#i sometimes do it if im stressed too

[forest-therian]

I started doing a little quads in my room everyday as like the first thing I do when I wake up and wow the serotonin, this is my version of doing yoga after I wake up

#i sometimes do it if im stressed too #just take a little break and run around on all fours for a bit #im still only doing a little at a time and doing my stretches before i do quads too for my joints #but it makes me so happy #therian #quads #quadrobics

[obsob]

once more around the sun!! :3

#mine #cats #happy new year!!! a little late but alas #i didnt like th colours here but now i love them hehehehehheheh #i hope everyone had a good holidays life development for me is i now like ice hockey #in my sports fan era...these greasy sweaty bloody white men...intrigue me #also i got a new diary!! im using th hobonichi cousin in kinda alarmed by it ngl a5 is a lot of space to fill #i tried the hobonichi techo a couple years ago n found it a rlly weird size 2 work in but now.........big page scawwy #im trying not 2 b too insane about it . like relax who cares #if i do cute spreads i will share them :3 #also in th same vein im not setting a book goal this year !! tbh i surpassed my goal last year by a lot and wasnt stressed about it at All #but i get so guilty about not reading sometimes like girl . guilty to who? god? are we catholic now? get a grip #anyway anway im going to toot on my flute and then eat my weight in mac n cheese #love how i had to get a new cork in my flute bc i didnt play for like 10 months n th guy was like play regularly! n i was like yeh will do! #and then did not do that #alas...time escapes me

[todayisafridaynight]

#ryu ga gotoku #rgg #yakuza series #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza like a dragon #yakuza 7 #daigo dojima #ryo aoki #masato arakawa #snap sketches #im annoyed looking at this jaGELARKGJ #I LIKE MY LNIE ART BUT .... just nthing was clicking with me rtying to shade this #i only meant for this to be a quick thing today but i ended up mulling over it for longer than i wanted so im just throwing it out there #every time i make a rendered drawing of aokis office it always dark as hell like bro PLEASE you have a lamp #theres like ONE instance where i dont make it dark and it was in that goofy Rumor Mill comic #LIKE EVEN THAT COMIC ABOUT ARAKAWA BEING DEAD IT'S DAYTIME YET I STILL MADE IT DARK VJLAKJVAE #ridiculosu. #moving on ive wanted to draw them playing chess for months i just kept. Not Knowing How To Do It #whats funny is that i initially was planning an entirely different thing but i was thinking about that too much i got stressed #so . thats why i worked on this. and then i got stressed over this 💀💀💀 #speaking of chess ive always wanted a chessboard birthday cake with edible pieces .. that a lotta work tho ... #i love chess ... am i good at it probably not but i still lke to play it on my phone sometimes .. #guess ill work on that other thing now that im free and i know what i wanna do now that ive slept on it ... lol ... #mk bye i dont like rendering

[nafohcnis]

jd is just so much hes Such a good character. as someone with an actual shitty oldest brother that ruined his life i kind of find how people treat his flaws funny. esp when people blow them out of proportion like my guy was struggling and stressed and trying and . it didnt go so well but hey! he’s never hurt you on purpose and he wants to make up for it and be in your lives again

johnd oddory uhhggffgggg!!!!!!!! its so silly whenevr i think of how engrained this guy is in my head, cuz im the youngest out of my siblings but im closest with my sister The Eldest Daughter.. AND WHATS FUNNY is she says i’d be john dory and she’d be branch.. i forced her to watch trolls.she hates musicals. LAWL.

oh but anyway john dory’s whole dynamic.. ESPECIALLY with branch is soo… John Dory as the eldest, and the least favorite brother among them and branch as the youngest and most adored.. ugh it just so so so good. especially with how they mirror eachother so much… and how everyone treats them differently even though theyre so similar!!!! not that its a bad thing its just so.!!!

JOHN DORY MAKES ME FEEL SO BAD when i see him reuniting with his brothers like oh my god. because i KNOW his last impression on them was horrible and all their reactions are reasonable but man. John “GOODBYE FOREVER” Dory was the Only one to come back to the troll tree. Was the one to get everyone together to save floyd. Was in isolation for 20 years thinking his brothers were dead probably all his fault.

AND THEN guess what he WASNT EVEN OBSESSED WITH THE PERFECT FAMILY HARMONY AGAIN WHEN THEY REUNITE!! when floyds like ‘jd its diamond💔’ this dumbass goes ‘DIAMOND SHATTERING DIAMOND HAMMER’ he wasnt even THINKING OF IT!!!! uggghhhh and then theyre like THE SAME OLD JOHN DORY which is .partially true. but i feel like the siblings anger at him was definitely some bottled up feelings coming out cuz ths guy was clarifying that it was For FLOYD!!!!! ugh ugh ugh whateve Watt ever..!!!! ugh ugh ugh ugh everyone hug eachother and apologize and talk NOW!

#SORRY i went on a whole rant there #john dory and the sibling dynamics make me so…… #i should probably feel more align with branch which I Do sometimes… john dory just something about him #im gonna smash his head with a hammer #ugh strugglung and stressed and TRYING UGH UGH UGH im gonna be sick its too real #i AM gonna tag thsi one idk . listen to my john dory thoughts boy!!! #john dory #trolls john dory #trolls band together #dw trolls #dreamworks trolls #trolls #ask

[addictivities]

oh

#study #listen ive been having like a very chaotic time trying to balance life and work and excersie and art and it’s very hard sometimes #I would like to have had opened commissions a few weeks ago but im scared im just going to be too stressed to actually perfom correctly doi #doing them so I haven’t really opened yet #im not sure if there’s any of you guys waiting or if it’s even ok for me to like take my time to figure it out and like actually rest a #little bit #anyway here’s the situation #I honestly feel like this

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!

#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here #i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral #texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet! #here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress! #you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better' #i Immediately started doing Worse! #i think i stressed myself out too much #pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3 #ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block #mentally i am banging my head into a wall #but its fine Its Fine #i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail #which is something i should be used to by now! #okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so #i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh #well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um. #i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive #not gonna tag this with anything actually. #love treating tumblr like my personal diary #ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me. #perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day #buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that! #with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!! #gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent #i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain #ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts #just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3 #look away look away

[skitskatdacat63]

Notes:

I think I definitely like the original versions more than the edited ones. I'm more happy with the grumpy Fernando one, whereas the bratty Seb one made me want to cease painting forever. So hopefully he looks good?????? I'm sure I'll soften on it, but yeah, not TOO pleased with it right now. His facial expressions are so cute and dynamic and unique until you have to try and paint it and then you dont love him anymore(kidding ofc, how could I ever hate my beloved boy king 🥺)

Anyways, these are them:

#the caption is a multi-pronged reference so if you get it you get it 🤭 #hint: the quote is both a translation of a vettonso thing but its also not...exact. i added a little spice to it #so yeah translate all of that first(the first part of the quote wont work in google translate tho) #and then also the rest of the caption is both a reference to a real life thing but also me making it AUified !! #hehehe let me know your thoughts 🤭 was so fucking pleased w it when i first told C about it #ngl putting that quote was the main thing pushing me thru finishing the seb one #im like CMON YOU CAN DO IT!! IF YOU FINISH IT YOU CAN PUT YOUR SILLY LATIN JOKE!!! YOU LOVE LATIN!! #anyways i drafted this before i even really started the seb one #and my god LOOK AT THEIR HAND SIZE DIFFERENCE WOOF WOOF WOOF #did you guys notice...seb's ring...his wedding...ring? 🤭🤭🤭 #wanted to add one to nando but his left ring finger isnt really visible but just so you know hes wearing it #I have a lot of thoughrs about rings and ungloved vs gloved hands grrrrrrr #theres a lot of meaning in it to me and it adds to their characterization so ill try and make a post abt thay sometime ! #anyways pls enjoy the fruits of my labor..... #vettonso so good it makes me PAINT TWO PORTRAITS #i think before this au i was kinda trying to get away from painting csuse it stressed me out too much #and then the vettonso brainrot is so horrinle that im willing to paint for like...an undisclosed amnt of time #undisclosed not bcs im being secretive but bcs i have no idea and irs 6 am and i have school JSKFLVL #okay bur yes yes please enjoy. and enjoy my suffering as a purveyor of vettonso 🥹 id do anything for my lieges #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #catie.art. #boy king au

[yeoroot]

i switch canvases too much...i cannot change...

#yeoodles #sometimes i stress about not being able to finish a wip #then when I compile them like this i realize im just clowning myself #there's a mixture of genderbent jmkl and og jmkl #i also started testing out a different brush...hee h ee e #wrestling with my art style too...i can draw cute things automatically but i want to have range!! #i love many things...now how do i. mimic and produce those very things hHAHFIUAUFHAIU #sweating...this doesn't feature all of my canvases;;

[good-beanswrites]

Could you write a drabble for Mikoto and Shidou plus Blood? This request miiight be inspired by the fact that Mikoto mentions his body hurting a lot but doesn't seem to be receiving any medical treatment, either because Mahiru and Fuuta take priority or because there's no obvious cause, and therefore cure, to his pain...

👀👀👀 Thank you, this is such a good combo ough!! It's so interesting how much focus the others get when it comes to physical health, since Mikoto has clearly complained of his condition :( It looks like Milgram is trying to push the idea that he's completely oblivious to his alters, but I spun it where he's aware, just deep in denial. So have some Mikoto angst to get us hyped for Double!

Mikoto should be grateful. He was lucky. That’s what he kept repeating to himself. He had both of his eyes intact. Both his arms. He was strong enough to walk around freely. He wasn’t on the verge of death, or collapse. Thus, he should be grateful no one was offering him any help, because it meant he didn’t need it. He repeated it again. Maybe this time he would believe it.

With a groan, his body rolled out of bed. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d woken up actually feeling rested. Everything ached. His muscles tightened with soreness. His throat felt as raw as his knuckles, though he hadn’t been using either. He had no desire to lift his arms over his head, or twist around too much, so he didn’t change out of yesterday’s uniform. Maybe the belts and buckles had made it difficult to sleep. The theory wasn’t a convincing one, but dwelling on things like that had never gotten him anywhere.

He ran his fingers once through his hair, combing out a bit of the mess. Looking in a mirror was the last thing he needed. He made his way to the dining hall. 

The others trickled in for breakfast. His appetite, at least, hadn’t suffered. He hardly noticed the others giving him wide-eyed stares. What were they expecting? Of course he was looking worse for wear, given the circumstances. He ignored them, glad to focus on the hot meal before him.

A hand weighed heavy on his shoulder.

“Mikoto,” Shidou’s voice may have remained calm, but it was urgent. “Do you need some help?”

“Huh?” He shrugged his hand away, offering a weak smile. “I’m fine! Oh, I think Kazui was saving a seat for you over there, if you --”

“-- How about we go to my cell for a moment? Or yours, if that would be more comfortable.”

What was everyone’s problem this morning? Mikoto did his best to keep his voice pleasant. “Really, man, I’m good.” 

Shidou’s expression remained unmoving. Very carefully, he informed him, “you’re bleeding. Pretty badly by the look of it. You’re coming with me.” 

Mikoto blinked. He looked over his shoulder, following Shidou’s gaze. The back of his uniform was torn across the center. A significant splotch of blood seeped into the material, growing even larger as he shifted to see it. 

“...Oh…” 

Back in Shidou’s cell, sad to have left his breakfast plate behind, he slumped into a chair. Shidou gathered together some supplies. As always, he got right to the point. “What happened?”

“I… I’m not sure. I don’t remember anything from last night. I don’t remember most nights, recently. I know that sounds crazy, but…”

“It’s fine. I have definitely heard crazier.” He smiled, something gentle and reassuring. As usual, there was something hidden behind his eyes. It was as if he already knew what Mikoto was up to late at night that earned him so much soreness the following days. He didn’t offer an explanation, though. Mikoto didn’t press him for one.

He winced as he was helped out of his uniform. Removing his shirt revealed the mysterious gash. Shidou’s eyes widened at the array of scratches and scars. Some were fresh, but most originated long before Milgram. Though he didn’t ask, Mikoto answered.

“I’m pretty clumsy, huh?” Maybe this time he would believe it. 

Shidou was kind enough to pretend to. “Here, allow me…”

Shidou got to work cleaning and dressing the injuries. Mikoto closed his eyes. Even though the disinfectant stung, and sometimes those gloved fingers pressed a little two hard, it felt nice to have things patched up. 

“Is there anything else going on? Are you feeling pain anywhere else?”

Mikoto could have laughed. He didn’t. “I’m just sore. And my head’s been killing me, but I’m used to migraines. Perks of the verdict, I’m sure.”

Shidou hummed in thought. 

“Thanks, by the way. I’ll try to be more careful.” Not that he had much choice in the matter, it seemed. But he’d do his best. 

Shidou kept his face straight, but there were traces of pain in his voice. “I will too. I’m sorry, Mikoto. If I had known… I’ve been distracted lately, but I should have paid closer attention.”

“It’s fine,” he flashed a grin. “I know the others are pretty fucked up. And I’m not dying or anything. I’m lucky, you know?”

“I wouldn’t say so. Doctors don’t only treat the dying.”

Mikoto frowned. 

It didn’t take much longer to finish treatment. Shidou gave him a few instructions about the bandages, then offered him a clean shirt. “You’re good to go. I’ll be checking in more often, now. I’ll see if I can find something for your head.” 

“Thanks. Really.”

He returned Mikoto’s torn uniform. “You should talk to Es about getting a new one. Until then, you’ll want to clean this with --”

Mikoto waved a dismissive hand, heading out of the cell. “Don’t worry, I know how to wash blood out of my clothes. Er, that sounds bad. I’m just a clutz, yeah? The blood’s always been my own.”

Maybe this time he would believe it.

#milgram #mikoto kayano #shidou kirisaki #im so fucked up over mikotos state rn :(( im pretty sure his vd is going to melt me into a little puddle on the floor on wednesday #id need to do more research on what doctors are supposed to do but i think shidou knows mikoto is in denial and wants him to work through #the realization on his own first instead of forcing it on him - and telling him wont stop the late night rampages in his cell #and youre right - theres not an easy cure for the stress headaches and all that anyway so theres only so much he can do #but yeah itd make sense that shidou (and the others) were genuinely too busy with the 12yo and dying patients to notice his condition... #sorry for having a shirtless mikoto moment 😭 i didnt want to pull a meme but it was needed for the prompt 😤 #i kept it in mikotos pov but when shidou mentions what doctors do hes having an internal crisis about if hes a good doctor rip #i do think mikoto only had one victim but still got into fights and stuff sometimes - hence others' blood on his clothes in the past #thank you so much for the request!! #the double hype has been Consuming me asdfsdf so this was a ton of fun to write ;-; #drabbles

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan #i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch #shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else #even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress #but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside #academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project #i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send #myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it #but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or #maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something #just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there #it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so #tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing #ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position #and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle #sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux #i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices #even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany. #and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it #unrelated

[hexplaything]

speaking of occupation i may be writing my supervisors an email letting them know how frustrated n disappointed i am with the current unstaffed situation in scheduling bc. they hired a new girl and she's on the schedule for next week but she's only in scheduling 2 days a week and it's 5:30-830pm. so she's not full time, which is what we need to fix our problem. we need two more fucking people and we need at least one to be full time

#there's literally so much affected by this it's insane #like so so much #scheduling is short staffed so during the week we are focusing heavy on lives and vms. #sometimes we are ALONE in scheduling. at max there's only two in scheduling ever rn. Bad #should be at least three #BECAUSE: #we need to call out on assessment log and transfer log to get clients scheduled again. #we can't do that if there's only one of us and we are bombarded with live calls. #THEN: this trickles down and affects me specifically on saturdays. there are SO MANY ASSESSMENT CALLS that i end up ONLY doing scheduling #tasks on saturdays. when im supposed to also be going into records and taking care of stuff in there too. #also. they hired a girl to do the assignments for assessment log. so she's cranking them out faster than we can #call out and schedule bc we are SHORT STAFFED #AND THEN: #since i can't go into scheduling on saturdays bc of all the assessment calls: records doesn't get looked at. #and during the week it's hard to go into records too bc SHORT STAFFED and it's shitty to leave just one person in scheduling durin the week #so then records things get piled up #people call multiple times in a week and complain that no one gets back to them #and i end up having to tell multiple ppl that im sorry and we are short staffed. thats so. embarassing #i also get people who are PISSY AT ME #so literally it affects not just one department but multiple #i also might ask for a raise bc im so positive records dept makes more than scheduling #and if im the ONLY ONE in records im running the entire department and i should get fucking paid at least 18 an hour. #records is NOT worth 16. the way my processing time is so fast is NOT worth 16. #like i might tell them give me some sort of raise comparable to what records dept pays or find someone else to do records. #bc the stress and bullshit and mean ass clients is not worth it. #the way i CRANK OUT records is insane #i can get a full 30+ inbox HALVED in mere hours. #they literally had to replace my previous coworker with me in records bc she sucked fucking ass. #so. i have to do that lol. #i've written down a lot of my thoughts but i have to write them out in a professional manner:/

[icewindandboringhorror]

I have found a beautiful perfect humble rock specimen that is light yellow with a weird dark yellowy brown lining, somewhat resembling a chunk of smoked gouda cheese... effervescent

#I am still very into trash collecting at the moment and even went out and got one of those grabby sticks for cheap and a little #bucket I can carry around and put trash in. so I am going on walks in nature a bit more (not really to enjoy nature but more to play the #very fun Real Life Hidden Object Point And Click Game that is 'hunt for bottle caps and cans' .. but eh.. whatever gets me out of the #house lol).. anyway.. some nature places near water will have cool rocks #Which I know you're not supposed to take them and I MOSTLY dont.. but every once in a while it's like... when else will I ever find a #gouda rock... I have cleaned up 4 buckets of trash today.. I have helped the environment.. mayhaps.. i could take a One Single Rocke as a #treate... ANYWAY. but yeah. I don't know the names of rocks but there's a rock that's a matte muted marigold yellow sort of #color and I call them 'cheese rock'. I'm pretty sure this one is of the 'cheese rock' species but it just has weird brown coloration #like maybe it got stained or something on one side of it. Most of the other cheese rocks have no markings. though sometimes there will be a #auburn reddish sort of hue on a corner or something.. hrmm.. curious. I also got a Beginner's Hobby rock tumbler and some supplies #so I might try polishing some of the rocks from my enormous rock collection. even though they're all street rocks I picked up from sidewalk #and stuff. I saw a video where someone put random gravel and stuff in a rock tumbler and none of them were Stunning Gems or whatver #but some still turned out cool enough that I would be pleased with the result... OUgh.. I want to post more I need to like do costumes and #sculptures and stuff and be Active On Social Media and think about my Future and Career and how it always benefits artists to keep an #active social media or etc. but I just feel so tired and bad lately. I think the summer heat waves have really exhausted me. I also have #been trying to make new friends + on a weird schedule so I've been socializing and also watching media too much. I notice I always start #to feel this kind of unsettled stress of not making any forward progress in my life if I do that for too long. like 'Okay this week I've #done nothing but meet up with two friends & watch like 10 episodes of tv and only worked on a few projects on the side.. this is HORRIBLE!' #(ppl who follow me here that I talk to on discord: this isn't about you! Im specifically just referencing being tired of introductory talks #with a new round of random strangers during my Friend Hunt. Just clarifying so it couldn't be misinterpreted as vaguepost implying that I'm #secretly bothered by talking to you or etc. lol.. anyway) . Which I know to MOST people 'I talked to a lot of friends and watched some cool #stuff!' sounds like a GOOD relaxing time but.. to me it is not ghhj.. Those are 'external' focuses on things outside myself which bothers #me if not moderated. Like.. i MUST retreat internally to work on my worldbuilding and my own thoughts and etc. at very regular intervals or #it will really start to bear on me too much. Brain Mandated Hermit Isolation lol. Just being too detached from my world and stuff for #too long feels increasingly bad. PLUS. every day I don't make tangible progress towards my goals is a day wasted that I could have been #investing in my future by working on novels/games/sculptures/actual career relevant stuff. Not even in a Capitalism way i just genuinely #enjoy Completing Tasks & feel miserable if I don't for too long. EVEN the media I'm watching I turn into A Task since I rank in a detailed #google doc list after viewing lol.. Like EW movie too boring on it's own. NEED to turn it into something I can categorize and analyze ghghj #LOVE to make things more complicated than they need to be. like YAAAY organizational tasks! yaay meticulous sorting!! BOO ''mindless fun''!

[toytulini]

god I know this is like The Wrong Stance on AI. I know its not about whether the art is Real and Human or If It Has A Soul and how a lot of the arguments against it are the same bullshit arguments people made against digital art like I Know. I Knowwww. but god, I'm really sorry, not to post like one of those annoying poetry bloggers I cant stand (yall are valid, live your truth, theres nothing wrong with what you post I'm just a petty bitch who hates poetry. unless I dont hate it.)

But theres just something about the way AI art will almost certainly never be able to mimic the exact way my pencil leaves an indentation in the paper, the way some of the lines I can never fully erase cause I pressed too hard, theyll have to at least train them to draw with a physical pencil first, and sure, they could train it to draw with a pencil and even erase the exact same piece I drew, line for line, on a piece of paper with a robot arm powered by AI, but they can't replicate. idk. the lineage of lefty bitches in my family, and the way I grew up going through school with my entire left arm silver with graphite, from doodling on my schoolwork. not yet anyway. but I guess I do live for the day we make the ai sentient enough that we can traumatize it by giving it homework after kneecapping its executive functions so it copes by drawing a big tiddy lobster monster. sure

#toy txt post #reblogs OFF i dont trust yall to be normal with this one i do NOT want it getting notes #i posted part of this before in a chat to a friend but im feeling it again. so #i havent drawn my big tiddy lobster bitch in awhile i should draw her again #also yea SORRY im sure this is The Wrong Feeling To Have About AI but also sometimes im a little grateful that i dont think my style is #smth a lot of the ppl coding ai to make art find to be worth trying to replicate except maybe as like a fake progress shot on a piece #which is smth i used to be really insecure about. how unfinished all my art looks bc it isnt to the point i cant fucking watch #like speedpaints and shit bc i just start feeling stupidly insecure about all the points in the video where I Would Have Stopped and been #like. im not touching it anymore i dont want to ruin it #and ive been insecure about my inability to really do digital art with like a stylus and shit like the way i do it with a pencil #and i know that is just me needing to Practice it but being too frustrated by it #anyway i know its just a Tool and its Fine and the problem is the art theft and the labor problems of it but liiiiiiike #i just. #im sure there will be unique things and usages of ai as a tool and i genuinely hope that ppl can figure out a way to make one that isnr #isnt* just full of stolen content bc theres unique fuckin shit about like digital art programs u can write stupid poetry that you hate #about it. or stupid poetry that i hate. cos im the poetry hater. listen. i cant stress this enough: its fine. youre fine. keep posting your #poetry and reblogging shit that speaks to you. im just a Bitch okay Ignore Me #i should go draw bokrae like. eating a computer about this #the real reason for that graphics card shortage was bokrae ate them all when she was in the mood for a crunchy snack

[bmpmp3]

it always bugged me in movies when characters make like a blood pact with someone or a demon or something and they cut across their palm to get the blood 'cause it seemed like was a bit overkill and it also looked kinda painful but a few days ago i ended up doing that to myself in a very foolish woodworking accident (no demon pacts involved just me not being careful enough 😔 btw dont do woodworking at midnight) and lemme tell u i was RIGHT if u need blood for a demon pact DO NOT cut your hand it bleeds a lot and if u cut too deep or in the wrong spot your muscles get weird and nerves get all prickly and its hard to do so many things one handed I CANT imagine a demon pact would be worth it. just like i dunno. nosebleed on the summoning circle instead. respect yourself

#IM GOOD i didnt need stitches luckily. or maybe i mightve. but the emergency room was like a 10 hour wait so i used some like. medical glue #to glue it shut when it stopped bleeding after a few hours and got it checked out properly the next day when the doctors office was open LO #but yeah its healing fine! luckily im a very fast healer and i already have normal feeling back in most of my fingers #(the finger closest to the cut is still a little strange but it moves normal again and the pins and needles are almost gone!) #though sometimes i forget about the bandaged cut itself and put too much pressure on it and then im like #stock scream sound effect #but yeah we're good!! heed my advice dear followers: do not do any woodwork at midnight while being stressed out from deadlines and likely #intensely iron deficient from a combination of having chronic issues plus getting bloodwork done earlier in the day. <3 #foolish woodworking accident indeed ghfhjhsklirjediufods

[todayisafridaynight]

I hope this isn't weird but earlier I was thinking about how much good artists do in the world, and so many artists don't recognize it. You bring a lot of joy to a lot of people. I've gotten a few commissions from you at this point, and every time I look at them I get so happy because, man, there was someone who took time to create something for me (I know I payed, but still!) Beyond that, I have seen when you draw little doodles just because people inspire you to eith their asks. You practiced your skill and you use it to make others happy and that's so valuable. You contribute a lot to this world just by bringing people's moods up, and I hope you recognize that. You're pretty awesome :)

t thank yuou ,....

#fave #snap chats #HIDING BEING THE BIGGEST SAPPIEST SAPPY SAP IN THE TAGS #PLEAAASSSEE BRO I CAN'T ALMOST BE CRYIN AT 11AM THATS SO EMBARRASSINGGGG #BUT REAL THANK YOU SO MUCHH 😭😭 i say it a lot but i really cant stress how happy i get making other people happy #and thank you for commissioning me !! it's helped me out a lot so thank you for the support you've given me in the past :') #i hope i can continue to make you happy whether its through a future commission or the lil drawings i do everyday #i keep re reading this byyyyeeeeeee im a big ol blubbering BABY this is really sweet #i say a lot that i draw for myself and i do but i also have you guys as motivation to get better #cause sometimes i just wanna hang up a drawing or idea but then i just think like 'there'll be at least ONE other person who'd like this' #and if i can make one other person happy then i'm more than glad to put in the extra work and get that pay off #so i have to thank you guys a whole lot too for giving me motivation to draw everyday and help nurture that passion #cause sure i love drawing and i love the things i draw but it's always nice to h ave other people cheering for you too #it's nice that i can get other people interested in the stuff i like.. #didnt really get that growing up so im glad i can have that with yall now and have fun :] #so again thank yall so much for bein lovelies and chattin with me and leaving tags and just supporting me #CANNOT stress how much it means to me so again. Thank You. i hope me drawins can show a fraction of my gratitude

[early-october-skies]

Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees

#lizzierants #had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly #caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because #theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry #that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing #good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me #someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with #my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am #overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back #this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf #i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec #ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help #and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here #most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much #anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking #terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine #is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because #they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate #this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start #crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3 #i will heal and ill be okay <3