#i wish i had the energy or the creative drive to draw more them i am still insane about them but idk idk

[noxious-fennec]

Hands are too shaky these days

#this is old art from july that i never got around to posting. think of it as a surprise treat :) #i wish i had the energy or the creative drive to draw more them i am still insane about them but idk idk #drawing things that are at least canon adjacent is taxing. idk. would you guys like if i went off the hook with it? #oh btw dw bout me guys I'm alright and when i say stuff like this^^^ im not like forcing myself to draw or anything #I've got a healthy relationship with these stuff i like to think. nust helps when there's extra motivation #anyway you didn’t ask for this rant uhhhh loss of fine motor skill post revival (re: disability) my beloved #hope you're doing swell and that you enjoy <3 #fennec. art #dsmp fanart #cwilbur #cquackity #my art #ctntduo

[celenawrites]

TW - just a vent about fandom stuff.

I feel kinda sad about how some creators in the CoD fandom have now abandoned creating content for the game series due to the demanding nature of other fans who used to consume their content. (fics, art, etc)

Like, these artists/writers in the fandom write fanfics/create art, FOR FREE OF COST and dedicate SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY to their craft despite not getting much in return, only to deal with senseless hate, ignorance, stupidity and get treated as content generation machines; instead of actual human beings with jobs and studies and friends and families that need their time and attention as well.

A lot of us folks who write or draw do this as a hobby. As an outlet for our creativity, and we find this community for the media we are currently fixated on and we create things inspired by it cuz it brings us joy. IT MAKES US HAPPY SO WE CREATE CONTENT FOR IT!!! And then to see the same fandom/community and their horrendous behaviour driving away the creators from the fandom and the media itself is just....sad. Very disheartening.

Like I miss so many of the creators who have just given up on CoD cuz of this issue. Their works have inspired me to start writing again. They make me wish I start learning how to draw and paint again too. Their works have touch my soul, and made me happy - gave me something to look forward to every day.

But I'd much rather they leave the fandom and take care of themselves and their life, than to succumb to this weird pressure fans and fan-content consumers put on them, y'know?

Plus recently, I've seen a lot of racist and stereotypical prejudices from some CoD fans (and even some creators). I know a lot of them are new to the fandom, I was too. But I took an active effort to learn more about this game series. (and it's an ongoing effort cuz I cannot afford to play the games so I have to settle for wiki articles, gameplays, and comics) And I see so many fans not give a shit about it. They treat these characters as blank canvases to fulfill their hypersexual fantasies. (I like me a good smut fic or two, don't get me wrong) But that just makes it impossible for newer fans to get to know more about the lore and the characters. I had just finished watching the campaign for MW, and let me tell you, there are so many complex missions, characters and storylines to explore and depict through fanfics, and it's insane so many people disregard it for their whimsies so easily. That will just stunt your growth as an artist/writer! Read up on the lore, watch the game plays(the OGs and the remakes!) , maybe even read the comics!!! I promise you won't regret it ever!!!

Also, please! For all that is holy, stop putting these complex fictional characters into restricted boxes and label them. That just makes them so one-dimensional. Like -

Soap is not always cheery and bubbly and your fellow bestie. Simon is not an abuser/emotionally dead asshole just because he has a hard time expressing his emotions like everyone else. König, despite the lack of storyline/lore we have on him, isn't an uwu social anxiety babygirl, damn it. Stop excluding Gaz from your HCs and fics! He's a complex man with so many interesting things to explore about his overall story and psyche as a part of 141. He's not always begging for Price's approval either, he can and has objected to how questionable their methods have been regarding their field/work. Stop excluding Gaz from 141 stuff! It makes you look like a POS, and a lot of the people who exclude him are doing so for....pretty racist reasons. As a POC, this shit sucks balls. Also stop stereotyping POC characters in CoD - Alejandro, Rudy, Valeria, Gaz, Farah....just stop. Their ethnicity or race should not deter you from writing about them in a way that doesn't come across as prejudiced and ill-informed.

Also, not necessarily a rant, but please consider/remember the fact that the military has always been a bit of a morally dubious field of work irl, and just cuz CoD is military-centric and features characters who work in the army or PMC and take out bad guys - that doesn't take away from the violent history military has and how they have contributed to the deterioration of many countries (mainly in the Middle East). Heck, even these characters in the CoD games have done extremely unethical things and employed treacherous methods in order to get the job done. These characters may be good people in fiction, but that doesn't mean that they have done great things or have always stayed morally pure. Explore the dubious nature of it all - explore how dark and harrowing it can be for them and for the people that unwittingly or knowingly get involved in their work. It's dark and twisted but it's crucial since it's inspired from our world and it's necessary for us as humans and as artists to explore such themes and analyse them! It's crucial for the soul!!!

#call of duty #cod:mw2 #kyle gaz garrick #john soap mactavish #captain john price #simon ghost riley #alex keller #farah karim #cod #alejandro vargas #valeria garza #rudolfo parra #fandom #tw vent #celena.rambles

[sushispider1212]

Happy fucking birthday sushi!!!!! My gift to you is MORE LORE TO LEGAL GUARDIAN AU!!! Lemme know what you think ;3

Satanael is in this! He too has a human form too because he offered Igor to separate himself from Ren (I call protag Ren and in a sec you’ll know why) to help Yaldy make sure he don’t fuck shit up again in this new timeline.

His name is Akira Amano, and he’s 23 years old (so a year older than Shigeru in this au), and he goes to the same college as Yaldy, and the two DESPISE each other, but they chill w/one another because lets be real, they’re all they have at school 💀

I think I want Satanael perusing a law degree, because it’s a reference to Ren, who probably wants one too.

But Akira isn’t all stern and whatnot, he’s actually a big goofball, who relentlessly teases and pokes fun at Shigeru just to get on the other’s nerves as payback in this new timeline, Akira deeply misses Ren, but Ren…doesn’t exactly like Akira, he thinks he’s weird and that breaks Satanael’s heart so much because he used to be Ren’s other half, but don’t worry, Akira becomes a cool uncle/second dad in no time

Akira and Shigeru both follow the PT’s in the metaverse this time (and yes, I’ve decided for no bird yaldy in this au, im sorry 😭) BUT TO MAKE UP FOR NO BIRD, AKIRA DRIVES A MOTORCYCLE IN MEMENTOS (He purposely tends to jerk around and crash to piss off Shigeru, who is scared for his life at times because of how reckless Akira can be)

Akira fights in the metaverse with a sword and a pistol, and I’ve decided Shigeru will use a golden bo staff and a sniper rifle, because both of those things are cool as FUCK, and the two will take the place of a fallen teammate if enough PT’s have fallen in battle and will also snipe/beat up a shadow at random times too

That’s all I have right now, happy birthday gurl! If you want me to expand on anything please ask because I DEFINITELY didn’t include everything i think

🎂🎂🎂

Ahahah thank you! The grin that appeared on my face when I read this.

Now I’m imagining Satanael as like a cool biker dude older cousin who’s home from college and it’s the first time you are seeing each other in three years. Yeah. I have a very specific design in mind but no creative energy or time with which to draw it.

I am vividly imagining the motorcycle incidents. Vividly. Might make that the potential one shot? (The one shot is on the list of things I wish to write. Eventually. When I get there. Writing is hard.)

Thanks for the birthday wishes! I had a fun one (even if most of my celebrating won’t come until much later.) (Pro tip: make a wishlist if you have friends who have no idea what to get you as a gift, it makes it way easier for them to decide and they’ll know for sure what they’re getting you is something you’ll like.)

If you wish to elaborate on things, I want to know if you’ve decided on their Personas or outfits yet. Those two things are my favorite parts of adding characters to the PTs.

#bananabread108

[chenqizi]

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄:  Wei Ying - 魏婴 ( birth name )  /  Wei Wuxian - 魏无羡 ( courtesy name ) 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒:  Yilling Laozu ( Yilling Patriarch )  /  Poor Gege  /  yingying  /  a'ying 𝐀𝐆𝐄:  he was about 20-21 ish, when he died in his first life. However the body he is resurrected into is 20 exactly. So I would probably put him at about 30-33 years old. 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑:  Male, He / Him  𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇:  October 31st 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:  Bisexual / Demiromantic

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘: Wei Wuxian is an energetic, and mischievous character. Caring very little for any rules set in place, nor careful behavior, and saving face. He enjoys teasing people, young and old, and flirts shamelessly with girls he finds pretty( even if he never means it ). He’s also extremely intelligent, creative, adept in many skills and arts. During his time in the Burial mounds, he not only created an entirely new form of cultivation--- but invented a lot of very useful cultivator tools.

Carefree as he may be; Wei Wuxian is extremely loyal, and cares a great deal for the people he loves. Going so far as to risk his own life to protect them. A prime example being the time he underwent a 3 day long surgery to transplant his core, so his brother’s could be replaced. Staying awake through the entire process, for two nights and a day.

Despite everything, it is clear Wei Wuxian does have regrets from his first life.

𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐒:  under cut because phew this is long.

𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏:  Wei Wuxian is very good with a sword, noted for his speed and agility. In MDZS canon, he is quite the opponent when he still has his core. But without it, he is only good with a weapon in short bursts. 𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐘:  Also very good with a bow, Wei Wuxian placed first out of the four top cultivators to place in a contest. As a challenge, and an act of defiance towards the wens. He shot each and every target dead center, while blindfolded. 𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:  In life, he was considered one of the greatest cultivators of his age group. With a powerful core, intelligence, strength, and a wealth of knowledge. Before losing his core, for the sake of his brother’s well being, he had very few equals. 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐒:  Wei Wuxian is considered a genius when it comes to talismans. Capable of crafting them quickly and efficiently, to do what he wishes. He's even invented a handful himself, for self defense, offense and attack, or general uses like heating up water.  𝐃𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐂 𝐂𝐔𝐋𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍:  As far as canon is concerned, Wei Wuxian is the inventor of demonic cultivation.( Though I like to believe he merely popularized, and refined it. )The practice of using resentful energy instead of spiritual energy, despite the dangers of backfiring. His demonic cultivation raised him up much higher than the rest of his peers in terms of power. Though the resentment was eating away at his life force, and driving him closer to qi deviation. A great deal of demonic cultivation utilized spirits, demons, and corpses as weapons and allies. Manipulating them via commands; words, whistles, claps, and music, to do as wei wuxian wished. 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐐𝐈𝐍𝐆:  The black flute was crafted with his demonic cultivation in mind. When played, it allows him a much more refined control of resentment. Though it can be used to play helpful music too, he mostly uses it to allow more control of his demonic cultivation. 𝐒𝐔𝐈𝐁𝐈𝐀𝐍:  This is Wei Wuxian's sword. After Wei Wuxian's death, Suibian seals itself so that no one but Wei Wuxian can draw its blade. Despite reclaiming his sword much later in the book, and after his resurrection-- his new core is much too weak to use it.

#headcanon & meta. / 🌶️

[pheemuru]

I want to get a little personal for a sec

Below the cut I'm going to talk about my struggle with art, energy, time management, and trying to be an artist in the current social media climate while having a full time job in an unrelated field

In august 2023, i moved out of my parents home for the first time--I moved out of state and got a full time job. this is a good thing and a super positive life event for me! I'm now living with my partner of nearly 7 years and my best friend of 5.

However my relationship with art since before I even moved out... has been really rocky. My job now occupies my time for 6 hours a day 5 days a week. I work from 6:45 am - 10 am (im including travel time here because its still my time thats occupied by work...) and then I have a break until 2 pm. Then I work 2 - 6 pm, and depending on where I'm working at, I get home anywhere from 6-7 pm. I go to bed at 11 pm (This is a very big struggle mentally for me since my jobs schedule is very much opposite of how my body functions. I'm a night owl and not at all an early bird.) This is my monday thru friday.

By the time the weekend comes, I have other household chores to keep up with before I feel like I'm "allowed" to waste my time basically. I also use my time just... recovering for the next week. Every night I get home from work I take a couple edibles to wind down and relax, which is possibly the best part of my day when I finally get to turn my brain off from having to mask and wrangle 30 something kids throughout the day. (daycare aide moment)

How this relates to my art is that I really have zero drive to do any kind of art. I have no ideas. I see stuff online and think "wow I want to do that, I wish I thought of it". Creativity doesn't come naturally to me if it isn't the result of a college assignment or a commission. I struggle a LOT with concepting and sketching. I genuinely don't know how to doodle anymore either

In 2024 I want to focus a lot more on what's going to make me feel satisfied in a career, and so far the only option I have for that is making art my full time gig. However, anyone that is trying that or has tried that knows how difficult that is and how unrealistic it is to just be able to do that with no build up.

Here's where my struggle comes in; I have no fucking energy for anything anymore. I got diagnosed with adhd and autism last year, or just about last year. My job is insanely socially heavy (I'm around 30+ kids and have to manage them) so by the time that I get home, I just want to get stoned and watch movies. I don't want to create. I don't want to do anything. not even shit i like to do.

drawing has become so fucking hard for me. it takes me so goddamn long to finish a piece, I get overwhelmed by current trends, and it doesnt help that the fact of the matter is, social media has moved onto video formats. This means I will have to keep up with video trends to get any kind of eyes on my work. But how do you keep up with video trends when you don't even have any art to show to begin with, nonetheless ones that fit with the theme of the trends going around?

So now I need to make supplementary/filler recordings to fill out content if I want to be serious about my social media presence. On top of the fact I actually have to create art. On top of the fact that there's dishes in my sink every day and laundry that has to be done every week and groceries that have to be shopped for and a job that has to be attended to five days a week. I know 30 hours a week truly is not as much as others work to be full time but my god is it exhausting? All this shit on top of itself makes me feel like I regret moving out a little bit. Overall I don't, because I don't have to live with my parents and I can relax around my partner, but like. oh my god?

literally how does anyone live like this and not want to kill themselves. I had to get a zoloft script because i kept having mental breakdowns every sunday because I have to go back to fucking work and I never feel like I have enough time to do anything meaningful. by the time my brain is like, "ready" to work, its 9 pm and i have to get ready for bed in 2 hours.

I've contemplated getting my masters in teaching to be an art teacher, but I really wouldn't.. want to do that for the rest of my life? you don't really get days off if you need it, youre obligated to work outside of work hours just to get anything done, parents right now kind of suck, school admins also suck, curriculums are cutting art programs, and kids are also becoming so much more disengaged with art at younger ages.

with the state of everything I find it really hard not to just spiral into a depressive episode. I don't know what my future holds. Sure, I have my parents as a safety net now, but theyre approaching their 70s and arent going to be around for the majority of the rest of my life. what happens then? what happens when theyre gone and i have literally no other support beyond the little life i made for myself right now? i already feel like im not allowed to prioritize myself at the moment given my position in the household (full time consistent job that pays somewhat decent ((Decent being $16.75/hour lol)) for the area im in, im the one that can drive, im the one with the largest paycheck and most consistent hours). I can't really get days off at work if I wake up having a panic attack or even physical sickness. I'm supposed to just deal with it and clock in because we dont have enough people to cover last minute like that. And I'm someone with (honestly) debilitating stomach issues. I had to have an upper endoscopy and tests done which only yield so much if you don't follow up with an allergist, which I still have yet to do...

Currently I'm supposed to set up appointments for my dentist, an allergist, a cardiologist, and I need to contact my psych because my pharmacy told me my zoloft cant be refilled (second month on it btw lol).

so like. when the fuck am i supposed to have any kind of every to dedicate to a second part time job, my own fucking art business? the thing i want to be the most passionate about, i have no energy left for. I feel so wildly unsatisfied in my life right now because of this. I'm struggling. I'm struggling a lot and I wish i didn't have to work at all. I wish I could just have my art be my full time thing, but I dont have the audience nor the social media prowess to make that happen so quickly.

I'm tired. I'm fucking tired. everyone keeps saying "take care of yourself" or "self care" but jesus christ how am i supposed to when i cant even just work 4 days a week consistently because for whatever reason I'm the only person at my job that can do what i do? how am i supposed to practice self care when that self care would mean i quit my fucking job lol. i'm at such a loss and i feel like im just letting the time pass by like grains of sand in an hourglass. being torn between wanting to die and wanting to push through is a fucking insane feeling. all we do in life is struggle until we die and I'm finding it harder and harder to get over that kind of mental hurdle. every time i drive i have to fight the genuine intrusive thoughts of yanking the steering wheel to put myself in a ditch with my car just to give myself a couple weeks of a break.

I'm tired. And there's nothing i can do about it. how long can one weather a storm before getting lost at sea

#vent post #anyone else. anyone else at all #burnout #like i dont even know how to job hunt anymore #everything on linkedin is either shitty or not real #same with indeed #how does anyone find a work from home job like seriously #all i want is some stupid wfh job #i want a job behind the scenes. i dont want to talk to people all day #i have zero applicable skills for any modern job

[vehicles45669]

Conversions Command Car, Brush Vehicles, Quick Assault

Ironically, we ended up getting ours regionally on Craigslist! But, the method of perusing online listings was essential for studying what type of ambulance we needed and what an inexpensive price vary might seem like. Tom bought a 4WD drive Chevy Duramax four GMC, which used to belong to Yellowstone National Park. It had less than 14,000 miles on it when he got it – it didn’t come low-cost, but it felt brand new. The paperwork can be difficult, as they have been listed as commercial autos.

Some smaller off-grid systems can solely run on DC, with 12V lights, TV’s or fridges. Most alternators cannot be instantly related to lithium batteries. A lithium battery will draw more current than the alternator can provide, which can end in permanent alternator injury. To not harm the alternator, current limiting is amongst the options to stay inside the protected zone of the alternator. The Cerbo GX is an easy to make use of visible system and turns any power challenge into a simple expertise.

Chris and Michelle purchased a 2003 E-450 – an ex fire department ambulance – which they called Tanya and became an overland camper to tour the States. They initially left a lot of the interior because it initially was and traveled for 2 years. Once that they had totally tested the automobile out, they went all out and did a second, more radical refit. Amanda bought a 2006 Ford E-350 cutaway, which was used as an emergency response car for the US Navy. She then transformed it into a house on wheels over the course of seven months, collectively together with her dad. SIV Ambulances regularly service, maintain, refurbish, and remount ambulances for emergency companies and have expertise with all ambulance producers.

Alissa..those bars in the ceiling make superior hammock hangers! In North America , there are four types of ambulances. A Type II ambulance is based on a commercial heavy-duty van with few modifications except for a raised roof and a secondary air conditioning off road ambulance conversion unit for the rear of the automobile. These kinds of ambulances are primarily used for Basic Life Support and transfer of sufferers however it's not unusual to search out them used for advanced life support and rescue.

This mixed with the adjustability of the hinges made it really easy to get the doorways just where I wished them. Each cabinet obtained three coats of polyurethane and was sanded clean between coats. Again I was at work and give all of the credit score to my people. I added 1/4” toolbox foam to the ground of each cupboard to guard the wooden and the contents of the cupboards. This reduced the rattle and stored every thing in the cabinets from shifting around when driving. Rather than mounting every energy change, heater control panel and inverter management panel individually I decided to mount all of them to a separate piece of birch ply.

A good condition retired ambulance can cost wherever from $4,000 to north of $16,000 with manufacturing facility 4×4 and a eternal dependable Ford 7.3l diesel engine. This estimate doesn't embrace any conversion accomplished off road ambulance conversion to the ambulance. You might need to get creative and give you your personal ideas. Starting in June of 2012, I built my own tiny house on wheels.

They supply loads of residing area inside the box and feature a lot of space for storing. Any full-time van dweller ought to think about them as a solid option for a mobile tiny home. There are a pair totally different approaches to doing an ambulance camper conversion. Some would strip all of off road ambulance conversion it the means in which down to bare steel, and build out the camper precisely the best way they want it to be. Or, if you don’t have that a lot and assets, you possibly can repurpose the prevailing inside furnishing to fit your need.

[stonewallsposts]

16 personalities questions: 49-51

49. Your personal work style is closer to spontaneous bursts of energy than organized and consistent efforts 

This one is kind of funny to me. So one of the things that drives me nuts when I'm watching, for example, a hallmark movie, is the way creative work is portrayed. Within Hallmark movies, there seem to be an inordinate number of creative professional. It's typical to see one stuck on an ad campaign, for example, waiting for a creative lightning strike for inspiration. This just isn't the way creative work happens. If I sat around and waited for this kind of thing, I'd never get anything done. I have had them on occasion, but I can't wait for that. What I do is take the things that the client wants, and then start throwing down ideas. The natural creativity kicks in and you come up with ideas from the things you've culled together. But that happens naturally for creative people. I don't know why, it's just the way we're built. So ultimately, even in creative work, it comes down to organized and consistent efforts as opposed to spontaneous bursts of energy. I'm no different. I have to come up with creative stuff for my job. I have a general procedure for getting started on things, and it involves an organized process. 

50. When someone thinks highly of you, you wonder how long it will take them to feel disappointed in you 

Disagree. I usually expect people are going to think well of me. If they don't at first, I figure it's just a matter of time before they do. I generally think all they have to do is get to know me, and then they'll like me. It's a very few who don't.  

51. You would love a job that requires you to work alone most of the time 

Well, there are certainly times when I like to be left alone, but considering I voluntarily came back to the office even at the beginning of the pandemic, just so I could be here with the few others that were here, I think I could say I have a real-world test of this statement. 

I'll grant that part of that equation is as follows. I'm an artist at law firm. Law firms make money by charging clients with billable hours. Part of my job, from 40-60% of my salary, can be billed because I am doing patent drawings. The rest is not. I'm in essence a luxury for the firm. There is some extra benefit in how quickly I can get drawings done too. For example, the previous guy would take around 3 weeks. I'll do them usually in a few hours. Sometimes it may take me a few days, but most of the time it's a couple of hours. This also translates into more freedom for the attorneys. So there are some benefits even beyond the direct billable hours, but still, my billable's don’t pay for my salary. 

I therefore feel like my presence in the office helps explain what I do. I'm here, and when I accomplish things, I'm usually pretty diligent in making it known to my boss. This is basically political, so that I can establish my worth in whatever way possible. If I were just working at home, at some point, he might be thinking: is it really worth it to have him here? 

So while part of my being at the office is my efforts to contribute to job security, the other is because I actually do like it here. I have a nice office with a great view. My wife worked for 33 years at 3M and the only people who got offices were with a view were upper management. I have a killer view and I'm a nobody. I'm also stoked about it because, let's face it, I worked in construction for a bunch of years, so I just think it's cool to be able to dress nice and go to an office. Yeah, I worked as a freelance illustrator for 22 years between the construction job and here, but still, I remember being dirty for work and wishing I wasn't.  

Add the people in too; like I said, we have a really social office, and overall, I'm really happy being here.  

But considering the question, it's probably not so much about my personal work setup, but where do I fit on the loner v socialite spectrum. I still think I'm further to the social side.  

[kaimukiwahine]

Can I get a 7, 14, and 17 please :3

Two!? I really kicked a bee's hive, huh. Okay, well, it's a long one:

7. Favourite works of all time excluding your own?

Uhhh, in general, I will go on my hands and knees and worship to what is the To the Moon/Sigmund Corp. series. Though I’m not constantly making art for it, It is one of my absolute favorite creative works out there. Beautiful piano-guitar music (Born a Stranger, Having Lived (TtM and FP), The Scale Theme (Piano and Guitar versions), Time is A Place, and A Reality Without Me being top tracks), a rpg indie game with memorable characters, and thought-provoking stories.

Also that they were the first few games to touch on the autism spectrum (though they couldn’t say it out right, only hinting it due to supposedly the huge stigma towards the very concept of it at the time though not confirmed to my knowledge). I didn't know much about it at the time but now with the possibility of myself being on the spectrum, I don't know. Think it's pretty neat?

Outside of that… I could list everything my friends have made ever if you want? Watching them create and improve and explore other styles and formats is very inspiring. Seeing them get that fire in their eyes and sharing their thought process and glee is infectious. If I could, I print them all out, frame and hang them in a gallery or learn to book bind and make a library.

14. How has your art changed over the years?

Going from a mouse user who avoid drawing faces and just made a dA account because someone I followed on FF.net wanted friends on there and someone in my third-year arch studio said the smudge art thing looked cool, to getting my first tablet, to where I am now... It really surprises how much has changed and how much stayed the same. I hope it changed for the better than regressing backwards but it’s hard to tell at times.

(Shoutout to past me who did this with a mouse. And to my sis who is a higher creative being that I can only dream of breathing who made the original)

17. What inspires you?

Sidu is one, she’s responsible for all the MVs and character designs for the Kagerou Project. The characters aren’t usually bombastic (aside one) but they still leave an impact. She tends to lean more into the subtlety and I kinda wanna do that too in stills or one day animations. (The MVs are amazing, go watch them especially the Ayano ones if you want to cry).

Other than that, most of my friends and their creative energy fuels a lot of what I do. Either though their writing, AUs, art, it just drives me to try and do the same. Just with the TWH AU, I have ton of ideas because of the wonderful folks there and I really wish I had all the time in the world to do them all to the best of my ability. If only I have enough time that is..

#i forgot i have an inbox #may have went overboard sorry #tl;dr unfollow me and follow my friends instead #also do not repeat DO NOT look up the original anime airing of Ayano's Theory of Happiness #look for the blu-ray version. i beg of you and for your sanity

[purpleyellow]

Industry (un)locked

Seventeen 14th member

Hayun’s masterlist

“The interview that never got posted”

Requested by: anon

disclaimer? I’m obviously not an idol nor have any relation to the kpop industry. all of this is purely made up :) idk if this was needed but its here just in case

a/n: Feel free to share your thoughts with me. Requests are open! 💙

*italics represents actions*bold and italic is the person leading the interview*

Hayun steps inside the white studio and heads to the chair in front of all the cameras. She signalizes with a thumbs up to the producers that they're good to start.

“Kim Hayun. Born on June 15th, 1996. Debuted on May 26th, 2015. Current member of co-ed group Seventeen”.

“That's me” Hayun points at herself and then at the camera, making finger guns and getting some staff members to laugh.

“We'd like to remind you that whatever is said inside this room is fully confidential, so you may speak as much as you want to and as freely as you can”

“Well, I like to talk a lot, so you might regret telling me that”

“Simple question to get started, if you could go back and meet fifteen/sixteen-year-old Hayun, would you talk her out of being an idol or encourage her to do so”

“That's not a simple question, and you know it” Hayun laughs getting herself comfortable on the high chair. “I remember as a kid always asking for my parents to give me siblings, and especially missing them as I grew a bit older and didn't have anyone to keep me company after school. You can say being around people my age, or anyone who I can connect with is my number one source of energy. So I would encourage her to do it, because I know she really needs the thirteen brothers she's getting after that. But maybe I'd tell her she's not the amazing inspiring celebrity she thinks she is”.

“What would you say your relationship with Pledis Entertainment has been like, since you joined the company to now?”

“You're sure this isn't going to get leaked, right? The trainee period sucks for everyone, you have to dedicate a lot of time, energy, and discipline in order to be able to reach this insanely high standards. And I guess we're all aware of how though Pledis is with their trainees, so it's safe to say I didn't have much in me back then to develop any kind of relation with the higher ups. I do remember they used to decide most things behind my back. Like one day I arrived at the building and the CEO said 'You're moving to the Pledis Boys side' which was fine, but I could have used that information a few days prior or something. And even after that, when I brought something up to them, they would tell me they would think about the topic. And if they ever decided something, they would set one of the boys aside and tell them what they decided, so that boy could come and tell me”.

“That got better over time, though there's this weird relation between the group and the company, where we're completely free when it comes to the creative side of business. Yet the moment something more serious needs to be decided it's like they forget who makes up Seventeen. I understand from a corporate point off view they can't have a bunch of random kids in their 20s deciding what to do on a crisis. But they also can't push aside what Seventeen's message is and the picture we're trying to create. At the end of the day, I can't shake off the feeling that inside those big offices, some of those men only see us as a product they're trying to sell”.

“Would you think of leaving Pledis Entertainment?”

“I'm staying wherever the boys are, I don't really care where that is”

“How do you deal with hate?”

“Nowadays I'm one of that kind of people who simply doesn't care. After being bombarded with hundreds of comments from people who didn't know me but shared an opinion on where I should be and what kind of behavior I should have, I learned how to ignore everything and not engage in any conversation surrounding my work. That sucks, because I also don't have access to most of the nice and constructive things people say about me. But honestly it's something I decided to let go after I realized that negativity was getting in the way of how I communicated with other people, and how I saw myself as someone who always had to prove being better at something”.

“So you don't read what's being said about you online?”

“Most things I don't. I usually engage in conversations on Weverse which is slightly more controlled, and sometimes the boys show me some nice comments left on YouTube videos. Besides looking at cat videos, I'm pretty much dissociated with most social media”.

“Do you think that's something being an idol took away from you, or were you never that into technology?”.

“It's definitely something I had to adapt to due to being on the spotlight. As a kid I always enjoyed going on random spaces and making online friends, even if we only talked to each other once and that was it.”

“You don't look for what people have to say about you. But do you ever feel like you're not totally free to do whatever you want?”

“Honestly, yes. There's always going to have that little voice in the back of my head telling me how many young adults and even children are watching me and by association I'm helping them form their own view of the world. That's pretty scary to be honest because who am I? You know? Sometimes I want to do dumb things and less frequently I simply do dumb things because what there is to lose? But if a child comes and asks to do the same things I want to, I'll tell them no, because their life is too precious for me to let them do reckless activities”.

“What kid of dumb things are you talking about?”

“Sometimes I wake up and feel like bungee jumping. Or like, taking my car and driving without any coordinates for a really long period of time. Getting really drunk and smashing some plates around. Trying out parkour and busting my knees up because I don't know how to do that. I guess the best way to describe it being random rather than dumb”.

“So you're scared of what people might think of doing after you grant your personal wishes?”.

“I guess so. Since I'm not a parent, I shouldn't take responsibility over what others think and do. But part of me will always think about those kids alone in their homes, watching our content to pass their time and being shaped by the things we say and do. I also feel bad sometimes because I'm not the smartest person in the world, so I can't give them a detailed philosophical thought of how much their lives are worth and how they are the ones that make their own future”.

“Do you feel unprepared to be an idol when it comes to this topic?”.

“Well, yes. I'm just a twenty six-year-old who acts mostly over her instincts and fears of letting life pass by her. It's scary to think about children wanting to be like me. I remember during our training, we also learned a lot about how to behave and all of that, but it never sunk in how much responsibility it takes to be someone's 'Idol'. I try not to think about it too much to be honest, my wishful thinking brain likes to imagine that everyone knows how to draw a line between Hayun working her idol job and Hayun living her life”.

“Lastly, do you regret being in the kpop industry?”

“No, just because it gave me the family that I need. I sound really dorky talking about them, but that Hayun, before meeting Seventeen, had no future in mind and no support system strong enough to carry her around. I would not be able to face all of this alone in a million years, and I hope I never have to”.

#Hayun #seventeen 14th member #seventeen oc #svt au #seventeen au #Seventeen Additional Member #seventeen addition #seventeen female addition #seventeen female member #seventeen female oc #kpop female member #kpop female oc #kpop female addition

[bangtanger]

CONTENT CREATOR YEAR IN REVIEW

was thinking for 84 hours where should i post it but as its my creator blog i m doing it here <3 i was tagged by @taemaknae @suhdays @ynki @honsool @jjeongukie @taeyungie @dearbangtansonyeondan @lifegoesmon @everythingoes @flipthatjacketjiminie @yoongi-bts @jiminslight @hopekidoki @cowboyjinbop @yoonqiful @jcngkooks @pjmsdior @hobeah @balenciaguks​ @jinvant @hobibestboy @vjimin @yoongikook AND THANK U SO MUCH FOR INCLUDING ME T_T ik maybe its not a big deal but its a big deal to me and im touched :(((((((((((( also gimme some time to check all ur posts 👉👈 also im in a mood to say that ive collected many pokemons here djfksfhsakjddld ok nvm 

also sorry for a long post ik tmblr fvcks things up sometimes when there is keep reading so dont fight me plz <3

❀ first creation and most recent creation of 2020 

ok this is the fist one (still very pleased with colouring here T_T the stage lighting was,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, well yeah as always lmao) and this is the most recent (TBH DKJSKDSDK I WISH MY MOST RECENT POST COULD BE A DIFFERENT ONE THE ONE I WANNA MAKE FOR A MONTH NOW THE ONE ID PUT A LOT MORE EFFORTS IN SO IM A LIL FRUSTRATED i literally just missed giffing but couldnt watch anything new so took an old vid i wanted to gif once I DIDNT EVEN USE MYCOLOURING PSD IT LITERALLY HAS ONLY COUPLE OF LAYERS uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh :( but whatever,,, it just kinda doesnt show the difference -_-)

❀ a creation u r really proud of 

well 👁👄👁 there r quite few,,, and the main reason is colouring most of these r comps and i a b s o l u t e l y sucked at comps and esp at making the colouring consistent there lol so lets begin lol  1 (u have no idea how muchi love this set) 2 (i fucking mastered it i wanted to remake it for two years and i finally did!! 60 fps smooth good moments iconic performance iconic hair colour his attitude bruh and ofc the fact that i could do sth with colouring,,,,,, and chose such an unusual colour scheme that i doubted jckdckfdk and it still worked out 🥺) 3 (lol i had this idea written down since 2018 as well and this year i could finally collect all moments i needed and oh boi yeah,,, AND COLOURING I COULD ALMOST yeah almost do sth decent with it there r still couple moments id changed but im pleased) 4 (im so happy whenevr i see this CUZ IT ALL WORKED OUT it was such an impulsive comp i literally only saw couple moments for past few years as well where i could see three of them in one frame and suddenly I WAS LIKE I FUCKING MUST POST THOSE MOMENTS SOMEHOW and im so proud of colouring it looks so well T_T) 5 (the colouring ofc im still :o that i could get rid of that shitty shit dkksjkj AND THE MOMENTS ITSELF?????? AND BLACK SWAN???????? EVERY PERFORMANCE???? HAIR?????? OUTFIT???????? EVRERYHTIGNM???????? HIS FUCKING STARE? FACE??? DONT MAKE ME CONTINUE AAAAAAAAAAA also if im not wrong this set in particular made me start my before/after posts 🥺) 6 (i jujst love everything about it e v e r yt h i n g also i could made ppl believe that jin fr has purple hair here when in reality its brown djhfdhskdf one of blending modes or adjustment layers worked this way lol) 7 (i wont even comment this tried a great tutorial with great beautiful resuls for the first time ever and it worked out so well and i like it so much and the whole yoongi here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, also love me some borders that add cinematic feels to some gifs or just make them pretty in a dif way just like i did with prev post i mentioned imo lol) OK LAST ONE 8 (I USED A VIDEO OF STARS AND ADDED IT TO THE GIF FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER I FUCKED WITHMASKING FOR 3 HOURS GRRRRRRRR THIS IS SO HUGE FOR ME!!!!! i cant even explain whew IVE NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE SO I WAS REALLY PROUD TOO even tho i fucked masking up on some layers lmao but lets not pay too much attention to it 👀)

❀ a creation that took u forever

ohhhhhhhh i think this one cuz the moments were long i couldnt decide what do i want to include + it ts file so u kno,,, the speed,,, of processing,, + somehow decided to put them all together + fucked with colouring + had to get rid of the logo and as we know japan likes a lot of big braight text around haha and draw hair in moments where logo made it look blurry + had to adjust the order and all that stuff but getting rid of logo was the longest part 

❀ a creation from 2020 that received the most notes

whew this iconic one im still amazed tbh they looked soso incredible and im glad how everything turned out here <3 (could change some colouring on bg tho so it could look better and more hq :c)

❀ a creation u think deserved more notes 

lol this one cuz i was so hyped to make it cuz their concert in saudi arabia is one of my fav things in the world and i waited for so long to have mood and energy to go throught it to find jk moments and i couldnt choose some for this comp for so long and just,,,,,, overall,,,, the way he looks here............................................................... its a special comp to me haha ill def gif more of it i have shit ton of clips left and also there r other members and i just want to sit and enjoy yhe whole thing to so may find more stuff to gif here lol

❀  a new fandom u joined an a creation u made for it 

i didnt join anything heurheru

❀ a creation u made that breaks ur heart

OKAY LISTEN DSJAKDJHFDKJ THIS ONE IF U KNOW U KNOW AND IM SURE IT BREAKS ALMOST EVERY HEART tbh whenever i see soft smiles or soft interactions or anything like this im just :’( <3 even my serotonin boost tag does it to me cuz its too precious T_T

❀  a ‘simple’ creation that u really love

this one cuz everything about it ah and this one 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

❀ a creation that was inspired by someone else

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm idk maybe this one ? cuz i never did anything like this before and maybe i saw someones beautiful headers and decided to try one too ? i could do a lot better there is not enough depth but oh well,,, lol

❀  a favourite creatin created by someone else

oh its gonna be hard :) dear every conten creator i hope u dont mind if i wont go though the whole 2020 gif tag but choose form the most recent ones i loved? u know how much i appreciate ur content cuz i never stop screaming about it in tags but truly there r more content makers and i want u to know that i really love ur content :(

@syubb welllllllllllll i wont even comment this is iconique.....

@jinv T_T val i miss u but there should be bday comps with that BIG ASS IMAGE THAT HAS ITS PARTS ON EVERY SINGLE GIF I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN that icant even find dfjksfskj

@jung-koook i literally couldnt choose ehdskjdjksd but i decided this one cuz its sososososososososososososososososososososo well made every single detail here is chefs kiss

@kkulmoon i truly really cant get enough of ur colouring lately T_T

@minhope !!!!!!LITERALLY EVERY PANTONE COMP OR ESPECIALLY 7 YEARS WITH BTS PANTONE ONE IM AAAAAAAAAAAAA and lmao i think this is one of the most reposted things ive ever seen on internet T_T

@jjoon hng amy u know how i feel about ur content T_T decided this one cuz f l a w l e s s 

@hopekidoki stuff like this makes my jaw lie in the floor dsjkdj

@flipthatjacketjiminie idk whats up but it makes me scream like a madman every time i see it.........

@lifegoesmon i cant even explain why i chose this one but everything here is so incredible !!!!!!!!1

@hobeah one of those good fucking bye ones.....

@taeyungie this made me feel so many things and a whole ass a w e so cool T_T

@jiminfilter i will never shut up about bts core jungkook one should also be here

@seoksjin THE COLOURS I SCREAM OH MY GOD O HMY OGD I JUST WENT TO CHECK OUT AND SAW THIS AND IMMEDIATELY DJKSJD DECIDED THIS IS CRAZY THE PASTELS THE PINNKS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA EVERYHTGIN but also those birthday posts ahhh T_T

@jinvant i wanna YELL but also u know how much i love ur quality and blacks  T_T and gfxs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

@yoongi-bts i love everything here with my whole heart!!!

@everythingoes SHOUWLD I EVEN EXPLAIN WHY

@hobibestboy THIS IS SO COOL AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE COLOUR SCHEME

@joenns  I WONT EVEN EXPLAIN IM SO HURT HES SO THIS IS SO T____________________T 

@jjeongukie idk i cant get enough of skin tone!!!!!!!!!!!!

@chaylani i really love the colouring and love these posts with highlights T_T

@eklipxe COLOURING AND EVERYTHIGN

@oncupid cant get enough of every colouring ive seen <3

@jiminslight THIS WHOLE GIF RIGHT HERE

@6dis-ease COZY AND PRECIOUS T_T

@ofkimtaehyung I LITERALLY HAVE NO WORDS ITS SO PRETTY

@taee it was really hard to choose too T_T decided to go with this cuz,, u kno

@yoonqiful CUZ THESE COLOURS DRIVE ME INSANE

OK THIS IS GETTING TOO LONG KDSFJSAKDL I WOULD ADD A LOT MORE CUZ THERE IS A LOT MORE TO ADD BUT IVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THREE HOURS I BETTER CHILL 

❀  some of your favourite content creators from this year

ok i may forgot someone + in no order in particular + literally every creator that i follow/whose content i reblog @taeguks @tearuntold @cyphertaehyungie @love4hobi @kimnamtaejin @taejoon @jimiyoong @namkook @taeyungie @jinvant @jinv @6dis-ease @jiminrolls @daechwitas @syubb @syuga @jjeongukie @cowboyjinbop @hope-film @minhope @hopekidoki @joonie @namgination @jung-koook @faerieth @kooksv @lifegoesyoon @yoonqiful @j-sope @chaylani @jiminfilter @jjoon @everythingoes @varietae @seoksjin @dearbangtansonyeondan @ofkimtaehyung @yoongi-bts @gaypeople @seokjinyoongis @agustdfeatrm @joenns @houseofarmanto @namjoon (will miss forever) @thebtsgenre @honsool @vjimin @seokjinite @jiminswn @taee @hobeah @lifegoesmon @taemaknae @gukgi @kkulmoon @flipthatjacketjiminie @jintae @jcngkooks @ynki @yoongikook @yoongiandthebiaswreckers @jiminslight @gwkie @oncupid @eternalbulletproof and many more <3

OK SO i wanna say a special thanks to every content creator ever and also i wanna say that im really glad to be a part of this community all of u r so cool and creative and make such beautiful things and many of u made me feel EMOTIONS with ur sets or not only sets ill be forever grateful that i discovered bts and for everything they do to me without even knowing ALSO THANK U FOR STILL BEING HERE ON TUMBRLDSDFKJ yeah this year was less active there were few issues many ppl went on twt but thank u for still being here also happy new year <3333333 i think i sounded deeper and more emotional when i was commenting ppls gifs :| but its almost 2 am so i hope u will understand dkfjkfsjk im happy there is this corner on the internet that feels cozy and so welcoming <3 i love u i wish u a better year ahead <3 ok for checking notifications purpose ill tag my blog lol @eternal-bangtan

#m:text #tg

[sunnysviolin]

Kel and Aubrey going around interacting with people to learn about the different cultures everywhere as they travel, wearing cultural outfits, participating in cultural activities, just having an overall good time...

Would they be good at any cultural dances? Since they're traveling to Spain first, I can just imagine Aubrey in a flamenco dress with Kel as they just dance together and enjoy themselves (or maybe Kel wearing the dress- or maybe both of them wearing dresses-)

...I kinda wanna draw them dancing around together now.

-from a videogame-world traveling anon

nonnie.....nonnie wait....if you drew something we created together I would be SO EMO WAIT!!! No oh my god like my brain literally just exploded like art?? ART??? I wanna be able to draw so bad...but I can’t I just gotta continue on w my lil writing bits....here take some more writing bits nonnie

*Singing to myself* This got lonnng againnnn I’m putting itttt under a readdd moreeeee

Kel’s parents are....less than pleased to find out their son isn’t directly going to college like Hero did, and they make that known. 

They don’t approve of his choice to take at least one gap year. They don’t approve of him not continuing his education. They don’t approve of him throwing away his life for that bad girl that spent so many years terrorizing him. Even two years after changing her ways, Aubrey is still regarded as a nuisance among the town old timers. Kel’s parents tell him plainly that they don’t approve of Aubrey, and they won’t be changing their mind. 

Which leads to Kel having a minor breakdown and finally admitting what he’s known his whole life- that he will never be good enough to measure up to Hero, and he’s finally tired of trying to be someone he’s not. He isn’t Hero and he never will be, but for once he wants being Kel to be good enough. 

Seeing their bright positive middle child finally crack under the weight they’ve been unintentionally laying on him is...it’s painful. Kel’s parents never meant to make it a competition between their sons, they just wanted what was best for both of them. 

Having Kel sobbing at their dining room table at 3:00 am on the night of his high school graduation teaches them that they might not know what’s best for Kel after all. 

So...yeah the talk the morning after that is filled with a lot of awkward pausing. Kel isn’t used to sharing his true feelings, and he isn’t used to exposing anything other than cheerful hope. Ultimately they come to an agreement. Kel can go with Aubrey, follow her and his heart on their crazy plan, but he has to spend the year before they leave working and earning and not just hanging around the house

That was Kel’s plan anyway, so he’s ecstatic. He calls Aubrey immediately after, and she comes over so they can plan things out together

That year before they leave is definitely not easy. They’re working multiple retail and menial labor jobs, spending 12-15 hours a day on their feet in steamy kitchens, being screamed at by rude customers, and delivering so. many. pizzas. 

At some point in that year Aubrey and her mother have the inevitable fight that has been coming her whole life, and her mother kicks her out. Aubrey shows up in the middle of the night with her things next to her. Kel’s mother welcomes her inside and gets her a cup of tea. Kel wakes up and comes downstairs the next day to see his partner curled up asleep on the couch under a blanket his mother had just finished knitting

His mother doesn’t explain anything (”It’s her story dear not mine”) but after Aubrey comes to stay with them his parents warm to her quickly. Aubrey and Kel are allowed to share the room that Hero and he once shared, but they’re adamant that the beds stay on opposite sides

((He and Aubrey fit cramped but happy into his twin bed every night, but she always wakes up early to switch beds in order to be respectful to his parents wishes)) 

Soon enough its the afternoon before their journey is beginning (They decided to redeye to Sevilla). They have hostel confirmation numbers for a dozen different European countries, a thick binder of plans and itineraries, and a joint account that has a surprising amount of money in it. 

Turns out working 15 hours a day, taking only your eight paid vacation days, and having all of your dates be creative free dates in the five hours a week you both have off together means that you are able to acquire quite the nest egg. Kel’s parents sit them down at the dining room table, and his father is shocked to see how this year has shaped Kel. 

It’s a strange thing to see your son as an adult for the first time. It didn’t feel strange when it was Hero, he always expected it from Hero. Seeing it in Kel rocked him. 

They drive the two young adults (calling them kids now feels...wrong) to the airport and make them promise to call and write daily. 

There’s an undeniable energy and excitement as they board the plane. He and Aubrey breathe an audible sigh of relief. They shouldn’t, but they sleep on the plane. After a year of running, they’ve earned it

OKAY SO THAT WASN”T AT ALL WHAT YOU ASKED FOR....HERE HAVE DANCE LESSON HEADCANONS

Aubrey planned for everything, so she planned that they would need at least two days to recover when they finally got to Spain. The first two days are spent in a combo of sleeping and eating fantastic food and finally being able to spend a full night in bed together instea of sneaking unsuccessfully around Kel’s parents. 

She splurged and got them a private room at their first hostel in Sevilla. It was more expensive, but ultimately so very very worth it. 

But day three is when they start to explore. They finally venture off of the block around their hostel and began to deep dive into the tiny back paths of the city. They meet a nice handful of locals who invite them to breakfast the next morning (Kel’s spanish speaking skills are undeniably useful to them in this moment) 

And that night...that night is the beginning of the wish fulfillment she’s waited for since she was five years old. A flamenco lesson that promises an authentic experience, real outfits, and a party for all involved at the end. Aubrey was frugal with accomodations, but she spared no expense when it came to the experiences. Especially this one. 

Flamenco is traditionally a single dance with one woman, but she asked and Kel is allowed to come if he likes. The instructor in charge recognizes Aubrey from her call, and drags Kel over to where another man sits with a guitar. He and the man begin to converse in Spanish, and Kel seems to be rapidly making plans. He’s fine with only watching for tonight, this is her dream

Aubrey is thrust into a room with a bunch of other tourists, even a few from her own state, and a gaggle of women who work at the studio. They show her a row of gorgeous traditional dresses, an overwhelming rainbow of frills and explosions of color. 

Aubrey has let her hair go back to it’s natural color by this point, and her long dark locks catch the eye of one of the instructors who pulls her over to a corner of the rack of dresses. The instructor winks at her and pulls out a dress. It’s perfect. 

Kel is also having a fantastic time. He and the guitar player who’s name is Raphael are discussing guitar playing. Raphael wants to teach Kel to play himself so “He can play for his lady when she wants to dance for him again” 

All conversation stops when Aubrey walks out. 

The others are dolled up as well, but Kel only has eyes for his girl. Her dress is black, hugging to her waist and her body. As the ruffles of the dress begin on her arms and her legs, the dress goes from black to a striking bright red. Around her wrists and on her neck is bright gold jewlery, gleaming against her skin. 

Aubrey’s dark hair is wrapped up in a bun with a series of pink to red carnations following the curve of her hair. Her lips are tinged with maroon lipstick. 

Kel is left speechless. Aubrey asks him something and Kel just has to nod and try to catch his breath. The rest of the group giggle at their antics, and Aubrey rolls her eyes at him. She presses a kiss to his cheek, maroon imprint left in its wake, and then she is over with the other girls in front of the instructor. 

Raphael begins to play at the instructors insistence

The dance lesson is fun. Even just watching Kel has fun. Aubrey normally has a hardness in her eyes, a tightness in her shoulders as if she’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Within minutes of the instructors careful praise and guidance Aubrey is loose and even giggling. Kel hasn’t heard a sound like that from her since they were children. 

At the end the group performs the dance all together to a raucuous applause form Kel, Raphael, and the instructor. Then they all go to the patio behind the studio which has been decked out in warm golden lanterns with a table of food prepared. 

Raphael begins to play again and the others mingle close to the food. Aubrey takes Kels hand and they go to a separate corner of the dance floor. They don’t dance in any particular way, just holding one another and rocking to the melody. Her hair has begun to come out of it’s tight bun, but her eyes are bright with happiness and she can’t manage to stop smiling

That night under the glow of the lanterns is the night they first say they love each other. It was a given, they already knew it, but those words are saccharine sweet against their lips as Kel holds Aubrey close to him and they spin while the music plays. 

#videogame-world traveling anon #asks #anon #omori #omori headcanons #omori headcanon #i guess #omori au #world travel au #kelbrey #omori kel #omori aubrey #omori kels parents #This is cute #I love this sm

[vonbaghager]

just throwing my ideas onto my blog so they’re not buzzing around in my head anymore. DBD fan-killers: The Barber, the Abomination and the Ignited.

EDIT: And a new one, the Faceless.

The Barber, spawned entirely from a single mental image in which I imagined a killer that uses a straight razor as a weapon, cleaning it off by grinding it against a sharpening strop tied to the other arm.

Short lore blurb: Was an Old Time-y Barber, the ones that did both haircuts and surgeries. His own failing health had him search for occult methods to keep himself alive, using drawn blood as sacrifice. Eventually dove deep enough into occult lore to find out about the Entity, and became enamored with both the idea of eternal life in its realm, and with the creature itself. Strove to catch its attention by using the surgical prowess he’d learned to craft “masterpieces of agony” on unwitting victims, hoping that their pain and terror would draw the creature to him. Eventually, he received an anonymous gift: An immaculately-crafted straight razor that grew sharper as it cut flesh and bone until the victims didn’t even realize they had been cut until a single solid blow or attempt at exertion blew open all of their wounds at once.

Eventually fucked up and caught the attention of an Angry Mob, but by then had earned his place in the Entity’s Realm and fled into a foggy night, never to be seen again.

Base stats: 115% movespeed. 32 meter terror radius. Medium height (Freddy height).

Active Power: Masterpiece of Agony. Base cooldown: 5 seconds. Enter a special animation with a 1.5 second charge time, during which the Barber cannot make a normal attack but gains speed, up to 130% for up to 5 seconds. Lunging out of this state causes the Barber to madly swipe the razor out, striking every Survivor in the path of the lunge, afflicting them with a special status effect: Agonized. The Barber is greatly slowed for 1 second after the ability ends, whether he lunges or not.

An Agonized survivor’s bloodstains and grunts of pain are magnified until the status effect ends. If an Agonized survivor performs any strenuous action, such as fast-vaulting, dropping a pallet, or missing a check when repairing a generator, the Agonized state ends and the Survivor becomes injured while screaming in pain, potentially alerting the Barber. Being struck by Masterpiece of Agony while already Agonized harms the survivor as if they were attacked, meaning performing a strenuous action will drop them to dying. Agonized can be cured in the same manner as Deep Wounds.

Passive power: Sadist. The Barber’s movement speed and lunge distance is increased for every Survivor currently Agonized, hooked, or dead.

Unique Perks:

A Shrine to my Love: Your adoration for the Entity brings you comfort when you are closest to it. The cooldown of your missed attacks is reduced by [25/30/40]% while within 13 meters of the Basement. The wiggling of a survivor in your grasp has a [moderately/greatly/tremendously] reduced effect on your movement while you are within 13 meters of the Basement.

Serrated Hooks: You’ve made creative additions to the Basement, increasing the hold it has over its victims. A survivor on a Basement hook has their chance of escaping it on their own reduced [greatly/tremendously/completely], and is painfully aware of this fact*. A survivor pulled off a Basement hook is affected by both Hemorrhage and Broken for [16/20/24] seconds.

*the survivor receives a notification about the Serrated Hooks upon being speared on one, which lingers until they’re freed. Survivors rescuing their fellows from the Basement are also alerted to the Serrated Hooks.

Grasp of the Shrike: Yes, they will do. They will do nicely. The diamond atop the ring, as it were. You and the Entity become Obsessed with one survivor, clinging to them tightly and never letting go. The Obsession takes [0.5/0.8/1.0] extra seconds to unhook. Whenever the Obsession dies, another random survivor becomes the new Obsession after 13 seconds.

---------------

The Abomination, based on the video game archetype of “really fat guy with a grappling hook” that’s really just Blizzard but leaks into other games now and then.

Once a gluttonous ruler in the past, he wished for his feast to never end, sparing no expense to have food brought to him from all over the world even as his subjects starved in the streets. When death came for him, he fought with every fiber of his being to remain in the world of the living, tearing his soul free from death’s grasp and forcing it back into his bloated body. He continued to live, but did not belong, beginning to rot and decay even as he brought in the greatest doctors and surgeons to restore him, using the very people he neglected as replacement parts for his increasingly aberrant body.

Never one to waste food, the remains of those slain to restore him were added to his menu, and soon he discovered a love of the taste for the humanity he became further and further divorced from. Ironically, he became a much better ruler the more monstrous he became, if only because the healthy and fat citizens made for better parts and better plates, but eventually it was found out just where the criminals of this prosperous land were disappearing to, and the hideous ruler was threatened with a second death.

Knowing death would not let him escape a second time, he fled from his prosperous land, but soon encountered a problem: he had not stopped rotting, and without a supply of fresh parts, he would succumb sooner or later. He spent his every last coin and gemstone seeking a cure for this condition, slaughtering those he met upon the lonely roads as he fought to remain whole, and eventually he found a solution. He would never again taste the succulence of the world he was leaving behind, but the new world held a banquet for him that would never grow dull. He wished for a feast that would never end, and the Entity granted it.

Base stats: 110% movement. 44 meter terror radius. Large size (Plague height)

Active Power: Glutton’s Grasp. Base cooldown: 8 seconds. The Abomination is slowed as it lets down a lengthy meat hook and begins loudly twirling it around. Any survivor that comes too close to the Abomination in this stance interrupts it but is damaged by the hook as if attacked. Attacking while in this stance flings the hook up to 10 meters outwards, which is blocked by terrain. If a survivor is struck by the hook, they scream and are pulled 5 meters towards the Abomination and become slowed for 2 seconds. If the survivor is pulled directly adjacent to the Abomination, its middle splits open to unveil the Great Maw, which bites into the survivor, damaging them and causing them to become Mangled for 1 minute.

The hook can also interact with certain props. Striking a partially repaired generator stuns the Abomination for 0.75 seconds as a current runs through it but damages the generator as though it had kicked the gen, causing it to regress. Striking a dropped palette stuns the Abomination for 2 seconds as it pulls the wood into the Great Maw, chewing it to pieces.

Once per trial: The Abomination can stand over a survivor who has been hooked at least twice and use the Great Maw to swallow them whole, sacrificing them instantly and becoming hasted for 2 minutes.

Passive: Corpulent Corpse. The Abomination is considerably wider than other killers, making it difficult to sneak or dash past it if it’s in a narrow enough area.

Unique Perks:

Varied Diet. Even the most luxurious banquet can grow boring without variety. Each time you strike a survivor with your basic attack, gain a token, to a maximum of 4/6/8 tokens. Each token grants you 1/2/3% increased movement speed and vaulting speed. Striking the same survivor twice in a row causes you to lose 2 tokens. 

Hex: Abattoir. This Hex turns the lockers within the trial into deathtraps for your victims. An injured survivor hiding in a locker bleeds profusely, creating a noticeable pool of blood. If a survivor lingers in a locker for 20/15/10 seconds, they become injured, or are pushed into the dying state if already injured.

Starved Rush. The scent of their flesh, the smell of their blood, it calls to you, driving you into a frenzy the longer you go without it. You enter Bloodlust [slightly/moderately/considerably] faster and do not immediately lose it if you break a pallet.

--------------- 

The Ignited. Had the mental image of someone undergoing an Oni-style rage transformation, except they burst into flames.

There’s not much of a story for this one tbh. Probably someone who was burned at the stake and called down horrific vengeance for their unawful destruction, becoming what they were accused of (a vampire, a witch, a werewolf, etc). The alternate tale that I like more is that they were just a pyromaniac that finally decided to burn down their own house with them inside so they could feel what their victims felt.

Base stats: 105% movement. 16 meter terror radius. Medium size (Blight height)

Active Power, Kindling form: Choking Smog. Base cooldown: 20 seconds. Unleash a cloud of black smoke the Ignited can perfectly see through, but which is completely opaque for survivors. The smoke spreads outwards to cover a 11 meter radius, choking survivors inside of it, causing them to loudly cough. Survivors in the smog are Exhausted and slowed. The cloud lingers for 6 seconds.

Passive power (Cinder Form): Building Inferno. The Ignited is unaffected by the trial’s fog. The Ignited can interact with piles of tormented kindling that spawn throughout the trial, gathering energy from each of them. The Ignited can also gather energy by damaging generators and survivors, and hooking survivors. At maximum charge, the Ignited can activate the secondary power to explode into their Wildfire Form. All the survivors receive a notification when the Ignited enters Wildfire Form as it shrieks in agony and rage.

The Ignited in Wildfire Form has a terror radius that covers the entire map, moves at 130% speed, and becomes taller than the Plague. A pillar of fire and smoke travels up from its body to signify its position at all times. Wildfire Form lasts for 1 minute, after which it drops back to Cinder Form.

Active Power (Wildfire Form): Pyroclasm. The Ignited charges up briefly and then blasts an incredibly wide cone in front of it (roughly equal to its FOV but only 6 meters in length). Survivors in the area are damaged, generators in the area begin regressing, and dropped pallets in the area begin burning and will be fully destroyed after 5 seconds unless a survivor slides across them. Survivors injured--but not downed--by Pyroclasm gain a unique status effect: On Fire! Survivors who are On Fire glow softly with flame and their auras are revealed to the Ignited, shouting and screaming as long as they remain On Fire. On Fire lasts for 1 minute, until the survivor is put into the dying state, until they vault a pallet or window, or until they stop moving and spend 3 seconds patting themselves down.

Unique Perks:

Smokesight: The fog thickens in your presence, though it’s no impediment to you. The trial fog is [slightly/moderately/considerably] thicker, though you see through it as if it were two stages lighter.

Hex: Fear of Failure: To build a tower so tall just to see it fall before you, it is a feeling that can invoke despair in any, and one this Hex enhances to self-destructive levels. If you kick a generator that has been repaired above [75%/50%/25%] progress while your totem still stands, the last survivor(s) to work on that generator shriek in frustration and are highlighted for 3 seconds if they are within [24/32/40] meters.

Hex: Trap in the Blaze: Lock them inside. Seal the windows, bar the door. Let them burn. Let them burn. Let them burn. When the exit gates are powered, this Hex flares to life if there is a dull totem for it to inhabit. The switch to the gates is partially infested by the Entity, slowing all attempts to touch it. Interacting with the switch takes an extra [3/4/5] seconds. Abandoning the exit switch causes it to slowly regress.

--------------- 

The Faceless. what if there was a stealth killer even more humanoid than the pig?

Not sure of a backstory here. Either a member of an ancient species trying to avoid total extinction, or an envious human who altered their own bodies with strange chemicals, vile magic, and horrible operations until they could look like anyone they wanted. 

Base stats: 110% movement. 32 meter terror radius. Large size (Demogorgon height in true form).

Active power: Assume Guise. The Faceless loudly and grotesquely reshapes its body into the shape of a random survivor in the trial, letting all survivors within the terror radius hear the cracking and squishing just before the terror radius abruptly vanishes. The noises are noticeable enough to be heard a short distance outside the terror radius, akin to the Wraith or the Spirit vanishing. Any survivor within a 15 meter radius is briefly highlighted by Killer Instinct after the transformation is complete. While disguised, the Faceless has no terror radius and is treated by the game as though it were a survivor. If its aura becomes revealed by any perk or item, it appears as though it were a survivor, even if the perk or item reveals the killer’s aura only.

While it can crouch and sprint as a normal survivor, the Faceless cannot interact with props like a survivor can, with the exception of vaulting pallets or windows. It cannot open chests, repair generators, or sabotage hooks. When it assumes a survivor’s shape, it cannot copy any items they hold, nor can it pick one up or use them. If the survivor its copying is injured, it is not. Its voice as a survivor is ever-so-slightly distorted.

Assuming its true form is a horrid affair, stunning the killer for 2 seconds as it bursts from its former body. After transforming back, the Faceless is hasted for 4 seconds and Assume Guise is placed on a 10 second cooldown.

Active power (disguised form): Backstab. If the Faceless performs the healing action on a survivor using the secondary power button, it acts as though it’s healing them for 5 seconds, after which it suddenly strikes, afflicting the target with Deep Wounds and Hindered and beginning its transformation back.

Unique Perks

Hex: False Friendship. This Hex confounds and distorts your aura, leading your prey to blunder into your grasp. While the totem stands, any time your aura would be revealed, it appears as though it’s a survivor aura, and the survivor(s) reading your aura are highlighted by Killer Instinct for [8/12/16] seconds if they’re within 40 meters of you.

Subtle Sabotage: Your machinations are much more insidious than that of your brutish kin. After kicking a generator, the generator becomes Sabotaged for [60/80/120] seconds, regressing continuously even as it’s being worked on, effectively halving the speed it’s repaired at. A sabotaged generator loses this status if it fully regresses, or if the survivors working on it succeed [2/3/4] Great skill checks on it without abandoning it. Sabotaged gens are highlighted to the survivors, and survivors working on a sabotaged gen are aware of how much longer the status will last and how many skill checks are required to undo it.

Calming Emanations: Let them have their hope, if only so it’s more spectacular when it shatters. Each uninjured survivor reduces your terror radius by [18/20/22]%.

#dead by daylight #DBD #these aren't balanced but i had fun

[readerinsertfanfiction]

Exchange

Fandom: Ikemen Series

Prompt: Wow, did anyone expect this? I certainly didn’t. Anyway, @kamesama​ and I made a little deal and with that deal this exchange came to be. I also added a lil’ surprise, because I like surprises and one may even consider her victim #7.

For someone to deserve Kamemom’s attention the suitor needs to be someone a little more in tune with their emotions. Someone who won’t play (emotional) mindgames, or set unfair expectations. Above all it needs to be someone that can appreciate Kamemom’s duality of being a badass, confident and independent individual whilst also being sensitive with her insecure and childlike moments. Important is that Kamemom finds the comfort and room in her relationship to be herself, express herself, but that it also teaches her to be alright to slow down and not focus on growth and adulthood yet. That enjoying life is also something that can be done when older and that being free and yourself isn’t childish. A relationship that will encourage her intellectually and creatively is of importance as well, but one where she doesn’t feel like she is miles behind to catch up on. For this reason I match her with:

Ranmaru Mori

With the recent release of Kennyo’s route we have come to see more of this young male and his motivations. What moves him and what drives him. It is from there that we can draw the conclusion that he is devoted, attentive and someone who just wants to make his loved ones happy. Despite his youth Ranmaru carries a huge responsibility and task on his small shoulders, much like Kamemom does. It is in this similarity that I believe the two of them to bond over as friends first. Both are sharp in their intuitions and are a whole lot more sensitive from what they like to show themselves. In part, I believe this is what will draw Ranmaru to Kame, because she often tends to sacrifice herself for the happiness of others, or as she put it: she finds her own worth in the smile of another. Much in the same way does Ranmaru weigh himself.

Now imagine, two good beans coming together who just want to make their most precious smile and each other? It is wholesome and it is uplifting. Kamemom being a little shy and reserved in character is no border either, for Ranmaru is bubbly and bright, without being pushy in his friendliness and willingness to get along. He will be exactly what she needs to get coaxed out of her shell and to break open that absolute chaotic energy that she holds within.

They are by no means a perfect match, however. Though not manipulative, Ranmaru holds his secrets and they affect his confidence as much as his mentality. The chances of this being a tipping point in her trust for him could mean the end. His willingness to do absolutely anything to make Kennyo ‘happy’ can mean that he might turn his back on Kamemom believing that to be the right choice. Bright as the young man is, we cannot claim that he is wise, unfortunately. This path of self-destruction will be ultimately what can make everything fall apart. But never fear! The chances of it turning that dramatic are slim for the people surrounding Ranmaru care just as much about him as he does about them, even if he doesn’t realise it.

Date ideas: Visiting all of the candy shops and get high on sugar together, cuddlefests, long hikes to get rid of the excess energy gained from the sugar and sassing the rest of the warlords.

Scenario: The light step of his gait were contradicting towards the energy and excitement he excuded. Rounding the corner Ranmaru’s eyes lit up at the sight of Kame, his smile unconsciously widening even further from what it already was. 

“Just the person I was looking for!” he exclaimed approaching the female with a sway in his movements, “there is a new stand opening in the castle town and they sell delicious peach snacks, do you want to try it with me?” 

The invitation was easily extended, as if it was the most natural thing to do. Though, Ranmaru knew that the beat of his heart suggested otherwise as he felt his breath stall just for a second, as if fearing a rejection heading his way. 

SECOND MATCH: 

Keiji Maeda

In case the first match is not appreciated I luckily have a second proposal to pitch! He isn’t out yet in the English version, but soon shall be and from the stories I have heard I believe Kamemom and Keiji make an interesting match. Boisterous and confident Keiji is a force to be reckoned with, an older brother figure for many, a friend to all. Once more this affable man is friendly without being pushy and comes with the right amount of adventure to keep Kamemom on her toes.

However, just like Ranmaru this man has a hidden layer that he doesn’t like to show. A hurt child within that only few seem to care and pick up on. An attentive man that pays close attention to everyone's moods and adjusts himself accordingly because he wishes to make everyone smile. Yes, there is a pattern here. The Kamemom that loves to make everyone else smile and laugh meets her match in another soul alike. This wildchild is as much in need of someone who will make him smile just as much as he loves to make everyone else smile.

Now what concerns me the most in this match is the tendency of both to hide behind their masks. As common within these types they will recognise the behaviour, but not call upon it. The question thus remains if they will ever shed said masks. But I have faith that time will undo it all for the both of them, time and timing. The fact that they’re both known as equestrians gives them a shared activity to bond over with.

Date ideas: Horse riding/races, cuddlefests, art hours (poetry, music, everything), going to festivals and parties.

Scenario: Always on the move, always busy with something. Keiji knew how to occupy himself, but that did not mean he didn’t know how to enjoy life. Far be it for him as he lead two horses out of the stables. His trusty steed along with another. 

“We’re going out for a ride and after that I will take you to the festival. If you can beat me I will even treat you!” he had challenged Kame as he handed the horse over, though he already had all of the intention to treat her anyway. Just none in letting her win so easily. 

BONUS: Ikemen Vampire Match 

Charles Henri Sanson

Now, I have come to understand that Kamemom has been matched with this bean multiple times now and whilst this suitor isn’t introduced yet in the English version of the app I have been (suffering) all of the stories related to him. Anyway, Charles is a caring and affectionate young man with the magical ability to make friends with all! Eager to make everyone smile he is just one bundle of joy ready to share his sparkle with the world. And yes, there is a definite pattern here in my ideas of matching Kamemom.

Just like with everyone else Charles has a dark past and his secrets as well as his pain. Wishing to be a doctor, but denied to pursue it because of prejudices and a status as a pariah, he is catching up now on his dreams. This means that Kamemom and Charles can have study sessions together in which they can cuddle up and encourage each other to pursue the path they both are aiming for. All in the meanwhile they could cheer each other on with their bad days and make one another smile.

Admittedly, I don’t know enough about Charles to voice any legitimate concerns, but one that I have seen is perhaps his overly attached nature. Kamemom may be affectionate, but also may feel overwhelmed. She will have to draw clear boundaries with Charles, though I believe that Charles is more than ready to respect all and everything Kamemom is and wishes.

Date ideas: Study sessions, cuddlefests, playing tag, go around and cause mischief while playing doctor

Scenario: “Are you hungry?” the question sounded hollow through the large study hall the two of you occupied in the castle. Books spread out all across the long table along with notes and other curiosa as the redhead looked up at his studymate. 

“I can steal some strawberries for you?” he adds in with a twinkle in his eyes, though the both of you know that it might be better to grab a different snack. 

#ikevamp #ikevam #ikemen vampire #ikesen #ikemen sengoku #match up #kamemom

[hithren]

Another year... survived.

There’s a ton I could say about this year. But it probably won’t ever come close to fully describing it. This year has been one of my worst, as I am sure it has been for a lot of people.

This year, Covid took my grandmother and a close family friend. Age and failing health took my dog of nearly 15 years. My health suffered, both mental and physical. I had more medical tests, procedures and appointments this year than my entire life it seemed, all while battling the anxiety that came to being in hospitals during a pandemic.

This year and its struggles drained every ounce of creative energy and drive I had. I am sure fellow artists, writers and the like can understand the feeling. My two remaining commissioners (from my one and only commission opening this year) can attest to it, and I am blessed by their patience and understanding. It’s very hard to pick up a pen when the world around you is all but falling apart.

I don’t really know what 2021 will bring. Living here in Southern California where the virus is all but complete chaos, I feel it will never end. I don’t see a light. As I write this, 3 of my cousins and their girlfriends/families are fighting the virus. My own family is wearing masks in our home and praying we didn’t catch anything when my dad had to be rushed to the ER full of covid patients due to a freak accident this past Sunday. We’ll be testing this weekend.

I want to try and make this year a better one, even if it's just small steps. I’ve finally been approved for therapy, after fighting against my unsupportive family for years. It came unexpectedly, a referral by a doctor I’d been seeing about IBS/IBD symptoms for over eight years. Exhausting all other options and most medication, they cited stress and anxiety, and wanted me to be seen by a therapist to see if it helped. Being doctor’s orders, my family can’t really argue. Blessedly. With the pandemic still raging, I’m hesitant to begin office visits. But soon. Hopefully.

I want to try and make new friends. Find new circles. More and more I find myself lacking reasons to do much. I’ve no interest in XIV anymore, I can barely log in and do a few things here and there. I no longer cap tomes on three characters/grab Eden weeklies etc as I used to. It’s mostly cause I really, really tire of doing it all alone. I want to raid again. I want a Savage group even. Just a group/FC to do content with. But it’s not just XIV. I feel alone in every game I play.

RP too, I want more of. I’ve been working on my character roster. And I’d like to find some IC homes and RP FCs for most of them. I miss having a small community of friends to RP with and tell stories with. I miss connecting. I’ve been running a personal arc for one of my characters, and the whole time I just think, wow… I don’t really know anyone. No one knows my character enough to care to be here. Or that’s how it feels. I want it to change. I look back to just a few short years ago, and I know I felt different then. 

As far as art, and my future with it, I don’t know that either. Jobs are even harder to find now with the pandemic. I don’t see much hope for me at the moment. Maybe it will change. My first goal is to finish the last remaining commissions I have. I’m not sure if I’ll do more openings, at least not like I used to. It may be more of a ‘hey email me if you’re interested and I’ll see if I have time/energy’ kind of thing rather than slots and full openings.

But I’ve also decided I want to try my hand at making a visual novel game. A New Year's resolution? Maybe. Or maybe just a goal to try and better myself. It’s going to be hard, and maybe slow-going and discouraging. But part of me is also excited. I toyed with the idea of doing a patreon to go along with it. So I can keep supporting myself as I work on it. I don’t even know if people would be interested in my original characters, stories, or the process, but it would be worth a shot, maybe. I don’t know the first thing about coding, or games. But I’d like to think I can draw. Most days.

Am I doing okay? Some days it's debatable. Sleep is hard. Whether due to medical reasons or just insomnia/anxiety, there’s been a few days this month I’ve been still awake as the sun comes up. I freak out over everything. But I’m trying. Trying is hard. But I am.

I don’t know what 2021 will bring. I wish I did. But I honestly hope it’s better. Better for a lot of people I know who are suffering. I thank everyone who took the time to read this through, who still follow this blog after an entire year of very little activity. I am so very grateful for your support. I wish the best for you all in the coming year.

Here’s to a new one. May it be better. It doesn’t have to be great. Better is good enough.

#ooc

[thekillerssluts]

Will Butler: "I think of the record as a complex and satisfying stew"

"I'm at the crime scene," Will Butler conveys. "I don't know that I am – I didn't murder anyone," he elaborates, "but I am at a crime scene. I'm there, and the evidence is all around us. So what do I do?" This setting is the backdrop to Will Butler's new album, 'Generations'. It's a setting that seems to resonate through society as a whole. We're in the throes of a global pandemic. There's a worldwide cry of pain and of outrage in the wake of the murder of George Floyd that needs to be heard. Meanwhile, Trump is campaigning for a second term as US president. The evidence, as the musician describes, is all around us.

"The general shittiness and desperation of the last four years, three-and-a-half years, is the swamp from which a lot of these emotions took their shape," Will portrays of the record. "I was trying to show some dimensions of that." Drawing from his life, the New York neighbourhood he calls home, and their place in the world at large, these songs might not have been written in the current climate, but their dissatisfaction with the state of the world around them is an emotion that feels unshakably prevalent.

In the five years since the release of his debut album 'Policy', Will Butler has toured, released a live record, toured some more, released a record with Arcade Fire, toured again, and somehow found the time to earn a mid-career masters degree in public administration. It seems safe to say that a lot has changed since then. "The first [album] was kind of like trying to make a market fresh meal," he portrays. For this new record, he wanted to do things differently, diverting from the "fast and furious" pace of his debut to take the time to let the songs grow. "This was a bit more like, okay, what do we do if we're making a world class stew?" he poses, laughing.

Born out of a process he describes as "boiling the bones and the onions and the carrots and everything," with 'Generations' Will Butler explores the history – specifically his family history – that brought him to where he is today, and wrestles with a keenly-felt desperation for something better in the future. "There's a nostalgia, but for a different present," he portrays. "It's not 'I wish we were back here,' it's 'I wish now we had made another choice back then.' It's a nostalgia for an alternate future." It's an energy that prevails far beyond the context of this album. "Right now's like, 'I wish it was 2019, except 2019 was just utter shit, so I want it to be 2025, but only if in 2025 we've actually fixed a couple of things,'" he offers with a grim chuckle. "It's this whole mess of emotions."

This is the energy that flows through 'Generations', a record that balances between the realism of the moment and hopefulness for the future. "It's been a batshit crazy world the last four or five years," Will expresses. Speaking from his home in Brooklyn, New York, he might crack jokes about dreading a second Great Depression (if you can't laugh… etc.) but the musician is in high spirits. "There's something about hope, about being hopeful, about being oriented towards something – like being oriented towards a better future," he enthuses, "while keeping your eye out and seeing all the shit that's going to destroy you before you make it to your goal…"

"I think the head and the heart are in different places," he distils. "You've got to know those things, but you've got to point your soul in that direction." He pauses, thinking his words over. "You don't have to," he amends, "it's just hopeful to point your soul in that direction." That's exactly what 'Generations' strives to do, shining a light to illuminate the shitshow of a situation we find ourselves in while offering hope for whatever comes next. "It's a fine place to begin by acknowledging your power or lack of power and your position within the world," Will conveys, "and then move forward from there." As he sings on 'Bethlehem', "how does it feel to know the torch is in your hand?"

"Dark," he offers in response to his own question, referencing events like the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville in 2017 as an explanation as to why. "It's embarrassing and shitty and terrifying, and you are probably doing something horrible." He pauses and clarifies, "the 'you' is me in this." The lyric – and song – in question is inspired by the (misquoted) poetry of William Butler Yeats. As he talks Will searches for one poem in particular – 'In Memory of Eva Gore-Booth and Con Markievicz' – and pauses to read the last stanza aloud: "The innocent and the beautiful have no enemy but time; Arise and bid me strike a match and strike another till time catch."

"There's something in that moment, this desire to burn it all down, and then this idea of striking the match and blowing it out," he expresses. "Are we going to burn this shit down? Are we going to blow out the torch?" he asks. "It's that moment now." There are no answers. No one knows what the future holds. Instead, with 'Generations' Will Butler explores where he's come from and where he hopes we'll go from here. "I keep saying, it's a weird moment we're living in right now," he conveys. "It's a powerful moment, but deeply bizarre."

When he isn't looking forwards on 'Generations' he's looking back, delving into the history that brought him to where he is today. "My great grandfather was the last son of a pioneer, a homesteader in Utah," he describes. "He made his children be in a band. They'd drive across the desert – before there were roads in the desert – and play music in churches. Those kids grew up to be musicians in a jazz vocal group. My mom grew up in that musical family, playing music and playing shows." Performing in Arcade Fire with his brother, Win, and now readying to release his second solo record, it seems that music is in Will Butler's blood.

This sense of tradition is most keenly felt on album closing track, 'Fine'. "In some ways, it's trying to be like a Kanye West folk song or something," he laughs, quickly explaining that it isn't hip-hop but rather "talking about important things in a crass way." "There's a genre of hip-hop where it's like 'I got rich selling drugs'," he describes. "I'm like, 'I got rich because my grandfather ran a small business'," he laughs. "I got rich because generations of American policy have been oriented towards providing white men with a high standard of living that would be better than the generation before them," he declares with a mock flourish. "How do you like me now?"

More than just reckoning with his family history, 'Generations' sees the musician trying to find his place in it in the now. "I'm kind of the oldest millennial," he states. "I'm born in 1982: I'm not 40, but I feel like an old man. People that are six years younger than me, I see them through a glass darkly," he laughs. "Something about being a millennial who remembers the Soviet Union," he chuckles. "It neither has the standing to be an 'OK, boomer' person, nor the standing to be like, 'I've got my shit together, I'm a youth'." Exploring the tension of bloodlines and identity – and where that goes from here – is the river that runs through 'Generations'.

"I think of [the record] as a complex and satisfying stew," Will describes, in another culinary-inspired metaphor that gets more difficult to follow the longer he continues, "based off of some old family recipe that you did every goddamn step to make it into this very nourishing, very layered, uh, goulash." He abandons that train of thought with a laugh. "My brain is so broken these days." As for where Will Butler will go from here, your guess is as good as his [we mentioned there are no answers, right? – ed].

"Even before the pandemic I was like, 'I'm putting out a record this fall, I'm going to play shows in America a month before the election, I'm going to go around the world, meet people and figure out what's going on and provide some release'," he enthuses, plans which are currently just not possible at the moment. He has hopes for being creative with ways of sharing the record ("I'm curious to see if I get better at it, living on the internet") and for making a new Arcade Fire record ("God willing, pandemic permitting"). The rest is open to possibility. "For people that care about music, music feels very important right now," he asserts. "Music is so nourishing and comforting by its nature that it feels good to be engaged in that, as weird as it is."

Taken from the October issue of Dork. Will Butler's album 'Generations' is out now.

#Arcade Fire #will butler #interview #generations

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

               Mitsuka Yamamoto, who is known by no other name,                              a 21 year old daughter of Tsukiyomi.                               She is a designer at For the Fairest                            and a hotline volunteer at Bohdisattva.

FC NAME/GROUP: Yu Jimin – Karina / aespa CHARACTER NAME: Mitsuka Yamamoto AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: April 11, 2000 PLACE OF BIRTH: Chiba City, Chiba Prefecture, Kanto region, Honshu, Japan OCCUPATION: designer at For the Fairest, hotline volunteer at Bohdisattva Counseling Center HEIGHT: 1.67m DEFINING FEATURES:

A beauty mark on the left side of her chin, under her lips’ left corner

Big, almond shape, sharp eyes; shiny long hair, lips with a rounded Cupid’s bow

PERSONALITY: Mitsuka is, first and foremost a sensitive, creature. She’s compassionate, empathetic, and openly affectionate to almost all living beings, probably except for cockroaches and rats. Most of the time, she’s the mom friend in the group who takes delight in taking care of others, showering them with compliments, and being there when the time is rough. Once she deems someone is worth her time and attention, she will be the ride-or-die type of companion, and they can rest assured that no force in the world could shake her commitment for them.

 An artist at heart, Mitsuka is highly creative and self-motivated. She never hesitates to express her avant-garde ideas, also constantly encourages others to express themselves freely. While appearing to be wild and eccentric at times, she’s exceptionally good at reading people and is quick to set boundaries, mostly to protect herself from potential evil intents. She’s got the same protective energy around the people she cares for, for one of her worst nightmares is seeing others in pain or danger without being able to help them out.

This Japanese demigoddess does not like to be ordered around and will give intense responses both physically and mentally if forced. Not fonding of any sort of confrontations, she will avoid getting into arguments or any form of conflicts at all costs. If she is hurt, Mitsuka tends to withdraw and keep silent rather than directly verbalizing her feelings. In extreme cases, she will forget the person’s existence rather than waiting for any apologies. Having said that, when she’s forced to fight, she can be formidable.

HISTORY: TW: mention of death

“It’s the night of a full moon, when I met your father, under a wisteria tree.” Miyoung smiled gently as she looked at Mitsuka, her eldest daughter, who was sitting across from her with eyes wide open in doubt.

“But you said you met dad at an international conference?”

Miyoung shook her head, her tender smile was intact, although there was a louder command for her daughter’s attention implied in her voice. “We’re not talking about your elder brother’s dad, Mitsuka.”

To the twenty-one-year-old Mitsuka, nothing could hold a candle to Paris in summer, when the city’s beauty is at its peak, and life is just an ethereal painting of happiness. At first, it looked intimidating, how perfect everyone and everything in this city of lights, love, and fashion appeared to be. But at the end of the day, its glamourous culture and historical legacies are why she left Japan, despite her father’s deep disappointment and her mother’s great worries.

Being born and brought up in Chiba city, Mitsuka was a rather normal kid. Her family wasn’t the wealthiest in their neighborhood, but they had a two-story private house with a garage and a lovely garden in a high-security residential area, and it only took about half an hour driving to her father’s brewery located in Tokyo.

Her mother, Lee Miyoung, had traveled back and forth between Korea and Japan for her marketing business. She met Mr. Suda Yamamoto at a business conference, and he asked for her mother’s hand while she was in her third month of pregnancy, a year after his first wife’s death. Unlike most of her friends and their fathers, Mitsuka and hers had never truly got along. She didn’t remember receiving much affection or attention from him, partly because he was indeed busy all the time, and probably because she preferred to stay in her own world.

Makoto, her father’s only son from his first marriage, had always been the superstar in the family. Even though she couldn’t help but envying Makoto sometimes, she quite liked him because of his patience and kindness. Sadly, they couldn’t spend much time together, for Makoto’s study and extracurricular schedules were crazily hectic, and he usually looked exactly like their father whenever he came home after work, totally exhausted.

One night, Makoto stopped coming home. A drunk driver took his life away, when it was only one month before the national university entrance exam took place. For an eight-year-old girl, seeing her father bawling his eyes out next to her brother’s coffin was terrifying. It was also the only time she saw her father cried. After that, she rarely saw any signs of emotions on his face but occasional frowns.

Mitsuka’s adolescence was generally peaceful, except for throwing fists at some bullies at school from time to time, and constant confrontations with her father about her dream of being a fashion designer.

“He’s just afraid that you won’t be able to make a living with that job,” Miyoung explained to Mitsuka the reason behind her father’s vehement opposition to her wish, to which Mitsuka replied without a second of hesitation.

“He’s just afraid that no one will take care of his brewery,” she corrected her mother, for the first and only time in her whole eighteen years of life. “And designing is not just a job, it’s my passion, mom. It��s what I’m living for.”

Since her pre-teen years, Mitsuka had already learned to make clothes, starting from the clothing for Mini, her family’s cat. Her targets soon expanded to small accessories such as scarves and handkerchiefs for herself and her friends, and at the age of sixteen, she started her small business of making cosplay costumes and cosplay makeup for local clients. It was still a humble start compared to some other starlets in the industry, but fortunately, it was enough for her to win a scholarship to study fashion designing in Paris.

Due to her younger brother’s devastating case, her parents were adamant that she should never dream of going to Paris, or even out of the town without their permission. Mitsuka, for the only time in her life, told her parents a great lie, that she would be obedient enough to give up the scholarship, stay in Chiba, and try to get to the business major that her father wanted her to study. Meanwhile, she secretly packed her bags. Then, in one late evening, with the help of some of her close friends, she secretly fled to the airport and took her flight to Paris, leaving a long apologizing note to her parents.

The moment she landed in France’s capital, her phone blew up with texts and calls and voice mails from her parents, especially from her mother. The next thing she knew was her mother barged into her dormitory and almost flooded her room with tears and begs for her to come back.

After hours of comforting and persuading and finally threatening, Mitsuka managed to stay. However, from the moment she sent her mother off back to Japan, she couldn’t go through a day without picking up her mother’s calls or at least answering her messages, which turned out to be her best remedy to cope with the pressure of living alone in a big city whose language and culture she was so fascinated but still very much a stranger to.

Three years of hardship has proved to be fruitful. She earned the degree with flying colors and a thought-out plan for the next steps. Her mother, being the best mother on earth, took a long flight to have a cozy celebration dinner with her dear daughter. But besides celebrating her daughter’s graduation, Miyoung had another reason to pick a quiet, rather seclusive restaurant for them this time.

“I guess now is the best time to let you know the truth,” Miyoung looked into her daughter’s sparkling eyes, smiling a woman whose biggest secret is finally revealed. From that expression, Mitsuka dared to guess that whatever her mother was about to say, it was going to be ultimately important.

“Mitsuka, you’re not Suda Yamamoto’s biological daughter. Your father is Tsukuyomi-no-Mikoto, the moon god, and that means you are a moon demigoddess.”

“...”

“...”

“Okay, I am… WHAT?!?”

---

[ So that’s why I’m here, in Mount Phoenix. ]

Mitsuka finishes her diary entry with a small drawing of a phoenix’s figure below the final sentence. As she reads the long pages again, Mitsuka still hardly believes what is written is true, that she’s a child of Tsukuyomi the moon god, and that said moon god is right here on the island, in a human vessel, probably isn’t aware of her existence at all. But again, she’s indeed allowed to access the island as a Japanese demigoddess, has just done cleaning up and decorating her apartment, and has got accepted to work at two jobs – one for her dream and one for her hobby. Things sound even better than the best life she’s dreamt of in Paris.

[ But we will see. ]

PANTHEON: Japanese CHILD OF: Tsukuyomi POWERS:

Lunar Solidification: She’s able to solidify moonlight into tangible items of her wish, from a hairpin to a sword. The quality and object lifetime is depended on how much energy and concentration she’s spent on creating them.

Lunar Empowerment: Her moods and physical health are influenced by the moon cycle, as she will be more lively and physically stronger when getting in contact with moonlight, and will be exceptional jovial, even hyperactive, during full moon periods.

Lunar Healing: She’s able to heal herself and others using the moon’s energy. She can only perform this power at full moon nights.

STRENGTHS:

She’s selfless and she has a penchant for spreading her love, attention, and care around, even to strangers and stray animals.

She can read people well, and often uses what she’s learned for self-protection and self-adjustment rather than attacking others.

A feisty lady, she knows what she wants and how to gets it, mostly in the most peaceful way possible.

She has a good aesthetic sense and a gift for visual arts, so she’s willing to help beautify almost everything around her, sometimes even without being asked.

WEAKNESSES:

She can get hurt quite easily if she deems her love and care are rejected. At such times, she tends to withdraw to her shell and sulk rather than communicating directly.

Her moods can and will change in a matter of seconds; she’s learning to control her emotions better

She tends to have emotional outbursts, or nervous breakdowns from time to time, especially during New moon periods.

It’s easy for her to feel lonely, and she intends to get attached to people, animals, places, or anything she likes quite fast

#kpop rp #krp #aespa #yu jimin #aespa karina #mp; welcome