#i've always liked that better

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[royalarchivist]

Over 6 years ago, Technoblade and Etoiles played together on United UHC. Although they never got to meet each other on the QSMP, it's nice to see that they already had some nice banter and a fun dynamic developing during the brief time they knew each other. Here are some highlights from the video where they played together!

Subscribe to Technoblade! Technoblade's United UHC video

[ Part 1 || Part 2 || Subtitle Transcript ↓ ]

-

Technoblade: Bonjour, mis amis! (Hello, my friends!) Oh god, we already have a zombie on us. No! It's targeting me 'cuz I have subs!

Etoiles: Excellent teammates.

Technoblade: Do trees spawn in these worlds?

Etoiles: [Laughing at a screenshot of Technoblade saying "deforestation has gotten pretty bad"]

Technoblade: It's gotten pretty bad, man. What is this?

Etoiles: B-bonjour.

Technoblade: Stop speakin' Chinese.

Etoiles: You're the best Skywars player, dude. That's why.

Technoblade: That doesn't mean much.

Technoblade: Oh my god, I found diamonds!

Etoiles: Oh, whoa.

Technoblade: Subscribe to Technoblade! I'm suddenly a UHC god.

Etoiles: Oh, I got diamonds too! :D

Technoblade: ...Wow, way to ruin my moment. Wow. Can I just have this one moment?

Etoiles: Yeah.

Technoblade: Does everything- does everything need to be a competition? First diamonds I've ever mined in Minecraft.

Etoiles: Let's redo it, Techno. Let's say I don't have diamonds. I don't have diamonds, you have-

Teammate: I found diamonds!

Technoblade: Oh my god.

Technoblade: I have seven diamonds! And I'm not saying that to one-up you, but- I mean I am, but I mean I'm- I'm also tellin' the truth.

Teammate: Nobody knows which one of you guys is the mole.

Technoblade: Yeah, that's gonna be very awkward.

Etoiles: Maybe Technoblade is already-

Technoblade: I'm right behind you.

Etoiles: Technoblade is already saying to his friend-

Technoblade: I'm already in the Mole chat, plannin' your death.

Etoiles: Like, I'm kind of scared of Technoblade, actually.

Technoblade: I'm not even good, why would you be scared of me?

Etoiles: Because you're the King of Bedwars.

Technoblade: Alright, ok, ok, so here's how it works- I get paid per episode, right? So I'm not gonna betray you on Episode 2.

Etoiles: [Laughs]

Technoblade: Now let me enchant.

Etoiles: I'm so bad at hearing sound because when I'm hearing lava-

Technoblade: Nah, it's 'cuz the sounds are in French, isn't it?

Etoiles: [Laughs] I'm gonna kill you, bro.

Technoblade: No!

Etoiles: [Laughs] I'm gonna kill you.

#Technoblade #Etoiles #QSMP #Untitled UHC #Edited #I'll have to upload the next part tomorrow #I decided to add subtitles and that always takes a little bit longer #If it sounds like there's a mic echo it's because there IS a mic echo in the original audio #As always if you have a hard time reading the subtitles please let me know! Happy to adjust the font for the next iteration #been using this one for a hot minute but might switch it up sometime if I find something better #Subtitles #I'll upload the rest tomorrow I've got a few things I gotta wrap up #Portfolio

[purplesound]

I've been hit with undertale nostalgia still can't believe buff fish woman and feminine killer-robot had set my bisexual criteria for my crushes almost 10 years ago

#undertale #undyne #mettaton ex #mettaton #undertale undyne #undertale mettaton #my art #ramble ahead -> #kinda wish I had better drawing skills when ut was at it's peak because I would draw like craaaaaazy #in 2016-2017 I was drawing a lot of ut and damn my skills were shit but at least now I have something to compare my progress to #to this day Undyne and MTT are still peak wife and husband material to me #and I love them dearly for helping me understand my bisexuality <3 #despite drawing them a lot I've never did them justice and finally I drew them how I always wanted to

[neonbuck]

you have to love people for real. and that means loving them as people who have flaws, and will annoy you or get on your nerves some times. treating them like a toy or product you can throw away when you get bored or upset is not acceptable. it's what we've been conditioned to do, but it makes the world worse.

#.txt #i didnt always know this and i dont pretend i did. #i'm just glad i've learned it now at least #i went straight from a cult-like group into tumblrs 'its ok to kick any one out of your life for any reason' environment in my early 20s #it made my life turbulent lonely and miserable #thinking on the older adults who should have known better leading sheltered young queer people astray back then makes me feel so bitter.

[bobokitty]

Castlevania: Nocturne is out, and I want to thank everyone for giving the show a chance! It's been an absolute blast working on Nocturne and seeing all the hard work and passion that went into it. Everyone worked their butts off!! Ahahaha I had more to say but I'm too full of emotions to process words well ;;^ w ^

Anywho here's a bonus doodle of these dorks <3

#castlevania #castlevania nocturne #netflix #powerhouse animation #work stuff #fanart #richter belmont #annette #maria renard #edouard #for real tho #thank you for watching the show #i couldn't have asked for a better team to work with #this is legit the first job i've ever liked in my life #it's been so much fun despite being a lot of work #and i'm always learning something new

[canisalbus]

gothic lolita machete came to me in a dream

.

#HHWAH #but he unironically kind of makes it work though?? #I never realized that the leap from what he normally wears to gothic lolita would be this small #basically the same thing just a lot more lace and frills and embroidery #loving! the pomegranates! #it always makes me ecstatic when people find a way to include them or his other... symbols? motifs? objects of significance? #it's nice you kept the red gloves and red heels #the little crosses on the capelet and the stockings too hah #and the massive bow where the fascia would go #I support genderfuckery Machete by the way #his design and mannerisms have always been somewhat androgynous or at least that's what I've been trying to aim for #despite his sharp angular form he's supposed to have an aura of elegance and delicateness #at least on his better days when he's not in full rat man mode #given the choice he'd rather be called beautiful than handsome I'm pretty sure #folks have been mistaking him for a goth lesbian a whole lot lately so I can't be too far off #thank you this made me grin like an idiot when I opened the inbox #gift art #aggiepython #own characters #Machete

[atalana]

so the good place is widely lauded on this site for its takes on morality and capitalism, which i totally agree with

but i think it should get more recognition for the line "all humans are aware of death. so we're all a little bit sad all the time. that's just the deal. we don't get offered any better ones. and if you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. i've been there, and everybody's been there. so don't fight it. in the words of a very wise bed bath and beyond employee i once knew - go ahead and cry all you want. but you're gonna have to pay for that toilet plunger."

#i dunno i've been thinking about grief lately #and i think the nature of humanity is everyone's grieving something #it might not always be as straightforward as the death of a loved one - sometimes it is #but sometimes you're grieving a life you never got to live #the person you used to be #hell an old toy you just realised you lost years ago and are never going to get back #we're all just a little bit sad all the time #and i think looking at the world like that makes it a lot more friendly place #because everyone is someone who needs a bit of comfort - or just someone to say hey its okay to be sad and angry and confused #and when you're finally ready to let whatever you're grieving go the world will be a happier place #and you'll find a new thing to grieve because there's always something to be a little bit sad about #but the world keeps getting better for every one you get through and every friend who helps you through it #and sometimes you just need to throw a dumb joke in there at the end #that's what it means to be human #the good place #tgp

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #FJdlsafjdsf Handplates fuzzes my brain #I cannot tell you how weird it feels to draw Gaster with the Lost Soul head after all this time away haha #It drops me back into the person I was when I first read Handplates - for better or for worse. It's a very strange feeling #Even drawing Sans and Papyrus again sends me back! Not as strongly but certain little details stand out #Sans' eyes especially... Very strange feeling #Anyhow! Since Fellplates sent me back down the rabbit hole and I've gotten back into rereading lightly - still not a full commitment! #Maybe soon tho 👀 I feel like I always say that haha #But in the meantime thinking of the pre-Plates Handplates time period <3 Since that's the one I'm still most familiar with haha #I love when they're still growing and learning ♪ Scaffolded baby talk! Twin language! Love 'em ♥ #And fearless* mischievous little troublemakers hehe #They're so cute <3 I love the little ways they interact as young'uns - like when Papyrus will just lift Sans by his arms lol #I'd been thinking about and then had to go read the one of Sans as a the blanket/coat tickle monster and then - this ✨ #''Excuse me sir I'd like One Ticket to the R Rated movie I am an adult Monster'' lol #Probably another one of those moments where Gaster is just *nervously sweats in Dad* lol - stop being so cute! #Also there's no particular meaning to when I use WingDings for his text :P Just convenience and if I remember to lol #Comics where he talks a lot are not convenient XP I have enough trouble editing on this paper ugh I will Not miss it when it's done #Even attempted this comic in as few pencil strokes/erasing as possible and it was still a pain to work with! >:0 Rude #Doubly so that I've had a Handplates comic idea for past like - year lol - and /this/ was the first one I finished pfftbl #To be fair to the other I do want to at least attempt making it a look-alike hehe ♪ You know how it is with Ideas™ #I can't be too mad about it haha ♫ It did turn out quite cute after all :3

[crescentfool]

orpheus and thanatos 💚

#persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #makoto yuki #lizzy does art #HIII EVERYONE :3 happy halloween.... (has been working on this for four weeks off and on) #i've always yearned to see art of ryoji and minato based on thanatos and orpheus!!! #i know that ryoji can be likened to being the eurydice figure which i agree with but I HAVE BEEN THINKING SO HARD ABT THEM LIKE THIS OK. #it was nice to give drawing something more ambitious (for my standards) an earnest try again! i love working with lineless and lighting #and working on this has inspired me to HOPEFULLY start doing some studies of sorts! i want to learn so many things... #all so that i can make ryomina as epic as possible... #also LET ME TELL YOU that thanatos coffins are making me realize i seriously need to do drawabox or something. #trying to put them in perspective is hard... but im pretty happy with what i made!!! #also can i just say i love how shapely orpheus is?? i love orpheus joints etc etc its so nice. very fresh #sighs longingly. i love them very much they make me want to do better at things. i hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead! 💙 #very excited to see what people do for ryomina week (<- they haven't made anything 4 it yet bc Busy... but i'll submit smthn late maybe)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Redraw of my first post on this blog. Oh how far we've come B'*)

#better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Credit where it's due: the first one is from November 2022. So its been a bit longer than the post date implies. #It was always part of the plan to re-draw my first wangxian art at the end of each season #but wow I really didn't give enough credit to the power of drawing every day for the last half a year #I've really loved doing this B*) I have found so much confidence in accepting the fact I'm not a 'non-artist' drawing mdzs comics #I'm a REAL artist drawing mdzs #and this is just the start!!!! I will keep drawing and improving and learning! and I will have a big smile like this every time -> B*) #I'm stunned that so many people found this blog so early on. Despite the roughness of my art...yall saw what I struggled to see #which was someone who was worth it #That and how art really is what you decide it is. I thought It had to be perfect. It doesn't need to be perfect. I see that now #I love you all so much! I am so much happier than I have been in years! #Sorry for being sappy twice in a row I promise tomorrow I'll be your little jester again

[icewindandboringhorror]

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

#tumblr polls #hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today #still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual #They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully #it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec #fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since #I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm #ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos #or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things #I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming #over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY #I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb #e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about #different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see #stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I #can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud.. #but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone #said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects #the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm

[add1ctedt0you]

The Untamed - Episode 19

Throughout the night, he [Jiang Cheng] had somehow managed to sleep a couple of times. The first reason was that, having been too tired from crying himself weak, he couldn't help from passing out. The second reason was that he still had the hope that this might be a nightmare. He couldn't wait to wake up after some rest and open his eyes to find himself lying inside of his room back in Lotus Pier. His father would be wiping his sword in the main hall. His mother would be angry again and complaining, scolding Wei Wuxian who winked in a funny way. His sister would be in the kitchen, thinking as hard as she could about what to make today. His shidi would be refusing to do their morning lessons properly and jumping around.

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation, Chapter 59, Poisons- Part Four

#This crappy gifset is born to show that the 'look how different cql!jc is from mean novel!jc' advertisement is exaggerated lol #look there! jc always yearns for his family! Like. While cql!jc dreams of his family in a 'better light' #Novel!jc dreams of his real crappy family lol. which is understandable when you think that #Novel!jc is a bit sadder lmao. he probably got hugged 5 times by his father while cql!jc at least seven times #The fact is that novel!jc doesn't have a lot of scenes in particular in the present but he is mentioned a lot in an unflattering way #because novel!wwx has jc brainrot #but he's bitter and resentful so his thoughts are quite mean lol #I've read so many 'I don't want to read the novel because I fear I won't like jc' #My point is that approaching the novel you shouldn't worry about jc lol #jiang cheng #*mgifs #Uh. Tbc. Both dreams are set after lotus pier's fall #Also. Another thing to understand novel!jc is to remember that he grows up with novel!wwx who doesn't like when people - in particular men- #cry in front of him #This is not to say there aren't differences obv. But tbh the propaganda is exaggerated #Anyway. In every canon jc is not having a good day

[skrunksthatwunk]

i just know his ass has a debilitating urge to chew ice constantly (<- projecting)

#he's got them sunken eyes yanno... #mtl #metalocalypse #skwistok #skwisgaar skwigelf #toki wartooth #skrunkart #i've started 3 mtl things in the past two weeks i haven't finished (and i don't do that with digital much) so this is like. such a relief #to send this piece out to go forth and die and whatever #on the projecting note: i don't think i'm anemic(?) but i've had multiple ppl be like oh yeah i had an ice chewing thing. when i was anemic #and then they kinda stare at me a bit and hint at it and i ignore it #metalocalypse fanart #mtl fanart #i always forget to do fanart specific tags but like.. sometimes ya gotta look for the particulars #anyway this one goes out to that one post saying i just KNOW moidaface is an ibs warrior bc i've been thinking about it for days #edit sorry im switching it from lows irons angels to lows iron angels bc it sounds better and it was really bothering me

[robo-dino-puppies]

you and Mr. Fell don't ever talk to each other-

-you never say what you're really thinking.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 spoilers #this parallel has been eating me up #i've never made gifs before but i tried my best :') #i'm sure someone else has already done it better and prettier but i wanted to make my own #you cannot comprehend the physical and mental anguish... #...learning how to make gifs has put me through #like i've tried several times in the past and i've always given up #but nooooooooo this show #*this show* inspires me to put myself through a clothes wringer to learn #also go to jail michael sheen i hate your stupid face (affectionate) #go s2 #go s2 spoilers #i made this

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[helpmyinterestsareverywhere]

Recently got some DnD dice (got the essentials kit for christmas)

...I get it

I want to eat them

#THEY'RE THE MOST DELICIOUS-LOOKING RED I'VE EVER SEEN #WHO LET YOU DO THAT #(I need more) #(cronch) #i've always been like #vaugely interested in dnd #like i've always wanted to try but was too scared to #(and also i have no idea how to play) #but now i can finally figure it out!! #also yes I have been playing and enjoying baldur's gate 3 #how did you know #(can't lie - has helped me understand dnd a lot better - so thanks) #dnd #hmiae rambles