#i'm so normal. im so normal right now. i am coping with the long summer well

[cosmos-dot-semicolon]

A mere two years after the Toppats' Civil War begins, Ellie Rose proves herself to be a ruthless and efficient chief, commanding the majority of the criminal clan. To those that join her, she promises conquest, security - and most importantly - vengeance, as a result of the former chief's betrayal and her imprisonment in the infamous Wall.

How will she reign in the wake of a war on all sides? What miracles is the former chief working to stay alive? And most importantly, what missions will she complete?

...coming out. Someday, maybe. I can't guarantee it. This is a bit of an interest check.

Little concept for an ask blog/comic that's been rolling around in my head this summer, ever since the THSC confession blog went up and my interest in the game was piqued again. Also a general desire to try and make cool looking outfits for these little guys.

I can't draw cravats.

#the henry stickmin collection #ellie rose #thsc #thsc au #thsc fanart #bro.i need to get used to drawing with thicker lines. how do you all do it. stickmin look super weird in my style if I don't use thick line #but I have not used thick lines enough to do that naturally #also I have to fucking try the better colour profiles on krita the yellows and reds in the default one are so bad #i'm so normal. im so normal right now. i am coping with the long summer well

[lovenotesuggestions]

Im in not such a great place right now. My therapist recently told me I've improved a ton since our first appointment together and she basically implied she doesn't think I need therapy anymore and I feel really bad because for a few months I've been feeling like I'm on the verge of relapse and when school starts the pressure is gonna tip me over the edge. But now I feel guilty for feeling that way because she says I'm better. I know it doesn't make sense but idk what to do about it - Q (1/?)

(part 2) Also my dysphoria which mostly subsided during the school year because I've secretly socially transitioned at school is coming back with a vengeance. One of my best friends got a girlfriend but I'm in love with her and even though it's really unfair of me to feel this way because I've never told her I feel really unwanted because of that. - Q (2/?)

(part 3) I'm really lonely and I have friends but what I want is a deep bond, someone who'll cuddle with me and tell me they love me and will maybe let me take them out to dinner sometimes but it hurts to know that I'll never have that because no one wants a nonpassing, unnattractive trans guy. All I want is to feel wanted and loved by someone and like I'm not destined to be alone. I feel so dirty and unworthy. I don't even feel human. Do you have any advice? (Sorry for multiple asks) -Q

You don’t have to apologise for sending multiple asks dear

Just because you might be doing better than you’ve been doing before, that doesn’t mean you no longer have a right to feel bad or have bad mental health days. I’ve made a lot of progress with my therapist and have way less frequent appointments now, but I’m still in therapy and still have bad days, and that’s okay. Recovery and learning to cope with mental illness isn’t a linear process, and sometimes we slip backwards a little, but as long as the trend in your wellbeing is going upwards overall, then that’s what’s important.  Backslides, relapses, and bad days still happen, and that doesn’t destroy the progress you’ve made. 

Especially if you know you have something coming up soon like going back to school that you know will increase the pressure on you and could cause a backslide, then it’s important to be aware that it’s okay to find that difficult to cope with, and to need additional support. It doesn’t erase your progress, or mean you’re a burden. Difficult circumstances, additional stress, and potential triggers can all have effects on your mental health, and that’s not your fault. 

You don’t have to feel guilty for still needing help, and for still having symptoms and bad days even though you’re doing better, and the feelings you’ve mentioned are something I’d strongly advise you to speak to your therapist about. Whatever is making you feel guilty for still not being at 100% is something that it would probably be helpful for you to work through, and she can also help you with these feelings of being worried about relapse, and some coping mechanisms to deal with dysphoria whilst you’re off school for the summer, and any problems that might arise when you go back, to help prepare yourself and prevent these circumstances from damaging your progress too much. It’s important to be as open and honest as possible in therapy, so again if you haven’t mentioned these fears of relapse or what’s going to happen when you go back to school, it’s important to do that. She can only help you with what she knows about. 

It’s also not unfair of you to have feelings for someone, or to feel jealous that they’re in a relationship with someone else, even if you never told them. You can’t help who you have feelings for, and it’s completely normal and natural to feel a little hurt or jealous or unwanted if the person you like chooses someone else. What matters is the way that you act, because that’s what you do have control over, and as long as you’re not behaving in an unfair way because of those feelings, then it’s okay to have feelings. 

This girl you liked not choosing you doesn’t make you unlovable or unwanted - just because she might not have felt that way about you doesn’t mean nobody does or nobody will. You’re still in school so I’m guessing you’re a teenager - that means you have so much time ahead of you to find someone you click with; who loves you for who you are, and who you feel the same way about. It’s not a race, and your peers getting in relationships before you doesn’t reflect on you at all. You’re a whole, lovable person regardless of your relationship status - the fact you’re not in a relationship is just a matter of bad luck in not meeting someone who’s right for you. 

Also, being trans and non-passing absolutely does not doom you to being alone, or make you unlovable! The love of my life is a trans man, and we got together before he started his medical transition, and before he’d even finished socially transitioning. We were together for a year and a half before he even started T, and him not ‘passing’ and him being trans didn’t make me see him as any less of a man, and didn’t affect my attraction to him at all. If anything, I’m more attracted to him because of his trans identity. 

I’m trans too, and passing isn’t even a possibility for me because I’m non-binary and there’s no way to ‘pass’ as something society would never assume you to be. But my partner still loves me for who I am, accepts my gender completely, and finds me attractive regardless of my gender presentation. 

I know so many trans people in relationships with both cis people or other trans people who love their trans partner for exactly who they are, who see them as their gender unconditionally, and whose view of them isn’t affected in the slightest by how well they ‘pass’. You are not unlovable, or doomed to be alone forever, because you’re trans - I promise. There are always assholes out there, or people who don’t understand, but there are also people who see you for who you are, and will love you for being that person. 

If you’re feeling starved for affection, it might be worth in the short-term being a bit more open and affectionate with your friends if you’re comfortable with it. Platonic affection should be way more normalised than it is, and it’s totally okay to cuddle with friends and be physically affectionate with them if everyone’s comfortable with it, and be open about how much you care about them. I tell friends that I love them in a platonic way all the time, and some people find that having that kind of platonic affection can take the edge off that feeling of being deprived of that affection from being single. 

I hope that helps, and I wish you all the best 💖

#advice #negative / #rant #transphobia / #dysphoria / #mental illness / #not a suggestion #i love queue #q anon #long post #Anonymous #answered