#i dont have issues!! haha what are you talking about??

[sweetheart-ashy]

MY OPINION ON FOOLS WEEK

These are MY opinions, the “what I expected” was written before I listened to the audio.

Slight spoilers below <3

Gavin - what I expected: utter whiplash.

What I got- a love for Gavin. Seriously if you told me on April 1st that “you're gonna love Gavin” I would have said, “Haha april foolssss, you're insane.” BUT NO. MAN WAS SEXY?! Do I just love submissive men? Lasko Moore effect ig

James - what I expected: Huxley but higher and maybe cuddles

What I got- ???? The need to piss?? Why the fuck did he talk about water so much? Mans has a smooth brain. However, I did get i love for telepaths (fuck cutie tho) tbh I was half asleep when I listened to it. I have never listened to a James audio

Milo - what I expected: spoiled whiny 10-year-old at Sephero, and an ick

What i got- OH MY GOD IM GAY IF YOU TOLD ME A WEEK AGO ID BE SIMPING FOR SPOILED VAMPIRE MILO GREER ID LAUGH. IM DOWN BADDDD. MANS GIVING ME BUTTERFLIES. GOD SAKE. NO ICK. PERFECT. ALREADY LOVE MILO NO DISRESPECT. MAN SET THE BAR FOR MY LOVE LIFE, BUT FOOLS!MILO RAISED THEM. 🤵‍♂️❤️🤵‍♂️ (me and fools milo)

Anton - what i expected: asher the remake but softer??

What I got- SINCE WHEN THE FUCK WAS THERE A RUSSIAN CHARACTER??? (Or French?) SRSLY. Never touched Anton with a 10-foot pole, the man sounds like DR.hilbert from Wolf 359, also quite literally ashers audio I'm sorry

David - what i expected: pushover, down on his knees begging for kisses and being whiny, and also a bit of shifting cus the “this is omega shit” line in his shifting audio

What I got- NO DADDY ISSUES??? NO CAR TRAUMA?!?!? WHIMPERING?! I mean I predicted the whiny one… and begging for kisses… (beg harder oo oo~) ASHER AND DAVID STILL BEING BESTIES IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE. Swear to god its the lasko moore effect… genuinely forcing this man onto his knees jkjk unless I dont want the whimpers, BUT THE PARASITES- “however you want it… however you want me..” DAVEY GOD LEAVE SOME FOR THE BEDROOMMMMMM

Special mentions!

GUY?: omg guy in the anton audio O///o HE WAS SO UNETHASTIC! YES, GUY!! GIVE US NOTHING!!!!!!!

ASHER??: ASHERS MATE CALLS HIM PUPPY ASHERS MATE CALLS HIM PUPPY ASHERS MATE CALLS HIM PU-

GABE???: GABE CALLING DAVID FOR TECH SUPPORT(???) HONESTLY THOUGH THE TALBOT PACK WAS GONNA BE SOME WEBSITE COMPANY

#redacted audio #redacted asmr #foolsverse #redacted gavin #redacted fools gavin #redacted james #redacted fools james #redacted milo #redacted fools milo #redacted anton #redacted fools anton #redacted david #redacted fools david

[frozenhi-chews]

Yes I love imagining stuff about comforting my F/Os when they're scared/in pain/think they're unlovable. No I do not think this says anything about me

#what do you MEAAAANNN i have high walls i dont wanna let down and be vulnerable with?? #what do you mean my favorite role in a self ship is being the strong one and the protector?? #because it scares me to be vulnerable and let others take care of me like that? and make #and makes me feel very unwelcome to have that treatment. like i dont deserve it. #i only deserve to be the strong one. not the one who is willing to let the walls down #it feels like lulling back a painful scab. like leave it alone #i dont have issues!! haha what are you talking about?? #hehehehe im fine!!!! #the cake doth speak #self ship stuff #im. probably in need of serious help bc vulnerability like that genuinely scares me

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[narwhalandchill]

sometimes genshin will be doing its gacha thing and or some other general annoying non gacha cringe and it sucks and theres a snoozefest patch and writing that falls short of its full potential and shoddy QoL and an underutilized combat system and when its like that its easy to be all ha ha shit game fuck this company i dont owe em shit but then u sit on it a while calm down and eventually go back to like. the chasm nail and just. listen to that haunting fucking OST and remember how ur breath caught and heart skipped when u discovered it the first time with that same melody kicking in gear only to drill that sucker punch of a wonder in further so that ur stuck helplessly left staring at the scene in front of u for minutes and minutes just. lost in that ambience . And try to remember the last time a video game has so effortlessly managed to instill this completely indescribable feeling in you (on MULTIPLE occasions) and absorb you into this world crafted with so much love and careful attention radiating from its every pore and its like. yeah yeah i know i know . why ive stuck with it all this time . why im most likely not quitting until EoS

#this isnt a 'never criticize genshin or hoyo' obvioisly its just #man theres just something about this game. despite its shortcomings despite the very real issues #like sometimes u see those. haha stipid genshin is just the cash cow for the REAL passion projects and its like #Dude . What the fuck are you talking about???????? #have you SEEN the effort going into this??? the budget????? the love?? the PASSION???? #like are ppl just pretending bc theyre that jaded and cynical from all the disappointments over the years #(which dont get me wromg i 100% get and have felt myself) #or do tjey genuinely think you get a game like genshin by just treating it like a cash cow side project #like this is average rushed p2w product tier???? THIS??? #sure the storys kinda mid even if enjoyable the company side management is. a thing . #theres issues that will never go away but like to act like the developers donr love this game as much as we do is...... #amyway dont mind me im listeninc to chasm ost and it awakemed somethinv in me #the reason i used tje nail as the central argument here is mostly a personal thing btw #like for me personally that was one of the most vivid moments i still remember. and chasm in general #like man. no need to defend the game when it fucks up anf falls short but is there not . so much to love #genshin #rambles

[bigendershadowthehedghog]

linux users after saying "switch to linux" 1000 times and then mauling another linux user to death for using a different kind of linux instead of like. providing me with anything useful. when i asked

girl i wanted to switch but like now i dont want to because youre being such a cunt about it

#i dont even have anything against linux i am actively looking to switch to it. but like everytime i am greeted with either the least helpful #advice followed by an argument thats like actually that advice is bullshit and then some more advice which leads to another argument #or just 'haha idiot doesnt even know how to use a command line what an idiot' when thats. what im trying to learn. thats literally what im #here trying to learn. but they never provide resources they just take it as a rant on how computer literacy has been declining. which doesn #teach anyone anything and does nothing to solve the problem theyre talking about other than the fact it exists. and then treat you like a #shit idiot baby for asking what to do when no i do know what a fucking folder/file system is is im trying to learn how to use the thing tha #you are actively telling me to use!!! #and then you run into the modern internet issue of not being able to find information anymore because its either locked behind discord #or the person asking the same question you have got told to just google it #head in hands.... #sorry for the ramble im just tired

[dogboots]

blog that makes me happy vs nobody will ever take me seriously here as long as I post the way I do

#mousetalk #im aware that a lot of my biggest interests are for children. thats why this main blog looks like a seven year old designed everything #im also aware of how silly i tend to look to anybody who isnt myself. 'adult who likes things for children“ isnt really something you Want #to be known as because this makes you look stupid to folks who do not have or understand the childish stuff #which is pretty understandable. i do look silly taking cartoon dogs seriously and being converned over toy rabbits feelings and whatnot #im not so oblivous as to pretend that i dont lol #i just wish i could enjoy these things and still be taken seriously! im not angry at people for deciding they wont or deciding they dont #like me or deciding im some sort of strange freak who will never grow up. its valid when you consider the everything else about me. #just wish it didnt have to mean that any and all footholds i have in adult spaces werent null and void you know #itd be nice if the two things could coexist. #im really only rambling in the tags like this because having this childish blog as my main ends with me being blocked a Lot #which again! im not mad about! people can choose to interact with who they like and form whatever opinions they want #im just a little sad is all. i have plenty of (mature even!) interests outside of things like stickers or stuffed animals but i cant really #interact with these things here without somebody inevitably looking my way and going oh. another immature person. goodbye #or just assuming that im a child trying to wiggle my way into adult spaces by claiming i am one. according to 1 ask i recieved a while back #i dont know. this really isnt much of a complaint is it. 'people dont take my stuffed animals seriously' is about as stupid of a problem as #it gets haha #maybe someday ill suck it up and rebrand and stop talking about baby animals on my main blog #so i could finally follow a blog for something like a horror game franchise without being blocked on sight #or greeted reluctantly and with an eyeroll haha #TLDR; if this blog stops being happy funtimes it is nobodys fault but my own for being spineless about my own interests lol #i doubt anybody is reading this wall of text (hello if you are) but dont take anything i said in here personally #enjoy what you want to enjoy. dont let me or anybody else dictate that when your life on earth is so short #this is more just me with my own trivial issues that dont matter in the grand scheme of things #okay goodnight everybody thats it for the time being

[cestacruz]

Mmm Jeanne

#servants cant learn new stuff (i'll talk about jalter in a second) therefore #jeanne shouldnt know how to read or write #we actually Dont get a confirmation that she can do those things in summer 3. because the book that jalter thought jeanne wrote #was actually Her own book #jeanne works with marie. maybe she comes up with the ideas and does rough drawings that marie would be Delighted to bring to life #marie reads to jeanne is my image #jalter taught herself how to read and write and i think that was possible because of the unstability of her existence #if you try to teach jeanne how to read and write it will stick for a second but if like idk 15-20 min pass she would likely find herself #unable to read again and her writting to be suboptimal #she can sign her own name ofc thats historical #she can recite the bible from memory iirc #i love jalter's ability to be her own person even if it comes with the fact that she is very much. an ephemeral dream #like her FCKING SKILL IS CALLED. #WHY MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS FGO #anyway. now jeanne again but physical #oughhh thank u for the support in the tags when i said jeanne should have self image issues because she looked different in life #i hadnt fully talked bout it i just went with hair but yeah. i need to check again because im pretty sure her body wasnt Suuuper different #but i just gotta confirm #but im just so i love the idea of her just not liking the way she manifested abd not knowing Why she manifested like that #when there are Countless depictions of her with her short brown hair #sieg looks to the side whistling (its not his fault but he knows the pseudo servant part #and its probably a mix of . fate apocrypha's manifestation and of how some people imagined jeanne looked like #but it still upsets her #not that she'd ever complain to people #you can probably get it out of her tho #unrelated and only to those who reached this far: im thinking of a singularity set in 15th century orleans in the Middle of the hundred year #war. but the difference aint “oh jeanne d'arc came back to life evil” rather than “there seems to be a battle here where it shouldnt and oh #my god is that jeanne- oh god jeanne d'arc fucking died-- #and chaldeas has to try and fix the war without living breathing jeanne d'arc #actually thats not the middle of the 100yearwar but yknow what i mean. also haha jk unless...

[fembutchboygirl]

I just learned something so incredibly fucked up

#i am trembling #i cannot let this enable my issues with paranoia further! haha! oh my fucking god #im not joking btw im literally physically trembling. how did this happen oh god oh GOD nononono dont let it get to you #i just need to know. was someone like. double dealing? was someone telling him about it #i wouldnt give a shit if they were stalking me online occasionally (well id care a little bit but honestly itd just be kinda fucked) #but if someone was telling him about me and my personal stuff? #stop. i dont want to think about it. i dont want to think it happened. i have to get this out of my head #but still. absolutely fucking deranged. #ESPECIALLY bc apparently he's been saying i “made him think he was abusive'' and that doing that was shitty of me bc he actually #just has bpd?????? #sol if you're reading this listen closely: one of my best friends has bpd. diagnosed and everything. so shut the fuck up #much like you've been saying i blamed my adhd for being neglectful (read: not meeting your sky-high standards for Truly Loving You 24/7) #you cannot blame your bpd for what a shit person you've been #repeatedly asking you to work on a flaw that's been hurting me is not telling you you're abusive you fucking prick #get a life‚ learn to care about other people away from what they can do for YOU‚ #and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. #p.s. imagine being mad that people who were friends with both you and your partner didnt suddenly cut the other one off after you broke up #like actually angry at these people. what the actual fuck. you're like a divorced parent upset that their child still talks to their ex-wife #my posts

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Delete this if it's weird but your post about naming your blog after one of the royals guards from hxh reminded me of something. So I am part of a DID system and some of the alters have many traits/appearance of my abusers, including some with the same names. They'd do things that were harmful as a way of keeping everyone safe. Anyways, recently our host watched hxh and one of those parts really connected with Neferpitou going from this absolutely inhumane monster of sorts to slowly learning how empathy and compassion works and has now changed their name from their original name of our abuser they're based off to Pitou instead now. Anyways I'm happy for them and just wanted to share that with ya

I held onto this ask for a while bc I was debating how detailed I wanted my response to be, but I think this is a story I've been wanting to tell for a while and if there was ever a time to fully discuss this, it would be here; the naming and themeing extends to myself as well as my blog - I do go by the name Shai irl, though I'm a little picky with where I choose to use it over the name I've had for longer (Rigel). Before I go into any more detail, I want to congratulate you for that development! It sounds like a moment of positive growth, and I'm glad you got to experience that.

The short answer is that I've basically taken my experiences with dissociation and something that may be multiplicity and fully redirected it all into a sense of spirituality. My therapist had encouraged me to not pathologize it; I was just hammering at my own personal experiences and being fixated on feeling like something was wrong with me and needed to be fixed - normal people don't experience thoughts and feelings that don't belong to them. With that being said, a large part of my recovery work was/is with acceptance; I was forced to mask a lot of things while growing up (autism, physical disability, queerness, etc) and there was a huge push from my family to seem as "normal" as possible, and now I'm actively undoing that and my work with being in the otherkin community is a massive cornerstone of that work. I identified very heavily with shaiapouf and my therapist actually watched hxh so we could use pouf as a therapy tool for me. Me naming myself after him is a huge gesture of the love I was able to give myself via my coping process - recognizing him in my trauma, and working with him to recover.

The longer answer is that I've experienced dissociation that leans towards multiplicity for a number of years now, with aforementioned thoughts and feelings included. I never had any memory loss, and the experience of another person being with me wasn't well developed enough for the definition of an alter, so I felt stuck with an experience I had no words for and no way of relating to other people with similar experiences. I remember describing it as feeling possessed, like there was suddenly another consciousness present with my own. These experiences are a lot less intense now, and I attribute that to my acceptance of them instead of pushing them away in fear. It was a while before I said anything to my therapist and was genuinely mortified because it felt like something was very seriously wrong with me and I had to fix it at all costs (with the idea of needing to "fix" things that were "wrong" with me or my life being a repeating theme as well).

Over time, as I stopped pushing everything away, I was able to start seeing where the emotions and thoughts that came with the episodes (not necessarily triggering them) were coming from, but still struggled to accept them as my own when they felt so foreign. Acceptance has brought me a long way and we've now teased out that this is a massive way for me to process not just my trauma, but the grief accompanying it.

My therapist was the one who had initially suggested I take a spiritual approach to this, and I found that in the otherkin community, where, upon actually looking at the original contexts of some of the words used in the community, found things I'd been describing to my therapist over a year ago. I'd prior been fond of the idea of reincarnation and fully embraced it in this process. My first (and so far only) tattoo is of his wings, I'll carry him with me for the rest of my life; I derived one of my names from his own. This character has been highly influential in my life and I've fully embraced him for it. He means a lot of things to me - reflection of my own trauma, the power and rage I wish I could have demonstrated while in the process of being traumatized, the delicate masculinity I wish to have as a trans man, and much more I'm sure. A lot of my episodes seem to happen when helplessness kicks in, like something to help distance myself from my pain; I feel him in righteous fury when I know I deserve better. Not all of it is bad though, I had one while I was looking at Christmas lights a few months ago and felt like I was looking at the world for the first time, simple delight as if holding someone else's hand and showing them.

All in all, I thank you for sharing your story and for giving me a place to share some of mine.

#this got a little rambley but i think ive been wanting to talk about this for a while. this isn't a 100% complete account but #it does cover the major points #this doesnt feel like an answer but the ask wasn't necessarily a question now was it? #i think this is the first time ive ever genuinely uttered the word ''multiplicity'' on this blog #i feel fully at peace with this now however! the experiences dont distress me and finding a community where people #have had experiences quite similar to my own makes me feel very good; especially since it shows just how subjective experience really is #i stopped seeing this as an issue when i asked myself why it would be so pertinent for me to stop having this #like my autism it's merely another way to experience the world; not necessarily something that needs to be corrected #yes the fact that this is trauma based is awful but what i have gotten from everything ive talked about is something #i wouldn't trade for the world #haha whoops got VERY genuine and emotional for a minute 🤫 anyways thank you for the message it did make me smile #asks #🦋 tag

[themyscirah]

Does anyone know if there was simonjess crumbs in the justice league book at the time or is it like just in their solo (meaning I need to reread that book again which I was already planning on doing but like still)

#bc from what ive heard its literally all like contained in that book #and then theres green lantern 2021 where they make her yellow and there was the panel where he didn't recognize her #abd like ive seen that. but id heard literally nothing else about that series and then i looked at solicits recently (for like the first #time ever tbh) and there was a totally diff GL book? on like issue no 4 or smth??? and ut looked like it was all about hal which like #LAME. and there was a john thing but im NOT up to date with modern lantern comics at all im still in the exploratory stage #like i feel like ive hit most of the standalone lantern stuff and now am diving into their biggest hits which is why im reading gl 1990 rn #and everything but like. did they really cancel that book only to immediately start a new one...... #jfc i know number 1s sell better but just TRANSITION IN THE BOOK????? #i know dc has like forgotten or whatever but you can legit get a new authorial team and just like... swap things up.... its called having #more than 1 run in a book like jesus #look at me complaining when i dont know what im talking about haha 😐 #i need to reread their book anyways thats been on my to do ever since i got out of my recent comics slump but still. i miss them #blah #simonjess #simon baz #jessica cruz #green lantern #dc comics

[kani-kui-inu]

amnesia can be great bc i can proofread my own writing bc ive mostly forgotten what i even wrote and its like i’m reading it for the first time. but then the issue is i also forget that i even wrote anything, period, so sometimes i come back to shit i wrote months ago like “oh shit this is fire. too bad i have no idea where i wanted to go with this! welp to the shredder” and i send it to the shadow realm (my google drive folder named HIATUS).

and then theres all the other problems with amnesia like the “i have no idea what you are talking about this is so awkward can you leave me alone” moments, the “why am i getting an email for an online order. i cannot remember ordering this thing. well alright looks like im getting a new shirt i guess” moments, the “god damn it i wasted another therapy appointment because i forgot about what has been plaguing me all week to the point of breakdowns the second i walked in but now i suddenly remember again so now im having a breakdown over being so frustrated along with a breakdown over the original issue” moments, etc etc

but those arent as funny (well, the shopping ones can be funny as long as how much was spent was very minimal), so i will just ignore them and eventually forget about them too (until they happen again)!

#system shenans #bitches be like ''i dont have amnesia. i remember things fine. i literally remember everything'' #and then cant recall most of the week when asked about it #(i am bitches) #i remember (haha) when i first told my one close friend that. uh. hey. uhm i may have DID/OSDD #and we were talking and they were like: #''yeah as your friend of several years.. you HAVE said some VERY concerning things about how much you cant remember of your life'' #and i was just like. 'wait what? really? i dont remember that..' #and then they made fun of me (affectionately) for trying to deny memory issues based on the fact i dont remember having them #it was all very funny

[tunapesto]

.

#rare exemption where i dont want to put Oh Gay Dads And Daughter trope on characters #idk idk its annoying me for no reason whausgshgsha #the sense of family and bond is Strong #but when i start thinking of that specific trope i get an aneurysm #and its not like there's anything inherently wrong with it #just something that i have grown to dislike for god knows what reason #i am talking about tghnri cno and cllei #what do i call their dynamic then? #i dobt know man #i just want them to be like random people who got together by chance and theyre all friends n help each other out #btw if u are reading this anyway. comms are not definitive #i feel like shitting . i have much to do #but maybe late october #not guaranteed but i would hope o7 i need money #i just dont like being overwhelmed #anyway idk it is funny that i just refuse to put anything remotely close to Father when it comes to personality #for nari and cno #nari is more like. an older cousin who took you in or just a very polite college student/new grad hes nice #cno... i like to think hes 40 for Haha reasons so its not age thats the issue #i just dont think he fits #cno would be more like . what #designated Guy of the neighborhood thats very protective of like. kids or something #somewhere between the range of father-grandpa-friendly street vendor-uncle #idk how to explain it ong it's just . theyre not disaster dads i will throw myself into solitary confinement for 1000 years #if i hear that phrase again #(looks at old hpfx disapprovingly...) #maybe its the instinct of cringing at anything i dont find remotely interestinf anymore idk

[lovecrazedpup]

when my friend is at work so i cant cry in call with him !

#ngl i genuinely cant find the energy to cry . im just making issues again man its so fucking stupid . i should just kill myself #he doesnt love me and he never will and hes fucking busy playing games with other people because im constantly crying and upset #and its like he doesnt care !!!!!! who do i even talk to anymore bc this is . awful #im trying so hard . i really am but fuck when everything is going through my mind its just #i just want to apologise forever but i dont know how to show that im actually sorry #like at least my ex was straight forward with how to apologise ?? it was just 'send me photos of your cuts and i know youre sorry' #but obviously i cant do that now LMAO #maybe its better if i just message out my thoughts and send them to him but its also like . its so obvious you dont want to talk to me #me : *nearly crying and about to try and explain why im going to kms* him : awful timing but i need to leave haha i will call you back ??? #like im sorry but dont even bother calling me back :) #ive been clean for 8 days . its so pathetic #i dont want to hurt myself but i literally have nothing else to help me #i dont want to be a burden im trying rlly hard to just stop how i feel and im trying to be a perfect girlfriend who is only happy #but i just cant . it is so hard when all im thinking abt is how he hates me and how i mean nothing and how im always going to be worthless #i unironically miss when it was him being upset and talking to me abt it because i wasnt the one being emotional and vulnerable #like i was just there to help and make him feel better lol #i think ill be better after i cut bc thats what happened last time so #whatever we ball #jamie.txt

[nexttothelamp]

...

#idk if this is gender euphoria or dysphoruia #maybe its just fear lmaoooo #but i just manned my way out of best case getting a ticket worst case getting arrested 🤣 #picking up my wife at the airport and #my cars been unregistered since november. dont @ me i know ok #they have license plate readers jsbdbsbdb as you drive in #cop walks up and im like O.O cuz i have weed in the car and like #he is DIRECTLY above five packed blunts.... #but he just tells me the car is unregisterdd since Nov and inspections been put since march #and as im scrambling for something to say im playinh dumb and hes like is it your girlfriend's car...? #like this dude is exactly what you picture a pig to look like #huge white guy buzz cut the works #but when he asks if its my gf's car it suddenly hit me and im like .....yes it IS in my wife's name #and its not like either of us said anything misogynistic?? but i totally used that implicit 'haha ditsy wife' shit to get away with it #he was like well the only issue is that when youre driving... youre responsible... #his attitude man. i could feel the machismo dripping off every word. his energy was nasty #and hell i mean i matched his energy but like. shivers #i dont feel good about this lmfao #...but like. silver lining of not getting to be a woman in public anymore is that i can do shit like this? #ive always been good at talking my way out of problems #same as most neurodivergent or traumatized people #but damn. this is a new level #first time ive come face to face with a pig in like 8 years 😮‍💨 #his laugh like. the grabdstanding of ot #blegh. BLEGH #...but sociologically interesting #my god. man in the streets woman in the sheets thats me 😳 #jwhdhdhd seriously tho. like i think im actually just a bearded lady and im settling on that. makes me happy #but also my voice is a baritone now the masses will only ever see me as a man 🤣 too bad they forced me to go on T. good thing i LOVED IT #id say delete later but i wont

[catmiration]

if it never happens, don't stress!! it's easier said than done obviously, but one thing to keep in mind is that closure isn't always gonna come. then again, you might already have it without knowing it (or you refuse to acknowledge it). either way the fact remains that closure isn't always guaranteed so don't spend too much time looking for it!!

oh no it's def coming I'm just impatient lmao. vent/ramble below and in tags

school starts up next week & I just haven't gotten any sub jobs yet, but once I do I'll be able to see if things with a few coworkers turned friends are the same as before summer or if they've changed! mainly, are we friends friends or just simply people who get along at work. because i'm awful at reading cues and miss so many things or confuse them.

like, my brain doesn't want to accept that people don't have to be in constant communication to be friends and wanted/appreciated in each other's lives, ykwim? at least, irl friends. one of my friends ashley hung out with me so much before june and then just like,, dropped off the face of the earth, and i'll be carpooling with her when i start subbing again if she's still ok with it. but that all hinges on if I am a friend friend (where it's "ok" for me to ask that of her) or if I'm just someone she tolerates and enjoyed temporarily and i'm inevitably using her for the free ride

see. lots of overthinking, which will all be settled if i just see the people i want to keep in my life face to face!

#this is how my brain operates constantly #hell i struggle w this issue for ONLINE friends still #im so used to putting so much weight on friendships that i miss the signs that they dont want or need me anymore. so seeing these people #would help immensely. bc it's very similar to the 'out of sight out of mind' adhd concept? but not quite? it's like... im worried that #*i'm* out of their sights...and therefore out of THEIR minds.... #this is what happens to your thought process when you're never first pick and have lost almost each of the people you spoke to consistently #even when losing them benefitted you! the pain is still there! you still miss them! #and also when your only source of socializing aside from the internet is. your fucking family. #but you cant trust them fully because theyre judgemental and rude and toxic and it's just been SUCH a messy summer #i also feel the need to do some sort of damage control abt what happened w my summer job even though it was NOT my fault and 100% someone #elses and i deserved sooo much better. god. if i see them and get an apology abt that im going to feel SUCH glee. like haha #YOU fucked MY job up and now YOU have to say something to me because (hopefully) our boss TALKED TO YOU ABOUT IT #but fr i just want my life to go back to ''normal'' and see kids again and be their fav sub and get hugs and high fives and excitement when #i walk into the building. #i just love that so much. and i just dont want to be forgotten or brushed aside or whatever. i wanna prove myself and i wanna make sure #that other people find me WORTHY #this was a RAMBLE jesus #anon #/ vent

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

𝐒𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐋♡𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 [Intro]

"I dont care how many names you've screamed in the past; tonight, you're screaming mine."

Or alternatively: you're moving away in a week, and that gives Jungkook seven days to try and make you stay instead.

Tags/Warnings: Fuckboy!Jungkook, Fuckgirl!Reader, Angst, Misunderstandings, Friends/Enemies to lovers, Very suggestive, adult, hurt and comfort, smut, did I mention angst? It's worth it in the end tho promise

Length: didn't count I wrote this while watching anime oops

There is no taglist for this fic.

A/N: Hello boo haha

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There's not much you can really say about him that's not just absolutely confusing.

Well- maybe you also kind of are at fault for making things so confusing in the first place, because down the line, everything about this mess is kind of your own fault.

Jungkook knows you as loud, happy, sexy and open-minded. You dress like a barbie, you laugh without trying to appear a certain way, and you know when to act dumb to get your way. He also knows you as sexually adventurous, active, and open for everything if it fits within your own personal boundaries. He himself considers himself a hedonist after all- he chases the purest forms of pleasure, be it sexual or platonic. It's a little cute how he can find a certain sense of fullfillment and happiness from just being hugged or talked to- though you know that he's also very aware of his own charms, and knows when to weaponize them.

He takes good care of himself- something you don't see often to this extend in guys his age. They typically aren't at that stage yet where they realize that their body is something to be cared for to keep it healthy for a long time- and if they do care about their body, they end up almost obsessed with it, never thinking about anything else, suddenly only looking at everything from a purely aesthetic perspective.

He's odd. But in a certain way, he's exactly what you knew you'd end up crushing on. Hard.

And that's the problem. He really, Really wants to hook up with you.

Now that's good, right? Who would say no to their crush asking to fuck them- it's a jackpot, really, is it not? He's also very obvious with his interest beyond just sex as well- he constantly flirts, invites you to his place, or visits yours. He pays for any food you both get together, he visits the movie theater with you, holds your hand in a cheesy way just to make you blush, calls you baby, darling, princess and so much more. So what's the fucking issue?

The issue is that you're an absolute fraud.

You never have wild dates or exciting sex. You never actually experienced most of the stories you've made him believe, and you most certainly aren't more experienced than him. In fact-

you've never had sex. At all.

You're a virgin.

And Jungkook thinks you're an experienced sex-goddess. Because that's what you want him to believe. That's what you made him believe.

It really started with simple white lies- whenever your apartment was cluttered to the point that it made you embarrassed to invite him in, you'd just hiss out the door that you had someone over. Then it evolved into trying to impress him with made up experiences, just to fall into conversation with him.

And suddenly, it all got out of control.

Now you've created a whole entire persona that isn't actually real at all- and it seems like that'll ruin all your chances with him for good. Though, if you think about it, you have to admit, that if he fell for your made-up-character,

did he even fall for you at all?

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"I mean that's cool and all but-" Jungkook says as he walks next to you, hands in his pockets. "-how're you gonna travel every day from Seoul to Busan? That's two and a half hours with KTX." He mumbles, looking out for you by gently pushing you closer by your shoulder to make way for a bike riding past you.

You hate how domestic it feels. Like he's your boyfriend or something.

"Uhm yeah well-" you mumble, looking down at the tips of your babypink heels. "-that's why I'm moving. To Busan." You admit, and it's silent for a moment while you both walk around the park together.

You're not sure what he's thinking. Is he giving up? Sure, that would hurt, but it's also for the best. In busan you can start over, away from all the lies you've made up here-

"How can I make you stay?" He asks suddenly, and you re not sure if you've heard him correctly.

"What?" You ask because of that, and he shrugs.

"How can I make you stay?" He repeats. " I can't leave Seoul because of my job and all- but I know that you've got the option to stay here instead of being transferred to Busan." He explains. "I'm not sure why you want to leave, and it's none of my business- so instead I wanna know what I can do to make you stay instead."

"Why would I stay?" You just answer, hands behind your back as you jump a bit with every step next to him, trying to mask your nervousness with your usual childish acting. "You can just fuck someone else and forget about me." You laugh, when his hand reaches out to hold onto your bra strap, keeping you still as you stop walking. "Hey-!" You bark, until you see his face.

"I don't wanna forget about you." He tells you. "And I don't just want to fuck you either." He denies, looking at you now in a more serious manner.

"Well you're gonna have to." You shrug, crossing your arms.

"How long?" He asks suddenly, a challenging glint in his gaze as he crosses his arms as well, muscles in his arms defined as the fabric of the sleeves of his black T-Shirt stretch around his biceps.

"How long what?" You bite back equally as petty in tone.

"How long until you move?" He asks, chin up as he watches down towards you.

"A week-" you start, and he suddenly smirks impishly, before he reaches out to playfully tap underneath your chin, the gesture catching you off guard.

"That's enough time." He chirps happily, starting to walk again, a newfound confidence in his step.

"Enough time for what?" You wonder as you call after him, turning around to look at him.

"Enough time to make you stay." He boldly exclaims back-

Leaving you with an odd feeling in your stomach.

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