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rustychainsnorter · 7 months

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I know that analysis of Rest and Ricklaxation (toxic Rick) have probably been done many times now, but I just wanted to have my own go at it.

In my opinion, both versions of Rick are toxic. They both exhibit traits that are negative in their own way. And they both display traits that are healthy.

Here's some stuff I noticed about healthy Rick and toxic Rick.

Healthy Rick

- Both Ricks are equally intelligent. (Makes me wonder why Rick wouldn't think his intelligence is toxic since intelligence is part of what caused his family to get killed).

- Healthy Rick is kind, considerate, modest, and has full control over his emotions.

- Healthy Rick admitted that he "didn't give a sh*t" about Morty.

- Healthy Rick slaps healthy Morty, and shoots toxic Morty without believing that it's a toxic action. (Possible hatred towards Morty because he is Rick Prime's original grandson?)

- Healthy Rick pointedly says that Morty is an "irrational attachment". (Another reference that he believes loving the grandson to his primary enemy is toxic or wrong?)

- Healthy Rick asks that Beth be left out of the dangerous commotion.

- He is capable of manipulation.

- He curses.

- He uses violence to fight when necessary- mostly self defense- up until he manipulated toxic Rick by shooting toxic Morty.

- He couldn't win against toxic Rick in hand to hand combat. He's physically weaker.

- He found toxic Rick's vulnerable reaction to Morty's endangered life amusing.

- He was completely certain that he wanted his toxic self back even though his toxicity wasn't actually necessary or needed.

- Despite believing that his attachment to Morty was irrational, I think a tiny part of his healthy self either still cared about him or wanted to care about him.

Toxic Rick

- Toxic Rick never physically hurt Morty. Yeah, he was a little rough with the manhandling but he still didn't hit or shoot him.

- Toxic Rick's most toxic traits are dominance, narcissism, anger, controlling attitude, lack of self-control, burping, alcoholism, vulnerability, loneliness, sadness, clinginess, attachment issues, lying and manipulation.

- Toxic Rick absolutely DESPISED the healthy version of himself. (Perhaps because he knows that that part of him does not care about Morty. Idk. There's something toxic going on with healthy Rick, I just can't decide what).

- He always needs/has toxic Morty with him.

- He is gentle with toxic Morty and openly displays vulnerability when he is hurt. He even tried comforting him.

- He always asks to make sure that toxic Morty is watching and listening to him. He loves the attention.

- He doesn't care about Summer or Beth very much. Though he does willingly leave when Beth steps into the commotion. (Perhaps he hoped to turn her toxic as well?)

- He is physically stronger than healthy Rick and more violent.

- He openly displayed fear and sadness when toxic Morty's life was in danger.

- Even though he hated healthy Rick, he still sacrificed himself to save Morty.

Things I wanna know.

- Why did healthy Rick want to merge with his toxic self when he obviously couldn't lie and admitted to hating having toxicity in him?

- Why does healthy Rick not care about Morty? And why does he consider Morty an irrational attachment?

- What is so bad about healthy Rick that made toxic Rick absolutely freakin' hate him?

#I really needed to get this off my chest #rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #toxic rick #Healthy Rick #r&m #my post #character analysis #I just wanna know what goes through Rick's head when he's around Morty #Rest and Ricklaxation #rick prime

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femme-bat · 5 months

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You know what? I'm coming out as super possessive. Fuck the threesome fantasy. You're mine and whoever wants to touch you needs to kill me first. Your dead skin is under my nails, my tooth marks are in your neck, your blood is inside of me, hell, your cum was inside of me. I don't want to feel anybody's hands on me, except for yours. No one is on your level. I'll keep feeding this furnace with parts of me until nothing is left, I want to be destroyed by love, and I wanna take you down with me.

Of course, if you want to be destroyed too.

This post in no way condemns non-monogamous forms of love, it's just a fantasy. Men DNI.

#vampire girl 🦇#lesbian #butch bait #stone butch #pillow princess #sapphic nsft #lesbian nsft #stone femme #high femme #i really needed to get this off my chest #possessiveness

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c-t-r-l14 · 6 months

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I think enough time has passed for me to talk about this. Keep in mind that this is just MY personal opinion.

……

First of all, I just want to say that Saku is an absolute BEAST at writing—whether that be at writing scripts or his characters. His voice acting is incredible—he puts so much emotion into ALL of his work—and voice acts like rent is due—and this audio was no different. I have such a tremendous amount of respect for him and his work, always and forever.

That being said: This audio annoyed me to NO END.

Specifically, ALEX’S behavior annoyed me.

THERE IS AN EGREGIOUSLY LONG RANT ABOUT IT UNDER THE CUT‼️

Now, before any of ya’ll get all up in arms, I fully agree with everyone when I say that listener was most certainly in the wrong for how they acted in part 4. Not only did they accuse their boyfriend of four years of cheating on them with absolutely no proof, but they also invaded his privacy by going though his phone. I cannot imagine coming home from a long day of work and wanting to cuddle up with your partner, only for them to accuse of you something that you’d never do with no evidence to back it up. That must hurt, and I completely understand why Alex was so distraught by the way listener was acting.

HOWEVER, this whole incident only happened ONE TIME. ONE TIME over the course of FOUR YEARS of this relationship. Now, it’d be different if listener accused him of cheating many times. It’d be different if listener regularly invaded his privacy; it be different if situations like these were something normal in this relationship—but its obvious that it’s not. Alex mentioned many times in the breakup audio that listener usually isn’t like this—that they’re usually a calm and rational individual—which leads me to believe that them accusing Alex was a lapse in judgement on their part. A moment of weakness that stemmed from the trauma they had to endure by their last partner who also cheated on them. I am not at all saying that their actions are suddenly wiped clean from the face of the Earth because they have trauma—hell no. However, context in many situations is important—and this case is no different. If this was something that happened again and again over the course of four years, Alex would’ve left way sooner than this—this was the one and only time they’ve done this, and normally, people who usually have such a calm temperament don’t switch up very easily—which means there must’ve been a reason WHY they’re acting like this in the first place.

This brings me to my next point: Alex actively acknowledges the fact that this behavior was new for listener—so, if this is the case, why hasn’t he tried to get to the bottom of it yet? I’m not saying that he suddenly needs to morph into a Paleontologist—trying to dig up ancient artifacts to discover the secrets of the world or some shit—but I’m saying, if you KNOW that this isn’t normal behavior, why haven’t you at least TRIED to ASK what’s wrong them? You’d think that if someone you loved started acting differently from their usual temperament, it’d be a cause for a little concern, and would prompt you to ask them what’s the matter, but even in THIS AUDIO, it’s still very apparent that Alex still doesn’t know the reason why listener acted the way they did—because he is STILL SPECULATING on why what happened, happened! And yes, although he TECHNICALLY asked them, “What has been going on with you lately?” He said this as a response to listener catching onto the fact that he just told them that they weren’t the right person to be in a long distance relationship to their FACE. He said this in an accusatory tone, and I really don’t think he was actually asking for the ACTUAL reason why in that very moment. It’s just so very odd to me that he makes absolutely no attempt to try and figure out what happened to them—especially if this behavior is recent. Kayson is a really good example of this. In the New Years audio, he noticed that his listener wasn’t acting like their usual self—and he asked them what was the matter because he loves and cares about them. What ensued was a healthy conversation, where his listener was able to explain what was going on with them—and they were both able to come to a solution. Now, was Kayson’s and Alex’s situation the same? No, but the point is that Kayson recognized that there was something wrong his partner and actually made an attempt to get to the bottom of it because he CARED. Alex never did this, despite him saying how much he loves his partner.

But more than anything, one of biggest things that bothers me the most about Alex’s dialogue to the listener was his excuses for why they shouldn’t stay together. The way he broke things off with them is really sickening, to be honest.

When listener (rightfully) gets upset that they were the last to know about Alex’s job offer in NYC, a big life event that affects them both, he tells them, “I thought I knew you”. Which is odd. So—what you’re saying here is: because your partner acts out of their usual temperament this ONE TIME, you suddenly you don’t know them after FOUR YEARS together? I understand that them snapping at him was very jarring and surprising, given their usual temperament—however, just because they did it one time doesn’t mean that they suddenly morphed into a person who acts purely off of emotion. They are still the same person! Why is he acting like they’ve suddenly switched personalities because of the one time they let their emotions get the best of them??

Then when listener presents the idea of long distance, he tells them:

“Long distance? I mean, I think I could do it…if I was with the right person….”

…

What the hell is THAT supposed to mean? Is this NOT an out of pocket thing to say to the person you’ve been with for four years??

And when listener asks him something along the lines of, “So, we’re breaking up?” Or “So, am I not the right person?” This man had the actual AUDACITY to snap at them and accuse them of jumping to conclusions and even go so far as to denying that he was even alluding to it in the first place! If you weren’t alluding to it, what was the point of saying it AT ALL? And how the hell else was listener supposed to interpret that? This part really pissed me off because he was straight up gaslighting listener into thinking that they were in the wrong and that they were “jumping to conclusions”, when they had every right to react the way they did! And I find it absolutely insane that he scolds listener for jumping to conclusions when he is doing the same thing a well. He jumped to the conclusion that he doesn’t know the person he loved for four years because they let their emotions get the better of them. He jumped to the conclusion that listener would react terribly to the news of getting that job offer in NYC, and therefore, he waited who KNOWS how long to tell them about it. And, most importantly, he jumped to the conclusion that this relationship wasn’t worth saving because of just ONE SINGULAR ARGUEMENT. He cries and cries, saying how he loves them so much and how he doesn’t want to loose them, and yet does absolutely nothing to keep them around. He sobs and tries to comfort them, but also puts all the blame on them as well. Instead of trying to solve things with the person who he claims to be the love of his life, he instead makes flimsy ass excuses and tries to find all the reasons he could think of to leave. And for someone who claims to love them so much, he certainly gave up way too damn easily.

Look, it is very apparent that Alex’s passion is his first love—period. And I really do think that listener should do their best support him in his endeavors, but his dialogue in his audio was just full of excuses to make the breakup easier on himself, which is not only selfish, but a little cruel, too. He never tried to make things work.

If he would’ve told listener about the job offer in NYC sooner, there would’ve been a different outcome. If he would’ve told them that he was still feeling terrible after the whole argument, there would’ve been a different outcome. If Alex had actually made the effort to see what was the matter with listener, there would’ve been a different outcome. If listener would’ve handled their emotions in a calmer manner, there would’ve been a different outcome. Alex has a really big problem with keeping things to himself. It seems like he doesn’t communicate how he feels until it all bubbles over and he jumps to his own conclusions instead of actually talking it out.

It would’ve been a whole different story if listener refused to admit that they have trust issues, and refused to seek help, but that is not the case here. They were willing to work on themselves; they were willing do better. The only person who wasn’t willing to try was Alex. Listener did everything they could to get Alex to stay. Hell, they even proposed to go to NYC with him—just so they could stay by his side, and Alex couldn’t even find it in himself to even ATTEMPT to work things out with them. That’s what made this whole break up so goddamn sickening.

He made such a big point about “being honest ourselves” and “to not say things we don’t mean”, and yet the most dishonest person in the room is him. He makes such a big point about trust being one of the most important parts of a relationship, and although he is not wrong, EFFORT is was keeps the relationship going, and that is something that he clearly lacks. And in all honesty, if THIS is how he is going to act when he runs into problems and gets into quarrels with his future partners, then good luck on trying to maintain a long term relationship. Four perfect years, and all it took was ONE argument to make him leave. He just didn’t want to be tied down, thats it, and thats all. It pisses me off that he even tried to tell listener that this will benefit them both because “they will be with someone else who they could fully trust”, as if it’ll be different with anyone else. Trust issues won’t poof into thin air because you are with another person. He got cheated on himself and his ass STILL doesn’t know how trust issues work.

In conclusion, this whole audio was just Alex blaming listener for their breakup, him crying, making flimsy ass excuses on why the relationship will not work—giving up on the relationship before even trying to make things work, and him gaslighting them, too. And out of ALL the audios I’ve watched from Saku, Alex’s character was the FIRST one to actually give me the ick.

Listener needed reassurance and love, and they executed their feelings horribly. Alex has problems with communication, and maybe even honesty. He put all the blame on listener and made it seem like they were the one who made the relationship fail, all the while trying his best to not pass as the bad guy; but in reality, it was both of them who made this relationship end.

….

WHEW! That was A LOT!

If you made it all the way down here, I thank you so much, and I apologize for it being so damn long. I’ve been sitting on these feelings for a long time now, and I just needed to get them out.

Thank you so much for reading! ❤️

#sakuverse #zsakuva #Alex zsakuva #THIS SHIT IS SO LONG I’M SO SORRY 😭#I REALLY NEEDED TO GET THIS OFF MY CHEST

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ni-kol-koru · 2 months

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So, as some of you know, I went to the Dreamcatcher concert in Warsaw. The concert was a week ago, yet I am still thinking about it a lot. The girls, their outfits, their energy, their smiles, all the songs, the little moments of them goofing around, the interactions with the crowd, the little speeches, their dancing, all of the fans singing and cheering and screaming, it all left a huge impact on me. It was a night that I will truly never forget 🤍

Seeing the girls in person was something I thought I would never live to experience. Dreamcatcher was always special and always had a special place in my heart, but after the concert in Warsaw, I don't think I will ever be able to move on, forget, stop listening to their music or stop being their fan. I feel like becoming an InSomnia was a one way ticket to the best journey ever 🤍

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irithnova · 10 months

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I think waving around the Uyghur genocide as a means to #dunk on Chinese people and only drawing a Uyghur oc just to get back at a Chinese person is incredibly disgusting. Apparently Chinese people must preface every sentence they say with "I AM AGAINST THE UYGHUR GENOCIDE" in order for them not to be seen as a CCP shill. If your only rebuttal against a Chinese person is to bring up the Uyghur genocide or the faults of the CCP in a conversation not otherwise related to it then congratulations, you're racist lol.

Also yes peonycats does have an Uyghur oc, I've seen it. It's more likely (more like absolutely) better researched because she. I don't know. Created it out of her own volition and not as a means to slight someone.

The fact that this entire debacle was literally about Chinese people and other Asians explaining why a drawing of China looked like a caricature and the OP of that artwork is now exploding over several different posts about the Uyghur genocide and drawing an Uyghur OC out of spite towards those Chinese people rather than actual, genuine interest in the Uyghur people... I'm. Disgusted.

Uyghur people aren't just debate fodder to weaponise during arguments against Chinese people when you finally let your Sinophobia rear it's ugly head.

#I'm probably deleting this later #The Sinophobia in this fandom is unreal #Hetalia #Hetalia discourse #Hetalia racism #Hws China #Aph China #Hetalia China #Wang Yao #Hetalia critical #Hetalia Sinophobia #Hetalia fandom #hetalia world stars #hetalia world series #hetalia world twinkle #Idk #I might delete this later because discourse sucks but #I really needed to get this off my chest

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schumiatspa · 2 months

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I don't know if it's a controversial opinion or what, but I'm already fed up with all of the comments about Ferrari having to do better for Lewis, that the 2025 car needs to be "more beautiful for Lewis", that "Ferrari needs to give Lewis a championship winning car" and such

Ferrari doesn't and won't exist just to serve Lewis, even if he is the most successful f1 driver in the history of the sport

#i really needed to get this off my chest #so here #ferrari #v.rambles

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pansexual-lilychen · 6 months

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sending what was going to be a text post as another ask. just because I can be cruel like that and sometimes the best way to get through the brainrot is to dive right in and get it all out of the system.

I do reckon for all the inconsistencies in his self expression and behaviour and whatever (which are things I can and have hypothesised reasons for) one thing that is constant about James in all the stories he shows up in are his insecurities. Around worrying other people. Thinking that in his existence and circumstance he’s forcing them to love him when they would rather be free, rather than what he perceived as burdened. Feeling different, other, outcast, damned by his demon powers that no doubt began from feeling different and incapable because of his neurodivergence. And he’s tried being a loner. He’s tried being loyal to his family and friends. He’s tried letting go of expectation and embracing being the person he fears he is. He’s tried living out his morals and deciding he’s going to be fine and a model citizen and no one needs worry themselves about him. He’s tried saving the world: in reckless ways, in thought-through ways, in the end he’s only 17 and is surrounded by and loved by people who prove time and again he can be honest with them and loving him is something they do gladly. It might not be the most explicit arc and I might have pulled it together from the pieces we were given that don’t always obviously fit together but to me if you dig deep for the consistencies they’re there, they’re stopping him from figuring out who he really is, but there is something of a cohesive story somewhere in it all

i think this is a really interesting perspective to look at james and how he varies from story to story, but to me, the more i think about it the less sense it makes.

actually to me there is no arc at all. think of the earliest appearance of james (age wise, other than being an infant):

at the shadowhunter academy he is extremely introverted and insecure, he is constantly described as incredibly awkward and clumsy with words & people. alright, this can change over the course of four years, of course it can especially with such a constant & supportive family & friends, but here’s another thing:

his incredibly complex relationship with will, the expectations people have in him for being will’s son which he resents. they pressure him and quite frankly make him distant internally himself from his farther, while also having so much love and admiration for him at the same time (i love their dynamic and jamie’s relationship to will in tftsa)

these two aspects are so huge and monumental in nbs, to me they were setting up a big arc of self acceptance for james during tlh.

enter tlh, and james is everything he wasn’t in nbs: confident, stunningly gorgeous, london’s most eligible bachelor, a smooth tongue and popular.

now, don’t get me wrong! i love that for him, he’s not actively hating himself and being very insecure, good for him!

but GOD his entire arc was SKIPPED. everything that made him, on his own, as a person, even remotely interesting, complex and relatable was just resolved between tftsa and tlh.

i was so looking forward to his inner conflict about himself as a herondale, him being his farthest son but somehow not living up to it, him being awkward and having a hard time making friends, not being as sharp tongued and quick as the other herondale boys, just for CC to sweep in and make a barely character out of some dull middle ground between jamie in the short stories and her carbon copy idea of a herondale.

i want the old jamie back and i mourn the potential he’s had for tlh that was just skipped every day.

#i’m sorry i just had to GO OFF #i really needed to get this off my chest #i miss him!!!#judith really fumbled the bag with him #cassandra clare #tsc #the last hours #tlh #tftsa #gotsm #james herondale #jamie herondale #chog #chain of gold #ask #anti cassandra clare

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sohmariku · 8 months

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Riku's Random Life: Wedding Rant!?

Have I ever told you I absolutely hate weddings? I absolutely cannot fathom what people like about them. Why do we throw lavish parties just to promise someone that we plan to spend the rest of our life with them! There is absolutely no added value there. They are just an absolute waste of money! Nothing enjoyable about them at all. Long and boring ceremonies, ridiculous speeches that expose every stupid thing you ever did, annoying dress codes, mediocre food... Do I need to go on? I personally don't see the point.

Getting married is one thing, but a wedding...

Do you know what's worse than attending a wedding as a guest?

It's planning a wedding!

And there isn't even anything to plan! Or, rather... There wasn't supposed to be anything to plan! Other than contacting the city hall and getting the legalities of the ceremony sorted.

Ah yes, I'm getting married...

Thankfully my fiancée has always agreed with me that weddings are a waste of money. So it was never going to be a lavish party. Just a small group of guests, a short ceremony, and then dinner in some restaurant. Anything more and I'd probably not survive the day without some kind of meltdown.

To increase my survival rate, the restaurant has turned into "homemade cake and drinks in our living room after the ceremony".

It was all supposed to be simple, but then the questions started coming in. And it started driving me insane! As I feared, people have expectations of what a wedding is supposed to be... and I'm not having it!

What are you going to wear? I'll probably order some dress online. One I might also wear in daily life. I'm not buying some expensive wedding dress for a 15-minute ceremony and a "reception" in my own living room! (Fiancée is aware of this.) What's the dress code? I don't fucking care. Just wear clothes. (Fiancée insisted on at least telling our guests to dress neatly.) When will you send the (official) Wedding invitation cards? I'm not sending any! Fuck off! It's a waste of money. You get an email or a text. Deal with it! (Thought we agreed on this, but then Fiancée said he wanted to send a physical card to his parents, because they love cards... After initially refusing to make an exception for such a ridiculous reason, I begrudgingly agreed to let him send invitation cards to our parents. I reminded myself it is his wedding too. I don't get to decide everything by myself. I still think the cards are unnecessary.) Where are going for your honeymoon? We're not going on a honeymoon. We're still planning to visit Japan later this year, but that's got nothing to do with the wedding! (Fiancée has been calling our planned trip to Japan a honeymoon since before he even proposed though. It's not! We would still go, even if we weren't getting married.)

By now, every mention of my wedding is sending my anxiety levels through the roof, leaving me instantly exhausted!

This is why I didn't want a wedding ceremony! Just let me sign the paperwork and let's call it a day!

Yes, I get people who have questions. And yes, some of them make sense, but... when an Aunt, who isn't even invited, asked to be sent a wedding invitation card anyway... that blew my fuse! How does that make sense! I'm most definitely not sending invitations to people who aren't invited!

What also doesn't help is the fact that I wasn't given enough time to adjust to the idea of having a wedding. Yes, we originally planned to get married in September, but since my brother (who lives in Japan) was supposed to visit around that time. But when he still hadn't booked his tickets in begin July, I pretty much started assuming we would be delaying the wedding till next year, because time was running short and the city hall likely wouldn't be able to accommodate us on such short notice.

Lo and behold, my brother suddenly booked his plane tickets and somehow the city hall still has two dates available in September. So, a week before I'm to leave on a two-week camping trip my fiancée starts arranging the paperwork to get married in September after all. This is mid-July! We're getting married in the first week of September! I had to fill out the legal paperwork on my phone while camping!

The moment I returned home it was time to start considering what I would be wearing that day. After telling myself over and over again I'd buy something from within the country, I ended up ordering from Yesstyle after all. (Because it's so pretty and not too expensive!) I seem to do this every time a wedding comes up, be it my own or someone else's. I tell myself to get something from within the country, or at least within Europe, but then I end up ordering from Yesstyle after all, because they just always seem to have what I'm looking for. And each time I'll be eating myself up, because the delivery time is gonna cut it really close. So, if the dress doesn't fit, I'm screwed. And the tracking code isn't much use either, as I clearly won't be showing any updates until the package is basically on my doorstep already. (It's been stuck on "prenotification received" for nearly a week now.)

Ugh... best day of your life. Who came up with that! My own wedding is more likely to be the worst day ever, and I'll be glad when it's over.

I'll try to enjoy it, I will. But I fear the worst...

#Riku's Random Life #Getting sick of me already?#I really needed to get this off my chest #I absolutely hate weddings #My older brother's wedding was all right #But only because it gave me an excuse to visit Japan #Kind sucks that one did end with a trip to the hospital though #Youngest brother suddenly got incredibly ill #And I got to be the interpreter #I had been super ill in the days leading up to the wedding too #Was still recovering #Fun times #I want my wedding to be over already!

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chloeseyeliner · 27 days

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it's my birthday in two weeks.

not a very me way to start a post, i swear i am not doing it for wishes or anything like that, if anyone ever sees this in the first place; i was just writing some very personal things down in my journal (if i can call it such, it's a mess of thoughts and random rants in there really, no structure whatsoever) tonight, and as i was reminiscing my teenage years, seeing that they are conventionally and socially coming to an end soon, i wanted to do something kind of meaningful, instead of just hating my birthday and the weeks before it and being sad all the time like i have done since like. ever. i think?? i remember almost nothing i did or felt before i was eleven. which happens. so. i know my blog is tiny, but for me, it's kind of a great importance to do this right now.

disclaimer: i am not here to give advice to anyone who ever comes across this post. this is not what my role is. that would be sort of unfair, dare i say, since all people experience life differently, even when facing the same situations. <3

so, without further ado, here's ten things i "learnt"/want to tell myself (and maybe another person who might need to hear some of it) before i turn twenty:

(cw: kind of vague and not so vague mentions to mental health in general + some religion things)

1. you don't have to wear this paricular t-shirt in this particular size if it doesn't fit you- there are many different colours and various sizes out there for you to try on, and if you feel uncomfortable sometimes, here, take this jacket. the t-shirt is not going anywhere. it's just being protected, guarded from the outside world, but not your heart. never from your heart.

a. this was both metaphorical and literal.

2. you are not a freak for secretly wishing everything will eventually magically work out like they do in the books you love to be consumed of, kid. you were just a kid with many hopes and dreams. it was fine. it is fine.

3. you didn't have to pretend to like this guy and actually confess your "feelings" to him in middle school just because everyone else was entering relationships that lasted a week and kissed in the school bathroom. but you did. and it's fine. because it was an experience worth having. you needed to dive into the freezing water to actually wake up and start your journey with much, much more than you had in your suitcase even ten seconds ago.

4. on that note, yes, most of the times, when you are queer in a small, rural, christian, balkan town, you don't get many chances of living your truth loudly. but you grew up with all these realisations, which may have seemed terrifying at first, but you did have them, you did question, you did fell in love with someone you weren't supposed to, even from afar, being on your own. i am proud of you, kid.

5. you are not "crazy" for "being too political". you are not a coward for being quiet because you were scared of all this glaring and all these daggers sometimes either. you were younger. now you know a little better.

6. it's okay if you don't look up at the person (or, in your case, god) who used to consume your every thought of awe and admiration anymore, the person (or god) who was the picture next to the definition of "perfection" in your dictionary. people and times change. not everything has to be black and white. swim a little in the gray. do a freestyle once in a while- the butterfly is impressive, but nothing feels like floating around and testing the waters. nothing can compare to the freedom of all this simplicity.

7. your life isn't lost yet just because your mind was either too fast or too slow to keep up with the present. yes, the present shall be cherished- it's a natural gift, it's in the word itself after all. but it's not all over just due to the fact you move across the brain town every other day. you need to push and pull doors. open and close windows. find hands that offer themselves to you- there is at least one person out there who won't take them away when you try to reach them. but you'll find your way. i promise you.

8. you didn't have to raise yourself at some point- or many points, it doesn't matter, though. you didn't have to raise others either. always the listener, never the heard. always the talker, still never the heard. but, for whatever reason (or various reasons), it happened. give yourself a chance. a pat on the back. start taking this weight off your shoulders piece by piece. does it feel any better when you do so? yeah?

9. you don't have to be embarrassed of your interests. of singing an interesting variety of genres every sunday afternoon, during the designated listening to music time. of being excited over your favourite show. of gasping in shock when something unexpected happens in the pages of your current read. of being overwhelmed in the best way possible when entering the cinema or a theatre or a library or a museum, or when walking down the park. of wanting to learn more about this particular historical figure because you couldn't at school, being the perfectionist you are. of trying to write and almost always failing. of tearing up upon seeing a beautiful art piece. of tearing up or crying in general. no one is judging you. and if they are, that's their own issue to address. breathe in. breathe out. you are more than your bad thoughts.

10. slow down, you crazy child/ you're so ambitious for a juvenile/ but then, if you're so smart, tell me/ why are you still so afraid?/ where's the fire, what's the hurry about?/ you better cool it off before you burn it out/ you got so much to do and only/ so many hours in a day...

sorry.

i might delete it later. i might not. i hate being so open, especially on the internet, but all this anonymity gave me an opportunity. and i seized it. plus, i spared all the details. so.

**sigh**

#vent #vent? ish?#i don't know #birthday #birthday blues #so i blow out the candles etc etc #yes i just made a list #so agcd coded of me i know #(as the years go by i realise i am literally him)#(without the extraversion bit i could never)#also i am not being self-centered here #i really needed to get this off my chest #so that maybe another person can see it and realise they are not alone #and i know people have it way worse than me #but yeah #also i am not a swimmer i don't even know why water is such a thing here lol #*swimmer AND i don't #sorry for the simple speech it's like almost three am here #(which means it's almost four am because it's the day when it changes but oh well)

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motorclit · 5 months

Text

I'm gonna rant about voting in the US and the "vote blue no matter who" crowd. This rant is meant to be a vent. I can do it IRL without my parents overhearing me because when it comes to them overhearing me talk about politics they can't keep their mouth shut and then start talking about how the cheetoh should've had a 2nd term.

Does the "vote blue no matter who" crowd have amnesia regarding the 2016 presidential election? A LOT of people rallied behind Bernie Sanders. I was actually ready, as an anarchist, to vote of my own free will for the first time in my life for harm reduction if he became the candidate to run against the cheetoh. But the democrats were all "yeah no we pick Hillary."

Not only did the "vote blue no matter who" crowd of 2016 (I know they didn't call themselves that yet back then, but they're the same energy) seem to forget that a candidate with a lot of public support was shoved aside for Hillary, but she also ONLY WON THE POPULAR VOTE.

The 2016 election showed that YOUR VOTE DOES NOT ACTUALLY MATTER. She won the popular vote only. That's what the people's votes did. Only the electoral college's votes matter in selecting a president.

And I remember a LOT of people wanted to ABOLISH the electoral college when that happened! That sentiment is gone now! Nobody is calling for that anymore! It's back to normal! Back to the "vote harder" type of cries!

The 2016 election not only showed me that the candidate you want, no matter how much public support they get, not only doesn't matter, but your votes do not matter either when it comes to actually voting for a president. That solidified my stance of never voting. Because it doesn't matter even when you gave an acceptable candidate with plenty of public support.

I can't fucking believe so many seemed to have forgotten how it was so blatantly in our faces that voting in the presidential elections don't mean shit.

I think Bernie tried running again in the 2020 election but we got creepy kid-sniffing Biden instead. He not only didn't fulfill promises, he also continued a couple of things people hated the cheetoh for, INCLUDING CONTINUING THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE BORDER WALL. And I'm told to go out and vote for that piece of shit since he's running for a 2nd term?

(I also got some personal beef with the fucker after finding out he claims to have been one of the first to tell NATO to bomb Serbia back in the 90s. I say this because I got family there and civilians were bombed with fuckin' depleted uranium and shit. Fuck Biden. He's no different than the Republicans we all hate. He also was against desegregation and either during Obama's campaign or presidency, when asked if he changed his mind about that, HE SAID NO.)

Now we are looking at how politicians are outright IGNORING the public's cry for a ceasefire in Gaza. And I'm told to vote? For who? They're all the same fucking demon! They just wear a different color necktie! BONE OF THEM GIVE A AHIT ABOUT YOU.

Voting for Bernie was the ONLY compromise I was willing to make. But with everything that was exposed about how much our votes "matter" in 2016, I will NEVER vote in a presidential election.

What's at stake will totally happen under another democrat in office. It'll just happen much slower. You ever notice that republicans seem to do whatever the fuck they want and the fuckers I'm told to vote for roll over belly-up and unenthusiastically go "oh noooo dooon't.... stoooppppp.... noooo...." and proceed to do jack shit about anything? The most they do is throw a few crumbs to their voters without genuinely bringing on the change everybody was promised.

Regardless if anybody chooses to vote, I hope you're organizing nonetheless on survival and stuff. Because it doesn't matter who gets into office. We will all have to look out for one another. They don't give a shit about us, and they never have.

#rant #venting #i really needed to get this off my chest

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