#i literally don’t know how to respond

[rickktish]

The hypocritical dichotomy of “I have the right to separate myself from those who have hurt me, I hold no obligation to them or to the connections we once had” and “I will hold the people who have hurt me personally accountable for the pain they have caused me and prioritize myself above their feelings” is the kind of thing that makes me want to tear my hair out and start biting people

#this is about ‘going no contact’ with family members in case you couldn’t tell #i understand that the terrible things tend to float to the surface of the internet #and garner the most attention therefore getting the most upvotes and likes and highest priority on the youtube algorithm #but every time i read or hear a story about someone cutting their parents out of their life #i literally don’t know how to respond #like on the one hand yes its importnat to keep yourself safe #and if you are in an unsafe situation you should 100% remove yourself #but don’t act like you’re not also causing damage #if you’re upset with your parent/s for causing you damage by prioritizing their feelings/needs/wants/etc over yours #then doing the same thing to them isn’t actually fixing anything #and while it does carry with it a kind of poetic justice #you are in a lot of ways continuing an unhealthy behavior pattern that’s only taken on a new face #idk man #i just #do you ever lie awake at night considering your inherent hypocrisy? #do you ever wonder what kind of impact this is going to have on not only your personal future but that of those around you? #my mom still talks to her horrendous siblings and while I genuinely wouldn’t blame her for stopping because htey’re actively harmful #I also can get behind the personal honor and maintaining your own values in keeping up connections because you value the person #even when they continue to hurt you in order to feel better about themselves #actively saying ‘you are more important to me than the hurt that you continue to cause me’ takes a lot of guts #and i know if my siblibngs and i became their targets then things would change #but the fact that she’s willing to continue to take it from them as they continue to target her? #infintely admirable imo

[shima-draws]

It’s been a HOT second but I’m rereading Pandora Hearts again. And oofjfsjfhgkksk my kids 🥺

THEY ARE SO SILLY!!!!!

#Also Gil is literally ALWAYS touching Oz and it makes me insane actually. #10 years can make a guy reeeal clingy huh #Esp considering baby Gilbert rarely ever initiated contact. From what I remember #Anyway they make me ill they’re goobers I love them #I love how Gil just so casually carries Oz around now. Like he’s a sack of potatoes. LMAO #Oz: Awww you’ve gone from being a pathetic wet beast to a slightly older pathetic wet beast 🥺 #Gil: #Gil: I. Don’t know how to respond to that actually #Pandora Hearts #Oz Vessalius #Gilbert Nightray #Actually huh. You know what. I might have to make another post on my thoughts about smth #Shima speaks

[the-raging-tempest]

pretty pretty please can you talk more about ginger zrise i have a mighty need to know what he’s looking for im trying to make that man a father

LMAO Hi! You know what. I’m always happy to go on a ramble! Sure. Sure. Okay JESUS CHRIST this turned into a monster. Watch me live try and figure this out

What is he looking for? That’s a question I haven’t really considered. I’ll be honest. But you know what I’ll get this version of him more fleshed out.

I see him having some things in common to og Zrise. I think he still likes strong personalities. He is probably not drawn to the stoic or quiet type immediately. As much as he loves his sister he is not a fan of dragging things out of people. I think he still is drawn to those with confidence. But for a different reason and he probably admires a different kind of confidence. I think it’s not envy anymore. It’s appreciation. I think this version of him is much more into people who have a good impact on others. Once again og Zrise was very envious of that but now it’s admiration. I think he still likes a chase but no longer a fight (to get affection that is) LMAO

I think this version of him is the type to passively admire a lot of people. But he’s a little hesitant about love or getting too close. He can certainly flirt and tease in a playful manner. But once things seem to cross into moving towards more intimate / romantic / sexual I see him kind of sheepishly backing off. Very ‘hah well you called my bluff and I can’t ante up’

I imagine because no Calistrian clergy, no training, no sex work, he’s very different in that department. I think he probably has some experience but not much. I don’t think he’s ever been in love before.

In my mind I think he’d easily make casual acquaintances. Harder for him to have long term friends. Not super intentional on his part. But it’s half not wanting to hurt people when he has to go wander. But also I think he’s sheepish about someone who looks at him with a deeply curious eye. I also still see him as the type to not really be locked down. Still working and traveling a lot. Just now with completely different intentions.

I see him as hesitate about romantic love because I think he’s actually scared about being drawn in too many directions. He’s worried about loosing focus. Which is funny for someone who worships the goddess of love. In his mind it’s that romantic love ‘eludes’ him. He’s kind of waiting for it to knock him on his ass. Love is something he’s not looking for but when he finds it I image he’ll be a wreck (affectionate).

I think he’s still worried about not being a good choice for someone. But not because he’s self destructive but he’s just a little flighty and finds it hard to open up. Very surface level friendly and kind but a little shy or sheepish. Worrying any feelings he would grown could be a burden to someone. Also he still loves dueling, combat, using his battle prowess to do good. He’s much less blood thirsty, but it means he worries about getting injured or dying and breaking someone’s heart. I think if he did fall in love a lot of these insecurities would fall to the wayside.

This version, unlike his og self, is the sibling that can have children biologically should he choose. The cursed making whoever has it infertile. So his mother is CONSTANTLY trying to set him up with ‘eligible singles’ usually women. Heirs are important to nobles. Though he would reject this. I think he’d really resent the heteronormativity. He’d still be very bisexual but his mother would say things like ‘I thought I was a lesbian and I’m not anymore.’ LMAO

Another reason he’s anxious about falling for someone. Because then he’s gonna have to break it to his mother and sister…

Zrise as a father… this version at least… getting emotional about it… this is hard. This is like so so so far from og Zrise but… it’s just stripping away all the curse and deep deep self loathing. Hmmm I think it wouldn’t be his first instinct to want to be a father. I think he would worry about the kind of parent he’d be. But I think he’d also want to be better than his mother and his father. But once he had a child or heard he was going to have one… I think that baby would have him wrapped around their little finger… and now I’m crying thanks

#ask #anon #oc: zrise #tf: Zrise #twisted fate au #this got my brain spinning and I hope it’s comprehensible in any manner #I love when people ask questions and I just… write paragraphs LMAO #I’m like half awake #but typing this in a fever dream #also who are you #sorry I’m brain dead today #sometimes I get so lost in the sauce I can’t tell if I answered the question #this did make me laugh but also I was like I don’t know how to respond anon #thank you I’m flattered #😳 #sometimes I am realizing… #I am too literal #maybe you didn’t want a lore dump AAAAHHH #I’ve been a drawing machine and I think I’m crashing ever so slightly HAHA

[iwoulddieforienzo]

Something that makes reading TOA so devastating is how fucking much Apollo feels about Everything. There’s so MUCH. Like I don’t even know how to describe it to you if you haven’t read the books yourself. He has so many complicated thoughts and emotions about just about everything and he cares about everything so much and there is just SO MUCH going on in his head. And yet none of it ever reaches his mouth!!

He almost never says what he’s feeling. What little comes out of his mouth about his thoughts barely even scratches the surface of what he actually means. Like he’ll be having a long ass monologue about how incredible someone is, showing a deep understanding of them as a person and empathizing with them so hard you’d almost think it’s projection but it’s not he’s legitimately just mind melding with this random person he met like a week ago and he’s thinking the softest, kindest thoughts about them like he knows they’re fucking incredible - and what comes out of his mouth is just like, “you’re a wonderful friend :)” AND ITS LIKE. THERES SO MUCH MORE UNDER THE SURFACE. the sheer admiration and adoration he has for everyone around him……… UGHHH!!! But he never VOICES ANY OF IT!!!!!! He never tells anyone about what Zeus did to him……. He never tells anyone except the reader about his realization that Zeus is abusive…. He never even tells commodus about how much he adored him, not then and not now… he refuses to tell anyone when he’s in pain or tries to justify the things he does when he actually had Decent Reasons for why he did something… I’m. I’M. AUGH. AHHHHH

HE DOESN’T EVEN TELL US ALL OF HIS THOUGHTS IS THE THING. THERES EVEN MORE THAT HE IS NOT TELLING US!!!!! THE FUCKING OCEAN OF FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS HE HAS ABOUT EVERYTHING IS THE CLIFF NOTES VERSION. I AM IN DISTRESS.

And YET…. Even what slips out of his mouth is so fucking devastating it is SO devastating. He’s so fucking kind and gentle with Harley and Meg and and other younger Demis and his kids… he’ll act like an obstinate idiot and then turn around say something that drags the core of the person he’s talking to into the light like nail on the fucking HEAD like he reached into their soul and gave them the words to express something that they were struggling to say aloud or that they didn’t even realize about themself. Around the 2nd book he starts putting voice to some of his feelings and thoughts about others and even that tiny fucking sliver is overwhelming to the people he’s talking to bc he’s SO. AUGHHHH

#this is why ‘reading the TOA books’ fics fucking slap btw. because as embarrassing as his thoughts can be #so many of them are just incoherent screaming about how he loves everyone around him. devastating #like imagine helping out ur loser deadbeat dad who you don’t really know much about bc he’s flighty and hard to read #and finding out ‘wow he cares about us a lot more than I thought’ #bc he literally almost dies to save you/your siblings and keeps following you all around everywhere #but he’s still like. your weirdo absentee dad. u don’t know hardly anything new about him other than an apparent suicidal streak #and then u find out that the whole time he was whining about chicken nuggets or whatever he was internally sobbing abt how much he loves u #and every time u were nearby he was going ‘MY BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY… JUST AS INCREDIBLE AS THEIR MORTAL PARENT!!!! BEAUTIFUL LIKE THE SUN! #HOW DID I EVEN MAKE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL PERFECT BABY. UNREAL. THEY CANT BE MINE!? BUT THEY ARE!!! LOOK AT THEMMM!!?!!! IM SO PROUD…… #my beautiful perfect angels… all of their parents best traits and none of our worst…. I am Barely restraining myself from sobbing #i would give u the WORLD if my father wouldn’t kill me for it :(‘ #and it’s like. wow. okay dad. um. would have been nice to know that when we were all dying in The War #Please Hug Me Though. #imagine being a Random Ass Demigod who didn’t go on a big special quest or something like you are literally just Some Guy #and finding out that this weirdo loser god u gave a sandwhich to or something thinks you are so fucking cool #your own parent doesn’t know ur name but Apollo knows u on sight and read ur soul within the 2 seconds yall talked and he thinks you rock #how are you supposed to respond to that. #snack time #toa #longpost

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

You know, with Ash's VA being fired from any future projects I get the feeling any Lostbelt 4-related things down the road are pretty much dead. Since he plays such a huge part in the chapter, it'd be really hard to adapt it without him present (more like impossible) and there isn't exactly a high demand for it from the fans besides.

You know something kind of annoying? I can’t actually find anything saying definitively if ashwatthama’s og va (tatsuhisa suzuki) was fired from fgo specifically. He was let go/recast from some other projects (partially because of the cheating scandal but also partially because he took a hiatus as he tried to take his life after the scandal broke apparently?), but nothing I’ve seen mentions fate specifically and I have no idea if that’s the reason the character himself has been semi absent from recent fgo media that didn’t require a va.

Also apparently he and liSa, who he cheated on are still together and even had a wedding ceremony in 2022 so my conclusion: ????????

#anime industry is really inconsistent about how they respond to this stuff #like cheating scandals seem to be a huge deal but also I can’t tell if he was let go bc of that #or bc he was literally on hiatus? #I know a lot of people were surprised that other va w the scandal was let go of some roles recently so generally it’s more the drama #than actual consequences I think…????? #I have 0 idea tbh and I also don’t know why the va would prevent them from like. #putting ash in a manga. but what do I know ig #my asks

[vanity-complex]

.

#literally fuck my job #never before have I felt so degraded or humiliated #it is mind boggling to me to hear community members and organizers tell me what a great and wonderful job I’m doing #to then go to my boss and hear how I’m doing everything wrong and need to fix everything #especially when their expectations change everyday without notice #every day I get something back with something changed or a new process telling me that I should have done better or differently #I honestly can not take this much longer #especially with my raise being revoked (unofficially until I have a meeting on Monday) #I literally work so hard and am busting my ass and am the public face of my agency due to my bosses lack of willingness to do anything #and I’m being drug under the bus #I just don’t understand how I ended up here #and I know it will all be fine and I will find another job #but this is so disappointing #and has me feeling so distraught in the moment #anyways #if I haven’t responded to you in a few weeks this is why #I am emotionally unstable and am just trying to hold it together #but I’ll be talking again soon besties

[allo-frouto]

I jacked off to your blog

You are welcome.

#<3 #I literally #don’t know #how else I could respond #to this #oof

[aquarterasian]

I don’t think butterfly could quite fit into yespre without anyone noticing she doesn’t quite match the vibes but I do think dream and lemonade would rope her into teaming up with them for a while meanwhile the other girls are trying to get her to go back to her own team where did you guys even find her please go back home

#precure #pretty cure #how butterfly would respond to this is yet to be seen #I would say only dream would do this but lemonade is always going along with her no questions asked #like I know she confronted nozomi first but nozomi literally kidnapped her and she just went with it #actually I don’t think mint would be very helpful in trying to get her to leave either

[designernishiki]

kazumaji nation, if the pairing were to be canonized in y8, how do you imagine it happening? either realistically or ideally. go

#PLEASE tell me your ideas #I will put mine in the tags in a moment #kazumaji #yakuza #yakuza 8 #rgg #goro majima #kazuma kiryu #also please don’t respond to this with just ‘it won’t happen’ or something man like. you can be Honest but I’d rather hear ideas that are #POSSIBLE- that doesn’t mean they absolutely 100% will happen or something. tldr: just have fun #personally I am somewhat hopeful for something vague yet There at the end associated with kiryu’s retirement/general fate #like realistically something like.. majima getting genuinely upset with him because of how tired he is of kiryu being away from him in such #a way that he never can totally be sure if he’s alive or dead or if he’s ever going to see him again- because let’s be real they are #IMPORTANT to one another and I think BOTH of them would be affected by all the death scares and the loneliness when they’re apart. they’ve #been odd but fundamental pillars in one another’s lives for like… 30 years? 35? #even if they’re apart I don’t think kiryu could deny at least for the past decade he could go to majima for help no matter the situation #and he would drop everything to help him #I don’t think majima is nearly as hopeful about having his feelings reciprocated or really about anyone truly loving him in General but #he sure as hell knows how far he’d go for kiryu regardless of that fact. why do you think he’s been single and not looking #at anyone else romantically for literally decades. #so yeah anyway point is. realistically I think that would come up very emotionally and would hopefully end in kiryu holding him real tight #and reassuring him that he’s not going anywhere. not again. not without him. he promises #something something wherever they go in the end they go together. that’s also the only way I can see majima actually being content to any #degree in retirement from such a high-risk life #that’s. one idea anyway. I have many ideas. but that one comes to mind as a realistic option cause it’s romantic but not overtly enough to #have to worry about censors particularly or anything like that. believe me though I’d much prefer if they finally got to fucking kiss after #35 god damn years. I think majima needs and deserves that. both of them do but especially majima because i really think he feels hopeless as #it stands right now both about his love for kiryu that he can’t seem to shake and about being lovable by anyone in general #he seriously seriously needs this. being all over the place and never settling may be fun but it really doesn’t help the emptiness inside #and the loneliness. and the self loathing. and purposelessness. and so on.

[heybaetae]

I'm so happy they added the alt version. That should've been the main tbh

agree <3 i really do like the song with just jungkook, i think it’s such a vibe

#ask #i’ve decided not to respond to most of the asks i’ve received tonight lol #sorry i just don’t think it’s worth opening the can of worms when people just wanna vibe ya know #but i totally hear you guys and you can feel how you want to feel i am not judging you at all #don’t let people invalidate you either! #it’s literally fine to not like something #i personally am enjoying this more than i did when seven first came out #that song took a while to grow on me but this is waaaay more fun for me to listen to

[introverted-ghost]

Wild for my history teacher to end the email with “get outlook for iOS”

#like a how does he know I don’t use an android #b how did he know I was contacting him with my computer #c why is there an issue with contacting him through my computer #d does he think that’ll help me memorize my lines at work? I’m literally working #e i used my phone to check if he responded what is happening #fucking rambling

[wawataka]

oh my god i had a conference meeting today and i COMPLETELY FUCKING FORGOT IM KILLING MYSELF

#i don’t even wanna LOOK at my email #HOW COULD I FORGET #I LITERALLY TOLD MYSELF NOT TO #I WAS LIKE OH I HAVE TO WHEN I GET HOME #IM SO FUCKED (will be perfectly fine) #WHAT DO I SAY #AAAUGH #well. that’s a. i should respond now #oh you know what i’m doing it tomorrow it’s late #cnp rants

[exopelagic]

auuudggghghhrhrhrbrr

#okay I’m feeling Bad and I need to unpick why before I’ll be able to sleep #friend is asking abt lunch on Friday when I already have standing commitment w other friends then so I can’t do that. #but I also go home on Sunday and I can’t do shit until Friday bc work and I have plans on Saturday so I just. can’t see them #which. I guess makes things easier actually that’s not something I can control and I’m not changing existing plans that’s unfair #I’m also listening to a playlist of old music (Apple Music generated favourites — so literally random picked from everything I’ve ever done #and the last few songs have made me feel Bad bc of being associated with certain times but song playing rn is definitively a good song #w a good memory attached and it’s MY song not one of my old friends #okay where are we #I’m stressed abt presentation on Thursday but also a non issue. I’m prepared. I have all day tomorrow to practice and read up more #and then it’s 20 minutes on Thursday morning I’ll be done before 10am #I am. a little frustrated on a broader scale about the role I’m currently occupying #in that w a bunch of my friends I’m having to be the one with their shit together and dealing with their Stuff. #mostly in the way that I have to be putting in extra effort to tiptoe around them and steer stuff to keep them happy #i can do it i can do it easily I’ve just tasted not having to now so it’s. noticeably different having to do it more #i do Not have the words to talk abt this in the way I want to it’s so annoying #it’s like. I know how my friend responds to stuff. I know the things that make her anxious and what her instinctual responses will be #and I’m constantly having higher level thoughts planning out how things will go it’s effortless and constant it’s just There #with everyone all the time but sometimes I use it more and sometimes I have to because I’m in a position where if I don’t we’ll get nowhere #and I don’t like that I’m having to worry abt keeping other people happy while I’m talking to my friends it removes me a layer from stuff #hrm. there are broader questions here abt the utility of this bc like. sure it helps in some situations #but this probably isn’t great long term for either of us. wild. goddamn talking to my friend abt philosophy opened new parts of my brain #anyway I cba to have those thoughts rn! it’s midnight! I’m going to bed in half an hour <3 #it’s honestly unfair that I have to do anything other than be gay and play pokemon #luke.txt #uaUrghrhfhjs I’m also being insane abt a guy. which is predictable and I feel stupid abt for multiple reasons but. here we are. #I’m being insane. and maybe I should be less mean to myself but I feel like I’m being insane. #I think! I need to go to bed! #I am not being insane I am having feelings and that is allowed. feelings are typically regarded as a pretty normal thing to have. #philosophy friend is gonna be so mad at me if anything comes of this but it’s fine and if it does I think I’ll be pretty happy anyway #point is I’m doing nothing wrong and have done nothing wrong and I’m allowed to feel whatever the hell I like. okay.

[t4tnavysea1]

started s3 (listening to ep 85 as I write this). AAAAA??? [tma spoilers]

is Sasha gone fr? :(( and also I just can't hear Elias voice without getting grr so angry (but also he so fucking sus what does he know, what he up to?? bet he's sending the statements to Jon, since he said he knows where he is).

anyways Jon's at Georgie's 👀 das interesting.... (she showing Jon her date's profile ahshahsh loving this dynamic) and Martin being defensive of Jon and getting upset when people think Jons the murderer !!! and him getting surprised (flustered. to me) when that one officer (?) said people said he's close to Jon !!!! mmmm so much to work with here eheheeh. also Melanie's joining the archives?? that sounds fun. not to Martin tho ahshahss I mean fair, he knows where she's getting herself into, and she doesn't, so

anyways, here's my thoughts dump just from today lol hope you're doing well, beloved

AAAA Is basically how I feel whenever I think about tma for too long. Sasha’s gone, yeah :(. There’s no getting her or others memories of her back. I hate the Not!them to be honest; it’s quite possibly the most terrifying thing I can imagine. But anyway, Elias hatred is quite common and totally understandable! It’ll get worse later!

The dynamic between Georgie and Jon is the best! Exes where it’s clear that they wrong get back together and that none of the conflicts they have stem from them being exes! And oh boy, Martin was definitely flustered by what the officer (Daisy) said. Tragically because of the way the podcast is, we don’t get to see that much of Jon and Martin together for right now, but that will change… sometime. Melanie!! She is such a flawed character and that makes her fascinating! A lot of her good aspects are focused on less than her negative ones because of *spoilers*, but basically all of these characters are hypocrites so it’s fine!

Hey, I am doing well! I’m crying (/pos) though because I just finished one of the best albums I’ve ever listened to. Go listen to High Noon Over Camelot by the Mechanisms. Please. Your life will be changed. It’s a tragedy in every sense of the word.

#I hope you’re having a good day as well! #I hope you’re not bothered by me responding to every sentence individually #That’s how I make sure I don’t accidentally leave anything out #Anyway I know you probably already know this #But you can send in asks about literally anything if you want! #I’m always really excited when I get an ask from you :) #asks

[imaginarypasta]

nothing grinds my gears quite like a second “why haven’t you responded to me yet” message a mere 1-2 days after the original text

#personal #of course something like further elaboration or a change in subject would be valid #im saying literally like along the lines of ‘why haven’t you responded’ #im not saying no situation ever demands it but that urgency every time we text is so exhausting #like give me a little bit of time. i say 3-5 days is more reasonable but i’m personally fine with full weeks in between #and i understand the logic of ‘oh they’re not responding to me -> possibly feel bad about it possibly neutral -> i’ll just give them a #reminder so they know no hard feelings’ i really do understand that #but the constant demand of respond to a thousand texts within a day #is personally too much and honestly just not something i’m interested in participating in #and i have said before ‘im not on my phone that much. that is simply how long it takes me to respond to messages. if it’s urgent either #call or say it is urgent that way i know’ #AND importantly ‘i don’t go on my phone when i’m hanging out with people’ because that’s almost always what the situation is #and i try so hard to not be annoyed bc i know their intentions are not bad and they just want to talk to me #but idk how many time i have it in me to explain that to the same ppl over and over #and it would be less annoying if there wasn’t a habit of like forgetting this kind of thing about me. i don’t know a better way to say it #anyway. trying so hard to not make this is ‘this is what’s wrong with everyone today’ or ‘i’m so unique’ thing bc i realize how close this #annoyance can get to those places & they’re very much not the attitude i’m coming into this with #ok rant over :p

[caterpillarinacave]

Love that in the last five minutes, I have been, by someone my own age; A) told to shut the fuck go three times

B) been flipped off

C) told to go die in a fucking car

And got to respond with “oh! That’s very mature.” And “that’s the sort of thing we don’t say to togther people, becuase its not a nice and hurts their feelings”, because I don’t get to be mad about something

And that no one did a thing about it ✌️

#The worst I get to do back is talk like I’m taking to a three year old #Condescending. That’s the best I get to be when someone says I should die #You know what how dare you??? How dare you talk to me that way??? How dare you talk to anyone like that? #I would literally never in my life tell someone to go die #Even when I’m arguing I wouldn’t tell someone to shut the fuck up because it’s totally pointless and degrading #I would not dream of shoving my middle finger in someone’s face becuase I’m in middle school #I would never flip someone off period! #Notably I did not return the middle finger even in the presence of one right in my face #Because I don’t get to be upset #Hey you know my moms a nice person who tries to help people and be kind and perky and extroverted #And she also gets pissed all over and cussed out and also gets to respond in mature appropriate ways #Generational trauma! #You be a good person to everyone. Oh no they aren’t gonna be a good person to you. You have to be nice to them because it’s your job. #Once you stop being polite you’re a dumb bitch. You snap back and no one will ever listen to any of your opinions again #Stopped my mental health haitus soley to psot this becuase apperantly real life is worse for my mental health