#i want to feel brilliance

[daggerpinknife]

i should like to start the next chapter forthright

#if people werent slags i'd talk like this all the time #i loved reading old books #but it does not aid me in concision #or perhaps it does #perhaps maximalist rhetoric is simply my existential preference #please slap my ass when i start saying perhaps #i deserve it ;3 #i love writing my little diary entries to future me #i wonder if i'll live to look back on them #well surely i'll spirit myself to my blog #surely i see myself now in another time i can remember this time #oh true! #still this melancholia dulls me #i want to feel brilliance #like the dawn #i wish to kiss a fawn #un jour...

[violent138]

While Clark doesn't like cars or use them much, he knows a lot about engines and mechanics from growing up on a farm and occasionally warns Bruce about technical problems he can see or hear in the Batmobile. They definitely bond over these shared interests as Clark is pretty knowledgeable about most things because he has an immediate grasp about how they work and are built. Bruce is fascinated enough to have the same grasp of things and problem-solves intuitively enough that it probably feels like they share the same way of perceiving the world.

#(so it's like they can both see things that way) #I feel like Clark's brilliance and technical know how is sorely underexplored #yeah he can break most devices in half but I also imagine he's got a pretty good grasp of electrical wiring or the make up of weapons #or tools #Bruce probably really loves that about him considering how obsessive he is and how much he'd want to talk about the things he builds #batmobile #batman #dc comics #superman #clark kent #superbat

[boyfridged]

the brilliance of jay's progression in countdown is that it gives you a promise of positive character development, and then it breaks it. and it does so intentionally, in the most diverting way, to emphasize jason's inability to escape the cycle.

or, another post breaking down the series, where i repeat myself a lot but also make a clearer argument.

there are three notable events that happen at the beginning: the subtle showcase of jay's internal conflict considering his approach toward killing (the very first encounter with duela and the monitor), jay reaching out to donna in crisis ("i guess I just wanted to be around someone else who might know how it feels…"), and finally – his helmet shattering. these scenes tell you: jason's direction as a character is changing, and it seems, for the better. he's about to abandon his trauma-based (no matter how ironic, it does remain tied to his trauma) identity, he is connecting with people, and he seems to be on a brink of understanding that his moral standing does not provide easy answers or solutions either.

and for the most part of the series, we see that narrative unfolding (even if a bit non-linear, still innocently convincing way). it is, in many ways, supported by bringing up features of his characterisation from the 80s. jason remains, of course, still unpleasant in ways typical for this era of writing, and is conflicted and disagreeable, which makes sense for his utrh/post-utrh personality. however, there are also details that bring us back to his original robin run and his cameos on ntt – we see him being responsible (e.g. #43 – suggesting to bring in other superheroes in crisis, even though he clearly is not keen on the idea of working with them), determined (#16: “isn’t that your super-power, stupid boy? too stupid to ever give up?” “maybe it is”), sensitive (half of the whole storyline, really), caring for gotham (gotham by gaslight) and people-oriented (as early as #51).

the issue that particularly signals that jason is an inherently good person and externalizes his internal conflicts regarding classic heroic vigilantism vs his cynical approach is #30, where we meet batman of earth-15 –  alt jason, whom our jason attempts to punch in the face.

and on topic of batman – jason is always gravitating towards batman. in gotham by gaslight jay looks delighted to see (the foreign) bruce and suggests checking with the local bat. then, earth-51 arc arrives.

earth-51 arc (#16 - #13) is a culmination of a promise of catharsis for jason. we have already seen him as batman, as a confirmation that a different life for him is possible. and here he has a chance to come to terms with his past and overcome it. he meets a version of bruce who has done exactly what he wanted him to do in utrh: killed the joker and the rest of the rogue gallery. what is most important – he is disappointed with this version of his father. we realise that jason, deep down, has an intimate and intuitive understanding of what batman stands for; and that he shares most of his values. this is a truth that you can't ignore especially since jay is the one to inspire this hollow, cynical version of batman to go out and fight in a seemingly lost battle.

and then batman dies. right in front of him.

this is a central moment of the narrative, for many reasons, most strikingly:

the symmetry:, a premise known from the lost days, becomes literal. this "the father had lost a son, and now the son had lost the father" is a cruel parallel to a death in the family and bruce's grief. jason's death created a gap between them that jay has been desperately trying to close, with no avail – because in bruce's mind, jason remains dead. now that jason is grieving bruce, the connection closes on both sides, and there's no way for either of them to reconcile the mourning with the reality of the other being truly alive. in this sense, the arc solidifies that jason can never come home.

no good deed goes unpunished. as i have mentioned before, so far jason is established as someone good at heart, but confused; and the reader intuitively assumes that his better, honest side will win. yet, the moment jason gives in to hope, it victimises and retraumatizes him. this event, again, brings to mind his own death, when he tried his best to save sheila and ended up paying the highest price for it. so, narrative-wise, jason is always punished for his kindness.

perhaps because of the nonchalant act that jason pulls off, many readers seem to miss that everything that happens after that arc is an upshot that follows logically from it.

jason's immediate determination to leave – and later a short period of indecision that ends up with his dramatic exit, pushing his team away, makes perfect sense when you consider what intense trauma he has just gone through. admittedly, i'm not a fan of the notion that he would give up at all (i think he's always ready to give up on himself, but not on the world), but then on the other hand, if there's anything that would cause it, narrative-wise, witnessing batman dying does sound like a good incentive for that. (it also has to be pointed out that jason seems to be confident that the rest of the team can go into the final battle without him anyway; it's not like he would go back to his earth not even knowing if said earth will exist tomorrow).

it's crucial to notice that following that crisis of faith (faith in fighting for the world) is followed by him raising up for the challenge again, but now... worse and even more confused. in the final confrontation with donna, jason antagonizes the superhero community, and when we see him at the end of the series (#1) his monologue indicates that he believes the capes to be naive. (significantly, he also focuses on bruce and offends the memory of 51 earth-bruce by calling him crazy; an action that can be seen as suppression of his own guilt and invoking, once again, a cruel symmetry considering bruce's engagement in victim-blaming after jason's death). this, once again, is consistent with the "no good deed" reading – jason diminishes superhero values because he has been continuously punished for living by them. (and unlike other superheroes, he doesn't have a support system nor skills in compartmentalization that would help him deal with this trauma) every leap of hope re-traumatised him. hence, it seems to be no surprise that jason decides to abandon the mask, and in the closing scene we see him without it. the promise of the shattered helmet is pushed to an extreme – jason does not get a new alt identity. he denounces the idea of superheroism completely.

and yet, what is ultimately subversive about the ending, is that jay is not truly a civilian and he does not abandon vigilante ways. he does the same thing. we see him without a mask, but he is clearly working a case. he might have rejected the symbolic dimension of the vigilante work, but he still carries the same delusional hope for bettering the world and protecting people that the superhero community does. only now, he is even more isolated and doesn't have any identity to go by (as he is still legally dead).

as such, the ending opens a new question regarding jason's understanding of himself and vigilantism, or rather the lack thereof. is it possible that vigilantism is really at the core of jay's trauma? and why, potentially, is it something that is so destructive for him as a character specifically? (and i have some answers for that, but i'm not going to get into it here, as it's already a very long post)

so, tldr; the genius of countdown is that it establishes jay as sensitive, determined, and fundamentally good (this is what the purpose of seeing him as batman is!), and then it brutally reminds the reader that jason’s tragedy is that on this specific earth, in this specific timeline, his love doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. the story goes on as it did; one way or another, jay is trapped in the cycle of his care ironically creating rifts between him and the others, and bringing him to his own downfall.

#okay i know i said a lot of it already but it's been some time since i finished the reread and i feel like my take on it has shifted a bit #and i wanted to emphasise the 'no good deed' interpretation!! #also it's just that i've seen a lot of people saying that countdown ends with jason being a civilian. #while i think the whole genius of it is that he is not really a civilian?? #have you seen civilians doing whatever the hell he is doing in the final scene? #this is arguably the element of the narrative that is by most readers missed – and i understand why #it's easy to get confused when navigating an event that spans across pretty much all of dc #fortunately for you i have worms for brain. and i have hyperanalysed it #i'm not saying overanalysed btw because i genuinely believe that this is not a case of accidental narrative brilliance #this is a pretty clear and straightforward progression once you dissect it from the rest of the series #and there are a lot of details that further cement my belief that it had to be intentional #i mean. even the recognition that donna and jason know each other is already... a lot for dc writers? #the fatal flaw #51 #no good deed #jay.zip #jay.txt #jason todd #core texts

[roobylavender]

honestly really truly hate the way the bear fandom talks about claire as if she isn’t a person who deserves to have her full personhood recognized and loved rather than be used as a fantasy and crutch for carmy to try to make his way through his trauma and that he subsequently discards at the drop of a hat when he thinks everything goes to shit. you don’t have to like carmy and claire as a couple and it’s clear they’re not meant to be bc carmy’s childhood torment convinced him to believe she could be his way out. but carmy still treated her like shit and to perceive her like she’s a threat to the restaurant or to sydney when carmy is the one who dragged her into his world and imposed her on everyone is insane. claire never asked for anything. she never asked to be used this way and if carmy cast all responsibilities aside that’s bc of his own decisions and inability to dedicate himself where it matters bc he’s busy trying to sort through his trauma first and using other people to do it

#the more i am exposed to the way this fandom treats the women in carmy’s vicinity the more angry it makes me #viewers ironically fail to realize they are treating claire exactly the way carmy is treating her #and then on the flip side they expect sydney to want to be with carmy bc he has brief moments of brilliance #even though when push comes to shove he will lash out at her #i feel bad for carmy i really do but the way he’s infantilized by people is so weird and it’s hard not to put me off of him bc of it #to be deleted

[oceanmonsters]

okay taskmaster fans rb and tag your dream taskmaster line up of past contestants, I’ll start. mine is lolly adefope, james acaster, mawaan rizwan, and sophie duker, and I’m not sure who my 5th would be yet

#I feel like all of them brought the most chaotic brilliance yk #I considered phil wang or joe lycett as my 5th but I kinda want them to be from 5 different seasons #maybe Munya but I have to see this whole season first #also I kind of want 3 women #taskmaster

[itspileofgoodthings]

also (just been thinking) I love the 95 mini-series so much for deeply personal reasons and I use it as a teaching tool with my students (it works brilliantly) and it works as a faithful adaptation and also a coherent story that stands on its own making good use of character development and plot to produce the right emotions but I’m also not interested in a face-off between it and the ‘05 version in that I’m not going to die on the hill of “everyone must be watching this adaptation only” because it really is about the book.

#this is in part due to cate’s thoughts on P&P adaptations that I’ve observed and absorbed over the years #what version is going to have that final Lizzy/Darcy convo? Or be able to match the brilliance of the narrative shifts in perspective #it’s only the novel #though on that note I do really want to watch the 1980’s P&P #maybe I liveblog that next #I guess my point is: I’m a ‘95 adaptation fan. A huge fan. And I love it a lot and I’m so grateful it exists #the stuff that it’s gotten me and my sisters through #and I have this new relation to it with my teaching that’s really precious #because it’s so fun to watch my students be absorbed in spite of themselves and in spite of their tastes #And I do think that they specifically do need the visual aid to appreciate the novel #but I’m also in a way not a ‘95 defender. I love all that is good about it but true Austen fans may want more #or may not always be moved and it’s just fair. it’s fair! you know? #anyway I feel this more as I’ve grown up

[mewtwo24]

You know reading vol 5 of mdzs before all the rest (don't ask me why I'm a clown and there were Circumstances) has to be the craziest experience of my life. Because it took all of ten minutes of wwx talking to literally hit me so hard in the gut I had to sit down and listen to really loud music for a while to calm down.

Who needs therapy when mxtx is alive and writing, I guess????? 🤡

Can't wait to get to the actual tragic parts I just know I'm gonna be that "help" frog phone meme

#mdzs #i was really out here thinking svsss would be my fave bc of lbh #and then i finally get around to reading mdzs and it blows my expectations out of the fucking water holy actual shit #and i just had this feeling the first time i read parts of it like 'oh. this series is going to kill me. im not coming back from this.' #and here i am booboo the fool getting my clown ass make-up on #idk how to explain it like i just fucking LOVE mxtx's takes on arrogance #that wwx is constantly being perceived as a show off and an incorrigible flirt and a know it all #how wwx cant always help the ways he acts out the desperation that has embedded itself into his very bones #how wwx only ever wanted to do the right thing and that having been so much of his downfall #how his worth and talent would always be eclipsed by virtue of his circumstances #how he's above needing recognition at his core but at the same time longs for an ounce of good will and positive recognition -> #how human he is despite his brilliance. how he never gets it no matter how hard he tries to be worthy. #like to me wwx is emblematic of what it means to be poor/an immigrant in high places #always villified always alien always wrong always unwelcome #no matter how clever or capable or kind youll always be an eyesore because you don't 'act right'. not 'one of them.' you never will be. #i just...the way he just wanted it all to be over by the end. the way he didnt even want to come back to life. that he was sick of it all. #im rattling the bars of my cage i love him I LOVE HIM i love him #i understand you lan wangji (and i love lwj too) #and even lan wangji too like. the way so many of their issues in the beginning stems from that self-same problem #how lwj couldn't live with his out of control feelings how he too couldn't quite lay down his pride #how lwj was also trapped by the expectations of his clan in his own way how so much of their separation was a form of penance #that the calamity of wwx's loss forced him to reconsider everything he thought he knew about himself and his life #how he was left with nothing but regret. how when wwx returns--lwj refuses to leave anything to chance this time #he refuses to let wwx be alone anymore--refuses to let him hurt himself for the sake of others refuses to just let it all happen #even if it means overstepping a boundary or propriety it doesn't matter--as long as wwx stays with him. pride be damned #god i just can't i just can't do it im biting im ripping things apart GOD #will also say the jokes about lwj being like. 'strict moral compass or BUST.' and then wwx literally committing like 17 felonies in the bg #while lwj is like 'crimes? what crimes. nothing to see here.' NEVER stops being funny. like i was pissing myself laughing #i know its a known trope but by god are they hilarious about it #also. lan qiren how many times do your nephews have to go catatonic for you to stop with the catholic guilt and repression

[whatsagirltoblogabout]

Tonight I got to see a touring production of Hadestown and it was SO GOOD!!! I love watching live theatre so much :D

#tonight was one of those moments in life where you’re just overflowing with happiness and want to capture the way it feels forever #like gods hearing those notes LIVE was incredible #and the lighting design??? holy guacamole the lighting design in this show goes HARD #obviously the story just hits you right in the heart #it’s a well-known tragedy and yet you’re still sad when it doesn’t work out in the end #absolute brilliance #and of course the white collar brain rot never leaves #so as soon as I left the theatre I was frantically looking up song lyrics and typing ideas into my notes app LOL #girlblogging

[il-predestinato]

I'm not your mutual but I would like to hear your thoughts 😬

Just don't put on his tag so people won't see it.

I'm disappointed in his performance on the sprint shoot out as well, but in the sprint was there much more to do?

#was there more to do? judging by his (lack of) pace i would say so #but it’s not just about the sprint #it’s an overall lack of consistency this season - including in quali #i’m proud of the progress he made in mixed conditions yesterday but today’s pace was worrying #last year i always harped and harped on how consistent charles was all season #he made like…2 significant mistakes all season (imola and france) #pretty much on par with max last year in terms of lack of mistakes #this year is just irritating to see these unforced errors #and i REALLY want to make excuses for him because some of it is LEGIT #ferrari is definitely a clown team with clown strategy and a clown car this year #his teammate is genuinely a dreadful POS and blatant saboteur at this point #so i get it - he’s surrounded by useles assholes and i’m sure that’s draining and not fighting for the win feels pointless to charles #I GET IT #but i’m sorry #i just have so much belief in him that i feel so strongly in my BONES that he’s capable of so much better than this and SHOULD BE better #and then he shows such moments of brilliance as well #all of baku #getting poles in the 4th fastest car #being STILL the only non-RB to finish ahead of max on track this year #so i can’t help but scream YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS I KNOW YOU ARE

[rosegardenpink]

a drow adopting a gith kid is something that can be so personal actually

#naviidi backstory infodump for context: #naviidi was born to a noble house in menzoberranzan and was the firstborn child of his mother #who was/is his house's matron mother #and when he was born his mother was pissed that her firstborn was male and was going to have him sacrificed to lolth instead of raising him #but his father/her favoured consort begged her to let naviidi live and swore that she wouldn't have to do anything for the baby but feed hi #and she eventually relented and let naviidi live on the condition that he couldn't keep any other sons they had #and that as soon as her body had recovered they would try for a daughter #so naviidi's oldest sister is close enough in age to him to be “irish twins” #and his oldest sister and mother both despised him for being born first and a male #but he was always his father's favourite and his father made sure he knew how much he loved him #when the party ran into the woman from the society of brilliance he was staunchly against kidnapping an egg for it to be raised #by members of another race #but he and lae'zel went poking around the hatchery out of curiosity #and when he spoke to the varsh he could feel the same desperation his own father had when he was born #and it moved him enough to persuade the varsh to let him take the egg to save it and find a new creche for it to hatch in #i'm not sure what i want to happen with him and the egg post-game #but he's still pissed at the society for trying to kidnap the egg to use to push (what he sees as) their own propaganda #so he doesn't give it to them #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 screenies #drow tav #bg3 oc #bg3 tav #crèche y'llek #naviidi tag #jonathan rambles

[beeapocalypse]

that one image that is like ‘autism levels: catastrophic’. that has been the entirety of today

edit if any of you look at the original post. stop touching it stop reblogging it the body is not substantial enough to warrant a contextless reblog i didnt even include the fucking image itself. i do not understand how a post like this is enough for someone to go "yeah. this thing from a person i do not know needs to go on my blog". i get this is the internet and that my blog is a public space but i still do not enjoy this shit. go away

#goodnight goodnight now. tomorrow i will wake up and think more about dd <3 #feel like the refracted affliction is SEVERELY underutilized both ingame and in narrative. it is so so interesting the relationship the-- #--color of madness dlc has with stealth when initially the focus seems to be on space+time. the heaviest focus of stealth is the farmlands- #--(a corruption caused by the presence of an entity known as the Sleeper) and the shieldbreakers nightmares and idk what that-- #--Means but i will be thinking abt it more tomorrow. a lot of refracted barks speak of entities which others cannot-- #--see (a la the whole bloodborne deal of the bizarre existing right there with people that they just cannot see) and the shifting-- #--brilliance of The Colors and ash (?) which is like. has their root in space been Shifted in some sort of way ? one foot in the reality-- #--humanity exists in one foot in the level of intangible eldritch denizens? the sort which lack actual corporeal vessels and-- #--just kind of lurk around ?? the ancestor focused on pigs for so long Because he wanted to pull in an eldritch beast to a physical body-- #--like do they (beyond the most powerful like the heart and the sleeper) not have bodies which can exist in human reality ? idk #<-- NONE of that makes sense. i have admittedly not thought a lot abt the farmstead stuff beyond the fun possibilities of time+space-- #--getting all mushed around so it is just a lot of questions that i have to actually mull over to have better answers for lol

[squidcandy]

hii squid i keep thinking abt keito with this specific translation of juri revgirlutenas first duel song https://youtu.be/jdsMC6ilA2w

Honestly it makes me think of Eichi more. Probably cause of the heavy Christian imagery but also because keito is actually a lot less 'life and existence is futile'. That's a more eichi thing.

Keito is someone who views death as a natural part of his life, not as something to be evaded, denied or looked down upon. Therefore he resolves to give his all to make every moment of his own life matter, which ties in with his complex about irrelevancy and the emphasis he places on memories and preservation of memories (you could even tie it to his preference for historical and cultural Japanese things over more modern western stuff).

Rei describes him as someone who has a certain 'passion for living' that he never could have, and Eichi admits to feeling like he's been feeding off of his passion as well.

Of course, that passion is bordering on desperation if you view it from a place of concern. He's actually a less pessimistic character than people make him out to be! Why else would he keep being his stubborn self!

#squid speaks #soumautism #keeping the kurokei in the tags cuz its embarassing but keito being as passionate as he is #is also a huuuuge reason why kuro followed him in the first place #kuro didnt feel like he had much of a reason to stay around and tried to punish himself #much like eichi and rei #he initially also gravitated to keito to sort of... touch that brilliance #i love keito ok have i mentioned i love him #i love swinging him around like a wet sock but i also #i adore his strengths just as much #wanting to live as strongly as he does is a strength #ITS COOL!!!

[drowning-in-neon]

the endless monotony of job hunting for something that works with my schedule, or is better than my current job, is a neverending slog and i worry that this is all the rest of my miserable existence will be - drifting from one job to the next when my patience is maxxed out and never finding the Bright Future i've been searching for

#vent posts #kinda #about me #idk i'm just feeling hopeless rn i guess #i'm so far behind where everybody in society says i should be #all the stupid jokes about the 'neckbeard living with his mom still harhar' hit harder every year that passes lmfao #i just. want to be a good person and want other people to prosper and thrive #but every year that passes where i'm still living at home without any real social group besides my mom and coworkers; with a job that #inevitably burns me out.... it's like. is this all i'll ever be? the only state of being i'll ever exist in? #my brother is younger than me but he's got more money than he needs and refuses to help anyone ever; treats our mom like crap; thinks #idiots like Andr3w T4te are brilliance incarnate....dont get me started on billionaires #is the only way to live a stable life in this world to be a horrible person? do i need to become a disgusting heartless sociopath just to #get by? i don't want that. but it's the only common denominator i've seen so far and just. idk. idk.

[wisheswagered]

EVELYN!?!?!? I LOVE HER?????????? WAIT HANG ON I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

#ooc #listen she's not the type of character i was hoping for but also i kind of adore her?? already????? #''theatrical brilliance'' in her description HAVE I NOT WANTED A THEATRE-BASED GIRL IN IDV FOR SO LONG #aaaaaaaa and she looks so good...... PLEASE have a good backstory i feel like she could be the one!!! #also richard........................ i'm looking at you too sir. eyes. #ANYWY SOMEONE SCREAM WITH ME ABOUT THE NEWS!! I'M SO :D

[redwayfarers]

forever thinking abt the fact that nika's speaking voice betrays how young he really is (24-25 in arr) and how his attitude is that of a 80yo dude who's spent a lifetime hating everything around him and that makes me YELL

#nero plays ffxiv #nika perseis #there is a certain boyishness in his voice i feel like. he is an adult for sure but maybe the way he speaks. the words he uses. his accent. #bits and pieces of everywhere he's lived. idk what it is but something about the way he sounds feels so terribly young to me #too young to be as unhappy as he is. too young to have seen all the horrors he's had to live through even pre-arr. #did his brilliance fucking destroy his youth. has hydaelyn purposefully chosen a champion so brilliant he can't be anything else. #and i don't think he's made the active choice to do so - he was pushed there by the scions by hydaelyn by minfilia herself #and to think all he wanted to do be when he grew up was a bard. all he wanted was to play music and be a performer. #at this point he needs to find a balance between both because he's too far gone to stop now #like. nika hates being the wol so much it's heartbreaking

[ruescott]

can feel my star wars divorce slowly but surely beginning. I can’t do this anymore besties

#rebels will always have a place in my heart and i will still watch andor s2 lol but #yesterday's mando ep broke something in me a switch has been flipped #and after the '??? lmao' wore off I realized I'm not having fun here anymore #and like. life is fleeting and beautiful and surely there are more worthwhile things I can spend my time on #things that are real you know? art with soul etc etc #things that will give me what corporate art can't give me! #like I do feel like I am just disappointed by star wars over and over but for some reason I feel like I have to grin and bear it #star wars will be difficult because there are always these flashes of brilliance even in the worst things #like this season of mando bo-katan's crisis of faith in reverse is so interesting to me #or last season. the believer. lots of good stuff in that ep but importantly also a promise of even better stuff #and then the follow-through is just. almost never there #i'm in this cycle of seeing something promising and feeling like I have to stick around to see the thing that will Finally Be Good #but that thing isn't coming!! #in part because it cannot be with corporate art!! because corporate art is about profit above all else!! #and I don't have to stay! real winners quit babey!! I can just leave!!!!! #writing an essay in the tags was really cathartic actually. if you read all of this. hello and thank you <3 #beloved followers I'm sure the divorce will be gradual but if you want to unfollow I will never ever take that personally #char posts #sw #<- don't really want this in the main tags but for my own blog organization