#i don't even tag all my posts with that so there's no point in using that but oh well-

[aquagirl1978]

I wanted to do something different for my follower celebration, and with the encouragement from some friends (you know who you are), I landed on this. I know Gift Exchanges are not a new or unique thing - they've had them for every game and even ones just for OCs - but there hasn't been one just for Villains. Yet.

What is a Gift Exchange? Those participating in this event agree to create a piece of fanwork (their choice of either fanfiction or fanart) and in exchange, they will receive fanwork (their choice of either fanfiction or fanart).

If you are interested in participating, please read this entire post and then fill out the Google form at the bottom. If you have any questions about this event or this form, please send me a DM or ask.

General Overview and Important Dates

Sign-ups for the event will take place until June 15. If you are interested in participating, please complete the Google form at the bottom of this post.

You will be notified via Tumblr or Discord by July 1 about the details of your assignment.

You will have from July 1 to August 15 to create your gift.

I will be conducting progress check-ins with each participant sometime around the mid-point of the event as well as closer towards the end. If you are unreachable by the mid-point check-in, you risk being removed from the event.

All gifts MUST be posted on August 15. If you have an issue meeting this deadline, please contact me immediately.

A masterlist of all gifts will be compiled and posted sometime after the event has closed.

Please note that because of the nature of this game, this event is open only to creators 18 years or older.

Rules for Posting Your Gift

Gifts MUST be posted on August 15- posting can begin at 12 Midnight GMT (I will make a post when you may start posting as we have creators all over the world). If you will be away that day, Tumblr has a schedule setting so you can create your post and schedule it for that day.

Fanfiction must be a minimum of 750 words. Fanart must be colored.

Tag your giftee and @aquagirl1978 in your post and include "#ikevil gift exchange" in the tags.

There are no requirements regarding banners - you may use one you made, the one posted in this post or don't use one at all.

Can I request my gift be with my OC? Yes! I encourage you to request your gifts to include your OCs, if you have one. There is space on the form for you to describe your OC and even include a link to any posts you wish to share about them to help better assist your creator in making your gift.

What if I'm not comfortable writing for someone's OC? That's understandable - it's not always easy to write for another's OC. There is a section on the form that you can check off that says you'd prefer not to write for OCs and I will try my best to honor everyone's requests.

I want to participate, but I am worried about being paired with certain people. From my experience hosting and participating in exchanges, the best way to avoid any conflicts such as this is to be open about this on the initial form. I don't want to pair anyone with someone they are uncomfortable with for any reason. Maybe someone has you blocked or you have someone blocked. Maybe you don't like someone's writing or artwork and would not wish to receive a gift from them. It doesn't matter the reason. There is a question on the form - anyone's names you enter in there, you will not be paired with. The only one seeing these forms is me. If anything happens once the event has started and you received your giftee information, simply DM me and we can work something out.

Everything sounds great, how can I participate? Simply complete this Google form by June 15 and you will be added to the event.

As always, my ask box and DMs are open to any and all questions.

Happy creating!

#ikevil gift exchange #ikemen series #ikemen villains #ikevil #gift exchange #ikevil fanfic #ikevil fanart #ikemen fanart #otome #otome games #otome fanfic #otome fanart

[eerna]

Omg the way Eloise is written as a feminist character BOTHERS me. I can’t always put my finger on why, but a thing that sticks out to me the most is how she just says the most blatantly basic (for us 21st century viewers) things and idk it’s supposed to seem revolutionary… but it’s never clever. And it is never deep.

Anyways I saw your tag on the Eloise/Cressida post and I was curious to hear any elaboration of your thoughts on her feminist portrayal? (But no pressure!)

YEEAAAH EXACTLY! I have the same issue, Eloise just says 21st century equality stuff without ever having read a single feminist pamphlet (this is canon, she doesn't start reading them or attending discussions until she's 18). Somehow she developed a perfectly uniform idea of modern womanhood when she was isolated and raised to be a traditional lady. Her opinions should be WAY more half baked and full of holes because this life is the only one she'd ever known. That's not even mentioning the inability to discuss feminism without discussing class, something Eloise has No Idea About.

Then comes the issue of writing. This is a stupid show. No one looks smart on this show. So when Eloise drops a "smart comment", it is cringe and dumb. She is supposed to be eloquent and witty, but most of the time she looks like a mean snob belittling everyone around her.

Another issue is that everyone else around her is a horrible sexist caricature. Yes, she is snobby, but my god every other woman only cares about men and marriage and gossip so I can't even blame her all that much for it. Her friends don't really care about what she has to say and will always leave her to go chase a man. And even SHE starts fitting the description the moment she falls for a guy - she lies to her friend and puts everyone in danger, and 90% of the reason is a man with only 10% being her self actualization. You can't write a proper feminist if everyone in your story has the same goal, which is to find a husband. It doesn't help that we know Eloise is headed for marriage and babies because every time a character expresses they don't want one or both of those things, they are proven wrong by the narrative.

And finally, my last thing making Eloise a bad feminist character, is that she is SO PASSIVE. Sure, it might be the point of the show as Pen calls her out for it, but we still don't know if they are gonna fix it so I am putting it here anyway. She only talks and complains about her lot in life, but never acts against society. I was happy when she started sneaking out and hang out with The Working Class Feminists TM, but that turned out to be a short failed romance subplot instead of a character moment and she gave up on it almost right away, so it doesn't count. And now in s3 she decided to embrace society and its expectations, so I am not sure we will ever get to see that kind of rebellion again - I sure hope so! But idk.

As a "well written Eloise" character, I'd like to suggest Felicity Montague. She is a character from a 18th century romcom, a noble lady, aroace and trying to go to med school when her gender prevents her from getting an education. She doesn't use her screentime for long-winded monologues about the unfairness of the world, she ACTS on her thoughts and opinions so we know what they are. She switches covers of romance books and textbooks so she can study without being bothered, she runs away from home to try make her dreams come true, she finds alternative solutions. Her thoughts are never lauded as One Truth, in fact she is often called out for the blind spots in her opinions since she too grew up a sheltered noble and can't account for all experiences. She is surrounded by women who challenge her ideas and make her into a better friend and person. AND she is funny and reading her is just plain fun. You CAN do a feminist who doesn't belong in her era, you just have to be careful to also make her a good character.

#eernask #eernanon #eernask talk bridgerton

[irbcallmefynn]

Okay this is a very hard post for me to make but i feel like i have to make it. I can't be quiet about this any more. I can't keep saying it where nobody will see it because i need people to see it. If the friends of anyone mentioned in this post want to send it their way, feel free. This is not a call-out post. This is an apology, and an ask for explanation.

I want to preface what I'm about to say with: I'm not mad at anyone mentioned in this post. I don't think anybody in The Creachures is. We all miss you and wish things could've worked out. I'm sorry if what I say comes off as hostile or aggressive, I'm not great at wording this sort of thing, and it's coming from a place of much emotion.

@hexedbug @juneibyou @xxthunderthedragon @bobisnotaperson @razzytism

You five have caused me a lot of stress and anxiety in not telling me what i did to hurt you. You haven't given me the opportunity to improve upon myself or correct these transgressions, or even apologize to you. I'm sure you're all at least somewhat aware of how I handle feelings like this, and I understand you not wanting to pander to me or hurt yourself by putting up with me and my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. But you all let me down very harshly, and I've been unable to move past what happened because of it. You've made being on Tumblr miserable, to the point you're making me consider quitting Tumblr, because being on here and seeing you constantly and feeling that sense of hatred hurts, especially when you're being closer to my friends than they are with me. I've been told you don't hate me, but it's hard to believe and accept that when, in my head, you've all decided to block me for unknown reasons, and denied me the ability to apologize.

Hexed. I understand you find what I post about weird. And I understand I was interacting with people who "dragged the server down". You're the one I understand the reasoning of the most. Not following me back because you don't like my posts is fine, though you could've just blocked tags/post content about that stuff. If I was tagging things improperly you should've told me so I could correct it, instead of letting it sit inside you until you couldn't handle it. I get I was encouraging people to vent in Tau Heximus 2, something you didn't want. But again, you should have said something, or done something. I contributed to making your server a place you didn't enjoy. I feel like you wanted both a strictly positive place, and a place where people can be honest and close, two things that don't mesh. I chose the one that I enjoyed more, a close, honest community. I'm sorry I went against your wishes.

June. When you left the server, you said that "Bug Squad" were real ones, and that you still liked us. You then went on to call us and our friends Delusional for starting a new server after the old server's death. That hurt immensely. I understand you were in an emotional place, but using a word like that is not acceptable. You also went to my girlfriend's private vent blog to target it directly. You're the only one I ever blocked, because you were being actively hateful, and betrayed my trust directly. I have since unblocked you, though, because I'm not mad at you, not anymore. You were trying to cope with what happened, and I get it. I just wish you handled things more gracefully and politely. I'm sorry for whatever I did to hurt you, besides joining a new server. Just, please, work on your emotional control some, so outbursts like this don't happen again.

Thunder. You're the one I miss the most. I felt so close to you. You almost felt like a brother to me. But the way you've been avoiding bringing up what I did to hurt you makes me feel like you either don't want me to know what i did, or don't know what I did yourself. I just wish you'd be more open to talking, so we can work things out. I'm so sorry for hurting you.

Bobbu. I thought we were still friends when you invited me to join Art and Slimes. I turned it down because I don't think I could handle a server of that size, and had already joined the new server. While we maybe weren't as close as some of the others, I still considered you a friend. I'm sorry for whatever I did.

Raz. I am so, so sorry for everything that happened. TH2 was the only place that you had found comfort and support in to such a degree, and I've been worried about how you've been without that support. I feel like you used to trust me a lot, enough to confide in me about some of your issues. I wish I knew what I did to betray that trust.

There's three others I wish to bring up that haven't hurt me as bad, but I still wish to say something to.

Mars, I'm glad we're still friends. But it feels like you're less a part of Bug Squad than you are Hexed and June's friend group. I'm always worried about the state of our friendship, since you interact with them so much more than Me, Rico, and Tetra. I just feel excluded and neglected, is all. I'm sorry.

Yaza, I don't know how to feel about you. You're clearly more of June and Hexed's friend than mine. Clearly you don't like the new server because we kept bringing this stuff up in the early days, and I'm so sorry for that. I just wish we could still be friends. Because right now it doesn't feel like you want to be my friend.

Eblu. I don't know what to think of you. You're a good guy, really. But when you say you're my friend and then turn around a few days later and say "if you're friends with [close friend of mine] don't interact with me" I have issues with that. Deciding that everyone who's friends with someone is now bad because they made a mistake is not okay. Yes, it was bad that it happened. Yes, that friend should've been more careful. You are valid for being upset by what you saw. But you don't have to declare everyone who likes that person undesirable. You took it too far.

There are two things I did that I feel I need to apologize for that I actually know of.

When Tau Heximus 2 was dying, I had said that killing the server would kill me. That was disgusting of me. I should not have said that. It was emotionally manipulative of me. I was scared, and confused, I had never experienced something like that before, the loss of somewhere that felt like home, it really felt like I was going to die, and I spoke with my heart instead of my head. If this is what I did to hurt you, I am deeply sorry for saying something so uncomfortable. I'm doing my best to keep my emotional responses under control. And I hope that should anything like that happen again, I won't have such a dramatic response.

I would also like to apologize for being so difficult to help. Whenever I'm offered advice on how to improve or fix something, I have a habit of coming up with excuses, or just flat out rejecting it. I don't mean to come off as ungrateful or opposed to your help. Stressful situations cause me to mentally shut down in a way where anything to help that takes even a slight amount of effort becomes an insurmountable task. I'm trying my best to be more receptive of help, even if it's just agreeing that it would help. I just wish I had the means and energy to actually act on the advice. I am so sorry for anyone who I've hurt by denying your help. Offering me advice does help me mentally, because it lets me know people care, but I feel terrible that I hurt people by not being able to accept and act on the help.

This isn't a call-out post. This is me asking for clarification on what I did wrong, apologizing for what I know I did, and wishing to clear things up.

Thank you for reading.

#long post #i'm sorry.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Tumblr is way chiller than Twitter for sure but sometimes I see a post and I'm like. Y'all DO remember this is a block game, right? You're not gonna get legitimately pissy and passive-aggressive over characters doing things in a block game, RIGHT???

#i talk #qsmp talk #Chatter: Jaiden don't do this— twitter will cancel you! #The rest of us in chat: Why should she care about anything Twitter says #People on frickin twitter AND tumblr: *whining about Jaiden* #LIKE BRO YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS LMFAOOOOOO #fandom wank #I'm gonna start unfollowing people #not even just for bad opinions I'm just tired of seeing people being mean and bitter #I'm just here to have fun I don't want to constantly see whining #Critique characters and stuff all you want that's part of the fandom experience but some of y'all are so damn mean for no reason lmao #Touch grass and seek therapy #I know me posting this is part of the ''too many people complaining'' problem but Jaiden's my gal I am a little bit annoyed by that #Again: character critique is fine #but sometimes it's just so passive-aggressive and like. written like the character did a personal attack on YOU #<- the last tag is the most important point here I think

[starwarjotta]

there’s a special place in hell for people who take the time and go through the effort of leaving negative comments on fanfics, like-- what is wrong with you, what is LEGITIMATELY wrong with you? I’m so angry and so devastated on behalf of everyone who has been harrassed like this and who is going through something like this right now. There’s no excuse for shitty behavior - if you intentionally leave a hurtful comment on something someone created and put out there for other people’s enjoyement, for free, after spending probably HOURS if not WEEKS or MONTHS or longer on it, you’re an incredibly shitty, disgusting, miserable waste of space of a person be better

#this is just unbelievable behavior #I cannot imagine what kind of a person uses their time and energy to spread negativity when they could be doing something good instead #like why I seriously don't get it #it is so horrible and so heartbreaking and makes me so so damn angry that people are bullied like this to the point that they stop doing #what they clearly have enjoyed doing until this point #it's so wrong and people who cause this - you are the worst kind of person #but be better is also aimed at myself because I've slacked on spreading the love myself by commenting on the fics I love #like pretty much every single codywan piece Glimmer ever wrote #I always tell myself “I'll do it later when I'm not busy with schoolwork etc” but later might be months later or it might be too late #so I'll do better myself and I'll start commenting more even if it's just a short quick note its better than not gettin around to it at all #because fanfic authors deserve all the love in the world #fanfics have made my life infinitely better and the authors need to know how much they've affected my life #and how much their fics mean to me #so I'll do better as well #text post #star wars #codywan #YES I'll tag those because it is relevant

[front-facing-pokemon]

#this one's like a fucking mystery. who's that pokémon?? what pokémon is this?? you can't fucking tell unless you open the cut or read below #where i tag what pokémon it is. i think i'm gonna put this one's tags above the actual name of the pokémon just to throw y'all for a loop #because this one? i don't even KNOW what counts as front-facing. i'm ASSUMING it's the top one?? but the prey eyes are just #unbelievable so i included that one under the cut. i don't even know if i can consider that “prey eyes” at this point. what is this thing?? #what's the thing protruding?? a mouth?? it doesn't lend itself to making it look any more like a moon! it just— it just protrudes!! #i really just don't understand. what or why this pokémon is or exists. what type is it? pure psychic? #nnnNNAURP rock/psychic. can't believe i forgot about the rock typing considering the way that guy with the solrock in swsh #raid battles used it. whatever i think i've successfully revealed what pokémon this is by now #lunatone #and yes‚ i know now that zangoose walks on all fours in pmd. THANK YOU!!! FOR TELLING ME. EVERYONE ON TUMBLR #i got it when the first person told me. i looked them up. i saw them. with my eyes. i feel like i've talked about pmd enough in these tags #and in asks that i've answered that you all should know how much of a pmd fan i am by now but i guess it's GOOD TO CONFIRM #perhaps no one really does read these tags. unless they have an opportunity to correct me. lasered in on that #i'm not like mad i'm just like WOW everyone told me. that is SO many people telling me after the first one did and i know SO hard #anyway. i'm gonna go remove these tags from the dusclops post. pphhhheew

[wildflowercryptid]

something that's been weighing on my mind ever since learning about the situation with ezra / toonimal is seeing how these predators will take the active hostility that is frequently directed towards minors in online spaces to their advantage and use it to prey on vulnerable children. i think that we as adults in online fandom should probably come together and maybe rethink the language / manner we go about interacting with kids bc clearly the way things are rn is causing active harm.

like obviously, if you're an adult and aren't comfortable with minors interacting with you or your content, you should be allowed to set that boundary and should be vocal about it, ( especially if the content you create isn't safe for them to consume. ) but i don't think talking to them like they're a blight on all that is good and holy is the way to go about it. maybe just saying you're an 18 plus account will suffice, you don't have to tell them to fuck off.

#i'm opening myself up for ppl to leave the stupidest takes on this post but whatever i need to get this off my mind #before anyone says anything about the kids on that website. they're grooming victims. they're literally kids being taken advantage of #show them some fucking kindness and be understanding that they're the victims in this situation #idk what it is about becoming an adult that causes so many ppl to lose their empathy towards minors it's weird #like yeah kids can be annoying and pushy on online spaces sometimes but a lot of them are old enough to know online etiquette lbr #alot of us were annoying kids on the internet at some point we should understand that you don't just. get a handbook for how to act online #that's shit you learn overtime but ppl seem to forget that #they also seem to forget that talking down to kids isn't gonna teach them shit they're not gonna listen to you if you treat them like idiots #what i'm trying to say is that we really need to talk to minors more respectfully and maybe give them a little grace #( obviously there will be situations where some of them need to be yanked up by the collar but there's ways to go about that >>> #without treating them like shit ) #these kids need to know that there's spaces for them to be online safely without having to stumble into places that'll pray on them #we all know how much it sucked to be a kid online we should want better for the ones coming in after us ya know #sorry if this comes across as preachy it just breaks my heart and boils me blood to see kids being taken advantage of like this #especially when there's ways to prevent it idk #how do i even tag this.... #mj.txt #there's trigger warning on the linked post btw #tw csa mention

[cinnamon-phrog]

Do you ever see a take in a fandom tag and you're like HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH

#it was SO contradictory too ugh. and a mutual liked it! #you disrespect me. you disrespect my whole family #you call us 'stinky poopy babies' #you punched my wife. you kick mah baby you KICKed my FOCKin BABY #you ate our dog. YOU ATE OUR HOUSE #/ref #it's always the people i like too. everytime i want to find a d/ hmis artist or mutual BAM they're mean petty and even a nonce #and mean to peoples with hc's like mine. yes yes it happens in every fandom but not to the point where literally everybody sucks! #aside from my mutuals who are casually into the show you guys are boss <33 #a d/ hmis artist will tell me they don't care/ even like my hc's and i'll feel great #a couple months later and they're talking shit about it or liking posts about why people who have said hcs are somehow predatory #as if there aren't actual predators in the tags and their little supportive minions running amuck. who draw LITERAL cp of Yellow #i'm not mad anymore i've become very numbed to this. i end up losing 'friends' to the point where i don't know how to make them anymore. #'course that doesn't mean i'll stop trying though. but give benefit of the doubt and be MASSIVELY let down. #or assume the worst. be RIGHT and yet still be somehow worse for assuming. #so i'm just gonna not interact. i'll still put my s/elfship stuff in the tags though i am above guilt or shame now. Look At My Post Boy #cuz like if all these people can get away with being petty and two faced then i can get away with smooching puppets #make Love not War

[brittlebutch]

finally found a place to read With the Light online and i'm thrilled; if you haven't read this manga i do Legitimately recommend it

#N posts stuff #like don't get it wrong it Is Not a series about being autistic it Is a series about raising an autistic kid #but also don't be put off by that because it's legitimately a series that I feel Loves autistic people with its whole being #it's kind of a teaching manga so it showcases a lot of different opinions/characters/conflicts/etc. but the Framing is very consistent #in that the manga is Extremely of the opinion that autistic people are People who deserve to be Valued and Accepted As They Are #the onus for change is never put on autistic individuals the framing is basically Universal in the 'the World needs to change #to be more accepting' -- it's a very Social Model depiction of autism that ALSO never veers too far into the #'autism isn't even Really a disability' fallacy; it's very much a 'A lot of autistic people will need constant support in a variety of ways #throughout their lives but that isn't the roadblock preventing them from having their own lives; ableism in society is the roadblock' #the first two chapters are the hardest to get through bc they take place before Sachiko has any real understanding of autism and #so she's isolated and stressed out and the ignorance makes it difficult for her to care for Hikaru properly (there's also a lot of #other characters Blaming her for what's going on which goes unchallenged at this point though that changes later); but after she #understands what autism is she's Firmly in Hikaru's corner for the rest of the series - you can skip right to ch 3 without a problem #if you're not interested in reading about that initial conflict #there's still a Lot of conflict ofc but by then the chapters have some of my favorite moments so i don't want to advocate skipping #them; like Hikaru's daycare teacher explaining how Hikaru's difficulty speaking is the same as other kids' troubles with #things like jump-roping/etc.; and then a mother who has An Issue with Hikaru's presence in her daughter's class realizing the #depth of the problematic opinion bc Her mother (who had a stroke) faces similar ableism from her peers #i'm cutting this post off b4 the tags get Too long but if you're curious but still hesitant man. send me an ask and i will Happily #write an insanely long essay about how much i love this series; i have all the books i'm not excited about the online availability #for Me i'm excited bc i've been wanting to rec this manga for like almost a full decade and i can finally give you a link instead of #saying 'well. you can find used copies sometimes' lol

[icewindandboringhorror]

Misc. photos from the past year or so ~

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that -- #1. napping bapy boye sneeping on his own foot as if it were a pillow #2. The little primrose that I have seems to bloom sporadically all year around as long as I bring it inside and don't let it freeze #in the winter. This was a flower that came up randomly like mid november lol #3. Rainbow where you can see a little bit of a second rainbow near the bottom of it :0 #4. CHILDREN.... love to see them..... #5. Halloween Candy ranking tierlist. not important enough to post on it's own. so throwing it in with one of these I guess lol #I am also not really a candy person at all and prefer bready stuff like cakes rather than chocolate bars (if I even have to have sweets #at ALL which usually I prefer savory food). I suspect the apple is controversial but.. I do love apples .... huzzah #actually am having applle and peanut butter snack right now as I'm writing this lol #6. Various bowls/cups/etc. that I got from a store at COMPLETELY different times like.. years apart from each other #yet at some point realized that they all mostly match in paint color and seem to be part of the same pattern #But I totally didnt make that connection until a few years ago when I was putting up dishes. I just bought them all invidually because it's #like 'oh cool! a cat' *1 year later* 'oh cool! a cat!' etc. lol.. I guess it must be a popular design if it's been around being sold that #long. #7. carne asada burrito and matcha bubble tea... oughhgh.... again one of my very rare meals where I actually go and get something.. #probably my favorite meal currently. Something about the Chronic Anemia makes me crave beef burritos madly despite only having one #maybe twice a year or so ghjbhj.. plus the beans.... onions.... many of my Diet Forbidden foods... Also of course the little aishas #are there.... somehow they shall split the meal together even though it's like 10x bigger than their bodies.. they are also hungry #and vastly anemic... huzzah to them... #8. I've had this shirt for a long time but it fits very weird so I can never find a way to use it in outfits?? But I recently had #an appointment where a doctor needed to be able to look at my back and it's one of the only actual Shirts that I have (mostly i just own #long robes or tunics or jumper dress type of things that would be hard to lift up or etc. like... I dont even own a single normal 't-shirt' #or anyting aside from one giant tshirt that I sleep in in the summer lol.) So I wore this there.. I forget how much I love the pictures on #it.. how pleasant... little hummingbird... AND I think one of the flowers is supposed to be columbine ... ! #photo diary

[raifuujin]

It’s done!

The directory of all the various DC related books (that I own) has been completed!

Not all of the scans are mine, when other people have shared for the main series and spinoffs over the years, but a very solid chunk are my scans of all the ‘unimportant’ material. (If other people had good scans, I opted to save my own time, even if I could scan my own copies, basically.) And now it’s all fairly organized in one easy access list!

Includes: Conan, Kaito, Yaiba, the novels, movie manga, educational manga, activity books, tokubestuhen, archives, game guides, etc.

Now that it’s caught up, I’ll try to keep it up to date when I get more books in the future.

#detective conan #magic kaito #dcmk #reference #The pinned post has been updated as well; to encourage using the list first; though the drive in general is still an option #If anything is wrong with scans; just let me know #Page missing or messed up scan is an easy fix #Though also let me know if like. A file isn't there at all #I direct to other people's folders when it seemed fitting; but that means I don't know if they disappear at some point #They've been around a while but it's always a slight concern #Even if scans aren't mine; I do own anything on this list. I've saved stuff a few times over #Later tag: I've beein going back through the folders and. Will probably make changes #Eventually #Most things need the covers scanned; and that's fine to have skipped and more for conformity #But I apparently just scanned the manga part of science books which #Fair to my past self because the informational sections are the least cared about #But I would like to actually have everything #...But I'm taking a break after a solid two weeks of scanning so #Just a list for now

[trashlie]

ILY FP 210, 211, 212

WOOOOOOOF I’ve been holding off on writing this post, because I wanted to wait for this whole “episode” to fully come out. Quimchee revealed they were all meant to happen in one episode, but SO MUCH was happening in the episode that it was too long to do as the one. I... kind of wish I hadn’t waited because now there is SO MUCH for me to cover, so I’m going to do my best to keep this organized and coherent.

No lie, these go up there in my top episodes, especially 212. I have a feeling I might have some different feelings than others on this one...? We’ll see, I’m keen to hear how all of you are thinking and feeling about it. To me, these episodes really encapsulate a good 80% of the plot that we’ve been dealing with, and there’s some good reveals in here that have been a LONG time coming. I think everything is set up now for the time skip to come, and especially after all the events that transpired this arc (remember how this all started out so many moons ago with Nol going to the company Christmas party? That feels like it was years ago to what is happening now!) I am BEYOND excited to see what the time skips have in store for us! 

Anyway, before I start spoiling things, let’s get into it!

Well and truly, I love this arc! It’s really capture so much of the story this bigger story has centered on - the relationship between Nol and Kousuke. This isn’t the root of the story, of course, but it’s a significant portion of what we’ve come to read for, I think, and I cannot tell you how much I love seeing the characters verbally acknowledge things they’ve swept under a rug. 

212 felt especially raw to me - Kousuke’s confessions are tragic in the way of too little too late, and the realization that Nol was never against him, that he was always on the same side, that they could have been an incredible team may come to haunt him. That acknowledgement of his that nobody really liked him - no one else but the one person he had demeaned and devalued until he was truly nobody - really hit me like a sucker punch. I truly thought these were truths Kousuke wouldn’t be able to reach until he lost more, like his job or his sense of self, but I guess we can argue that he’s lost a lot of his sense of self; from the moment he punched Nol, it’s clear that he’s dissociating. That also serves to tell us how important this moment is for Kousuke, what it means to him, what Nol means to him.

Now, I’ll be upright honest with you guys, because I think this is where the difference of opinions will come in. I really enjoy stories with this kind of element of hatred and care so intricately interlaced in family or friends. There’s something about this sense of care being overwritten by jealousy so scathing it mutates into resentment and hatred and loathing. The way these two feelings battle out, the way ugly emotions are so strong they come to eclipse any hope for warmth. Idk it’s intriguing to me, it creates a compelling story. 

And in Kousuke’s case, it is! A running theory has been that Kousuke treats Shinae the way he does because he is, subconsciously, treating her how he wishes he’d treated Nol. As the story went on and Kousuke’s ugliness started to come out more and more and his paranoia began to consume him, I think it was probably difficult for many to find credence in this theory - that there was no way Kousuke could have cared about Nol and transferred it to Shinae when he treated Nol how he did but I’m still here for the theory. It’s just that Kousuke’s ugliness was so strong, overwhelming, it eclipsed anything else. 

Now I’m not saying I think Kousuke loves Nol or thinks of him as a brother, but rather I think deep down, he understood they were connected. As a child, Nol was the only person who didn’t treat Kousuke like an object - like a puppet or rich vending machine or influence to be gained. But how could Kousuke allow himself to think so favorably of Nol when he was so deeply rooted in jealousy? 

This is what I find especially intriguing about their dynamic. Something I talk about a lot is that Nol and Kousuke are both the products of abuse - Kousuke is the way he is due to neglect and manipulation, and in turn he took that out on Nol. I’ve seen people say Kousuke doesn’t make sense to them, but he DOES and this episode really drove that home and confirmed a lot of things I’d felt. 

Kousuke’s treatment of Nol all stems from Rand and his affair. Let’s look at it from Kousuke’s perspective. He has a father who is never around, and when he is he’s busy and always puts his career first. He rarely joins them for family time, there’s a rift between him and his wife. All young Kousuke wants is for his father to spend time with him, to be around, to notice him. His mother tells him things - if he’s a good boy Father will pay attention; if he wants his father’s attention he needs to be just like him; if he wants Father to care to notice he must be exactly like him. But his mother also says other thing - that there’s someone else, money is being wired to someone. At school people murmur similar things. 

All he wants is his father’s approval, his father’s pride, his father’s attention, his father’s time. He must not be good enough, yet. He must not matter, yet. He’ll make sure he does, though. He’ll do exactly what his mother says, he’ll buckle down just like she tells him, he’ll make sure to become the perfect son that his father can be proud of. 

So you can understand, then, why the discovery that the murmurs are true, that there’s another family, would shatter him the way it did, why it remains a point of breaking for him even as an adult, why he never really reconciles his father’s affair. How is it that the man who has no time for him or their family, had enough time to create a second family? Why was he so undeserving of his time? Why was he so undeserving of his attention? 

And it rooted deep inside him, right in the core of his foundation. This other boy who describes his father as someone who couldn’t possibly be the same man as his father - a funny man, a kind man. That is not the father Kousuke knows, so why does this other child know him? (Never mind that this child has also never met that version of his father.) It all stems from that: a craving for something he’s never received. 

Kousuke’s whole speech about how there was only one kind, sweet, generous, funny person in his life was the very person he attacked and tore down hit me HARD. His admission of fear, that he ACTUALLY ADMITTED TO BEING SCARED, that he’ll never be good enough for Rand, that nothing he would ever do would make him worthy of his attention actually hurt. This is the kind of thing I’ve been wanting Kousuke to acknowledge and embrace, because it’s the one thing that has been fueling and propelling him. He doesn’t do this job because he’s passionate about it - he does it because he’s still vying for love and attention. He didn’t forsake his childhood because he was above it - he literally sacrificed it for his father. Regardless of what you think about Kousuke now, it has to be acknowledged that he, too, has suffered. And let’s not pretend that Yui truly believed that Kousuke could win Rand’s affection this way - it still feels like it was a game for her, a manipulation to turn him into someone she could use to get her way, a puppet if you will. It’s fucking sad to think that he gave up everything because he was so determined to earn his father’s love, that his love and attention was believed to be so conditional he had to make himself worthy of it. 

“I hate you for making me aware this person exists. And I hate your face being a constant reminder of it.” 

So many times, Kousuke has berated Nol for his playful, joking behavior, for seeming so lax and carefree. I’d always thought it was jealousy that he didn’t have that kind of life, that he wasn’t allowed it - and that probably is still a part of it - but now we know that when Yeonggi laughed and played around, he was a vision of a version of Rand Kousuke had never known, a spitting image of a man Kousuke didn’t even know could exist. 

And as Nol points out, it was all for naught. All of Kousuke’s jealousy and his fear, tearing down Nol so that he could instead get to know that version of Rand. All of it was for naught, because who knows if that man even exists? It seems like only one person ever knew her, and who’s to know if she didn’t make him up. Kousuke has spent his entire life - sacrificed his childhood, accelerated himself through school, forsook any fun or leisure - on a quest for a man who probably doesn’t exist, for something he’ll never achieve. He spent his whole life tearing down someone innocent trying to get to something he’ll never have. 

I really thought it would take for Kousuke to lose it all, to stumble in his career before he’d realize it, but here he is. 

But on the other side of that, we have Nol. Nol, who also lost - and lost more than Kousuke did. Nol who was isolated and alienated, Nol who tried time and time again to reach out and create a connection, and was refused every time. Nol who suffered under Kousuke and Yui’s watch over and over. Nol, who despite it all, still tried to treat Kousuke well, still tried to give him a chance, still tried to reach out to him at his most desperate. 

I think that really illustrates something important: an understanding that there is a reason for Kousuke’s behavior and his paranoia, where it comes from, but that reason doesn’t justify. I can acknowledge both that Kousuke absolutely is the product of his environment and that he has been an asshole about it lol. Idk I can admit that my intrigue in his has grown a LOT. 

These episodes have just tapped into something so deep that I love about this series - that our experiences heavily color our interpersonal relationships, as well as our relationships with our own selves. Nol notes that he, too, suffered, he, too, lost, he has been alone and alienated and despite it all he still tried, and he still attempted to be a good person, in contrast to Kousuke who let his suffering turn him into an asshole. It was kind of a hard-to-read moment, because Nol spoke the truth, and as much as I feel for Kousuke, Nol is right. Because he never attempted to deal with those ugly feelings, because he never chose to face them, because he instead wore them as armor, it became his identity, he became an asshole through those experiences. Had there ever been a moment that he could have met Nol in the middle, that he could have put aside his jealousy, that he could have turned off his Rand blinders, he could have seen what Nol was able to see earlier and more clearly. And isn’t that sad? They could have been a great team, they could have had each others’ back in a world where no one else did, they could have been there for each other, but Kousuke couldn’t cross that line. 

Again, I fully acknowledge that Kousuke is the way he is because of those experiences. I acknowledge that this is the wake up call he needed, that he was forced to finally reckon with the truth. 

But I also worry what will come of Kousuke as a result of Rand’s arrival. Is he going to backpedal? Is this going to short-circuit something and push him to double down, or is it going to free him? 

Kousuke has spent his entire life trying to earn Rand’s favor, to earn his attention. Everything he has done has been an angle to get closer to his father. Like, when you break it all down, that’s the sad, basic truth. He was a child who so desperately wanted his father’s attention that his life became about that. And here comes Rand, showing up when it looks like Kousuke is running away. Rand who never had time for him, Rand who didn’t shower him with warmth and affection. 

Rand who showed up and wailed “My son” in response to Nol. 

That whole scene honestly hurts me. Nol is hurt, Rand is anguished and horrified, and Kousuke? Kousuke finally witnessing his father show a fatherly side - and it wasn’t for him. And not only that but Rand might not even believe that Kousuke was trying to get help, that he attempted to get Nol up but couldn’t. And does it even matter when the truth is that Kousuke DID cause this? I can’t imagine it was his intention - I don’t think his mind went “punch Nol and he’ll fall over the railing” as much as Nol tried to leave and Kousuke reacted on that. But the point still stands: even if it wasn’t his intention, this is still ultimately his fault. Nol goaded him on and played a part, but Kousuke was the hand that acted. 

I fear that this will ruin what little relationship Kousuke has with Rand - and it’s a fear because it means Kousuke could swing in two wholly opposite directions. Does he double-down and return to the side of his mother, the only family member who has made him feel like someone’s child? I don’t think he’s at the point where he can extricate himself from the family, as good as it would be. And I worry that if that’s the case, will he double back down on his treatment and resentment of Nol? For this one moment, he saw that they were equals, that they both had a broken, shitty relationship with Rand. And then Rand showed up, showing that paternal side Kousuke has longed for. 

As much as I WANT Kousuke to hold on to that moment, I don’t know that he can. I think the cracks have formed and I think his fragile reality is crumbling faster, but I fear he’ll retreat back into the “comfort” of the world he knows. 

Here’s the thing about Kousuke: on some level he knows. He knows that Yui isn’t great, he knows that she has done awful things, he knows that Nol did no wrong, he knows that Rand will probably never change. But these are such uncomfortable truths and he has spent his life propped up by a false reality. This was pointed out by AugmentedElle on reddit, but look at the difference in Kousuke’s flashbacks. Look at the memory in 210 vs 212. The flashback in 210 is the strongest, most vibrant memory we’ve yet seen. Ordinarily they’re in some kind of grey scale, or at least muted colors, sometimes with spot color like in Shinae’s. In Nol and Kousuke’s flashbacks thus far, we’ve seen those muted colors or alterations - Nessa’s face appearing scribbled out in Kousuke’s memories, just as in 212. The use of color suggests that the memory in 210 is, quite possibly, fabricated. It starts out with Kousuke dazed, unable to remember what just happened, and Yui comes in and tells him he won’t have to see that boy for a long time. It feels like something happened - that perhaps Kousuke did something (the huffing that parallels his huffing after he punches Nol in the current story) and blocked it out or whited out and Yui came in and gave him an iteration of the story. It’s the strongest memory because it didn’t come from him - because it was filled in and colored in by someone else. The whole time we’ve thought Nol had perhaps been pushed to the bring, that Kousuke instigated a fight and Nol snapped, but maybe it was never Nol. Maybe the whole time Kousuke has associated Nol with danger and violence - because he was wired to think that way. That whatever happened and lead to that moment was so traumatic he doesn’t have the real memory, and instead carries a fabrication. 

And that is essentially the basis of Kousuke’s entire life. Regardless of intent, Yui does manipulate Kousuke. She says things knowing full-well the effect they’ll have. Consider that moment with Nol and Nessa vs Yui in Kousuke’s flashback in 212. He watches Nessa blow raspberries on Nol’s cheek, a warm and silly exchange full of so much love and care - and then he looks up at Yui, who wears her maternal mask, shadows falling eerie over her face. Doesn’t it feel so much like she set this up? Doesn’t it feel like she knew Nessa and Nol would be around? She fills his head with things like “the only way to get your father’s attention is to be just like him” and “we’re not like other families we’re so special” and “isn’t it just so wonderful that rand at least has enough time to eat with us”? That’s not vouching for Rand - that’s passive aggression towards Rand and creating an idea of who Rand is - that Rand unwittingly lives up to. Despite speaking of the affair in front Kousuke, she turns and tells him that “Your father values us too much, he would never do such a thing” - a blatant lie that only plays into that feeling Kousuke wears that he’s been cheated, that there exists a version of his father that has been denied to him. Nessa tells Nol that Rand was a kind, sweet, generous, funny man. Yui tells Kousuke that Rand is anything but funny and he has no time for jokes. Maybe both are true, but Nol’s unintentionally makes a point about how Yui speaks of Kousuke’s father, vs how Yui spoke of Nol’s father. Why would a parent speak ill of the other parent -- if not to make the child see them that way. 

(She also tells him there’s nothing she hates more than people who don’t take things seriously, and well, look at how Kousuke came out.) 

There’s a fragile cognitive dissonance between what Kousuke knows to be true - that is, the reality that has been shaped by his experiences and Yui’s manipulation - vs actual reality, and we’ve seen this a number of times when various events threaten that tentative balance. Kousuke at the club, angry and paranoid, is aware of what people really think of him. Deep down he knows people don’t see him as great, as an honorable gentleman. Deep down he knows he’s a selfish, judgmental asshole, but it doesn’t fit the fabricated reality he believes in, so it only comes out in his paranoia. He knows that Nol is like him, that he didn’t have the love Kousuke coveted, that he tried to get by quietly, but Kousuke’s fear and paranoia still thought of him as the boy who had earned the love that Kousuke couldn’t, and that made him a threat. He knows what kind of person Yui is and has tried to draw boundaries, but he’s still told her things about Nol that she could act on, because he knows what she is capable of. When people or events fracture that reality, he struggles and lashes out, because he needs that reality to keep it together, but it’s crumbling fast. 

Between the phone call with Rand and the moment that Rand shows up on the scene - what is the state of Kousuke’s reality? Is it crumbling? Is he trying to stuff the crumbling rocks back into the foundation? Will he retreat to his mother, the only one who can keep the tint of his rose colored glasses or will he be forced to face reality for what it really is? I wish it would be the latter, but I just don’t know if he’s ready for it yet. I don’t know if he can face that which he’s run from this whole time just yet. 

As for Nol, woooooooof. What a fucking NIGHT. To think - THIS IS HIS GODDAMN BIRTHDAY. On the one hand, I think, maybe this can give him some kind of peace. He’s finally gotten a piece of Kousuke’s mind, he finally knows how Kousuke sees him, what he thinks of him, and what motivated him all these years. Maybe with this knowledge, Nol will be able to walk away in peace. He doesn’t have to wonder anymore. He knows where he stands - and where he’s always stood - and I think he’s made it clear that he’s drawn his line. He is done, he is finished, with all of them. If Kousuke can find his way to the other side of the line, then good for him, but Nol has no intention of trying to bring him over anymore. 

I do think there’s a lot of room for them to reconcile in the future - when Nol’s raw anger has maybe ebbed, when Kousuke has found himself and learned to stand on his own ground, rather than prop himself up by his fabricated reality. But they are far from there. I’ve said before that I had a feeling maybe we’ll see the three main characters reunite in the time skip as adults after having gone separate ways, and that feeling still lingers. Nol has made it clear that he still wants to get away - and frankly I think he needs to. I wish he’d say so much to his friends, I wish he’d tell them where they stand. I feel so bad for Shinae, who went through so much grief and angst and really put herself out there to bring him back, to get her closure - and then when she had it and was ready to let him go, he insisted on staying. For him to turn around and leave like that again, after everything she told him, after the ways she opened up to herself, god that must hurt a lot. I guess on the one hand, she got the closure she wanted but.... it wasn’t even that long ago that Nol was making jabs at Kousuke for abandoning his friends, and there he goes doing it a SECOND time. 

There’s a piece I’d love to give more time and thought to - that maybe all along, on a deep, subconscious level, Kousuke feared Nol leaving and that’s why he’s always acted when Nol was on the leave. If Nol leaves he’ll be truly alone. If Nol goes, there is truly no one left who ever liked him, who ever saw any value in him. This post is already long enough, so I’ll try to spit that out later this week, if I can. I think it’s not a coincidence that Kousuke punched Nol as he was leaving, that he didn’t bring himself to do it when Nol promised he’d leave, just as he let Yui know Nol was planning to leave. Maybe he doesn’t recognize it yet, but I think Kousuke is terrified of being left alone and Nol escaping without him. 

Like I said, more on that later, but it’s an important point that I think ties in really well with this relationship Kousuke has towards Nol. It’s complicated, fucked up, toxic, and messy, and it needs a LOT of untangling by professional help. But I do think these last episodes really set something up for Nol and Kousuke’s future - as much as there is so much resentment and anger between them, there’s a mutual sense of longing, of needing each other to fill a void: for Nol, he sought out a brother in Kousuke, a companion against the adults in their lives; for Kousuke, that knowledge that Nol, too, had suffered that neglect, and was the only person who had ever truly liked him. I think one day when that anger has died, when they’ve made peace and hopefully worked on themselves, when Kousuke has freed himself, I think there’s a chance they will be able to reconcile. Like I said, maybe they’ll never be family to each other; there’s so much damage there, it’s really possible that can never be undone. But I think at some point, at least, they will see themselves on the same side, rather than each other. 

#I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Kousuke Hirahara #Rand #Yui Hirahara #one day I'll replace my Rand tag with his full name but I can never remember it #lol as you can see this is v v heavy on the brothers and their relationship with each other #i want to maybe do a post later where i point out little individual bits i've enjoyed in these episodes or little details that stuck out to #I REALLY want to write more about their dynamic as brothers but woooof we'll see if i wind up finding the time to write everything i want ;A #i just feel SO STRONGLY about this current arc it's EVERYTHING i've been waiting for and i just have so many thoughts that are all over the #place and it's sooooo had to wrangle them into one place!!!!!!!!! #(I think this is why I like when people send asks - it helps me concentrate on one point lol) #Basically I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the content quimchee is feeding us the insight into Kousuke i have been DESPERATE #for this part of Rand the continued hints to Yui and Kousuke's relationship #and yknow even if you don't like a character (at least for me personally) i can often still find empathy #and man i feel for Kousuke in this one #all these truths he's finally releasing all these fears he's facing and one that literally materializes in front of him???? #holy shit that's gotta hurt ouchies for EVERYONE #CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS ALL ON NOL'S BIRTHDAY?! #CAN YOU BELIEVE HIS LAST NIGHT BEFORE PRISON HIS FUCKING BIRTHDAY IS GOING DOWN LIKE THIS?! #jesus CHRIST #ILY Commentary

[eterniityblooms]

updated my rules to include shipping info + a bit more about my monster muses specifically, since shipping with at LEAST one muse on this account is probably inevitable at some point

#『 from the rumblings comes a song: ooc. 』 #tldr i don't know who is and isn't open for ships so if you jive with a particular muse after writing with them some by all means feel free #to ask and we can see if it would work; crossover ships are absolutely wonderful too so don't feel afraid to ask even if the verse is #different! #also that all my monster muses are fully sapient and open to shipping with humans/wyverians/nonhumans/other monsters/etc provided they vibe #and most of them possess their true form，a 'hybrid' form and their human/wyverian form but all of them can and will spend at least Some tim #in their true forms and a lot of them Prefer that form #i don't think? that'll be an Issue here on tumblr but on twitter ojhhhh my god nobody would rp with you if you didn't basically make your #monster muse a glorified human. i had ppl try to pressure my muse ic to use their human form just. for a conversation?? then proceeded to #drop the int and cease to acknowledge me whatsoever when i refused because my muse didn't see the point in wasting the energy to shift form #when they can talk perfectly fine in their true form #not ALL of my monster muses speak words verbally (soul comes to mind as one who typically doesn't) but those who don't still have plenty of #ways of expressing themselves #also they choose not to not because they CAN'T because they either don't Want to or mimicking the sound of speech is hard on their throat #(ie soul) so they opt to not unless they Really want to make a point or make damn sure they're being listened to #nonverbal/non-words communication is a valid form of communication and i like writing natural monster/dragon communication through sounds #and body language. it is very fun<3 #sorry for the tag spam ramble btw i do this Often. nicer than dumping it all in the body of the post yknow?

[praublem-child]

Me: This 🤏 close to a room destroying meltdown due to a lack of sleep

Also me: remembering weed can fix this without the meltdown and tearing through my bedroom to raid my mom's stash because I haven't been to the dispensary in literally months now

#seriously guys #it's almost 5am #I've been up since 8am #I wanted to go to bed at like 6pm #I actually went to bed at 2am #and then tossed and turned in the dark and quiet for three hours #I was already to the point of crying and throwing shit off my bed before I remembered weed existed #how can I be so exhausted I'm having a meltdown #yet so unable to sleep #and I always wait too long to get weed #always insisting that I'll fall asleep on my own #or that I *really need* that rem sleep tonight #ffs rem sleep doesn't fucking matter if I don't sleep at all #I probably don't even get much rem sleep when completely sober lets be real #I don't dream #I have bi-annual nightmares about my father #and that's it #It'll be like 5:30 before this gummy hits #I have cottage cheese and meme videos until then #maybe an excedrin for my exhaustion headache and my cat if she'll cuddle me #god I'm so fucking tired #I should call my grandma and see if her offer to hit me upside the head with a hammer is still available #She used to joke offer that to me when I was a kid and couldn't sleep #If only she knew the sleep disorders I'd be diagnosed with a few years down the line #I'm rambling now so I'll do the actual informative tags now and post #sorry to anyone who has to read this /hj #autism #adhd #medical marijuana #cannabis

[seaweedstarshine]

Sometimes I think of Amy Pond, who grew up being called mad by those who wielded the word as a tool of exclusion and shame —

Amy Pond, who though forced into the hands of four psychiatrists, still clung to that which they called madness until those systems which elevate psychosocial conformity above humanity stripped it from her —

Amy Pond, whose imaginary friend reappeared for a single hour after twelve years and reignited that faith before disappearing for two more years —

Amy Pond, who spent those those two years under the same implicit threat ingrained in her through psychiatric violence, and thus began to believe the man who stopped the invasion was “just a madman with a box,” only for him to agree, and to also call her “mad, impossible Amy Pond,” reframing madness as non-negative for the first time in her life —

Amy Pond, who ignored the disembodied voice of her imaginary friend even as she ran away with him for real, who still lived each day with the traumatic internalization of deviancy dictated upon her by the psychiatric-industrial complex that shaped her from childhood —

Amy Pond, who wouldn't acknowledge the Doctor's voice, such that it took an Angel in her eye that was literally killing her to ensure she couldn't reality check herself —

Amy Pond, who stood before a room which muttered about “the psychiatrists we brought her to,” and though afraid, escaped their rigid parameters of acceptable existence.

#I like seeing it as indicating she began hearing his voice when he was gone for all those years! why else wouldn't she say anything? #actually psychotic Amy agenda #Amy Pond #eleventh doctor #reclaimed language #oh look its another antipsychiatry themed doctor who post #sumn abt in Fairies At The Bottom Of The Garden audio AND Imaginary Enemies comic we see Amelia bein called slurs against psychotic people #(shes called psycho in both) #like!!! and SO MUCH OF AMYS STORY is about her claiming her agency in ways that previous companions weren't allowed to- #companions whose status as a Wife was a signifier of an to end of their value individually- 'this is no place for a married woman' etc #in some cases Wife-ness forced upon them *as* a denial of agency 'I spent all that time trying to find you I'm not going back now!' etc #whereas Amys story deconstructs that; Amys “Choice” is an illusion- Amy being a Wife doesn't demote her agency as an companion #anyways I love that aspect of reclaimed agency for Amy but ALSO #“madness” as an expression of agency against systems of oppression is SO relevant. the mind defends itself and the alternative isnt better #the oppressive system in this case being ableist structures and the psychiatric system ITSELF which is a whole other layer #the moral being that even if the Doctor WAS a delusion? he'd still be a needed coping mechanism for a child who says “ppl always leave” #and instead of examining her feelings of abandonment they insist 'aLiENs DoNt ExIsT' as seen in the 'sTaRs DoNt ExIsT' psychiatrist in TBB #they don't care that she's in PAIN- why would they?- they just care that she's 'abnormal' and therefore not deserving of humanity #(eleventh) doctor is neurodivergent tag #I mean technically this is about Amy but I once (twice) used that tag on the post about the Master. its the spirit of it! #and Amy Pond + her Raggedy Doctor as “mad” people is very *chefs kiss* #((you know what im putting the tag on my last Amy post :D )) #Mels experienced this very differently and I'll make a post about her at some point- I just wanna make sure my points are got across better #sumn abt Amelia's “crazy” was Mels' “delinquency.” Amy treated as if she doesn't know her own life while Mels treated as threatening #sumn abt adultification of Black girls while Amy is infantilized #Amy Pond who could rewrite reality in a reborn universe because she grew up with a Crack in her wall that no one believed was special — #ableism #saneism #unreality #because I mean Amy's stand against psychiatric dehumanization was to REWRITE THE UNIVERSE with her Crack powers

[front-facing-pokemon]

#bonus under the cut getting that snout facing right at the camera #camerupt #early 2000s animation cow‚ apparently. that's what someone just said about the bonus image. i honestly never understood this thing's name #i always thought it was pretty obviously a cow. but then its name implies camel. camel erupt. camerupt. is there a specific kind of #camel that just looks like a cow?? or. what. or am i just misremembering what camels look like #either way‚ i still think this pokémon is pretty cool‚ but i don't really use it ever in my own playthroughs. i don't think i *ever* have #not even in pokémon colosseum where i'm pretty sure you can get a shadow numel at some point. bc i already had a fire-type #not sure which one it was but it was definitely one of them. maybe cyndaquil? because of the dudes with the johto starters #that you fight near the beginning in pppp uuuhhh the PHENAC city i couldn't remember the name. for a second there. #i wasn't aware as a kid that their outfits corresponded to the type of the starter they had and also that you could only fight one of them #i think as a kid i was under the impression that there was only the one. for some reason i remember fighting the green one #oh wait they have the second-evos yeah. cuz he had bayleef. and the red one would've had quilava. not cyndaquil #ugh my memory is not very good evidently. i'm writing these tags after work. normally i do them right when i wake up but this time i just #do not have an excuse for not being able to remember shit. this is just on me. maybe it's amplified by the fact that i have yet to eat today #which i have a very bad habit of doing. forgetting to eat all day and not eating until like 5 and then that being my only meal for the day #i'm trynna get better about it but it is Not easy for some reason. for something that should be decidedly very simple #but my brain doesn't often let me eat until i've completed all of my silly little Tasks. so. idk. this will however post the day after i've #arrived back home from my trip which is nice. the first time future me will be sleeping in her own bed again. good luck again future me #you might need it