#i like my therapist a lot so far

[athousandmorningss]

Not me wearing my take it easy t-shirt to therapy 😂😂😂

#didn't even think about it lollll #i like my therapist a lot so far

[uncanny-tranny]

Two things that are simultaneously true:

1. Gender and sexuality are complex and can be fluid. An identity isn't always fixed and can change with time for many reasons

2. It is not acceptable to force others to change their gender or sexuality and the mantra that they (queer people) can change if they only "try hard" is both cruel and homophobia and/or transphobia

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #homophobia #homophobia tw #transphobia #transphobia tw #when i first came out as trans i was told this story about how my dad's therapist had a lesbian client with homophobic parents... #...how her parents were *so close* to coming to terms with her lesbianism and she got a boyfriend and look! she changed so why couldn't you! #the thing that was so fucked up about that story was that it was presented as 'oh you don't know who you are! you'll change!' #and i was never listened to until i went 'so far' in my transness that changing was impractical... #...it never enforced that my sense of self is dynamic but that who i was is something to be 'fixed' #i think a lot of queer people are hostile to the idea of gender/sexuality fluidity because it's framed in such a way... #...that tells them that their queerness will eventually be 'cured'... #...so any notion of 'identity can be fluid' reads like 'your queerness is a flaw and a horrible thing'... #...but that's not the solution to people whose identity has fluctuated and changed... #...it isn't their fault that queerphobes latched onto them as 'case studies' to prove that queerness is curable... #...a queerphobe would latch onto ANYTHING in order to prevent you from living... #...'oh lesbians married men in order to protect themselves? why can't you do that?! why must you insist on marrying a woman?!'... #...that's an example of how they'd just latch onto something else if 'identity is dynamic' didn't exist #the context of 'identity is dynamic' is often one of the most important factors in if it is meant as queer-afirming or not ime

[simonstamenovic]

ok hi haha lol I dont rly feel like going in circles in my head forever trying to figure out whether, among other "smaller" things, being left alone in a room w only media as a child and not feeling like I had even a semblance of a personality for most of my life counts as "trauma"

a lot of these parts of me are new, I'm just recently putting names to them and it feels as though I'm developing facets of personalities in my mid 20s after a lifetime of either feeling like I'm basically just ADHD in a person, an amalgamation of kins shoved into a body, or something made of guilt Also shoved into a body.

I don't like, claim to know what this means. but I don't think a lot of my current mutuals would feel comfortable interacting w me bc I don't necessarily believe in the black and white of what plurality is. I'm not able or planning on getting any formal diagnosis and while I'm discussing this w my therapist they're very much not one to pathologize

I definitely don't feel like one person but I dont think id count for most of you as a "system" as the different parts of me feel as though theyre still developing. take all of this as you will, I'm not going to stress my body out more by trying to figure out "what" I am as I've been doing that my whole life and I'm kinda tired of it.

I know that I'm not entirely one thing and feel Enough like multiple things for myself, but blurred in a lot of ways. like some sort of gem with many different facets.

not sure where to go w this tbh take this how you will. im not comfortable saying I'm leaning one way or the other regarding system discourse, (<- not a phrase i want to use but the best shorthand i have) as I genuinely don't believe the human brain is nearly that black and white.

I'm both "me" and very much not "me" at times. idk what this means but ik I'm not comfortable saying im just pandora and im not sure im "allowed" to say im a system and im not sure if it matters, or should matter, regarding friends. im going to be like this regardless, id unfollow me if this grey area im likely to stay in bothers you

if you don't want me refollowing I'd probably block, too, as my memory is bad

#puts this in my drafts to publish at atime to cause maximum damage to my #social circle and mental health bc i LOVE conflict and pain #< A JOKE lmao this has been causing me severe distress for ages so whatever unfollow me idc #outgoing transmission #idk when im gonna publish this ive been going back n forth w my therapist a lot #rhis maybbe repetitive im just uhh tired and have been legitimately driving myself crazy overthis for ages #bc honestly like i didnt exist as a person until age 14 at least and that person #wasnt... me. isn't me they dont exist to me anymore and im not sure #the one before 19 existed either its all fractured #is that trauma?? or is it something else. does that make me endogenic to you?? i really dont know or understand #you can decide for yourself. but im not comfortable saying either way. #i barely feel comfortable existing. i dont exist? as i type this 'i' is wrong but nothing else fits so far #we could go for we and we have befkre bht so far its so nonexistent whats the opposite of i #nothing...? [ ] #some blank. the dilemma is that nothing is real. #these tags are not. genuinly i am fake. #this will get published sometime in a haze and this body will wake up to a disaster. #not enough bridges burned i guess. sure. #back 2 sleep dont send me asks abt this jst block if ur gonna block

[soupjug]

when i say i have daily headaches i don’t mean that i get a headache once a day, i mean that from the moment i wake up to the moment i fall asleep, i have a headache. i varies in intensity but it never goes away. and i feel like there’s a big difference that the people around aren’t understanding

#so far the response from my parents is that i need better sleep and i don’t eat enough / properly #i agree that i might be deficient in some vitamins and what not #but my lack access to nutritional food is not my fault #my therapist seems to think that it’s my anxiety and that’s how it presents itself #and so she’s referred me to a psychiatrist #but i’m hoping i get to a normal doctor before then to see if it’s anything else #i’ve been giving myself massages to see if it has anything to do with my muscle tension #and it’s far as I can tell it has no correlation #i’m not sure what type of headaches like this because where the pain is and how it feels varies a lot #It’s in my temples my forehead #it’s been in my temples my forehead my brow bone sometimes it goes down to my cheekbones #it’s also been in the back of my head sometimes it feels like it’s almost in the center of my skull #i’m not sure. I do know that coffee can make it worse as well as like sunlight. but beyond that I don’t know #moving to much ig #chronic headaches #mental illness #chronic illness

[vitiateoriginator]

Had my usual session yesterday and my therapist was like "would you be interested in having our sessions weekly instead of our current setup?" 😳

#ruh roh #so yeah my progress has been very slow going #I mentioned to my therapist that in the past therapy helped me a lot but I was having weekly sessions then #so she was like huh interesting #however what she doesn't take into account is that I was there for like 2 years so my progress was more obvious because of that #I'd also not yet gone thru The Horrors #but things are different now #back then I'd felt weekly sessions got redundant because I didn't have as much to talk about #but thats why I chose to have sessions every other week with this shrink #because I thought I'd not have as much to discuss weekly as I do biweekly #but now I feel like I dont get enough time to talk about everything I need to #although I didn't mention that to my therapist #but she seems to have picked up on it #so we agreed to have weekly sessions #she said she needs to look at her schedule to see when we can start with that and she's trying to keep our usual day and time #I only care about the day. idc about when I come in. #but yeah so thats how my therapy is going so far #sam's rants about life

[tansypansydandy]

u ever look at an autism post as an audher n be like "well shit that doesnt apply to me fuck what if im not autistic" bc same

#at least my therapist and psychologist are more openminded and understanding towards my self diagnosis #but i do still get imposter syndrome a lot bc its like im not the kind of autism #like noise is fucky but like i can get used to volume its more the complexity i can be in a loud room and b uncomfy but not meltdown #bc i adapt n stuff #or like my smell is on and off a lot of the times #or seeking physical affection even though touch can make me uncomfy #and ig the worst one for me is i kind of understand social cues n small talk n that makes me doubt a lot #i can engage in small talk ik the routine and ik what questions to ask based on what a person says #though maybe thats just script writing on the fly??? like the adhd part???? #not to say i dont Struggle still (i hate silence after small talk it makes me so anxious n uncomfy) #but s not as hard n i feel like that somehow invalidates me as a possibly autistic person #or like i can do cognitive empathy rlly good!!!! logically i know Why people feel like they do i get the triggers n the reactions!!!! #emotional empathy though? FUCKKK THAT #unless i have experienced a very similar situation emotional empathy is almost impossible #idk maybe im overthinking bc like tbf i studied body language and read into it way to much in midde school #as well as psychology and emotionally distancing myself by viewing people as case studies and analyzing their behaviors #IDK #also if u read this far props 2 u man #the tags r jus a diary to me

[june-again]

two things. vent tw

one. apparently lying about not being anxious doesn't make you less anxious. it just makes people coddle you less, which is a blessing and a curse.

two. i'm starting to genuinely think my pain is anxiety induced. it has been soooooo bad recently, and this week has been hellish. it also was awful while i was at camp and that was the week of all time. plus it hurts more when i'm excited for something or dreading something. obviously i'm in pain all the time so i could be just applying new logic but. the fact that it hurts more when i lie down or receive pressure is just proof that it's not all in my head but rather caused by what's in my head, which, again, is a blessing and a curse to understand

#june shines #stomahc tag #vent tw #now fucking what #maybe i should get a real diagnosis #like every therapist i've ever talked to is like ........ sweetheart you have a lot of anxiety.... #and im like what r they gonna do when i actually get diagnosed. drug me? #but i need relief #maybe it's my only choice since all of the medical tests i've done so far have come up mostly good #although i wouldn't have found the mineral deficiencies if i hadn't been doing all these tests lol #it is what it is #anyways #processing #and writhing in pain lol #three. pain doesn't go away just because you think you know the cause LOL

[trackermons]

loving digimon survive so far but damn they werent kidding those major characters sure fucking can death

#digimon survive spoilers #''oh no shuuji's gonna go into the fog :( kinda saw that coming the way things were going but at least ive already been horrified by that #once already it cant be any worse than last time'' #w*ndigomon: hold my beer #I GOTTA SAY. HE KINDA FUCKING HAD IT COMING. BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST PLEASE SEE A THERAPIST #ive been sinking all my time into this game to distract myself from Life Problems and on one hand #great! its a long game with a lot of content and i think im gonna be here a while. perfect #on the other hand: What The Fuck. What The Fucking Fuck #i guess im kinda lucky im not badly affected by anything thats come up so far but someone needs to write a comprehensive tw list #for this game at some point dghjSDGHSND #no but seriously i spent so long trying to get shuuji to stop abusing the fuck out of lopmon and for what #im so sorry lopmon im sorry an ugly bitch like that would even say that to you. deserved so much better

[johndonneswife]

#i think jennette mccurdy has been the only person in the world so far to write about having an ED in an actually honest way #the way she describes what it’s like to oscillate between anorexia - bulimia - binge eating disorder #idk she’s very brave for this - for writing about the disgusting shit we all do but would never in a million years admit to #& for writing about all her failures #& the way she describes using alcohol as a coping mechanism #i had the same exact experience #it makes my stomach hurt thinking about it #she’s so honest in this book. and also honest about probably living this way forever lol sigh #i have a lot of feelings about this book but the perfume bottle scene really got me 🙃 #jennette mccurdy #also the chapter where she’s at the award show with her therapist and she hysterically loses her shit over a cheeseburger slider #felt

[eggmeralda]

biggest discovery of my life is finding out I naturally have a northern accent that I've unknowingly been hiding for like 20 years

#like how does that even work #but it's not like i had the accent as a kid and then started changing it up when i was a teenager #like I've had my southern accent as far back as i can remember #but for some reason i talk so much more fluently when i let it go slightly northern #my southern accent is so stuttery and monotone and my voice cracks a lot and my words are always a bit slurred or barely pronounced #but if i like move my mouth more and fully pronounce my vowels it goes SO northern #well not SO northern but enough that it's noticeable i guess #the only thing i can think of is apparently when i was a kid i had to see a speech therapist bc i couldn't pronounce certain things #like 'ch' and stuff #and my mum taught me to speak and she's got a doncaster accent but i'm guessing the speech therapist was southern #so maybe that's it?? #literally no idea #honestly fascinated by this though #ramble

[peri]

im realizing things talking to my bf more than i ever did in therapy....

#log date.txt #just something i noticed #he's far from my therapist; we just talk a lot about how our minds work #i love him so much #and im so glad hes so understanding + compassionate + patient... id say i got lucky w him but it feels more like fate

[archersartcorner]

A WIP of a comic thingy I’m workin on cus I’m impatient. Sometimes you have an OC who’s specifically there to be inserted into universes where Your Blorbo Needs A Therapist. Doc Laanka’s got her work cut out for her with these two…

… kinda.

#my wips #I rly should just be writing fics at this point AHDVSH it’d be easier as far as these conversation heavy scenes go in my head #but also: what if I made my hand hurt by drawing everything individually #laanka again is kinda my universal therapist OC. in whatever universe I put her in she acts as a therapeutic outlet. #in general she’s pretty brain-focused in her studies. she’s usually some kinda neurologist on top of doing psychotherapy. #in ASO her job is primarily psychotherapy but she researches cerebroslugs in her available time. usually oversees individual research teams #she also doesn’t think of them as parasites and is more sympathetic to their existence. a lot of her clients are host&slug who want to- #-explore coexisting together. #which in my head is kinda how Norman and Skip get in contact with her. Norman reads about her and is like ‘oh I’ll shoot her an email’- #-and Skip decides No He Wants To Send The Email so skip just sends laanka an email that just says ‘therapy’. no grammar no punctuation- #-no context. and Norman nearly dies on the spot of embarrassment. Laanka gets back to them within the hour and she’s seen cerebroslug- #-emails before. she knows that’s probably what she’s dealing with. sends back an email like ‘hi anonymous :) yes I do offer therapy. #would you like me to send you some available times I have coming up? would love to know your name as well! - Dr. Laanka Noelle’ #Norman decides that he’s gonna send the emails from now on Thank You Skip. Thanks bud HWBDHDH #anyway. I’ll get this done… eventually. I just think my man(s) could use therapy LMAO

[ashtray-girl]

this is gonna sound very arrogant, but by now i'm like 100% sure things with my last therapist didn't work out bc i was too smart for her

#a lot of the time i felt like she just couldn't keep up with me & it was so frustrating #at one point she basically forced me to text my former bff (the disappointing one not the narc one) #bc i'd told her i missed them. even tho i'd also told her i wasn't sure i wanted them back in my life #bc i didn't want to go back to the old patterns #in the end i did text them & things went exactly as i knew they would (badly) #so that's when i dropped her #like... if you seemingly can't conceive the fact that missing someone & not wanting them back in your life can coexist #you aren't that good of a therapist in my book 🤷🏼‍♀️ #it's been 2 years now & i'd like to find a new one but most of them are so far away & expensive i just can't #'just ask for help!' yeah dude i did & look where it got me

[elytrafemme]

not putting under cut bc i feel like thats weird idk but jsyk im doing more mental health musings here 

u know something i find really interesting is like. okay i’m on my 4th therapist right now, right? which sounds like i burned through a lot and i guess i kind of did but really she’s my 3rd, the first one stared at me blankly for one session diagnosed me with GAD and “a mood disorder” with 0 other specificity and then recommended i go somewhere else. but the other two that followed were at that same place and i guess i just find it interesting how ill prepared they were with dealing with like... complex mental health issues?

because i mean, i don’t think either of the people i saw were bad people. but like. i told the first one about this one time where i was in one of the lowest mental states of my life (and at the time it was the worst i had ever felt) and my friends had been laughing at me during it, right. and so i gave them the finger. and my therapist laughed and was like well if someone gave me the finger i wouldn’t want to talk to them either. and then my second therapist said i hadn’t dealt with any “major trauma” and would watch me have dissociative episodes and do absolutely nothing but go like “i know sweetheart i know” and then the session would just. End. 

and it’s like, they were helpful when it came to things like my school stress, or ... well i guess just that. it was very basic things they could help with, it was like a school counselor. and that kept me from making these realizations about my mental health because they did not know anything more complex and couldn’t talk to me about it. 

my fourth therapist has been different, obviously, treats me like a person. it just so happens she’s the only private therapist i saw, and also the most expensive one. so like. fuck. 

#nightmare.personal #it's strange because i recognize that i know more about my mental health than a lot of people do at 17 #like i've already gotten a lot of work done really early and stuff #and yet i mean. i spent like. so much time not? learning about myself #and i just have to wonder how much time i could have saved if i was told that me having dissociative episodes wasn't normal #when i was just thinking about a memory #how much time i could have saved if i wasn't told that giving someone the middle finger for laughing at my trauma was #unjustified God i'm still so angry about that #and it's been like what. 4 years? #anyway. i don't know. sometimes i wish that i went to a therapist earlier #but i also know that either way i would have only seen the one i'm seeing now #when i started because she also saw another relative so like #otherwise we wouldn't have known her so. no matter how early i started nothing would have changed #i consider being 15 the worst year of my life but by far all the years before when i was with those other therapists. were the darkest.

[semercury]

Haunted by Dread 😗✌️

#stuff sarah says #i think thats what gets me a lot of time #and it probably feels worse bc i cant/its rlly hard for me to compartmentalize bc of ocd #still v happy my therapist told me abt that. it makes so much sense #but like. i have a stomacheache about going to work. on thursday. it is tuesday at 6:30pm... #i can never enjoy moments bc im dreading what will or could happen next #and its fucked me over in a lot of ways #and its ??? work isnt even that bad actually??? everyones rlly nice?? #and i fucked up today and ppl were very patient and understanding #the customers are v nice so far esp when i tell them im new? #but its just the like. knowing theres blocks of time dedicated to something out of my control i guess? #and i think its also knowing like. i cant long term plan around this kind of schedule #i want to make plans with friends in early october but i cant? #that was smth really nice about my old job. i always knew what hours i was working and when