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#anywayyyy. im actually.. driving myself insane with how obsessively i think of this
silenthillbunni
·
5 months
Text
❄️🐇❕
#i feel like im going insane and tonight it's esp bad so i need to.... vent :$
#some time ago i had the fortune of a very very wonderful person entering my life. and since day one BOOM i think of them every single day
#im not even exaggerating.. like every single day i just think and daydream of them. i've had sm extra inabiloty to focus -
#bc i just need to constantly stop and think of them.....
#there is so much abt them to adore and admire. so much!!!! i didnt know someone like them could exist..
#i love talking to them and i just wanna kno everything there is to know abt them!!! everything regarding interests me
#there's also the aspect of how i feel talking to them. i know they dont judge the same way as other ppl do so it's easier to talk to them
#tho i still have avpd so i often start over explaining myself and get insecure etc etc. i need to get out of my head!!!!
#idk.. idk... it has never been like this for me. so im also scared
#what do i do.. how do i navigate this? i've never been here before and i feel lost even if it's def not a bad place to be in
#every single day... i just wish that i could be with them more and more. this wish never calms down it just gets bigger
#but. how? how do i break this loop and make it into reality? is it only gonna stay as a desire and a daydream? :(( i rlly dont want that
#im scared too. bc what if i want and can make it my reality but it just wont happen? what if it just wont
#im also not the only one in this equation that decides. what if... i have to face rejection.. what if im a disappointment. what if what if
#i dont know!! i only know that i think of them all day every day. it gets more nd more intense each day.
#i also get more sure that it's what i want...
#anywayyyy. im actually.. driving myself insane with how obsessively i think of this
#i cant quite put it into words but i had to get at least some of it off my chest
#like how. do i express my feelings to them. how do i turn it into reality. how do i face that fear of the unknown and smth i've never done
#but also how do i face that fear and prepare for the fact that even if i want smth dreams made into reality cant be certain.
#there r so many life things that decide what happens too.... not just my will and desire
#but as well as.. how do i prqepare myself to deal with the potential oh whoops maybe im the only one who rlly want this.
#maybe this is onesided maybe my feelings just flew out of control nd idk how to reel them back in whoops.
#like i dont know at all what could happen.. all i know is what i wish.. hmm gosh this is all just making my head spin every day.
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