#i don't really care if their relationship is platonic or romantic

[moonsaver]

Do you have any thoughts about the opposite of the "Im afraid to confess because our friendship could get ruined"? As in, "I'm afraid to reject you because I don't want to lose this friendship so I accept your confession even though I don't feel that way for you and never will".

Like the protagonist tries to convince themselves that this is just like being friends only that we now kiss (and more). I feel like it would fit with a yandere that is a bit delusional or desperate, eveb insecure so whenever the protagonist doesnt seem as into this relationship as them, they just try to convince themselves otherwise, or love bomb the protagonist.

Idk lately Ive been into reversing the tropes and I found this one particularly interesting to me when it comes to a yandere. In HSR i was thinking of Argenti as he seems like the delusional type. Or even Aventurine who would have had to put down a lot of walls to be friends with you and then even more walls just to confess, so rejecting him doesnt seem like an option to the protag (out of pity and care).

THIS THIS THIS!!!! qnon ur brain is so wrinkly and soggy with brain juice..... this used to be my favorite trope at some point idk why i forgot about it i remember eating up any fanfics out there based on this

Tw: yandere (obv), manipulation, intimacy (mainly romantic, only hints of sexual), emotional blackmailing, whatever yadda yadda

But anyways, under the cut!

Okay, so, I imagine this is possible with literally... almost all of hsr's cast. Mainly because most of them have such tragic backstories, and most of them out of that have a really shrewd and cunning mind, so they'll exploit this to hell and back.

I also imagine this is with a people pleasing reader, so lets go with a bit of implication of that.

Anyways, since Aventurine and Argenti are the ones mentioned specifically, I'll probably dive in on them first.

Aventurine is so hard to not feel pity for. Every stolen glance at the marking on his neck makes you feel worse and worse for "rejecting him", knowing he's been throwing signs of wanting more than a friendship quite possibly everywhere and you're most likely ignoring them in hopes of keeping your friendship. It's not like he hasn't quite caught on, either. He knows people's hearts quite well. And where there's opportunity, he seizes it.

It's a bit frustrating for him – just why can't you see he wants more? Or rather, just why aren't you accepting him? You're the first thing on his mind when he wakes up, when he clutches his chip and bets on his life, the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep. Hell, he's even tried to dream of you, forcefully. But then he realizes.. how easy you are to just push around. He goes ahead with the confession, and it's almost a sadistic kind of pleasure when he sees you even try and stutter out any kind of a rejection when he's leaning in a perfect angle that shows off his little marking (out of all the times he curses it, it seems like this time it's worked in his favor). He watches carefully as your eyes nervously flit to his neck and you shut up immediately for a second, before accepting. And when you do.. he's over the moon! Coddles you, kisses your cheeks, becomes so much more grabby, as his keen eyes watch your discomfort. Well.. you didn't reject him, so this is what you should expect.

Again, the frustration doesn't wear off easily, but just seeing you writhe and try to create distance while he suffocates you in affection far from platonic nature, is so sadistically pleasuring to him. He loves watching you in that state, bending to his will so easily, as he waits for you to snap. But he'll probably find it easier to squeeze water out of a rock than to squeeze a rejection out of you – which is precisely what he exploits. You're not going anywhere, are you? He puts on his best, pleading little eyes that he used to have to put on, shaking, trembling voice, desperate hands that cling to you; all the things he acts out like his life depends on it when he senses even a waver of your hesitation.

Oh, fine.. he hates seeing you so queasy almost all the time, so he'll give you a reprieve from time to time. Plans and schedules things you used to do "back when you were friends" (he emphasizes this – you don't think you can just ignore everything, right?), and makes sure to at least crack a few smiles and giggles from you. Of course.. his hand is still loosely hanging around your waist, pecks you on the lips from time to time, just as a small reminder of what you guys really are now.

Argenti on the other hand, has no awareness of your discomfort at all.

He's like a huge dog, the way he's so happy about you accepting his confession and doesn't even stop to think afterwards just why you were so hesitant during it.

Constantly praises you, and it's not soon before it gets to a more intimate nature. He wants to do all the romantic things – kissing under the rain, protecting you from something, twirling you in the air and then kissing you again after putting you down, telling everyone proudly that you two are a couple, buying more and more "romantic" gifts that turn more intimate sooner or later. You have no way out of this without completely ruining everything.

It's.. almost painful the way he doesn't realise. At some point your discomfort probably gets so.. obvious, but he just shrugs it off; perhaps he hasn't been paying you enough attention? Or you're just too shy to ask something of him? Oh, how sweet! How adorable! He thinks. He simply falls deeper and deeper into this delusion, stringing you along and stretching your patience thin. Unfortunately, unlike Aventurine, you can't find most, if any bits of the things you both used to do as platonic companions in the relationship you have with Argenti. He's just a full-blown romantic who wants to do only that. It makes you even more queasy when people look at you in pity, if they realize just what happened between you two.

You can't back out, even if you tried. If you somehow manage to find a way to squeeze out a rejection, or have any kind of a reservation about things getting more intimate/romantic stuff, he's so devastated. Did he do something wrong? Perhaps he's not as experienced as you wanted him to be? Or you're not satisfied with some of the things he's said? Don't fret, he's right on it! Constantly holding you so close you're afraid your bones will break, whispering incessant praises into your ear that slowly spiral into affirmations that you belong to him, spoiled rotten with everything you want; yet, even then.. you can't shake off the intention they were given in. Not when you're suffocated by it.

#moonink #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr x gender neutral reader #hsr x y/n #hsr x you #hsr x male reader #hsr x reader #honkai star rail x you #yandere honkai star rail x reader #honkai star rail x gender neutral reader #honkai star rail x reader #honkai x you #honkai x reader #honkai sr #yandere hsr aventurine #hsr aventurine #argenti hsr #hsr argenti #yandere hsr x you #yandere hsr x reader #hsr yandere #yandere hsr #yandere aventurine #hsr aventurine x you #hsr aventurine x reader #aventurine x you #aventurine x y/n #aventurine x reader #aventurine honkai star rail

[phoelipop]

I finally started reading Loveless and its been so painfully relatable like nothing I've ever experienced before

Back in 2015 was when I first learned about asexuality but I was in denial for a while because I didn't think it was real / just thought it was an internet thing. After learning more about it, I realized how much it aligns with my life and experiences I had growing up... but I didn't wanna believe that was me.

Around 2018 was when I fully accepted that I'm ace, I know that without a doubt. I never liked using labels for myself but once I found about asexuality it felt so freeing, knowing the way I am is perfectly fine and normal and that there are others like me.

And for the past year and a half I guess I've been having that same battle with myself over whether or not I'm aro too. I've never had an actual relationship (that i wanted to be in), nor have I ever really wanted one. Like others, I also forced myself or lied about crushes to fit in, never wanted to pursue a relationship with anyone tho. It's all what friends ever cared about, and yeah it's normal! But growing up not actually wanting those things made me feel very not normal.

But I'm human, I don't want to be alone. We're raised to believe romantic love is the one goal in our society and you're miserable without love. I've never been miserable not having a relationship, the only time i was was when I thought I had to and forced myself into them, just because someone liked me i thought I would start to like them back if i tried. I didn't of course and it was terrible. But I still wanted to be open to the possibility that one day I'll meet someone that will change all that. I don't really think that's possible for me and, I'm just starting to believe that's ok now.

Selfship always felt safe for me since it's fiction, and I did try to find friends and a sense of community through it, but again learned even in this I'm different. It's different for everyone though, but even with selfship sometimes I find it hard to relate to others when it comes to expressing love. I dunno… But I've always been happy with my fictional loves and my friends + family, that has always been enough for me.

This book has also made me want to be a better friend… I admit I've been so distant lately with everything going on in my life rn its been hard to see my worth sometimes and believe that I'm actually loved by my friends but trying to work on it… platonic love is just as important, even more so especially for us aroace-spec peeps

#phoe speaks #asexuality #aromantic #aroace #having these big 'am i aroace' thoughts on Luffy's bday aka THE aroace king

[venomxd14]

Felix Kranken relationship headcanons

These headcanons are not just romantic. This includes platonic ones too. Some of these are related to my Felix Goes to Rehab AU, but this is vague enough to work with the canon series too. I might update and fix this from time to time. Let me know what y'all think, but please don't be too mean about it. This is super fucking long btw. LMAO

Linda and Felix's relationship was toxic, mostly coming from Felix's end due to his alcoholism and pride. It makes him say things to her he doesn't mean, but it doesn't excuse anything at all. Linda would also argue out of frustration, calling out his behavior, but he wouldn't listen to her. He would apologize to her a lot, but the more these arguments happened, the less she'd believe him. These arguments also made her afraid to protest against him later, which is why she left while he was away.

Felix cared about Linda very deeply. Despite this, he is emotionally distant, and she would long for him to reciprocate. When they were first dating, he struggled to admit that he loved her, but he would only get over it in fear of losing her. Felix is conflicted about how he felt about her during and after their marriage. He knows he cares about her, but did he love her romantically if he struggled to be vulnerable with her? He too craves emotional intimacy, but he failed to do anything while he was with her. Linda would get tired of this, not feeling fulfilled in their relationship, especially combined with Felix's addiction and harsh words towards her.

Regardless if he loved Linda romantically or not, she was his favorite person. Felix has BPD and NPD, and he was heavily fixated on her. He trusted her more than anyone. She was the only person he allowed to touch, hug or kiss him without any sort of resistance from him. While he was still emotionally closed off from her, she would comfort him and tell him things were going to be okay when he was overwhelmed. He found comfort in her presence like no one else before, which was why he was so afraid of losing her. He would split a lot when it came to her. He'd either overly glorify her and treat her like she'd save him, or hate her because she told him to stop drinking. This instability would put a lot of pressure on Linda and drained her emotionally. This is another reason why she left.

Felix does not like physical contact beyond hand shaking and pats on the back, especially from strangers. He's not a fan of hugs, but will hesitantly hug someone if they need comfort from him. He does make exceptions to people that he is close to, such as Jack and Linda. He's also nicer to children about it, but he'd try to avoid it when he could. Of course, Jack's children are allowed to hug him whenever they want. When he's drunk he loosens up and tolerates it more since he isn't really thinking in general. He's also clingy and emotional in this state. He just holds onto someone he knows.

In a romantic relationship, Felix isn't really the one to initiate physical affection unless he is cued to. He kind of waits for his partner to make the first move. When he does initiate, he's more subtle about what he wants, so that he doesn't do anything without consent. Most of the time though, he forgets to show his affection to his partners, and he doesn't understand how important it could be to them. He isn't good at being romantic, but he would often buy his partners gifts to make up for it. He doesn't like when things get too intimate or emotionally vulnerable, so he would avoid them as often as he could. This makes him appear cold and distant in a relationship. He may brag about being in a relationship because he genuinely loves his partners and the attention, but he would be hesitant to display physical acts of affection in public. Not that he's ashamed of them, but more ashamed of himself.

Felix is bisexual, but he has a leaning towards men and other masculine presenting people. Despite this, he would pursue women more often. He's afraid the men in his life won't reciprocate the feelings he has towards them. This doesn't mean he loves his feminine partners less. When he's in a relationship, he is very much committed to whoever he's with and loves them regardless of their gender identity.

Felix is also demisexual, meaning he doesn't experience sexual attraction until after he forms a close, emotional bond with his partner. He has a low libido, not understanding the hype of having an active sex life. He also has other priorities, so he hardly thinks of it. He would never pursue anyone that way, unless they also want a long term, romantic relationship with him first, preferably if it involves marriage. He doesn't like being touched too much. If he were to ever have a more intimate relationship with anyone, it would be pretty rare, and he'd have to really trust his partner. Even when drunk, he's very conservative about his sexuality. He'd never do anything, or let anyone touch him without consent first.

He has a hard time being truthful or communicative when it comes to his feelings. He usually lies and drinks to suppress them. His mood swings can be drastic, and it doesn't help that he tries to bottle them up. He doesn't want to burden people because he knows that his alcoholism already does enough. When people try to get him to open up, he gets overwhelmed and pushes them away. When he's drunk, his emotions blow up and he has a melt down. He doesn't know how to control himself. This makes his relationships with others very unstable.

Felix has BPD and it heavily affects the way he expresses his love for others. He has a fear of being abandoned, and he will cling onto his friends or partners if he feels like they don't love him anymore. When they want attention or affection from him though, he struggles to reciprocate. Sometimes he isolates himself from the people he cares about the most and distracts himself, usually by indulging in his self destructive habits, whether it be overworking or drinking. Felix has two favorite people that he switches between, Jack and Linda. Whenever he senses there is tension between him and one of them, he would turn to the other and smother them with his attention. When he splits, he says things he doesn't mean, but he doesn't understand how that hurts the person he's talking to until later. He constantly seeks validation from his favorite people. If he doesn't receive praise from people he deeply cares about, he would get paranoid. He would split and think that they hate him, so he starts acting aggressively egotistical as a defense mechanism. He would do whatever it takes to receive any attention, thinking that he doesn't need anyone when he's just trying to fill the void where they used to be.

He also has NPD, and it also strains the relationships he has with others. He has empathy, and he does care about people he loves, but whenever he feels threatened by them, he refuses to see through their perspective. He takes any sort of criticism, constructive or not, very personally. He tends to belittle whoever opposes him to make himself feel better. Sometimes, if they really get under his skin, he becomes hostile and starts berating whoever he's with. He regrets doing this afterward, not only because it makes him look bad, but he also never means to hurt the people he cares about. Felix has high expectations for himself. He needs to be perfect. If he isn't the best at everything, and if he can't achieve it on his own, he gets insecure about it. He would brag, fish for compliments, take credit for achievements from others, etc. He does whatever it takes to keep others from seeing that he's secretly an "insecure loser" that can't amount to anything. He often avoids trying new things due to his extreme fear of failure. This is why he is so controlling and absolutely despises change. His friends notice this, and get really annoyed by it. Jack and Linda are usually the ones that try to get him to chill out, but Felix gets irritated by it. He's more likely to listen to Jack though.

He does not like being vulnerable, whether it's emotionally or physically. He prefers to be the one in charge of any relationship to avoid it, which is why he resorts to being controlling. Being the breadwinner in a relationship also helps him feel like he has control. He's afraid of feeling completely dependent on someone, even though he knows that's how he truly feels deep down. He secretly craves to be open about his emotions, but he just can't muster the courage to do so. Even if he wasn't afraid to, he's too stubborn to let others help him. He'd rather deal with everything on his own because it would hurt his pride if he didn't. When it comes to physical vulnerability, he doesn't like being controlled or put in a defenseless position. If he doesn't push them away, it would take a long time for him to adjust to this change, and he doesn't like change. When he's drunk, he's very emotional and seeks comfort, but his thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming that he can't express himself clearly, so he ends up sobbing or lashing out instead of communicating in a healthy manner. He is extremely vulnerable in this state, and he knows it. It's absolutely humiliating for him.

#the walten files #twf #twf fandom #felix kranken #idk what to put here #headcanons #headcanon #Felix is my hyperfixation for some fucking reason please save me #brain rot #felix goes to rehab #au #alternate universe

[paellegere]

"their relationship is romantic" "their relationship is familial" "their relationship is platonic" you're thinking too narrow. their relationship goes beyond labels. the family is inherently queer. their platonic love is romantic. the erotic is familial. each one is the other and the other is them

#.txt #i've gotten to the point of relationship anarchy where i no longer understand the obsession with labeling relationships #there's a post floating around like 'it doesn't matter if you view them as romantic or platonic the point is that they love each other' #and i get the message. however may i propose that distinctions such as that don't even have to matter. consider #bold claim probably. but whatever i didn't have the choice to think about love in a normative way and as a consequence i have thoughts #of course i am thinking about wincest but it applies everywhere. jopzier even #jopson views crozier as a surrogate parent but in an inherently queer way. does that mean he want to fuck his mom? probably not #but the fixation and need for redemption turns the traditionally familial relationship into something far more #do you understand #once you leave the normative behind labels become useless #do sam and dean love each other romantically or platonically or familially? consider: it doesn't matter. there are no words to describe it #their love is queer in the sense that it extends beyond normativity. society holds no sway over them. they are ungovernable #i find it ultimately unhelpful to discuss fiction in normative terms when the characters themselves exist outside of normative society #shows like supernatural and the terror are perfect examples. sam and dean were never normal and franklin crew left normal behind #the arctic doesn't care if you fuck your mom. the impala doesn't care if you kiss your brother #this isn't really about anything i just saw that post the other day and i was like. why doesn't this Hit for me. well this is why #however it IS helpful to discuss fiction set within normative society in relation to normativity. it's relevant! #most stories are not however set within the bounds of normativity. that's kinda the whole point of a lot of fiction #baby i explore relationship anarchy in ways that you couldn't even imagine #<-tldr #i have a tendency to write essays in the notes every time i post something. sorry about that. it feels safer here and i am skittish

[tervaneula]

That last reblog though. Ouugghg platonic kisses got me messed up, oh my god, like they're absolutely not a thing in Finnish culture if not between a parent and their small child BUT I WISH IT WAS. Platonic kisses between adults?? Cheek kisses, forehead kisses, heck, even neck kisses. Oh my god. A trust so deep, a love so profound that it permeates every gesture. I'm. I'm not normal about this

#I do love my romance but platonic relationships are just on a whole other level. resplendent and beautiful #platonic intimacy really is an underrated thing and we need more of it. irl and in fiction #it's terv #kinda unrelated but. to me mouth kissing is fun to write in fics but irl I don't really care for it #and it's dumb how much emphasis people put on it in romantic relationships

[maddy-ferguson]

i will never be guilt tripped into caring about elmike

#i know mike is scared of losing her. i think we ALL know mike is scared of losing her #which is why i've never said i expect them to not be friendly after breaking up #or to like. hate each other #(i don't know why i'm saying this like someone made a post referencing something i jackietaylcrs have said. that's not the case) #but i really don't care about seeing it i really don't. i'm not sorry!!!! #i sincerely hope it is unimportant #the elmike dictatorship days are behind us #'you guys are acting like romantic relationships are more important than platonic relationships' well. in this case they are #it's funny because i don't (/didn't) even hate the concept like aw cute concept.👍 it's just the way people get that annoys me #it's funny because i don't not care about their relationship. like reading this you'd think i don't and that's not the case #you all know what i mean telepathy #and like i say: brf slt

[t-u-i-t-c]

me talking about ryusoulger on here

#no one cares but the lore 🤌 #the relationships like i literally love koh and canalo so much as we all know #but i love asuna and melto and i notice they have a lot of memories together and it makes sense since they've been friends even when koh #wasn't very kind yet and they're a very cute pair of ryusoulgers #i also really like the platonic relationships or the ones i view as platonic like asuna and canalo like they don't interact a lot but #they're silly and fun and my favs #when asuna checks on canalo first when koh hits him after losing his kindness and she does say he's easy to forget but i like that #like she's attentive and caring but he kinda just blends in to her #i'm really glad that the writers never made them a romantic possibility outright like canalo has no interest in pursuing her romantically #also really like canalo and bamba's dynamic like do you think they ever really talk alone or is it too awkward for them to sit alone in a #room and talk about anything too casual? #anyways i love ryusoulger and have thoughts on what would be an ideal king ohger and ryusoulger crossover would be that i'll probably never #really get to talk about but just know an asuna and kaguragi team up would be one for the books #umbrella.thoughts #umbrella.posts #ryusoulger rewatch lb #super sentai lb

[the-darklings]

What is he if not Lord of unanswered dreams and hopes?

Honestly, it pains me so much that Dream always fails to recognise his own value. That he knows his meaning to the Dreaming, but can’t he see his worth apart from his function. That killed me in the TV series and it kills me here. How often had somebody said something like “you have to do this” or “you don’t have a saying in this” for him to only believe himself worthy as a king for those who sleep instead for a being that deserves to love and dream as well.

I agree, and it's one of the first things I truly appreciated about his characterisation.

To be honest, it's a question that could be argued in many different ways. Past experiences are the first point that pops into my mind. The idea that all past attempts to have something more, to live for something other than his function, is beyond his grasp. Yet, more often than not, if you analyse Dream's pattern, the relationship is either doomed from the start (and he fails to see it/accept it), or he is entirely incompatible with the individual, to begin with. Dream's own inability to form meaningful change is, arguably, half the issue here, if not most of it.

It's clear that Dream is lonely. That he dearly desires something more but has been burned too many times to try and shoulder the potentially another failure. He has such responsibility placed on him that he instead chooses to - as Corinthian aptly puts it - "feel nothing". I think it's easier for him to focus on his duty because the depth of his own loneliness might undo him. Again, it's not a lack of love or even care. It's too much love. Dream is cold not because he doesn't feel but because he loves too much, too quickly, too intensely.

But he is also oh so proud. All those failed relationships and connections are felt so much deeper, even if he's not verbal about them.

#this is why with tibyim i took such slowburn/platonic focus #half the fic is arguably platonic. there are no concrete romantic feelings between them at least until 5. #that thousand years was both about them mutually having a constant but also learning to value of connection #when you really analyse dream's past relationship they were all very sudden and intense #wanderer and dream /grow/ together. they are there for each other without need for anything physical. they learn to care #about each other as people first and foremost. love grows from that care/trust/connection #that's why it simmers so deeply. because it's been nurtured. bruised. then grows stronger with each test. #dream doesn't need another lover just for the sake of having something physical. he needs someone who would love him #for him. but also not be afraid to challenge him. like wanderer says in 10 /because of respect/ not from lack of it. #when i was trying to really analyse them as individuals and potential couple it was important to me that they could stand individually #but make each other better when together. and I don't mean erases each other's flaws but inspire the other to best version #of themselves #byeee sorry about the rant sdjghsdg #asks #fic: today i bury you in me

[lurafita]

Imagine a scene where enemy character is monologing about their tale of woe, and suddenly Magnus goes

"Oh, please, spare us the pity party. You are not the only one to have gone through bad times, you know? Just look at blondie over there. He has to live with the knowledge that he will never be as handsome, clever, or capable as his adopted older brother. And that's on top of his unfortunate hair style. Yet, do you see him trying to destroy the world?"

Jace further down, grumbling: "Love you too, Magnus."

.

#magnus bane #shadowhunters tv #shadowhunters #jace wayland #frenemies magnus and jace #as in they will never not poke each other #but they have each others backs when it counts #at least that’s how I like to think of them #even though their show personas didn't really give that impression #and tbh I don't care too much for Jace #but since he is there I will make use of him #and I love friendships that are like bickering siblings #and tbf I feel that the show could have benefitted from maybe investing a bit more into the platonic relationships #instead of just the romantic ones

[rainswolfs]

.

#been working on trying to drill out the habit of telling myself it's always my fault relationships end on bad notes for me. like #every single relationship platonic and romantic fell apart at the worst phases in my life. #and i kept telling myself okay!!! i really am too much to handle!!! no one wants me when i'm vulnerable!!! i'm hated when i'm not tough!!! #but the more i reflect back the more i realize that. maybe none of them just was meant to stick around. #like none of them cared or loved enough to stay and hold my hand through it. and that's fine! #but i still don't know how to be vulnerable anymore because no one ever let me and it. sucks. #i essentially learned that if i'm at my lowest i remain unwanted #and i need to unlearn that :/ #this is partial negative but also positive i guess???? do not perceive me ever

[spadefish]

i thought i was gonna be sad about valentines day since this is the first one since getting divorced, but honestly my ex-husband hated vday and always made it a point to be annoyed about it and make me feel bad about wanting to do anything for it so honestly it feels kind of nice to just look at cute pink stuff and hearts and not worry about it

#prof.pdf #i don't think he was ACTUALLY trying to make me feel bad #but he was always annoyed about it #he also didn't care about anniversaries or birthdays or anything like that #man every now and then i really do sit down and realize that my marriage fucking sucked lol #i think right now i'm enjoying just caring about my platonic relationships but also like #one day i think i do wanna look for another romantic partner #need me a man who is a sap #and who will tolerate me being a cringe kinnie #dfcvsvgfhjsdrhvguis #anyway i'm rambling bc i'm in pain and need distraction i'm gonna go find something to do now hopefully

[allsassnoclass]

....

#going to do another fandom-related vent once again i don't want anyone to take it personally #this is just me thinking out loud this isn't a call-out this isn't me condemning anyone for how they behave online or interact with fandom #content. how many of these tags do i have to put so people can scroll past without expanding the meat of the post #is this good???? okay i think this is good now #i think. it would do well for all of us to remember that men can and should be platonically physically affectionate with each other #throughout this tour i have seen a lot of people describe stuff the boys have been doing as ''really gay'' and it's been rubbing me the #wrong way because the majority of these things are just. normal stuff i would do with my friends #and i know that it's not in bad taste. i know the people saying these things (that i've seen and who i follow) aren't actually speculating #on sexuality or labeling the lads without consent #but as someone who really values platonic love it's been really bothering me the more and more i see it #boys can cuddle with their friends. they can give each other compliments. these things are not inherently romantic or inherently gay #i also get excited when they show affection to each other! but some of the freak outs over comparatively small things are just. idk #idk man i just personally don't like calling certain actions gay when they're actually just normal friend things. #these guys care very deeply about each other i don't think it's amazing or unheard of for them to be touchy and verbally affectionate #they SHOULD be hugging each other and spinning each other around! #they SHOULD be calling each other attractive and hyping each other up! #they SHOULD be physically comfortable with each other in photos #men should be affectionate with guys they've been best friends with for a decade! especially coming out of their longest time spent apart #this isn't a piece of media we're analyzing these are just guys being dudes #and i don't think hugs and compliments and affection should be limited to romantic relationships #yeah. idk. it's just something i've noticed throughout this entire tour cycle that has been progressively bothering me more #i don't think we should erase the platonic love they have for each other by calling every little piece of affection they show ''gay'' #that's just my thoughts and opinions

[paganinpurple]

AO3 Etiquette -UPDATED

Based on both decent and not so decent replies, I have made some changes to my original post below.

It would seem a whole new kind of AO3 reader/writer is emerging and it is becoming clear not everyone quite understands how the website community works. Here is some basic guidance on how most people expect you to go about using AO3 to keep this a fun community archive that funtions correctly:

As well as likes, kudos is for when the story was interesting enough to make you finish reading. If it sucked or was badly written, you probably left. If you finished it, you liked it - so kudos.

If you really liked it, you should try to comment. It can be long and detailed or a literal keysmash. Writers don't care, we just love comments.

No critisism unless the author has specifically asked or agreed to hear it (so use your notes to say if you want some constructive feedback). Even constructive critisism is a no-no unless an author note tells you it's okay. No, posting it online is not an open invitation for that. Many people write as a fun hobby or a way to cope with, among other things, insecurity and just want to share. Don't ruin that for them. I've seen so many authors just stop writing coz they can't handle the negative emotions the critism brings, and it's only meant to be a fun thing shared for free (pointing out tagging errors is not included in this).

Do not comment to ask the author to write/update something else. It's tacky and off-putting and will probably have the opposite effect than the one you want.

There is no algorithm, it's an archive. Use the search and filter function to add/remove the pairings/characters/tropes etc. you want to read about and it will find you the fics that fit the bill.

For this to work, writers must tag and rate stories. This avoids readers finding the wrong things and missing the stuff they want. I don't care how cringy that trope is in your eyes - it gets tagged.

The tag exception is if you don't want to tag a million things or spoil your story, you can rate it as "chose not to use warnings," and maybe tag the bare minimum.

Don't censor tags. How can someone exclude a tag if the word isn't typed out correctly? There are no content bans for terms so don't censor them.

If the tags are mostly content/trigger warnings, especially if they are things considered very fucked up or graphic, you might want to use "dead dove - do not eat" to ensure people know that you're not messing around with tags and what they get is exactly what you've warned them about.

Character A/Character B means a ROMANTIC or SEXUAL relationship of some kind. Character A&Character B is PLATONIC, like friendship or family.

Nothing is banned. This is an rule because banning one thing is a slipperly slope to banning another and another, until nothing is allowed anymore. Do not expect anyone to censor for you. Because of the tags system, you are responsible for your own reading experience.

People can create new chapters and sequels/fic series any time after they "complete" a story. So it's considered perfectly normal to subscribe, even to a finished story. You can even subscribe to the author instead just to cover your bases.

Do not repost stories or change the publishing date without an extremely good reason (like a complete top to bottom rewrite or an exchange youve written for going public). It's an archive, not social media. No one cares what's the most recent, only what fits their tag needs.

Instead of deleting a story you wrote if you hate it - consider making it anonymous or orphaning it so others can still enjoy it, without it being connected to your name anymore. If you still want to delete it, fair enough.

It's come to my attention that metaworks ARE allowed on AO3, which is something I wasn't aware of. So if you do post an essay or theory, please tag it as such so others can choose to search for it or exclude it. Art is also allowed.

The only reason this archive works is because NON ONE PROFITS. Do not link to your ko-fi or patreon or mention monetary gain in any way or you violate the terms and risk having your account removed. If anyone does link, it leaves the archive open to people claiming it's for profit and having the whole thing removed.

I KNOW there's plenty more I missed but I'm trying to cover most of the basics that people seem to be struggling with.

I invite anyone to add to this, but please explain, don't berate.

#ao3 #using ao3 #archive of our own #fanfiction #fanworks

[mrfoox]

Bruh... Discussing anything with Oliver is so fucking juicy. The diffrent perspectives im getting man

#miranda talking shit #We talked about a lot of shit but one being compliments. And how i love them #I don't fully accept them but i appriciate getting them and i think highly of everyone and id love to give everyone that #Meanwhile hes like... No. People can call me nice bc i want to be nice... But otherwise no #Someone call me cute? Great our whole relationship is ruined and i cant talk to them again bc they think about me in another way #'i only want someone i am interested in to call me cute bc i also think they are' #I completely understand the logic its not weird? But my mind is like ????? What #I think its bc i have like no big differences between romantic and friendship love. If i love you i love you? #So anyone i like... Being friends... Call me anything positive... Id be happy #Even if i dont think the same about them? Might be bc i dont buy into what thet are saying so i dont completely #Think they see me in that way? But i also never can imagine someone liking me romantically ... So.... #For me all compliments are friendly and platonic and without SPECIAL meaning #I guess i dont make the connection that... The othet person feels this way about me? Which is ... Maybe odd but #I dont think id ever .... Drop a friendship on my end voluntarily even if i got an confession i cant return? #Bc to me ... An friendship is the most important thing... And romantic feelings do fade? Unless someone is REALLY into you #But yeah... Nah. Then again compliments do weight more from people i like more? Thats logical #I find it interesting how we both fear people caring about us but we have complete diffrent ways to deal with it etc #I care easily and like caring for people... But its hard for me to accept them caring about me more than a standard friend #Meanwhile he doesn't like caring about people and doesnt want others to care about him. Except that one special person? #He push away people so no one gets close and i do have people around me who i love but i also have myself convinced that i am the #One that cares 'more'. I do it subconsciously and i think its part of my self worth issue. I still cant say im worth love truly #Im worth a smaller amount. Friends can care for me thats okay... But not the same way i care for others. Thats not realistic or allowed #Think its another thing set in place by my brain to not get hurt. If i cant believe others love me... I dont get disappointed when they dot #Anything involving feelings is so fun to talk about bc he'll say the opposite of me and im likr huh... Yeah thats another angle #I think i have actively worked on my... Survival tactic from childhood to get rid of it or well make it smaller #So i can definitely see some points of his views? I pushed people away and never opened up to anyone truly until i got into my late teens

[useramor]

the thing that gets to me about buddie posts on here is that people will be like "look at them! friends don't do that! there is no platonic explanation for that" and well. friends do do that. their relationship is deep and beautiful and intense but their actions alone aren't exclusive to romantic partners. what — to me — makes buddie romantic over platonic boils down to their intentions. someone making their best friend their child's legal guardian isn't unheard of. but eddie did it and kept it a secret. eddie thought "this is the only man i trust with my son. this is the only person in this world that will hold my heart gently." and then eddie didn't tell him. that makes me crazier than the actual legal document. a normal friendship would discuss this. it'd be an open conversation. the fact that eddie can't bring himself to say it because he knows that what it means to him is too much to look in the eye? because he knows that telling buck about his decision would be the equivalent of bleeding all over the both of them again? that's what makes it romantic. eddie frantically chasing after buck's limp body after the lightning strike isn't necessarily because he's in love with him. plenty of really close friends would do that for each other. it's when eddie desperately tries to pull buck up to him instead of lowering him that makes it more. because eddie didn't climb the ladder to get buck down to safety, eddie climbed up the ladder to get buck to him. the desperation, the intent behind their actions, the way they can't look at each other when they're hurt because it's impossible to deal with even the idea of living in a world without each other says so much more than any of buck's acts of service alone. a best friend would help you take care of yourself and your kid after you have a mental breakdown, if you're physically injured, if you need help. it's the fact that nobody asked buck, it's the fact that he's the first person chris called, it's the fact that bobby didn't bat an eye, because of course buck's there to help eddie. it's a given. who else in the whole world would it be? because they're everything to each other. in a way that's just a little too much, a little too codependent, toes the line of friendship and lovelovelove a little too carelessly. they're not buck and eddie, best friends, they're buckandeddie, one word. and not because of any of action. because they're in massive stupid head over heels gay love with each other.

#i needed to get this off my chest please tell me y'all get this #because i see SO MANY people be like 'friends wouldn't do what they do!' and like.......yes they would #friends would do what they do they just wouldn't do it like THAT #thanks for coming to my ted talk #buddie

[teaboot]

While I'm happy that the word "gaslighting" is more known than it used to be, and that people at large are learning to recognize what it looks like, I feel like we need to be careful not to turn it into something soft and casual we throw around off the cuff without meaning.

Being gaslit is psychological abuse that fucks you up very badly, very slowly, at such a gradual pace that you don't usually know it's happening until it's already re-wired your brain.

If you're unfamiliar with the term, "to gaslight" is to intentionally persuade someone that they cannot trust their own perceptions of reality. It's a destabilizing form of manipulation that leaves you constantly anxious, off-balanced, confused, and dependant on others.

This is done by lying about events that have happened or about things that are happening, invalidating feelings and observations, and either denying, refusing to acknowledge, or deflecting away from hard facts.

As someone who has experienced gaslighting as a form of abuse, this is what I remember from when I didn't know anything was off:

"Oh, I must have forgotten what really happened."

"I'm just not seeing it from their point of view."

"Everyone has their ups and downs. This is normal."

"I guess I wasn't thinking about what I was doing."

"I must have been wrong."

This is what I remember from when I first started realizing something was weird:

"How come every time I'm convinced they did something wrong, they just talk to me a few minutes, and I end up asking for their forgiveness? What has me so convinced I was right in the first moment?"

"I should start writing things down when they happen, so I can go back and check later when I'm confused."

"If every relationship like ours (familial, romantic, platonic) works this way, how come I never hear about it, or read about it, or see it anywhere else?"

Getting out and adjusting to the real world is hard, too, and comes with rapid swings of unfounded guilt, shame, fear, anxiety, and self-deprication that are completely unfounded in reality.

You've been conditioned to believe that you are entirely helpless and unable to think for yourself, possibly "crazy" or otherwise fundamentally impaired, and that there is a singular source of guidance that knows exactly what is right, and all of a sudden that pillar of support has vanished.

The immediate "after" that I recall looks like:

Constant uncertainty. Because nobody is there to tell you what's real and what isn't, you approach every situation thinking at it from all angles. Every question has fifty possible answers and most of them are wrong and you don't know which. If you choose wrong, the world will end.

A sense of helplessness. You feel that nothing you do is correct, and it's easier to make no choices at all- or you make wild, reckless, impulsive choices, because you feel you have nothing to lose.

Memory loss. I don't understand this one, but it's not like memoriescare being erased, but more like... you're so used to treating your memories as dreams or imaginations that you reflexively dismiss anything you recall as fake, and you can't believe anything you recall because you don't think it was real. Your abusers voice is in your head, wiping things away and telling you that you did the wrong thing. And you believe them, because they're the only constant you can rely on.

Missing the abuser, or the abusive dynamic. Because you know now that it wasn't healthy, but at least you knew where you stood. As long as you said the right things and acted the right way, agreed and obeyed and did as they expected, you felt like thevworld made sense. Now you have to figure out which parts of you really are broken, and which parts are working fine in a really weird way, and it's like tuning a piano when you've never played one before.

The long term "after"- for which I can only speak for myself- looks like:

Having to double-check, triple-check, and continue checking hard evidence of an event before responding in an active way.

Consulting with trusted friends to verify that your observations are legitimate and that your perceptions are valid. Following up with them to see if someone is really angry at you, or if you're just projecting anger onto them because it's what makes sense to your old pattern.

Obsessive collection of "evidence"- saving pictures, writing detailed journals, making recordings and video, never deleting emails or old texts, because you still don't quite trust yourself all the way and you're afraid that someone will cause you to doubt yourself again.

Continued self-doubt and being "gullible": I have straight up seen people flip me off to my face in front of witnesses and then immediately tell me, "No, I was just waving", and my first instinct is to believe them. For a few seconds, I *really do* believe them. Your brain is so trained to latch onto what people tell you to believe that its really, really hard to hold onto information that you already have.

Learning to take ownership over your own actions. (I didn't mess up because I'm "crazy", I messed up because I'm a person and people do that.)

Instinctively seeking approval. (Takes a lot of work to remind myself that I don't exit to make people happy, and that some people suck ass, and I can tell them to piss off.)

I don't intend to invalidate anyone currently struggling with this- if you feel that something is wrong, it probably is. That's the thought that got me out. Trust that feeling that something isn't right.

I just want people who don't know what to look for to know what gaslighting *actually* looks and feels like, so they don't just roll their eyes and think, "Oh, that word doesnt apply to me- I'm not some snowflake".

('Cause we all saw what happened with "triggered", right?)

#Gaslighting #Abuse #Information #Psychological abuse