#i think i will make it in time!

[nya-vivi]

in the end im replying to the oc ask in. another ask lol because 1. replying in comments is a pain 2. tumblr dms don't have the option to reply to a particular message and an ask will probably look more organized and better for you to read/reply because i got carried away and it's LONG (also i feel like we're gonna ping pong those long ass answers back and forth nehdhdhs not that i complain) but anyway,,

okokok im finally making a proper reply.

and im connecting in academical pain 🤝

about fandoms i'm interested in, my main ones at the moment are orv and honkai and afaik you're in neither so genshin is a perfect choice BUT im also kinda interested in the non fandom ones 👀 so if you'd like to talk about these ones too im all ears

for Lore:

ok so i had to point this out:

i suppose lore's lore really needs to be as correct as possible jdhdhd (i already love her name it's perfect for a travelersona 11/10)

anyway. so the whole idea is that what if there was another pair of siblings from which one was lost and another searching for them, yes? that's actually really cool, common goal, common adventure, like a better travel companion (sorry paimon). also aether mains unite and pretty boys so true

she honestly sounds like such a fun and positive person, i mean,, running around the teyvat, swinging the claymore back and forth, climbing to random places only to suddenly jump from them giving a heart attack the companions who only a second later notice that shes already gliding and laughing. like a chaotic moving source of serotonin a rey of sunshine etc etc, i think she would get along with amber!

OMG GOLD LORE TIED TO HER i love you for that this is literally my favorite piece of genshin lore. artifical heart is an interesting one i don't think ive seen this one that often actually, so more lifespan in exchange for altered body hmm does it affect her daily life in a way? or does it work the exact same way like a regular one but only works for a longer time?

omg omg so. lore and aether traveling together and at the same time lumi and lorena's sis ended up in the same place AND together together? now that's an interesting coincidence i wonder what lore and aether's reaction would be to finding out

the recent quest. did give us a lot of info about khaenri'ah indeed jdhdhd but that's good! you have now more insight into it

for Qinxi:

ok so this one thing is making me curious, how difficult was it to get a name for her? you listed the symbols that are part of it and was it that you first thought about words/meanings you want to include and then constructed a name, or firstly came up with a name and the symbols alongside it?

oOOoooooOo make up maker, i know absolutely nothing about make up HOWEVER it doesn't stop me from thinking that it's cool! and expensive one? so she's probably on her way to start a very lucrative business

it's nice she managed to combine the two without giving up on one another (if she had to then i hope she'd decide to follow the artist dream) and getting the best outcome. so: effective work ✔️ doing something she likes ✔️ man i wish that was me

omg so even the tianquan of the liyue qixing orders her products? damnnn so she's basically set for life jdhdhd im really curious how you're going to develop her further!!

for Vivi:

she's named like you!! i guess the reason is being self insert right? FAVONIUS LIBRARIAN OMG shes living the best life fr

owow the story has angsty parts im now really curious jdjdjd also a self insert not being involved in the plot has a vibe like when a player does everything in the game - all side quests missions etc EXCEPT the main story (like my friend tends to lol) ndhdhd. also #2: reincarnated villainess in a way she was one but died and now is just a girl or she reincarnated into a villainess character or something? because i read one (technically two if we count a guy version or three if we also count an anime) comic about the latter and that's what my brain associates with that trope jdhdh

geo catalyst so like ningguang, that's really cool of her

jshdhdhs you're also studying languages, right? im starting to see the self insert-ness.

oOOoO irminsul thingies, i must admit i really like the magic time/memory tree stuff in all hoyo games. also ok so this kinda answers my previous question, she was a villainess in a past life but now she's someone else yes? AND got enlightened about all the stuff from previous life when she touched the tree?

ah damn you student debt, but graduating also has its merits so ig it's not the worst scenario's especially that she managed to transfer to mond (truly ms worldwide, from fontaine to sumeru to mond)

honestly being afraid of celestia doesn't surprise me the slightest, everything regarding it is sus as hell. also getting a vision despite not wanting it is in a way suffering from success, she could bond with keqing over that ndhdhd

and mannn, living under celestia's watch sure must be stressful, especially considering all the irminsul and past life things. springvale in this situation you described made me think about the shire from middle-earth jshdhd a peaceful piece of land in a huge fantasy word and its schemes and secrets

please tell me when you come up with next events of her story because this does indeed sound intriguing! i wonder if nahida knows about vivi's past, now that you mentioned her

also #number idk which, we'll be getting fontaine soon, will you be adding more details to vivi's backstory now that we'll have more insight to how exactly life there looks like? or will you just focus on her in the current place and time meaning sumeru - > mond with celestia kiiinda involved?

and ok that's all thank you so much for sharing these with me!! you weren't bothering me at all i asked about that myself after all and to be fair im actually pretty interested in the creation process, because when i have an oc it's really chaotic and random but yours seem so well thought!

also, you know what. reading about your ocs and especially vivi since she's like your own special genshinsona made me think about what would mine be and. now im flooded with thoughts but. here it's not a place for that ksjdjd

also also, if you dont mind could i make a doodle of one of them for you maybe 👉👈 they seem cool and recently i got a sudden boost of motivation and have been practicing digital art so. yeah

Len my beloved I was smiling kicking and giggling silly at the ask fr ♡♡♡

Thank you for the sweet words! I'm not used to sharing original characters, since they tend to be personal and, well, I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea hearing about a random OC that doesn't have even a proper story yet hahah (not me tho, I'm not sane when ocs are involved,,, I love how creative everyone gets about them ♡) so it really made my day!!

I will be answering your questions (and some corrections because I did not express myself correctly ajbsiask English my beloathed) below the read more as last time, not to clog the dash ♡

Uhm, spoilers from Caribert & Act IV of Sumeru's archon quest??

So! Part by part:

About my other non-fandom ocs » so I once (a lot of years ago) made a story (a teeny beety dark) about a girl who could see ghosts and supernatural creatures and she could see her dead friend. In the end I made her friend, Anna, pass away, and I don't like killing my ocs ngl.

So I revived Anna and made her part of a blog idea I had, which was kinda restaurant-like thematic, so there would be a few ocs who worked as servers and the owner was a cat... That was before I found I was not meant to get into the spotlight LOL, but I still keep her in my head as part of the staff and occasionally play with her HAHA I quite like her, she's nice and I learned better of plot devices (so I try to kill my darlings the least I can).

About Lore, the idea at first was that both Lore and her sis were from another city but ended up in Khaenri'ah for one thing or another. Since Lore was the eldest of the two, she was the one to 'get to work' for both of them, but she was sick with a rare heart problem and it was difficult to work.

That's when Gold enters and makes the deal with Lore: Gold gets to experiment on her about artificial hearts (since it is before Albedo and, in my own supposition, she was perfectioning the art of artificial life) and she gets a good heart and money for her and her sister. In the end, the heart is perfectioned just before whatever happened in Khaenri'ah and Lore is sealed away to avoid her heart to be damaged.

That's when the timeline in my own story gets fuzzy, but roughly her sis ends up meeting Lumine and since she's alone (for Lore is asleep and secure), she leaves with Lumine and Dain.

The thing is, that in the Caribert quest they said everyone residing in Khaenri'ah that wasn't part of the nobles ended up turned into hilichurls, so I had to discard that idea </3

Most of the story is adaptable, but I have to get the most important thing very well thought before anything (I kinda need a bit more lore, ah the irony).

Her heart works like a motor: it works like a normal heart but it doesn't beat. It can stop if it is not properly maintained (and after 500 years, it needs revision) so as she's going to look for her sis, she's also looking for Gold (and Albedo) so they can revise her.

In an AU ending, Aether and Lore end up as in-laws LMAO they are friends but the surprise is there.

About Qinxi, the name was hard, because I don't know Chinese Hanzi (the logograms), but I usually use one website where you can see Hanzi combinations for actual names (I cannot quite find the website rn, but I will send it to you if you are interested) and found first the Qin logogram and then the Xi logogram with other combinations. Then, I copied the two and pasted them in yabla and liked how they sounded together. The name was primarily phonetic, then the meaning went along well and left it at that.

My main inspiration for her is the Song Dynasty, specially the make up (you can find there pretty designs of huadian) and also they seem to have pants? Pretty cool imho. But make up making is difficult to find ajdgajdja so I'm still searching for that 👀 (Edit 1: I did in fact find a bit on how chinese people used to do make up, so I have that more covered than before).

About Vivi, okay this is a bit difficult to explain: what I meant with the 'villainess' part was that Vivienne existed as a person before my self-insert inhibited her body.

Basically she died and was transmigrated to a body whose soul died at the same time (that's the mechanic, but it will not be explained tbh). So Vivienne (original) became Vivi. She is not a villainess nor was the previous host a villainess but that is what I informally call a 'villainess reincarnation' lol she still has her memories but they are fuzzy.

I'm thinking of making her transmigrate when Vivienne (og) was already into the Akademiya, simply because I'm not masochistic enough to go through college again HAHAH

I thought about making her catalyst because I detest combat aksboad but at some point I thought about making her ability/ultimate another weapon (since it has been increasing with more charas) but I'm debating, because it was when originally I thought of making her go through adolescence again. As I didn't like the idea of that, I think I might just scratch that out.

The geo part was because I got both geo/dendro elements/characteristics, but I really don't want to go through the academic system again (and honestly, I would be both curious but terribly afraid of finding something I weren't supposed to so a big nono) kavdoadb

To go through the last part of your ask: I didn't remember Celestia has in fact not appeared in 500 years, but because she ends up in the same timeline as the Traveler, she's still afraid xd I was thinking of making her a descendant, as she isn't quite of this world, and her information doesn't really appear in the Irminsul until she actually gets into the body (and thinking over a 'corrupted file' in the Irminsul 👀🤭), so Nahida knows something is up with her but Vivi really doesn't want to say anything important enough to change the plot, so in the end they get into a deal.

We will have to see what is cooking in Fontaine, but I already have a bit of a subplot (Vivi is going to become a wanted woman at some point HAHAH) the only thing left is to see if it isn't discordant with the world quest 👀 I also plan to include some info about her family! She has a brother and a father in-game, so both of them will appear, as she has a good relationship with them.

My goal is make her life difficult but not a disaster jagskadh my poor baby.

I would be SUPER excited if you decide to make art of Vivi 🤭🤭🤭 I have Vivi's info in my pinned post, but I have changed her design a bit 🤡 let me present the bust of her that I changed:

I changed a bit her hair and made her skin complexion darker, because the idea is that her mother was from Sumeru and her body got all the melatonin and I didn't quite knew what ✨color theory✨ was at the time because her base skin color is way lighter than it seems aksbaoxb

I want to change her outfit too, the idea of a sash tied around her waist as corsette type but not as rigid as one is still in my mind. I want her have something flowy (and ribbon-y) to match with both Sumeru's and Fontaine's clothing designs, but at the same time comfortable enough to be in the library or taking a stroll or fishing (because I haven't forgot about it. I have been making rounds and getting the fishing rods and I want her to have it as a hobby lolol). I'm looking for historical references (since it is theorized Fontaine is around the 1700/1800s France) but nothing concrete yet.

The reality of the well thought character (even if I feel she's still way underdeveloped for what I want) is my hyperfixation qjsnsoxb idk if that's good or not, but writing about her makes me think of her more solidly if it makes sense? More tangible than only a concept. Do you want to get mentioned if I ever decide her clothes?? (It's ok to say not don't worry fufu 🤭)

I am very excited for Fontaine (next month??) the only thing I know rn is what the npcs have told us but I'm super excited to see it (and the level of mechanical advancement, which I am obsessed with in genshin) to see what I can work with 👀

Oh! Don't forget to tell me if you ever think more things about your genshinsona 👀 you know I am very interested 👀👀 I feel like mr engineer and Vivi would get along as she's kinda of a mechanic and kind of a nerd about it too <3

#lovemail #len🎆 #oc: vivienne #oc: qinxi #oc: lorena #i did not proofread this enough so if there's something i haven't explained well #pls tell me akxboaxj #i think i will make it in time!

[dendrochronologies]

maya angelou saying the funniest thing anyone has ever said about editing, which i can never let myself forget EVER AGAIN [x]

#OK. YOU'RE RIGHT. SO WHAT? DON'T EVER MENTION THIS TO ME AGAIN. IF YOU DO I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN. #i used to think about this interview all the tiiiiime i can't believe i let myself lose track of it!!!!!!! #maya angelou #FAVE #editing #*r #god i've read this a thousand times and i still laugh every time it's so GOOD #'OK. YOU'RE RIGHT. SO WHAT. DON'T EVER MENTION THIS TO ME AGAIN' #notifications are off for this besties 💗 #i will eventually turn reblogs back on but 20k notes overnight was a little too much pls slow down ✋️ #also pls do not follow me unless you are desperately in love with me. i can't make silly little personal posts with so many of you here!!!!

[cemeterything]

anyone who thinks dostoevsky's writing is dry and humourless is missing out on passages like this

#🐉 #i dont think my version is the most common translation because its worded a bit differently #(but still gets the same point across) #however im glad because this bit makes me howl every time i remember it

[borrelia]

if you donate one single us dollar to the unrwa, you will have donated more money than you would have by clicking that stupid arab.orb link every day for four and a half years. yes, they do actually donate money to the unrwa, but even with tens of thousands of clicks, most of that money is the baseline $90 they send every quarter. from 2023 quarter 4, half a million clicks turned into $380.57. maths out to six hundreths of one cent per click. just donate to unrwa.

#myaa #everyones pushing so hard for the clicks and like #its nice you think you can make a difference by clicking #but you should understand how minimal the impact of that site is #i can understand if you literally cannot donate #but its frustrating to see ppl reposting the click link so many times without the link to ACTUALLY donate...

[jamjoob]

Screencap redraws for fun

#these r so fun to make cuz i don't need to think #also the sudden height difference???? #gobbled that up #marshall/marcy shorter so tru #adventure time #fionna and cake #bubbline #marceline #princess bubblegum #my art

[bereft-of-frogs]

There’s that post that’s like ‘everyone should get into a tiny niche fandom at least once’ fully agree, that was really fun -- but I would like to add that everyone should get into a fandom where their opinions run counter to major fanon because it really teaches you about sticking to your guns and trusting your interpretation of the text without having to rely on peer validation

because WHAT are people talking about sometimes

#aka: genuinely sometimes I think I live in a parallel universe and simply watched/read different things #full disclosure it does make you feel like a killjoy sometimes #because often times these fanons will be presented in a silly jokey manner #'oh so silly isn't this character so funny this is just my silly little headcanon' #and it's like yes yes lol lol but ok look me in the eyes and tell me you know that this is #at best only one interpretation of many and at worst simply not supported by the text at all #please tell me you know that #or in one specific example such a ubiquitous joke that is literally a significant theme of the work and i feel like SUCH a killjoy #being like 'ok yes very funny.....you know that was a major theme right?? tell me you know that'

[hampop]

“Senshi what do I do?”

“Get the fries. You’ll need the energy in the coming days.”

#I think of him every time I make or order food now #dungeon meshi #Senshi

[zkyeline]

hi hobie hiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!

#spiderman #spiderverse #spiderman across the spiderverse #across the spiderverse #hobie brown #pavitr prabhakar #art #fan art #collage #cw saturated color #another ‘oh I NEED to make ART after this’ type of media #i think i was hyperventilating every time he speaks

[greelin]

[AFTER REVEALING VERY TELLING PERSONAL INFO] But don’t read into that. let’s move along

#yes i hate feeding myself and refuse to make sure i eat. #yes i love to cook for other people and will bother you 1000 times to make sure you eat. don’t think about it

[officialspec]

its definitely funny when marcille gets a little mean with it but its so important to me that they are also Best Friends

#also marcille is a known glomper i needed to draw something about it #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmesh #laios touden #laius thorden #marcille donato #my art #genuinely cried abt them while i was reading a couple times. theyre friends!!!!!!!!! #in general i think ppl make marcille a bit too mean. shes just a femme with haterism tendencies we all know one

[magnusbae]

To illustrate this post by @mayahawkse I would like to visualize to you the difference:

A post in 2023:

A post in 2014:

A zoom out of the same post:

This is what a community looks like.

See how in 2023 almost all of the reblogs come from the OP, from their few hours/days in the tag search. Meanwhile in 2014 the % of reblogs from OP is insignificant, because most of the reblogs come from the reblogs within the fandom, within the micro-communities formed there. You didn't need to rely on tags, or search, or being featured. Because the community took care of you, made sure to pass the work between themselves and onto their blog and exposed their followers to it. It kept works alive for years.

It's not JUST the reblog/like ratio that causing this issue, it's the type of interaction people have. They're content with scrolling and liking the search engine, instead of actually having a reblogging relationship with other blogs in their community.

Anyways, if you want to see more content you like, the only true way to make it happen is to reblog it. Likes do not forward content in no way but making OP feel nice. Reblogs on the other hand make content eternal. They make it relevant, they make it exist outside of a fickle tumblr search that hardly works on the best of days.

If you want more of something, reblog it.

#i said i wont ever rant about this bc it's unseemly but HONESTLY. #you simply cannot complain about not having enough of A or B or C and then never reblog / interact with the content you love. #If you LOVE something you cannot just leave a like and silently wait for more to happen #I know countless of content creators that simply stopped doing art/writing fic/making edits #You need to understand that fandom content is made FOR the fandom FOR the engagement FOR the entertainment and fun it makes. #If a content creator does not have fun IN the fandom-- why would they spend the scares free time they have on making this content? #And we're not talking about things that you don't like-- no one expects you to reblog things you don't like. #However I think it's safe to say that when a post has more than 5k it's not some random shitpost with no value. #tumblr issues #tumblr #content creators #buns.txt #something something please don't starve your local clowns

[apollos-boyfriend]

so my younger cousin is flying in to visit from brazil on sunday, and will be staying here for like, the entirety of july. which, don't get me wrong, is super cool! i love the kid! but it felt like a super weird move, considering his parents are the SUPER strict and borderline helicopter parents. even the smallest prank/roughousing with him/his little sister would lead to a strict talking to from his parents, he couldn't ever do anything without their clear permission, that sort of stuff. so letting him fly at alone at 16 to a whole different country and stay there for a whole month seemed WILDLY out of character. additionally, it just felt like a super last-minute trip. it's not like we have any plans to do when he gets here, and the flight itself and stuff only got booked like, midway through june.

and i was talking to my mom about it, kind of trying to nudge some answers out of her, and after a while she went, "yeah, i think they're sending him over here to get away for his boyfriend. see if the distance breaks them off." which, first of all, surprised me because last i checked, they didn't KNOW he had a boyfriend. literally everyone in the family did EXCEPT for them because while that entire side of the family being semi-conservative, his parents (mostly his dad) are EXTREMELY old-fashioned. so clearly something already went wrong. and considering the only reason the rest of the family knew is because one person found out and it spread like wildfire, i have a sneaking suspicion he wasn't the one to tell them, either.

and second of all. they're sending him HERE. to try to make him forget his homosexuality. i couldn't do anything but just wordlessly gesture to the multiple pride flags scattered around my room, then to myself, because really? he has like two other cousins in the us and they're sending him to me? honey i am about to introduce this kid to queer scenes you have never even heard of. he'll be returning home with labels only shrimp can perceive

#icarus speaks #i fully believe she's correct btw #they are. not the brightest people. and honestly probably believe this is something that could work #cause i can see the logic of get him away and hopefully he'll realize it's a phase. which is Likely what they think #but oh honey you have a big storm coming #side note this is the SECOND time someone's been outed without permission on that side of the family 😭 #bitches learned of my transgenderism SO quickly #also even if that's NOT why they sent him here. i will still be rocking his world #they have given me Infinite Power and i will use it to make this kid's life as queer as physically possible

[thunderboltfire]

I have unwittingly witnessed a new level of the absurd. Behold, the AI-generated equine anatomy models.

Ah yes, my favourite parts of the equine body. Paster and... *looks at the smudged writing on hand* boob. At least this one looks purely decorative and the being actually looks like a horse. But don't worry, it gets worse.

If we completely ignore the hipopotamus musculature of this one, there's still a lot of things that don't make sense in this one, like a tail that ends in a series of bone spikes and a complete lack of molars. You could make a cool pokemon on the basis of this, but it's not even in the realm of being an actual anatomy help.

I'm firmly convinced this is not a horse, this is something that really, really wants you to think it is a horse. The more you look, the more things look... wrong. The more details turn out to be shifted, bones crammed in to fill in the familiar form, its shape merely implied so that the human mind fills the gap. Of course the text seems like gibberish, because its anatomy is incomprehensible. it's either a parasite or a monster and in each case, it's an eldtrich body horror. I'm kind of angry at how well this joke writes itself.

#I'm just angry that despite of the fact I have almost every AI site blocked it still showed up in the search #I don't think these will fool anyone but still - make sure you know the things you reference are actually accurate #I can recommend Herman Dittrich's drawings when it comes to the equine anatomy #This time I was just searching for the anatomy it bc I forgot what's the name of the canon bone #anti generative ai

[theoldkyokodied]

The Allegiance of the Ascended Vampire and the New God of Magic

#bloodweave #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #gale x astarion #astarion x gale #gale dekarios #astarion ancunin #yes this is about astarion helping gale defeat mystra and take her place with the crown in exchange for gale helping him with the ritual #the ‘they can make each other worse’ part of their relationship turned to the max #I enjoy them being reluctantly soft for each other more but from time to time I just think about how powerful they could get together #toxic evil boyfriends. take love and twist it up until it’s unrecognisable #I like to think that astarion approached gale with that offer after realising no one else in camp is gonna help him #and that he can use gales own hunger for power which backfired when astarion actually became emotionally invested in gale #and after gale kept his word despite everyone’s concerns astarion changed his plan from not fullfilling his end of the bargain to actually #helping gale kill mystra (mostly so that gale could belong to him and him alone. and letting him take the place as a god bc having a god #at you beck and call is definitely appealing. especially one as eager to please as gale) #anyway what I want to say with this is please please please let me kill mystra i don’t even care if the weave gets destroyed again

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone #yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post. #writeblr #ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person #and on this blog we support workers. #at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going. #when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens #have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists #and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like. #it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases - #at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory. #it was what i had seen. #and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference #we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol' #so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender #and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID. #he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different #i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded psychopath happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know #im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie #or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them #snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow! #but then shes gone…. for a while…… #and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book #that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #tbosas #lucy gray baird #not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration #but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause #like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not. #snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time #he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets #and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets #he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved #but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall #he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires