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jimin-jungshook-over-literalbae · 5 years

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Ikon June Smut: Please?

Hey guys! What’s up? It’s been forever, hasn’t it? As a quick update: I graduated from university, got a full time job, and I now work 5 days a week for 8 hours. I’m basically just exhausted all the time. I get two days off a week: Thursday and Friday. I’m going to try to get some mass writing done on those days to give myself the ability to upload as normally as possible. We’ll have to see how this goes. As always, if there’s anything that you want to see, please feel free to send me a request! I love writing what you guys want to see! Let’s get into this, shall we?

Request:

Anonymous: Can you do a June smut where lately he’s been begging you to have sex without a condom and wanting to finish inside of you because another member was bragging abt how much Better it is. But you constantly tell him no because you weren’t on birth control yet, but one night he “convinces” you that he will pull out but starts to beg you at you most vulnerable point for you to say yes.

By the time it reached Saturday, you were about ready to strangle Jinhwan. That wasn’t necessarily anything new but this time, there was actually a reason behind it. A few days ago, you and Junhoe had all of the guys over for dinner. One way or another, the conversation had turned toward sex, not that you were surprised by that. Jinhwan kept talking about the fact that he and his girlfriend had started having sex without a condom. Well, that definitely managed to peek Junhoe’s interest. Now, he’s completely latched onto the idea and Jinhwan is the only one to blame. You’re honestly about ready to brawl him in this streets if June doesn’t chill the heck out. “I’m home,” Junhoe’s voice rings through the halls of your apartment. You stretch your arms above your head, stretching your spine, the thin material of your tank top stretching with you. It’s a pretty warm day today so you had settled for something a little more casual since it was your lazy day. No plans other than sitting at home with June and enjoying his company now that he’s back from his half day. You hadn’t told June that you made an appointment to get one of those arm implants in a few days,” Baby?” “Bedroom,” You called back, collapsing back on your pillows. You had barely left the bed all day, which wasn’t necessarily strange on your days off. You just laid in bed watching Netflix and eating snacks. As you continue to watch your show, your bedroom door creaks opened and closed followed by a dip in your bed as June collapses next to you. You ignore him, resting your chin on your folded hands. His lips brush along the curve of your neck, somehow managing to surprise you. “Junhoe,” You say in a warning tone. He doesn’t stop. “You’ve been avoiding me baby,” You can feel his voice rumble through your body. “I wonder why,” You say somewhat breathlessly. You watch his hand reach into your line of sight and pause your video. He lifts himself up and turns you onto your back, quickly trapping your under his weight before you can wriggle away. “Junhoe, we’re not doing this if you’re not going to wear a condom,” You give him a look when he begins to pout. “But I promise I’ll pull out,” Junhoe whines, his lips teasing the corner of your mouth. You don’t trust him to be telling you the truth but you’re almost as desperate as he is. He had a really intense schedule last week and and you’ve been avoiding June this week due to this issue between the two of you. His lips crash down on yours, silencing your weak attempt at a reply. His hips are already moving against yours despite the layers of clothing separating the two of you. You can’t stop yourself from arching against him. It seems like it’s only seconds later that you’re both undressed and he’s sliding into you. The moan that leaves his throat is unlike anything you’ve ever heard from him. His pace is fast and bruising. You’re clenching around him, barely holding on to your sanity by a string. His grip on your hips borders on uncomfortably tight. The moans that leave you are soft and silent to everyone but Junhoe. You’re already close, desperation sending you spiraling toward the edge. June is barely hanging on and you can practically feel how close he is. “Please, please, please can I?” Junhoe’s desperate voice bringing you even closer. “Koo Junhoe, If you cum in me, I swear I will punch you,” Your words are choppy but you manage to get them out. He mutters a curse under his breath and pushes into your harder. At the last moment, he pulls out, his cum spilling on your thighs. You clench around nothing as your own high hits you. Junhoe collapses next to you, resting his arm on your waist as his sweat stained skin sticks to yours. Soon, he’s snoring softly. “Cheeky bastard,” You mutter under your breath, tapping your knuckles against his head softly.

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to send me any requests you might have!

#ikon #ikon scenarios #ikon smut #ikon june #ikon june scenarios #ikon june smut #ikon koo junhoe #ikon junhoe #ikon junhoe scenarios #ikon junhoe smut

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samdukewieland · 4 years

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Stuck Inside Media Diary Week 6

It was during this week that it dawned on me just how many movies I’ve watched since when I started keeping track of it. Then I got to wondering how long I keep this going-it’s kind of a bit, but also not one totally. I guess as soon as I go back to work and no longer spend my days playing PlayStation for hours on end and there’s no longer The Ticket to listen to for the day, that’s when it stops. Got real close to breaking the streak this week, which is probably the most harrowing thing I’ve been through in about 7 weeks (for the record, Week 1 was not documented as there was not much to document).

Sunday, April 26

Mad Men, “The Mountain King”, “Meditations In An Emergency” [Season 2 Finale], “Out Of Town” [Season 3], “Love Among The Ruins”

California Don Draper/Dick Whitman is a real nice sweet spot that Mad Men taps into this season, or at the very least it comes across as much more interesting than the adventures of young Dick Whitman. It’s, obviously, the most honest we see Don/Dick whenever he’s around Anna and makes you realize just how much work he puts himself through to not be honest to anyone or himself. But to see Jon Hamm go between both characters really knocks you back on your ass-Draper is a pretty surface level “showy” character display, at least in the first season, and I’m glad they decided to flesh him out now like this, by giving the audience something that isn’t so wooden or warn out (wooden is usually an insult, but take it to mean like a gorgeously polished oak table or redwood or something else you could stare at for hours). That ending with him and Betty at the kitchen table is an incredible showcase for both of them (I used to be very dismissive of Betty, but I realize now that that was super unfair and dumb of me! so it’s been kind of eye opening re-watching this and realizing that January Jones was/is actually really good)

Season 3 is probably my favorite season of the show, from what my brain can recall and it really hits the ground running. You can feel the energy radiating off of it (when they were writing it they had already won their first Emmys and were already looking highly favored to repeat success in season 2).

Plot Against America, “Part 5″

Beef House, “Army Buddy Brad”, “Prunes”

Three Busy Debras, “A Very Debra Christmas”, “Cartwheel Club”

People really underrate Adult Swim and Cartoon Network, especially when you find yourself with an awkward amount of time before watching something at a scheduled time. Just nice li’l 15 minute (barely) long episodes before The Last Dance, that’s nice. Also I think the last time I talked about Debras I compared it to Stella which I stand by, but I’d also throw in Strangers With Candy and Pee Wee’s Playhouse. So if you like that kind of stuff.

The Last Dance, Parts 3 & 4

Dennis. Rodman. The downside of these episodes is that they go fully into the time jumping aspects that it didn’t do as heavily in the first two installments. I also think they might play better if they ran right after the first two parts, rather than have that week long simmer. That’s like the most critical thing I can say about them, and it really just boils down to “I want more now.” Love that Isiah Thomas has no shame in being in the doc, despite just being taken to the dome by e v e r y o n e featured in it. Probably the best example of “no such thing as bad press”-it should be taught in business school or wherever agents go to school.

Monty Python’s Life Of Brian, Jones 1979 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

This was, somehow, a big blind spot in my Monty Python catalog. I think I very quietly went through a contrarian phase of “Monty Python isn’t that funny” somewhere in college, probably a li’l in high school too. It’s definitely been a thing I’ve been worried about re-visiting (I can’t remember the last time I watched Holy Grail, which I considered a religious text) and wanted to keep at arm’s length. That was very uninteresting and there is nothing at all interesting in me admitting that this movie’s really fucking funny; I was cackling when they bring out the huge stone during the stoning scene. The alien thing, while I respect in a purely “well, we don’t know how to get from this point to this point with it ‘making sense’ so let’s just go all the way to nothing”-stance, I’m just pretty allergic to anything Gilliam (I’m guessing) thinks of as incredibly clever. Life Of Brian: good!

Monday, April 27

Parks And Recreation, “Tom’s Divorce”

This feels like a very underrated episode of Parks, not in the conversation a lot, which feels like an oversight. I also just realized that it’s a Harris episode, so that could be why I am trying to champion it right now. Honest, I didn’t know until two minutes ago.

Mad Men, “My Old Kentucky Home”

Mmmmm. There’s an image from “Old Kentucky Home” of Roger Sterling that is still so shocking and I’m using a great deal of restraint to not post it above (because it’s super-duper racist), but I am still in awe that a buddy of mine from college used/uses(?) it as a cover photo on one of his social media accounts. IF only I could be so bold as he, or Roger Sterling in black-face.

The Virgin Suicides, Coppola 1999 [as of now this is available on Prime]

Grew up in a pretty anti-Sofia household from at least one of my undisclosed older brothers. I was told very early on that she is overrated and not very good at what she does and I just never investigated to see if that was true or not until...well I guess last Monday night. Baby’s first Sofia Coppola movie, babe. Talk about a mood! I liked it, I think? Yer kind of a weirdo-guy if you really latch yerself onto loving The Virgin Suicides, but I guess I didn’t realize how much of the movie has Kirsten Dunst or the other sisters not talking before I saw it. Or that James Woods is a pretty convincing sad/quiet/weird guy (as tempting as it is to say that this is the last good thing James Woods was good in, the correct answer is Recess: Schools Out-maybe John Q ((I haven’t seen it.)) I wonder how many conflicting feelings Josh Hartnett inspired in teenage girls between 1999 and 2001. Great job, Sofia, sorry I’m late to the party and for the pre-conceived notions that were lodged into my stupid brain.

Tuesday, April 28

Mad Men, “The Arrangements”, “The Fog”

Attaboy to “The Arrangements” for giving Carla Gallo work (tsktsk for not finding a way to use her more). “The Fog” is pretty mediocre Sopranos karaoke episode; not great, but not as bad as I remember it being. The Betty being hazy sequences aren’t as long as I recalled them to be, so that was nice. Plus all the Gene stuff....man, I don’t know.

The Manchurian Candidate, Demme 2004 [as of now this is available on HBO]

Jonathan Demme is easily the most underrated director of his time, especially when it comes to shifting genres and putting such an overwhelmingly human touch to everything he works on. This is probably the movie that has the least amount of that, but it takes these wild swings and chances that you can’t help but respect the hell out of what you’re watching. It’s maybe the weirdest Denzel role I think I’ve ever seen, but he’s so good in it, but that’s just kind of the standard in Demme movies. What’s the worst performance you’ve ever seen in one of his movies? Is there one? I’ve never seen the original Manchurian Candidate so I don’t super know where or what this one lacks, but it’s so strange that it has made me want to go back and watch it again to try and understand or just watch the choices that Demme makes in this movie. How about Streep!

Joe Pera Talks With You, “Joe Pera Gives You A Piano Lesson”, “Joe Pera Watches Internet Videos With You”

I know I harp on this a lot, but it’s just so wholesome and I guess I’m just shocked that anything this wholesome could have Connor O’Malley’s prints all over it. I say that as an admirer of both things, but just can’t wrap my head around the two come together.

Wednesday, April 29

Something Wild, Demme 1986 [as of now this is available on HBO]

This movie’s incredible. I knew absolutely nothing about it going in, other than it was Demme and Jeff Daniels (every time I saw the poster, my brain just registered Melanie Griffith as Catherine O’Hara, because that’s who it looks like at a glance). I was floored, I couldn’t believe a movie like this existed and I just hadn’t seen it (though, to be fair, I can’t imagine a person who doesn’t love Jonathan Demme going out of their way to see this in 1986, let alone 2020). And I’ve got some apologizing to do to Melanie Griffith after being pretty underwhelmed by her in Working Girl, I loved her in this. I also can’t help but wonder who has had a worse life (in the face) because of cigarettes, Ray Liotta or Al Pacino? If you want actual good discussion on this movie, I can’t implore the Blank Check episode with Scott Aukerman where they talk about it (there was also nothing more, personally, of a relief than hearing them talk about how it reminded them of a David Lynch movie and After Hours, thoughts I also had while watching, but am by no means enough of a Lynch-head or have seen After Hours enough to confidently throw that out in the open without someone else saying it first).

Thursday, April 30

Mikey And Nicky, May 1976

About once a year Criterion does a 50% sale and lately I’ve tried to take advantage of that (having a disposable income really lends itself to doing this). This was a movie I knew nothing about, other than Peter Falk was in it and ya know what, I really like Peter Falk. I wasn’t expecting an all-night movie, I was barely expecting a crime/mob movie, but it technically is. It’s about so much more: cowardice, male-friendship, our weaknesses and shortcomings as people, Ned Beatty being pissed about driving around New York City and getting lost. I’ve thought about it a lot since watching it and I’m glad that I own it and can re-visit it whenever I want.

Parks And Recreation, “Christmas Scandal” & “Special”

Joe Pera Talks With You, “Joe Pera Has A Surprise For You”, “Joe Pera Helps You Write An Obituary”

When you just look at these titles on paper (or screen, rather) without actually seeing them, it’s a pretty good setup as a joke. However, this is when the season and show takes a very melancholy turn that’s incredibly moving. (I think he might’ve actually lost his grandmother between seasons-very possible I have this wrong, I just know the character was based on her)

Friday, May 1

Mad Men, “Guy Walks Into An Advertising Agency”

Man, this episode.This is an all-timer on every level; not an ounce of fat on this one and maybe one of the funniest things to happen on this wonderful show.

X-Men: Dark Phoenix or, uh, just Dark Phoenix, Kinberg 2019 [as of now this is available on HBO]

Incredible that people in charge of an X-Men movie decided an actual team that should be depicted in this movie was Mystique (team leader, lol), Cyclops, Jean, Nightcrawler, Hank/Beast, Storm and Quicksilver. I mean yeh, this thing is really bad, potentially worse than Apocalypse, because that at least tried to have a personality. Though the train sequence here does have some redeeming qualities to it, so it might have the edge-I couldn’t tell you a single set piece from Apocalypse other than Oscar Isaac’s beautiful mug being caked in blue make-up (lol). Also, I gotta admit, mad respect to Kinberg for the incredible bait and switch with making Jessica Chastain look enough like some kind of mixture between Cassandra Nova and Emma Frost where you’re expecting her to be either of them and not just a shape-shifting alien.

Joe Pera Talks With You, “Joe Pera Shows You How To Do Good Fashion”, “Joe Pera Shows You How To Pack A Lunch”, “Joe Pera Talks With You On The First Day Of School”

I obviously want more episodes of this show, but if there were ever a perfect collection of stories, it was this.

Saturday, May 2

Top Chef, Season 17 episode 7

Tough, tough loss for Eric [insert Tom Colicchio “there’s always Last Chance Kitchen”] who I really admire and absolutely loved last season, I wish he had not gone on All-Stars this year, gained a couple more years, polish his technique and come back on the next All-Star season and sweep the floor. No shame in this loss though, because half of the competition this week was pretty dumb, though this was good build-up for Restaurant Wars, which the producers seem to always have hanging above their head as fan favorite and they feel like they need to throw Poochie in there.

Mad Men, “Seven Twenty Three”, “Souvenir”, “Wee Small Hours”, “The Color Blue”, “The Gypsy And The Hobo”, “The Grown-Ups”, “Shut The Door. Have A Seat”

I don’t know if I necessarily advise watching 7 episodes of Mad Men like I did this past Saturday. However, I think you’re kind of hard-pressed to not want to just keep the tap going on this one. Incredible stretch of episodes for January Jones and a real proper introduction to Henry Francis, probably a character I should hate, but have a lot of affection for. He might be the most sincere character on the show, which makes him pretty endearing. “Shut the Door. Have A Seat” is also one of the best getting the gang together sequences/movies I think I’ve ever seen. This is also a real, real tough stretch for Don, humanity wise, between his handling of poor Salvatore and his dealing with Betty once he finds out about she and Henry. Great season, great stuff.

The Death Of Stalin, Iannucci 2017 [as of now this is available on Netflix]

Despite knowing (possibly) an embarrassingly low amount about Russian history, I dug it. Felt like the joke was probably on me partially, because of how little I know about Russian history, but is that gonna make me not enjoy watching Jeffrey Tambor in Hank Kingsly form bounce off of Steve Buscemi, Simon Russell Beale, Michael Palin and Jason Isaacs (holy shit, Jason Isaacs in this movie)? Nah. Though, be warned because this thing is probably ripe for your cousin who goes out of his way to tell you stuff like “well Doctor Strangelove is satire, that’s why it’s so genius.”

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aspergersissues · 7 years

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13 Reasons Why

This post will contain spoilers for the show and real references to suicide. Please don't read this unless you're okay with both. I talk to almost no one that knew me during my middle/high school years. Basically, only family members. Even then, my adoptive parents never took what I was going through serious and probably didn't talk about it much other than just mentioning general bullying. Because of that, I want to use the new Netflix series 13 Reasons Why to illustrate the severity of things. I just finished 13 Reasons Why, tonight. I heard about it on a podcast a few days ago– that people were saying it glorified suicide, followed by a brief description. I watch the first eight hours on Tuesday, then the remaining five hours today. I was glued to it. First, it does NOT glorify suicide. It shows how horrific a choice it is and how much it impacts everyone around the person. The fact they even showed the suicide itself and her parents finding her showed how awful and ugly it is. I don't understand how that's a controversy unless people just haven't watched it and are basing it on the synopsis. Now, with that out of the way. I am Hannah Baker. Well, I was. I was bullied as bad as she was and possibly worse. Everything she went through in the series is remarkably similar to experiences in my life (including the fact I almost committed suicide twice). It was eerie. I've been crying my eyes out frequently, the past few days, recalling things I'd buried way down and tried to forget about. I know this series is hard as hell to watch, but I want to ask something of my friends and family: If it won't be psychologically triggering for you, please watch the show for me. I want you to fully grasp what I've been through. It's hard to understand this through me giving short details. Seeing it acted out in front of you, as this show does, forces you to feel it. Once you have, or if you don't mind spoilers, read ahead. I wanted to take the 13 tapes in the show and look back at my life and similar incidents. The fact these are all so similar shakes me. No one should suffer through a life like this. No one. I speak out about this when I am able (which isn't as much as I would like) in some unlikely potential that just one kid can be spared from this. Just like Hannah, every time I tried to reach out for a social connection, it was ripped away harder. I am very bad with names (damned prosopagnosia), so bear with me if I have to use a description of a character over a name. Justin- I think this is Hanna's first tape. She went on one date with the guy and they kissed. He had a suggestive picture of her going down the slide and that turned into the rumor that she fucked on the first date and was a slut. I didn't get that rumor since I didn't date until I was 18, but rumors spread quickly as hell. I don't remember them all now, but I heard in 6th grade that people thought I regularly took LSD. Everyone knew I was gay (I am, but that's a complicated issue for other reasons). There were dozens of rumors floating around about me, each more crazy and horrible than the last. People assumed they were true and they followed me my entire time in public school, resurfacing at the worst times. Jess- Hannah is assigned a friend by the school, but it actually worked out. Then they quickly grow apart, but Hannah doesn't find a new friend. I was assigned a friend by the school. More than five times over the years, I don't remember the exact number. It never worked out. Never. They had other friends and no need for me. They quickly decided rumors about me were true because I was a little weird and started avoiding me or bullying me with the others. Alex- Another friend that grew apart quickly, but then made rumors about Hannah worse. I had a few people I'd latch onto for a few months here or there that would then turn on me to get a laugh from their friends at my expense. These were usually how rumors about me got so crazy. They would embellish older ones and make them more extreme and get believed because we'd hung out a few times. Off the top of my head, I remember six of these. These hurt BAD. Nothing like trusting someone only to have them turn on you. What was worse was the ones who used stuff I showed them to make up new rumors that had hints of truth to be more believable. Tyler- the stalker. Taking pictures of Hannah in her bedroom and other places. I've had three stalkers in my life. One in high school and two after. I've experienced the awfulness of not feeling safe anywhere and always thinking that someone could be looking at you. Thank god this was before people could easily share pictures on the internet. ((honor roll girl with the gay dads))- I'm impressed it took me this long before I forgot a name. This girl hangs out with Hannah and they attempt to catch the stalker together. They get a bit tipsy and honor roll girl starts to kiss Hannah and pressure her to make out, revealing she's a closet lesbian. Stalker gets a picture of them, they realize it's Tyler, honor roll girl panics and runs. Denies she even knows Hannah from here on out. This has happened to me three times. Three. The first was in middle school. Very casually dating a girl, said I love you, she denied knowing me anymore after that. We'd known each other since 4th grade. Second was in high school. We had a mild romantic fling (nothing serious) while on a trip to France with a class. Told someone that I wasn't sure, but she might be my girlfriend, after we returned to school. She told me off and said she would never even consider dating me in front of an entire class. The last was shortly after high school. Dated a girl in college. She went home for summer and I went up to visit for three weeks. While there, she fucked me stupid, proposed marriage to me, introduced me as a romantic partner to even her parents. When she came back down to Florida a couple weeks later, all my "friends" said she was telling them she was single and looking and I made everything up. Each of these fueled more rumors, as they did with Hannah who was now easy, a slut, and a lesbo. ((class president dude))- Agrees to date with Hannah, makes her wait an hour, sweet talks her into trying to date anyway, tries to get physical despite protests, then yells at her saying "I thought you were supposed to be easy!" At 17, I had a 45 year old gay man do the same to me, but I didn't know it was a date. Since I've never been attracted to guys, it never occurred to me that he was interested in me that way. We were meeting with the pretense of working on music together. So yeah, thought I was working with a musical colleague and making a friend in the process. Instead, almost get raped. ((cute quiet basketball guy))- Tries to pick up the last guy's rebound (no pun intended) and when he's turned down, starts doing cruel things to Hannah to get even (stealing anonymous compliment letters left for her in a class that are her last holdout of human contact- hard to explain without seeing it). I had someone who was supposed to be a friend of mine, according to the school and parents, despite them repeatedly hurting me. I'm just going to pick out one specific thing she did, here. I forget what grade, but I started getting extremely violent and specific death threats in my locker. I went to that friend, first, who told me to be careful; someone must really hate me. I'd been bullied for so long as this point, that it didn't seem unlikely at all. After a week of this, the date of warning was up. This was when I was going to be shot or stabbed, I forget which. I went to the principal and delivered the twenty or so notes. They figured out it was that friend who'd be leaving them. I was shaking from a massive panic attack before I found out (they sent me back to class a period before the time on the notes). There was no punishment for that friend. This is the earliest full panic attack I can remember. Clay- Hannah's clueless love interest. She wants him to make the move so bad, but he just doesn't know how. When he finally does, she freaks out from all the abuse she's taken and pushes him away. He doesn't fight her pushing back (I probably would have reacted the same way in that situation) and she decides that she's lost him and he hates her. This is the one and only tape I couldn't relate to. I never had anyone get that close to me until well after high school. Thankfully, I didn't push them away. That said, I can vividly remember many times with everyone I played Magic with in high school where something I would say or do would cause them to explode at me and tell me to get out and never talk to them again. I blame that squarely on me being autistic and not diagnosed back then. I'm sure I said several things I didn't know were a problem because I didn't know how to interact with others or that I had a problem. Couple that with social ignorance from not ever having friends and it's no shock. That's probably the closest I got to pushing anyone away. ((other cheerleader))- It's hard to work with this one, as it's so specific. She knocks down a stop sign and won't wait for Hannah to call the police and report it, leading to a fatal accident that gets blamed on someone else. I can find one way to relate to it. At least a dozen times, I've been abandoned by friends who've driven me somewhere and just didn't feel like telling me they're leaving. This was in the days before cell phones. There was a lot of walking home, or using a payphone to call around for a ride when it was far. I still have dreams about those long walks on busy roads in Florida. These really showed that no one gave a second thought towards my well-being. Bryce- the big one. He rapes Hannah. If you thought I wouldn't relate to this, I've got bad news for you. I have been. MANY times. I had a sociopath for a girlfriend just after high school. I don't just throw that word around as an insult or anything. Looking back with hindsight, she was legitimately a sociopath. I was naive and autistic, and she took advantage of that. She was also the first person I came out to as transgender and gay and she didn't hate me for it. In fact, she embraced it and helped me deal with it a bit. Because of that, I put up with a lot that I shouldn't have. I caught her cheating on me twice and let it go. Sadly, it was much worse than that. I later learned that she was sleeping with at least five other people who all thought I knew about it and got off on it. I only caught her because she got an STD from one of them and then gave it to me. I still deal with that reminder of her to this day. Why wasn't I careful to avoid the STD, you ask? She raped me. Frequently. Like, held me down and forced herself on me type of rape. She convinced me that men couldn't be raped (not that I was really a man, but that's moot). The day she was diagnosed with the STD and visible symptoms, I was with her in the doctor's room. I drove her home after and she talked me into coming inside. Despite all my protests, she once again held me down and raped me. That's how I contracted HPV. She broke up with me (yeah, you read that right) around a week later and told me that she'd only stayed with me so long so she could say she was in a relationship for three years (we broke up two days after our anniversary). She broke up with me with her new boyfriend there– the one she got HPV from. The relationship had tons of horrific stuff in it, but I'm narrowing it down to this, for now. ((guidance councilor))- Hannah comes out to the councilor about wanting to kill herself while he repeatedly answers the phone, blows her off, and tells her to "just move on" about the rape. She storms out of his office but waits outside the door to see if he'll chase after her. He doesn't. After this, she kills herself. I've already demonstrated that I had inept and uncaring school faculty above, but that rabbit hole goes much deeper than I can get into without writing an entire book. There is one guidance councilor that catches my attention, though, after flashbacks I got from this scene. In high school, I was assigned one of the four guidance councilors based on my last initial. Despite clearly being autistic, OCD, and having anxiety disorders, she never clued in to any of that. She blew me off when I dropped out of gifted in 9th grade because the teacher was even bullying me. She blew off all bullying, honestly, using the whole "are you doing anything to cause this?" bullshit we hear in the show at one point. Despite being incredibly intelligent in conversations, she looked at my falling grades– which were mostly Ds and Fs by 11th grade– and wrote me off as a junkie who would never amount to anything. I'm not guessing, she told me that to my face. It didn't matter that I'd never tried any drugs or alcohol, she knew it by my grades. Whenever I had to go to her for scheduling or even just counseling, she treated me horribly. I was obvious that I was just a burden to her and she wanted nothing to do with me. I even went so far as to petition the school for a new councilor, but was repeatedly denied. "She really does care about you! Look what she wrote in her report." She told me repeatedly that I was a waste of life and to just drop out of high school. The person with the job to be the last hope for someone like me just wasn't there in the least. Just like for Hannah. It's no wonder, looking back on this stuff that I came so close to suicide twice. Hell, I'm barely scratching the surface of what happened to me. We could throw in the physical stuff (eye gouging, hit with chairs, cleaning solvents sprayed in my mouth and eyes, etc), but that's nothing to the emotional abuse. No one was there for me, ever. Every time I'd try to reach out to another human being for some level of companionship, I'd be struck down harder than the last time. My parents never took any of this that seriously, either. I had no one until my 20's. Is it any wonder I was so depressed and turned so inward? I still credit body art (tattoos, piercings, and the like) for saving my life and giving me a reason to feel joy again. Without it, I know I wouldn't have made it to adulthood. I honestly don't know how I made it to 18 to get to those, though. I remember holding the knife once, being so close to cutting. The other time, I don't even remember how I was going to do it. I was beyond a mess that time. I've never had a good way to explain to people, to show them just how bad things really got. How many times I reached out to other people and found nothing or even more despair. 13 Reasons Why finally portraits it in its horrific reality. I've never seen such an analogue for my life that gets it so correct. They always gloss over things and try to paint a less gritty picture, thinking viewers/readers won't be able to cope with it. Netflix finally gave someone a chance to show the authentic version of high school that people like me experience. I will end with a comment about Tyler's character. Look at the way the group treats him throughout the series. This was also my life. Trying to be included in anything resulted in reactions like those. I was forced out of pretty much everything. If I was included, it was just to humiliate me. Seeing his guns at the end is deeply troubling to me. It's troubling not because of what he might do, it's that I feel sympathy, compassion, and understand his motives. I don't want to feel that way, but I totally get what he's been through. When you watch, pay attention to how he's treated, as well as Hannah. Combine them, and that's me– even the people cheering my name when I'd walk into parties (not that I went to many). Is it any wonder why I changed my name in my 20's? I want to be as separate from my past as I can be. I'm not that person anymore, thankfully. I survived it, but only barely. Others in my spot aren't as lucky.

#trigger warning #suicide #bullying #high school #public school #13 reasons why #survive #jss #ptsd #long reads

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ladystylestores · 4 years

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Have a Good Trip is a gateway drug to de-stigmatizing psychedelics

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Sting, Sarah Silverman, Ben Stiller, and the late Carrie Fisher and Anthony Bourdain are among the celebrities interviewed for the new Netflix documentary Have a Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics.

Carrie Fisher had a psychedelic-induced encounter with a talking acorn. Grateful Dead drummer Bill Kreutzmann recalls the time he dropped too much acid and his cymbals began melting mid-set, forcing him to leave the stage. Ben Stiller admits he only dropped acid once, and had such a bad trip that he called his parents, Jerry Stiller (who died just this week) and the late Anne Meara. These are just a few of the celebrity psychedelic experiences recounted in the entertaining new documentary film, Have a Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics, now streaming on Netflix.

(Mild spoilers below.)

Psychedelics get their name from the Greek root words for “mind revealing,” since they can alter cognition and perception. LSD (lysergic acid diethylamide) is perhaps the best known, along with its popular siblings psilocybin (the active ingredient in magic mushrooms); 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA), aka ecstasy (or molly); peyote, made from the ground-up tops of cacti that contain mescaline; and ayahuasca, a bitter tea made from a Brazilian vine with the active ingredient dimethyltryptamine (DMT). Most are classified as Schedule 1 substances by the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency, meaning they are not deemed to have any potential medical benefits. But this is largely a remnant of the “culture wars” that raged in the 1960s and 1970s.

The Swiss chemist Albert Hoffman discovered LSD while working with chemical compounds derived from ergot, a type of fungus that grows on rye, because he was interested in potential drug therapies. The fact that LSD’s molecular structure is similar to serotonin means that it can bind to serotonin receptors in the brain. A pharmaceutical company called Sandoz launched an LSD-based drug called Delysid in 1947 for the treatment of psychiatric disorders, and from 1950 to 1965 some 40,000 people were treated with LSD, including such Hollywood luminaries as Cary Grant.

The CIA also notoriously experimented—unsuccessfully— with LSD as a possible mind-control drug during the Cold War with the MKUltra project. And over time, fears began to grow about the unpredictability and safety of psychedelics. Stories of bad trips, temporary psychosis, and traumatic flashbacks began to proliferate, and the drugs became negatively associated with the counterculture Beat movement of the 1950s. Harvard psychology professor Timothy Leary was dismissed from his position in 1963 for conducting experiments on students by giving then LSD and magic mushrooms. He set up his own private research program, and drew the attention of the FBI, culminating in his arrest and imprisonment. Then-president Richard Nixon declared Leary “the most dangerous man in America.” And ultimately LSD and its fellow psychedelics were classified as Schedule 1 under the 1970 Controlled Substances Act.

The ideal dinner party

It’s within this historical context that Have a Good Trip director Donick Cary decided, some 11 years ago, that he wanted to film a documentary of famous people telling stories about their experiences with psychedelics. “I thought, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a long dinner party where you go around a giant table with all your favorite people and they share a story about hallucinogens?” he told Ars.

Cary was just a little ahead of the curve, since this was a period where many people were still pretending that they never experimented with such substances. “That’s where pop culture was for the 1980s and 1990s, unless you were at a [Grateful] Dead show or something,” he said. Nonetheless, he started filming celebrities telling stories in his spare time—which was limited, given his work on The Simpsons, Parks and Recreation, and Silicon Valley, among other projects—fitting them in whenever everyone’s schedules lined up. And because the project took so long, public attitudes toward psychedelics began to shift, and the stigma associated with those drugs started to lift, as word about the potential therapeutic benefits began to spread beyond academic circles.

The stark honesty and deeply personal nature of these celebrity stories of being under the influence of psychedelics provide a big part of the film’s appeal. “They’re sober when they’re telling their stories, so it’s real reflection,” said Cary. “They’re very intimate, because this is a taboo subject, but they’re also doubly intimate because they’re revealing what their brain reveals on this powerful substance. It’s like their subconscious is being revealed.”

Nick Offerman schools us in the science of psychedelics.

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Adam Scott plays devil’s advocate as the host of a mock anti-drug after school special.

Netflix

Unsuspecting teens don’t know there are DRUGS at this party.

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Time for a magic carpet ride

Netflix

Pro tip: it’s probably not a good idea to look in the mirror.

Netflix

Rob Corddry playing Paul Scheer

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A re-enactment of Carrie Fisher’s encounter with a talking acorn.

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Chill out and just become the Kelp Monster, Nick Kroll.

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For AS$P Rocky it was all about love, man.

YouTube/Netflix

Full disclosure: like Stiller, I have dropped acid exactly once, as research for a chapter in my 2014 book, Me, Myself, and Why: Searching for the Science of Self. (I am hardly the first writer to do so, nor am I the last. Michael Pollan wrote an entire book, How to Change Your Mind, about his exploration of psychedelics and the ongoing research renaissance into their properties.) I experienced many of the same things related by the subjects in Cary’s film.

Boulders seemed to breathe. When I laid down on an Oriental rug, the patterns laced up my arms like a fluid tattoo. Closing my eyes and listening to music produced an explosion of vibrant colors and patterns. At one point my spouse morphed into a giant purple dinosaur. I tried to take notes, but my hand kept melting into the paper, and what little I did manage to scrawl was embarrassingly inane, because things only seem to be more profound when you’re tripping. The real insight comes later.

And as we discovered when my spouse tried to capture part of the trip on video, it’s incredibly boring to watch someone on acid, because you can’t see what they are experiencing. I literally spent ten minutes staring fixedly at a wooden slat in a deck chair, before sagely pronouncing to the camera, “You have to go into the wood, down to the molecules.”

New realities

That was also a challenge for Cary. Since he didn’t want to just have a bunch of talking heads in his film, Cary opted for an eclectic mix of re-enactments and animated sequences to illustrate the various stories. “I wanted to bring each story to life in different ways, giving each person their own little short film with their own style and tone,” he said. “I also wanted to play with the transition between this reality, and the reality that your brain reveals on psychedelics. Animation was a really good way to morph between those.”

Nick Offerman appears, clad in a white lab coat, to offer occasional science-y tidbits. There’s also a recurring skit featuring a deadpan Adam Scott playing devil’s advocate as the host of a 1980s-style anti-drug After School Special, in which strait-laced teens accidentally ingest psychedelics at a party, freak out, and repeatedly jump through windows. (Spoiler alert: They get kicked out of the party after breaking one too many.) It’s an amusing send-up of a classic anti-drug film, Desperate Lives (1982). “That was my impression as a kid growing up, if you take psychedelics, it’s 50/50 you’re going to jump out a window,” Cary said.

A visual tribute to Albert Hoffman and “Bicycle Day”

YouTube/Netflix

Sting recalls encountering a dragon during an ayahuasca ceremony.

YouTube/Netflix

Ben Stiller had a bad trip and called his parents, Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara.

YouTube/Netflix

Road trip! Channeling Hunter S. Thompson

YouTube/Netflix

Grateful Dead drummer Bill Kreutzmann once had to leave the stage mid-set after dropping a bit too much acid

YouTube/Netflix

Sarah Silverman is ready for a psychedelic adventure.

YouTube/Netflix

Rosie Perez melded with her mattress.

YouTube/Netflix

It might sound like Have a Good Trip is just a random collection of celebrity psychedelic stories, but Cary is too skilled a professional for that. He sifted through more than 70 interviews, looking for recurring themes and potential through lines to connect the various segments and set up new ideas, whittling it all down to just 10 or 15 interviews. “The good side of having 11 years is that we could try different things, see if they worked, what was entertaining, what kept you interested,” he said.

That meant leaving a lot of amazing footage on the cutting room floor to keep the documentary to a reasonable 90-minute running time. “I talked to Carrie Fisher for two and a half hours,” said Cary. “She shared incredible stories, and it was hard to let those breathe, because we weren’t doing an hourlong special about Carrie.” The vast majority of those interviewed didn’t make it into the film at all. (One could envision many of those being turned into a spinoff half-hour animated series on Adult Swim or similar outlet.)

The overall scientific content of the film is relatively light, mostly provided by UCLA psychologist Charles Grob , who has been involved with FDA-approved research into potential therapeutic benefits of psychedelics (MDMA and ayahuasca). For instance, a compound found in ayahuasca called banisterine shows potential for treating Parkinson’s disease, since it latches onto dopamine receptors in the brain—the same receptors that Parkinson’s destroys. LSD and psilocybin can be used to treat cluster headaches and severe migraines. Peyote has shown promise as a treatment for alcoholism. MDMA has been used to treat PTSD and terminal cancer patients; the latter subjects reported feeling less fear and anxiety about their approaching death as a result.

Only a fraction of this is mentioned in passing in Have a Good Trip. But that’s okay. It’s not that kind of documentary. With its breezy conversational tone, perhaps the film is best viewed as a gateway drug for learning more about these complicated substances. Not that Cary is suggesting everyone should be dropping acid or other psychedelics. He is a fan of Grob’s vision of licensed professionals walking people through the experience, determining the correct dosage in a carefully controlled setting. “It’s powerful stuff, so don’t just blindly take one, because it could lead to some really bad things,” Cary said. “Go cautiously and do your work. But I hope, in a weird way, that we came away with a very practical user’s guide for anyone even considering this stuff.”

“I think the real message for me was, let’s not live in a world where there’s just scare tactics [surrounding psychedelics], where we dismiss them just because they make us uncomfortable,” Cary concluded. “Let’s talk about them and figure out what the good is we can take from them as a society, and remind people that these are powerful tools that can be used in positive ways.”

Have a Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics is now streaming on Netflix.

Listing image by YouTube/Netflix

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