#i need to be told to shut up lmao

[spiteful-crow]

Ok, but what if

Jon is NOT gone.

I described in length here why I don't think Jon reintegrated into Sherlock's psyche at the end of Chapter One and how I think he is just gone.

However, there is an additional theory I have and I would like to talk about. So what if Jon is gone but not GONE gone?

This rambling is based on overthinking every line in these games, so keep that in mind as you continue reading. Also, I'm likely coping very hard here because I love Jon with all my heart.

First and foremost, I will treat Jon as a sentient being here. I imagine Sherlock and Jon like two flowers planted in one pot. Jon is a personification of Sherlock's love for life and himself; still, Jon is portrayed as having a consciousness. He not only has his own opinions and personality, he also has feelings. E.g. he describes the feeling of being ignored by Sherlock as a "punch in the gut ", he experiences anxiety when forced to face the nature of his existence, etc.

To explain why I don't think Jon vanished completely, I will start by explaining how I read the events of Chapter One from Jon's perspective.

Sherlock created Jon because he was lonely; he wanted to be happy and loved, so he placed his own self-love into Jon and made him his biggest fan and a neverending source of motivation to pursue the more fun parts of life. Jon provided a certain balance in Sherlock's life and also acted as his moral compass. However, Jon struggled with the nature of his existence from the very beginning. The memory at the theatre shows him being distraught by the audience's inability to see him. He refuses to keep this memory; even when he and Sherlock recall it ten years later, he never addresses it in his diary. He jokes about how excellent his performance was, but he is in denial that it ever happened the way it happened. The memories hurt Jon, who feels like a real person but never gets to live as one. The only thing in Jon's life that affirms that he exists at all is Sherlock, and it's a great source of anxiety to depend on someone so completely. 

During Chapter One, we witness the impact Sherlock's memories have on Jon. He asks Sherlock twice to let it go because the memories hurt him, and they hurt him because he exists to love and protect Sherlock. Therefore, Jon's whole purpose is threatened if Sherlock refuses to be protected by him; in a way, if Sherlock chooses to remember and, therefore, be hurt, he rejects everything Jon stands for, everything he was created for.

And yes, I'm convinced Jon mostly cares for Sherlock's well-being, but he isn't entirely selfless either. There isn't a conscious being that can be entirely selfless. He is in the unique position in which every single action of another person is directly tied to him and affects him. Every time Sherlock chooses not to listen to him, his role in Sherlock's life becomes more and more unsteady, which terrifies him. They can't be close and united if they don't share the same values. I think the worst thing that could happen to Jon is to end up being irrelevant and ignored by Sherlock, but being forced to continue existing regardless.

Now, I will just post this journal entry, which Jon writes if Sherlock ends up killing someone.

This is how this reads to me: Jon can't bear watching Sherlock become a murderer, but he is not only concerned for Sherlock; he also doesn't want to feel the pain of watching Sherlock change like this. He doesn't want Sherlock to alienate himself from him. This is what I mean when I say that Jon is not selfless. He doesn't want Sherlock to be hurt, but he doesn't want to hurt either. Another thing I see here is him posing the question if the has a choice, and at least at this point, we can conclude that the answer is no. This is an important point for this post.

Now, I will come to the end of the game. After Sherlock enters the garden and begins regaining his memories, we have yet another scene of Jon begging Sherlock to talk to him and saying he is scared.

I think this shows pretty well how anxious he is about becoming irrelevant or even invisible to Sherlock. The end scene in the garden is everything Jon fears slowly coming true. And it doesn't end there. No, it culminates with Sherlock denying to acknowledge Jon as a person.

And this, in my opinion, is the moment Jon knew he wants to disappear. He barely interacts with Sherry after this, except for asking why Mycroft is there after Mycroft poses the question if "Jon is worth it". We still don't know what Mycroft means, but it's implied he thinks Jon isn't worth "it", which is kinda rubbing more salt into Jon's wound haha :'). Hell, Jon doesn't even intervene in the scene where Sherlock pulls a gun on his brother, he stays on the bench.

As I said in my previous post, I see all four endings as bitter. Even in the two endings in which you blame Otto, the last interaction between Sherlock and Jon lacks the usual warmth between them. I think it's because Jon is quite bitter himself. He is hurting a lot. He tries to reminisce about their times together and says his life hasn't been wholly in vain, but he is just done with it at this point. He is leaving, but not only for Sherlock's sake; he is leaving because he can't bear the pain of staying with Sherlock after being called a lie by him, especially because Sherlock hates lies. Jon has protected Sherlock for years, but Sherlock thinks it was wrong, and Jon's whole purpose is put into question. Sherlock has always been the only person to believe in Jon, and from Jon's perspective, he no longer does.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think he leaves out of spite. I simply think he'd rather vanish than feel obsolete.

I think this post is getting rather long, so I will just get to the point. Why do I think Jon is not GONE gone? Because he implied he has no choice than to witness what's happening to Sherlock, no matter how much it hurts him. And because Sherlock keeps addressing him during The Awakened in a way that suggests, that he still might be somewhere.

Yes, Sherlock misses Jon and he is desperate, so him talking to Jon shouldn't mean much in this regard, but still, Sherlock doesn't seem to believe that Jon is gone.

He seems to believe that Jon is still watching him from somewhere (from Heaven? Why are you looking at the ceiling, Sherry?) and is fully able to make an appearance and "intervene" if he wants to. Of course, Sherlock doesn't know everything, but honestly, I agree with him. Because why would Jon have the ability to erase himself from existence? If he could simply erase things, he would have likely erased Sherlock's memories of Violet's death. However, he has the ability to conceal things, like memories, so it's not unlikely that he can conceal himself too.

I think Jon is still somewhere deep inside Sherlock's mind. We already know he can disappear whenever something makes him uncomfortable (like Dilwyn), so I'd like to think that he disappeared in the same way during the ending too. I think he is dormant right now. And he is hurt. But he is there. I don't think Jon can die unless Sherlock dies.

#sherlock holmes chapter one #sherlock holmes the awakened #ramblings #i need to be told to shut up lmao

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[deus-ex-mona]

the times that lxl acted like a married couple

and the one time they were actually married

#no clue where i was going with this im on negative sleep o k #i really need to put a word embargo on ‘meoto’ lmao #ngl i prolly won’t shut up about meoto till it drops. less than 3 weeks to go!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i can explain the mvm choices i s w e a r #car scene: poor sleepy wife falls asleep on husband; husband smiles fondly like the sap he is #lunch scene: wife is making sure husband eats his veggies lol #kiss scene: g e e z stop flirting guys you have a literal audience— #o k but i think im gonna tl ‘meoto’ as ‘husband and wife’ bc it has a better ring to it than just plain ol’ ‘married couple’ #i s e r i o u s l y hope it gets an mv and they kiss though— #though i do wonder what scenarios they chose for the radio drama… #i’ll laugh if they choose my joke scenario of ‘fight like a married couple’ lmao #染BODY ONCE TOLD ME— #shibaclown saturday #LXL MEOTO CRISIS 2K24

[widevibratobitch]

omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee

#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time #and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again #have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind #ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her #that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right #to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel #that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists. #so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week #and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨ #like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes #'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly. #ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol' #like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like #i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying #a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again #because im not texting back. #i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too. #I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it #i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao #oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour #pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA

[comradecowplant]

so things are not going well with my new elderly socdem friend unfortunately.

#she said this RIGHT after talking about how bad yt misinfo is... which she followed up w SO I WAS WATCHING A YT DOC ABOUT WW2 & LEARNED THIS #youtube 'historians' are literally the most fascist breed of youtuber. avoid the vast majority like the plague lmao #i asked if the video was sourcing the hollow dahmer & the black book of communism & she didnt seem to know what those are lol #to her credit i told her straight up that she was incorrect & she at least faked being curious about doing more research but i am doubting #she also 'learned' that lenin killed trotsky lol get your propaganda right lenin was dead by then STALIN icepicked him <3 #anyway im making jokes bc the worst part was a different conversation where she spoke positively of israel #THAT'S gonna be the one to ruin our friendship. fuck you & your war tourist friend who fought in the 1960s landgrabs that youre now #telling me as if this is a cute story. nahhhh lmao i looked her straight in the eye & said i will NOT debate this #so she dropped it like the true enlightened centrist most socdem cowards are and i kept cleaning her house quietly #turns out You & Me We're the Only Ones Around Here Who Aren't Complete Fools was premature *kicks the poorly rendered gravel sadly* #shes otherwise a nice lady & i know i need to be more flexible in order to hopefully change ppls minds... #but also when people say awful & untrue things it makes me not want to talk to you 🤷‍♂️ srry 2 b a freak like that #also i know shes not transphobic but i havent sniffed her out well enough to know if shes safe to come out to #so its hours of misgendering (which isnt her fault she doesnt know) bc shes obsessed with neoliberal feminism and inappropriately brings #gender into conversations that it does not belong in #'did you know all the countries that handled covid best were ran by women?' 1) untrue 2) dont care finland still sucks #she also tried to tell me that european rich people learned to be nicer after the french rev & thats why europe is better than america... #girl shut up we learned how to be so good at racism and capitalism BECAUSE of europe. there is no such thing as a good rich person!!! #i pick my battles (genocide & anticommunist genocide revisionism) so i let her cook w that one & was not left convinced as you can imagine #ANYWAY rant about today's weird day done. gonna smoke weed & rim some skies 🥵 while listening to the Khrushchev Lied audiobook i found 😘

[etchedstars]

sorry idk i just think that if you complain abt your partner being the only person who cares about you but then block out every single one of your friends after you grow tired of them then maybe you have some self growth to do

#not to vague post but like. come on lmao #youre not a magnet for shitty ppl man maybe youre just a shitty person #and like admittedly i dont think this person was but come on if you dont have anyone consistent in your life bc YOU shut all of them out #youre doing something wrong. sorry. #ok thats my only ventpost this month. i feel like i have a right to pettiness for not vagueposting three months ago #the overdue asteroid strikes again #i hope the person this is abt sees this lmao <3 i also hope youre doing better and youve gotten over yourself #frankly i didnt need to see anime characters nor your petty complaints over how bad your life is but i did! i put up it with it bc i though #we were friends! but at the same time if you want ppl to care about you youre sure as fuck making it hard to 😭😭 hows anyone gonna care abt #you if you block them once youre tired of them or if they do one thing that offends you #if youre looking for perfect friends then like dont. the point of having friends is loving them. despite despite despite. #hypocritical as fuck lmfao. i thought huh maybe i should block you after you told me you were so jealous of me you couldnt read my writing #you make it so fucking hard for anyone to care about you and im sure you know that bc its all you post about #well. i cared about you. youre fucking awful and i shouldnt have though

[binch-i-might-be]

no one:

me: maybe if I came out as genderqueer/something under the trans umbrella to my family they would stop bringing up how they thought adding the option of "diverse" (non-binary) to applications and forms to be inclusive went "too far" and maybe my step sister's annoying ass military fiancé would shut his fucking face in general and stop making transphobic comments and I could finally experience peace and tranquillity during family dinners

me: no that's ridiculous

also me: ......unless? 🤔

#i am FED UP #i understand ro a certain degree that my parents struggle with the concept of anything more than binary genders because they're OLD OK #and german doesn't really have pronouns like they/them so we need to invent new words and it's more difficult to incorporate #into casual vocabulary and conversation for people who aren't used to the concept of neo pronouns #but my sister's fiancé told a funny haha story the other week about how he deliberately made a comment to a trans soldier #about what it says on her birth certificate???? dude i almost left the room in the middle of dinner #thinking about taking one for the team and outing myself as cisn't just so everyone will shut the fuck up lmao #would it be a lie??? idk the truth of the matter is that i don't give a shit. gender is fake and that is my truth 🙏 #rayrambles

[bahrmp3]

.

#my mum suddenly going 'you are not going to do any more piercings right? changing your appearance against how you were created is wrong-' #'you shouldnt do that and its my role to give advice' i told her 'i dont plan on doing anything on my face maybe my other ear too #(and its not like there is anything wrong with lip or eyebrow piercings either bear in mind) but i plan on doing som #more likely in a year to give my helix enough time to heal and instead she was like 'isnt that too much? you will look too ugly now :/' #then she tried to bck track when i told her smth like 'hey at least chose nicer words' with how 'im so pretty! i dont need piercings' #or smth i dont really remember lmao when i told her lots of ppl have piercings now she pulled a sheep following herd card of sorts #i can never really win huh? at some point shutting up is the only best response :/// #personal

[iishmael]

I’m cold and miserable and I need to edit the intro to my concept chapter and I wanna gooo for a ruuun outsiiiideeeee :(

#I’m so exhausted I need a break SO BAD but two more days and I’ll finally get it 🫡 #well. on Thursday I’ll get it perfect timing with the holidays lol #n my mum has sent me a gift to cheer me up 😭 #new travel mug!!!! #it hasn’t arrived yet but she told me what it is lmao #shut up Sam

[milflewis]

going to go lie in some grass and scream into the dirt or smth and see if things are a little better after that

#nothing like waking up at 6am to study for an exam that you are unbelievably fucked for and then getting a call an hour before said exam #to find out that a friend of yours is missing. bc. that’s. so . #and i’m not even in the same fucking county. what am i supposed to do about this #and i was told by a mutual person who i am no longer friends with bc of a falling out that was similiar to this lmao and woah #idk if u’ve ever answered a phone at 11am on 2 hours sleep. half high from exhaustion. 2 a person talkin to you with Hate in their voice #but it’s wild #if i ever die from a curse or smth it’s bc of her #i am so v bad with not being able to do nothing and i can feel myself shutting down and can and don’t want to do anything to stop it #just got to get through these exams and hope that she’s found and ok. i just. idk. i’m just tired and i want to hug her and have her tell me #about her gf who i find so annoying but she loves and steal her socks bc they have cool designs and watch spiderman like we’re 15 again #three days. three fucking days she’s been gone and no one told me #i want to not have to miss ppl. i want to not have to do another reading in a church. i want to refuse to eat her terrible baking. i want to #listen to her tell me everything i do wrong in life even tho that’s kind of awful. i want to sleep. i want. i want #ignore this i just needed to get it out so i didn’t give out to ppl where it wouldn’t do any good #at least i found out what was being hidden from me lol #delete later

[skaluli]

guess who finally got to go to a therapist again today after losing their other one

ME!!!!!!!!!!!

#im so sorry that happened youre really strong #o get through it #afterwards i had to walk back to my mums which was around 20 mins #i just ended up playing fine by lemon demon on repeat to calm me down lmao i didnt have earbuds so i just played it out loud while walking #stayed at her work for the rest of the day helping her and got back home at dark #the appointment went well i think. i fumbled my words to an ungodly amount and couldnt think properly #i barely could keep eye contact and just ending looking all over the room and then just wall. ty wall. was just slumped in the chair adsfgh #it was weird having to tell someone about myself #and whats happened in my life #while i was talking i was just like damn huh that did actually happen to me #i guess ive just repressed a lot of stuff and then having to bring it all back up again and trying to explain it as well was just weird #like when i told her about some of the stuff that happened to me during school she was like etc and it was weird because i dont really see #t but i just feel like she shouldnt be saying that to me. i dont know it just feels weird. i dont see it as anything even though it is some #hing i guess. like when she asked about me self harming i just said how it is because i guess to me its just nothing. even though i know se #f harm is not good to me it kinda doesnt feel like anything. its just yeah i do/did. nothing of it i just yeah. i need to figure out how to #feel again. thinking and understanding as well i suppose. #okay skaluli shut up i dont care stop talking.

[confinesofmy]

the other day with the fam i got triggered by something that seemed like a really obvious trigger to me but like hey nobody's a mind reader so whatever and after stupidly enduring it for about 20 minutes i expressed discomfort and my one cousin was like oh come on just one more and i said "oh i think i'll just go home now" (like informatively i mean not threateningly) and then they were like aw :( okay, okay we'll do something else and i do think this was marked down as another 'wow adam is so neurotic' moment but i was talking about it in therapy today and my shrink made The Face so when i got home i called the cousin i'm closest to from that group bc suddenly i felt better equipped to explain "hey <that> reminds me of <this> and that's why i withdrew like that" and we had a good little conversation about what to do next time and reassurances on both sides re: if i leave that's okay and re: if it happens again that's okay BUT her initial response was to say "but <that> isn't <this>, they're different things" and it felt like she was telling me i was wrong and i hated it bc i knoooow they're different i'm not fucking STUPID why is your instinct when i'm explaining why i got upset to tell me why it shouldn't have upset me are you serious shut up!!! but whatever. i laid the groundwork for next time to be easier and anyway "tough" conversations like this strengthen relationships. it's fine.

#if i told you what <this> and <that> actually were your jaw would fucking drop but it's unnecessarily intimate #so just think of the craziest shit you can imagine okay #i'm always like 'why is it so hard for me to talk about my feelings 😡' and then when i do people say #'oh you really shouldn't feel that way' #thanks i don't ever wanna share another emotion with you again #i think they have that response bc i seem like i'm in a good place to hear it due to my emotional affect issues #but i'm not #it genuinely comes across to me like telling a crying person that they don't need to be wasting time on this #except i'm not crying bc if i was crying then they'd respond more appropriately #whatever #i have to shut up or i'm gonna spiral lmao #adam talks too much

[plumdale]

went to the movie theater today to go watch ‘smile’ and omggg did not have a good time because no one would shut the fuck up !!!!! kids and high schoolers being absolutely fucking obnoxious dffkfkfkrkffjfj I was seething 😭😭

#they thought they were so funny #next time I’m just buying popcorn and watching at home bc people don’t know how to be even a little bit considerate #like I don’t need to hear your corny ass commentary after every dialogue #told them off at the beginning but of course they don’t care lmao. #I’m not trying to sound like a Karen or whatever but!!!!!!!! shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!! how do you have the energy to be obnoxious for two hours?? #I’m so mad sorry lmfaooo. only ab 2 of the jump scares got to me but I couldn’t even get scared or creeped out bc of those stupid kids #I wish them the worst week I don’t care ffffjfjdjd #and also every single adult who encouraged these annoying ass kids by giggling as if any of it was even remotely funny #im soooofgogogkgkg🙄🙄🙄fuck them fr #txt post #nonsims

[esta-elavaris]

The irony of the government avenues that gave me absolutely no help when I was homeless in England now sending me snippy emails because I won’t check my messages on my housing association account for my old city.

Like babe I moved countries eight months ago because you were less than no help, what could you possibly have to tell me now. Cba. Not checking it. Pisstake. 

#i even shut down my application and told them 'yeah nothing here is working so i need to move countries' #it's not like i just suddenly stopped trying to chase down housing with no explanation? #i'm so bitter lmao #like if i hadn't had family i could move cities to stay with i'd literally have ended up on the streets last summer

[tardis--dreams]

Aaalright cut the courses from 12 down to 8 and am strongly considering dropping another one but let's see after today's first session

#with that class id be at 47 points without it at 39 ects #so that's still ok i guess #even though I'd need over 50 to make up for last semester #but #let's be realistic #i haven't done more than 27 ects Ever and that was in my very first semester 100 years ago #I was struggling with 15 points last semester #i have also 60 hours of work each month on top so idk if it's in any way realistic to even try to get over 30 #(but i have to get these 39. 7 of those are for the ba so I technically only get 32 for the ma so it's not like i have a choice #i can't waste more time #but yeah lets see of today's session will be okay and maybe then I'll go for the 47 after all #but a friend of mine told me she found the lecturer 'exhausting' so I'm already scared lmao #there's only 10 people in that seminar and it's in german so even less to look forward to #but the topic sounds extremely interesting so it's worth a try i guess #although i can't imagine writing a term paper in german using german data #it's just. too much. #(I'm not exaggerating when i say i SUCK at german and it makes me uncomfortable. but it is what it is #let me try to not cry too much this semester) #shut up amy #university ramblings #i need to start working on.. everything

[menlove]

this professor will not mark anyone’s papers above a 95 and that’s fine but it is over the most annoying shit i swear

#it's fine i'm being normal i'm not a perfectionist or anything #this last case is rlly getting me though lmao bc he said he doesnt need in depth citations or footnotes at all #and we can choose what format to use (mla/apa/chicago/etc) #has said this multiple times #so tell me why this man marked me down for not using footnotes abt some newspaper clippings in class #and commented 'figure out why historians prefer footnotes' man. i will eat you. shut up. #if u had told me i needed footnotes & to use chicago i would have but u have to communicate that #theyre like 600-900 word papers that act as our exams and so theyre not supposed to be that serious/in depth #he has also misunderstood what i'm saying twice now and marked me down for it #like at one point was like 'this is missing a word or phrase' and i'm like literally no it isn't this is #a grammatically correct sentence bc you see 'the reflection of (explained idea) and (explained idea' works as a sentence #but he got annoyed i didn't put 'reflection of' again before that second explained idea #and i'm ready to strangle him