#i love jade a whole whole lots

[onepeachymo]

#413 #homestuck #jade harley #june egbert #homestuck epilogues #blood #flashing #eyestrain #just in case!! #i am trying to get better at posting art so i posted this on twit and now its goin here #i love jade a whole whole lots #i think about her so often. i did mean to draw the other kids as well but i ran out of steam after the gif #love what tumblr did to that gif i spent so long on. sighs

[katiek101]

I see a lot of fics where the writer leans into Fireheart’s more naive, himbo-traits and that’s fun and all, but

I think it’s easy to forgot that Fireheart was a natural fighter, had a lot of stone-cold lines, and was never above treason or breaking the code when he thought it was justified,

And those are the traits that are being amplified in this Fireheart AU that I’m writing and it’s been really fun and interesting, and I hope this fic ends up being something that I want to stick with, and it’s something that eventually sees the light of day!

#what’s really interesting though is even tho it’s a more jaded version of Fireheart #he still does have a whole lot of heart. #like its impossible to write a heartless Fireheart #I love that about our boy ❤️ #Fireheart AU #WTSMTB

[sunsetzer]

On one hand, I want a final fantasy 6 remake, because the game is criminally underrated and the amount of fan content (which is all absolutely fantastic btw) is Not Enough for my neurodivergent, hyperfixating brain.

On the other hand, that would inevitably encourage more people to join the fandom, which would be great, except it seems these days the bigger a fandom gets the more toxic it becomes, and I really like what we have going on over here in our little corner. We all just love the game and its characters and nobody fights about who should and shouldn't date who or who you shouldn't like because they're ~problematique~. Nobody's trying to make one ship morally better than another, nobody's calling anyone names or threatening to doxx people who don't agree with their opinions. It's so peaceful and I love that for us. We're just vibing. Moisturized. Unbothered. In our lane. Flourishing.

#as someone who was in an extremely toxic and chaotic fandom and lowkey still traumatized #to the point where I'm afraid to mention which fandom it was/what my ship was #i have to say #i genuinely love it here #i was nervous at first sharing my ships and headcanons but everyone is so chill i was worried for nothing #thank you to everyone I've interacted with who has made this fandom a healing experience for me #i shudder to think about what some of the people i interacted with in a previous fandom would do with ff6 #probably would take edgar's flirting at face value and call him problematic for objectifying women #instead of considering the narrative and what we know about him and the way he actually treats women #my man drinks loving and respecting women juice he's not a creep #or that weird moment with relm that admittedly made me double take before i realized what he meant #theyd have a whole campaign against him lmfao #bc those people boil characters alive until they're just a formless pile of tropes and stereotypes #and seem to disregard all positive aspects of a character they don't like which is fine #but then they go and try to force other people to think like they do and ugh #theres a lot of silly moments in the game and aspects of these characters that make them well rounded and realistically flawed at times #and i fear that would get lost in the chaos if the floodgates opened after a remake #maybe im just jaded lmao #im jaded and i have anxiety so im always thinking about The Worst Case Scenario #the collective positive spirit of the dwellers in this fandom might actually foster a positive space if more people were to come in #ff6 #my post #i was gonna say maybe this is bc we're mostly adults #but that falls flat when i remember how some of the most toxic and immature people in some fandoms are grown ass adults #who bully each other and younger fans #and some of the most mature and cool people were actually younger #maybe ff6 fans are just built different lmao #also idk how old anyone else actually is there might be teenagers here i just don't think about it a lot

[madokasoratsugu]

thinking about xeno having to settle down with the kingdom of science for a bit...him being eerily out of place and everyone being on edge until it dawns upon someone (gen probably, but i like to think of it as kohaku as well) that he simply doesnt understand what its like to give without taking. how much has to be taken from you to view everything as a transaction, until you must have something to hold over someone to feel safe? xeno takes advantage of everything and deems everything he does as taken for granted; speaking japanese, synthesising compounds, being an unfailing beacon of rocket science. of course he can do this, why would you think he couldn't?

the fact that the coolness heats only when stanley is mentioned or involved, and the questions adds on; how important is this person, that you expect everything from and will give everything to, and how is it that you have survived this long as just you two? is there anything that can replace him? if there isn't, what can you do? what will you do?

suika asks xeno one night if he wants to go to sleep with her. xeno blinks, stupefied, as suika looks at him, steady and understanding in a way that perhaps a 18 year old shouldn't, still a child yet as she should be. as he should have been too, at 10, but look at where he is now. suika says, the only thing she wanted at 12 was a warm body next to hers when she woke up. suika says, she knows it isn't her he wants to see when he opens his eyes, but she's someone, and someone is better than no one.

at 12, staring at the university's dorm ceiling, xeno had wanted to go home. then stanley had snuck into his dorms the very same night, and his houston childhood home's ceiling no longer felt as appealing.

at 30, xeno chuckles, pats suika's elbow and tells her to go ahead without him. but he goes to bed early, and does not stare at the patch on his ceiling waiting for a knock on his window that will not come as he shuts his eyes.

the next morning, he thanks suika for a good night's rest. suika smiles, confused but pleased. and when xeno smiles in return, it is a thing not as complicated as before to decipher.

#xeno houston wingfield #stanxeno #dr stone #i think. a lot. about this man. and what he was. #personally enjoy the whole 'jaded by society' take more BUT #the 'born fucked up' is also HILARIOUS and fun to me !! #i think.....xeno and suika deserve to do experiments together !!! #anyway these were rambles from 4am. will chew on them more. #edit: to add on to the jaded by society hc is also failed by his parents who loved him but never tried understanding him. the wham bam combo

[redwayfarers]

nika & romance

thinking abt that alia + romance thing @lavampira did and as it would seem that today is nika romance day (since it's all i can think about) so i'm taking inspo, i hope you don't mind <3

silvairre

minor crush back when he was in gridania. nothing truly exceptional. they're not really in contact anymore, although they bump shoulders sometimes.

minfilia

first love. when nika first joined the scions, he was largely aimless, aside from wanting new materials for his songs; minfilia gave him a sense of purpose, even if the key part - part where he too deeply cares for eorzea and does this out of selflessness - didn't really show up. they became friends, and eventually nika fell in love, though minfilia never really returned his feelings. instead, he was glad to simply serve wherever she sent him, and that was enough. her happiness was enough. unfortunately, by the end, nika started feeling used, yet nurtured his love for her for long enough to swallow his feelings on the matter.

his feelings may have even become more intense simply because he knew, deep down, that he had no chances with her. he never tried anything, never bothered her about it, it just floated unresolved for years before her death. she's still a sore spot, and he isn't really sure whether he will ever entirely finish grieving for her, even if he allows himself some measure of anger she left behind. but hey, what is grief if not love persevering? there is no world in which nika does not love minfilia, in whatever capacity.

lyse

a small crush that would have been if there wasn't artoirel. a love that would've gone very sour, very quickly. best left at a single hookup.

artoirel

another case of nika catching feelings for someone he can't, initially, have. nika's equal in a lot of respects; honest to a fault, not very nice, competent yet reserved. nika doesn't begrudge artoirel for trying to get him killed at first. there's a lot of ease in accepting each other, faults and good qualities, between them. artoirel, thus, began to feel like a certain safety. they bonded greatly over their shared love of music and their shared grief for haurchefant. artoirel doesn't ask anything of nika the same way minfilia did, nor does nika himself look for a superior, even though artoirel outranks him by far. to him, artoirel's rank isn't something that matters all that much, just as nika's status as the warrior of light doesn't matter to artoirel after a while.

instead, what they end up being for each other is a partner and an equal, because brothers doesn't quite cut it. it's the one place in this star where nika doesn't have to be the warrior of light, where he can simply be himself, and vice versa, where artoirel isn't the count de fortemps. they're just two guys of equal yet opposite vibes, and at some point, they allied to try and make sense of their respective lots in life. sense is nowhere in sight, but they're too bound together to undo that alliance now. at least they have each other's company on the road.

#nero plays ffxiv #nika perseis #nika x minfilia #nika x artoirel #wolship #wol x minfilia #wol x artoirel #minfilia warde #artoirel de fortemps #not commenting on lyse and silvairre bc they're simply in passing. reverie. envy. 'do i wanna be him or fuck him.' #but they should be mentioned #would've mentioned estinien but that's for a nika & friendship post #there are no romantic feelings between nika and estinien #and a lot of interesting contrasts between his relationships with thancred and estinien respectively #how he idolizes thancred in his youth and then accepts estinien as he is when he's a little older #and how all three of them are angry jaded and bitter #gahhh i love nika's relationships with people. esp other men. they're fun to write about #bc he gets along with women just fine as a general statement. if said woman is one of the rare few PEOPLE he likes #but men are a whole other ballgame bc well nika does have a lot of toxic masculinity and one of his major themes is masculinity so

[waitineedaname]

I've been relistening to the homestuck soundtrack album by album while working lately and man. it's reminding me how much I genuinely loved about homestuck, and how that made the aspects of it that sucked so much more frustrating

#I have such a love/hate relationship with this stupid comic #we're vascillati- [gets shot] #no but for real there is so much that's good #really interesting and entertaining characters #and a LOT of them. there is truly a character for everyone #genuinely funny dialogue #interesting worldbuilding #absolutely INSANE utilization of the artistic medium #like. sometimes I think about the panel expanding to fill the whole page in cascade and I go a little crazy #but then for every strength it has. it shoots itself in the foot. #it has interesting compelling characters but because there are so many of them only a few get actual narrative attention and development #and many others just get completely fucked over by the narrative #like. main characters. jade you deserve so much better baby. #and the worldbuilding is cool in THEORY but the actual execution is so messy and difficult to keep track of #even stuff like the epilogues like. had some interesting ideas about narrative and meta concepts about what it means to be a story #the meta stuff is kinda cool #but once again. the actual execution of those ideas was just miserable and left me with such a sour taste in my mouth #tbh that's all probably what made the fandom so prolific #because it was full of so many interesting ideas and characters #but the ideas were poorly executed and the characters were poorly handled #which gives the fandom a lot of room to play in the space #you can pick up the characters or worldbuilding ideas or plot points that you actually liked #and make them your own #idk. reading that comic as a baby english major did something to me #I want to analyze it like I had to analyze some of the questionable literature I read #anyway. the music is still flawless I have no notes there #does anyone wanna classpect the fma characters. i haven't classpected characters in so long im so rusty but i always found it fun

[thatkinkyautistic]

Being a system host with alters/headmates that are of entirely different genders and sexualities than you are is so hard,especially when I'm co-fronting or dealing with the aftermath of them trying to change our body or saying we're *insert x identity here* because I have to explain that to other people who're confused about it. :((((

And don't even get me started on all the other ways we all differ...it's a huge handful to deal with.

#text #it's a blessing and a curse #i love them despite the trauma that created them but....why do they have to be such a hassle??? #systemposting #sorry i should probably tag who is fronting currently whenever possible #it's just. sigh that's a whole lot of work to do believe it or not lol #I've realized that all those shifts were actually introjects fronting #anywho. hi it's jade here I'm the one fronting right now!! I've been fronting for multiple weeks now... #I'm co-fronting btw #so some of these words are carissa talking and others are typed by me!!

[jadewritesficshere]

18+ Only

Steve Harrington is a sweetheart. He claims he wasn't always that way (he was) but he thinks he's grown a lot from his teen years as King Steve (he has). Nancy leaving him was a wake up call that he needed. Since then, he had tried to learn how to be a better boyfriend and a better man. Steve happened to pick up a romance book at the library he had seen Claudia Henderson have in her home (the first time he saw her after he read it, he couldn't look her in the eye), and since then he had read many books on the subject. Steve has a stack of romance books hidden under his bed behind sports magazines. He didn't see the appeal at first, but then he got to those scenes and well...if his hand wandered south who's to say. If he moaned in sync with the characters on the pages no one would be the wiser. He learned a lot from those books though, such as how to be a gentleman without being a dick, how to woo someone, and even a bit of conflict resolution. So when he started dating you, he was gonna pull out the big stops. Steve never felt this way for anyone before, even Nancy, but he knew deep in his bones you were it for him.

Steve was thrilled when you agreed to go on a date with him. He and Robin had brainstormed for hours on the perfect first date. Steve was to pick you up, hand you a bouquet of flowers, drive you to Enzo's and get dinner, have a nice chat, and then do some star gazing. That's what he wanted to happen. Instead, it felt like the entire universe had conspired against him. The flowers Steve had ordered had been given to the Mayor by accident, he ended up having to buy a bunch of weeds in his opinion (to be fair, Steve wasn't versed in flowers and he had ordered big red roses, not baby's breath). You still smiled at the gesture, which he appreciated even though he knew he had blushed through the entire exchange. Then on your way to dinner, he got a flat tire. Steve had to change the tire, somehow getting grease all over him. Which made them late for their reservation which caused their table to be given away. Steve's eyes had watered as you two had walked back to his car. He expected you to demand for him to take you home after such a failure; instead, you had grabbed his hand and had come up with a plan to stop by a gas station and get some sodas and sandwiches to take to the quarry to watch the stars. Star gazing was the only successful part of his original plan, but Steve couldn't find it in him to look at the sky when he could look at you. He definitely didn't mind all that happened earlier in the evening as you held his hand and had rested your head on his shoulder. Steve didn't even get to kiss you that night, but he had already placed this date at the top of his favorites list.

Steve still is sweet to you even after dating for years. He brings you flowers, buys your favorite milkshakes to share (even though he doesn't like the same flavor as you), and he leaves you little post it notes in random places (like a note on your mirror that said "looking good ;)" or the note that he had put in the freezer on the ice cream that said "this is sweet but you're sweeter"). Steve loves to hear you laugh, and he grins every time he writes a new note, knowing it will get a laugh out of you. Steve loves to listen to your voice; he lays his head on your lap and you play with his hair as you talk, and he could listen for hours. His favorite sounds though are your moans.

Steve is sweet to you. He has kissed and worshipped every inch of your body. The first time you had sex, he was afraid to hurt you because of how eager he was. That eagerness had turned into anxiety and he couldn't shut his mind off. Turned out he didn't have to worry about anything, as you took charge and got on top, effectively stopping his brain from thinking a single thought except for you. Even after years, Steve still takes his time to treasure you. He holds your hand as he thrusts into you. Steve may or may not have taken a few tips from those romance books, some you were definitely receptive to. But Steve's favorite part is after, when his face is flushed and hair messed up. You laying there catching your breath with a dopey grin on your face. You curl into his side and put your hand on his chest. That hand which he hopes will soon have a ring on it. Steve had it all planned out, he was gonna take you through the memories of your relationship. He'd hold your hand through it all and still marvel at how his hand completely envelops yours. Then he'd give you your favorite sweets, get down on one knee, and ask you to be his forever. He felt if he didn't express his love to you he would spontaneously combust. Steve was ready to ask you perhaps the most important question of his life. Some may call it cheesy, but Steve thought it was sweet.

#I know there isn't a lot of details on the sexy part but I found if I dont add the community label and someone else does it bans the post #Anyways I just think Steve is a sweetie and loves with his whole heart #Steve Harrington #Steve Harrington x you #Steve Harrington x reader #Steve Harrington x y/n #Steve Harrington drabble #Steve Harrington romance #Stranger Things #Stranger Things fanfic #Jade is Talking

[roobylavender]

easy litmus test to know which dc fans are pussies is to ask them if they like jaderoy. if they don’t they’re pussies

#granted jade has had a lot of questionable writing over the years but i genuinely believe if you dislike jaderoy #you straight up can’t read. and you don’t deserve to love roy as a character frankly #his whole appeal is that he loves people unobjectively and regardless of circumstance and with forgiveness always at the tip of his tongue #bc these are the things he received from others that allowed him to grow and move on #if you can’t even appreciaye him actually applying that philosophy why do you like him. genuinely. Genuinely #to be deleted

[notmoreflippingelves]

Why is it that my rare pair tendencies are not limited strictly to my hyperfixations of the moment but in like 99% of media that I consume? It's not fair. I just get a tiny little urge for like a day to read a fic or see an art for a specific pairing before returning to my main interest. Only to find that particular pairing that my stewpid brain had convinced itself "must be huge in this fandom because how could it NOT BE?" barely exists--if it even exists at all and I have clowned on myself yet again.

#this post is specifically about gwydion/achren from the chronicles of prydain #do you know how many fics exist for them? three and that includes both ao3 and ff.net #altho tbf there are barely any for the fandom in general #maybe a bit more for the disney black cauldron specifically #and both characters were cut from the adaptation #but still most of the little books content that exists is either gen or taran/eilonwy #which i guess isn't surprising but like my boy prince rhun deserves some love too #this is why it aggravates me that we 're in the era of a lot of high fantasy tv adaptations #yet you're all still sleeping on lloyd alexander #gwydion/achren would do NUMBERS if a big budget; high production value adaptation of the book of three dropped overnight #like imagine it with like richard armitage as gwydion and natalie dormer as achren #or maybe hannah waddingham as achren and iain glen as gwydion #you are telling me that people would not lose their minds #over this broken bird (and hot) evil queen and this jaded but very very heroic (and hot) warrior prince #who are implied to have *history* and have been drawn to each other against their better judgement #even though they are on opposite sides #and the whole part where she imprisons him and tries to get him to be her consort #(which he might even be up for if she switched sides) #like the cersei lannister girlies would be going feral and i wouldn't even blame them #and then later in the series; where the power dynamics have flipped and he's so gentle with her #and there's this beautiful sense of what perhaps once was and could maybe be again #but also can never be because doomed by the narrative and also by arawn #but idk maybe it would just be me; lloyd alexander (r.i.p. king) and like 3 other people #who's to say #ah well; back to my elena of avalor shipping crimes #gwydion x achren #chronicles of prydain

[overbearingstruggles]

#This was fun to listen to the first time around but through new eyes? beloved #Conan talks a lot and seems so excited to share with this dude and Kieran giggles through the whole thing #they are both such genuine fans of each other it’s adorable #Kieran correcting a Simpsons quote and not not acknowledging ‘the year 2000. nice’ scream #he also takes all of the compliments seriously instead of deflecting and that’s nice and normal and meaningful and appropriate #anytime anyone is enamored and not jaded by SNL. I think about his and Oscar Isaac’s perfect monologues a lot #I’ve been wondering if he knew how to drive at all. Love getting confirmation on a v stupid thing ticking around #Kieran Culkin #Conan

[feietouhuo]

what is your true role in the story?

the antihero

ah yes, hello edge lord. it is lovely to see you again. you my dear, are the  incarnation of duality, and you might think of claws and venom mixed with grace  but alas, nothing near as poetic. you my friend, are mixture of what is seen as right, and what is questioned. you follow the path of your own two feet, you know the twists and turns of life's forests quite well if I do say so myself. and you can meander along them wonderfully. you strive to stay true to a certain sense of principles you might call your code, but whereas in reality, those would be your morals. people tend to see you as strange. sharp edged and glinting  you hide behind a cloak of chain mail but really you just prefer to show off your imperfections first. unlike many who scramble to make it as if their flaws never existed, you proudly raise yours up. saying, "this is me, this is the worst of me, now you know what to expect." and might I say, it is quite an intriguing mindset, for truth be told, the ones that love your spikes and craters are the ones who appreciate your softness the most. 

you wish not to be loved as something lovable, but as a monster. for aren't we all just beasts in human skin? you are brave, but you are lonely. you know quite well how to scare off most, making even the heroes with the boldest bravado creep away with their tails between their legs. you are not a villian, sometimes you play the part a bit too well. but nevertheless you are no hero either. YOU PUT YOURSELF FIRST, but if one wins your trust then may the gods have mercy on those who might wrong them. you long to be a poetic mess of sorts, and well, if the ink sets in long enough you might just become that sooner or later. but for one who is so dead set on truth you sure do hide a lot don't you? 

please, step out of the shadows, there is a difference to not making your flaws visible and to simply acting as if you're the most despicable person in all the realms. it's because you're afraid of attachment is it not? well let me tell you a little secret, everyone is. you say you wish to be left alone for eternity but than why are you craving connection. you WISH TO BE KNOWN and understood truly, but you snarl and push the ones that might be trying away. please little wolf, accept you are lovable. you are not some ravenous beast that terrifies the multitudes, sure, you are not for the faint of heart but that does not make you an inkling less perfect as you are. 

young antihero, step into the sun. you would do better actually REACHING FOR THE THINGS YOU WANT rather than pining for them in the darkness.

#LOL a lot of things wrong cause i had to cross a lot of things about but there are some gems in there JFKSALDJ #but esp the showing off imperfections part cause waaaah my feelings about mu qing being like jade ..... #where jade is accepting of its flaws and doesn't go to hide them but that's what makes it so precious #but LOL ain't no WAY he sees himself as despicable or anything like that :P #and he most certainly doesn't want to be loved as a monster when he's been seen in a bad light his whole life #i mean let's be real he literally gets so angry when he even THINKS anyone looks down on him #or views him as horrible #so dont do that <3 #he will beat you up <3

[zincbotted]

homestuck is being too good rn

#at the part where doc scratch hits slick with the scrapbook and scatters the pictures everywhere #and you can start clicking through them to check in on several different ongoing moments/conversations #EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM IS RUINING ME RN #i correctly predicted vriska's just death it seems. her and the dead john from the first timeline like. showing eachother around. and #even though this version of him never befriended her. he wants to go again. and she introduces herself for real this time #MAN i love vriska a lot i don't know why so many people h8 her. not like she's the only one who murdered smh #another conversation that's wrecking me? davesprite and jadesprite. MAN. the sword. the fucking yellow blood and missing wing. #davesprite makes me insane on a good day and WAH. WAH. everythings ending and he and jade are both irreversably different #and he might be dying again but right now they just wanna both be there together #and the one that fucking #ruined me the most. enough that i started furiously writing character analysis in my notesapp #rose and dave. i noticed too late that things were happening on the top of the page and had to go back a bunch. #saw dave and jade's fight with jack noir #saw him die #The fact that he knew he would. #the fact that he did it because he was supposed to #the freaking. whole character thing with dave where he doesn't want to be a hero and doesn't think he can be. the broken swords. #the dream he was telling rose about where he's stuck dying over and over and over until he flies into the sun and it isn't sacrifice #it's escape. #so rose decides that he can't be allowed to die like that so she goes herself. knocks him out. and dave is still #hashing his words around what he wants to say like always #but he's clearly upset. and he even says. 'i don't want you to die' #because they had agreed that dave would be the one to do it (or so he thought). and dave so strongly believes that this isn't sacrifice. #that it's meaningless and will grant them nothing. he tells rose her death with be pointless. he believed his own would be too #but rose knows better #MAN #why the hell is homestuck so good under all this oughts-era internet bullshit. why in the same conversation there's repeated mention of #fucking #penis and penis adjacents. as well as whoppers. and hot moms. and then there's a fucking 'that's all i fucking do is break swords' #that just reads so Hopeless. UGH

[inkskinned]

no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

#spilled ink #writeblr #this is a real story lol #looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt #compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY #edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family

[starrysamu]

remy i feel like there's something about you and the concept of first loves because your ex's to lovers is becoming you vow to love me even as the years pass by

hhhhhhhhhh chels T_T this wasn't on my list of topics to talk abt w my therapist but idk man! maybe we need to add it to the running total T_T

idk though like . idk i don't like first loves? i think (gag) it's like just the thought that someone will stand by u thru everything and choose u again and again and ... again. idk i'm a very sentimental person. oh to be chosen (and to choose), over and over again. it's magical when people choose each other and continue to choose each other right, be it friend or partner or whatever it is

#i am a romantic to say the least. call me a silly little goose for this #idk if what i'm saying is getting conveyed i am always worried abt getting misconstrued #do not worry i'm plenty jaded but what is writing if not to be silly and goofy and fun #but i think i find it easiest to convey this sentiment thru a classic exes to lovers. i am also a huge huge fan of reincarnation plots #but i can't seem to express that in my writing as easily #first loves r fun but realistically i will never be someone's first love so idk and i also don't wanna think abt my own first love HAHA ew #the worst part about this whole exes to lovers shit is that i don't even have an ex that i would willingly get back with #like maybe one situationship but that was traumatizing enough without any labels so #not to psychoanalyze ... myself on main #there's a lot more i could say on how i feel .... but i feel so much and alas there is no time to be wasted on reading all of that #i actually rlly wanna write a reincarnation au soooooo bad #remy rambles

[mellowwillowy]

𝐓𝐖𝐒𝐓 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐀𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Feat: Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim, Vil, Idia, Lilia Bonus: Floyd, Jade, Jamil, Rook, Epel, Malleus

Riddle Rosehearts

Riddle’s face was almost as red as his hair, not out of anger but rather…

[Oh my gooodddd, stomp those tiny feet again, Riddle! Give me that pout~]

Really… should he do it again? Out of nowhere? Well, let’s take a walk to where you clicked then…

[Yaahhh!! So cuteeee!!!]

Well at least you didn’t think him badly for being angry out of nowhere… whoops, he wasn’t supposed to idle like that.

Ahh, why are you moving on to another character? Cater? That good for nothing? The naughty ADeuce duo? He's almost turning from red to green in envy!

Leona Kingscholar

Leona was supposed to be ticked to the brim but definitely not with you. His ears are red from your nonstop rambling while you keep on poking his avatar right on his ear.

[I wonder how it feels like to play with his ears, ah, maybe I should help you clean it too?]

Don’t. Twitch. Ears. Else the player might notice this and question this one new idle.

[Thinking back, I kinda wanna try stepping on his tail like Yuu too~]

Don’t. Swish. Tail. What? Is he a masochist or what? Well, if it’s for you then he wouldn’t mind it.

Wait wait, why are you checking out Ruggie and Jack now? Hey, what do you mean Ruggie has cuter ears and Jack has a fluffier tail? Why do they look so proud? Are they asking to be minced?

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul might break out of the avatar restraint now. You’ve been talking about how you want to squeeze the kid him, round and plump, you quoted.

Why did you find his past appearance adorable?

[Honestly, I kinda want to lift him and his hiding spot and boil him as a takoyaki filling]

Now that made Floyd and Jade snickered. Azul was internally panicking but his avatar did not show him breaking a single sweat.

[Or maybe gather all his ink whenever he cries]

For your pen?

[But I do think squeezing his plump octomer form is the best~ Oh well, he had lost all those baby fats]

And back to how you ramble about his round self again. This was supposed to be disheartening but why was he blushing?

Wait wait, don't look away from him, no! Why are you going to Floyd? And Jade too? He knew Floyd won your heart but allow him to worm into your heart at the very least. Please let one of his three hearts rest in you!

Kalim Al-Asim

Kalim was nodding non-stop at your ramblings, or should he say, wishes. He was really happy that you were taking him as your magic lamp!

[And then, I want you to lace my body with lots of glitters, made of gold!]

No hard task, he just had to grind all that gold into some sort of fairy dust for you!

[Oh! And I want to try swimming in a pool of golden coins like Uncle Scrooge! I wonder if it'll hurt and uncomfortable as I think...]

He was in the same boat with you. You'd have to be careful when diving into the pool! But you can try sleeping on it though you should be careful, just in case the coins swallow you whole!

[And a carpet ride every night~]

Roger that! Tell him more of your wish, will you?

Eh? Why do you stop wishing? No! He will guarantee you that he will make it all come true! Please do not doubt him! Ah... it's because you two are in a different dimension? Screw this barrier that separates you two then.

Vil Schoenheit

Yes, he knew he was unworthy of your praises but he couldn't help but enjoy bathing in it!

[Look at your hair... and that make-up! Wow... truly is the fairest one of all!]

Oh please, no matter how much you compliment him, he could never compete with you beauty-wise! You would always be the true fairest one of all!

[Aha! Look at those heels too, contribute a lot to your height, and make you look so pretty!]

Even a prominent actor like him can't cover his natural reaction which was the growing blush on his face!

Eh? Rook? What does he have to do with him? Too in love with his words more than the beauty in front of you right now? No no no, you must look at him only and no one else!

Idia Shroud

If anything, he was glad his hair did not turn pink! From the way you kept on poking his avatar and patting his head, it made his heart tickled. He was no longer stuttering because the system wanted him to, but because he himself was nervous!

[Oh, show me that one illustration... Kyaaa! Why must you be so cute biting on your sleeve??? It's so inviting!!!]

Ah? That one? He couldn't help but feel embarrassed as you zoomed into his face and examined his hair. Truly, this was too much for his heart!

[Oh oh, and your masquerade costume is so pretty! It makes you look so pretty ffs!]

Ah, it was pretty uncomfortable to wear but he's glad he didn't take it off, not like he can do that anyway. The system won't allow that after all.

Everything feels nice so why are you changing character now? Wait wait! Have you checked his other card? No no no, why is that little shortie fae here? Don't close on him, please! He might want to try hacking your phone soon!

Lilia Vanrouge

Oya? You'd like to dress him up? Kukuku, looks like green and pink would work well on him~

[And... I think we can try curling his long hair, can we change the hue from red to pink like a color wheel?]

...Curling his hair didn't sound bad. Maybe he should try it sometimes and see if it suited him.

[Oh! And I'm gonna hang him upside down like the bat he is! My cute little bat, let's fist-fight!]

You really are an enigma huh? One moment is a sweet and docile lamb then the next moment you are a bull. Hm? Malleus? Why talk about him so sudden? Didn't you say he is your number-one favorite from Diasomnia? So why are you looking at someone else now?

𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒:

Floyd Leech

God of Shrimpy~ Keep on poking him, he loves it! Ah, you love his teeth? And his droopy eyes? And his laugh? Hehe, you really love everything about him huh?

So why do you even bother looking at the others? He's going to hug you tight for this silly!

Jade Leech

Ah, he is quite the gentleman, no? Hm? You'd like to keep him as your butler? Why that is quite the generous idea that you allow him to manage your daily life~

With a small dose of love potion in your daily tea every day, he's bound to have you in his arms soon, well, if he ever finds a way to pull you into this twisted wonderland.

Jamil Viper

It truly is an honor to be considered as someone reliable (from babysitting Kalim) and acknowledged as an attendant who could shield you from any danger, truly. He is ready to put his life in line for you so why?

Why are you saying that there's someone else who might fit the position as your attendant more than him? And that person being that slimy eel no less!

Rook Hunt

Ah! This is amazing! To be able to charm you with his words and let him worm into your heart is truly a blessing! Would you like him to write you a poem detailing your beauty?

No no, mon chèri, you shouldn't grace those who are unbefitting of it, don't you think it's a waste to spare the other your grace? Allow this hunter to save you from that trouble.

Epel Felmier

H-huh? You want to dress him up? Naturally, he hates being treated as a doll, a girl no less! But... the idea of you helping him dress and helping him with makeup... he can do this. It is your way of gracing him after all...

Huh? You want to dress Lilia up too? Why? Because he's cuter? Oh no, there's no way there's someone who is prettier than him, look at him, look at how pretty he is in this dress!

Malleus Draconia

If anything, he will always hear you compare him and Riddle to the 'Queen of Heart' and 'Maleficient' from your world. You will praise him for being able to stand on the same level as the actress' beauty which makes him feel giddy.

But boy is he sulking when you start rambling about Riddle and the big-headed Queen. You will dote on him and Riddle back and forth.

Can't you just dote on him?

#Yandere TWST #Yandere Twisted Wonderland #Yandere Riddle Rosehearts #Yandere Leona Kingscholar #Yandere Azul Ashengrotto #Yandere Kalm Al Asim #Yandere Vil Schoenheit #Yandere Idia Shroud #Yandere Lilia Vanrouge #Yandere Jade Leech #Yandere Floyd Leech #Yandere Jamil Viper #Yandere Rook Hunt #Yandere Epel Felmier #Yandere Malleus Draconia #Twisted Wonderland x Reader #Self Aware Twisted Wonderland #Self Aware TWST #TWST x Reader #x GN Reader