#i had to have been like 15 or 16

[magdalenas]

wish you were here by pink floyd is really a song to me personally

#it feels a little worse listening to it rn with all of the everything that's happening rn #esp bc pink floyd is one of his faves :/ #but it also feels good to listen to it from that standpoint in a way #idk we never bonded over it he wasnt like that but the closest we ever got to it was talking about the music #honestly our last good conversation was probably when i was laying on the couch in the porch room listening to while my guitar gently weeps #i dont even remember why but kait and i were there for the night #and he came in and we talked about it and george harrison for a minute #and we both agreed that he was our fave beatle #i had to have been like 15 or 16 #our last meaningful convo was 7 years ago and it was about the beatles wow that's really sad lmao #it wasn't even meaningful it was just so completely about nothing #but we both liked george and i didnt know that was a thing we could experience together i guess #im still going to miss him for the rest of my life

[prophetictattoo]

alex and winona when they first met

#alex was 16 winona was 15 turning 16 #you cant see it here but winona had just gotten her eyebrow piecing #sorry i've been having a flare up of my disease lately i do not feel like making new sims #also does anyone know of cc acne bc i've searched multiple times and have quite literally found nothing #ocs #mysims #show us your sims #cas portraits #sims portraits #maxis mix #ts4 #ts4 cas #sims 4 cas #sims 4 screenshots #thesims #the sims 4 #sims 4 #the sims #simblr #ts4 simblr #oc:alex #oc:winona

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[lesbianjonimitchell]

omg... just sent my resignation of membership to the political party i've been a member of for more than 8 years. a third of my life. i've spent countless hours volunteering for them on the board of my hometown chapter and during election campaigns; some of my partymates are basically family. but the party on a national basis have been eerily silent on palestine. the national leader wrote a long bullshitty op-ed titled "the palestinians are suffering, the jews are suffering" in which she refused to take a stance and failed to distinguish between jews and zionists. and also spent more time condemning the crimes of hamas than the crimes of israel.

i have considered leaving the party many times over the years. the fact that they can't take a firm stance on a genocide makes it abundantly clear that i don't belong here. fucking sucks, man. im not sure where i go from here.

#ultimately i always ended up staying because the local chapter in my hometown were considerably better than the party on a national basis #and all of my homies actively dislike the leader lol #but i dont live in my hometown anymore and havent been active in the party for years; and regardless this is so black and white that i #cannot keep supporting them. end of an era. ive literally been a member since i was 15-16. so fucking disappointed in them. idk if their #silence is because theyre priming for the leader to run for prime minister now that the biggest centre-left party has forsaken the left #like the left literally had the majority and they opted to work with the centre-right instead and make a cabinet across the middle #so the leader from my party might be trying to appeal even more to the centre-left. idk. and not my party anymore but yeah #thankfully aforementioned homies have spoken out against israel! but not as much as i'd hoped #margrete auken of the european parliament youre the only one i still respect

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again? #(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do) #BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am? #also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism? #it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that. #all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

[girlsonic]

thinking about sth ages and trying to put together a reasonable timeline where they actually maybe like . Age is really funny because what the fuck

alternatively liek . LORD

#not even considering the idea that he absolutely definitely had his birthday in generations but remains 15 like . okay #if they just wanted me to settle on the idea that they are the same age forever they shouldn't have SHOWN HIS BIRTHDAY #also definitely added stuff up wrong in the first chart I am overheating #this is a canon timeline i got from this random site ages ago if u see titles missing and all that's why . was too lazy to make my own #anyways this is all just for good fun I've been kicking this around from day one #i treat sonic as 15 in every piece of media anyways . except for the classic style games . i always see him as 11-14 before adventure era #and then 15-16 forever after . the most fucked up year or two ever with no breaks i guess !!!!

[love-fireflysong]

Okay, so a couple of summers back both my PS4 controllers started getting the ever annoying stick drift (my silver on the left stick and blue on the right hilariously enough). And while I got a new controller in to replace it as a bday present, I never actually tossed either of them. Mostly because they were still usable as back ups in certain games. Like my blue was awful in any game that used camera controls, but in a game or platformer like crash it worked just fine, while the other was fine in any 3d game but in a 2d style then movement was almost impossible (like I still remember jumping over a gap only to lose my jump momentum half way through and falling to my death).

But that brings me to today. In my travels of trying to fix my PS2 controller hilariously enough, I found out that you can actually buy replacement joystick pieces and just replace them yourselves. Assuming you have a soldering gun and equipment of course.

So I got a couple of those parts and ordered a little soldering kit online, and I'm all ready to try and see i can't get my controllers working back at 100% again.

Wish me luck!

#im so excited you have no idea #in a high school computer class we had a small unit on soldering and i got to build a motherboard #and while its admittedly been like almost 15 years since then i loved that section so much #ive been wanting to do some raspberry pi stuff for a while #thought it would be fun #so this is just a great excuse to get soldering stuff and giving it a go! #if it doesnt work than im not too worried cause i have a fully usable controller anyways and i havent touched these ones in months #but if it does than instead of spending like $70 on a new controller it only cost me $16 to buy the two parts that i needed #later this afternoon my lens replacement for my ps2 should be arriving as well #though that will be a much easier install #just gotta desolder a piece on the new part than screw it in place lol #god i love fixing stuff like this on my own though #always makes me feel smart when all it takes to fix somethig is just taking it apart and cleaning a piece

[quietwingsinthesky]

btw funniest option for reverseverse archangel siblings is that lucifer & michael are the twowith the dead mom killed by a demon, and gabriel and raphael are accidents that happened along the way that chuck kidnapped

#they are all still related their family situation is just a freakshow #gabriel and raphael’s moms ARE alive. they just were kidnapped a little bit kind of #this is actually very angsty if you look at it too long and ends up with a lot of turmoil from each of them because michael & lucifer like. #This Is Their Family Mission. avenge their mom. who is. Undecided Character At This Time. because im not one of those losers who makes #becky a dead wife. but someone’s gotta be the dead wife around here you know? #but anyway my point was. this is Everything to them. but its. not at all the same for raphael and gabriel. #like at this point yes they want in because those are their brothers and their grief is shared grief but at the same time. they have moms. #they haven’t been allowed to see their moms but theyre out there. #this is getting too angsty. i said this was the funny option specifically because i think it would be hilarious if chuck’s condom broke 2x #and then he had to take care of even more babies (read: hand them off to michael) #this would also mean that raphael & gabriel are significantly younger circa s1 of reverseverse. like adam-aged #i think chuck does just leave them somewhere and fuck off to do his own thing. maybe with michael but maybe just in a motel room somewhere #they’re like 15-16 and just completely abandoned. i think that does fuck them up a little. even more than it does michael & lucifer.

[myname-isnia]

They cast a blonde girl as Maude Ivory in the Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie...

#look no hate to the girl but... the covey could not have been more poc coded if they tried #*okay slight exaggeration there but you get it #and her age was a bit hard to find but apparently she’s 15? #and like.... #21 yo Rachel Ziegler could reasonably pass for 16 #but a 15 yo playing an 8 yo? #you’re pushing it #I never had much faith in the movie anyways but come on #is it really that hard to find an 8yo who can sing relatively well #it doesn’t even have to be good she’s a kid so she gets a pass #I just need to rant about this to someone lol #the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes

[mattodore]

fell asleep at my desk (!) while in blender working on the poses i need for the edits i want to do for matthias and imani... think i might be a little too absorbed in this edit idea lads

#river dipping #stayed up all night and fell asleep in the world's most uncomfortable position for WHAT? imaginary guys in my head. pixels on my screen. #the last thing i did before falling asleep was draft a post abt how it was six am and i'd only just finished the second set of poses lmaooo #well.......... because i feel bad i didn't manage to finish doing everything i wanted all in one day i'll make up for this #by instead posting the bloody matthias pics bc i did finish that a while ago but was so focused on cas and blender i didn't post them #...also i just noticed i have messages and stuff too i'm sawrryyyy i can't even blame the avpd this time #like the delayed response is just bc i'm being flayed alive by Creative Visions while my ocs point and laugh it's embarazzing #a two sim pose ended up turning into four sims + an alt version somehow........ #it sounds crazy how long this has taken me but i had to make two children then two 15-16 year olds then two 18-19 year olds in cas #and i had to fix some cc so i could use it on the kids and the teens #and then i spent at least an hour or two downloading cc for their boarding school #and i needed to find a car imani could use for the last pose that has a decent sized window in the back #like i've been all over the place !!!!!! it's like i'm possessed i have such a clear vision of these three images in my head #like i just have to see it through. the lack of sleep is definitely getting to me tho................ i should probably lay down fr soon #my brain is a prison etc. etc. etc. #i'll play catch up before i go to sleep tho bc i really have been offline all day toiling over ideas

[seventh-district]

vent post pt. 2, the dreaded sequel

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent #vent post #cw vent #cw vent post #okay the ‘never ever wanted to die’ part isn’t exactly true. i just don’t count how i felt from the ages of 12-15 or so #because that was a very strange time where i’m honestly not sure how much of what i felt was even real or honest #and how much of it was really just a kid needing help and expressing it very poorly #but from 15/16 onward or whatever exact age i was when i had my whole ‘oh holy fuck i really really don’t want to die’ crisis/awakening #from then i’ve always been vehemently on the side of life and wanting to live as long as i possibly can #which is interesting because things have done nothing but get exponentially worse and more difficult for me ever since #but smthn shifted in me when i realized Oh Fuck I Actually Want To Live and that desire has yet to be defeated #but anyways enough bragging about how much i don’t want to die lmao #it really does feel like bragging since it’s obvious to me that so many other people don’t feel that way #and i hate that. i wish no one ever had to deal with feeling that bad and death being the only thing their mind jumps to as a solution #sigh. anyways #i regret to inform y’all so i’m making this little announcement in these tags where hopefully no one will even see it lmao #but uh. unfortunately i’ll probably be delaying all of my creative endeavors for the next little bit #until i take care of the pressing real life issues that are weighing me down and until i am in a better environment #that will actually be conducive to my creativity instead of me struggling to make things while also struggling to just. like… live. y’know #and i know it’s not like there’s really anyone out there on the edge of their seat to consume anything i make #but this little announcement is more for myself than anyone else i guess. i have to almost force myself/give myself permission #to stop working on my various projects. and instead work on getting all of my irl ducks in a row. and get to a place where i feel safe(er) #because i’m really working against myself right now. cart before the horse almost. #so caught up in personal projects and future dreams that i’m ignoring the current growing issues in my day to day life #and i’ve done good in the later half of this year at beginning to tackle them one by one #but driving and potentially moving out of things don’t change here are the two biggest ones that i’ve yet to face #so i really have to accept that i need to change those and as a byproduct of that- stop dividing my attention onto so many other things #so my usual snail-pace of writing and video making (even tho the video making has mostly been behind the scenes work thus far) #is going to screech to an almost-halt while i focus on personal stuff. and next year should be much better as a result

[masonsystem]

ghrghhh i dont even want to think about what they did with kido's body in mr2. them living the way they did, i doubt they would report her death.. honestly maybe they just left her body at a hospital somewhere god. also momo going missing after her death, like did her mom know like... did shintaro and ene cover that up to protect the others or smth.

#also like honestly i wonder how ayano and the mekaquartet lived after their parents deaths #like who was legally responsible for them after that. ayano was like only 15/16 she couldnt just be left alone like that #id suspect mekaquartet ran away which is like... damn #also i think the subtext implies that hibihiyo were staying over at ayano's place??? maybe?! #but also hibiya never met ayano until the 15th??? #and also konoha had just been wandering the streets for some time like???? i have so many questions #maybe ill find my answers in a reread but like im just so confused that hrtk were able to become konoene #without saeru's manipulation. like ok why did you need to do all that in later routes then #kgprambling

[hilsoncrater]

hm.

#my longest friend is from middle school. but he lives on the east coast and i dont #i havent seen him since i was 16 #but we'd keep in touch thru at first snapchat and then thru text/facetime #anyways. our facetimes have been getting super short recently #not that they ever were for more than 30 mins to begin with #but this one today was maaaaybe 15 mins #and originally we were gonna call at 12:45 but i was able to hop on by 12:15 #so when he said his grandma just got home from the lake so he had to go i was like.... #Hm. #Big Hm. #i think i just miss him. he only asked how my dog was #he's been drawing back too. i dont know!! i dont know!!! #he's the only one outside of my family who knows me from middle school #and i think there's a hole i have inside me because i don't Have Anyone Long Term #i cant even conceptualize someone sticking around longer than a year now #the length of my relationships are getting shorter and shorter #3 years to 1 year to now 6 months or less #it's. really discouraging #im doing ACT in therapy but even then. there's just Something Wrong fundamentally with me #i dont like when people say 'theres nothing wrong with you. you havent found your people yet thats all' #look around!!! look around!!!! tell me everything is fine when i cant connect with people!!!! #when i cant maintain any form of relationship outside of familial!!!! #THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG!!!!!!! #I'M DOING SOMETHING WRONG!!!!!!!!! #WHAT IS IT THAT I'M GETTING WRONG??? TELL ME SO I CAN FIX IT!!!!!

[yo9urt]

i think my chest hair is probably one of the silliest aspects of my entire body

#mine #for so many reasons because like number 1 it appeared out of nowhere right after i had top surgery #and at first it was ONLY in the DEAD CENTER of my chest in the 1-inch span between the ends of my scars #and those hairs in particular are and always have been the longest and darkest (seriously) #the rest of my chest hair has been filling out nicely lately but like the center is just so much more intense and its so funny to me #and thats the other hting is like. how do i have all this so early on #i JUST hit two years on t so im counting myself as about 15 in boy years #and i aws on the wikipedia page for body hair earlier and it says that even at age 16 only 7% of boys have chest hair #at age 14 its like 3 or 5 percent i thikn #like. how ?!?!?!?

[new-austin]

thinking about carverrrr

#Like. With a mage hawke him being excluded and feeling like his dad doesn't love him as much #And spending every day wishing he had magic like them #He must have been a real momma's boy I just really really love him #Growing up in a family of apostates and not being magically gifted. #Resenting having to move constantly because the templars might catch on #Joining the army at 15? 16? To feel a sense of purpose #Templar Carver seeing first hand how his father was treated in the kirkwall circle #Warden Carver finally getting to be his own man. No one knows his sibling #No one sees him and thinks oh that's hawkes baby brother. They see Carver hawke first

[mrfoox]

Uh, I got asked to 'rank' my life/how I feel about it and I... Am suprised I gave it an 7/10 without much thought. I'm one who usually rank anything like that 4/10 at best

#miranda talking shit #The biggest thing i dont have that i want is love/a partner... Other than that... Im actually pretty ... Glad? #But thats the biggest thing i can think of that i WANT that i dont have.... #Otherwise im like actually... Lifes pretty... Dare i say it....good? #Its crazy tbh like i obviously cant say how much is my medication working and whats actually me but... #Overall like everything around me feels lighter. Less life ending. More manageable. Small things don't ruin an entire week for me #Its been a few months now but im still shocked by it.my mind have never been this .. #Okay? Or well actually good. Ive had medication that made me 'okay' bc they made me numb. #Thid one is like.... Oh.... Im feeling happiness a bit more. I can see things from an more positive perspective bc of that? #Its kinda sad to say that ive never felt this way before but yes. Ive not been this stable... Good/happy #Not like everything is perfect and all is a beautiful dream but... Yeah. I actually feel im not lying when someone ask how im doing #And i say im good or okay. And its such an.... Wild thing. Miranda at 15 who tried sucide never thought this was something i could feel #I mean ive tried ...8+ antidepressants since i was 16 but i thought the best they'd be able to do is make me numb #But here i am? Feeling? Still being emotional ? Still being me... But lighter