#i'm sorry that this sucks so badddd | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miutonium · 11 months

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Anon Asked:

I am so much in the same boat. It feels embarrassing to talk about how lonely I am, but it’s been three years since I graduated university and I really have been so alone since then. I had a severe falling out with my university friends and I just haven’t made any new ones, despite trying every few months on dating apps or going to meet ups, and it just makes me feel so discouraged. It’s almost nice to hear that other people are in the same place, though I hope you find friends soon. It makes me feel less like something is wrong with me, to hear others are struggling to make connections.

__________

Sorry I accidentally deleted the ask in panic because I published it early my badddd 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Anyway, yes I understand how embarassing it is to admit that you're lonely. It feels like you're exposing your weakness to others. I only talk about my struggles with loneliness here because this is where I feel like I am safe and can be honest with myself; People around me and surrounding me doesn't know about it and I can't let them know that I am lonely, it makes me feel like I am vulnerable.

Sometimes I feel like something is wrong with me because I am unable to make friends and have meaningful connection with people despite how I am surrounded by a sea of people. And I'm sure you feel the same way too when you're unable to make friends despite trying to meet new people from various apps and meet ups. It feels like a slap on the face when you are reminded that the reason you're doing this is because you lose a friend that you though were your rock, the one that you thought will be with you and stay by you whenever youre happy or sad. It's such a shitty situation overall, it's almost like you lose a part of you.

Losing a friend sounds silly. For everyone, it's a part of life. And it is a part of life. But I wish people treated losing friends just like how they treat a breakup because in all honesty, this is a breakup. You lose a meaningful friendship with someone you though will be with you almost forever. It sucks.

And that's what sucks about trying to make new friends, it's tiring. You have to introduce yourself to people again and again, hoping that they'll accept you and then have to walk on eggshells trying to figure out which trait of you looks presentable to people so they like you. I hate that I have to tell people who am I and what I like and build the idea of what am I to them, I hate it. Most importantly, I hate that I have to start from scratch and build up trust with people, after all that you've been through when you lose your friends. It sucks, especially when you're an introvert.

Despite everything though, you're still here. You survived being alone. Whenever I'm going through my blues, I remind myself that I went through a lot just to be alive, and it's good to wake up and being able to breathe. I'm glad that I get to wake up another day to feed my cat and give all my love to them. I can't deny that I don't work well being alone so I express that whenever I can here. I know there's people out there that I don't know exist and don't have the pleasure to meet me just yet wants me to be alive. Just like finding your soulmate, finding a good friend takes time. Sometimes, they will come when you least expect. It's ironic but that's how I met my former friends, they always come when I least expected them to be. So in the mean time, while you look for the person that will treat you right and kind, treat yourself kindly first too.

Nothing is wrong with you, I assure that. The only wrong thing is the timing. I hope you will find the friends that you deserves too 💕💕💕

#asuka speaks #anon #ask

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breathiingg · 7 years

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Hey! So I came here from your 707 meme and I've seen your other memes (plus the ones from KS) and I love them so so much~ But! I noticed you didn't have any headcanons or fanfiction published yet so I wanted to be the first to ask for headcanons :3 Can you please do headcanons of the RFA + V & Saeran reacting to finding out that MC has been cutting herself lately because of a relapse caused by overwhelming stress from work? Bring on the angst, I had a shit day anyway :D please & thank you~

first of all, thank you so so much that was such a thoughtful thing to do I’m at such a loss for words (ﾉ∀`♥) but secondly, I’m so so sorry you had a bad day (◕︿◕✿) if you want to, I’m always free to talk about these things or just talk in general, okay? mama’s got youuuu (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

I’ve had a really bad last three months and I’m in a loop I really can’t get out of so this topic is honestly something I can relate to pretty well, but it’s something I have hope for? like I think I can get out of this loop and find my way and it goes for everyone else who’s in that same loop ♡´･ᴗ･`♡ so for that reason, I'm gonna try to make the headcanons happier (i will still try to make it angsty no worries~)

soooooooo~ without further ado… (this is going to be very long btw)

Yoosung

this boy was just casually playing LOL on his pc when you come into the room freaking out

“Yoosung, where are all my long sleeve shirts?”

he looks at you confused

it’s the middle of summer???

why on earth would you need long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer????

he casually points to the laundry basket in the corner

“Sorry, MC, but I think you used up all your long sleeve shirts. Why do you need them anyway?”

your eyes just dart to the ground as you tell him you’re just cold

BOI IS CONFUSED

IT IS THE SUMMER H O W

he doesn’t say anything though but the boy is worried

so as soon as you left the room, gamer child decides to consult google about the problem

“Why would my girlfriend wear long sleeve shirts in the middle of summer?”

google gives many answers

one of them was “Because she’s Russian”

are you Russian??? gamer child doesn’t know so he ignores it

but then an article about depression catches his attention

he looks through the whole thing about 64 times because you fit all the symptoms and child is now very very worried

but Yoosung knows he can’t just ask you about it so he waits

and that night, when you were both supposed to be sleeping, he sneaks a peek

he sees the scars, old and new, and he just starts trembling

he starts sniffling and then crying, and soon enough, he’s flooding the place

and of course, considering how FUCKING loud this child cries, you wake up

the moment you turn towards him to see what the problem was, he just pulls you into the tightest and wettest hug you’ve ever had

well considering all those shower “incidents” that’s debatable but that’s not the point

“MC, please, please don’t hurt yourself like that. It hurts me so much to see you like this. I love you so so much, don’t you know that?”

well you can’t really lie about the situation so you just mutter a quiet “I’m sorry…” under your breath

y’all just stay like that for the rest of the night, comforting each other as you sobbed in each other’s arms

he repeatedly told you over and over how much he loves you

and you told him everything

ad he understood.

the next few weeks after that, this child gives you all the love he could possibly give in the world

cooks for you, cleans for you, helps you with your work, you name it

he even stopped playing LOL just to give you the love and care you deserve

and you better bet your ass this will go on until you get better

Zen

there’s only one thing this boy loves more than anything (besides you and himself)

and you can bet your dog to the nearest pawnshop owner that it’s taking selfies

so naturally, this boy takes like 398459284 selfies everyday and you can bet your ass that he’ll get pissed every time his phone reminds him that he literally has zero storage left

so one day, he’s pretty much just randomly going through his camera roll, smiling at all the pictures he took of the both of y’all and remembering all the good times

but he notices a pattern

ever since about a few weeks ago, he noticed you wearing more jeans than shorts, and then there was a point where you just completely stopped wearing anything else but jeans

Zen doesn’t really think anything of it except for the fact that he missed seeing those sexyass legs

so guess what he does?

boy whines to you about it nonstop

“Baaaabeeeee, I miss seeing your gorgeous legs~ Why don’t you wear shorts anymoreeeeeee?”

you just shrug and make up some kind of excuse about starting to become conscious of going out in such short shorts

i mean it’s not really true but you can’t really tell him what’s really going on here, right?

well turns out your lie backfired on you ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

he sets your jeans on fire bc you’re a liar lol get it? liar liar jeans on fire? no?

okay no, he doesn’t, but he does convince you to wear shorts for him in the house bc hey, if it’s just the two of y’all, you have no reason to be conscious, right?

good job, MC

so you end up doing it for him, but you wear knee-high socks nonetheless so he won’t see a thing and position yourself so that your hands are always covering your lower thigh area

you make him uber suspicious tho

but he just pouts but he doesn’t say anything

but jokes on you, he ends up seeing them anyway when he walks in on you changing

he sees the scars on your thighs, and his eyes widens

he runs to you in the speed of fast

and this boy starts kissing them

“Zen, what the hell are you doing?”

he just keeps kissing them and nuzzling them until you start giggling bc it’s starting to tickle

“With scars or not, your legs are still gorgeous, babygirl, but that still doesn’t mean this is okay. Don’t do it again, okay? For me, and for you.”

and from then on, he makes you model in shorts for him everyday and kisses your scars after each and every time

this goes on until all your scars heal

Jumin

kink master & sex god

he loves loves l o v e s to buy you lingerie, okay

and he loves doing sexy time with you too

which happens frequently

so obviously, when you stop having sexy time with him as often and then stop altogether, he’ll think something’s up

like you won’t even let him see you naked anymore, not even when you’re just wearing your bra and underwear

obviously he’ll think something’s up

but this boy.

oh this boy.

he panics.

he thinks you don’t love him anymore.

he thinks he’s going to lose the one person he cares about the most.

jumin s t o p

i’ll have you know that his bff 4 lyfe had to talk to him about this and calm him down

“Just talk to her,” V says, so that’s exactly what he does.

but before that, he goes out and buys you some new lingerie since he hasn’t done that in a while

IT’S BEAUTIFUL OKAY SO ELEGANT AND PRETTY AND I JUST

MMMMMMMMM

but anyways

when you see that he just bought some lingerie for you, you already know what’s up

and you just sigh and give him a tired smile

“Sorry, Jumin…”

NUH UH HE AIN’T HAVING NONE OF THAT

he pulls you in into a sweet, passionate kiss

and just from that kiss alone, you could tell that he missed you

and god did you feel worse

he politely and gently asks for an explanation

but you just didn’t want to tell him, not like this

so you decided to show him

you grab the lingerie that he neatly laid out on the bed and you slowly put it on, your back turned to him

but as soon as you turned around, he saw the scars you traced onto your belly

he closes his eyes sighs

he understands

he understands but i think that’s what hurt him the most

he pulls you in for another kiss

“I’ll love you all night,” he whispered lovingly in your ear

“I’ll love you throughout every single night until you love yourself too, because you are beautiful. You are the most beautiful person that has ever touched my soul, and you are the only one who has ever made me feel like love was a possibility for me. I love you so much…I highly doubt that would ever change. A girl that amazing shouldn’t harm herself like this.”

and with those words, you find yourself crying into his welcoming arms

well, you know what comes after ｡^‿^｡

Jaehee

you love over the shoulder tops

it’s just your thing

it’s what you always wear when you’re working at the cafe

hell, both of y’all even have matching over the shoulder tops you got at Disneyland with those cliche “She’s my Disney Princess” phrases

and y’all would frequently wear those at work and everyone just swwwoooooooonsssss

you’re the perky, clumsy little girlfriend who practically bounces with excitement everytime she greeted customers and she was the calm responsible one who sat behind the counter and watched her girlfriend with such loving eyes

it’s just always been that way

and then out of nowhere, it stopped.

it was gradual at first

but then it just stopped.

at first, you just seemed like you were tired all the time and you weren’t as excited so Jaehee just assumed that you were tired

but then you stopped wearing over the shoulder tops

or anything that showed even an inch of your shoulders

in fact, you seemed to hate anything that showed your shoulders

and that’s when it started becoming worrying

and let me tell you, anyone who’s been to that cafe at least once is worried af

they love you to death, you better bet your bare ass they’re hella worried about you

well your birthday was coming up so everyone plans a surprise birthday party in order to maybe cheer you up

and well, you didn’t know about it duh

so one day, you decide to wear an over the shoulder top that shows your scars and work on a Saturday so that no one would be at the cafe

BUT GUESS WHAT

“SURPRISE!” screamed practically everyone

and they saw everything

the scars

everything

even Jaehee

you fall to your knees and started sobbing really hard

but surprise again

everyone knew about it already

and boy do they have news for you

everyone comes over with their gifts in their hands and guess what they were

over the shoulder tops

“It’s okay, MC,” Jaehee comforted. So what if you have scars? You’re going through a tough time, aren’t you? We understand that. We’re here to support you through those times, so don’t be afraid to open up to us, okay? If you don’t want to, that’s okay, we’ll understand. But we’re always here for you, remember that.”

and with that, MC practically floods the place

and from then on, she happily wore over the shoulder tops everyday until her scars healed

Saeyoung

he saw you

every cut you slit

every time you tried to hide it

he saw you

he saw everything

and each time he saw it, he broke a little more

he was convinced it was somehow his fault

after all, everyone he loved and cared about always got hurt when they were around him

and this was what he was afraid of

but he tried his best to stay sane for you

you need support right now and he needs to offer it

and you know he knows

it’s not like you can hide anything from him with all the damn cameras around the house

so you showed them freely around him

once he saw that you were comfortable showing them around him, he immediately grabbed your wrists

“This is Wilbert,” he says, pointing to faintest and oldest (yet also deepest) cut. “He’s an old man who hates children on his lawn, meaning…”

He drew a circle around your wrist.

“This is Wilbert’s lawn.” he points to your freshest wound and says, “This is Timmy. He is the youngest.”

He looks up at you to see your reaction, and when he saw that you were giggling, he sat you down on the couch and continued the naming session

everyday, y’all would cuddle on the couch and update the life stories of your scars

everyday, there was a new story for every cut

Emily learned how to ride her bike

Kyle asked out Lily and got rejected big time

Wilbert became best of friends with Timmy

it was the only way he could keep sane

and it helped you stop the self-harm too, which in turn helped keep him sane

and this continued until your scars healed completely

and when they finally healed, he kissed each and every one

“Rest in peace, everyone. Let’s put an end to this story, okay? I care too much about my MC, so it seems like we won’t be able to have a sequel. Sorry.” he smiles faintly and turns to you

he was crying

you were crying

and y’all kiss each other’s tears away

you always slept on the right side of the bed

and when you started to cut yourself, this came at an advantage since V was the blindest on his right eye

so whenever you believed he was asleep, that’s when you would do it because unless he turned to completely look at you, he wouldn’t really be able to figure out what you were doing

but one night, while you thought he was asleep, he speaks up

“You know I know what you’re doing, right, MC?”

well fuck

he sits up as you put the blade away

“Come with me.”

he takes your hand and navigates his way to his studio with the other hand

he asks you to take your clothes off and stand right in front of the camera

you were really really confused but you did it anyway

like are we gonna make a sex tape or some shit what’s up

and he goes right behind the camera

well, he pretty much tells you to pose a certain way and takes lots of pictures of you from different angles

all of your scars are showing oh so clearly

and afterwards, he prints the pictures and shows them to you

and for some reason… you were crying?

you didn’t understand why but you wept and wept and wept

“You see,” he says while caressing your scars. “That’s how I feel. Seeing someone so beautiful feel so sad that she does this to her body? It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“Rip them up,” he says. “All of them. Tell yourself that this isn’t something you deserve and rip them up.”

and so you did

and god, did you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders

and for the rest of your lives together, whenever you felt like doing it again, he sets up another photo shoot for you to print and rip up more pictures

and it always made you feel so much better

Saeran

you were acting strangely

your eyes were glazed over and the sparkle was no longer there

you weren’t as happy as you normally were

he always said your energy was annoying but he didn’t want this

because in reality, he loved it

he was still in the process of healing and all the positivity you were showing was helping him and making him so so happy

and he feels like this is all his fault because he never told you how he truly felt

he is panicking

but when he couldn’t take it anymore, he pretty much yelled at you in the middle of dinner

“Say something, goddammit! You’ve been acting like a damn zombie and I just can’t figure out what’s going through your fucking mind! Say something…please…I can’t take this anymore.”

the helplessness and desperation in his voice was enough to make a lump form in your throat

“I’m sorry, Saeran…” and that was all you could say

and then he starts crying

and at this point, you couldn’t take it anymore either so you start crying too

and y’all just cry through dinner

by the time y’all have calmed down, you pulled him over to the sofa and showed him your scars

“MC….”

he pulls down his sleeve and shows you his

and when you looked like you were about to cry again, he pulls you in for a hug, and for once, he was honest

“This isn’t right. We need help. I want to be normal again, MC, for you. For us. I want to make you happy…I don’t want to be a burden. I…care about you. You make me happy. And I want you to be happy too. I want both of us to be happy and okay. Together.”

and after that, he starts taking you to therapy with him

and it took a while for him to really open up and be honest

but one day, out of nowhere, he pulls you in for a hug after you made dinner, grabbed your wrist and kissed your scars. “Can I reword what I said to you on the sofa that one night months ago? I’ve been practicing.”

you nodded with a confused look as he pecked your lips.

“Basically…I love you.”

you smile as tears fall down your cheeks

you grab his wrist and kiss his scars just like he did yours

“I love you too.”

(I realized I forgot to make this about work stress…sorry anon;;)

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