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knicole0527 · 3 years

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How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though . But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

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abigolerant-blog · 5 years

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lets talk: phan

First, I’d like to get this disclaimer out of the way. This is not phan bashing, this is not an attack on the phandom or on dan and phil themselves. the people of the phandom are beautiful people and they are so fuckin amazing

*no, im not apart of the phandom. i’m just a person who knows shit, now let me tell you what i know. do i ship phan? no. do i know phil and dan are together? yes.

BECAUSE,

theres a difference between shipping .. (shipping - The act of one wanting/supporting two individuals involved in a romantic relationship)

and phan (two people who are actually together, and make it blatantly obvious. but at the same time, don’t make it obvious at all to the internet.) it’s different from shipping where the IDEA of wanting them to be together,, because daniel howell and phil lester have been together for quite some time now. it’s a reality instead of a ship.

Let’s take a couple of examples.

You guys remember the whole Kylie Jenner situation? Remember how she like kept her pregnancy a secret for literally 9 months. Remember how news outlets, social medias, and everyone on planet earth called that she was pregnant. It was a huge question that hung up in the air. But there were some HUGE flags that pointed to her being pregnant, like hiding her stomach, dressing in baggy clothing, old throwbacks on her instagram account. AND THEN, i forgot who it was but im too lazy to look. Kylies sister/mother/whatever was being interviewed on television?? And they were like,, “Is Kylie pregnant, like whats the deal here.” and then on multiple occasions, the whole family didn’t comment. they didn’t come outright and explicitly say yes or no to said question about kylie jenner being pregnant. ummm BITCH UHHH.. what do you mean no comment? you could have just said no and got rid of all speculation.. but they made no comments. they stayed quiet, they stayed low. they avoid questions regarding kylie’s pregnancy. AND GUESS WHAT. uhhhhhhhhhh, yea. it was obvious she was pregnant. AND THEN, she came out right after stormie was born and she was like “yea i was fucking pregnant duh” and then she went back to her life after uploading that video and moved on.

now, how does this relate to phan?

Okay, so let’s think about them as human beings for a minute instead of personalities on youtube. So, there were these two guys, right? They knew each other back in 2008, yea? they met on the internet, and then in person and all of the sudden they were extremely involved in each other's lives. now, i don't have to bring up the tweets from literally ten years ago. you guys all have read them. you guys all know what they say. dan and phil’s chemistry was irrevocable. nobody could deny that phil and dan had chemistry with one another and THAT’S .. the tea sis. they CLEARLY flirted with one another, yadda yadda. and i hate to be that bitch but lets talk about that private video for a second, because i know some people HATE hearing about it. you guys know what i mean. sure, respect Dan and Phil by not uploading it or reminding Phan that it existed. but can we talk about how it was made up to be this whole thing that it wasn’t and it was taken down so fast and phil takes down ALL of the things that is related to that video. that’s cool or whatever. but when you think about the things that were said - it’s perfectly logical and applicable that it was real. and I'm cutting you no bullshit. i’m gonna be honest. that video was fucking real. fast forward a couple of years and suddenly present phan is super sensitive about the topic of “being shipped together” compared to the phan where “man phils poster just watched me have sex” and boom, dan and phil are together and travel together and see each other's families and you can all know. BUT WAIT, did the akinator ask us if we’re dating? man we should edit that out of the video, but lets take you on a vlog of us walking around town on Christmas and be platonic. man did that old lady tell us we were cute together on that radio show we did? better laugh awkwardly and cover it up. man do millions of people know we’re a couple? man, we better call each other bros!!! (chillin five feet apart because they’re not gay) but ANYWAYS, there are a couple red flags that i notice about phan and the first one is this:

1. no confirming or denying.

yeah, you know that annoying thing that your friend does when they start a sentence and they say “nevermind”.. and you get frustrated. like what do you know that I don't? and that's what phan does, they do that all the time. they start to have a moment on camera, something along the lines of like “man you’re my best friend, you’re important to me” but then follow it up with a joke that just revokes all meaning to what they said? it’s so blatantly obvious that phan is OBSESSED with how their audience sees them. and i know dan is the pickiest about what we see/hear/know. they’re hypersensitive to what their audience says, but trust me and trust the phandom. their silence is so much louder than words. like mate, you two have BEEN together/LIVING together in the same place and have been around each other mostly year around 24/7 and you’re telling me in that whole span of a decade neither dan or phil have gone out and invested themselves in another romantic relationship? you guys are telling me that these two, tall, handsome people havent found a significant other yet?? and you’re telling me if dan and phil were just bro’s,,, they wouldn’t of found a partner in the whole span of 10 years and didn’t move out to be with that partner?? yeah uhh,, you know why they don’t do that?? I'm pretty sure you know why. we know. other YouTubers know. the ideology of phan being a thing has been around for so long, yet they don’t care to say to explicitly confirm nor deny their relationship. or maybe a simple, it’s complicated will suffice? sure, it’s none of my business. sure, it’s their life. sure, it’s their whatever.

2. taking advantage of their audience

but you’re telling me,,, they create an empire thats HEAVILY Influenced by the fact they COULD (which they are) TOGETHER.. they make a whole TOUR of them TOGETHER, they do videos TOGETHER, they make merch TOGETHER,,,, but you don't have respect enough for your audience to at least give them an inkling of that? your video has to be filled with suggestive innuendos and tour plugging but you can’t even confirm/deny the very thing that has been paying your bills for YEARS? sure, dan and phil are amazing people. they’ve done so much for their fans, they’ve been the core of some amazing artwork, works of fanfics and amazing friendships.. but someone can spend weeks on an amazing phan piece of art and uhhhh, you won’t acknowledge it because it shows you two being innocently intimate like holding hands or some shit? you’re telling me an artist can work so hard on something based on the idea of you,, but it will never get any recognition because oh no.. it’s us kissing :( like i mean this with the most respect possible, like get over it. But yeah, I’m going to post no content except for tour ads for the next three months and oh, here’s some merch. oh you pay all my bills? oh you want us to do pinof 10? uhhh we’ll think about it. yeah,

okay sisters, we’re getting real here. the tea is hot.

hey people of the phandom who are reading this? did you know that you obsessing over heart eyes howell and phil topping (which he doesn’t, hate to say it) that it literally pays their bills right? Phan is complete bullshit, in the LEAST negative way possible. They’re great people, they just bullshit a lot.

3. pandering

You guys know that uhhh, you don’t know anything about Dan and Phil? Yeah, they’re a youtube couple. But they only let you in on the very surface because it seems like they dont want to be every old ordinary youtube couple. let’s take jenna and julien for a second. jenna and julien have been together for a long ass time and they show us the sweet stuff and the hard stuff. but not to where we know EVERYTHING about them. Everything they do is generally appropriate in the privacy sense, they vlog enough to keep us entertained but healthy enough to keep their sanity. Unlike Shep689, you can look up who Will and RJ are, but they were a youtube couple who shared EVERYTHING about their relationship. up to the point where they showed each other in bed at night DAILY, they got married to each other. then surprise, surprise they get divorced. there’s not a lot of couples who survive the wrath of youtube. take liza and david, prankvsprank, anthony and kalel, collen and josh, yeah it’s a lot. but what’s the running theme of these youtube couples that have broken up? they were same old youtube couples that we got used to and we loved. they were just like any other youtube couple and they fucking broke up. i can only think of like 3 youtube couples who have a big following and are still together for the long run.

and let’s keep it real here. the reason why dan and phil don’t come out publicly as a couple for more than just “privacy” reasons, like dude you’re on social media, you’re a youtuber,,, do they know what that is?? privacy is the opposite of being a youtuber but go off i guess uh, they do it because they know if they let the big scary secret out then the whole appeal of dan and phil is gone. instead of being these wholesome dudes, they’ll be known as these guys who have literally kept their relationship under wraps for years on end to exploit their audience for coin and it will be so obvious. how would they even come out as a couple at this point? they’ve dug themselves in such a deep hole by covering everything up on and off camera that to undo it would seem pointless. you would think that ten years after being with someone you’d be comfortable enough to be genuine on camera but okay sis. . . anyways they’re gonna keep up the hype of them being together and milk it until all the phandom converts to another fandom (like bts,, oops) or maybe they’ll fucking come out in pinof 10?

probably not.

so let’s tie this in. think back to kylie jenner right? remember how every question of her pregnancy was avoided, remember how sources hinted to it? uhh remember how silence is generally the biggest indicator of said question to be proven true countless times again? uh tea

they’re actively hiding everything from you ok bye

#phan #phandom #rant #youtube #ships #otp #shane dawson can you hhhh #investigate

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whatsupitsyogirlchibichan · 6 years

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The Meaning of Sacrifice - Raven??

ok so i haven some ideas about how one COULD make this song relate to raven - heads up spoilers for volume 5 so get to back clickin if you don't know what happened. I also might come back and edit this for clarity or If I think of something cool.

ok so this first verse could be about the moment leading up to raven killing the previous spring maiden. its implied in that final conversation between yang and raven that the past spring maiden was overcome with the pressure of being the maiden and ran away from haven, eventually running across the branwen tribe. at this point raven had already given birth to yang, abandoned her, and rejoined her tribe as leader. raven values strength and seeing the potential in having a maiden under her control must have been tempting. so she takes this girl in and starts training her (not sure how she could train her but whatevs)

the girl at this point probably is once again buckling under the pressure and might be feeling she left one prison for another, all while raven is getting frustrated at the girl from being weak or however you want to phrase it. eventually it reaches a point where she decides to "mercy kill" the girl so the power is no longer tied to a weak girl and hopefully transferred to her, a "strong" woman who will use it for the benefit of her(self) tribe. So long story short the first verse is her comforting the girl during her last moments after her betrayal, and trying to justice her actions to herself.

After killing a young girl who trusted her, its possible she started to feel some guilt over having to do it but "im strong enough to do what needs to be done" so she buries that shit waaaay down. Now at this point Raven might be realizing how fucked she is. Not only did she betray the Ozpin faction by running away, but she killed a maiden, took her power, is not using it for her own selfish gains, but signs of salem starting to return are appearing. Now Raven ins said to be clever, so she probably knows she needs to cover her ass. So she either appoints Vernal or Vernal volunteers to be her decoy. Why is a mystery at the moment. It's possible Vernal looked like the girl and could be used then to cover up the fact the original spring maiden is now dead. This not only protects her from Salem who would instead go after Vernal, but give her some bargaining power should Ozpin finds out she has the "spring miaden".

Ok so converning the second verse (yeah lol that whole mess above was for one verse) we get into bitterness and resentment toward Ozpin/Ozpin faction. We clearly see that Raven's ideals and ethics would obviously go against Ozpin's plans and code (as we know them) and Raven is pretty inheritently suspicious, constantly telling Yang to questions what's she's been told (Remnants true conspricacy theorist) She doesn't really value things like altruism, compassion and such, while Ozpin is indeed a teacher and wants to bring best out of his students/protect them.But of course we've seen how that can go to shit, or perhaps he's a bit colder than he presents himself (Ozpin evil? Ozpin good? IDFK) Another way to look at this due it being a repeated line, is the sow the death to reap the seed could be both how she feels Ozpin should be doing things (who gives a fuck about civilians let’s fucking rage) and her reasoning to herself killing the spring maiden (if I kill this weak ass girl I can get some kick ass powers)

I and most people think Summer Rose was the glue that held team STQR together, and defs died in an Ozpin/Salem scheme. While we don't know the know the exact relationship between Raven and Summer, I'd say it's a safe bet that at one point the two where friends or held some level of respect for each other. So when Summer died, Raven most likely blamed Ozpin and his scheming ways for it and probably wondered, if he's willing to let Summer die for him with nothing to show for, then what's the point? So this verse probably relates to how Raven feels about being in Ozpin's group, her feelings of hopelessness in this war, she misfivings about Ozpin's methods, or at least her perseption of them.

Now the third verse is tricky. We don't have a clear cut image of someone in the series who can be described as angelic but had a fall from grace of somesort. A few possiblites are 1) Raven referring to herself, the way Yang says Tai described was at as a strong woman who fought for what she believed in, someone more complicated than a simpler explanation of "Your mom abandoned us". It could refer to Yang realizing there was no greater reason for Raven absence, not leaving to protect her or carry out some noble mission, that Raven abandoned her because she didn't want the responsiblity of raising a child/being tied to a family/ giving up her bandit life. And the first line is a methaphor for Yang's past fixation on her mother, a little girl turning into a woman and realizing the sins of her mother in full force. The end of volume 5 clearly paints a picture of Yang being pretty done with her mom and her bullshit. Raven fell from Yang's grace. 2) the line could be a reference to Yang, maybe a rare display of maternal love as describing her daughter as angelic and the fall from grace referring to Yang's dismemberment and depression. 3) could just describe Ozpin, old man Oz may have once been a hero but centuries of trying and failing to do his one job with no progress have turned him from a savior to another evil like Salem (depending on what you think of Oz) In short about these lines - who the fuck knows.

Concerning the line about falling stars and roses dying - I really am not sure how to interpret the stars part other than raven saying that when salem gets her way the fucking apocalypse is gonna happen. The roses line is a lot easier. Most people can agree Summer Rose probably sacrificed herself for greater good/Ozpin/save Ruby whatever. And its a fair assumption to say the moon is tied to silver eyed warrior, particularly Summer and Ruby. And this could be Raven's way of saying despite Summer sacrifice, Ruby will end up just like her, another sacrifice for a hopeless victory.

Then the next 3 lines are about how pointless these "sacrifices" have been, serving no real purpose. It was like Penny - she wasn't sacrificed for a greater good - she was killed in the crossfire between Salem and Ozpin's war. Victims. And this culminates in Raven saying she won't join them. She won't give her life for this war, she won't die for Ozpin, they can't have her life, she's not their sacrifice(GET IT?!?!?!) The chorus is pretty cut and dry so I'll skip it.

Now I got a hunch this next verse is a symbolic conversation between Raven and Yang, with Raven trying to convince Yang to give up on Ozpin and his plan, stay with her, basically the branwen camp scene. “These god like creatures, are using us like pawns in their games, fuck them right?” And the escape your fate bit might again be a rare display of motherly protectiveness, trying to get Yang to get out while she can so she won’t die in Oz’s war too. I think she’s trying to convince her that fighting against Salem is pointless, and the line “the more you’ll just breed hate” might refer to the grim since they are attracted to negative emotions, i.e. the main of Salem’s forces. Or maybe her prophetizing that team RWBY will end like team STRQ. this verse is tricky to decipher with what we have.

The next 3 lines are interesting, I think these lines are Yang’s response. She’s seeing through her mom’s bullshit and telling her she will bring the truth to light, and mirror eyes makes me think of Ruby’s silver eyes, probably foreshadowing Ruby’s adventures and journey will cover a lot of buried secrets, or reveal a hidden truth. Possibly victory over Salem? Or how by her sister side they can overcome the scheming. Generally lines about hope,truth, overcoming.

Then my favorite part of the song. I strongly believe that this part of the song is being sang by someone other the whatever character you want to believe is singing this song, Raven or otherwise. Best bet for me concerning this theory is it still being Yang, or for dramatic fun and culmination of the women who have been wrong by Raven and her actions. Summer, the spring maiden, Vernal and Yang. Like they are passing judgement onto Raven “What if all the plans you made” - Infiltrating Beacon to learn how to kill huntsmen, bandit schemes, maiden shenanigans “Were not worth the price they paid” - Yang growing up without her mother, the spring maiden and Vernal dying. “Even with the lives you stole” the spring maiden directly, vernal indirectly “Still no closer to your goal”

Now what exactly is Raven’s goal is up for debate. There are plenty of theories floating through the RWBY-verse and I’m sure there’s plenty general ones about Raven. But let’s try to make an educated guess of the general idea of what drives Raven and what she believes in. I would say these 3 words independence, self reliance, and self preservation. Independence, “you can try but I’m free”, and how she might have left Tai and Yang due to not wanting to de tied down. Remember kids, dead beat moms also exist. Self Reliance, Raven doesn’t seem to play well with others, or particularly want to. She shuts out most people, her brother Qrow, Tai her once love interest, etc. She’s a solitary kind of person. Self Preservation. Uh, yeah. She let her daughter be the one to take the relic so Salem would go after Yang and not her. Yes she was weepy eyed about it, but never the less, she ran, and is letting her daughter be the one to face Salem. Her whole schtick is “For the good of the tribe” And since the tribe doesn’t seem to question her what so ever from what we have seen, whatever works for her. Her whole plan was to double cross Cinder and run off with the relic. So I think those 3 words describe how Raven works - independence, self reliance, and self preservation. And yeah raw strength but c’mon that’s obvious.

So yeah that’s my thoughts about Sacrifice if you want to ascribe it to Raven. Now it’s perfectly find to say thing song may not have been written with Raven in mind. And that’s fine. Maybe it’s about Ruby vs Cinder, or Oscar, so someone else. But I hope I made a compelling argument about how one plausible meaning to the song can relate to Raven. Plus it would be cool if what I say is more or less correct, as it would be a cool parallel to Red Like Roses Part 2. That was a song of a conversation of grief and sorrow between Summer and Ruby, mother and daughter. It would rhythm if Sacrifice was for Raven with some Yang at the end. Another conversation between a mother and a daughter, but with a twist on it. But that’s just my old opinion and this story is still be written so who the fuck knows what will come out of left field. Feel free to message me about your own thoughts, do you agree, blah blah blah. And if Miles Luna somehow reads this know I am available to write this shit for you, hire my ass, my diet coke addiction won’t pay for itself. give me da moneh!!! oh and reblog this with appropriate tags I might have missed, I shall spread my reaching ass across this fucking website

#rwby #raven brawnwen #sacrifice #theory #Volume 5 #rwby volume 5 #spoilers #rwby spoilers #yang xiao long #summer rose #ozpin #miles luna

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thekaeb3412-blog · 3 years

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The Story of How I Fell In Love With Unwritten History

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling eachother out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our friend Ladaya , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept amking promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I desrved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude .

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pokefanbri · 4 years

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1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful

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lasiiurus-archived · 7 years

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thank you !

^^ dis gif isn't mine. but that's totally my face.

Here it is! This is my big dumb 'thank-you' post that I've been meaning to write. So if you weren't aware, I've actually closed this blog (aside from some random posts about Logan and a Batman Podcast - you should listen to it) due to some major, major problems with the DC fandom that I find toxic and quite frankly disgusting. But das stuff that sadly I can't change so I'm doing what's best for me and getting my ass outta here before my love for Batman is forever ruined by blind and immature fanboys.

i started writing bryce around about 2015. My first blog was called surgitisms but I changed it because someone made some burnbook callout about me copying someones url (I had no idea that blog existed rofl - surgit is latin for 'rise'). I then moved to rageinyourbones (shoutouts to joseph gordon levitt) where i spent most of my time, developing this character that wasn't even my idea - it was just a passing remark from a lovely actress by the name of Natalie Dormer. now as you're aware (and as i continually apologize for) i fucked up on that blog, and i've done my best to reach out and make amends with the people i offended (and they were super gracious and accepted my apology). but that negative bollocks aside, i grew up so much on that blog. i learned some amazing things about myself, i learned some bad things about myself, and most importantly i created a character that i personally believe is different to bruce wayne. i ended up headcannoning late at night, thinking about how she would act differently to bruce, about how she would interact with certain characters etc etc etc.

but what really made all the difference was the people i met.

you guys are fucking amazing. i mean lets be real - the tumblr rp community can be fucked sometimes. we've all seen it, but what i love is that we tend to (80% of the time) treat each other as real human beings and see that what we're really here for is just the love of these dumb fictional characters. they give us a break from the savagery of life and its endless woes. i am so, so so grateful and so so so blessed to have known the people i have on here. people whom i met on rageinyourbones and followed me across to here, and people whom i met here. holy bollocks im rambling - im just gonna tag some specific people who really really made my life on here so enjoyable. the rest i'll just lump into one big post because i'm lazy like that.

@fracturedportrait - harmony. i remember meeting you the first time. i remember it so clearly. you were so chill, so spunky (god i feel old using that word), and you had such a passion for your oc. i remember the first plot we had, the inspiration we shared... who knew that it was the beginning of my greatest friendship and my #1 OTP for bryce. you were the first person whom i ever actually spoke to off tumblr (remember when i called you?? and you heard my dumb aussie accent??). i remember legitimately getting teary over memes, i remember smiling so much during our threads, i remember (and still do) laugh about us talking about how our sin is like a lovely vintage of wine. your writing consistently, unimaginably, pushes and has pushed me to better mine. with every post you made, you helped improve my writing. you are such a blessing to me and i am not going to just let this stay as some dumb tumblr friendship. we'll face time, and i'll be sure to credit you when i'm on the red carpet with natalie dormer being like 'so what made you want to write this film about a female batman?'. i'll just be like 'yo there was this really cool chick who wrote a vampire and she told me to just write this film'.

@halysborn - SWAN. ho man. do you remember when i wrote that giant meta about how dick literally changed not just bryce's life, but bruce's? i firmly believe that dick is the most important character in bruce's life. and i mean i'm talking on the same level as alfred - even more. he's the TRUE son. the son whom saved him. like i just cry about how bruce says that line - 'sometimes i think i've never done any good in my life. then i look at dick and realize i'm wrong' or whatever that actual phrase is. i PHYSICALLY VOM WHEN PEOPLE SHIP THEM. but yo that's other stuff. what's important is that you have supported me selflessly and without strings. you've supported me here, you've supported me over on deshibcsara, you've just been a consistent rock, an unyielding foundation of encouragement. i still, and will NEVER delete that voice recording where you talk about me and my love for batman. it gives me such hope and reminds me that, yeah i fuck up, but i've at least affected someone else's life and how they see batman. my only regret is that i was so goddamn slow with replying to our stuff. and that was literally because i felt like you deserved nothing but my absolute best. you are incredible, and from one aussie to another, i love you brocookie!

@femmekill - could u pls stop spamming my facebook wall with memes?? SIKE I LIED. I FUCKING LOVE IT. my mum literally asked me the other night 'who is -insert your real name-?' and i was like 'oh thats my wife' and she was like '???' and i just said 'dont even BOTHER trying to understand'. you have been nothing but optimistic about me. you consistently, relentlessly see the good in me. i dont think there's ever been a time where like i've felt wronged by you? or at the very least felt like i was a burden to you? you never fail to spread positivity. even when you were feeling like shit and i tried to cheer you up, it's like you turned it on me and were like 'nah gus you're not cheering me up IM CHEERING YOU UP - thats how it works'. im so fucking whipped by you, because you're just such a blessing to my life. the day we shared FB's was like the day i realized 'WELP IM IN THIS MARRIAGE FOR LIFE NOW'. when it comes to your writing - i'm just breathless. the tumblr rp fandom does not deserve you. keep doing your thing man - don't ever let douchebag anons change that.

@marblebelow - I SINCERELY HOPE YOU STILL HAVE THE RECORDING OF ME SINGING 'THE CONFRONTATION'. especially with the 'DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN'. that shit is lit. yo but mikel really. the days of us writing together - writing fisk/bryce and then writing jim/bryce... i value it so much. you've taught me to pursue every little nuance in bryce's character. and i mean that - you ask me tiny little questions, and holy crap i end up going into a massive internal investigation. and worst of all (or best??) you jsut lavish me with genuine, kind words. i regret that we didnt get to write much more (both of us having major stress/overwhelmed issues), but dude, like, never stop being you - you have such overwhelming, unimaginable depths of creativity. even if you don't realize it, or feel like you don't, believe me - you do. it sounds like -- errr.... arrogant? but ive spent the last six years studying writing/fiction/film and just immersing myself in it so i feel like i have SOME credibility - you really really do have a gift.

@ivyworn - 'yes hello i'd like to report a murder? the victim is ME' aka this is what happens whenever we talk. so we never actually got to do much writing, but honestly? i literally feel like we did writing in the SPIRIT with all of our tumblr IMs and just the amount of shit talking we did. PUMA. LEST WE FORGET. PUMA. no but real talk, i was supposed to send you a birthday gift aka im still gonna get my ass onto paypal and do that SO DONT YOU LEAVE YOUR BLOG. AND YOU CANNOT SAY NO. i've never met anyone whom has such an in-depth love and understanding for ivy. i remember chatting about Cast Shadows with you and the level of complexitity between Batman and Ivy. i mentioned this but Batman/Ivy is literally my OTP for Bruce. i just think it is such an interesting avenue that no writer (post Cast Shadows) has explored. whenever we spoke, i had such a smile on my face, i cannot even begin to desribe it. i really really hope life goes well for you and treats you with the care and respect you DESERVE.

@psyclownsis @scarestress tags both blogs bc i have no idea where you are these days. so i already recorded that voice meme thing talking about you piri - but i literally just want to further express my admiration and gratitude for you. you've stuck by me, you've pulled me aside and been like 'oi gus you're being a douche stop it', and you've just supported me and taken such an interest in this dumb character i write that literally just blows me away. the fact that we barely write but i still feel so close to you and so valued by you is just a testament to the power of tumblr rp friendships. we don't NEED to write together to be friends and to respect and admire each other. AND LORD KNOWS i admire you. i admire your dedication, i admire your 'idgaf' attitude. and honestly i just admire your unrelenting loyalty to people.

because i've literally written an essay - the rest of these tags are people that i admire and love, even if we haven't had much chance to interact.

#long post for ts #im gonna turn anon on just for these last few days #just in case you wanted to share something and you were like 'nah dont wanna do it publicly'#but yo if you send douchey stuff im just gonna brush you off because i aint got time for dat #anyways I FUCKING LOVE YOU GUYS

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