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if-mirrormine · 1 year

Text

tired of losing you

sunmary: during a heated argument, you finally find out how grayson feels.

pairing: grayson x mc

word count: 2097 (yikes)

based on the request: angry love confession

request a drabble here!

**unedited//listen its not my best work but it is what it is**

you don't know where your phone is. truth be told, you don't even care about it that much. the smartphone is big and clunky, uncomfortable to hold and you've dropped it more times than you can count. but everyone was insistent that you use it and that you take it everywhere you go. you can’t blame them; they’re terrified you’re going to disappear at any moment and you are too, but you do miss your old blackberry more than anything.

“mc!” grayson calls suddenly from the other side of the apartment and you pause your searching in the drawers of your desk to see what he wants. you meet him halfway in the passage, an exasperated look on his face. things are not what they used to be with him. he’s still your best friend and you love him more than you've ever loved anyone, but he’s changed almost too much for you to keep up with. he’s always an edge, looking over his shoulder like he’s worried something inexplicably bad is going to happen to you if he’s not prepared for it.

“this was in the pantry,” he tells you, sighing heavily, and it’s then that you realise he’s holding your phone out to you.

“you found it!” you say, offering him a bright smile as you take it from him. you turn it over in your hands, the sleek black screen reflecting your face back to you before it slips from your fingers and smacks against the floor, a curse leaving your lips as you rush to pick it back up. “thank you, gray.”

you look back up at him in time to see him drag his hand over his face, the other planted firmly on his hip. “you need to keep better track of your phone,” he says, his tone pleading and you frown slightly. “this isn’t the first time you’ve just left it somewhere and forgotten about it.”

“i’m sorry,” you mumble, feeling oddly scolded by him. “i’m trying my best.”

he sighs again, his blue eyes finding yours and the hard lines of his face soften slightly. “you need to try harder,” he says as he takes your hands in his, holding onto them tightly in an attempt to convey his desperation to you. “i know this is difficult for you but it’s difficult for me too.”

you can’t help but notice how talks about himself specifically. everytime you’ve gotten this speech, it’s always ‘we this’ and ‘us that’. but now it’s just you, him and the tension that’s been steadily building between the two of you ever since you got back. you don’t know what it is specifically, but you feel your friendship teetering on the edge of the line, either destined for something greater or irreversible damage. you know what you’re hoping for but you can’t say the same for the man in front of you, not when you feel like you no longer know who he is, like he's no longer the man you fell in love with.

he’s talking again, you're watching his lips move, his big blue eyes staring at you imploringly, but you don’t hear a word he says. too wrapped up in your own thoughts, in the tightness crowding your chest. he’s right, you know that, but his words cut deep. you’re not trying hard enough. you can’t shake the feeling that you can’t do anything right, that even though everyone is happy to have you back, you’ve become a burden to them, to grayson. something they need to be constantly worried about. the thought of yet again disappearing without a trace is a constant fear that haunts you, and yet it feels like you're the only one who can't seem to keep it together.

"mc?" he says again, his voice quieter now, almost sounding like he's on the verge of giving up entirely and your heart slams into your ribcage.

"i'm sorry," you squeak out again, your gaze flitting to a different point on his face. you can't focus with those eyes of his staring back at you, begging and pleading for you to stay, for you to not be so reckless. "i'll do better."

he nods, taking a deep breath and you imagine he's trying to convince himself to trust you. glancing down to where he still holds your hands, he hesitantly drops them to shove one of his own in the front pocket of his jeans and drag the other through his hair. "okay," he says, nodding again before looking back at you. "i have to go back to the precinct for a while, kelsey and i have some reports we need to do. please keep your phone on and with you. please, mc."

you nod, unable to speak, fearful that you might cry if you do. he stands there for a moment before he pulls you into him, his arm wrapping you in a side hug that's too awkward for what a hug between you should be.

all too soon he's stepping away from you, mumbling a goodbye and an i'll talk to you later as you watch him leave the apartment. you feel colder without him there with you, the walls starting to close in and you spin on your feet, returning to your bedroom where you set the phone on your night stand and collapse on your bed.

gralex is quick to get up from her perch on your pillows, pressing up against you as she meows for attention. a sad smile curls at your lips as you drag your fingers through her fur and she begins to purr. "at least i can't disappoint you, huh girl?" you mutter and she chirps in response before beginning to knead her paws in your side. you grimace at the sting of her claws but you don't do anything to make her stop. with everyone usually only holding onto you more out of fear of losing you than anything else, you'll take the pure and unadulterated affection anywhere you can get it, even if it hurts.

soon your cat has fallen asleep, her purring coming to an unfortunate end, leaving you alone with your thoughts once more. the silence is deafening and the air is too thick. you can't stay here, doing nothing, withering away until you're nothing more than a husk of the person you used to be. more than that though, you can't keep disappointing everyone around you. least of all grayson.

you stand up suddenly, rushing to your closet to put on shoes and a coat. you need to make things right with him, you have to show him that you meant what you said, that you're done being a burden.

dressed and ready, you press a kiss to the top of gralex's head and grab your keys before leaving the apartment, determination in your step.

you don't know how long you spend out - hours, if the sun sinking lower into the horizon is anything to go off of. you didn't really have a plan for what you wanted to do which meant you spent most of your time walking around, avoiding eye contact with everyone who watched your move and getting lost more than once.

the first thing you did was buy grayson flowers. you'd walked by a street vendor selling bouquets of mixed wildflowers and you couldn't resist. you made sure to choose one you know he'd like; cool colours of blue and purple and a soft floral scent that wasn't too strong, bound together with a bronze rippon.

next you'd somehow managed to find yourself in a polish grocery store where you got a box full of his favourite pastries. you doubt they'd be as good as his mother's recipes but they'd do the trick just fine.

lastly, you bought a bottle of white wine in hopes that with a bit of liquid courage, the two of you can finally get through this strange and awkward phase your friendship seems to be stuck in. you want nothing more than for things to return to how they used to be but you'll settle for just being able to move on.

by the time you get back home, the sun has gone down and you're thankful that your time out gave you a chance to think things over and clear your head.

you're somewhat surprised when you walk in and find grayson sitting on the couch, bent over himself, his eyes on the wall ahead of him and his arms crossed over his knees.

"hey, gray," you say. your voice comes out softer than you would've liked and you clear your throat. when he doesn't reply, you shift awkwardly on your feet, glancing between him and all the items in your hands. "i was thinking we could order in for dinner and for after, i got us some pastries that i think you'll like."

he stands up, slowly turning to face you with unreadable look on his face. wordlessly, he holds up your phone and your eyes widen at the sight of it. you'd forgotten it again.

"shit… gray, i-"

"do you know how many times i called you today?" he asks, cutting you off. you frown at him and open your mouth to respond but he goes on before you get the chance. "what about your mom, you wanna guess? or callie, or kennedy, or alex? hell, even kelsey gave it a try."

"gray…" you whisper, your voice cracking slightly as you say his name but he raises his other hand to stop you from going any further, his face twisting in anger.

"you promised, mc! you promised me you wouldn't forget and yet that's the first you did." he pauses for a second, his hand going to his hair as he takes a deep breath. "do you know how worried i get whenever i hear that stupid fucking voicemail of yours? do you know how many times i've had to relive that moment of you going missing because you can't just do one simple thing?"

tears begin to well in your eyes and you find it difficult to breathe, your chest tightening with each word he throws at you. "i'm sorry," you whisper, the phrase leaving a bitter taste on your tongue. you don't know what else you can say in this moment, you're not sure such words even exist.

he shakes his head and closes his eyes, tears of his own slipping down his cheeks. "that doesn't mean anything anymore!" he shouts and you involuntarily move backward. you've never seen grayson so angry, never heard him raise his voice, so to be on the receiving end of it now is jarring. "i am so terrified of losing you again but i can't keep doing this with you. i love you too much to go on like this."

your eyes widen. despite the severity of this moment, you can't help but latch onto that word and for the first time in a long time, you let yourself hope it means what you want it to. What you need it to.

"you love me?" you ask quietly and he looks at you then, an exasperated laugh leaving him.

"of course i fucking do. i've loved you for half of my life but was i was always too much of a coward to say anything."

before you even know what you're doing, you've dropped everything in your hands and started to walk towards him. you come to stand in front of him and his eyes widen slightly as you raise your hands to him but before he can say anything, you grab him by the neck and pull him down to crash your lips against his.

it's messy. it's desperate. it's so unlike what you thought kissing grayson would be like. but his arms are around you and he's holding you tight and he's kissing you back. all like his life depends on it.

he pulls away first, breathing heavily as he presses his forehead to yours. "i love you so much," he says softly, his eyes squeezed shut. "i can't lose you again."

bringing your hands up to cup his face, you let your eyes flutter shut. in the warmth of his embrace, enveloped by his cologne, you can feel yourself begin to calm down. "you won't," you reply, your voice earnest.

his hold on you suddenly tightens. "promise me."

you tilt your head back and let your lips ghost over his once more, desperate to kiss again and again until your lungs give out.

"i promise."

#i have mixed feelings about this one gang #i feel like it starts strong but then begins to fall about somewhere in the middle #idk #let me know ig #mm: grayson #mirror mine

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ventiswampwater · 8 months

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Ok stupid question but I had to ask BC I love the way you answer things haha 💓💓 (Sorry if that was worded weirdly)

So Jonesy (I think that's the dog's name in House of Wax) from all the Sinclair brothers who do you Jonesy likes the most and who do you think likes Jonesy the best?

it's not weird at all!! now that my HOW brainworms are back, any excuse to ramble incoherently about this dumbass movie and the characters is like. PURE gold. lmao 💀

okay, so imo, vinny is definitely the favorite. the first place where we see jonesy in the movie is in the wax museum and that is def not a coincidence!! they were hanging out!! jonesy just got bored of watching her dad labor over the fine details of the wax titty & wandered upstairs.

they're best friends!! I just know it!! that shot where vincent's turning wade to wax? and jonesy jumps up on the bed? the CUTEST. rip wade 🙏 but?? I adore that sm.

and he takes the puppy w/him when he goes to murder blake & paige. unhinged dog dad behavior if I've ever seen it. I can 100% see them both quietly coexisting in the same space together for hours on end—vincent sculpting and sketching, jonesy napping next to him. padding upstairs in the middle of the night to have a midnight snack. UGH

I v much also subscribe to the line of thinking that lester doesn't live in corpsetown & has a lil shack of his own in the woods. but he absolutely hustles up to the house routinely to bring jonesy weird roadkill snacks and play w/her in the backyard. if anyone in the family is committed to getting her energy out, it's v much him. they're just outside for hours n hours tossing a mangled deer leg around and kicking up dirt. I feel.

as for bo. well. he v much strikes me as the kind of guy who pretends to be fairly ambivalent about the fact they have a dog running around. if jonesy ever stirs up trouble or chews thru smthn, he's the first one to be like, "UH??? it's your fuckin' dog?? I ain't never ask for this??"

v much onery dad energy. he catches vincent giving jonesy some food off his plate and immediately starts talking about how he's spoiling the damn dog and THIS is why she knocked over the garbage can & got coffee grounds and eggshells all over the kitchen floor.

never mind that he's always giving her scraps of whatever random concoction he's eating. she's chowing down on eggo waffles and beef jerky and hostess snacks whenever he's around. but no, it's vincent who spoils her. sure, jan.

he wants a huntin and fishin dog, but he's not much of a hunter or a fisher. so he gets a couch potato that sits next to him while he drinks beer and rewatches old spaghetti westerns. and he totally doesn't care about it or like her. totally.

#I'd love to find out the true origin of the name jonesy tbh. it's fanon. and I know it's a ref to alien.#but like? whomst started using it first? bc everyone has adopted it @ this point #obsessed how this one headcanon took over the whole community omg #that's def a claim to fame lmao #it's cute!! love that our girl has birthed so many cute fan theories #even tho I think? the puppy in the film is also a boy? don't quote me on that but. I THINK #and even tho I'm v in love w/these boys having a female dog. the idea of the pup bein a boy and this whole dumb town just bein Boy Central?#kinda love that idea lmao #@ this point calling the dog anything else in a fic would feel like cognitive dissonance from the fanon. bc it's so v widespread #EDIT: I literally just googled it and found the source! @slash-em-up #and it's not an alien ref actually. she's named after jocelyn jones from tourist trap. v interesting #sinclair brainrot hours #asks #anonymous #long post #when I first got into this fandom I thought about mixing it up in a fic & naming the puppy smthn else.#I almost never mention her in fics bc it bugged me that we didn't have a canon name lmao 😭 bc my brain is wired strangely ig fhsjsgshsgsg #but I love knowing the fanon lore. v nice v cool v tasty

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