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#i'm unemployed and i just like talking about stuff

chillyfeetsteak · 4 months

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5 facts about rabbits you may not know

rabbits are not rodents

this is the one people find the most surprising, and it makes sense. rabbits are small, furry prey animals with ever-growing front teeth who like to chew. while they fill similar ecological niches, rabbits are actually part of the order lagomorpha, which also includes hares and pikas.

one of the differences is in their dentition. as you can see in this hare skull i use to threaten my rabbits occasionally, there is a second row of upper incisors (called "peg teeth")

on rodents, no such teeth exist (this is a muskrat skull I think?? can't remember)

the other differences include rabbits being obligate herbivores while (most) rodents are omnivores, the lack of a baculum (dick bone) in lagomorphs, and the lack of visible paw pads (their feet are fuzzy all the way around)

rabbits sleep with their eyes open

a lot of people don't know this until they see it in person. it's weird. sometimes they DO close their eyes (if they are feeling extra comfy or safe or sleepy), but as a prey animal it's better to keep a literal eye out for movement that might be danger.

here's rhubarb performing his favorite "roadkill" position for sleeping and looking like a freak.

rabbits sleep in bursts of about 20 minutes at a time rather than in one chunk, and are crepuscular (most active at dawn and dusk)

rabbits make noises

generally speaking, rabbits are silent, but there are a few noises they make for special occasions. horny (unfixed) male rabbits make a kind of hooting/honking noise out their nose. they growl when they are annoyed, angry, or territorial and it sounds a little like a pig snorting (bonus does this a LOT and it is usually because i'm not feeding her fast enough). the worst noise they make is a scream, and it is only heard if they feel death is imminent or if they are scared beyond belief. it's an awful, awful sound a bit like a human child screaming, and i hope you never have to hear it in person.

rabbits eat their own poop

okay so it's not TECHNICALLY poop but. it's brown, it smells, it comes out of the butthole. rabbits digest their food twice to get as much nutrients out of it as possible, much like other grazers. however, they are "hindgut fermenters". what this means is that instead of ruminating (regurgitating food and chewing it a second time) like cows or deer, they produce a substance known as cecotropes alongside their poop that they eat straight from the source. they have an extremely delicate digestive system and producing and eating cecotropes is an imperative part of it. nasty tho

rabbits don't see in 3D

like many prey animals, rabbits' eyes are placed on the sides of their heads so that they have a very wide range of view. this means that they do not have stereoscopic vision like us, and so judging distances is harder.

look how soulful and demure rhubarb's eye looks from the side...

ridiculous dot-eyed fool from the front.

they compensate by bobbing their heads up and down in order to create a sense of depth. they also "periscope", or stand up on their hind legs, which is fuckin cute

there's lots of other cool things about rabbits that many people don't know, like that they are unable to vomit, they generally live 8-12 years if well-cared for, and that they litter train themselves if given the option. if anyone has any burning questions, feel free to hit me up! i have known and cared for rabbits for 26 years.

#rabbits #bunnies #rhubarb #bonus #i'm unemployed and i just like talking about stuff

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junktastic · 6 months

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I had a drawing months back that went kinda viral I guess, and it getting out of my normal sphere of followers meant that I got to observe how folks far outside of my twitter sphere interact with twitter and others. For reference, I am talking about this image:

The context, besides getting to draw my friend Jenny, was that I saw a picture that was of an anime girl that said "lets be in our early 30s together" and I was like "haha, I will make my own version of this." Part of it was also that I think aging is fine, and we need to stop stressing so much over staying young. "Lets be in our mid-thirties together" is not a joke, I sincerely wanted this image to be warm and inviting, to maybe give people hope that there will be friends and people who love you once you get to that age. I never thought I was going to make it to 30, and I just turned 35 this year, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

Some responses were obviously teens/early 20s people saying they don't want to get that old, which is whatever. When you're that young the dirty thirty sounds so ugly. No one cool is in their 30s! Well, if you ignore the people who make all the things they like. These responses I waved these off.

I saw the typical twitter experience replies of "this doesn't apply to me?" Ok bitch! Go make your own like I did! And show me when you do, I'd love to see it!

There was a handful of people who were saying "retweet to scare a twink" which I felt was kind of rude. Not to me, but to the twinks out there. Aging doesn't make you less of a twink.

Lots of people were sending it to their significant others or saying they hope to find someone to be in their mid-thirties with, which I love. :3 It makes me happy!

The one kind of response which is what I made this post for and I'm so sorry that I've been rambling, that I found weird was the people who will reply to just you. The OP. As if they are replying to everyone in the thread. I'm not talking about in QRTs, just straight in the replies. "Don't forget how tired she looks in this." Brother I drew the picture. I know. And ever since then I feel like, as someone who loves to read the replies on other people's tweets, I notice this a lot more often. Who are they talking to? Is this what people are referring to when they say "Main Character Syndrome?" Or should I be lumping these together with the "why isn't this about my exact personal life situation" people?

My fiancé says I'm thinking about this too hard (I got engaged last month btw), and he's probably right. I can't help but be curious about how other people choose to interact with the internet and images and people on it. And, I guess, am I supposed to reply? How should I feel about these. I guess I have to decide that on my own.

For the record, you are all very normal/understandable when it comes to what you guys tag my stuff with. That you love the girls (same!), that they're very gender (love this), or wow is this [insert fetish](not my intention but that's the internet). I feel like the slime girls get the "gender" comment the most and you are all so right for that. Every time I see people reblog my ocs I think "Thank you for loving [name]."

That's all! This was a pointless post but I'm unemployed right now so I have too much time to overthink things for no reason. How do YOU feel about how people interact with your posts? Are they weird? Or are they normal about it.

#bro what do i even tag this

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gavisuntiedboot · 1 year

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Just Pretend (Gavi x reader)

Part 5

Warnings: SMUT!! MDNI or if you're uncomfortable! Profanity!! Swearing!! Ferran and Martin (based on the reactions I think they deserve their own warning)!!

Word Count: 11.2K (fun fact! If you've read the whole story, you've read 46 pages!)

A/N: I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, BUT THERE'S A LOT I WANTED TO INCLUDE IN THIS PART (AS YOU CAN TELL BY THE WORD COUNT)

[Incoming Facetime call from: Gavi]

"Gavi, you're going to have to learn to live without seeing my face 24/7. I don't want you experiencing withdrawal symptoms while I sleep."

"I just had a question about- is that a jar of pickles?"

"Yes. I felt like having a snack."

"You're disgusting."

"Listen, I brought several things back from university life in America, and a pickle addiction was one of them. Let me have little joys in life. What did you call me for? Besides to shame me for my midnight guilty pleasures?"

This was the 7th time in two weeks that Gavi had Facetimed you at odd hours. After your little heart-to-heart while drunk in the club, and him covering for you at work the next morning, he caved into the impulsive thoughts and called you, wanting to make sure you were okay.

"Gavi it's 10pm. If you want me to help you hide a body, call me during working hours."

He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding at the sound of your voice. You were okay. Like actually okay. All of the distress in your voice, the shakiness, the panic - it had all disappeared. You were back to your cool self, and it filled him with a warm and gooey sense of relief. He kept you on the phone for about 10 minutes before his internal monologue told him it was enough, and he went to bed with a strange tightness in his chest.

For the first three weeks, it had been strictly texts and phone calls. Gavi was still sending you his daily little updates, some relevant, most not.

[Gavi]: Compression socks are really tight on my shins. Feels like they're cutting off my blood flow.

[Gavi]: pedri keeps telling me to eat bananas to help with my back cramps. Fact or cap?

[Gavi]: saw someone on tiktok make a Joao Felix thirst trap. Anything you want to confess?

This texting remained constant, and then he supplemented with phone calls. After the check-up call, he had to find new excuses to call you. He started scheduling his early-morning sessions over the phone instead of over text, asking about your life in the meantime. He started "forgetting" things in your office, calling to tell you he would be there before practice to pick them up. It hadn't annoyed you, per se, but confused you. Why was Gavi so comfortable calling you and just talking about random things on the phone? Initially, you had joked with him to stop calling you so frequently.

"Gavi, personal number. Personal. You should keep all work related stuff to emails only. I don't get paid to listen to you ramble about Game of Thrones."

"I know you well enough by now to know that if you didn't want to hear my voice, you would hang up."

He wasn't exactly wrong. You were not one to shy away from hanging up in someone's face if you were irritated (you had done it to Ferran the one time he called you from Gavi's phone). You also didn't really have anyone else to talk to. Angelika, despite acting unemployed, worked for a design house in the city, and her designs had been approved as part of the new line. She now spent every waking moment working on the spring/summer collection that needed to be shown in February. She had even stopped bugging you to go to the club. The only times you heard from her were when she sent "Hey I'm alive just busy" texts, or on the weekends when she begged you to drive her to the far fabric stores. There weren't many other people that you wanted to talk to. Your friends in the US were several hours behind. Your friends in Barcelona were kind of exhausting, and not who you wanted to hear from after a long day of work. And Martin?

Martin was ... interesting. You definitely liked being with him in person. Your dinners were romantic. Martin always picked you up and took you to the nicest restaurant, allowing you to order the expensive plates that would actually make you full. He always complimented your dress and your eyes and the way you looked despite having a long day at work. He was a theoretical great boyfriend. You liked going out with him every 3-4 days. You liked getting good morning and good night texts and the hot pre-game selfies whenever you checked your phone between shifts at work. But in those late nights when you were bored and lonely, and your TV shows were all boring you, Martin was not the first person you thought of calling.

While he was great over dinner, he wasn't the most entertaining or comforting presence. He had a habit of downplaying a lot of the things you were feeling or going through.

"Baby, people make sexual comments all the time. Just look at how people on Twitter talk about the players. You should be more flattered than anything that he complimented your ass."

That was the last time you ever called him after a long and tiring day of work. Your text messages were filled with only pleasant conversations. A good goal he scored in practice. Praise you received from the rest of the medical staff for your progress. Never your frustration with your job or your life or the sad boring things that regular, not famous not football players went through.

"It's like 7pm this is not a midnight snack."

The sound of Gavi's voice brought you back from your abstract thoughts. You looked at his face lit up on the screen. His hair was a little wild and still slightly damp from his shower. He was in a white t-shirt that hugged his shoulders. He placed his phone down so that he could show you his complaint.

"Remember how we were talking about my knee and thigh tightness? I've been trying to work out the muscle for a while but it's not helping."

He moved back from the camera, letting his black gym shorts and legs come in to the frame. He lifted his left short leg, showing off the pronounced muscles in his thigh. You brought the phone a little closer to your face, focusing on his leg. He flexed the muscle, and you swallowed hard. You had seen some of the best legs in football laying in front of you - so why was Gavi's slightly blurry form on FaceTime overwhelming you?

"Have you been doing the routine I gave you to improve blood flow? It looks like you haven't."

"It's hard to do! I tried multiple times and I'm just in pain every time. We just have a match tomorrow and like it's kind of uncomfortable. It's fine I can just play through it if you don't have any other recommendations."

This made you sit up. If there was one thing that would get both of you in deep shit, it was Gavi playing through a known and documented discomfort.

"You're not going to do that. If you get injured during the match then I-"

"Awe doctora, you're concerned about me getting injured?"

He got up close to the camera, smiling cheekily and feigning shyness. You rolled your eyes.

"If you get injured in the match I will get in trouble because your muscle tightness is in your file. So you have two options: do the blood flow massage I told you to, or I need to email Xavi now and tell him you should be playing a maximum of 60 minutes in tomorrow's match."

This statement made Gavi sober up, looking instantly more serious.

"We're not telling Mister Xavi anything. I actually don't know how to do the blood flow stuff without feeling like I'm peeling off my own skin."

"Would it kill you not to play all 90 minutes tomorrow?"

"Yes." There was not one indication, neither in his tone or on his face, that he was kidding. Gavi's love for football was evident, but it was deeper than most people saw. Barca wasn't just his club - it was the air he breathed, the blood in his veins. It was his family, his brotherhood since he was a child. It was the greatest love he had ever experienced, and he was honestly willing to lay his life down if it meant making Mister and the boys proud. He would die for this club.

"You know what doctora? You can just do it for me tomorrow morning before the match."

"You can't play right after we literally batter your muscles to increase blood flow. You have to do it within the next few hours to have enough time to rest. I wish you told me this morning, I could have..." Your sentence trailed as you looked at your front door. Your car keys were sitting in the dish. You had been thinking about going out to get some dinner, too tired to wait for chicken to defrost.

"Hello? Can you focus on the crisis at hand instead of daydreaming?"

"What if I came over and did it for you now?"

Gavi's eyes got wide and he stared at his screen. He was trying to process the information that had just slithered into his brain. You? At his house? At night? Alone???

"Wait." He said, and then hung up the call. You looked at your screen in confusion.

He stabilized his hands enough to find the contact.

*Calling: ~banana king pepi~ *

"Pick up pick up pick up pick up-"

"Hello?"

"Help. Me."

Pedri paused his game, much to the dismay of his brother, who was about to score a virtual goal.

"Pablo I know you didn't go to regular school, but you should know that in an emergency you should call the police."

"Y/n asked to come to my house."

Pedri bit back a laugh, removing the controller from his lap and putting the call on speaker so Fernando could be a part of the drama.

"You finally confessed that you're in love with her and want to kick her boyfriend's teeth in?"

"I'm not in love with her, we're just friends. That second part you might be right about." Gavi summarized your reasons for coming over quickly, asking Pedri for some sage advice while he and Fer raised their eyebrows at each other in amusement.

"As long as you have condoms, invite her over Hermano."

"I don't like her like that."

"Then why are you nervous about her coming to your place?" That was a good question. He didn't know why the idea of seeing you outside of work put all his internal systems on high alert, but it did. His hands were sweating at the prospect of opening the door and seeing you standing there in something other than scrubs.

"I'm not. I'm just going to tell her to come over. No need to make a big deal about it."

"Have fun Pablito." Fernando chimed in. Gavi scoffed and hung up. He called you once again.

"Where did you go?"

"Pedri called me to make sure we were going to the stadium together tomorrow. So, are you going to come here?"

"You never gave me an address. Or a yes for that matter." You laughed out. Your heart beat began to pick up. Did Gavi not want you at his place? Did he have another girl there? 'Why would he be calling you if another girl was there?' I don't know, brain, men are weird.

"Oh. Yeah. Yes. To coming over. I want you to. I'll text you the address right now." Something in your chest tightened at this statement. Your phone dinged, and you looked at the address Gavi had sent you.

"Cool. I'll be there in 20."

The drive to Gavi's place was calm. Old One Direction played over your car's aging speakers. The chilly night air came through the rolled down windows, winter finally making its first appearances in the middle of November. As you got closer to your destination, the surroundings started to look familiar.

Gavi was looking at the street from the window of his bedroom. In his La Masia shirt and black shorts, he had perched for all 18 minutes that it took you to drive over, right after he tidied the house. He didn't want you to think he was a teenage slob. If Gavi really thought about it, he would have admitted: all he wanted was for you to respect him - see him as a man. Someone put together and capable.

You parked at the bottom of his building, texting that you had arrived. He tried not to, but he ran down the whole staircase, swinging the door open before you had gotten out of the car.

"Hey. You know you live like walking distance from Martin?" You said, approaching the front door. Gavi's face soured at this news. He was never subtle about his distaste for Martin. After that night at the club, he had made it very obvious that he thought you should break up with Martin, or at least give him a stern talking to for leaving you to stumble around drunk and alone - especially since he was the one forcing drinks on you.

"Wonderful. I'll make sure to go and give him a nice neighborly gift."

"Like what? A black eye?"

"I was just thinking of pissing in his bushes but now that you mention it I really do think "bruised" is a good look on him..." He lifted his hand to his chin to look like he was thinking. You shoved him off balance, walking towards the door.

"Lets go, Gavi. I get cranky if I don't get all my beauty sleep."

He walked into the house first, holding the door open for you. You were honestly impressed: the place did not look like a teenager's house. The bottom floor was a spacious living room and dining room, with the kitchen connected by a low wall. The tan walls had vintage Barca and Spain National Team posters hung on them. There was a large TV mounted on the wall, a PS5 placed on the shelf beneath it, a pile of games stacked high. His couch was a long L shape. black leather wrapping around a black coffee table.

"You have a Barca coffee table book?" You asked, giggling slightly as you picked up the massive picture book.

"I've been with the club since I was like 11. Everything I own I have it in Barca colors."

You looked over at the stairs and the soft glow from the top of them. Something in you was dying to know what Gavi's bedroom looked like. How many hoodies he owned, what color his sheets were, how many pillows he slept on...

You shook yourself from this line of thinking. Despite the two of you getting closer and friendlier, Gavi was still technically just your coworker. You shouldn't want to know all these things about him.

"Ok where is the stone I gave you?" You put your hand out expectantly, and he dropped the black massage gua sha in it. Gavi moved to lay on the couch, mimicking what he would do in your office.

"Before you sit down, what have you been using as lubricant?"

He snapped his head at you, cheeks and the tips of his ears turning pink.

"I, I, um, lub- why do you need to know what kind of lubricant I use? That's a really personal question?"

You stared at him in confusion, wondering why he had gotten shy and stuttery at the question.

"So I can use that lubricant on you now?" He stood up, swallowing hard. He took several deep breaths before saying:

"y/n, I didn't invite you here to do anything sexual. If this is a joke that Pedri asked you to play it's-"

"Pablo you brainless bitch. I meant what have you been using as massage lubricant, because you're not supposed to scrape the stone across your dry skin."

You both stared at each other for a long moment. You had one brow raised, smirk playing on your lips. You were holding back a laugh at the thought: Gavi was thinking you wanted to know what he used to jerk off. Or sleep with someone. That second thought made you slightly nauseous. Gavi's eyes were wide, his mouth still open in shock. You had the courage to speak first.

"I see that the reason you have been feeling pain is because you have been giving yourself microabruises. Go get some oil or lotion so I can do this for you, and I expect my gas money in full tomorrow on my desk."

"Can you, uh, turn around?"

"Why?"

"I don't... I don't want you seeing where I got the lotion from."

"See now Pablo, if you had just gone upstairs, I would have thought it was from the cabinet or the bathroom. But since you've made it weird, you've confirmed that it's from your bedside table. Just go before you make this situation more sexually awkward."

“No but I-“

You held up one finger to your lips to silence him, then pointed in the direction of the stairs. He shuffled past you awkwardly and then took off, taking the stairs two at a time. You laughed to yourself. It was always funny seeing glimpses of innocence and youth in Gavi, especially since he was always pushing himself to act older and more mature.

Pablo was not having a good time. He ran to his bathroom to splash cold water on his now violently blushing face. He thought you would be able to see the mess of clothes in his bedroom if he opened the door. Now the conversation had shifted into an oddly sexual realm, and he didn’t know how to deal. The idea of sex didn’t usually embarrass him - it bothered him when the guys would talk about nothing else, but he thought he had finally reached a level of maturity where he could say “pussy” and not giggle. So why was he so damn shy right now? Why was he embarrassed to his core that you had mentioned him jerking off?

Pablo would describe his masturbatory habits as efficient. Once he and his teammates at La Masía turned 14, the medical staff had all sat them down for “the talk”. Obviously there was the parental stuff about safe sex and all that, but from a sports aspect he knew: sexual frustration is bad for performance. So a couple nights a week he would rub one out hoping to ensure optimal performance. Lately, however, he has lessened his “alone time” significantly. Since Ferran had shown him that picture of you, since he started daydreaming about holding your hand, the feel of your skin, he was borderline afraid to jerk off. He didn’t want to see your face. Coming to terms with the fact that he liked your company was already too overwhelming. Pablo was convinced this was a waiting game: you were just new and exciting. Eventually he would see another picture of another girl, and you would go back to “that one girl physio”, and he could jerk in peace.

He came back downstairs, sheepishly handing you a tube of lotion, and then quickly laying on the couch, hoping to avoid your line of sight.

“Lotion for Men? Gavi, you know that your skin won’t melt off it the product doesn’t say ‘for men’ right?”

“We had a media intern last year that saw a tube of strawberry chapstick in my bag, and she sent the picture to 3 or 4 gossip instagram pages, saying ‘look! Stuff for women! Gavi has a girlfriend!’ So now I only use stuff that can’t be mistaken as something for my nonexistent girlfriend.”

“What if they think you have a boyfriend instead?”

“That might be ideal actually. Then maybe I could go home without being mobbed.”

You smiled at Gavi, who was now more relaxed and far less red. His arms were crossed behind his head, legs stretched out and shorts rolled up slightly so you could access the upper parts of his thighs. You placed some lotion on his legs and began rubbing it in.

“Wow. Does the rest of the team know you offer private massage services?” He asked, resting his head and looking up at the ceiling.

“Obviously not. You think Ferran would ever leave me alone if he knew this was an option?”

Gavi laughed loudly at this. Watching you reject and diss Ferran on an almost daily basis was the highlight of training. Sometimes your responses were so creative that he would run to write them down before the end of the break. His personal favorite was when Ferran asked when you two were finally going to go on a date, and you replied with ‘After my lobotomy next week so my brain is immune to mind numbing conversation with you’.

But as he looked down at you, Pablo noticed that your face was twisted in distain. You began moving the stone around his thighs, working in sweeping downward motions. The frown lines etched hard into your skin, eyes narrowed in concentration and slight disgust.

“Does Ferran make you uncomfortable?”

“It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“So the answer is yes he does.” Gavi’s voice was lowering with genuine concern. He and the team, the coaches, and even the rest of the physical staff only really laughed at or brushed off your daily interactions with the player. He hadn’t realized how deeply the comments were bothering you. But now it was evident as you swallowed and started working his thigh a little harder.

“I don’t want to speak ill of your friend.”

“If he’s bothering you, you should have told me. Or someone else on the team. We could have made him stop.”

“But why wasn’t me telling him I didn’t like it enough to make him stop?”

You pressed harder into Gavi now, stone running alone the muscles in his calf. You should have been using a lighter hand, but emotion you had been suppressing for months was all bubbling to the surface.

“You’re going kind of hard on my leg…”

“Why does it have to be you or Xavi or Dr. Gonzalez? Why do my words hold so little weight? So little value?”

“Okay this is painful now-“

“Why does it have to be one of you to say ‘hey, you shouldn’t make sexual remarks to someone on staff’? You think he tells anyone else their ass looks good in scrubs? Or that he’s glad their office has a door with a lock? No. It’s just me. Because I’m a girl he can talk about fucking me in broad daylight around the whole squad, and I have to shut up and keep him happy or I lose my job. It’s just so-“

“Ay fuck y/n!” Gavi yelled out, grabbing your wrist and tugging it forcefully to get you to stop your abuse on his leg. You grabbed his other thigh with your free hand, digging your fingers into the flesh. He looked you in the eyes, and finally noticed the tears starting to form.

“I know how you feel.”

"No you fucking don't, Pablo!" You yelled back, hand digging into his thigh, the other still in his grasp. This is when the first tear finally fell. I had been weighing on you for weeks - the slow realization that you were never going to respected in the way you deserved. A part of you knew that Martin was contributing to this burden as well. The arch of his brow when you talked about sports medicine terms, the mocking smile that played on his lips. The way he had adopted Ferran's disgusting little pet name of 'nurse'. You were disintegrating from the inside, and knowing that the others thought it was a joke, that Pablo thought it was a joke, was the final straw.

Gavi could do nothing but stare. His eyes softened, taking in your slumped form. It was like watching Hercules fall to his knees. Like watch the stars were falling from the sky and hitting the Earth in a fiery blaze. Watching you, who was normally so cool, so confident, so self assured, shake with silent tears was breaking something in Gavi. The way you said his name made his heart physically ache. You rarely diverted from his nickname to use his first name. 'When you did, it usually indicated a serious tone 'Pablo' meant there was something serious, something heavy. Now that heaviness was against your throat, suffocating you, and you were tired of carrying it.

Gavi stopped thinking. He acted on impulse only. He tugged the wrist that was in his hand, pulling you in. Your head met with his hard chest, and you felt one arm circle your shoulder. You remained like this for a long moment: up against Gavi, his arm pressing you into his chest, his shirt soaking up the wetness on your cheeks.

"'m sorry. I wont let him talk to you that way anymore."

You composed yourself, pushing yourself off Gavi and wiping your eyes. You looked away, embarrassed that you'd made him comfort you - that you'd broken down in front of him.

"It's okay. I can deal with Ferran."

"But you shouldn't have to."

"It's not your job to protect me, Pablo."

You finished the rest of your job in silence. Your fingers moved expertly around his skin, working out the muscle and pressing into his flesh, a soft gasp or hiss from Gavi being the only sound to fill the room. Your anger was irrational, but you couldn't quell it. You had gotten this far in life without the protection or defense of anyone, and you weren't prepared to be coddled now. You finished quickly, wiping your hands on your pant legs and moving to grab your bag.

"I'm going to go now. Get some sleep for tomorrow's match against Betis. Good night." You tried to walk past Gavi without looking up, but he blocked your path.

"You're in my way."

"You're not leaving while you're upset."

"You want me to stop being upset? Stop pretending you give a shit about my feelings. You want to look like a man? Telling off Ferran so people think you're a good person?" You shoved past Gavi once again, and once again he moved in front of you, blocking the door completely.

"Just because you're older than me doesn't mean I'll let you disrespect me in my own house. I'm not pretending to give a shit. I do give about your comfort and your feelings because last I check, we're friends. I've been waiting to break Ferran's shins for weeks, I've just been waiting for you to say so."

"You think it would make me feel better for you to hurt a teammate? Could you be any more juvenile?"

Gavi took a step towards you, arms crossed over his chest, breathing more heavy. He looked you straight in the eye, not allowing you to break from the gaze.

"You can yell at me all you want. You can be angry at the fact that I care about you. You can punch me," he hit on his chest, "right here if you want to. But I am not a child. Don't refer to me as one. So you can go an be upset and pretend that everything I do is selfish, but you know deep down that no matter how much you push me away, I'm looking out for your best interest." He opened the door and stepped aside.

"Drive safely, doctora."

You walked to your car, turning to gaze at Gavi, who leaned against the door frame, watching you intently. You were the most confusing person he had ever met. You were stubborn and easily irritated. You refused to accept help. You were fucking frustrating. But as he watched you walk to your car, something warm filled his body. He didn't want you to leave. He wanted to rush after you, pull you into his chest again, and take you upstairs. He wanted you to see the mess in his bedroom. He wanted you to lay on the couch. And the drive didn't feel like you were going home. It felt like you had left something important behind.

The next morning you were up before your alarm. You couldn't find sleep or peace. Your words to Gavi had eaten you alive all through the night. You knew you had been too harsh, projected too far onto him, but you hadn't been thinking straight. It hurt differently to think that he was laughing at your expense. The guilt followed you around all morning as you prepared yourself for the match. You slicked back your hair, pulling it away from your face, and dressed in the slacks and pullover that all the field medics were regulated to wear. But as you sipped your lukewarm coffee, the guilt still sat in your stomach, swirling and festering and making you nauseous. So you swallowed your pride with your last sip of coffee and pressed the call button.

"Uh, hello? Am I late?" Gavi's voice asked, raspy and dripping with the remnants of sleep. He sounded like a child who was woken up for school.

"Oh no, you're not late. I'm up early... couldn't sleep."

"Why not?" Gavi was now fully awake after processing that you had called him. His heartrate elevated slowly, the sound of your voice helping the tiredness slip away from his very being.

"I... I feel guilty about yesterday. I shouldn't have taken out all my anger on you and your thigh tissue. I really appreciate you looking out for me. I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Gavi was leaning against his sink, swaying back and forth and smiling stupidly. You were thinking about him. You appreciated him. It made him swell with pride. He listened intently to the rest of your apology, hypnotized by the sound of your voice.

"There's no need to apologize doctora. I understand that you were upset."

"But I still feel bad. I was.. pretty mean to you yesterday. I want to make sure that you're not still upset with me."

Gavi looked into the mirror, smiling and dancing at your response.

"If you really want to make it up to me, I would like to cash in my favor."

You were in the process of grabbing your keys when you paused, eyebrows pulled together in confusion.

"Favor? I don't remember owing you any favors."

"La doctora, you don't remember? Let me refresh your memory. You go home drunk and don't set an alarm. I come up with a wonderful and convincing excuse for Dr. G so that you don't get in trouble. You owe me, and I quote, anything I want. Ring any bells?"

You scrunched your face and groaned in distain. You remembered rather vividly now the promise you had made.

"Alright Gavi, hit me with it. I can take it. How am I repaying you saving my job?" You heard a low chuckle from the other side of the line.

"You'll be driving me home from the stadium starting today until we break for Christmas."

"What?!"

"You'll be driving me home. Pedri is working with Adidas for several campaigns over the next month, and it'll be a pain getting home after practice. Since you know the way now, you can get there easily. And hey, you can even visit Martin afterwards."

You started your car, thinking about the ask. It was on your way home anyways to drive by Gavi's neighborhood. And it would probably make you both even after your missteps.

"Fine. We will discuss further in the stadium when I see you. Go go, prep for the match. I want us to win today."

"We are going to win for sure. Give us a harder goal."

"Don't be arrogant Gavi. See you at noon."

Matchday at the camp was always extremely hectic, but especially for the medical staff. Meetings started at 9am despite the game not beginning until 3pm. All the equipment had to be approved by La Liga through inspection. Your wardrobe was inspected as well, and once again you were told off for not removing your rings. You pulled them off your fingers begrudgingly, hearing once again the lecture about rings tearing gloves. You were already over the match by the time the players started to arrive.

You made your way to the locker room to do some checks on players with pre-listed discomforts, making suggestions to prevent injury during the game. You were greeted warmly by the players as you pulled out your clipboard and pen. You made your way around, telling certain players to wear compression socks, and instructing others to stretch in certain ways. You made your way over to Pedri and Gavi, pulling out your notes.

"Pedri, how is that right thigh?"

"Amazing, y/n. I've been using resistance bands nightly like you instructed. I feel as flexible as playdoh."

"Always great to hear. Also congrats about the expanded Adidas contract." Pedri lifted his shirt over his head and looked at you somewhat confused.

"Ah thank you but... which contract specifically?"

Gavi's eyes were wide in panic. He had forgotten to fill in Pedri about his little white lie. It was true that Pedri had some filming with Adidas, but it would take about 3 days max. There was no reason that Gavi could pinpoint that would make him lie to get you to drive him home for 4 weeks. But he did it anyways, and now he needed to make sure it didn't collapse because of a lapse in communication.

"Gavi told me you'd be filming with Adidas, so I'll be driving him home until the Christmas break."

Pedri shot a look to the younger boy, one eyebrow arched, and found the expression of desperation on his face. The smile crept onto Pedri's face, proud of his friend for finally making some sort of move with you, even if he was yet to admit it was made because of the crush he was harboring.

"Oh that's right! They have us filming a lot of content at night to show off the color of these new boots, so it's really helpful that you'll be taking little Gavi home."

The sigh of relief was almost a little too loud. Gavi would fill Pedri in later, but for now, he was glad that he hadn't been caught in the lie.

"Anytime. Now onto little Gavi himself - how is the thigh tension?" You worked on Gavi, evaluating his physical form.

"I didn't know the nurse was making house visits today!"

Your jaw clenched and eye twitched at the sound of Ferran's voice. You took a deep breath, calming your nerves, and continued to check for signs of bruising and distress, crouched close to the ground to inspect Gavi's thighs.

"Wow Pablito, got her on her knees for you? You'll have to tell me the secret."

"Ferran, you couldn't get a dog to love you if you were covered in bacon. Be quiet and get changed so you can sit on the bench for 90 minutes."

You looked up at Gavi, shocked at his response. You squeezed his thigh, causing him to meet your concerned gaze.

"Gavi, tell me to shut up again and you'll be preparing for a prolonged hospital stay."

"I'd like to see you fucking try, Torres." Gavi moved from his place, approaching Ferran, before a hand from Pedri gripped his shoulder. One of the assistant coaches noticed the argument and rushed over, eager to prevent his players from killing each other.

"What the hell is going on?"

Ferran looked at Gavi with disgust, and then turned his eyes to rest on your chest.

"I think y/n is creating an uncomfortable environment in the locker room. I'd prefer if she wasn't here." He said, smirk playing on his lips. Your face paled, the colors draining and nausea bubbling. The last thing you needed was a complaint from a player.

"She wasn't doing anything except looking at my leg. She didn't even speak." Gavi responded, voice high and a touch too loud to be respectful.

"y/n, it may be better if you leave for field inspection. Send in Antonio to continue current problem rounds."

You nodded and walked out of the locker room, feeling utterly embarrassed. All you ever wanted was to make a good impression and be respected, and it seemed that no one paid your wellbeing any mind. You bit back your feelings and went to find Antonio. Gavi was not as merciful.

"What mental deficiencies do you suffer from that would make you say that? What if she loses her job?"

"She won't lose her job. She'll get a warning because of player complaints, and then she'll come to me and do whatever I ask to get the complaint removed. Just want to watch her bend over that desk just once before they realize she's incompetent."

"Say nasty shit about y/n in front of me again and I'll kick your fucking teeth in."

Ferran wanted to laugh, but the sound died in his throat when he saw the look in Gavi's eyes. His eyes were angry, cold-blooded, and murderous.

"You wouldn't dare." He retorted, trying to regain some confidence by calling the bluff.

"We play football for a living. I can make it look like a fucking accident." With that, Gavi left the locker room, ready to be away from Ferran and his punchable face.

Normally, you loved being on the sidelines for matches. You got to watch all the action as it occurred, and you got hands-on experience with the Barca players and the visiting teams (maybe it was bad, but you prayed Joao would need medical attention when Atletico was at Camp Nou). You got to enjoy every aspect of your job, and feel like you had come a significant way in your journey. Normally. Today, you wish you were at home or in your office or anywhere but the sidelines. Word had gotten back to both the coaching staff and the rest of the team about the little disagreement in the locker room, and now all eyes were on you. Xavi gave you the normal courtesy head nod, but gave you specific instructions to stay away from the bench and the players. It was a mortifying experience, and you prayed this game would end quickly and painlessly.

Your wish was granted in the first half. The team was playing cohesively and relatively safely, with a couple fouls here and there but no injuries requiring any attention. Lewandowsky scored a goal in the 34th minute, putting the team in the lead 1-0 at the half (during which, you were asked not to be in the locker room or the tunnel). This only made you feel worse. Player complaint were the kiss of death for any aspiring professionals in sports. You get into a disagreement with a player? You're gone. Why? Because there are thousands of physios and photographers and water boys, but only onw left forward worth 48 million Euros.

In the second half, however, you did not get your wish. Areal collisions came one after the other, requiring you to rapidly check players for any sort of head trauma. In the 67th minute, Gavi assisted Pedri with an amazing goal from deep in the box. You jumped when you saw the ball hit the back of the net. Pedri did his signature goal celebrations, and after he pulled away, your eyes locked with Gavi. He raised his eyebrows at you and you returned the gesture, and then he resumed the aggressive attacking. At minute 70, you were contemplating packing your things. The intensity of the match had died down significantly. Barca were passively looking for a third goal, and were not as prone to injury. This all changed in minute 72, when the midfielder decided he hated Gavi. Dribbling with the ball, Gavi was trying to turn to give him more options to pass or dribble, but he was surrounded by three people. As he tried to break free, the Betis player's knee collided with Gavi's groin. Hard.

The sound of the collision and then the fall to the ground sounded like it was heard in the entirety of the stadium. Your jaw went slack and eyes went wide. Gavi was on the floor, unmoving. You didn't even think, using enough brain power to grab the medical bag at your side, and then sprinted across the field to Gavi. There was a crowd of players surrounding him now, creating a tight ring of people. You approached the group, placing your hands on the nearest person, and then shoving.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY! MEDIC! MOVE!"

You finally go the bodies to disperse, and laying there was Gavi, tears in his eyes and whimpering from pain. He had one arm slung over his face, and the other gripped his shirt in immense pain. When he saw you approach, he looked at you with pleading eyes, begging for anything that would stop the throbbing pain he was experiencing.

"Gavi, where did you get kneed exactly? Where is the most intense pain?" You asked, kneeling to the ground and pulling on your gloved.

"My... my dick. I got kneed in the dick and it feels like hell." He replied. He was in too much pain to be shy. His dick fucking hurt, and he wanted anything to soothe the pain as quickly as possible.

"Gavi, I'm going to touch you now, okay?" You asked, hand hovering over the area. He nodded, not fully processing what you were saying or what was happening. You placed your hand over his dick and his eyes shot open. You began to massage the area slightly, moving your hand around, trying to prevent receptors of pain from activating and working to increase blood flow to the area.

And increase blood flow you did. Gavi felt the blood begin to pool in his shorts, and now that the pain was subsiding the embarrassment was returning, he took in what was actually happening. You had one hand on his cock and balls, moving them around slowly, and one on his hip, making sure the area wasn't sensitive. You looked up at Gavi, who was still in somewhat intense pain.

"Here, give me your hand." You placed your hand atop his, guiding it to his injury.

"Keep moving your hand around where you got kneed, and we'll get you on the bench. I would give you ice but I don't think that's idea here. Can you walk alone?" Gavi nodded, and you and the medical staff cleared the field. Gavi walked to the bench himself, earning cheers and love from all the fans in the stadium. He sat on the bench, continuing to massage his bruised genitals, and trying to make his blush subside by the end of the match.

After a stunning 3-0 win, you were ready to go to bed and never wake up again. Your whole body ached, and you had gotten dizzy from the sun exposure mixed with the biting chill of late November. You were barely able to drag your body to the players area - which you still could not enter. You received an email on your phone saying that Dr. Gonzalez would speak to you personally regarding the player complaint. Just as you were ready to burst into tears, Gavi emerged from the locker room, Pedri trailing close behind.

"Enjoy the game today?" Pedri asked, pulling you out of your trance.

"Loved it. I just wish Gavi could stop running into people so I could have a better viewing experience."

Gavi took this as an opportunity to enter the discussion, groaning on about how the other teams bullied him and were extra tough on him as the three of you walked to the garage.

"See you tomorrow, Pedri." You waved, unlocking your car and climbing into the driver's seat. He waived at you, and approached Gavi to hug him goodbye. As he pulled the younger boy in he whispered in his ear.

"I don't know how you thought of this little lie, but now you're going to be alone with her every day for four weeks. Ready to admit that you like her?" Gavi let out a fake laugh, playfully slapping Pedri on the shoulder.

"I don't like her like that. I just want to relieve some burden off of you, Hermano."

"Mhm yeah I'm sure. Just try not to get hard watching her drive on your first ride home. Wait until day 4 or 5." With that, Pedri walked to his own car, getting ready to call Fernando and update him about the circus that was Pablo's love life, and enjoying only being mobbed by 1/2 the normal amount of fans.

Gavi walked to your car quickly, climbing in and tossing his bag in the back. He tried not to think about Pedri's words. He was perfectly capable of sitting next to you, his friend, without being aroused just because you were a girl. At least he hoped he was. He was not hunched over and thinking deeply. Why did he decide that this was the best way for you to repay him? It's not like Pedri had ever complained about chauffeuring him around. And it's not like he didn't enjoy rides home with Pedri, listening to Quevedo and making idle conversation. But lately he just wanted to be around you - make sure you were okay.

The ring of your phone broke Gavi's train of thought. You answered on your car's speaker.

"Hola Martin. How are you doing?"

The sound of Martin's voice twisted Gavi's intestines, making him nauseous and fatigued. He hated the sound of his voice, the thought of his face, the words that he strung together and decided to say to you.

"Hola sexy. How are you doing this evening?"

You rolled your eyes. You knew exactly why Martin had chosen to call at this time. You had texted him earlier in the day, asking if he would be home that evening so you could drop by. This had led to a brief inquisition, with Martin wondering why you wanted to see him suddenly, and why you would be in his neighborhood. Once he found out it was because you would be in a car with Gavi alone, something in his behavior switched. He suddenly wanted to be a doting boyfriend who called and checked up on you.

"I'm doing well. You're on speaker in the car. I'm driving Gavi home right now."

"Are you still coming over afterwards? I've missed you so bad." Martin whined out that last part in such an animated way that it made you want to laugh. You knew what he was doing. He wanted to assert his dominance over Gavi, and make it think that you were going to swiftly go get railed by Martin right after you delivered Gavi at his doorstep. the truth was, despite dating Martin for several months now, you two had yet to go all the way. There had of course been kissing and some heavy petting, but no articles of clothing had never his the floor.

"I'll see how I'm feeling after Gavi leaves and call you then. Bye Martin." You said quickly, hanging up the call once you took a quick look at the disgusted look Gavi had plastered on.

"I'd mock you if I didn't think I would throw up." He said, trying to be lighthearted but failing. You didn't reply, feeling slightly embarrassed that he had to listen to your boyfriend's weak attempts to prove his manliness.

"No it's okay, go ahead and mock my boyfriend who moans on the phone when other people can hear." Your laugh was also stiff and forced. The call had made the air thicker and the mood more tense. You handed Gavi the phone, instructing him to play some music so that you weren't sat in the awkward silence that Martin seemed to always create between the two of you.

"This is a lot of pressure now on me. I'm never on AUX." He says, scrolling through his music. He pressed the song, and the sound poured from the speakers.

"Enrique Iglesias? Isn't he before your time?" You asked, smiling from ear to ear. You loved Cuando Me Enamoro, and the familiarity helped release the tension from your shoulders. As the song played, you started softly singing along. You opened the cover of the moon roof, allowing more of the street light to enter the car.

Gavi turned to look at you, examining your features. Your eyes were soft, focused on the road ahead of you. Your fingers drummed against the steering wheel to the beat. You had one leg up as you drove, leaning into the door slightly. Your lips moved along with the lyrics, singing contently. Gavi could not move his eyes from the sight. Your lips forming every letter were drawing in his focus, hypnotizing him. He never wanted to look away from the soft pink flesh. His thoughts began escaping his control. He wanted to hear you sing louder. He wanted to hear you speak, watching those lips talk about anything your heart held a passion for. He wondered what they would feel like against the pads of his fingers. He imagined what it would be like to kiss them - softly at first, just to feel their warmth and softness. Then harder, to interlock with his own, to bite them, pull them, have them stretched around him, make them cry out his name.

"Pablo?"

He snapped up, giving himself whiplash. Gavi had not noticed that he had rested himself on the center console, leaning against his palm and daydreaming so deeply it drowned out the sound of your voice calling his name.

"Sorry to disturb your deep pondering, but we're here." He looked up at you, vision still rose tinted from the deep dive he had conducted on your lips. His mouth hung open, wanting to say something, but the words would not form in his head. He wanted to touch you. He wanted you to be closer. But he couldn't say it. So instead he extended his hand for a fist bump, coupled with a quick mutter of 'goodnight'. He grabbed his bag, quickly closing the door and digging for his keys.

"Gavi?"

He looked back at you. Your eyes locked for a moment. His hazel eyes conveyed an emotion that you couldn't understand. You didn't want to look away from him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" There was a plead in the question that didn't escape either of you. It was a request. You wanted to see him. His eyes softened, crinkling at the sides as a smile spread across his space.

"Of course, doctora. Drive safe, and let me know when you get home."

Your eyes remained locked until Gavi shut his front door. He leaned against it breathing deeply, as you leaned your head against your steering wheel. You both felt a deep longing for the other, the feeling of "I miss you" sinking in as soon as the door clicked. But he got off the door, and you turned your engine back on, and you both ignored the feeling that something was missing.

Gavi was proud of himself. He was only half hard after leaving the car, despite the most sinful and inappropriate thoughts about your lips festering in his mind. He tried to eat, but he had no appetite. All he wanted to do was call you, text you, read your old messages. He threw his phone on his bed. He didn't understand why you now took up so much of his headspace and thought. He went to shower for the third time that day, hoping to relieve the tension permanently etched into his limbs.

You knocked on Martin's door for a third time. You had called him from Gavi's to let him know you were coming. He answered the phone out of breath and rushed, telling you to just come over, and hanging up quickly. It was night and day from the concerned lover that had called earlier. On the drive over you rationalized his behavior. Did you really have time for a boyfriend that wanted to talk to you often and be with you and have sex and sleepovers? No. You were busy and focused on advancing your career. So maybe Martin and his distance and indifference was actually perfect.

He finally opened the door after three rounds of knocking and two phone calls.

"You're here sooner than I expected." He said, cheeks slightly pink and breathing fast.

"Yeah Gavi lives really close by. Can I come in?" You asked, raising an eyebrow at his form, which blocked the entryway entirely.

"Uh," he looked over his shoulder before responding, "yeah sure. Come in." You entered his house, removing your shoes at the door. Martin had called you "backwards" the first time you did this at his house. As a person in medicine, you couldn't comprehend tracking the entire bacteria ecosystem onto the floor of his house, but it was one of those things you just agreed to disagree on.

"Making sure the other girlfriend left before letting me in?" You laughed, and he spun around quickly, grabbing you by the shoulders and leaning down to look at you.

"I know you make a lot of jokes, but this can't be one of them," he said, his tone somber and serious. "Don't ever joke about me being a cheater. It's not who I am and I am a better person than that." You were shocked by his sudden change in mood, putting your hands up in surrender and apologizing.

Gavi laid awake in bed, legs tangled in the sheets, moving from one side to the other, unable to find a single moment of rest. He checked the phone on his nightstand every couple of minutes, waiting to see your name light up the screen. Why weren't you home? It had been over an hour since you had left his house. Martin was definitely not interesting enough to keep you at his place for so long, especially after a match day. The longer he thought about it, the more the sweat pooled on his brow and the dread seeped into him. Maybe you two were having sex. Maybe you would be spending the night at his house, and Gavi would never get the "I'm home" text. He tried to calm himself, but everything irritated him. Why did you have to leave him to go to your stupid boyfriend's house? Why did he want you to tell Martin to fuck off and lay on the couch with him? Why did he want to know so badly if you two were having sex?

As with most news he got about your relationship, he heard the tip from Ansu who obviously heard it from Ferran: after three months together, you and Martin had still not had sex. After the initial 'why the hell are you guys talking about this', Gavi started to listen to Ansu's gossip as he packed his things after practice. He heard about Martin's complaints.

"Apparently, he told Ferran that she will kiss him and touch him and make him hard, then she will pull away and go home. He said first it was like exciting - ya know, being teased, playing hard to get. But now he's kind of getting impatient ya know. Ferran told him to get another girl."

"To break up with y/n?" Gavi asked a little more enthusiastically than he intended. Pedri looked up from his phone and raised an eyebrow at Gavi, but refrained from making a comment. He wanted to go home, and he knew the longer this conversation continued, the longer it would be till he could sit in front of his TV and play FIFA.

"No not to break up with her. Ferran was like 'oh you know she's wife material like she is good in front of cameras and will look nice for your Wikipedia page. But if you want to have sex just go to a girl in a club and sleep with her and then do the couple shit with y/n when you feel like it. You already set her expectations low."

Pedri swears to this day he saw the smoke rise from Gavi's ears at the suggestion that Martin cheat on you. In football and in life, Gavi hated cheats. He wanted to tell you, but was advised against it.

"Unless we hear that he is actually cheating on her, there's no need to hurt her feelings or add stress to her life."

So now he sat in bed, frustrated in more than one way, as he thought about you and Martin having sex. He closed his eyes, hoping to conjure up a new mental image, but all he saw was you. You were in the same sweatshirt and leggings that you had come over in the other day. Martin was nowhere to be seen. You were in the living room, laying on the soft leather of the couch, beckoning Gavi over.

He felt the blood begin to pool and his cock start to harden. He threw one arm over his eyes, groaning loudly. It had become a common occurrence for him to get horny when thinking about you, but usually he could will the image away by reminding himself that you two were friends and would not be anything more. Usually. Today it wasn't working. The image of you on his couch, licking your lips and calling him over refused to disappear. The tighter he closed his eyes the stronger it got.

He moved his hand to palm his aching erection through the fabric of the boxers he had worn to sleep. The you in his head was standing now, playing with the hem of your sweatshirt. The sight of skin (imaginary as it was), encouraged him further, and set his very skin ablaze. He pushed down his boxers, stroking himself slowly now. In his head now, you had slowly stripped away your sweatshirt, leaving you in a bra and tight leggings that cupped your ass in the most sensual ways. He was panting now, breathing heavily, switching between stroking his cock and playing with the head. In his mind you stripped off your leggings, leaving you in just your bra and panties for him to stare at, taking in the sight of your body. Beads of precum formed at the head, which he spread around, teasing his most sensitive nerves. He knew once he came you would disappear, and he didn't want to be without you.

The real you was in a similar position: seductive and shirtless. You were currently under Martin, shirt having been discarded somewhere in the living room as he pressed you into the couch. He broke from you to pull off his shirt, then captured your lips once again. You move fervently to match his pace. He kneaded your breasts between his hands. Rough. Everything Martin did was fast and rough. And you tried to keep up, but the only sounds leaving you were heavy breaths from exertion, not arousal.

The scene in Gavi's head switched perspectives. He was now on the couch, legs spread open, inviting you in. You walked towards him slowly, and he drank in the sight of you. You crawled onto his lap, straddling him, and rested your forehead against his. Your eyes, your lips, your breasts - the image of all three sent shock waves through his body and straight to his cock. He gripped it now. He wanted to turn to his nightstand, grab something to lubricate with and stroke in earnest, but he was afraid he would lose the vision of you.

In Martin's house, the real you was searching for an escape. Martin was kissing your neck, grinding into you like a dog in heat. After a few minutes he noticed that you had gone silent, even your breathing relaxing now. He came up to look at you. What kind of girl didn't get turned on from activities like this? He decided to switch positions so that you were laying on top of him, and he dug his fingers into your hips and ass pressing your clothed core against him. He was unmistakably hard, but you felt nothing. There was no pool in your panties or heat in your loins. You were kissing him hard but felt, well, indifferent. Like you might rather be doing laundry.

In Gavi's head, you were a puddle. He had captured your lips between his own, kissing you deeply as you rocked against him, the kiss only breaking when he hit your sweet spot, causing you to moan out. He let his hands roam your bare skin, and he could almost feel the warmth. Fingers resting on your waist, he moved with you, rutting against each other and chasing your release. He looked down at the two of you, watching the wet spot on your panties grow as you ground your clit into his hard-on. He moved to your neck, kissing and suckling until little marks bloomed on the skin. You whimpered out, and now Gavi wanted to do everything in his power to make you moan in earnest. You were looking at him with those gorgeous eyes, begging, pleading, imploring Gavi to do more. And he wanted to do so much more.

The action ended for the real you rather quickly. Martin was pushing you against him, bruising your pelvic bone as he chased his own orgasm, almost forgetting that you weren't a sex doll. You decided to help finish him off quickly and go back to your place. Maybe you would still have time for that laundry. You placed your hands on either side of his head, his face basically buried in your breasts, and you started to grind into him earnestly, rocking your hips in a way that you knew drive men crazy. Within 45 seconds he was cumming in his pants, moaning loudly, and pressing into you so hard you were worried it would leave marks. You gave him a quick kiss and tugged your shirt back on. You both exchanged words about seeing each other soon, and you walked out of his house to your car alone and unsatisfied.

Gavi was almost in pain. His cock was angry and throbbing, begging for him to stroke himself in earnest. But he couldn't do it dry, and he would rather remove his cock entirely than lose this dream of you. You were now in front of him, on your knees, touching his upper thighs. He felt the ghostly sensation on his skin as he remembered every time you pressed your fingers into the muscular flesh in your office (or on his couch). You pulled down his boxers, and his cock sprung free. You leaned over and let your tongue hang from your mouth, your drool flowing on to his cock. Gavi brought his hand up and spit in his palm, pretending it was you. He brought it back down and began stroking, long fluid motions from base to tip. You were also stroking him, looking up at him with those big innocent "fuck me" eyes, and he couldn't stop himself from moaning out.

He wanted you. He wanted you to be on your knees for him, on his lap, under him in bed. He wanted you. He had never been harder in his life. And then he got to those lips. Those pink perfect lips that spoke to him so gently, teased him, called out his name - in his mind he watched them stretch over his cock. His self restraint snapped. He brought his hand up again, spitting into his palm multiple times, and beginning to stroke his cock rapidly. He wished it was you. He wished it was your smaller hand wrapped around him, so he could guide you to stroke it in just the way he liked. He was playing with the head of his cock now, imagining your lips sinking deeper and deeper over him, looking up at him with tears in your pretty eyes.

There was no more pretending and no more care. The sheets were thrown off, the room filled with heavy breaths, groans, and the squelching sound of Gavi pumping his cock. His dream you had pulled of and was now leaving gently kisses on his cock, licking the head shyly. Your lips were red and swollen, a product of his passionate kisses and his member. Gavi was almost there. He squeezed his eyes shut as hard as he could, trying to see you, imagine you more clearly. You were alternating licking at his slit and sucking on his head. He was gone. Moans of your name mixed with "please" filled his room. He wished you were there. He wanted to feel your skin, the smooth warmth under his finger tips. He wanted to hear your voice, soft and silky and telling him how good he was going. He was so, so close. He had never edged himself this much in his life, but he wanted to keep watching you.

The dream you pulled off of the head of Gavi's cock, placing a kiss on it, before crawling back up his body. He tried to capture your lips in yet another kiss, but he couldn't. He felt you drape yourself over his thigh, grinding into the muscle there as you pumped his cock for him. He fisted his own cock at a bruising pace. He would deal with the consequences afterwards. Now he was ready to cum to you, for you. You leaned into his ear, still riding his thigh, one hand wrapped around him, and you moaned out,

"Pablo."

His orgasm washed over him in a tidal wave, knocking the air out of him. He moaned your name out loudly, filling the whole house with his sounds of pleasure. Cum landed on his chest, and he continued to pump himself through the orgasm, thinking of you and riding out his high. When it was over, he calmed himself and worked to slow his breathing. His eyes were still screwed shut, but you weren't there anymore. He was alone and covered in his own load, and he was still thinking about you.

Once he had composed himself (and his legs were stable enough for him to walk, he went to the bathroom and cleaned himself, donning a new pair of boxers to actually sleep in. Once he returned to his bed, he saw his phone light up.

[Doctora]: I just got home. Have a good night Pablo

His chest got tight again as he laid in bed, staring at your words to him. You hadn't forgotten. He set his alarm and laid down, the exhaustion from his orgasm settling in now and making his eyelids heavy. When he closed his eyes, he saw you again. This time you were fully clothes - in one of his hoodies and a pair of his sweats. You were in bed next to him, arm stretched out, beckoning him to come closer to you. Gavi hugged one of his pillows close to his chest, imagining it was you sleeping in his arms, and drifted off.

[Gavi]: Have a good night, doctora. Dream of me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: not proofread because I don't feel like it. I hope you al enjoy this part! I think this is the last part of 'exposition'/ setting up their dynamic, so relationship building will start in the next chapter, so I hope you all stick with me for the rest of the story! I love hearing all your reactions in the comments, so please don't be shy to comment! Or if you're a little shy, feel free to send me an anon ask!

Also please comment if you want to be added to the taglist ok bye

*~*Taglist*~*

@l0verl4ne @vibinwkay @anastasia-nova @mxgvmiii @mads-grace4 @bubblebeep69 @katluckybear @scuderiabarca @alwaysclassyeagle @simpingmyassoff @grlwithprblms @lqvesoph @pink-manz @graziemille @xxenia14 @nngkay @icedlattewithextracaramel @gyusrose @vip-access @julianalvarez9

#pablo martín páez gavira #pablo gavi slow burn #pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi imagine #pablo gavi #gavi x reader #gavi #gavi x you #gavi fluff #fc barca #footballer imagine #footballer #pablo gavi fluff #gavi fic #pablo gavi fanfiction #gavi fanfic #gavisuntiedboot #gavi imagine

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drdemonprince · 1 year

Note

I think I remember you saying you were writing something for autistic adults having trouble meeting people? Actually I just remember the ask you got about someone who found a lot of social spaces being for youths. I have a similar problem. I've lived in the same city my whole life, but I don't have friends here because I don't know how to keep in touch with people after the situation we had in common (school, job) ended. And currently I'm unemployed, so I don't have coworkers, and I'm suffering a lot from the lack of a social context. There are some kind-of-niche social events I can go to, trans brunch once a month, queer board game nights every friday (and I don't even like board games). But even once I'm there I struggle to reach out and talk to anyone. For the former event, most people go with friends, so I assume I'm imposing if I make more than very brief small talk. For the latter one, we do often end up a group of polite strangers sitting around talking about random stuff, but I find I don't care about the interaction and I just want to go home. I have friends online that I'd rather spend time with, but it also feels so miserable when I don't have anyone to just grab coffee with. I tried tinder briefly, but I can't stand chatting with strangers, I react to it like an obligation and just ghost them. I'm not curious enough about strangers. I don't want to make friends, I want to already have them. It's rough.

The good thing here is you have 100% already articulated what the root of the problem here is: you're not taking an interest in any of the people you're spending time with, and the people you are meeting are not interesting to you.

People like us when they can feel that we like them, care about them, and find them interesting. People want to spend more time with people who make them feel heard, and who have genuine enthusiasm for their existence. The people you're meeting are almost certainly picking up on your lack of curiosity about them, and your sense that spending time with them is some grueling obligation, and so nothing deeper is taking root.

The solution is to have a genuine interest and curiosity for people. If you can't access that, you won't be able to make new friends. Having close friends that you can meet with for coffee at the drop of the hat isn't a status you can simply arrive at, it's a relationship dynamic that you build, painstakingly, interaction by interaction, invite by invite, one open-hearted, presence conversation after another. And you won't now who will become a lifelong, cherished friend to you if you don't start by trying to find what's worthy of cherishing within other people first.

Now, you mentioned that some of the social groups you take part in aren't even all that interesting to you -- and that's certainly part of the issue. If you don't like board games, you're not going to have fun at board game night, you're not going to like talking about board games, and you're going to feel a palpable disconnect between yourself and all the people who are present because they really like board games. You can either try to find something about the activity interesting, and really put your mind to learning about it and taking an active interest in it, for the sake of your own enrichment, or you should stop going, because there's no reason to drag yourself to regular obligation you don't like and aren't putting any investment in.

I would recommend that you find other social gatherings in town that line up more with your interests. Meetups, book clubs, volunteer shifts, video gaming leagues, sports teams, community theater, whatever it might be. This article has more advice about how to find new social groups and to make friends there:

But I'd also encourage you to practice being curious about the great diversity of humanity. There are so many wonderful subcultures out there to learn more about, so many creative and industrious practices to be awed by and to learn about, and so many funny, bizarre people out there worth making a study of. Even if you don't get along with the vast majority of humans or don't want most of them within your close social circle, you should, I think, be able to find something worth learning about in within nearly every human community, and within every person.

I firmly believe that the purpose of life is to grow, experience new things, and learn -- and if you're seeking new friends, you do want your world to be a bit larger than it is, right? So why not try to enjoy learning more about the broader social world? That doesn't mean committing to a regular hobby that bores you to tears (I hate tabletop games, for instance), but it does mean dipping your toe into new waters with some genuine receptiveness to it (I tried tabletop games for the hell of it, learned I didn't playing them, but now I do love hearing about my friends' campaigns).

I wasn't a furry when I first started going to Furfest; I just thought it was interesting and I was awe-struck by the dedication and creativity of people practicing the craft of making fursuits and drawing anthro art. The passion of that community was addictive, and the joy and friendliness of the space opened me up, and within a matter of two convention visits, Midwest Furfest had become one of the absolute social highlights of my entire annual calendar.

I've also gone to a lot of anime conventions, and they didn't grab me quite the same way, but I still sat in on some panels where I learned new things, and I still met people who were lovely and got to take in a bunch of beautiful cosplays. I've tried out all kinds of things, from betting on horse races to performing in sketch comedy troupes to attending naked yoga, and I didn't love or feel good about all of it -- but every single one of those things was worth trying out, because it helped me make contact with a broader spread of the human experience and learn a bit more about myself and other people. it broadened my knowledge base and expanded my social skills -- even if yes, i did absolutely sit in on some conversations that bored me to absolute tears.

If you don't have the energy to be curious about new things and new people at this stage of your life, anon, that is completely fine. When I was in the throes of deep masking and Autistic burnout I didn't always have it in me to make polite small talk or to endure overstimulating new situations. It's difficult to be open when one is traumatized or overwhelmed, and so if you find you really cannot feel anything for any people that you meet right now, working on soothing that internal vigilance and treating that trauma might be the first step. Even trauma recovery requires making contact with other traumatized people, listening to their stories, and being able to recognize yourself within them to some extent, tho.

There are periods of life that are for growth and there are periods that are for dormancy. If you don't have it in you to make new friends right now, that's fine. However, if you do want to have new friends in your life, you do have to be able to like people and care about them.

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arammies · 1 year

Text

pac: your qualities that surprise people

ू take a breath and focus on the question. then pick a pile that stands out the most to you. you may pick more than one pile. if nothing catches your attention, then there is simply no message for you here at the current moment.

ू many many thanks to my guides and your guides for helping with these messages :)

ू ~0.4k words each pile. there are three parts of this reading; in general, strangers/acquaintances, and your close ones.

ू deck used; the weird cat tarot

from left to right, top to bottom; pile 1, pile 2, pile 3, pile 4

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 1

— general —

[ eight of cups ]

okay the keyword here is content. whenever you think something doesn't serve you, while you take time to be frustrated about it, it doesn't take long for you to walk away even without knowing what the future holds. you have a very strong will and respect your worth so much so when you know you need to move on, you'll immediately move on. you struggle to let go but once you decide enough is enough, you do let go. i feel compelled to tell you that it doesn't matter if it's small steps or big steps, the thing here is you do indeed make the first steps so kudos to you for letting go things that don't add up to your life :)

— strangers / acquaintances —

[ three of swords, seven of cups ]

woah. you're so strong. you've been through literal hell and you still hold those dear to you close. not to say you're not phased by the challenges of your life, but you understand that the law of nature is that everything will pass so you give grace to yourself and the people around you very much. you gain more knowledge on what to hold onto and what to let go as these challenges come. you're also very adaptable in every aspects. you don't like to be fixed in a box. for example, you don't have a specific aesthetic that you relate to, and you simply like everything from here and there. so like when people talk to you, they're like "wait, how do they have so many different interests??" . i don't know why but they're really like giving me "gasp, shocked, ???" energy lmaoo you keep doing you pile 1!! be awesome!!

— close ones —

[ the chariot, two of pentacles ]

oh my god pile 1, so like your qualities that surprise them is also funnily the explanation for the strangers / acquintance part. that you're a very, very balanced person. when you think and make choices, you're aware of both the materialistic and the spiritual world, both the feelings and the consequences. often, you try not to view things just from one perspective which is also why your close ones think you make one of the best judgement. i feel like they go to you for advices a lot and not like just minor ones either, the very very big ones that can make or break their world, because again, you help them see in a wider perspective. this quality of yours is also what makes it possible for you to have multiple different things or interests going on for you, because you know which to prioritize. and you might even enjoy having different source of knowledge and stuffs going on for you because even though sometimes it might be a hassle to keep up, you're just really content with what you have.

thank you for reading pile 1, have a great day !!

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 2

— general —

[ the moon ]

people are so scared and confused by how you live your life. they don't think they'll ever get how you manage to embrace your situation with open arms, how you can move forward in life living like "that", their words not mine. i'm feeling that the majority of you might have been or still is, unemployed, homeless or freelancing etc. they can't grasp how you can live so calmly despite your life being so stagnant. but at the same time, they're also very inspired by it ?? in a way, they're basically saying "i don't know how you can live like that but i respect you for it". your energy is also very refreshing and i've never felt this relaxed so i assume people feel that way about you. when they spend time with you, you remind people to breathe.

— strangers / acquaintances —

[ ace of pentacles, three of cups ]

people who don't know you well are always suprised with how abundant you are, or that you make your life seems so. as in you're someone who goes along with the flow of life, and goes through it rather peacefully with whatever that is going on. they also notice how you accept both the good parts and bad parts of both yourself and life, rather you cherish it. you might be someone who doesn't understand good and bad in societal terms like people having icks or people calling someone a good person or a bad person, to you no one is purely good or bad. everyone is simply human. so the way you see things makes your judgement very clear; you acknowledge both sides but i get the feeling you don't like the term of pros and cons or good and bad in general because you think everything is just simply be.

— close ones —

[ the high priestess, queen of swords ]

again, you're just so good at simply being there. you don't feel the need to rush into anything if there's no urgency to, you don't mind doing nothing. which surprise your close ones, because people often are scared at not doing anything. but you're simply very accepting of the things going on in your life, you acknowledge that you'll have different phases in life and this is just one of it. you might even come off as very unbothered but i get that this trait of yours doesn't come naturally, you went through some hardships which opened your eyes to shift to this new way of seeing things. you're open to various opinions and are very patient and understanding with your life. because of this, some of your close ones might even look up to you.

thank you for reading pile 2 , have a great day !

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 3

— general —

[ knight of cups ]

they're amazed that you're such a go-getter!! you just keep on having things after things. and it also surprises them because you're still so excited for your journey despite them seeing you already tried many things, you just want to keep trying and trying. they're also amused because amidst all this busy schedule, people can see that you would always make time for your loved ones, whether when close or far. they see that you bring a part of your close ones around in things you do and places you go.

— strangers / acquaintances —

[ ten of cups, the devil ]

ooh they see you as someone completely happy with what you have. perhaps you achieved most of your goals in life or are about to. but you're completely in love with almost every aspects in life especially your connections and relationships with other people. which is also why they're so weirded out by how you still have things to look forward to do in the future. to them, it's like you've achieved happiness, why are you chasing for more? why are you planning more and more moves? aren't you happy enough? which to that i say fuck them lmao cause you clearly know what you're doing.

— close ones —

[ knight of wands, wheel of fortune ]

yippeee!! shut them haters mouth zip zip!! your close ones clearly see that you're not as greedy as people make you out to be. it's true you're working on more goals, but they're aware that these steps you're taking are only to deepen the connections and relationships that you have aww. for example, you want to get more money so you can buy your close ones stuffs they can't afford or to donate to those that clearly need more help than you. and you know that since you're able to do so, you will do it. and you clearly enjoy doing this, your closed ones can see that. again, you've achieved most of your big dreams and if you're still in the process, this wheel of fortune card is just another confirmation that your dreams will be aligned way sooner than you'd initially thought. also i'm getting that you're not just abundant in physical world, but also the spiritual world. you might be one of those people whose gut hunches are always right and it spook your close ones a lot haha. you could also have precognitive dreams :0

thank you for reading pile 3 , have a great day !!

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

pile 4

— general —

[ page of cups, ten of pentacles ]

you're very playful. it seems like you've newly developed this trait? or strengthen it more? like you just gotten out of a period of self journey of accepting yourself and your wounds. now, the people see that whatever danger throws at you, you just kind of blurt your tongue at it? lmaooo and for people that are more acquainted with you, they notice you're facing your past wounds with such a cheeky energy. it reminds me of lightly joking about your traumas because you've processed and accepted them, and not in a joking as coping to distract you from the depths of your wounds way. you're also very very stable, or long term stability is about to come your way. now you just sit in your glory and you watch as things unfold, you're confident in your capabilities. everything in your life is aligning to a space of more security and comfort, and this is all because of how you have this set of values and morality and hold onto them tightly. you're just doing you, is what i get their general reaction to this are.

— strangers / acquaintances —

[ six of wands, eight of swords ]

it seems that you gained some positive attention like getting praises, promotions etc and i feel like it was very recently as well. regardless, the cards are telling me that you have a fair amount of both people supporting you and wanting to see you fall. now, regarding the achievement, those who support you from afar are really proud of how far you came, that your gentle soul finally gets the appreciation they deserved. to them, you have a really pure heart and energy while being such a hard worker. you really have their support, pile 4. now onto the people that don't like you as much, these can be external factors that had or are negatively impacting you, but i feel for the most of you, it's the people instead. they see here that you're standing tall in yourself, not shaken up by their advances as you deliberately close your eyes and ears to anything they have to say. you also don't make a move either and this really hurts their pride (lol serves them). they're seeing you in all your glory and your unbothered energy makes their insecure asses more insecure.

— close ones —

[ page of pentacles, seven of cups ]

your close ones are aware that you cherish your inner child very much. tbh this whole spread screams inner child. anyway, you make decisions after listening to your inner child but you're also very grounded in reality. like you have that thirst for enjoyment a child would have but you're not a child in terms that you are blindly going anywhere without knowing the cautions of the place. you nurture your inner child very much so you try to things that would make them happy, and your close ones are really happy you're happy. remember that achievement in the strangers / acquintances part? i feel like that alone has opened up so many opportunities and choices for you, choices that would make your inner child so happy. they're just super proud of you, they know you've been waiting for this day. and since you have a solid foundation of principles, they trust that you would make the best call for future choices whether or not you ask them for their advice. there's just so many good things waiting for you pile 4 :)

thank you for reading pile 4 , have a great day !

· · ─────── ˗ ˏˋ ❀ ´ˎ ˗ ─────── · ·

#i feel like these all are weirdly specific sksjks #and the energy seems all similar at first until you uncover the layers ? yeah #☆°(ꈍᴗꈍ) aram pac ू #pick a card #pick a card reading #pick a pile #pick a pile reading #pac #pac reading #collective reading #tarotblr

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sailor-aviator · 5 months

Text

Okay, so I've gone back and forth on whether or not to post this, but here we are. Long post under the cut.

I realize that I tend to post updates fairly often. However, I am not a machine, and I do actually have a full time job. The only reason I've been able to update like I have is because we've been in the off season. Eventually, things are going to pick up quite a bit and more than likely, I won't have as much free time to post like I do now. With that being said, I will try to get updates to you guys as much as I can, BUT there seems to be an attitude going around (not just towards me, but towards many other authors on here) that we should be updating almost every day. This is not feasible. Do I love that you guys love my stories so much? Absolutely! And I love talking about them with y'all. However, this is a hobby first and foremost. I am not being paid to write these stories and everything that I do post, I post for free. So, it's a little aggravating when I get asks in my inbox asking when I'm updating again after it's only been a week. It's a little aggravating when I get asks in my inbox for requests with not even a please or thank you, just a demand for something.

Which brings me to the next point. I don't mind taking requests. In truth, I'm a little backlogged right now, so until I can catch up, specific requests are closed. I will still talk about the stories with you guys, but I wouldn't necessarily expect a drabble until I can catch up on some of the ones that have been sitting in my inbox for about two months now. Along this same line, I really don't appreciate people coming into my inbox and telling me that you like my writing and then turning around and insulting it. I also don't appreciate when people come into my inbox and ask me to write an entire AU with specific scenarios while also insulting the way I write my characters. I love hearing about the different AUs you guys wanna see me do, but when you are sending me paragraphs of specific things you want to see in the AU, then it's no longer just an idea. At that point, you should be considering writing it yourself because it's not my original story at that point.

To clarify, there's a big difference between "I think it would be really cool if you wrote a mob AU and the reader could be a waitress or work in a bookshop or something" and "You should write a mob AU where the reader is a waitress and gets caught in a shootout and this character saves her! But then it turns out the waitress is secretly working undercover to bring down the mob boss and there's a shootout where this thing happens and then the characters have this specific conversation and then..."

I'm not trying to be a bitch, I swear I'm not. But it's frustrating when I can tell some of you don't even read the actual stories before ragging on them and then submitting a request in the same breath. It's also getting a little frustrating when I have the tag list at the top of my posts (with the trigger warnings) and I'm still being asked to add people to the tag list. I try to be accomodating and understanding, guys, but things have been a little much recently, and I just felt like I needed to say something. I know I'm not the only author on here experiencing this sort of stuff, and I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm speaking for them, but please start reading the author notes and the trigger warnings and what the author has posted before the actual story. And please stop pestering the authors on here about when they're posting. I know some people post daily, hell, I used to be one of them back when I was unemployed. But we have lives outside of this website guys, and a lot of us have plans with the holidays upon us as well as mental health problems with the changing seasons.

Again, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I think people tend to forget that there are actual people behind these accounts, and while we love interacting with and giving you guys content, sometimes we need a break too. I know I have other hobbies other than writing, and sometimes I just need to take a step back so I don't get burnt out and stop writing altogether. Just show a little compassion and courtesy, y'all, that's all I'm asking.

Happy Holidays, and I hope to have something out for y'all this week if not a couple things. I have the entire week after Christmas off, but I don't know how much I'll be able to write given I have to go get my car fixed now and I have plans with some friends.

#long post #love y'all #just had to get this off my chest #but i'm very thankful for each and every one of you #liz rambles

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innitmarvellous · 2 months

Text

Part 2 of my ace contemplations - Part 1 can be found here - or more like: more whining, haha. Sorry.

First off something more general: I'm happy about the responses I got on the original post, but I think it's a bit sad that there isn't a hashtag or something for people who want and need the support of the aspec community here on Tumblr (without having to join a special forum or sth). Because it seems that while the community is quite active, it's mostly for sharing memes and snappy textposts and stuff, and less about more helpful things and discussions. I'm not saying the memes etc are wrong and shouldn't be a part of it too, but idk, I just wish there would be more of an actual community bond, if that makes sense? To help the people who aren't yet at the stage where they can view their identity as something great, people who are still struggling and are reliant on online communities for that kind of help.

Because for all the talk about the very active Tumblr aspec community...I personally haven't seen and benefitted much of it, apart from the memes etc. And I hope I'm not the only person who don't just want to agree with meme posts and would wish for more. Or am I just unfortunate? Looking in the wrong places? (In short, where are the nice supportive ace people of Tumblr? I'm desperate here...well, kind of.)

---

Something related to the books I mentioned in the original post:

these books are all written from such an US-centric, university-educated and creative business viewpoint. And that's just not my world at all, as an mostly unemployed European with crappy education.

Like, one time it was mentioned that aces always look out for each other and how great that is. And yeah, sure. It is. It would be great, but what about the people who aren't part of that lucky network or community? People who possibly haven't met another aspec person in real life? They are missing that kind of support, and maybe it would be the one thing that would make everything easier.

---

Another thing: I found the probably supposed to be inspirational stories from other aces in the books rather disheartening. Yeah, fine, so person XY found their perfect partner by luck, despite whatever made them think it would never work out, yadda yadda. Good for them, but that's not gonna happen to me, right? I'm not gonna strike that jackpot and will find someone who accepts me as I am. Maybe I'm just a really, really spiteful person, but stories like that don't inspire me or show me what's possible for me personally in any way.

---

Well, yeah, I never encountered that. Like, truly never. That's one thing where I'm very ace: I don't get what's supposed to be sexy about a (mostly) naked body. I understand a appeal of a open top button and bit of chest being visible or something like that (lol that sounded so stupid), but the body being in full view? Nah man, put on your shirt again before you catch a cold, lol. (And it's not just guys actually, but people of all genders, if I'm honest.) I should probably add that I absolutely don't mind seeing anything like that, it just doesn't do anything for me.

---

I guess my takeaway from all the reading I did isn't like for other people who don't feel wrong or broken anymore when they find out there are other aces out there. Even after knowing a lot about it I still feel like some crucial part of me is missing, and I could be more than what I am if that were possible. But then again, there isn't really a possibility for change, so I need to do my best to accept this. I just wish I had it easy one single time...why is basically everything about me so hard to accept? lol

Idk, but if I ever manage to convince myself that inevitably dying alone one day (and spending the time until then alone too) is a good thing, then I'm sure I'll be able to do anything. Now I only need to figure out how to convince myself and that's where it gets difficult, lol.

Being both aspec and too dumb/awkward to make friends is such a curse tbh 😓 And I can't even become a crazy cat lady because I'm bad with animals too, ugh...

---

In connection with the previous bit, I'm kinda envious of that way of thinking. Would make things much easier, I assume. And it's great if it worked for her, but I on the contrary would find it quite painful if I look back at my in a sense similar life.

---

And to counter all the hopelessness a little bit - we're supposed to do that kind of thing, I guess - I tried my best to come up with some positive points, although I take them with a grain of salt myself.

- Well, it does give me an explanation for whatever is going on with me. (Although I only need that explanation for myself, since I seem to give off so much sad loser energy that no one ever bothered to ask me whether I want a boyfriend or kids. They just look at me and think "nah, that's obviously impossible for her". Which is oddly funny yet a little bit hurtful... ^^')

- I'm kind of glad that I never actually have to hug people or cuddle with them since I hate physical contact so much, lol. Doesn't matter if it's platonic or not. Remember when everyone missed being hugged during the pandemic? Couldn't be me :D

- I guess someone who is a rather bad person with way too many negative traits like me shouldn't be on the dating market anyway, so it's a plus that I'm no relationship material. Although that's more of a plus for others, not so much for me, lol. But it is a plus in the sense that everyone I would fall in love with would be unattainable for me anyway, so it's good not to be tempted in the first place.

- Idk, that's about it, I think? Maybe I forgot something, but I believe that's the gist of it. Kind of sad, but I tried, haha.

#aspec #aroace #acespec #arospec #asexuality #aromanticism #asexual #lgbtqia #queer #i sure hope this will be the last part but i guarantee for nothing

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compassionatereminders · 25 days

Note

I'm 26 and I left my job were co-workers and boss were pretty much bullies. I worked split shifts (example from 7 am - 11 am then from 2 pm - 6 pm). Other times I mostly worked from 1 pm till 9 pm. I almost never got morning shifts so I could work from 6 am till 2 pm. I worked 6 days per week. I don't have a drivers license or a car so waiting for the bus took me a lot of time as well. If I finished at 11 am I was home at noon, I cooked something, cleaned up, took a shower and went to work again so I'd be there at 2 pm.

Mentally I was so unwell and I was exhausted since. And I feel like I deserve better than being exhausted, sad and depressed. I put all my energy to work I had none for me. I stopped seeing friends, I had zero energy.

And I feel like it's bizarre how people think you should be GRATEFUL to have work, no matter what kind, no matter if you are miserable. Am I crazy to think it's better to be jobless than being miserable 24/7?

1 free day I had off I still had zero energy. Mostly I was sleeping, napping or watching some kind of tv show and I was stressed all day like a kid that tomorrow I have to go to work again. You know like that kid that no one likes at school and the kid keep thinking the whole weekend "oh no it's going to be Monday soon".

People think I should be ashamed I left work, because they think I'm a lazy bum now (I live with my parents still we have a house but I have savings and I don't live there for free) but I don't feel ashamed. My parents kinda support me with my decision because they see how stressed I was.

But I feel society in general think you should be grateful that work is depressing/stressing/killing you.

I just wanted to say this because you reblogged how everyone deserve to eat & have roof over their head. Because I agree with that post and I just wanted to add how toxic our world is.

I'm sick when I see people preaching how people should be grateful for minimum wage.

Politicians steal millions, destroying their own people with bad decisions etc. but people only focus on other people because they don't want to be miserable as them. And instead of wanting better work hours/better work environment they would rather bad talk about others.

I don't think you have to grateful to work a stressful and unfulfilling job in a toxic environment. And I think people who are unsatisfied with their jobs have the right to talk about that without being judged and shamed. That being said, in a society where most of the stuff you need to maintain your existence is tied to your ability to work, it IS in fact a privilege to be able to work OR to be able to safely be unemployed. And this is also important to acknowledge in discussions about toxic work culture

#chat with kat #bullying tw

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djuvlipen · 9 months

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Once I got into an argument with a white, Spanish leftist, and he told me that Europe was very different from America, that poverty wasn't as racialized in Europe as it is in America, where Black Americans make up the largest portion of the working class.

And what I failed to explain to him and what I wish leftists would understand is that poverty is indeed racialized in Europe. Romani people make up the bulk of Europe's poorest working class.

80% of Romani people live at risk of poverty, compared with an EU average of 17%. (x)

Romani people are one of the demographics the most impacted by human and sex trafficking, and I am saying 'one of the most' because not enough studies have been released on the matter but it's very likely they are the most impacted by trafficking.

The paid work rate for Romani people, aged 20 to 64, is 43 %, much lower than the EU average (70 %) (x), and in Greece, Romani women have been shown to being paid lower wages than non-Romani women. (x) The reason I am only mentioning Greece is because it's the only country where such a study has been carried, but there is no reason to believe Greece is an isolated outlier here.

Romani people's life expectancy is estimated to be 10 years lower than non-Romani people's, in every European country. (x)

Romani people have been enslaved in almost every European countries. (x)

I am white-passing and my family isn't really big on cultural traditionalism: while growing up I never experienced actual racism for my skin colour. The one thing where my being Romani was blatant was in the extremely dire living conditions my family was living in. The white working class can't relate, to be honest I haven't met anyone who can relate to this but other Romani people. Things like this are ever present: your life prospects, and that of your relatives and closed ones, are non existant, and you're being made aware of it; your relatives are all factory workers or unemployed; they have alcohol and drug addiction and deep yet untreated mental illnesses. They die before turning 65. The houses are bad: it's decaying, there are short or long periods of time when you have no electricity nor hot water, it's insalubrious. It's just part of your daily life so you don't really notice it. Administrative papers are never done on time because you don't have that administrative literacy skill and your relatives usually didn't get into higher education if they ever graduated high school at all.

And when I tell this to white working class people they always scold me because while they were poor, they were not that poor. Only other Romani people could relate. The way I relate to my being Romani is through an economic class perspective, because I look white and to me being oppressed for being Romani has always been more about being relegated to the most impoverished social class in Europe, the Romani working class. Once I saw a Romani man saying 'Gypsies live like it's still the 1300s and they act so casual about it', and he was right because sometimes you can't even recognize how fucked up your living conditions are because you're just so used to it.

When I say this, people usually think I'm making stuff up or that I am racist against Romani people but no, but that's just how I grow up. I've talked to many other Romani people before and many of them could relate to what I was saying. I've worked with Romani families and I've witnessed poverty times and times again.

Romani people are Europe's proletarian race and we are the ones being made to work menial jobs, we are the ones being trafficked and exploited like slaves to this day, the women are the ones pimps are using to fuel the European sex trade. And no other demographic can relate to that because none of them are as poor as we are, I learned that from how condescending all the other non-Romani people, no matter their social class or race, were to me when I was talking about that issue.

Some people may think I'm lying and making it all up because it sounds unbelievable, maybe, but I don't care because I know how I grew up and the other Romani people I know could also tell you the same thing I just said and at the end of the day even the white Europeans can't deny that all of us, Romani people, are poor as fuck because they love bringing this up to justify killing us. In my country, "Gypsy" is even used as an adjective to talk about something that's very poor or cheap.

#Roma #class #original post #racialized poverty

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 2 months

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Life Update: Stuff Sucks

Well I talked about it briefly before but I figure I might as well just lay it all out on the table. But I'm unemployed yet again.

I kinda wanted to do a "short version" of this, but all you really need to know is that I'm unemployed and having financial issues due to added bills I didn't expect.

my kofi on my pinned message is always open. But I'm not expecting anything, this is not a cry for help, more like.. a cry of complaining.

Everything else past this point is just clarity, transparency and venting.

Unemployed, financial issues, and Stupid Elitist Teacher Drama.

Funding for my program got cut, It was a temp job that only lasted a year but I had hope that they would hire me back for next year, but that wasn't the case. As my evaluation didn't meet "beyond expectations" and they "wanted someone with a different set of skills"

But it was a paid Volunteer program that's funding got cut, so I don't think they can afford to be picky.

The thing about that job is that I was a paid volunteer hired as someone to organize and program the School Library. The issue is that a lot of my ideas that I gave them, they didn't like, would take someone else's ideas, and then yell at me for not doing things independently or on my own. But when I tried to do something independent without their permission like they requested to, they would get mad at me anyway and take someone else's ideas that has worked with the school longer. No matter how many interviews and research I did on how School Libraries function. (I legit interviewed about five schools in the district for information I was super professional about this)

There was also some drama involving the Teachers not wanting a Librarian on staff. I also got accused of "stealing food" from the PTO money. Which, wasn't the case. The PTO has snacks in the breakroom that anyone can take. And teachers told me sometimes they take snacks without paying, only to pay back way later in the week when their paycheck was earned, and it was a more casual "takeapenny/leaveapenny" thing. So yeah, I did take food, and was planning to pay back, and i know I wasn't the only one who did this. I was following the examples that the teachers were doing with their PTO snack shelf. Well, word got out, and there was a huge witch-hunt. And they beat around the bush and banned all Library staff from entering the Teacher Breakroom. Which was just a little stupid. Especially since I paid them all that money back of all the little snackies I 'stole' (stole in big quotation marks. I paid them all back easily. and this was all over some candy and potato chips..... They didn't even allow me into the break room during christmas and I wasn't allowed to eat "teacher staff food" for any hoildays or even if they brought in Pizza for the staff. They were singling out the Librarians as "OTHER" and not welcome in their school. They were doing petty shit before the whole "food debacle" but this whole thing made the entire situation worse.)

There was a huge thing of "we can't prove it's you, but we know it's you"

I do think the issue probably could have been resolved better, if I explained to them my intentions, but it really put a black mark on my record. No teachers really talked to me as much as they used to after that, I was put on probation, but it was dead silent of the results of that probation in December, until they came out and said they won't be hiring me for next year. I think they didn't want to fire me, so they waited until my term was up.

I was not the only one who got fired. A woman who got hired at the same time as me and was working at the Middleschool library got terminated too, and they even said it was all bullshit with how they treated me over this. (we used to be enemies. but now we're friends. We're meeting up for ramen in thirty mins)

I can't deny that their decision to terminate me was partially my fault, but at the same time. Locking the teacher's lounge like "no librarians allowed" to solve the "PTO stealing" issue was completely immature on the Principals part and there were several better ways to handle the entire situation.

One of my main strengths that no one appreciated. (except for this one particular coworker) Is that because I'm autistic, I like to encourage children in weird quests for knowledge. I had a super amazing relationship with the students, and they would infodump to me about FNAF, minecraft and Roblox. And it's clear teachers and parents at home don't encourage, or at least aren't too enthused by whatever passing trend their kid is into. (and I get it it's exhausting) but I would always make an effort to indulge them because if it gets more kids interested in reading, it's all worth it. (I know one girl was asking for "the amazing digital circus" books, but I had to explain to her what a pilot to a tv show is and why there's no books about it. it was a learning experience for her)

I also made student book recommendations forms for them to fill out for what they wanted to see, and would often talk and engage with them on their level.

Which, a lot of teachers didn't see as an asset, because, of course, we're talking about pokemon, minecraft and roblox, or "not school appropriate" things. And by that I just mean something that's a little too dark, like "fnaf" would be considered not school appropriate. Because they're not related to what they're learning. But I think it's healthy to encourage kids into what they're into. Especially if you can easily find books on those topics to recommend to kids who aren't really into reading.

But the amount of Teachers that would give me a side-eye for even mentioning Pokemon casually as they're in the hallways getting ready for Lunch... You would think I was preaching God's Holy Bible on School grounds.

Part of me thinks I could have done something better, but it feels like there was a huge hostility between the Library staff and the Teacher Staff for a really long time and it doesn't matter what I did, I would have been trying to push a huge rock over a hill the entire time.

So it's probably all just a blessing in disguise I'm free from that place.

I loved my job there, and I was sad it kind fell apart, but even knew it was a temporary position, I thought I would hold onto it longer.

I substitute as a teacher aid but it's on call and not frequent enough and trying to get something permanent. So there is like, some small money trickling in but just not enough for my bills, and sometimes none at all if I don't get called in.

On the Money issues: I recently had my old car's brakes completely get destroyed, so I had to buy a new used car, loaning out some money from my family, which put me in the red financially. My grandma thankfully just gave about half of the money to pay my car, my Mom gave the other half, but it's on a loan and she's constantly guilt tripping me over it. Admits she regrets buying her Adult Daughter a car cause "how will I learn?"

Learn what? That I want a walkable city and that the overreliance on just owning a car in America is a fucking nightmare and that the insurance rates on newer vehicles is DUMB?

But yeah, My Mom postponed her loan so I don't need to pay her, but I still have pretty high insurance rates on that thing which will be pretty bad if I don't find something soon.

Also, on top of new expensive bills, remember how I said I was getting free internet? That is a dream that has died. I think the security on my modem/router ran out so I had to pay about 300 dollars in addition to getting a new internet provider, which they are cheap, but compared to the "nothing" I was paying before. This is a notable downgrade, (at least in terms of money. the new internet is great for streaming) and an expense that I did not need, just when I enter into unemployment.

My last day was Yesterday and as of now I am looking for work but I don't know what else to do. I'm like so sick of working and I'm so physically and mentally exhausted from everything.

And you know me, I always feel bad asking for money because I have been unemployed over five times in the past ... year? two years? So I feel bad I always cry about this stupid stuff, and then worse when folks want to give me money, cause I feel I was just complaining about my Car troubles around two months ago.

But my kofi on my pinned message is always open.

#vent #personal

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inlocusmads · 3 months

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Starting Somewhere If Nowhere Tangible ~ nora rose, mafalda ginovesi

wc: 996, teen and up, warnings for drug mentions/usage

Summary: Or how nora scored herself a job at the Ginovesi Agency.

___

Sometime in 2019-20

Nora did not expect to be high when she received a job offer. A friend of hers had told her it “cured anxiety” or something. It made her cough a lot. She didn't have any unexpected laughing fits or a blatant disdain for her life which probably meant what she smoked wasn't even good quality stuff. Maybe she was that immune. Nora wanted to care but a part of her told her it brought no use.

She felt like a kid when Mafalda Ginovesi or someone came up to the terrace after a conversation with her uncle. Nora knew very little about Tommy's friends. Either she was too young to remember them all or never been introduced ever. Probably he wanted to make a good impression. Nora felt like an unwashed wound on someone's leg. Heck, she'd scrub herself extra hard in the shower just to get rid of the stains on her skin. As if she could only be defined by her stains. What was the point, anyway? College ended so long ago. She quit her job because the job sucked. Might as well check off another number by being a grubby mistake people wanted to hide.

She tried flipping burgers and helping her uncle run the bar but with no avail. It wasn't going anywhere. Her friends took the money, listened to her talk about the restaurant industry and ran. Who were her friends?

She'd read every self-help book on the market from PirateBay. Everything told her “hey, just fucking commit to it” when her brain never really got it going anyway. Making to-do lists occupied most of her time and she'd cross them off regardless. Journalling felt like a waste of time when she could be using the book to write more to-do lists. Borrowing money from Uncle Tommy to get groceries felt like she'd hit a new low, so she'd gone to find herself a job which only resulted in getting fired on the same day. What was she to do with a criminology degree anyway? The NYPD were corrupt motherfuckers. Aneesa was gone. Nothing to live upto.

But at the end of the day, she could roll a nice blunt however impure it might be and just stop worrying. Stop reading those books. Stop purchasing motivational keychains she didn't need. Stop cutting her hair. Stop browsing channels and get out of bed. Stop eating so many egg sandwiches after a smoke break. Stop taking breaks and wash up the counter instead. The granite isn't going to get all sparkly on its own.

Wasn't like she had anyone to get excited about either. She'd take anyone at this point. Friends, romantics - the line started to blur.

Maybe it was just the weed.

“I talked to your uncle.”

“Right. Uh, sorry --” Nora massaged her head. “Who are you?”

She flicked the cigarette to the trash.

“Nice aim.”

“Who are you again?”

“A friend of your uncle's.” she crossed her arms.

“Right okay so -- what do I do? Get you a chair or --”

“I came here with an offer. Your uncle said you needed more time -- is that pot?"

“Yes. Sorry I'm not more presentable.” Nora sniffed, adjusting her hoodie. “Please don't tell Uncle Tommy. He's going to be even more disappointed than he already is.”

“Do you want to sit down?” Mafalda Ginovesi’s voice nurtured her to take a seat.

“No -- I'm not -- I'm -- fine.” She struggled. “Yeah. I am okay. So what's up with the offer?”

“He says you're in between jobs and you were a homicide detective down in the 53rd precinct.”

“And somehow I find flipping burgers more honourable.” Nora scoffed. “What about it?”

“I've heard of what happened and I want to offer you a job.”

“Wow, you do not beat around the bush."

“No. I am looking for qualified private eyes for my agency. My fourth kid was just born last year and I need to be at home as much as I can. Didn't get a huge response from the papers. Called some old friends. Tommy said you were available and had a decent record. Good education. Recently unemployed.”

“So it's a full time thing?”

“I'm swamped with cases. We don't get a lot but we do get enough to get by.”

“I've seen private eye agencies run to the ground. What's different about yours?” Nora asked.

“I started it ever since I quit the NYPD myself, ever since they learned I'm gay. Which is enough to say, a long time ago. Ten years afloat. All me. My wife helps with the paperwork. My four kids are going to need some investment.”

“How much are you willing to pay me?”

“This isn't a standard 9-5. You get paid for the work you do. We split it.”

“But I'd still have to call you boss?”

“I don't mind the flattery. It's a small place. Near the bodega that sells egg sandwiches.”

Nora shrugged. “Still going to need a licence though.”

“Can be arranged. I know people. Just have to say yes.” Mafalda said. “You'd have to put in the work. For now it's grunt work. Help with running digital footprints, compile dossiers, write up reports, take notes - essentially an assistant job. Once you get warmed up we move on. I'm giving you a chance. Don't fuck it up.”

“All right, all right, sit down, jeez.”

“I am sitting down.”

“Yeah okay I think the weed’s already kicked in so -- I start Monday right?”

“Tomorrow. Your uncle needs you to get a job and I'm giving you one.”

“I don't need your sympathy.”

“No. You don't. But you need stability whether you like it or not. How long are you going to wallow in the what-ifs, anyway?”

“Yeah okay fair.” Nora said, nonchalantly.

“Get a blazer. Get a shirt. Trousers. Belt. Watch. I need you in the office by nine sharp.”

“Or don't bother coming?”

Mafalda stared at her.

“I’ll show up.” Nora sighed. “Close the door when you leave.”

***

A/n: Aneesa was the reason behind Nora learning about the NYPD's corrupted interiors. She was wrongly accused of a crime she didn't commit - became a scapegoat for an underground crime organisation. Aneesa was also Nora's girlfriend/situationship at that time which made the loss even harder when the former had to flee the country. To this day only a couple people know about the incident and Nora's afraid of making contact due to the fact that the underground crime ring might trail it back to her.

She also suspects this underground ring to be a key player in her dad's death but it's still very circumstantial and disputed.

Tagging @choicesficwriterscreations

#nora rose #w:inlocusmads #crimes of passion fics #mafalda ginovesi #my drabbles

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