#i stopped myself before it could happen

[einaudis]

ALL OF US STRANGERS (2023) dir. ANDREW HAIGH

#filmedit #filmgifs #movieedit #moviegifs #All of Us Strangers #aousedit #filmtvdaily #filmtvcentral #cinemapix #fyeahmovies #dailyflicks #mine* #mygifs #movies* #I can't believe this is done. and you won't believe how long it took me to make it. insane... because it's just a scene #I didn't even use different fonts. or a cool template. or transitions... it was a single scene... but look... I made captures for 10 gifs #and things kept happening and I kept finding little gestures and beautiful things and I just couldn't keep them out the gifs #I mean look at Harry and that slow realization. please look at the glow around his shoulders at the beginning #and how ethereal and out of this world he already is AND THEN when Adam says 'I found you' he becomes more... real and present! #and those eyes and the intensity of that 'you're here' and their eyes and faces and smiles and how Harry's desperate but Adam calms him dow #and his voice when he asks 'how come no one found me?' the realization that people didn't care to check on him. it screamed to my soul #I haven't stopped thinking about that scene since the moment I first watched it #honestly... I wish I could live in this scene forever #now this is a super long post and I know it won't get many notes and it was surely made before... but I needed to make this for myself... #so here it is :) I'm tired but I love it #GOD the way Harry goes full baby when Adam caresses his cheek and he SMILES LIKE THAT! AHHHHHHH! #*runs down the hill screaming*

[waywardstation]

WIP FRIDAY

I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.

BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!

I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.

The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.

Enjoy!!

—————

“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”

“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.

“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”

Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.

Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”

Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.

“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”

“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.

“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.

Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.

“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.

It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.

“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”

The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.

“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.

#ref for fic #BE AWARE THIS IS DISCUSSING INTENTIONAL BUT UNWILLING STARVATION #tw starvation #just in case #cause I know not everyone vibes with this story #and I’ll say it’s been weird myself returning to these segments I wrote months ago and re-reading them #AND TO BE MORE CAREFUL I talk about a personal situation sort of dealing with this below #a lot has happened in the timeframe of originally writing this and coming back to this #at the end of fall I got very very sick and it lasted well into February #I unwillingly shed thirty-five pounds because I could not eat #and I didn’t notice at all until I stopped and realized just how tight I had to make my work belt #even when family members pointed it out during the holidays when they’d hug me #it wasn’t until someone got very concerned and did something about it that I realized just how bad it was #I’m sure people remember when I mentioned I had gastritis #that’s what all this was I just never really went into detail about how bad it truely was here #so coming back and reading this segment specifically #having written it months before I went through any of this #felt really really weird and a little uncomfortable #I edited Akari’s accusations a little to fit my situation more about a month back #because I did not realize just how much more stuff like this would make you want to sleep #at least in my experience #but it’s been very very just #strange I guess coming back to this #it doesn’t make me want to not work on HFBE anymore it just feels very weird

[kittykatninja321]

See the reason why I will always be down with the poc Jason headcanon is because I look at the way his lashing out as a grieving child gets interpreted/demonized as “anger issues”, and the way Bruce at times projected “anger issues” onto him that weren’t actually there and also immediately assumed that Jason was bound to become a dangerous criminal unless he intervened despite the fact that Jason was just trying to survive and said himself that he “didn’t wanna be a crook” and didn’t show violent inclinations until AFTER he became Robin and I go “idk, sounds kinda racialized to me buddy, hitting you with the melanin beam”. Now we know the real reason for this is classism but classism and racism are right next to each other on the periodic table so it doesn’t not fit yknow?

#This happened to my buddy Adam Parrish…Now Adam is still number one white boy of my heart but poc Adam doesn’t Not fit yknow? #but yeah as someone who as also experienced being perceived as more angry/aggressive then I actually am Jason can join the club 😁👍🏾 #Jason Todd #dc #The Jason I draw/headcanon is Mexican but I feel like I need to do actual research and like write a paper before I can describe my feelings #on Black Jason. Which I might do. Not that being black and Mexican are mutually exclusive. #I could make him Afro Latino to split the difference #ACTUALLY STOP THE POST. I thought too deeply about what adding a racial dynamic to Bruce & Jason’s relationship does and I made myself sad #I’m gonna THROW UP

[theflyingfeeling]

two sweaty, horny dudes ✅

sauna ✅

no plot ✅

enjoy 💦

(or: Olli/Allu get it on at the band's sauna evening for no reason whatsover other than simply wanting each other so goddamn much)

~*~

Don't bother, Joonas, let's leave the IT club to nerd about whatever in peace.

Niko's teasing words had barely stopped echoing in the sauna when Olli's lips were already on Aleksi's shoulder, his tongue peeking out to lick a droplet of sweat above his collarbone. The boldness made Aleksi inhale sharply before nudging Olli away, although there was nothing in the world he wanted more than Olli's mouth on his skin.

"Don't," he whispered. "Not here..." Olli looked up at him from under hooded eyelids and the long lashes that framed his darkened eyes, and suddenly Aleksi could no longer remember why he was denying Olli anything at all. That was why he made no effort to stop Olli when he leaned further in to take a mouthful of Aleksi's skin just below his earlobe in his mouth; in fact, Aleksi tilted his head to give Olli more room to do so and hoped the tinted glass door of the sauna would veil their...carnal activities.

By the time they heard the showers being turned off and the door to the changing room closing, Aleksi was already half-hard from Olli's hot, wet kisses and his fingers digging into Aleksi's inner thigh. By the time the last noises of laughter and friendly banter died out in the next room, Olli was already lying down on the top bench of the sauna, back arching and low moans filling the small room as Aleksi mouthed his stomach with hungry, sloppy kisses landing all around his navel and along the happy trail to savour the salty taste as much as to worship the sweet softness of his belly. By the time Aleksi finally touched the tip of Olli's pulsing cock with his tongue, Olli was but a squirming mess under his touch, all but begging Aleksi to take him in his mouth.

The long, lingering licks Aleksi left on Olli's cock drove Olli crazy – Aleksi knew this from the way Olli's groans adopted a more needy undertone – but he had no intention to fulfil Olli's wordless pleas before he'd have the man tremble for it.

"Ale, I need to cum so bad," Olli panted, grinding his erection against Aleksi's lips that were now leaving light kisses along Olli's hardness. A lone drop of precum appeared at the tip, which Aleksi is quick to kiss away.

"Ale, please," Olli was practically whining now, "please let me cum in your mouth.

"Are you close?" Aleksi asked, although he knew the answer when he took Olli in his hand and felt it twitch in his fingers, and when he saw how Olli's abdomen contracted from the touch, and when he heard the litany of swear words leaving Olli's mouth.

"So fucking close I'm gonna cum on your face if you're not gonna take me in your mouth soon."

There was no doubt Aleksi wouldn't have loved that either, and he almost told Olli so; nevertheless, he guided Olli's cock in between his waiting lips. Hollowing his cheeks, he began sucking in rhythm with Olli's groans, making sure to let his lips graze against the sensitive tip before swallowing down again until his septum ring was nearly touching Olli's pubes. He felt Olli throbbing against his tongue, twitching in between his lips, thrusting towards the ceiling under his hands that rested on Olli's hip bones, and with every lust-filled movement Aleksi felt as if there were two, fatally horny wolves inside him: one that was determined to keep Aleksi bobbing his head up and down to help Olli reach his peak sooner rather than later, and one that was curious to see how long Aleksi could keep Olli on the edge before they'd both lose their minds.

Eventually his motive to please Olli outplayed any other, more selfish desire he might have had and he tightened his lips around Olli's cock. Olli buckled his lips uncontrollably when Aleksi added a hand to the base of his hard-on to massage it, to feel Olli's arousal under his fingertips, to revel in every twitch and throb that inspired Aleksi's own aching cock that stood neglected between his thighs. He was desperate to touch himself – he was only human, after all – but as it turned out, his hands had far more important tasks to tend to: while the other was busy gripping Olli's cock, the other had sneaked up to Olli's chest to bury his fingers in the bush of chest hair which Aleksi so loved; which Olli so loved to leave peeking from the collar of his shirt just to drive Aleksi crazy; which Aleksi couldn't wait to cover in his white semen again, like he had done just the other night on the couch of his studio.

Nearly lost in the memory of frotting himself on Olli's chest, Aleksi was almost caught off guard by Olli starting to shoot his load in his mouth. At the height of his orgasm, Olli's slurred words are a mix of fuck and Ale and don't stop, and Aleksi keeps on working his tongue and lips until every last drop of cum has been swallowed, until the only noises left in the sauna are Olli's heavy breathing and the quiet cracking of the fire.

Seeing Olli's naked body in front of him, all spent and relaxed and beautiful, Aleksi could no longer ignore his own bodily needs. He sat back against the wooden panelling behind him and finally took himself in his hand, but he only had time to give himself a few, much-awaited strokes before Olli's fingers were replacing his own and a pair of lips were crashed against his. As if desperate to taste himself off Aleksi's tongue, Olli kissed him hungrily while pumping Aleksi's erection with vigorous, experienced flicks of his wrists, which had no business making Aleksi as close to his climax as it did. Yet, he found his lips mirroring the hasty movements of Olli's, grinding his erection into Olli's fist the best he could from his tight position in between Olli and the wall, and even letting Olli help Aleksi's knee up against his own chest, pushing him further against the wall as Olli's other hand teased around his hole.

Without warning, Olli slid one of his fingers in, and with even less warning, Aleksi came hard with his bottom lip tightly in between Olli's teeth so that his cry of pleasure was muffled somewhere inside Olli's hot mouth. When Aleksi at last regained the little that was left of his senses, the fire in the sauna stove had already died out; the fire in Olli's eyes, however, drilling into his from up close as he milked the last of Aleksi's cum, only seemed to flare up.

~*~

They made out under the shower, somehow leisurely and with great urgency at the same time. Olli was wet and smooth and hot under Aleksi's palms, his every curve and bone and muscle adding fuel to the already blazing flame that was scorching Aleksi's chest and groin, even without Olli's hand stroking his cock anew.

When Aleksi came again, spilling his load on Olli's fingers and stomach, his knees trembled under him from the strength of his second orgasm that evening, nearly making him fall at Olli's feet.

He wanted to ask Olli if he would catch him if he did; if he'd crumble under the weight of it all, would Olli be there to pick him up again?

Somehow the words never left his mouth.

(Perhaps Aleksi was afraid to hear the answer.)

Instead, he got on his knees again.

#weewoo here it is! sorry it's so late (for those of you on my side of the globe at least) #i had sauna myself tonight and... yeah maybe i had Thoughts™ what of it #ngl though i have wanted to write this exact fic for soooooo long #didn't have any particular universe in mind when writing this but if you imagine this to happen in the infidelity AU i ain't gonna stop you #also pleeeeeeaaase let me know how i did i am so insecure about my pwp-writing skills 😩 #random tumblr ficlets by theflyingfeeling #blind channel rpf #blind channel fanfiction #ollixallu #edit. added a teeny weeny detail before anyone could reblog this lol

[thepoisonroom]

it's so crazy to be in a really healthy relationship but still have emotional problems because every time i want to catastrophize about things with my girlfriend i'm like "buddy that doesn't even make any sense are you sure that's not your brain problems 🤨"

#like in a weird way when are extremely anxious being in a bad relationship is sort of validating #because you're like well i HAVE to be vigilant about the problems! to protect myself! #which makes it hard to work on those reflexive fears because you're like well the worst has happened before so i'm right actually #i realize i'm not breaking new ground by being like dysfunctional dynamics make you reach for maladaptive behaviors to cope #but it just feels nice to be able to put them down and be like maybe i don't need these anymore #and to know that if people are shitty to me i don't have to learn ways to work around it i can just stop keeping them close most of the time #who knew that you could learn and grow as a person and be happy even #personal nonsense

[angellurgy]

squeak

#when i am gone it will be no more impactful than a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it. #my death will have a meaninglessly small impact on this world. maybe it'll have a larger impact on the incorporeal. #there is something in my soul. something hungry. a serpent of unstoppable magnitude held captive in my stomach. #it wont stop until it or i kill us both will it? like a cancer. #im so deeply sorry im so bad at responding to everyone's kind messages. even more so sorry for what will eventually happen next #i have some plans. to excise this tumor that is myself. to rid the world of this putrid filth girl who is nothing but a drain on her compan #we'll see what happens. at least i got my body to a point of self approval before. at least i tried music. at least i tried to be me. #even if it changed nothing. at least im more secure in my being. if only the people around me werent so emotionally far. if only we cld tal #if only i could live with my self approval instead of loving and wanting so dearly. instead of having a mind corrupted by love #and friendship #i was so much. i know you all barely know anything about me in reality. if i asked any you'd probably just list off kinks and species. #but still. ty those who'll remember yk... #and as backup. if it doesnt work. well. please dont hate me. im just a girl who needs out. and cant keep her thoughts inside more #i hope i can be happy in the afterlife. i hope i can see these angels and maybe be one myself. #gonna put a post on top of this to hide it from brand new ppl lookjng at my blog. bc yeah. you all dont need to hear all of this #its the last one of these for this period either way #god i wish i couldve gone to toronto. i want to so bad still. god. why did i have to realize my hopelessness now of all times #bye

[ganondoodle]

been able to keep both my fear and hype about totk in check by watching nothing but elden ring videos for weeks but now i read something on accident and my anxiety is going through the roof again

#ganondoodles talks #pls nintendy #dont do this #it was only a sentence with no clear spoilers or anything #but by god its put fear in my heart again #pls let totk be its own game #id even be willing to spoil myself on some stuff just to know my fear isnt based on truth #i hate that i feel like this #even if im better able to stop panic attacks before they happen #i still feel so silly for feeling so strongly about a game and its lore #but no matter what i try i cant help it #its been my thing of comfort for so long i wouldnt know what else i would focus on if i were to lose it #and it would be so much work - years of work- basically wasted #plus i would feel so bad having made people be interested only to abandon it before its even really started #the only thing giving me comfort if this was the case is knowing id just post all lore -concept art -drafts and scripts #as a sort of -this is what i had been working on for all these years- so at least the people who cared could get an idea of it #and in the unlikely case that it would be liked by alot of people #i would keep working on it despite it making no sense anymore #im rambling on trying to calm myself down #sorry #gotta be exhausting reading my anxious ass tags over and over #;__;

[jtl-fics]

more importantly how would riko fit into camping setting this man never touched grass

LMAO Shoulda known this would be the follow-up ask from you my dear.

I know we talked about Riko and stars but I'm gonna write a lil bit about it. So more under the cut.

There was a time where the car that is taking Riko from place to place, media event to media event breaks down in the middle of the road. There's no cell service and it's just him and a driver. The driver heads off, swearing to be back with a tow truck or whatever assistance they need.

Riko sits in that backseat arms crossed and PISSED about what's going on. He's going to miss his media engagement, it's going to be a whole damn thing. Who knows how Master will react. He can't do anything because he needs his suit to be perfect for when he shows up fashionably late to the engagement and the interview.

Then an hour passes, maybe two, maybe three, and it's dark. He can no longer entertain himself by counting the stitches in the fine Italian leather seats like he'd been doing when he ran out of Exy strategies to think about and funny excuses to give to people who might not even know he's not there.

He climbs out of the car figuring he can count a few stars, make exy plays out of their formations if nothing else. It'll get boring just like the few times he and Kevin snuck up to the top of the stadium and looked at the muted stars. Staring up at the stars won't ruin his suit.

He looks up and the universe is greeting him.

He gets back in the car suddenly feeling overwhelmed by what he had just seen. Sits and tries to count the stitches (finite, with an end) just by touch but he keeps getting different numbers since his fingers aren't that sensitive anymore.

He takes a breath and climbs out of the car again and looks up. The universe greets him again and it's endless. He can't possibly count what is up there, it's bigger than him. He looks at his suit and knows that he's not going to be going to make it and he can think up a good story about why he's dirty.

He settles on the hood of the car staring up into the sky and he feels small. A car passes him and he doesn't even try to stop it too transfixed by the heavens above him.

A few more hours pass like this and he wonders if his driver just legged it fearing the repercussions of improper maintenance of a Moriyama vehicle. He wonders if he lives here now.

The car is kind of uncomfortable he looks to the side and thinks about laying on the grass and thinks about insects and worms and things beneath him. Small things that can be destroyed by him so easily right under his polished shoes. He's above them, high above them.

He looks up at the stars again and finds himself laying with the bugs in the grass.

It's nice.

#Riko Moriyama #A gift for all the lovely reading you let me do yesterday #Sorry it's not much about camping #A thought caught me before I could stop myself #I think he'd sit by the fire tending to it the entire time #bitching whenever someone tries to tend to it #because they're gonna fuck it up #he's got it PERFECT #Yes he is watching the ants run out of the log and to their deaths as they catch on fire #Yeah he's a little sadistic but like we've all been 10 at girlscout camp at some point haven't we? #Is this not a universal experience #My troop cheered for ant blood #That might just be what happens when you get girls around a fire though #AFTG #AFTG ramble

[sensitiveheartless]

Thoughts on the hc that Dazai has a glass eye?

I'm just imagining Dazai getting injured on a case on his blind side, and Kunikida berates him and drags him to Yosano.

And Yosano is like "Really, again? How did it happen this time?" And Kunikida says "Idiot wasn't paying attention."

Dazai "No I was, its just my blind side."

And they both freak out because why? How? Huh? But his eye looks fine?

Yosano: Well, I can schedule an appointment and we can see if we can get you surgery or something-

Dazai: Oh its unsalvagable, I'm blind on that side.

Kunikida: Why does your eye look fine then??? (He thinks Dazai is fucking with him)

Dazai just smiles, reaches up and pull the glass eye out. Kunikida screams.

- Goblin anon

Oh my gosh alsksjdjfjf honestly I think this hc is great just for that potential moment of screaming confusion on Kunikida’s part, Dazai absolutely would do that XD

I guess in general I haven’t thought much about the implications of Dazai bandaging that eye! I know I’ve definitely seen fics and stuff where his vision is off in that eye in one way or another (@feralrookie wrote a fantastic soulmate AU where Dazai’s soulmark is on that eye and it gutted me in the best way). I think it’s really fun to see where different people go with it :0

I do think it’s interesting that he swaps which eye he bandages in the Beast universe…that feels like it has Implications but I’m not sure what they are, I’m not very skilled at analysis lol —Although, slightly related, I do love the moment in the Dark Era where Oda pulls those bandages off as he dies, because it seems like a visual representation of how much Dazai was hindering himself in the mafia (seriously, if there isn’t anything wrong with that eye, that means the dude was shooting guns without precise depth perception seemingly just for the heck of it) and then Oda pulls them off as he tells him to go live in the light and just aaaaaaaaaaaaa I am never not going to be emotional about the dark era ;;

…anyway this got off topic, basically all this to say I think that I think it’s cool how many different interpretations of it there are, and you could definitely do a lot with the glass eye headcanon alskjdjdjd

#I don’t know how coherent this is alskjdjfj #i am very sleepy #…now I’m also thinking about the fact that I don’t think we’ve seen Dazai fire a gun since he joined the ADA #unless it’s happened in one of the LNs I haven’t caught up with yet #idk that just seems significant since the times we’ve seen him fire a gun previously were: a moment of clear trauma for him(the 15 arc) #and him imparting trauma on Akutagawa in the dark era. #I feel like that might be indicative of him distancing himself from his past self #or I could be reading too much into it #fun fact that was actually why I gave him a gun in the Dazai-goes-feral-AU #because in that fic he is regressing pretty heavily due to Stress and Emotions #and also why he immediately drops the gun and leaves it behind after he fires the last shot #cause he knows he’s regressing and he’s trying to distance himself from it. #…I ended up rambling a lot sorry alsksjdjfjf #oooh actually another random thought #dyou think there’s anything going on with Q’s eyes? like can they see ok? #I know it’s a part of their character design but oh my gosh those pupils #I feel like that would seriously hamper your vision #ok I need to stop myself before I write a full chapter of nonsense in the tags alskjdjdjd #ask box #bsd dazai #goblin anon

[reikunrei]

i really hope starting on t makes me actually like my body instead of pretending it doesn’t exist djbfjf

#I’ve been in a weird space where I caught myself yesterday being like. upset? that I had 2 whole meals #like. hey dude wtf? uh? I could stand to eat more in a day probably? I eat like 2.5 meals in a day #it’s happened before. and I think it was set off by being made Aware of my weight as a Number #bc I was. Fixated on that when I was in middle/high school #and um. it was why I stopped weighing myself at all! so trying to beat that shit back again #I just want my HIPS to go away dude 😤 be smaller!!!! I wanna look like a plank of wood!!!! #i say things

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[bunnihearted]

❄️🐇❕

#i feel like im going insane and tonight it's esp bad so i need to.... vent :$ #some time ago i had the fortune of a very very wonderful person entering my life. and since day one BOOM i think of them every single day #im not even exaggerating.. like every single day i just think and daydream of them. i've had sm extra inabiloty to focus - #bc i just need to constantly stop and think of them..... #there is so much abt them to adore and admire. so much!!!! i didnt know someone like them could exist.. #i love talking to them and i just wanna kno everything there is to know abt them!!! everything regarding interests me #there's also the aspect of how i feel talking to them. i know they dont judge the same way as other ppl do so it's easier to talk to them #tho i still have avpd so i often start over explaining myself and get insecure etc etc. i need to get out of my head!!!! #idk.. idk... it has never been like this for me. so im also scared #what do i do.. how do i navigate this? i've never been here before and i feel lost even if it's def not a bad place to be in #every single day... i just wish that i could be with them more and more. this wish never calms down it just gets bigger #but. how? how do i break this loop and make it into reality? is it only gonna stay as a desire and a daydream? :(( i rlly dont want that #im scared too. bc what if i want and can make it my reality but it just wont happen? what if it just wont #im also not the only one in this equation that decides. what if... i have to face rejection.. what if im a disappointment. what if what if #i dont know!! i only know that i think of them all day every day. it gets more nd more intense each day. #i also get more sure that it's what i want... #anywayyyy. im actually.. driving myself insane with how obsessively i think of this #i cant quite put it into words but i had to get at least some of it off my chest #like how. do i express my feelings to them. how do i turn it into reality. how do i face that fear of the unknown and smth i've never done #but also how do i face that fear and prepare for the fact that even if i want smth dreams made into reality cant be certain. #there r so many life things that decide what happens too.... not just my will and desire #but as well as.. how do i prqepare myself to deal with the potential oh whoops maybe im the only one who rlly want this. #maybe this is onesided maybe my feelings just flew out of control nd idk how to reel them back in whoops. #like i dont know at all what could happen.. all i know is what i wish.. hmm gosh this is all just making my head spin every day.

[titan-god-helios]

y’all. i fucking cannot. what is wrong with the world. can we just please. stop.

#you can use this for whatever context you want within reason (aka no bigots of any kind fuck you) #but im gonna spill in the tags so #youve been warned #this is a vent #——————————— #so im in autistic “burnout” or AUNS atm and therefore my depression is also stronger than before same with anxiety and #all the mental problems #and my sensory issues are also so bad right now #and i find myself forcing myself to speak and sometimes even having complete verbal shutdown #so at the end of the school day today i was on the very verge of a meltdown and i was already in sensory overload #and just generally feeling horrid and dysphoric #i ran out of class when we were dismissed and powerwalked to a stop away from the one i usually go to #so that i wouldnt have to talk to my friends and actually have a meltdown and feel even worse #and i full on thought out what bus i was gonna take so i could have a quiet ride home and hopefully calm down and feel better a bit #GUESS FUCKING WHAT HAPPENED #my friend #got on the same bus. #and i love her i love her so much shes so fun to talk to shes great and i really love talking with her so much #but today #when i had already spent extra energy trying to spare myself from more masking and interaction #those efforts also were put to waste AND i had to spend even more energy talking for at least 40 minutes straight when i had hoped to talk #for none #and with no music to block out other bus sounds #so when she got off the bus i was so close to crying #and then i had to take another bus as well bc i take two to get home #and now im walking home in the rain and my clothes are damp and sticking to my skin and i think im ready to die now #/nsrs #but icl i kind of wish it was #anyway bye #tw suicide

[quietwingsinthesky]

the first time river regenerates is under the care of jack, which is good because he has the (rare) necessary experience of knowing how to help someone who died a little and got better and bad because he now has to figure out a way to explain to amy pond why her daughter is now a completely different child without dying himself.

#jack: do you think if we put you in a wig that might help? #little river: (whose height age skin tone gender- have all changed) yeah probably :) #jack did not intend to take her weevil hunting these things just happen around him. and she’s fine. she’s *fine*. #he’s not this was an incredibly stressful situation for him because none of them knew river *could* regenerate until she just did. #but he can handle it. he’s not having flashbacks to everyone he’s ever tried to protect dying in his arms. he is *not* thinking about the #seconds before river started glowing where she looked so so scared and he couldnt do anything. #hey do you think regeneration energy burns human flesh. asking for a friend. that friend is captain jack harkness. who did not stop hugging #river even while she regenerated. #oh goddamnit i made myself sad about this now #what can i say jack deserves to be traumatized and river deserves to have a family. and also be traumatized.

[bibiana112]

I too wish that the medical hack that made me grow up in a purgatory like state of existence would rot in prison Akane was so real for this

#delete later #I am realllyyy going through it today had to stop doing thr dishes before I broke something #pray I don't make anything worse cause my stupid parents are making this situation much muddier I don't think I can talk them into helping #but if they don't help on my side it then they were complicit to the other and I don't want my sibling to be caught on that crossfire #if I go ahead with this I guess I should talk to my dad he could Potentially be reasonable about this my mom would be the one worse off #and she wouldn't take it well which is why I wish I could just deal with it on my own but noo she had to go do something dumb #uuuugh whyyy couldn't this happen to someone whose parents have enough of a spine to stand by their child #akshakshsj aah I'm so... hhhh sick of hearing im so sorry that happened to you #I know myself well enough to understand there's no way I'll just sit with this for the rest of my life I need to take action somehow #I hate that it's someone who still has a license I hate how someone so stupid and prejudiced is taken more seriously because of a degree #that it's someone still perfectly sympathetic to my parents because he's a family man who just didn't know better and wanted to help #nevermind me almost dying that once because of how the Wrong medicine interacted with antibiotics I needed to not die from the flu #it kept me up for three days straight at home for six months and I was blamed for that instead of his incompetence

[keeps-ache]

could be cool !!

#just me hi #there's a specific part of pi.e i have a disdain for and it happens at pretty much the beginning of the story #don't like it cuz it always feels awkward when i write it. no fun! #but i was Just thinking of how i could show it and ouuugugushsughsosgh. ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgh #Could Be Cool !! #could be really cool !!! #Could be. let's keep it realistic before i jinx myself hfbhs :3 #i just gotta finish part one of chap one and then.. and Then.... ehehhegh... and then i gotta start working on the Rest of the first fourth #of this story :/ #i have next to nothing for this spot so. let's see how bad winging it can go hfvsh #the first fourth is pretty calm i think - not much happens so i dunno if it'll take as long as i think it will #don't want it to drag too much but also don't want it to go too quick or it may just disappoint me lol #//anyway i gotta make a timeline for this thing #oh and also the little lore thing i keep forgetting about lol #the problem w/ that is that there is So Much idk how to organize it fbsh #it's prolly not really that much but Man. feels like a lot hfh #it's mostly species + histories stuff i'm stuck on so ! #/MAN. okay i'm thinking about it again #i have a normal brain about some of the things involved here hvbshvf 👍👍👍 #could be cool. that's all i'm here to say lmao :3 #//omw now though - i have 8 more pages to go and then i gotta start formatting part 2 of 1 👍 #stopped for like a week despite Insane progress bc i hit the Tiniest road bump in the world hfvhbs #but on it now!! so here i go :D toobles !!