#i need to stop being perceived NOW

[natsmagi]

i feel obligated to let you know that my couple refers to you as the 'mugi big naturals' artist

SOTPASOTPAHGFJDFJKGHDFH THIS SI SO EMBARRASSING how did it feel to find out u were mutuals with the mugi big naturals artist without knowing they were the mugi big naturals artist

#i need to stop being perceived NOW #ask #i was gonna be like “sorry u had to find out im like this” but also i think my rbs paint a similar picture of me as a person so

[bacchuschucklefuck]

love thinking kipperlilly spends her afterlife looking for lucy in a familiar forest

#not art #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #like. does she have a mean of knowing lucy and yolanda got sent to cassandra's domain to hang out for a bit #kipperlilly's isolation means so much to me. she is punished for everything she's done she just doesn't pick up on it #until the moment she dies! one more funky thing that mirrors riz in which he's actively tried to cultivate a community and denied it #until the bad kids. while kipperlilly does not want or care about a community she just wants someone who validates her #but she does Need a community so she latches onto the person she lets closer to her to fulfill her emotional needs #she took the ritual willingly so this might genuinely be her first death. probably terrifying #probably not even enough bandwidth to feel mortified. maybe immediately seeking something comforting out of instinct alone #lmao honestly thinking too much abt fantasy high afterlifes gives me a headache And a visceral fear #Im not religious but I grew up in a culture with a dominantly buddhist/taoist cosmology its Scary that u just go to A Place after u die!! #and then ur still urself!!! thats scary to me what do u mean u stay like that forever. thats fucked #but yeah I think this influences how I see kipperlilly turn out a little bit. in a sense I think of her as being a ghost now #yknow. trying to solve something from life so she can move on and. stop living this life etc #man the reveal that lucy took being killed pretty seriously and is like yeah the others are decent and even sweet #and probably was just trying to hold her party together and do what she thinks is moral by hearing kipperlilly out #lol lmao etc. gods I gotta wonder how kipperlilly's mindset handled jawbones' help #it really is damn tragic tho. I stand by what I said folks like this will complain and be nasty to be around #but they dont have enough desire to inconvenience themselves to off the bat do something abt what they find unfair or whatever #its when theyre handed the seemingly very easy means to be right that they'll start being dangerous #its horribly tragic that the supposed metaplayer and the self-perceived mastermind turned out to ultimately be just an useful idiot #yknow what. I think personally in my heart kipperlilly moves on from her afterlife the moment she says sorry #doesnt even have to be to lucy but that's probably gonna be who received it #ah.... teenage rebellion. teenage gamejacking

[kittykatninja321]

See the reason why I will always be down with the poc Jason headcanon is because I look at the way his lashing out as a grieving child gets interpreted/demonized as “anger issues”, and the way Bruce at times projected “anger issues” onto him that weren’t actually there and also immediately assumed that Jason was bound to become a dangerous criminal unless he intervened despite the fact that Jason was just trying to survive and said himself that he “didn’t wanna be a crook” and didn’t show violent inclinations until AFTER he became Robin and I go “idk, sounds kinda racialized to me buddy, hitting you with the melanin beam”. Now we know the real reason for this is classism but classism and racism are right next to each other on the periodic table so it doesn’t not fit yknow?

#This happened to my buddy Adam Parrish…Now Adam is still number one white boy of my heart but poc Adam doesn’t Not fit yknow? #but yeah as someone who as also experienced being perceived as more angry/aggressive then I actually am Jason can join the club 😁👍🏾 #Jason Todd #dc #The Jason I draw/headcanon is Mexican but I feel like I need to do actual research and like write a paper before I can describe my feelings #on Black Jason. Which I might do. Not that being black and Mexican are mutually exclusive. #I could make him Afro Latino to split the difference #ACTUALLY STOP THE POST. I thought too deeply about what adding a racial dynamic to Bruce & Jason’s relationship does and I made myself sad #I’m gonna THROW UP

[geoffrey]

the seperation of lesbians and gay men is a travesty. "why are there so many historic gay bars and only like a handful of lesbian bars in the whole country" why are being gay and lesbian not the same thing in this context. you dont need to fuck everyone at the bar and it is a problem that needs to be addressed if these spaces arent mutually hospitable. and this applies to most gay/lesbian spaces imo

#its just wrong to assume gay spaces arent for women and if any gay men are reinforcing that it needs to be stopped lol #but a lot of it seems like very gender-biased willing exclusion bc they dont wanna associate with men #which um. grow up to you too #gender segregation is just evil period #other than intimate circumstances if you refuse to hang around people you perceive as x gender #its a problem you need to work on it's not just a right you've earned #now yes of course there are able to be specific cases of bars that are more explicitly lesbian or gay #but assuming if a bar is a ''gay bar'' its just for gay men is a fallacy... do you even go to these places? #''buh buh buh if theres a drag show drag is insulting to women cis and trans'' its not. address your revulsion #i know i come across harsh toned im actually more being flabbergasted that weve got to this point rather than saying hey you in particular #its just so strange to have grew up in the gay climate i did where the only lesbian flag was just lipstick lesbian and the girls didnt like #if you assumed every lesbian fell under it and to just use rainbow #and now people act like gay and lesbian arent synonyms because of gender seperatism. which disproportionally hurts members of the lgbt #community because they are more likely to be gnc lol #also a lot of individual opinions you just see the terf hand guiding. #and i HATE THE TOOTHPASTE FLAG!! #no pink flag for girls so blue flag for boys get the fuck out of my face #i dont want to superficially share my experiences with gay men i need community with gay PEOPLE

[otaku553]

Oc aged up? Redesign? Doodle

#goal was to make him 2x as unlikeable than before lmao #I think story bits are putting themselves together #older cot is now in a position of leadership #Vv left the team or retired for reasons after a big fight #during which xieran lost an eye and all of them got traumatized #cot grapples with the feeling of betrayal from Vv leaving them but also understanding of their reasons and cot’s own desire to retire #cot doesn’t like playing by the rule book anymore and actively goes out of their way to make things difficult for everyone besides xieran #ie getting paperwork done on time and then hiding it so the people who need it can’t find it or have to go to extreme lengths to find it #stops caring altogether for the organization which they work for #maybe even has several contingencies or leverage to bring the organization down to its knees #and instead of using it just dangles it over their head for the amusement of their grappling and vulnerability #their own petty revenge for what he perceives as the organization forcing his closest friend to break under pressure and leave #he also knows fully well that bringing down the organization would be forcing the several hundreds under their employment into poverty #which he doesn’t do mostly because xieran still exists as a voice of reason for them #probably feels some amount of guilt for being the only unharmed out of the battle that injured xieran and pushed Vv to retirement #after all their role is never at the front line. at the best they are a distance attacker #because they insist on bringing a gun to a sword fight

[soumic]

About once a day I go through the mental gymnastics of going "god I should probably make an art insta, for ~professional purposes~ and ~networking~ and ~cultivating an audience~"

And then I scrunch my face up so hard my features cave inside my skull thinking about conceding to using an algorithmic social media platform in 2023, let alone a facebook product

(please don't take this as a call to suggest alternative social medias to me sdlkfjs I mega super promise you I am aware of them)

#you know what I'm fine actually with never being perceived #>he is having a professional crisis #I'm like do I really want to do that to myself again. to have metrics. to have randos find my shit and harass me and my peers? #tbh I really don't want too much discoverability I'd like to keep within my community- I want to be sought out not stumbled upon by whoever #twitter was such a goddamn hellscape- and I'm talking BEFORE the acquisition #I need it known that I was calling for everyone to leave twitter WELL before that chucklefuck pulled his stunt #he's easy to point fingers at but the thing was rotten to the core already- arguably he did us all a favor by derailing it so spectacularly #otherwise it would have stuck around and suffered a slow natural death like all platforms #I also wanna go on record and say I've been warning about discord for a while now too- she's reaching critical mass #the answer to all this is that I need to stop being a chump and just keep working on my personal website #text #personal

[mothbart]

i am so close but not close at all on finishing this lil project but we ball

#anyway quick question do u guys ever like #wish u could stop caring about someone #that sounds bad #but like hear me out #this SOUNDS LIKE VAGUE POSTING I SWEAR ITS NOT #if they make it obvious that they don't care about you #then why should i make the effort to care about them #but i feel like it should be fine if i just...stop caring #but i also realize that it would cause issues and i just do not have the energy to deal with that #i literally do not know if that makes sense #but ultimately what im trying to say is that i think i need to start learning how to keep my peace #if someone doesn't bring me any happiness then why i am acting like they do #like that is just not fair lmfao #but yet if i cut ties i look like the bad guy #damn remember when i never cared about how i'm being perceived now look at me what happened india what happened #i guess i must have grown a heart at some point

[ellie-tarts]

shinran endgame stuff that says shinichi would never tell ran about the whole conan thing is so funny to me and so true. he promised “in sickness and in health” not “in accidental de-aging”

#it cracks me up every time but like. he's gone this far i think there's like a 90% chance he would try to get away with never telling her #he's like 'well! that part of my life is over. any ways.' #dcmk #kudou shinichi #mouri ran #shinran #my post #i know there's so many times esp at the beginning where he almost tells her but like. that's him trying to reconnect with her when she's #so far away #he doesnt need to do that post everything #she's nearby she sees him for him and that's all in the past now #anyways i feel the need to elaborate on my haha funny joke posts #they are born from me looking at canon and perceiving the truth #i think the real most likely thing tho is she finds out in the final confrontation w/o him actually having to tell her #she knows and he doesnt have to stop being tsundere everyone wins

[anirudhpisharody]

.

#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too! #it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna

[girlbob-boypants]

I do actually have a few different concepts for how I would personally rewrite IBS. The basic difference being "How far do I want to stray from canon?"

At minimum, Braham shouldn't have been done dirty and instead it should've been a contest of control. No beating him up for Problematique Writing Reasons but protecting him until he can regain control of the Destroyers so they focus on Frost Legion instead of attacking everyone.

But if I had my full way, he wouldn't have turned to Primordus like that at all, and instead would have gotten that story of being the Oathbreaker and redeeming himself as the Norn who should unite his people against their greatest threat. With Jhavi acting as a sort of representation of the Norn with how she views him changing over the story and the big deal being when she believes he can lead, showing that her view of him has gone from Oathbreaker to worthy of the title Hero of Legend through his actions.

Add in conversations with the Commander where he both expresses his feelings about his parents, and also talks about how he gets how hard our job is now that he's in a similar position. Make the false Destiny's Edge he left behind far FAR more important to the story (like have one of them be the last boss we fight before Ryland and Jormag levels important). And you've got a genuinely solid experience that doesn't trivialize characters, gives more breathing room for future stories, and doesn't add in so many plot elements we lose the focus and completely abandon the lesser developed races in favor of "now we can go to Cantha to get all our gw1 fans back yay!"

#girlbob.txt #gw2 #'but how would we handle primordus when the game says without jormag we can't stop him' #1. this is a video game and the writers can change things. retcons happen all the time. the 'one weakness' thing is a retcon itself #2. that's literally an excellent story device because it puts the asura in the perfect position to explore their strengths #especially with a certain asura on our team being fundamental to changing how we perceive dragons and magic in universe #now we have a norn/charr focused story specifically about how the norn have lost so much and the charr's war culture has led to this #and then a story after that's 'jormag forced our hand and we killed them wtf do we do now that primordus is waking up' #with a focus on a massively under developed race that NEEDED real screentime to explore their fucked up parts of their culture #and really put an impact on the 'elder dragons take so much from those they exist around' aspect #since in a well written story. taimi and braham would resonate over how much both of their cultures LOST due to the dragons #the game literally doesn't address just how much was lost when the asura had to fucking abandon their homes and come to the surface #and i think it'd be interesting if the game had explored the idea that the current society #is a result of their political leaders who were the most selfish surviving the exodus #and reframing it as their intelligence and how that makes them too valuable #but now i'm getting ahead of myself

[yay-depression]

the repressed neurodivergent experience of thinking “no one will ever love me with all of my neurodivergency the way i love them with their neurotypical-ness.”

#me my whole life: got made fun of for exhibiting ND traits among other stuff #me in middle school: well if i simply pretend i am neurotypical people will stop disliking me for being ND #spoiler alert: i was not very good at faking neurotypical-ness #me now: very very good at faking being neurotypical to the point that i am perceived as having very few distinguishable traits #my family my entire life: you are weird (aka neurodivergent) stop being weird #my family my entire life: if i simply do the thing that my child hates maybe they will grow out of hating it #another spoiler alert: no the FUCK i did not #tldr my entire life i’ve essentially suppressed most of myself to make the people i love comfortable bc that’s what they wanted from me #and in response they routinely ignore some of my most important boundaries and still try to act like they’re helping me #my therapist keeps telling me that one day i’ll get a family even if it’s found family #because sometimes found family is the best kind of family #but no one i’ve met is willing to actually put up with who i am as a person and not abandon me #every non-familial person in my life anytime i’ve shared deeply personal things with them: nope no thank you goodbye #and the deeply personal things were always just like ‘i’m actually pretty insecure in friendships and i feel deeply lonely’ #it wasn’t even traumadumping bc they always seemed fine with that!! bonding over shared trauma was like a group activity #and then anytime i was like ‘hey could i maybe get some validate that y’all don’t hate me?’ everyone would be like #no. why would you need that we never said we hated you stop being over dramatic #my dad pulled that last one all the time!! except he added the ‘how could you even think i hate you when i’ve been nothing but good to you!’ #come to think of it my friends did a lot of that too actually #anyways i have a core belief that i’m actually just unloveable and people just tolerate me and it’s been confirmed repeatedly

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

constantly being reminded that the standard acknowledge-enough formula for getting guard/guardian dogs to stop barking does not work on many other dogs

#what we do with my family's two large guardian breed dogs is that you let them alery- acknowledge what they've alerted to #I.e. if they're barking bc a car door slammed outside you say ''thank you. I heard it''- and then you tell them ''alright that's enough'' #it usually works pretty well bc what they need to know is that someone else will take care of what they perceive as a threat. #if they know you're Aware of it (and yes they can understand this) they'll relax a bit #however I forget that the dogs I've grown up with and that my family has right now are... extremely conversational #we talk to them like people basically. I say please and thank you to them and genuinely they understand me. #they're SUPER in tune to vocal commands/being spoken to in any context. #many other dogs are... not. my brother's dachshund is very well trained but he does Not stop barking when I #instinctively say ''thanks I heard it that's enough'' it just doesn't work on him sjdskfnskfbskfnsk #Lu rambles

[cobrakatharsis]

bloodsport by raleigh ritchie as a lawrusso song from johnny’s pov [literally lying dead on the floor]

#full credit to purty-pumpkin for using it as a caption for her art #and making this link in my brain light up and inflict fatal damage #ALSO THE ‘maybe i’m just being selfish’ LINE #it’s about the perceived selfishness and violence of his love #expressing it in violence channeled into protectiveness because that’s all he understands #and he believes at his core that he was made a monster by his teachings and the violence instilled in him so stopping isn’t even an option #perceiving his love as a failure ‘fall short’ as overstepping his bounds as kreese’s soldier ‘break rank’ #’i am all yours i am unmanned i’m on all fours willingly damned’ it’s about the SUBMISSION #and what that means when he’s putting himself on his knees in front of daniel. half his size and scrappy and Kind #the assumption that the relationship is not equal but he doesn’t Care if the feelings aren’t returned so long as he can be useful #‘don’t fight me now ‘cause you might need me later’

[itspileofgoodthings]

i want to get to a place where I can rest easily in my choices and my knowledge and my skin and I feel so close but I am 100% not there yet

#I wish I could force my brain to slow all the way down and I could just take a breath in the middle of difficult emotions #and let the storm pass around me #but I am so often tossed about and then so embarrassed by the struggle #also my impulses and emotions feel so dark to me sometimes. it is absolutely 100% not internal sunshine all the time #or most of the time. but I wish I wasn’t also so self-conscious and agonizingly aware of the storms #there is this layer to it all of my perception of how others perceive me that makes the experience just very jumpy and prickly #I’m very jumpy and prickly and then ashamed of being that way #I long for wisdom and graciousness and the ability to just be at peace you know? #I feel like the jumpiness has gotten harder since I stopped courting the opinions of people simply to make sure #Had a good impression of me all the time #And I NEEDED to do that. I needed to stop trying #But my ego and my neediness and my insecurities run deep lol. so sometimes I just resent it #and then resent myself for making the choice to do that but still wanting so much validation #just an endless cavern of need and then so disgusted with my need lol #*making sure that everyone had a good opinion of me #tag typos will be the death of me #anyway I am calmer now than I have been for a while and am just reflecting. thank you for listening #if you wouldn’t mind saying a quick prayer for me I would appreciate it so much if you’ve made it this far and are up for it #💗

[munamania]

ok had another ‘deep’ convo or whatever with this girl (until 4 in the morning amazing since i had to be up early today) and she really is a lovely person. and i still like her so much. but i feel like i had this sinking feeling of oh jesus christ i don’t know if i can ever say something to you about this

#i mean. we talked about a Lot clearly and i feel like. idk if she is really truly just straight and im an idiot #or if she’s maybe. bi and not willing or needing to like worry about it. yk #and i’m genuinely so happy after everything we’ve talked about that she’s in like a good place and i really #do adore just. this strange dynamic we’ve built. but how much did i overestimate how much it meant to her? #ok well hang on. how much did i possibly mistake tension for… well idk. her just being someone that likes attention and us both enjoying #just talking about whatever. lol #because she is very kind and even if i am mistaking the feelings she’s still very thoughtful toward me and i appreciate that #like she’s a good friend. that unfortunately i’ve had the thought of. oh no if we keep talking am i gonna fall in like one sided love here #hopefully i can keep that under control if i can keep the expectations managed lol #i don’t know what to think whatever!!!!!!!!!!!! #film girl saga #like it feels like we’re building this foundation of trust and comfort and we’ve talked explicitly about sexuality and perception and #idk a bunch of shit. idek how many times now. and i just don’t. sigh #i don’t think she would stop being friends with me but it’s the classic well great now i don’t want it to be weird #and maybe we have a strange enough dynamic that it could easily pass lol idk. #she unfortunately knows how overthinky i am now and i know a little more abt how her thought process works #and it’s like we’re circling these conversations and i’m petrified to know if she ever. has Perceived the feelings. and either #gotten caught up in that and confused or still just enjoyed the conversation enough to look past it. or whatever another altnerative could b

[prophecystation]

i feel like discourse about hockey (and sport in general) would really improve a lot if more people realized that spectator sport is a form of narrativized media and applied their literacy skills accordingly

#sorry these tags are so long #this is not about anybody on this website i just need to stop looking at the bird app #but actually though media coverage of spectator sports exists to construct narratives around athletes/teams/etc. #so if we look at this whole mitch marner/sheldon keefe bullshit #(which is what has me kicking off about this currently) #positioning the two of them as being opposed to one another within the wider narrative of this leafs team #lends itself to a couple different constructed storylines #the first is the continuation of the Mitch Marner Villain Arc (derogatory) #which is playing itself out as sort of a rise-and-fall story structure wherein marner comes into the locker room as a revered hometown hero #and then through time and tricks is made out to be a Whiny Baby Man Who Wants All The Attention And Plays The Hero Too Much #by the way you should be reading that as: #Mitch Marner Wanted To Be Paid The Value Of His Physical Labour Which Is Considered Morally Reprehensible Under Capitalism #And Therefore Everything He Does Now Is Bad #but i digress #the logical conclusion of this narrative is either he wins a cup with this team or is traded and forever villified in the toronto market #either he has a so called redemption arc or becomes a tale of caution basically #the second narrative is that there is a rift in the toronto locker room #this one's a little more straightforward in that it gives fans a side to back in a theoretical conflict #everybody likes to have a good guy to root for and a bad guy to root against it's really just a matter of who you perceive as being the hero #it also lends itself nicely to an overarching narrative surrounding the team and its playoff struggles #hey everybody look at this team that can't make it out of the first round. what the fuck is up with that. #the fun part about this narrative is that you can project whatever the hell you want onto it #are they overcoming adversity? are they distracted? is this kyle dubas' fault? is the team better or worse for it? you decide! #and at the end of the day all of this drives visibility and clicks #which drives (you guessed it) profit #anyways i'm not saying all this to be like 'hurr durr media bad' or whatever #there's a ton of sport media that is highly informative and responsible and incredibly important and i respect the hell out of (most of) it #what i am saying is that when an article comes up that is not based in verifiable fact #(and even when it is! but especially when it isn't) #please please ask yourselves why the person and/or publication writing it is doing so in the way that they are