#i dont deserve love i dont deserve friendship

[madame-mongoose]

vent art probably deleting later

sure i'll play uno

#i thought drawing would make me feel better #but no #i feel worse #actively trying not tk think bad things #but i cant help it #do you ever just want to explode on people so theyll realize youre a terrible person and leave you? #so you have control over them leaving you #bc you know youll be abandoned one day anyway? #do you ever just wanna kill yourself over it? #yeah. yeah. #head in hands. if i drove everyone away on purpose i wouldn't have to worry about being abandoned #if i have no friends maybe i wouldn't hurt this much #im so scared of losing people all the time #and i know i will lose them eventually #ive already lost so many #whats the point of clinging on like this? #what the point of even trying? #i dont deserve love i dont deserve friendship #i dont do enough #please just tell me you dont want me. just tell me you dont love me. just leave me now so i dont hurt later #sorry for the weird vent just ignore this #tw sui ideation #delete later

[monhiio]

They`re getting along just swell!!

#feng xin #san lang #hua cheng #huafeng #tgcf #heavens official blessing #fanart #what do i even add to t his #what do i even say #please dont lynch me #the truth you guys need to understand is #feng xin deserves all the love #just wait till you hear about my lwj x xl x fx friendship agenda #OR MY SQX AND FX FRIENDSHIP AGENDA #shi wudu coming next #ha #haha

[sunshikilo]

they are very important to me

#canonically i know those 3 are mostly portrayed as irredeemable evil assholes #but i love a redemption arc and they deserve it #2 specific fanfics changed my views on them forever #i like to think their friendship isnt as toxic as the outside seems #like aiden is just putting on a show for the most part and is a nice and genuine guy to the other 3 when theyre alone #urrghhh the childhood friends to enemies pipeline #i have so many possible reconciliation plots with lukas and everyone else #also got rid of gill's full beard because it makes him look like a 30 year old man hanging out with teenagers #mcsm #minecraft story mode #aiden mcsm #lukas mcsm #maya mcsm #gill mcsm #ocelots mcsm #(also dont tell anyone i kind of fw aidesse in certain aus) #also how do i make tumblr not kill the quality like woah

[skunkes]

wanna meet people and do things

#talkys #small vent here but i get worried about being able to do this bc i fear itll never be enough #same wrt finding a partner like idk if ill ever get enough of what i need and am endlessly starved for even if i meet someone #i feel like i dont even Get friendships when i find them...idkkk #i need too much love #every day i need more than will ever be fulfilled in my remaining lifetime #and i dont even deserve it!

[pearlpool]

MAN! AHH!

#its so crazy to realize that like #you actually do have a life you can go back to after removing yourself from a space that was actively making you miserable #i fucking love my friends so much. been talking to them a lot more lately #i feel like ive been neglecting them because ive been spending so much time lamenting the relationships that havent worked out for me #and just not even thinking about the ones that HAVE and actively DO #and its like. why do i hesitate to dive headfirst into the friendships that i already have and already feel secure in??? #i think part of me thinks i dont deserve relationships where i dont have to prove myself #but im realizing that i can draw a distinct line between friendships where i feel loved as i am vs ones where i have to earn approval #and the latter is not where i should be focusing my energy #idk! love my irls. rubyrainacharlie forever #feels like im coming back to who i was pre-all the horrible shit thats happened to me in the last year and a half #like even just after the last two days alone #diary

[jabberwockprince]

since we're all having fun talking about theories and headcanons before the game drops. one thing that i do want for missing link, that is mostly wishful thinking on my part, is a reveal for kairi being a descendant of the player

this is based on their parallels of being shooting stars later found washed up on a beach from the new missing link trailer, plus that one moment from KH1 where kairi's grandma tells her about the age of the fairytales and nothing else lmfao

and i want that so badly because. it would be so fucking ironic and poetic to have kairi be a direct descendant of the one person that raised and cared so much for xehanort. the player, whose memories of ephemer and skuld and chirithy and everyone else influenced xehanort into starting his whole ass spiral and descent into darkness

only for her (and sora) to be the ones to get xehanort to stop in the end. ending a cycle of sorts. for her to be haunted by the memory of xehanort, the same way xehanort was "haunted" by the memory of the player's past life

PLUS. i want it to SPECIFICALLY recontextualize kairi's inheritance of the keyblade from BBS. because kairi's reason to wield a keyblade being nothing more than an "accident" feels like such a disservice to her AND aqua??

if they could recontextualize xehanort into whole new depths in dark road, i dont see why they couldn't reframe that moment as kairi reclaiming a dormant power, her own heritage that her bloodline forgot for centuries, since knowledge about keyblades and wielders began to fade out over time to the point where people who KNEW about them thought they were evil. makes sense that as the age of fairytales is left FORGOTTEN, no one can remember how to summon a keyblade, let alone the knowledge to create one from someone's heart. but having a strong heart (one of the requisites for bequeathing ceremonies) and being in direct contact with a keyblade, could just. help jog the memory a bit

and show that yeah. kairi deserves to wield a keyblade because she has a strong heart, and because this was her heritage that was taken away from her when the worlds began to drift away from each other and so on. not because of an accident

everytime chance, fate and destiny are brought up in the saga to explain why something. happened the way it did. it carries so much weight and so many events that led to That Point. but kairi's inheritance as of right now was just. yeah, an accident. no ceremony at all AND I JUST THINK SHE DESERVES RLLY COOL THINGS OKAY

#khml #DONT GET ME WRONG. THE THEORY AND HC ABOUT #RIKI BEING THE ONE COMING FROM A PRESTIGIOUS BLOODLINE OF POWERFUL WIELDERS #IS ALSO SUPER GOOD #BUT I THINK KAIRI DESERVES SMTH TOO OTHER THAN THE WRITING USING HER JUST TO ELEVATE SORA #their dynamics mean so much to me #some fucking guy named sora and his very cool anime protagonist best friends who actually think HES the coolest protagonist in the world #kairi being stubborn refusing to let go of sora. the same way the player is stubborn in refusing to let their friends die #to the point where they both can just cheat at death many times thanks to their connections with other people #since MOST ppl who came back to life in the saga. they do it by cheating time. or sheer force of will. but rarely thru. friendship and love #looks at luxu. some even refuse to die. kinda wild #YES im delusional #look at me in the fucking eyes right now #sora as a character who keeps being shattered. due to the pressure of his role. things he never asked for and keep happening to him #riki as a character who bends and breaks over and over. as punishment and rebellion. because he doesnt know where he fits in all of this #kairi as a character who keeps vanishing. who continues to have the places and people she loves taken away. and she keeps being left behind

[a-mess-of-a-crow]

DOES ANYONE ELSE GET THE URGE TO RANDOMLY SHOWER YOUR FRIENDS WITH AFFECTION AND HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU AND JUST SUFFERING UNDER THE PRESSURE TO JUST BOOK A FLIGHT OVER AND JUST HUG THEM?

Just me? Ok then.

#SERIOUSLY #I JUST WANNA SQUISH THEM ALL #I DONT DESERVE SUCH KINDNESS AND LOVE FROM THEM #I CAN ONLY GIVE MY LOVE BACK BUT WHATS THAT WORTH??? #Arg why can't i split myself like a giant cell and be able to hug all of my online friend at once? #Friendship

[thueenz]

for real though that post is so true on the love front i think about it all the time like why is everyone so LOVELESS not even just in like cishetero marriages where they hate each other just in general like platonic too. it drives me craaazy when im exposed to it like why are ppl like this !! why dont you love your friends and partner!! its like everything is a social game that theyre playing just for validation and lacking real connection and its a game where theyre always about 2 steps away from being bitter and hateful towards their friends/lover like STOOOOP! im someone who values love and kindness so much and it baffles me. why do you hate your partner! why do you talk about them like theyre an object of validation! why are you dating someone you clearly dislike! why are u so mean to ur friends behind their backs im cryin. why do you up and abandon them the second you get a partner bc you dont value them over the romantic validation you get. ive always been such an affectionate person at heart and i value what my friends say so much and i always find myself feeling so distant from people in relationships because they just feel?? so shallow?? and distant from me. like i think oh this preson gets me but theres ppl who say the same things how they value kindness and love but its always like, immediately clear they are actually a deeply mean person and just enjoy feeling like theyre 'good'. the way society functions with relationships feels so intensely shallow and i cannot connect to it at all. i love my friends and i love people and i always want to understand them and reach out with compassion and be close to them physically and emotionally speaking and talk a lot and listen to them. however im cursed to live in a world of 1 word responses if any at all and shallow relationships where no one gaf about each other and then i get told i talk too much. hello? *tapping mic* hello? is this thing on? be filled with whimsy and love going forward please. anyway does anyone else feel this way or is it just me feel free to talk about it if youd like

#thank god i finally found some friends who are like this too it was so rough before #it sucks tho bc ive been so tired lately its hard for me to live up to this #which i dont hate myself for its valid its just like waaah i wanna have the energy to really put my all in friendships again #for half my life my biggest want and goal in life has been to be someone approachable and who seems kind #even to people with anxiety and i think growing up with anxiety greatly shaped that #i value being kind and compassionate and understanding to such a degree that i spent and still spend time actively working #towards that goal and unlearning being judgemental and bitter #bc i want to be kind so badly and to put kindness in the world... #no but seirously why do people date ppl they dont like #wym you guys arent so unabashedly in love that you practically see hearts thinking of them #wym your entire chest doesnt fill with joy and the simple prospect of them experiencing lifes small joys no matter how little and mundane #to love so wholly that you strive to be a good person not out of guilt or feeling like you are bad but because you desire so deeply to be #good for them and put as much goodness in their life as you can because its what they deserve...💙💙 #ANYWAY LMFAO! im sappy asf as a person sorry everyone but also not sorry #pers

[nightfallsystem]

do u ever notice how much u love ur friends and ur like oh my god i dont deserve this what the fuck

#i am being brought outside by this lesbian. #also my online friends i love them so much like all of them #its a shame its all gonna end sooner or later like all of my friendships do but its nice for now ^_^ #i hvae like 2 irl friends im in contact with and i owe them a lot tbh in terms of mental health #big chance i may of killed myself if not for this one girl who i love so much /p she brings me outside and talks to me and goes to my house #idk i dont deserve this WAAAAHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH SOB SNIFFLE HIC CRY WAAAHHHH I DONT DESERVE THIS......

[amaurotine]

in a world of ppl who can perceive aether (and therefore possibly the impact of emotions upon the soul in real time); in a world where everyone is polite to a rehearsed and almost rigid degree at times, in a world where being too straightforward could be considered unkind/improper and therefore poetic vagueness is often necessitated for the sake of propriety, i think it would actually be nice to be told, point blank and with no room left for ambiguity or misinterpretation, that you are loved and needed. that you are loved and needed, outside the context of you being someone's friend or wingman but for yourself and the other things that compose your essence and your person.

i think it's smth that hyth really fucking needs to hear and i think so much abt ppl interacting with him just to ask where e.met or a.zem is (which, to be fair, is a natural question bc the two are often inseparable and it is generally widely assumed by everyone in ama.urot that hyth knows where ha.des is, due to him also being notorious for keeping tabs on most of what goes on in ama.urot) but it's also kind of painful because he would like to be needed and loved for himself and not because he's someone who can someone else for you bc he is friends with that person,

#🧋 — spillin' on ur dash. #and yes perhaps to some degree this happening so often is his own fault bc he resigned himself (gladly) to #being a support role. to being THAT friend. #but i think it's also valid to be kind of :/ when he just wants to hang out and ppl immediately ask him where ha.des or az.em is. #i think he deserves to be cared for outside of just the context of his relationships with other ppl and its kind of painful #when you realize that your love and friendship with certain ppl is. in others' eyes. your sole defining value. #like nobody is interested in who YOU are as a person outside the fact that you're friends/lovers/etc with certain better-known individuals #and this isn't coming from a place of begrudging a.zem or e.met anything; he's proud of them and loves them more than anyone #it's. like. hard to explain. but there is something kind of painful abt ppl defining you this way and this way alone. like you dont exist #or have importance outside the context of people you're associated with. #regarding others as individual people with feelings and thoughts and complexity #vs. simply regarding others more or less as a means of finding someone else... #like. is he hythlodaeus to you or is he just emet-selch/azem's best friend??? #(and yeah i get that he is very much Both Of Them but which comes first in your eyes?? that matters in how you regard someone.)

[arugan]

oomfie send me this on discord.... IM GONNA EXPLODE PFFF

i though it make more sense these 2 fall in love after CS, not while this whole mess. but they will still have a nice friendship (beta too dont forget her). and this pic just 🥹 show that they are actually close to each other let me explain.

el dorado trained all the protocol omega players together, lets say 1 year and a half they had the same training and shared the same course. and everyone's friendship grew here. until el dorado decided to split the group in 3. (and this is at this time where el dorado annouced that they are fightning agaisnt soccer blablabala anyway). they were helpful to each other and get inspiration too ? i heavily hdc that they all agreed that their hissatsu will be about science so they all shared their ideas until it came to reality.

now the arugan part. i just wanna say that they also supported each other. they would share their advices and yk boys being boys. gamma appreciate alpha so much, he admires him, he would take advices and try to execute what alpha recommend. and its quite the same with einam too. but einam was to reserved to ask any question to alpha so instead he was only observing and was asking details to gamma 🥹, even if he doesnt appreciate him (forced to ask because who else is close to alpha).

anyway. γ was mostly taking advices from α to see if he can improve. this pic really yelled at me to finally talk about 1 of the points that always turn in my head......

#they slowly fell in love this make more sense #i dont like love in the first sight #strong friendships that slowly turn into a couple is what make me happy the most #and it fits perfectly with argan like #no one knew each other and thanks to soccer they all became friends #they had their silly adventures together #played soccer together until the missions #i stronly believe that they all apologized when they all went to prison 0 #because they were fightning in the CS era these babies didnt deserve that at all #and they got close again in prison 0 🥲🥲🥲🥲 #live laugh arugan #tbh everyone in the protocol omega appreciate alpha so

[simcardiac-arrested]

What's your favourite dun meshi ship? Do explain in long detail

HONESTLY i’m not super big on shipping when it comes to dunmeshi … so my fav is just like farcille because it’s basically canon and god knows i’m a yuri soldier. i really like whatever utter devotion shit they have going on☝️ and i just love marcille and falin separately so it’s a huuuge win. But even then i mostly think about them in a queerbait sense where it probably takes them 5 million years to get together because they both suck…. That’s pretty much it i odnt knowwwwwww 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️ i think chilshi is funny but i’m not super invested in it and i just dont really see it. kabru and laios have a great dynamic but i dont see the potential romance unless it’s one sided or soemthing. Them just being insane friends is funny enough to me . so yeah here’s my top 3 ships list except i only really like farcille

#FARCILLE SWEEEEEP #i dont feel like im crazy enough to go off about it in long detail though and also it’s like 8am i just woke up half an hour ago #but yeah the utter devotion shit they have. the way they’re both mentally ill asf for each other. People love to portray them as cutes #WHICH IS NICE YEAH i think they can be cutes and they are cute. but also i rly like when they are more fucked up #cramswering #but overall im more invested in the friendships of it all🤷‍♀️ #i think farcille works just as well as a friendship or a fucked up evil qpr or just some unlabeled relationship #but also they deserve a conventional cute romance after everything … a starbucks date would fix marcille #I DONT KNOWWWW ABHH

[summerendroll]

the feminism leaving my body whenever i enjoy asshole guy befriended by I Can Fix Him bubbly girl dynamic

#what do i count for this um um neku and shiki. #part of the fun is shiki trying to adopt eris bubbly girl personality though and the reversal of it #sigh ayano and shintaro. HE DOESNT DESERVE HER!!!!! #umm . cloud and aerith also actually. #my deep adoration for selphie and squall friendship doesnt apply even though personalitywise it should #squall and rinoa does apply but doesnt have anything fucked enough for me to care about them SORRY... #fucked Or emotionally sweet enough. although i do love the ending cg of ffviii #sometimes the fun is also in the ways they Werent good for each other and sometimes dont get the chance to be better #looks at cloud and aerith and ayano and shintaro

[faultsofyouth]

It's not enough to ask yourself "am I too good for men" you must also ask yourself "am I good enough for women?"

#my posts #inspired by some of yall claiming the feminist label while clearly hating women very very much #you are too good for men. most assuredly. but do you actually deserve female friendship? female lovers? female companionship? #its not as simple as i dont like men so i must like women. nor i dont get along with men so i must get along with women #its possible you are a hateful bitter shit unworthy of love or connection. its possible you are full of love and joy #but you havent stopped spitting on people. many such possibilities #anyways i am in great contemplation about my own ability to maintain female friendships after my lady cat ran away from home

[windydrawallday]

One of my other favorite things about shipping fictional characters and making stories with them is telling experiences that go beyond the usual perfect "these two meet and become OTP in the instant" and/or are planned to be OTP at the end of the road. I mean, I'm the crazy shipper that can pair even a bunch of characters that barely mention each other meeting off-camera in canon x'D

But I find fascinating these types of scenarios that are "less perfect" and full of bumps on the road: those of beings that find themselves in need of rebuilding again a bridge of feelings that was severed by death (and even separation, a little "dead" still alive but not with you anymore in their lives).

In contrast to the usual "encounters destined to end together" here experiences are already tainted with grief and a sense of resignation… but at the same time, questioning if it will be possible for these experiences to serve any other purpose after these events. "The Love after the Love" (a spanish song I had on repeat all this week) it's what I like to call it.

And I think it can become one of the most hopeful scenarios to play around with because it is very real and something that could happen even to OTPs "Happy Ever After"'s…

[TW/CW for mentioning a real person's death and grieving]

I need to put in parallel a personal family experience about this same theme: I always remember dearly one of my uncles from my mother's side of the family who had a partner, and they looked SO PERFECT together. Good, sweet, hardworking people. Never saw sadness in their faces, always sharing trips and plans together… I almost fell envious of their sons and daughters for having such perfect parents haha

Until my aunt died during bad electricity management in her laundromat shop. I never saw a man as sad and emotionally destroyed as my uncle. It was plain painful to see him, like a ghost haunting his own home. We tried to support him during that first year of grieving until we saw he was ready to go on his own.

Then, after another year, he confessed to us (I was always happy he confided in my side of the family) that he was seeing a new partner but that he wasn't sure if keep doing it. We asked why to him, and the answer, to this day I think, is one of those that I have carved deeply on my memory: because he felt he was unrespecting his past partner.

This memory feels a bit fuzzy for me right now (this was… idk 12 years ago now?!) but I can remember clearly my mother telling him that he needed to stop feeling guilty for something that was out of his control (the death of his partner) and to think in his own happiness too. That for sure aunt would have approved of him living on because she knew he is a very lovely man full of love who deserves to not let that love die with her memory.

That it will be harder to start over, that's a given. But if he felt the need to build that bridge again but in a different direction, why hold it back?

And that experience became one more brick in my life that cemented for me that love doesn't die… once. Or it can't be killed on that first try. You will build many bridges, burn half of them, seeing part of them fall from catastrophes out of your control. But I can assure you you will always find a way to build a bridge again.

Not just because of a partner, or a new partner, or a partner after that one. Because we all hold a love so great it's unfair to let death be the end of it.

Before death definitely arrives to snatch your heart, keep loving. For the sake of love. Love is worth the effort, the pain, and the lessons.

Because loving is living. And living is a daring thing to do, to spit against death and say "My heart still beats, still exists, still feels".

That's the reason why I like putting these scenarios in fiction to. Again, I'm a sucker for angst too, and seeing a pairing endure death and separation but this? Letting my beloveds find a way out of the past, accepting that they are still living and worthy of finding someone that loves them even when carrying these broken parts, to share their most dear experiences with them? That's my jam, so much!

And if that's not the most hopeful message you can leave to this world, I will buy a hat and eat it.

PS One more additional note: with this, I want to validate too that a "Love after Love" never EVER loses its value after the first time: love just gets STRONGER!

#windy squeals #cw death mention #death mention cw #cw grief #grief cw #please dont let me buy a hat and less eat it #no but seriously: its a little funny so far this become the year of “grieving love” for me #i got a friend thats dealing with a heartbreak another thats dealing with cutting ties with old friends #and here i am playing that same theme of Love after the Love in fiction has a way to lowkey cope too with my own past loss #and is so VALIDATING #THERES MORE LOVE AFTER DEATH AFTER CUTTING TIES AFTER THE PAIN AND THE SEPARATION #im all sappy right now orz #ill make some tea and eat my chocolate cookies i saved for today #another addemdum to the last PS #and my reason to keep shipping characters after shipping other characters #i dont believe love dies with one OTP #my beloveds deserve to find love and be loved again #i think thats a more beautiful ending for them than just plain letting them grieve forever #and that it doesnt need to be a new pairing either to fill that ending #it can be a found family or a friendship/brotherhood of friends #love has no limits so imagination either!

[caluski]

i really really wanna get better, i really do, but its so scary to think that it will probably take long years - if i can even succeed at all. undoing everything - finding myself again, recovering, moving past all these bad things - and i really do wanna "trust the process" but god, more years of loneliness do not sound like something i can handle anymore. recently ive been thinking a lot about people ive lost thorough the years.. i wonder if im just past the healing period and this is it, like a scar that only closes but never fades away. will this last forever? can i ever get another chance at being loved?

#its hard to look back at past friendships and to remind myself that theyre not evil for leaving me and im not a victim there #i know that already but i wish i could tell myself that they were in the wrong! while in reality it wasnt just right for them to stay #i wish my days would stop passing in silence without anyone to talk to #i cant believe that at some point in my life i always had someone to meet whenever i wanted to go out. and someone to text me good morning #i need to remind myself why i screwed it all up so i dont make these mistakes again - but god its so hard to work on deserving love #and what if i die without experiencing real joy and love one more time #pogaduchy