#idek why i find that hot but they always make it sound so cool

[wave2tyun]

I'm here after writing a physical list of songs to reccomend!!😼 I'll start with my n.1 group, Stray Kids!! :D I started listening to them a bit over a year and a half ago but by now my life is consumed by them... 🙃

Here's my (long) list of slay songs! (Do note most of the songs I'm reccomending are very energetic because I'm more drawn to energetic songs, they have lots of songs that are calmer etc, so if you like different kinds of songs you're definitely going to be able to find loads!!)

Noeasy:

-Thunderous (the title track, INCREDIBLE music video‼️)

-Wolfgang (the furry song of the group just like Cat & Dog is for txt👍 their kingdom performance for this is incredible)

-Cheese (song for the haters, it's about cheese though?? Love the wordplay, they're really good at creative lyrics)

-DOMINO (ayy domino😎, we never got the mv for this😔💔)

-Silent Cry (I really love this one, super pretty and cool sounding!!)

-SSick (I'm saur ssick, another banger, I love the instrumental of this lots)

-Red Lights (duet between Hyunjin and Bang Chan, the n.1 sexy song of the group)

ODDINARY:

-Charmer (SUPER banger, the instrumental is crazy good!)

-Venom (I personally think this one is underrated, they once perfirmed this with like a giant spider??? idek anymore)

-Lonely St. (just another great ass song imo💞)

-Muddy water (half the group is in this one and there's another song with the rest, I just happen to like the style of this one better, very different to most of their songs imo)

Maxident:

-Super Board (one of my absolute favorite skz songs of all time, nyoom!! cool music video👍)

-Chill (a sadder song?? on my reccomendation list?? Han Jisung loml writes the best sad songs argue with the wall)

-Taste (another sexy song, oh my god this one is crazy😵)

-Don't stop (a cute almost anime opening sounding duet with the 2 youngest, CUTE!!)

-Case 143 (silly title love song, I reccomend watching all the mvs you can find tbh, they're always really good!!)

In Life:

-Back Door (underappreciated!!!😠 slept on, why didn't people love this more, incredible choreography too!! deserves so much more)

-The Tortoise and the Hare (ages ago people had theories 3racha (the producers of the group) were drunk while making this, I think people just weren't used to songs that were 'different', honestly SUPER cool)

5-star:

-Super Bowl (cooking up a storm peace of cake‼️ this one's in english, first skz album i ever ordered btw)

-ITEM (Banger!!!!! Big Reccomend!! Cool choreography)

-Get Lit (the english translation of the korean title is "let's die" don't let that fool you though, this is a super cool song, my favorite on the album)

-Youtiful (song in english, it's about how beatiful stay (their fandom) is to them, my lovely skz😭)

Rockstar:

-Lalalala (title track of their newest album, super banger, just feel the rock!!)

-Megaverse (welcome to the stray kids hot megaverse, once again... really Really good!!)

-Comflex (my favorite from this album, you can really tell i like more energetic "quick" songs by looking at all my favorites, huh? 😅)

Other:

-God's Menu (pretty much everyone knows this one, the one that blew them up, still incredible after all these years)

-Circus (a song about the circus, goofy and silly but still super good? Love this one💞)

-Christmas EveL (christmas song? similar to Circus, goofy but unnecessarily good... Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad, I can feel the evil coming but Felix never bad😎)

Lmao anyway that was my list, watch mvs if you're interested, I'll do Ateez later!!

Also I haven't listened to a lot of earlier music yet so there's definitely lots of other good songs that are just waiting to be discovered😁 Hope you enjoy Alex dear💞💞 sorry it's so long...

-🐾

my dearest comforting kitty anon you are TOO CUTEEEEEE!!!!!🥹🥹🥹💓💖💓💘💞💘💖 i might????? cry??????????😞😞😞 i absolutely love how you wrote down the respective albums for each song PLUS the little comments you wrote for them??????? i put them all in a playlist in this same order😼😼💞 (the 2 kitties in the pic are you and me btw<3) and i'll make sure to check out some mvs too cause i think i've only ever seen like 3 of them!! :00 hellevator is one of them i actually watched it when it first came out😳 time really flies cause omg it's actually been so many years since then??

thank you so much for taking your time to write this list for me i really appreciate it!!! :(((((💓💖💘💞💓💞💘 i'll make sure to let you know my thoughts + favorites and omg i'll look forward to the ateez one as well!! :DD<33

#wave2tyun answers!! ☆ #🐾 anon #who gave you permission to be this adorable😞😞

[cno-inbminor]

iterum vivere (childe/tartaglia)

a/n: wow, it’s been fucking forever. first genshin fic featuring childe/tartaglia!!! a very huge thank you to @suspensin​ for reading this over and being my rock and support, and i love her so fucking much. I couldn’t have finished this without her!

plot: reincarnation and modern/uni!au ft. afab reader!traveler with she/they pronouns x childe/tartaglia 

-- in which meeting childe is a bit of a dangerous game of push and pull

wc: 12.1k; angst + fluff

warnings:  DOES CONTAIN IN-GAME SPOILERS (1.5? 1.6? + story quest and idek) and NSFW MENTIONS (mdni to be safe). there’s no explicit smut but thoughts do run a bit wild here and there

EDIT: Altered ChiLumi version now posted on AO3 here!

“Haven’t we met before?”

The shine in your eyes does nothing to hide your curiosity, head even tilting a little in observation. He watches them scan his face for any recognizable features, but attempts to focus on the strange, taut string of déjà vu that pulls him toward you. In a moment of absentmindedness, he had heard a faint voice call out his name from your direction. Confusion overtook him as you weren’t looking at him, but something inside his brain said that it had to be from you. And so his feet redirected his path towards your figure in the student union building, as if on a mission.

“A fucking whale, Childe?”

Oh.

“I don’t think so…?” You trail off, curiosity now replaced by perplexed feelings. “Do we have a class together?”

I think I would’ve noticed you by now if you were.

“Ah, what’s your major?” Childe asks quickly to avoid listening to the little voice in his head.

“History and anthropology, you?”

“Economics, but I’ve taken a history course for core credits. Maybe it was then?”

“With Dr. Zhong?”

“Yes!” He snaps his fingers. Part of his brain decides to usefully function and scan his memories to see if he remembers your face or head of hair in the lecture hall then. “Last year? Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 to 11:20?”

“Actually, yeah,” you affirm in surprise. You think you would remember the relatively attractive ginger in your class, but honestly, it had all been such a blur and you were often pretty sleepy during class. Dr. Zhong didn’t quite appreciate it, but you made up for it with your exam and essay grades, as well as paying better attention in some of his other courses.

“Did you need me for anything?”

“I’d like for you to come visit and meet my family.”

He’s really not appreciating this extra voice speaking for him.

“Well…uh…” Childe stammers and looks away sheepishly, hand rubbing the back of his neck. He honestly had no reason for approaching you, and now, he just looks like a desperate idiot. Think quick, he tells himself, floundering for some shitty excuse.

“I wanted to, uh, take another history course as an elective and um, wanted to know if you had any recommendations?”

“Oh,” you blink. That’s a first. When he meets your gaze, the swirling shades of sapphire strike something deep within you. Flashes of events you can’t make out go by in the blink of an eye, but then you realize you’ve been staring for too long. Blood rushes to your cheeks because you don’t exactly want this guy to get the wrong idea from you, because how are you supposed to explain, “I’m sorry, but I think we have met before, but just a really, really long time ago, and we might’ve been more than just acquaintances because that’s what it feels like?”

“I think you’d like Teyvat Mythology,” your voice wavers on the verge of cracking. “Dr. Zhong might have a TA this time around, but Xiao’s a great teacher. Doesn’t have long, rambling anecdotes, but explains things well and gets straight to the point.”

“C-cool, I’ll look into it,” Childe replies and smiles brightly. “I’ll head out then,” jabbing a thumb over his shoulder, where he just realized he left a grouchy Scaramouche waiting by a vending machine, newly purchased Starbucks Tripleshot drink in hand. “Nice seeing you, (y/n).”

He scurries off before you both realize that you never told him your name.

“Who’s that?” Scaramouche asks, jutting his chin in your vague direction.

“Someone from my Intro to Liyuean History course last year,” Childe waves off. “Come on, let’s go before the line at the pasta bar gets too long.”

-

The next time you see Childe is by accident, traversing across an open field of grass that many students like to sit out on to relax with friends, sunbathe, hold events, or play casual team sports if room permits.

You had your earbuds in and were scrolling through social media when laughter rang above all other sound, causing your head to snap up and swivel around to find the source. And while it might’ve been strange to an outsider, your steps immediately slowed as you watched the man of your tiring, vivid dreams sprint in your direction, eyes pinned on a frisbee heading towards him.

He’s wearing a grey sports tank and basketball shorts, headband holding back his bangs as he makes a slight jump in the air to catch the plastic disc between his palms. His feet plant into the grass as he looks for someone to pass it to, and you watch (with embarrassment) the muscles in his throwing arm relax and tighten with practice, frisbee steadily soaring through the air in a beautiful arc towards a teammate. He then lightly jogs to get closer to his group, but then his back stiffens.

Before your instincts kick in for you to turn and bail, he looks over his shoulder and stares straight at your now stunned self.

The sole ruby earring that glints in the sunlight catches your attention, and you recall your dreams of terrifyingly dark, violet electric power, blades of water rushing toward you, and then the stomach-churning sensation of falling from great heights pours concrete into your veins—

Childe looks a little amused for having your sole focus, hand lifting up for a quick wave. And as you numbly return the greeting, your heart beats out, “Run from him.”

And so with the flight response pulsing and firing from your synapses, you abruptly speed walk away, almost breaking out into a sprint towards your dorm. You ignore his pointed, confused look, and pretend you don’t feel the two holes of imaginary fire searing into your back. It isn’t until you’re laying back in bed that you release a huge sigh of relief and pray to a deity you don’t believe in that those eyes of mirth will not haunt you tonight.

But of course, with a deity that doesn’t exist, the prayers go unanswered.

-

“Do you believe in any of the mythology you teach?” You ask Xiao about a few days later when you stop by his cubicle. Luckily, no one else is around for this conversation, and Xiao has always been kind enough to humor your thoughts. Granted, he might feel obligated because you had asked Dr. Zhong to be your advisor for your undergraduate Honors thesis, and Xiao was directed to be your receiver of some general questions and source of information if he wasn’t around.

A quick scan of your complexion tells Xiao everything he needs to know. Your eyes are overtaken with rumination and exhaustion, haziness clouding them as you seem to ponder over your own question. It’s not often that you ask him anything not related to your thesis or coursework.

“Perhaps there’s some sense and truth to the tales passed down,” he softly muses. “What makes you ask?”

You lift yourself to sit on the clean area next to his computer, legs slowly swaying back and forth. “It might sound crazy but...I’ve been having dreams lately. They feel too real, too natural to be anything that my mind would make up. I’ve never had the most creative imagination by any means, which is why there’s some comfort to me being a history major, but I can’t shake these.”

“So why ask me about the mythology?”

“...the Archons are there. I even dreamt that I met the Geo and Anemo Archons. And they controlled various elements, just like we were taught.”

You don’t notice that Xiao has ceased his rapid typing, fingers hovering over the keyboard before one hand removes his glasses from his face. He uses the other to rub his eyes and softly pinch the bridge of his nose before sliding the frames back on. Dark, golden amber eyes survey you as you grapple with the unfathomable possibilities of your nightly visions, at least until you shake your head in disbelief at yourself and lightly scoff.

“Who am I kidding?” You ask no one in particular. “Maybe I’ve been doing too much research and everything’s mixing together.”

“You’re ahead of schedule, if that provides any consolation.”

“Some.”

-

It takes Childe a grand total of one minutes and 53 seconds to sign up for Teyvat Mythology for the spring semester.

-

WInter in Liyue is only slightly miserable, being so close to the ocean. It’s chillier than usual on this dreary day, yet something compelled you to exit your dorm and shakily make your way to the campus coffee shop for a warm drink. Coffee, hot chocolate, you haven’t quite decided yet, but just as you let yourself bask in the warm building, familiar ginger hair and blue eyes wash away the comfort.

Or do they douse you in security?

They remind you of your recent dreams that now have shifted away from stress and violence to easygoing summer days by the oceanside, running barefoot in the sand while collecting beautifully patterned azure starconches. Sometimes, you thrust a hand towards an oversized four-leaf clover on a wooden stake with the power of wind and catch yourself in the air, soaring and looking around to find more of the little shells. Other nights, they consist of climbing steep cliffs, only to sit at the edge in the clouds with fatigue wracking through your system and marvel at the view before you.

Someone’s always with you though, ruby earring and maroon mask and cobalt blue gem hanging from the waist, sprinting with you, playfully tackling you down, pulling you up towards mountain peaks, laying their head on your shoulders, brushing their lips against your cheek--

You welcome the change of peace in those dreams, but only because they don’t leave you quite as tired the next day, as if you’d been avoiding an inescapable dark force.

Part of you wants the burning question of why this person, this man, in all his glory and brightness, affects you so fucking much when you barely even know the guy -- why looking at him sends your heart to lodge itself in your esophagus, why your lungs feel like they’re so close to being completely collapsed under the weight of his stare, why feeling like you’re trapped and  caught between wanting to run towards yet away from him.  It makes no sense, and you’re tired of trying to make sense of anything you don’t exactly want to remember from your dreams for some, once again, inexplicable reason.

But there’s no time to think as he quickly ambles towards you, your own feet shuffling forward to meet him in a warped reference of a distance that constitutes to “the middle” before you can stop yourself. Your shivering hasn’t quite stopped yet, and Childe seems to take notice of it.

“Pretty cold out there,”  he softly states. It’s cute, the way you’re curling in on yourself to retain some warmth.

“Y-yeah, not sure why I decided I really needed something warm to drink right now,” you reply and avoid his gaze. He watches you peer over his shoulder to squint at the menu display hanging from the ceiling, seemingly contemplating on what you should get.

“How about I get yours today? My treat for your class recommendation last time.” Anything to keep you here longer. Childe doesn’t realize how much he’s missed you, which confuses him, and chooses to ignore the fact that he’d been camping himself at the study tables in the building where the history department is located in hopes of even just catching a quick glimpse of you.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” you immediately attempt to subvert his generous offer, hands shooting out from your jacket pockets and waving in rejection. “It was nothing.”

“Please?” Childe puts on his best puppy eyes before reaching for one of your wrists, gently tugging you to the register. “Just this once?”

You want so badly to squash the tiny flare of disappointment that erupts in your chest from the newly acquired knowledge that this was just a one time thing. Do econ majors hate to feel in debt? That they must be even with everyone, or would rather have people indebted to them than the other way around?

There’s no time to think when Childe gives the cashier his order before turning to you, and without wanting to waste anyone’s time, you rattle off your usual beverage. He’s quick in fishing out his student ID to spend some of his campus currency, shooting you a boyish grin when you pout at your half-opened wallet.

“Go take that table over there,” he says, pointing to one in the corner by some windows. “I’m gonna tell my friends to go on without me.”

“I didn’t mean to intrude or pull you away from them,” you slightly panic. The sooner you can leave, the better. Right? “You don’t need to sit with me, I was just gonna head back to my dorm.”

“I insist. Go ahead, I’ll be right there.”

Why your brain takes his orders over your own is a mystery in and of itself, because before you know it, you’re plopped down in one of the lounge seats and staring off into space, mind reeling over the last two minutes. You pretend you can’t hear the way Childe’s friends nudge his arm playfully with their shoulders, wiggling their eyebrows suggestively as Childe tries to get them to stop being nonsensical.

“You’re gonna scare them off,” he hisses at them, hands pushing at their backs so they could finally leave him to his devices.

“Not before you do!” One of them laughs and Childe groans at their antics. “All right, all right, we’ll go. They’re cute though, might steal them if you don’t make a move.”

The darkening of the aura surrounding Childe is too quick for them to fully process, not before he dampens any of their fleeting hopes with a, “Don’t even fucking think about it.”

But it disappears just as fast when his and your drinks are called out, and he gives them one last shove before retrieving your to-go cups. Childe directs all his focus towards the seat diagonally from yours as opposed to the one that’s straight across, and you’re sharply ripped away from whatever reverie you let yourself slip into.

“Thank you,” you murmur, hands cupping the drink and feeling the heat seep into your fingertips. “You really didn’t have to, it was nothing big.”

“Can you blame me for just trying to find an excuse to finally talk to you?” He asks without a skip and you can’t tell if the quickening of your heartbeat is from a looming sense of doom or excitement. Those eyes, the tiny swirls of the ocean, blue like those shells buried in the sand--

It takes three seconds too long for you to understand where he was going with in his words, and part of you feels unamused at his smooth talking. You’ve always guarded yourself against guys like Childe, devilishly handsome who know their way around language semantics, ready to pull you in and just as ready to push you away. That (possibly unfair) bias, coupled with everything else you’ve been feeling for him, sounded the alarms and set the walls up around your heart. Perhaps you need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, because Childe immediately retracts his forwardness.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I promise I’m not looking for anything in return and you don’t owe me anything, but I really did just...want to sit and talk and...get to know you?” Childe trails off a little towards the end. Your body loosens up and relaxes just a tiny bit, feeling bad for your snap judgment. Let the guy do something nice, don’t look into it too much, you tell yourself. It’s a coffee, not a five-course dinner.

You reach out a hand towards him, small smile across your lips, ready for his to join yours in a quick handshake. “I’m (y/n), senior history and anthropology double major. It’s nice to meet you.”

The pounding of your heart against your ribcage has nothing to do with the shimmering of his eyes, nothing to do with the fact that his hand fits with yours just right, and nothing to do with the fact that an eerily similar voice from your dreams whispers, “I love you.”

You learn a number of things about Tartaglia in the four hours, like his family members and their respective interests, which classes he did and didn’t enjoy taking, certain takes on Schnezhnayan politics, his own various hobbies, crazy accidents from the occasional college parties, and more. He’s a bit of an open book, probably telling you way more than any regular person would, and definitely more than anything you revealed during all this time. Everything you tell him seems surface level, nothing too deep. The walls are still there to protect you from the unexplainable, profound feelings his presence seems to elicit, and luckily, he doesn’t prod any further. Childe feels the resistance and respects it, which just adds more brownie points in your book, and you almost feel bad for having given so little in return.

“I wish we were taking Teyvat Myth together,” he sighs when walking you back to your dorm, hands stuffed in his pockets. His ruby earring catches the light from the sunset, the shade almost complimentary to the golden amber rays that streak across the sky. “Would’ve helped having a history major in there.”

“Is that all I am to you, an answer bank?” You jokingly ask, but he watches concerningly as you shoot your gaze to the ground, mindfully stepping over the cracks between concrete slabs.

“Of course not,” a gentle sincerity reaches you, giving you the confidence to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry for making it sound like that, it wasn’t my intention. I really just meant it as a way of saying if the professor or TA ended up being a total bore, then well, having you would make it more fun.”

“I’m sure I’d bore you even more,” chuckling, speeding up to get away. You’re growing too comfortable in whatever atmosphere Childe has created, like an enclosed air bubble bobbing gently in the depths of the sea and letting the waves carry you both to whichever ends of the earth.

“Hey,” he interjects, hand reaching out to stop you with a soft yank of your wrist. There is no resisting force from you, feet stepping backward until he meets you eye to eye. It’s unfair in the way that he can render you motionless by standing just an inch from you, arms brushing with his head tilted closer to your own. “Seriously, I’m glad we did this today. Are you?”

No, because now I don’t know what to think, I don’t know who you are, I’m not any closer to figuring out why you terrify yet leave me so enamoured with you, I’m torn between punching and kissing you and--

“Yes,” you subconsciously answer, brain immediately short-circuiting to scold yourself. “I had fun.”

His grin, charming, devilish, is so so bright, bright enough to rival the Liyue sun that sits on the pier, on the edge of the ocean, bright enough to rival the love that your fraternal twin showers you with on a daily basis. You want time to stop right here because you’re almost sick of the voice settled deep within your heart that screams, “Don’t get comfortable, you must run from him!”

“Good. Let’s do this again?” And you nod, of course you do. Foolish you. “Don’t be a stranger!” He calls out as he turns on his heel and waves over his shoulder, hand raised in the air, and you’re suddenly transported to another scene, a less refined version of the Liyue Harbor, watching as the head of ginger hair with a red mask in a flashier attire of grey and maroon walks away from you and onto a roaring, magnificent ship; big, ivory sails only seen in books and museums. It’s the same gesture of “see you later”, and just before he turns, you blink, and you’re back to seeing your campus again.

But Childe does look back once, warm and content that you’re still standing there, watching over him, and he can’t help but think about when he can spend time with you again, because suddenly, it truly feels like there’s not enough of it anymore.

-

“Excuse me, what’s a Red Bull?”

The last thing, or person rather, you expect to see on the last day of finals for the fall semester, is a small boy who looks way too young to be here, tugging on the sleeve of your windbreaker. He’s at most eleven, ten maybe, but he has eerily similar characteristics, as well as an accent that doesn’t quite belong to most Liyue natives. Still gathering your bearings from your own perusing of the fridges that hold all the possible beverages a college student could consume, you kneel down until you’re at eye level with the child.

“Repeat that for me? Are you looking for a Red Bull, you say?”

“Yes!” He beams and holds out a student ID that most definitely doesn’t belong to him. “My brother asked me to grab him one because he was busy with something.”

Your eyes flit over to the top shelves where the aforementioned cans of caffeine are located, and definitely too high for someone of his height to reach. “I’ll grab one for you. Did he ask for a specific flavor?”

“Nope, he said regular. Thanks, you’re really nice! Do you know my brother?” He asks, waving the ID at you so you can get a better look at the name. That’s definitely a face you recognize, but the name leaves you confused.

“Yeah, um,” glance over again, “I know...Ajax…”

“He’s the best toy seller in the whole world!”

Somehow, it suits him much better than Childe or Tartaglia, and you’re not quite sure what toys have anything to do with the matter at hand. Speaking of hands, the little boy grabs yours in sheer delight. “Can you take me back to his room? I kinda forgot the directions he told me, and everything’s so big around here.”

“Sure, just let me buy something, too, and I’ll take you.”

“Okay!”

The cashier isn’t the least bit fazed by the little brunette at your side -- it’s always common for family members to come in around the end of semesters to pick up kids or visit, and being an open building with snacks and drinks and a stopping point of most tours, they’ve seen it all. You even let him pick out a bag of chips and a candy bar for himself for being so polite and not a complete menace, paying with your own campus currency.

Teucer, as you’ve learned in the last two minutes, likes to point out things and ask you questions. Luckily, you have answers to most of them and do your best to pad the time, enjoying the feeling of a tiny hand wrapped around three of your fingers. It’s sweet to any normal passerby, believing they’re witnessing an older sister doting on their little brother around the holidays, but to Childe, seeing the tender sweetness on your face as you nod along to whatever Teucer is rambling about to you, sets his heart aflame. He’s already constantly on the verge of wanting to hug and kiss you and never let go, but you haven’t made any indication that you could potentially like him back, and this is just torture.

“Look what they bought me!” Teucer shoves his rewards in Childe’s face as if he had extremely poor eyesight, and you can’t help but laugh a little as you set his Red Bull down on his desk, clutching your own preferred beverage while looking around his room. Finals must have gotten to him with the unusual lack of tidiness in the small space, some laundry strewn here and there, a couple boxes of eaten microwave dinners in the metal wire trash can, some textbooks left open and marked with more sticky notes than you’ve ever seen. You’d only been here once before to drop off some food that he desperately messaged you about, stuck doing a project that he just couldn’t step away from.

“Pretend you don’t see the mess,” Childe pleads, handing a kid tablet to his brother but holding on before Teucer can take it. “What do you say to our nice friend here for buying you these snacks?”

“Thank you!”

“It was nothing,” you shyly smile, ruffling his hair. “I enjoyed meeting you.”

“Wait, what’s your name again?”

“It’s (Y/n).”

“Okay, (y/n)! Wait…(y/n)..as in…”

Teucer trails off and gives a look to his brother, one that spells curiosity and trouble, before he grabs your hand and pulls you into a corner. Any movement Childe makes to leave his desk chair is immediately squashed by Teucer’s disapproval, and the older man is left to helplessly worry when you’re told to squat down so secrets can be whispered into your ear.

“He talks about you a lot whenever he calls home,” and you want to laugh at Tecuer’s attempt to sound as scandalous as possible. “All the time! I think he likes you, like, like like.”

Oh. Oh dear.

“What makes you say that?” You whisper back, indulging both yourself and him, yet also internally snickering at how troubled Childe looks.

“Sometimes, he video calls mama, but we’ll all sit around and talk, and whenever he’s talking about how he saw you or something, he just looks...happy. Really happy.”

The surprise on your face does nothing to settle Childe’s nerves and he’s about to start wringing his hands together. Whatever Teucer was telling you couldn’t be good, probably embarrassing, like the one time he unceremoniously fell on his ass while ice skating over a frozen lake, or when he tried fitting fifteen marshmallows in his mouth and nearly choked on them when their mother caught them in the act, or--

“I think he just thinks of me as a good friend,” you try to inform Teucer, not letting yourself get any semblance of hope. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

“If you say so,” Teucer pouts. But then he stops whispering and bounds over back to his brother, grabbing the tablet before plopping down on the half-made bed.

“Look, I was overconfident and thought I could execute a perfect single loop on the ice, but there was a rock and I lost balance and--”

“I wasn’t being told any stories about you falling on ice, but do tell me more,” you chuckle and take some joy in watching the blush spread across his cheeks. It’s easy to tell that he’s mentally berating himself for jumping to conclusions.

“Well, first off, thanks for buying him all that, and my drink, too,” he sighs. “I spoil him enough as it is.”

“I can see why it’s hard not to,” you smile knowingly. “So is it just him here? Where’s the rest of your family?”

“Funny story, he somehow managed to convince my parents to let him come here on his own as his first ever plane flight, so I had to pick him up yesterday from the airport. He’s flying back with me tomorrow.”

“And the RA?” You ask with an eyebrow raised.

“Ah...well...what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him? Speaking of, what was Teucer whispering to you about?”

There’s a pensiveness that overtakes you when you look at Teucer again, who’s happily playing some sort of game and completely oblivious to the rest of his surroundings. You won’t, can’t, take his words to heart, and will take them with a grain of salt at most.

“Nothing important. Although I did learn something new...Ajax?”

“Say my name -- fuck, say it, please--”

“I guess cat’s out of the bag,” he chuckles and looks away, absolutely unaware of the flare of heat that swirls in your stomach from the fleeting vision just now. “I came up with other nicknames as a kid to seem cooler, and they just stuck with me. Plus, the business world is full of people who just want something from you, or just a transactional relationship. I’d rather not give my real name to them, if you know what I mean.”

“That’s fair,” you nod and lean to sit on the edge of his desk. A thought pops into your head and you turn the words over in your head like a washing machine on the spin setting, teeth gnawing on the flesh of your bottom lip. If Teucer hadn’t been in the room, he would’ve been this close to kissing you.

“But if it’s worth anything,” your voice slowly, softly starts, cautious and wary of your thoughts. “I think...Ajax suits you best.”

Curse fate. Curse the legendary Archons. Curse karma and deities and spirits because all he wants to do right now is stand and tower over you, trap you between himself and his desk so you can’t escape, take those pretty lips between his until they’re bruised and swollen because of him, hear you call out his name in the throes of pleasure so he can finally replace his fantasies with tangible memories. The unnatural, magnetic pull that draws him to you is unbearable now -- he feels like he’ll lose the last tendrils of his sanity if he doesn’t do something.

You can’t stop him from slowly reaching out to grab one of your hands, lifting it towards him until he’s close enough for you to feel his breath ghost over your knuckles. It sends a shiver down your spine and blood is pounding in your ears because you can’t begin to fathom what he’s thinking about while doing this, even more so when his lips make contact with your skin and your breath hitches, stuck in your throat as he languidly peeks at you beneath his eyelashes with a heated gaze, then lowly confessing, “My name sounds best when you say it.”

Good heavens.

It’s difficult to swallow and keep your composure, especially when Teucer yells out in glee over, what you can assume, beating something in his game, and Childe drops your hand. But his dilated pupils don’t retract in the slightest, refusing to let you look away so that maybe, you can understand what he’s trying to convey to you. He’s taking the first step because he’s terrible and can’t contain his self-control anymore, pushing the ball into your court, ready for you to either play or exit into the sidelines.

When you do blink, there’s a vision of your naked body wrapped around another, limbs clinging desperately to a sturdy and panting frame. Lips, much like the ones that have seared themselves onto your knuckles, are at your neck and sucking, biting, before moving to your ear and laying filthy words into them that drive you closer to the edge. It all happens so fast that you feel you’ve just experienced whiplash, yet also feeling secondhand embarrassment at how lewd some of these thoughts have been.

You can’t stay here any longer.

“I-I have to go,” spills off your tongue before you can really think about it. The way the haze shatters in his eyes is heartbreaking in its own way, but there’s no time for you to explain. Your brain is in overdrive and eager to run, run, run. It detects danger on all fronts, but you muster out a, “H-have a good break, come find me next semester, mmk?”

And you’re out the door with inhuman speed. When the door clicks shut, only then does Teucer look up from his screen and frown at the lack of your presence. “Where’d they go?”

Chlide doesn’t seem to hear him, and Teucer has never seen his big brother look so sad and confused before.

-

He holds on to that last tendril of hope, because mark his words, he will find you come January.

-

After about a week at home, enjoying the festive time with his family and mildly unconcerned about next year’s courses because that was a problem for another day, Childe has his first, crazy, nonsensical dream.

At least, that’s what he tells himself when he snaps awake and his body aches with exhaustion. Not only are his joints in agony, he also feels like he’s sporting unforeseen bruises, which makes absolutely no sense because he hasn’t done anything that would warrant them, no matter how much he and his brothers do some rough-housing. His night of sleep was all consumed by flashes and scenes of weapon fighting, lucid enough to remember feeling his arms flex and wield bows and double-headed polearms and being cognizant of all the enemies??? surrounding him. They ranged from deranged looking monsters, floating beings with soulless masks, and large humans in electricity-padded armor, to behemoth machines in the sky that could leave you within an inch of your life thanks to a drill for a hand?!

But what’s even worse is that you seem to have managed a deal with Morpheus himself and infiltrated his dreams. You were there, too, sometimes fighting with him, sometimes against him, much to his dismay, and while it was nice, he just didn’t get it. Why the friendliness and hostility? Why was there an anger that overtook him when looking directly at you, parrying your blade and sending harmful arcs of water toward your figure?

Why did he relish the fear in your eyes when he darted towards you with electricity cracking through the air?

There’s an overwhelming sensation now to grab his phone to text you and apologize -- for what, he can’t fathom and there are no words to accurately convey what he’s thinking. “Hey, sorry for wanting to kill you in my dream :( “? Or “Sorry for being a friend but then stabbing you in the back, but then being nice to you again”?

And the only thing that really made sense was the serenity and contentment that would course through his veins as the two of you danced around on ivory sandy beaches, picking up shiny blue starconches and taking down more weird creatures; the breathlessness when you would fall back into the water and re-emerge to reconfirm his beliefs that you were one of the most beautiful humans he’d ever laid his eyes on; the love--

Hold the fuck up.

He doesn’t love you. He likes you a whole lot and he’s severely and deathly attracted to you, but he doesn’t love you. Your existence has only been made known to him for about two months, and he didn’t really start talking to you until three weeks in. So no matter how comfortable he feels with you, no matter how much he wishes that you were sleeping peacefully next to him so his nights wouldn’t feel so lonely, it was too early, too hasty, to say that he loves you.

“I’ve been wondering, why didn’t you bring them home?” His mother asks him out of nowhere during breakfast, all to add to this extremely tumultuous roller-coaster morning he’s been having. All he wants to do is eat his bowl of milk and cereal, then potentially go back to sleep before fulfilling his promise to go with his siblings to the nearby skating rink. It takes everything in him to not choke on his spoon of grains.

“Agreed, didn’t you mention they didn’t really have any family to go back to and that the move to Liyue was semi-permanent?” His father chimes in, laying a quick peck on his wife’s temple. “It’s never fun to spend the holidays alone.”

“They would’ve felt like they were intruding,” Childe replies quietly, stabbing his bowl a few times before scooping up another spoonful of cereal to his mouth. “I know we’re friends, but we haven’t known each other for that long, and maybe they’d be uncomfortable because that’s a lot honestly…”

“You don’t know until you try,” his mother sings and pats him on the shoulder. “We do have a guest room after all.”

“For them and their twin?”

“And quite a comfortable futon with enough blankets.”

Childe smiles fondly at his parents’ kindness. He can only imagine what this winter break would’ve been like now -- you and your twin floating around, trying to help out with certain chores, sitting by the fireplace and watching TV, huddled up with mugs of hot chocolate, playing board games with everyone and engaging in all the shenanigans…

Laughing. Loving. Grinning. Basking.

Handing over one of his hoodies to you as a sick way of torturing yet blessing himself for seeing how lovely you look in his clothes, standing silently in the doorway as you attempt to help out with mealtimes next to his mother, watching you run around in the backyard and dodging his siblings’ snowballs while lodging a few of your own -- how wonderful it all would be.

But he squashes it down as quickly as possible, because you escaped his grasp. You ran away from his advances temporarily and even though you gave him permission to seek you out come the spring semester, he worries that you might take it back. Something will wake up inside of you to keep him out of your heart and your life, and he’s not confident enough at this point to believe there’s a good chance you will come spend the holidays with him and his family next year.

“Maybe next year, ma,” he sends her a hesitant, yet somewhat broken purse of his lips that’s just the least bit curved. It tells her everything he’s thinking, and the quick patting of his cheek lets him know she understands.

Half an hour later, Childe finds himself curled up on his side under the sheets, phone in hand as he stares at a blinking cursor. It shouldn’t be so hard to send a text to convey his holiday greetings, because that’s all it is -- part of him is becoming desperate and aching for some interaction with you, even if it’s just a text sent back for conventional social pleasantries. He’ll take it for now, right?

Before he can totally chicken out, his thumbs quickly type a, “Happy Holidays, (y/n) :)”, and it’s a little embarrassing how quickly after he hits the ‘send’ button that he tosses it over his shoulder so he’s not directly looking at it anymore. His heartbeat is too quick and he prays for no phantom vibrations or phantom sound notifications to avoid any disappointment of thinking he got a reply. It was a harmless text, yet he’s treating it like he just got assigned on a mission to go and murder someone for the first time. What will he do if you never text him back? Does that mean you really don’t want to talk to him? Are you dead in a ditch somewhere? Did you change numbers and not tell him? Did your twin get all the details and make the executive decision to block his number? Will he never get a chance to talk to you again, even if it’s about something in the Teyvat Mythology class next semester? Will you--

His shoulder screams in protest when he quickly flips himself over at the text notification sound, hands shakily unlocking his phone and opening up your conversation again. His heart rate significantly decreases, reaching back to its normal pace, especially as he reads the little words on his screen.

“Happy Holidays, Ajax ^^”

There is hope.

-

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”

You’re huddled under the comforter of your twin’s bed, phone just peeking above the edge as you stare at it with a brightness in your eyes. For the most part, you had been sulking there, apart from meals and going back to your own room to sleep, and mentally berating yourself for the way you reacted to Childe the week before.

“He just texted me to say happy holidays,” shrugging to put on a facade of indifference. It’s stupid that you’re trying to hide your feelings from your twin of all people, who could pick apart and identify your emotions in a heartbeat. A roll of his eyes lets you know that you haven’t fooled him at all.

“So you think that whatever comment he made, which was very suggestive and indicative of clearly non-platonic feelings, was just something...friendly? Remind me again how you came to that conclusion?”

“I don’t know what I was thinking!” You whine, looking around to see if there was anything you could toss at him. “It’s just, with everything, all the dreams and stupid gut feelings, I just -- I don’t know, okay?? I can’t tell you enough how much I wish I had just kissed his stupid face and see where it goes from there.”

“Okay, gross, but don’t beat yourself up. Though...I do have a good idea on how to maybe get a good reaction out of him. You wanna go to the New Years’ celebration at Xiangling’s?”

“I think she’d threaten me with a knife if I didn’t. She wanted to go shopping at some point, too.”

“I’ll drop the overprotective brother act for one night, okay? One night, just to let this happen, and for your peace of mind.”

He does a fair amount of conspiring with Xiangling, a friend they met one time at a restaurant a couple years ago, even tagging along on the shopping trip. Together, the three of you find yourself a dress that Xiangling swears would make any person drool over you, including Childe, because at the end of the day, he was a person with the possibility of being attracted to you.

You think it’s a bit silly, but honestly, what do you have to lose at this point?

-

At 11:57PM on New Years’ Eve, Childe is standing outside in the freezing cold with his family, arms lifting up bags of sparklers and fireworks. They’ve driven out closer to the wild like they do every year, and everybody excitedly gets lighters ready, making sure someone’s got a clock out there that tells the seconds. As the younger kids open up the packaging and argue over which one to set off first, Childe’s phone vibrates in his coat pocket.

It’s 11:58PM when he manages to fish the device out and thank himself for buying gloves that are touch-screen friendly, excited to see that there are two texts from you, the latter reading, “Happy New Year!”. It doesn’t matter that you’re a little early, but he’s mainly intrigued by the fact a photo came before it. In his mind, you’re probably curled up with your twin brother, hopefully a selfie because wow, he misses your face.

He gets something else instead, and he is so glad that it’s dark outside and the electric lamp they have is too far away from him to draw any attention.

You have your arm around your brother’s waist and another girl’s that he doesn’t recognize, but it’s a full frontal view of your outfit, one that hugs your curves beautifully and shows more cleavage than he’s ever seen from you, sophisticated and elegant, yet fun and leaving enough to the imagination. There’s a bright smile coming from all of you, and you look like you’re at someone’s house or apartment with plenty of other people milling around in the back, but they don’t matter, not when all he can focus on is you.

Gorgeous, breathtaking, arousing, mind blowing, and gods, he wishes he could teleport to Liyue at this moment, find you, and kiss you right at midnight. Fuck the fact that he doesn’t exactly believe in superstitions like, “Kissing your significant other at midnight means you’ll last forever!” but he’s willing to take the chance with it on this night and the ones after, if he’s allowed. He tries not to think too much about pinning you against the wall and letting the world dissolve -- wants to be the one with the privilege to drag down that zipper and feel his bare skin on yours, and --

As Teucer starts yelling there’s only a minute left, he instinctively locks his phone and shoves it away out of anyone’s view. The last thing he needs is his family teasing him about ogling at your photo for a straight 50 seconds, wide-eyed and pupils on the verge of dilating, the visible breath leaving his mouth just a smudge more dense and prominent than usual.

The only thing he can do to distract himself from popping a boner in front of his parents is to join in on the countdown, making sure all the fireworks are set up correctly and grabbing a sparkler for himself. He waves it around with Tonia and promises to fulfill her wishes of taking one of those pictures right as she draws a pattern in the air. Their excitement is palpable and addicting, and even though the larger fireworks set off a few seconds after midnight hits, the nostalgia fills his lungs with fond memories and future wishes that they only continue this tradition for as long as possible, and hopefully, with you at his side.

-

When it’s 12:04AM, you get a picture message back of Childe bundled up in a black paletot coat, matching beanie and all, a gloved hand holding a sparkler and lips curved upwards, with a caption that says, “Happy New Year’s! See you soon :)”. You show it to Xiangling and your brother, both taking it as a win in their books, although the former does tipsily protest that there should be a better indicator of Childe’s brain breaking at how amazing you look right now. Maybe she’s prophetic, because another text chimes in and the words set you aflame, as well as suggestive whoops into your ears.

It’s a simple, “You look incredible btw”.

If you didn’t want to properly savor this moment, you would’ve found the nearest shot of the strongest liquor and tossed it back with abandon. But you want to remember the warmth in your veins that wasn’t from the alcohol or the heating, the fluttering of your heartbeat, the teeth-baring grin that you couldn’t fight off, the constant re-reading of those four words -- because they’re so different from everything you had been feeling before with him, the need for protection, the need to escape. Instead, you’d like to be in his arms right now and see for yourself how he’d look at you in this moment, and if he would take any action.

You want him to. So, so bad.

-

Childe spends his last week at home hating the fact that you’re just sitting around somewhere in Liyue, doing whatever you’re doing, probably doing some light preparation for your last semester of classes, and he’s not there to take advantage of all this free time and hang out with you. When classes start, it’ll be busy and hectic. You still have your thesis to finish and revise, and while that won’t eat up all your time, it’s still some that he’d want to fill in with his presence if he could. He debates whether or not he should ask for your schedule and compare it with his, maybe set up meetings every other day or propose that they all eat one meal together every day. Childe’s not quite sure of what you plan to do after graduation, as it hasn’t come up in conversation yet, but either way, he’s determined to stay in contact and make things work out. Long distance isn’t ideal, but with technology now, he’ll take it.

He feels a little bad for how excited he probably looked to be leaving home, uncharacteristic for the most part. His older siblings have already gone back to their respective homes, and it’s mainly Teucer and Tonia that worry and tear up when he starts packing his belongings. Tonia finds it unfair that Teucer got to meet you first and the latter makes sure to rub it into everyone’s faces. It’s hard for Childe to sleep on the plane because he’s thrumming with excitement, yet somehow even more nervous than usual when the plane hits small bouts of turbulence, and he doesn’t seem to relax until he sets foot back on campus.

He’s here. It’s January, and you’re physically closer to him than ever in the last two weeks.

-

“Found you.”

On the first day of classes, you’re sitting alone with some salad greens in a bowl, poking your fork at some scraps while you watch something on your phone, earbuds in and back towards the entrance of the canteen. It would explain the unannounced entrance of the very person who’s been at the forefront of nearly every thought in the last 96 hours, his fingers gingerly removing an earbud to surprise you as best as possible, and you startle in your seat.

Your heart kicks into overdrive when he hands you back your earbud and pulls out the seat next to you, setting his own plate of food down as he plops down in his chair. But then he says nothing afterwards, instead choosing to send you a cheeky grin before digging in. You’re left to slowly phase out of your state of shock, stuck between either running away or frantically texting your twin to come and save you even though he was off on a date with Keqing.

It’s not that you weren’t elated at the fact that Childe had done exactly as you told him last month, you just weren’t...prepared? It’s a shitty excuse and a cop out -- you’re mainly just having trouble with racking your brain to find the right words. What are you supposed to say? What should you do? Is it socially acceptable to lean over and kiss him on the cheek because that’s what you’d like to impulsively do at this very second??

“So you did,” you settle and steal a roasted potato wedge from his plate. It’s his turn to be taken by surprise, but he gets over it much quicker than you do. In fact, he spears two wedges and drops them in your bowl, smiling at you as best as he can with a mouth full of food. You give them your thanks before the silence settles in again.

“Did you have a good break?” He asks before his next bite.

“I did. You?”

“It was nice. My parents said I should’ve brought you and your twin home to spend the holidays with us. Can’t say it didn’t cross my mind before finals.”

Holy shit, what? “We couldn’t intrude like that, but that’s really nice of you guys.”

“That’s okay, there’s plenty of chances to visit later.”

You tilt your head and furrow your eyebrows. “But we graduate this semester?”

Childe challenges you with one of his own eyebrows raised. “And? Are we never gonna see each other again?”

Honestly, the possibility had occurred to you. You aren’t entirely sure of Childe’s plans after graduation, and if that meant he was staying in Liyue or going back to Snezhnaya or even moving to Inazuma or Mondstat. While people preach on and on about how lasting friendships and relationships are often formed during college, you believe it’s more common to slowly drift apart as life gets busier. And if Childe moved away, or if you did, it’d be hard to consistently keep in touch with 10 hour workdays.

The thought saddens you, regardless. You like him so much and you’re glad that he was even in your life to begin with, because as unbelievable as it sounds, seeing him was almost akin to the feeling of coming home. Amidst all your nerves, your confusion, your spiraling thoughts, something deeply sated in your heart was a comfort that you found with very few people in your life whenever in his presence.

The thought of leaving and never looking back somehow doesn’t feel new -- it’s bittersweet, but the air in your lungs feels like it’s surrendered to something, like it was to be expected.

“You can’t just leave without telling me--”

“It was last minute! I had no choice!”

“You could’ve written up a message, anything--”

“Can you imagine the position you’d be in if the message got intercepted? I wouldn’t have been safe, she’d make you come after me--”

“As if you’d be any safer in Inazuma of all places! That’s the one place I can’t easily get to!”

“I can take care of myself, Childe, I don’t need you to protect me.”

“This isn’t about me protecting you, (y/n) and -- stop walking, will you?!”

“Then what is this about?” You spin on your wheel with eyes aflame. “Why are you so angry with me? It’s normal for me to disappear for weeks at a time, why was this any different?”

“Because you could’ve died!” He yells back in despair, chest heaving. Your silence is his cue to continue. “You could’ve died and I wouldn’t have known until much later. You could’ve died and all I’d ever think about were the things I never got to say to you, and how I wish I had treated every day with you like it was our last.”

It isn’t hard to tell that you’re stunned and at a complete loss for words. Childe often hides behind facades of charm and wit, and only when he is truly weak does he choose to be this vulnerable, baring his heart for you to see.

“I only have two nightmares in this world. One, my family being harmed in any way. Two, reading in a report or hearing from an agent that you’ve been captured and killed.”

“I like to think that we will.”

His hand reaches out to lay on top of yours, giving it a quick squeeze. “Well, let’s make the most of it this semester.”

Conversation afterwards is easy, filling each other in on holiday activities. Childe speaks extensively about several family traditions and you listen with rapt attention, basking in how fond he is of all of them. Even as you both bring your dishes to the return belt and leave, he immediately offers to drive you both somewhere to get boba, noticing your reluctance to part ways. But boba shops have to close, and you both have class tomorrow morning, and you’re both finding any excuse to keep talking, even if that means sitting outside your dorm building on a nearby bench.

You eventually bid each other good night’s and see you later’s, him refusing to walk away until the heavy door locks shut behind you after you swipe your student ID, and you looking over your shoulder to watch his figure disappear into the night.

-

True to his intentions, Childe makes great efforts to meet you at least once a day, and he can’t get enough. Each parting from you tugs and tugs at his heart, as if there’s a high possibility you’ll never want to see him again the next day, and he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Your twin and Childe get along well for the most part, and he even meets Xiangling on one of her shifts at her regular restaurant, who sends you a salacious wink and an eyebrow wiggle over his shoulder that nearly causes you to burst from embarrassment.

February rolls over without a hitch, even if you’re a little disappointed that Childe didn’t make a move for Valentine’s Day. Granted, you two still spent time with each other and he’s so darn physically affectionate and he bought you a carnation from the event his dorm held, but you wish you had the guts to fess up and just kiss the man.

It’ll happen some day, you tell yourself. You have time before graduation.

Two days before the end of the Friday that would signal the start of Spring Break, you wake up in a cold sweat, mind reeling and head splitting, heart so so heavy, as a connection is made between your present and your dreams. Not long after, there are tears streaming silently down your face and into your open palms placed in your lap, and you sit in shock as everything comes back to you. Memories are such treasured burdens, you realize.

For the most part, you had gotten used to the dreams, choosing to take charge of what you know and feel now with Childe over succumbing to some strange neurological premonitions. Especially in your dreams when many people’s faces were blurred over and hazy, and the only things you could rely on were voices, touch, and other physical features. You thought that maybe your mind was just playing tricks by transposing Childe’s hair onto a body that was also strikingly similar to his, but for the first time last night, you could see each defining feature on his face as clear as day.

The sight of his figure arching gracefully over yours, the water arrows that appeared out of thin air, the back that protected you from some military men, the voice that said, “Hey girlie, hold still.”

And that was when you had snapped awake to your current state.

Past the initial shock and uncontrollable tears, you soon bent over as sobs wracked your chest, overwhelmed by all the emotions and the pain the memories brought you; losing your twin, finding him to only be left with even more questions after roaming for decades and decades, meeting all your loved ones throughout Mondstat and Liyue, fighting yet falling so hard for Childe, feeling the fear when facing his Foul Legacy form, hating him for Osial, loving him, breathing heavily as the tip of your blade was pointed at his neck and his own just centimeters from yours, tendrils of water inching closer and closer--

Everything makes sense now.

When you meet your twin for lunch at the cafeteria, you pay no mind to the fact that you’re in public and hug him harder than you ever have in years. He’s already a little alarmed that your eyes seem swollen and you look like finals came two months early, but when he asks what’s wrong, all he gets is a shake of your head and nothing more than, “Just a bad nightmare. I love you, y’know that?”

“I love you too?”

“Don’t sound so unsure, now let’s go and get in line before they run out of Jueyun Chili Chicken.”

Even when you meet Xiao later in the early evening to talk about your thesis, you find yourself holding back more tears just two minutes in, reminded of his past and his own life, and he’s moderately concerned, hesitantly handing you a tissue from the corner of his desk when a stray tear escapes. “Is everything okay?” He hesitantly asks, really hoping that he didn’t do anything to make you cry.

“No,” you almost wail and sniffle while dabbing at your eyes. “Sorry, it’s just been a really long day.”

Xiao’s inquisitive gaze softens, remembering how hard undergraduate life could be sometimes. Graduate school was a whole other level, but that shouldn’t discount your own personal difficulties. Plus, in all of the year and a half that he’s known you, you’ve never broken down like this before in front of him.

“You work really hard, Xiao,” you continue, and he’s not sure where this is coming from. “You’re always so helpful and willing to work with me and answer my stupid questions and like-- you practice self-care, right?”

Xiao nods as a white lie, but it seems to comfort you. Maybe too much because you pull him in for a quick and unexpected hug, and you both decide to reschedule this meeting for tomorrow.

As per usual, you wait for Childe to join you for dinner since you finished up earlier than expected. It gives you more time to think about everyone from Mondstat -- Kaeya, Diluc, Lisa, Jean, Amber...funny to think that some things never changed as you compared their past version to the ones you know now.

“Mora for your thoughts?”

There’s a peace that warms your heart when you hear Childe’s voice, one that forces you to smile at him as he sits down next to you. “Just thinking about old friends.”

“I have to admit, I’ll be a little jealous if it’s another guy taking up more space than me in that pretty brain of yours.”

What a flirt. This man isn’t good for your heart. “Who said you had any to begin with?”

He dramatically places a hand over his heart. “You wound me, (y/n). How will I ever recover?”

“You’re ridiculous,” you snicker. Childe reaches over to pinch your cheek and you bat at him in protest. Easily, he grabs one of your hands and simply pulls you towards the food lines, knowing that you’ll stop fighting back soon.

Part of it feels strange now to feel and see his hands with no leather gloves on.

“Childe,” you start halfway through your meal, continuing after he hums back in reply. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

He freezes briefly, but recovers so quickly that if you hadn’t been watching so closely, you wouldn’t have noticed. “I think it’s neat, the idea of having past lives. Why do you ask?”

What he really wants to ask is if you’ve been having those dreams, too; if he’s starring in your nights like you have been in his.

“Just a thought, especially since you’re taking Teyvat Myth now, too.”

“Do you...do you think if there was a past life, that we knew each other?”

There’s something about the look of content on your face before you meet his gaze -- he thinks that you know more than you’re letting on but you’re holding back for some reason. He wants to know what’s going through your brain right now, why the fondness in your eyes sends a jolt through him like he’s been searching for it all his life, if you know anything about this magnetic pull between you two.

“I like to think that we knew each other well.”

-

Even though the first day of your returned memories was somewhat eventful, you couldn’t help but feel yourself wanting to pull back from Childe -- at least, until you can successfully compartmentalize which emotions belonged to you past self and which ones belonged to your current mindset. You didn’t quite agree with his duties and his affiliation with the Fatui back then, even if he had his reasons that did make sense, to some degree.

The killing, the threatening, so intent on stealing Rex Lapis’s Gnosis in the name of the Tsaritsa, summoning Osial as a mean to an end -- and you definitely can’t forget how stubborn he was in not listening to your protests, so caught up in his brain that you had betrayed him and sent you plummeting to a near-death experience despite his earlier promise of no intention of killing you specifically.

Everything had been toeing a faint, thin line with Childe then. Undeniable chemistry and tension, guarding yourself for yours and Paimon’s safety, slashing at Fatui agents, whispering out pleas and affirmations of “I’m yours” while riding him, sometimes having to sneak out in the mornings…

The only thing you don’t remember is how everything ends -- maybe it’ll come back to you eventually, but for now, you think you’re okay not knowing.

If Childe still doesn’t remember anything from back then, you think it’d be unfair to spend time with him in all your conflicting emotions, even when it’s spring break, where you have so much more hours in the day to be with each other than normal. Fun plans around Liyue had been made, like a two-day one-night trip to Yaoguang Shoal, and you’re this close to cancelling on him.

But he had been looking forward to it so much, even made most of the preparations for it. Who are you to rob that joy from him when it was you who couldn’t figure out your own shit? Are you self-destructing?

Perhaps.

Before you know it, you’re sitting in the passenger seat of his car, staring out the window at the scenery. Somehow, it pleased you to see that the nature of Liyue had been carefully preserved over the many centuries despite its development into the modern age. You get lost in picking apart the differences between then and now that you don’t notice how quiet you’ve fallen and Childe looks over worriedly when you show no reaction to your favorite songs playing on the stereo.

Even when he calls your name once, twice, nothing gives as you clearly have tuned everything out. So he leaves you be until there’s about half an hour left on the drive, unable to hold back and succumbing to reach over for your hand. You startle so strongly that he almost feels bad for having done it unannounced. But what’s even more disturbing is that this isn’t really the first time.

You’ve been talking to him less, often sitting quietly and staring off into another world that he can’t seem to reach. His texts are answered less frequently and with less wit and enthusiasm, so much so that he just appreciates you still show up to see him. Each time he asks if you’re okay, you always affirm that you are. He’s had a hard time believing you, but Childe believes you’ll tell him when you’re ready, surely.

It’s a little ironic yet fateful that Childe planned to bring you here, of all places. In the past, you had spent many days and nights running around in the sand with him, fighting slimes and hilichurls and collecting starconches for him. You remember laying on a large towel next to him as you both looked up into the sky, pointing out stars and constellations while sharing endless kisses away from prying, spying eyes.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve zoned out,” you sincerely apologize.

“It’s okay, I just wanna make sure you relax while we’re here. This is supposed to be a vacation.”

“You’re right,” you agree and squeeze his hand. “Let’s make the most of it before we become adults who are too busy to have fun like this again.”

And you do. Childe rented a small beach cabin (rich boys) closer to one end of the shoreline, just big enough with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a small kitchen with a dining table. You help him bring in your bags and some groceries bought the night before, setting them down quickly so you can peer out the window again to take in the view. Childe picked a good time, too. Although it’d be a little chilly at night, the day was still warm and mainly overcast with clouds.

“What do you say we change into our swimsuits and head down to the water?”

“Sure.”

Childe hadn’t really been expecting for you to step out in a large, casual tee and gym shorts, one shoulder exposed. He might have been hoping to see a little more skin, but his mother didn’t raise a chauvinistic pervert for a son.

The light in your eyes as you both approach the water is everything he had been missing the last few days, your excitement and joy contagious. As soon as you place everything down on the sand, you kick off your flip flops and leave him behind to step into the water, giggling at feeling the waves crash over your ankles and bring sand between your toes. Childe approaches you from behind and starts smearing sunblock on the back of your neck, to which you just grin beautifully at him in thanks and he has to fight off the desire to kiss you right then and there.

You’re too caught up in embracing the ocean afterwards to feel the shrinking distance between you two, mistaking his warmth for the general spring air. It isn’t until he’s done with your shoulders that he hands you the bottle to leave you to do the rest of your body, and when you turn to thank him, he’s much closer than you remember. His eyes are gentle, holding your gaze and almost daring you to look away first.

But if there’s one thing you can place without a shred of doubt, it is the unmistakable look of love, because you had seen it many, many times before without knowing until later what it meant.

How so incredibly lucky you were to have Childe back in your life now, loving you all the same, and with no life-threatening barriers. Fate or the Archons have given you a second chance, and you’d be damned to take it for granted.

Childe welcomes your lips against his, wasting no time to bring you into his arms so you’re pressed against him as much as possible. He can’t care for the overt public display of affection because this is everything he’s wanted for months now, waiting patiently for you to give him permission to make you his. Your lips are incredibly soft and pliant against his as you first kiss him patiently, then applying more force and desperation to taste more of him. He mirrors you, one hand cradling the back of your head and the other on your neck with a thumb extended to your jawline, teeth moving to nip at your bottom lip. It’s dangerous, the way you smile against his lips, and when he sinks his teeth in deeper before pulling back, your quiet mewl nearly drives him over the edge.

But you’re in public, and this was an amazing first kiss. You two have a beach to enjoy and a fun night planned, and now that he doesn’t have to hold back on his affections, it’ll be even better.

His lips part from yours regretfully, his eyes languidly opening to meet yours. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots a blue starconch in the sand and freezes.

It’s not that he’s never seen one before, but something clicks. You. The shore. Starconches. Starry nights. His dreams. Monsters. Gods. Fighting. So much fighting. Training. His family. Dragons. You. Falling. You falling. You fighting him. Yelling. Kissing. Loving. Chasing. Him chasing you before you disappear at a teleport waypoint that somehow you only can operate. The abyss. Your twin.

Oh, Archons.

“ -ou okay, Ajax? Ajax?”

He snaps to look at you again. How does he go about this? How does he ask?

“(Y/n)...have you ever heard of the Fatui Harbingers?”

He has to admit that it’s a bit amazing to be able to identify all the emotions that cross your complexion, from curiosity to realization to conflicted. You’re actively trying to piece everything together without revealing too much on the off-chance that you’re wrong, that Childe hasn’t regained his memories and is just asking about something from class randomly and completely out of the blue.

Wait.

“You haven’t reached that material yet in class,” you whisper, heart in your throat at the realization. Could it really be…

“I was once Tartaglia, eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui, who possessed a Delusion and used my Foul Legacy Transformation with you several times,” he murmurs back, tucking a stray tendril behind your ear. “Is it too late to apologize again for summoning an ancient god and letting you fall about five floors with no warning?”

He should’ve been prepared for you wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a tight embrace. “No, never, but I spent weeks after kicking your ass so you’ve been long forgiven.”

Childe burrows his face into your neck, breathing in your scent and basking in this moment. There was so much to talk about, but you two arguably had more time in the world than ever with nothing holding you back. There was no impending war looming over, no one on the run, no opposing forces. His silent wish for a different life with you seems to have been answered finally. If running into you had been the event to set everything in motion, he only wishes he’d done so earlier.

All that matters now is you’re here together in this plane of existence, given a chance to love again, and experience everything you couldn't before.

As written in the stars, take my soul for it is forever yours.

fin

#childe x reader #tartaglia x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin scenarios #genshin impact scenarios #genshin imagines #childe #tartaglia #childe angst #genshin impact #genshin angst #genshin impact angst #this fic maybe took two years off my life

[olderthannetfic]

Viet anon here, that makes sense! I just think the way some (mostly American) fans seem to approach shows with this sort of grim determination to make sure there’s enough different kinds of people in it is strange and a little disturbing. It’s like you said, it’s like there’s no enjoyment for some people, just an obligation like your job. If you don’t like things don’t force yourself into it, even if it’s “good for you/diverse.” Sorry if this isn’t very clear, I’m very tired. But I completely understand what you’re saying.

--

Yeah. I don't like that energy either. It unintentionally implies that nonwhite characters aren't interesting enough for anyone to like them better than white characters without it being about guilt and duty, which is nonsense.

The real issue underlying a lot of US-flavor discourse is that media treats minorities poorly. Not nonwhite people. Minorities. China is garbage at portraying their ethnic minorities. So is Japan. I presume most countries are. Thai media is about pale, rich ethnic Thais in the capital much of the time, not some highland Akha person or whatever. IDEK who the ethnic minorities in Vietnam are, but I'm sure similar things happen.

In the US, "minority" and "nonwhite" line up more, so that distinction gets elided, and then people are annoyingly shocked at Americans liking Asian media and/or think it's only about colorism and the love of light skin or that white Americans somehow read Asian characters as white.

The reason it's important to understand that this is about minority status is that if US people want to fix our own media, we need to be aware of precisely what it's doing, which goes a lot deeper than just not casting enough people of category X or Y. For example, we often cast quite light-skinned, and even when we have a dark skinned actor, we don't always light them appropriately. It's important to get enough light on the face because those big, pretty 'single perfect tear' woobie shots are how we connect with characters and especially how we see them as vulnerable, delicate, sensitive, etc. We need to see subtle emotions on a character's face.

Most training on how to light presupposes a very light-skinned subject. The racism goes all the way down to basic tutorials and education. It's also quite possible to write and cast a character who sounds fine on paper, but then we stick the actor behind other actors in the scene, we fail to shoot a closeup for them, and we fail to cut to any closeup that does exist at key emotional moments. It's like they almost don't exist in the final product. These filmmaking elements can ruin the audience's interest even when the script is fine.

There are certainly cases where the character was portrayed fine, even in the subtler parts of the filmmaking, and fandom just failed to care, but far more often, the real problems are starting from canon, and fandom is just responding to the unspoken cues. I see way too many hot takes that base an analysis of a character from a writing perspective: They were cool on paper, so why don't you find them cool? But that's not where 99% of impressions come from in film.

We over-emphasize words because they're easier for most of us to analyze because 1. they're inherently verbal and 2. way more of us have been educated about them. The lack of cheap/free and accessible educational resources about the other parts of film is shameful. (And one of my pet rant topics, obviously.)

This is why white US fans who won't look twice at an Asian-American character fall in love with cdramas. It's not about them not finding Asians interesting or hot: it's about how the actual artistic craft that went into the media differed.

It can also be about which types of roles are given to whom. I like the supportive best friend character much more than the hot mess they're supporting. In US media, this means I often like nonwhite characters. But if I preferred the hot mess, as a lot of fandom and humanity in general does, I'd be going for white characters every time, even in casts that are quite diverse. Not so in cdramas where everyone is Asian including all of the character types from pillar of moral rectitude to badtouch villain to doomed little brother to beautiful disaster. (It's no accident I like Wen Ning and also Rico from Miami Vice. It's no accident most people prefer WWX and Sonny.)

Understanding what's going on on a craft level is so important if one wants to analyze how audiences are reacting and why.

[kinkymagnus]

Henlo!! I love your blog so much 😍 it gives me life and makes me happy when I have a bad day. I was wondering if you had any headcanons about Malec’s first time or something where Magnus is a nervous wreck cause he has to tell Alec that he’s trans? Thank you and sorry for the bother 😭♥️

y’all it is a CRIME how long this has been in my inbox, im really sorry and ur not bothering me at ALL i just love this ask and wanted to do it JUSTICE 👏

also im!!! so flattered!!! aaaaaAAAA im glad my blog can cheer u up :) 

okokok so trans magnus + malec’s first time + magnus being nervous about coming out lghkjgfh

ok i have no fucking idea why but i’m making this twi malec. i’m just. in the mood for twi malec i guess. fuck it amiright

magnus is just. he has a lot of secrets. there’s a reason he hasn’t gotten close to anyone in a long time, there’s a reason he only talks to two or three people who actually know him, there’s a reason he hasn’t been how he used to be--out and about, flashy and showing off and wearing armor made of glittering beauty and colorful silks and bold makeup, instead of comfortable cardigans and twitching hands and quiet. 

speaking of which: def headcanon twi magnus wasn’t always the way he is in that episode. he was a lot like canon magnus once upon a time, charismatic (well, he’s still charismatic, but like, in that bold flashy way, you know?) and open (closed off, but with the illusion of having all his cards on the table) and bold

anyway. there’s a reason. lots of reasons. mostly all the secrets he hides.

the fact that he has magic, that he’s immortal, a dusty relic of a time long gone, of an age past, clinging on past his due date. he feels like he doesn’t belong in the modern world, like he should have died with the shadow world, like he should have been sealed out with all the other demons.

the fact that he is a prince king of hell, son and slayer of the greater demon asmodeous himself. even tho he’s sealed it all away, he has a huge amount of power, both from just. originally being the son of such a powerful demon, a fallen angel, and also from managing to kill one.

i don’t think it fits with canon twi lore but i don’t care, i’m saying twi magnus was involved in the sealing of the realm, and he managed to kill asmodeous and basically absorb his power, so a) he actually did this huge incredible feat that changed the whole world, whether on purpose or not i’m not sure yet (it has something to do with asmodeous, but i’m not seeing the whole picture yet) and b) he’s actually. more powerful than canon magnus. it’s partially why he sealed away his magic for so long, he was afraid of what that power could do. 

honestly i dont have this super well thought out but i like the potential

but anyway! barely related to this! let’s get back on topic!

and. the fact that he’s trans. a decidedly more mundane secret, but still one he keeps close to his chest. he’s lived through a lot of eras with bad very transphobic times? like he’s lived through places/times with very accepting atmopshere, but he’s also lived in like, victorian england, you know? and canon magnus had a chance to be more out of his shell and open in the modern world but this magnus has completely closed himself off. he mostly talks to people other than his close friends to give them a tarot reading. he’s not like, totally cut off, i can’t imagine him like. not helping people. you know. idek. but the point is he’s more isolated. canon magnus was closed off in a lot of ways, but still surrounded by people. he had a job to do, people to protect, and parties to attend. not to mention going to pandemonium and stuff. twi magnus isn’t really doing that. man i really went on a tangent here but the point is i feel like that would contribute to how he feels about being trans. feeling isolated, having less friends to be open with and to help him you know? in my experience it’s a lot harder to feel like. valid? without that sense of community. even with a few close friends, it’s hard. if you’re “passing”, which magnus is, it feels like a secret. 

the point is! i am getting so off track! magnus has got layers and layers and layers protecting him, both literal and metaphorical (he doesn’t wear the more flashy and revealing clothing canon magnus occasionally favors, preferring thick and comfortable sweaters and cardigans and stuff like that. bonus headcanon: whatever happened that ended in asmodeous dead and the walls of the world sealed, it left magnus with more scars. not to mention top surgery scars he may have, or even just hiding a binder, or using thick layers to disguise small tiddies since binders are great but you can’t bind all the time or every day for centuries and still be like, healthy. anYWAY) 

and when he starts dating alec despite that little cautious voice in his head insisting he needs to not get attached, alec begins to just. effortlessly peel those layers away

he’s so blunt and honest, unlike people who have lied to and manipulated magnus in the past (CAMILLE, anyone? i feel like she’d still be a thing in the twiverse. also asmodeous, albeit in a different way) and he’s gentle and loud and bold and he’s funny and sweet and he just. fucking cares about magnus.

when he finds about magnus’s magic he’s like “oh my god that’s so cool” he just fucking accepts him so easily!!! 

and even when magnus ends up tearfully confessing he may or may not be a literal king of hell (or, one of the hell dimensions) alec’s like “damn, i’m dating royalty?” and maybe makes a joke about not everyone getting to make a king scream with pleasure and magnus is just so relieved???

but that’s later

anyway

they haven’t had sex yet and magnus is just like. he feels like inevitably this relationship is gonna fall apart. he has too many secrets, too many hidden parts of himself that if he ever shed light on, alec wouldn’t see him the same way

and as much as he wants alec to fuck him, as much as he wants to be in bed with alec and cuddle with him and have sex with him and show him everything, he feels like he can’t, it would be the beginning of the end

he keeps pulling back just as alec begins to initiate, and alec never pushes but wonders if he’s doing something wrong, or if maybe magnus is asexual, or just doesn’t want to have sex for other reasons, and eventually he broaches the topic with magnus and magnus is so surprised alec noticed something is wrong (he expected alec might confront him over not “putting out” but alec doesn’t seem to care about the sex--he makes sure to emphasize while he is attracted to magnus and would lvoe to have sex with him if that’s what magnus wants, it’s by no means a requirement--but more about. magnus. and communicating with him.) that he just blurts out i’m trans. 

and alec kinda blinks at him. his beautiful, wonderful, nervous and scared boyfriend. and he ends up blurting out oh thank god. because he would be more than okay with magnus not wanting to have sex--he’s super gorgeous and absolutely smoking hot, but alec doesn’t ever like, want to have sex with him unless magnus wants to. obviously. but he was honestly worried it wasn’t magnus but him, that he’d done something wrong or wasn’t attractive or something, and honestly worrying about something being wrong with him was not a feeling he was used to. then he realizes how bad that just sounded, and he’s like, aaaaaaaAAAA WAIT and ends up panickedly rambling like i mean sorry i just was kind of worried i was doing something wrong but like, i love you so much and you being trans changes nothing about that, and if you never want to have sex that’s totally okay and i love you, but if you’re worried about me still being attracted to you that’s not a problem, but-- and magnus is like y-you’re not?? but you’re gay! and i’m-- and you know that feeling of like. internalized [insert form of bigotry towards yourself, in this case transphobia]. where you think something bad about yourself. and if you think about it you’re like “no that’s transphobic i would never think that about anyone else” and your brain is just like “yeah it’s true about you tho” that’s this. magnus is like. i’m not a real man, how could you be attracted to me? and alec (not to be all Cis Savior, but look, magnus deserves a loving supportive boyfriend who comforts him and shit, okay! i am PROJECTING) is like yeah i’m gay and you’re a gorgeous, beautiful, stunning man? 

and they end up talking it out and get it sorted that yes, magnus does want to have sex, but it would be okay if one of them didn’t want to, magnus being trans does not make alec unattracted to him, it’s okay, they’re okay, because malec are Kings of Communication,

ANYWAY

ACTUAL FIRST TIME

probably not the same day, that day they cuddle and talk 

but like later

>:)

alec is just so gentle and reverent y’all. like. them big hands on magnus’s body, all warm and gentle and magnus is like oh fuck this is nice

they do have to kind of communicate boundaries--alec’s asks if there’s anywhere magnus doesn’t want to be touched because dysphoria (or any other reason) and vice versa, magnus trying to be like “you know if you only want to fuck my ass or have me wear a strap-on or anything like that it’s fine, i understand you’re not necessarily attracted to those parts of me” and alec’s like “we’ve established that you would enjoy me eating you out and i WANT TO EAT YOU OUT” 

their first time probably is pretty simple, “vanilla”, idk why but im thinking they just exchange oral sex tbh like magnus blows him and then alec eats him out 

also magnus cums pretty fast bc he hasn’t been touched like this in a long time and he’s very embarrassed about it but alec is like “damn that’s hot can i try to make you cum a few more times” 

ok but imagine their first time it’s just alec holding him down and eating him out until he sobs and squirts? yes

anyway tho they have like, lots of “other” first times too like. first time alec fucks his pussy. first time alec fucks his ass. etc. 

first time alec slides that Thick Dick balls deep into magnus’s cunt he’s for sure immediately on the edge of orgasming he’s so full and it feels so good--

and alec’s like holy SHIT bc he’s warm and wet and tight and he clenches every time alec praises him or dirty talks him and it feels amazing

first time alec fucks his ass is also very fun for both of them ;) 

it’s just a good time all around folks communication and magnus getting pounded the way he deserves :’) 

not to mention when they first start getting into kinks 

alec, carefully broaching the topic of bondage: how would you feel... about handcuffs?

magnus, barely looking up: mm, padded or not? and what kind of padding? the normal kind hurt my wrists after too long and not really in a nice way, so i like padded. furry can get a little itchy sometimes but they look real nice. also, are we talking above my head to the bedpost, and if so, am i on my stomach or back? because stomach is a little uncomfortable. or like, behind my back? especially bent over, mm. good view for you ;) 

then he like looks up and realized he’s said all of this very casually and alec’s looking at him with 1. shock and 2. lust 

like. “i wasn’t expecting this, but i really should have, and now i want to bend you over and tie you up and fuck you hard” 

and he blushes just a lil bit like o shit i just said all that and alec’s like “padded it is. behind your back or above your head... hm... both have potential, but maybe the latter? i love you on your back under me, i can see so much of your beautiful body and all of your gorgeous face :)” 

and like TOYS 

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANYWAY

#trans magnus smut #twi malec #twi

[mangon3cta]

After Forever

SIMON DOMINIC

GENRE: IDEK

WORD COUNT: 2,239

for this anon

i always go too deep into these requests. there was actually more i wanted to add but it would’ve gotten too long

a/n: i should’ve used his real name but i liked typing simon better srry

I turned left through the hallways, reciting the directions Jay had told me in my head like a mantra. He had asked me to deliver a message to the second CEO of AOMG; Simon Dominic. Jay lost his phone and now I was his texting app.

I finally found the studio Simon worked at and knocked on the door before slowly opening it. Simon, who was seated in front of the computer, turned around to look at me and I smiled. “Jay told me to tell you that he wanted to see you,” I informed him.

“Is it urgent?” Simon asked.

“It must be since he sent me all the way down here.”

Simon nodded and stood up. “Alright then.” He brushed past me out the door and I watched disappear down the hallway. I looked back at the room which was wide open. Without another thought, I walked inside, shutting the door behind me.

The room was wide but slightly cramped and there was soft music occupying the still air. I moved over to the computer and clicked the chrome icon. YouTube popped up. The song that was playing was “Hyung” by Dumbfoundead featuring Dok2, Tiger JK and of course, Simon Dominic himself.

I smiled. Ever since Simon filmed Show Me The Money 5, he had started becoming more busy. Usually, he’d keep to himself. But nowadays, he was doing features, working more on his music and basically trying to get out there again. It was cool.

“I really shouldn’t be doing this,” I whispered to myself as I started snooping around in his things to maybe find a teaser to what he was working on at the moment. I wasn’t going to look too deeply or I might find something I’d regret seeing.

I clicked here and there trying to find something. “Having fun?” A voice said behind me. That voice only belonged to one person. I froze in the seat, cursing myself for my stupidity. I slowly rolled back and stood up, facing Simon who had a quite irritated expression on his face.

“I…I was just…you see,” I tried forming words in my mouth but everything just sounded lame.

“Yeah, get out,” Simon replied and I quickly ran out the door, heated with embarrassment. I’m sensitive so I almost teared up as I walked back to Jay’s office.

“Hey, where were you? I thought you’d come back,” said Jay as I entered the room.

“Nowhere,” I mumbled, sighing deeply.

“Well anyway, I’m taking work off early and I don’t really need anything else so you can go home.”

I bit my lip in frustration and picked up my bag. “Thank you sir, if you need something else you can call me,” I said sarcastically.

Jay laughed. “There’s no need to call me sir, we’re friends.” I could’ve cursed at him but I held my tongue because I would’ve cried at the same time.

“You know, I really, really hate you.” I slammed the door and stormed out of the building towards my car. Those hateful feelings I sometimes felt towards my older brother were coming back. He was only a year older but he acted like he was the boss of me.

Technically, Jay was my boss. Ever since AOMG became popular, I was dying to work with him. I used to do a normal job at an office, but Jay Park being the CEO of AOMG and my brother came with some advantages (and disadvantages but that’s not for now).

I also loved music. But when I asked to work with him, Jay had gotten the wrong idea. I wanted to produce, make music, but Jay thought I wanted to work for him, not with him. Now I was his office assistant. I couldn’t speak up to him about him because 1) he didn’t know I’m good at music and 2) he’d probably just say no. My insecurity towards myself and my admiration towards my brother really gets in the way.

Now I didn’t want to lose this job because this is the closest I’ve ever been to real life musicians. I was friends with everyone, but I’d seen them work and it really inspired me to do my own things; not in the company, but at home.

When I returned to work the next day I contemplated apologizing to Simon. I was in the wrong and Simon’s scary when he’s mad but I knew it was the right thing to do. I knocked on the door to his studio.

“Come in.” I pushed the door open and walked inside with a forced smile on my face. Simon didn’t look angry but rather annoyed that I was here again.

“Listen,” I started, licking my lips. “I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.”

“Go ahead.”

I sighed. “I’m sorry I was looking in your things…I really didn’t mean to.” I looked around for a chair and sat down. Simon watched me with a look on his face that seemed to say “are you for real right now?”.

I continued. “I’m really sorry. The thing is, ever since this company grew big, Jay’s been acting like he’s better than me. I wanna do music too…but he just doesn’t understand. I try to be around here – around you guys, that is because you’re so cool and it really inspires me and I want to be like you…to do what you guys do because I love it so much.” Before I knew it I was just spilling my heart out to him.

“Why are you telling me this?” Simon asked. He was leaning back on his chair. I flushed and stood up.

“Sorry, I got carried away. The point is, I hope you forgive me.” I walked over to the door and opened it.

“Wait,” said Simon and I turned to face him. “Close the door and sit back down.” I hesitantly closed the door and took my seat again.

“You do music?”

I smiled excitedly. “Yeah I do. It’s a hobby but I’ve been trying to turn into a job.” I shrugged.

“How come no one knows – I mean, how come Jay doesn’t know?”

“I just never told him….I’m too scared I guess.”

Simon looked up in thought. “So have you worked on anything?” I enthusiasm returned as I reached for my phone.

“Lots actually. I made something that was inspired by you and GRAY on Show Me The Money,” I began to play the track. “It’s like an epilogue to Forever.” I handed Simon the phone so he could listen clearly. The entire song was about 3 minutes, while the part I had produced was a mere 1 minute, but I was so proud of it.

Simon sported a poker face for those entire 3 minutes and I suddenly felt sick. Maybe he didn’t like it. When the song had ended, he returned my phone and nodded.

“First of all, where did you get the beat?”

I lowered my head in shame. “I found it on Jay’s computer. I know its stealing but I wasn’t going to show it to anyone.” I chuckled guiltily. “You probably think I’m the saddest person on earth, but I’m just really desperate.”

Simon laughed and I relaxed a little. “It’s actually much better than I had expected.”

“Really?!”

“You should really get someone to rap on it – like an epilogue,” he suggested. I flushed and shook my head.

“Nah, I don’t really know anyone anyway.”

“Well, you know me.” I looked up in disbelief. Whenever I listened to the track I always imagined Giriboy or San E’s voice. I’d never imagined Simon Dominic to be on it. “If you want, that is.”

I nodded eagerly. “That would be a dream come true.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to Jay and I’m sure GRAY will let us use the original song since this is just the demo. I think this will be good.”

+

In the afternoon, Jay called me to his office and I went there reluctantly. He looked disappointed and I knew what this talk was going to be about. “Simon talked to me yesterday –“

“I know,” I said, plopping down on one of the chairs. “I know what he talked to you about and I already apologized to him. He’s okay.”

“Why would you do that? Mom and dad raised you better than this, I’m embarrassed.”

I groaned. “Well you don’t have to be. Oh, and I don’t want to be your assistant anymore.” Jay looked taken back by my serious tone.

“What? You said you wanted to work with me.”

“With you, Jay, I wanted to work with you, not for you. I don’t wanna be your dumb office assistant. All I do is sit around in your office and get you coffee whenever you want. And send your stupid messages. I’m sick of it.”

Jay blinked and sat down, confused. “Well…I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I like music too. Stop acting as if you’re better than me just because you have this huge popular company and lots of cool rappers. I wanted to do music with you, Jay.” I sniffed.

“Oh.” Jay nodded. “Why did you tell me before?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know…I thought you wouldn’t like it. I mean, you’re Jay Park and I’m just me.” Jay chuckled.

“You’re my sister,” he walked over to me and sighed. “Are you mad at me?”

“Yes, I am.” Jay put his arms around my shoulders in an awkward attempt to hug me. “Well, I guess I’m not that mad. I just wanted to get that off my chest.”

“Then I hope you feel better. Tell you what, how about you show me your stuff and we can work on it together?”

“Actually, Jay, Simon was helping me. We were discussing it before you called me here. He said he was gonna talk to you about it too.”

“You went to him first?” asked Jay.

“He asked me,” I told him. “Or else no one would’ve known.”

+

So we worked on the track for days after that. GRAY GROUND was where all the magic happened so I occupied myself in there; me, Simon, Jay and Gray. But some days it was just me and Simon. There wasn’t much to write considering the remix was just a minute longer but, according to Simon, lyrics were hard to write. You needed inspiration and a clear mind.

“You give me inspiration,” he told me. I was sitting on the floor with my laptop on my lap. I looked up, laughing.

“That’s going a little too far, don’t you think?”

Simon chuckled and shook his head. “Really? I was being completely serious.” He left what he was doing to face me. “Someone like you, diligent, young and fresh, that gives me inspiration. You’re like a burst of cold air on a hot day. Seeing you work hard makes me want to work hard too, to write witty lyrics as fast as I can.”

I smiled and looked down at the keyboard. The thought that someone like him could get inspiration from someone like me was a little overwhelming. It triggered me to work even harder so that he could take from me and we could help each other.

With everything going on, I was finally formally introduced to the rest of the AOMG family as a “rookie producer”. They liked me and Gray told them he was proud that I had chosen his beat for this track.

Jay really liked the finished product and said he would release it as soon as he had contacted some people. I told him the title of the remix was called After Forever and he complemented my sense.

When the song was released it achieved an all-kill on the charts. I knew it was because BeWhy was so popular and the fact that Simon Dominic made a somewhat comeback. I was proud of my work and Simon said I should work with more people.

And sure enough after that I was getting phone calls from media outlets and other companies asking me to produce for them too. I needed a little break because the sudden attention was making me emotional.  

“Here’s to Y/N!” Jay announced. There were cheers for me and Simon patted me on the back. I smiled and bumped champagne glasses with everyone near me. I was at an AOMG party – strictly for AOMG label mates only. This was my first time being invited despite having worked at the company for a year now.

“Also,” Jay continued. “I got a call this morning from guess who?” I looked at Jay, listening intently. “From Lee Byung-Yoon. He said we wants a collaborative album with you, Y/N.” More cheering and I flushed, goosebumps rising on my skin. “I just couldn’t deny such a heavenly offer. What do you say, Y/N?”

“DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!”

“A whole album is a little –“

“Wouldn’t that mean we’d get to spend more time with each other?” Simon whispered in my ear as I considered the suggestion.

“I’ll do it.” I would be lying if I said there wasn’t an ulterior motif in my answer. Although working with the one and only BeWhy would be a glorious experience; the fact that Simon probably would be helping me the entire time was something else to look forward to.

#simon dominic #jung kiseok #jay park #loco #gray #giriboy #san e #khh #k hip hop #bewhy

[remade-jimintensify]

100 REASONS TO LOVE JEON JEONGGUK

he was a child when he became a member of bangtan sonyeondan, and look at him now!!!

his smile and bunny teeth, so big so bright so precious

when he laughs and giggles

the way he dances and his goddamn body control, like would you please look at blood sweat & tears, wouLD YOU PLEASE LOOK AT HIM DANCING

the way he scrunches up his nose all cutely :(((( like a bunny just !!

his eyes turn into beautiful crescents when he laughs or just smiles and like the wrinkles at the sides!!!!!! of his!!!!!! eyes!!!!!!

he is the fearless and golden maknae

oh and his EYES are so pretty, they literally look like perfectly shaped almonds

he is a masterpiece, made by god himself

his dimples!!! like, yes, ofc he is not the king of dimples but his dimples are big and they could hold a couple of my tears that i would only shed for him

NOOT NOOT

his hands are so beautiful, and his nails are too? like, i don’t wanna sound weird or anything, but they are always neat and nice and just wow

“pardon” - english lessons with namjoon

okay but his english in general tbh. it’s just so nice to listen to and calming and it makes us all super proud, we can’t deny this fact

he loves bowling

his friendship with the seventeen members and yugyeom is soso cute and it’s so nice that they are there for each other (let’s hope that yugyeom goes out to go bowling with jeongguk lots)

FIGHTING! *clicks tongue*

when he smiles his upper lip disappears and its rlly cute (his smile is just rlly rlly cute)

apropos his lips - they are shaped beautifully and kinda curvy? like, not the fullest but definitely super beautiful and the person who kisses them one day will hopefully praise his lips a lot

memekook 

lmao but his hip thrusts are honestly nowhere near to be a joke

the mole under his lip, the mole on his neck, the moles on his cheek, the moles on his thighs - just all of his moles i love them

“oh man, holy shit”

CARAMEL! HAIRED! JEONGGUK!

jeongguk during now3

DOPE ERA OKAY, listen this is the best thing in the world - not only his hair but also the cop!look and 

AYO LADIES AND GENTLEMEN - you are lying if you didn’t hear his voice singing it just now ://

his voice is pure and angelic and just liquid gold when he sings

his stage presence is no joke to be honest, he is so rude and hot and sweaty and- what a sight 

but he is sosososo soft, really

he eats so noisily and it’s too cute to be mad at him, honestly why is he like this

he is so passionate about what he is doing and he works so hard every single day to reach his ultimate dream

seagull

um so he started to push his hair back recently and this is another big thing to just love the heck out of his soft boy!!

his washing routine

um, his cover of paper hearts, lost stars, we don’t talk anymore, sofa, nothing like us, working, like a star (feat. namjoon) and fools (also feat. namjoon) are the best things ever

probably the most beautiful ever when he sleeps, so calm and soft

jeongguk has the cutest nose ever, like, it’s big but so beautifully shaped? i just wanna boop it and kiss it a lot :((

his round house kick at the end of the war of hormone mv is !!!

OKAY BUT rainism suit him soso well and this dance and just the performance overall was made for him, still swooning abt this ngl

he loves his hyungs soooooooooo much

jeongguk helped a staff member at isac 2017 to clean up the trash that some people left behind there

him in blue contacts is magical

the SCAR ON HIS CHEEK like really, can you believe that people fall in love with this scar with every new day that comes - how can such a flaw be so beautiful? i will never know

the rlly big scar on his elbow is .. well its just there but i feel like mentioning it too (i remember the time he always had a padded skin colored patch on it - just a random info)

his acne - i mean, ofc it’s probably not nice for him but it’s a part of him and therefor it makes him even more beautiful, also it makes him more real and everyone who says something else is kinda rlly wrong imo :////

here i have to mention barefaced jeongguk and hotel room jeongguk if you know what i mean - just a really soft boy being all cozy

he drinks milk when eats ramen, this is more than precious

jeongguk in beanies is such A Look, you can’t deny it cause it’s a fact

also omg the time he wore black face masks and the white ones and the blue ones with the white pattern, it was great

his ears have such a funny form tbh and they are kinda big

bring!! back!! jeon!! jeongguk’s!! tunnels!! 

his thick rings he is always wearing are super cool too though, they look so good on him idek

OKAY UM BUT CAN I MENTION HIS NEW PIERCINGS HERE??? because he has two (!) helix piercings now and they look super good on him, just like his five other piercings on his lobes

his eyebrows are on fleek

legs!!!! his calves! his knees! his thighs!!!!!! (also he has so many scars on his legs its no joke, all from training so hard im sobbing)

okay i know that his biceps is big af and it makes me choke at times, but his tricEPS OKAY

free his forehead more tbh :/// because its beautiful and everyone shld have a right to see it once a day

oh! when he wears his bangs parted he looks super good!

when he sang dean’s half moon though

when he teases his hyungs (and his little shenanigans with his fellow members of the maknae line)

he has the softest abs ever, like, his tummy looks so cute? AND HIS BELLY BUTTON OKAY, HIS BELLY BUTTON IS CUTE AND !!!

sharp features, that’s all i have to say

he is the cutest nerd in that the world has ever seen

his smug smile which is oddly enough rlly cute

jungshook

he is so goddamn talented - singer, dancer, producer, rapper, good at every sport and he can draw! can you believe he is real?

so shy around girls (even though it got better)

he is so goddamn humble at times which makes him even more golden than he already is

GLASSES ON HIM!! ROUND! FRAMED! GLASSES!!!!!

he cried on his 16th birthday when the members surprised him after filming the comeback trailer :(((

coconut head

um he owns like 23255385059 plain shirts and do you all remember the time he wore like a different color everyday? it went from yellow to green to purple to blue to black to white back to pink. it was great

whenever he wears a navy blue overall tbh

bangtan passing the baby around to sit on everyone’s lap once in a while - jeongguk sitting on someone’s lap - jeongguk is the baby

i know i already mentioned his voice but like, his voice when he talks all calmly. like, when he films logs by himself. it’s so nice and soothing to listen to

jeongguk in hats or caps is a goddamn thing y’all

over sized sweaters on him are a blessing

remember when he wore this black turtle neck? like, ok, just turtlenecks in general are beautiful on him (x) (x) (x)

and his sweater paws are the cutest thing ever, when the tips of his fingers are slightly showing

sleepy kook

the way he waves. like, his pinky is sticking out when he does so and this is adorable

HIS! SELFIE GAME! is rlly good okay

ohh when he used to always dance girl group dances! i mean, he still does but he used to “be known” for being the best at it :’)

veins - it’s as simple as that

his trot ver. of n.o. (um the way he smiles in this video gives me several heart attacks bye)

even though it was really obvious that he was really

he is so into photography and this is really nice, cause that means we all get really nice pics from time to time on twt and he is having fun with it

curly hair on him makes him look like such a floof (not only referring to fire era, but yes, also there)

HIS SATOORI

it is kinda endearing how often he lets his phone fall down, so clumsy

THIS ONE TIME HE SET OFF THE ALARM AT IKEA or the time he ate the shell at an interview even though the pd told him to not, or the time he sniffed at the bottle and spotted that the camera was filming him, or the time he looked at namjoon all horrified when he told him to not only bring white shirts, or-

he cried while listening to yoongi’s mixtape for the first time

pls never forget that he was all offended when more than half of the members voted for no when the question was if jeongguk truly likes jimin, thanks (he loves his fellow members, just wanna state this here)

Lip Syncing 

the coming of age ceromony choreo or the own it choreo he covered with jimin OH! and when he danced to the choreography of keone madrid to manolo

both of his gradutations, he was such a precious bean ok

when he imitates other members

jeongguk often cheers the other members up by being a clown but he also have a lot of kind words. we probably all know that he is not the best with words, he is still young (mentally anyway) so it makes it even more precious when he finds kind words for each and every member

perfectly imperfect is what describes him so well to be honest, a living masterpiece

#bts #jungkook #i knw that there are a lot more but !! here let this brighten your day n pls lov jeongguk the way he deserves to be loved by his fans #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtanbuds #jeongguk #jjk #mine #special bunny

[justmysicklypride]

1-99

Jessie I swear to fuck 1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?Closed2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?Duh it's free stuff of course3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?Out4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before?Not yet5: Do you like to use post-it notes?Yes6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?No I always use them 7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?A swarm of bees bc I read somewhere that if you encounter a bear you're definitely done for8: Do you have freckles?No9: Do you always smile for pictures?If it's not a selfie then yes10: What is your biggest pet peeve?When people compliment me (okay this doesn't really count but still) 11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk?Uh no?12: Have you ever peed in the woods?Nope13: What about pooped in the woods?No14: Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing?I probably have at some point but I don't remember15: Do you chew your pens and pencils?Yes but not always16: How many people have you slept with this week?None bc I hate other people17: What size is your bed?It's just a single regular bed?? Idk18: What is your Song of the week?The Reckless And The Brave by All Time Low bc it's the first one to pop into my head (idek if that's the song name but whatever)19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink?If it looks good on him I mean sure why not idc it's really about making it look good rather than the colour tbh20: Do you still watch cartoons?Of course21: Whats your least favorite movie?Snow White tbh I'm sorry 22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?I'm not telling you jeez what if I actually had hidden treasure and you end up finding it (for real though idk the bottom of the ocean?? Or someplace cool) 23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size?Wow this is probably gonna be embarrassing but B75, tbh idek what this even means like I just read off the tag thing24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in?I don't like condiments soz 25: What is your favorite food?Cake26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love?Idk I don't really like watching things for a second time27: Last person you kissed/kissed you?No one bc I don't like people28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout?Yes29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?No30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper?Year 9 bc we had to do a thing where we wrote a letter to ourselves and it would be given back to us three years later (I left the school so idk if I'm gonna get mine back tbh lmao) and we had the option of writing to our other friends as well so yh I wrote two other ones for my two closest friends back then, and some other ones for these basic af cunts who asked me to write for them so it looked like they had a lot of friends 31: Can you change the oil on a car?Yeah32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket?I can't drive33: Ever ran out of gas?Don't have a car34: Favorite kind of sandwich?I will eat any kind tbh I'm not picky35: Best thing to eat for breakfast?Cereal36: What is your usual bedtime?11-12pm37: Are you lazy?10000000% yes definitely this literally makes up more than half of my traits38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?There were quite a few including a demon, a witch, an angel etc. 39: What is your Chinese astrological sign?Dragon 40: Are you horny?No41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions?No bc I'm broke42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs?Wtf is this legos definitely43: Are you stubborn?I can be a bit stubborn but I don't like to think that I am44: Who is better...Leno or Letterman?Ffs uhh Letterman.....?? I don't want to start anything lmao45: Ever watch soap operas?Sometimes when I'm bored as a kid and still watched Tv but not anymore46: Are you afraid of heights?No47: Do you sing in the car?Yes48: Do you sing in the shower?Yes49: Do you dance in the car?I mean I have but I don't do it often50: Ever used a gun?Nope51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?My graduation last year52: Do you think musicals are cheesy?Yes but that's the whole concept of it like it's meant to be cheesy53: Is Christmas stressful?Aren't all days stressful?54: Ever eat a pierogi?The fuck is that? *just googled it* if it's just a dumpling then yes but if it's a completely different thing then no55: Favorite type of fruit pie?Apple bc it's classic 56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?There were so many ffs: when I was a kid I wanted to be a singer in a band but I wanted to play guitar when I sang as well, then I wanted to be an artist, followed by a scientist, then a professional athlete, a fashion designer at one point, an architect, game developer, game tester, forensic scientist, software engineer, and right now I'm in university/college (or I will be next month) studying pathology and engineering sciences and will eventually become a doctor 57: Do you believe in ghosts?Yes58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?Yep59: Take a vitamin daily?Only when I'm sick 60: Wear slippers?Yes61: Wear a bath robe?Not frequently 62: What do you wear to bed?Pyjamas duh63: First concert?Never been to a concert and never will bc I don't like going to concerts64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?Wal-Mart isn't a thing here in Australia so Kmart bc it's cheaper65: Nike or Adidas?Nike66: Cheetos Or Fritos?Never had either67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?Peanuts68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien?Sounds familiar but that's probably bc those words actually mean something in Spanish (was it Spanish idk) so don't think so69: Ever take dance lessons?I've taken ballet, jazz, contemporary (idek if that's what it's called), and hip hop lessons in the past70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?Hopefully nothing illegal71: Can you curl your tongue?Yes72: Ever won a spelling bee?I've never been in one bc either there wasn't one or I thought it was for nerds so I didn't participate73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy?No74: Own any record albums?Nop75: Own a record player?Don't think so76: Regularly burn incense?No77: Ever been in love?I don't believe it exists so no78: Who would you like to see in concert?I don't even go to concerts but idk My Chemical Romance probably bc obvious reasons79: What was the last concert you saw?I don't go to concerts80: Hot tea or cold tea?Hot81: Tea or coffee?Coffee82: Sugar or snickerdoodles?What the fuck is a snickerdoodle I've never heard of/had that before so sugar83: Can you swim well?I mean if you throw me into the ocean I won't drown to death and can swim to safety84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Yes85: Are you patient?Fuck no86: DJ or band, at a wedding?Band87: Ever won a contest?By won, you mean first place, so no. But I have gotten multiple awards Edit: never mind I have, when I was in year 9, I was in the school's string orchestra and we won first place representing the school in this music thing for group performances 88: Ever have plastic surgery?In the past? No. In the future? Ehhhh idk89: Which are better black or green olives?Olives can go die in a hole90: Can you knit or crochet?I forgot how to91: Best room for a fireplace?Living room duh92: Do you want to get married?Idk I mean it's the normal thing to do, and I'm a sucker for doing shit everyone else does but like I don't want to be tied down?? I want a free life ffs I don't want to have to constantly think how everything I do affects the other person and stuff fml I hate adulthood93: If married, how long have you been married?I'm not married94: Who was your HS crush?Some dickhead I was friends with95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way?No96: Do you have kids?No (thank god for that)97: Do you want kids?Yes but they're so high maintenance fml98: Whats your favorite color?Green99: Do you miss anyone right now?Nop

[mikototsu-trash]

all the ask memes

20-30 answered here and 40-50 answered here~

1: Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?

Black

2: Would you prefer to live in the country or the city?

City definitely. Closer to amenities and people and the countryside tends to be full of conservatives

3: If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

It’d be cool to learn how to code/program but in practice it sounds like it would be super boring

4: Do you drink your tea or coffee with sugar?

I only drink tea, and yes, I have two sugars (tho usually I use that low cal sweetener stuff rather than sugar)

5: What was your favourite book as a child?

As a really little kid, The Tiger who Came to Tea, and as a sort of young tween, it was between Ali Sparkes’ The Shapeshifter series, Louise Rennison’s The Diaries of Georgia Nicholson and the Harry Potter series. 

6: Do you prefer baths or showers?

for the purposes of getting clean, showers, tho a hot bubble bath with candles and a good book is nice every once in a while

7: If you could be a mythical creature, which would you choose?

dragons are badass af I’d be a dragon

8: Do you prefer reading paper or electronic books?

As much as I love the feel and smell of paper books, e-books are more convenient. They tend to be cheaper and the ease of having hundreds of books at your fingertips on an electric device that’s very light vs having to lug heavy paper books around is super convenient, and it’s easier to read with one hand on an e-reader when u don’t have to turn pages and prop them open so it’s easier to read in the bath etc

9: What is your favourite item of clothing?

my breast binder, if it counts. If not, prob the cute lacy hold-up stockings I bought a lil while back. 

10: Do you like your name? Would you ever change it?

I do like my name, though I considered changing it when I started the Great Gender Identity Crisis of 2016, but I couldn’t find a gender-neutral name I liked or that suited me or that had the same meaning as the name i was born with so I’mma just get used to having a feminine name I guess.

11: Who is a mentor to you?

idek lmao. My old A-level creative writing teachers were pretty swell

12: Would you ever want to be famous? If so, what for?

Not really. But if I had to pick smth to be famous for, it’d be as a writer. But I’d rather not tbh. 

13: Are you a restless sleeper?

Kind of??? I wake up in the night to turn over a lot but it doesn’t feel restless.

14: Do you consider yourself a romantic?

hopelessly so

15: Which element best represents you?

I haven’t the foggiest. At a guess, water, but I couldn’t tell you why. 

16: Who do you want to be closer to?

there are a couple of people in my classes at uni who seem cool that I don’t speak to and I’m generally terrible at making friends lmao

17: Do you miss someone at the moment?

I always miss @asahii-a when I’m not with him tbh

18: Tell us about an early childhood memory.

I remember playing in my Nanna’s garden when I was like 4 and she had a cute brown tabby cat called Tinkerbell and her garden had bleeding heart flowers in that were pretty af

19: What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

I don’t think I’ve eaten anything particularly unusual that I can recall so I’m just going to go with the predictable joke answer of “pussy.”

31: Do you like ice in your drinks?

ye, until it melts

32: What are you afraid of?

everything??? losing the people I care about, talking about things that upset me if there’s the slightest chance it will upset/disappoint the person I’m talking to, cis men raising their voices/sounding angry for any reason, failure, coming out to my family, brexit, the political climate in general, wasps, being a bad person, disappointing my family or anyone really, financial insecurity, getting in trouble with the law even minor things like speeding tickets, getting in trouble full stop, I have a lot of anxiety lmao

33: What is your favourite scent?

I don’t rly have one- there are a ton of different perfumes and scented candles I rly like and the smell of certain people etc etc

34: Do you address older people by their first or last name?

First

35: If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

I might do a job/volunteering I enjoyed for some of the time to pass time, but I’d mostly spend time doing hobbies like writing. I’d have many many pets. I’d probably travel a lot. I’d live in a cute house that I could decorate how I wanted and I’d buy my boyfriend lots of gifts and go out on cute dates with him all the time

36: Do you prefer swimming in pools or in the ocean?

Pools. The ocean is cold man and it tastes gross when it gets in your mouth and seaweed touches you and it’s more difficult to see and waves make everything rly extra. 

37: What would you do if you found $50 on the ground?

If it was just a note on the ground and there was nobody around who appeared to have dropped it I guess I’d keep it??? like, it’s not like I can find the owner of a £50 note. If it was a wallet I’d try to find the owner but if there was just a random note on the ground then there’s not exactly anything i can do to reunite it with the person who dropped it

38: Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

I’ve probably seen one at some point??? don’t think I made a wish tho

39: What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

to respect and be kind to everyone regardless of their background and things they can’t change about themselves, and to stand up to hatred and intolerance wherever they see it

#about fox #long post #thanks for asking anon!! #Anonymous #answered

[kinkymagnus]

The Pain In Your Eyes

hey wow this is from FIVE YEARS AGO (exaggeration but is it? really? why don’t i ever do anything) but this is like the “send me a title and i’ll tell you what kind of fic i’d write for it” 

ok so

uhh this is like, mostly tangentially related but look,  i couldn’t think of anything (hence why i took so long to answer lkghjfgh im sorry) but for some reason i’m really feeling TWI MAGIC REVEAL, BABEY!

(this got….WOO. incredibly long)

so okay! okay! how does alec find out his boyfriend is secretly a 400+ year old  warlock with cat eyes and magic powers? there are lots of ways. i’m personally fond of “magnus is still getting used to having his magic back so he’s actually Extremely Not Subtle and alec like. kinda guessed there was something paranormal going on but his magical boyfriend was too nervous to tell him yet so he was patiently waiting and when magnus finally nervously blurts out the truth alec is like “warlock, huh? sweet” and magnus is like????????? im a Monster???? half demon?? i have inhuman powers and eyes that show my monstrous heritage??? i have been keeping this huge secret from you and i didn’t trust you and it’s horrible and awful and life changing and i’m IMMORTAL and im part DEMON and why aren’t you YELLING AT ME? and alec’s like i have an adorable half-demon bf this is hella sweet. your eyes are beautiful and your magic is not subtle babe. im not gonna yell at you for being like, scared of telling me, it’s cool. also about the immortality thing: talked to your clearly magical friend with the horns, and im FOR SURE chugging an immortality potion at our wedding. and magnus is like (happy but shocked) WEDDING? this is like five consecutive bitch slaps for him, except instead of bitch slaps they’re deep and loving kisses. 

BUT. this is an angsty prompt, let’s be real. not that that has zero angst potential, but to focus more on pain in eyes…. mmm… >:) so REWIND

magnus has been keeping his magic a secret. possibly even to his own detriment, like he still doesn’t have super great control but he’s like, TIGHTLY lashing that shit down because ALEC CAN’T SEE HE CAN’T HE CAN’T and it’s like. hurting his recovery from being dormant for so long, but as long as it gets him more time with alec :))) he hardly cares :)))) 

BUT. but but but. ok look im so tempted with “magnus accidentally shows off his cat eyes during sex” but SERIOUS. SERIOUS. ANGSTY. SERIOUS. magnus slips up. not during sex, sorry. he slips up. 

oh my god wait i have an idea. a horrible horrible idea

this is so bad i dont even know if i like it but

LET’S TRY IT

oka Y SO magnus has been tightly controlling this shit but he can’t help but slip up sometimes. he can’t help it, okay. it’s mostly minor things. he’s upset and things tremble on the shelves, he’s really happy and the plants literally perk up and he looks kinda like he’s glowing. sometimes things move closer to him when he needs them–usually not super obviously, but alec’s still kind of like wait wasn’t that over there a second ago? 

and he’s trying his best but he doesn’t catch everything, doesn’t even always notice because it feels so natural. he sips coffee that should be boiling hot only it’s just right and he isn’t burned. (alec brings him some really fresh coffee and he tries to warn magnus before he picks it up but before he can yell it’s in magnus’s hands and he’s taking a sip and–he’s fine. not burned at all. and he looks at alec with that adorable little confused look, brow furrowed and head slightly tipped to the side, and alec doesn’t know quite what to say because that had definitely been too hot for human consumption earlier…)

and every once in a while alec swears his eyes like. flash, or something? they look… different. it’s hard to explain, magnus always turns around or closes his eyes or SOMETHING but like. just for a second alec swears they looked brilliant gold. 

and his fortune telling abilities are like. good. weirdly good. like, he’s never wrong, good. and he knows things he shouldn’t, and he makes weird offhand comments that don’t make sense sometimes before getting flustered and glossing over them, and sometimes he acts like he’s been around for like. a LONG time. IT’S WEIRD.

anyway so it’s just little things. just enough to drive magnus into “slightly eerie” territory. alec’s not like, scared of him or anything, but he’s kind of like. is something……..up? 

and alright this next bit is where it gets a bit hazy but i’m thinking for like. whatever reason. maybe alec’s not the only one who’s noticed, maybe some other people have too, maybe jace if we want to pull him here and make him a douchebag (kind of hard, though–not the douche thing, but like, he’s literally not friends with alec in TWI, so… i mean, thank god, but. hard to get him in, then. maybe through clary? idk.) but anYWAY the point is 

fucking jonathan gets involved. i wanted to make valentine the crazy preacher but he’s already got a role in TWI and jonathan’s a crazy shitbag in every universe, let’s be real. and jonathan is like THIS SOUNDS LIKE DEMONIC POSSESSION TO ME. THINGS MOVING AROUND? STRANGE EYES? WEIRD PAST? KNOWING THINGS HE SHOULDN’T? NEVER GETS BURNED? SEEMS OLD? CAN DIVINE THE FUTURE? SOUNDS DEMONIC TO ME, BABY. 

and alec is like whoa hold on. wait. but jonathan, manipulative fuck that he is, is like. all smooth talkin. like hey, aren’t you worried about your boyfriend? what if he’s hurt? what if this is hurting him and you’re doing nothing to stop it? what if we can save him? 

it doesn’t help that magnus has been acting weirdly lately (read: worried alec might be onto him since ALEC’S been acting weird, and psyching himself up to TELL ALEC THE TRUTH) and alec. doesn’t know what to do. 

but ultimately he’s convinced when he overhears/sees magnus meeting up with his friend. which is ragnor portalling into his home, horns and all, and them talking in hushed panicked whispers. and alec’s like “oh fuck what a demon is possessing my boyfriend” 

he’s heard family legends their ancestors were demon hunters, but unfortunately not much about warlocks and the like so he doesn’t make the connection, he just thinks “oh shit, the legends were true, and i of all people ironically am dating someone being messed with by a demon. well, I’M THE BEST PERSON TO SAVE HIM THEN.” 

ok i wanna be clear alec wouldn’t like. take this far and actually hurt magnus, ever. like he’s not about to tie him up and carve symbols into his chest or something. he’s just mundane and worried and unsure what the fuck to do and manipulative evil little bitch jonathan is taking advantage. 

and honestly i’m not sure how far to take this either, the image i have is magnus like. tied up in a pentagram and jonathan about to be a crazy bitch and alec being like “oh fuck this this is NOT what i signed up for” bonus if he was worried about magnus being possessed for realsies but then he sees magnus’s cat eyes and they’re like. too. him. they’re full of pain and fear and this kind of resignation and alec is like no that’s no fucking demon, that’s the man i love, or maybe it’s both, maybe he is the demon, but i don’t care because magnus is a demon then i guess demons are good because magnus and evil don’t go together EVER. 

but like at the same time, the heartbreak/trust shattering that could cause–alec like, trying to “exorcise” him for being a demon? MMM DON’T LIKE THAT. like i’m not looking for a relationship breaker here, just some juicy angst with a happy ending. and i feel like with a lot of careful planning that might work, but i don’t. really want to right now. 

so LIKE. maybe not that far, maybe alec is planning on confronting him and he’s got something dumb like a holy water water pistol (shoutout to ryan bergara, i love you) and salt, but he’s like “idek what i’m gonna do if he ends up being possessed but i sure as hell know i’ll save him if it kills me” but he like. before he can even get the words out. for whatever reason. don’t call me out on not knowing why, maybe he catches magnus by surprise or comes home early, idk. he sees magnus’s eyes. and they’re these gorgeous golden cat eyes. and alec can see the moment magnus realizes alec can see them, his eyes go wide and scared and he looks hurt and a little sick and like he’s already lost something irreplaceable and it hurts that he looks so. there’s so MUCH PAIN IN HIS EYES (aay,, aYYY.,, titteLEE) and also. god his eyes are so pretty. even beginning to tear up they’re so pretty. and alec has so many things he wants to say ranging from i love you and nothing will ever change that to seriously please stop looking heartbroken i need to hug you right now i love you so much to i know what you are–i mean, like, not what as in a thing, but what as in you’re a demon and i know and it’s okay, to wow your eyes are pretty to wow i am dating a demon okay and alec is just like. he just blurts out “holy shit you’re beautiful” and that’s all because with the “reassure magnus he is loved!!!” and “MAGNUS IS HURTING RED ALERT” and “So Your Boyfriend’s A Demon” feelings going on, Gay™ just overrides all the panic 

like he’s forgotten about the holy water and the salt he’s just like. oh my god. pretty. sexy. wonderful. and absolutely for-sure magnus and nothing else. so again there’s just that fun thought process of “does this mean my boyfriend IS the demon because that’s not a demon, that’s magnus” to “ok sweet im dating a cute ass demon” to “demons are good now i guess? or at least mine is? that’s neat” 

because like, while demons obviously traditionally get a bad rap, there are plenty of fucking books and tv shows and fiction wherein demons are the good guys, or not so bad, or whatever. so to a non-religious mundane with no concept of real demons as according to shadowhunters canon, “good demon” isn’t necessarily impossible or that hard to accept. 

magnus will probably not take the misunderstanding of being called a demon that well, but he will be thoroughly mystified by the fact that despite thinking he’s a straight-up full-on demon, alec is not upset or horrified but in fact kind of pleased. 

but anyway alec’s like “i’ve figured it out! i’m pretty sure you’re a demon, and that’s why [evidence here], but like, it’s okay! holy water is banned from the house and i know the salt thing is only a particular kind of salt but i swear if it helps, no fucking salt in the house. definitely none of that kind of salt. i originally thought you were possessed but i have burned all exorcism shit and anti demon things i had and i will literally do anything to protect you. should i say oh satan or oh lucifer instead of oh god? that’s fine. just wondering. i will literally give you my soul. i love you” and magnus is like i love you but oh my god oh my god oh my g

(also this doesn’t really fit in but i do have the image of alec squirting magnus with the holy water pistol and it just like. splashes on his face. and magnus is like. [disgruntled blink, nose all scrunched up, Adorable] [gingerly wipes off water] “why” and alec’s like so you’re not a demon, cool. wait, or demons don’t actually react badly to holy water. or you’re hiding it somehow. or my water isn’t holy enough. fuck)  

AN ywa YY. magnus has to explain he isn’t a demon (”oh shit fuck i’m sorry shit did i hurt your feelings goddamn it i can’t believe i jumped to conclusions”) he’s half demon (”okay i wasn’t THAT far off and don’t give me that look i’m not judging you i love you very much and this changes nothing”) and uhhhhhh he’s an immortal warlock with magical powers and the cat eyes are his mark and he has magic and he’s 400 years old and he’s been dormant for a very long time and he’s sorry he lied and didn’t tell alec and he really isn’t evil or anything and please say something, alexander.

and alec is just like “okay this is a lot to take in but ten minutes ago i thought you were just straight-up a demon and was cool with it so you really think i wouldn’t be cool with this?”

anyway like. they just fucking… it’s a little anticlimactic. magnus feels like his feet have been swept out from under him, alec’s just okay with it, other than a minor initial freakout, and that’s… it?

of course, there’s still jonathan. you know what, here’s how to get some drama back into it. alec never really like, actually got close with jonny boy or anything, it was just someone he talked to in passing who was like “ur bf is possessed bro. i can…… exorcise him if u like” and he like. knows about the downworld, but believes they’re all evil demons and bad and he’s the true shadowhunter or something? but he’s just crazy and a horrible person? idk. but anyway he like. shows up again. he might try to cause some drama by being like “ur boyfriend sent me >:) to SEND YOU BACK TO HELL” but it doesn’t work, magnus’s heart aches a little at the thought but he knows it’s not true, you know?

but like jonathan tries to hurt him and magnus is like, fumbling with his magic a bit, still slightly off kilter (especially because he’s still been trying to hide it a lot and stifle it and he’s not quite in sync). but alec like, defends him (because he took self defense classes and like, martial arts and shit, even as a mundane he knows how to pack a punch, you know?) and he gets hurt. jonathan goes after him (why are you supporting this monster? this demon? why are you on his side? …maybe you’re possessed too–) and magnus is like. OH NO. YOU FUCKING. DON’T. and fucking WRECKS him. like full magic avatar state bullshit, he’s like “i will fucking BEAT YOUR ASS, leave alec the FUCK ALONE.” and he basically like. idek portals jonathan to the middle of the sahara or across the world or on a remote island that has resources but no way off? idk what he ends up doing, but it like, takes care of him without necessarily killing him

but like. magnus is super powerful, but using that much magic abruptly after years and years of nothing takes its toll and he passes out. alec, slightly bruised up and maybe a little bloodied but ultimately fine, carries him bridal style (!!!!!!!!!!!) and magnus wakes up in bed, warm and safe and comfy with alec by his side, all patched up and also fine, and cat and ragnor and raphael all there like “hey idiot” bc WHY DIDN’T MAGNUS TELL THEM ABOUT HIS WEIRD NEW MUNDANE BOYFRIEND AND ALL THIS DRAMA THAT WAS HAPPENING? OTHER THAN THE MINOR DETAILS? they’ve been talking with alec and like. they have varying opinions but the general consensus is “he seems to be treating magnus good and he clearly loves magnus, and we like that.”

ANYWAY THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEY CUDDLE AND SNUGGLE AND ALEC ASKS QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS MAGIC AND MAGNUS IS COMFORTABLE WITH HIMSELF FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME AND USES HIS MAGIC OPENLY AND EVENTUALLY ALEC BECOMES IMMORTAL AND THEY GET MARRIED AND IT’S HAPPY YAY

anywaYYYY this got……super fucking long. but the title thing is ujst basically “alec knows magnus is magnus and not Something Else because there’s like. real emotion in his “demon” eyes and he looks scared and pained and it’s SAD and alec’s like “shit yeah this is him and i love him” and that’s the turning point of the story” 

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #twi malec #this world inverted #twi #love how the readmore didn't go in thanks tunglr