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misslilli · 3 years

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It'll get better soon guys, don't worry 🤗

Felix Felicis

MSR. AU. PG-13. | tagging @today-in-fic | read on AO3

Chapter 24 - It Takes A Village

[ Felix ]

It’s close to December and my favorite holiday is coming up fast, the lights are already up all around town and in school we make paper snowmen and sing Christmas songs. It’s supposed to be the most cheerful time of the year, but people in my life are sad, which in turn also puts a damper on my Christmas spirit.

Dad is not doing very well, he’s working all the time and doesn’t say much, he just goes through the motions of our day. One day, he just forgets to pick me up from school because he has worked through the night and fell asleep at the dining room table during the day.

Principal Skinner can’t reach him or my mom, who is in Europe right now, so he calls my other emergency contact, my grandma. I don’t know what exactly he tells her, but she’s coming all the way from Connecticut and the Principal will drive me home to check on my dad.

I’m excited that grandma’s coming, she’s really awesome! She’s straightforward and very, very strict and doesn’t like to cuddle, much, but her no-nonsense way of running a household may be exactly what we need right now. And she also makes a mean lasagna!

When we get to the house, dad is beside himself, apologizing to us over and over again for falling asleep and he looks a little relieved when Principal Skinner tells him that grandma is coming over to help.

I launch myself at her - I’m permitted exactly two hugs, one hello and one goodbye - when she walks through the door and immediately try to get her to make lasagna for dinner. She sends me up to my room to play for a bit, while she talks to dad and cleans up the mess in the kitchen. Afterwards, she really makes lasagna, yes!

——————

[ Teena ]

When I got the call from Principal Skinner, I was very worried about what I’d find when I got to the house, I’ve been called to pick up the pieces only once before.

It was after Diana left Fox and Felix and what I found then was a disoriented and confused three-year old who kept asking for his mom and a devastated dad and husband, unable to care for his child in his own heartbreak.

Thankfully, it’s not that bad this time, but I can tell that something has happened. Fox has been avoiding my calls for weeks now, only having Felix talk to me over the phone. I know that Sam knows something, but she wouldn’t tell me no matter how hard I pressed.

So the first thing I do when I get to the boys’s house is send Felix off to his room and sit down my son onto the couch to talk.

“Tell me what happened, Fox.”

And he goes on to me the whole story, from the first day of school where he met a woman that had upended both of their lives, to the birthday party - Sam has actually told me about that one, I thought it was a really sweet story - and the Halloween fair right up until the Basketball fiasco and the last time he saw her, where she asked him to give her some space until she has figured some things out.

“What do I do now mom? I hate myself for scaring her off like that and I can’t stop the tailspin of thinking I’m not good enough for her anyway, with that broken mess that’s our family…”

“I’ll tell you what to do now. You give her space like she asked you to and you get your act together in the meantime. Felix needs you to take care of him, it won’t do to wallow in self-pity. And ask yourself this: How can you expect someone to love you if you don’t love yourself? Go see Connie and fix your self-worth issues because you’re a good man and you absolutely deserve someone who makes you happy.”

“Thanks mom, for everything. I’ve already scheduled extra therapy lessons with Connie. You know what makes this whole thing even harder? I have to see her every damn day at school when I pick up Felix.”

“I’ll pick him up from now on. You focus on yourself, without distractions.” Maybe I’ll even get to meet her, I’m fairly curious about this Rainbow Woman myself.

—————

[ Felix ]

At recess in school, everyone’s on their best behavior, holding their collective breaths because Miss Scully is in a bad mood today. Actually, she’s been irritable for the past two weeks, with a very short fuse and absolutely no tolerance for disobedience.

Since her classroom is right next to ours, we can sometimes hear her yell at her kids for something or other and even our class flinches when it happens.

Right now, she’s over at the playground, leaning into two boys who have gotten into a fist-fight over a game of tag and I’m silently glad I’m sitting over here with Miss Anderson. I look up at my teacher, curious.

“Miss Anderson, why is Miss Scully so angry all the time?”

“I can’t tell you, Felix, I’m sorry.”

“Because you don’t know, or because you don’t want me to know?” When she changes the subject pointedly, I know it’s the second one. ‘Ugh, why don’t adults tell children anything, it’s driving me crazy! Dad won’t tell me anything and now this.’

Grandma picks me up again today and on our way to the car, we run into Miss Scully. 'Uh oh, I hope she doesn’t go off on grandma, I don’t think that will go over very well.’ My grandma can be scary sometimes, too!

“Hey Miss Scully, this is my grandma, she’s staying with us for a while now! Grandma, this is Miss Scully, she’s the fourth-grade teacher.”

——————

[ Teena ]

I’m happy to see that my son has raised Felix to be a polite child when he introduces the tiny red-head I’ve heard so much about.

“Grandma’s not actually my name, Felix. I’m Teena Mulder, it’s nice to meet you Miss Scully!” Holding out my hand, I try to seize her up.

Her handshake is firm and her posture is ram-rod-straight, all professional, but her eyes betray her poised exterior, because I can see flashes of sadness when she looks down at Felix. I can only guess that she’s not having an easy time with everything, herself.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Mulder. I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve got an appointment to get to. I’ll see you tomorrow, Felix. Goodbye, Mrs. Mulder.”

With that, she’s off to get her bike and Felix breathes a sigh of relief.

“Whew, thank God, she didn’t get mad at you like she got mad at the two boys at recess today.”

I’m a bit puzzled by his odd statement, but on the car ride, he tells me all about the incident in great detail. I get the feeling that these stories are a staple in the boys’s days and I can begin to understand why my son would rather not hear Felix go on and on about what she did and what she said right now.

—————

[ DS ]

My therapist has told me that it has to get worse before it gets better, but this is getting ridiculous. I can’t sleep more than a few hours at night, which leaves me irritable in the morning and with an incredibly short fuse at school, going off on my kids for the littlest infractions.

They’re so terrified and confused, they end up making even more mistakes, which in turn sets me off even more - it’s a vicious circle that leaves me frustrated with myself and more times that I’d like to admit to, I’ve lost it in the teacher’s bathroom.

Meeting Mrs. Mulder today was unexpected and I tried hard to keep it together for a few minutes, but I can’t stand looking at Felix’s innocent face for a longer period of time, so I bolted right after the introductions.

I actually did have an appointment, with my therapist, and today she suggested I write down my feelings in a journal to get them off my chest and reflect on them.

During the night, I wake after only a few hours of sleep spent tossing and turning. Unable to fall back asleep for yet another night, I drag myself our of bed and downstairs, turning the TV in the living room, hoping it’ll lull me back to sleep.

“10 things I hate about you” is on and by the time Julia Stiles recites her poem, I’m bawling into a pillow. I remember the homework I’ve been given, so I grab a piece of paper and a pen and begin writing.

“Miss Scully’s list of 10 things I hate about you”

The words of the title swim before my eyes as I scribble my feelings onto the patient paper. The poem I write is slightly different from the one in the movie, but writing it all out really does help.

I fold the paper up carefully and toss it in the trash before heading back up to bed.

#xf #the x files #xf fanfic #msr #felix felicis

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earthbased · 3 years

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Making Your Own Correspondences for Plants

Disclaimer: This post is about magical and spiritual use, not medical, and medical use is mentioned only for historical examples. Don’t mess around with medicine unless you know what you’re doing, or consult someone who does. I’ve previously written about where the majority of magical plant correspondences tend to come from in modern pagan & witchcraft sites and books. If you decide to DIY some or all of your correspondences, how you do it will depend on what your beliefs and practices are. Some things to consider:

Do you believe the magical properties are already in the plants, are unchangeable, and need to be discovered? Or that they depend on your beliefs and associations?

Do you value individuality and personal significance, or having shared lore with your community and culture? Or both?

Do you value the process of relationship-building with a plant or spirit?

Do you value receiving lore through ancestry or lineage? Does it matter to you how old it is?

I’m going to delve deeper into 3 main sources: existing lore, physical characteristics and the plant itself.

===1. Building upon existing lore===

Learning the history and folklore of a plant, even if it doesn’t have existing magical uses, is likely to give you ideas and a deeper understanding. Some potential sources of lore: recorded folklore and common names, oral tradition, fairytales and nursery rhymes, etymology, flower meanings, appearances in mythology, appearances in well-known books or poems, pop culture and fiction.

Whether or not you want to think about it, the greater story of your practice includes the story of your lore and how it came to you. Oftentimes that story involves violence, theft, deception and ridicule. BIPOC have written at length about cultural appropriation [link, link, link, link] & cultural genocide as one of the ongoing harms of colonisation and racism. If you’re not part of a culture that traditionally stewards a certain plant or body of lore, listening to (whether literally hearing or by other means) and respecting those people’s voices is your ongoing responsibility when engaging with it. Navigating these issues as a member of an oppressing group often involves ambiguity and discomfort. This is also part of the path. Remember that we’re blessed to have the opportunity to listen to these voices today. Others did not survive.

Practical uses, both modern and historical often include medicine, but there’s much more, e.g. thorny plants’ association with protection - not only because the thorns protect the plant itself, but because thorny hedges have been grown in many times and places to deter large animals or trespassers from crossing a fence. More recently, I suspect the modern-day association of lemon with cleaning products has led to its current use in magical cleansing. In any case plenty of common correspondences have arisen fairly recently from modern-day uses. Whether you place special value upon ancient or pre-modern lore is up to you. The reasons behind old magical lore were often related to practical use, so I see it as a continued tradition.

===2. Looking at physical characteristics===

What you see depends on how you look (and think). Many plants have heart, star or crescent-shaped leaves. What do these things mean to you? A crescent usually reminds me of the moon but you could also see it as a claw or a smile, two things with very different connotations. Sympathetic magic (a phrase from anthropology) is the idea that things can magically affect each other based on their similarities. But beyond the obvious, there are also symbolic meanings. Many unrelated trees across the world happen to have dark red oozing sap, often earning them a name like "bloodwood". A straightforward use of sympathetic magic would mean it can affect blood, e.g. to stop bleeding. But symbolically, blood often means vitality, death, birth or rebirth, so that oozy tree could be thought to represent any of those things too. Learning observable facts about a plant can be a rich source of inspiration and understanding. Some things to consider: habitat, place of origin, endangered or invasive status, the wild form of a domesticated plant, gardening information, close relatives, lifecycle and seasonal cycle, and parts of interest (leaves, roots, flowers, seeds). For example, a plant well known for its flowers could have something interesting about its seeds which are usually overlooked. The internet is a bountiful source of information, as are books. Your local community likely includes many people who might be willing to pass on their knowledge, for example in local gardening or nature enthusiast clubs, nurseries, environmental groups, and cultural organisations.

You can apply a traditional method of Western astrology to make brand new correspondences to use for sympathetic magic, even with plants that have never been used this way before. This involves comparing the physical qualities of plants (shape, colour, smell, texture etc) with a list of qualities associated with each planetary energy. You might pick one or two features that stand out and concentrate on those. The planet it matches best is considered its ruling planet and will determine its magical application. It's possible for different parts of a plant to have different ruling planets, but not necessary. Common references for planetary qualities include Renaissance philosopher HC Agrippa and famous herbalist Nicholas Culpeper, but your associations may differ, or come from another system of astrology entirely. In any case, once the plant is connected to the planet, it’s also connected to everything else the planet represents. For example, if I determined that a herb in my garden had Venusian qualities, I’d consider it useful for any magic involving love, beauty, harmony or comfort. By a similar process you can assign herbs to a list of deities, zodiac signs, tarot cards, or whatever you want.

===3. Asking the plant itself===

What this looks like depends on your personal beliefs and practices. It might mean asking an individual plant or a spirit representing the whole species. It may involve trance or ritual, or be as simple as listening inwardly for an internal voice in your thoughts. Will you seek out a living plant, contact it through its dried leaves, invoke its spirit into your space or meet it in a non-physical plane? Additionally, not all communication is about sound and words. Among humans some languages are signed and some people communicate with picture boards. Images, emotion, gesture, touch, music and body language are things to consider.

In some belief systems listening to plants may be interpreted more metaphorically, involving intuition or imagination. Using intuition-enabling practices such as dream work or trance may help you to connect your accumulated knowledge to a spiritual or magical meaning. Imagination and roleplay is also a way of gaining a new perspective, such as the deep ecology practice of a psychodrama called the Council of All Beings (note that the original form was heavily influenced by misappropriated Native American practices and stereotypes).

“What [something/someone] is telling me” is a phrase that can be used literally or figuratively in English. In other languages, especially Indigenous ones, such a distinction may not exist. This use of grammar can reflect a way of thinking and relating that considers humans as one part of a whole. If you were raised in a colonial mindset, asking the plant about its correspondences (whatever form that takes) and considering the plant’s priorities can be a way of challenging that mindset by reframing the interaction as one between two beings, rather than a human acting on a passive object. To me this way of thinking invites respect and reciprocity. How you can act upon that is a topic for another post, or maybe another author.

#advanced witchcraft #green witchcraft #paganism #magical correspondences #witchcraft #magick #Herbal magick #herbal magic #wicca

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blackswaneuroparedux · 4 years

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Anonymous asked: I love your book reviews under the banner ‘Treat Your S(h)elf’ - nice play on words. You have such a wide and cultured range of interests that I really learn something new. Do you read poetry? What are your favourite poets? What are you currently reading?

I love reading poetry because as the poet Robert Frost put it succinctly, “Poetry is when emotion has found its thought, and thought has found words”.

Poets are before anything else in the words of W.H. Auden, “a person who is madly in love with language” and language is the bedrock of any culture and society and ultimately civilisation. When you truly think about it, poetry is meaningless when it has been left to gather dust on a piece of paper. It is simply a memory of an idea conjured up by a writer with something to say. Poetry must be read, it needs to be experienced because it keeps these ideas burning. These meaningful concepts about the nature of life, death and everything. Every time a person reads a poem, a new bright spark emerges in that person’s head. A new way of thinking, a new way of understanding. That is exactly why poetry must be read because it is the essence of our language.

The reasons I personally read poetry, you ask? Here are some reasons I can think of from the top of my head others are too personal to reveal:

I read poetry because poetry is thoughts that breathe and words that burn. And I read poetry because it is what happens when my mind stops working , and for a moment, all I do is feel. This is good therapy for me as I’m not the most openly emotional or prone to displays of emotion in public. It’s just not how I was built. Poetry helps one to feel. So some poems remain so close to my heart.

I remember when I was about to go on my first tour to Afghanistan I was quite calm and cold blooded because that was and is my nature. My father - who served with distinction in uniform like his father and grand father, and great-grandfather before him - was always proud and supportive of me being the black sheep of the family as the only girl in our family going through Sandhurst and now I was off to the last embers of a war in Afghanistan that everyone had forgotten about. He was concerned - like the rest of my family - like any loving parent about what might happen. But he didn’t question my professionalism or my abilities so he didn’t give me that lecture instead he thrust in my hand both classical literature (Thucydides and Homer in particular) and the works of selected poets. He told me poetry will save your life. He wasn’t anxious about my physical safety he was thinking about my soul. For what happens during war and what comes after if and when I come home. Long story short: poetry saved my life.

By nature I am restless to an incredible annoying degree. I fear being bored. I find it hard to sit and be idle. Poetry is my balm for boredom.

I am incredibly busy and I work punishing long hours. Time is premium. People make demands on me and my time. Poems are like super-condensed stories, and are therefore usually short enough to be read over your morning tea/coffee. In this fast-paced world we live in, sometimes poems are a better alternative to reading fully-fledged novels, or even short stories and poetry gives you the chance to continue to expand your literary horizons even during the busiest times in your life. And becoming more widely read is an incredible way to ensure you are continuously growing, and learning, while becoming a more cultured individual at the same time. There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you and when I read some of those beautiful pieces of poetry by my favourite poets it's like the paper is filled with the breathings of my heart.

The most frightening thing is people I know stop growing culturally after they leave university and get on with the business of life i.e. careers, marriage and family. Once on that treadmill they don’t or can’t stop. They are unable to step off and take a breath. Poetry gives you a breather and helps you to re-centre your priorities. The more you read poetry, the greater your quest for knowledge awakens. Doorways will open inside your mind and unlock your hidden potential for a greater understanding of life. Anyone who reads poetry often can connect with this conclusive sentence formation that defines your very questionable outlook on life.

I also believe poetry allows us to be less rigid in our thinking with an authentic, personal touch. When I read poems, nothing is often straightforward. Every poem has a meaning hiding under it, but it is blocked by a myriad of literary devices such as metaphors and symbolism. It is important to be able to think more figuratively because it allows you to understand ideas and perspectives in a more abstract and possibly more meaningful way. Sometimes I find that having a single page of beautifully crafted words can be enough of a distraction to spark a sudden creative leap in my brain. There have been many times where I've miraculously thought of ways to solve a problem (big or small) purely because reading poetry forced me to think differently from the usual day-to-day thoughts required for general life.

Poetry is best read when you’re hidden from the outside world, in a quiet little spot, somewhere away from all the hustle and bustle. It is increasingly hard to do just that. I have so many demands on my time and limited space but I force myself to carve out the time and space to do this - one must try. As a rule I switch off all social media (not that I have many to begin with but most definitely my phone). The best time for me to carve out time is when I’m traveling as I’m able to shut out everything around me. Usually when I’m waiting for a flight in the business class departure lounge it’s quiet and not too many people to distract me and there is usually a delay to the flight. When I check into a hotel I feel a disconnect to the world around me. I feel like an alien. Poetry helps me to connect again. Poetry calms and focuses the mind. With poetry I can almost reset my day because it’s not just a time zone I have to get used to but also a state of mind - and especially if I find myself being unproductive too!

I often escape Paris and go into the countryside. I love going on walks, hikes, mountaineering, and other outdoor pursuits. It allows me the space and time to read poetry and reflect in peace. And of course I snatch time before I go to sleep to read a poem if I am not too tired.

The point is that I need the head space to absorb the poem and take some time to work out the meaning of the full entity. I try not swallow a whole book in one sitting, instead I read a few poems and leave the book until the next day or a few days depending on my schedule. Sometimes, you can read a poem again and you will find other meanings or pick up on information that you couldn’t see before. That’s poetry, you create the film, journey or picture inside your mind from reading the words on the page.

As for my favourite poets this is of course is a very personal choice. I didn’t read English at university but rather my academic interests were Classics and History, so I profess a very paltry poetic palate. Still, I’m grateful to those friends more versed than I to point me to other poets. So I do my best to keep an open mind and try and read poetry recommended by others or some thing that captures my eye when I browse through book stores or read it as a passing reference in a book I am reading.

Different poets and poems are discovered at one stage of life and where I happened to live in the world and only take on another meaning when re-read them at another stage. So I tend to re-visit poets I used to read as a teen and then see how it resonates now.

The majority of my poetic readings are in my native English and Norwegian languages but because I have varying degrees of fluency in other languages (because I grew up there for instance) I love widening my poetic palate. One of my regrets is not knowing Japanese and Chinese to a sufficient degree to really read poetry in those languages even if I have basic fluency in literature and everyday conversation. So reading Ezra Pound is one way in English to appreciate these Eastern poetic influences. I’m also ashamed to admit that I only know a woeful smattering of words in Scotiish Gaelic - my Anglo-Scots father knows it fairly well but even he struggles - and really I must find time in the future to learn more of it because it’s such a fascinating language (not least because it’s also dying out and that is tragic).

So below is an eclectic and random list from the top of my head and in no real order of preference:

• Homer (Greek) • Sappho (Greek) • Rumi (Farsi) • Mirza Ghalib (Urdu and Farsi) • John Milton • John Donne • William Shakespeare • Dante (Italian) • Robert Burns • William Wordsworth • Samuel Taylor Coleridge • William Blake • John Keats • Emily Dickinson • Christina Rosetti • Gerald Manley Hopkins • Walt Whitman • Oscar Wilde • W.B. Yeats • Rudyard Kipling • Wilfred Owen • Alfred Tennyson • Rainer Maria Rilke (German) • Cavafy (Greek) • T.S. Eliot • Hilda Doolittle • Marianne Moore • Sylvia Plath • W. H. Auden • Olaf H. Hauge (Norwegian) • Bjørnstjerne Bjørnson (Norwegian) • Aslaug Vaa (Norwegian) • Rolf Jacobsen (Norwegian) • Sarojini Naidu (Hindi) • Gulzar (Hindi)

Living in Paris I tend to read more French poetry these days. By osmosis it helps me appreciate the French language and French culture even more.

• Charles Baudelaire. • Paul Verlaine • Jacques Prévert • Arthur Rimbaud • Alphonse de Lamartine • Alfred de Musset • Paul Valéry • Paul Eluard • Jean Genet • Françoise Villon

Poetry is an art that combines the essence of life through the fabrication of reality. Poets challenge and nourish me with their wisdom, philosophy, love and journeys beyond what used to be the limits of my own creative imagination. They push my boundaries ever so more. In doing so they grow my mind for understanding, my heart for empathy, and my soul for wisdom. It would hard to disagree with Robert Frost who sums up what poetry means to me, “a poem begins in delight, and ends in Wisdom”.

Thanks for your question

#ask #question #books #treat your s(h)elf #review #poems #poetry #personal #bio

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bobdylanrevisited · 3 years

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Another Side Of Bob Dylan

Released: 8 August 1964

Rating: 8/10

Recorded in just one drunken night, the album sees Dylan distance himself from the protest scene and socially conscious songs of his previous two records. He did not want to be labelled or put on a pedestal, and even actively rejects these notions on certain songs. His writing really becomes more esoteric on this album, and it’s clear he is now moving in a completely different direction, away from traditional folk music. This would be his last recording with just his guitar, piano, and harmonica for 28 years.

1) All I Really Want To Do - There are two schools of thought on this song. One is that the list of what Bob doesn’t want - ‘I ain’t lookin’ for you to feel like me, see like me or be like me’ - is aimed at his audience, who he felt were looking to him to inform them on politics, rather than thinking for themselves. The other is that the song is about his recent breakup with Suze, and it has been classed as a feminist piece that questions roles within a relationship and between the sexes in general. Whilst I personally lean towards the former explanation, there’s no doubt that this is a fun song, with a country inspired yodelling chorus, and Bob making himself laugh throughout.

2) Black Crow Blues - A classic 12 bar blues arrangement, this is a nice little song which doesn’t really mean much, which is unusual for Dylan. As there isn’t much to dissect, I’ll just say that it’s an enjoyable tune with some nice piano and Bob’s singing is great on the track.

3) Spanish Harlem Incident - Whilst this is a great song that is essentially a straightforward love story, it’s a great example of the advancement of Dylan’s writing. The rhyming patterns and his vocabulary are a major leap forward into a more surreal songwriting phase, but it shows just how much the poetry that Suze had introduced him to was having an effect.

4) Chimes Of Freedom - The only ‘protest’ song on the album, this is a fucking amazing track. Not only is it written like an apocalyptic poem, it’s almost biblical in its imagery and much more complex than anything he had written before it. Listen to any live version from 1964, and you’ll hear Dylan’s intensity as he roars for freedom. This can be seen as a turning point for the songs that he was about to release on his next three (best) albums, and is a masterful example of how he uses language to stir up emotion like no one else can.

5) I Shall Be Free No. 10 - A ‘talkin’ song that harks back to ‘Freewheelin’, this is another surreal, Kerouac-esque piece. The improvised feel of the lyrics unfortunately makes the song hard to connect to, and despite there being a lot of words, few of them mean anything. Whilst the song is somewhat funny, I’m sure it seemed a lot funnier to those in the studio under the influence. This is definitely the weakest song on the album, but that’s not to say its a completely joyless 5 minutes of your life.

6) To Ramona - This is a beautiful waltz, both tender and emotional, it delves into issues of confidence and conformity. Compared to the popular, vacuous love songs of the era, which relied on superficial platitudes, this is a stark look at attraction and relationships which feels eminently personal.

7) Motorpsycho Nitemare - Based on the film ‘Psycho’, this begins as an absurd tale about meeting a farmer and his daughter. However, as the song progresses, the theme shifts to Cold War/Communist paranoia and the power of free speech, which ends up saving the protagonists life. Whilst not strictly a protest song, it does focus on topical social and cultural issues, to humorous effect.

8) My Back Pages - Dylan uses this song to turn his back on his old self, and emerge a new artist. It is a brilliantly brutal rejection of the activism scene he was increasingly heralded as leading, and it even doubts his own former views and his career up until that point. It’s an incredible composition, with more self-awareness and self-analysis than a 23 year old should be capable of, and again proves this album was a stepping stone to a completely different Bob Dylan. The classic line, ‘I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now’, proves that he is striving for the innocence and enjoyment in his career that may have been taken away from him too soon, by those pushing him to be someone he didn’t want to be.

9) I Don't Believe You (She Acts Like We Never Have Met) - A song about emotional abandonment, following a passionate night. Whilst the album version is a good song with some great vocals from Bob, the song really came alive on the 1966 electric tour with The Band. That version is incredible, and I actually think Bob should have waited and recorded this song in ‘65/66 with a backing band, as it really suits that style more.

10) Ballad In Plain D - The only song Bob ever apologised for. This is quite a cruel recap of his break up with Suze, and he uses it to publicly air their dirty laundry and insult her sister. It’s obviously a crime of passion, written in an emotional rage, but I agree with Bob that he shouldn’t have released it due to the content. It’s a shame, as the song is very well written and performed.

11) It Ain’t Me Babe - Written originally about Suze, Bob is owning up about not being perfect (perhaps guilt from his Joan Baez affair?), and telling her she deserves better, which is an odd juxtaposition considering the song that proceeds it. However, I think you can also read into the lyrics that it could once again be aimed at his audience, much like the opening track. Whichever it is, this is another song that experiments with language and is, finally, a great closing number.

Verdict: The actual album itself is fairly sloppy; words are forgotten and chords are changed mid-song. However, it has this frenetic energy and urgency that makes you wish you had been in the studio that night, witnessing the transformation of a young, folk icon into a modern day Arthur Rimbaud. Whilst it isn’t as perfect as the previous two albums, it’s an important one in the evolution of Dylan and gave us a number of classic songs. Incredibly, what came next was even further away from the mining town boy playing on MacDougal Street, and was about to challenge and change the musical landscape forever.

#bob dylan #another side of bob dylan

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leonthecardboardunicorn · 4 years

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Matchmaker, Chapter 2

Pairing: Mainly HugoxLiz, but there’s a whole bunch of smaller ones in there

Summary: Liz wants to confess to Hugo. Instead she proposes that they play matchmakers! Will she ever be able to confess her feelings?

Start: Chapter 1

The next morning, Hugo and I asked around campus about people's crushes. And while some of them were more reluctant than others, we got a longer list than we thought. And, who would think, quite a few of our lists matched!

“So both Elias and Yukiya said they had crushes on each other. So have Gray and Lars, Hisoka and Ted, Leon and Azusa, and.. quite a few others.” Hugo read out from our list. Plenty of couples to stall- I mean, help. That's why I was doing this. “Not bad. Who should we start with?”

“How about Leon and Azusa? Everyone can see that they have feelings for each other.” I mean, I'm pretty sure the whole school was talking about those couples. Someone had to step in, eh?

Hugo hummed. “Well then, the simplest way would be to tell them that their crushes return their feelings. That should be easy enough.” Could it really be so easy?

“Do you really think this is going to work?” Leon asked, squirming as I brushed his hair.

“Of course, of course!” I said, tying off his braid. “Once he sees you, he'll have no choice but to accept your confession!”

“That sounds sinister..”

“No, no, that's not what I meant,” I said. “There, you look wonderful.” I looked over Leon one last time. I'd done his hair for him, and he'd put on a white outfit that Azusa had given him; he'd said it was a traditional Hinomotan wedding outfit. We'd arranged for them to meet at the Spring of Unicorns, where Leon would give his confession to Azusa.

'I wonder how Hugo's doing right now..' He had assured me that he could help Azusa talk through his feelings. I couldn't imagine how that was going.

“Now all that's left to do,” I said, “is the confession. But that's the hard part. Good luck.”

When I got there, Azusa and Hugo were already waiting; Azusa was dressed in a rich black outfit. “Are you sure about this?” he said again and again.

“Of course, of course!” And I saw a familiar head of silver hair. “Oh, we have to hide!” I grabbed Hugo's hand, pulling him behind the trees so we could watch. I saw Azusa standing up a little straighter, taking deep breaths.

“The outfit was a nice touch,” I told Hugo. “He looks good in black.” Hugo hummed.

We watched as Leon came down to the Spring of Unicorns; he seemed to glow, smiling as he came up to Azusa. He was carrying a bouquet of roses. “Azusa, I'm so happy to-” Aaaand he tripped, sending all the flowers scattered to the ground. Leon stared in shock, and I saw the faintest hint of tears in his eyes-

“Leon!” Azusa rushed to his side. “Are you all right?”

“This is- not how I wanted this to go,” Leon said. “I wanted to tell you how I felt in the perfect way-”

“How you felt?” Azusa asked. Leon nodded, and understanding dawned in his eyes. “Leon, there's something that I wanted to tell you too.”

“What?” Leon looked up, and Azusa gave him a sweet kiss.

He pulled away. “..Does that make things clear enough?” Leon nodded.

Hugo tugged on my sleeve. “Let's go. I think they can handle the rest of this from here.” We quietly slipped away, giggling all the while.

“Oh!” When I went to Hugo's house the next day, I got a bit of a surprise. Hugo was dressed in his suit from the party. “You look nice! What's the occasion?”

“No reason,” he said, smoothing down his outfit. “So, who should we help next?”

I looked at the list. “Hisoka and Ted,” I said. Ted had been pretty straightforward about his crush; I'd barely gotten the question out before he said Hisoka's name. And then somehow started interrogating me on my crush.

“Hisoka went on and on about Ted,” Hugo mused. “His tails were wagging and everything.”

“It's funny how someone could go on and on about their crush to someone else,” I mused, “but they have trouble telling the person themselves, isn't it?”

“Mhmm. Well, then this should be a fairly straightforward case.”

“Hmm, come to bug me again?”

“Well, Hugo and I were talking about your crush-”

“Of course you were.”

“It would be better if he heard it from you,” Hugo said bluntly. “He's crushing on you too.”

“Is that so?” Ted smirked. “Well then, I'll talk to him tomorrow.”

The next day, we peeked into Hisoka's market. We walked in time to see the look of shock on Hisoka's face- and Hisoka's tails popping out and wagging like crazy. When Hisoka pulled him in for a kiss, the entire market burst into applause.

“Next up is Elias and Yukiya,” Hugo said. “Well, what do you think, I'll talk to Yukiya, and you can talk to Elias?”

“No, no, it's too dangerous!” I said. “They're a lot more shy about it. I work with them; if that goes wrong, they'll never forgive me.”

“But it's obvious they both have feelings for each other.”

“But..” An idea was starting to brew. “Perhaps we could do something like that?”

He sat up a little straighter. “What were you thinking?”

“We leave Elias a love note, saying that Yukiya wrote it,” I said. “He pours out his feelings in the note, then we arrange for them to meet.”

“That's not a bad idea,” he said. “A note can be a good way to confess if you can't get the words out.” Hey, maybe that wasn't such a bad idea..

“Then let's start writing!” I grabbed a quill and a notebook. “Now, how would I start a love poem?” But each time I tried to put the quill to the paper, the words failed me. “How would Yukiya start a letter..”

“I think I've got it.” Hugo leaned back; when I looked up, his eyes were distant. “Write this down. There is something that I've wanted to say for a long time, and this is the only way I could to tell you. I know that we got off to a bad start, but over this time that I've known you.. it seems my friendship towards you has developed into something more.” His eyes were soft and yet intense, his tone intense. “And now I can't keep it to myself. I have very deep feelings for you. I want you to be my side through every challenge that we face. And I can only hope that you return my feelings.”

Coming from him, that almost sounded like a confession. “Hugo-”

He looked up at me. “Did you get that?”

“Oh, right!” Geez, I'd almost forgotten what we were doing! I grabbed my quill again. “Uh, can you start again from the top?”

The next morning, I gave Elias the note, innocently saying that Yukiya had left it for him. “I think he wants you to meet him in the courtyard once you read it.” At the same time, Hugo was instructing Yukiya to meet him there.

Elias's eyes lit up as he read the note, and he hurried out to the courtyard. I followed after him, trying not to be too obvious. Hugo and I ended up watching from a distance.

“I wonder what they're saying..” From that distance, I could see they were speaking- and looking a little confused, but I couldn't make out the words. But I could sure see that they were smiling a lot, practically bouncing on their feet. Although, I felt a chill run up my spine- it seemed like they were looking at us.

“So,” I asked Elias later, “how did it go?” Even though I already knew. Hugo said he got a lot of power from them.

“It went really well! It turns out he had feelings for me as well, and we started dating!” He was grinning from ear to ear. “Although, I was a little surprised when he mentioned Hugo..”

“Oh, uh, I can explain-” I'm sure my face was bright red.

“No need, no need to explain,” Elias said with a wink.

Yukiya breezed into the office, grinning from ear to ear, walking up to Elias. “Are you busy?”

“I'll just give you some time alone~”

As I left, I could hear them talking as they held hands. “Yeah, yeah, it's so totally obvious,” Elias was saying. “Everyone can see-”

That trick worked pretty well. We tried it again with Lars and Gray. Gray was so happy to get the letter that he was practically floating; I could hear Lars talking at top speed even across the courtyard. They walked hand in hand.

'This trick didn't work half-bad,' I thought. 'Maybe I should try writing a letter myself..'

#wizardess heart #hugo peers #Matchmaker

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swiftpng · 4 years

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❥ — get to know me task.

“I wanna be defined by the things that I love. Not the things I hate, not the things I'm afraid of, the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. I just think that you are what you love.”

tw: mentions of cancer, food, sexual assault.

does your celebrity have any nicknames? She does indeed have a few nicknames. Her brother calls her Teffy, but her friends call her anything from T, Tay, T Swift, T Swizzle, or Tay Tay. Though, she’ll admit she thinks Tay Tay makes her feel like she’s twelve years old. A select few will call her a snake, but Taylor wears that nickname like it’s a badge of honor.

is there a certain smell that takes your celebrity back to their childhood, really remind them of ‘back home’? The smell of fresh snow on the ground always brings back nostalgic memories for Taylor, because it reminds her of when she was a little girl. Her favorite days were when school was called off and she would play around on her family’s Christmas tree farm with her brother, playing make believe.

what would you say is your celebrity’s most prominent physical feature? Definitely her cheekbones. She has very defined cheekbones that are noticeable when she’s smiling. But… she also has very long legs that she loves to show off. She used to hate being so lanky and tall, and just wanted to blend in but now she’s more than happy to slip on a pair of high heels and show off her toned legs that she worked so hard for.

would you say that your celebrity leads with their heart or their head? do their emotions get the best of them, or are they controlled? A mix of both, definitely. From a career/business perspective, she leads with her head with every decision that she makes. Taylor holds a lot of determination. She always finishes whatever she sets her mind to. There’s no stopping her, no matter what it comes to. Before she got signed, she performed at open mic nights and various community talent shows almost every weekend. It’s how she actually got discovered by her former label, Big Red Machine. And even before that, she got signed by another label, RCA, when she was a pre-teen but decided to risk everything and walk away because she knew she wasn’t going to be happy there if she stayed. Whenever an A&R guy would tell her his opinion, she would stand her ground and do what she wanted to do. There’s been times when her heart gets the best of her and she winds up doing something spontaneous like writing a letter to Apple about paying artists fairly. And her heart is definitely what leads her in love and relationships. It doesn’t take much for Taylor to get attached to people. Although she has been more careful about wearing her heart on her sleeve these days, she still does get attached way too easily. She gets invested in her friends’ emotions, treats fans like family, and worries about individuals day in and day out even if they aren’t thinking of her. She tries to get to know someone before jumping into a relationship with them, but sometimes her heart gets in the way and she jumps in without looking. Most of the time she has her emotions on lock because she knows there’s nothing worse than a screaming match about who can scream the loudest, so she tries to speak in a neutral tone when she’s in an argument. When she was younger, she used to play dangerously along the lines of gaslighting herself because she didn’t know if what she was feeling was valid or not. She used to have a tendency to forget that she's allowed to express how she feels. She had tried one-too-many times to suppress any sadness or anger. She could never remember that it is okay to feel how she feels and focus on her issues. She used to blindly disregard herself, but after everything that’s happened in her life she needed to learn and program it in her brain that she is valid. Taylor is someone who freezes when she’s feeling something that makes her uncomfortable, and then a few minutes later she knows how she feels. In the moment, though, she has a whole conversation with herself on whether she’s overreacting or if she’s perfectly valid for feeling the way she does. Before, she would either say the exact thing on her mind, or she would stay silent and then go over what she wanted to say when she had the chance at a later time. As she’s gotten older, she’s been able to say how she feels in a way that doesn’t feel combative or like she’s trying to start something unnecessary. Now, she’s very straightforward. If she feels a certain way, she lets it be known, regardless of the consequences that might arise from it. This is in every aspect of her life, not just petty things. If she’s interested in someone romantically, she’ll make it obvious without any regrets or reservations. Plus, when she’s feeling something intense like heartbreak or happiness, she writes about it in a poem, a song, or her journal. She gets through everything by writing about her feelings, and it helps her process them by doing that.

is there anything special or unique about any of your celebrity’s names? were they named after anyone? did the name have specific inspiration? Taylor Alison Swift is a pretty simple name, but it holds a lot of meaning. Taylor, her first name, comes from the legendary James Taylor. Her parents raised her on his music, so it’s cool to her that she’s named after someone who shaped her artistry. And getting to perform with him a couple of times means a lot to her. Taylor gets her middle name from her aunt Alison, and lastly, her last name is Swift. A name she got from her dad, of course.

what makes your celebrity feel insecure? Award shows or performing in front of people who will judge her for her live performances. While she knows she’s not the best vocalist in the industry and has not sought out to be the best singer of all time, she still wants to give her all when she’s performing and will overthink all of her performances before, during, and after them. She’s her own biggest critic and knows that she can improve with each performance that she does. Whenever she hears herself miss a note or forget the lyrics, she’ll tear herself apart and will obsess over it. She’ll put on a mask and give thanks whenever someone says she did fine, but deep down she’ll think about it until her next performance.

does your celebrity have any tattoos or piercings? Tattoos, no. When she was a teenager she really wanted to get a small heart tattooed on her foot, but her dad influenced her against it. She’s happy she listened to her dad. Piercings, yes. She has her two earlobes pierced, but she doesn’t have anything else on her body pierced. Even though she has no tattoos and minimal piercings, she thinks they’re extremely cool and an awesome way for self expression.

got any pets? if your celebrity has pets, tell a little bit about them; if not, what kind of pet would they like to have, or why don’t they have any? She does have pets! Three cats to be exact. While growing up, Taylor had her fair share of pets, and most of them were dogs. It wasn’t until she was in her early twenties that she got her first cat, Meredith, who is named after the iconic Meredith Grey from Grey’s Anatomy. The second cat she has is Olivia Benson, who is named after Olivia Benson from Law & Order: SVU. Those two are both Scottish fold cats. The most recent cat that Taylor adopted is Benjamin Button, named after the F. Scott Fitzgerald short story. Benji is the one she fell in love with at first sight after meeting him during her Me! shoot. Meredith is a bit snooty and has an attitude, but when she likes you she’ll let you pet her and cuddle her for as long as she lets you. Olivia just wants you to love her, while Benji doesn’t care as long as he has your attention. Meredith is coordinated and sophisticated but loves you fiercely when she decides to. Olivia walks into walls, drools, and flops around, but is ready to love you at first sight. Benji is a mix between the two. He loves to have his own space, but he also loves to be held like a baby and treated like a king.

what does it take for someone to be ‘unlikable’ to your celebrity? what’s the final straw that makes them give up on someone? For Taylor, she judges people mostly on their moral code. The people she wants in her life are people who have and regularly exercise loyalty, empathy, understanding, honesty, trust, and open communication. If you betray your friend, talk about them badly when they’re not around, degrade them for any reason, or talk down to them, she has no interest in keeping you in her life. She’s been known to give second chances to people who never deserved them, and it bit her in the ass. She can’t stand when people use or take advantage of their so called friends. If you’re in her life, it means you both have a mutual respect of one another.

how would you describe your celebrity’s sense of style? Taylor has always been a person who loves to experiment with fashion. For her, it’s a form of self expression and she loves to represent herself through it. Her style isn't limited to one thing, it’s actually pretty much all over the place. Some days she'll wear pastel colors or all black, or a mix of color. It really just depends on how she feels during the day. In addition to that, she loves to go through phases. She went from cowboy boots to Oxfords to high heels. She went through the phase of loving vintage dresses to the phase of loving crop tops. She may not always top the best dressed lists every week, but she loves to wear what she thinks is cute and fun and shows her style. When it comes to performing, she likes to wear outfits that are easy to perform in. Taylor's stage outfits are generally very short and shiny, so it's easy to dance in. There’s some skin showing, but not too much. Over the years, her main collaborators for stage outfits have been designer Jessica Jones, along with her main stylist Joseph Cassell.

what is the most positive and supportive relationship that your celebrity has in their life? Her mom. Taylor’s mother is her best friend, and she tells her everything. They talk every day and see each other almost every day. Taylor’s mom has seen and heard it all, whether it’d be about a break up, a career setback, or just how her day is going, she knows it all. Taylor’s mom is like her personal therapist, and she’d be lost without her. Her mom is her everything. A few years ago, her mom was diagnosed with cancer. Taylor was ready to give everything up and stay with her mom. In fact, she insisted, but her mom’s insistence that she go chase her dreams and tour around the world was stronger. She is scared that something will go terribly wrong, and suddenly the cancer will multiply a lot faster and take over her mom’s body, while she’s somewhere else in the world. Taylor’s priorities have changed a lot through the years, which is why she’s been spending more time with her family rather than doing year long tours. She wants to take advantage of all the time she has with her mom while she’s able to. She’s just so grateful for her support and knows that not everyone has a strong bond to their mom like she has with hers.

how does your celebrity see themselves vs. how others see them? When Taylor looks into the mirror or thinks about how she sees herself, she sees a woman doing what she loves. A woman who is happiest when she’s on stage. A woman who is most at peace when she’s writing, and most alive when she’s performing. A woman who’d do anything for her fans, and still can’t believe she has fans. A woman who wants to change the world. A small town girl who wants to inspire at least one person who’s struggling, because if she can make it this far, so can they. She thinks of herself as someone who holds onto hope. Even when she’s unhappy, she does all she can to prevent others around her to feel the same. She’s an open optimist but a closeted cynic. She doesn’t always know what she wants but she knows what she needs. She’s a woman who sees the beauty in all of the little things. She loves to love, and she has a lot of it to give away. She appreciates all the little favors and remembers every single polite thing someone has ever done for her. She forgives (most of the time) but never forgets; a strong believer in a moral code. She’s filled with affection and passion. She does her best to be as impartial as possible, just wanting the best for everyone no matter the cost. She puts others first, and forgets that she too could use the help of others. She’s the calm after the storm or the storm herself. She has the potential to be so much more than she sees, but she’s clouded by her own insecurities, and doesn’t know how to get rid of them. She’s very aware of how others see her. They may paint her out to be a manipulator, a liar, and a bitch but she knows how the people she loves see her. She knows that she’s not the conniving woman that most people think she is, and hopes that people can see who she truly is. She’s someone who loves with all of her heart and is fiercely loyal to her friends and family. While others may see her as someone who loves feuds and drama, Taylor thinks of herself as just someone who stands her ground and doesn’t take shit from anyone. Love her or hate her, you can’t deny that she’s a lover and someone who feels with everything in her. Mostly, she wants to be thought of as being a kind person, someone who is trying to see the best in other people. She wants people to know she is really trying in everything and anything she does, and she wants to be a bright and glowing presence in someone’s life.

did your celebrity have a conventional upbringing and family life, or live life outside the box? Growing up, she had a very conventional life. She was born and raised in a small town in Pennsylvania, and she had a pleasant childhood there. It was a nice upbringing, and she wouldn't change it for the world. Her dad was a stockbroker while her mom stayed at home, and Taylor’s parents never had to worry about any financial issues. Once Taylor realized her dreams of being a singer-songwriter, her entire family packed up and moved to Tennessee. Even though she’s now spent most of her life away from Pennsylvania, she considers it her home state.

education; how far did your celebrity go with it, and did it help them land where they are in life right now? She has an education all the way up to a high school diploma. She actually didn’t go to her graduation ceremony as she had an award show that night, so she had her diploma mailed to her. She’s been fortunate enough that she didn’t need to go to university since she started her career as a teen. Still, she sometimes wonders what it’d be like to go back to school and get a degree in something.

is your celebrity a planner, or into spontaneity? When it comes to her career and business ventures, she definitely plans everything and thinks about everything. Now, being able to own any new music that she makes, she feels like she’s able to record and release songs whenever she wants to. In her personal life, she loves spontaneous plans. Calling up a friend and just driving all night long or flying to a different country for a day and exploring it always sounds like a good time to Taylor.

introvert or extrovert? how has that hurt or helped them on their current life path? Extrovert all the way. Put her in a room with someone and she can guarantee you that she’ll be able to find a way to connect with them. She gets it from her dad since he’s a talker, too. Taylor’s never one to shy away from introducing herself to people and she loves meeting new people. It’s definitely helped her career because she’s been able to make herself relatable to her fans and build a connection with them. Her social skills have helped her make good (and sometimes bad) connections in the industry.

what is your celebrity’s outlook on love? do they believe in soulmates? love at first sight? monogamy? Taylor has way too many thoughts on love as a hopeless romantic, but she thinks it’s a terrifying risk that is completely worth it. And that stands true regardless of what kind of love it is. For her, love is one of the greatest, if not the greatest, things in this world. There’s nothing like love – the pure joy, happiness, just complete elation. Being on cloud nine is the best feeling in the world. And yes, love also has its down sides and they’re some of the hardest downs. When you crash and burn from love, it really hurts. It’s the most agonizing heart-wrenching pain, but the fact that you can feel that type of emotion is something so special, too. The fact that you cared so deeply about someone and someone cared that deeply about you is really special. Love is a very sacred thing to Taylor and one of her biggest wishes is that everyone in this world experiences it at least once. Because even when it sucks, love is such a beautiful thing and worth having and fighting for. Now when she thinks about romantic love, the first few words that come to mind are: golden, pure, respect, adoration, connection, empathy, light, indescribable. Love is the ultimate beauty in all its best forms, and romantic love is no exception. There is the first glance feeling, the breathlessness of state change. You think you’re fine by yourself and then they come and ruin everything. There is fear and worry but the instant you’re with the person you love? You let go (of your fears and your ghosts). It’s a breath of fresh air you didn’t know you needed. It’s like the feeling of rediscovering all of your favorite songs, again and again and again. It’s being enchanted at the first meeting and being enchanted forevermore. It’s not that your life will become a fairytale because it won’t. You’ll both have days when the world is dark and your minds are cruel and your soul aches. You’ll both make mistakes. You’ll both be human. But the feeling of golden warmth in your heart that you thought would fade away stays and makes itself at home. And they stay. And they love you, too, because they’re here for every part of you just as you are for every part of them. And it’s easier than you ever dreamt possible and it’s lighter than air and you’ll never know how you got so damn lucky. It’s golden, it’s pure, it’s respect, it’s adoration, it’s light, it’s indescribable. It’s love. That’s what love is to Taylor. Maybe it's because she reads too many romantic books and watches too many rom-coms, but that's what she fantasizes about. Does she believe in soulmates? To an extent, yes. She thinks that two people could be connected so deeply that no one else in the world could understand their bond like they do. It’s a cool concept to think telepathy is real and it exists between soulmates, platonic or otherwise. She thinks it’s fun to believe in things like fate and soulmates and all of those things that are guided by some invisible force greater than we as humans. She believes in love at first sight, but knows that that kind of love is most likely disguised as infatuation that slowly turns into love. Love requires a mutual, deep intimacy and understanding amongst all parties. It’s complex, and doesn’t just happen within a first sight.

who would your celebrity give their life for? Her family, for sure. The love they give her is unconditional and the moments she shares with them are always in her heart. Whether she’s laughing, crying, or whatever it may be, they’re what keeps her together. Her friends are also people she would give her life for. They’re another source of what keeps her together. Her friends back home (the ones she managed to keep over the years) and the ones she’s met through the industry are what made her days brighter despite the dark clouds that loomed over her head during a dark period in her life. She’s thankful for them every single day and for the new friends she hopes to make. When she went through the #taylorswiftisoverparty in 2016, she had a phase where she was extremely upset and kept thinking she didn’t have any friends left. But she was so wrong. She’d never been more wrong about anything. Selena, Blake, Ryan, along with the friends she’s made here in Bayview like Delta, Melissa, and Daisy have become more than friends and more like her family. It’s those people she’d do anything for and she knows are also there for her no matter what.

when it comes to forgive and forget, how fast is your celebrity to do either of those things? one over the other? or hold grudges forever? Over the years, she’s learned that you don’t have to forget and you don’t have to forgive to move on from something. You can move on from a situation without any of those things happening. She usually lets things go, but it’s always going to be there in the back of her mind as a reminder of what they’ve done to her. As for holding a grudge, it depends on the severity of the wrongdoing, most of the time she’s just relieved that the person revealed their true colors so she can go on without their negative presence in her life. The media has been known to spin a feud of hers into something of a spectacle, and paints her as someone who overreacts and doesn’t leave things be. In reality, it’s mostly the other party who can’t keep her name out of their mouth and she just lives her life peacefully. But if she has to defend herself then she will.

any certain spot in bayview that your celebrity goes to when they need to clear their mind, cheer themselves up, just get into a better mood? Bookends, definitely. Just being surrounded by books is an oasis for Taylor. Whenever she needs time to herself or needs to brighten up her day, she’ll pop over to the little bookstore, grab a bite to eat, and sit in one of the chairs with an old book in her hand. She frequents the place so much that she’s on a first name basis with all of the staff and they all know her order by heart. It’s one of her favorite little corners of Bayview.

who is your celebrity’s role model or hero? is there any specific reason for that, or are they just someone they look up to? Ethel Kennedy. She inspires Taylor to embrace the unpredictable side of life, to find delight in every new experience. Ethel herself has taught Taylor that to really live, you have to jump in, you have to take chances. You have to embrace the unpredictability of life instead of fearing it. Meeting Ethel herself was really one of the rare times Taylor has been starstruck, and getting to spend some time with her has been one of the biggest highlights of her life.

does your celebrity have any secrets? anything that they would absolutely hate for anyone to find out about them? Hm, Taylor would say there’s a lot that people don’t know about her, naturally, because she can’t talk to everyone that knows her name. However, a secret of hers would be that maybe that she’s not as put-together as she comes off. She’s noticed that a lot of people approach her with the assumption that she’s a well-rounded, deeply intellectual person with some strong grasp on the path of her life when she’s just another person trying to figure things out like anyone else. A bit boring, but true! But… we all have our demons, don’t we? Things that weigh us down, despite the optimism we may have. And one of her fears that she doesn’t want anyone to know is that she’s scared that she is going to end up all alone someday. Whether it’s romantically or platonically, Taylor is scared that she’ll never be good enough, or really that people will realize that she isn’t good enough and just leave her. She’s had it happen before, and she’s scared that all the noise in her life will make them leave one way or another.

it’s a gala night and your celebrity has to dress up; are they way into it, or counting down the hours until they can put sweats back on? Taylor definitely loves to dress up for a night and get all glammed up, but she’ll pack an extra pair of shoes so she doesn’t have to worry about her feet hurting all night. There are times where she has to force herself to get the motivation to sit in a makeup chair and get ready, but she usually thinks it’s all worth it once the night is over.

when it comes to your celebrity’s love life, how do they feel about it? are they happy? Taylor’s notorious for loving love. It’s her brand, quite literally. If I could give an example of how Taylor feels about her love life, it would be equivalent to how Jenny Slate explains in her book when she says, “I am a lovely woman. Who will come into my kitchen and be hungry for me?” because Taylor wants love so much that she doesn’t know what to do with herself sometimes and she feels like it might not be in the cards for her. I always picture Taylor being like Lara Jean from the TATBILB series because she’s always been the girl who daydreams about finding ‘the one’, and what true love might really be. She feels too much and sometimes thinks that’s her vice. Despite all of this, though, she’s really, really happy with her love life. She has her friends, and finds romance in that. She loves her independence and isn’t going to sacrifice it for just anyone. If she does fall in love, the most important thing is that who ever she falls for has a special kind of connection with her. She wants to feel a spark, but creating a fire takes some time so she’ll wait. She has some patience. And honestly, it’s easy for her to fall for someone -- she can fall in love with anything. She falls in love with the way the sun shines into her room every morning, she falls in love with the flowers in the yard, the smell of fresh rain… she falls in love with the sound of people’s voices, their faces, their interests, just everything. Whoever she falls for has to put up with her just loving… everything. She’s probably in love with at least one quality about everyone. Taylor’s a lot to put up with, she loves easily and she falls harder. She can be intense, like, she’s never been that deep in love with someone, but she knows she can be. She trusts too easily and she ends up getting hurt a lot of the time. She just wants someone who’s in love with her mind, her goals, her ideas… she wants them to see her in their dreams like she would see them. She’s very, very happy with her love life, but God, does she want to know what being in an actual serious, committed relationship is like.

if your celebrity had to leave the house in a rush, what three things would they grab on their way out? (people and pets excluded!) Taylor doesn’t need much when she leaves the house. She carries around a handbag, which holds just about everything she needs for the day or even for the ten minutes to two hours she’s away from her house. She can’t leave without at least these three items in her bag, and it’s really the necessities that she tosses in there. The first thing in her bag is her Iphone and portable charger. Her phone holds everything. It’s not really in her bag as it’s more in the palm of her hand instead. She tends to waste a lot of her battery very quickly, so just in case she must charge her phone, she has her handy dandy charger at her disposal. She needs her journal and a few pens because unless her phone is unavailable to use to make a note of something or write down whatever muse she’s feeling, she has her handy dandy pen and paper to depend on when she needs it most. Lastly, she always holds on to a picture of her family. Somewhere in her bag she’d have a picture of her, her parents and her brother. She wouldn’t be where and who she is without her family’s love and support, and at the end of the day she loves them more than anything and is always thankful for their strong presence in her life. She likes to be reminded of who she is and where she came from because staying true to herself, although hard, is her number one goal.

does your celebrity have any bad habits or quirks that they just can’t kick, no matter how hard they try? Not taking care of herself would be the biggest bad habit she has had. It's hard for Taylor to accept that sometimes, she needs help. She truly is independent to a fault. She is used to taking care of others and helping them that she sometimes forgets about herself. She hates feeling like a burden to someone else and takes being independent to a whole other level. Over the years, she's learned to stay off of social media when she's in a bad mood and she's learned to only value the opinions of people she cares about. She's never been to therapy, and knows she probably should, but feels as if she doesn't need to because she has her mom to talk to. Ways she takes care of herself when she's feeling down would be lighting a new candle, reading some poetry, watching a TED Talk, or painting with her watercolors. Eating what she wants when she wants is also something she's learned to do, too. She used to use food as a coping mechanism. Whenever she felt like she didn't have control in her life, she would deprive herself of basic meals so could could feel some control. These days she's been better at eating what she wants without feeling guilty and has learned to have a healthy relationship with food.

what are your celebrity’s thoughts on kids? do they want any in the future, if they don’t already have any? want more, if they do? When Taylor was younger, she used to dream of having that fantasy of a white picket fence with a family. Over the years, it’s changed a little bit. Whenever she thinks about bringing a child into this world, she worries about their privacy and how they would survive with people watching their every move. She can’t imagine having paparazzi following them around, trying to get a glimpse of them. She wants kids, for sure, but doesn’t want them to face unfair scrutiny or having cameras in their faces 24/7 just because one of their parents is “famous”.

does your celebrity have a favorite room in their home? Probably her room because it’s the only place in the world where she can be comfortable. She loves spending her days in her room just watching TV and lounging around with her cats. If she’s decided to spend time in her room, she probably has ordered some type of comfort food like Chinese or pizza, put on a face mask with her hair tied up, done some online shopping, taken a nap or just lied down, listened to some vinyls – just anything that lets her breathe and relax.

it’s a free day. completely, from morning until bed time – what would your celebrity like to spend it doing? Her perfect day would be spent with her family. She would have invited her family over to her house, letting them spend the night. In the morning, she would make them breakfast. She’d have them tour the town, and would take her mom antique shopping for a bit while her dad and brother have their own bonding time. They’d get lunch by the ocean, and then she would drive them around each neighborhood in Bayview. By dinner time, they would go out to eat somewhere in the Downtown area and then walk around the park. At the end of the day, they would go back to her house and watch a movie or play a game before they all retired to bed for the night. That sounds like a perfect day to Taylor.

to this day, what has been the hardest thing for your celebrity to come up against or overcome, whether personally or professionally? In the past thirty years Taylor has been through a lot, from a career point of view and a personal one. In her personal life, having to go to court in 2017 to face the man who sexually assaulted her was one of the hardest things Taylor has done. It was tough for her to do, and even though she spent many sleepless nights during that week, it was all worth getting the justice she deserved. From people mocking her about her body to not believing her side of the story, Taylor will never forget those who supported her during that whole ordeal. She's happy that more and more people are able to come forward with their stories despite the backlash they might get, and will always believe someone's story because she knows how hard it is to do. We all probably know what Taylor's hardest career obstacle was... the disaster of the 2016 Kimye incident. That whole year, especially that summer, was an emotional rollercoaster for Taylor and she learned so much from that experience. She was so, so scared that she wouldn't be able to make art anymore and that the 1989 era would be her last. Luckily, her fans stuck around and have always had her back. To Taylor, her fans are so important. They are the reason she's still making music to this day and the reason why she gets to present her songs to the world. As someone who has only ever dreamt of being able to share her art with others, the people who have really made it possible are the people who truly support her for it. Taylor's “fans” are more like friends, and friends to her are like family. They are people who’ve supported her for what she loves doing most and she can’t thank them enough for it.

ten years ago, did your celebrity ever think that they would be where they are now? are they happy with that spot in life? what do they hope to achieve yet in the future? At the beginning of the decade, Taylor was coming out of her teens and coming in to her twenties. If you told her that she would’ve released five albums, gone on four tours, won Album of the Year at the Grammys twice, moved to New York City, lose her curls and cut her hair short, been in more relationships that one hand couldn’t count, gotten a few cats, gone through one of the most humiliating things publicly, gone to court, and moved to Bayview all in the span of ten years, she would’ve laughed in your face. Despite all that has happened to her, she would take none of it back and is very happy with where she is in life. Taylor loves her life. Sure, there could be changes but other than that there’s nothing else she would want. She’s happy with the morals she grew up with, and happy with the people who’ve been kind to her and all of the lessons she’d learned over the years. The move to Bayview is a memory she wouldn’t trade for the world. She’s had the chance to travel and meet new people on the other side of the world. The chance to come to Bayview is a milestone in her life she would never trade. Sure, she still has issues with being away from her family, but by far it’s been one of the most amazing experiences in her life. If she didn't move to town, she wouldn’t have people she could connect to, she wouldn’t have met or befriended most of the people who lived here, and she wouldn’t know how to step out of her comfort zone and do things she never knew she needed to do. Bayview changed all of that. In the future, Taylor hopes to still be making albums, hopefully gaining back all of her masters or at least be done with re-recording all of her older albums. Maybe she’ll fall in love and raise a family of her own. Maybe she’ll write a novel about her life. Maybe she won’t be in Bayview still or maybe this is town is her forever home. The most important thing that matters to Taylor is being happy with whatever she’s doing, whoever she’s with and with herself. Because who knows what the future holds, y'know? Nothing else really matters as long as you love your life.

#( ❛ ░ ▌it’s my life so truth be told // tasks.#bviewtask #bview2019dec #wooo!!! done finally!!#also i didnt know she prerecorded her scd performance so we can say that she was still in nyc after the jingle bell ball

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rosecorcoranwrites · 5 years

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Video Games as Interactive Storytelling

As I previously established, video games are a worthwhile form of storytelling, combining the best aspects of books, movies, and comics. They are unique among mediums, however, for being a truly interactive form of media. They are games, after all, and thus incorporate aspects play and choice.

Environment

Because you, the player, control the character, you experience the world as if you were in it, much more than in any other medium. You explore the environment. You fight the boss, and experience the struggle of battle. You help various NPCs, or non-player characters, with tasks. You make friends and allies, and fight alongside them. Although I never like my favorite characters getting hurt in any medium, when people attack my allies in video games, it's personal.

And that's what video games do: offer an incredibly personal experience. Unlike books, movies and comics, where you have to read from start to finish, video games let you meander and spend time in the setting. In games like Zelda, Okami, or Dark Souls, you can discover secrets that aren't necessarily part of the main plot. These can include hidden areas or side quests. Sometimes these add to your understanding of the story or make the main plot more emotionally impactful. For instance, I actually did all those side quests for people in Okami, so the cutscene during the final boss fight was personal to me. I helped those people; they were lending their strength to me.

You can also gawk at the extra details of the world. One of my favorite examples of this is in Skyrim, where you can read books of short stories or admire intricately carved Nordic architecture, neither of which are important to the story or gameplay, but which make the experience more complete and immersive. I like to wonder at the fact that some person was paid to write those stories and design those carvings; they’re neat little details that someone at the studio thought were important enough to put into the game.

Even a game as linear and straightforward as the Ace Attorney series allows for a sort of exploration. Though you can only "move" through a series of set-like locations during the investigation stages, you can click on almost every object in order to hear banter between you and your assistant. While this doesn't generally offer much in the way of world or story building (unless the object turns out to be a crucial piece of evidence) it does let us experience more chemistry between the characters, endearing them to us even more.

Choice

Games in which the player’s choices effect the story obviously offer an interesting experience. Certain games have binary choices—send this character to the safety of the cathedral, or to be experimented on in a laboratory!—while others have branching trees and dozens or hundreds of possible endings. Many games incorporate a morality system, where the more bad choices one makes make for a darker ending, with the best result being the “Good ending” and the worst result, the “Bad ending”; many games opt for multiple bittersweet conclusions.

While some such games have fairly blank-slate, player-insert characters as protagonists (that is, they don’t have too much personality, because the player can fill that in), others have very specific motivations, while still offering choice. My sister was describing her initial frustration, in Red Dead Redemption 2, that she could only make not-so-good choices in some of the side quests. This makes sense, given that you are playing as an outlaw in a gang, but was still annoying in a game that claimed to give one choices. She was later delighted, though, after something important happens to the character (spoiler: they find out they have tuberculosis, which not only makes them sympathize with one of their former victims of the same condition, but also forces them to come to terms with their decisions, as time is running out), and good options start opening up. The way the game presented choices made sense for that individual character while still giving the player the freedom to reject certain choices if they want. Masterful!

Happenstance

I will say, however, that player choice is not totally unique to games, as Choose Your Own Adventure books were and occasionally still are a thing. Programmers can program in more possible choices than can be contained in a physical book, but the storytelling principal is the same. More interesting, I think, is video games’ ability to create random happenstance. What do I mean? Depending on what the player does when, they might stumble onto a part of a game in a different way than other players.

For example, in Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time, musical themes for each location play during the day, while nighttime has only sound effects. As anyone who has played Ocarina can tell you, the Gerudo Valley theme is some of the coolest, most adventurous music in the franchise, and it starts playing in the canyon, before you arrive at the desert. In order to get to the desert the first time, you jump your horse over a broken bridge, which feels pretty awesome to a first time player. But for me, it was more. I arrived on horseback at the canyon at dawn, rode to the edge as the castanets of the Gerudo Valley theme started playing. Just as I jumped, the sun came over the horizon and the guitar began! I could have sworn there was even a lens flare, but that might have been my imagination reacting to the epicness of what was happening. It was a totally random, unrepeatable event, and I’ll never forget it.

In Okami, I never knew that going through some torii gates led into mystical areas while going around them led to ordinary shrines, because I always went a certain way. Thus, my mind was blown when I discovered, after following a little sparrow girl through a gate, that what had once been a solid wall was actually a pathway. It wasn't until my second play through that I went around the gate of the first shrine, which led to a glowing portal to a celestial world, and discovered nothing but an ordinary statue in a moss-covered cave. I never knew!

In another Zelda example, every player had a different experience of their first Blood Moon in Breath of the Wild. Blood Moons are events that serve to replenish the enemies in the area, but in-game are meant to be the malice of the main enemy infecting the environment and causing monsters to resurrect. They happen at random, and are preceded by the music changing, the light dimming, black wisps issuing out of the ground, and, of course, the full moon turning red. My brother first experienced it while looking at some goats in a pasture outside an inn, while my sister experienced it after climbing up a tower to reach a treasure chest. Never having heard that Blood Moons were a thing, their thoughts, respectively, were, “What the HECK is wrong with these goats!?” and “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry! I’ll put it back!” I’m sure others have their own fun stories of their initial horror at what was happening.

Social Interaction

Cast your mind back to when this whole diatribe of mine began (many weeks ago), when I mentioned a coworker of mine saying that video games don’t inspire social interaction. Just the opposite is true, and it always has been.

One of the first, if not the first video games was the two-player game, pong. Though not actually a story game, this led the way for more two player, and then multiplayer games. Kids used to go to each other's houses and play Mario Brothers or Bubble Bobble; now, they interact with friends and strangers across the country in online, multiplayer games. There are even games that have “emotes”, special moves you can do to communicate with other players without voice chat. Others let you vote for another player as the MVP of each round to show your appreciation. Lest you think it’s all online, Nintendo is keeping in-person multiplay alive and well with games like Mario Kart, Mario Party, and Smash Brothers.

Single player games, too, invite interaction. Pre-internet, people would spread hints and strategy and cheat codes by word of mouth. “How did we know how to do that move without reading the manual?” my sister asked, recalling some odd special move in an older game. “I think a friend must have told me, and they probably heard it from one of their friends.” Nowadays, internet forums and Let’s Play videos serve the same purpose: a community of gamers helping each other out and spreading information about games.

I myself have talked repeatedly about what my brothers and sister experienced in their playthroughs. Some of this is because some games are too hard for me (like, every game FromSoft will ever make), but a lot of it is just because there was one TV and not enough time for me to start my own game. I’ve never actually played Sekiro or Bloodborne or Last Guardian, but I’ve watched people play all of them from start to finish, so I still have that experience. My brother and I both gasped when we first encountered a Mist Noble and its enchantment in Sekiro (and my advice, “Kill it with fire!” worked like a charm). My sister and I squeed over the griffin-dog-thing’s cute antics in Last Guardian. Unlike books, comics, and movies, which are best enjoyed in silence, video games invite conversation during play.

Online streams offer a similar experience. Even here, choice rears its head. Some streamers play it straight, from start-to-finish, with little editorializing. Others derp around doing a lot of nonsense, or add hilarious commentary, often adding their own layer of storytelling to the mix. Viewers of said streams can type comments in real-time, so that the streamer interacts not only with the game but with his viewers, and the entire experience is like one big conversation. Who said video games don’t inspire social interaction?

Community

Right about now is when I connect this new form of storytelling to something ancient. Books are the new songs and poems, movies are the new plays, and comics are the new tapestries and hieroglyphics. What, then, are video games? As I said before, they take elements from all of these other mediums: video games are the new bard adding their own lyric to a song, or the actor playing a well-known role a different way, perhaps due to choice or happenstance.

But mostly, video games are the new play, that most primal and primordial of all human storytelling. We play as soon as we can think, and play act as soon as we can walk. Children assign themselves roles and act them out together. Humans are communal creatures, after all, who process narratives by interacting with other humans.

To some extent, all storytelling is like this, as it is one human telling something to another rather than keeping it in their head. Video games, though, bring back the communal aspect of storytelling. Wanting to take part in stories—whether as a child going on adventures with friends, or an adult participating in a narrative ceremony, or anyone telling a story around a fire to a group of rapt and responding listeners—is part of being human.

At some point, however, that part of life got chopped off and shunted to the corner, as if adults shouldn’t desire narrative play unless they are writers. Thus, video games are put down as childish, or geeky, or not as valid as books. Oddly, they are stereotyped as being something beloved by loners, which ignores the vibrant and vocal gaming community.

I’m not sure where the animus towards gaming comes from. Why is immersing oneself in an imaginary world while staring at a book is considered high-brow, but doing the same while staring at a screen considered low? I don’t know, nor do I want to. What I do know is that some of the most unique, innovative, and emotional, stories I’ve ever seen have been those in video games, and I hope that in the future, more people give them a chance.

And those, dear readers, gamers, viewers, and story lovers of all stripes, are my thoughts on video games.

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hjertetssunnegalskap1 · 5 years

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Blue Moon - A Lovleg Ficlet

Soooo I wrote a short Lovleg thing. It’s not beta read. It’s just a moment that could happen about now, with Gunnhild waiting for Luna’s response. Might turn into an AU in a minute or two. Oh, and this is part of Femslash February, and I’m filling the prompt for day 6, the moon. So... I know I am stupidly impulsive right now, but I actually posted this on AO3 as well. Or you can read it here, under the cut:

“Gunnhild, seriously, ask her out already.”

Gunnhild should have known that Sara's response to her Luna problem would be along the lines of “just talk to her,” as if there was ever any “just” about it.

Sara is hanging over Gunnhild’s shoulder as she’s trying to make a sorry excuses for a dinner. Noodles and cheese. Well, right Gunnhild is so hungry that it’s quite tempting.

The hunger coils in her stomach and mixes with her nerves.

She sent the text. The fucking stupid text.

“You can’t keep going around like this,” Sara continues, and steals a bite of cheese. “You like-like her! You told us! You gotta do something.”

“I can't,” Gunnhild frowns over her pan. “I mean. She’s just off and on, remember. She doesn't like me... like that. I think?”

Sara rolls her eyes, sighing like Gunnhild is some kind of idiot. To be fair, falling in love with someone just as avoidant as Peter was probably qualifies Gunnhild for that title. When will she ever learn?

“We’ve talked about this. Luna kisses you at every party. There's no way that she’s not interested in something.”

“I wouldn't be so sure,” Gunnhild takes her noodles off the stove and sighs as she puts them in a bowl. Judging by Luna's behaviour, all the drunk and late night kisses and all the avoiding glances in the daytime, nothing is sure. It's pretty difficult to tell what Luna feels.

“Remember the yellow banana. Right? You gotta do something now!”

Gunnhild has to laugh. “Yeah sure. Well, I sent her a text. No answer yet.”

Sara doesn’t look impressed. “Well, that was a very careful text. You need to talk more directly to her.”

Gunnhild smiles at her words, and not because they're true, or because she plans on taking Sara's advice, but because she's never really had a friend like Sara before. Except maybe Luna. However, it's not really a good idea to talk about her crush on Luna, with Luna, is it?

Still, that’s what she has sort of prepared to do. She had asked Luna for advice.

Shit.

Gunnhild sits down and starts to dig into her food. “Aren’t you going to eat?” she asks.

“No, I ate earlier,” Sara smiles. “I’m just gonna stare at you eating while you’re being stressed out and nervous. This is too much fun.”

“I’m glad that I can entertain you,” Gunnhild mutters.

Sara sits down next to her. “You know, I’ve been there. Well not exactly, but almost. I know it’s not easy. Okay? But it will be.”

Gunnhild’s mouth is full of noodles. She nods. She is glad she has Sara right now. Sara may be in her own head sometimes and almost too straightforward at other times, but she's a pretty good listener, and she makes Gunnhild feel less alone in this whole “oh no, I have feelings again and I don’t know what to do” - thing.

“Thank you. And I do know that I have to do something. Preferably sober. And that I need to say something. It’s just that I kinda stutter and word vomit every time Luna is around and then I mess up everything.”

Sara scoffs. “I know. But I’m sure you don’t need to say much. You two are practically under each other’s skin already, anyway. It's not like it'd be much of a step up.”

Gunnhild is fairly sure that her lonely pining is pretty far from being under each other’s skin, but she decides not to argue. “I wish,” she mutters instead. “If she just could answer.”

“I’m sure she will.”

“Maybe.”

Gunnhild stares into her bowl. Her whole life seems to be a series of “maybes,” and every shooting star is labelled “Luna Oksnes.” Everything blue is labelled with her name, too. And the moon. Always the moon.

Gunnhild takes another bite, but she can hardly taste the food.

She just can’t forget about Luna. It’s not just that she’s cool, pretty or interesting, although she is, of course. Luna just makes her feel good. She calls Gunnhild cute and sweet and makes her feel excited and calm at the same time. Luna sees Gunnhild and knows that she’s weird and lonely sometimes, and it’s okay.

Gunnhild manages to make her dinner and eat it without checking her phone every minute. She decides that it’s a good thing; a small victory.

Sara seems to get tired of watching her and goes to her room to do some homework. Gunnhild decides to do the same. If she only could manage to focus.

It’s like her quiet phone screams at her.

She ends up writing on a poem instead.

And it’s quiet.

Then her phone pings, and it’s not fair. It’s not fair at all, really, because Gunnhild’s heart jumps in her chest and races, and it beats so hard that it hurts, and it’s probably not even Luna at all.

It’s probably mom. Or Sara. Maybe Sara is messing with her?

Gunnhild stares at her yellow phone, not daring to pick it up.

Maybe. Maybe not.

What she wouldn’t give for a “Yeah, I’d love to get together” or a “I like you.” What she wouldn't give to have Luna here, with her warm lips against her mouth, curled around her body. Like a blue blanket. Gunnhild wants soft whispers and softer skin, she wants to tell Luna all her secrets in the dark as they listen to nice songs on repeat. It shouldn't be this electric feeling every time Luna looks at her or giggles, or constantly losing stuff and stumbling because she can't will her feet or hands to stop shaking.

It should be like lying together and gazing at the sky, not like getting drunk to dare to kiss each other and not like writing stuttered poems in the dark about her.

Seeing something blue or glimpses of the moon shouldn’t turn into all these feelings and give her ideas about broken prose she'll never write.

Gunnhild picks up her phone but doesn’t open it. She stares out the window. It’s the blue hour, when everything is dusky. The moon is up although it’s not really dark yet. It’s pale and light blue and it doesn’t reveal a thing.

Blue moon.

She tries to tell herself that it doesn't matter if Luna answers, or what she says. Gunnhild feels what she feels and she’ll figure things out. She’s done that before and she can do it again. It’s just… She feels so much, and she really wish Luna feels something, too. She wishes so much that her body aches with her wishes. She whispers her confession to the pale blue moon, clutching her phone, afraid of being blinded by Luna’s final words.

She puts her thumb to her phone.

#femslashfeb19 #day 6 the moon #lovleg #a short thingie #not beta read #gunnhild #luna #gunnhild x luna #lovleg (TV)#lunhild #femslash february

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salavante · 5 years

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that character ask thing, how about August en Zaied?? :3c

That funky, hunky elf.

Full Name: August en Zaied

Gender and Sexuality: Male and mostly Heterosexual. I think there is the off-chance fellow that might pique his interest, but not at a frequency that I think he would self-describe himself as bisexual.

Pronouns: he/him

Ethnicity/Species: Umbran Elf. I talked about this a little bit in Ganzrig’s thing, but most people on Ismes have a different race back in their heritage at some point, and individuals will look a little more or less human depending on how many actual humans are back in their ancestry. August is on the more human-y side of the spectrum.

Birthplace and Birthdate: I don’t tend to give birthdates to characters who do not use the same calendar systems as us. Maybe he was born in winter, ironically. August’s family formerly lived in one of the Umbran Empire’s capitol cities, and he was probably born on the family estate.

Guilty Pleasures: Not a ton. August is a very serious, dignified person and doesn’t put himself at risk of looking silly very often. He’ll smoke tobacco on occasion and likes his wine and port. He also knows how to play the accordion but just barely…which, really means that he doesn’t know how to play it at all, HAH. August also has a fondness for roses, as his mother had a garden on their old estate that she was very proud of. One thing he is guilty about is that after being exposed to and promptly rejecting most new technology…he really does prefer using an electric razor to a straight razor and no one can ever know. I think that’s his one true guilty pleasure. If someone caught him using it he’d be absolutely mortified.

Phobias: Oh wow I can actually fill this one out as god and OP intended, because August is a shipwreck survivor and now has a phobia of drowning and deep water, which is a shame because he’s a sailor by trade and formerly really loved the ocean. I do think it’s something he can work through if he tries, though.

What They Would Be Famous For: As far as August is concerned, he would prefer to not be famous for anything, ever, and that everyone would just leave him to his own business. Unfortunately, he has a moderate cult following on The Hunt for having a unique powerset and being kind of a dreamboat.

What They Would Get Arrested For: August is fairly lawful and coolant headed, so, not a ton, but if he were doing something to ensure the safety and wellness of his family, he’d go to some pretty far lengths. There’s a perfectly serviceable AU out there where August is a mercenary, pirate or assassin.

OC You Ship Them With: August was never actually envisioned as being a ladies man, but it’s just what happened along the way. All of the ladies he has slept with in-game have been older than him, so I guess he likes mature women, HAH. I enjoy the chemistry between August and Jake’s character Elias, who is a silver tongued cannibal and a privateer, go figure. It’s kind of a classic chemistry, sailor-hero type and pirate. Many moons ago, when August was first conceived and was still a female character, his love interest was a half-orc bard named Benji, but he’s since been written out of August’s original story and has been replaced byyy….Iona Howell, August’s canon love interest. The ferocious, emotionally unstable illuminator/wizard who is trying her best to get her shit together, and August’s on and off again girlfriend.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Pre-defection Iona was probably capable of killing August in a manic/jealous rage, though I think at the end of the day August is more powerful than her and would probably have killed her first as long as she didn’t get the drop on him. Ganzrig also threatened to slaughter and dismember him, but that’s just what Orcs do, I don’t know if she would have actually killed him.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: August is from an early/mid 1800’s level society and so movies really overstimulate to the point that he generally avoids them. He resists most new technology at first blush and is very, very stubborn, though there are a few benefits that he cannot deny. He’s not really much of a reader either, his education stopped when he was somewhere between the ages of 12-14 so he reads kind of slow and his own handwriting isn’t very good, but that still puts him at an advantage among other sailors. He probably likes poetry because a) the ladies like to be read poetry and b) it’s something that could be easily translated into song or read aloud, which is his preferred method of receiving media. Epic poems, sea shanties, etc. August would go to a play before he would go to a movie, and would be perfectly entertained by being read aloud to.

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: August used to be an atheist before his world’s god, Al Fortuna, decided that he was their new favorite person. Now he just thinks Gods are assholes and generally does not like any media that presents gods as anything other than fickle and more trouble than they’re worth. And he absolutely, tremendously hates the idea of things being ordained by “fate”.

Talents and/or Powers: A couple fun ones! August is ambidextrous and can wield a pistol and sabre at the same time, and is in generally very nimble. But the most notable thing about him is that August possesses a passive ability called the Miasma of Misfortune, which is tied to Ganzrig’s Fortune’s Favor. While bad luck does not fall on August’s own head, he exudes an aura of bad luck to people in his vicinity, which gets worse the longer that he is exposed to them without reprieve. August has learned to manipulate the Miasma to a degree, and can either reel it in or dump all of its focus on a single target, usually ending with some foolish prick stabbing himself on ‘accident’. Celair has also been teaching him some cantrips. He is from a low-magic setting, so he is not very magically potent.

Why Someone Might Love Them: August is easy to become infatuated with, but not easy to be in a relationship with, and there is a string of broken hearted maidens behind him. He is dashing and courageous, with an intriguingly intense personality, and is confident, but not in a way that dips into vanity. He’s also very earnest, a reliable, straightforward man that keeps his head on straight and seldom shows his temper (though when he does, watch the fuck out). Though not an intellectual, August is very cunning, and has a dry sense of humor that some appreciate. He’s also quite chivalrous, and I think there is a very classical, romantic element to him.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: When I say that August is not easy to be in a relationship with, it’s because he’s a vault and values his privacy to a fault. He seldom wears his heart on his sleeve, and prefers to keep his stronger emotions to himself, for better or worse, and has trouble expressing his feelings even when it’d be in his interest to. He’s the most stubborn man alive, and would sooner double down on something than let someone he doesn’t like be right, making him just a little spiteful. August is resistant to too much external change, especially with technology. He’s also quite dreadfully serious and finds people who are too goofy kind of offputting (ex: he tolerates Wybjorn, but probably wouldn’t have anything to do with him if they did not have friends in common). Someone may also find his priorities shrewd at first glance - his number one concern is providing for his family, and so he is easily motivated by money. Because he is very private, he is not likely to divulge information on his personal life, leading his motivations often obscured and at times misinterpreted. He does not care very much about what other people think, and so seldom clarifies.

How They Change: August changes a bit over the course of Godslaughter, but not very much, as he has mostly existed in an NPC capacity. The thing he will have to learn is to be emotionally candid with his family when he returns home, because they are going to have a lot of questions and he’s not going to want to answer any of them, but he HAS to. And things aren’t going to be the way he left them. Most of August’s challenges in this department are on the horizon.

Why You Love Them: August has a somewhat colorful meta history. He is my oldest character that I still use regularly (at over 5 years old) besides Calvin, and he was conceived at not a very good point in my life. I had been quietly struggling with my gender identity for many years, and had found myself pushing against my constraints in fiction, but by the time I got to the original August, I was exhausted and beaten down. The first pass at August was a very sad, somber character that was a lady crossdressing to work as a sailor. I’d hit on something important, but wasn’t really ready to open myself up to what it might mean, which, aside from being conceived during the worst year of my life, lead to Kismet collecting dust. Fastforward to 2018 when I was looking for Gods for Godslaughter, and remembered that I had always liked Al Fatima and Al Fortuna, and took another look at August by association. By now I was out as transmasc and decided it’d be a good step for myself to retool August into a character that I could be proud of - a confident, earnest person who wanted nothing more than to be the captain of his own fate and to protect and provide for the people he loves. I don’t really like talking publicly about my trans-ness, I (like August) have come to the conclusion it’s not really anyone’s business but mine, but my journey is inseparable from him. And that’s ok. August is my tiny hope that someday I can get a genre fiction story to a publisher that’s about a trans person, but is not about his transition or his coming out.

#claricehopeful

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haillenarte · 6 years

Text

the swallow’s compass;

Here are translations of various Hingan signs, both within Kugane and The Swallow’s Compass.

...That’s the simple explanation, anyway. The full post below involved a lot more research than I expected, but I don’t really know how else I should describe what I’m doing here. I imagine that this will be fairly interesting to those loremongers with a special interest in Doma and Hingan culture, so if you really like Kugane, or you write a Doman character or something, come on in!

...That said, now I have no idea where I should begin.

I guess I’ll start from the top. I’m not sure if this is widely-known information within the “Western” FFXIV fandom, so forgive me if I’m parroting things that you already know, but basically, the the signage in Kugane and Doma utilizes a “Hingan alphabet” that is essentially a substitution cipher for Japanese hiragana. You know how Eorzean works, right? With the Eorzean signage in the game, the letters of the Eorzean alphabet are substitutes for English letters... so with Doman signage, the characters in the Hingan alphabet are substitutes for Japanese characters.

If you can read hiragana, you can check it out yourself at this fansite here.

I should note that the Japanese version of FFXIV doesn’t really utilize the concepts of “Doman” and “Hingan” the way that the English version does, so Japanese fans refer to the “Hingan alphabet” as クガネ文字、 or “Kugane characters.” I should also note that it seems straightforward enough until you realize that a lot of the in-game signage is highly stylized, so reading it is a lot harder than you’d think, sometimes...

Let’s take a look at the sign outside the Shiokaze Hostelry, shall we?

Broken down — and reading vertically from right to left, of course — the characters here read:

youkoso Kugane e

Welcome to Kugane.

Here’s another example: the banners in the Sekiseigumi Barracks! What do they say? Well... they’re not very interesting, actually. This just says:

Kugane Sekiseigumi

At least they’re proud of themselves...

I considered photographing and documenting every instance of Hingan writing that I could find, but the fact of the matter is, a lot of it is very self-explanatory: the sign outside of the Bokairo Inn, for example, just says Boukaisen, advertising the Bokaisen Hot Springs. (By the way, I believe the localization team chose to go with short-vowel romanizations to encourage correct pronunciations among non-Japanese players, so that’s why there’s an extra vowel there.) So it wouldn’t have been very interesting for me to go around taking pictures of every single sign I could find...

One thing in Kugane I do find really interesting, however, is the sign just outside of the Mujikoza theater!

This sign is actually an advertisement for the actors at Mujikoza:

enja (”Performers”)

Maibito Shiranami Narita Rakuyou Gakunin Fuuran

Gakunin Yabusame Narita Ransetsu Narita Yachiyo Maibito Kikusui

I am not sure if these are intended to be surnames or titles. My assumption is that they are titles, because Gakunin is probably 楽人、or musician, whereas Maibito probably means 舞人、or dancer. Unfortunately, I can’t figure out what “Narita” means in this context, because it definitely isn’t the airport. My guess is that it might be a yagou — a stage name, or acting-house name, which you can read about here.

Note that the actors again receive top billing on the roof of the building, where the sign reads:

SHIRANAMI RAKUYOU FUURAN

Yabusame Ransetsu Yachiyo Kikusui

Shiranami, Rakuyou, and Fuuran must be really popular?!

I’ve got one more surprise from Kugane to show you all, but before we get to that, let’s dive into the Hingan text in The Swallow’s Compass.

First, a little background information: The Swallow’s Compass is, in Japanese, called 風水霊殿ガンエン廟 — very literally, “feng shui temple, gan-en mausoleum,” but since the localization has decided to translate feng shui as geomancy, I think the Japanese dungeon title is best rendered “The Palace of Geomancy: Ganen’s Tomb.”

The English description of the dungeon elaborates on this somewhat:

Enshrined within this tomb, his likeness carved on an imposing scale into the cliffside, is the person of Ganen, the great general who united the warring clans of Yanxia to arise as the first king of Doma. A skilled swordsman and mage both, he is credited as the founding father of Doman geomancy.

Anyway, with that background knowledge, let’s dive right into the signage in The Swallow’s Compass. Quite a lot of it is, um, pretty cool, but really very redundant in my opinion — you know, it’s a million different lines about earth and wind and water — so I have to admit I’m glazing over some of it...

Just imagine a lot of stuff like this...

hagukumutsuchi soil nurtures

megurumizu water circulates

hakobukaze wind carries

Notably, this tablet just past the first boss is a quote attributed to Ganen himself:

kaze wo shirite mizu wo seishi chi wo osamuru ganen-ou

Know the wind Contain the water Heal the earth — King Ganen

The tablet to the right of King Ganen’s reads as follows:

mu ni naru kawa ryu ni naru yama yansa no chi doma to nasu

As the river turns to nothing And the mountain becomes a dragon Does the land of Yanxia Form the nation of Doma

Lastly — I have not included screenshots of every single stone, because it would just be too many pictures that all basically look the same — two famous Chinese poems are quoted throughout the dungeon! I won’t get into the whole history of kanshi poetry and the tradition of Chinese poetry in Japanese literature, but suffice it to say it’s a personal favorite subject of mine.

The Swallow’s Compass quotes two lines from “In the Mountains on a Summer Day” by Li Bai, for which I have enclosed two translations (not by me, of course):

夏日山中李白

懒摇白羽扇裸袒青林中脱巾挂石壁露顶洒松风

In the Mountains on a Summer Day, by Li Bai trans. Arthur Waley, 1919

Gently I stir a white feather fan, With open shirt sitting in a green wood. I take off my cap and hang it on a jutting stone; A wind from the pine-trees trickles on my bare head.

A Summer Day in the Mountains, by Li Bai trans. Andrew W.F. Wong, 2014

Too lazy to wave my fan of white plumes; Rather, go naked, ‘neath the greenwood trees, My headcloth undone, on a stone wall hung, Idling, bare-headed, in the pine-filled breeze.

Peresonally, I think Wong’s translation is better by far, and more ambitious with the rhyme scheme and structure, but Waley’s is more well-known, as you might imagine. Oh, and I’ve italicized the lines that are quoted in FFXIV! The rest of the poem isn’t in the dungeon, but it seems silly to only enclose a part of it here.

The Swallow’s Compass also quotes another poem by the master of masters, Du Fu. There are many translations of Du Fu’s “Spring Prospect,” but here’s one that I liked:

春望杜甫

国破山河在城春草木深感时花溅泪恨别鸟惊心烽火连三月家书抵万金白头搔更短浑欲不胜簪

Spring Prospect, by Du Fu trans. John Tarrant, 2014

The nation is broken – mountains and rivers remain. Spring comes to the city overgrown with grass and trees.

Feeling the time – flowers weep, hating captivity – bird calls pierce the heart.

The war beacons have burned for three months now and I’d give ten thousand pieces of gold for a letter from home.

I’ve torn my white hair till it’s so thin it almost won’t hold a hatpin.

With these poems in mind, I’m coming back to the final sign from Kugane that I saved for last...

The wall scroll in Hancock’s office reads:

saihi akatsuki ni izureba shimoyuki no gotoshi

This, too, is a quote from a kanshi poem, but this poet isn’t very well known at all. Instead of another big-name poet like Li Bai or Du Fu, someone on the dev team decided to quote “Keirinsou Zatsuei” by Hirose Tansou — a really very obscure poet better known for being an egalitarian educator.

...Since no English translation of this particular poem existed, I decided to translate it myself. This involved a lot of personal research and time, so I wound up translating a small selection of Hirose’s poetry as the final project for one of my translation classes. I considered submitting my collection of Hirose’s poetry for publication somewhere, but in the end, well... I don’t know, I mean, who would care except for FFXIV players?

The poem itself is a celebration of friendships forged during one’s schooling years. I have enclosed a direct translation and a more structured, syllabic, rhyming translation:

桂林荘雑詠広瀬淡窓

幾人負笈自西東両筑双肥前後豊花影満簾春昼永書声断続響房書

休道他郷多苦辛同袍有友自相親柴扉暁出霜如雪君汲川流我拾薪

遙思白髪倚門情宦学三年業未成一夜秋風揺老樹孤窓欹枕客心驚

長鋏帰来故国春時時務払簡編塵君看白首無名者曾是談経奪席人

Song of the Cinnamon Grove, by Hirose Tansou trans. haillenarte, 2018

(direct translation)

From east and west we travel, carrying our book-boxes, through the plains of Ryōchiku — as fertile and lush as ever. The shadows of the flowers shield us from the sun as intermittent voices rebound and resonate in clusters of sound.

We shall not rest in foreign lands with bitter feelings in our hearts when our brothers here, our comrades-in-arms, will soon become our dearest friends. As we leave the house at dawn, beneath the hoarfrost so like snow, you will draw our water, and I will collect our firewood.

Distantly, I think of gray hair, and my heart presses against the gates — my third year at civil service school, and my work isn’t finished. In the evening, an autumn breeze shakes the ancient trees, and I rise from my solitary pillow, trembling with wanderlust.

And at last, the sweet return, the glorious springtime of our homelands! The time has passed, our work is cleared, and our books are layered in dust. With your hair grown white, you would be nameless to me but for the hours we have passed debating the sutras, side by side.

Song of the Cinnamon Grove, by Hirose Tansou trans. haillenarte, 2018

(structured translation, departs from original)

From east and west, we walk with burdens through the fields of Ryōchiku. The shadows of the flowers shade us as I talk and walk with you.

We shall not rest in foreign lands with bitter feelings in our hearts when we have friends to stand beside us in our study of the arts. And as we leave the house at dawn ‘neath frozen dew that looks like snow ‘tis you for whom I tend the fire, you for whom I make it glow.

As I recall the greying hairs my mother and my father wear, I long to travel to my home, where perhaps I will see them there. Beyond these years of solemn schooling, I have work that must be done, but I rise from my lonely pillow, thinking of the rising sun.

And after all of this is over, someday we will return home with dusty books and whiter hair and fewer, fewer lands to roam; And you would have no name to me but for the time we spent in class, Arguing over the sutras, laughing as we lay in grass.

Why do I think the dev team decided to quote this particular poem? Well... read it to yourself. Doesn’t it remind you of a certain scene, from a certain patch, from another expansion, long, long ago...?

#kugane #ffxiv #ff14 #stormblood

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astreetsussserenade · 5 years

Note

Would you do a commentary on It Won't Be a Stylish Wedding? I love that fic!

My dear anonymous friend, I love you for asking about IWBASW, because I too love that fic, even though it is very short.

I was thinking about romance, and how it means different things to different people, and I was trying to suss out what it would look like for Nate and Ray, both of whom are fairly straightforward and direct, yet also prone to theatrics.

It seemed right to me that Ray would propose in a way that was completely spur of the moment and also something he had definitely been thinking of casual ways to work into the conversation for awhile now.

My favorite detail might be Ray’s “Muscle Up, Buttercup” shirt mostly because I love the idea of people at Ray’s gym making a game out of what sorts of ridiculous slogans he’s going to wear next. My second favorite detail is that Ray is wearing his second best sneakers, because his best sneakers are for really important events where people who know things about shoes will be there, and he’s not going to waste them on Nate, even if it is their wedding.

In general, I tried to highlight how getting married is simultaneously mundane and full of paperwork and also life changing by focusing on the weird details like Ray’s sandals and the envelope in between them at the bar.

It was easy to come up with what Ray’s romantic gesture on the day of their wedding would be, and really hard to come up with Nate’s. I thought about different presents. I thought about him having a reading or a poem that he’d picked out. I went round and round until I settled on the idea of him wanting to carve out a whole weekend just for them, for their wedding. So I dropped in the bit about his crazy work schedule early, to really highlight what it meant that he was making time to spend on this.

After that, Cedar Point was easy, because every Midwesterner with even a hint of interest in rollercoasters is obsessed with that place.

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092219archive · 5 years

Note

OZYMANDIAS FOR THE GUSHING MEME THE PEOPLE MUST KNOW (jkjk if you don't want to go ahead and do ereshkigal if u wanna) - maddie

ephraim was answered for! robin hood will… have to wait. for reasons.

i would’ve… answered these earlier but. well, i’ll get into it under cut.

long story short, i’ve been struggling with a lot of things which is why these have been sitting in my inbox and collecting pixel dust (but after these are answered, my inbox will be cleared which is neat).

ozymandias is a really… difficult character for me to understand and fully grasp despite having a straightforward character— the sun god, carries old egyptian beliefs as that was the time he came from… a man of (his own) culture, if you will. i’m still pining but as of late… i feel like my feelings for him have changed a bit, where i’ve come to… accept him a bit. you can thank a handful of people for that.

they have exposed me to way too much ozymandias content and now i feel like i’ve caught a fever with how heated i get.

i hate the fact that he fits the “is this eren’s potential new fave?” criteria, but i also… like his character? he knows his status as a pharaoh, the king of gods. he knows he has the power to give orders, he knows that he’s strong. he knows who he is, and he would never second guess his status as ramsses ii. he knows that if he wants something, he’ll get that something since everything belongs to him as the pharaoh.

but i’m a fairly reserved person, by choice but sometimes by nature if that makes sense. i don’t yell to people about feelings unless we’re close and i can absolutely trust you with information, not because of the fear that you will tell others but because this is generally personal stuff that i want you to be aware of. think of it as like… a status update. a patch note, but a life patch note.

ozymandias doesn’t hide his feelings. i do. ozymandias is loud. i’m not. he talks a lot! i don’t. he likes to be around people, wants people to bathe in his presence as the sun and the king. i prefer to be alone, away from the crowd because generally, people make me anxious.

finding out that i had feelings for ozymandias was a ride. yes, there are other characters that are confident, but that’s one of the only traits a lot of my faves share. overall, they’re not as “out there” as ozymandias. they stay inside their circle and come out when they want to.

but ozymandias? that man does the sun’s job — his presence is always there, whether you like it or not. in fact, you will appreciate his work, and you will look upon them and despair because of how mighty he is. that’s who he is. i don’t appreciate the sun, and i don’t like people that flaunt their everything.

but for some reason, i found myself pulled to this man. i found myself wanting to learn more about this man, to understand why he acts the way he does, why he says the things he does, what does he mean, is there an underlying reason for why he sounds less upbeat in his bond level 5 quote, why his tone changed in [this] part of the dialogue, how would he react in [this] situation—

i think about him more than i’d like to admit. he’s overwhelmed my thoughts at this point and needless to say, he has… become this unavoidable beacon of light in my mind.

he’s interesting, he’s unique compared to characters that have a similar personality to ozymandias. i hate what a show-off he is. our personalities just… contrast, theoretically.

i don’t want to toot my own horn or anything but… i feel like we would… mesh surprisingly well, even if on paper it sounds like a recipe for disaster. he decides what he wants, and he decides what he’ll get. everything, and i mean everything, is his. he doesn’t treat people of royalty differently unless they were “endowed with the power of a king upon birth, and understand its responsibilities.” under ozymandias, things have equal value until he determines that they don’t. all things are his and he decides what to do with those things.

yes, it’s because he is the pharaoh that he owns everything for himself. it is because he is the pharaoh, the king of gods, that he doesn’t even consider other royalty to be special. but it is also because he was the pharaoh that despair was brought into his life, that he continues to love nefertari even if he doesn’t see her anymore, that he realizes he cannot have everything even if his status states that he can, that there will soon be a poem for him that talks about how great he was but how he is now less than what he was.

but he continues to hold his status as a pharaoh with his head held high, with his scepter in his hand and the ability to harness the sun’s rays to bring victory. he is aware of the misfortune of what has happened in his life, and he has taken it as his own power to stand on his feet, tall.

i dwell on my problems for years and onward. i discover problems i never knew i had. i haven’t been seeing myself in the most positive light even after reminding myself of the kind words that have been said to me by friends.

i have to chant to myself, that i am worth something even if i don’t feel like i’m worth anything right now, but as of late the words have felt empty and i find them hard to believe.

but this is where ozymandias comes into, well… my life.

as the king of gods, his word is certain. if he wants something, he will get it. if he orders something, the order will be done. and if he wants his master to care for themselves? well… who would reject the his orders?

with the kind of guy he is… he’d leave an impact onto me. he would leave his mark on my life and my history, and he’s not afraid to leave his name on places he thinks requires one. it would be a… difficult process for the both of us due to his disinterest in a lot of things, and how i avoid dealing with my feelings… within due time, i would definitely think that… things will eventually come to blend in together, it’ll be a… pretty gray, i would like to think.

i guess what brought me to him was just how he is. i… did talk smack about him in the beginning but i mean well. few boisterous characters interest me, if at all, so as i said earlier, finding i had feelings for ozymandias was… a bit of a ride.

he’s… i hate to admit this but as stressful times have arrived, he’s become oddly special to me. i like how his character was handled, i like hearing his dialogue even if it’s long… hearing him talk during battles always brings a smile to my face because of how ridiculous he sounds but… that’s who he is and i appreciate his character as a whole.

#long post #eren chats #musical-selfshipper #anon #thank u for asking anon and maddie!#this gets a liiittle bit personal so read at ur own discretion #also the long post warning?#please take that into consideration as well #because this is a /very/ long post #where i ramble about ozy...#a lot of feelings r involved #if there's any typos pls do ur best to ignore them #because it's getting late so thoughts r fuzzy right now #ozy

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jefferyryanlong · 6 years

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Fresh Listen - Comus, To Keep from Crying (Virgin Records, 1974)

(Some pieces of recorded music operate more like organisms than records. They live, they breathe, they reproduce. Fresh Listen is a periodic review of recently and not so recently released albums that crawl among us like radioactive spiders, gifting us with superpowers from their stingers.)

One thing after the other.

Taking in reality, especially through the relentless assault of digital media, is a complicated endeavor. I try my best to sort out what to give a shit about–Meghan Markle’s unique chemistry with the Queen of England, maybe–and what to dismiss, if only because I usually feel so helpless with my notepad and pencil in the coffeeshop, worried about the decisions I’ve made at work while the feds seem hellbent on maintaining the odious practice of separating children from their immigrant parents at the U.S. border, and a potent retweet isn’t going to solve anything.

So I take shortcuts to get through the waking days and nights more efficiently, more effectively. I set goals, get shit done. One thing after the other. If I’m lucky, I’ll lay my head on the bedtime pillow assured that I handled it–the rest, well, it was out of my hands. If I’m lucky, the pernicious memories and the ever-unraveling mysteries won’t haunt me from behind closed eyes, won’t force my attention to everything I missed. Maybe that important thing, that thing that called out for tending, that misread happenstance that maybe, maybe, would dramatically change the rest of my life. I’ve even abdicated my readings of signs and portents, given my certainty that the true horror will reveal itself, whether I understand it in advance or not.

One thing after the other: it’s a way to minimize the frequent seismic shifts of a life I’m trying to simply, quietly get through, making a little money here and there, finding the rare time to read or listen to a record. It’s also the way to suck the vibrancy out of that life, so that all the little moments are spray-painted beige, equalized to the same volume on the mixers of my processing unit. Humiliations and failures carry the same weight as defining accomplishments. I did that, and then I did that. All in the name of getting by, of just trying to wend my way through.

Comus, in their 1974 psychedelic folk-rock album To Keep from Crying, forcefully pushes back on the practice of moving through the world with any semblance of nonchalance, speaking out against protecting one’s sensory intake filters for the sake of one’s sanity or emotional health. For Comus, everything under the sun–humiliations, pencils, pillows, children–is a miracle. There is nothing to be feared or avoided. What is is there to be taken in whole, appreciated, learned from, transcended.

Love, for instance, is not a relationship for Comus. Love is an astounding earth-shake that can knock one’s sense of self completely out of orbit, into a galaxy unrecognizable. Love’s not about giving out phone numbers, or sliding into DM’s–it’s about laying your naked body on the altar of the other person, even if the sacrifice was neither requested nor desired. For Comus, dreams are not coagulations of dharma residue pressure-cooked in the unconscious. Dreams are are the most direct means of communicating desire. The cycle of life itself, as normal as it seems as I stare out the window, watching the traffic, is a stupendous display of unseen energy the wisest of us can only barely comprehend. For Comus, even the most quotidian matters of the human experience are cosmically significant.

The band almost refutes the few records that preceded To Keep from Crying with the album’s first track, “Down (Like a Movie Star).” In a high tenor that would give Geddy Lee a run for his money, singer Roger Wootten rocks out in a manner unprecedented, bass and drums prevailing over the Renaissance-style acoustic guitars carried over from previous albums. Wootten castigates the disenchantment born of commercially sold dreams, characterizing mass media as not simply a psychic emollient, but as a malignant alien laying infected eggs of delusion in the brains of those who slavishly follow its permutations. The “out of touch” victim can’t stop living vicariously through the illusions that have been implanted in her, and when Wootten sings “How long can she live in the past / How long can she last?” the listener gets the sense mass media anesthetizes its viewership, who are all too willing to exchange selfhood for fantasy. Despite the driving beat, the woodwinds give the song a mystical, off-kilter feel, what sounds like an oboe weaving between the voices.

Love is portrayed as a floating, untethered madness on “Touchdown.” Perhaps Comus’s idea of love will never be grounded, especially on a mutable landscape in which “to find reality” becomes the imperative “define reality.” The band’s lyrics, often ironic, never cease to be compelling–alliteration drives the rhyme scheme of the first verses, calling to mind the playful experimentations (most of them successful) of the band Little Wings. “Touchdown,” Wootten whispers at the end of the song, “if you can.” As if the hardest thing in the world is to cease the detachment sponsored by desire and fixation.

Comus buries a couple of tone poems in the psychedelic goulash of To Keep from Crying, minor avant garde notes on the fringe of its fairly straightforward pop-rock numbers. The first, “Waves and Caves,” is a reverb-laden fuzz bass interlude, Wootten’s vocal moaning at the top of it recalling an unquiet spirit in a sealed-off tomb.

Before the drums kick in, “Figure in Your Dreams” comes across as a folk song that could have been played at a country dance during the 16th century. The first number featuring Bobbie Watson as lead vocalist, the song is an oddly timed celebration of the sweetness of possibility, the potential of locking into a loved one’s brainwaves and, maybe only temporarily, standing at the forefront of their wants. So much of desire is raw and unfocused–when it lands on someone, it engenders a sense of purpose, a reason to exhaust ourselves in going through the motions.

With one voice comfortably engraved in the other, Wootten and Watson espouse sci-fi hippie ideals of the time in “Children of the Universe,” in which the the celestial presences in orbit above us, just hanging and glowing with no discernible practical purpose other than to amaze, to press upon us the necessity of inspiration. As seemingly permanent fixtures upon our terminal imaginations, these bodies in the sky suggest to us humans that we might also place into the heavens a forever thought, that once born will never die.

If Comus ever had the potential for even marginal mainstream appeal, I would name “So Long Supernova” as the lead single, a charmingly weird, Poe-like narrative about seeing a long-lost love (”you’re just a nickel from an earlier era”) appearing before the rapacious male gaze. “Materialize, so I can hold ya,” the singer calls out, fruitlessly. Unlike the previous track, “So Long Supernova” doesn’t carry the listener through the dark depths of outer space–the “supernova,” in this case, is the impassioned blast of an unsummoned reminiscence, drilling into the narrator the pangs of unfulfilled longing.

“Perpetual Motion” may be the masterpiece of To Keep from Crying, a somewhat wistful meditation on no less than the force of gravity and the systems of life that carry on just at the edges of our perception. “Artists, scientists, strive to be the masters of” this under-appreciated rotation through the solar system, which should move us to take to our knees and thank the skies every morning. As a tribute, the band mimics perpetual motion at the coda of the song, a circular momentum directing their enthusiastic vocals.

The second of the brief instrumental pieces is “Panophany,” all wet drum sounds ricocheting against one another. “Get Yourself a Man” is Comus’s attempt at slow, simmering soul, though they cunningly insert their brand via a clarinet solo at the outro.

“Hold me naked, in the dancing parlor / Light close, and sacred, warm against your skin so white,” from the title track of To Keep from Crying, comes at the listener as a full turn away from the band’s preoccupations with planetary changes and psychedelic revelations. A waltz, a slow dance, “To Keep from Crying” is refreshingly unironic, simply stating (and stating beautifully) that a body, regardless of its magnitude, is most perfectly complemented by another body, so that the most basic functions of existence can be shared. Bobbie Watson, never shy as a vocalist, evokes here the raw emotive power of early Yoko Ono.

Great art can recalibrate the perceptions, reinstall a sense of wonder in whoever has the opportunity to experience it. Wonder not only at the piece itself, but wonder at everything around us, the unknown and implacable forces that keep all of it going on and on. To Keep from Crying makes a valiant effort to awaken the buried sensitivities in a listenership that has been bludgeoned into numbness by the heartbreaking news from Everywhere.

#freshlisten #comus #tokeepfromcrying

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