#i haven't been there in two months. i don't take any math classes anymore so i'm really just chillin in there. sometimes i socialize | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

queenscholar · 9 months

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it's late one day here, but oh well, that's okay i guess?

Happy birthday, Patricia (21/07)! 🎂

Patricia's Birthday Bash has begun! Don't miss the special login bonus today!

As part of the Birthday Bash, the Birthday Showcase (Patricia) has been added to the Mirror, which features the SSR Patricia (Birthday Bloom) card!

Vignette Bloom Birthday

Part 1

Patricia: I'm quite curious who the magical pendulum set me up with, hope it's someone I can talk easily to.

Patricia: I hope I can answer the questions easily, since I'm not that good at explaining myself, gossips on the other hand-

???: ―Pardon for the intrusion, senpai. I'm coming in!

Deuce: I'm Deuce Spade, will be your presenter today, please take care of me! Happy Birthday Venenum senpai!

Patricia: Ooh, so the ex delinquent is my presenter today. Looking forward to it, Deuce!

Patricia: Please be easy on me then, and please don't be such a nervous wreck, I'm the one who's being interviewed here by you.

Deuce: Ahaha, I will try my very best senpai. I hope I don't mess up…

Deuce: I will ask the first question if that's okay with you, it says on here…

Deuce: “Are you good or bad at flying?”

Patricia: Have you seen me at P.E class? Maybe you haven't but you must have seen Vargas screaming my name at least three times a month.

Patricia: I hate flying, well it's bound to be since I'm afraid of heights. I know people talk like, isn't her dad a major Spelldrive superstar? Guess what, not every kid is a copy of their parents.

Patricia: I mean, my dad did try to teach me back then and I thought I would be fantastic too, because of the genes, my mom is super athletic too. Turns out I don't have an athletic bone anywhere on my body.

Deuce: That must be a real sucker, Venenum senpai. What made you afraid of heights in the first place?

Patricia: It started when my dad first taught me to fly with a broomstick, he took me on his broom and we flew to the sky. Then I looked down. And my mind was wandering, if I fall now from up here I will die.

Patricia: I tried to attempt it but I was so scared of the thought that I almost peed on myself, so unladylike right?

Patricia: This is the reason why I hugged the broom way too tight and made me unable to do any of the tricks or maybe I am just not talented enough to do it.

Deuce: The fact that your dad believed you could do it means you possessed enough magic talents for it back then, I think you are talented Venenum senpai.

Patricia: Or because he was Lyonnell Andres, he wanted to have a kid to teach Spelldrive for. Glad he has one for it now. Heard my step brothers are pretty talented.

Patricia: Anyway I'm not that talented, I'm above the average but not the best. People used to think I'm gifted since I discovered my magic pretty young, not anymore though.

Deuce: For them to be surprised, how young are you when you learn you could use magic?

Patricia: When I was four years old? I think. My grandma used to brag that I could do math by the age of two and learn magic by the age of four to her colleagues.

Deuce: She must be so proud of you, to do math by the age of two… I'm not even great at math by now!

Patricia: It's just basic math, nothing much to brag about.

Patricia: And I'm just lucky to discover my magic early back then, but it's bound to happen, so actually not that impressive.

Patricia: I mean of course everyone knew about my dad, but my mom even though she is a model, she is pretty skilled at magic, especially practical ones.

Deuce: Oh, so both Venenum senpai parents can use magic, your family is full of talented people. I can't imagine living in that kind of family… I don't think I can handle the pressure.

Patricia: Believe me, I can't too. I used to think I should be able to achieve greatness later in life and someone people looked up to.

Patricia: Look at me now, I don't know what I want to do but it should be fine, I guess.

Deuce: I hope you will be able to fine something you want to do in life soon, Venenum senpai!

Patricia: I hope so too, but for the moment I'm okay with things going this way.

Part 2

Deuce: I will move on to the next question, senpai.

Deuce: “What is your favourite class?”

Patricia: I'm great at potionlogy and ancient curses, but I must say the class I like the most is… conjuration.

Patricia: Conjuration is such a fascinating subject to learn, I'm just pretty good at it though, nothing special.

Patricia: Then of course I like something which I'm the best at. I won't say potionlogy or ancient curses since there's Vil and Leona, but mathematics is where I excel almost in all areas.

Deuce: I can't imagine mathematics as people favourites or best subjects, even more to myself!

Deuce: But of course there is you, Venenum senpai.

Patricia: Thank you for the kind words Deuce, mathematics are actually very easy and simple though. If you need a tutor I would be happy to assist!

Deuce: If you don't mind I will take your tutor offer, thank you so much Venenum senpai!

Patricia: No problem at all, glad I could help.

Patricia: Then maybe we could move on to the next question so we could finish it up quickly.

Deuce: There's no need to rush Venenum senpai! I actually had a few questions to ask you.

Deuce: You haven't elaborate yet, why do you find conjuration so fascinating?

Patricia: Mmmh, I will say because it's something new that I never learned before coming to NRC.

Patricia: I mean creating something from nothing with a spell. That blows every other magic.

Patricia: I do want to excel at it but I couldn't be bothered to give extra effort when I could just pass.

Deuce: I couldn't relate to it at all, I have to study hard even to get a passing grade!

Deuce: People would call you a 'natural' is that true? Am I using it right?

Patricia: Not at all, I just lucked out since I have a smart face.

Patricia: The teacher that teaches us alchemy, my worst subject by the way. Always tell me that I slacked off and if I wanted to I will pass.

Patricia: So, she gave me a second chance since she didn't believe I was giving my best efforts.

Deuce: I think maybe because your aura radiates 'smartiness' is it even a right vocabulary to say?

Patricia: Ahahaha I don't know honestly. But it also means people expect you to be smart all the time.

Patricia: And I'm not that good, there are some subjects I feel helpless too, I don't like being depended on all the time.

Deuce: I get it, I'm the opposite though.

Deuce: I will work hard to become a dependable person but Venenum senpai can depend on me anytime if you want to!

Patricia: Thank you Deuce, I will make sure to do that in the future hopefully soon enough.

Patricia: Or maybe now, like using your ex delinquent history to become Vil and mine bodyguard when we are shopping in the city!

Deuce: I'm not that person anymore Venenum senpai!

Patricia: If you say so! But my offer still stand.

Deuce: Please don't tease me senpai, then let us move onto the next question!

Part 3

Deuce: We have arrived at the last question for today.

Deuce: “What would you like to do in the coming year?”

Patricia: I don't know actually… I think you know about that based on my previous answers.

Deuce: Is there maybe an activity or something you wished to do in the upcoming year?

Patricia: There's absolutely nothing… Although there is something I want to prevent.

Deuce: That's an odd thing to say, but what is it you want to prevent from happening?

Patricia: I want Vil to stop thinking I could be the next housewarden of Pomefiore.

Deuce: Schoenheit senpai did? That means he really believed in you. What an honour to have!

Deuce: It must be because you are a spectacular student among your peers then, senpai.

Patricia: This is not an honour nor am I the best for the role.

Patricia: Look at me, Deuce! How can you look me in the eyes and say I will fit into the role of housewarden?

Patricia: I can't and I don't want to lead people, I don't really want to be the one responsible to manage them.

Patricia: However, Vil is so eager to groom me to be his successor and he is confident I will pass the requirements.

Patricia: Maybe I will fumble it, one day I wake up and I don't know how to make a venomous potion.

Deuce: You can't do that Venenum senpai, maybe who knows? You are a great fit in it!

Patricia: If I'm pushed to I can, but if I have the option to not do it then why should I?

Deuce: Schoenheit senpai must be pretty disappointed, but I'm sure he will understand if you feel strongly about it.

Patricia: I have refused it NUMEROUS TIMES, believe me but Vil keeps insisting on this.

Patricia: He says I'm too lazy when I actually have the capabilities but I don't have it! Seriously, I don't!

Deuce: Maybe you just have to try…? I mean who knows if you are actually good at it once you got the role, senpai.

Patricia: No, no and no. I will not become the next housewarden of Pomefiore, I simply can't.

Patricia: I will do my utmost best to refute Vil of this silly joke out of his mind, wish me luck.

Deuce: I wish you all the best whatever the outcome is. Patricia-senpai, thank you very much for answering my questions today!

Deuce: Please accept this broom, senpai!

Patricia: This is so pretty, I love the flowers in this bouquet at the end of it.

Deuce: I don't know much about flowers, but I think it looks good with you standing next to it, Venenum senpai.

Patricia: Thank you, I quite love the colour scheme on this.

Patricia: Aaah, and here comes the thing I dreaded the most. But I have to do it. If you don't see me arriving on the birthday road, I'm probably dead by then.

Deuce: Please don't say such things, senpai! I'm sure you can do it!

Patricia: Fine, I will. But don't you dare laugh at my attempt.

Patricia: Ah, I will try to look with my utmost grace in a desperate hour.

#twst.tag #twst #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc #twisted wonderland #deuce spade

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euijin · 1 year

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some of y'all know and some of u don't but being chronically ill is one of my Things. i won't get into the whole tragic backstory or anything if y'all want to know more u can dm me idm talking about it at all but asdafsdgdg i had my appointment with my specialist doctor that i've been seeing every 3-6 months for the past eight years since i was diagnosed with my illness today and. she told me i was doing well on my own and that she wasn't doing anything to help me anymore and that she thought it was time she cuts me loose, essentially meaning...i am Better Enough to not have to see her regularly anymore. she said ofc i can make an appointment with her any time if i have problems but the regular checkins aren't necessary, i have Graduated sick person school 🥳

i didn't think i was going to get into it too much but i feel like some context is important so content warning for suicidal thoughts/depression/general shitty health i guess

i managed to not cry like a baby over this until now when i'm finally home and sitting down with some time to myself and it's honestly so surreal. i have had health problems my entire life and i remember when i was like. 13 years old. being too sick to go to school anymore and being in so much physical and emotional pain that i would Pray that i would die every day. i genuinely feel so sad for baby carly she suffered so much, and the thing about having health problems that essentially steal your life from you is that you become physically incapable of planning for the future because you don't know if you're going to be too sick to do this or that or if it'll even be possible for you, so i never really thought about what i wanted to do with my life, i just didn't think about the future At All. i tried to come to terms with the fact hat i would probably be sick my entire life and tbh yeah i will be, my illness is highly treatable but never Really goes away in its entirety, it will flare up in the future too. but somehow i never really considered the fact that one day...i would be healthy enough to not need to go to the doctor every three months anymore? i used to go to the doctor Every Week.

and i'm looking at my life now and like...i'm back in school...sure i only take two classes a semester and it's taking me five years to get a degree that was supposed to take me two years, but...i'm in school?? i have a 4.0 even after finishing my required math and science courses? and i don't have an Actual Full Time Job but i DO have a source of income and i am getting paid to write which is my favorite thing to do in the world. like yeah i'm 26 i have never even been on a date in my life but like...i'm still here??? and i've grown so much? it's only march and i've already done more this year than past carly ever dreamed i could?? the entire past month i've just been floored by the fact that i never could've done any of this in the past, and apparently my doctor sees it too and now i am just. Better Enough. to live my life how i want to now. and that's so crazy overwhelming and kind of scary but also exciting. to finally look at things and think...yeah i think i can do that. instead of "what if i'm not healthy enough." to be able to look at the world as a bunch of things i can do now instead of things i can't...like maybe i will actually learn to drive and get out of this dumb midwestern town and become a journalist and maybe it is possible for me to have goals and dreams that i can actually achieve. it's so hard to wrap my head around because i never really allowed myself that possibility before

this is a lot of rambling just to say ???? i don't even know dude ASDFSDGG i just feel so happy and proud of myself...and i feel so happy for my past self too, there have been lots of times in my life that i feel like past me would be so disappointed that i haven't done more with my life but today i wish i could tell 13 year old carly that we made it. and that we will be okay and that i can promise that for a fact. and i feel so proud of the me that felt like she couldn't do Anything for just surviving those days because even those days helped me get to today and to become the me that is well enough to not have to go to the doctor more than once a year anymore. and it's not like Everything Is Better And Perfect And Great, there will still be shit days and there's still a lot to work on and a lot more growing to do but wow. things are so much less shit now than they were 10 years ago, or even five years ago, and being able to Feel that so strongly after so long is just so rewarding. i honestly can't even put it into words, i could type about 5000 more and i'm pretty sure it still wouldn't be enough.

tl;dr wow turns out the "things get better" bullshit isn't bullshit after all. it just turns out that sometimes even the shit is part of the "getting better." i hope that if you're going through a hard time now that by next year, or in the next five years, or ten years, you'll be able to look back on this difficult time and be proud of yourself for surviving it, and that you'll also be happy for your past self, and be in a position to tell the you of today that you made it and will be okay. bc if it can happen to me!! it can happen to anyone trust me okay.

#carly.txt #long post #shit sure is long now that i'm looking at it on dash good gawd #i think i could've kept talking btu That Is More Than Enough #i ran out of tissues so i am wiping my snot with napkins now. disgusteng #crybaby (me)#i am starting to feel my age and i mean that in the best way possible #went from being mentally 16 to mentally 21 today alone i think #still have five years to go but u know. u take it one day at a time #thank u to anyone that read all of this i appreciate you #and i hope you all know i am desperately rooting for you even when i'm not around

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chill-that-ur-inmyhead · 11 months

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What are three names you like that start with the same letter as your fist name? Hailey, Harry, Hannah

How old will you turn on your next birthday? 25

What are three things you like about your birth month (besides it being the month your birthday is in)? Aquarius, I like the winter weather and majority of my friends also have their birthday's around that time

…and what are three things you dislike about it? It is close to valentine's day so my ex said that the celebration would be combined (I didn't mind too much but womp womp) It's a day before my mum's birthday and I used to hate that it was usually during school time

List three celebrities that are the same height as you. Emma Watson, Selena Gomez and Jennifer Anniston (WIN)

Are you happy with your height, or do you wish you were shorter or taller? Why? I wouldn't mind being 5'6 or 5'7 but no taller

Which family member did you inherit your hair colour from? Probs my dad's side of the family.

List three things in nature that are the same color as your eyes. 👀 Grass, leaves, trees lol

Are you happy with your current weight, or do you wish you weighed more or less? No way, less pls.

If applicable, how many pounds do you want to lose? 2 stone

How many years has it been since you were last a student enrolled in school? 🏫 I am still enrolled in university but will be graduating this year :)

What was your favourite class in high school? I really enjoyed maths class mainly because I got put into a group where we could work at the same pace and it was really supportive class!

How many sisters do you have? Zero.

How many brothers do you have? Uno.

If you had a twin sister, what would she be named? Maybe Imogen since that is another name my parents liked.

How many dogs have you had in your lifetime? 🐶 Sadly zero

How many cats have you had in your lifetime? 🐈 Sadly zero

Do you prefer dogs or cats? Rabbits hehe

Where was your dad born? Hertfordshire

Where was your mum born? Leicestershire

Where were you born? Essex

Have you ever met anyone unrelated to you that had the same last name as you? Yes, very common last name

How many sister-in-laws do you have? Zero

How many brother-in-laws do you have? Zero

How many nieces do you have? Zero

How many nephews do you have? Zero

How many of your grandparents are still living? Two

Are you good at taking pictures? 📸 I try

What are three things you’ve been complimented on? My smile, my hair and my lipstick application haha

What is your dream job? Lawyer - hopefully a good one

…and are you currently working in your dream job? I am!

Do you consider yourself spiritual? Hmm I think so but not too sure

Do you consider yourself religious? Yes but in a non-traditional sense

Do you have a positive or negative view of the word “religion”? Bit of both. It offered a good community for me when I was growing up and for my family but on the other side I have seen it used in the name of hatred and that sucks.

Do you have a positive or negative view of the word “spiritual”? I think spiritual has become a term where people want to distance themselves from traditional religion. I think that is good but I do think it isn't taken as seriously unfortunately.

Who is the most spiritual person you know? I don't know any personally or we haven't had that discussion yet.

When was the last time you stepped foot inside of a church? ⛪️ Years ago and probs for midnight mass

Do you regularly attend church? Why or why not? ⛪️ Not anymore. I think worship can happen anywhere and a church is not mandatory.

Have you ever been to a mosque? 🕌 nope

Have you ever been to a synagogue? 🕍 Yes on a school trip

What is your favourite religious holiday? Christmas is pretty good.

If applicable, does your faith mean a lot to you? Yes

Do you have the same worldview as your parents? I suppose but it probs deviates from time to time

Have you ever attended a Christian school? 🏫 Yes

How often do you pray? 🙏 Not actively.

Have you ever danced in church? 💃 Sang yes but not danced

Have you ever been baptized, and if so, where and how were you baptized? 🌊 Yes, as a baby in a catholic church

How many presidential elections have you voted in? 🗳️ I do not have presidential elections in my country :)

Are you happy with the current state of your nation? We need improving ofc

How many different medications do you normally take daily? 💊 none

Which medication(s) do you hate the most, and why? Not taken enough to know.

Is your current doctor a male or female? Depends who the appointment is with but last appointment I had a male doctor.

Do you prefer male or female doctors? Why? I haven't had a problem where I think I would feel more comfortable with a woman but I can imagine that would be a reason why

How is your mental health? How has it been lately? Feeling overwhelmed with exams finishing but also the idea of the unknown for what is next.

#suverys #spicynightlife #08/06/23

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capriciouswriter207 · 2 years

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gonna be not doing this anonymously because I wanna get the notification bwihidhoqjojfoqhoxh

Uh, heya, it's been quite awhile, hasn't it? I haven't had like any time she says as she started reading a new manga as well lots of fanfics on A03 only a few days ago. Well not enough time to actually go and catch up on this, I've decided to try and do that in my summer holidays, which take over a month to come still too, 5 weeks to be precise. 1 week of that is work experience, one day meeting someone that will tell us about how he was in the DDR prison and then getting bought out by the BRD, then also 1 day going to an art museum with my class and I think that should be all, plus period that will make me unable to attend probably like 6 days again, sighs.

Well anyways, how have you been? And all the fabulous anons? How has writing gone? Are your projects going well?

Personally I've for June done an art challenge thing, 1 drawing per week. Had to postpone the next two drawings each by 3 days though because I need to study.

But hey! I at least improved in history! I got one of the better grades in my class, it feels like everyone is failing history tho tbh. I do not want my latin exam back tho. Write physics last Monday, this will decide if I fail this school year or not I'm pretty sure. Tomorrow I'll have an English exam but that's gonna be easy ngl, just gotta finish the last 3 sides of the book we have to read. math exam is next Tuesday, the topic is kinda easy, I think. And a lot more. We also will have to do presentations now in geography, in hopes that will save my geography grade too.

I have fallen in love with the manga "Mairimashita! Iruma-kun!" in hopes I wrote that correctly lol. It's really nice. Can only recommend. Did you like Lizzie's musical? Are you excited for season 2 this Saturday?

Hope you've a nice day/night/wherever you are! Before I leave here I'll show my drawings up to now for FairyTaleJune, first one was Light second one was Darkness!

-I wish you an awesome summer, Star the anonymous (well not so much rn) witch <3

Hi! It's been a while indeed, good to see you again!

It's been a bit quiet over here, but that's mostly on me. I should've probably realized that, with the raye I wqs trying to pump out stories, it wouldn’t last. And it didn't, I got a bit of a writing burn-out that I'm still slowly trying to crawl out of. My biggest problem is that I either write 4000 words per day for three months straight or I don't write anything at all, so trying to find a balance in there has been hard. Took a bit of a writing break, during which I binged all of Critical Role campaign three and I'm now fully caught up. Been doing some crocheting as well, nothing too big, taking it easy. No good news on the job hunting front, though - but hey, what can you do when people turn you down because "you'd be perfect for the job if your verbal communicative skills were better" (bad paraphrase)? I’m just gonna keep trying to find something.

As for the projects, I've decided that announcing what I'm gonna be working on stuff for accountability meant putting maybe a bit too much pressure on myself that resulted in stress as I progressively couldn't keep up, so I'm not doing that anymore. Wither AU is kept mostly alive by asks and I haven't updated Fear the Wither in months, and probably won't be in the near future because of empires season 2. Tabula rasa and the Caesar House are still actively being worked on, though I may not be doing tumblr posts for Caesar House anymore (should probably make that into a separate post...). I've shelved any other story ideas I've mentioned because I know me - I want to write all the stories and I simply don't have the time and I hate not being able to show you these stories, but I can't force myself to work on them. It wouldn't be fair to you to deliver a product my heart's not in anymore.

I have seen Lizzie’s musical, it was amazing, love it! Don't really have a favorite song yet, letting that simmer in the back of my mind a bit. And I'm very excited for empires season 2, I’m sure it’ll make me hyperfixate and resurrect this blog with random snippets. Can't wait to see where people will settle, with what theme they'll go and who the new twelfth member is. It's gonna be so much fun!

It’s been good talking to you, Star. good day/afternoon/night to you, too! Those drawings look great!

#message board #it was fun talking to you again #amazing drawings

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kpop---scenarios · 4 years

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Over Time

Commissioned by: @my-loves-18

Pairing: Shownu x Reader

Warning: Mentions of Violence, Angst, Smut

Word Count: 3.8k

"You're just jealous." Your best friend, Steph chuckles, nodding her head towards Shownu with his arm wrapped around a girl.

"Jealous of what exactly?" You scoff while rolling your eyes.

"Hey, Y/N." Shownu yelled from across the lawn. Despite you hating him and your assumed dislike he had for you, he still tried to get under your skin. Well not tried, succeeded. He enraged you, not made you jealous.

Pfft.

You may be a lot of things, but jealous was not one of them.

"You have to make a comment everytime you see him with a girl, or just see him in general, Y/N, and with me dating Wonho we're around him alot." She says.

You know she's right, but it's not like you dislike him for no reason. You had two, and to you they were very valid.

The first one, you hated the way he treated women. Every party you went to, his arm was wrapped around a new girl every time, when you'd see him out, he was with a new one. You'd heard plenty of girls crying in the bathroom after just seeing them together, and it wasn't hard for you to put two and two together. He was a typical frat guy, who did the typical frat guy thing of sleeping with a ton of girls and throwing them out after he was done with them. You didn't care if he slept with thousands, just treat them better.

The second thing that made you really despise him, was the fact that he dropped a beer on you at your first frat party of your Sophmore year and laughed while high-fiving his friends, leaving you completely embarrassed.

"Whatever, I'm not jealous. I have class." You say, giving her a small wave before walking away.

It was the first day of your junior year and you wanted this one to be the best one yet, since you knew next year was going to be your last.

You walk into your math class, scoping out the people you would be with for the next few months, when one person in particular caught your eye.

Kim Namjoon.

You had seen him around campus last year, and the immediate attraction you had felt for this man was powerful. He crossed your mind off and on all throughout the summer and you made a vow that you would talk to him if he was ever in one of your classes.

Taking a deep breath, you walk over to where he was sitting and clear your throat.

"This seat taken?" You ask Namjoon, sliding in beside him before he can even answer.

"No." He coughs, clearing his throat, and goes ahead. "Hi, I'm Namjoon." He says, holding his hand out for you to shake.

Oh you know.

"Y/N." You smile, excited to see what this year brings.

Over the next few days, you and Namjoon are unable to stop talking to each other. Your heart skips a beat everytime you see him, the butterflies in your stomach act up whenever you even think about him.

Was this love? Is this what it felt like? Because if it was, you were here for it.

However, everytime you interacted with Namjoon in any way, you felt like someone was staring at you, as if someone was burning holes in your back. Finally after a week, you got tired of it, turning around to see who had an issue.

Shownu sat there with his arms crossed, eyes staring right at you and Namjoon. You could see Namjoons face become frightened as he quickly looked away from Shownu, looking almost guilty.

"God that guy." You mumble, feeling annoyed.

"You know him?" Namjoon asks, avoiding eye contact.

"Kinda. Same friend group. My best friend is dating his best friend." You say.

"So you're not close with him?" Namjoon asks, looking relieved. You shake your head no, which makes Namjoon smile but for some reason, this smile felt different. It was cold and creepy, but you shrugged it off, not thinking too much into it.

Later that evening, you sat inside the frat house, gushing about your week with Namjoon to Sarah when Wonho and Shownu walked in the room.

"Kim Namjoon?" Wonho asked, sitting beside Sarah, wrapping his arm around her.

"The one and only." You chuckle.

"Careful with him. We've heard things." Shownu says, plopping down on the couch opposite of you.

"Pfft. What things?" You scoff, not believing him.

"His last girlfriend went missing, Y/N." Shownu says. "Just be careful." He finishes, standing up and walking towards the front door.

Your stomach dropped.

Was it true?

On Friday you woke up grumpy as all hell. Shuffling your feet down the hall, you enter the kitchen where Sarah stands, drinking a cup of coffee while you yawn largely.

"Late night?" She asks, pouring you a cup of coffee.

"Yeah, I don't know. What Shownu said to me was playing through my head, but I don't know if I believe him." You tell her.

"Just be careful. I don't have a good feeling." She tells you, with a sympathetic smile.

That weekend you spent your days not doing homework, no, you spent your time googling everything you could find related to Namjoon and his previous girlfriend and what you came up with was astonishing.

Nothing. You found nothing that linked Namjoon to any type of disappearance. You read about a young girl going missing, but Namjoons name was nowhere to be found. That was when you decided to not take anything Shownu had to say seriously. Clearly he enjoyed just fucking with you and making you panic.

Saturday night you went back to the frat house for a party, hoping to see Namjoon there, along with hoping that maybe, just maybe Shownu would sit this one out but to your luck, he didn't.

The moment you walked in, you felt a pair of eyes on you. Looking around you see Namjoon staring at you. You smile at him, walking towards him but something stops you, another pair of eyes, burning into your skin. Looking up you see Shownu staring at you, his eyes going in between you and Namjoon. He shakes his head no to you, telling you not to go over there. You roll your eyes, walking to Namjoon anyways. You didn't understand what Shownu's deal with you was. He only likes to crack jokes at your expense and taunt you, why was he acting like this now that you were interested in someone?

Sarah had told you it was because he was into you, but you couldn't believe that. There were no signs, he was always mean to you. Plus you did not like him at all. She was delusional, right?

"Y/N. Can I talk to you?" You hear from behind you. Shownu standing there, looking worried.

"No Shownu. Butt out." You sigh, walking away.

You ignored the nagging feeling in your stomach as you walked towards Namjoons extended hand, ready to see where the night took you.

Monday morning you walked into your classroom, a smile on your face that you could not shake. Your night with Namjoon had gone perfectly. The two of you had gone for a walk before going to get some ice cream and then sat at a 24 hour Cafe and just talked. You talked about everything, family, friends, school, life. It was perfect and you were falling hard.

"Are you okay?" You hear, making you come out of your happy bubble.

"I'm fine why?" You ask, looking at Shownu with a blank stare.

"Just checking. Sorry." He mumbles, walking back to his seat as Namjoon glares at him, sitting beside you.

Over the next few weeks, your high of going out with Namjoon began to quickly dwindle into becoming scared of him. If you didn't call him back within two minutes he got very angry.

"Hey , sorry I was talking to Sarah." You laugh, the phone against your ear.

"Yeah sure. Probably fucking someone else like a whore." Namjoon spit.

"What? No, I was literally talking to Sarah." You whisper.

"Yeah, you better have been." He snaps before hanging up.

If you ignored him, he showed up at your apartment.

Sunday night you heard a frantic knock at your door.

Knock

"Open up Y/N! I know your home!" He yelled through the door. You quickly unlocked the front door, Namjoon pushing his way inside. "Why are you ignoring me!" He yells. "Who's here!? Where is he? I heard shuffling. You're probably hiding him in the bathroom, aren't you?" He yells, storming to the bathroom.

"Im studying!" You say, pointing to your books scattered across the floor. "This is too much." You sigh. He apologizes after looking in the bathroom, the crazy in his eyes still lingering.

The two of you weren't even dating yet and he was very controlling and possessive and you didn't want it.

On Monday you sat at the opposite end of the classroom, away from Namjoon. You could feel his eyes burning into your skin. You turned around and saw Shownu staring at him, making sure he knew he was watching.

"Why didn't you sit with me?" Namjoon asked, grabbing your hand as you exited the room, pulling you to a corner.

"Look, I don't want to see you anymore. I'm done. Leave me alone." You say, walking away and feeling relieved.

With your head down, you continue walking down the hall, accidentally bumping into someone on your way. "I'm so sorry." You say, looking up to see Shownu standing there.

"No worries5." He smiles at you, making you smile.

"Look.. I'm sorry I've been butting in with you and Namjoon. The dudes just not right." Shownu expresses.

"I know. And I'm sorry for not believing you.. I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. He's scaring me." You tell him.

You're not sure why you were telling this to Shownu. Maybe it was the fact that he had been so nice to you, so concerned about you. You weren't sure.

"I'm glad you're okay." He says.

"I still don't like you." You mumble, beginning to walk away.

"Woah, woah, what did I ever do to you?" He asks.

"Seriously? The beer poured all over me?" You scoff. He laughs.

"That was an accident." He says. "It wasn't meant for you specifically, you just happened to be under there." He clarifies.

"Well I don't like the way you treat your conquests." You say, crossing your arms.

"My conquests?" He asks with a laugh.

"The girls you sleep with and the dump." You explain.

"Which girls are those? Because I haven't gotten laid in like 6 months." He laughs.

"Then why are you always with a different girl? Why are some of them crying after being alone with you?" You ask, crossing your arms.

"I do have friends that are girls. And when they're crying, it's usually because they're having issues with their own boyfriends." He chuckles. "Contrary to popular belief, I don't just fuck anything with two legs and a vagina." He tells you. "I only sleep with someone if I like them." He finishes, giving you a small wink before walking away.

Had you really been wrong about him this entire time? Hating hkm for something he wasn't even doing instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. Honestly you felt a little shitty for the way that you had treated him all the time and assumed how he was acting.

Walking to your apartment, you don't feel the gaze of Namjoom on you, as he follows you, making sure you're heading there alone.

As you walk down the street, you can faintly hear the sound of footsteps behind you. You try to peek over your shoulder to see who's there, but you can't see anyone, only your shadow from the dimly lit street lights. Your stomach is in knots as you pick up your pace, just wanting to get home and feel safe.

You round the corner of your apartment, bolting up the stairs as fast as you can, noticing a figure behind you catching up. Your hands shake as you find the key and slide it into the lock, hoping you can make it before he reaches you.

You knew it was Namjoon. You knew he was pissed you wanted to end things, and he knew you were scared of him and he decided to use this to his advantage, knowing when you get scared, you get clumsy.

"Hi baby." He whispers in your ear, covering your mouth with his hand and pushing open the door to your apartment.

You were so close.

That evening Sarah had messaged you reminding you she would be out of town for the week with Wonho, visiting family.

"I remembered. But judging by the look on your face you forgot and hoped she would be home tonight. Sorry baby." Namjoon whispers, stroking your cheek. "So beautiful."

Wednesday.

[7:29pm] Hey Shownu, it's Sarah. Can you check on Y/N? It's been a few days and she hasn't responded to me. I'm worried.

[7:31pm] I'm on my way.

Shownu arrives at your apartment, his hand up ready to bang on the door, when he hears a voice. Pressing his ear to the door, quietly, he immediately recognizes the faint voice of Namjoon. You try to reply but he can only hear mumbles. You couldbt be tied up.. could you?

Shownu juggles back and forth for a minute, deciding what to do, and ultimately he decides to go for the safest bet. He walks away from your door, pulling out his phone to call his cousin, who just happens to be a cop.

"Hey Seo-Joon, it's Shownu. Look, I might be overreacting but…" he goes on to explain the situation and how he thinks you're being held against your will.

"Don't worry, we're on our way. Hang tight." Seo-Joon says, reassuring him.

A few minutes later, Seo-Joon, along with five other officers walk up the stairs, joining Shownu as he points to which apartment is yours.

The police count down before they break down the door, three men rushing in to tackle an unsuspecting Namjoon, who swore up and down everything was consensual, while you barely sat in a chair, rope burns around your wrist and ankles and torso, showing that you had been trying to escape, your body limp and bruise.

Shownu rushes towards you, untying you and holding you until the ambulance comes, riding with you to the hospital and not leaving your side for a minute.

Sarah and Wonho came home as soon as they could, Sarah feeling so guilty about leaving you, even though no one could have truly predicted this.

Namjoon had been arrested and was awaiting trial as you healed from the terrible experience. You were assured you would never have to see him again, as he was now also being looked at for the disappearance of his previous girlfriend.

As time went on, you and Shownu slowly became closer. He visited you at the hospital often, then when you were home, he practically lived in your apartment.

When you got better and started going out, he was always around you, if not beside you, he was close enough that if you needed him, you could call and he would hear you.

The second frat party you attended is where he kissed you for the first time.

You had excused yourself from the dance floor, feeling flushed and a little thirsty, you made your way to the kitchen for a drink. Shiwnu came in behind you asking you if you were okay and if you needed anything. You were leaning against the wall when he walked over to you, his body just barely pressing against yours.

"W-what are you doing?" You ask, your throat suddenly dry.

"Can i see something?" He asks. You nod your head yes, and he leans in for a kiss.

You melted.

He pulled away, smiled and walked away.

Oh boy.

The next week, neither of you talked about what happened at the last party. However, that weekend you found yourself pinned against a wall, your legs wrapped around his waist as he aggressively slid his tongue into your mouth.

Shownu pulls himself away, letting you slowly slide down his body until you're level on the ground.

"Fuck." He groans, giving you a smile and a wink before walking back to the party. You were definitely starting to like him.

You had tried to ask him about it on Tuesday in class, and he told you to "just let it flow."

You weren't sure what he meant, so you left it alone and went on with your week.

That next weekend as you walked into the frat house, your body instinctively moved toward Shownu, but you decided you wanted a drink first. You smiled as tiu stared at the wall that just last weekend he had you pressed against.

"Whatcha smiling at?" Sarah asks, walking behind you to pour herself a beer.

"Ahh, nothing." You nervously chuckle. You knew she'd be happy for you, but honestly you didn't even know what the two of you were, if anything so why get excited over nothing?

You and Sarah took a few shots, getting nice and tipsy before heading to the dance floor. You were feeling a little sad you still hadn't seen Shownu. The song changed as the two of you walked over there. You began rolling your hips to the beat, your eyes finally meeting Shownu's. He lickdd his lips as he watched you dance, shaking your hips and ass, keeping eye contact with him.

When the song finished, you tried to get yourself another drink, but instead of making it to the kitchen, you found yourself being dragged up the stairs by Shownu.

He pulled you into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind you.

"Can I help…" you began before being cut off by his lips.

"You are so sexy." He groans, his lips never leaving yours. He pushes himself against you, letting you feel his hard cock through his jeans.

"I want you." You moan, moving yourself so he will pick you up.

You wrap your legs around him as he moves you to the bathroom counter, sitting you down, never breaking the kiss, grinding his cock into your already wet clothes pussy.

Shownu parts your legs as he pulls your ass closer to the edge of the counter, gripping his large hands tightly to your thighs.

He drops to his knees, pulling down your panties licks, with your help. You both were thanking you for wearing a skirt tonight. Shownu places your legs over his shoulders, leaning you back to get better access. Bending down, he llicks a strip up your already sopping cunt, causing shivers to trickle down your spine.

“Fuck” you groan as he latches his luscious lips to your clit, sucking harshly.

You move your hands to his head, gripping a fist of his hair as he flicks his tongue against your clit, while you grind your self in his mouth.

Shownu reaches his hand up, slipping under your shirt, cupping your breast before pinching your nipple, rolling it in between his fingers.

“Just like that” you cry out. "Fuck." You grunt your orgasm building.

Shownu flicks his tongue faster, switching between using his licking and sucking.

Your grip on him tightens as your orgasm comes closer, a few more long licks and you’re sent over the edge, letting out a string of cries and curses words as your body shudders, harshly grinding yourself against his face.

Shownu pulls away from you, licking his lips with a smile on his face.

You push him back, sliding off the counter before dropping to your knees.

Reaching up you unbutton his pants, yanking them down, along with his boxers, allowing his cock to spring free.

Your mouth waters as you stare at his large, thick cock, his red tip dripping with pre cum. You wrap your hand around his large shift before taking his tip in your mouth, sucking harshly, lapping up the cum.

"Damn baby." He groans, throwing his head back. You begin taking in as much of him as you can, moving your hand from in the way.

You gag on his cock as you deep throat Him, making him hiss in pleasure.

Taking him from deep in your throat, you twirl your tongue around his tip while pumping him at the same time.

"Holy fuck." He moans, not wanting you to stop. "If you wanna fuck, you're gonna have to stop." He cries.

You halt your movements, taking him from your mouth, before standing up and bending over the bathroom counter.

"Fuck me." You cry, shaking your ass for him.

You can hear Shownu groan as he watches you stand there, bent over, waiting for his cock.

"Gladly." He growls, lining himself up with your entrance before pushing himself inside you.

"Your cunt feels so good." He moans, thrusting in and out of you. Your hands grip the counter tightly, your fingertips turning white.

"Harder." You cry. Shownu pounds his cock inside of you, the sound of skin snapping fills the bathroom.

There's a knock at the door that shocks ykh both, but Shownu yells for them to fuck off, his orgasm building.

You rub your clit, your second orgasm coming on quicker than your first, taking no time to wash through your body, making you cry out.

"Shit im gonna cum." Shownu grunts, pulling himself out of you before pumping his cock to cum all over your back. "Fuck I'm sorry." He says, making you chuckle.

"Just loan me one of your shirts." You smile.

"Now that I can do." He says, grabbing your hand to take you to his room.

Later that week Shownu asked you to be his girlfriend, which you happily accepted. He had told you, he knew that over time you'd come around to be with him. And he was right.

It had been a few months and you had never been happier. You and Shownu were still going strong, and Namjoon was being held in prison. Life was actually really good, it felt like nothing could bring the tso of you down.

"Hello?" Shownu says, answering his phone. His face goes confused, putting his phone on speaker.

"Y/N." You hear, it's Seo-Joon.

"Oh, hi." You giggle.

"Look.. i don't know how to tell you this but Namjoon was released. The judge decided there wasn't enough evidence." He sighs.

Your body begins to tremble at the thought of Namjoon roaming the streets again. Just as you feel like you're about to cry, there's a knock at your door, and your stomach drops.

#shownu smut #monsta x shownu #shownu icons #shownu #shownu fanfic #monsta x scenarios #monsta x #monsta x smut #monsta x imagines #monsta x fanfic #son hyunwoo #kpop fanfic #kpop icons #kpop idols #kpop #kpop roleplay #kpop scenarios

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maskthesimp · 3 years

Text

Cold Blooded, Warm Hearted - Malia Tate x Self-Insert

Warnings: mentions of child abuse, general violence and gore, crude language, monsters

If you wish to follow this fanfic more closely (as it will be a full on book hopefully) check my Wattpad in the Pinned post! It just makes everything easier~ XOXO

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Chapter 1: Paths Crossed

"Bring him," a voice rings out, fire crackles as chains gently rattle against parallel stone pillars. Echoes of footsteps ring through the halls, coming to a whisper as they enter an open space, the ground lined with sand, crunching under the small boots of he who entered the ceremony room.

"You, child of Connor, Lord of the West Territories; Here you shall evolve. Shed your skin, accept your heritage and become one of us! Take your first kill, and burn away the weakness that plagues you," the voice continues to boom through the vast space, voices whispering and muttering as the small figure makes it's way closer to the rattling chains, "Are you ready, my child?" The voice booms as a man groans, his chains shake and knock together, the heat of the fire laying ontop of his skin like a blanket waiting leap and turn him to ash, "...I am!".

Two cloaked men, jam their spears to the ground next to the younger figure, and take their place next to the chained man, "It's time for you to evolve," says the left man, "Shed your humanity." Says the man on the right. A chant erupts in the observing crowd, 'kill, shed, evolve...kill, shed, evolve...'

The young, small figure slowly walks towards the rattling chains, and the bare man constricted by them. He looks at his hands as ash red claws crawl their way out of his formerly human finger tips, wine red scales peel back up his arm, waist, chest, neck, and face, amber rings brand his once ivy green orbs. "Kill, shed, evolve," the two men echo, gripping the edges of two stone bowls on either side of the chained man, filled to the brim with molten rock, glowing with the licks of flames. The ash red claws glint in the light of the flames, and swing down, sending flicks of blood to the ground, as they melt into the already red scales of the young figure's hands.

The chant continues, over and over again, 'kill, shed, evolve, kill, shed, evolve..', the first stage having been complete. The child winces in fear and nearly stumbles back, but holds himself steady, as the two men release the heated rocks onto the scaled child. A piercing scream erupts into a roar as flames slither their way across the child's body, when he opens his eyes in agony, the burning Amber rings are replaced by a now cold, blue glow.

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[Beacon Hills High-school, Last Period]

"Hey do you guys wanna study after hours?" Stiles asks, standing up from his seat. "I need to, I have a maths test coming up soon," Malia responds, a slight pout growing on her face as she reminds herself of her least favourite class. "Cool, I'll help you out!" A tall, dark boy stands from his seat aswell, Scott, he follows his girlfriend, Malia, and his best friend, Stiles, out of the classroom. They make their way up the stairs, running into their resident Banshee, and Stiles' girlfriend, Lydia, eventually reaching the doors of the library.

They settle down at one of the central desks, each opening their books and beginning to study for their respective classes. "Ya know, we haven't had anything supernatural happen in the past few months, it gives me bad tingles in my feet, like something is gonna happen soon," Stiles squirms in his seat with his his chin resting in his palm, Lydia agrees with Stiles, "Yeh you're right, it does seem weird doesn't it? Maybe The Beast was the last big bad in Beacon Hills. Seems fitting that our last one would be the first Werewolf killed by an Argent." Scott turns to his friend, somewhat rolling his eyes, "C'mon Stiles, you're being paranoid! Not everything is supernatural in this town, we can go one year without finding a body, or having kidnappings, or giant phantom werewolves tearing people apart!" Stiles looks down at his open book, a concentrated frown on his face, "Yeh I guess you're right.."

The conversation moves on, everyone but Stiles focusing on other things. A few minutes pass, before Stiles pipes up about a new face who's entered the library,with long brown and blonde hair, light denim jeans, and a black jacket. "Who's that? I don't recognise them from the new Freshmen, are they a transfer student?" The person wanders over to the Anthropology section, also known as where the stories on Mythological creatures are, "I think so, I've seen them at the Jujitsu hall, I think they were signing up," Malia answers Stiles' characteristically unrelated and random question. She gazes off at the new figure, watching them wander around, their raw fingertips glazing over the spines of each book they pass, until eventually they stop and open one, setting themselves down at a desk behind theirs. Scott turns to his girlfriend, a confused expression stapled to his face, "Why were you near the jujitsu Hall? None of us have a single class near there." Malia directs her attention back to Scott and her friends, her focus on the new teen broken, "Hm? I find it entertaining, why else?" She says as if it's blatantly obvious, which to her friends; it is, almost confused as to why Scott would even bother asking. "They seem like they're around our age, I'm just surprised anyone is even bothering coming to Beacon Hills High anymore, let alone what appears to be a transfer student." Lydia looks up from her notes, also oddly transfixed by the person, who is now deeply involved in their own selected book, "You sure they're our age, Lydia? They're kinda short, maybe puberty is stuck in traffic for them," a chuckle comes from the group's friends Liam, Corey and Mason as they sit down next to the main four, with Scott's Beta, Liam glancing at them each one at a time as a silent greeting. "No, they likely have some form of Dwarfism, a condition that essentially puts a limiter on how tall someone can grow, although there's hundreds of different types so I can't for sure say which one they may have.." Lydia responds almost distantly, still keeping a keen yet seemingly misty eye on the new kid, everyone taking a glance at her, not at all surprised by her scientific knowledge anymore, before they all go back to silently watching the figure.

After a while Stiles stands up, and begins making his way towards the new kid's desk, but not before Scott questions what he's doing, "I'm gonna go talk to them! Every time a mysterious new student shows up something happens, what if we have another Liam? Another time bomb?" Stiles points out, accidentally taking a small dig at their friend with I.E.D, "Hey! That was Scott's fault, I didn't come here as a wolf!" Liam retorts, glaring at Stiles with a frustrated gesture, "Well technically you got yourself tossed off the side of a building, so it was sorta your fault," Mason pipes up, "That was the wendigo's fault! Not mine!" The Beta reminiscences over the time he got bitten by Scott, when he fell off the hospital roof after he was hunted by a hungry Wendigo. "Alright enough! I'm going to talk to this kid and see what their deal is, okay?" Stiles eventually interrupts the debate, settling to try and conversate with this strange new face, "Who's to say they're anything at all? You don't need to be suspicious of every new person ya know," Malia points out to Stiles, shrugging her shoulders, "listen I always trust my gut, they transferred to Beacon Hills High even after everything that's happened here, and oh look! They're reading a book on supernatural creatures! That's not suspicious at all!" The skeptic says sarcastically, before stumbling over to the desk the young figure is sitting at.

He sets himself down clumsily, glancing between the person and their book, "So..a fantasy lover?" Stiles awkwardly asks the stranger sitting before him, he looks up from his reading in an almost panicked state, suddenly closing his book most of the way, "Oh um--..Hi, yeh, just studying for History," They let out a small, awkward chuckle before introducing themselves, "Cael by the way!" They reach out, shaking Stiles' hand as he too introduces himself, "So, you a fan of Mythology too, huh?" Cael attempts to break the Ice a little, worried that his social anxiety was showing, "Yeh," Stiles stares at the back of Cael's chosen book, somewhat zoning out while reading the title; 'The Extensive History and Physiology of Dragons throughout History'. "So, you're a dragon lover aswell then?" Stiles questions the kid's taste in History so Cael explains their history project, "Pff no, I have quite the distaste for them in fact, the history project is to study a part of any culture that we fear, whether it be real, religious, or historical events that took place in a Country's past," he awkwardly shifts in his seat, explained away by his discomfort with the Winged creatures depicted in his selected book, "So, what makes you dislike them so much, just scary? Or a separate reason..?" Stiles lightly stares at the androgynous figure sitting across from him with suspicion he hopes isn't noticeable, "Because they're the most scientifically realistic, in most cases," he responds with a deadpan and almost cold stare. Stiles' mind starts running wild with theories on every word Cael spoke, the way he said them, and other meanings of what he could've meant, his gut giving him more feeling than ever that Cael wasn't who they said they were.

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[Scott's House]

"Scott I'm telling you! This kid is shifty as hell! I checked with some of the people in his class, and they don't have a history homework even close to what he described!" Stiles points out his evidence for Cael's lying, showing his continued distrust for the young lad, "Maybe he just wanted to learn about Dragons, people have interests, Stiles!" Scott argues with his friend, while he watches him rummage through his desk, clearly searching for something, "Why would he lie about something like that? What's the point of lying about an interest in something such as dragons? Why not tell the truth, unless the truth is something you wish to keep hidden?" Stiles finally appears to find what he's looking for, he holds up a hard drive that Scott recognises, the Bestiary that used to belong to the Argents.

Stiles plugs in the Bestiary to his computer, and loads up the index. He scrolls down to the Dragons section and look through it for a while, reading some useful parts out loud; "Much like other shape shifters, dragons appear as human...Dragons have various species among their communities...they have a similar hierarchy system to ancient Kings and Queens of the English Empire..." Scott looks over Stiles' shoulder, silently reading along with him, "Stiles you should head to bed, it's late and we can talk more tomorrow. Listen if something is up with this kid, then we'll eventually find out, but other than a natural interest in fire breathing lizards, he hasn't acted suspicious in the slightest." Stiles turns his spinning chair around to face Scott, "Scott, he said he hates dragons and has a fear of them," Scott's face sinks with confusion, he asks what the skeptic is talking about and Stiles responds, "Whenever I was talking to him, he said that he had a really bad fear of Dragons, when I asked why all they said was because they're the most likely supernatural creature to be exist, is that not in the least bit suspicious?" The Werewolf stands up properly, thinking in silence for a few seconds, "Scott you didn't trust me with Theo, or when I realised I was the one who wrote Kira's name on the chalk board, I just need you to trust my gut this one time!" Stiles begs his friend to go along with his hunch, but Scott seems to be somewhat distant, until he snaps his head up "He could be a hunter! Maybe he's not a supernatural but a hunter!" Stiles claps his hands and points a praising finger towards his best friend, "Yes! Now you're following along! That explains why he was researching dragons, he wasn't studying them for himself, he was trying to figure out ways to defend himself or--"

"Kill them.." Scott quickly interrupts, his gaze sinking to the floor, "That's it, tomorrow we inform the rest of the Pack, and we find him. We'll question him, if my hunch is right and he's a hunter, then he poses a risk to all of us. Including any humans who are involved with protecting the supernatural, aka me! I only have a metal bat to protect myself so it'd be nice to have a heads up on this guy!" Stiles retorts with a snarky undertone, Scott nods his head, agreeing and saying goodnight to his partner in crime before heading home, the last thing he needs is his girlfriend climbing through the window to find his room Scott-less.

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#scott mccall #lydia martin #derek hale #stiles stilinski #liam dunbar #teen wolf #teen wolf fanfiction #self insert #self ship #malia tate #fanfic #self insert fanfic #canon x self insert

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tears-of-boredom · 3 years

Text

Huge rant alert

Its a bad night. I dont know whether it was the stupid imaginary I created, the lawyer drama I've been watching all day or me checking out clothes because even fucking that can set me off. Not feeling going to a hospital or anything this time, I just hate my fucking life. It could be so much better. I could be telling all this shit to a real person rather than spilling it online so I feel like someone's listening when I know for a fact that no one is. I really, really wish my sister or my older brother could read me like a book or something but rhat would probably mean that they would have to actually know me. I haven't shared anything about my personal life-that actually matters- to anyone since I was probably ten. At least not to a person who isn't getting paid for it. God that one bitch(i dont mean it as an insult) I had to talk to, she had this giant pimple or something on her jaw the whole time, I was so confused on why she didn't remove it or something. I would've scratched it probably on accident. I have never asked a single person about their day. The last time I was hugged it was either by a shifter at my going away party at the foster place or whatever the fuck its called because english can be stupid sometimes, and sometimes other languages have better words than it does, or it was my mom who forcibly came into my room demanding that I say why I didn't go to school when I very fucking clearly didnt want to talk, and then she had the gaull to hug me anyways when I didn't "take up the offer". I haven't been to school for god knows how long. I literally don't remeber when I was last at that place, maybe in February, or maybe it was in April but I do not fucking remember and you know why I don't remember? Because I don't feel the need to remember pointless shit. School does not matter to me anymore. I do not care if I can't get a job. It's very easy to find a sharp knife. I'm going to barely pass this grade. I thought, "I have worked "hard" until this point, I dont want my work to go to waste now do I?". But I haven't worked hard to pass the next grade. Our homeroom teacher's kinda nice, he probably thinks I'm very talented and shit because the two subjects he teaches happen to be one that I can ace in my dreams, literally, and one that I'm actually interested in. I don't like home economics or whatverthefuvk anymore because I embarrassed myself in front of the teacher one time. The teachnical teacher doesn't give you about any choice, even though he really tries to make you feel like you do "wouldn't it be better if you do this?". The maths teacher didn't let me rest my head on the table once even though I was finished with the tasks he gave us, and he has to explain the subject of the day very long before letting us do any actual work. The mother tongue bitch has just a very annoying voice, I wanted to like her, she looks like a total lesbian, but her voice is really annoying and the whole subject she teaches is worthless in my opinion. One time I was falling asleep in class(it took many calls of my name to realise that she was standing in front of my desk) and she decided to let the whole class know about it by asking if I can stay behind after class, to which I replied with 'no'. The pause class teachers think they know half of the shit that's going on through my head and base about everything about their demeanor towards me on those assumptions. Every other teacher means about nothing to me because I haven't been in their classes about at all. I want to say

"I just wanna go home"

But that isnt right, but it just feels so right to say it, or rather say it in my mind. The only thing I care about in this world is my cats and my older siblings. The world outside this city isn't real to me. I wont give a shit if our president dies, I literally thought the president changed, for multiple months. I've also been reading about Mary laws and stuff. There's a paper going through some council or whatever. I check its status whenever i remember. I dont remeber the specifics but I think it was three plants, one dried at a time. Latest status update was on 12th of this month. That's literally the only thing that in clinging onto for now. I'm gonna fucking hate old people if it doesn't get passed. No matter who you are, if you're over 50, I dont like you.

#not having a good night #tearful stuff

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