing what.

i also love the random pigeon cameos.

these are the most photobombing pigeons in the land

Superjustinbros

Giving powers different colors is part of the fun, IMO

mathtans

Made it. You can probably guess at my favourite scene.

Superjustinbros

Glad I don't live in New York City then

Let me guess

It's loaded with puns

mathtans

It's where the trigonometry was used to knock the guy out. ^.-

Superjustinbros

mathtans

Also, Ben was using degrees, rather than radians, implying that it is coming from his own experiences rather than some meta-math in the environment.

'Course he uses the imperial system too, for whatever reason.

RebelVampire

that scene made me sad with jealousy because even when i was good at math, i always sucked at mental math. XD

mathtans

The sequence in Lee's head was pretty cool and creative. I suppose I felt I couldn't get as into it, I think because it just represented such an invasion of his privacy. (I liked how Lee addressed the whole "manipulation" thing later.)

Heh. I think that sort of mental math is beyond most people.

The visual depiction of the math-type powers as more cubic/angular was a nice choice too, I found.

Superjustinbros

>Rebel mentions math while Mathtans is in the chat(edited)

mathtans

Math's good stuff.

Superjustinbros

yes

It was my best school subject

till they stopped teaching it after tenth grade

mathtans

Actually, I kind of hate it when "doing mental math" is presented as some kind of superpower. I don't feel like that's the case here, because being able to judge distances, monetize portions of food, and hit precise estimations isn't the same thing as "I can multiply real fast". So that was good.

Superjustinbros

Yea

mathtans

Incidentally, how does magnetization powers give one the ability to X-Ray? Maybe I missed something in my science classes.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Of all the characters, Lee seems to have the past that is most covered in mystery. What do you think happened in Lee’s past that caused him to have such a core of guilt? Was it related to Ana or was there something else going on? What even was Lee’s relationship with Ana? Why do you think Lee turned to illegal car theft activities, and what do you think caused him to go clean? Why do you think Lee is so desperate to patch things up with Sterling? How do you think Lee even knows Sterling in the first place? What do you think any of this has to do with the comic’s opening scene? Lastly, do you think Lee will manage to meet Sterling? If so, what do you think will happen?

mathtans

I think Lee and Sterling worked together in the past, maybe in a post-doc or something. There was that flashback sequence with the motorbike (I think that's what it was?) and stuff.

RebelVampire

arent mri machines basically just giant magnets?

i assume they took creative license based on that

mathtans

Ahh, maybe they are, right. Can't bring metal in and such.

RebelVampire

which actually explains why ben has that headache meltdown everytime hes near lee using his powers

cause like an mri machine, lee is pulling those metal shards

causing more damage

good job lee

lightlybow

Creator here, hey guys!! I'm so happy to see this discussion! To address the x-ray thing, there is a bit of creative license applied for sure. Lee can't literally see people's bones like in an x-ray, but he can sense metal objects and magnetic fields. I just had to find a way to visually represent that, and x-ray visuals felt like something that would be a really quick read for most of my audience.

And yeah Rebel, you're right on the money! Lee can easily move the little bits of metal around in Ben's brain if he isn't careful

mathtans

Right, the metal shard pulling thing I figured. (Also, I tend to agree with Lee that the guy should get that checked out! It cannot be good for the health.)

Oh, hihi creator! Must be early morning for you I guess.

Superjustinbros

Hello Lightlybow!

ShaRose49

Will Ben not have superpowers if the metal is removed?

RebelVampire

tbf going to the hospital might not do ben any good. cause if theyre in his brain thats already a very dangerous surgery

Superjustinbros

ShaRose49

But will he get killed if he doesn’t remove the metal?!

mathtans

I feel like he might be able to calculate a way to deal with it mathematically. I mean, it was the substance on the metal that gave him the abilities, right? And it's supposed to be healing or something, so that's probably why he's still functional.

ShaRose49

Yikes wow but still

mathtans

Removing metal from head before wounds close seems prudent. shrugs

lightlybow

Ding ding ding! Ben's powers do come from the metal! Idk how many details you guys want...

Superjustinbros

Now that's why he can't do the surgery then, cause, well.

He loses the powers

ShaRose49

I think Lee worked with Sterling and they both love the same woman and that caused a rift between them. Maybe Lee tried to win Ana away from sterling or left him when he needed him because of Ana. This may be the biggest cause of his guilt since the thought of talking to Sterling is the only hope he has

But what if it’s unhealthy for Ben to have that metal??

mathtans

Ahh, interesting. (I mean, what do I know, right? ^.- ) Maybe Ben will learn that he doesn't need superpowers to be a cool guy. Particularly if he retains the fighting techniques.

RebelVampire

it is definitely unhealthy for ben to have metal in his head, especially around lee who can make it worse. XD i dont forsee ben wanting to give up powers tho

mathtans

Sha: I'm kind of with you, but I'm not sure Ana necessarily caused a rift directly... I feel more like maybe Lee decided he just couldn't work that close to them any more, and went looking for other work.

Illegal work, possibly.

Maybe he's got a bit of self loathing or something.

lightlybow

In terms of metal in the head/ injuries! There are reported cases of people living normal lives with shards of metal stuck in their brain matter. I was going off those when writing Ben, especially a case of someone who shot themselves with a nail gun and turned out to be just fine

Superjustinbros

That's an interesting piece of trivia

I have heard of people living with bullets lodged into their brain for years

as an example

mathtans

I've heard of that stuff, possibly even seen an XRay one time. Gives me the willies.

RebelVampire

yeah its definitely possible. but basically no mris ever which limits diagnostic tools ppl can use

which is not good cause mris are super powerful

im gonna go out on a limb and assume ana is dead or potentially in a coma. and that lee is (or assumes he was) the cause because whatever he used to contain the medicine that sterling had him built

and thats where his guilt is

mathtans

Lee's kind of my fave character, actually. Ben is too eager to treat everything as some kind of game, and Veda has no respect for boundaries.

RebelVampire

and that what happened between lee and sterling is they both feel responsible for what happened

and while lee wanted to move on, sterling wanted to obsess

mathtans

Rebel: If that's the case (interesting theory), maybe Lee just feels like if he'd stuck around (assuming it happened after he left), he'd have been able to do something.

RebelVampire

yeah.

alternatively

maybe ana is just sick in the hospital

and sterling is obsessing trying to save her

mathtans

Maybe he even has a theory for how to fix things but Sterling put a hit out on him and refuses to hear anything.

RebelVampire

and while lee should be supporting her he doesnt have the strength too

mathtans

Either way, if they end up talking, I feel like it would be near the climax.

Superjustinbros

Seconding Math

ShaRose49

I don’t think Ana is dead, otherwise this would be a lot like Miraculous Ladybug is recently

RebelVampire

i forsee that, but i also hope they dont wait till the climax. and that they hug and talk it out. and while they patch some things up theres stuff about the disease that fall to deaf ears on sterling's part(edited)

mathtans

I don't follow the reference, but okay.

ShaRose49

Sorry Miraculous is a silly romantic superhero cartoon that I love for some reason

RebelVampire

yeah i go back and forth on ana being dead. although i think we can at least assume something bad happened to her

mathtans

Just want to say, I thought putting in that scene of Sterling was a great move. I'd kind of pictured him having gone all "mad scientist", so the idea that he's kind of tortured and trying to fix things was an interesting window.

ShaRose49

Yeah I felt sorry for him he’s like an even more realistic Hawkmoth sorry I keep referencing Ml

I love the realism in the drama for this comic

mathtans

Plot twist: Ana is actually one of the pigeons. Things went terribly wrong.

RebelVampire

yeah i really liked what that scene of sterling did

cause it knocked him down from enigmatic evil overlord to tortured human soul who is trying to fix something he doesnt know how to fix

lightlybow

OMG MATH

I'm crying

RebelVampire

ana is trying to tell lee shes a pigeon this whole time but lee just doesnt get it

lightlybow

all the pieces are falling together

mathtans

Ana tried to use the bird woman to get her message across. That also went badly.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. Much of the current events of the comic are now being driven by Veda who wants to save her sister. Do you believe all Veda really wants to do is save Dani, or is something else going on? Do you think Dani is being held against her will, or might there be a reason she doesn’t want to see Veda? How exactly do you think Veda became exposed enough to the medicine to gain her powers? Is Veda so aggressive with her powers because of desperation to save her sister, or do you think it’s telling about what Veda does for a living in some way? At the hotel, we also see Veda get sick for a moment. Do you think her sudden illness is revealing? What about her words as she looked in the mirror? What consequences do you think this “sickness” will have for the group as a whole?

Superjustinbros

Math does it again

But I do wonder if there is some kind of dark secret to the pigeons, and why they're everywhare

lightlybow

"That also went badly"

ShaRose49

I think Veda is trying to save her sister, but I wouldn’t be surprised if there was another motive as well. I think she gets fatigued severely from using her powers too much

Superjustinbros

I mean, magic exists in this world so that wouldn't be far out of the ordinary

but back onto the subject

RebelVampire

on a tangent i liked lee's convo with the old lady because it was so utterly ridiculous on so many levels. like who approaches some old lady on the bench and assumes she knows a lot about pigeons just cause shes showing them mild affection.

ShaRose49

Wait magic?! I missed that

Yeah but he was desperate lol

junebugjo

More like superpowers

Superjustinbros

As in, the en mase of pidgeons being a result somehow of everyone having powers

ShaRose49

Yeah I don’t think this was magic I didn’t get that at all just superhero sci-fi

Superjustinbros

lol

ShaRose49

Magic and sci-fi together can annoy me sometimes I just love my scifi

RebelVampire

i do think veda is trying to save her sister. but part of me wonders if its not just that her powers exhaust her. what if veda has the disease too and thats actually why she was exposed to the medicine? that is my out there theory

ShaRose49

Oh yeah....

That could be it

I wonder if people get the disease if they get the powers or if the powers don’t actually cure you

RebelVampire

oh man thatd be ironically sad. that the cure comes with the disease

mathtans

Sorry, in and out as the little one makes a fuss. I wonder if Veda's trying to save her sister more for herself than for her sister's sake. Like, she feels guilty over letting her go in the first place. (And what other doctor is she going to take her sister to if they get out? I mean really.)

RebelVampire

yeah i thought that too

about where would veda even take her

lightlybow

Yeah there aren't really any other doctors who can solve her problems but she's desperate

ShaRose49

Yeah Math could be right. (I’m doing Laundry right now lol) good luck with your little one!

RebelVampire

any other doctor is probably gonna tell her theres nothing they can do but make her comfortable and manage the symtoms

and give a death time estimate

lightlybow

*curently

*CURRENTLY DANGIT

Superjustinbros

Guess doctors aren't common in this universe or soemthing

junebugjo

Well doctors who can cure the disease aren’t

RebelVampire

well doctors who can cure this specific disease, yes XD

lightlybow

Junebug! Hello!

junebugjo

Hey!!!

RebelVampire

to answer another question on the list, i think dani's imprisonment is a bit of both. that sterling 100% is holding her but that even if veda came dani would tell her to go away for some reason. maybe to protect veda...or maybe veda and her had a fight just like lee and sterling had a fight. and later on that fight is something lee and veda can bond over

junebugjo

Certainly the fact that her ailment can’t easily be cured by someone else is a motivation for Dani to stay with Sterling

mathtans

Or maybe Dani also has mind powers and can tell that Veda's not being real sincere or something.

Superjustinbros

Hello Junebug~

lightlybow

Something the future script will touch on is whether the Cure is more important than the Person. If their physical health should be prized over their emotional well-being

RebelVampire

that sounds deep

ShaRose49

Hmm. I don’t know I wonder if Lee and Veda will start to like each other. Probably not but they do have some things in common

junebugjo

I really want them to(edited)

ShaRose49

What good is emotional well-being if you’re sick as a dog? You need a combination of both I guess

junebugjo

I desperately need them to be begrudging friends / partners in crime

ShaRose49

Haha

mathtans

He is a chick magnet. (That was a good line.)

Superjustinbros

Good one Math

RebelVampire

i feel like before lee and veda can get along they need to have a huge fight. like get all their reservations an stuff out in the open air. cause at the moment the entire relationship is kind of soured by veda's emotional blackmail

lightlybow

Yeah as it stands there's not much room for "getting along"

Superjustinbros

Yeah, that there's pretty twisted

junebugjo

I’m just a big sucker for characters like Veda esp if she goes through some good ol character development

lightlybow

wink wonk

RebelVampire

i think of the characters veda is the most likely who's gonna grow too. cause right now shes toeing that bad guy line a bit too hard

QUESTION 4. All these super powers are caused by one thing: Sterling and his magical Anacride medicine. Why do you think Sterling developed this medicine in the first place? Does it have something to do with Ana given the number of times she’s shown when talking about the disease it cures? What is going on with Sterling currently given he refuses to let families see those in his treatment program? Are there some sort of detrimental side effects he can’t control, or is something else afoot? Do you believe he can fix everything, or are the powers and other side effects now permanent? Also, what do you think happened to him that landed him in the hospital during one flashback? Finally, what does all this mean for Ben given that he has metal dangerously embedded in his head? Are Ben’s powers really caused by a brief exposure to the medicine, and will this journey change him in some way?

Superjustinbros

Character development makes the world go round

junebugjo

Ana could have the disease

Also is the uh medicine named after her

I feel like he could be desperate to find her a permanent and less detrimental cure so he goes through others not caring what happens to them so he can save Ana ?

RebelVampire

omg

i never connected ana's name was in the word anacride

junebugjo

I just now saw it capitalized and was like ???? Maybe ????

lightlybow

DING DING DING

junebugjo

Do I win a prize

Lol

lightlybow

Yes you get a pigeon. Here

junebugjo

I will take good care of him

Superjustinbros

Aww

RebelVampire

thatd be a sad approach is sterling was using everyone else to test the medicine before testing it on ana, assuming shes a victim. but now im wondering if maybe she isnt a victim. maybe she helped make the medicine but she had a falling out with sterling and now sterling hopes that if he makes the medicine succeed ana will love him again

Superjustinbros

Maybe

junebugjo

I feel like Ana has some dark side to her

mathtans

Okay, back, mostly. Oh, good call on the naming! Didn't register that.

junebugjo

Like she at least a little bit fudges the lines when it comes to pharmaceutical experimentation but wouldn’t go as far as sterling would idk

mathtans

Remember there was that flashback scene where Ana was actually helping Sterling due to his heart problem or whatever. I think maybe SHE developed the medicine, and Sterling's trying to perfect it for her.

So I guess similar to the "love me again" idea.

Except maybe it's just in her memory.

'You will be the last victim of this disease'...

RebelVampire

well tbf, the only viewpoints weve had of ana are those from ppl who love her in some capacity. so to them ana is probably an angel. so her having a dark side would not surprise me at all cause nobody is perfect an all that jazz

and yeah i considered that too, math. that this could just be a "last victim of the disease" sort of thing

mathtans

Ana is actually an NPC in the story.

She hands out the quests.

As a pigeon.

RebelVampire

its a good thing they have ben. he will figure out you have to accept the pigeon quests in order to progress the story

Superjustinbros

I shall do that o_ o\

Give me all them challenges

lightlybow

The clues were there all along. There she is, pigeon # 62

mathtans

Yeah, some of the "deluded Ben" stuff when Lee first found him was amusing. I'm glad it didn't become an overlong gag though.

lightlybow

http://pigeoncomic.com/post/162180122762/the-horror

Superjustinbros

For a sec I thought those were bats

mathtans

Speaking of amusing things - I liked some of the little background naming things. Like the diner that had been crossed out and it's like "Al's now" or whatever. Or the donut box saying to drink juice.

lightlybow

I'm so happy you noticed

mathtans

My favourite was the self defence book. "This convenient book is going to show you how not to get punched in the face".

Superjustinbros

The best kind of book

lightlybow

And in Ben's apartment there's a statue of Han Solo with the words "_ shot first" and the name is covered

mathtans

I think it also had a picture of the Matrix in it or something.

junebugjo

THATS MY FAVE

the Han statue

mathtans

Ahh, I interpreted that as "Han" (the statue) "shot first".

lightlybow

Oh I see!

mathtans

Probably why Ben's roommate moved out. A Star Wars disagreement.

lightlybow

Anyway I'm glad you guys enjoy the stupid jokes in the flavor text

junebugjo

I almost walked out of watching a new hope bc my friends all said exactly the opposite of who I think shot first

Superjustinbros

Always fun when the author sneaks in background gags/jokes

lightlybow

OMG

mathtans

I wonder what's in the van. Like, is it more of the drug? Could they actually analyze it before they do the run? (Though, they probably don't have time for that.)

RebelVampire

i assumed it was more of the drug

although

that begs the question of how its made

cause youd think sterling would make the drug in his lab

mathtans

Maybe he outsources.

junebugjo

Maybe ingredience

mathtans

Right, just gotta mix it with fructose.

lightlybow

The drug needs to go through a special process of pressurization and maturation before it's viable... so Sterling designs the drug but no one knows if it will work for a few weeks until they test it

mathtans

It's important to be mature about such things.

lightlybow

pun game on point

mathtans

Oh, nice detail about Lee's card being demagnetized btw. Hadn't occurred to me.

Poor guy.

lightlybow

In that pigeon comic it's implied that he keeps breaking watches too. It's really inconvenient!

Superjustinbros

Well, I guess it's almsot the end

RebelVampire

having magnetic powers sounds like all kinds of trouble. cant take him camping cause hell throw off the compasses. although you could use him to hold metal screws for you without them getting lost

mathtans

Right! I remember noticing that. Guess it does make it easier to fall off the grid.

Superjustinbros

In that case cya, and thanks for the great reads, @lightlybow

It was great metting ya.

mathtans

I wonder if Ben will compare him to Magneto.

junebugjo

He should

ShaRose49

I wonder what Dina!s gonna be like she looks like she could be a sweet but tortured soul

lightlybow

Great meeting you too @Superjustinbros !!

ShaRose49

He already did compare Lee to Magneto!

I remember he said “You totally Magnetoed him”

mathtans

I am clearly not paying enough attention. Must have read it as magnetized. It makes sense given his Marvel references.

lightlybow

Omg rebel I just imagined Veda sticking screws to Lee's face like "Here, hold this"

ShaRose49

Omgosh

mathtans

I could see that.

Anyway, definitely pulling for Lee. Guy can't seem to catch a break. Hope his mental demons are appeased.

lightlybow

Me too, buddy. Me too

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Sae, as well, for making Anacrine Complex. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Sae’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://pigeoncomic.com/

Sae’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/cottonart

Sae’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/lightlybow

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Skeletons in the Closet by Niah. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, November 15th, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://tapas.io/series/Skeletons-in-the-Closet

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #anacrine complex #sae

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fanwarriorsunite4life · 7 years

Text

So my bad anon, I totally ended up screwing up your ask and shiz by accident but i promise i got it- you wanted me to answer all questions so you got it:

lets get personal.

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

Its been varying a SHIT ton over the last two months especially, but ATM i currently love:

Body on Fire by Maggie Rose

Too Many Love Songs by Maggie Rose (notice a trend?)

B-A-B-Y by Carla Thomas

I Don’t Believe You - Pink

Life of the Party - All Time Low

Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

um, all the people I’m gonna meet at ClexaCon in April! Celebs, other fans, and all! IM SO EXCITED ITS GONNA BE THE BEST FUCKING WEEKEND.

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

There isnt a book next to me? theres random magazines on the kitchen table. page 23 is an add for Poise Impressa bladder leakage shit lol

4: What do you think about most?

I kinda really want to plead the fifth on this, but probably two things: how I want to make my work ethic better and make a better difference and how I dont feel I can do that until I get my personal shit together. And how I really want a certain someone to be at my side while I do that so I can be on theirs too. guess thats 3.

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

From my lil sis: “Okay, np”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

lmao it depends. If im really exhausted, then i may sleep without a shirt. If im with a SO then I will sleep naked, but I dont ever do that myself unless I’m just that hungover or something. So clothes it is.

7: What’s your strangest talent?

I honestly dont know lol. erm... let me get back to you on that. Does it count if my left leg is wayyy more flexible than my right? dont ask me why. i have no clue

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls are a gift to the world. boys are a gift to the world.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

Not that I am aware of. Fun (not fun) fact: I’m way more afraid of not being spoken of than being spoken of poorly. idk man. if anyone has written a poem or song about me, plz feel free to share

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

holy shit, i have no clue. usually im more of an air drums person. in that case, yesterday.

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

I HATE SPUDS ON POTATOES SPUDDY POTATOES SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF ME DONT PLAY

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

not that i reminder? maybe a coin or something as a kid? its very possible.

13: What’s your religion?

if i identified with anything, it would be an agnostic universalist.

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

hanging out with friends and family

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind, but i do have a secret desire to be in front of it. my insecurities currently outweigh my ego in putting myself in front of it, but if someone asked me to do it, i prob would. people just dont ask.

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Halestorm. Without a doubt.

17: What was the last lie you told?

oh god. I probably told one while canvassing today. I said i donated to one of the organizations that i represent but i dont. oops. did it to convince people that they are good orgs to donate too (in my defence, they ARE and they are wonderful orgs, i just dont have the money to donate)

18: Do you believe in karma?

yes, but i dont really use karma for consistent rationalization

19: What does your URL mean?

WE ARE ALL FAN WARRIORS OF OUR OWN FANDOMS AND WE SHOULD ALL FUCKING UNITE IN OUR AWESOMENESS

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

Greatest weakness? I’m loyal to a fault and will fight for what I want till the bitter end. I’m recently admitting that I have the martyr complex, im pretty sure. Strength? You get me passionate about something, you gain my love, then I’m all in. I’ll work my ass off for whatever that is.

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

Kat barrell and Natasha Negovanlis, as of rn. but i love so many others

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

nope

23: How do you vent your anger?

i dont. i bottle it up and try to avoid it. I’ve been trying to go to the gym tho; that helps when i actually do it. writing helps too, when i do it. Definitely need to find a better way to deal with my emotions. its harder to find time during adult life mayn.

24: Do you have a collection of anything?

comics, poetry books, my own writings, quarter collection... probably something else im not thinking of

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

FACETIME IS WHERE ITS AT

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

Yes and no.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Sound I hate? loud city noises, particularly construction shit. Love? ... I hate myself, but the sound of people I love telling me they love me too. SHUTUP ITS A SOUND I SAID NOTHING WHAT

28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

Usually its “What if I didn’t fuck up?” or “What if I was reincarnated into something?”

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I wanna believe in ghosts but i cant say i do. Aliens: hell yeah.

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Right - kitchen towel and my ECU bag and keys. Left - magazine and table

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

my house’s normal smell. and food i just ate.

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

My own mind at its worst. Or, physical place, probably a mental hospital.

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

I cant say; I’ve never been West. So East for now until I see the West.

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

I like never think about this. um. Zayn is cute?

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

Finding a reason to breathe. Sometimes its family, friends, work, money, power- I think everyone’s meaning of life is different.

36: Define Art.

anything you make to express yourself or help yourself heal.

37: Do you believe in luck?

I kinda have too, I was an athlete.

38: What’s the weather like right now?

dark and cloudy.

39: What time is it?

7:07 pm and im totally running late to pick up my sis. (update - finishing this around 11:11 ooo make a wish cause i had to go get my sis so)

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

Yes. Never “crashed” but have hit someone before and have been hit.

41: What was the last book you read?

A poetry book by Lauren Zuniga. That counts.

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

No, but I like the smell of paint.

43: Do you have any nicknames?

Laur-Laur, jiggles, cheesecake, Lo-ren, bean-bean.. others I dont think I should name i guess

44: What was the last film you saw?

Baby Driver

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Injury? Concussion. worst fucking thing of my life. it really was my fault though.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

oh god yes. if you know me, you know i always obsess. right now, carmilla and wynonna earp are my top two. easily.

48: What’s your sexual orientation?

bisexual, preference for women, fight me

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

I honestly dont know

50: Do you believe in magic?

I want too.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yeah. Well, yes and no. i dont hold a grudge to never have them apart of my life usually, but i never forget what they did to me. never.

52: What is your astrological sign?

Leo

53: Do you save money or spend it?

lol spend. i need to save. so bad.

54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

groceries

55: Love or lust?

I know this may shock people that know me, but love. lust isnt any good without it. thats what i would pick if i had to choose, but i rather like the idea they exist together. they can exist separately, but they go best together for me personally.

56: In a relationship?

no, but i hope things will get better.

57: How many relationships have you had?

ones I actually really loved being in wholeheartedly? 1. total? 4. I’d say 5 but im not really counting one of them lol.

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

hell yeah

59: Where were you yesterday?

work and then home feeling down. then i played my video game, Just cause 3, till midnight

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

magazine

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

yes

62: What’s your favourite animal?

kangaroos and zebras

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

... be a huge fucking dork and hope they dont fucking hate me

64: Where is your best friend?

.......the ones talking to me? charlotte, greensboro, greenville, raleigh (NC), texas... the one not talking to me? ... virginia/dc area

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

any of the ones with funny text posts/memes on wynonna earp and carmilla

66: What is your heritage?

im a white asshole with some native american in me. Choctaw. I need to learn more about my family history AND remember it.

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

finishing up playing my name

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

angelface

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA dear fuck yes. duh. oh my fucking god im laughing so hard at this.

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

loyal to a fault and there at your beck and call? yeah. not always the best listener? nah

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

I’m gonna save the fucking dog and my boss can kiss my damn ass.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

I’d definitely tell people. At first I wouldn’t know how, and id contemplate if its important enough to tell or not, but eventually i would. id start with those close to me. idk if id want to tell everyone. id want to travel a damn lot with those i love. go new places, try new things, build as many memories as possible. because hell yeah id be afraid. I’m terrified of death and the afterlife; not knowing what happens after we pass.

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

I think love is built on trust, so love. trust isnt always built on love.

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

love on top, beyonce. literally saved my life freshman year of college.

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

F8ME

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

kinda a big one, especially for myself lately. um. I think a great relationship has a good foundation. because in the end, every relationship faces struggles and is gonna be “tested”, for lack of a better word. and what can we turn back to when we feel things arent where they need to be? the foundation. its like a house; if somethings wrong with it, but the foundation is still sturdy, its probably possible and worth fixing. if the foundation is cracked, its more risky; if the foundation is completely crushed, then its probably not a great relationship anymore.

77: How can I win your heart?

Unless you’re the person who currently has my heart right now, you can’t. or if you’re a dog. dogs win my heart. if you’re a dog, congrats. the person who has my heart has to share. sorry, i dont make the rules.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

how is this a question? the craziest fucking people in the world are the most creative. Yes, yes, and more yes.

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

this is intense. hmmmm. making a tumblr and going back on it in college. yeah. it led to my last relationship. best damn thing that ever happened to me.

80: What size shoes do you wear?

10 or 11

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

I’d want someone else to write a poem or something about me. i dont want to be buried. cremation bitch (after taking my organs out for science of course)

82: What is your favourite word?

currently i really just like cussing. fuck.

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

the name of my current ex.

84: What is a saying you say a lot?

We accept the love we think we deserve.

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

i legit am trying to look at my iphone to see what last played in my car, but its being an asshole. I wanna say the last i remember is Craving you by Thomas Rhett. im already listening to wayy more country than i usually do lately.

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

in order: purple, blue, red

87: What is your current desktop picture?

A quote that says: “i know you’re sad, so i wont tell you to have a good day. Instead, I’ll simply advice you to have a day. Stay Alive, feed yourself well, wear comfortable clothes, and dont give up on yourself just yet. it’ll get better. until then, have a day.”

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Can I make an entire building explode? preferably -cough- a building that houses certain gov officials i am not happy with -cough-?

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Any question that I know would upset someone. I’m working on trying to not be honest to a fault. to be honest when need be, and to know when i dont need to be brutally honest. im terrified of being too honest again in general.

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

honestly, scream and be frozen in fear. idk man. wheres my baseball bat when i need it? idc if they arent doing anything, they need to GTFO of my room.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

teleportation

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

holy crap. wow. a half hour? idk. theres a lot. a recent one is the hayley kiyoko concert though. that concert was just absolutely phenomenal. 100/10

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

I wouldnt erase any horrible experience, because they made me who i am and helped me learn what i know. if i hadnt experienced what i experienced, that one thing not happening can change my entire life.

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Honestly, right now, I wouldnt. and i dont think i ever would. i get too starstruck easily and have way too much respect and awe for the celebrities i like. i honestly do think of them as higher beings than me (not gods but like, ya know, out of my league lmao) so nah. now if we become friends and theyre a cuddler? then yes i will SLEEP next to them. SLEEP.

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

i have that crazy urge to travel like a crazy person rn, so if i only had one free plane ticket, i’d go somewhere i otherwise couldnt right now, like italy. i really want to go to italy one day.

96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that im aware of, but who knows

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

...actually yes! I was severely dehydrated once and my mom had me drink 3 bottles of water back to back. then we got in the car and as she started driving, i got sick, so she pulled over and i sat there getting ready to vomit when a cop pulled over and was like “hey, you okay?” and my mom just explained i was sick, and as he walked over to look at me thats when i threw up ALLLLL that water. he stepped back so quick and was all like “do you want me to call an ambulance?”. it was great. thats how you get rid of cops. throw up in front of them (sarcasm)

98: Ever been on a plane?

Yup! ive flown to new hampshire and kansas before.

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

probably some long ass rant about how fucked up the world is and how we need to turn around our governments and get them to work back for the people, not for fucking corporations and capitalism, or the capitalistic aspects of socialism.

#ask #anon

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