#ichiro kishimi

[loveindeeair]

25 pages into this book, boy, I am not a fan of Adlerian Psychology and am ready for a fist fight with the philosopher. 😤 #1Week1book

The enso circle is kinda comforting though.

By Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

#the courage to be disliked #ichiro kishimi #books #notes #notebook #journaling #Fumitake Koga

[goghskypoestry]

"To feel lonely, we need other people"

Ichiro Kishimi, Fumitake Koga

#lonely #people #ichiro kishimi #fumitake koga #quotes #poetry #dark academia

[formvsquality]

When I first saw About Schmidt twenty years ago, I worried about being mediocre. I was working in accounting and doing otherwise mediocre things. I have spent the last twenty years fighting against--internally at least--the idea of being mediocre, all the while making decision after decision that inevitably would lead to more mediocrity.

Adlerian psychology says I should accept myself for who I am. That being normal is an act of courage:

Self-acceptance is the vital first step. If you are able to possess the courage to be normal, your way of looking at the world will change dramatically.

What would life look life, over the next twenty years say, if I embraced being normal? How would I even go about doing that?

Well, first off, I probably ought to stop thinking of things in terms of the next twenty years. I realize I wrote it that way to correspond to what I wrote about the last twenty years above. But that’s probably part of the problem. I am living for the future and ignoring the here and now.

So if I would embrace being normal, I would get off the couch right now, make some coffee, do Wordle, send my score to the group chat, listen to some music, do my German lesson on Duolingo, go out for lunch, buy groceries, cook dinner, and go about having a nice little Sunday with my family.

#books #the courage to be disliked #psychology #ichiro kishimi #fumitake koga #alfred adler #normal #be present #about schmidt

[todance-forget]

One has to get recognition, or one will suffer. If one doesn’t get recognition from others and from one’s parents, one won’t have confidence. Can such a life be healthy? So one could think, God is watching, so accumulate good deeds. But that and the nihilist view that “there is no God, so all evil deeds are permitted” are two sides of the same coin. Even supposing that God did not exist, and that we could not gain recognition from God, we would still have to live this life. Indeed, it is in order to overcome the nihilism of a godless world that it is necessary to deny recognition from other people.

—Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi, from The Courage to Be Disliked.

#the courage to be disliked #fumitake koga #ichiro kishimi

[papyrusandpaints]

The Courage To Be Disliked, Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga (Self-help, 288 Pages, Hardcover, Allen & Unwin)

#books #bookworm #reading #book photography #ichiro kishimi

[gestaltsinfronteras]

Los riesgos de querer caer bien a todos y de necesitar la aprobación externa

Tabla de contenido IntroducciónEl narcisismo y la necesidad patológica de ser reconocidoImplicaciones para la salud mental y la sociedadLa búsqueda de aprobación y la necesidad de fortalecer la autoestimaLa hipersensibilidad por temor a no importar a los demás y la amenaza de sentirse rechazadoRecomendaciones ante la necesidad de atención extremaBusca ayuda profesionalTrabaja en tu…

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#amor #aprobación externa #atadura #atrévete a no gustar #autoestima #autoreconocimiento #autovaloración #ayuda profesional #ayudar a otros #Brene Brown #compulsión #crítica externa #creencias irracionales #creencias limitantes #fortalezas personales #Fumitake Koga #Ichiro Kishimi #libros #logros personales #Luis Fernando Martínez Gómez #narcisismo #narcisismo vulnerable #necesidad caer bien #necesidad reconocimiento #opinión #preferencias #propósito #Psicoterapeuta Gestalt #rabia narcisista #rechazo

[myfavoritebookquotes]

Não importa o que tenha ocorrido em sua vida até este ponto. Isso não deve ter qualquer importância em como você vai viver a partir de agora. Você, vivendo no aqui e agora, é quem determina sua própria vida.

A coragem de não agradar

#Ichiro Kishimi #Fumitake Koga #A coragem de não agradar #bookquotes #quotes

[abdurdarmawan]

Jangan Tertipu Oleh "Dusta Kehidupan"

Sebagai pengingat untuk diriku sendiri, dan mungkin untuk kalian juga yang sedang mengalami permasalahan dalam hubungan dengan orang lain. Entah itu dalam pekerjaan, pertemanan, atau juga dengan partner asmara kalian.

Tulisan di bawah ini aku kutip dari buku Berani Tidak Disukai karya Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga.

Filsuf: Andaikan saja, misalnya, ada Pak A yang tidak kausukai. Karena dia memiliki sejumlah kekurangan yang sulit dimaafkan.

Pemuda: Ha-ha, kalau kita mencari orang-orang yang tidak kusukai, ada banyak kandidat.

Filsuf: Tapi kau tidak menyukai Pak A bukan karena engkau tidak bisa memaafkan kekurangannya. Engkau sudah memiliki tujuan untuk tidak menyukai Pak A, lalu mulai mencari kekurangan-kekurangannya untuk memenuhi tujuan tersebut.

Pemuda: Itu konyol! Untuk apa aku melakukannya!

Filsuf: Agar engkau bisa menghindari hubungan interpersonal dengan Pak A.

Pemuda: Tidak mungkin, ....

Filsuf: ...., dalam hubungan di antara kekasih atau pasangan yang sudah menikah, ada masa-masa setelah mencapai titik tertentu, seseorang menjadi gusar dengan segala hal yang dikatakan atau dilakukan pasangannya. ... Meskipun beberapa bulan lalu tidak ada satu pun dari semua itu yang mengganggunya.

Pemuda: Ya, itu kedengarannya familier.

Filsuf: ... di tahap tertentu ia telah membuat keputusan sendiri, aku ingin mengakhiri hubungan ini, dan tengah mencari-cari bahan sebagai dasar untuk mengakhirinya. ... Pasangannya sama sekali tidak berubah. Tujuan perempuan itu sendirilah yang telah berubah.

Filsuf: Begini, orang adalah makhluk yang luar biasa egois, yang mampu menemukan sebanyak apa pun kekurangan dan cacat dalam diri orang lain setiap kali mereka menghendakinya. ...

Pemuda: Jadi, aku menciptakan kekurangan dalam diri orang lain supaya bisa menghindari tugas-tugas kehidupanku, dan terlebih lagi, agar aku bisa menghindari hubungan interpersonal? Dan aku sedang melarikan diri dengan menganggap orang lain sebagai musuh?

#what i read #reading #ichiro kishimi #fumitake koga #Berani Tidak Disukai #currently reading

[alguem-escreveu]

FILÓSOFO: [...] Basta se sentir realizado no aqui e agora enquanto está dançando.

JOVEM: Basta dançar no agora?

FILÓSOFO: Sim. No caso da dança, a meta é a própria dança, e ninguém está preocupado em chegar a algum ponto dançando. Quando você dança não permanece no mesmo lugar. Mas não existe um destino.

(A coragem de não agradar)

#A coragem de não agradar #Fumitake Koga #Ichiro Kishimi

[rosestowrite]

I have a young friend who dreams of becoming a novelist, but he never seems to be able to complete his work. According to him, his job keeps him too busy, and he can never find enough time to write novels, and that's why he can't complete work and enter it for writing awards. But is that the real reason? No! It's actually that he wants to leave the possibility of "I can do it if I try" open, by not committing to anything. He doesn't want to expose his work to criticism, and he certainly doesn't want to face the reality that he might produce an inferior piece of writing and face rejection. He wants to live inside that realm of possibilities, where he can say that he could do it if he only had the time, or that he could write if he just had the proper environment, and that he really does have the talent for it. In another five or ten years, he will probably start using another excuses like "I'm not young anymore" or "I've got a family to think about now”

—

Ichiro Kishimi,

The Courage to Be Disliked

#life quote #quotes #ichiro kishimi #writing #writer things

[luckymodesty]

岸見一郎

#ichiro kishimi

[radical-revolution]

Unless one is unconcerned by other people’s judgments, has no fear of being disliked by other people, and pays the cost that one might never be recognized, one will never be able to follow through in one’s own way of living. That is to say, one will not be able to be free.

Ichiro Kishimi

[formvsquality]

We started the summer eating right and exercising together. Summer brings a 2-month respite from soccer practice and all the running around that entails. Dinnertime was now free to cook healthy meals together every night. And after dinner was free too. So we could workout together a few evenings per week.

I had heard loud and clear for years that she needed help, she couldn’t do it by herself, she didn’t like doing it by herself

I spend a lot of time running by myself. I have long wanted to add strength training to the equation. I tried that alone but hurt myself. It forced me to take a week off running right before summer. I decided it was time to stop being cheap and give personal training a try.

So this summertime availability, my desire to hire a personal trainer, her desire to do more things together, it was all happening!

The plan was to work out together Monday/Thursday for 2 weeks. Our trainer got us 2 free weeks at a new gym. In week 3, our trainer would be on vacation, but we would see where we where at.

I mean, we had the view that we had a solid 8 weeks from early June until late July to get 16 workouts in and establish a new habit before the busy-ness of school and soccer in early August.

But then the thought of what that busy-ness of August through May entails for us, we start doubting how would this even work then? So in the spirit of the embracing the present, and not looking for ways this would fail before it even started, we decided not get ahead of ourselves and live in the moment.

The first 2 weeks were great. I loved those 2 weeks, those 4 workouts. It was exactly what I needed. It was harder for her, but our trainer calibrated each of our workouts according to our ability. The trainer we were trying together was an acquaintance that we both were comfortable with. Our trainer talked a lot about food. Suggested we give up alcohol for a few weeks while starting this program. Had us doing a food journal in week 2. I was feeling amazing.

I thought she was too.

In week 3 when our trainer was on vacation, we joined that gym so we could keep going there. We did Monday/Thursday by ourselves. We actually did! The workouts were less intense, but I was proud of us. She had a slightly negative attitude going in, especially on the second workout, but I chalked it up as me needing to play the role of motivator and her playing the role of reluctant participant. But that deep down, truly wanted to be there.

OK, 3 weeks in the books, we had a weekend trip to Universal planned. We allowed ourselves alcohol for the first time and allowed some less than healthy food. It was fine, it was a reward for a great start.

On to week 4, I forget the reason but we decided to do one more week alone, Then back to the trainer in July to mix up our workouts and try something different.

Needed Monday as a recovery day coming off the resort weekend, so we opted for Tuesday/Friday. Tuesday she has her dad come over to help with something around the house. Took longer than expected I guess. He was still there working when it was time to head the gym. She says she can’t go, I can go if I want. I’m like, no, we’re in this together. She says she needs the ability to make changes. I say, you should scheduled your dad to be on here a gym night and had to have known that could cause a conflict. She said that was the only night it worked this week. I’m thinking then why did it have to be this week? Why did this home improvement project take precedent over our gym momentum?

So we didn’t go. Nor did we go on Friday. Nor did we go back to the trainer in July. She apologized for making me get off track. She wasn’t as into it as me. She was doing it for me. I say, she can’t do this for me, she needs to do this for herself. If she doesn’t want to, let’s hit the pause button.

Time for me to do the separation of tasks. And not intervene in someone else’s task. And not let someone else intervene in my task.

Her working out his her task. I can’t intervene in that. Believing in her and loving her is my task. I believe in her and love her. I need to focus on doing that. And not trying to get her to do workouts she doesn’t want to do. She can accomplish amazing things, I’ve seen it time and time again. I need to let her know I am here to help in whatever amazing thing she wants to accomplish.

Me adding strength training to my workout regime and overall lifestyle is my task. I can’t let other people intervene in or prevent me from doing that task. I’ve been in sort of rut since late June. A few healthy days, a few off days. Trying to get on track. I need to be honest with myself of what performing that task consists of.

#books #the courage to be disliked #psychology #ichiro kishimi #fumitake koga #alfred adler #separation of tasks #health #marriage

[nam-phong]

"Khoảnh khắc rơi vào tình yêu hầu hết thường trong vô thức. Bởi vậy mà không thể giải thích bằng lời lẽ được."

Kishimi Ichiro, Koga Fumitake

[libraryofjoy]

Books I read in August 2023

The Tao Te Ching by Laozi, trans. Stephen Mitchell. Nonfiction: foundational text for Daoist thought. My library has access to a few different translations so I'm thinking about trying a different one later for comparison. I appreciated Mitchell's prologue about his approach when translating.

Burn the Place by Iliana Regan. Nonfiction: memoir. This book is about growing up gay in a rural setting, alcoholism, strained family dynamics, and the life-changing power of food. I didn't always find myself sympathizing with Iliana, but the way she writes about the restaurant lifestyle made me nostalgic for my own past restaurant jobs.

Kindred by Octavia Butler. Fiction: historical, scifi/fantasy. A Black women is transported from 1976 back to the early 1800s to save the life of a white boy who will eventually become a slaveholder--and her ancestor. Major cw for slavery, sexual assault, and torture. This was my first time reading something by Octavia Butler and I was just amazed at her skill. She absolutely measures up to her reputation.

Tripping Arcadia by Kit Mayquist. Fiction: contemporary, gothic, suspense. This is a book about socio-economic class, medical abuse, and poison. Cw for a lot of drug use and violence.

He Who Drowned the World by Shelley Parker-Chan. Fiction: historical, fantasy. Cw for sexual assault, child death, and the general violence of a war narrative. This is the sequel to She Who Became the Sun, continuing Zhu Yuanzhang's struggle to become the founding emperor of the Ming dynasty. There were one or two plot points that made me want to throw my phone accross the room, but I found myself really appreciating the conclusion. This series is a fascinating exploration of gender-nonconformity in its historical setting.

The Makers of Scotland by Tim Clarkson. Nonfiction: history. I didn't have a lot of knowledge about Scottish history going into this book, so I found a lot of names and dates to be pretty slippery. I enjoyed how this book discussed the difficulty of working with sparse or insufficiently credible sources.

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Nonfiction: self-improvement, philosophy. I didn't find this book to be as utterly life-changing as it promised, but it was pretty insightful. I like it more as a philosophy book than as self-help.

Ghost Wall by Sarah Moss. Fiction: contemporary-ish? (set in the early 90s), about a girl who wants to leave an Iron Age reenactment camp co-led by her abusive father in northern England. The knowing details about Iron Age Britain were really enjoyable, and the terror of this book got pretty intense! Cw physical & emotional abuse, animal cruelty, human sacrifice

Fiction: 4

Nonfiction: 4

Total books this month: 8

Total fiction this year: 22

Total nonfiction this year: 31

My book count started going way up as soon as I got back to Georgia and had to walk everywhere! I'm starting September with a longish audiobook (29 hours) so I'm not sure how dramatic the increase will look next month, but I'm excited to be getting through more material lately! I feel like it adds a lot to my quality of life.

#gab tag #books read in 2023

[colemckenzies]

Books I read in August ranked best* to worst:

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

Dreams of the Raven (star trek) by Carmen Carter

Amari and the Night Brothers by B. B. Alston

Undoctored by Adam Kay

This Green and Pleasant Land by Ayisha Malik

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi

The Other Hand by Chris Cleave (buzzword readathon)

#book list