#iam groupe | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

levi-my-beloved · 1 year

Text

The Ackerbond (Shorts 1): The End and The Beginning

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Warnings: none i don't think, just heavy grief and drinking

A/N: uh... hey. i'm back :3

once again as always thank you @peace-for-levi for beta-reading for me. my literal knight in shining armour when it comes to these :3 love you boo

Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-the-villain-of-this-story @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @acker-night @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye @leviackermanst @poisonpeche @arcticcashew @feelingsandemotionsnotexplored @littleagxs @wall-maria-fritz @mal-writes

It wasn’t like you to doubt your captain. He’d never lead you astray this far. Sure, he was a fan of taking risks that always seemed to pay off in the end, and his gambles always seemed thoughtless at first (until you realised his long game) but this seemed a little extreme. You tailed him as he strode to the courtyard, the rest of your squad too following behind. He looked formidable in front of you. Captain Erwin Smith. The confirmed next Commander of the Scouts.

Whenever Shadis decided to throw in the towel anyway.

You’d never once questioned him in his gambles, always putting your complete faith in his decisions. But dragging renowned criminals up from the bowels of the Underground City and trying to force them into a military career they had no choice in… that was bold, even for him.

The glare of sunlight made you squint as stone greeted your boots, apprehensive expressions and concerned muttering littered the square. Nobody really knew what was going on, or why it was happening. Only that there would be some unexpected new blood.

It was only Hange who seemed unreasonably excited, waving you over the moment you were at ease. You crossed quickly, glancing around to see if you could spot the newcomers. Moblit, as per usual, seemed utterly beside himself with worry. Nifa, too, was chewing on her nails. You assumed Nanaba was off somewhere being wooed by Miche.

As per usual.

“Woah, what’s with the stress Nifa? I can fucking smell it radiating off you,” you commented.

Hange instantly throwing their arm around your shoulders as you stood with the little group. “Been taking lessons from Miche?” She quipped back weakly, her nerves getting the better of her.

You would almost pity the girl if her stress made sense.

“Did you not hear the rumours? They’re criminals. From the Underground! Why aren’t you stressed?” She squeaked, eyes darting like a scared animal.

“Hange doesn’t seem to be worried.” You pointed out your friend who seemed almost drunk off excitement.

“Worried?! How could anyone be worried? This is the most exciting thing that’s happened in MONTHS! Fresh meat, street meat at that. Who wouldn’t be excited?!”

“I think calling them ‘street meat’ is a surefire way to get yourself stabbed…” you said sceptically, folding your arms as Hange started to shake your shoulders, unable to control themselves.

“Hange please…”

You’d never seen her companion look so tired. Poor Moblit, he didn’t exactly have the easiest job. Hange was notorious for running experiments, with or without the Commander’s permission. Everytime they were caught, they’d claim it was ‘for science!’ and to ‘advance humanity!’ Naturally, your captain condoned her work. But this just added more stress on Moblit’s shoulders.

“Stand there and don’t do anything.” Your group whirled to the raised platform at the sound of Commander Shadis’ voice, Hange’s eyes popping out their head as the three newcomers lined up. Two of them looked happy to be there. The other one looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but there.

“Oh shit, that’s them,” you muttered, eyeing them each individually. Glancing back to your friends, you swore Nifa looked like she was about to faint. Moblit’s eyes were predictably on Hange, who you swore was fucking drooling.

“You’re so fucking weird, Hans– no. don’t wave! What the fuck are you do– oh my Walls!” You gave up trying to fight their hands down, instead pinching your brow in utter embarrassment. You heard a familiar cackle from behind you.

“The fuck are you doing, Hange?”

You were saved by Nanaba sauntering over with Miche in tow. You didn’t even want to know what they’d been up to before coming here. Though you were surprised when Miche split off to talk to Erwin.

“Making us all look fucking weird in association to them, how’s your morning going?”

“Oh, you know, each day that passes brings me closer to death.”

“A ball of sunshine, truly.” You snorted as she came to stand next to you. You’d avoided looking back to the trio on the platform, desperate to keep some of your dignity, but it was unavoidable now.

Oh, how you fucking wished it was still avoidable. “Great. They’re all looking. Hange, the middle one’s actually fucking sneering, would you cut it out?” You clipped them across the back of their head, Nanaba barking a laugh behind you. For once, Hange actually listened, and dropped their hands.

“He’s not sneering, he’s smiling. Look!”

“I’m surprised there’s a girl to be honest.” It was the first time Moblit had spoken properly, and you almost wanted to slap him.

“What, because dangerous criminals can’t be women?” You asked, more than ready to start a fist fight. But he looked instantly apologetic, frantically waving his hands in front of him.

“No, no, no, that’s not what I meant at all! It’s just, well, most women tend to become escorts or prostitutes just to make money. They have nothing to sell, so they sell their bodies to survive. In fact, most of them don’t survive. There’s no form of abortions or preventative teas down there, so most either die in childbirth since they’re too weak, or their bodies never recover and they die from diseases.

“Not only that, but most paying customers won’t go for a pregnant woman, or a woman who’s just given birth, so starvation is also one of the main causes of death for women in the… uh, Underground.” Moblit turned a bright red as he noticed the entire group had fallen silent, stares of horrified bafflement all turned to him.

“I have so many questions right now,” Nanaba commented, confused.

“Yeah, the first one being how the fuck you know all this?” you asked, completely in awe of his knowledge.

“I, uh– did some research for Erwin before he started his mission. Looked into living conditions, economy, stock markets, that sort of thing. Unfortunately, in brothels, women are classed as stock.”

“That’s fucking awful. Why doesn’t the King do anything about this?” You’d never been more horrified. Seeing your first titan was nothing in comparison to hearing this. Your mouth dropped open, even Hange looked a little downtrodden.

“Not sure. Overpopulation?” Moblit offered meekly, still trying to calm his burning ears from his previous embarrassment.

You huffed, turning back to look at the three on the platform. “Well, at least she managed to escape it. Hopefully her life will be better up here.” To your surprise, the young girl actually turned her head to look at you, her lips cracking up in a beaming grin. Her smile was infectious, and you found yourself grinning back.

“Wow. Already made a friend.” Hange nudged you with their elbow.

“I will hang you from the wall by the strap of your fucking glasses, I swear–”

“All soldiers line up!” You were rudely interrupted by the Section Commander onstage and the instant bustle of movement.

“Finish your threat later!” Hange called as you walked away from their line to find your own. Unable to muster a good response over the kerfuffle, you simply flipped them off as you walked away, earning yourself a look of disapproval from Erwin.

“Hange.” Seemed to be all the explanation he needed to understand with a quiet ‘ah’ as you took up your position in the line.

Your eyes fell to the newcomers, instantly caught off guard by the middle one borderline glaring at you. You straightened yourself up and glared right back, a silent battle of wills commencing as the soldier onstage addressed the ranks. He raised a thin brow, you followed suit. He set his jaw, yours tensed just as much. It was only when he went to introduce himself did he finally look away, almost rolling his eyes.

“Levi.”

At least his introduction was short. You had to physically refrain from making an internal joke about his height.

“Squad Leader Flagon! You will be taking on these three as part of your own squad, thus you will show them to their barracks and commence their training instantly.”

You internally cringed. Why, the fuck, did Shadis and Erwin think that Flagon would be the best fit for these three. Surely anyone else would be better suited. Why didn’t Erwin fucking take them on and make them a part of your squad?

His decisions really did make no sense sometimes.

“Sir!” Flagon saluted, though you could tell by the clench of his fist behind his back, he wasn’t exactly thrilled. Hange, on the other hand, couldn’t have looked more excited. These poor criminals had no idea what they were walking into. Turns out they were in more danger here then they were down there, with Hange on the prowl.

“Soldiers dismissed!” You saluted in unison with the rest of the courtyard, most making any excuse to leave instantly after the dismissal.

“Sooooooo? Whaddya think?!” Hange sidled up to you, Nanaba and Nifa chatting to each other as they, too, made their way over. You threw a glance back to the trio currently being talked at by Flagon. None of them looked engaged. The girl kept looking around with an excited smile; Isabel was her name. Farlan, the taller guy, kept trying to hold a conversation with the Squad Leader, but it very much looked like a half-hearted attempt. And Levi, once again, looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here.

“I mean, they look like soldiers enough. Though isn’t Isabel a bit young? She only looks twelve,” you murmured, a little worried they’d allowed a child to join the Scout Regiment. The moment you turned away, you felt holes in the back of your head, and you snapped back to see Levi glaring at you. Again. “Not entirely sure what his problem is though…” You shivered despite yourself.

“Awww, maybe he’s just got a crush!” You snorted in disbelief.

“Hange, that is not the look of somebody who has a crush. That’s the look of somebody who would like to see my blood dyeing his fucking curtains.”

Oh, he could absolutely hear you. Though, you didn’t know if that was a bad thing. In a split second he looked a little taken aback, searching your face, before looking away back to the conversation.

“Now look at what you’ve done. You’ve upset him!” Hange lamented, just as Nanaba and Nifa joined the two of you.

“Think it might take more than that to upset the most notorious criminals of the Underground City since Kenny the Ripper,” Nanaba flattened, giving Hange a look of disdain before glancing back at the new trio. “Honestly? I don’t trust them. Fucking criminals? The hell was Erwin thinking? Whoever rooms with them is gonna wind up dead!”

Looking at them? You doubted that. One was just a kid. Younger than every new cadet in the corps. The other, Farlan, looked pleasant enough. Not unlike Erwin with his disarmingly charming smiles. But Levi?

Yeah, he could definitely kill someone in their sleep.

“Bit dramatic. don’t ya think? Two of them seem… I don’t think nice is the right word, but–”

“Less murderous than the other one?”

“Exactly!” You snapped your fingers to Hange, who sent you a wink. You looked back just as Flagon started to walk away, calling after the trio like dogs to heel. You snorted as the shorter one scoffed, never seeing somebody look so insulted in your life. You couldn’t blame him though. Flagon had that effect on people.

“We should probably get ready, Hange. Likelihood is Flagon’s gonna want his whole squad there training. Though I can’t say I’m looking forward to it,” Nifa sighed, nervously chewing on her cuticles. You had half a mind to slap her hand down from her lips.

“I. Am. Ecstatic! Oh, I cannot wait to see what these guys can do. You know, from what I’ve heard, they taught themselves everything! Like, the inner workings of the ODM gear, the blade mechanisms, and apparently they could even out manoeuvre some of the best Scouts. It was only thanks to Miche that the little one– oh, what was his name…”

“L–”

“Levi! Yes, that’s it, Levi. It was only thanks to Miche that Levi was actually caught. Honestly, I reckon once he saw his friends captured, he just gave up. Noble of him, no?”

Nanaba barked a laugh, waving her hand dismissively. “Noble? Sure, for a rat.”

Something primal flipped in you, your legs itching to be anywhere but here. You felt unreasonably angry at her for saying that. To the point where if you didn’t find an excuse to leave, you would likely end up slapping her across the face.

“I, uh, need a shit or… something. I’ll catch up with you guys later.” You didn’t spare them a parting glance as you left for the barracks, trying to calm your adrenaline.

You stopped dead upon hearing your name called from the men’s barracks, having only breezed past the door to get to your own room. You sighed heavily. That voice was Flagon’s. You knew it was. You could hear his infuriating tones from the training grounds.

You back tracked, popping your head round the doorframe.

“Sir?”

“Have you seen Nifa? Or Hange? I need one of them to take the girl to her room.”

“But I’ve already told you! I don’t wanna go to–”

“Quiet!”

You watched Isabel fold her arms petulantly, and you definitely put her age in the twelve to thirteen bracket.

“Uh, no I haven’t. Not since the courtyard,” you responded, staring at him blankly as he raised a brow of expectation. You looked around the room, confused before a sickly realisation dawned in your chest, and with a heavy sigh, you continued. “Sir.”

That seemed to stroke his ego enough. “Damnit, well I can’t go in there.”

You searched his face to see if he was being serious right now. Did he not notice what was standing right in front of him?

“Oh no, if only there was another woman around to take her to the women’s barracks,” you lamented sarcastically, flattening Flagon with a cold stare and just waiting for the message to sink in. He looked reluctant, but relinquished anyway.

“Fine. You take her then. I don’t care,” he spat, storming past you and knocking into your shoulder as he went. You genuinely couldn’t tell whether it was deliberate or an accident. You didn’t pay much mind, taking a moment to curb your frustration at the man before turning your attention back to the girl.

“You coming?” You raised a brow, nodding your head back to the door. Though she shook her head fervently.

“No! We’ve always stayed together, it’s not fair!”

Your eyes widened slightly. Why the hell would she want to stay? The men’s barracks constantly stank of BO and shit. “I mean, you can stay here if you want,” you offered, knowing she would finally take the offer to come with you.

“Wait, really? Thank fuck! That Flagon guy kept saying I had to be with the women but that’s just not how things work with us.”

…Or not.

“Oh fuck I didn’t actually think you would say yes. No, you can’t stay here, and I’m kinda surprised you want to. It stinks to the Walls and back.” You scrunched your nose, glancing at your surroundings. Yep, this was definitely a men’s room. You saw Isabel about to open her mouth again in protest, before Farlan stepped in.

“Ah, sorry. We’ve just, never been separated before. Grouped together for survival down there and it’s gonna take some time for us to adjust,” he explained, scratching the back of his head. Somewhere in your mind, you registered how surprisingly sweet he was. A face you couldn’t say no to. Annoyingly.

You sighed heavily. “Look, if it puts you at ease, you can bunk in my dorm. We’ve had a bed spare for a while since– well, yeah, a while ago. I’ll get Nifa to find you some sheets and I’ll steal some pillows or something.” It was more of a mental checklist than intentionally telling them what you had planned. You trailed off, still thinking about what you had to do to get things ready for them, before your thoughts were interrupted.

“What happened? You said you’ve had a bed spare for a while. What happened?” It was the first time you’d heard him speak after just saying his own name. You raised your eyes to meet Levi’s, your expression falling solemn.

“What always happens. Titans.” You didn’t mean to sound so hollow, but the room fell silent at the mention of what awaited you beyond the Walls. None of them had even seen a titan before. You wished you possessed that same blissful ignorance. Ilse didn’t. “Anyway,” you broke the silence awkwardly, “come on, I’ll show you to your bed. You guys can come too if you want, it might be nice to know how to get to each other easily. Only Flagon seems to be a stickler for rules here. Men are constantly in the women’s barracks, and vice versa.”

You were glad for the short hop to the opposite side of the small square, explaining the different wooden buildings to the three of them. “So, that’s your barracks, that one is laundry, washing up, all that shit, the one opposite is the main mess hall and kitchen, that track leads down to the training grounds which is where you’ll be later today, and thiiiiiiiiis–” you opened the door to the women’s side of the barracks, “–is where you’ll be staying. Quaint, no? Certainly smells better than the men’s.” You glanced at the two behind you. “Uh, no offence or anything.”

“None taken.” Okay that was definitely sarcastic. Even his glare was dripping with sarcasm. Yeah, Levi really needed to lighten up.

Out of courtesy, you knocked on your door before striding in, not actually listening for a response. You were lucky Nanaba wasn’t changing when you invaded her space.

“You know, there’s no real point in knocking if you’re not gonna listen to the response.”

“I didn’t think anyone was in here!”

“Evidently.”

“I’m just showing the new kid to her bunk. Good news! We got a new roomie,” you grinned, though froze upon seeing her disgusted expression. Straightening up, you folded your arms. “Got a problem with that?”

Unfortunately, Nanaba was never one to back down from a fight. Neither were you, which would often lead to some explosive arguments when you butted heads. “Yeah, I do. The fucking criminal? She still stinks like shit.”

Your fury flared, eyes flashing dangerously at her arrogance. “I’d like to see you crawl up from the bowels of hell still smelling like roses,” you spat, gaze narrowing venomously on your roommate, who returned your animosity.

“I’m just saying, if she slits our throats in our sleep I’m going to fucking kill you.”

You barked a sharp laugh of disbelief. “She’s a fucking kid, Nana. You know you don’t have to be a cunt about everything. You can just let things happen without opening your shitty, toxic mouth about it. If you don’t like it, find another dorm.”

“Are you serious right now?”

“Deadly fucking serious. So either get over yourself and stop being such a bitch, or leave. Two choices. Pick one. Because she’s staying.” You all but snarled. You’d never pegged Nanaba as being such an arrogant bitch about things like this. She’d always been pretty chilled out, so you had no idea where this was coming from. Before she could answer though, Isabel piped up from the bed, a little too meekly for your liking.

“It’s okay… I can find somewhere else. I don’t have to–”

“The hell you will. You’re staying.” Your tone held no room for argument. “Nanaba,” you prompted sharply. The woman strode up to you, her face inches from yours, scrutinising. Holding firm, you resisted the urge to push her back.

“This won’t bring her back, you know.”

You stopped dead, and the concept of breathing became merely that. A concept.

“The fuck are you talking about…?” It was a stupid question. You already knew what she was talking about. Though there was no sympathy in her eyes. Only burning savagery.

“I get you wanting the empty space filled, but this won’t bring her back. Stop dragging us into your guilt fuelled–”

She didn’t finish. You didn’t let her finish. Before she could blink you shoved her against the wall, your arm against her throat. Not cutting off her airway, but enough for her to realise you could if you wanted to.

“Finish that sentence. I fucking dare you.” You’d didn’t usually let your anger get the better of you, nor that guilt she was talking about. Besides, she was still alive. Her body was never found. You were just waiting for the day she came home.

“It’s been three years. She’s dead. Move. On.”

You pulled off her with a sharp shove into her throat, levelling her with a piercing glare. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Come on. I know everyone else is oblivious but I can see right through you. Y–”

“Nanaba, I'll give you thirty seconds to leave before I kick the ever-loving shit out of you.”

She looked a little taken aback. You didn’t give out empty threats like that. Not ones you could easily achieve, and if two seconds ago was anything to judge you by, you saw her come to her own conclusion. “Fine. But if we all end up dead, know it will be your fault,” she hissed, her lip curling in disgust as her eyes slid to the kid next to you.

Some wave of protectiveness hit you, and you stepped in front of her without thinking. Nanaba scoffed, before storming out, Farlan swiftly moving out of her way. Levi stayed put. You almost smiled at that.

The moment she was gone, you relaxed slightly, though your shoulders still tensed. “Sorry. About that. She’s not usually like that but–” you stopped dead as an unfamiliar warmth encased your side, Isabel’s arms wrapping around your middle. Your eyes bulged, not really knowing how to respond.

“Thank you,” she muffled into your arm. Your confusion melted into a warm smile. Who knew criminals could be so endearing?

“Don’t mention it. I should probably leave you to get settled in. I’ll come back for you when Flagon starts training. Should be in, like, an hour or so.” Understanding her cue, Isabel took her arms from you, though her eyes still sparkled with gratitude. You still had one question for her. “Out of curiosity… How old are you?” There was a little trepidation in your tone, almost too scared to ask out of fear of the answer.

“Fourteen!” she answered proudly.

Your heart sank. “Oh my Walls, you really are just a kid… Erwin has so much to answer for,” you muttered, your words clipped. You turned only to be faced by the other two, having almost completely forgotten they were there. As if your display wasn’t embarrassing enough, you forgot the three most dangerous criminals to previously walk the Underground were there to witness it. Fan-fucking-tastic.

“You guys are welcome to stay. Or not. Honestly do what you want. Personally speaking, I couldn’t give less of a shit.”

Drink. You needed a drink. Tea, coffee, vodka, anything. Not many taverns would be open this time of day, and you didn’t have permission to leave the premises today either, but that hadn’t really stopped you before. You strode back out into the fresh air, which helped somewhat, and made a beeline for the mess hall. Your hands almost shook as you slipped through the back door and into the kitchen, not really wanting to talk to anyone. There weren’t many in the hall, but you still didn’t want to risk it.

You searched the cupboards first, for any sign of alcohol, as doubtful as that was. Predictably, your search came up short. As did your search for coffee. Fucking Hange. Tea it was. And in hindsight, it was probably the healthier option. Though the lid of the tin was dusty with disuse, and you didn’t doubt the inside was exactly the same. Nobody drank tea here. Not even you. Only when you were truly desperate.

Like now.

With trembling fingers, you lit the stove, filled the pot, and waited. Though with the growing silence, you started to feel uneasy. The back of your head started to itch, and you inched towards the knife block. Fuck, was Nanaba right? Were they seriously here to pick you all off one by one? An uncanny rage fuelled your bones. If you were going to be taken down here, you weren’t going down without a fight. Your fingers curled around the hilt of a kitchen knife.

“Pretty sure you don’t need–”

Startled, you whirled, the blade flying from your hand. Truthfully, you didn’t want to throw it so soon, not without seeing who it was. But you hadn’t expected anyone to speak up. The room was silent after the sharp twang of the metal embedding into the wood, inches from the thug’s face.

“–knives to make tea,” he finished, silver eyes gliding to the still quivering blade, a brow quirked with intrigue. “Good throw.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” You accused, placing the second knife in your hand back into the block and crossing back over to your boiling pot.

“You… throw a knife at me, and ask what my problem is?” Levi drawled, folding his arms and leaning against the door frame. His eyes flickered to your shaking hands, chalking it down to adrenaline.

“Not many people take kindly to being sneaked up on like that, just to let you know,” you bit back, mind still reeling from this shitshow of a day. Pressing your palm to your forehead, you tried to calm the headache you could already feel pounding against your skull, hoping the tea might help with the ailment. “I’m making tea, if you want any.” You offered, still trying to recover from your close murder charge.

“You change your tune quickly.”

You sighed, exhausted. “Look, it’s been a hell of a day. Do you want some stupid tea or not?” Dealing with some tiny guy’s attitude was not how you wanted the rest of your afternoon to go, honestly. And you were already getting really sick of his blank stares.

“Sure.”

“Oh, don’t sound too grateful, will you?”

At the expense of that knife possibly finding its way into your back, you turned back to the counter, now retrieving two mugs from the cupboard. You saw one of the strainers missing from the open drawer, and chalked that down to Captain Erwin. Though you hadn’t seen him, you thought you could detect the slightest warmth to the cast iron pot. He must have brewed himself one beforehand. Wait, was he the one to finish off the coffee?

Bastard.

The kettle started to whistle, announcing with great flamboyance that its job was done. Using the stained cloth from the hook next to the stove, you poured the steaming water into one of the mugs, before dipping the strainer of leaves in. You almost turned round and threw the pot at Levi’s head when you heard him scoff in disgust.

“What?” You asked, too irritated to turn and look at him.

“How is everything up here just as filthy as it is down there? Would have thought you’d keep your standards higher.”

“Don’t like it? Get your own shit then.” Why, today of all days, was this fucking asshole testing you? If he didn’t stop soon, you might genuinely have to answer to the court after killing him.

“You’re making it wrong as well.”

The slam of the pot on the counter shattered the peace of the kitchen, your glare akin to the knife you hurled at the door earlier. Though he seemed completely unbothered by your fury. He was the second person you’d met who didn’t shit themselves when you looked at them like this. The first person being Nanaba.

You watched him shrug, before sauntering up next to you, taking the strainer from your hands and dumping the contents into the bin, before pouring the brew away.

“What the fuck? That was m–”

“Sit.”

You scoffed in disbelief. “Excuse me? You just got here and are already barking out orders. I’m a higher rank than you, you can’t just–”

Oh shit. Looks like you weren’t the only one with a hair-raising glare. With a furious huff, you shut your mouth. And, to your credit, you did technically sit. But clearly where he didn’t want you too. The countertop seemed as good a place as any, but his own annoyed glare told you otherwise. Guess he just should have been more specific with his instructions

Though your heart was still angry at the events of the day, you felt your face muscles relax as you watched the almost mesmerising process of this man make a cup of tea. He made it with the expertise you would not expect someone like him to have. You almost felt bad for judging him before. Almost.

“There. Now it won’t taste like piss.”

“Lot’s of experience with that kind of thing, have you?” To your unending surprise, he actually smiled. Well, almost. It was a half smirk hidden by a teacup, but there was a smile there! You swore.

Falling into a strangely comfortable silence, you finally let yourself relax, the aromas of the brew sending you into some kind of peaceful trance. Even your shoulders relaxed, which was completely out of character for you. The back of your head touched the wooden cupboards behind you as you let out a breath, feeling a slight tickle on the side of your face.

Hange called it your superpower, to know when someone was looking at you, but you could always feel it, no matter who it was or how far away they were. So you weren’t surprised when you turned your head to see Levi looking at you with a brow raised.

“What?” You asked, a little less unkindly this time.

“Nothing” he responded, turning back to face the other side of the kitchen. You huffed a laugh, returning back to your relaxed position. It was his turn to ask.

“What?” He asked, almost defensively, and your smile broke into a grin.

“Nothing, just… thinking. Guess I can cross ‘have tea with a notorious criminal’ off my bucket list.”

There was a silence, and you worried briefly if you’d offended him in some way, until you heard a huff of laughter mirror your own.

“Guess you can.” He didn’t turn to look at you this time, but he didn’t need to for you to know he was as relaxed as you were. Weird. “Thank you.”

Well… that caught you off guard. You sat up, crossing your legs on the counter. “What for?”

“Helping Izzy. Defending her. Your roommate’s an asshole.”

You sighed, resting your elbows on your knees. “She’s not so bad when you get to know her, she’s just protective and can lash out when shit like that happens.” You couldn’t help but feel slightly bad for treating her the way you did when you could have just had a conversation with her about it instead.

“Still. Thanks.”

A smile pulled at the corners of your lips, and you let it unfurl. “Don’t mention it. You two aren’t so different.”

Oh he turned to look at you then, eyes narrowing in offence. “The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

You smiled once again, blossoming into a teasing grin. “You both seem like assholes, but not so bad when you get to know you.”

Levi clicked his tongue in what you assumed was irritation. A better reaction than you were hoping for. “You don’t know me.”

Hopping down from the counter, you drained the last remnants of your drink, now in much better spirits than you were before this conversation. “Not yet I don’t, but I will. Your tea tastes like shit by the way. See you at training!” You waved him goodbye before he could respond, though you didn’t miss his mutter of “fucking brat” as you left the kitchen, almost skipping down to the training ground.

Maybe these three won’t be such a nuisance afterall. And maybe he won’t be as bad as you thought he would be.

“So, then what happened?” Hange was way, way too excited about this fight between you and Nanaba.

You’d only really seen them get this hyper when the conversation turned towards titan anatomy, so this was a little foreign to you. They also seemed to be strangely interested in your shared tea with the raven headed one, though their cause of interest escaped you.

“Well, then she just kind of left, and I apologised to those three on her behalf. Was she out of order? Or did I just majorly overreact?” You asked with no small degree of insecurity. Though you were known for your silent anger, you were also known for occasionally lashing out when stressed. And fuck were you stressed during that exchange.

“I’ve never really known Nanaba to act out like that. It’s quite strange for her, she doesn't seem the type to lash out on a whim,” Nifa thought aloud, her eyes fixed somewhere beyond the ground.

You’d found your way down to the training ground after sharing impromptu tea with Levi, being there almost as early as Hange before other squads started to trickle in. You’d instantly spotted Nanaba whispering to Miche, you assumed about the situation. That was fine, they could whisper all they want. You were content knowing you were in the right about this. Right?

An ear piercing screech of your name had your head whipping round, wondering who the fuck could be that excited to see you, other than Hange who was standing right there. The voice wasn’t familiar, not that you remembered anyway, and it only made sense when your eyes focussed on the young girl who’d hugged you earlier.

Isabel.

“Oh hey, you, how’re you–” Your eyes widened in horror as you realised she wasn’t going to stop barrelling towards you, and had full intention of crashing straight into you. “Oh no wait waitwaitwaitWAIT I–”

Cut off by the surprising impact, you felt the full weight – which was admittedly not much – of this fourteen year old girl colliding into you, throwing you backwards into the dirt in possibly the tightest hug you’d ever experienced in your life. With little grass to cushion your fall, your spine sang in distress, vibrations rattling up and down your vertebrae. Though, despite the pain, you managed to huff out a wheezed laugh. “Hey, Izzy.”

You could barely hear her response over Hange’s howl of laughter, and Nifa’s delicate giggles. “I was hoping you would be here.”

Your heart clenched, having not expected her to latch onto you quite so quickly. Not that you minded, in a strange way. It was extremely endearing how, for a criminal of The Underground, she was so trusting.

“‘Think I’d miss your big debut? I wanna see what you’re capable of, kid,” you grinned as she clambered to her feet, taking Nifa’s hand to help yourself up. Hange had barely managed to stop howling like a jackal before the blond came running up, spewing more apologies than you could count.

“I am so sorry about her, she doesn’t know her own strength. We didn’t think she could knock somebody like you over. Fuck sake’s, Isabel, can’t you just behave like an adult for once in your fucking life? All you needed to do was–”

You couldn’t help but feel like Farlan was being a little harsh with her, especially when her face morphed into a petulant pout. She reminded you of yourself at that age. Headstrong, brash, explosive. You never quite had her over-trusting nature nor her excitement, but the similarities were there nonetheless.

“It’s fine,” you butted in, interrupting him. “Seriously, I’ve received worse injuries than a kid knocking me over, I can promise you that.” That same familiar tickle made itself known on the side of your head, and you glanced to see Nanaba staring with nothing but searing hatred. Fucking Walls, you were starting to think this problem ran deeper than just a criminal moving into your dorm. Though… when you put it like that…

“Calm down, both of you. Behaving like children.”

It was strange, you thought, that for someone who talked so little, his voice was incredibly distinctive. You noted Levi already had his gear strapped to his hips, only now realising Farlan had done the same. Assuming Isabel had simply run straight down here, you quirked your head to the side.

“You're not joining them in the air, Izzy?”

“Don’t call her that.”

You blinked, surprised at the venom in Levi’s tone. Just as you thought you could have been friends with the man, he goes and pulls stunts like this. Fucking freak. Hange sucked in a breath behind you, clearly wondering whether you were about to go ape shit at him. But you’d had enough of that today, and you weren’t going to let this taint the tea from earlier.

“Okay. You’re not joining them in the air, Isabel?” You rephrased. Might as well respect the man’s wishes. They were family, they said so themselves.

More or less.

“I think Flagon wanted me to start off with the horses, since I’m already good with animals.”

You paused for a moment, wondering just how many animals found their way down into The Underground, until you considered rats and mice. And as sweet as it was that she could defend the rodents, horses were a completely different ballgame. Though you didn’t want to crush that starry-eyed look.

“You’re gonna nail it. Good luck!” You offered her two thumbs up, hoping she would take the cue and end the conversation.

She didn’t.

“Luck? I don’t need luck. None of us have ever needed luck. Ever. We make our fortune–”

“Izzy…” Farlan warned, placing a hand on her arm.

Your gaze oscillated between them, wondering how to exit this conversation without seeming rude. Your hopes lay with Hange and Nifa, who had taken several steps back to watch the exchange, muting and chuckling between themselves. Clearly they were going to be no help at all.

“–and you haven’t even seen what bro can do with ODM gear. He’s like a bird! Constantly swooping and soaring faster than any of us can, that’s for sure. And faster than any of you can! Just you wait, you’ll s–”

“We’re done here.”

How did Farlan have no luck getting through to the kid, when Levi could stop her in her tracks in a heartbeat? It was baffling to witness, and you almost pitied the blond, if you were being honest. Although… Was that…?

Definitely. That was definitely the slightest quirk of amusement on Levi’s face. Or was it fondness? You honestly couldn’t tell the difference. You doubted anybody could, not even these two.

“Well, that was certainly something! At least you know the girl likes you, and maybe the blond too, that’s three outta three!” Hange beamed excitedly, hooking an awkward arm around your shoulders as you both watched the three walk away, Isabel still gesturing wildly as she spoke. Sweet kid.

“I haven’t really spoken to Farlan much, and I don’t know if you just heard what happened, but Levi literally told me to not call Isabel by a nickname… so I have at least one out of three, maybe,” you sighed, folding your arms. You were no stranger to people blowing hot and cold, it was borderline required in the Scouts. But he’d been here for less than a full day, and he was already giving you incredibly mixed signals?

Ridiculous human being.

“Hey.”

Your heart froze the second you heard her dulcet tone and irritated cadence. Hange looked between you and the woman behind you, before decisively opting to not be a part of what was obviously going to be a very awkward conversation, and wandering off to find Nifa. Where’d she gone during your chat with the three newcomers?

With a ‘fuck you’ of a huff, you turned to meet Nanaba’s hard stare. Sucking in a breath, you kept your arms folded. If she was going to be defensive, so were you. “Hey.”

“Wanna talk?” She offered stiffly.

“Depends. Are you gonna be a cunt?” You asked, raising a brow as she rolled her eyes. Well, at least she wasn’t going to instantly go for your throat. A bonus.

“You can understand why I was, though, right?”

You let loose the breath you were holding, realising this wasn’t going to be a fight, but rather an actually mature conversation. Holy shit. You never thought it possible. “Obviously. I’m not an idiot, Nana. But seriously? She’s a child. How much murdering do you think she’s actually done? Do you not think maybe the other two might be doing most of the stabbing, and the worst she’s done is maybe steal a man’s coin purse?” You asked, trying in earnest to make her see your point of view. You knew why she blew up like she did. It made sense.

“I know, I know. I just– I'm wary, okay? We’re allowed to be wary around notorious murderers and thieves.” Unable to meet your eyes, Nanaba instead turned to the ground. You knew then she was sorry, for what she said. And you forgave her, of course you did. She was part of your family. They all were. Nana, Nifa, Hange, Miche and Moblit, even Erwin at a push, though he was always busy nowadays.

“Nana… I get it,” I also care too much about you all to let something happen. “And… you were right. This won’t bring her back… I know that…”

She raised her eyes, now finally looking at you. It seemed her message got through your thick skull, too. “But we have a job, just as people, to make newcomers feel comfortable. The reason I told her she could bunk with us was because Flagon was being a fucktard about it. She’s never been away from her own family before.

“Think about it, being down in that shit for fourteen years, bonding with people in her same situation, just as we have, and then suddenly having to be away from them? I just… I wanted her to feel safe.” It was a kindness you were shown back when you were fourteen. When you’d upped and left your grandmother for reasons you don’t fully understand or remember. But you’d been made to feel welcome. To feel safe. It was so foreign you didn’t understand at first, but now, obviously, you do. And you had done so for the last four years.

Nanaba nodded, scratching the base of her neck. She knew. And you knew. You both did. “I hate fighting with you,” she admitted to your slight surprise. It was no secret you and Nana had been close since the day you met the girl, but that also meant that when the two of you fought, it was so much worse.

“Why? Cuz you know I’d kick your ass?” You grinned, shattering the tension between you two. Nanaba scoffed, returning back to her usual, snarky self. A light punch to your arm had her usual demeanour confirmed. It had only been just over an hour, but you didn’t realise how much you’d missed her.

“I beat you once!”

“And you never let me forget it.”

Though the moment was sweet, you both knew it was going to be cut shorter than either of you wanted by the grating howl of Flagon’s voice. With shared huffs of laughter, the two of you wandered over to the forest’s edge to watch the two new Scouts demonstrate what they could do.

Hange already had their hands on their hips, surveying the blond’s skill. Your eyes followed theirs, their head nodding in surprised awe.

“He’s not bad, ya know. Not Miche or yourself, but he could easily fit in with the rest of Erwin’s squad. They were self taught, he said? Incredible…” They mused, mostly to themselves.

It was one of the reasons you loved Hange as much as you did. Half the time, you didn’t even have to engage in conversation with them, you could just listen in and nod where appropriate. Unless they started to get ahead of themselves and you genuinely had to intervene and tell them to go the fuck to bed because it was two in the morning and you had shit to do tomorrow… because that totally never happened.

“I’m actually with you there. Flagon doesn’t deserve these guys, they’re too good for him.”

You snorted, hearing Nanaba talk shit about one of your superiors, and it warmed your heart. She was saying this about the very same criminals she was freaking out about earlier. Looking at her out of the corner of your eye, you saw her smile to you. You nodded in response.

“I could talk to Erwin, see if I could change his mind on where he wanted these three to go. Though he’s never made a shitty decision like this for no reason…” You fell into thought. He’d seen their capabilities when he took them from The Underground. He knew how good they were, so why the hell wouldn’t he want them on his squad? They could be perfect additions. You made up your mind there and then to find him later and have a chat. You still needed to chew his ass out for benching you on that mission anyway.

“If any one of us can, it’s you. He doesn’t listen to Hange.”

“I wonder why…”

“Hey!”

You barked a laugh just as the blond came down from the trees. It looked like he hadn’t even broken a sweat. Something definitely wasn’t right here. Someone with not only skills, but the endurance of a veteran? How could Erwin Smith pass up the opportunity of not wanting them?

Flagon grumbled something along the lines of ‘taking these criminals down a peg or two’ and it brought you more satisfaction than you thought it would. Good, let him see just how good they were. You knew his opinion would never be changed, it just made him being proven wrong even better.

“Reset! Alright, you, get up there,” he ordered gruffly to Levi, who you watched give Flagon just another one of his flat stares. You wondered briefly what he was thinking about when he did that? Was he imagining snapping the man’s neck in his sleep? Or was he not listening at all and thinking about something else completely different? It would forever be a mystery to you. Hange’s overexcitement, however, was anything but a mystery to you.

“I’ve been waiting for this. Ever since hearing what happened on that mission, I’ve wanted to see what he can do… oohoohoohoo! This is going to be good!”

And there was the look you were so afraid of. That terrifying fire in their irises. You knew that was when shit was about to get weird.

And weird did it get.

“You’re not supposed to hold them like that, you’re going to break the blades.” Looking over from where you’d been shitting yourself at Hange’s expression, your head tilted in confusion. To be fair, Flagon had a point. You’d never seen anyone hold ODM gear the way he was; with one of the blades pointing backwards. How the hell did that even work? How was it possible to operate the gear when the switches and triggers were all the wrong way around? You almost stepped in to support your superior, before remembering who he was and why you’d felt such satisfaction earlier.

Fuck Flagon.

Besides, Shortass McGee didn’t take any notice and honestly? You weren’t surprised. If you could barely hold a conversation with him, Flagon didn’t stand a chance.

“Interesting… he uses it backwards. Huh…”

Was Hange taking fucking notes? You wouldn’t be surprised if they told you this was suddenly all for research into some kind of titan/human correlation bullshit. Though that would be a little farfetched, even for them. But you remembered something from earlier just as they said that. Something you thought weird at the time, but didn’t comment on.

“He holds his cups like that too. Sort of, backwards-ish. Like this,” you demonstrated with an imaginary mug, “He held it with sort of a claw thing going on. I didn’t say anything, but thought it was fucking weird.”

Nanaba hummed in thought next to you, though once again glancing at her, you realised she was in no way paying attention to the conversation, and was instead staring, not even subtly, at Miche’s ass as he bent down. Disgusting girl…

With the ODM Gear’s signature hiss of gas, Levi was in the air, and the session had begun. Well, he moved insanely well, how the fuck did he make ODM gear look so effortless? Not even you or Miche could look this graceful. You detected, with no surprise, a kernel of jealousy sprouting within your chest. Fucking bullshit tiny criminal able to just fucking fly like that. What an asshole…

Your jealousy was only nurtured the moment he tore apart the nape of his first practice titan. Even with his grip so fucked up and backwards how was he able to pour so much power into his strikes? The padded target almost exploded in impact, shards of wood scattering to the ground. He sliced through the target? That’s just fucking showing off. How was he so good? It made no goddamn sense. You kind of hated him for it.

“Bro’s always been good with ODM gear,”

You almost shat yourself. When the hell did Isabel creep up next to you? You thought she was training with the horses? But before you could ask her anything, her blond friend joined you.

“Yeah… even before I met him, Levi was a skilled fighter. Picked a fight with some older thug at age… oh, what was it…? Fourteen, I think. The guy was like, in his thirties and Levi almost killed him.”

You had so many questions. “Wait, you all didn’t meet at the same time?” You queried, glancing between Isabel and Farlan. They definitely looked more like siblings than the girl did with Levi. You briefly wondered why she only called Levi ‘brother’.

“Nah, I met Levi first and he joined my gang. Yep, strangely enough I’m actually the leader. Or I was. It’s more of a council now,” he responded to your look of surprise at the mention of him being in charge.

It was strange, Farlan still referring to the three of them as a gang even though they're now in the Scouts. You jokingly hoped they didn’t start taking on jobs on the surface.

“Then they met me, and after recognising my extraordinary talent and skill, instantly invited me to be one of them!” Izzy chimed in with one of the biggest grins you’ve ever seen on a person in your life.

“You begged us to let you join until Levi taught you how to clean,” Farlan clarified bluntly, earning a soft chuckle from you and an irritated scowl from the girl. You could get used to this. You could get used to having these two around, maybe even three if Levi lightened up a bit.

“Was he always so… irritable?” You asked, turning your attention back to where he was ripping apart various targets with viscous precision. You decided there and then you never wanted to find yourself on the wrong side of his blade.

Farlan shrugged, also looking back to his friend. “As long as I’ve known him, yeah. But it’s understandable, considering the shit he’s dealt with.”

You tilted your head in curiosity. “Oh? Like what? He’s a man living in The Underground. Sure it’s not ideal, but at least he didn’t have to– what the fuck is Flagon doing?!” You interrupted yourself, spying the hateful man having now positioned himself next to the titan right in Levi’s path.

There was no point asking, you knew exactly what he was doing. Trying to catch him out. Any jealousy fueled spite you’d previously felt was instantly drained the moment you realised this was going to result in Levi getting hurt.

You went to grab the handles of your own gear, ready to jump into action if need be, or at least try and catch the man before he goes spiralling out of control.

Turns out you didn’t need to. He had the reflexes of a cat.

The second that target flipped up from the ground, he was already dodging, as if he anticipated its arrival. What should have been a nasty collision became a masterclass in manoeuvres, and within moments, it was over, the dummy titan sliced to bits, and Levi back on the ground.

Ho-ly shit.

You all watched in wide-eyed awe, speechless. Isabel and Farlan smiled slyly next to you, smug satisfaction written all over their faces. You couldn’t even be mad. That was one of the greatest displays of ODM skill you’d ever fucking seen, and though you were happy to suffer the consequences of ripping your superior a new asshole for pulling a stunt like that, it seemed you wouldn’t have to.

“Huh… you weren’t kidding,” you managed to state absently, hands falling from your own gear. Even Flagon looked on in amazement.

“Let’s go.” Was all the man said, leading his two friends away from the training ground and back up to the barracks. You huffed a laugh.

Erwin was either an idiot, or a genius. And you’d never considered him to be stupid.

“Hange, Hange, no, don’t! Hange, leave him alone! HANGE, STOP, LEAVE HIM!”

Well, can’t say you didn’t try. The moment you’d all eaten in the mess hall, Hange had made it their mission to find and interrogate the three new recruits, despite your best efforts to try and talk them out of it. Even Moblit, ever supportive yet slightly apprehensive Moblit, tried talking them out of this one. But it seemed nothing, nothing was going to stop them. Especially when they saw the three of them in the courtyard. Taking off at an immediate sprint, you struggled to see what they’d spotted through all the fucking dust they’d kicked up. But the moment you realised, you were hot on their heels.

“HE’S NOT AN EXPERIMENT, HANGE, LEAVE HIM ALONE!” You shouted behind them, racing to catch up before they got themselves beaten to death by a 3ft imp of a man. You could hear the footsteps of your friends behind you, they, too, now racing across the courtyard to stop the scientist in their excited frenzy.

You wished you could have run faster, engaged some kind of speed boost that Hange was able to do when fueled by the prospect of a new discovery, but alas it was too late by the time you joined the four of them. “Since fucking when could you run that fast?” You grumbled to yourself, before turning to the other three and surveying a smorgasbord of emotions.

Farlan looked apprehensive, almost worried for Hange rather than himself. Isabel looked almost protective, like she was ready to jump to his defence at a moment's notice. Sweet. And Levi looked as if Hange had just claimed to be the King. It was a nice change to see another emotion on his face other than passive malcontent, even if this was pure and utter shock.

“What the fuck did you say to him?” You hissed, elbowing Hange in the ribs to finally get their attention just as Nifa and Moblit finally joined you. “Did you kill his fucking dog or something?”

“What? No! I just said that what he did was incredible and that I boiled over with excitement!”

You stared at them. Blankly. In stupor. How… how could they possibly think that was an okay thing to say? In your bafflement, you almost didn’t hear Levi’s surprising gratitude.

“...Thanks.”

You looked between them, almost pitying the man for engaging with them when they’re excited. It was hilarious to watch, but significantly less hilarious to be a part of. And you were absolutely not about to get involved.

“I need a fucking drink.”

Turning away from the conversation, you left them to it. And though you felt that familiar tickle at the back of your head, you didn’t turn back. Besides, everyone would likely be turning in soon. Early evening was the favoured time of day for the Scouts. No training, no responsibilities, you could just drink and relax as though relaxing was still possible for you all.

“Oh hey, I was talking to Miche and he mentioned heading to Dickie’s tonight, wanna join?”

Though you may have mentioned wanting a drink, the thought of socialising in a tavern drained your soul.

“Actually, nah, thanks, I’m good. You guys go ahead though.” Waving them off, you turned on your heel. It had been… a day, to say the least. And you hadn’t stopped thinking about Ilse since this morning. With a resigned sigh, you acknowledged the extremely likely possibility that this was going to be one of those spiralling nights.

Paying no mind to the concerned looks from your friends, you left them in search of some form of alcohol, before falling into the inevitable.

The sun was kissing the horizon when you finally settled on the rooftop, contraband whiskey in hand, swigging from the tan bottle. It was old now, this specific bottle. And since you’d already given her bed away, you might as well finish off her drink too.

Nanaba was right. Ilse was gone. And nothing was going to bring her back. You’d spent the last three years of your life being dragged down by the weight of her death. Grief your soulmate, bound together in rain. Shackles around your wrists locked by guilt, freedom’s key six feet under.

You’d waited. Oh how you’d waited for her return. Her cocky grin, freckles and mud splatters indistinguishable from each other. Each night spent staring out the window, each day spent training for a recovery mission that was never approved. Money spent on ink, ink spent on letters to Command, tears spent on rejection. You wanted to make it right, so you’d punished yourself for years. Thinking about her was torture, so no second of the day was spent without her on your mind. Your sole motivation was finding her.

You huffed a humourless chuckle, only now realising you’d been crying when a gentle breeze dried salt to your cheeks. You knew it was her. It was always her. Caressing your tears, easing your pain.

But where were you when she needed her tears wiped? Where were you when she needed to be held?

Raising your gaze from the wall you were sitting on. You had a clear view over the wall from up here, watching the sun find solace in its lover’s dusk embrace.

“Meet me under the fig tree when we get back. There’s something I want to tell you.”

Ever the romantic, she was. Ilse was the reason you fell in love with romance literature, because you swore she got half her ideas from those novels. Not that you could blame her. They were pretty good.

“Late night musings?”

You weren’t really shocked he was in the same place at the same time. You’d known the man for a while now, which meant you knew where he went to clear his head.

“Something like that, yeah,” you responded, inspecting how much liquor was left in your bottle as your captain approached. “You?”

“Being in constant meetings makes me long for fresh air.”

You chuckled, sliding your gaze to Erwin now next to you. It was irritating how tall he was. Even sitting on a wall, he still towered over you. Ridiculous.

You fell into a tangible silence, thoughts of Ilse fading ever so slightly as you thought of all the questions you had for him about today. About the newcomers. You were glad he could read you well enough.

“Ask.”

“They’re talented. Incredibly so, especially Levi,” you paused, searching for some kind of explanation of his face. But, as per usual, he offered nothing.

“Go on…”

You sighed. “Then why assign them to Flagon of all people? They could have been a huge asset to our squad. Assigning them to Flagon seems like a waste to me.”

Erwin hummed in contemplation, but you knew it was for your own benefit. He had his answer already, he just wanted you to think he was taking your words into consideration. Conversational politics bullshit.

“So observant yet so blind. Forcing them to join was a risk in and of itself. Shadis is losing his touch–”

“We’ve known that for a while,”

“And who will be made Commander after him?”

You rolled your eyes. Everyone and their dog knew Erwin was going to be the next Commander. All you had to do was wait for Shadis to either die or realise he wasn’t special and retire. But you nodded in understanding. Now it made sense.

“You really think they’d make a move on you for being next in line for Command? I don’t think they care that much.”

“Being Commander isn’t just about leading the Scouts. It’s politics. It’s having leverage in the right places. It’s weeding out corruption and inspiring hope.”

You set the bottle down next to you before throwing up your hands in frustration. “You know I hate it when you talk in riddles.”

He huffed a bassy laugh, clearly finding amusement in your confusion. You weren’t ever cut out for politics. Strategy, you could do. Killing Titans, you could do. But politics? Oh no, you weren’t brave enough for politics.

“You’ll realise soon enough.” he mused, before eyeing the half empty bottle next to you. “Commemorating?”

You scoffed. “Hardly. Just… thinking.”

“Don’t ‘think’ too hard then. I’ll need you tomorrow. We’re going over plans for the up and coming expedition and I want you to be there.”

You blinked at him, raising a suspicious brow. “Me? Why…?”

Erwin sighed, turning to face the scenery rather than you. A pit of dread opened in your gut as you realised what he was about to tell you. And you already had your answer.

“When I’m–”

“No.” You responded instantly, your jaw tensing. You knew he knew. You knew he knew why, though you found yourself unsurprised that he was still asking.

He tried to reason, barely able to say your name before you interrupted him again.

“I can’t. You know I can’t. Make Hange a Captain. Make Moblit a Captain. Fuck, make Nifa a Captain. I can barely be a Second, let alone take on that kind of responsibility. Anyone else. Give it to literally anyone else. Just… don’t give it to me.” you sounded weaker than you meant to, weaker than you wanted to. Almost pleading with him. You’d known Erwin for years now. He was only two years ahead of you in the Cadets. But knowing him also meant knowing that, if he thought you were good enough, it didn’t matter how much you didn’t want it.

It didn’t matter what you wanted full stop.

“You’re the best candidate to fill the shoes of Captain of this squad.”

“You don’t know that.”

Erwin rested a hand on your shoulder, squeezing slightly in what you knew he thought was comfort. But in reality, it only served to make you feel worse. You were disappointing him, you knew that. But you couldn’t. “What happened three years ago wasn’t your fault.”

You grit your teeth, bringing your knees up to your chest whilst fighting back that tidal wave of grief with sheer willpower. “You don’t know that, either.”

With a heavy sigh, his hand left your shoulder. “You need to let go of that guilt. If we let it consume us, we’ll never take the next step in this fight. Think it over.”

You knew. You knew that. You knew you needed to let her go. Because holding on was killing you. But you said nothing as his footsteps became nothing but an echo down stone steps.

Once again a gentle breeze enveloped you, ruffling loose strands of your hair, pushing them from your face as you picked up the bottle again.

“He wants me to be a Captain, Ils. I… I don’t think I can do that. I got you killed. I– that was a choice I made. To leave you behind. We could have been all poetic and shit and died together, side by side. Fighting to the end.

“And I took that from us. I took that from you,” you let your tears flow freely, no breeze strong enough to dry them this time. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Wrapping your arms around your legs, you cradled yourself on the rooftop, rhythmic gusts keeping you company in the otherwise clear night.

“I need you to help me move on. I… I tried today, I really did. Giving that kid your bed… But Nanaba called me out on what it really was. I don’t know how I’m supposed to forget you and carry your legacy at the same time. It fucking hurts,” you sobbed, clutching at your chest. Grief wracked your ribs until your throat was sore and your head was pounding and you could cry no more. Only micromovements in your shoulders gave away empty sobs.

“You were my purpose…” you whispered to the wind, once again raising your head to the horizon. “What do I do now..?”

You went to take another swig of your bottle, but stopped as the wind changed. It was no longer blowing toward you, but rather toward the landscape and beyond. Taking a moment to look, really look at the moonlit washed fields and hills beyond, and even further to your future, you smiled slightly.

It was always her. And will always be her.

With a lighter heart and a clearer mind, you took the bottle and tipped the contents into the wind.

“One last drink. For old times sake.”

#levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #levi ackerman #captain levi #levi aot #levi attack on titan #levi #levi x reader #levi x you #snk levi #aot x reader #snk x reader #aot levi #shingeki no kyoujin levi #snk fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfiction

159 notes · View notes