#i dont have the time to focus on someone else

[nimomo-mo]

Vent

#i really enjoy being single and not dating actually #i dont have the time to focus on someone else #i am literally struggling enough as is #but sometimes i feel a bit lonely #not for long #but it twangs at me and then go right back #i dont love them anymore i think. at least its been smothered to low low embers #ill still be a bit hurt when they go out to sleep around again #but you know. im actually kind of at peace now #im too stressed out about school to think about my feelings or partners or anything like that. #and theyre a wonderful sexting partner so im all good #accidentally told them i loved them the way you say you love your friends ykwim #and im not even stressed about it #i hope they werent either. i do love them. i dont know if i love love them. but i know that i love them. #maybe the fact that theyre too fucked up from everything to really flirt with me like before is contributing to my feelings going down #i mean i do still think about them at least a couple times a day and i simp for them too much #but not at all like before. i wonder if they notice it #i love you. i love you. i love you. #its weird to call you a friend because to me youre more than that. best friend isnt true either. i guess you just ... are #no need to put words on it since i know my thoughts on it doesnt match yours. you dont have these kinda distinctions. #youre amazing. i wish i could be like you. i hate you with my whole soul. its horrible. i love you. fuck you i hope you smash your face in

[anxiously-sidequesting]

To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐 #HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances- #and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay” #and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

[nerosdayinanime]

You think he's looking lovingly at you - But it's nowhere near the truth - His mind is up to no good - Oh, just because you're in the same bed - He's with someone else in his head, not a second thought about you - Oh, there's no turning back

#kny sabito #sabito #giyuu #fratboy sabito posting #neros art tag #water pillar swap au #up to no good(the hoosiers) #story of the song doesnt really go with the story of the au but Meh #manwhore monday amirite #more focus on the 'his mind is up to no good - hes with someone else in his head not a second thought about you' #also! hes an adult/slayer/hashira i just put him in his normal shit bc i didnt want to hide beloved Necc #hes off duty dont worry abt it #also i changed the haori to him just wearing both instead of 1 split- he knows the haori was important to giyuu but was his *sister's* #so he found and kept the mask bc it was the only thing that was giyuu and giyuu's alone #i was gonna do a comic thing abt him having auditory processing disorder but i got Quite distracted by this #mostly bc i dont have a fucking clue what the conversation could be about other than he dont understand SHIT #thats how he gets misunderstood for the waterpillar role lmao he kinda just. doesnt listen. #if he doesnt understand someone the first time he doesnt bother trying to ask or figure it out. pretends he didnt hear it in the first plac #easier than trying to get them to repeat but only being louder and no less clearer #the slayers at the water estate kinda figured out you have to state shit Very Clearly not just. volume #he cant understand> pretends not to hear> slayers get his attention and repeat> he still cant understand> 'stop fuckin mumbling' #the few who tried just raising their voice got yelled at and/or smacked until they figured out to enunciate shit better w him #also im mostly thinking abt this au bc im thinking of the AfterAlt ver #i dont think ive mentioned AfterAlt.. when giyuu's supposed to die to the slayer mark he respawns in an alternate universe a little while #before the time he meets the kamados. its both an excuse to put him in situations and to torment him to watching his friends die over and #over again in various different ways to the original :) #anyways afteralt x wp roleswap sabito puts him in a choke-hold On Sight #ive realized choke-hold is the wrong word for that im describing. i mean a literal choke hold. he grabbed him by the neck

[bitegore]

i think i am underestimating how hard reading is right now also

#red rambles #god i dont want to do these readings #i can regurgitate facts like nobody's business but i doo not want to read 20 pages of facts about water access right now #shit's happening. i dont want to be reading about shit that is happening less. you understand #every time i see some number i'm like Hm. This bears a similarity to other numbers. What's a number I've been thinking about recently. Oh #right the statistics of how many families in Gaza have been annihilated in the last 20 days. Cool now i can't focus #this isn't even my problem. #i got absolutely no business going all woe is me about a war crime happening to someone else

[tennessoui]

I’m a little bit a lot feeling bad for Padme in couples counseling does she really think things between her and anakin are great? Part of me wondering if she knows they are not going to last. Do you think she might call it off with anakin I mean he did ditch out on their anniversary bc he can’t leave obiwan on his own for 5 minutes without freaking out

Padmé is really like “me and my husband and my husband’s emotional support Jedi master”

Jk honestly I mean. I know their marriage does get called off. It’s an obikin fic and i dont ship anidala or obianidala so theres only the one option for this fic. As for who does the calling off, I don’t know for sure yet! You’d think this Padmé would see the signs that her husband is either a) in love with someone else or b) a shitty husband or c) falling in love with someone else, but Padmé was willing to overlook child murder (twice!) for her husband and canonically wanted to run away with him and their kids instead of bringing him to justice. The ship was sinking and she was still trying to steer. Like. In canon.

So I don’t really see her being the one to call off the marriage or ask for divorce. I can see her asking Anakin to leave the Order, run away with her, they can try for children, make a family, etc etc etc. she’s even willing to go to couples counseling if Anakin wants! Work and revitalize their marriage!

(Anakin says no because he doesn’t have the time to go to TWO couples counselors)

And also I feel like it probably needs to be Anakin or Obi-Wan will never truly believe that Anakin wants to be with him instead of Padmé. Unfortunately for Padmé, I’m thinking it needs to really be Anakin’s decision to get the divorce, to let go of the attachment. For his relationship with Obi-Wan, but also for himself as a person and a Jedi.

#asks #couples counseling au #me: I dont know yet #also me: decides while responding to the asl #poor Padmé but also she can find someone else shes a catch #she’ll be alright #I really dont know how much im going to focus on her in the fic #like this fic is about obi-wan and anakin’s relationship #so any inclusion of her is going to be in regards to their relationship and not her #I just dont particularly have the knowledge or time to do that justice #and its not a fic that covers the entire post clone wars but anakin didnt fall galaxy #it’s just an exploration of obi-wan and anakin and them trying to undo all the damage theyve done to each other #padme is adjacent but not the focus; since she married anakin and the marriage is going to be discussed shes there #but yeah shes not going to be incredibly fleshed out #sorry for the Padmé lovers I like her as well #but (waves hand vaguely) budget cuts #obikin

[damnedifivoodoo]

genuinely think being a needs-to-live-alone type of person in a literally-never-has-any-time-alone situation is rotting me from the inside out

#literally just having someone else in the house puts me in freeze mode and i cant get anything done #every time i petsit im able to shower regularly and complete chores in a timely manner and untense my shoulders. my focus is better #my baseline attitude is better. i dont have to monitor my tone or pitch or face or make sure i dont breathe in a way that sounds annoyed #the freedom to know i can chase a task or train of thought to the end with no interruption #honest to god cannot remember the last time i had even an hour alone in my own home

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

#chronic pain #chronic exhaustion #idk what else to tag #another day of why was lee walking normal and barely pain at work yesterday but then today so much pain and exhausted #wish i knew what was exactly the problem. was diagnosed with “generalized hypermobility” but doesnt do much #not a real diagnosis. basically just a thing to tell me “theres nothing wrong. exercise more” but how???? i keep trying but hurt myself #my job is physical labor and therefore exercise. it hurts. is exhausting. no energy to do more. walking is exhausting #have to focus so much energy on not popping hips out of place and twisting knees and ankles and falling. never hurts less #still think about how failed the heds test by 1 point but had several people with heds or who have close friends/family with it who told me #they think i have it and should go het diagnosed or just ask me if i have it because they recognize the symptoms #and every time i tell them the doctor i saw about my joint issues and stuff denied it they get super confused and tell me to try #another doctor. unfortunately i have to go through my designated health system and they dont have multiple doctors of each specialty #and i in general have no clue how to navigate health stuff or how to advocate for myself and have no help or support system at all so 🤷 #anyway. it makes me wonder if i *do* have that or if my floppy bendy joints are just similarly bad and exercise will cure me #and im just bad at it because i have no clue what is right and wrong movement unless someone watches me and corrects me the whole time #and no i wont learn or get better. im so disconnected from this body that i will never learn what feels right and wrong. #still cant even tell when im hungry until i almost pass out!!!!!!! of thirsty!! or even have to pee until its emergency level piss!!!!!! #so no way to tell when hypermobiling joints when exercising or when form is slipping and not correct anymore. #been trying things to get better at that but still hasnt improved at all #what was i talking about......right. dont think ill ever get heds diagnosis since cant pass the test for that. so cant get much support/help #am on my own with youtube tutorials and hoping i dont keep hurting myself wishing exercise will cure me and “good days” become permanent #also why are video tutorials SO HARD TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM. im sk bad at it yet everyone tells me its the best and only way to learn but #its SO HARD FOR ME 😭😭😭😭😭 MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET

[parallaxabomination]

my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now. #i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#woof. if all goes to plan Tomorrow is the last day i have to take measurements forever. if all goes to plan. if all goes to plan. but im #not holding my breath bc thats asking for chaos. i think this week ive done a good job of not pushing it #in terms of not torturing myself and making myself insane. which is good bc its exhausting taking measurements with the ambient stress of #apartment hunting from across the country. ive toured 2 places from afar and applied to them. and im meeting with someone to talk abt #potentially being roommates tomorrow. which is terrifying bc i really just wanna beg them like pls pls like me so i can stop looking pls #like i have to rely on my charisma i guess when im a bit asocial and odd. not unlikable but idk maybe they want someone more normie idk #its exhausting. ive sent so many emails and so many places r like no u gotta physically visit. ugh #and i have to clean my whole apartment by Tuesday for my landlord to inspect bc i had to give them a 30 day notice or else they wouldn't #release my info for like referal on background checks. there should b flexibility in when i can leave tho. its just stressful #at least im doing this when im pretty stable and i stop taking measurements tomorrow but i haven't taken a break since last Saturday #and haven't really had time to properly draw which annoys me and apparently i wont get a break this weekend with all the cleaning i gotta do #but oh well. at least im better off than the other person i kno who is moving Tuesday across the country and currently doesnt have a place #to stay. so i guess theyre gonna b living out of their car for a while. im stressed enough a month out from leaving #sigh. im just v tired and my heart is beating too fast and i wanna start cleaning now but im sleepy #whenever we go sampling we joke that we have to make sacrifices to the weather gods for good conditions. i guess i gotta make sacrifices #to the housing gods 🙏 ugh. pls. i dont wanna still b doing this for another week when i wont have time bc ill actually have to focus on #things. ugh. cant wait to b in the future where i dont have to deal with this #unrelated

[thestarofcottonland]

twice now i have had dreams that seem to span days wherein i reconnect with [man i posted about a date with licherally last year] and am more intimate with him than i ever was......i had a boyfriend for five months since we lost touch and i had a date just last week that went very nicely.....why am i being tormented ! i have never stayed hung up this long this is insane!!?!!

#i move on so fast always like okay. i can have a crush for a long time but thats willingly. ive been more or less cast aside by this fellow #and so ive actively tried to put him out of my mind i dont look at his instant gram i try to focus myself elsewhere #and yet he is in my dreams? literally for the first time like in the couple months when i was so upset about his ghosting me - #i wasnt dreaming about him then! i never dreamed about him while i had a boyfriend! why now! #part of me wants to read the science of soulmates cause this is such a unique experience for me in curious but i also know that #i shouldnt give it that kind of validity cause ill just stew on him more and get upset about it. #just dream about someone else girl for the love of gosh golly #if youve read all these tags youre so nosey i love it. im posting for you specifically love to share my love drama on here :3 #squeaks

[nightdecors]

No no no BUT

I relate to Charlie from TPOBAW way too much. I always have. It's heartbreaking to know nothing's changed for me since I first read that book ten years ago.

#i guess i need like ten years of therapy :) #im always on the outside looking in #hate that feeling when youre surrounded by people. everyones talking and having fun and youre just alone in your own thoughts #it's okay most of the time but other times.. #not so much. and you realize how strange you are #and you realize you'll always be this way. and you wonder why you are that way and if you can change #all you can do is hold back tears and focus on someone else's conversation #anyone else feel like this? what is wrong with us? #i dont think i'll ever find another person i can be myself with

[scattered-winter]

seeing everyone get super emotional abt the pjo teaser today has been. a surreal experience for sure

#i WANT to be happy about it and i WANT to be emotional about it but i am just so god damn tired. im so tired. #im not even physically tired most of the time but i am Tired. you know #trying to get a job. absolutely cannot. trying to go to class. too tired to even pay attention when im there. #trying to do homework. too tired to focus on it when i do it. gonna fail more classes and to be perfectly fucking honest #i might just drop out. #i dont know what im doing here!!!!! im getting a degree for nothing!!!! im wasting time and money by being here!!!!!! #if i knew what i wanted to do and how to get there that would be one thing but im literally only here because idk where else to go #and its costing me a fuckton of money!!!!!!!!!!! that i dont have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and i am just so god damn tired. #i dont want to drop out because i dont know what to do if i did. #i cant live with my parents i Cant. its ok to do that short term but its suffocating after a while. #i cant be the person i want to be with them yk. #but i dont know where the hell else im supposed to go!!!!! i dont think im meant to be here but i dont know where else i need to be!!!!!!! #i dont fucking know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #and i am just so fucking tired. so god damn exhausted at all times of the day. #like im being so fr right now i dont know what im doing here and every moment of indecision is costing me more money #im not gonna be able to pay for my second semester but i cant get a job and i dont even know what im doing here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #because im just here because you go to college after high school its what you do!!!!!!!! #i didnt choose to be here!!!!!!!!!!! i just went with the flow and now its costing me and i am broke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am so broke!!!!! #someone please put me into a coma rn i am being so fr. i am being SO fr. #i want to. quit college. and go work somewhere. just a job. no more school. i dont wanna do this anymore. #hrrhhghghghhhhhh #winter speaks #personal #anyway i am slightly afraid lol because not even the pjo show can make me feel excited + happy about something #despite it being nearest and dearest to me. im just too goddamn tired. #i am not gonna lie guys losing one of my friends at the beginning of the semester has had an Effect (tm) #lol. lmaooooooo even. #there's a girl in one of my classes who looks just like her so thats sooo fun. thats great. #fucked up how grief just grows on you like moss. it doesnt leave.

[yo9urt]

hello followers. normally i barely tag anything but because season 4 of s3x educ4t10n (avoiding search results) came out yesterday and i binged it i tagged it sex ed s4 in case anyone would like to avoid spoilers. the spam is below this post. watch out

#mine #im so EMOOOOOOOOO #i think probably my biggest frustration is otis #i feel like he did not grow nearly as much as everyone else on the show and he was kind of annoying #a lot of the time #it was frustrating to see him having the same problems and personality traits he had in season 1 #when basically everyone around him had moved on and grown so much #on that note it was beyond beautiful to see the other characters come into their own #eric aimee and adam in particular really hit me #i loved the increased focus on disability and accessibility #and one of my absolute favorite parts was the addition of a trans guy character #not just because i want to see myself on screen in some way but also because cal really needed a friend #who would understand #especially the scene where umm...i dont remember exactly what he said #he being roman. i think roman said like...top surgery made him feel like himself again #or something like that #as someone who was lucky enough to get top i will ride hard for it until the day i die #and i was so overjoyed to see that on the screen in a show so many people watch #a character openly talking about how it benefited them #in a conversation with a character who visibly had their mental health heavily impacted by their dysphoria #it was really beautiful.... #anyway.....yeah

[sibyl-of-space]

things are looking Up. i think. we will have to see :)

#i have SO MANY RECEIPTS for my petition i actually think i have really good chances of getting this course waived #which means i can focus on the classes that matter to me and also personal projects and job stuff #im working on a ToS cover that is coming along really well and im really proud of and happy with #i recorded a cello part for someone else #things are Good #honestly if i dont get theh course waived im gonna just skip it half the time anyway who cares #IM EXCITED ABOUT MUSIC THOUGH #I REMEMBERED WHY I CAME TO GRAD SCHOOL #IT WAS TO WRITE MUSIC!!!!! #(huge if true)

[hershelwidget]

i was thinking of him with the sunglasses and thought that he would have a full “cool future guy” outfit to match

do not ask what i was thinking when i came to the bow

#once again my funniest and best works are all on school notes. hmm #dhmis #dont hug me im scared #dhmis tony #someone STOP ME before i make a dhmis futuristic au #send anon hate if you have to. if you see me post ANYONE ELSE in THIS KIND OF OUTFIT #YOUR TASK IS TO K I L L #i am forcing self to focus on one au at a time for this media i just i cnsnnnkt jncandnkdk

[transmascnepetaleijon]

i love the online community and the culture but being part of the terminally online gang is really having more cons than pros

#debating what im gonna do now #im still gonna post stuff here sure but only on my computer maybe? like im seriously considering deleting the app from my phone #plus im thinking of actually like. making a schedule for myself #thats a lot harder in practice though because if im not gonna be on my phone then im gonne be doing a slee of random activities #the which i cant really predict #like yes yes yes having everything on my day mapped out and all my activities ready sounds so good #but i know that when the time comes for me to sit down and do something ill be like ''actually what if i like did something else'' #im also gonna see if i can manage to get my hands on a portable cd player or something to minimize what i use my phone for #ideally id have an ipod cus that sounds cool but i have zero clue if you need itunes to use it #can i just like? download shit onto it? please #im also seriously considering going back to swimming #or. something. my mom told me weightlifting is soo perfect for me cus i like doing suff alone but i have anxiety and also cant wok out - #without someones help cus im that weak #im really not athletic ok. like i suck really hard at everything athletics. i dont know why im even considering going back to swimming #im mostly just wanting to do something like that so my mom stops bothering me about physical activities #maybe i can go on daily walks... #i have the hobbies that i like. enjoy doing too #like dnd and drawing and writting and playing my guitar and (more recently) miniature stuff #im planning on customizing a dollhouse i have ! but the theme hasnt really been set yet augh #i think im gonna drop athleticism and focus on my nerd shit #and yeah im gonna delete the tumblr app from my phone so no more posts throughout the day #i have one more week of break before classes come back and its oe week to get a strong daily guideline for my days #txt