#i'm always curious why people rec me things

[pynkhues]

hi! If you haven’t seen it already I think you would really like the show manifest on Netflix :)

Hi! Thanks for the rec! I've been tempted to try that one out - I do tend to like mysteries (when they're well done at least, haha), and that one has an interesting premise. What do you like about it?

#i'm always curious why people rec me things #that sounds weird haha #i mean like #what is it that's resonated with you? #especially with a mystery #i watched another ep of deadloch last night and i'm mm not loving it but the mystery there is pretty fun #more fun than the odd couple dynamic of the detectives which isn't working for me yet #but we'll see #tv asks #welcome to my ama

[sluttywoozi]

What Should We Become?

Title from Turbulence by Ateez

For: @sluttywonwoo my bestie and birthday queen

Rating: M (18+) | WC: 9.0k | Pairing: Yeosang x f!reader x San

You and San have been dating for years, you're well aware of his penchant for doing anything for anyone he loves. You just didn't know that extended to asking you to fuck his best friend, not that you mind.

Tags: est. relationship, boyfriend!san, bestfriend!yeosang, threesome, fluff, smut

Notes: boyfriend!san, you live together, pov lowkey all over the place bc i wanted to know what everyone was thinking soz

Warnings: so many feelings i did NOT plan for, food/alc mention, mention of past toxic relationship (yeo's), jealous san, mentions of san being possessive but specifically not in a gross way, nipple play, biting, oral (f and m rec.), fingering, squirting, they both have big dicks, protected piv, unprotected piv, spitroasting (hate that term so sorry), san cums inside, bc not discussed but they’re safe, open ending

Reader Notes: a bit more specific than usual bc this is for the bestie, ‘girlfriend’ used many times, she/her pronouns used, has breasts and a vagina, mention of marks showing on her skin, WAP

You fumble with the wrapping on the popcorn, cursing under your breath and trying to tear the plastic as Temi weaves in and out of your feet. San’s hand hovers just out of reach, ready and waiting to do it for you, but you pretend not to see it. He loves doing things for you and you love that about him, both because it means he’s considerate and also because it means you have to do less things, but sometimes you want to do them on your own. You know popcorn isn’t exactly the most impactful opportunity to make a stand, but it’s all about baby steps. 

The bag is finally turning in the microwave when his fingers catch at your shirt and he starts tugging you into his orbit. He’s big, broad, but still lean enough that you think you could lift him, probably, not that you’ve ever tried. You’re musing about how many piggyback rides he’s given you and how little you’ve given him when he asks the question. 

“Baby, how would you feel about sleeping with Yeosang?” He sounds nervous, his voice full of trepidation and the fabric of your top clenched in his hand. 

“Like a sleepover? That’s fine with me, I can take the couch if you guys want to share the bed, I know you like your snuggle time. Just know I'm taking Temi with me,” you respond mildly, unsure as to why he’s so on edge. 

You can see the pain enter his eyes when he realizes he’ll need to explain further. 

“No, I mean, like- Ugh! This is so hard!” He sucks in a deep breath before expelling it along with the words, “I want you to have sex with Yeosang!”

“Ohhhh. Yeah, alright,” you shrug, like he asked if you’d eat Italian for dinner, not have sex with another man. A man who isn’t your boyfriend. A man who happens to be your boyfriend’s best friend. A man who happens to be your friend. A man you happen to find incredibly attractive. 

“You agreed to that way too easily,” San pouts, pulling you closer with his arms wrapped around your waist. His fingers dig in possessively, as if to remind you who you really want, who you really love. Like you could ever forget. 

You met San and Yeosang at the same time and spent some time with both of them as friends before San confessed his feelings for you. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t thought about Yeosang at all in those few weeks, about Yeosang and San, and just how their dynamic would translate to sex. 

But no matter how curious you were, and how prim and polished and perfect Yeosang is (and how much you want to wreck that perfection), San will always be the only man for you. 

How could you be with anyone else when San is the only one who knows you? When he not only gives you his pickles but orders an extra side of them, just for you. When he started wearing socks to bed because you hate other peoples’ feet touching yours. When he always makes sure you have your favorite lunch to eat with your favorite show, and always buys those star pimple patches you like, and brought home a soaking wet, shivering, brown ball of fur that you promptly wrapped up in a fresh-from-the-dryer towel and named Temi. 

San can read all of your moods, knows when you need extra attention or when you need solitude, knows when you want him all over you and when you can’t stand to be touched, knows how to calm you down and how to ramp you up, knows everything there is to know about you. 

He even knows the less cute parts, the ones you try to keep hidden away from everyone else. The jealousy, the insecurity, the fear of inadequacy, he knows it all. 

And he loves you. He loves you so much it shines out of every pore, so much it fills in every crack in your facade, so much he makes you glow with it. There’s no ‘but’, no ‘despite’, he loves every single thing about you because they’re about you. 

The best part is, you’re not even special. 

Sure, you’re special to him, but you’re not the only one he loves like this. He loves all of his friends with such intensity, knows them all better than he knows himself, would do anything for them. Even ask his girlfriend to have sex with them, apparently. 

Making the decision to ask must have been beyond difficult for him. San is made up of a myriad of lovely qualities, but one of the less lovely ones is his possessiveness. It never crosses the bridge into toxicity, never scares you, but he does get a certain look on his face when his friends get too touchy with you. Or when a guy asks to buy you a drink at the bar after he goes to the bathroom. Or when your ex texts you or your male study buddy invites you out for dinner or, or, or. 

But… you like it, if you’re being honest. You like when his eyes get heavy and warm on you and his grip gets tight and his body gets even bigger, somehow. Maybe you shouldn’t enjoy his posturing, but you just can’t help it when you consider what often follows. 

(San blowing your back out.)

(That’s what follows.)

The discussion of details comes later, when your popcorn has cooled enough to eat and San has gotten over his petty jealousy at the thought of you being touched by someone else. He’d gotten petulant about it after like he hadn’t considered that part of the equation, but he seems to have grown accustomed to it. There will be rules, of course, such as, “He can’t cum inside of you. That’s just for me.”

And, “No marks, either.”

“And he has to wear a condom.”

“And-”

“San, we don’t even know if Yeo wants to fuck me yet. Why don’t we get that squared away before we lay out all of the boundaries, okay?” 

“Of course he wants to fuck you,” San almost sounds offended at the idea that he wouldn’t, “But, yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” he concedes. 

“What brought this on, anyway? Is this… something you’re into?” You ask, not expecting a yes but also not expecting the answer you get. 

“No, definitely not. You know I’m not a good sharer. It’s just that Yeo kind of wants to get back into dating but he’s a bit… unsteady after his last experience. I want him to have a good one before he puts himself out there again, for a confidence boost. And I know I can trust him with you, and you with him.” 

It’s… well, shockingly isn’t the right word, because San is kind to a fault, sometimes, but it’s an unexpectedly altruistic reason, and you’re all the more glad you agreed. You would have been fine with it if he just wanted to watch another man fuck you because you think that’s hot, but to know that he really just wants to take care of his best friend makes you even more sure of your decision. 

It helps that Yeosang looks like a prince and acts like one, too. You’ve wondered what he’s like in bed, if he’s the same or if he’s less refined, less quiet, less polite. He’s so strong, you wonder if he’ll throw you around or hold you down, or if he’ll handle you gently and hold your hand. You wouldn’t mind either, if you’re being honest. 

The weight of San’s suspicious gaze tears you from your thoughts. You send him an innocent smile and lean in, batting your eyelashes and puckering up for a kiss. He obliges, of course, deepening it before you can even think to pull away, his tongue gliding over your bottom lip and working its way inside. You love how he kisses you, so thoroughly, so passionately, like there’s nothing in the world he’d rather be doing than you. 

By the time he pulls away, you’re breathless and brainless, all thoughts of anyone but San wiped from your mind. 

San decides to invite Yeosang over when you’re at one of your The Gals nights to pop the question. He literally feels like he’s about to propose as he paces the apartment, doing some last minute tidying and nervously smoothing his shirt every three minutes. It’s not like Yeosang’s never come over before - he’s nearly a regular fixture at this point. You and San had even considered giving him a key. 

This is different though, he’s about to ask his best friend if he wants to have sex with his girlfriend. He still can’t believe he even thought of the idea, let alone pitched it to you, but here he is, rehearsing different ways of broaching the topic as he anxiously awaits Yeosang’s arrival. 

He can’t be too direct or he’ll scare Yeosang away - he can be a bit skittish sometimes - but he also can’t dance around it too much or Yeo won’t figure out what he’s talking about. The guy is smart as hell but kind of slow on the uptake on occasion, a trait San is beyond fond of, though it makes it difficult to be subtle about things like this. 

‘Things like this,’ as if he’s ever done anything of this nature before, he thinks with a wry laugh and shakes his head. Sharing you was never even a concept in his mind until Yeosang had confided in him that he was scared to get back out there after his ex. He’d brainstormed a few ways to help but kept going back to how much you’d helped him through sex when you first got together. He’d been completely inexperienced and insanely nervous until you started guiding him, and everything flowed from there. He wished you could help Yeosang the same way, and then realized the only thing stopping you from doing just that was him. It would have been selfish not to at least ask if you’d be interested, and though he was a little surprised (and annoyed) that you agreed with no hesitation, he still believes this is the right thing to do. 

So when two timid knocks sound on the door, San’s nerves settle to a low simmer and he’s able to greet his best friend as normally as possible. 

The normalcy only lasts for so long, his anxiety ticking back up the longer he makes awkward small talk with Yeosang. He knows Yeo can sense that something is off but he also knows he'll never say anything about it, will just sit here and watch TV and talk about nothing until San is ready to tell him. It’s a wonderful quality of Yeosang’s, the fact that he can read him so well and knows not to dig, but today San wishes he would. He’s not sure he can find it in himself to ask Yeosang if he’d like to fuck you, and a good lead in might be the only way he can bring it up. 

Hours pass and San’s shoulders start to ache with tension. He still hasn’t said anything about the actual reason he invited Yeosang over today, and he’s starting to feel like he could vibrate out of his skin. He really didn’t think it would be this hard, definitely thought it would be more difficult to ask you rather than Yeosang, but here he is. It’s nearing bedtime and you’ll likely return home soon, and then what's San supposed to do? Ask Yeosang if he wants to have sex with you while you’re right here?

Wait. 

Wait, that might be a good idea. You hadn’t discussed when exactly this would happen but from your texts tonight, San already knows you’re turned on, and Yeosang is here, so…

So... he stalls until your key starts turning in the lock and Temi starts screeching in reaction, knowing exactly what that sound means. He’s sure Yeosang noticed his change in demeanor but he doesn’t bother explaining, knowing that Yeo is going to be very confused for however long it takes to go through everything.

He doesn’t want to just spring his plan on you so he leaps up and jogs over from the couch to greet you at the door, shouting, “One sec!” at the living room before pulling you into the farthest corner of the kitchen. You follow with a huff, yelling, “Hi Yeosang!” and turning to San only when Yeo responds, "Hiii." 

“Babe, hear me out,” San begs with his hands on your shoulders as he watches the confusion spread on your face. 

“You haven’t said anything to hear out yet,” you remind him, arching a brow at him in expectation. “You just dragged me in here and you didn’t even let me say hi to Yeosang.” 

“You did say hi to Yeosang, just now-,”

“That doesn’t count and you know it.” 

“Okay, maybe you’re right, but I have to tell you something!”

“Okay, so tell me! I’m not tipsy anymore and I either want to shower or fuck so-,”

“That’s good because I want to ask Yeo right now if he wants to fuck you tonight. What are your thoughts?” 

He hadn’t planned on sounding so frustrated when he told you but when the words start to spill out, he lets them. It doesn’t help that you’re really hot when you’re annoyed and he’s a bit upset that he’ll have to let Yeo have you first if everything goes well. 

“Um.”

The third voice startles him, makes his fingers clench your shoulders a bit too hard and at the breath hissed through your teeth, he lets go. He pets at the sore spots, whispering, “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” until you grab his hands and tell him, “Sannie, it’s okay. Let’s focus on Yeo.” 

He turns cautiously, unsure of what he’ll find as he shifts his attention to the statue that was his best friend. Yeosang stands perfectly still, his eyes alarmed and his mouth half open. San can’t tell if he’s scared or grossed out or offended or all three, and this suddenly feels like the worst idea he’s ever had. Not just the telling him part but the whole thing. Regret settles heavily in his stomach, mortification closing up his throat as he tries to find the right words to say. He’s about to start with the most teary apology of his life when Yeosang starts to speak. 

“Um, I do want to- I would. Like that. I would like to do that,” Yeosang says firmly, if a bit clumsily. He nods emphatically as he speaks, seriously, like this is an honor that’s been bestowed upon him, and San supposes it is. You haven’t fucked many people other than San and San has fucked nobody other than you, so to let someone into that aspect of your relationship is a sign of just how much you both trust Yeosang and each other. 

“Oh,” You and San exhale in unison, “Well, that makes things easier,” San continues. 

Shifting to lean back against the counter, San crosses his arms and looks directly into Yeosang’s eyes, “We have some rules.” You roll yours, pulling San’s arms away from his chest enough to slide between them and rest your back against him to break the rising tension. 

“I like rules,” Yeosang assures you both excitedly, looking more relaxed now that he knows there are restrictions. 

“One: you’re wearing a condom. I got a few different sizes, just in case. Two: you’re not cumming inside of her, even with the condom. Three: no marking-,”

“But you can bite!” You interject helpfully, making San nod and repeat, “Yes, biting is okay, just don’t leave any marks.” 

Yeosang smiles primly, nodding along as well. The look in his eye tells San he’s going over the rules in his head and he has to push down the wave of fondness in order to maintain his stern facade. As well as he knows Yeo would never do anything to hurt you, San still feels like he needs to protect you in a situation like this, and the rules make him feel better about entrusting you to someone else. (San also knows you’re a fully grown person and can make your own decisions, but you’re his girlfriend too and he loves you, deal with it.)

“And if at any point any of us wants to stop, all we have to do is say so,” San declares, making sure you and Yeosang understand that the situation is under your full control. He’s planning on just being a spectator, but if you’re up for it after Yeosang…

You and Yeo agree, exchanging nervous smiles and glancing toward the bedroom. It’s clear you’re both becoming antsy, but San has one last thing to say. 

“Okay, I just want us to remember that we’re all friends here. Well, babe, we’re more than that, obviously, and Yeo, you know you’re my man, but what I’m trying to say is that there’s no reason to be nervous because it’s all love here, right?”

“Right,” you parrot with a squeeze to his forearm as Yeosang smiles and twists his fingers together. He’s clearly still nervous but you seem perfectly at ease and San is reminded once again why this is a good idea. You’re just what Yeo needs to find his confidence again and San hopes that tonight is the first step to him finding his own you, too. 

Things are awkward once you all reach the bedroom. Temi is asleep on the bed so you have to take her to her favorite blanket in the living room. She stays asleep, the sweet little log she is, but you leave out a plate of food just in case she wakes up. It strikes you that you haven’t really gotten to prepare at all and though you’re used to just going at it with San, you need some time to get ready for Yeosang. You feel a bit disheveled after Gals’ Night so you continue straight into the bathroom to strip your dirty clothes and start the shower. 

Peeking your head out from behind the door, you tell the boys, “Just gimme five! Why don’t you get the condoms out, babe?” 

San does so, presenting Yeosang with a grocery bag of four boxes, sizes small to extra-large. He really did cover all of his bases (there were two possibilities that, as his best friend and also someone who’s seen him in wet swim trunks, San knew he could ignore). Yeo avoids his eyes and dips a hand into the bag, grabbing the extra-large box and clumsily pawing at the packaging. He finally rips it open, a roll of 36 condoms spilling out onto the bed, much to his obvious consternation. 

“There weren’t smaller boxes?” Yeosang asks, eyeing the multicolored packages splayed on the sheets. 

“Better safe than sorry,” San responds with a shrug, sweeping all but one condom back into the box before tossing the bag into the closet. 

Yeosang can’t help but agree, stepping back to sit carefully on the bed next to the condom, his hands folded neatly in his lap and his gaze anywhere but on San. He can hear the shower, hear the muted smack of water on tile, knows you’re naked in there. Can almost imagine the drops rolling their way down your body, slipping over the curves that he definitely has not been very well aware of since he met you. 

This feels insane, this whole situation, but Yeosang would rather die than leave right now. It’s not like he’s been lying in wait to steal you from San, but he did have a little bit of a crush on you that he never told him about. He’d known that San had fallen for you practically at first sight, and he could never put himself above his best friend like that. That said, this opportunity is one he’s planning on taking full advantage of. He’s still not sure why San wants him to have sex with you but he’s scared to ask, scared to jeopardize this arrangement and leave here without ever knowing you like this. 

Unfortunately, it’s something he needs to know before he can go any further. 

“San, why do you want to let me do this? You’re not the best at sharing,” Yeosang asks quietly, as if the lower his volume the less likely it is that San will change his mind. 

“Well,” San sighs, looking around the room to avoid his eyes, though Yeosang suspects that’s more for him than anything. “Your last relationship was shitty. She wasn’t nice to you and she was always ragging on you or telling you you weren’t good enough. You mentioned a few weeks ago you were thinking of joining some dating apps, so I wanted to figure out how to boost your confidence when it comes to stuff like this. But all I could think was that I wished you had someone like Y/N to help you through it like I did. And it occurred to me that you do, if I let you.”

The room is silent besides the low rush of the shower and Yeosang’s brain is anything but. Any other guy would just take him to a bar and play wingman, but here San is, offering to let him fuck his girlfriend if it means he’ll get some of his self-esteem back. He’s not sure it’s something he could bear to do, and he’s shocked San is willing to even try with how territorial he can get. Yeosang knows he can trust him though, and that he can trust you. So when San looks at him head on, his expression open and honest, there’s nothing else for Yeosang to do but thank him. 

“You’re a really good friend, San. The best.” 

You get a bit distracted in the shower and it takes much longer than five minutes, but you can’t say you regret it. You feel so refreshed, so dewy, and you know you smell good as fuck so now is the prime time to reenter the absurd circumstances you’ve created with your boyfriend. You’re a little nervous now, the small amount of time you’d been out of the dynamic leaving you feeling off-kilter and unsure. You know San is waiting for you out there though, Yeosang too, and that’s enough to give you the courage you need to push open the door. Steam escapes around you, framing you in what you hope is a flattering haze, and both boys’ eyes snap to you immediately. You freeze in place, your eyes wide and your fingers gripping tightly at the towel wrapped around your body as they take you in. San’s already half hard, likely a Pavlovian response to what happens whenever you’re at least semi-naked in his vicinity (you getting bent over or pushed up against the closest surface). Yeosang’s body is turned away from you so you can’t tell if he’s similarly affected but the expression on his face is that of someone who’s just seen an angel, which bolsters your confidence enough to let the towel slip down a bit further. 

You can feel San’s eyes on you as you tease Yeosang, know he’s smiling a smile far too sweet for this context, and you just can’t resist the urge to turn and look at him. 

You were right, his face is lit up with a grin that could rival the sun, but his eyes are steamy, heavy, possessive. You can tell he’s trying his best to step back and let you and Yeo get to know each other like this, can tell how hard it is for him to even share you at this level of undress, and you vow to yourself that every day this week, you’ll be swallowing his dick. He deserves it, to be taken care of and pampered and spoiled, and you know there’s no one better for the job than you. 

Stepping further into the room, you move to San first, pressing a kiss to his lips and attempting to move on. It gets out of hand quickly, his fingers digging into your hips and pulling the towel tight across your ass. He sucks your tongue into his mouth, nibbling on the tip and letting his own glide against yours before shifting one hand to your stomach and physically pushing you away. You break apart at the last possible second, your head angled forward even as your body is forced to move backward, wanting to kiss him for as long as you can. 

Yeosang waits patiently on the bed, standing when San pushes you in his direction and letting you fix the towel before taking your hands in his. 

“How are you feeling?” He asks, wanting to check in at every step and also desperately wishing he could read your mind, if only to know what you think of him. 

“Good! I’m good. A little nervous. How are you feeling?” 

“I’m nervous too,” he whispers, like he doesn’t want San to hear after you’d agreed there was no reason to be, “But excited.”

“Me too,” you smile indulgently at him, wondering why you suddenly have the conversation skills of an incel when you’re just talking to Yeosang. 

Obviously, you know why. But you wish it wasn’t so, wish you didn’t feel so stilted, wish you could summon that easy rapport you always share with him. He seems to sense this, pursing his lips in that small smile you love before offering, “Maybe if I take my shirt off?”

“Oh. Oh, um, yeah, I think that could help. Maybe,” you breathe, forcing yourself not to blink as his fingers pull the fabric higher and higher, revealing rows of pale abs two by two. You think you count eight before you hear a throat clear behind you and turn to find San shirtless as well. Cooing at his rising jealousy, you blow him a kiss and rotate back to Yeosang, only to find a smirk on his face and his hands on his belt. 

When did he get all confident? You wonder, realizing that the switch happened at the same time San made his green eyes known, and suddenly, his change in demeanor makes perfect sense. San and Yeosang get into a little rivalry every now and then, just some friendly competition, and it seems this is going to be one of those times. Does that make you the prize? You’re not sure but it definitely feels like you’re the winner here, getting to experience Yeosang while knowing that San will be waiting for you when it’s all over. You try to remember you’re doing this for Yeo, not for yourself, but it’s difficult when you’ve got two of the hottest men you’ve ever seen wanting you. 

“Go ahead then,” You challenge Yeosang, just because you’re curious what he’ll do, and he reacts exactly as you expected. He blanches, one hand moving to run through his hair and the other reaching up to cover what he can of his chest, which isn’t much. It’s cute, adorable, really, the way he dropped the cockiness as soon as he was forced to commit. 

You can tell he’s going to need some guidance from here, frozen as he is, so you gently take the hand hiding his pecs and pull him down to sit with you on the bed.  San drops into the chair in the corner of the room but stays silent, letting you and Yeosang work it out. You’re grateful for it, for him, for his quiet strength steadying the both of you. 

“Why don’t we just start with a kiss and go from there? Do you want to kiss me, Yeosang?” You whisper, shuffling closer to him while keeping your grip on your towel. 

“Yes. I do, please,” he answers immediately, scooting over a few inches with his knees pressed tightly together. 

Leaning in slowly, you brush your lips over his. You can feel his cupid’s bow, feel his breath, feel the minute trembling of his bottom lip as he waits for you to kiss him properly. You will, of course you will, but first you want to make him just a little bit crazy. You let your mouth graze his, sink your teeth ever so slightly into that bottom lip, giving the teeniest tiniest sucks every so often. Yeosang shivers against you, his body taut like a bowstring, his fingers gripping his knees so tightly his knuckles go white. He’s trying so hard to restrain himself that you decide to give him more, slipping your tongue into his mouth to glide against his and sighing into him when he tentatively nudges back. 

He tastes like coke and popcorn, the flawless combination of sweet and salty tasting even better on his tongue, making you suck at it in pulses and making Yeosang let out a quiet moan. The sound sends zaps of electricity through you, one of your hands leaving your towel to cup his face and kiss him harder. He’s addictive, his sweet little noises and his sharp jawline, and you force yourself to pull back before you can get too carried away. You can’t just kiss him all night, you’re- Well… No! You cannot just kiss him all night! 

Even if you want to. 

He tries to follow but you still him with your free hand on his chest while you virtually gasp for air, your mind racing as you try to figure out where to go from here. You’re feeling a bit scrambled, slightly out of sorts, so you seek out the person who always knows where you are even when you don’t. 

San’s already looking at you, his eyes soft even as his hands grip the armrests, and he raises a brow when you lock eyes. Instantly, he knows your predicament and helps you out of it. 

“Babe, being on the bed might be more comfy, hm?” He sounds slightly amused and you narrow your eyes at him in a playful glare as you and Yeosang get situated on the duvet. You’re glad his teasing is directed at you though, you have a feeling it wouldn’t be well received by Yeosang at this particular point in time. 

You wish you’d put underwear on under the towel - you’re not quite ready to be buck ass naked in front of your boyfriend’s best friend - but you hadn’t brought any into the bathroom and it didn’t feel right in the moment to go to the dresser, so here you are. One layer from said state, and a flimsy layer at that. However, you were born to persevere, laying down and tugging at the towel until it lays flat over you. Yeosang was busy taking off his pants, thankfully, and when you’re both finished fussing, you take each other in. 

Your eyes rove over him as he sits on his knees, his gray boxer briefs stretched tight over his thighs and his posture immaculate. You can see the outline of his cock, see it straining against the fabric, a couple spots of pre-cum darkened fabric dotted at the head. You can also see the XL condom next to him, and thank God you’re laying down because your knees just went weak at the thought of even seeing his dick. Let alone touching it. Let alone having it inside of you. You want all of those things, but there’s a nagging thought in the back of your brain that reminds you, Yeosang isn’t San.  

Yeosang isn’t San and he isn’t yours either, so you tell yourself not to get too comfortable with him tonight. You can get a little comfortable though, enough to reach for his hand and pull him closer, enough to ask him, “Do you want me to take this off?”

“God yes,” he answers nearly before you even finished talking, his words more like a sigh as he straddles your legs and drops to hover above you. Your fingers play with the edge of the towel, less so to tease him and more so to give yourself more time before he sees you naked. You’re not shy about your body but you feel shy with him for some reason, so you push it down slowly, baring your breasts to him inch by inch. 

He sucks in a sharp gasp through his teeth as you reveal yourself. His eyes go heavy-lidded and hot on you and he doesn’t look away, his gaze laser-focused and his hands clenched into fists next to your head. He stares, saying and doing nothing long enough that you start to squirm under his attention. 

“You can touch her,” San reminds him. He says it loudly enough that Yeosang turns to level a look at him, making San mime zipping his mouth shut and locking it with a key. He even tosses the key at Yeosang, who catches and offers it to you. 

“Why thank you, been looking for this thing for ages,” you beam, sliding the imaginary key under the part of the towel still covering you, much to San’s obvious displeasure. 

The little moment between the three of you breaks up the tension, allowing Yeosang to feel comfortable enough to shift his weight onto one hand and bring the other up to cover your breast. He keeps it light, squeezes just enough to feel the weight of you in his palm, but he’s already thinking about getting his mouth on you, getting his teeth on you. His thumb brushes over your nipple and you shiver, your flesh rippling under his hand in the most entrancing way. 

He didn’t expect to like teasing you but he does, likes moving to the other side just when you’re starting to settle down, likes grazing his nails over your sensitive skin and making you shiver, likes pulling and rolling and twisting your nipples until you’re moaning and arching into his touch. It isn’t long before his hands aren’t enough, and he’s barely able to ask if he can use his mouth before you’re whining, “Yes, yes, yes!” and sinking your fingers into his hair. 

You taste so good, so fresh and clean after your shower, Yeosang can’t get enough. He sucks, nibbles, licks his way from side to side, never settling on one spot for too long. His teeth don’t ever sink in enough to leave a lasting bruise; he wishes he could mark you but rules are rules, and Yeosang loves rules, so this isn’t one he’ll break. He’s content enough to cover every square inch of your chest in kisses, trailing them down your stomach and over your hip bones. 

“Can I eat you out? Please?” Yeosang nearly begs, hoping you and San will say yes but unsure as this hadn’t been covered in the pre-sex negotiations. 

You’re already nodding, but it must occur to you to ask San too as your eyes find his. He giggles at the look on your face, your lips pouted and trembling and your eyebrows screwed up as you silently plead with San. 

“Yes, okay, fine!” San exclaims, throwing his hands up as if he can no longer stand to look at your puppy dog eyes. 

But Yeosang doesn’t want to overstep any bounds, won’t risk this friendship just for some oral (even if he really wants to go down on you, like A Lot), so he says, “San, if you’re not comfortable with it, I won’t.”

“No, it’s just,” he sighs, “It’s really nice and I’m scared you’ll like it too much.”

He likes oral, but he's never liked it too much.

It’s a little nerve wracking to watch you push the rest of the towel away, fully baring yourself to him. He’s sure you’re the more nervous one here, but this still feels like an important moment in your friendship and Yeosang can’t help but lean down and kiss you, just a simple, gentle kiss in thanks. For your vulnerability, for your candor, for your careful way of handling him. He’s just thankful to you. 

He’s even more thankful when he shoulders your thighs apart and licks into you for the first time. You taste… exquisite? Divine? Like all of the heavens concentrated into one being? Now he gets why San was so worried, because he’s already addicted. You’re wet, so fucking wet, that all he needs to do is glide his tongue through your folds to smear it all over. He likes it messy, contrary to his reserved nature, so he lets himself lose a bit of technique to get as much of you in, on, and around his mouth as he can. 

“She likes when you go inside,” San offers, but Yeosang wants to find his own way, so he grunts in acknowledgement and continues to devour you as he pleases. You’d both said this is for him, he can afford to be a bit selfish. 

You don’t seem to mind, if the way you’re writhing and whining says anything. To Yeosang, it says everything, though he’ll need to hold your hips down if he wants to keep going. Eventually, he does decide to slide his tongue inside you, just because you were starting to sound like you might cry, and when he does it’s mind blowing. The taste of you is so much more rich here and there’s so much of your slick seeping out that he can just drink you right down. It’s glorious, you’re glorious, and he’s desperate to make you cum. 

He fucks you with his tongue, pushes it in and out of your entrance and shifts a thumb down from your hip to rub circles over your clit. He experiments until he finds the pressure and motion you like and from there, it’s easy. Easy to let his groans vibrate into you, to reach up and put one of your hands back in his hair, to let you guide him. Easy to slip one, then two fingers in alongside his tongue. Easy to curl them up, hook them inside, spread you open and get right at your g-spot. 

“Can you squirt?” He slurs, his heart in his throat and his voice reflecting it. He almost doesn’t sound like himself, his voice so deep it rumbles in his chest and his words flowing together. His fingers are still pistoning in and out of you so you can’t answer, but San does, thankfully. 

“Yeah, she can. If you just-,”

“Perfect.”

Yeosang doubles his efforts, sinks another finger inside and moves his tongue up to your clit, pushing at it in pulses as he wraps his lips around it and sucks. He gets a bit rougher and faster with his fingers, fucking you like he means it, and your whines get higher and higher and higher until you’re keening, bucking up against the arm laid over your hips. It won’t be long now, he knows, until you’re flooding him with your wetness and (hopefully) crying your way through an orgasm. 

They don’t always happen together, but he wants to make them happen together for you, so he makes sure to focus on your clit even as he fingerfucks you into oblivion. You like it, he thinks, love it maybe, and soon enough, your pussy is clamping down on his fingers and holding them inside, so insanely tight that he thinks he’ll die when he gets his dick inside of you. You cry out, broken and pleasure-soaked, when you cum. Your clit beats like a tiny little heart and your walls undulate around his fingers as slick gushes out of you in spurts. It’s perfect, you’re perfect, and he’s already mourning the fact that he’ll never get to do this again. 

Once his neck and chest are covered in you, he finishes helping you through your orgasm and lets up. He would push for another but he doesn’t want to be greedy, so he gently places your legs back down on the bed and shakily sits up. You’re still panting, your lashes wet and your mouth open, and fuck if you aren’t the prettiest thing Yeosang has ever seen. The haze in your eyes clears up, your gaze finds his, and it’s two seconds of silence before you’re both giggling your hearts out. There’s something funny about making one of your best friends squirt, and it’s even funnier when it’s your best friend’s girlfriend too. 

“Have fun?” San’s voice breaks up your laughter, his jealousy evident though his restraint is too. Yeosang imagines this must be incredibly difficult for him, and once again he’s struck with the desire to thank you both. Who else can say they have friends like this? Friends who let him into their bed, who share themselves with him, who take care of him. Yeosang is so lucky, so insanely lucky, to have you two. 

“I love you guys,” Yeosang sighs, and it seems San can’t hold onto his annoyance in the face of his affection because his frown becomes a grin that dimples his cheeks and brightens his eyes. You’re looking similarly fond, your smile sweet and your hands gentle when they pull him to you so you can place a kiss on his cheek. 

“Love you too, Yeo,” You and San repeat in unison, on the same page in this as in almost everything. 

Yeosang doesn’t know what will happen after tonight but he’s secure in the knowledge that this won’t do anything but bring the three of you closer. He thinks. 

He doesn’t have long to linger on the thoughts, your hands coming to rest on his stomach and your nails dragging down to catch at his boxers. He’s ridiculously hard, doesn’t need any of the preparation you’re offering, might even cum if you touch him, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t get your hands on him tonight. He nods when you ask if you can take his boxers off, tries to quiet the racing of his heart as you slowly pull them down. His dick bounces up and against his stomach, smearing precum on his abs before it bobs down heavily. He’s big, he knows, and the three fingers he’d given you should be enough, but he’s considering offering a fourth when he takes notice of the look in your eyes. 

You look like you’re not scared at all, like this is a walk in the park or a day at the beach, and it’s so fucking sexy that Yeosang just knows he can’t let you touch him too much or he’ll blow. You can touch him a little though, he decides, taking your hand when you hesitate and bringing it to rest on his cock. Your hand is smaller than his, warmer and softer too, and it feels miles better than his own. You definitely know what you’re doing, starting to stroke him and running your thumb up and down the frenulum and over the head, a combination that already has Yeosang seeing stars. He wishes he could let you keep going but he’ll cum if he doesn’t stop you, is even a bit nervous that he’ll cum the second he slides inside of you, but that’s a risk he’s dying to take. 

His hand covers yours, squeezing down hard at the base to stave off the orgasm, as he whispers, “Stop, stop, stop, I’ll cum.”

You smile proudly, wiggling your hand out from under his to grab the condom at his side and hold it out. For some reason, opening the wrapper and rolling it on feels momentous, like this is the point of no return. Which is ridiculous because you’ve already done all sorts of things friends don’t do, and because he knows he could stop anytime he wants. The problem is that he doesn’t want to stop, doesn’t ever want to stop, but as he folds your legs up and glides the covered head of his cock over your clit, he decides that’s a problem for future Yeosang. 

Present Yeosang is preoccupied, mesmerized by how his dick covers the whole of your pussy. He could stare for days, months, years, but you wriggle beneath him in impatience so he lines himself up and starts to slowly push in. Your cunt sucks him in, your walls contracting over and over until he bottoms out with a strangled moan. 

“She’s perfect, isn’t she?” He can hear San say somewhere in the background, but his head is swimming at the pressure of you around him and he can’t summon the words to respond. You are perfect, though, your cunt is perfect, and welcoming, and wet as all fuck, and he wishes he could make a home here inside of you but he knows he can’t, so he pulls back and pumps into you again. He starts slow, doesn’t go as rough as he usually likes to but you get impatient fast, wrapping your arms around his neck whispering, “Harder, harder, please,” until he decides to give you what you want. 

He pounds into you, slamming in and out and groaning as he feels your pussy get tighter and tighter around him. He thinks you might already be close, knows that as soon as you cum, he will too and this will all be over, so he breathlessly asks, “Will you ride me? I wanna see you,” pulling out and clumsily switching places with you when your eyes grow bright and you happily sigh, “Yes!”

His view as you climb on top of him is immaculate, your body all stretched out over his and your tits sitting perfectly. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he breathes, watching the bashful grin rise on your face and catching San’s nod in his peripheral vision. He’s also got his lips pursed and his knees bouncing, and Yeosang feels a little bad that he’s taking such advantage of the situation. San gets you all the time though, practically whenever he wants, so Yeosang feels he’s allowed to be a bit selfish just this once. 

He holds his dick up as you lower yourself onto him, swallowing him again in your blinding heat and making his head spin. You resume the quick pace, slamming yourself down on him over and over, and all Yeosang can do is lay there and take it. Well, he could grab your hips and fuck up into you but he’s enjoying being fucked too much to change anything about this. He’s always been the one doing the work in sex and it’s so unbelievably wonderful to just let you take him. 

You like it too, might even love it, he thinks. You’re making the sweetest sounds, your moans and whimpers and sighs intoxicating to him. You feel so much tighter around him like this, too, and he feels like he’s even deeper than he was before, your ass smacking against his balls with every thrust. He’s getting close, he’s getting so fucking close, and he knows he can’t cum inside you but he doesn’t want to cum in the condom either, but you hadn’t discussed where he could cum if not in the condom, and suddenly Yeosang is right there on the edge with no idea what to do.

“San, I’m gonna cum. What do I-,”

“In my mouth, Yeo. Cum in my mouth,” you interject, climbing off of him and stopping his orgasm in its tracks. He grips the base of his cock and peels off the condom as San takes you by the ankles, flips you onto your stomach, and drags you to lay horizontally on the bed. 

“Want me now or want me to wait, baby?” San asks you, one hand on your back and one on his dick. 

“Now, Sannie, I want you now,” you respond, your voice shot and your eyes teary as you turn to watch him line himself up and slide home. You whine his name and the sound soothes him, settles the simmering jealousy in his stomach and replaces it with heat, which only grows as he feels you adjust to him. He must be a bit bigger than Yeosang and that calms him a little bit more, even though he knows it shouldn’t. 

Poor Yeosang still hasn’t cum so San beckons him forward, ignoring how weird it feels to be interacting with his best friend while he’s fucking his girlfriend. Yeosang shuffles closer to you on unsteady feet, his eyes dark as he watches his dick disappear in your mouth. You’re so fucking good at sucking dick he’s almost jealous it’s not him in your throat right now, but he knows he’s got the better end of the deal, getting to fuck you raw and cum inside you. Getting to fall asleep next to you every night and wake up with you every morning. Getting to go grocery shopping with you and brush his teeth next to you and take you on dates. Getting to love you. Nothing could be better than his life with you, and thinking about it has him on the verge of tears and on the edge of cumming. 

He normally lasts longer but he’s had to watch you get pleasured for an hour while having nothing to do with it, he thinks he can cut himself a little slack. It would be kind of beautiful and poetic if you could all cum together, so he slips one hand between your thighs and strums your clit in the way that makes you go fucking crazy, and fucking crazy you go. Your cunt seizes up around him, your back arching further and your thighs shaking. You’d be shouting if you didn’t have Yeosang’s dick in your mouth and though he misses your noises, he’s happy that Yeosang is having such a good time. 

It’s obvious he’s close again, his eyes screwed shut and his breathing labored, and thank fuck he is because San is cumming, fuck, he’s cumming, and you are too. Your pussy clenches around him in pulses, milking his cock and sucking his cum in deeper and deeper until he has nothing left to give. His head swims and through the haze, he can hear Yeosang swearing and groaning, hear your name leaving his lips, and San would be lying if he said it didn’t make him cum just a little bit harder. 

When your cunt has squeezed the last of his cum out of his dick, San drapes himself over your back, pressing kisses across your shoulders and snaking his arms around your stomach. He always feels so cuddly after sex and he knows the comfort is good for you too, so he stays as he is even as Yeosang pulls out and drops to his knees to press a kiss to your lips. That’s something San always does after you suck him off and he’s happy it seems to be an instinct for his best friend as well. 

San wants to let you and Yeosang have your time so he peels himself off your back and stands, lumbering over to the bathroom to get a warm, damp washcloth to clean you up. You may want a shower later and he knows you’ll want to brush your teeth, but this will do for now. 

When he re-enters the bedroom, Yeosang is laying on his back with you snuggled up against his shoulder. You’re talking quietly with each other, giggling like friends do at a sleepover, and San feels his heart grow five times bigger. He squeezes Yeosang’s free shoulder before he climbs onto the bed and settles in next to you. His hand touches Yeosang’s side when he wraps his arm around you but neither flinch away. They've just been closer to each other than they ever have and ever will be again, a little touching is nothing to them now. 

“So… Did it work?” San asks, propping himself up on an elbow and resting his cheek on your arm so he can look at Yeosang. 

“Did what work?” Yeosang responds with confusion, having not even a clue what San is talking about. 

“We did this so you could work on your confidence, remember? So you can start dating again?” 

“Oh, yeah, for sure, for sure,” Yeosang agrees absentmindedly, his eyes locked on the ceiling. 

“Good, we just want you to be happy,” you whisper drowsily. 

Yeosang doesn’t have the heart to tell either of you that he’s happier now than he’s ever been. And that he’s not sure he really needs to start dating again after all. 

"Babe, do you think you could go sleep on the couch? You know I like my snuggle time, and Temi's already there," San whispers in the dark. Yeosang jerks awake, and, affronted, scream-whispers, "I will go home right now if you make her sleep on the couch, you animal."

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding!" San jerks against you, trying to defend himself from Yeosang's swatting arm. All that does is jostle the three of you closer and somewhere, somehow, in the midst of it all, you fall into blissful, sore slumber.

AN: thank you for being born bestie ily more than life itself! i hope this is everything we dreamed of and more 💖 and thank you @petrichor-mingi for beta reading!!!

#ateez smut #san smut #yeosang smut #yeosang x reader #yeosang au #yeosang imagines #san x reader #san scenarios #san imagines #choi san ff #choi san imagines #choi san smut #choi san x y/n #choi san scenarios #choi san fic #choi san fanfic #choi san x you #yeosang fic #ateez fanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez fluff #ateez au #ateez imagines #ateez san #✨emily writes✨ #yeosang x y/n #yeosang x you

[himboskywalker]

This is super random but I was reading your book recs post from several weeks ago and was curious about you saying you have serious beef with Song of Achilles? Genuinely SO curious why when I would assume it was practically written for you?

I am going to try very very hard for this to be an objective review and not a frothing at the mouth rant but I know I'm probably going to fail. My grievances with Song of Achilles are manyfold lol

Firstly, I can't stand what Miller did for Patroclus's character. She makes him a pacificist for some fucking reason????Patroclus was a hero of the Trojan war, he LED the Myrmidons into combat. He was Achilles's squire because he mirked another kid as a child, he was his wartime companion. He was so skilled on horseback he was said to have been taught horsemanship by Poseidon himself. He dies in combat, impersonating Achilles, who was literally a demigod. Which means Patroclus was a skilled enough fighter Hector mistook him as the son of a fucking god. He killed Sarpedon who was one of Greece's greatest fighters! And Miller wrote him as a little uwu I don't want to fight, timid shadow of Achilles. Like if you want your protagonist to not be a fighter that's fine, but then don't write a book about one of mythology's greatest fighting pairs and make one of them not a fighter??? In no iteration of any myth of Patroclus is he NOT a warrior.

Secondly, we are never shown any reasoning for why Achilles and Patroclus love each other. Patroclus drones on and on for a sweet eternity of how beautiful Achilles is, and Achilles reciprocates that he thinks Patroclus is also beautiful. But they literally don't have a relationship outside of sex. We are literally not shown a single reason for why they love one another and what their relationship is built on. If your entire book is a romance then have some meat to the romance. It will always read to me as someone who fundamentally does not understand queer romance, and so approaches it as shallowly as you possibly can.

And this brings me to my third and possibly most important grievance with the book. Miller explicitly writes Achilles and Patroclus as gay in Song of Achilles. That's not how sexuality really worked for the Greeks but whatever, you're writing your book through a modern lens for a modern audience. But the romance is framed as taboo for some reason? They are genuinely afraid of being perceived or recognized as a couple? Like really???? In Greece, the period when these men would have been sexually fluid, when especially as warriors these bonds were encouraged???Also you can't take characters who interacted with their sexuality in the complicated ways of the past and then shoehorn them into modern boxes that simply don't fit the culture that acts as the framework for these stories. The Greeks did not perceive of sexuality in this way, these men who have always been written as sexually fluid, would not have thought or acted in this way. And they especially would not have fit in the modern perspective of gay men CLEARLY written by a straight woman who views queer relationships through the exact lens of a heterosexual relationship.

It's a story whose entire premise balances on the author understanding the society and culture of the time it is set. Achilles and Patroclus's relationship is very much informed by the time and place it is set in. And yet Miller writes it entirely though a modern perspective and with modern morals and values. If you want a protagonist who's a pacifist and who approaches their sexuality through a modern western perspective, then DON'T write about infamous warriors from ancient Greece who are none of these things.

And my final grievance that infuriates me the most is Miller TEACHES ancient Greek. She of all people would HOPEFULLY know better. She is educated on this time and society, and so I have no patience for her anachronistic approach to the story. It will always read to me as a straight white woman's fantasy of a myth steeped in queerness, violence, and societal bonds unique to the Ancient Greeks.

#i lost the fight this did turn into a rant #Will I'm not going to tag you outright but I'm tagging you in my heart so you can rage with me #anons

[deadpanwalking]

hello!! do you have any recommendations for books or essays about becoming a better reader of poetry? I love the poems you post and esp love when your tags go into what you got out of it / understood from it, bc it’s always so much more than I was able to interpret on my own. and I want to become a better reader and learn how to really sit with a poem and get into all its layers but idk where to start.

I stand behind the recs in this post, but since you want to focus on poetry and poetics, in addition to William Empson's The Seven Types of Ambiguity and Helen Vendler's Poems, Poets, and Poetry, I'd also recommend Christopher Ricks' The Force of Poetry, I. A. Richards' Practical Criticism, and Jorge Luis Borges' The Craft of Verse. They are all beautifully written, by people whose love of the form transcends academia and becomes, at times, a kind of secular worship. I loved poetry before I fully understood language, back when it was just incomprehensible mouthwords my parents repeated to get me to sleep; I'd have loved poetry even if I never toiled a day in the hermeneutics mines, like my grandmother reciting Eugene Onegin after her dementia cleared everything else from the table—she wasn't sure what it meant, all she knew was that this was the nicest thing she had. Isn't that a kind of faith?

There are other good books about how to read poetry, but these were the ones that initiated me into a conspiracy of words, they taught me to be curious about why I liked a poem, how to take pleasure in its vivisection without worrying I'd kill that faith—like martyrs, good poems never fall apart when you open them up, they yield. If anything, the practice of explication has made me even more of a fanatic. I hope it does the same for you!

If there are poets you already like, I can get more specific about recs—I'm partial to modernist poetry, but that just means I like following breadcrumb trails of allusions to lots of different literary traditions and can tell you where the bodies, hatchets and/or treasures are buried.

#where's that bugs bunny meme that's like lord forgive me but it's time 2 go back to tha old me #but it's me about to reblog tha helen vendler emperor of ice cream explication #literary criticism #i read much of the night and go south in the winter #r-osehips #assbox #okay caveat the vendler and ricks books are definitely out of print but get them used—i promise they pay for themselves #in a hypothetical future where the economy crashes and poetry understanding becomes the most valuable form of currency

[gingerylangylang1979]

How Colorism fuels BW/WM swirls in media

I guess this is maybe a counterpoint/companion post to this one and the dialogue started with @theonlyamazingtazmin in the comments.

That post was an ask that black women set personal boundaries around how the ship and media about the ship is effecting our well being. But an equally important conversation is why do we so often have to look to interracial couples for a well written romance for dark skinned black women. While I'm cautious about the level in investment in these pairings, I cannot deny the appeal and why it's almost a default because of how much romance for dark skinned black woman is gate kept.

My initial remedy to this frustration of how we attach ourselves to this pairing was, we need to watch and support black romance and and black tv shows and movies. But a lot of the problem is in doing just that. I watched mostly black shows in my youth and the pattern was already established of me always seeing the dark skin woman alone or butch while the lighter girls had their pick.

My favorite show as a teen was A Different World. And as ground breaking as that show was in many respects I do have to call out the paradigm it reinforced. Dwayne was obsessed with Whitley, the whitest looking woman shown on campus, and he was the darkest man shown on campus. Ron liked her best friend, Millie, a light skin girl, after that wasn't a thing it was like so crazy that he ended up with Jaleesa. His mom (the fab Patti LaBelle) kept telling him to get with the dark skinned girl with the pretty teeth, but it was like he resisted vehemently beforehand. He does, but then ends up with biracial Freddy and Jaleesa ends up with an old man and becomes a stepmom as her best option.

Back when I had HBO (I only pay for one subscription at a time and my current roommates decided to do the Disney+ package, but I only end up watching Hulu) I watched Insecure but didn't finish. I'm curious to see what happened romantically with the characters. Did they follow the same playbook? I don't want to be spoiled because I hope to continue that show one day, so please don't tell me. But I remember in the precursor to this show, Awkward Black Girl, Issa's love interest was a like pretty average, kinda lame white guy. Her black crush never panned out. I kind of rooted for her and white boy but like not that enthusiastically. I just wanted her to be loved, so tried to be into it, but honestly was like, is this her best option? I didn't finish because it frustrated me that he was her best option. Personal note: I need to finish an Issa Rae show.

Fast forward to literally as of yesterday. I started watching Queen Sugar (Hulu tries to represent black shows and movies but the selections aren't the best, if anyoen has recs, please share) because I said I want to watch more black entertainment like I did in my youth. The most recent try before this was Atlanta and I just wasn't impressed. Come to find out how douchey Donald Glover is about black women and got turned off. Anyways, I did get invested in QS after a few episodes and even cried. So what turned me off a bit and I hope doesn't put me off the show? Spoiler alert: The darkest woman, Nova, is a white cop's mistress. This isn't revealed right away. It opens with them having a sensual morning after but for some reason despite him being hot, I felt ick. Like, I predicted there was something ick coming, and sure enough she's the long term side piece. Her fine af dark skinned brother's ex is a light skinned woman and there seems to be a mild flirtation with his son's Latina teacher. The light skinned sister is married to a man about her skin tone. The aunt who is medium skin tone has a husband darker than her. So it kind of reinforced the colorism and that Nova's only option out of everyone else has to be a white man, and a white man that can't fully commit to her at that.

Now, let me jump back to why I got so invested in Richonne. I know some people probably like does this girl only hardcore ship traumatized curly haired blue eyed white men with dark skinned black women? Not intentionally, haha! But that was the most epic love story I've seen with a black woman who looks anything like me. I wasn't even expecting to ship anything on that bleak ass show. Not my fault. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough? But yeah, when I reached my adult years I kind of got tired of looking for the romance I wanted to see, that represented me, in black media and being disappointed. Because the dark skinned girls didn't get the same love as the lighter ones (or they are lesbians but that's a whole other post). I'm not saying white media isn't guilty. It's just white media when they tend to give a dark skinned black woman a romance it's with a white man if she isn't alone or a lesbian, just like black shows, but the romance tends to be deeper if it's main plot point, or at least that's what I see in Richonne and Carmy x Sydney.

I think there is a good and bad side to this. On one hand yes, give it to me. On the other is it only palatable for a dark skinned black woman to get love in a show with a mixed cast with a white man because there is still and aversion to black love for these women? It's so complex. This is why when I wrote my Syd and Carmy fic I intentionally made her ex a dark skinned black man. Carmy is mad jealous of him. It's not a real love triangle, he just frames it as one because he's insecure of her highly successful, young Idris Elba looking almost fiance, who her dad loves and is a family friend. So, of course Carmy is in his feelings. Although Syd dated white guys I didn't want the strongest competition to be another white guy. And I have Syd speak to the lameness of these other white men on purpose, on multiple occasions. She was always kind of chasing a Carmy replica but not because they were white, it's because he imprinted on her. But she chased trying to be with her ex just as hard, but for different reasons and in a different way.

Anyways, I don't even know what to expect from media at this point because often what we see onscreen does reflect reality. I'll describe myself. I'm a petite, slim curvy girl, cocoa complexion, kinky curly who often gets that "so pretty for a black girl" type compliment in the black community and from racist white people. My dating history has been mixed and mostly white (two Asians also in the mix) in my latter years by default. When I was in high school the few black boys (I went to a mostly white school) chased the white, Latina, or light skinned girls. And the few that were interested were not desirable trouble makers. One was so bad he verbally abused me in front of people consistently and then I found out he had a crush one me. No thanks, red flags galore. The first somewhat decent boy that was interested and actually knew me was my white boy best friend who tried to make a move one day. I wasn't interested, didn't see it coming, but it started a pattern. I just wanted to be his bestie because we were both film geeks, had family trauma, were loners, smoked weed, and were in theater together. It's so funny because he was a dead ringer for Leonardo Dicaprio and all the white girls swooned for him and I was like eh (never thought Leo was all that). So, no, I didn't view him as a prize romantically. But this same type thing continued with white guy friends secretly having a crush and me like not being that excited. But one day I did like one, gave it a try, and was like, ok cool, I can try this. And since then I get way more interest from white men than black men.

*Caveat, I'm currently single and don't think race has any influence on quality of men. My long term Asian ex was the worst boyfriend of my life and I'm still traumatized. Long story.

So should I be this surprised that media reflects my same experience? I don't know what the solution is going forward. Like, will media change and influence society or does society need to change to influence media?

#carmy x sydney #chefs kiss #syd x carmen #sydcarmy #interracial relationship #swirl #black women on tv #black romance #misogynoir

[welcometomyoasis]

lets spread some love!!

talk about your favourite mutuals and why you like them

💓

ah i do love all my mutuals regardless of whether i talk to them a lot or not :(( but here are the ones i talk to the most often! (i'm sorry to the moots who aren't on the list, just know i love all of you and i appreciate all of you and let's talk more in the future! </3)

@wonijinjin - my little bear, need i say more? you're my twin, we have so much in common. we can talk about literally anything and everything, we're already planning to recreate all of jihan's pictures when we meet (hopefully soon). i love your heart, your strength, and your ability to make me smile like scoups looking at hannie when i see you texted me. i also love your fics, like your mind and ability to come up with such pretty fics is mindblowing. ❤️ you also make me want to romanticise life for some reason? you make life tolerable for me and talking to you makes me finally learn how to use instagram... like i'm to old for tiktok okay and instagram is more bearable... 😅

@brownsugarbaybee - my angel. i love your ability to love? is that a thing? probably. you shower me with so much love and care, and it provides me with so much comfort. makes me feel all warm and cozy. also, our random conversations about tea or cheol, or the 95 line, i treasure everything.

@heavenfilm - my little cloud, the person who i proposed to using a seventeen song rec list. *gasp* is this my first public declaration of love for you? is it? i love how we clicked. fast. seriously idk how it is possible but we're on the same wave length about so many things, we're so similar (we kill plants so yay!) and we're just such good friends now. idk how else to put it honestly. i do also love your sexy mind and your curiousity. it makes me feel more curious about the world as well and idk to some extent it makes me try to love life a little more than before? also please come visit me :((

@weird-bookworm - my little ball of sunshine. yea that's exactly why i love you. you're a ball of sunshine. i believe my words when i first talked to you were that you were a bundle of bright energy. yea. you versus the sun? the sun is losing tell it to pack its bags because we have a new sun taking over. that's you. don't ever let anyone block your shine. i swear i am ready to fight whoever hurts you (also you're so protective over me? like no i adopted you i'm supposed to protect you too)

@haecien - cien has this crazy and happy energy that draws people in, i don't know how to explain it. you love with all your heart, you're so sentimental and you treasure the little things. it's just so endearing to see honestly. especially when you talk about your love life? it makes me feel single yes, but i'm so invested in it and i'm rooting for you because you deserve all the happiness in the world.

@wheeboo - my little flower is probably one of the nicest, most welcoming, kindest, people in the world. rania just has this really calming, sweet energy around her? she's really like a flower that attracts everyone to her. also her fics? mindblowing. gimme her masterlist and i am not moving from my seat if i can help it. she writes everyone so well and there's always a perfect balance of fluff and the wheeboo trademark... wait for it.. angst! (and i love angst so there.)

@slytherinshua - zanna's enthusiasm is just contagious. i see the way she loves all the groups that she is into, and all the effort she puts into her fics (and the powerpoint presentations). and i get so hyped up as well? personally i find it very heartwarming to see someone who has the amount of passion zanna has and i wish i could be more like that too <3

@babyleostuff - natalia has this no nonsense attitude around her but she's also one of the nicest, most humble people ever. in other words, natalia is a girl boss. she also genuinely loves what she does be it writing the fics, or her line of study. her fics are everything i want to kiss your mind every time i read something new because how do you come up with the sweetest, fluffiest, most accurate fics? it takes me to a whole new level of deluluness 🥰

@justsomekpopstuff - JJ says the sweetest, nicest things :( every time i see a notif from JJ i get so happy. she's like my no. 1 masterlist supporter. also i'm learning a lot about her and the fact that we both have road rage 😃. yea we just became moots but don't ever think you're getting away from me. i'll win you over with more joshua fics...

@planetkiimchi - kimchi is like a little sibling to me. we're from the same country and it's always fun talking because it feels like we're part of an inside joke (but no, it's kind of just the education system we're in 💀) kimchi can also speak chinese properly which i am very envious of :)

@nonononranghaee - hafs. her mind makes me want to die a little because she says and asks the most profound things? like literally one of the first conversations we had was about whether true love existed? that blew my mind. also her writing is just it. it makes me feel all the emotions which is what i'm looking for in a fanfic :)

@addicsvt - can i squish? ari reminds me of a squishy, adorable plushie... literally so sweet, easily excitable, and her reblogs give me life when i see them. she was the first person to compliment my writing and i've since adopted her ❤️

@mangocustard16 - mango's sense of humour is unmatched. and the fics oml i need to binge your entire masterlist when i can. you write so much and you're writing just makes me want to melt into a puddle of mush. also you're really really nice! and i like nice people :)

@eightlightstar - my fellow academia girlie. her fics are hilarious and she always says the sweetest things in her reblogs :( it somehow always happens at night and i wake up to it and it just puts a huge smile on my face. so thank you for that vittoria ily ❤️ let's be fellow profs together?

@woozvc - nora is my person. my fellow panda lover. they get the hype around pandas. but also they are so so nice. i cannot wait for them to come back online soon so more chaos between the panda lovers can ensue </3

@staranghae - cherry you remind me of a very cheery person (hehe see what i did there). you're so hyper and sweet to everyone. let's definitely talk more okay?

@starshuas - adorable, happy, fluffy ball of energy? you just give me such sweet vibes and you're an absolute sweetheart who spreads so much happiness around to all the blogs 💕

#letters for shu ✏༝༚༝༚ #shu's moots ᰔᩚ #i just love all my moots a lot okay #i'm always up for giving them lots of love <3

[active-mind-15]

I've had a thought for some time now... what if Akashi was a BTS fan?

At first, I was entertaining this idea simply because BTS and KNB are my biggest interests, but then I started to think harder about it, and I think it would make sense for him to be a fan of them.

Now, I know some of my KNB moots on Tumblr listen to Kpop, but I know that not everyone does, and even the ones who do are not all fans of BTS. With that being said, I'll try and explain things as best as I can for all the folks unfamiliar with BTS so this headcanon is easier to understand even for non-fans.

I predict this is going to be a very long post, so I'll have mercy on y'all and put the rest of this under the cut. Enjoy!

A summary of who BTS is for anyone reading who doesn't know them:

7-member music group from South Korea. They debuted on June 13th, 2013, and are comprised of 3 rappers and 4 vocalists. The members are RM (leader and rapper), Jin (vocalist), Suga (rapper), J-Hope (rapper), Jimin (vocalist), V (vocalist), and Jungkook (vocalist). Here's a picture for reference. I also wrote their stage names down next to each member so you know who is who.

BTS is an acronym for Bangtan Sonyeondan, roughly translating to "bulletproof boys". So, BTS aimed to be the bulletproof shield to protect people--especially those in their 10s and 20s--from harsh societal criticism that rained down on them like bullets. Their fanbase is called ARMY, an acronym that stands for "Adorable Representative MCs for Youth" (yeah I know it's wordy), and with that name, BTS hoped that listeners of their music would be inspired to find their voice and spread positivity. While they do have their fair share of cute/silly songs, a very large chunk of their work is lyrically introspective and touches on a lot of social, psychological, and even political issues. Bolstered by the fact that their music is self-written and co-produced, their authenticity is one of their biggest strong points and has allowed millions of people worldwide to relate to the messages in their music.

That being said, what does this have to do with Akashi being an ARMY? Well, I just wanted to imagine how he would become fascinated with a group like them, so I'll be splitting up this post into sections. I don't know how many sections I'll do, I'm winging this as I go, so let's just start with section 1.

HOW DID HE BECOME AN ARMY?

Mibuchi. Mibuchi strikes me as someone who would already be an ARMY and would convince Akashi to give them a shot. Maybe Akashi catches Mibuchi gushing over some photos of them online and it happens enough times that he finally cracks and asks who they are.

As someone who is an ARMY of 7+ years, when someone asks me who BTS is, I have to hold myself back from exploding where I stand because I get so excited when someone wants to know about them because they're so amazing that I always want more people to discover their music. Mibuchi, being the dedicated ARMY that he is, would instantly fill Akashi in on the details of who they are, the type of music they make, and who each of the members is, and Akashi would listen very intently, getting more curious the more he listens to Mibuchi talk about them.

Something I usually do when people ask for BTS recs is ask them for their favorite genres. The reason why I do that is because BTS has experimented with so many genres that their discography is incredibly diverse, probably more diverse than most artists I've ever listened to. So, I usually just fine-tune my recommendations to people's preferences to make the initial listening experience more palatable. And that's what Mibuchi does for Akashi. Once he gets Akashi's favorite genres, he sends him a playlist of BTS songs that fit his preferences. And so, because Akashi isn't one to turn down music recommendations, he keeps his word and listens to the playlist front to back.

After finishing the playlist, Akashi lays on his bed and stares at the ceiling, the chemistry of his brain permanently altered, wondering how on earth he went so long without knowing who BTS was.

AKASHI'S BIAS AND BIAS-WRECKER

If you don't know what these terms mean, having a 'bias' just means you have a favorite member. It's someone you feel your attention is naturally drawn to more than others in the group. You can be drawn to them for multiple reasons such as liking their voice, thinking their fashion is cool, or having a similar personality to theirs. There really are no rules for this kind of thing. A 'bias-wrecker' is a member who steals (said endearingly) your attention away from your bias, on occasion. Think of it as two members constantly replacing each other as your favorite. However, this is not always the case and not every ARMY has a bias/bias-wrecker. Some spread their attention pretty evenly across all the members and don't really have a particular favorite. But it's a fun question ARMYs like to ask other ARMYs every now and again, so for the sake of this post, I will include who I think Akashi's bias and bias-wrecker would be if he had them.

So, right off the bat, I know deep in my heart that Akashi's bias would without a doubt be Suga.

Reasons why I think Suga would be his bias:

All of the BTS members are authentic, but Suga is most notably known for his raw unfiltered lyrics and his candidness about his past experiences. He suffered a lot in his teens and 20s to be able to make music the way he is today. Despite all that, he's unafraid to speak about his mental health journey and often encourages ARMYs to be open about our own journies as well so we can normalize conversations around it and get the support we need. Through listening to Suga's story, Akashi would probably relate a lot to his struggles and gain strength from his words.

Suga's stage name is actually short for "shooting guard" because that was the basketball position he used to play back when he was in high school. So, he would get extra points in Akashi's book simply for that. I know he'd be excited to find out that piece of information and relay it back to Mibuchi, who would then show Akashi videos of Suga playing basketball and get him more excited about Suga. I can just imagine him going into captain mode and making little comments here and there like "he has a nice release" or "his shots go in very cleanly" or "I would have scouted him for Rakuzan if he were a high-schooler".

I also think there are a few similarities in their personalities Akashi would pick up on. Aside from their shared love of basketball and personal struggles with mental health as teens, I would say they're both pretty introverted, are extremely hard workers, both play piano, both show affection to their loved ones through acts of service, and both of them are incredibly strong, despite all that they've been through.

But who is Akashi's bias-wrecker? I'd have to say it'd be RM.

Reasons why I think RM would be his bias:

As I've mentioned before, RM is the official leader of BTS. I think for that reason, he would garner a lot of respect from Akashi, who would be impressed as to how he could be the leader of a globally recognized group starting from such a young age, especially when he hears about all of the hardships BTS had to face as they climbed up the ladder. As someone who has also had to step up and be a leader from a very young age, Akashi would look to RM and take notes of his leadership style to see if there's anything he could implement in his own life.

RM is also one of the main lyricists of BTS and the way he can speak and carry himself with such poise and maturity would also be another thing that Akashi respects. He loves to analyze RM's lyrics for every use of double entendres, wordplay, and literary/psychology references. (I have a separate headcanon that Akashi is at least conversational in Korean, if not fluent, so I'm sure that would make RM's lyrics all the more interesting to dissect.)

Akashi would also find similarities between himself and RM, too, outside of being leaders of their respective teams such as a love for the fine arts and nature, high intelligence (RM has an IQ of 148), and his down-to-earth demeanor.

FAVORITE BTS GROUP SONGS:

So I'm just gonna go album by album and list the songs that I think Akashi would pick as his favorite from each one, mostly due to the message in the lyrics, but some will also be because I think the instrumentals would be up his alley. I'll also provide some links to lyric videos so you guys can listen and read along to further understand my song choices. Any songs with an asterisk(*) next to them will link to a music video, so just turn on the closed captions. Fair warning, the older music videos have translated captions that are a little bit clunkier, but they're still readable. Anyway, let's go!

2 Cool 4 Skool (2013):

No More Dream*

O!RUL8,2? (2013):

Intro: O!RUL8,2?

N.O*

Skool Luv Affair (2014):

Just One Day*

Dark & Wild (2014):

Rain

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 1 (2015):

Intro: The Most Beautiful Moment in Life

Moving On

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life, Part 2 (2015):

RUN*

Butterfly

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life: Young Forever (2016):

Butterfly (Prologue Mix)

House of Cards (Full Length Edition)

Epilogue: Young Forever*

Wings (2016):

Lie

First Love

Reflection

2! 3!

You Never Walk Alone (2017):

Spring Day*

A Supplementary Story: You Never Walk Alone

Love Yourself: Her (2017):

Serendipity*

Outro: Her

Sea

Love Yourself: Tear (2018):

Singularity*

The Truth Untold

Paradise

Magic Shop

Love Yourself: Answer (2018):

Euphoria

Answer: Love Myself

Map of the Soul: Persona (2019):

Mikrokosmos

Jamais Vu

Map of the Soul: 7 (2020)

Black Swan* (also the classical version*)

Louder Than Bombs

We are Bulletproof: The Eternal*

BE (2020)

Life Goes On*

Blue & Grey

Proof (2022)

Yet To Come*

For Youth

BTS has released some Japanese original songs, too, so I'll include which ones I think would be his favorite among those!

Crystal Snow (2017)

Lights* (2019)

Your Eyes Tell (2020)

FAVORITE BTS SOLO SONGS:

Each of the BTS members has dropped their own solo projects whether it be singles or full albums, so I'll go member by member and talk about which of each member's solo songs I think would be his favorite.

RM:

Life (RM, 2015)

uhgood (mono, 2018)

forever rain* (mono, 2018)

No. 2 (Indigo, 2022)

Jin:

Tonight (2019)

Abyss (2020)

Yours (2021)

Suga/Agust D:

So Far Away (Agust D, 2016)

People (D-2, 2020)

Set me free (D-2, 2020)

AMYGDALA* (D-DAY, 2023)

Snooze (D-DAY, 2023)

J-Hope:

Piece of Peace (Hope World, 2018)

Blue Side (Hope World, 2018)

Equal Sign (Jack in the Box, 2022)

Safety Zone (Jack in the Box, 2022)

Jimin:

Promise (2018)

Like Crazy* (FACE, 2023)

Alone (FACE, 2023)

V:

Scenery (2019)

Snow Flower (2020)

Rainy Days* (Layover, 2023)

Love Me Again* (Layover, 2023)

Jungkook:

Still With You (2020)

Stay Alive (2022)

Shot Glass of Tears (Golden, 2023)

HOW AKASHI FEELS BEING AN ARMY

I think finding out such a prominent music act is singing about topics he directly relates to is such a shock to him. It's like he feels seen at long last and he isn't going through these issues alone. Even if BTS doesn't know who he is, the fact that their music speaks to him is enough to comfort him through tough times.

I'd like to think that when he's had an exceptionally rough day, he likes to just lie in bed and listen to them. He seems like the type of person to reserve time out of his day to just listen to their music in silence.

Because he became such a fan, he and Mibuchi would now have so much more to talk about with each other, and Akashi would also come to understand why Mibuchi would be such a big fan of a group like them. Together, they'd stream new releases right when they come out, watch BTS's livestreams together, and, if they're able, go to concerts together. Concerts are more of a new thing for Akashi since I feel like he has never been to a proper concert before, so the first concert he'd ever go to would probably be super overwhelming, but he'd feel reassured with Mibuchi by his side. And the concert ends up being amazing and Akashi feels like he just...belongs. Something would finally click for him that day, and he would realize that this level of connection, not just with the artists, but with the fans as well, was something he really enjoyed.

BTS would kinda stay as mainly Akashi and Mibuchi's thing, but Hayama and Nebuya do give BTS a shot, too, and find they do like a lot of their music as well. Their favorite songs are probably the more upbeat ones, though, as opposed to most of the ones I chose to be Akashi's favorites.

But the bottom line is that being able to come together with his friends over a common interest outside of basketball makes Akashi happy and he hopes he can continue to share memories with his friends through music.

Okay, I've gotta cut it off here, I have to get ready for a family dinner outing. If you managed to make it to the end of my post, I hope you enjoyed my ramblings and also the music I linked. Bye for now!

#my most self-indulgent chronic akashi brainrot yet #i have done it again #rip to whoever read all this #i just really like BTS and wanted to toy with the idea of akashi being an army #anyway gotta go #BTS #bangtan sonyeondan #kuroko no basket #knb headcanons #akashi seijuro #mibuchi reo

[faiell]

hello, nice to meet you!

i'm back at the top after rambeling about how i got into drarry, and so here is the fic rec: "genesis (you don't know what it means to win)" by crossourbridges on ao3. you don't have to read the rest if you don't want to.

i also got into drarry 20 years late, but let me tell you another secret: i've never read a page of a harry potter book in my life.

all my knowledge about it is from a friend that i like to listen to her obseasions and pick the ones i wanna get into (while i still enjoy hearing about the ones i don't). one time though she sat me down and we watched the movies, like 1-5 and i got bored at some point so we left it, but one thing that stayed with me was the character of draco.

i saw a sad, hhhhorney loser who just craves attention from EVERYONE, every gender, every house, the poor dude just needs to get layed, but without knowing the canon i'm pretty sure he never will.

that was a couple of years ago, and recently i suddenly remembered him bc i noticed i enjoy ships that are "a harmless prick loser and the misfourtunate everyman that the prick fell in love with, who is actually just insane enough himself to slowly but surly love the prick back".

and so i was like "i'm sure draco and harry are a ship. i wonder what their fanfics are like" and now for weeks i've been in this rabbithole of PROFOUND SHIT THAT MADE ME BELIEVE IN LOVE FOR A HOT SECOND, so yea. this is the reason i'm reccomending you this one. it's one of those stories that are the perfect length and much too short at the same time.

i hope you enjoy :)

first off, thank you so much for the fic rec! i will definitely check it out.

the journey of you becoming a drarry fan is a hilarious read, i'm so happy you shared it with me! hats off to you for being that friend who enjoys hearing about others' obsessions. we need more like you in the world. it's amazing that you absorbed just enough from her all those years ago to have the instinct to say AHA!! i bet people love making these two losers kiss! and u were right.

my turn! let me ramble (for even longer than you did) abt how i happened to the same drarry pit of "profound shit that made me believe in love for a hot second" with you. so on the contrary, i've always been a big HP fan, in the sense that i grew up with the book series and watched the movies. the books are why i became a big reader when i was a kid. i've always been a shipper, i always knew drarry existed, and many of my close friends were obsessed with it throughout the years--like losing weight because they were reading so much fic in bed their muscles atrophied kind of obsessiveness. for some reason, i never engaged. i was like yeah, obviously there's good stuff there, but i'm just not going to dip in.

then one day a few months ago (oct 2023 to be exact), i was bored at work and saw a thread on my home page titled something along the lines of 'absolute favourite fic regardless of fandom'. i was curious and maybe just itching for something fun to read so i clicked in and a highly upvoted reply caught my eye. the user's fav fic was the HP rewrite Mirror of Ecidyrue series by starbrigid. i was honestly really bored, and a draco POV retelling sounded fun, so i dove straight in.

i loved it, and holy shit it was long. i think the entire fic is longer than the og books? but yeah basically i rly enjoyed it, and i read it fast, finishing in only a week or so. i think ever since the transphobia bs happened i distanced myself from everything related to the franchise--i used to reread the books every few years, and i had stopped doing that. reading that fic made me realize how much i missed the world and characters, and how i could have it all again without shame by reading fic! i mean, starbrigid had basically rewritten the entire series and added their own interesting lore and worldbuilding, and that was even better than going back to reread the books like i used to. i also really enjoyed draco pov… i knew i definitely wanted more of that.

and so i went into the ao3 drarry tag to find more content, because i'd heard years ago from my obsessed friends that there was a goldmine of good HP fic there, and i never resurfaced lol. i feel like once u go in u can't ever get out cause it's a good ship and the writers are so talented, and there's YEARS, decades of content to catch up on. i remember also thinking that i'd be satisfied just reading and eating it all up (whereas i'm usually pretty active in making fanart when i join a fandom), but um, a few weeks ago i was like kinda like hmm i wanna see what MY brand of drarry looks like. so now im here posting art of it!

they are thankfully super fun to draw. i'm just having fun here, but i do have a small goal - i wanna draw fic fanart to sort of… give back some joy and show gratitude towards my fav writers. other than that, i'm here to chill and look at pictures and words of them making out.

#ask #oops this was long #thank u so much for the rec and ur lovely story about how you came to love drarry! #anonymous

[theresattrpgforthat]

Afternoon!

You might already be aware of these TTRPG designers, but I figured I'd pass them on if they might add to the knowledge pool for recommendations!

Will Uhl: https://willuhl.itch.io/ Just an absurdly prolific games designer, with a grounding in rules-light action-y games but has a wide range of tones and genres in their work. Mystic Lilies comes strongly recommended, their most famous game, Netbattlers, isn't on itch.io as it's a fangame that uses the Megaman IP (and is also excellent if you like games with in-depth character building)

Nathan Blades: https://sixofspades.itch.io/ More of a performer than a designer but has written a number of games, generally focused on upbeat anime action with queer community subtext. Heartbeats in Perfect Sync is probably their best known; they also have a one-pager in The Ultimate One-Page RPG Book.

Farmer Gadda: https://farmergadda.itch.io/ Explores a lot of system kits (CaltropCore, Lasers & Feelings, etc) to make games that reference specific game series and the like. The energy of picking up your favourite toy and moving it around the room with whoosh noises.

Rook/RJK Games: https://rjkgames.itch.io/ Prime itchio game zine production; passionate, feelings-first releases that each put a spin of a different indie game or system kit. A transformation of the orginal tone of a game to something else, like a magic trick.

Thanks for the recs! I've heard of some of these designers, and some I haven't. Let's look at a highlight of theirs that stands out for each one!

Mystic Lilies, by Will Uhl.

In a sealed-off region full of fantastical phenomena, the land is falling out of balance. You will play to find what people take and what people lose to regain that balance.

It looks like it's a card-based roleplaying game about witches fighting to get what they want. I'm interested in the character abilities, and curious about how the PvP interacts with different player styles. I'd assume that safety tools are a given at this table, and I'm definitely drawn in by the art.

Heartbeats in Perfect Sync, by Nathan Blades. (@theneoncaster)

Heartbeats in Perfect Sync is a tabletop RPG inspired by the shounen battle aesthetic. Play as a group of ordinary people who fight monsters with ridiculously over-the-top weapons.

I have heard of Nathan Blades before! I can see how this game would appeal to folks who love TWEWY, or Persona 5. I'm curious about what kind of dice this system uses - is it safe to assume that you need d6's for this game if the page doesn't specify? Also, folks should check out Iera Entera, a game by the same designer about killing, butchering, and eating gods. I think the concept is amazing.

SW//NG, by Farmer Gadda. (@farmergadda)

Because you have Power, you have Responsibility. Because of your Responsibility, you have to face your Past. And your Past? That's the one thing your Power can never fix.

I love complicated superheroes! I love emotional superheroes! This game gives you complicated and emotional superheroes! It also has some lovely GM advice and I always always appreciate good GM advice.

Our Love Will Destroy Us, by RJK Games.

You did it, exactly what the old fools of the Hunters’ Guild warned you against. Fell in love with your target, the both of you. One of you was barely trained, untested, didn’t know any better; the Guild might forgive you, but the other? You were meant to know better.

I'm pretty sure I've talked about this one before when I covered Tragic Games, so that might be why this game stands out to me. I think the use of Tarot Cards to reveal what the Hunger does to hurt the Vampire Hunter who has fallen in love with a Vampire, is really emotionally fitting.

#game recommendations #indie ttrpgs #tabletop games #dnd #asks

[mermaidsirennikita]

Thank you so much for all your detailed recommendations!! I'm a picky reader and often disappointed by recs from my real life friends so this blog is like a gold mine to me.

Given how much you've read in the genre, I'm curious what makes a really great romance in your opinion? And are there any flaws in a romance novel you just can't look past?

You're so welcome! I enjoy doing it. I too am often disappointed by RL recs lol. Currently, I don't know that my tastes always align with what's happening in trad publishing, so I kind of have to look off the beaten path for books myself.

I hope you don't mind me publishing my answers, because I find this really interesting.

As for what makes a great romance novel--for me, I think that big feeling is what takes a romance into greatness. Taking the love story that extra mile, taking the risk that really moves me? That's what takes it to another level. And I do tend to love big swings and risks; that does often make a book appeal to me more. But that's because those big swings tend to yield a higher volume of emotion.

And that doesn't mean every book has to be like... As dramatic as Dreaming of You, or Mafia Madman, or Lothaire. Heated Rivalry is a novel I love with all my heart, which I've re-read multiple times. It is, in many ways, a slice of life book. The plot is the character development and emotion. However, those emotions are challenging, and not easy, and I found myself completely and utterly invested in the character development as a result. I could say the same of a book like The Duke Gets Even--really, more of a character book than a plot book. Nobody does anything INSANE. But it feels like people have their hearts on the line, and that's what I want. To me, you can have a good romance without that sense of "oh my God, I am losing my head to this" in the story. But I don't know if you can have a GREAT one without it.

I think some of the BEST romances have a moment where you're genuinely like "I know there's an HEA, but I am kind of sweating it right now".

There are flaws I can't look past. Aside from the more political ones, I'd say what I can't really get over is:

--A lack of tension. To go back to Heated Rivalry--nobody is in danger of dying in that book. But people do have their careers and personal lives at stake. Even a "brother's best friend" contemporary romcom can have stakes (what if someone finds out) though... in some ways, I think a contemporary romcom is kind of more difficult to write than some of the alternatives. Because it is harder to add stakes to scenarios that aren't really THAT big a deal. You need to pitch the emotion in a big way.

But yeah. If a book is just two people feeling relatively comfortable, I don't want it. What am I reading for?

--Conversely, if the tension is forced... we've got a problem. Again, this is a tough needle to thread with contemporary romcoms, and the threading is usually in the character development. I'll use a non-Heated Rivalry example lol. In a contemporary romance I recently loved, Kristen Callihan's The Friend Zone, nobody is going to die if Gray and Ivy ruin the friendship and get together and then break up. But Callihan spends a lot of the book making you recognize how much those two value and lean on each other, so the stakes feel higher. Additionally, she gives both Gray and Ivy backgrounds that shape how big and risky crossing that line feels for them. She WEAVES these aspects into the story, rather than word vomiting at us. She writes good chemistry.

All of these things add to the tension. Whereas tbh, a lot of books I've read recently have had this incredibly forced sense of stakes. These are books wherein I'm like "okay, but you're a grown woman, why do you CARE if your brother finds out you're fucking his bestie" (this is just a tough one to pull off with adult contemporaries, let's be super real). It feels incredibly contrived, and I'm gonna be real. The only way you can handle this is with good writing. There are subpar writers who can make books work if the story itself is a good concept, even if it's not as good as it could've been had a better writer been working on it. But to me, if a story is simple, the writing needs to be good to beef it up.

--Going back to contemporaries... Oooh, boy, I can't do the "he's kinda conservative and learns the errors of his ways when he falls for her" thing in recently published books. It's not that the guy needs to be perfectly on the up and up (more on that in a minute). But when I read a book set in 2024 and the guy calls women "females" (and it isn't a demon/vampire/whatever lol) and talks about how crazy women are, whatever... Nah. That's a no from me. It's like--what's his excuse? He's not in the 1800s. He's not a warlord. He's FRED FROM WORK. I deal with that shit enough in real life to know that it's not something I want to have to fix.

--Conversely, I also think there's something really boring and bad about books right now, regardless of the genre, that feel like they're ticking Acceptable Behavior Boxes. Like, the amount of times I've read books where... and I'll be honest here... there is TOO MUCH asking for consent? Yes yes, it's all nice and good.

But is it something that feels authentic to human behavior? Yes. A quick "you sure?" is one thing. When a hero sits back and is like "[heroine], I want to make sure you're comfortable and that we're both fully consenting" I'm like... who the fuck talks like this during a random hookup lmao.

And this is FICTION. When I constantly see the rhythm of a scene--not even a sex scene, all the time--interrupted so that a character, usually the hero (which in itself feels kind of weird, as men aren't the only ones who can violate consent) can give a spiel about how very aware he is... It feels so fake lmao. FAKENESS is the big flaw here.

A really good example of this sort of... over-awareness, imo, is Lisa Kleypas removing the kiss in the dark scene from the prologue of Secrets of a Summer Night. The scene before literally just has a quick kiss--nothing more--between Simon and Annabelle when a room goes dark. He doesn't ask for consent. He kisses her. She doesn't flip out. It's intriguing. It's fine. To me, the fact that this was overthought to the point that the scene was removed... You FEEL that kind of calculation, and the calculation and artificiality that comes with it really fucks with a book for me. (See: the changes to It Happened One Autumn, on a bigger scale. Those changes ruin a great book.)

I'm sue there's more I can't deal with lol, but those are some of the issues!

#romance novel blogging #romance novels #book recs

[moni-logues]

ouch! i can't leave reading half done, i get anxious i'm a very very very very curious person. i read your blog and other people's blogs like they're gossip magazines at breakfast (i really like gossip magazines). you're… intimidating that's why i send anonymous asks even if you're the least busy person i don't like to bother 😔

i've read almost everything from everyone's masterlist on this site if you have something to recommend to me speak now or forever hold your peace 👰

hey that ring is so cute but i swore you were the type to love plain gold rings

-lilshy

Oh no I swear I am not intimidating!!! It's just my Scorpio rising lmao 🤣🤣🤣 I promise you, it is never a bother. Even if sometimes I'm slow to reply, that's because of me, not because of you(r message).

I used to be like you, though, and HAVE to read things even if I knew I'd hate them because I'm the nosiest bitch alive and I like to know everything (see: me watching four series of the crown which I didn't even enjoy just so I would know what people on twitter, WHOM I DID NOT KNOW, were talking about 😅😅😅) but I just had to let that go. Reserve my time and energy for the good stuff

Very interesting observation about the ring! I am, in general, fairly minimalist when it comes to my jewellery. I like clean, simple, geometric stuff generally. Hoops, little pendant necklaces etc. BUT I am not a gold girly!!!! Silver looks wayyyy better on my skin. I have one gold ring that I always wear because it did not come in silver lol and I put it on one day and just decided not to take it off 😂

HOWEVER when it comes to engagement rings, I will be an expensive fiancée!!!!!!!! That bitch better be big and sparkly!!! I love the one I posted just cause it's a little different yknow? But still classy, simple, just two stones yknow?

AS FOR FIC RECS ,jdjdjajcjeksjss at the start of the year, I was going to do like, regular rec posts and I got so overwhelmed immediately that I like, didn't even start 😅

Have you read @minisugakoobies ??? Or omg, Kanalia by @xjoonchildx ??? That's historical and fjejjejdjsjdkekdj frothing at the mouth screaming crying throwing up for lord jung. OR @daechwitatamic ??? You say you've read everyone so I'm like, am I telling you people you already know?? I just recently read Heart Got Teeth by @ugh-yoongi which was honestly embarrassingly Me. OMG have you read teardrop by @hesperantha? Fucking hell I DEVOURED that series. And anything by @hamsterclaw. have to shout out jade @eoieopda for being a multi bitch and making (yes MAKING) me read fics for men I don't even fucking know that I nevertheless love 😩😩😩

Recs fill me with anxiety because I KNow I'm missing some fucking A* top tier chef's kiss writers/fics that I've read and I don't want anyone to be sad that I haven't mentioned them 😖😖😖😖😖 because lord knows I'd be upset lmao (yes, she's a water sign and she's over sensitive!!! Alert the fucking news stations!!!) But did I manage to give you anyone new????

#lilshy #ask logs

[burntheedges]

KATE! Congratulations to you on your milestone. You bring joy and fun to this little corner of the void, and I'm really glad you share it with us.

I would love if you could make a 📜fic rec, please and thank you. I'll leave it up to you if you want to choose one show or the other (or both). It's your celebration, you do you! My only request is no dark!fic.

I'm curious to see what Star Trek fics/ships you enjoy. TNG is my forever love but if you're also a fan of Discovery or Strange New Worlds, I'm down.

And I was a fan of Stargate Atlantis back in the day. I didn't have a tumblr account then, but I did come across some stories and fanvids that I enjoyed. Which is your favorite ship?

And since you love flowers so much, and it's prime cherry blossom season....enjoy 💮 (I actually have a red cherry blossom tattoo. I love them)

hi!! thank you!! I feel the same way about your presence in our corner of the void 🧡😂 and thank you for the flowers! Flower tattoo high five 🧡

ok I have come up with a mix of ships and other things. If you like any of them please tell me! I would love to hear your thoughts and it’s cool if you don't like them.

...

Star Trek

(I have many Kirk/Spock recs but I avoided them here, let me know if you want any. That and DS9.)

illuminate a little space by zozo rated T, Michael Burnham/Sylvia Tilly, 2k

Or: Five times Tilly didn’t realize Michael was trying to date her (and one time she did).

Past Duties by astolat rated T, Picard/Q, 2.3k

Late in life, Picard has an uninvited guest.

Accidental by astolat rated gen, Picard/Q, 678 words

Why it's a bad idea to surprise omnipotent beings.

These two go together and I think they are fascinating character studies of James Kirk (by elumish) (no ship):

Linguistic Ambiguities in Vulcan Ethical Codes rated T, gen, 5.7k

The thing people always forget is that it was a Vulcan ship that reached Tarsus IV first.

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations rated T, gen (background Spock/Uhura), 6.9k

Kirk 619s as soon as the comm ends.

and if you'll forgive me for adding one from Deep Space Nine:

Unending Song by AuroraNova rated gen, Jadzia Dax/Worf, 2.7k

When awareness starts to return, Jadzia’s first thought is, Julian pulled off another medical miracle. Then she realizes she’s surrounded by two dozen puzzled Klingons, and she reassesses. She is, in fact, in Sto'Vo'Kor. It's not exactly how she envisioned death.

...

Stargate Atlantis

Ok first, some non-McShep fics:

My Home And Native Land by copperbadge rated T, gen, 17.8k

Ronon's friendship with Chuck, the head Gate Tech of the Atlantis mission, leads him to discover the strange and alien ways of Canadians and helps him lay his past to rest.

Fieldwork by Rheanna rated gen, Ronon/John, 3.1k

Ronon starts his e-mail correspondence with Sheppard's brother more or less by mistake.

I have a soft spot for fics that explore cultural things within the SGA universe, so here's a couple of those:

Pegasus Non-Verbal by igrab rated T, Rodney/John, 6.3k

John always gets a little thrill when he sees Rodney sign at him across the room, casually dissing people literally standing next to him and John is the only one who knows.

Scenes from a Lesser War by amireal rated M, Rodney/John, 20.4k

Don't ask don't tell is repealed and all of Atlantis tries to find their footing, except for John and Rodney, who just try to find each other.

Note: I think the structure of this fic is beautifully done.

and this fic is both beautiful and emotionally devastating. I love it and I cried a lot the first time I read it. It's more of a character study of Rodney and you'll see why if you read it. I can give you more extensive tags than the author did if you want them. I think about this fic like once a year at least. The second, shorter installment in the series is also amazing.

freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose by synecdochic not rated, 19.2k

Because the meaning of life is "do the next thing", and we all carry the seeds of the past into our future. Futurefic, Rodney-centric.

followers celebration

#fic rec #bte600 #mcshep #star trek #stargate atlantis #ask me anything #i hope you like at least one of these lol

[starsscarmyceiling]

the only thing i have ever known about merrical is what i've seen you reblog over the years, and i was always fine with that like go off...but now idk, i have seen so much of this pairing on my dash and i find myself being a little more curious? i feel kind of insane going to your askbox about this, but it seems to have certainly intrigued me ngl. and since you are the og merrical i've been following forever (reylo 4 life!), is there any sort of way you could give me a crash course on it? 🥺🙏

Holy gee WOW did I smile so very hard at this nonnie, I can't even tell you omfg. I was kind of wondering if Merrical would reach others in the SW fandom. I just know it's a smaller ship, especially in comparison to Reylo...and let me just tell you, Reylo Merricals, I think are mighty cool people.

Alright, well, I had another ask where I just gave all my fic recs and stuff like that, so you can find all of that here!

Okay okay okay, damn...where to start? I mean coming from Reylo you're still getting that enemies to lovers the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine goodness. Just imagine like...a Dark Rey/Jedi Ben AU? Yeah that seems like the right vibes to me.

Alright, so like the absolute 🤌thing🤌 for Merrical imo is all of the unspoken understanding between them. When I first played Jedi Fallen Order, what truly got me to start shipping is the moment Cal looked into Merrin's eyeballs and dropped the "I know what it's like to lose everything" line, like damn. That fucking--that ruined my life. He looked at her and validated her and then told her that how she'd been treated was wrong, and I just like fainted the old Katie can't come to the phone right now because she's dead. Here are two people, who both have been through so much, all of the same traumas of losing their entire people at such a young age and they found each other...like...do you know how special that is??

I think that is just another thing that I love about these two. There really is so much unsaid understanding between them that it seems like no matter the universe, they just seem to just naturally want to be around each other, and maybe they don't always understand why, but what it has is the potential to turn into is like *chef's kiss* of building something together that may have a foundation of joint trauma, but can then turn into everything they have been seeking and not even knowing they were. About two broken people, finally feeling like it's okay that they are, like they don't need to be fixed, like they don't need to explain, and they can just be.

It's about what they can build together.

They are so very healthy, have such amazing communication, and ISTG Star War if you don't give us this one pairing that won't end in tragedy I am setting everything on fire.

Alright, so obviously I would suggest playing JFO and then Jedi Survivor to get like the full story, but if you're not a gamer and want to commit to watching the "movie" version JFO, I thought this one was the best of the ones that weren't like 5+ hours but still providing enough context with cut scenes and some game play. I know it's still long but I tried to pick the best one under 3 hours!

For the JS movie. I thought this one was also a good balance of game play and cut scenes to get context. Let me just, like wow Respawn really made this game for the Merricals. Oh shit, these two are going to fuck your life up...in like the best way.

Also...HEH you're still gonna get all the freckle and hair appreciation in the world. Yes, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Fellow Merricals, if there was like anything that I left out that you think is important, just comment on here! I hope that was as succinct, you know, for me, and efficient of a Merrical crash course that I could give you anon.

This was fun, thinking this all out, and I truly hope you enjoy just another lovable set of space idiots over here. Also don't be shy! If I've successfully converted you, please show some love to the amazing authors and artists that this fandom has to offer.

AW YEAH guys we could have another convert to the house of Merrical I am kicking my feet in the air and screaming love all of us always 💖💖��

Also, yes, our home base is Applebee's. Come join me for a drink sometime 😏

#i loved this anon so much it made me smile so hard #i hope to see you soon anon! #merricals are amazing people #it is like SUCH an incredible and supportive fandom space #YAY! #merrical #ask

[welcometololaland]

Nice ask day!

How does it feel to be such a postive force in fandom? It's so easy to complain and find fault and you're out here, literally leading the way from the future in being nice and kind and celebrating each other and so curious minds wanna know: how does it feel to know that people (me) are so grateful that you exist and you put yourself out there and are a legit high point in people's (my) life?

oh jen this is lovely, thank you so much 💜

I'm grateful you exist, too! and I'm grateful for all the people that jump in when I come up with a random idea to play around with on tumblr - whether it's this or fic rec friday or whatever - I love it when people get unhinged with me.

certainly, I feel I'm still very young in the fandom - like I haven't been here for long - and I'm still learning a lot about what it means to be a responsible contributor. I definitely don't always get it right, and I think it's important to acknowledge that. but I'm really happy when some random idea I have takes off and brings joy to other people! at the end of the day I am a true extrovert who loves to engage with other people, and I feel like the fandoms I'm in have given me a lot of purpose and meaning in life, and I want to give back and show people that they are valued. I like games or projects that can draw in people who don't otherwise participate in like wip wednesday or seven sentence sunday etc., because they're not writers or because they're hesitant to join in or whatever (to be clear, i love the writing games too!). this game has let me learn some things about people I see in tags or on my dash, but I've never spoken to before! that's exciting for me!

I do sometimes get anons or whatever that make me question why I bother, but it's not often. the good very much outweighs the bad, particularly when other people tell me it made a positive impact on them. that's really what matters to me 💜

thank you again for being so lovely, jen!

#nice ask game #fandom appreciation #lola answers

[amemenojaku]

recent post made me curious, what do you consider the most precious doujin thing(s) you own?

Sukunagatari (スクナガタリ), a retelling of DDC & ISC in 5 volumes with a LOT of folklore elements and the artist's interpretation of what ZUN used as inspiration for shinmyoumaru & seija. cool fight scenes, REALLY good emotional moments, interesting thoughts on derivative stories and oral transmission of folktales, there's even an original song written by the artist and the circle Ringing Volcano turned it into a remix of reverse ideology some time later available right here. honestly this is one of the best doujins I've ever read and I absolutely recommend it! or if you can't read it there's also the song which is great!! I have a lot of feelings about these books

Hohuri by Diao Ye Zong, it's still my favorite album from them and it's what really got me into dolls in pseudo paradise :) solid tracklist from beginning to end. not much to add since I've already talked about it a lot over the past few years

Yumekanae, the full-color counterpart to the messed up cat renko book. If You Know You Know, etc. I enjoyed the cat story for its oppressive atmosphere & its excellent twist, but this one with its soft sunset colors & merry's monologue & that gorgeous page where she/yukari swallows The Thing has haunted me since it came out in (checks) 2014! which is funnily enough the same year Hohuri came out... like a good wine year....... anyway this really made me love the idea of merry not being a "person", but a concept or some kind of phenomenon. and the accompanying song is excellent and always makes me wanna cry. "now together we'll become a world".. auugghhh

さよなら花余命 by ykzt, a lovely story about kosuzu realizing her feelings for akyuu. it's tender, the art is beautiful (this artist has drawn some of my favorite akyuusuzu pictures), I love the soft smiles and blushing faces and how kosuzu's thoughts are written. the quiet, bittersweet atmosphere of the whole story is the cherry on the cake for me

Vector Spectacle, which I think most seija/shinmyoumaru fans (or people who read lots of touhou doujinshi in general) already know and like :) it's a great mix of fun scenes, romance, well-written introspection and cool backstory ideas. I'm a bit sad it was never finished ofc, but what's already out there is really good and the art is amazing. I have very fond memories of reading and collecting doujin stuff in 2014-2018 and this series is one of the reasons why!!!

there's a lot of other doujin books or CDs with sentimental value to me because I got them as gifts from friends, joined as an artist, or which I got in person from my favorite creators... but there's so many I'm scared I'd forget to list some of them.. so maybe for another day, when I'll write a doujin rec list!

[gffa]

I just wanted to thank you for all your discussions about what attachment actually is in the context of both the Jedi and the Buddhist traditions their beliefs were inspired by. For the Jedi June event (which I'm very late for, but oh well), one of the prompts was "Compassion/Non-Attachment", and I think it was only your many discussions of the topic that gave me the confidence to try writing a story based largely on Obi-Wan explaining what, exactly, attachment is and why it's a problem for Jedi. ("Will you strive to live without attachment?" if you're curious.) I don't swear I managed to get all of it exactly right, but I just really wanted to thank you for explaining it all clearly enough for me to feel confident that I understood it enough to even make an attempt at explaining it to others. So thank you!

I'm very glad if I can help! And while I will never demand anyone else take any kind of specific journey re: a group of fictional space psychics, I do find it very interesting how many of us evolved into our understandings, especially once Buddhist-raised and Asian people started speaking up in fandom about how much the Buddhist influences meant to them. Certainly, that's how my journey really catalyzed, when I listened to a friend telling me about how important that was to them and their culture, and I think that's part of why I get really intense sometimes, because I often think of them and want to support a real person and how we speak of the Buddhist influences in SW matters to them. And of the other people I've become acquainted with since then who have been coming from the same place! It can be tough to balance acknowledging that we're speaking about fictional characters versus that the aspects of those fictional characters we're speaking of have real world counterparts and people from those backgrounds are listening to us speak. (This goes for the Jewish and Sikhism influences as well.) Which is why I think fic can be a really great outlet, because we're using stories as they should be--stories, they're not real, but they can be a tool to help us reflect on things, if we want. So I'm glad that I can help with the attachment thing--and I am only one person, I'm glad to help, but I also want to point out that the attachment tag has a ton of really lovely people who are also writing thoughtful, wonderful meta!--and I'm so glad that you're finding a way that means something to you to express yourself and help explain what you want to explain. Plus, hey, a fic rec for me to dig into! That is always appreciated.

#jedi order #attachment #lumi.txt