#i will try to get more active again!

[harukavoice]

a friend of mine just created a 17+ milgram server!! heres the link if youre interested

https://disboard.org/server/1035603288445435915

#milgram #sorry for not posting recently #i will try to get more active again!

[canisalbus]

*carefully picks you up and peeks into your conch snail shell*

Ehm... Sorry to bother, but... Could we, maybe, possibly... see Vasco's wife and her lover pictured by your hand? Sorry again, thank you for listening. Take care.

*delicately lays you back into the water to prevent any stress or dehydration*

Unfortunately I don't have her lover figured out yet, but I think Ludovica looks something like this:

#own art #own characters #CanisAlbus #Ludovica #vertopus #Vaschete lore #I may still tweak the markings this isn't 100% guaranteed final design #might make her colors a bit more reddish perhaps #but you know this is the general vibe #she was originally inspired by brittany spaniels and one of my old unused characters #to be fair the whole thing was built around the idea that she should have strong eyebrows and green theme color #again jury is still out on the renaissance hairstyle/head piece I'll try to come up with something #still trying to get a good grasp of the girlfriend too #she's most likely her lady-in-waiting or other court companion #essentially a woman of high social class whose job is to accompany a noblewoman and assist her on her daily activities #a best friend more or less #conch snail hours #she will kick anyone's ass. she will kick your ass. she will kick your dog's ass. she will kick her own ass.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

True love is possible only in the next world. For new people. It it too late for us.

(Redraw for @pakhnokh's DTIYS post!)

#better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangij #Finally I can redraw a pahknokh piece with *permission* B*) #I was so excited to see you (pakhnohk) do a dtiys! It's such a fun skill building activity & I really hope to see more people bring it back #The composition and melancholic feeling of the original piece is so lovely! Thank's for setting this up! #Lighting is still kind of my enemy. In the way that getting curb stomped is my enemy. I had fun trying to figure it out though but... #I have a long way to go and that's okay! #Sadly I feel like I overworked this and made the colours a mess B*( That's *Also* Okay - I learned something from it. #The Robert Kurvitz quote is one that I feel *really* fits the heartache of the yiling laozu and hanguang-jun era. #As painful as it is...No...I don't think there was ever a chance they could have had a true romance in wwx's first life #It was always going to be a tragedy. #Sometimes the right person comes at the wrong time. And when you realize what they really mean to you it is the wrong time once again #They get to try again though! They get to be happy B'*)

[orchid-n-petals]

So I've already shared parts of this on a discord server, but I have to scream about Ketheric Thorm on here as well. Obviously spoilers about the character under the cut! It's a long one.

The entirety of act 2 is about him, right? Jaheira, Shadowheart and numerous other NPCs shit on him for his fickle faith. First Selune, then Shar, then, as we meet him, Myrkul. You hear about his changes of faith on a whim, you hear that he's the person responsible for the shadow curse, he is painted as a villain, plain and simple.

You can figure it out pretty early on that Isobel was resurrected and that she is his daughter; the detail as well that he wants Isobel alive is so on the nose, it gives him away completely but there are still a few questions that remain unanswered, mainly about his faith.

And then you get to the mausoleum and the picture assembles; this entire tragedy, the death of hundreds if not thousands and the complete ruination of a landscape was all, ALL because you had this absolutely wrenched, heartbroken father who had lost everything and nobody answered his grief. He was left woefully alone, the Goddess whose daughter his daughter was involved with did nothing to save Isobel.

Imagine outliving your wife and your daughter. Imagine dedicating your life to fight the Lady of Loss, your Lady of Silver's enemy, and then be left so completely alone and in silence with your grief, with your loss. It's so, so poetic how and why he turned from Selune, and it's so understandable as well; he broke. His spirit completely broke. He couldn't deal with that void of having lost the only two important people in his life, seemingly undeservedly so. He was going mad with this and a lot of his ire was likely targeted at Aylin who, in his eye, represented Selune; she's literally her daughter, after all, and it was implied that even before the deaths of his family, he sort of saw Aylin courting Isobel as Selune taking his daughter from him, despite his service. This relationship was clearly not seen by him as a boon of "giving his daughter to the Moon-maiden".

His ways in the past clearly didn't spare him from tragedy and having to cope with it (which he clearly didn't, he snapped under the weight of his grief). He was clearly angry and unable to do anything, furious and helpless, which is a dangerous combination. A good part of his first change of heart must have been fuelled by a sense of revenge.

But then Shar didn't provide any balm to his aching heart either. If you read his letters in Grymforge and in act 2, he is so focused on enacting the will of Shar because he believes that healing lies in oblivion. Everything would be easier if he could just forget, if the damn world could just forget, if nothing was remembered because without Melodia and Isobel, nothing was worth remembering.

Then came Myrkul. Literally the only god who was not only able, but WILLING to give back his daughter to him. Imagine spending your all, EVERYTHING you have to serve two gods who would not give a single shit about the greatest suffering in your life. You were basically nothing, your loyalty didn't matter for shit, everything that was taken from you amounted to no recognition whatsoever: you should simply cope and seethe. Your grief will not simply go unanswered (which is not inherently antagonising) but ignored.

And then comes this supposedly evil entity who can alleviate your pain just like that, snap of a finger and it's a done deal.

I am so serious when I say that I believe Ketheric's main incentive was to extend Aylin's immortality to Isobel as well. You can read in her diary that she feels a taint after having came back, and there are things not even Selune can cleanse, but at this point, Ketheric doesn't care about Selune, vengeance is secondary if not tertiary, he's done that war during his Shar years and what did it give him? Literally nothing.

He doesn't even care about the fact that Isobel is still her cleric. He cares about the single most important fact: Isobel is back. Life is worth living again, there is something for him, and it was not Selune or Shar who gave it to him but Myrkul, and for this singular gift, he would raze the world for the Lord of Bones. Like people can clown on him for being disloyal but the man has the loyalty of a dog bonded to its owner.

He is powerful and is willing to go to insane lengths for crumbs. What is raising a single life for a god? Nothing. It has happened and it will happen again. But Ketheric will go to the ends of the earth to serve the single god who actually listened to him. The one god who didn't ignore him.

He knows that what he does is not the morally upright thing! He is so insanely self-aware that allying with Orin and Gortash and doing this entire plot with them only to then betray them is morally reprehensible at the best of times, he knows that people hate him, etc-etc. He was a Selunite at one point and he's not stupid. He just doesn't care; it could be literal Asmodeus and he wouldn't care as long as he got what he wanted, no matter the price.

He is probably the only one from the three of the chosen who has complete clarity over his situation, he almost sways (if you pass the check during his confrontation), he is not an inherently evil man blinded by power.

But he is inherently loyal to those deserving, and as of the story's standing, completely broken by his grief. In his eyes, at this point, the only one deserving loyalty is the one who actually listened to him. Isobel lives. It doesn't matter that she hates him, that his entire life has fallen apart, that literally nothing else that is good has come of it, because Isobel lives.

I don't think he regrets a single thing. His consciousness might tear at him at the end, but I believe he would do everything over again, exactly as he did, because in the end, his daughter was brought back. Because what would a grieving, broken parent give to bring back their child? Everything. Absolutely everything. And it's such a simply given answer, no second thoughts, no doubts.

Nobody can tell me that this man is fickle. Nobody. This man was willing to burn the world to the ground, create a Boudica destruction layer all by himself for the one single thing he wanted. For any God that would listen.

I don't know, I just have a lot of thoughts about his character.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #ketheric thorm #and I also have a lot of thoughts of how Aylin foils him #I fully believe that he was in the right in the capacity that he switched around his gods when he was literally ignored despite his life's #work. despite all that he has given. I think it's reasonable to expect in the world of gods who actively meddle in mortal affairs on their #whims and make shit worse that in just one single case they would. idk. NOT expect one of their devotees to remain blindly loyal to them #after their prayers go unanswered. like yes; go and try your luck elsewhere because this devotion of yours is clearly being taken for #granted. you get NOTHING out of your worship. you can't even sleep well because your loved ones are dead and you are expected to just what? #deal with it on your own? and remain loyal? why? #some sense of 'honour'? #I really like this depiction of faith actually. I really like when clerics and paladins are given agency and critical thought that hey! #this is actually giving me nothing despite me dedicating my entire life to it! and I have only one of it so why not take it somewhere where #it's actually valued. you know. as a treat. #I *personally* much more prefer this depiction of a crisis of faith than what we got with Shadowheart or Lae'zel; their stories are very #interesting on their own but I think throwing yourself from one end to the other not because you actually have a goal that it could serve #but because you are desperate for a purpose #is a slightly less potent character narrative than having an actual goal yourself. not by much but by a little. #again #PERSONALLY

[theminecraftbee]

okay now that i'm no longer trying to keep a project secret from certain people i can complain publicly about a thing i've been losing my mind about:

why the fuck is the evo wiki like that.

listen. i know. i know fandom wikis being decent entirely relies on whether there are people who both want to obsessively categorize things enough to fill out the wiki, with the free time to do that kind of obsessive categorization, and the desire to manage it all as a wiki. believe me, i know. but please i'm just trying to do research please, please at least bigb's page was just Entirely Empty so i knew i had useless information and just left. why the fuck did the mafia's page, by contrast, have this:

a sentence that is actively LESS USEFUL THAN IF IT WERE NOT THERE.

and then grian's page - GRIAN'S. GRIAN'S. THE ONE PAGE I THOUGHT MIGHT HAVE A SHOT OF BEING FILLED OUT. JOKE'S ON ME I GUESS.

BECAUSE IT HAS THIS????? I'M LOSING MY MIND. WHY ON EARTH IS THE WIKI LIKE THIS. WHY IS IT THIS BAD. PLEASE I'M JUST TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT EVERYONE'S RELATIONSHIPS WITH JIMMY AND MARTYN WERE PLEASE,

anyway thankfully i had friends who could help me with their own knowledge and who also found the evo recap but in conclusion i have been being driven mad by this for weeks, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#evo smp #wailing and screaming. why is it THIS BAD #and like i know. i know fandom wikis can be very abandoned. #it's not like the hc wiki is actually all that good either (especially for less-watched hermits) #but this feels like 'bad because abandoned and lots of blank pages' and more ACTIVELY TRYING TO UN-HELP ME #ITS MAKING ME CRAZY #anyway. ANYWAY. i can FINALLY do this rant publicly because this project had to stay secret until today but now it can be public #.......which is to say hi i'm writing an evo thing don't worry about it. #anyway. the only vaguely useful page was the watchers one and even that one didn't have much detail in the places i actually wanted it #this is a call to action for any evo fans who really like wikis i guess? mostly i just wanted to share these two screenshots #because like. look. me having trouble figuring out who salem was because her page is blank is one thing #getting a 'i can't bother' in the ACTUAL TEXT OF THE ARTICLE is another #once again: thank god my beta found the recap.

[pinkieroy]

My second (and last) post about this, but i'm really bothered by the people saying things like "he should have said something sooner" "he was doing it behind closed doors", activism should never be about how loud you are about it online, it's about trying to help people, it's about trying to do your best to stop what is happening, be it loudly or quietly, be it making big donations or doing your daily clicks, in the end what matters is the collective, so it doesn't matter that matt did his donations and called reps without disclosing it to the public it matters that he did it, period.

#it just goes to show how to some activism is more about performance than about the act itself #i will never post about this again i feel gross #this should have never become fandom discourse #people are being killed while trying to get food and we are discussing the cr cast instead #text

[gaybearwedding]

hi hi hello i have been gone forever due to various reasons such as “work” and “mental illness” and “having developed a kpop hyperfixation that has been occupying most of my attention recently” but i need everyone to know that i saw off book live twice last week (in philly with a friend and then in nyc with my girlfriend) and it was truly so everything. i didn’t get many pictures but i did get a few and none of them are very good but one of them is of jess’ amazing stool balancing act and that’s all i need really

#flow of the rings a volcano story i love you forever and ever #tryin’ the musical i love you also #also i asked a question during the talkback at the philly show :] #if it gets released as an episode and you hear someone named will asking about the hedgefrog logo that’s me <3 #i want to be active on here more i miss it #i’m thoroughly enjoying being a little unhinged about kpop with my friend bee (the one i saw the philly show with actually) #but it does make a little sad that i haven’t been as fixated on zach and jess lately #they are still everything to me though don’t get it twisted #it’s very much a Special Interest TM so i will probably have other z&j phases #but regardless i do enjoy this silly little corner of tumblr #and i love that pibe has like Actual Fan Content now it’s beautiful #and i AM going to finish and post my malpal fic i PROMISE i just. don’t know when 😭 #accidentally wrote an essay in the tags whoops #anyway i can’t promise i won’t disappear again but i’m gonna try to be more active #mine #off book #play it by ear #pibe #zach reino #jess mckenna

[coyotesinew]

I’m taking theriotype doodle requests!

If you’d like a doodle of your theriotype send in an ask letting me know your species and/or breed and I might doodle you! I’m going to be doing these as little warm ups whenever I feel like it so please don’t expect anything too extravagant or timely, thanks!

[closed for the moment!!]

#just thought this would be a fun little thing to do in my free time now that it’s summer for me #also been trying to get more involved in the community again bc I miss being more active and I thought this would be a good way to do so :P #therian #canine therian #otherkin #dog therian #therianthropy #nonhuman #coyote therian #wolf therian #therian community #therianthrope #otherkin community #nonhuman community #therian art

[toasteaa]

Eclair moodboard, but instead of pretty aesthetics, it's just photos I saw and went, "Yeah. That's her alright."

And a bonus:

#toast talks #oc tag: Eclair Dumont #sorry if youre already tired of her she is EXTREMELY active today and surprisingly with no angst #She's being ultra hehe at the moment. Neuvillette needs to go scruff her and put her in a box. #Put a leash on her so he knows whenever she's trying to run off and get into even more trouble. #Local detective seen being arrested by the Duke. The Chief Justice was seen exhausted and said 'not again'. More at 11. #Also yes the last picture was me the second I got to see him in game. I have been abnormal about him for far longer than that 😔

[kisaraslover]

if anyone has any problem making sense of the way i interpret Kaiba just remember this: Tea Gardner looks at him one day and has the dawning realization "hes like a lesbian of some kind" this should make all the pieces fall into place

#not art #tea gardner #anzu mazaki #seto kaiba #yugioh #ygo #i mean it. kisara existing or not. i mean ittttt #i look at him. i look at myself. i look at his barely contained animosity towards all men- immediate competition- rivals #and then his much more calm reception of women. and i go ''hes literally me'' #this is why im forever kaiba-mai valentine kaiba-ishizu friendship truther. tea doesnt make the cut but like. #if i write the series again id have to make him choose her for anything that isnt dueling. that spot is determinedly atem #but hes gotta sit next to someone from yugi gang for a flight? gardner. hes gotta share a cab? gardner. hes gotta save a yugi friend? #gardner. #not that they speak. not that hed want to spend time with her he doesnt have to. but to me hes like those dogs that hate men always #mai valentine would genuinely have his respect -she seems to have given battles of her own and came out a bit similar to him #hed actively enjoy her humor especially if joey is the butt of it. she would actively make an effort to get close too. birds of a feather #ishizu though. ohhh hed be so annoyed anytime shes like ''fate and gods and magic'' the way i am when straight girls bring up. #astrology. and tarot and whatnot. half disproving and trying to convince them. half listening to see where they take it #but 100% not taking it seriously for himself #but shes an accomplished woman who can be a deadly business woman and hed like that part of her. #again he can see himself reflected in powerful women and the sexist writing aside he just wouldnt be threatened by them #COUGH gozaburo COUGH. #sigh i just gotta make everything about that asshole dont i. #<- actual seto kaiba thought whenever he has an emotional awakening to his trauma once again being tied to gozaburo #DAMN im a good kinnie. yeeeesh

[spacedlexi]

it honestly frustrates me when i see people reduce the ericsons cast down to "just some teens in the woods" acting like theyre no different than any other group of lone teenagers from other existing properties and treating them like an overused trope

it is sooo important to acknowledge the "troubled youth" aspect of the whole equation. theyre not just some random teens in the woods clem stumbles across. these kids were abandoned by their families for their various "difficulties" and fucked up by The System before the outbreak even began. and then once zombies started roaming the streets their familes never came back for them and the adults that were in charge of taking care of them just left them there to rot in that old boarding school (except for ms martin who was like their lee 🥺 the only person who ever saw them as the scared traumatized kids they were and died protecting them)

the whole aspect of them already being fucked up by the adults that controlled their lives is like.....kind of important when discussing the whole "delta is stealing kids to force them to fight in a war they have no real part in and want nothing to do with" aspect of the season. and its important when comparing them to clem and her journey of also suffering at the hands of the adults around her forcing her to become self reliant. AND its important when discussing the "just trying to build a safe home (and future) worth fighting for in this world that wants them dead" aspect of the season as well

these kids were forced to come together to survive. and a Lot of them didnt... theyre the only family they have left and you can tell that even when they argue with each other theyre still a close knit group who looks out for each other. theyre a Real family before clem even gets there (and its why what really happened with the twins and brody and marlon hits them all so especially hard)

all of this is what REALLY makes ericsons such a perfect home for clem. its a Real community of her True peers. theyre not Just teens. they mightve had a layer of safety clem never had by at least having walls to keep them safe. and having the benefit of the school being hard to find. its the only reason theyre still alive when clem shows up. but theyre also some of the only people who can Truly understand where clem and aj are coming from. and its why it hurts so much when they vote to kick them out. but its also partially why she merges back into the fold so easily when she returns. plus the fact that shes Really the only one who has any idea what shes doing. shes their rock and she makes them feel safe because underneath it all theyre still just those scared traumatized kids ("EVERYONE is scared, clem..." vi was Definitely including herself in that 'everyone'), and on some level, so is clem

they saved clementines life. and she saved theirs. "the school was supposed to help them with their trauma, now they help each other" its about the LOVE the COMMUNITY the SUPPORT!!!! and thats the shit that makes good zombie media honestly 👌

#it speaks #twdg #there i go again writing another essay but i will Always defend the ericson cast theyre one of the strongest out of all 4 seasons #complaints ive seen about s4 typically include mentions of the teens as a trope being overused and im like.......did you even pay attention #the fact they were branded “troubled youth” and basically thrown away by everyone who was supposed to take care of them is SO IMPORTANT #these kids are Fucked Up but theyre Trying to make a kinder world #nobody talk to me i fucking love the ericson cast 😭😭😭 theres not a single one of them i dont like im serious #them using poor pilgrim of sorrow in ep3....ericsons is heaven to clem 😭 all the comments she can make about feeling safe there 😭😭 #clem being everyones rock but violet being clems rock back 🥺😭💕 waaaaahhh thats why it was over for me when vi stood up for them in ep 2 #vi having the courage to stand up to her group for aj........... yeah she had me in a vice grip after that. she fought for them so hard #and if it wasnt for her advocating so hard for them to stay they ALL would have been taken or killed #vi cared about clem so much she undoomed them all #and aj loved clem so much he undoomed her :') #s4 is just the perfect ending to clems story truly itll make me happy for the rest of my life im so happy for u clem 🥺 #tfw the media you like gets a good ending and the main characters are respected and it feels like it was made from a place of love #instead of being like...actively hostile to its fanbase and destroying its own characters for the Laughs #and when i say “good” i dont necessarily mean “happy” i just mean “competently written" #i wouldnt call it perfect but it survived both a cancellation AND the financial collapse of a major game studio. its perfect to Me #for what it is (and what it originally almost was with the clems house plot) we truly lucked out so fucking hard #truly a return to form of season 1 but with less despair and more hope which i appreciate :') #all the things ive liked over the years that were destroyed for me by bad or weird writing decisions... clutches onto twdg like a lifeboat #god i love s4 so much nothing has ever been More Specifically Written For Me Personally

[chubs-deuce]

sweating some small bullets bc a big rottmnt fan artist reblogged one of my more ambiguous rise apritello artworks and now it's getting mass-reblogged and I'm just sitting here waiting for someone to figure it out and be weird and rude about it

#not scared per se I just don't feel like dealing with a bullshit hate-wave when I'm not even active in that particular fandom rn skdjkjh #chubs rambles #if worst come to worst I'll just make more rise apritello art again out of spite lol #needless to say anyone trying to start shit gets blocked without further notice it is literally the most pointless discourse

[mrgaretcarter]

Honestly I think it would do us all well to go back to kinda cringy feminism again for a little bit idk cause I think maybe for some people the discourse somehow circled back around to supporting sexism just rebranded or whatever so its more aesthetic

#personal #instead of progressing the discourse into idk more inclusion of women of color and trans women #it went in the direction of like glorifying women being stupid and romanticizing beauty standarts #also weird centering of men all over again in feminism and in general for some reason #remember in the early 2010s when emma watson was like obliterated for that 'he for she' campaign #because it prioritized men in feminist discourse and then thats the exact direction where things went later on (and where it is currently) #people care more abt like 'haha this is my golden retriever bf he drinks respect women juice!' than about actual women speaking abt feminis #like being a feminist isnt about social change and women prioritizing each other its abt how dudes are hot when they do the bare minimum! #also have you noticed the rise in lesbophobia both in the sense of persecution of lesbians themselves #and of lesbians relationships and culture which other wlw are also part of (its giving lavender menace) #and also remember how we had the me too movement and then immediately after #everyone still fell for a smear campaing against a victim of domestic abuse? #anyway i would really love to get back to basics of like women should support each other! #and beauty standarts overwhelmingly negatively affect women and girls! #and we still need to incentivize girls to seek out intellectual pursuits especially in STEM and leadership roles! #because we continue to be underpresented in those fields and the only way to enact change is to bring our perspectives to those areas #instead of asking politely for guys to throw us a bone! #also stop acting like its cringe to openly and vocally center and prioritize women in every sphere of our lives possible! #and also maybe go back to actively trying to do that! and considering that a good thing!?? #because we're the ones who should have our backs most of all?? idk idk #also where are the teeth?? #why is everyone so afraid of being angry now??? #its like some people circled back to being afraid of being mistaken for man-hating or something #just for pointing out common sense aspects of oppression without adding an asterisk about how men suffer too! #i thought we all knew there is no such thing as reverse sexism!!! #idk!!! #and this isnt me condoning choice feminism many women are evil and actively work against their own interests #or antagonize other women to make themselves feel important such as terfs etc #but idk its like everyone internalized that 'well women can suck too' so hard that its become like #'*most* women suck and we dont even have to keep trying to empathize and prioritize each other and our issues anymore'

[aquilamage]

I haven’t been insane about Vi enough lately so time to pour out some random thoughts. free association thinking time:

been thinking about her “It's my savings. I wanna be rich, okay? So I can travel, eat well, buy cool stuff… So no one can say I can't do something!” And none of the following will really be insightful or revelatory because it’s just what she says here but. yeah! that’s vi! the main reason she’s so big on money is because she has to be to get what she wants out of life! it’s what lets her say no to people telling her what to do, and that’s important to her because she has no choice but to be independent and support herself. because no one else will. No one at the Hive had anything positive or supportive to say about her being an explorer until she went out and did it (to a ridiculously successful degree, too. I have to wonder if/how it might’ve differed if she was on a regular accomplishment level team. not the one leading them all to the mission to the Hive). she never had a choice not to be. I could also see that being a little part of why she starts out not really being a teamwork person. past experiences have taught her she can’t rely on anyone else for support. (does make me wonder about what if she’d met Chubee before leaving the Hive. obviously she still would’ve left, but how might even a bit of support have changed other things?)

I feel like we don’t talk about the fact that The Beemerang Is Also Knives enough

ok so at one point there was this post talking about people with money and how it affects their life like. if you can afford to get a nanny then you can only do the fun parts of childcare and when you stop feeling like taking care of the kid you can just hand them to someone else to take them away. and again likely not especially revelatory but I would guess that’s the kind of way queen bianca handled the bees as her daughters (she does care about them. absolutely. but not in the same hands-on attached way as we usually associate with parents) and thinking about how that kind of treatment would then apply to vi....hm

in universes where discussions of Gender and Pronouns etc happen I think she has moments where she gets frustrated with the everything of Being Referred To and Having Complicated Identity She Hasn’t Quite Figured Yet and is like. gender is cancelled how dare you refer to me. but especially anyone else calls me a girl ever i will be stabbing them

also I think a lot about what circumstances she finds out about gayness/Gender being things. and whether she’s thought about it in herself before and whether she’d been dismissed on it/told it wasn’t a thing etc. most circumstances she ends up angry about the finding out times because of (un)consicious internal conflict stuff

underground tavern stuff implies she was definitely doing quests and stuff for money with them precanon. would kill to know what specifically it was. but also the first talk with utter implies that she was doing stuff off that questboard as well which is even more intriguing. utter’s spy also implies you don’t have to be an explorer to do them but otherwise you would think you did I feel. so again very curious what was up there

#inspired by that girl blorbos post and also me trying to think about where in the game they drop facts and such about precanon stuff w her #the urge to try and fic about the stuff between her leaving the hive and showing up at the association....strong again #'the hive didn't do anything' my ass. vi might have also been a jerk but it's just that she was the more obvious #easily labeled incident version of it. she was active while her treatment was the subtle passive neglect type of bad treatment #complex situation and also. yeah #an aquila original #vi bug fables #bug fables #also featuring funky gender lesbian stuff because thats not even headcanon. to me #hopefully the reasoning out stuff doesn't just come out like a load of nonsense #vi's one of those characters where I definitely feel comfortable in writing her on a basic level but some parts I'm super insecure about #and the part with her is in really capturing the complexities of her backstory and family issues #and the thing is it's like. I have to remind myself that some parts of how canon did her on that are actually decent #and I should pay attention to those complexities. but then also canon definitely did some of their 'this hasn't really been earned' #resolution stuff on her. mostly thinking about the postcanon dialogue with Bianca. it's jsut too much of a jump for that for me #and it's not even that I necessarily think bianca's dialogue is out of character. it's that I'm contemplating whether it would've #made more sense for vi to get angry about it. like. #ok so. sometimes i think about what coming out to my family might be like. and I've come to the conclusion that if they were just accepting #despite the fact that it would be best case scenario I'd be angry about it. because they've said some shitty stuff in the past. in general #they've made me feel unsafe about myself. so no actually you don't get to just suddenly be chill about it now fuck you. #it doesn't change the past hurts #and I could see Vi being like that too. even if part of her is happy about getting what she wanted to start with she's pissed about #only getting it now. with a side helping of also wondering if the approval /now/ is only because she's been so successful about it #what if she hadn't been so specially favored by elizant? what if she hadn't been on the team that saved the world? why did she (maybe) have #to earn the approval she should've had from the start? #also not gonna get into this one right now but tweaking her story with jaune to acknowledge that theyre both at fault in different ways #(again). would be nice #but now I'm definitely veering into repeating myself type rambling territory so

[theflyingfeeling]

yes it's just me whining about the same thing for the billionth time, pls just scroll past nothing new to see here 👋

#i just want to enjoy the summer but i feel like i don't deserve to if i'm not constantly trying to become employed again 😭 #''apply for jobs then? problem solved'' uh-huh yes but!! i also hate applying for jobs #job seeking can be so incredibly humiliating #first i have to send them a letter BEGGING to be invited to an interview #and then i have to try and convince them that i am actually competent and good at my job even though you have my cv right there #and then afterwards they call me to tell me they found someone who they liked better than me #(or rather someone who was more competent than me judging by their work history etc.) #it's like ''yes we are hiring but not YOU specifically lol'' #like. at school if you take a test you get the grade you deserve based on how you did in the exam. #it's something you can actually directly affect yourself #but if someone who's applying for the same job with me has more work experience or whatever they will get hired over me no matter what i do #(at least that's how it usually works on my field) #in which case it doesn't matter if i do well in the interview or nah. bc the other person was always going to be picked for the job anyway #and yes one could say i can then be satisfied if i did my best but it's little consolation when i'm still unemployed!! #and so every time i apply for a job and get rejected it feels like a personal failure #and to avoid that feeling of failure i want to avoid applying for jobs altogether #so yeah. being active in job seeking is more likely to relieve me from this misery but job seeking is ALSO misery. so 🤷‍♀️ #that on top of the fact i don't even _want_ to apply for all the open positions on my field #but i feel obliged to because it's what i have a degree on. and when i'm unemployed i don't have the luxury to choose which ones i apply fo #i can't afford to be picky #I DON'T DREAM OF LABOUR I JUST NEED MONEY TO LIVE BUT I ALSO DON'T WANT TO DO JUST ANY JOB! I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THAT! #i don't want to come home crying from work every day because i hate every single aspect of my life INCLUDING my job 😭 #when this semester i actually HAD a job i didn't mind waking up to every morning 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #it's not fair it's not fair it's not fair #to conclude i don't deserve to enjoy myself in the summer because i'm not doing enough to fix my unemployement situation #(just like i don't deserve to feel sad about being lonely because i don't work hard enough to maintain deep friendships #but that's a crisis for another day! stay tuned ✌️)

[dullahandyke]

didnt even touch on the sandra lynn stuff int he tags of the last post bcos if i talk about her im liable to explode. get behind me, middle-aged divorced woman proficient in archery

#wasnt around for sy as it aired but ive seen the remnants of the liveblogging and its so foul #the genuine misogyny.... #saw someone claim gilear was a better parent than her and i had to turn off my computer #i know we all love gilear and hes been tbh redeemed by comedy where sandra lynn doesnt get that #but like. be serious. #that tonal shift in difference of how gilear and sandra lynn are received is wicked interesting to me #and like pre-emptive disclaimer this isnt Gilear Problematic I Want Discourse. im just thinkin thoughts here #the way fy episode 1 gilear actively left his wife n daughter and calls her a demon even if he doesnt mean it that way #but then fig/emily takes an interest in him and from there hes a radically different character whos just kind of. pathetic. #im hesitant to call it flanderization because initial gilear only got like 10 minutes of screentime before wet cat gilear took the stage #but like. in ep1 both faeth parents are shown as equally flawed and on an even narrative playing field #which is then upset as fig latches onto gilear as a comedic force and hes not as much 'dad with tense relationship to daughter he disowned' #as 'guy the pcs do bits with'. esp in fy he doesnt do much but let fig live in his apartment sometimes #(and if u rlly wanna analyse u could say something abt her basically taking care of him instead of the other way around) #this then rlly impacts sandra lynn! bcos now fig has One tense parental relationship to rest all her angst on #and where gilear gets bits. sandra lynn really doesnt get much spotlight until the prison sequence #and the lack of focus on sandra lynn Is lampshaded in-universe and i like the resolution #and then u get to sy where sandra lynn gets as much spotlight as gilear but she doesnt have his comedic shield #so instead she has the dramatic spotlight and both the story and the characters are weirdly obsessed w her sex life #and yeah i know im an aro autist maybe i take cheating a bit lightly. but its in the same category as the 'zelda is mad at gorgug' shit #shes made a spectacle but because shes not gilear and society has notions about sex she gets judged for it #like something abt gilear disowning fig getting dropped while sandra lynn is scrutinised so much rlly rubs me the wrong way #she is FLAWED that is what THE JAIL EP WAS ABOUT!!! #she is TRYING arguably more than GILEAR but she doesnt have the absolution of rule of funny to fall back on #i go insane. i go insane #post not mentioning jy bcos i havent seen it. once again middle-aged divorced women proficient in archery get behind me ill protect u