#idk I can't relate to someone who's making the same kind of music over and over

[soupysword]

thinking about that discourse of women musicians having "eras" and how it's weird that men making popular music aren't expected to have eras and y'know what I think having eras is good actually, it shows you're a person with a diverse array of interests and inspirations and you like/are capable of changing and growing artistically

like there's nothing wrong with doing the same shit if you like it but maybe behaving femininely (having eras) should be the default

#kylatalks #idk I can't relate to someone who's making the same kind of music over and over #dont you get bored #dont you wanna like talk about something else

[autismvampyre]

https://www.tumblr.com/autismvampyre/741462958593441792/hate-how-its-practically-impossible-to-find-anti?source=share

I saw this post and I couldn't agree more and Im asking anonymously cause I don't want to get judgement and stuff and I know this is going to sound a little dumb but I'm having a crisis about like. Whether or not I should support Taylor anymore like. Im going for the eras tour soon and I'm obviously really really excited but I've been seeing more and more anti swiftie media and it all really makes sense. Your blog was like the only anti swiftie one that didn't say all swifties deserve to die lol (at least from what I could find) but I just wanted to know if you have any advice on like letting go of the music in a way. I love her music, and one of the reasons I'm really scared to let go is that my childhood best friend and I share so many precious memories over her music and I don't want to disappoint her in a way by not listening anymore and her music helped me through really really hard times, which feels kind of dumb to say cause I'm 15, but like it's always really helped me and I don't know if I can or if I want to let go but at the same time I'm huge on ethics and a big part of my life has always been helping people and empathizing, and I just don't know if I want to support an artist who can't seem to publicly do that. Idk I was just wondering if you had advice? Thank you so much :)

P.s. feel free to ignore this ik it's loaded and not related to your blog entirely

hey! thanks for the ask. i wanted to respond to this before i forgot so this might be rushed but i hope i can still help.

i get your dilemma, i really do. i like her music a lot and one of the worst things about the anti swiftie community is how much it relies on the "her music sucks" card. its lazy and just personal taste, and i absolutely hate the puritanical idea that if you enjoy a single taylor song you are in some way morally lesser. people like what they like, and i think it's completely fine to enjoy her music because that isn't really an ethical concern

you can separate the art from the artist. its fine to do so. you shouldn't force yourself to stop listening to music you like unless you feel thats right for you. im very critical of taylor but i still occasionally listen to her music because there are a lot of memories attached to it and those memories are precious to me. art can make you feel so much, and you're not dumb for feeling comforted by it.

i dont think you have to let go of her music unless you want to. i believe the most important thing is to let go of the idea of taylor as a brand. people tend to get attached to her due to clever marketing; to a lot of people she's their friend and they feel very protective over her for that. taylor thrives off the parasocial relationship of her fandom which is financially beneficial to her. the most important thing to remember is that she is a billionaire with more money than you could ever imagine and it is impossible to get that rich without fucking over the poor. the image of taylor in the media is not real, she isn't the girl next door, she isn't your friend, she's an ultra rich celebrity who gets richer by pretending to be your buddy. once you've realized that, you're pretty much done

now, i definitely wouldn't recommend financially supporting her. if you're going to the eras tour don't go alone, be safe, wear earplugs(seriously this one is so important you dont want tinnitus believe me). i know there are a lot of different factors and ethics about the shows but as someone who a) hates live music cause im autistic and just end up overstimulated and b) was never in a financial situation where i could or even would buy eras tickets i feel very under qualified to tackle any of that so i'd recommend talking to someone else who knows about that.

to end, i'll just say piracy isn't theft if buying isn't owning snd there are guides out there so you can listen without paying her dime. sorry if this was incoherent, i am tired. have a good rest of your day/night/whatever time it is and please take care

#asks #nydias post #anti taylor swift #anti swifties #you can always send me another ask of message if you have more questions

[junebuggeryy]

ooo! 4, 13, 6, and 12 for the OC questions!

4. A character you rarely talk about?

I can't think of another lowkey character to talk about, so LAURA RANT: THE SEQUEL

One of the ways in which Laura is #Problematic yet understandable has to do with the wider worldbuilding of her setting. There's a layer of it I would call "modern day us, but a little to the left" where the existence of magic isn't common knowledge, but it has inevitably… changed things.

One of these changes was within her own family. Laura understands herself as someone that values family above everything. It doesn't make sense to her, that she would react so quickly to demolish that connection, once it became too strange to handle. She doesn't like what that says about her, and would prefer not to think about it.

So, someone she loves is demolished by something entirely alien, and her worldview of mundanity is shattered. Magic is real, there is something beyond the hallmark life she understands. She cuts herself off from it. It's a risk to the picturesque life she's aiming for. In the same swoop, because that very same magic is being kept intentionally secret, she has no recourse to turn to to understand what she just went through. She can't, god forbid, talk about it, and risk being viewed as strange herself. In this situation, the only valid outlet for the genuine terror she feels is unchecked conspiracy. And, because of who she is, it's the kind of conspiracy that's prone to looking at social deviance with suspicion, as evidence of being connected to a deeper, secret wrongness.

And, well, she's only half wrong, in a setting with secret magic. If the magic wasn't secret, she may have been able to adjust more gracefully. If magic wasn't secret, she could have taken that grief to somewhere safe. But it isn't, she didn't, and she isn't going to catch herself slipping.

13. Do you have any troublemaker OCs?

Xeno. It's Xeno. Categorically Xeno. Some Xenos just want to watch the world Xeno.

Xeno's whole existence is one that's completely odds with everything around xer. There is no way for xer, a hotspot of radiation, to occupy space without it being a Problem for every other living being. Even beyond any internal anxieties, there are external social forces that try and keep xer bottled and quarantined- as is safe, as is calm. Xe, quite simply, doesn't get to experience xerself at rest. Xe is fighting to be involved, or xe is caged and separated.

Xe copes with this- to... arguable degrees of success- by leaning right into it, by deciding not to just be a problem, but The Problem. Xe dresses up "I am not an okay thing to exist" in villainous musical numbers and bank-heists, by lying across politicians desks and crashing fancy meetings. If xe even catches a glimpse of a status quo, xe's trying to knock it over. Maybe there is something to be said about inventing a better, more inclusive world- but Xeno doesn't see xer own activities that way. Clearly, this is all an act of evil selfishness on xer part.

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

I'm not.... sure I have any to offer here? 8)" Mostly because I have a disease where if I see two ocs with matching motifs, visual or otherwise, I'm like "Oh hey! A connection!" and they stop being unrelated.

I guess, when I was in highschool, I had an OC that was a computer virus with a perpetual 8D face. One day, I was drawing Lucy when I realized it felt familiar, and had to pause and go "oh, motherfuck-" and doodled this.

idk. Diversity Win, The AI Data-mining You Is Trans

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but who you like a lot

[sweats]

all of @threeleggedart's stuff is a banger. i'm still sad i was too burnt out to draw this dashing fella during artfight this year

the perfect design. look at this. go check them out!

#god damn i feel like i keep rambling #laura kreuger #lore dump tag #your best friend lucy! #xeno cherenkov #i have too many fcknkgn thoughts about laura.

[dissociativecrow]

🐝 for the ask game u made: idk what u've already answered so this is a free pass for u to pick one question u'd like :3c

Okay fine I'm gonna answer the Hard Ones >:3

What do you guys usually fight about, if anything?

The better question would be "what do you guys not fight about?" and even then, I can't think of a single thing rn. We fight over life goals. Morals. Friendships/relationships in general. Worldviews. Religion and politics. Everything that's important to a person, we're torn on, and it kind of really sucks. We've gotten better at respecting each others' differences and trying to make compromises, but it still does really blow that there's no way to make every headmate happy, someone always gets the short end of the stick.

We're like, kind of very jealous of systems who only argue about like, what music to put on or what clothes they wanna wear that day. We don't argue too much about stuff like that since I'm fronting 99% of the time, but we've gotten into vicious fights about the deeper stuff.

32. How has your system changed over time? 

We've changed a lot. I haven't been the host our whole life. The other hosts were similar enough to me that no one really Notices how much we've changed, but from my vantage point? I can't relate to anything about our past. I know it happened, but it doesn't feel like it happened to me. In my mind, I've always had supportive, reasonable parents. There were no horrors in "my" childhood or adolescence because I can't connect to those parts of "my" life at all.

It's hard for me to even relate to old interests, like paleontology and speculative evolution and stuff. I still like those things, but I can't recover any substantial knowledge about them. I - or whoever I used to be - used to spend hours obsessing over that stuff, reading papers and books and listening to podcasts, absorbing information like a sponge. But I just like, can't access that info anymore. Or care about it beyond mild, passing interest.

It kind of feels like the old host just, burnt out and was slowly replaced by me sometime in 2020. I changed my name from Kaden to [redacted] a year prior, around the time I started co-hosting, but should it feel like your old name was a totally separate person? And I don't think this is the first time it's happened, either - I'm pretty sure whoever was hosting in early high school went dormant after our first psychotic break.

It feels like my life has just been a series of Dr. Who regenerations. Some core aspects of the host identity remain the same - namely gender and love for animals and art, but everything else changes.

The system itself has changed a lot, too. Before we knew about system terminology, it was like, two versions of the old host, G, Damien's subsystem, Beck, and maybe one or two others. When we first learned about shit, our numbers exploded into the 40s. And then dwindled down to around 10 after a lot of therapy and stabilization. Now it's just me and a small handful of others who are still even a little active.

#wow this was long #sorry lol #ask meme

[moro-lasso]

I often think of all the strange, strained relationships I've had in my life, and I've concluded that not one has been so tumultuous as the one I've had with beauty. I haven't felt beautiful in so long. the things that once made me feel beautiful are either gone or still *exist* in some sense, but explicitly don't allow me to view myself through that lens. essentially, the same as being gone. the rest have merely vanished. faded away. I don't have the drive to do too much these days, but I certainly haven't done anything beautiful in longer than I care to recall. what is life without beauty? really, what's the point? I want to be beautiful, I want to make someone feel beautiful, I want to make and do beautiful things, but I can't. when I'm upset I put holes in my ugly fucking face, (and I like it that way). maybe I like being taken further from beauty. maybe I'm like a diabetic and I can't produce my own beauty and need to source it from the outside, but I just don't have someone or something to do that for me anymore. feels like it never will. I guess all of these things sort of relate to "happiness." I could replace "beautiful" with "happiness" and it still rings true. I haven't made anyone smile, no one makes me smile, I haven't done anything that makes people happy and that's what I want to do, etc. I suppose that's all true, but something feels more uniquely sad this way. idk. the two are not mutually inclusive. you can be happy without beauty and feel beautiful without feeling happy, but the absence of both is simply so bleak. seems a little melodramatic, maybe. "oh, there's no beauty or happiness in my life, woe is me"-type shit. but like. that's really the way it is lol. I try to find beauty in my meek existence, but I cannot. I go to work and pretend to be someone I'm not to people I'm not particularly fond of for eight hours, and then I come home and read or fall asleep during a movie or keep working on an album that's over three years in the making and genuinely never going to come out. that's about it. on Sundays, I go to church alone. I don't even like my church. I'd like to find a new one but I know the people would say something about leaving and I'm a complete pushover so the idea of that threat even existing keeps me from acting in the first place. sometimes I hatch some chicks, and that's fun and cute for a while, but they either end up an aggressive rooster or become senile and sick after a few years. both of those end up at the same conclusion. I used to maybe make some people feel something when I played shows. I don't know if anyone was making deeper emotional connections while I screamed my throat raw about wanting to shave my head to relieve myself of vanity and having nowhere to fall anymore, or if I was just providing the background music for jits to let off a little steam and rough each other up for 30 minutes, but dammit I don't care, I was happy to do either. grateful, even. it seems my only possible in back to that whole thing is public self-flagellation, which is not quite my bag. pretentious as it may be, I am an artist. it's my fucking role in the scene to express things through my specific view, with the tools I have. to drop all of the pretenses and be forced to go through the rigamarole of explaining my dating history, and "yes, I messed up, but not nearly *that* bad," to a bunch of randoms who have already made up their minds without ever meeting or knowing me is maybe the least appealing thing I can think of. considering retirement from DIY at the ripe old age of 24. people can just think whatever they want of me. that's kind of the point, isn't it? letting people project what they want onto art? if I've been chosen to be the Judas, maybe that's just my role. actually no, I'm not even Judas, that's too major of a role for me. I'm Gestas. sure.

[popstarryeyed]

second impression of midnights (more favorable)

lavender haze - i think i would've liked this better as a track off reputation. like now taylor writing about her reputation is overdone but the idea of falling in love while the world hates you is actually compelling. i love "delicate". objectively it's not a bad concept for a song. it's also very jack antonoff-y production wise and i don't mind that but it is very noticable.

maroon - still can't get over "so scarlet it was maroon". not the same color! also one of the things i find fun about taylor swift is her continuity with imagery and theme, and in "daylight" she talks about how she used to think love was burning red (like the song and album red) but it's golden. i don't know how maroon fits into that established color imagery.

anti-hero - the first few lyrics are a bit too hashtag-relatable (saying the word depression directly instead of just describing the experience) but overall i really like the song. i feel like people might think the sexy baby/monster on the hill line is cringe but i actually really love it bc i can totally see tall 30-something taylor swift feeling odd and ungainly next to younger music industry girls. and as a fat woman in my late 20s, i definitely feel that way sometimes about college students on the train. the music video skit IS cringe though

snow on the beach - it's pretty, but saying it's featuring lana del rey is laughable. if i didn't know she was on there i wouldn't have noticed.

you're on your own, kid - kind of growing on me. i've certainly felt alone a lot of the time. i like that this album is giving some insight into taylor swift as a kid being kind of lonely and weird. when she first got famous, i saw her as a very normal popular girl but a) i don't know what she was like pre-fame and b) getting famous at a young age would make you weird.

midnight rain - i really want to love this bc the lyrics and concept are so good. taylor swift thinking back to someone who wanted a more stable life but she wanted to pursue her music career and how they just had such wildly different priorities. i love the imagery of sunshine and midnight rain to convey this distance, reminds me of that verse from "your best american girl" ("you're the sun / you've never seen the night / but you hear its song from the morning birds"). and i can totally imagine that she still thinks about it sometimes because pursuing her fame has also fucked her over. BUT that pitch-shifted voice. it's not the worst pitch-shifted voice i've heard but i don't like it and i think the song's lyrics would hit harder if delivered more directly.

question - this is good, asking a past fling for closure makes sense with the whole midnights thing. i like when taylor gets pointed

vigilante shit - it's so...revenge as aesthetic. like she does some interesting stuff on the song, revealing her ex's crimes, teaming up with his ex-wife, but the way it comes back to how she's dressed makes it so hollow. like it's not a story about her getting revenge, it's about the aesthetic of being a vengeful woman. like scary scary sexy lady from crazy ex-gf but not a joke. "mad woman" does the "aren't you tired of being nice? don't you want to just go apeshit?" theme better, and "no body no crime" has an actual revenge storyline. this does neither.

bejeweled - i like it. flex on that loser

labyrinth - not particularly memorable

karma - sounds lovely but i don't love the smugness

sweet nothing - i think this is about how the world expects so much of her but this partner expects nothing and it's so comfortable. but idk. something rubs me the wrong way about it. especially the bit about people asking her to do more but she's too soft for it. like obviously i get the appeal disconnecting from the world to be with your partner but that's not a solution to the world's problems

mastermind - i like this one. i get it, trying to orchestrate things because you don't get things if you don't.

the great war - i still like this one a lot. maybe my fave overall.

bigger than the whole sky - still good.

paris - again with the whole "i'm totally disconnected from the world with my boyfriend" thing. except paris is, in fact, a part of the world.

high infidelity - i like this one better on second listen. rolling eyes at a jealous lover like do i have to tell you every detail of my life? ugh!

glitch - i like it. the idea that falling in love is some flaw in the plan, some electronic glitch in your programming - i feel it.

would've could've should've - i totally understand why this relationship is still bothering her over a decade later. i still listen to dear john and feel homicidal.

dear reader - i don't like songs where the singer just gives you advice. it's always so trite.

overall i am far more positive on it than i was. still think there's some filler and weak songs, but hey, that's typical for a taylor swift album

#nina's musical log #taylor swift

[illgiveyouahint]

Idk how i feel about authors having to be ideologically pure? I feel like i would go crazy if i had to check if every author isnt problematic. I mean most of ye olde authors were misogynistic pricks. Also married VERY young girls. You would have to " delete from existence" almost everything you've ever read.

Hello anon,

I assume this is about the JKR post. It's true that it's unrealistic to want every author to be pure. I am strongly against the idea of pureness. We're humans, we make mistakes, we learn from our mistakes, we make more mistakes. We do some very good things and some very bad things. But I think what's important is the learning from mistakes part, the striving to do better part. It's also looking at sort of how much good vs. how much bad have they done. I can't change how dead people have behaved, but what I can try to change how people currently living behave. JKR has written a book series that has inspired and influences at least one generation of readers. That is true. There are admittedly some great ideas about love, friendship, prejudice etc. but there are also some incredibly harmful caricature stereotypes of certain races and ethnicities. Both of those things are true. But more importantly JKR, as a public person, has been giving support to some truly terrifying transphobic ideas and has given money to truly harmful transphobic organisations. People have over and over again tried to explain to her that what she's doing is harmful and yet she continues to ignore them and continues to support organisations that are then forcing a change of legislature that is making life harder for trans people in the UK. This is what she is actively doing RIGHT NOW. I don't want to support someone who so clearly is harming other people, who has been told that what they're doing is harmful and yet she continues to do so. Just like I'm trying to not support Nestle because it's a company that is harming people or why the EU has been arguing about oil and gas embargo for the last 2 months. Because financially and vocally supporting people who do such a harm to others is just not something we want to be doing. But that's of course everyone's right to choose, and we each have that line of what we're willing to accept or not somewhere else.

Also to your point. Yes many famous people have done terrible things and yes we should absolutely talk about it. Many of them have been massive racists, antisemites, homophobes, misogynists, slave owners, abusers, pedophiles etc. We should look at their work through that lense, always. You're saying you'd go crazy if you had to check if every author isn't problematic. But the thing is when you do know what fucked up things someone has done/said it changes how you see their work. Leon by Luc Besson makes you uncomfortable when you realise he has actually married a teenager. My favourite author is not longer my favourite author after I read his very antisemitic essay. Are you gonna be reading Pygmalion the same way when you find out G.B. Shaw was a big supporter of eugenics? I can no longer watch one of my used-to-be-favourite films beyond by the light because I've read the report of the woman who was gang raped by the main actor. I'm not saying you have to check every single person if they've done something 'problematic' but once you do know about something it does changes how you view said work. I think we should approach all work as well as the creators of said work critically. Whether it's film, music, book or any kind of art. And I think we should always think about who do we support financially and vocally.

I've made a choice not to wear any of my HP merch that I bought when I was younger. I've made a choice to not go see any fantastic beasts, not to blog about anything HP related, simply not to give it/JKR any energy or money. And I've made that choice with plenty of other people doing an active harm to society. But like I said, everyone has their own opinion on this. Some people can separate the work from the author. But I can't. Especially when they're still alive. Because I know that they are still benefiting from it.

#okay idk if this makes sense #or if it's just a rambling of a crazy person

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

#Ask #milky way anon #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #Toxic parents #Ableism tw #I'm not from the US either so I have no idea what a sophomore is hahaha #Emotional neglect tw #childhood emotional neglect #panic attacks tw #Suicidal tw

[bai-zewarrior]

So I finally nailed down my designs for the black heart characters (except colossus, perry/predator and Madusa I'm still massing with them) along with some head canons! The characters might look a bit weird next to each other, I didn't draw them all on the same canvas. I know I'm suppose to but I was lazy and didn't want to re draw the refs on one canvas. I also appologize for this being so long.

I'm hoping to start a comic with these guys. I always end up saying no to projects like this because I don't think my art is good enough but I think I'm going to put my foot down this time!

Hal:

Can talk(unlike my version of Cyan)

Pretty laid back but knows when he needs to be serious

Will curse you out

Thinks Aura and Nautilus are cute together

His cape works as his "soul meter"(idk what to call it). It has 3 squares on the back that represent Hal's souls. The cape becomes tattered and ripped when souls are taken.

He just wants 5 minutes of peace without someone trying to take his souls, please give him his 5 minutes of peace.

Really hates colossus

In the context of black heart I don't consider him a nano bot. He can bleed and stuff like that.

When he sleeps his body starts to heal any wounds and mend his cloths. This leaves him defenseless as he will remain unconscious until it's finished. He tries not to sleep out in the open and often uses caves and trees as temporary shelters when he needs to sleep. This can also activate when he is knocked unconscious but in cases like with Colossus the healing part is stopped.

He can change colors but he prefers red. His cloths don't change colors with him. Just his skin and his cape.

Again, in he context of black heart, I imagine Hal just kinda woke up somewhere with a bit of knowlage about himself and that's about it. Shortly after works he ran into Aura and Nautilus for the first time. He considered the battle a joke.

Nautilus:

Has glowing markings all over his body. He can cause them to glow at will

Can only breath air for around 10 minutes( this time can decrease with some conditions such as heat or cold. This is because his gills need to be wet for him to breath air, so if it's really hot out his gills will dry out faster)

Has a stutter due to the N.A.T.U thing, among other things. Like trust issues when Xero is around

Is euryhalinr(this just means he can breath any kind of water)

His suit adds about 100lbs to him (material, water, and special boots to help with balance when moving around in the suit)

Likes to make jewlary with shells and stuff

Loves Aura to death. Would litterally die for her.

His teeth work like a shark's. One falls out? You've got plenty more to fill the gap! He has given pretty much all his friends breif heart attacks when he casually spits one out after they hear the loud bone cracking noise of a tooth braking. He keeps all the teeth.

Runs on all fours for some reason. No one knows why, including Aura.

Aura:

Learned all her magic from her parents

Her parents lived like hermits because they believed people still hold witch hunts. Aura hated this because she snuck out a lot and knew that this wasn't the case.

Can be a bit forgetful with spells so she always keeps her book with her at all times

Love Nautilus to death, would die for him too.

Can't swim, her body it denser then water so she just sinks. Nautilus is almost always with her when she's near water for this reason.

Aura's wand is broken but she just keeps fixing it with tape because she doesn't know how to make a new one. She also doesn't want to ask her parents because they wouldn't let her live it down.

Made the headphones Puffer wears so he doesn't have to worry about Siren trying to mind control him, again.

Aura has a secret garden. She uses it to grow her magic plants. It has a defense system that even Jestar can't get past. Only those she has given permission can enter, but those people can give temporary permission to others. Only Nautilus, Puffer and Solario have permission to go into the garden.

Has gotten use to the weird things Natalie can do.

Puffer:

A bit of a hermit, but will open up when he trusts someone

Always has his eyes closed because he thinks his eyes look scary. He can still see for some reason? (Like Brock from pokemon, idk how he could see but he traveled like 3-4 regions like that)

Changes colors depending on emotions. Blue is calm and happy, purple is upset and sad and red is anger and frustration.

Puffer can create lots of spikes all over his body if needed as well as a set of claws. He doesn't do this often.

Likes to cook but keeps it a secret from everyone. (Aura and Nautilus found out though, they just kept the secret)

He really doesn't like Siren after what she did to him, but he will talk to her and hang out with her if someone else he trusts is around.

Really wants to apologize to Hal but he hasn't gotten the chance to yet.

Is really self conscious.

He's not very good at swimming but Nautilus teaches him when Siren isn't around or in Aura's secret garden.

Siren:

Likes to sing for no reason

Has a not so small army of skeleton fish

Is litterally heartless (she doesn't like to talk about it)

Has a crush on Puffer but she doesn't know how to fix the bridge she burned with him

Plays chess with Myst a lot(and wins a lot, much to Myst's dismay)

She can shape shift her tail into a pair of legs. This was a "gift" from Jestar to help her be a better assassin for him

Thinks Xero is a prick

Likes to steal Xero's alcohol sometimes

Can water bend. She can't blood bend though. She's tried.

Likes rock and country music for some reason

Nautilus likes to play with her fish some times.

Knows a bit about necromancy. She doesn't like to talk about it though. She never does it in front of anyone besides her fish army

Myst:

Doesn't like to talk about his life outside work

Is well over 100 years old( he lost count)

Is very protective when it comes to Shade

Doesn't really understand Shade but will support her regardless

Likes to smoke when he thinks no one is around

Can create an umbrella to protect himself if he is caught outside when the sun comes up

Likes to play chess

Is basically a dad to the other assassins

Rarely opens his third eye. This usually only happens when he gets frantic, scared or extreamly angry

Does not have any remorse over killing Parry

He doesn't eat in front of others if it can be helped

Myst told Nautilus about Shade once. He had a bad feeling and asked that if anything happened to him Nautilus would take care of her. Only problem was no one thought about the address of Myst and Shade's mansion. He found her though, don't worry.

When he is exposed to sunlight it will immediately cause him to get sunburned. If he doesn't leave after about 30 seconds- 1 minute he will start to die slowly and painfully. He has taken a lot of tea baths because of the sun

Solario:

A big dork

Very loud and bubbly

Is a prince from a kingdom galaxies away from where black heart takes place in

Was suppose to marry the moon from the moon is getting away level (haven't given her a name yet) but she unknowingly broke Sol's heart so he left. He wanted her to be happy and he clearly couldn't give her that happiness.

Doesn't understand "mortal" things but wants to learn.

Nautilus taught him the word yeet and now he won't stop using it

I headcanon that his voice actor would Gary LeVox(lead singer of Rascal Flatts)(don't ask why, I can't change what has happened in my brain)

Will stop at nothing to see his friends happy

Likes hanging out with Aura, Nautilus and Puffer

Can make himself hotter or colder at will. He tends to stay at a heat that won't hurt others when the go near him, but not cold enough to cause himself harm.

If he gets to cold he can die. He also starts to become extreamly cold or extremely hot before death. The direction his tempature goes in is dependent on what he was doing before hand. (Example: reading a book, gets shot, starts to get colder and colder. Attacking Hal trying to get his soul, shapeshifts so much he almost blows himself up, gets hotter and hotter)

Can be a bit over dramatic sometimes

He is incredibly strong. He can lift both Puffer(who whieghs roughly 230 lbs) and Nautilus when he's in his suit(so about 250 lbs) with no trouble. He forgets about his stranghth some times and has accidentally thrown a few things before quickly trying to fix it.

His shapeshifting isn't limited to just objects, he can shape shift small things about him self like his cloths or his entire body into something like a dinosaur. He doesn't do it often though. Mostly just the cloths thing.

Jestar:

Yells a lot

Thinks everyone is incompetent except Xero, for some reason

Accidentally took Puffer when Siren joined do to a confusion about Sirens powers. He refused to send Puffer home.

Colossus is basically just his pet

Xero is the only one who can get away with yelling at Jestar. No one really knows why but they hold really long arguments about all sorts of stupid stuff

Did I mention he yells a lot? I did? Well I’m saying it again. He yells A LOT.

Can shapeshift in to anything

Does not know how to handle baby Madusa. He doesn't know how to handle people in general, and he thought creating a baby was a good idea.

Xero:

Smokes and drinks a lot

Has a German accent(I can’t un heard it, I’m sorry)

Has a wrapped sense of humor

Calls Natilus “shark boy” after natilus bit him(this is related to what happened before N.A.T.U)

Calls everyone a nicknames besides Jestar.

Makes more robots then he needs and holds robot death battles at night.

Wants to dissect Siran after he found out she’s litterally heartless.

Is drunk 90% of the time but that's when he works best. He doesn't care that he has a problem either

Dressed Madusa up is costumes a lot during the 2 weeks it took him to grow up. He created a scrap book with photos of them too.

Can actually be a really nice dude when he wants to be. He doesn't normally want to be nice

90% of his robots are idiots

He's left handed

Colossus:

Is basically Jestar’s pet

Doesn’t speak a language anyone knows

Is basically a king without a kingdom

Starts out really tiny but gets really big for a short period of time once he has infected someone

Shade:

Has trust issues

Is only like 16 years old

Has normal(ish) ghost powers because she was born a ghost

Drives Myst nuts with her edgy stuff

Likes talking to Perry(she meets him after the Funk Hole level)

Can bounce between having a ghost tail to having normal legs.

Her flower is technically apart of her but she doesn't consider it part of her.

Perry:

Kinda skittish around people who look scary to him(so 90% of the black heart cast)

Has a crush on Shade but won't admit it out loud because he's scared of getting bitten in half by Myst, again.

Around 18 years old

Left home because his mom and brother suck and he wanted to be a ghost hunter like the ones he saw on tv. He got his wish for like 2 hours?

Transforms into Predator during the full moons and special moons. Special moons can have different effects on his transformation and mental state. Like a blood moon causes him to become more blood thirsty but a blue moon causes him to actually retain his normal mental state.

He has a habit of spiraling about everything

Predator:

Can't say anything understandable

Each part of his head has a brain so they agrue sometimes

Around 5X the size of Parry

Acts like a dog sometimes

Would have probably just ate Hal instead of taking the souls.

Madusa:

Can breath underwater and air without issue

Doesn't like the fact that he looks like Nautilus

Hasn't figured out how to swim fast like nautilus yet but won't admit it

Calls Jestar dad

Actually gets along well with Xero

Xero calls him Moccasin

Has markings like Nautilus but they only glow in the dark and they aren't as bright

He's allergic to shell fish

Actually had about a 2 week period where he was a kid. Xero and Jestar just gave him a special serum that caused I'm to grow up faster.

Most of his teeth ended up like Aura's but his canines are significantly sharper then they would be. Xero also found an extra set of teeth under Madusa's adult teeth.

Doesn't like the idea that his whole life rests on a tiny, easy to brake, stone on his head but just rolls with it.

Scared Jestar and Xero a lot during his first few days of life. He not only descovered his allergy to shell fish but almost got himself caught by the others a bunch of times.

All these guys belong to OL666 except Hal, he belongs to vitamin games

#art #bai zewarrior #my art #project arrhythmia #project arrhythmia puffer #black heart project arrhythmia #nautilus project arrhythmia #project arrhythmia Hal

[shinwhoohoo]

Boy do I have so much to say about the whole jinyoung thing. generally speaking, I never read too much into Jinyoung( and baro) leaving WM. I have been a kpop fan for well over 10 years and while I haven't really loved a group as much as i love B1A4, I have seen a number of groups and their members leave. So when I read things of people seeming so salty and mad about the whole split, I can't really relate./1

Ultimately, both Jinyoung and Baro did what the believed was the best for themselves and what they wanted in their career. I believe when it came down to contract renewal, Jinyoung being the generally ambitious person that he is, was basically sweettalked into Link8 with slightly empty promises( and maybe even asked to contribute some funds to the creation of the company). 2/

Link8 just generally didn’t seem like they knew how to manage an artist like jinyoung who wanted to work as an actor as well as still work on music. Like they had a general idea but I don’t believe they knew to what extent how much it would take. They essentially just fumbled, like a lot. Like sure he did a few things here and there but honestly when you hear that an artist or even actor has an exclusive contract with a company, you kinda just expect more. 3/

Like hey they’re going invest so much money into promoting their talents, get them as many great roles as possible, etc. And that kind of just didn’t happen. To add onto that, jinyoung had to enlist. And they definitely weren’t as prepared as they could of been. (there’s the excuse that they were a small newly established company but ultimately that’s just an excuse). In addition to their only talent and source of income not being able to work, the pandemic started in 2020.

So that’s an even bigger strain on the company. So, hearing that Jinyoung left Link8, does not surprise me. They generally let him down as well as his fans. I think it was silly in the first place for him to not sign with an acting agency( though I’m assuming he wanted something that was more tailored to who he was and what he wanted to do as a celebrity) 5/

While I don’t think he will be returning to the group anytime soon, I do believe perhaps there is a chance that eventually they will come back together. being apart of B1A4 is not something he can easily erase and it is where a good bit of his fans came from. He did make a lot of promises about B1A4 always being one and the like, which I’m sure is why there are fans who are still bothered or upset. But alternatively think about if he had been more realistic about everything? 6/

fans would of been bothered by that too. Maybe he shouldn’t of talked about it as much as he did and that would of made this entire situation better. All in all, I’m a BANA that is more bothered by Link8 and how they approached and handled a lot of things concerning Jinyoung more than I am at Jinyoung himself. 7/

He could of done better with how he decided to go but I don’t believe he ever wanted to flat out drop B1A4, but if anything he wanted to put some distance between that part of his career and what he wanted next. ultimately. A3 is great and all of them together is great too. I hope whoever he signs with after his enlistment is just generally better and more experienced. Not simply recycling ideas for promoting their talent. 8/

Wow, now I think this is the longest ask I’ve ever gotten! haha thanks for sharing all your thoughts~

That’s good you can distance yourself from it. Admittedly that’s probably the most ideal way to handle it, but I guess it’s easier said than done for some of us. 

I agree, Baro and Jinyoung did what they thought was best for themselves. And I’ve never faulted them for that. My only critique has always been in how they left, and the pain we can see from CNU, Sandeul and Gongchan over it. But I’ve written enough posts and answered enough asks about that 😅

LINK8 has just always seemed a bit of a mess. I mean, it seemingly popped out of nowhere, and the timing of its creation and Jinyoung joining just all seemed a bit suspect. Again, I’ve talked enough about that but I’ll just say I essentially agree with your points made in your 3rd through 5th paragraphs regarding how LINK8 just was not good lol. And personal opinion, but I think a lot of how they ‘dropped the ball’ goes hand in hand with him having a more prominent role in the company, and then just not being there during public service to run it. And by ‘it’ I mean his own promotions, not necessarily the company as a whole. But who knows, he could have been helping run the company as a whole too. There’s just so much we don’t know about LINK8, and with it seemingly ceasing to exist, we’ll probably never know.

The point you make about Jinyoung talking about Bipo always being one vs. him being more realistic is something I haven’t talked about as frequently as the other things, but I did mention at least once here. Basically, I agree he was kinda in a ‘damned if he did, damned if he didn’t’ situation. I understand why he felt the need to continue on the ‘7 year curse? I don’t know her’ train despite the fact he probably already knew he was gonna be leaving. Like I get it, I really do. the Kpop world isn’t exactly the kinda place where he would have had the freedom to actually be transparent, for the sake of the fans. The only thing I can say about that is looking back, I wish he wasn’t just so intense about ‘B1A4 being one forever’... like he was mentioning it even up until their 7th anniversary VLive, a mere two months before he actually left. But I understand his reasons.

Regarding you last paragraph, “...but I don’t believe he ever wanted to flat out drop B1A4, but if anything he wanted to put some distance between that part of his career and what he wanted next” idk. I guess this is where I may have to disagree. Of course, at the end of the day all we’re doing is sharing individual opinions, we’ll never know for sure, so no one is right or wrong. But I don’t think I can truly agree with this 100%. While I don’t think someone ‘wanting distance’ is the same as ‘flat out dropping’, I do think it’s a very fine line to walk. If Jinyoung (or Baro) didn’t want to actually drop the group, then why did they leave in a way that made A3 so upset? Them leaving WM and signing to other agencies was more than enough to distance themselves, if that’s all they really wanted. However, it always seemed there was more to it than that-- Sandeul tweeting about how shocked and confused he was mere hours after the news dropped, not leaving his house for a month, Gongchan completely breaking down over it, how apologetic CNU was that he couldn’t keep them together as five, idk. This just seems more than just them leaving the company to create some distance. This to me signals it went down maybe in not the best way, that while they ‘didn’t technically leave the group’ it certainly might as well be that way for A3. This seems like a complete break to me, not just a distance.

But again, just personal opinion based on what we have seen and heard. I’m never going to say there’s no chance they won’t all get together again, just that it’ll definitely be some time. I don’t think any of them want to all get back together right now, including Baro and Jinyoung. (Obviously, if B1A4 was their top priority, then they wouldn’t have left in the first place, so this makes sense and I respect that). The best for Jinyoung though, hopefully if he is actually signing with BB Entertainment, they can give him what he’s truly searching for. And hopefully we’ll see Baro in some acting roles soon, too! I always loved his acting, so I’ll be looking forward to that~

Thanks for sharing all your thoughts again, I appreciate you taking the time to do so.

#b1a4 #cnu #sandeul #gongchan #shindeulchan #jinyoung #baro #wm entertainment #link 8 entertainment #bb entertainment #text #ask #reply

[liibrii]

In honour of today being National Culture Day in my country and exactly a year since I've seen my favourite band perform live, I've decided to take a minute and talk about Dream Theater. And by talk I mean mostly nerd out about my favourite songs and why I love them so much.

in case you haven’t heard of Dream Theater before, they’re an american progressive metal band, who’s been around since 1985. idk what else to say except even if you don’t like metal/rock give a listen to Beneath the surface.

tw: some pretty heavy topics such as death, murder, mental illness, alcoholism,... 

so to start, I love the versatility of their songs and yet they still have that distinct Dream Theater sound. my favourite part of their music are the lyrics. a lot of them are inspired by their own personal experience, which often makes them just the more heart breaking. and for others, I don't know what creator juice these guys are on but I'd like some. they’re the kind of lyrics you want to read while listening to the music just to really get the meaning, and you spend days thinking about them. or maybe that’s just me. :D 

also Petrucci's guitar skills are outta this world, which sadly often overshadows others who are also incredible musicians. I have a soft spot the singer LaBrie cause 1. his voice and singing are magnificent, and 2. he damaged his voice pretty badly but perservered even when critics weren’t very nice to his singing and I respect that.

I'll start with my favourite album (and the one I heard live) - Metropolis Pt. 2: scenes from a Memory. it's a concept album, which if you don't know is an album that has a single central narrative (can be lyrics, musical theme,...). in this case it tells a story of Nicholas, a man who keeps having dreams about a girl named Victoria, and how through hypnotic therapy he discovered he was her in the previous life. Victoria was murdered and her death never solved, so we follow him as he discovers the truth behind her death. I won't spoil it, in case you're curious but don't wanna read the lyrics you can find a synopsis here. I'll just say the story of this album is better than majority of movies.

If you put a gun to my head and made me choose my favourite song on this album it would be the very last one: Finally Free. it's charged with so much emotion, the way LaBrie sings the lyrics; you can tell which part belongs to which character, it's just soooo good! The way each repeats the lines This feeling / Inside me / I finally found my love (life) / I've finally broke free - and I'd go on but I'd get into spoiler territory. so. let's move on with the closing melody (it's not much of a melody, more like static) that becomes the opening of the first song on their next album Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence.

Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence is another concept album. this album. man, how do I even begin to explain it? I can't, you gotta listen to it. have you ever imagined an entire album telling stories of people living with things like alcoholism, post-partum depression, autism, schizophrenia? it may sound intimidating and I won't lie, some songs touch you so deeply it's hard to listen to them (looking at you Goodnight kiss).

and now that my fave albums are outta the way let's talk about my favourite songs in no particular order! (just a note, pretty much everything I’ll say about the lyrics is my personal interpretation)

Beneath the Surface (album: A dramatic turn of Events) - the one that makes me cry like a baby. the one I tefuse to shut up about. the story of two people who are in love, neither aware the other feels the same,  both too scared to make a move till it’s to late and their feelings fade. just, listen to it, please. it’s also the least ‘metal’ of their songs, if that’s not the kind of music you’re fond of.

Spirit carries on (album: Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes from a memory): I can’t say much about it without spoiling the story of the album, so let’s say it was experience of a lifetime singing this song on the concert, off key and out of tune, with your bestfriends beside you, all of you crying. 10/10 experience.

Through her eyes (album: Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes from a memory) - same as Spirit carries on :D

Finally free (album: Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes from a memory) - the emotion!! I want to sing this song at the top of my lungs while it makes tears pour down my face. it’s such a good final song to this absolutely brilliant album.

Pull me Under (album: Images and Words) - when that LaBrie voice hits... if you’ve ever heard this song you know what I mean, and if you are yet too, you’ll know which part I mean. you’ll hear it, trust me. (it’s at 2:54)

Vacant (album: Train of thought): ah look, another song that makes me cry. LaBrie wrote this after his daughter fell into coma for 3 hours when she was 7, and let me tell you, you can feel the fear. easily one of their most heart breaking songs. but she’s okay now, don’t worry. :)

Stream of Consciousness (album: Train of Thought) - an instrumental song with guys just flexing their skills. 

Wither (album: Black Clouds & Silver Linings) - the story behind this song is Petrucci had trouble coming up with new lyrics so this mad-lad pulled a UNO reverse card and wrote a song on having trouble creating. and as a writer who often hits writer’s block I relate to that. 

Count of Tuscany (album: Black Clouds & Silver Linings) - the story of this song could easily be a movie. you meet a young count on your travels and he takes you to his home where his slightly eccentric brother lives, and before you know you’re terrified for your life. I have yet to hear a song that captures the fear of dying as well as this one. 20 minutes of pure bliss and singing at the top of your lungs. 

Out of Reach (album: Distance over Time) - you know that feeling of falling for someone who’s out of reach? yeah, that. 

Fall into the light (album: Distance over Time) - the line Too much love is not enough for us makes me question what is really important in life and I love it when songs make me think. it’s such a simple line and yet so powerful. (spare some of the creator juice?)

Ministry of Lost Souls (album: Systematic Chaos) - you thought we were done with songs that make me cry? ha, think again! this is the song that sold me on Dream Theater. the lyrics have 2 different interpretations, both of which are heart breaking and thus I won’t talk about them. :) 

Prophets of War (album: Systematic Chaos) - I’m not saying it’s about the possible ulterior motives of the Iraq war buuuut... oh no, wait that’s exactly what the song is about. 

Endless sacrifice (album: Train of Thought) - just a song about how relationships take work and compromising, especially when one is a musician and often on tours. Petrucci wrote this song for his wife. get you a man who recognises how much you’ve sacrificed to make the relationship work. 

Build me up, break me down (album: A dramatic turn of events) - I have no other reason for liking this song other than it is an absolute banger.

Panic Attack (album: Octavarium) - this song includes my favourite singing from LaBrie. goosebumps every time. and also the suffocating feeling of pure panic, the paralysis you feel are so well reflected in the music it’s unreal. 

Octavarium (album: Octavarium) - this song has my fave line: It's wonderful to know that I could be / Something more than what I dreamed. and it also takes the award of “Lyrics whose meaning I’ve been trying to figure out for years and still have no clue“. and the orchestral parts of this song... I hope to get a chance to hear it live one day.

I was debating putting some of my favourite lyrics here but I think this post is already long enough. :)

in conclusion, I love Dream Theater and I hope they keep making music!! ♡

#dream theater #libri speaks #I just wanted to get this outta my system #things you didn't ask for #might edit/update later

[eyes-like-a-pisces]

Rules: Answer 10 questions, tag 10 people and make another 10 questions.🧜‍♀️

Questions from my astrological twin: @maiden-song 💕

1. if you could choose to glimpse the afterlife, would you?

Yes, I would. I think a lot about It.

2. under what circumstances do you think you past life was lived?

I could have had many past lifes. I think I was a native american, cause I've always felt bonded to their tradicion and same with China, cause when I hear the sound of Erhu - traditional chinese instrument, something wakes up in me. I've also always wanted to see Sweden & Finland, so maybe I was doing something there... I mean, I could do anything. I see myself in biblical times, as well as middle ages. I could be a renaissance artist, as well as dying of hunger during victorian era, or something, and that's probably why I'm still careful with money, haha. For my latest one, I think I could have been a hippie in the 60/70s and had some drug use experience, cause when I was a child I used have dreams about taking drugs, even if I didn't know anything about It. I also had some experience with psychics (and "psychics"), my mom had a past life regression and she told me she saw me few times... I don't take anything for granded, but reincarnation is one of my favourite theories.

3. what three skills would you instantly master if you had the choice?

Playing every instrument, speaking every language, singing beautifully

4. would your rather no passion or no pain?

No pain. Everything is needed in life, but you know, enough is enough.

5. if you had a chance to leave this world and go to another one, would you take it?

Depends of the world and who I would meet there. Even if this world can be cruel and disappointing at times, I still have some love for him and humanity.

6. if you could smell like anything in the world, what would it be?

Like the first day of spring, when you go outside and the air smells different. Or a storm.

7. do you feel like common interests or philosophical comparability are not important?

They are very important. I can't imagine a relationship without similar interests, views. You either get bored or fight constantly. I think that the whole point of searching a partner is trying to find things you got in common. The more similar you are, the more understood you feel and more you are attracted to them. That's my experience at least. That's a very basic example, but as you may noticed, I'm very much into music and I was dating a guy, who wasn't into music that much at all. I thought It doesn't matter at first, but then I started feeling like I'm missing my favourite way to connect with other person. Once I met a guy who loved music as much as I do, I'm sorry to admit It, but my partner became unattractive to me.

Similar interests and views are needed at the beginning, to bond with somebody, and later, to simply enjoy spending time together (thanks Captain Obvious). I mean... chemistry and good will are not enough for a relationship to last. Don't get me wrong, I don't think you have to be identical and agree on everything - some differences can be inspiring, balance your relationship and teach you something new. It's also ok and even needed, to have some separate hobbies, things that you like to do on your own. There are also other important things, like, if you equally care about each other and if you are on the same page in general, but I can't imagine not agreeing in the key points and things that are the most important to you. And the only person who can decide what is the most important is the person who is in that relationship, no matter if It's about interests, philosophy or religion. But beside a romantic relationship, I think It's good to be surrounded by different people and listen what they got to say.

8. if there was one mystery you alone could learn the answer too, what would it be?

The mystery of life in general. Why we are here, is there any destiny, how we are connected, how this universe works, what happens after death...

9. in your opinion, is there anything more important than love?

No :) (I'm not talking about putting your relationship before other things. I'm talking about love as a big force and meaning of this universe)

10. describe a new planet you would live on, if you could.

I want things to be diverse, monumental... Maybe another moon, why not. As a concept of the world, I wish there would be peace :) everybody has their safe place to live, will to live, passion, purpose, someone to love and who loves them back. Amen.

Questions from @mybloodiedvalentine 💕👯

1. What is an unpopular opinion you hold you about which you feel strongly and with which you seem to notice a lot of people disagree?

Nothing specific comes to my mind at the moment (that I haven't mentioned before). I sure have some, but what's unpopular opinion in general and what's unpopular opinion on tumblr, are two different things. Maybe, that the "tumblr positivity" is not really helpful. Like: "in case you need to hear this: you are smart, you are loved... ". How do you know that? Those are just empty words. But It's better to spread positivity than negativity, of course.

2. What is the nicest thing a stranger has ever told you that you can recall?

Oh, I had a few situations like that... This is so lovely, when a stranger wants to just be genuinely nice, not just catcalling you...For example, when I was with my 3 girlfriends at the club and 2 ladies in their 40s where like: "excuse me, we just wanted to say that we can't stop starring at you all, cause you are the priettiest girls in the club." And we were like: aww, omg, you are beautiful too, come dance with us. And we were all dancing in our witches circle ignoring all sweaty men around us, haha. Or when my mom went to the the same hair saloon as me and asked hair dresser if she remembers me and she said that she does and that I'm nice and intelectual. I'm her faithful client now ;_; (Sorry for sucking my own dick, but It was nice to remind myself about these situations).

3. Has a piece of art or music ever made you cry? If so, do you remember a specific moment? 

Crying to music is my passion. The latest intense moment was few days ago. I was loading a dishwasher at night and I played some music and then "lover you should've come over" by Jeff Buckley came on and sudden wave of lonelliness hit me so hard, that I just had to put down the plate, hide my face in my hands and weep ✌

4. What’s your favourite piece of clothing?

Idk, maybe my Penny Lane coat :)

5. What’s a random childhood memory that fills you with a deep sense of comforting nostalgia? 

Sledding with kids during a very cold winter in my home town, until It got dark and snow looked like sprinkled with glitter and having my freezed feet warmed up with a hair dryer, when I came back home, haha.

6. What is/was your favourite thing about your mom? If not your mom, your dad? Or best friend?

My favourite thing about my mom is that she's tolerant and open minded. I didn't have to lie to her or pretend I'm someone I'm not because of that. My favourite thing about my dad is that he actually cared about being a parent, even tho my parents divorced. I respect that he has unwavering morals and huge knowledge about a world - biology, astronomy, music, art...- subject doesn't matter- but he is very modest about It.

7. What’s something you learned on your own of which you’re proud?

Playing guitar

8. When was a moment in your life you remember laughing the hardest?

I was playing cards since I was a kid. After few years, when I was about 13 y. o. I got the first poker, a royal flush. When I saw my cards, I'm not sure why, I just coudn't believe my luck, I started laughing so hard I almost died.

9. What do you like to do when you’re having a hard time mentally that invariably calms you down?

Really depends of the kind of situation and if It's triggered by something or just a longer period of time feeling in a certain way. The is no a magic trick, but some things might be helpful. When It's concrete situation, at first, when the feelings are really intense, then I just can't calm down. Every try to do so, has a reverse effect. Like, I CAN'T THE FUCK CALM DOWN and It makes me even more angry. Brain needs about 20 min to chill, if It's not triggered, so It's better to be left alone and just go mad a little until brain will have enough haha. Have a good cry, listen to some music, have a lonely walk, write my feelings down etc.

I like to listen to Teal Swan on youtube. She's a spiritual teacher. I know, It might not sound encouragingly, but she actually seems very down to earth. She has a video about like, every emotion and every problem ever. She's very good in naming feelings, rationalizing them and It makes you feel more understood. And It calms me down as result. ASMR doesn't work for me, but I remember that at some point I liked to listen to sounds of the nature, like rain, waves etc + guided meditation to fall asleep.

Music always helps in general - listening, playing guitar, singing. I also like to take an oil and do a face massage. I'm really sorry if I sound like an instagram influencer 🤢, but when you feel bad for a longer time, you frown and there is a tention in your jaw, it can be really relieving. I follow instructional videos on yt.

When I have a longer period of going into downward spiral, then every way to distract my brain is good - TV shows, internet content that is not related to my life situation (although, sometimes It's good to distance yourself from social media), for example, I like criminal podcasts, cause they are occupying enough to distract a miserable brain, meeting somebody, going to a place I've never been before. + any kind of shedule, reason to leave the house, any goal, anything positive to look forward to and having even the simplest things done, is a blessing (even if sometimes It's the last thing I wanna do). I also tend to be much sadder in the evening, so I just go to sleep. When nothing works, then It's time for the professional help.

10. Do you have a favourite holiday memory?

Discovering Cocteau Twins.

Best regards if u actually read all that chatter, but those questions were so interesting, that I couldn't limit myself to one sentence answer (in most cases).

My questions are:

1. Who or what was the most influential for your music taste?

2. If you could time travel, where and when would you like to go first?

3. If you could be someone from an opposite gender for a day, how would you like to look like and what would you do?

4. Do you have a style icon/inspiration? Or a favourite designer? Desribe your dream clothing style

5. What's the song by a band/artist from your country that you could recommend? (From your hometown or state eventually)

6. What is the most rebellious thing you've ever done?

7. Has ever something in your life happened, that you coudn't explain with logic?

8. What 5 objects someone could use to summon you?

9. What is your favourite name from your culture's language? And outside your culture's language?

10. What's a song you normally wouldn't admit you like or different from music that you usually listen, but still enjoy?

I tag: @winterdryad @bowiepop @nightmare @confusion-in-the-sea-of-sorrow @l0w-budget @numberoneblind @mirandasinclairs @mysticbride @leperwitch @comeacrossthedesertnoshoeson @hexafu @mielmelancolie @arcane-delight

#don't reblog this or any of my personal posts please #and thank you

[astrxlis-archive]

Hello Fox!! 🥰 i'm doing alright, thanks for asking!! :D I didn't expected a reply to my recent message, but i wanna thank you for taking the time to reply and do the quizzes!! 💞💞💞

How are you feeling now? Are you still in pain? :'( i'm glad you put yourself first over academics, that way you have also gotten extra rest, no? :3 i wish you the best of luck and lots of energy for your afternoon and evening classes! I can't imagine how it's like to go to school for almost literally a whole day 😰 i'm very happy to know that you have eaten too!! Getting inadequate rest and whole day classes concerns me though 🥺 may you eat properly this dinner too!! <33

i'm glad to know that you enjoyed the quizzes i sent 😌🤩 it was my pleasure of sharing stuff i find 👌 i havent actually watched the show or know any stuff in it but i also don't wanna assume things at the same time,, so it's also okay if you'd like to tell me a short overview about it or the characters(personality) 💞 idk about the izzy guy too, he lowkey looks like grouchy to me 😂 but i tried taking the quiz for 2 times again and i got Mary Bonnett & Jim,,, at this point, idk who i am 😂 let me think... I kinda relate to the Izzy result a bit? If you remember our past convos about who we kin, i do display trust issues and the try-hard independency ?? Is this the xiao kinnie in me?? 🤔🤔

Before i continue talking about my results, i just wanna say that your results really reflects on you 😳😳 i may not know you fully, but it truly describes who you are/vibes i get from you !! 😍💕 Those were some words i wanna say to you, but i am unable to find it and i'm happy your quiz results are so fitting 🤩🤩🤩

Continuing about my results, i aint sure about the oluwande dressing style- most of the results i picked were kinda either a bit bland or not really bold but whatever 😅 all i could say is that i like his outfit!! The purple vest looks really good on him,, i get good character vibes from him too!! He looks so wholesome 🥺 pretty interesting to know that you're a goth at heart too 😤 i never thought of that !! thank you for telling me more about yourself :3 i can see the improvement <333 i'm really proud of you!! :DD

About the link you sent me, (thank you for this too!! I never expected it as well 🥺)

Here's my results!!

— scary dog privilege

loud music. laughing at bad horror movies. comfort through sitting in silence together. deep, Intricate forests and dark shades of green and purple. your best feature is probably a birthmark, or maybe your nose. you often look stoic, but when you do smile, it lights up your whole face. you're observant. you probably have a soft spot for kids. for someone who looks so scary, you have this innate way of making people feel so safe. you're a natural protector. you just want people to have it better than you did. your kindness is subtle. not everyone will see it. but it's the cause of so much healing. even more than you can see.

I gotta be honest- i dont have any idea how my results became like this 😂😅 the first two assumptions were wrong about me 😤 i totes can't stand horror and loud music;; tho the birthmark is really on spot?? I have this mole at the middle of my chest (somewhere at the in-lign middle of the two shoulder blades?? med student pls help 😰😭🙏) i consider it as my best feature 🤩 the kids is a no-no, kids scare me tbh 😰 i do remember a friend of mine told me that they felt scared of me before we even became friends, is this really the xiao kinnie in me manifesting 🤔🤔🤔 i actually enjoy people getting intimidated by me too, it was a challenge to assert dominance ngl knowing that some people deem me as that soft and kind person 😩 one of my goals too is that i dream to be able to study martial arts or wielding weapons so that i could not only protect my self but also others 🤩

Wishing you a good day/night as well!! Please do update me what's happening over there too or how you're doing~💕💕💕

— 🍰.

hello 🍰 💕

since this was sent so long ago: i’m still in pain, but it’s not as bad as it was. my sciatic nerve likes to make itself known sometimes 😂

ok, so about our flag means death

it’s a cute little pirate show that follows through with the queer and comedic thematic in the best way possible. i can’t really say much without spoiling things, but the way the show builds up is so great. it took me some convincing to get past the first three episodes because the secondhand embarrassment i felt from stede bonnet was too much, but then blackbeard showed at the end of the third ep and i was like “alright, let’s see what happens”. no regrets on my part 🤩😍

about you getting jim and mary… from what we see of mary bonnet in later episodes, i absolutely agree with her being your result. parts of jim too! as for izzy… the last two episodes kinda confirmed my view of him? while i do understand where he’s coming from, i find it hard to relate him to you. izzy has a hard time letting go of the past, and because he’s so set on his ways and clinging to the glorious days of “fearsome blackbeard”, he does everything he can to bring that version of the man back, and he manages to in the end! but not by good means. i mean, stede helps, too, but that’s a whole other matter (spoilers). izzy wants to go back to something that’s no longer there, and he keeps pushing until something breaks. he’s very dependent on blackbeard, i think, because in a lot of scenes it’s shown how his main view of self relies on how he sees himself in being blackbeard’s right hand.

i’m just really passionate about the series but don’t wanna spoil anything to anyone and don’t want to write an essay about it either 😂😂 i could go a bit more in-depth about mary and jim if you want?

about the fashion style: no because same?? i went with pretty bland ones too, but like, darker™ 😎so it’s safe to assume you don’t dress in bolder colors? 😂about oluwande… he’s the most sensible character in the show imo. i’d trust him with my life, just like jim does. he’s very wholesome. i think you’d like him 😊

you thank me for talking about myself but honestly i’m the one who’s grateful, both for your willingness to read my replies and interact with me, and for allowing me to get to know you in return 🥹🥰

your result is so sweet????? even if there are things that don’t align kfndjd it’s funny it’s called scared dog, but talking to you does give a sense of comfort and protection. it’s like “this person is safe, it’s ok to open up”. the middle of your chest is called the midsternal line 😉 it’s a pretty interesting place to have a mole!! and yep, that’s def the xiao kinnie in you 😂😂 how does your friend view you now?? also, studying martial arts/learning how to yield a weapon? badass. go for it!! i’m cheering you on uwub

#—new mail ! #—the burrow's 🍰 #my emo phase never left #it did morph into a softer goth-ish phase tho #i still jam to fall out boy #like fr let me know if u do start learning martial arts i think they’re pretty neat

[the8gates]

happy 200 followers 💖💖 tell us about yoou! (if that's ok with you!) when did you start writing? favorite song? favorite OC? favorite tv show? idk haha

I am doing this one out of order from the rest because it's easier to talk about myself than it is to write a scene and I don't have a WHOLE lot of time. So, Knives Lore under the cut!

Okay so I know this is general ask but that first question stuck out to me and I have a story to tell!

When did I start writing?

That's kind of a loaded question because writing has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember.

My dad loved to read. Anything and everything he could get his hands on, though he did have a fondness for fantasy. I honestly don't have a memory of him where he wasn't reading some insanely long novel. I'm not sure if it was a genetic trait or if I just admired him so much that I started to mirror him, but I developed the same love for books.

When I was in elementary school I would read through entire series of books in a week. Eventually, my dad introduced me to Harry Potter (I am NOT a Harry Potter adult do not come for me!!) and I fell in love with it. After that, it was all kind of downhill. I have this vivid memory from when the Hunger Games books came out. I was reading the first one laying on my living room floor when (spoiler for a book that has been out for 14 years?) Rue died. I remember openly sobbing into the pages of this book, ruining the ink with my tears, utterly inconsolable. My mom and dad walked into the room and I remember my mom asking me "Whats wrong?" and I couldn't answer her because I was young and in the throes of MOURNING.

So, my dad just said "She's reading" and that has stuck with me my entire life. The way stories have the power to move us and change us. He passed away a couple years after that and it was hard... but I kept reading. And reading. I guess that's where my love for writing came from. I want to write things that make people cry and laugh and gasp. Really, I'm just mimicking what I love. I haven't read an actual book in a long time... but maybe I should pick up something new.

Also, melodrama aside, I didn't start writing fanfiction for the purpose of publishing it online until a little over a year ago. I thought I didn't have anything special to offer, so I just kept it to myself for a long time. Though, once, I did write a Hannah Montana short story when I was in middle school. Wrote it on notebook paper and READ IT OUT LOUD TO MY FAMILY!!! Cringe. I guess the short answer to your question is that writing is something that has always been a part of my life <3

That was a lot and I know I'm not a particularly interesting person, but I'll answer your other questions too!

My favorite song?

This is constantly changing because, if I inherited my love of reading/writing from my dad, I inherited my love of music from my mom. I have shown you guys some of my playlists relating to the fics I've written, but those are just the TIP of the iceberg. I believe I have 50 playlists on my Spotify account right now? All ones that I've created with very different vibes. I love music of all kinds.

Right now, though, my favorite song is Happier Than Ever by Billie Eilish. I know, real mainstream pick for someone who just talked about loving all genres etc etc. But seriously, that song gives me fucking chills EVERY TIME I hear it. Something about feminine rage.

My favorite TV Show?

KILLING ME WITH THIS QUESTION BESTIE.

Let me just give you a little list of my Top 5 since I really can't pick one.

- Bojack Horseman

- Twin Peaks

- *sighs* Naruto

- Succession (a newer addition to the list because I JUST got caught up but I adore it)

- Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (god what I wouldn't give to go back and watch this for the first time again)

That's a healthy mix of shows I just personally enjoy and shows that are just... technically perfect IMO hahaha

My favorite OC?

Atsuko. There are some things about her character that I wish I had written better/differently. ESPECIALLY in the Shadow Series. But I love her dearly because she is my first. This is specific to the Shadow Series and not the Burnouts AU, but her relationship with Sasuke surprised me even though I was the ONE WHO WROTE IT. Because when I started that series, I didn't have a plan for where it was going. I just wanted to write some Kakashi romance and give Sasuke a mom. That's it. But I wrote 500k words and, after a certain point, those emotions started to bleed into my real life?

I spent so long writing from the perspective of a grieving mother that I started to grieve with her? I realized I needed to take a break from writing that story when I started to miss a son I never had??? It was the strangest feeling because I'm no stranger to loneliness. I think everyone has felt that at some point. But this was different because I didn't just dream about having someone to warm the bed or cuddle with. I was like... sad that I couldn't take my IMAGINARY SON TO SOCCER PRACTICE??? Anyway, I had to take a hiatus after that because I realized I was getting in too deep hahaha

Seriously though, Atsuko is my baby and I love her dearly. She's fun and dramatic and colorful and motherly... kinda everything I wish I was.

#knives speaks #200 follower special #i ramble #apologies!!

[hanniejji]

TAGS UWU

So I was tagged three times and since I wasn't able to do it on my phone I had to do it on my computer lmao anyway I got tagged by my sweet cakes(@hyunjinsgiggle ), the sunshine (@felegs ), and this cutie (@stayuwu ) this is going to be long btw im sorry and the ending is very depressing ignore it

Bold Tag

Rules: bold the ones that apply to you!

Appearance:

I’m over 5'5 / I wear glasses/contacts / I have blonde hair / I wear sweatshirts a lot / I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing / I have one or more piercings / I have at least one tattoo / I have blue eyes / I have dyed or highlighted my hair / I have gotten plastic surgery / I have or had braces / I sunburn easily / I have freckles / I paint my nails / I typically wear makeup / I don’t often smile / I am pleased with how I look / I prefer Nike to Adidas / I wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies and talents:

I play a sport / I can play an instrument / I am artistic / I know more than one language / I have won a trophy in some sort of competition / I can cook or bake without a recipe / I know how to swim / I enjoy writing / I can do origami / I prefer movies on TV shows / I can execute a perfect somersault / I enjoy singing / I could survive in the wild on my own / I have read a new book series this year / I enjoy spending time with friends / I travel during school or work brakes / I can do a handstand

Experiences:

I have had my first kiss / I have gotten drunk / I have told a crush I like them / I have traveled outside of the country / I have flown on an airplane / I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours / I have had a near-death experience / I have caught something on fire / I have performed in a talent show / I have shot a gun / I have been on TV / I have gone scuba diving / I have broken a bone / I have slow-danced / I have gone on a shopping spree

Relationships:

I am in a relationship / I have been single for over a year / I have a crush / I have a best friend I have known for over ten years / my parents are together / I have dated my best friend / I am adopted / my crush have confessed to me / I have had a long-distance relationship / I am an only child / I give advice to my friends / I have made an online friend / I met up with someone I have met online

Aesthetics:

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell / I have watched the sun rise / I enjoy rainy days / I have slept under the stars / I meditate outside / the sound of chirping calms me / I enjoy the smell of the beach / I know what snow tastes like / I listen to music to fall asleep / I enjoy thunderstorms / I enjoy cloud watching / I have attended a bonfire / I pay close attention to colors / I find mystery in the ocean / I enjoy hiking on nature paths / Autumn is my favorite season

Miscellaneous:

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle / I am the mom friend / I live by a certain quote / I like the smell of sharpies / I am involved in extracurricular activities/ I enjoy Mexican food / I can drive stick-shift / I have memorized an entire song in a day / I believe in true love / I dream up scenarios to fall asleep / I sing in the shower / I wish I lived in a video game / I have a canopy above my bed / I am Multi-racial / I am a redhead / I own at least three dogs / I am LGBR

I'm about to answer 33 questions wow I feel like I'm on an examination

11 questions tag

by sweet cakes:

1. what is your fashion sense?

I have a lot of styles depending on the weather or my mood. I mostly do the sweater/jacket + high waisted shorts hehe or turtle neck + shorts + cardigan/jacket. when I'm lazy, which is always, I wear an oversize hoodie and shorts and the occasional cap hihi I have a weird sense of fashion

2. what is your favourite season?

I like rainy, or windy. any is fine as long as I don't sweat like hell adfaslsja I hate summer

3. if you could go on holiday anywhere, where?

I love going to beaches but tbh anywhere with good views is fine, it doesn't matter since the most important thing for me is that I get the experience and take lots of photos if they have a lot of delicious foods then that's better oof

4. what is one quote you live by?

"learn to stand on your own feet" has a very special place in my heart

5. would you ever get a tattoo, and if so, what and where?

I would want a snowflake, because we're not alone falling down

6. what is your favourite song at the minute?

at the moment, it's nobody knows by youngjae and fine by yugyeom ✨✨

7. what is one album you would listen to for the rest of your life?

I still listen to Linkin Park songs because of the meaningful and relatable lyrics

8. what is your favourite memory from the last year?

it has to be the one time my mom said she's proud of me :')

9. what is one regret you have?

not being able to make friends easily :'( I find it hard to do

10. would you change aforementioned regret?

maybe :'(

11. if you could have any food in the world to eat right now, what would it be?

How dare you make me choose I can't possibly choose between different varieties of foods :'( fries, frappe, and shawarma w/o cucumber pls

by sunshine 🌞

1. what’s one thing that helps you relax?

probably sleeping with soft background music

2. what’s your favorite novel and author?

I'd rather poetry :') sea of strangers by lang leav is amazing

3. are you an affectionate person? if so, how do you show affection?

I'm more like the closet affectionate person hehe but when I'm tired or sleepy I get clingy a lot but I'm mostly through small actions, I'm not comfortable with saying "I miss you" or whatever unless I'm typing them

4. are you an early bird or a night owl?

totally a night owl

5. if you’re comfortable with it, do you have a song you connect to something or someone, and if so, what is it?

sorry by halsey, broken home by 5sos

6. if you could go back to a place you’ve been to before, where would it be?

the beach we went to last vacation :')

7. what does your favorite piece of clothing - that you own yourself - look like?

a very comfy oversized hoodie, it's black with front pocket, sweater paaaaws, and it has a small doodle of neptune on the back

8. who’s your bias and why?

bias? I don't know her

9. do you believe in luck and miracles?

yas, my aunt is actually a fortune teller? idk? but she knows a lot about those and spirits thing but since I have low self confidence I mostly sound like I don't believe in them

10. what’s your favorite type of decorations?

aesthetic and pastel colors ✨

11. do you prefer being outside or inside?

booooth

by cutie :

1. Are you a daydreamer? If so, what do you dream about?

sometimes I just space out without even realizing

2. What’s your favorite place in the world?

home

3. What’s home to you?

somewhere that no one can judge me, a safety place, a place where I can let loose and be comfortable and not give a care about anything

4. This is not a question but quote a vine.

"oh hell noOooOoOOoOooOooOO"

5. Grey’s anatomy or House?

what i don't watch any of these

6. Do you have any pets?

a lame excuse of a cat

7. What kind of friend are you? (You know, the mom friend, the meme friend, etc).

the mom friend, scolds you 25/8, gives advises everywhere, comforts you, takes things seriously, drops everything just to listen to you unless I'm in a very bad mood, sacrifices for you, boyfriend material (according to my friend), secretly soft, lazy but exerts effort when needed, randomly does weird things and dances to fortnite, supports you, but lowkey doesn't do the same for myself lol because I'm emo and you can hear me saying bad things about myself 27/10 and pushing you away lol

I don't share my food unless you're important lmao

8. Do you hate someone? If so, why?

fake peopleeee

9. What’s your dream job?

to be a journalism

10. What MCU character resembles you the most? (not physically, more like mentally and emotionally).

probably wanda

11. I won’t use this eleven question as an actual question, use your right to answer to this to talk about whatever the fuck you want. Rant, fangirl, talk about what you did today or yesterday or whatever. Just talk.

I just want to cry to someone but I don't have the heart to tell anyone, I don't know why but I get stressed so easily and that one time our nurse had a seminar and asked if anyone is depressed, I just want to raise my hand but I'm too scared someone will judge me and think of me as a weak person, like now, and she started this speech about how to beat depression and I just can't understand how is that going to work because it doesn't work on me. I'm getting tired of constantly getting sad for no reason and it's bothering my classmates and I hate bothering them I feel like I'm annoying so I kept these thoughts to myself. It's hard trying to avoid spacing out and being so quiet all of the sudden, I'm getting mad at myself for being pathetic and I did the "do" once because I was so desperate to feel something other than sadness and I couldn't even tell anyone and right now I feel like this rant I'm doing is bothering everyone I hate being like this :'(

I'm doooonneee hehehehe that took me like a long time and I should really sleep now :') I will reblog this with my 11 questions and tags because tumblr has limits ugh