#i've been more and more 'gnc' as i go into my transition and i don't see it as nonconformity but as an outlet for my masculinity

[uncanny-tranny]

At this point, gender nonconformity is about what the person says their experience is.

If a woman with a beard or a man with lipstick and a mustache says they're gender nonconforming, then they are! If a woman with short hair or a man with long hair says they aren't, they aren't! And that's not even getting into the awesome nonbinary, abinary, genderqueer, intersex, and general genderfuckery that may both be and not be conforming.

So much of what is even considered gender conforming or gender nonconforming is based on a world of exclusion. When we start defining one's conformity with whether they fit into white cishetero perisex standards or not, we play into the idea that there's only a very narrow window of what is considered worthy of time and thought.

#gender nonconformity #gnc #queer #like. for instance a native man who keeps long hair might be considered GNC by white standards but for him it's absolutely not nonconformit #there's an aspect of white supremacy that silences everything else while saying that other culture's silence is indicative of whiteness... #...being 'correct' or 'moral' or 'neutral' #and as somebody who's trans and last i checked white i have my own thoughts from my own experiences #like how i don't consider myself to really be a GNC man. i'm just. man+ #i'm a weird concoction of weird soup that tastes like a man but if it were Wrong #and i just don't see that as not conforming to manhood like it is seperate. i see it as irrevocably linked TO manhood #it is others who have excluded and exiled me from manhood because of *their* understanding of me and how i 'fit in' in cissexism #while i will never ever say i know what it's like to not be white i will say these conversations that PoC have started have been INVALUABLE #i am forever grateful to have been extended the patience and faith to listen in on the experiences of people... #...who are racialized in terms of gender and how they do/don't 'fit in' with often white supremacist views on gender/dynamics #may have made a post like this years back but. eh. arrest me officer i will not back down #i've been more and more 'gnc' as i go into my transition and i don't see it as nonconformity but as an outlet for my masculinity #which is why i'm not insecure about my crafts and creations. because it is coming from a male whether or not it's considered 'manly' #i have little to *no place* in cissexist society so why should i put any stakes into if they ~accept~ me #made this post while jamming out to skyrim's tavern OST (paused my game to write this) #why the HELL does the skyrim tavern music have to go SO HARD. i NEED to slam down BARRELS of mead while listening to this istg #i don't even LIKE honey so i haven't tried mead but. for skyrim i would.

[laundryandtaxes]

I think it's interesting that, a decade ago, I saw a lot of mainstream pushback against the very concept of butch flight (loosely, the concept that what proponents claim is an alarmingly large portion of very gnc women were beginning to form new identities in which they no longer considered thenselves women) and especially against the concept that an alarmingly large portion of very gnc women were beginning testosterone use and surgical interventions to cope with their gendered discomfort. I saw with my own eyes many an indiginant person shout that they knew many, many such people, and almost none of them were either forming new identities and/or turning to medical interventions, and that this was proof those changes were only occurring in people who had some inherent need for them. When I spoke with a professor about a paper I was working on on butch identity formations in a particular time period, she gave me a few potential sources and added blithely and presumptuously, "And I'm assuming you don't want to read anything about butch flight or things like that." I took note of these things even as I have been very clear for years that I think there is, in fact, something to see here. Experiences and cultures vary. While I did not see many people who lived in places like myself- big or medium cities, or citylike pockets near universities such as college towns- take so much issue with the concept, but I could not factually know what portion of us was affected, and where, and how.

Over that same decade, I have seen group after group after group of women like myself be affected by what I think is a real phenomenon- the spread of one particular way of coping with gendered discomfort among a population of people riddled with gendered discomfort, for whom entering an Uber, or presenting a passport in another country, or showing up for an interview, or going to a women's spa or changing room, can be nerve wracking experiences loaded with the weight of the quick, often totally unintended but sometimes outright cruel assumptions of other people. I have known one by one by one by one women who've decided, for various reasons, to end their testosterone use, or that they don't have a gender identity in a meaningful sense, or that they do and that identity is "woman." And I've watched as the phenomenon has become so commonplace that I've seen queer spaces shift their language on detransition- from "exceedingly rare" it has become "uncommon" for someone to stop because they changed their mind on continuing, or one totally benign form of identity exploration that a person was simply "wrong" about, and I have not seen the famous 1% "statistic" floated out by them in large pushes, as I used to. I have never argued before and will not now that it inevitably ruins a person's life to decide to stop a medical intervention, or to choose a medical intervention they come to regret. I have never argued before and will not now that looking uncommon for one's sex is a bad thing, or that the scar of detransition lies in one's ability to be accurately sexed by strangers. To be clear, the uptick in detransition and reidentification is not the point of this or my point- it is simply an inevitable consequence. Even if the 1% stat were correct, 1% of 1000 is still more than 1% of 10. That is, it is simply one of many byproducts of the increased change in identity among this population to begin with.

Now, in 2024, I honestly don't think I know anyone in my own country, especially anyone who lives in the kinds of places in it previously mentioned, who will earnestly decry that there is simply nothing to see here, and that the experience I'm detailing here is totally unfamiliar to themself and to any of their friends at all, and they have absolutely no idea what I'm seeing. I know some people who will chalk it up to increased public acceptance of transition leading to increased internal acceptance of transition and trans identity among people who were actually trans the whole time, and who argue that no one's identity has been actually influenced by what they are seeing and experiencing every day. I know some people who will chalk it up to increased information and access to medical interventions, where applicable. I do not buy that such a massive portion of this group was simply truly trans the whole time, but at least this argument attempts to account for the uptick. But I don't know any people who know a large number of very gnc women in similar social situations to myself who claim, out loud, that this isn't happening at all.

And yet the number of people that I see openly discussing the topic is just about the same, and the general hushed tone on the topic is just about the same, among LGBT people now as it was a decade ago, despite the decade of new inormation and experience. I don't individually have the way out of this cultural moment for us, and I admit that there is a real (if minute) possibility that the arguments that account for this by saying this was functionally inevitable/just a matter of more of us accepting that we require these interventions could be correct, but I think it's important that I continue to name the reality that I think I am seeing with own eyes. Doing so does not deprive anyone of dignity, does not deprive anyone of choice, does not deprive anyone of the ability to self determine or make their own medical decisions. It simply means not lying by ommission.

#i actually kind of dislike the term itself but i think it is important that i continue to be open about this #because so so so many people are simply extremely afraid to do so

[up-in-flames-writing]

This is an old Twitter thread I'm posting here as an archive, when I eventually get banned on there for not tolerating transphobic abuse against me.

Still pretty relevant tho, even tho it was written almost a year & a half ago.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to do alt text, so here is the image ID under the cut:

[Image ID: A Twitter thread made by user Booker-Garet Feniks @abookandabun. The thread reads:

So, lately, I've been seeing some Takes™ on transition on here, & as a transman who looks like a baby butch lesbian, I have some Thoughts™, so here's a thread

First thing's first: I am short. I am skinny (read: underweight), & curvy. I have a more or less conventional hourglass figure. I also have a soft face, big lips & big eyes with long lashes. I keep my nails long & my hair long & when I cut them, they grow back fast

By all means, if I were a woman, I would be, if not conventionally attractive, at least conventionally feminine, with my small waist, wide hips, my long legs, & even my tiny tits. Despite this, I dress masculine. I hold myself like a man, I deepen my voice

My voice is naturally a bit deep, but not deep enough for there to be any ambiguity about what's in my pants. I still speak in a fake, deep voice, & when I introduce myself, I do it with a grin & tell everyone very openly 'my name is Booker-Garet'

Despite this, I do not pass. I am constantly Miss'ed & Ma'am'ed when I'm out & about. People who know me need to be told that I'm a man & go by he/him pronouns. Imagine that, imagine calling a teenage boy with an unambiguous male name 'she'. Imagine how I feel

How I feel when none of my efforts matter. How, when I'm at my most masculine while pre-op & pre-T, people see meas nothing more than a girl. It's distressing. I know what they're thinking, that I'm a tomboy or a lesbian. If they recognise that I'm trans, they don't show it

And, I feel like it's easy to get mad at GNC women. It's easy to get mad at the tomboys & the butches & the studs. 'They think I'm you' you might think. 'You're too visible & I'm not, & they think I'm you.'

I find it easy to blame a lot of ciswomen for this. The ones who tell me I should've just stayed a lesbian (which I never was), that I should've just been a tomboy (which I was), that I'm a traitor to womanhood (so be it). It is easy to get mad at them

It's hard being a trans guy, when the only pieces of masculinity coming from a female person people are aware of are the ones who are women, who stay women & who love being women. I didn't love being a woman. I love women, I love my cis & trans sisters

But I can't help feeling bitter when they perform masculinity & no one denies their womanhood, no one on the right side of history. But I can be my most manly self & even my allies feel that I'd just be better off as a lesbian, as a masculine woman.

As if masculinity is alright, is safe, as long as you're a woman who performs it, but the moment you're a man performing masculinity, you're not worth the time, the effort, the brain power.

Almost as I'd it's easier for people to accept me as a masculine woman, with my deep voice & my masculine name, than admit to the fact that I am a man

It's hard to admit that you don't pass. It's hard to admit that I'm not a 'real man', whatever that means. It's not, however, hard to admit that I don't have privilege. It's not hard to admit that I face misogyny.

It's not hard to admit that if you're AFAB & masc presenting, nothing short of a Thor voice & a Gandalf beard, & body hair like a gorilla will make people see you as anything but a woman. Because if I don't say this, who else will? I can't let people live a lie

I can't let people keep on believing that 'transmascs have it easier', that it's easier for us to pass. I can't let people keep believing that we 'run away from womanhood to have male privilege'. Where's my male privilege, Joanne? Did it get lost in the Owl Mail?

People will keep on believing that we have it easier, that we don't face discrimination, that we don't get misgendered & assaulted & killed. They will keep believing that, & they will keep ignoring us & our oppression, unless someone finally says 'Enough!' & tells their story

& I'm a good story teller, so I'm telling you. I don't pass, I wish I did, but I don't. Many of my brothers do not pass. Stop ignoring us just because you think we have it 'easier'. We don't, & your inaction is allowing us to get killed. Do better

End image ID]

#booker speaks #transgender #transphobia #transandrophobia

[spookyradluka]

Please don't answer if it makes you uncomfortable, and I don't know if you've had the same problem, but literally how can you be confident without at least pretending to be a man? I've never even medically transitioned, but I can only ever feel confident imagining myself as a man, at least doing anything small to pretend to be a man. I just feel so blank when I have to go through life as a woman. For a long time, all I would ever be praised for was being pretty like a doll. Family would tell me there's not much to talk with me about but at least I look good. As a man I can imagine myself doing more, saying more, living more. I don't know what to do

Radical feminism honestly. Idk how long you've been in radfem communities or if you are at all, but finding community with radfems (who are compassionate to dysphoric women) since late 2017 has done worlds to help me. Radfem literature has helped me

Having butch lesbian and GNC bi friends both online and irl has also helped me quite a bit! Especially when they are loud and proud about their womanhood, being GNC, and their sexuality

Prioritizing keeping myself comfortable and natural, not really changing how I ""performed gender"", just not putting the trans label on it anymore. Reminding myself "I don't have to be a man to wear this. I don't have to be a man to refuse shaving. I don't have to be a man to shave my head" ect. That's pretty surface level, but it's a first step of course

It took me longest to become confident with my sex characteristics. It took a long time to accept that I am not seperate from my body. I AM my body and it wasn't made wrong. My body is female: I am female. Surgery and hormones wouldn't change that. It's long, extensive, expensive, and a terrifying process to transition.

I am disabled, and I have reproductive health problems. The risks of transition were way too high for me so I didn't really have much of a choice than to learn to accept, appreciate, and eventually love myself and my body

But also keep in mind it took me YEARS of working within myself to get to where I am right now. It's not easy and not something that happens overnight

I still have my really down bad dysphoric days. But it's no longer everyday. It's no longer even most days. And my overall mental health has GREATLY improved

#anon #my inbox is also open to venting #radblr #radfem #gender dysphoria #desisted #detransition #ftm #transgender #tagging for fence sitters #it IS possible to work on and overcome dysphoria in other ways #dont let anyone tell you its impossible unless you transition

[bookofmac]

Deadloch Speculation: Killer Edition, major spoilers to follow

Okay, so with the revelation that the killer's profile is that a man looking for validation, and also has access to vehicles owned by William Carruthers (possibly being will himself but we'll get to that). This implies that the man is someone who is friendly with the women of the time, unassuming, but also able to access the pentabarbatol. And so, here are my suspects with Pros and Cons to their likelyhood

William Carruthers

Evidence- He's named in the penultimate epsidoe, he's been a chekov's gun all season with his distictive shoe in the painting of him and Margaret being pointed out twice. It could be part of the subverseive comentary of the show that we Don't get to meet the killer before he's aprehended, or he might be going under another name and avoiding

Counter Arguement - We have not seen this man once outside of a painting. Could be the final red herring, does he exist or is Margrette using him as a smoke screen. (i've also seen some speculation that William is pre transition Margaret which while being a common trope in crime and horror fiction it still feeds into the 'trans/gnc psycho killer' trope and I don't think I want the Kate's to tackle that in the current political climate)

Ray 'Pies' McLintock

Evidence- Skye's best friend and works at the bakery. The male character who isn't an active shit cunt. we 'know' the most about him. Donkey was ill so could reasonably have needed pentabarbatol. it would be narratively devistating for the centeral cast if he were the killer, came to Deadloch 'looking for love'; perhaps this means female validation? Not for nothing he dresses like a fisherman

Counter Arguement - Seems to be unable to swim/swim confidently, wobbily access to the Carruther's family

Gez Rahme

Evidence: Organised the Movie at the lake on the day it happened and would be a hell of a coincidence for the bodies to come up during the movie, has easy access to Alyena's GP practice, In every episode of the show, seemingly very competant and just wants things to be chill for his wife? as one of the higher managers of the Feastaval he may have the easiest access to the Carruther's car.

Counter Arguement: the Actor who plays Gez is Trans masc, and while that can play with some of the gendered assumptions of the killer, it also falls into the same nasty transphobic tropes that has already been discussed with the William entery. Wants things to be chill for his wife.

James King

Evidence: physically fit (cyclist), seems to be willingly obtuse to how much HE'S been fucking over the investigation (tarp incident, not being clear about what's come up in the forensic reports), has access to the investigation and would be able to be 1 step ahead.

Counter Arguement: he barely seems to care about anyone other than himself so why would he kill the shithouse men in town?, also constantly stealing abby's ideas which seems to be in conflict with the idea that the killer wants to be acknowledged as this sorta white knight vigilante. Started being involved with Abby while she was his student at uni which while not illegal makes him a shit cunt with ethics that don't align with the killers appear to be. no known connection with the Carruthers siblings. Was in Perth at roughly the time the car would have been driven into the water.

Where I sit on all this

I think it's Ray. It makes the most sense and Eddie is gonna go off her tit at him and I think that'd be something the Kates would write. I also think there is a chance that Ray is somehow connected to the Carrruthers, possibly being William or William's son but that is much more tin-foily. I also think that James is in on it/ knows who it is but is keeping quiet for currently unknown reasons.

Please if anyone has any evidence or points to support or counter what i've listed please reply/respond! I'm really enjoying the mystery of the series

#this is barely editted so if there are mistakes and misspelt words ignore em #deadloch #deadloch spoilers #deadloch speculation #cw: dicussions of transphobia #lemme know if thats the right tag to use here #and i am mentioning bc i have seen some speculation and its a bit yikes in a show where they dicussed the gnc killer trope in ep 5 #there the two posts from pinselwurm that i really like and i largely agree with their point that it's probably ray #but i think there's gotta be an extra twist as to who ray is #bc we know a bunch of stuff about the guy but also nothing at all #Long post

[cardentist]

Hi, you can ignore this ofc, but I was just wondering what you mean by you're both trans masc and trans fem? This isn't hate I just genuinely want to understand ur experience if you're comfortable sharing! <3

oh don't worry about asking ! that's more just a little snark when it comes to bad faith is all. I don't mind people genuinely asking !

I'm trans masc because I am afab and wish to transition with testosterone ! I also consider my relationship with my boyfriend to be a gay relationship.

I'm trans fem because I want to transition specifically to be a masculine body that presents femininely. I want to go on testosterone, I want a facial hair and a deep voice, I want a square jaw, I want breast, I want long hair, I want feminine clothes, I want pretty features.

it's difficult to put into words what hard labels I would use to describe myself, because what I am is difficult to define. am I a gnc trans man, am I nonbinary, am I bigender, am I genderfluid, am I-

I've known what I want to Be for a very very long time, but finding the words to get that idea Across has been quiet difficult. often times I will default to one label or another in a conversation when it's relevant to an experience, often times I will default to "queer" or "figure it out" because I don't want people dissecting me to make assumptions about what they Think I am or should be.

this go around while chewing on my Everything I wanted to find a way to get across that I'm not just a combination of the masculine with the feminine in some nebulous way. but rather I wanted to get across the solidarity and crossover in Experience I have with these (on the surface) opposite groups.

I don't know if it'd consider myself a Girl just yet mind, but I'm also not at the point where I'm presenting in the way that I'd like to either. I've suspected for a long time that my feelings the labels I use would shift the more comfortable I feel with myself, and so far that's proven to be true.

and maybe I won't ever want to be a girl, but there's plenty of transfem people who aren't.

to put it another way, if you put all your gender stats into gnc you can be trans twice and break the system

#I don't know what to tag this <3 #trans unity #maybe? #feels right right I suppose #sometimes I feel like I want to be seen as a masculine body that presents femininely #and sometimes I want to be seen as a feminine body that presents masculinely #and I don't necessarily know what I would describe it but I Do know that there are some transfems that have me like #I'll Have What She's Having

[seradae]

The following is an extremely rambling personal post

I came out as a trans woman when I was 32. Before then, I had identified as genderfluid for ages, but it was more how I felt than the way I presented. To virtually everyone, I was a man, and I was okay with that. Sort of.

While I had known GNC and trans folks growing up, it wasn't something I knew much about, and I certainly didn't consider it as an option. Even if I had spent a decade online "pretending" to be a woman and playing one in every game I could. Hell, I even had a name picked out (Erica), but it was fantasy... Right?

I first seriously considered transitioning when I was 18. At the time, I was friends with a whole bunch of furries, all of whom were queer and many of whom were trans (and all the ones I still keep up with have since come out as some flavor of trans). They were able to answer my questions, and ask me the right ones to make me realize that no, not everyone feels the way I do. Not everyone wishes with every fiber of their being that they had been AFAB. Not everyone thinks about whether they're worthy of feeling right in their body.

I spent so much time thinking about it, and frankly I knew it was what I wanted, but I also thought I knew why it was impossible. Why it was a terrible idea. Not because I wasn't a woman, but for two very specific reasons.

Reason #1: My business partner at the time (I was doing the tech startup thing) and closest friend was a massive transphobe. Unashamedly so. His influence left me with a ton of internalized transphobia, and I knew that it would be the end of that relationship. When I came out on Facebook 14 years later, I blocked him that day so I wouldn't have to see the vitriol.

Reason #2: I thought I would be an ugly woman. Or worse, that I'd look like an ugly man trying to look like a woman. In retrospect, this was a dumb reason, and seeing a post to the effect of "if the thing holding you back from transitioning is that you think you'd be an ugly woman, you're already a woman" was actually a huge part of what spurred me to finally do it. I never liked my face, never liked my skin, never liked my body. Untangling the body dysmorphia from gender dysphoria is still an ongoing process for me, but I feel better about my body now than I ever have before.

So, I'm 32 and I'm a baby trans woman. I don't know shit, but I have an incredibly supportive wife to help me explore myself and learn who I am. I have all these wonderful resources, and things are going well. But I am absolutely full of regret that I can't shake.

Every day, I oscillate between two states: wishing I had transitioned earlier, and knowing that I wouldn't have the life I have now if I had. I knew I couldn't rewind time and change things, but I still felt guilty. I have a wife and kid that I love and wouldn't trade for anything, but I kept thinking about the opportunities I missed.

I thought often about what it could've been like to experience my first makeup (aside from some simple gothy eyeliner and black nail polish) as a teen. Sleepovers with girl friends. Shopping for clothes that would've made me feel comfortable and happy.

I'm sure I would've faced hell, but I already was. I was a depressed kid, bullied throughout my school years, the first out and proud bisexual in a rural high school, fat, and awkward as fuck. But I could've hated myself less, or at least differently.

But a few years in, I don't feel these same regrets anymore. I might not be a teenager, but it doesn't make those firsts any less special. I get to experience them with my loving wife. I get to experience them with money, which is a far cry from my childhood. I get to experience them with the knowledge of how far I've come, and that I fucking made it.

I didn't think I would make it to 18. I didn't think I would make it to 21. I knew I wouldn't make it to 25, for sure. And now I'm closer to 50 than I am 21, even if I've got a ways to go. While I can't see the future, I can say that if I don't make it there, it won't be at my own hand. That's not something I would've been able to say before.

I still think about the "what if"s. It's impossible not to. But I don't regret my transition timeline anymore. I am living my damn life and I'm living it well. It's a good time to be me. Every day is; even the hard ones.

#stfu sera

[bigmeansweatydyke]

Hey so I'm just wondering, what does 'ex-radfem(ish)' mean in your bio? Which radfem views do you still hold/not hold and what made you decide to consider yourself an ex-radfem?

(Not looking for a gotcha here btw, just curious. I have a lot of radfem-adjacent opinions but wouldn't call myself one online. Interested in hearing many different views.)

sorry this took a million years lol. i still consider myself a feminist and believe think radical feminist/second wave ideas are really valuable, and i am still very critical of men as a whole lol. however over the past year i've just become more and more squicked over how many radfems (mostly terfblr but others as well) speak about and treat dysphoric women and the discussion surrounding dysphoria in general. when it comes to trans people i personally DO feel a connection with them because with how i feel about myself and how i live my life, these are people i have more in common with than i don't, especially in relation to trans men and transmasc people. for years i've wanted top surgery or at least a major breast reduction and i felt guilty for wanting that or discussing that in radfem spaces due to the general attitude of "young gnc girls NEED role models!" which i agree with a lot! however i feel that there's this subtle attitude that i should basically just be a sacrificial lamb for radfems/gencrits lmao. like i'm an adult with a good understanding of my dysphoria and what would make me feel better, but i should continue to feel like shit so radfems and gc's can one-up the transes on twitter and tumblr dot com. along with the subtle implication that dysphoric women who do transition or go through w aspects of transition are ~poor misguided women~ who have been lead astray.

i've actually been more open in discussing some of my views with friends and acquaintances irl and you'll honestly find that even people who front on social media as being really intensely into "TRA" arguments are a lot more open and complex in their views.

plus i just don't like the general sort of nastiness i see on radfemblr; i don't like the way it's made me think about other people, about folks i don't even know. i'm just not that kind of person a lot of the time.

idk my feelings on the matter are complicated and i'm always trying to challenge my views. sorry if this was a disjointed ramble, i've been thinking about how to answer this question for a while and have so many thots. i hope this cleared things up a bit though!

#response #my post

[caffeineandsociety]

Trans men are in an interesting place with the dynamics of sexism, and I hate how much infighting it causes for trying to create a singular hard and fast rule about whether Society sees becoming a man as an "upgrade" more than it sees being trans as a "downgrade" because there IS no singular rule about it.

Gender conformity is a big part of it. If you're Just Some Guy(TM), if you style yourself very masc and pass well, then of course in most external aspects - with people you pass with - you're going to start getting treated, well, like a man, with...most of the benefits that typically entails. The external ones, at least. In fact, sometimes even if someone finds out you're trans, that first impression will be enough to keep them taking you more seriously, or at least, once they find out, they may treat you less seriously than a cis man but more seriously than a cis woman.

But if you're GNC? Like me? That...has NOT been my experience. Far from it, in fact. I often find people take me much less seriously than they did when I was presenting as a cis woman. They'll compliment my technicolor hair or my nails, but unless they're also visibly queer, they'll look to someone else for an opinion on what might be wrong with their computer, or car, or whatever else - even if they KNOW I've been in tech and mechanics all my life - and I often spend MORE time waiting to be seen in the ER or urgent care, not less.

Speaking of wait times in the ER, here's something interesting: I have more luck getting people to take my disabilities seriously if I have someone presumed to be a cis woman to advocate for me, than if I have someone presumed to be a cis man doing the same job, unless that man is my actual biological father. Why? Well, my working hypothesis is that people see me with a man roughly my own age and just write us both off as a couple of melodramatic attention-seeking faggots; when they see me with a woman they start going-

-to figure out what her deal is and why she'd be hanging out with me and settle on thinking of her as a Mama Bear-type? It's something I'd have to do much more study on to be sure about!

There's also how it intersects with race - I have ethnically ambiguous facial features that read as much less white on a man than on a woman, and my skin tone is very sun sensitive, going from ghostly pale in the winter (which often gets me read as half white-half East Asian) to fairly dark tan in the summer if I go out a lot (which often gets me read as Mexican). You know the whole dual stereotype of trans men as pathetic baby transtrender babygirls looking for attention vs. evil roid raging groomers? Yeah, for SOME reason, I get looked at as the former more often in the winter and the latter more often in the summer.

Body type also plays into this. It's undeniable that men have a much larger window of body types than women that we can have before we're considered ugly, but...my weight fluctuates such that I go between midsized and Certifiably Fat depending on a lot of disability-related factors, almost like the myths about how weight works for most people. I get treated better as a man while my weight is at its healthy lowest than I did as a woman, but at its highest? ...people don't like GNC men when they're not skinny white guys. I speak from experience. Before I transitioned, I was treated as a Fat Woman no matter what - bullied, condescended to, every health problem blamed on my weight, the whole works. After, my lowest healthy weight often won't be considered fat at all, but if shit happens and I put on my Sickness Weight, I'm not a Fat Man in the way a lot of sitcom leads are allowed to be, I'm not even a Fat Man in the sense of that one fedora guy we unfairly ascribed predatory behavior to, I am seen as a Fat Man in a horrible transmisogynistic caricature kind of way. And we wonder why GNC transmascs have such a high rate of eating disorders, or blame it on ~female conditioning~?

What I'm saying is, once again, intersectionality! It's a whole industrial size barrel of worms! And we need more formal studies of gender dynamics that take transness and presentation into account! And stop trying to make singular hard and fast rules about How Trans Men Are Seen!

[system-of-a-feather]

I don't think I will ever actually stop finding it the funniest thing that I somehow ended up being the closest thing to the "opposite sex alter" despite identifying as a "cis" woman. I put " " around cis on the account that like, I am gnc, we are intersex afab, and factually I'm probably not actually cis since I do have some mild not-fem trans-experiences, but I will always just say "Im basically just a woman" and since we were afab, "cis" woman.

Cause at this point with how far we are in our transition and how I think we've gone further (and are happier) with how transmasc we have gone, I think its fair to say as a system we are largely transmasc first, but honestly? I don't really mind it. I thought I would because like I identify with femininity ya know? So I would have thought that becoming far more masculine would bother me, but I think in a really strange way I've come to almost like it more in the sense that it is 'a lot more fun' to be fem from where we are.

Like before any of the whole T stuff I really was always like "cool dressing up in my style is cool and I dont have to do much" but now if I were to go full my style it would 1) require make up and styling and 2) it would be very overtly different than how we usually look and I have just been SO enthused over the idea of being the shapeshifter here and if anything, I think it gave me SO much more freedom and appreciation of femininity.

That being said, I do have to say it is funny as a ""cis"" woman to be specifically looking up and follow transwoman content for inspiration and pointers.

Like I really thought I'd hate this more and be more begrudging about it when everyone in the system started petitioning against it, but like honestly??? Other than it being funny and weird to be the "trans one in the system" due to the system as a large being trans, I really honestly don't mind. Everyone else can go live their male masc life and I can be a shapeshifter its all good.

Honestly my gender has always been "dominatrix" before anything else so, that probably goes into it, but I digress.

-Aderis

#alter: aderis #gender shit #gender #transgender #We also don't consider ourselves genderfluid #nonbinary yes #but even with me in mind I wouldn't call us genderfluid #we are all nonbinary #but we all just have very different depictiosn of what that is for us #and we are just gnc nonbinary #ironically in the fact that most of us actually appear in the binary other than riku and kind of xiv #and maybe the jiis #idk

[ezradogteeth]

You seem so unselfconscious and joyful in ur gender experience/expression.. how'd u get there? I feel so self conscious making any sort of gender affirming changes bc I don't want people to see, which seems kinda contradictory bc isn't the point of gender expression that people see it. Idk. How do u manage to be so genuine and know urself so well? Or is that just the side we see here<3

2/2 Also sorry lol I know u get a lot of gender asks prolly but it's cuz ur full hearted gender journey is so aspirational/ inspiring (to me) :,]

i think how i got to where i'm at with my gender joy can be broken down into 4 rough factors:

access to medical transition & choosing to do it

growing older and having been trans for longer

internal changes in my mindset

community and loved ones!

to elaborate, 1. it's so so so difficult to feel pride in your identity if it brings you pain. like i've always felt joy and pride in my queer sexuality because it has brought me the joy of queer love, but for a long long time i just wished i wasnt trans because it had only ever made me miserable. i was a teenager, and public trans visibility was very small compared to today, and no matter what i did i could never pass. the few years (age 16-18) leading up to when i started hrt were especially excruciating. i didn't even consider going on T until i was 18 because i'm nonbinary and hadn't heard about nonbinary people going on T until i saw the artist chella man around then. it was super difficult to decide to go on T because i was so uncertain and afraid of permanently altering my body and i didn't know anyone else on T. i decided i needed to try it and if i regretted it down the line then i'd deal with it then. my relationship to my gender immediately improved, it was so insane i was so stoked to have a gender and be exploring it. i was feeling genuine unfettered euphoria for the first time. i'd had small doses before from wearing a binder and changing my name etc, but it was always overshadowed by my greater discomfort. but now i was like YIPPEEEEE i can be a boy WOOO and then i got top surgery which was the ultimate act of reclamation of the self and the body and brought unimaginable joy because for the first time in my life i felt completely congruent with how i wanted my ideal self to be.

2. honestly it's just like every other aspect of your unique personhood, you get more comfortable with it the longer you live with it. i understand myself better over time, i know what i like and what i want and how to get it, i have more practical autonomy and sense of self. acceptance takes time :-) i had a lot of years of misery and uncertainty before this

3 & 4 are super intertwined - i've accepted the "you can do whatever you want forever" and "transness is sexy and epic" mindsets because i've been lucky enough to be surrounded by beautiful diverse trans and gnc people. being in love with other trans people has been holy and made me feel desirable and celebrated For my transness not in spite of it (thank you trans women), which has been integral to my love of my gender. having space to be myself exactly as i want to be and being surrounded by people who will see me as i want to be seen has been crucial.

honestly at the moment i'm in the best place i've ever been with gender stuff and it's largely because i moved to a place with a lot of trans people and i feel normal and beautiful and strong because i have a place among such a spirited and resilient community where i am valued (thank you trans women). when i was living in italy i was internally confident in myself but externally meek and hated how different i was from literally everyone around me. gave me brain damage.

but there is still an unspeakable isolation i have as a genderfluid person, where even when nothing about me externally has changed, i will be a boy or a girl or etc on a given day, and it is still a process for me to accept that i can simply Be the gender i am at any point, i don't have to justify it to myself or anyone else, i can just know for a fact that i am what i am.

ummm so yeah in conclusion i'm this way because ive been immensely lucky to have the resources to transition and have people around me support and inspire me to do so. it does also take some internal courage, you have to choose self-acceptance and take steps forward even when it's difficult, for example with transition stuff that people will see, i also have felt uncomfortable with the public nature of it, esp when i was first starting hrt, and changing my name, both stuff that took a lot of simmering in discomfort.

overall my advice is to take your time and don't be afraid. build connections with other trans people however you can, read about our history and participate in our present moment.

and as a last note, yes, there is always some disconnect between how i am on here and how i am irl, its unavoidable. im sure i come across as more solid and put together, i am more erratic and messy and uncertain and complicated, but everything i say here is genuine for sure, just cant encapsulate personhood into a blog. its also really hard to question your identity publicly. i always post after im more sure of myself so i can be confident - i wasn't posting my intense back-and-forth about starting T, i was posting about how much i loved being on T after i'd made my choice; i still dont post about my regrets and drawbacks from having top surgery, though i do intend to, its just difficult to be nuanced in this format.

thank you for your message i hope something here has been helpful your words were very very kind and i appreciated them, let me know if you want to know more about anything ive said here since its all pretty surface level !!

#love writing Responses i feel productive even though i am. not being productive. i still Did Something which is a lot for me rn #gender #transition

[aidenwaites]

I've kinda made my peace with being non-op/non-medical when it comes to my transition?? And at the same rate made my peace with the fact that I'm like.. never going to be someone who passes day-to-day as male or even as gnc. To most people I'm going to be a She and in most environments I'm still going to be called Raven and it's just kinda whatever. I've never been big on the idea of officially Coming Out, it's just something that makes me too anxious and being totally out both personally and professionally is never going to be feasible, so at least in the near future I'm probably not going to Come Out in any meaningful way. At this point all of my public social media reads with both Raven and Quentin as my name and features he/she/they pronouns where optional (even though She is more of a compromise) and if people want to actually acknowledge that I'm not going to stop them. And if they don't then that's not something they need to be a part of anyway

It's just like!! I'm not hiding it anymore but I just don't care enough to worry about making anyone else care either

#its always been about getting to a point where *im* comfortable in my own body yknow?? #and i am! #its a little sad sometimes to think that when i certainly *feel* gnc there might be no one else that clocks me as such #but its also not about them 🤷‍♂️ #i was less comfortable when i was more often passing as a boy bc that just.. wasnt how i want to dress or present all of the time #also im not like. idk im certainly not binary in any way shape or form

[failurefemmegf]

I'm very sorry for all you went through. i remember being your age in uni and suicidal. I went to uni for biology and was nowhere near the rest of my family who all lived across the country (in the USA). I would encourage you to look into intersectional feminism and engage with LGBT+ centers on your area if they are available. Even if you find donye radfems who don't hate trans people, many still believe in bioessentialism.

Bioessentialism doesn't help anyone. It puts people in stricter boxes that they cannot escape from. Never mind that it ignores much of actual biology. Such as sex being incredibly complicated and bimodal rather than binary. Many radfems (especially those that are vocal about their transphobia) will often ignore that information. Along with the history of intersex children/babies having surgeries done to them so that they conform to being strictly male or female and/or sterilized.

I am glad you discovered so much more about yourself and were able to take time to reflect and see that you are not trans/transition wasn't right for you. But please don't let your own feelings take you down a path that will lead to hate or trying to control someone else's autonomy.

Best wishes. May you always have what you need and friends by your side.

i really appreciate your concern in reaching out to me. i will say i have engaged with intersectional feminism since my younger teen years, and i am looking for lgbt+ resource centers near me, but it's extremely difficult because i live in a rural area. so it has been something i've been considering.

i understand your concerns about radical feminism and bioessentialism, but i experienced a lot of bioessentialism in the trans community as well. when i was active in the trans community, there was especially a push that if you identified even slightly out of a box, you were supposed to make or join a new one. my experience with gender can be best summed up by this comic by @peerjongeling on instagram.

i don't want to have to label myself, and even if i choose not to have a label, i'll still get labels shoved on me anyways, such as "nonbinary" and "agender". i don't want another box, i want the boxes gone.

so if i don't want a gender label, what am i if not female? it doesn't matter whether i id as nonbinary, agender, a trans man, i'm still oppressed by misogyny because i was born with a uterus. i'm female because i was born female, and no amount of changing my appearance or self-identity will change that.

not to mention there are hundreds of gnc women around the world who are still female. i don't think "discomfort with being female" should be grounds for an entire new identity. i've never met a woman who was perfectly happy being a woman and that does not make all those women nonbinary. like i said before it's just more boxes and does nothing to fix the actual problem with sex and gender in society.

"female" doesn't mean anything to me other than "this person was born with a vagina and a uterus." likewise, "male" doesn't mean anything but "this person was born with a penis." female and male say nothing about personality, interests, expression, etc., and i am all for the spectrum of human expression. this is an unpopular opinion among radfems, but for me this even extends to pronouns and gendered language.

as for intersex folk, i'll concede that i don't have enough information to form an opinion, but i am firmly, firmly against any sort of sex reassignment surgery done to intersex children and infants.

however, once someone becomes an adult, i'm not going to advocate against transition, because hey, not my body, not going to try to control strangers. but if someone asked my genuine opinion on whether or not they should pursue medical transition, i am going to say "there's nothing you can do with a transitioned body that you can't do with your current one."

i guess that sums up where i'm at right now. i hope this didn't come across as harsh, because i genuinely feel your compassion nonny and i'm grateful for your concern.

best wishes to you, and i hope you find your joy in whatever form it may take

#[ let's play! ] #gender abolition #gender critical #ask tag #i feel like i'm rambling without getting anywhere but i hope this makes a bit of sense!!

[queerkuro]

trans arankita? 🥺👉👈

OF COURSE I CAN TALK ABOUT TRANS ARANKITA THAT'S WHAT STARTED THIS!!!!!!!

send me and bex characters to trans

listen. yall. i've said it so many times but arankita makes me so fucking feral i can go on and on about them i feel like this is gonna get so long too yall are giving me the best reasons to ramble

i know you asked for arankita, but i'll do them separate and together like i did for the others!

so aran!

i fucking love aran and he is so transable. you can really just trans him. he's perfect. i love him. transmasc aran? perfect. transfem aran? perfect. enby aran? perfect.

recently i've been really loving nonbinary aran, but i'm gonna talk in general first. i think he thought a lot about his transition. he did research and tried shit out on his own before he told anyone. not to get too serious, but i am in my psychology research brain today. i do think that he does really have to think about the intersections of being black in general, being black in japan, and being a black trans person. he has to be careful about how he goes about his transition, but i think he has a really good support system, and his family is really supportive of him.

i think transmasc aran gets top surgery as soon as he can, but i've been thinking about afab enby (and/or genderfluid!) aran who doesn't get top surgery but will bind. basically my thoughts on that for aran is they use they/he/she pronouns, but only for other trans people. cis people are lucky to even perceive them so cis people can only use they/them. trans people are also more than welcome to use gendered language with him, because he knows that they know she isn't part of the binary. i also love thinking about aran switching between fem/masc/gnc presenting, or mixing it all up!

i also like to think that aran likes to try different styles with their hair, and will try different styles of braids or other protective styles to see how they can express gender that way, you know?

also, sidenote, the twins (also trans) are so fucking in love with aran, and they think she's SO gender

and speaking of being so gender - kita!

kita is up there with akaashi on being very gender for me. idk what it is about him but he's just...gender.

(one of the very first hq fics i read was about enby kita, and i still think about it a lot)

i tend to lean towards enby kita, but transmasc/transfem kita is amazing too. i loooooove the conversations me and bex have about fem kita

i think kita has to be told by other trans people that cis people don't think about gender like that, and he's just kinda like "oh" and then is trans lmao

no matter which way kita is trans, i don't think they have much dysphoria, but i do think afab kita gets super dysphoric about their period (not projecting at all idk what you're talking about) but it's partly because of trans shit but also because of autism (no i will not be taking criticisms, kita is autistic it's canon...i can also tell yall my autism hcs...)

transfem kita is so fun to write! i think about her a lot. i think she so fun. i think because she works on the farm, she doesn't usually wear revealing clothes, and because of that, no one really sees the changes to her body from hrt (and top surgery lmao) so when she finally wears like shorts and a tank top or something she kills literally everyone that sees her

honestly tho, i love love love any trans kita, but they/them nonbinary kita just really hits for me. i don't have anything else to say about it lmao

moving onto arankita

the reason this whole think started is because i was rambling to @thegaycodedvolleyballhimbos about nonbinary lesbians arankita

i think aran was like "i'm nonbinary" and kita was like oh sick gender and now is also nonbinary lmao. also they are lesbians.

so we were talking about afab aran (they/he/she) and amab kita (she/they) and they're both on hrt but opposite ways

...that's pretty much it. they're nonbinary. they're lesbians. they're in love!

but i do have a hilarious fic idea that i really want to write that i desperately want to share! basically it's transmasc kita, but he's stealth. except he doesn't know he's stealth. he doesn't really think about the fact that no one ever sees him change or anything, and he's just a guy so like. there's nothing to talk about? but then he and aran are making out and getting handsy and aran feels his binder/bra and is confused. so kita tells him he can take it off and aran is like what. and after some confusion kita is like aran. you know what a bra is. and aran is like but???? why are you wearing it?????? and kita is like i'm trans. literally everyone knows this. you know that aran. but aran very much did not know that

anyway this is so fucking long i could keep going about arankita but like my previous responses about this, i will stop here lmao

@emosuna

(reminder while we're here that trans is an umbrella term, nonbinary is under the trans umbrella, and nonbinary is also an umbrella term that covers identities like genderfluid, genderqueer, bigender, etc.)

#so...yeah #i love them :) #arankita #aran #kita #hq #queer hq #wtf jordan #asks #j's transing characters again

[ice-palace-art]

Question you don’t have to answer but: with redacted audio fanart involving listeners, what should I tag for gendered non conforming/no gender listeners?

Should I tag gendered listener, or something more specific like ex: non-binary darlin? Ive started to tag “gendered listener” but I think it could be too vague and I don’t have alot of binary conforming ocs.

Sorry if this is sudden just seeing it be a topic heating up in the fandom and I’m trying to avoid causing problems! Seriously it’s been kinda aggressive and I don’t wanna be on the sharp end of that lmao

Thank you so much if you do answer!

I would be happy to give my insight!

I'm gonna put it under a cut cuz I go on a bit of a tangent lol

I have a very non-traditional view on gender so it has been a bit of a struggle to navigate. I have listeners who use xenogenders and others who are cis but very gnc. That's why I've found the gendered listener tag helpful. It tells the viewer "im putting a specific gender identity on a version of the listener that may differ from yours". I think its more focused on if the listener is identifying closer to the binary genders, like using fem and masc.

But that also leaves the question of what things are considered fem and masc? Like a trans man having breasts doesn't make them fem or a trans woman having facial hair doesn't make them masc. My angel oc is genderfluid, but even on their fem days they still have facial hair. And what about intersex listeners?

I think it's useful to know that nonbinary isn't meant to be a third gender, it's an umbrella term. Plus, not all nb people are androgynous.

While it's nice and encouraged to curate your space here, nothing is full proof. People are going to forget. Hell, it might even be that someone just has a different view of gender than you.

I'm at a point in my transition where seeing fem listener content doesn't trigger dysphoria, but not everyone else is. Im sorry if this seems mean, but getting your dysphoria triggered by someone elses content isnt their responsibility. Its something that, while there is no shame in feeling that way, should be something you work on. Personally, I like to think of all these different ocs and self inserts as aus. No one's listener oc/self insert is canon. This is all fiction.

The way I do it is if an oc leans towards a binary gender I tag accordingly (like including both masc and nb tags for my freelancer). Otherwise, I use nb for everyone else. I also sometimes use their identity in the tags (like genderfluid!angel). I don't like putting their agab even if they're cis, but that's just a personal preference. I also put their pronouns, gender, and name in the descriptions of my art (ex. On my warden art I put "ft. Nonbinary Warden, Revati (they/them)") to specify that this is an oc. I always use the gendered listener tag on top of these.

Also BE RESPECTFUL TOWARDS EACHOTHER JFC

I hope my extensive ramblings on gender makes sense lololol

#redacted asmr #redacted audio

[diabetesnscoliosis]

Uhhh haven't made any posts referencing online discourse directly but since I went on a long tangent, I might as well make my own post

It's disappointing to see (again) that an ideology i was introduced to by reading the experiences of lesbian and detrans women has just left them behind and has been overrun by upper class het women. They're now the representatives of the movement, and its all the worse for it.

Like many other more eloquent women have said, radfeminism has become "GC" choice feminism. Completely not what I've signed up for. Honestly gender critical isn't even what it should be called anyway; anyone that's visibly gnc gets lumped in with "groomers" and harassed. Even ignoring that a lot of transsexuals are ssa... so woo hoo. Way to own the trans. That's become the whole focus of radfeminism instead of women and the female class as a whole. Criticism of transition isn't even about health, mental health, or how heteropatricarchy impacts people's perception and livelihoods anymore.

Most influential GCs are too friendly with the right wing. I personally believe this has helped cause the shift that's been happening for a few years (I've been here since 2018ish) Again I have already made posts on some of these figures, but there's been no mass opposition to the infiltration (again, osa radblr is too "own the transes" than actually focusing on women)

As an osa woman myself (bi with heavy osa preference) I find all the whinging about osa relationships quite boring. If you feel attacked about being with a man, go outside. You will find people that won't say anything (because under our current system, that's the status quo) Again I think the focus away from women's issues has caused this sort of brain rot; there's camaraderie with fighting transition, but not with radfeminists in other parts of the world??(like SK, China, Iran) It would be odd, but because the people supposedly apart of this ideology have shifted at enough mass, this is what we have.

TLDR for anyone that actually cares about women, you need to be able to listen. Listen to people you don't agree with (believe it or not, there's gendies out there that take misogyny seriously) find out why you agree with something, or not. Ask how you're positioned to feel. If this seems condescending, i don't give a fuck so many of you are falling great victim to confirmation bias and that's why we're getting "radfems" who are saying lesbians can like dick.

#my ramblings #my essays #<new tag lmfao