#i feel really disgusted with myself RN

[derpinette]

whenever a guy approaches me i start wishing i had a giant forehead tattoo that reads "I AM NOT & WILL NEVER EVER BE INTERESTED LEAVE ME ALONE PERMANENTLY" so i could flash it at them

#you know since i have bangs #just leave me alone freakazoid LEAVE ME ALOOOONEEEEE #they always say i seem scared Hm probably because i am now PISS OFF #guy two days ago ( skipping today & had a free day yesterday ) entered the same class as me & tried to chat me up #did not look back at him or bother to remember his name but i shook his hand:-/ i feel compelled to not leave people hanging #felt like self immolating after He was like are you always this stiff & quiet you seem scared do you have problems #yes i do & that problem is you FUCK OFF & now he knows my name & face but IDK his i am so goddamn retarded #i just kept answering in shrugs & IDKs but what i should have done is use my FFP ( Foreigner Face Privilege ) & pretend not to understand #but since i am an english major he would have just switched to bothering me in english UGHHH WHY CAN I NOT SAY NO #i feel really disgusted with myself RN #skipped today because i am too freaked out about everything trying to come down from heart palpitations i really hate when this happens #i always feel too anxious to go after i wish i lived in a female only world but also i feel really ugly lately too #which means it should be illegal for me to go outside #also i missed my bus right by like 5 seconds the moment i was about to cross the road it flashed away so... #i took it as a sign to not go ( after waiting for ~15+ minutes... sorry i am a quitter but not that fast )

[im-a-dragon-cawcaw]

Finally showered after one week of Very Bad Time Syndrome and let me tell y’all that felt great

#warm water can cure me actually #and it’s funny because all throughout the week I was still getting compliments on my hair meanwhile I’m feeling disgusted in myself #finally having the time patience and energy really kicks off #cured of any and all dysphoria actually #I can probably kill God rn #so sayeth karma #now if you’ll excuse me I shall have a warm meal and water

[garrettwrites]

When someone tells you they don't like hugs, that's not an invitation for you to "cure them". It is not a "you" thing, although sometimes it might be. You thinking "they have to get used to it" because "your hugs are different" and "that's how you show love" is not a valid argument. Hugging them out of the blue as a goodbye is not cool either. Fuck off.

#ok to rb in case someone is in the same boat but thinks the post is too personal #this friend of mine... #pretends he's great but can't respect one basic thing #he's lucky I have grown to control my emotions and not lash out #i hate it #don't hug me or touch me end of line #i am honest to god feeling sick #this dude and I have history where I borderline felt incapable of saying no and had sex with him #afterwards I told him how I felt #yet he still pulls this shit #hugs make me sick to my stomach I don't even hug my family #and I really don't wanna hug a man who pretty much made me hate sex (for myself) as a whole #i feel disgusting rn #twice he hugged me and got mad when I refused to hug him again #even after I already told him I hated it #then asks if I'm scared of him because of that like you piece of shit I wanna rip my skin out where you touched it #I may pretend to everyone that I'm a strong confident man but good lord #sometimes I wish I had an over protective boyfriend so he could kick him in the teeth over this shit #it's ridiculous I know but fuck #apologies if you read all these tags but I over drank after this and none of my friends are awake and I needed to vent #garrett.text

[masonscig]

why did book 3 obliterate ms characterisation?

i promise this isn't me copping out but i haven't played book 3 since it dropped in april '23, so i couldn't give you a 100% accurate answer even if i tried

i spent multiple days analyzing issues with characterization when it dropped and then my life started falling apart – if i could remember + repeat what i remember from those conversations i would

what i will say of what i remember, is that a lot of my issues stem from being led to believe that the romance would develop a certain way and it going in a completely different direction – obviously, i know and respect an author's vision, but the dip in quality from the demo to the actual finished product made me step back and view b3 differently. instead of a fully realized story that i could see building on itself and leading to something much bigger, it was painfully obvious that this is a game with stats that had to satisfy requirements.

i only played one full route (m's of course) and after a while the scene/mood changes were so disjointed it took me out of it – lighthearted to heavy with no time to unpack or discuss, i.e. big relationship moments sandwiched between research/combat scenes and conversations with random side characters.

ultimately, just felt like a checklist of scenes being ticked off as the story progressed rather than a natural buildup with a solid plot progression like b1 and b2 imo.

i know i haven't gotten to specific instances of m's characterization being obliterated, which i said as an exaggeration, bc m is still m at timesin b3, but other times is an actual stranger in text – i don't think i can give you specific examples, but i can at the very least say that the above issues were what led to the issues of m feeling ooc.

#also the flippancy of the human tr*fficking plotline. and m's joke about it. absolutely disgusting btw! #i started a b3 rewrite and had a fully fleshed out story that would be about 20+ chapters but... #i wrote a couple thousand words and then decided it wasn't worth it (also my life started falling apart so) #and it kind of is still rn! i don't wanna trauma dump on this post but i also don't want to sound like i don't care #i'm dealing with an unexpected loss of a local friend so being 'accurate' in this ask really isn't a priority to me rn #i still love m VERY deeply like they're one of my comfort characters but... i'm just going to have to explore what could've been on my own #speaking of that! i started writing a very cathartic mason x sofía fic that goes into some oc/rook lore #it's also me unpacking my own feelings bc of course i put a piece of myself in my writing KMSDMKFDM typical! #asks

[jakexneytiri]

i think i’m having a quarter life crisis

#i feel so…..unaccomplished? #ppl my age are doing bigger and better things #and then there’s me 🧍🏻‍♀️ #and the more i think about it the more disgusted i become with myself #and people are getting married and having kids???? #i don’t even have a partner #not that i want one they’re stressful #just really feeling not good enough rn ig

[ferdydurke]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

#I dont feel like... safe or particularly fulfilled rn and i have major major mood swings at least once a week but its not like. #Bleak as fuck. I think the language of 'the world is without colour' never does it for me bc thats how id describe it when im out of it #but when im depressed my main feeling is that i am a person that was born without a soul whose main purpose in life is to kill myself #because i cant bear to do or think anything else. And like even talking about it while in that mental state feels incredibely like. #Like youre doing something disgusting because its a cry for attention or for help so you have to put it in a way that makes it clear that #you are not trying to escape your destiny by trying to convince someone you are worthy of living. #And then like. At some point you stop feeling like that and you forget about it... #until youre there again. and you forget what its like to not be in it. its crazyyyy to me its just crazy #barking #ultimately im very lucky. #Because i really dont believe you can just will yourself out of that hole i really think the enviroment is like 99% of it #and well i will prolly end up in that hole again maybe even this year. but maybe ill have something to pull me out #some ability to change the thing thats making me feel like that #and idk its so like. awful that that isnt always the case. sometimes youre just drowning in it and theres nothing #just my late night thoughts thats why i need that weed bad man

[satanicdollx]

Not true at all. You don’t fit into a category, because you are in a category all on your own. You don’t have to be petite to be cute. You are lovely inside and out.

Don’t let the notes fool you Madame.

i'm not a category I'm just built in a weird and off-putting way. I hate my body I hate how it's so small and yet so big and no matter what you or anyone might say notes will prove me right. I've seen it countless times, I know what Tumblr (and people in general) like and it's CLEARLY not my face lmao

#reply #sorry for the bitterness I really appreciate your message but rn I'm just too angry and feeling horrible about myself #if it wasn't expensive i would have smashed the mirror while looking at my face because I am truly disgusting trust me

[widevibratobitch]

.

#vent post uwu havent seen those in a while have we <33 #looks like a depressive episode again #aw shucks #:/ #laid in bed all day. did absolutely nothing. slept for 18 hours. #havent washed my hair since saturday. havent taken my thyroid meds in three days so idk that may have sth to do with this too ig #my flat is a total mess and im ignoring all uni groupchats (uni itself as well) and non-groupchats too. #only pretending im Normal to my best friend even tho she explicitly asked me to tell her when im feeling Bad and she does reach out to me #with her problems but i just cant bring myself to talk to her about mine #also i miss my ed so badly i need it back desperately. and i mean DESPERATELY. #anyway. something is seriously seriously wrong with me rn. like fr. #and i still haven't found the earring kms #had a bit of a ✨strongly suicidal✨ moment yesterday like it really made me go Wowwwwww girl hold yer horses cause yeah. #we havent seen that one in a while either #(no matter what my evil poll tags might have said lmao). anyway. absolutely horrible last two days. #and i once again feel like the worst and most useless and most disgusting person in the world. #my body is trash and there's nothing in this world that i hate more than it. i wish it would just. evaporate. whatever. #i hate it with a passion. peace and love.

[oscill4te]

tag vent bc grosss (vent about ex tw)

#filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler filler tag #sooooooooooooooo #snapchat will give you notifications if a contact has a snap account.. and i think my ex just made one #he is 43 and very tech illiterate (for lack of better word) like. hes just not that good with technology #so seeing him on there grosses me out either he is still a p*rn addict & paying for exclusive snaps or he is gr**ming somebody #i feel dysregulated and very grossed out atm. idk what hes doing on there its not my business but beinf reminded of him makes me wanna kms #being with him was the most shameful thing ive ever done in my life and therapy doesnt help nothing helps #only blindly numbing myself with distractions helps and avoiding the town he lives in completely #i feel so ashamed about everything. being with someone like that really changes you as a person and i hate reminders that it was real #my osdd compartmentalizes me so well that i feel so disconnected from something that didnt even end a year ago.. like a dream #like none of it was real yknow i hate reminders that hes real my roommate sees him at their job often #and always avoids mentioning it to me bc they know how it will make me feel #i will never go back btw. sometimes you learn something about someone that makes you feel so sick that going back will never be an option #and that is traumatizing to have had a relationship and feelings for someone who at their core is a disgusting subhuman person #he was also a “john” i think and that makes me feel even more sick... it is so sick he is so sick #i dont know why i tolerated everything i don't know why i was so stupid i was just so desp for a father figure and he knew that #and he had the guise of just wantinf to be my mentor and a friend to me when i had just lost my connection with my family and had nobody #after that relationship i don't fall for anyones tricks anymore. i have very strong bounce now. it just sucks that #i had to endure a year of someone like that to build those skills. i also traded off my ability to trust people or be vulnerable #and my parents funnily know nothing about it. thats what is so funny to me. it makes me wanna cry sometimes #he was very obsessive scary person getting voicemails still terrifies me to this day lol he would spam me with them #looking back its kinda pathetic to he in your 40s wanting to control someone on their 20s every move #i get kindnof homicidal about it sometimes (jjst sayingbif he died the world would be a better place ♡ one less predator)

[thisperfectmonsoon]

oh I see.

#we’re in the don’t look at yourself in the mirror portion of this #got it #fml my brain is such a fucking bully #I already hate my body but now i can’t even look at it? #disgust is permeating every feeling I have towards myself rn #GREAT!!! love that for me!!! #personal #don’t mind me I’m just journaling in the tags #I need to get it out of my head a bit #because it’s fucking LOUD in there #broken beyond repair up there really

[charonte-simi]

.

#sad boy stuff #simi speaks #i managed to fend off the depression yesterday by deep cleaning the house but its hitting me really hard today... #my face is breaking out worse than ever before and i havevto hope its just because i started a new skin care routine to fix it #but its making me feel disgusting and horribly self conscious. i dont want to leave the house at all #work was stressful this morning and my coworker is stupid #got correspondence from someone i cant bring myself to interact with anymore which makes me feel horrible #i desperately need a hug #im leaving work early and im just gonna get stoned and cry. its been too long since i just let myself feel shit #i wish i could be there instead. i need company rn #4 months. ish #i think im gonna apply to that job early. i need to ask him about his timeline first. bit i think i could start on 4/17

[solardistress]

ME when umm umm nothing feels right anymore

#why am i so disgusting what . whatt !?? why am i so gross and distgusting and eww #what the hell . why cant i write good anymore why cant i bring myself to start new thjngs #to finish things like my wips or shows i know i really liked #what the hell im now just laying here doing nothing because nothing seems interesting #now that i finished that one thing suddenly nothing seems right and idk likr what ?? #suddenly im #i dont feel right ?? if that makes sense idk i feel soo dullll or something idk #im going to marinate on mybed now and listen to music idk theres mothing to look forward to rn i feel . #feeling very not right !!! idk #vent

[disillusionmp3]

ahaha😎💯

#i haven't talked abt this w anyone yet bc it's so fucking humiliating #but my ex's corworker was in love w them and one time they asked me 'would u be mad if i made him believe i liked him back? it would be an #epic prank lol' #and i said it didn't bother me :(( bc i wanted to trust them and bc there had been a situation before where i had accidentally implied that #they might not be a lesbian and it was so upsetting to them and i didn't want to stir that up again #and the pretending to like him turned into actual liking him (probably already was more than pretend from the start even if they couldn't #admit it to themselves) #i really let someone cheat on me w my eyes wide open i feel so stupid and disgusting and ugly and dumb and small #idk how to not see it as my fault #and idk how to forgive myself!!!!!!!!! #crying so fucking much rn idk what to do #🍓

[lampregistration3000]

god i love health insurance in this country

#would love it if it did literally anything #got to love the news that it won't cover anything at all for me in this surgery! #anyway i can still afford it and im still happy about it but like finances are so tight for me rn lmao. #its like. part of the reason ive been waiting so long for this is the pride and knowledge that i should not have to pay anything for #medical care under a just and correct system and having to set my standards aside and grovel for the fucking. necessary and life saving #stuff i need to not feel horrible and disgusting and ugly every day of my life is debasing and dehumanizing #to sum it u #i'm just really frustrated rn. #its so hard to like... go get help or do anything for myself in the first place ever because like. every single time i try to do anything i #get slapped with the harshest penalties known to mankind #you could argue that i could have tried to find a different doctor or whatever but i need my hand held through everything and i still think #that this one was the proper and correct choice based on that #anyway. i have the lump sum. i dunno if i should try to finance it to make myself not feel like i have no money or what. #maybe ill try to open comissions or something but idk if i even have time for that #like im still going to send them the request to reimburse me for my fucking medical bills anyway and i know theyre not going to because #fuck you. but still. id like a letter saying 'fuck you vintage go die and give me 10 grand' instead of just trusting some schmuck over the #phone about it. lmao. #im so tired. i need a break. #between this and work i think its killing me. #im hopeful my blood pressure isnt going to be too high for clearence lmao i am so fuckign worried about that because if it is then like. #nothing ive done at all to prepare for it has mattered at all #i need to be unemployed i am so tired of working for a living i just want to crawl in a hole and sleep for forever

[walechu]

I like to cry myself to sleep while imaging Dustin carrying Eddie's lifeless body to his trailer in the upside down, laying him gently on the bed and sitting next to it for a few minutes before dry his tears and leaving.

#stranger things #dustin henderson #eddie munson #eddie my beloved #sobbing #cause this is an headcanon I had rn #thinking how Dustin would have feel #in that moment #the idea of leaving Eddie's body in the open really disgusted him #so he carried a body way to heavy and big of his #with an injury to his leg fyi #so yea #i like making myself cry

[riverswater]

Vent. Whatever.

#So I gained weight (👍) months ago and I never lost it and it's still there #And usually this is something that makes so go crazy in the worst sense possible #HOWEVER #I had so much shit to do in the last 7 months that I literally didn't have the time and the energy to relapse or to do anything drastic #I saw my body changing and becoming something I didn't like and went ''whatever. I have stuff to do. I'll fix it later'' #But now it's summer and I never came around to ''fix it'' #And....... It doesn't bother me that much? #You know that post that says ''I'm probably nonbinary but I have a full time job atm so I don't really think about it'' #I think the same thing happened to me?? #I put the weight on it disgusted me it triggered the worst out of me but I didn't act on it because I literally didn't have the time nor th #Energy to ''do something about it'' (which in my books is always weird terrible shit) #And now I look at my body and it's a bit whatever. I still wish I looked different but I'm not. Actively trying to destroy myself #Listen..... It's summer. It's hot. I'm so tired. #So it's like I got forced to sit in this body. And I went to the pool and I didn't think the usual ''I don't look good enough to have a swi #Idk if this makes any sense. But I feel like. I've grown. I feel like. My worst days are over. #I don't exclude that I won't go crazy in the future like who knows #But rn I'm so tired and I literally couldn't care less #m #Weight talk #Ed tw #Idk ask to tag but let's be real who read all this. Idk but if you did smack #I also think that I've grown also in the sense that now I'm more aware of why predominantly women get ed and stuff like that #Literally ''who is profiting from my pain'' #I wasn't put on this earth to be the thinnest version of myself I wasn't put here to be looked at. #Please don't talk to me about this 👍 #I just needed to vent I'm actually awfully reserved about this