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mewtwo24 · 4 months

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I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos'#and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES)#sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-;#the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

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o0corruptedghoul0o · 2 months

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to clarify some things although I think most of you already took a right guess

yes I'm simomo

to put it short, after my cc got stolen and reuploaded on several platforms and I left for a little while, I enjoyed the game and actually played sims (what shocker) and in that time I decided to change the way I create hairs a little - a more simple style that matches the game aesthetic better. and with that change I had also hope those fuckers give up on stealing my hairs.

with the new name I simply hoped it would take them longer to "find" me again and... because it fits my new aesthetics more, since I don't wanna hold back anymore what I really like (gore, smut and all that jazz)

I don't create as much cc as before and often just do some simple gameplay, so I don't really see myself as cc creator on this platform anymore... just a personal blog with all things I like and when I feel like creating cc, I share it... just not as regular as before.

and for the love of god, don't send me asks about my old hairs please, they're all in the vault and there are big sfs folders with all my shit

#nobody gives a shit but since this topic came up whenever I talk to people here #just felt like made this post #and if you see my hairs got stolen again #don't let me know lol #I'm tired of this kind of shit and want to avoid stress #can't do that much about it anyway

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ihateornithologists · 2 days

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#elisabeth das musical #and things that happened to me irl xD #i finally did thissss #it's so funny to do actually and it almost works like sort of therapy so why not #like wow i can finally talk about this and even draw related things without wanting to throw up immediately #for more context (yep again) i had severe depression years ago and at some point my brain was so fucked up by illness that #i started seeing [one of those guys i'm always talking about] literally as an embodiment of everything bad in my life #well HE WAS #but like i so strongly identified him with my depression that sometimes even doubted if he was a real person at all lmao #(YOU SEE WHY I'M DRAWING THIS)#he somehow managed to follow me everywhere which made things even more creepy.#and i kept coming back to him myself because i had no one else etc #so funny actually that he was literally JUST SOME GUY like not even interesting or anything #all this shit was just awful and gross that's all.#but when i realized i can make it look COOL by drawing stuff i felt so powerful ahsdijwhnu8 #like YES i texted him recently and he's just. boring as fuck.#so dumb to feel possessed by some evil entity for years and the said evil entity is just a random dude #SORRY my traumadumping is cringe af but thats the price you have to pay to see my drawings xDddd

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fatuismooches · 5 months

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Hi hi, it's me muzzle anon again ! How are you? I hope you are doing well, also sorry for this long rambling-

I juST remembered that when lyney and lynette were announced (?) some people thought that they would be One playable character, so I immediately thought how fragile reader and dottore being one playable character lol

just switching between them when you do a charge attack like furina's ability but instead of just color palate changing, a whole new person gets on the field lol

It's fun to imagine what their voiceline would be :]

Especially if we imagine that the only reason you would switch would be because they are in a fight when changing so the voicelines would be worried and/or intense?

And also fragile!reader being a support character and dottore being a DPS would fit the whole "we only need/have each other" mindset going on ?

ALSO ALSO when you add them to your team they could come into the screen dancing? Waltzing into their section then standing close to each other <3 evil couple being cool vibes

Their idle and voicelines probably would be still the same ?, talking as if the other is not there but maybe one special idle is like that one twirle/dance (?) idle from honkai star rail with Clara and Svarog? OH and Clara stumbles in that idle and svarog catches her , makes sense since fragile reader stumbles while trying to dance too so Dottore catches them by their waist and smirks, sharp teeth full display

...Also you know how characters has voicelines for hits/ damage? Reader and Dottore could have voicelines for warning each other to be careful, especially Dottore getting very worried when reader takes a heavy hit but when it comes to other characters he just goes scara mode maybe worse than, "Why are you even here?" or similiar to xiao going, "Weak."

(And maybe reader comparing the character that took damage to Dottore, praising him while degrading them gently lol <3)

Tho I'm not really sure how the teapot would work lol maybe there would be an option to switch them like you switch from night to day lol OR they automatically change when it's day/night I imagine that fragile reader would like the day time more and Dottore night, because he is a shady guy (and also because when he looks up to stars he remembers the Akademia days he had with reader and how they used to also stare at the stars <3)

With them being considered one character, now they are together forever <3

Sorry for the long message again <3 also english is not my first language so sorry if some parts seem weird I just rambled a lot without checking since i got very excited of the idea of a playable reader after the last post ehehe anyway hope u and everyone has a nice night/day!

- muzzle anon

OH MY GOSH NFKFEWFE I JUST LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS MUZZLE ANON... ugh fragile reader and Dottore being playable is so real!! And i too remember that about the twins!! man that was really long ago huh? Anyway...

I ADORE the idea of them switching while doing a charge attack!! omfgrfwfr I can just imagine reader doing a dramatic, fancy pose and then it switches to Dottore rolling his eyes at your antics and adjusting his gloves... ugh he loves to indulge you, doesn't he? And hear me out too: instead of pneuma/ousia... two different elements/weapons too. They're just meta like that 😌 and extra supports who? Bennett? Nah, we don't need him. Reader is all the support Dottore needs to one-shot everyone <3 I imagine Dottore is the one who tries to hoard the screen time (he prefers to fight instead of you, he's worried about you pushing yourself too hard, but eventually he has to realize that he has to let you do your own thing too... he's hella overprotective still)

THE ADDING THEM INTO YOUR PARTY ANIMATION... CHEF'S KISS. I like to imagine reader is the one who tries to take the lead in this stuff :) Because even though they're still sick they're better than before, so they want to take advantage of that as much as they can and show Dottore how much they've changed :) You pull him into the frame of the screen and he twirls you around as you fall back into his chest, hands still intertwined :3 (traveler looking at your dramatic asses) AND THE IDEA OF DOTTORE CATCHING FRAGILE READER DURING THEIR IDLES...... UGHREGR WHY DO YOU BLESS ME WITH SO MANY GOOD IDEAS. Reader trying their best to hide their lousy skills from Dottore so they can get better on their own, but nope! You should have known that your husband is always watching you, nothing gets past him! He catches you by the waist only to pull you back up with ease and spin you around flawlessly, chuckling as you stumble right back into his chest.

Dottore would straight up not care at ALL about the other members if they got hurt 💀, I imagine he'd only speak if anything happened to you, or he'd be condescending about how useless they were 💀 reader is similar but they're nicer to others, like if a fellow Harbinger got hurt, they'd worry, but if it was an Archon or someone that annoys them, in general, they'd just laugh at them (and receive little to no healing)

In the teapot, I like to imagine they have two separate bodies there when you place them, so they just always stand next to close to each other. When you talk to either of them, both of them will end up having a conversation with you. Also, when you make them specific furnishings they like each of them and will comment on the other's tastes lol (Dottore - makeshift lab, you - cozy Sumerian room)

"Huh, will it kill you to put away the research? You do not need a lab in the teapot, dear."

"Oh, but I do, [Name]. How else will I make your medicine?"

"Ah... sorry about that. How about you come to my room later so we can relax?"

Traveler: ...

They are truly the embodiment of do not separate.

UGH I CAN GO ON AND ON ABOUT THEM!! 😭 let's not forget the matching skins... you and him in the Akademiya's uniforms again ;) AND DONT APOLOGIZE MUZZLE ANON!! I LOVE THIS AND LONG ASKS!!

#smooches talks #muzzle anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #playable reader <3 #i just love them so much oh ym gosh #i cant dance for shit but!! they're just elegant like that!!#well its more like dottore is elegant. ur just trying ur best #but yes. i imagine fragile reader enjoys the day because they havent felt the sun warm them so nicely in so long #and the teapot is the perfect temp... they love it!

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the-acid-pear · 2 months

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I wonder if the fact that Jack is always called out for smelling funny but Dave is never despite both being undead has to do with them rotting in different ways or if it's just because Jack has dogshit hygiene and Dave doesn't.

#luly talks #dsaf #dsaf jack #dsaf dave #dave miller #jack Kennedy #i love the idea of jack just being stinky tho and dave somehow being fucking Not it's so funny #like at the very least we know Dave took one (1) shower. we never saw Jack do that much 🙄#i do wonder how the resurrection *but it refused #shit works bc Jack is alive bc Fredbear hyped him and shit #but we never saw Dave dying we don't know whta he saw what he heard what he felt #he never talks about it as far as i remember only Henry does #and he just says the guy didnt want to let go #maybe having a soul stuck to you just prevents the rotting which is why davetrap is so fucking gone since Dave let go?#of course jack doesn't have blackjack so he just never stopped rotting #the jack won't bathe theory is funny but i think i fancy the later more

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dailyriolu · 9 months

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A silly guide on how I draw normal Riolu vs My sona

#Riolu #Doodle #The Mod #Do not use my sona thanks #Just wanted to give a silly doodle while I ramble #I admittedly made the last few daily pieces as basically a progression of my eyes for the last ~1.5 years #Keeping up with everything became harder because of my eyes #I only talked about this briefly on my main twitter #I was diagnosed with keratoconus #My eyes got worse over time #so I was squinting constantly and would get headaches trying to focus my eyes to draw or play half the games I did #it sucked. I slept a lot to get rid of pain and I felt like I couldnt do my normal work so it kept piling #I had surgery + got RGP Contacts to help me see normally this year tho!#So I can finally get my shit together and have been slowly trying to get everything going/sorted #Just to like... explain where I disappeared to #Ofc Its hard to do anything art or reading without my contacts in #tbh i didnt even know until December lol so it went for awhile and thought my prescription went from good to shit #so i took a minor break from social media to keep where my eyes used online to mainly discord

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fettiowi · 6 months

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The thing abt Rouge isnt that she isn't with the rest of team dark, they do just go off on their own sometimes and should be allowed to, its that it seems like shes being grouped with team sonic like she is one of the main buddies

Feels so off for her to stick around with them unless she has something very specific to gain from them, and all of team sonic is very aware of this.

Throwing her there really just feels like they wanted to pretend they have more prominent and different female characters in the main cast aside from Amy, but it feels forced because she isnt one to do things because its the right thing to do, for justice or things of the sort.

#all of her shatterverse selves kinda felt like the 'responsable one' of the group in a way and that was just weird #i hope she isnt watered down more to be with the side of justice and do whats right or whatever. she better be wanting to steal shit #but hey its mostly my opinion #rouge the bat #fetti talks #sonic ramblings

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davidtennantgenderenvy · 3 months

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Sometimes you want to hug the sadwatpathetic David Tennant character and sometimes you are the sadwetpathetic David Tennant character

#my nurturing hopeless romantic ass thinks all the time about just holding and comforting Ten/Crowley/Alec/Phileas/etc #but at rehearsal the other day I was just hopelessly pining after this girl I have a crush on with no clue how to talk to her #And I just felt so weary and unlovable #And I was like oh shit right now I AM Crowley #But I don’t have an Aziraphale 😭#David tennant #vent #personal

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transsextual · 5 months

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had a really incredible moment this evening. went to my campus art market where one of my friends was selling the tank top i'm wearing - another friend bought it for me and i'm so overjoyed to have it. usually a fit that leans more Traditionally Masculine feels like a costume but tonight it just felt deeply correct and honest and warm. took the opportunity to take some indulgent little pictures because i do not think i have Ever looked more like myself. so happy.

#im like. slowly gently exploring butchness & ... what it means to me & ... trying to release the idea that it requires Masculinity....#ive always felt pretty disconnected from masculinity as a whole but i'm starting to find points of entry that resonate really deeply #& along with that is like... esp when it comes 2 kink & leather & butchness - which r not intrinsically related but to me they r connected #theres this idea that like. i'm taking myself too seriously. and that nobody's gonna take me seriously. and that i'm too little too young #that im like #obviously inexperienced and a joke and failing and looking stupid .#but ... realized recently that . that's really just the trauma talking #and that i can just like. try shit out. and notice how it feels + what comes up #and then try it again if i so wish #and nothing i try has to be permanent or defining ... and that like . my desires and comforts and joys and needs Should Be Taken Seriously #soooo much of my like. impostor syndrome . has to do with worrying that im not doing it right when compared to other men #but like.... most of the kinky men / leathermen i see are 35+ and cis .#of course im not doing it like them .#so . looking to the queers i know. especially my fellow transmascs as well as lesbians . for like. reassurance and inspiration #has been very healing . & good for my heart & my soul.#:)#yeah .#i think i gotta go read butch is a noun. ... yeah #goodnight :)#speak #materialization #ok2rb

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iguessyouregonnamissthepantyraid · 4 months

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having a really old dog is just repeating the mantra to yourself "i am grateful for the time i've been given and when it comes time to let him go i will do so gracefully. i am grateful for the time i've been given and when it comes time to let wait why are you not pooping normally WHAT IS GOING ON WHY WON'T YOU POOP ARE YOU DYING" and then calling the vet in a panic, being told actually he's fine but give the probiotic some time to do its thing and then let us know if anything changes, and then you take a deep breath and go "cool. yeah. obviously he's fine. anyway. i am grateful for the time i've been given and

#listen i got this dog when he was already 7 years old and i was 22 #never in a million years did i think he'd still be here EIGHT YEARS LATER when i'm THIRTY #tbh after all the shit i've given him for pooping inside he WOULD go out because of some constipation #like ''fine you don't want me to poop inside? i guess i'll never poop again''#which is why i was so worried because this just felt like something that would happen #but the vet literally didn't bat an eye when i called lmao #she was just like ''oh yeah that sounds totally normal''#so this geriatric menace gets to live on #me #dog death cw #not really but talking about like. the inevitability of it #HONESTLY i'm glad i've had so many scares because it's almost like it's bracing me for the real event #not to be. excessively morbid or anything #ANYWAY #DOG IS FINE HE'S JUST HAVING HIS DIGESTIVE SYSTEM RESET

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pepperpixel · 1 year

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A comic I didn’t feel like coloring but had to draw. Because. Because!! THIS POKÉMON HAS FUCKING KILLED SOMEONE…!! AND MOST LIKELY WAS GOING TO KILL U AND UR FRIENDS TOO. AND AI TURO KNOWS THAT! HE KNOWS YOU’RE ALL FUCKING DOOMED BUT HE HAS NO CONTROL AND HES GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU! YOU AND HIS FUCKING SON!!! LIKE HOLY SHIT! So. So yeah…!! I. Had to draw art for that ghghg-

#pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon #ai turo #miraidon #professor turo #trainer arven #doodles #blood #character death #comic #I HAVE. SO MANY FUCKING FEELINGS ABOUT AI TURO #actual real turo I don’t fucking care about. bastard. awful.#I mean. I’m sure he’s nuanced but whatever.#BUT AI TURO. OMG. THIS DUDE #THIS DUDE MAKES ME FEEL THINGS.#MOSTLY. BEING SAD. AS HELL #but. yeah. made this comic cuz I felt not enough ppl were talking about the fact this guy is bein FORCED TO KILL U. LIKE THIS POKEMON KILLS #HE KNOWS ITS KILLS. HES SEEN IT.#and now he’s powerless to stop it from killing you as well. HE JUST. HAS TO STAND THERE. AND WATCH IT MURDER YOU.#LIKE HOLY SHIT!!!!#so. so yeah… I hope u guys like my comic. about that ghgh #pokemon spoilers #pokemon sv #pokemon sv spoilers #ok hopefully those spoiler tags are enough lol

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subtle-as-an-earthquake · 7 months

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sometimes i think about penny turner and how much she must love her brilliant, beautiful son, her only child, and how proud she must be of him, but how much she must've worried about him too over the years (and probably still does sometimes) and then i cry a little 🥺

gif credit @ihatealexturner [X]

more emo thoughts about this under the cut because it's just that kind of night i suppose

like, we know alex and his mum (both his parents actually) have a great relationship and they love each other very much, so i have no doubt that she's so very proud of alex for how hard he works and how driven and talented he is, so proud of everything he's achieved, knowing how much he and his creations mean to a huge number of people

but then also, how could she not worry about him, knowing that yes, he is living his dream, but he's also flying all across the world every few years, a different city every night, performing to the point of exhaustion, only to have to come up with the next big thing all over again? that's a lot of pressure on his shoulders, even if he does share a lot of it with the rest of the band. and alex handles it admirably of course, but still, if even i worry about him sometimes, i can't imagine how it must be for his mother (and father, of course, all of this probably goes for him just as much)

i also think about how she must have felt when alex moved to the usa, and how relieved she must've been when he decided to move back to the uk/europe, to have him closer again. and i wonder how she must've felt watching all those different personas and eras he created appear and disappear, maybe sometimes fearing he'd lose himself somewhere along the way, but still always seeing her boy underneath it all. i'm sure she's gotten used to it to some extent, but it must still be overwhelming sometimes, seeing all the hype and the scrutiny and the expectations and the temptations he has to deal with, especially knowing better than anyone how special and sensitive he is deep down. i can imagine she wishes she could protect him while at the same time knowing he's a big boy now, and he was always destined to make his mark on the world in a way that required him to spread his wings and leave the warm nest she'd created for him

and then i think she must also be so grateful to know that he's always got his best friends with him when he's on the road, to support him and share the load, and that he has so many more friends who adore him and always have his back, and how much of a reassurance that must be and then I just 😭😭😭😭 you know? 🥺

#is this weird?#should i not be thinking about this? idk man #listen i obviously have no idea if she feels like this at all #i don't know her at all so i may be way off #but whenever i imagine being alex's mum these are just all the things i would feel 🥺#and i don't mean to whumpify her or him #but it's just that i've talked to my own mum a lot about how it was for her when i moved abroad #and how she felt when i was going through some shit and how often she thinks about me #and like my things are all so minor compared to alex's life you know?#and I'm sure penny's gotten used to a lot of it and she's also just proud and excited but I just think it must also be hard sometimes #to be the mother of someone really special #anyway i'm a bit emo tonight #ignore me #alex turner #penny turner #arctic monkeys #minnie talks

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venelona-turtle-den · 1 year

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A bit of a side thing, but, yeah. Me tired. Feel free to disregard this post, I'm just letting some feelings out so my brain stops torturing me.

Honestly, tired is not quite the right word. Its more like I've been too caught up in work and my brain denies me relaxation? Like... ever since I got an idea for the Ghost Future Leo, I've been working on him every day. And by the nature of how I do things, I don't start a new drawing until I finish the last, so, he was all I've worked on. And it comes with the anxiety that 'I haven't posted anything in so long, that's bad, you're not productive'.

And then I finished Ghost Leo to the point where I could post him, and, it, uh... Got complicated? Because, no doubt, it's a BIG project, I worked A TON on him, but it wasn't really, like... a comic. Or a drawing. So I took a break, I promise I did, but then I wanted to get back to posting proper art and all.

Exceeeept I also wanted to keep working on Ghost Leo. Partly because I like working on him, truly, but also... I feel like I owe it to people? Like... I live with the fear that there's not enough to him, that people will get bored in like three days and that will be that, and I owe folks who enjoy spending time with him to expand the features. I want to respond to people posting and talking about him because that's everything I've wanted, to see people's reactions, and I feel like I can't leave anyone hanging, because that was what I asked for in the first place... All those posts and nice asks bring me so much joy, and I want people to know it.

As well as all the asks from people who need help - as a creator, I owe it to them to help them through everything, to fix mistakes and bugs, to answer questions...

And because of that, I feel bad when I try to take a break for more than a day - I have things to answer, and I don't want to answer them inadequately, because I want people to know that I care about every ask.

So, in short... despite me doing art I still feel like I'm not doing enough, despite the recent updates my brain still tells me I need to do more, and I'm afraid of starting on something like a comic because it feels I have too much of other stuff to do and I can't let myself focus my attention on something else for a week or two...

I know its all baloney, and that I deserve to rest, that I can freaking sit down and play Star Rail for three days and people won't hate me for it, but... that's not what my brain thinks and signals to my body. Silly me.

Thank you for reading this to those who did, I wrote this thing to just say... I hope my brain is actively lying to me, and people won't riot if I take a bit of time getting to answer the asks or posting more art. I promise I read everything, I just need to get back into a groove of things, especially since May and June are months that get busy with the school work on top of everything. I hope that's understandable 💖

#v rambles #vent #cw vent #in short this post is about my brain being like 'hey. i know you made this big project but lets be real. you didnt post shit'#and im like... i know its not true. but my brain tells me it is and doesnt let me relax #sorry for a sudden personal infodrop #i just felt like if i dont talk about it i will keep getting more anxious

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