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54prowl · 1 month

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spent the weekend with friends life is good life is so good

#ooc #I've known these folks for almost a decade they are so important to me #life is so good #also one drew a tarot for me and wow...#we've grown so much together and continue to grow #didn't sleep at all talking about philosophy and faith and career and education and family and trauma and growth #we still talked shit #someone also got so drunk they walked out the shower naked..........#sibling in christ #i really needed today to happen

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giantkillerjack · 1 year

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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chitinleg · 1 year

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got him off-balance!

#my art #ds9 #star trek deep space nine #julian bashir #elim garak #garashir #watercolor #image desc in alt text #i normally post on mondays but. today im breaking my pattern! getting a little silly. getting a little wild. garashir jumpscare #“tumblr user chitinleg garak would neot easily let himself be swooped off his feet into a hug like that” yes i know BUT!#look at his expression. look at how his arms r pinned. he didnt let this happen LMAO julian just surprised him. grabby huggy human behavior #if you look really closely you can see the tiniest frown in the world on Garak's face. because he's like “EEP !”#cant see bashirs face at all in this only his body but i think we can all imagine that whatevers going thru his head. he needs this hug bad #ALSO. for anyone wondering what the fucked up shadow is that starts at the juncture of the teal sleeve-cap where its set into the armhole #the jumpsuits have a bit of a fold of extra fabric (called an Action Pleat) there which allows for a little more maneuverability of the bod #AND creates a really sleek and flat back panel #because you can see the fabric twists along the side arent grabbing the flat back fabric theyre grabbing the fabric folded beneath it #often times i think about drawing out a dissection of kiras first uniform and this voy era one for other artists to use. bc god knows #i struggled at first to find full body references #they like to shoot ds9 very close to peoples heads. and the camera is so blurry. they smeared butter on that thing. god bless

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melonalemonade · 1 year

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what the fuck?

#there was really no need to look this boyfriend today at the con #I hate him /affectionately #every time I think I’m normal about him a con happens and I get thrown right back into my obsession #Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn fanart #Eddie Munson #stranger things #fan expo philly #fan expo philadelphia

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icewindandboringhorror · 7 months

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I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

#tumblr polls #hrmm... a little poll perhaps.. about a subject I find interesting.. since this image came across my facebook today #still really not feeling that well. no longer shaking violently and such but I still feel weird and weak much more than usual #They did say my markers for like infection or inflammation were elevated but that they werent sure of the cause so hopefully #it's nothing too serious. they did also say a lot of different things can cause that thing to be higher than normal but didn't go into spec #fics of what. maybe some of them are relatively benign or something. I still havent felt much back to normal since #I got really sick that one time though. I feel fine on and off but then little bouts of feeling weird and sick happen. hrmmm #ANYWAY.. looking for small ways to be productive. such as little doodles on evil ipad or editing game videos #or posting polls or cat pictures or some other like not very labor intensive things #I WISH I COULD FOCUS on writing HHRGGhh... I need to finish my game.. it would be so freeing.. a project that's been looming #over my head for like 5 years even though througouht that 5yrs I've probably spent a total of 3 months working on it lo.. ANYWAY #I still partially really cannot beleive that people CAN see stuff in their heads. There's always part of me that's thinking like. well mayb #e everyone DOES see the same exact thing but we just describe/conceptualize it so differently that we think we're talking about #different things when we're really not. But I have been assured by people I've talked to about it that they can GENUINELY really see #stuff in their heads like as vivid as an actual picture in real life or something. And the other senses are neat too. Like for exmaple I #can hear in my head much better than I can see imagery. I still CANNOT hear vividly like as if I were listening to actual music out loud..#but I think it's developed more than my sight. AND interesting how this varies the creative process. a friend I was talking to on the phone #said they write by literally just watching stuff play before them like a movie. where my process is COMPLETELY different. AND that affects #the content/what details we focus on as well as our individual styles of writing have differences that can be traced back to that.. hrmm

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 11 months

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i am asleep much in the way that Wally is asleep. that is to say, I Am Not Sleeping

#gave it my best shot for a minute there #really made an effort. its Not Working #see this is what happens when your sleep schedule is Fucked and you usually go to bed when the sun comes up #on a normal night id be jammin to tunes. scribbling with reckless abandon #tonight however i am at Someone Elses place so i need to be Quiet #i need to Sleep i am Driving tomorrow #brain wont cooperate tho. brains a bitch. id like to be unconchus #OH SHIT OH!!! I DO HAVE A JOKE I CAN MAKE BARNABY USE!!!#I HAVE A COUPLE OF OCEAN BASED ONES! FUCK!#sorry train of thought took a detour #im tired. today was mostly very good. had lots of Fun <3 #experienced something new! several somethings!!#and now im lamenting my wide-awakeness in a dark room #my hunting gathering badass self is Bored as Hell #and so: wally scribble of him sharing my woes #scribble salad #not gonna tag it as anything else

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sleepychaika · 7 months

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hobbies include: sketching phos (particularly not having a great time). yeah this is just a sketch dump pretty much!.

the last 3 were done while listening to the most phos-core song ive ever heard: Low – More (discovered thanks to @punpuncake) (no seriously, google the lyrics. mind-blowingly accurate. angst.mp3.)

aaand a bonus sketch from an aggie.io session with friends – blindingly white next to the previous pics, so im putting it under the cut:

#phos #phos hnk #phosphophyllite #houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #.txt #hnk #i honestly really am just.#a big fan of how it (phos). crumbles under all the pressure. literally. self-destructs is how i read it being described today #like it cant handle all of this #so it crumbles and melts away sometimes with a big pow in an explosion and sometimes kind of quietly #just letting its hands lose their form letting the alloy drip through the cracks #it scratches my brain like nothing else #for some reason #maybe it's how it isn't being addressed in the manga directly.... nobody says a thing about it it doesn't get acknowledged verbally iirc #but it very much happens regularly and no explanation is even needed yoy just understand #;_;#i want to hold phos #oh lmao *you #yoy is such a funny typo i instantly hear my inner reading voice's speech being reversed like in a ytp

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b4kuch1n · 1 year

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hahaha wheee haha

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #continuing to tag ship instead of answering any of the reporters' questions #as you can see. I am still on my Reki Speaks English Pretty Fluently But Can Not Read It For Shit bullshit #and also. teen shenanigans. which can also be grown up shenanigans if ur not a square #man. todays been a Whole thing. how was it really the case that every art supply store I went to ran out of black ink #three! I went to three stores! literally a triangle in the city!#still have some of the devils tar left but I'm not enthusiastic about it #well! that's for future baku to care about and for me to ignore babeyy #tbh this is like. Im just glad I can still scribble a funny comic when it strikes me it's been too long #I don't do that a lot anymore... even tho its such a good measure of like. ur sense of timing #if u can draw a funny comic ur powerful enough to do anything. u can eat the sun u can kick its ass. u can draw a sad comic too #I realized I missed that...#also accidentally sent this from draft without adding tags lol. and tried adding tags on mobile and it spit in my face and called me a bitch #got enough of that. one must never forget one's currently on tumblr #now I sleep. gods. gods do I need a bit of that #have a good night lads. bring a worm onto a rollercoaster. see what happens

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that-foul-legacy-lover · 19 days

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sometimes you just need to be held, on the days where you have to physically work to keep your head up, to keep smiling. it's not even that bad, anything that's happened- but it feels bad. Foul Legacy whimpers when he sees you forcing your good mood, gently nuzzling into your side and nudging his head beneath your chin. he scoops you into his arms, taking you somewhere he can curl around you and wrap you in blankets, nestling against your stomach and looking up at you with a worried chirp. you let out a sigh, stroking his hair, and a tiny, genuine smile blooms on your face when he begins to purr, his claws carefully kneading against the covers. he'll lay down gingerly on top of you, the weight pressing the air out of your chest in the warmest, most comforting way as Legacy rumbles quietly, pressing his maw against your cheek like a kiss.

#genshin impact #childe #tartaglia #foul legacy #foul legacy childe #genshin tartagalia #genshin childe #genshin tartaglia #not feeling the greatest today #nothing super bad happened i just didn't do as well on something as i wanted to #and i really shouldn't be mad because it wasn't even that bad #but it feels gross and nasty #with my head telling me i'm not good enough #needed some moth comfort today #short scenario #wifi's brainrot #good evening

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kirby-the-gorb · 1 year

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#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #it was a hard day today.#sometimes you just gotta cry for an hour about requiring significant assistance to do basic stuff that you don't actually have help with rn!#(my wife is working 6 12s at a job we had to move across the country for)#(which means 1 she is *exhausted* at *all* times and struggling to even meet her own needs)#(and 2 our other partner and all our family and friends are. multiple days away by car. so they can't come help.)#it's getting hard to even stick leftovers in the microwave for myself but no one else is able to cook for me.#it sucks.#(we're moving again in june because this was a 1-year position from the beginning)#(and the idea is for our other partner to move in with us which will help a lot)#(plus my wife should be switching to a reliably 5-day week at that time)#(but we don't know where we're going for another month and a half.)#(so we can't really do any groundwork or anything to make that happen.)#(and having zero agency other than sitting and waiting and getting worse alone Really Sucks!)#I guess this is a bit of a secret part two to yesterday's meducation lol #favorites

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mylittleredgirl · 2 months

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😏 everyone has two straws hands

#i really do think that this is how traphawk would happen the first time btw... (with anyone i mean not specifically nurse margie here)#and not because of homophobia or anything just because bisexuality was not really a known quantity #and they both like chicks! so would they even really think about it?? but after that one time like #i mean if there are no birds available why even bother leaving the nest #and sometimes who needs to bother with the birds at all. you know???#(but i'm in the hawkeye x margaret x trapper feelings today folks)#mashblogging #mash

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moeblob · 3 months

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She can transform into a dragon and then falls in love with a man on a mission to slay all the dragons he finds. Who then begins to travel with her brother and his friend and keeps hearing about how "my sister could kick your ass" and he tries to keep his sister away from the dragon slayer because that's a risk he won't take.

Then the sister ends up marrying the dragon slayer.

The end.

#my characters #i am working on fanart but not enough energy to finish the stupid thing so you guys get ocs today #dragon slayer is actually ex-royalty and isnt anymore simply because his entire kingdom was destroyed by dragons #when he was young and after that he just got consumed by the need to make sure it never happened to anyone else #he lost his entire family and the entire population and lost hope in fate p much #then he starts traveling with mr national geographic on dragons and eventually meets his sister #while she is in dragon form and the guy bs's uhhhh this is the family messenger dragon! means no harm!#she was just leaving in fact !!! and then the family messenger dragon reappears to save the trio and looks really smug about it #so the dragon slayer is like fine your family dragon gets a pass #and he meets her in human form a few times but it doesnt really register that shes the dragon #and when he watches her change for the first time hes like oh thats why you think she could kick my ass #anyway she falls in love at first sight so yeehaw it works out #and final note is the brother is named vikrahm and her name is shilva while dragon slayer is #simply dubbed pops by their friend adlyn and then dubbed old man by vik #bc he wont reveal his name

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skullfragments · 2 months

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in honor of the official 10th anniversary of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, i present to you this very accurate self-portrait i sketched in… (checks notes) 2019, of how i spent the first week of that particular summer break from college