#i don’t think it’s healthy to be wishing such terrible things to happen on a person

[reiding-writing]

hi! could you write prompt 6 from the angsty dialogue prompts for the climacteric event? fem/gn reader whatever you prefer, i was thinking that reader finds out something about spencer and it results in this messy situation, but honestly how you want to do it is all up to you!

JEALOUSY [CLIMACTERIC]

6. “Don’t touch me.”

WARNINGS: spencer is a bit of a twat but apologises profusely afterwards, arguing, happy? ending

spencer reid x gn!reader || angst || 2.5k || event masterlist!!

main masterlist!!

a/n: majority vote chose this one to come out first 🫶 they also chose for it to have a happy ending bc y’all are really boring /j (i love you guys you aren’t boring i swear 🫶)

Spencer Reid grew up too fast.

He was remarkably smart for his age, that much was a given, but in terms of emotional development Spencer was forced to skip what should’ve been his childhood.

He didn’t get to experience what it felt like be praised over a rudimentary piece of ‘art’ by his parents, because he was ‘too intelligent’ for that.

He didn’t get to go out on a Saturday morning with his father to learn how to play a ball game because his dad was never around.

He didn’t get to be coddled by his mother when he cried because by the time he was nine he was her full time carer.

Ironically, his childhood was an era of time where he could barely remember a single detail, despite his renowned eidetic memory, and it only seemed to further prove that Spencer Reid’s childhood didn’t exist.

All he could remember was what didn’t happen. The key milestones of his life that he never got to live through.

To say that impacted his emotional availability was an understatement. Spencer had never been one to ask for help from other people, but in instances where he really felt like he was about to fall apart it was even worse. He’d grown up with the expectation that he was responsible for his own well being. That him and him alone was the only thing that could get him through whatever dark patch that he went through.

He didn’t need anyone else. He wasn’t allowed anyone else. It was just him, always.

You were decidedly the opposite. You wore your emotions on your sleeve, and for the most part, Spencer found it entirely refreshing to watch you be able to express yourself with no holds barred and no internal monologue telling you that what you were doing was wrong.

Sometimes he wished he could do the same.

There were times of his career where he wished you’d do something wrong, that you’d make a mistake or cross a boundary and it’d allow him to exert all of the anger and deep-seeded jealously he felt whenever he saw you be so open with yourself.

He knew it was horrible of him, and more often than not the minute those thoughts invaded his mind he thought of nothing more than how much of a terrible person he was. He was wishing ill on you just because you’d managed to have a healthy emotional output.

Because he was inherently broken from all the years of keeping everything to himself.

“Are you okay?”

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows at the sound of your voice, gaze turning upwards from the mug of coffee sitting on the kitchenette counter to meet your face, covered in worry lines as you furrow your own eyebrows.

He hated when you looked at him like that. Like he was something to be pitied.

“I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be?” Spencer presses his lips together in an awkward line of a smile, a staple of his character that seemed much less genuine than usual from your point of view.

“You’ve uh- You’ve been stood here staring at your mug for almost five minutes,” Spencer flickers his eyes up to the analogue clock on the wall at your declaration.

You were right, he’d been stood in a state of dissociation for almost a whole five minutes without realising it. Great, that’s just wonderful. Like his life couldn’t get any worse.

“Everything’s fine,” He gives you another one of those awkward smiles as he takes his mug in between both of his hands, the ceramic barely even warm anymore, which tells him that his coffee isn’t hot enough for him to actually enjoy it, but right now he’d take a cup of warm coffee over standing here talking to you about his ‘feelings’.

But you’ve never made things easy.

“It’s not though is it? Something’s wrong Spencer, everyone in the office can tell,” You sigh softly at the indignation on his face as you prod at what’s going on inside his head. “We’re worried about you…” You reach out your hand slowly to lay it on his arm, and he pulls away from you without a second thought.

“Please don’t touch me,” He takes a step to the side, clearly trying to bypass you and get back to his desk so he can escape the conversation. “I said I’m fine.”

“And you’re lying Spencer.” You step in the same direction that he does, effectively blocking his path out of the kitchenette. “We need to know what the issue is or we can’t help you Spencer,” Your voice is tinged with a small amount of desperation, and it irks Spencer in a way that he can’t even fully comprehend.

“You want to know what the issue is?” He puts his mug back down on the counter with enough force that small droplets of coffee spill over the rim and onto the granite underneath it. “It’s you.”

He leans forward slightly like he’s trying to emphasise his point. “You are the issue.”

His words hit you like a ton of bricks, and all of a sudden you’re regretting caring so much.

God you’re beginning to regret even waking up this morning. Maybe that would’ve spared you from the stake in your heat that was Spencer Reid explicitly telling you that you were the sole reason why he was acting differently. Why he was being cold and distant from the team and their genuine want to just make sure he’s okay.

Because they couldn’t do that. Because you were a part of the team. And as long as you were there that coldness wouldn’t go away.

“Right…” You press your lips into a line. “Sorry for asking.”

Spencer regrets what he said almost as soon as the words come out of his mouth. He watches as that usual sparkle of compassion in your eyes literally fizzles out right in front of him, and all of a sudden he feels like an absolutely horrible person.

As you turn to leave he reaches out a hand to stop you. He doesn’t know what he’s going to say, how could he possibly redeem himself after a comment like that? But his body runs on autopilot and all he knows is that he needs to apologise to you. “Wait—”

“Don’t— touch me Reid,” You pull your arms further into yourself to stop him from reaching out to them, and he swears his heart breaks at the sight of you being dismissive. And then there was the added blow of you using his surname to further distance yourself from him and making him want to cut out his tongue so saying something so rash with absolutely zero provocation. “I understood you the first time.”

It was a complete turn of your character, all semblance of warmth and vulnerability evaporated and replaced with a cold, hard shell that Spencer could see calcifying behind your eyes.

“I-“

“I’ll leave you be now.”

And with that you disappear around the corner, leaving Spencer alone with his thoughts. His terrible thoughts that rightfully pummel him into the ground for so much as suggesting that you could ever be a problem.

—

When you said you’d “Leave him be”, he didn’t think it meant you’d literally avoid him like the plague. God you’d even roped Emily into switching desks with you so you wouldn’t have to sit opposite him anymore.

How was he supposed to grovel for your forgiveness if you wouldn’t so much as spare him a glance?

How was he supposed to explain to the team that the reason the two of you suddenly weren’t talking to each other was because he’d fucked up so badly that he felt like he was going to implode?

And most importantly, how on earth was Spencer Reid supposed to make you listen to him so he could explain himself and try to reconcile with you?

He’d considered cornering you in the break room, or catching you in an elevator on your way to the parking lot, but he knew that would only make things worse.

He’d considered turning up to your apartment your favourite snacks and begging you to let him inside, but that would be weird and borderline stalkerish.

He was really running out of ideas, and the longer he went without saying something the deeper he felt he was being pulled into the pit of despair that he’d dug himself to the point where he wasn’t sure if he as going to be able to claw himself out of it.

He had to speak to you. And he had to make sure that you didn’t run away.

The opportunity practically handed itself to him during a case. He knew budget cuts would mean that the team paired up when staying at a NYC hotel, and after some under the table begging for the other team members to room with each other so you didn’t have any choice but to room with him, he took his chance.

There was a very obvious blanket of tension between the two of you as you entered the room together, your apparent vow of silence continuing as you dump your bag on one of the twin beds to claim it as your own before shutting yourself into the bathroom to ready yourself for sleep.

He could tell that you weren’t happy about the arrangement, and despite how much you were distancing yourself from him you still wore your emotions on your sleeve, and right now they were telling him that you would literally rather be anywhere else.

You skirt past him as you exit the bathroom in your pyjamas, leaving your clothes and your bag on one of the decorative chairs to climb into bed with the continued silent treatment you’re serving him.

Spencer sighs dejectedly as he watches you take a seat on the edge of the bed with your back to him. “Can we talk? Please?”

“What is there to talk about?” Your voice washes him like a cold shower, your vocal chords dipped in ice and your words a perfect combination of blunt and dismissive. He can’t see your expression as you speak, but has a pretty good idea of the furrowing of your eyebrows and the narrowing of your gaze.

“I want—” Spencer lets out another sigh, raking his fingers through his hair in internal frustration. “I need to apologise to you. What I said was horrible and I’m sorry,”

“I don’t forgive you.”

As much as the words cut through his heart like a knife, he can’t blame you.

“I understand… I just wanted you to know that I really regret what I said, and that it’s been tearing me up thinking about it,”

“Right…” You let out a short, sarcastic laugh that causes Spencer’s eyebrows to furrow. “Because it’s all about you right?”

“That’s not what I—”

“Goodnight Reid.” You punctuate your sentence by shutting of the lamp on your side of the room, officially putting an end to your side of the ‘conversation’.

Spencer wasn’t done with it quite yet.

“I’m jealous of you. That’s why I said that ‘you were an issue’. You’re not. I am the issue and I was projecting it on to you. That was unfair of me and I need you to understand that I am apologising to do right by you, not to make myself feel better.”

“You have no reason to be jealous of me Reid,” You still haven’t turned to face him, but he’d rather be talking to your back than not be talking to you at all.

“Please stop calling me that..” Spencer lets out a small breath at the end of his sentence, words tinged with a small amount of desperation. He didn’t want to be ‘Reid’ in your mind, he wanted to be Spencer. “I have a lot to be jealous of when it comes to you,” Admitting his faults outright made him feel nauseous, but he needed to break this brick wall you’d built around yourself when it came to him.

He couldn’t stand being an outsider in your life.

“I mean, you’re sweet, kind, you have an inherent knack for social situations that I could only dream of possessing,” He takes a small break in his sentence to nervously chew on the inside of his lip. “and your emotional vulnerability makes me so jealous of you that I want to just—” He exhales sharply.

“It’s very easy to be jealous of you,”

There’s a small pause after Spencer’s confession, tension lingering in the air as he watches you aimlessly fiddle with the edge of the sheets whilst you debate how to respond.

“Those are stupid things to be jealous of,”

Spencer physically deflates at your answer. “They’re not, people like you are envied because you’re so open with yourself, that’s something not a lot of people have, myself included,” Spencer takes a small step forward, cautious about scaring you off if he approached too quickly. “even if I wish I did..”

He places a deft hand on your shoulder and you jolt at the contact.

“I’m really sorry.” His voice drops to a point where it’s almost inaudible, and you swear you can hear his voice catch as he tries to maintain his composure. “I don’t want to fight with you anymore… please,”

You let out a small sigh of indignation, and Spencer knows he’s won you over. “Fine,”

“Thank you,” He gives your shoulder a small squeeze, and you return it with one of your own as you rest your hand on top of his.

“I’m still angry with you,”

“I know…”

“You’ve got a hell of a job making up for it,”

“I know,”

“Good,” You finally turn to look over your shoulder at him, and Spencer is glad to see that your expression isn’t one of loathing or frustration. “Get some sleep Spencer,”

“Okay…” He gives you a soft nod and a half-awkward smile, the sound of his name rolling off your tongue one that fills him with more contentment than it probably should. “Goodnight…” He hesitantly pulls his hand from your shoulder to walk back to his own hotel bed, walking as you tuck yourself into yours.

“Goodnight Spencer, we’ll talk about this in the morning,”

“Yeah… Thank you…”

Spencer flicks off the lamp beside him, relaxing as the room is shrouded into darkness and allowing himself to get the first proper night of rest he had in weeks now that he’s finally made his peace with you.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid angst #criminal minds angst #mgg #climacteric 🪶

[chaoticbardlady99]

I Wondered If I Could Come Home? (Astarion x F! Reader)

Synopsis- It’s been 4 months since you last saw Astarion and 3 months since you killed the Netherbrain with your other companions. Shortly after, you settled down in Silverymoon to begin a life out there and try to push Astarion out of your mind- except it can never be that easy. You shortly discover you are pregnant with his child- a child that could kill you during childbirth. Scared and alone- Shadowheart stays with you to help you deliver the baby and keep you alive.

While out at the local market, Shadowheart runs into Gale and invites him over for dinner. Gale has unexpected company.

CW: Pregnancy, mentions of potential death during birth, mentions of nudity, mentions of NSFW smut

To my fellow DND fans- no this is probably not canon compliant, yes I’m upset about that, but look I really needed to write this so sue me I guess

Author note- Self indulgent, I have baby fever, but don’t want a baby fic. I’m unsure of how long this will be or if it will have more parts-it depends on how angsty I feel, but I need to have like six different ideas to think about at a time soooo 😂

*This hasn’t been edited ✨well✨so please forgive me

*again, no fucking clue who’s picture it is, but it sure as shit isn’t mine so if it’s yours- reach out so I can give credit!

You keep yourself propped up against the sink in the kitchen as Shadowheart holds your hair out of your face and dabbing away the cold sweat that drips down your neck.

You are really sick of being morning sick. It’s absolutely the worst thing in the world- well besides your potential death from carrying your little girl inside of you. You sometimes think Astarion may get his wish- you may just die screaming.

You dry heave one last time- not a single thing comes up because you haven’t kept a single thing down since two mornings ago. Your morning sickness is inconsistent and comes on with little to no warning.

It’s been five months since you conceived this fricken kid, but it was like all the symptoms hit after you killed the Netherbrain.

A part of you really wishes you had somehow known before then- maybe it would have changed the cruel fate that ended your relationship with Astarion. You were literally pregnant in the middle of fighting Cazador. You think about what he last said to you all the time and just sob hysterically- like it happened yesterday.

A deeper part of you feels abandoned, but you blame yourself for him leaving. You should have been more convincing or maybe you shouldn’t have flat out told him no and explained why in the hells you didn’t want him to ascend.

For example- you didn’t want to lose him to some evil version of himself.

Ironically, you lost him anyway and are pregnant with his fucking child who insists on occasionally making you miserable.

Despite your inherent sadness, anger, and sickness, you find you are actually quite excited to meet her. You haven’t settled on a name yet and Shadowheart has been very helpful in regards to making sure you are healthy and strong for delivery. She’s your best friend and you could not be more grateful for her.

“I’ll go back to the market today and get you more of those herbs,” Shadowheart says quietly when she talks to you, “they seemed to help last time?”

You nod- exhausted and your head is pounding. You and this kid are going to need to have a serious conversation. You will not be letting a second Acunin make you miserable before she is ever born.

Shadowheart guides you to your bed upstairs, standing behind you in case you get hit with a wave of vertigo- which usually happens post vomit episode.

You pull your curtains closed- thankful that the desperate hope in your heart led you to buying black out curtains. You close your door and lay down on your bed- tears spilling down your cheeks freely.

You miss him terribly. You shouldn’t. You should positively hate him, but everyday of this pregnancy makes you ache for him. You should be doing this together.

You know it’s hormones- the weepiness, the intense longing, and the Gods awful horniness. Dreams are the worst. You wake up a squirming disaster at least three times a week with your skin burning hot with memories of Astarion touching you.

You are happy that isn’t the case currently, but the weepiness sucks too. Remembering how he used to curl around you, the way it felt to have him kiss you on the forehead, and all those late night conversations with (now empty) promises. You curl yourself around your pillows, willing your imagination to pretend it’s him, and you sob until you fall asleep.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Astarion tries to contain his excitement and fear as he follows Gale and Shadowheart to your home. Finally, after searching for literal months, he was going to see you again.

Astarion has been haunted by the last words he had said to you for what feels like eons now. He hadn’t meant it at the time and he certainly doesn’t mean it now.

He had been too afraid to come back to you after everything he had said. Astarion decided you probably hate him anyway so he tried to move on.

He tried being with other people (it always failed miserably because they weren’t you), he drank until he couldn’t remember a damn thing, and when all else failed, he began his search for the Ring of the Sunwalker.

After the nightlife of Baldur’s Gate lost it’s appeal and he finally found a ring location, Astarion found himself in front of Gale’s door in Waterdeep- begging him of all people to help him.

The wizard had been puzzled and melancholy when he realized Astarion was at his door. Astarion told him every little piece of how he feels about you, how much he misses you, and how he wants to be able to give you the life that you deserve. Astarion was practically on the verge of hysteria while trying to make his case.

Thus began the search for the Ring of the Sunwalker.

They were able to locate and obtain one after a grueling three month long journey and some help from one of Gale’s old friends. Then, they headed straight to Silverymoon- your last known whereabouts.

Running into Shadowheart had felt like a miracle, but to also have her living with you had made the trip even easier. Except Shadowheart was being really really weird towards him.

When Gale first asked if Astarion could come along too, Shadowheart had asked Astarion why he wanted to come and see the person he “hoped died screaming?”

Astarion had flinched at the anger and venom in Shadowheart’s voice. He figured the others would be mad, but he was hoping maybe Shadowheart would give him a little easier time like Gale had. Astarion was genuinely surprised by how quick she was to be defensive of you and your whereabouts. When Gale confirmed that Astarion was telling the truth, Shadowheart reluctantly said he could come.

The three arrive at the front of your shared townhome- it faces the beach and has the perfect amount of windows for the sun to light up the house, but one of the rooms is hidden from sight with heavy, black out curtains.

Shadowheart turns to both of them, “Tav might not be able to join us… she’s been sick for a bit now and is… recuperating.”

Astarion feels his heart drop to his stomach.

“Sick? For how long?”

Shadowheart shifts on her feet uncomfortably, “5 months, but it got worse around 3 months.”

“Tav has been sick for that long?” Gale exclaims, “why didn’t you write!? I could have helped.”

“This particular affliction is one you wouldn’t understand,” Shadowheart says with a finality that suggests the conversation is done as she leads them into the kitchen.

Shadowheart immediately gets fussing with the herbs while Gale looks around the house. Astarion is still unsure of what he should be doing. The house engulfs him in your scent and he feels positively intoxicated. You must be really sick though because your scent smells different- not bad at all, just different.

Does he talk to Shadowheart? Does he look around with Gale?

Or does he sneak off and find you? Astarion doesn’t want to waste anymore time than he already has. Slowly, he creeps towards the stairs.

“Don’t even think about it, Astarion,” Shadowheart warns.

Astarion looks at her and then back at the stairs. He does this a couple times until Shadowheart appears to be annoyed enough that she’s let her guard down a bit.

Astarion takes off up the steps and he hears Shadowheart and Gale coming up right behind him.

Astarion hears a dry heave from down the hallway and he goes racing for the door.

If you are as sick as Shadowheart has suggested (5 months is crazy long), Astarion may not have much time with you and Gods he needs to take advantage of the time he does have.

Shadowheart be damned.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You wake up feeling even worse than you did when you fell asleep. Your headache feels like it’s taken on a life on it’s own and Gods you are going to vomit all over the floor if you don’t move NOW!

You get up with an impossible amount of speed for how dizzy you are and you grab the pail on your nightstand and heave painfully.

You are rocking back and forth, groaning as more stomach acid comes up because again, not able to even keep anything down.

You hear a pair of footsteps and then Shadowheart screaming after-

“ASTARION! THEY ARE SICK! YOU NEED TO WAIT!”

“I have been looking for them for months now,” you hear him hiss, “if they are sick, I need to see them. If this has lasted five months- then who knows how much time I’ve wasted!”

“Will you stop being selfish for five minutes!? It’s not about you and who even says she wants to see you!?”

Shadowheart and Astarion are yelling in front of your door now. You feel tears prick your eyes- Astarion is here. Here here. A flurry of excited kicks from inside you catches your attention and a feeling of blissful happiness comes over you. Oh look, the nausea is gone. Of course it is.

“Traitor,” you whisper before laying down on your bed for a moment.

You are very happy that your unborn daughter appears to be pleased and feels good about her dad being on the other side of the door. You, on the other hand, are less than optimistic.

Wasted time doing what? And why did Shadowheart say I was sick!? In what world was that going to keep him from going upstairs!? Especially if he, your mind pauses, cares about me? Again?

Which you hope he does- you would hope Shadowheart wasn’t so sick of taking care of you that she brought him here to finish the job. Maybe this is all one big show.

Another, “I WILL DO WHAT I PLEASE” from Astarion, a “YOU SELFISH BASTARD” from Shadowheart, and a “Please can’t we all just be nice, catch up, and get along?” from Gale finally gives you the motivation to get up. The arguing feels far too much like being in camp again. You pinch the bridge of your nose, willing the growing headache to go away.

It doesn’t so you change into a pair of longer cotton pajama pants, a t-shirt that is unfortunately showing off your bump more than you’d like, and then you swing open the door in tired annoyance.

You are met with Astarion looking at you- his eyes scanning up and down your body- settling on your stomach. His expression is unreadable- it’s somewhere between lust, love, grief, and heartbreak. Embarrassed by Astarion’s intense gaze, you look over at Gale who is all smiles for you.

“Congratulations Tav!!!” Gale practically yells, making you wince, “the father is a lucky man.”

“I don’t think he considers himself a lucky man,” you say pointedly before turning to Astarion, “or do you?”

Astarion’s face changes entirely with your words. His eyes look at you, round and soft. His eyes are full of adoration and need- a look you never thought he would give you again. You have to fight the urge to grab him and drag him into your bedroom. You will not let the hormones win- you will be strong.

“I- it’s- I mean,” Astarion is fumbling over his words, “you are carrying my child?”

“Yes,” you say grumpily, crossing your arms,” and she’s been giving me nothing but trouble. Thanks to your genetics, I’m sure. This is day two of not being able to keep a damn thing down and this fucking headache is UNBEARABLE so please for the love of every God keep the arguing down.”

Astarion is still looking at you with a mystified expression- taking you in as if for the first time in his entire life. You look back towards Gale and Shadowheart- you are entirely too self-conscious and way too excited to see him for him to be looking at you like that. You are trying to be mad dammit!

Shadowheart gazes at you and your surely red tipped ears with amusement before she says, “I’ll go and get the potion ready for you- that should hopefully help.”

“I will- uh,” Gale says awkwardly, looking between you and Astarion, “join you! I might need to know which herbs to use… in the future?”

“Planning on getting pregnant Gale?” You say with a smirk.

Gale snorts at you, “Dear friend, as wonderful as you look right now- none of the side effects sound appealing.”

“Oh they most certainly aren’t,” you say,” but thanks for thinking I look ‘wonderful’. I feel, well, disgusting.”

“Gods, how could you even think that?” Astarion blurts out, appearing shocked that he even said it, “you look like…. A vision. A wonderful, stunning vision, Darling.”

Shadowheart and Gale excuse themselves as you struggle to find the words for Astarion’s comment. Your entire body feels like it’s on fire and you feel yourself begin to melt a little bit. You feel your emotions bloom into something resembling spring as he steps closer to you- looking at you with pleading eyes.

You clear your throat, “would you like to come into my room and talk?”

Astarion nods eagerly, following behind you so close that you once again have to remind yourself that ripping off the clothes of someone who literally told you they wanted you to die screaming was not healthy- at least not until you get a proper apology.

You sit against your headboard as Astarion walks around your room- running his fingers along the bassinet and rocking chair in the corner. You still can’t get a read on him.

“A girl?”

His question breaks the air.

“Yes,” you smile at him, “no name yet though.”

“I’m sure you’ll pick a nice one,” he says with a smile, but his tone is entirely too melancholic.

A painful thump in your heart fills your body with sadness. He doesn’t want to be involved. Of course he doesn’t want to be involved. You are his knocked up ex-girlfriend. What were you expecting? The lump forming in your throat is unbearable.

“You don’t want to be involved?”

Oh good Gods you are crying. Astarion rushes over to you the minute your tears begin to fall- sitting in front of you on the bed. He reaches out and gently wipes your tears away as he speaks.

“I want to be involved so badly it hurts,” his voice comes out scratchy and emotional, “but that is your decision, not mine. You have been on your own for months, my Love. Instead of trying to come back and make it better- I pushed it off until I thought I could give you what you deserved- a life in the sun.”

You almost whine in protest when his hands leave your face. He twists the ring around his index finger before continuing, avoiding your gaze, “But maybe I was wrong. Maybe what you deserve is a person that isn’t so damaged. Someone who can give you what you actually deserve which is a loving partner who hasn’t hurt you over and over again- a man worthy of being a father to ou- I mean your child.”

His confession and the tears that are streaming down his face are enough for you. Yes, you absolutely want to scream and yell at him, but you also ache for him. You can’t fault the man for being a slave for 200 years and then not taking it very well when you told him what to do. You always knew you would forgive him if he came back- you never thought he would, but here he is and like he said- there is no reason to keep wasting time.

“She is our child, Star,” you whisper and guide his eyes to look at you, “I want you to be involved. I don’t care what you think I deserve either. I have missed you so horribly since you left. It’s almost pathetic really. I’ve tried to blame it on the hormones, but… I don’t know. The picture has felt incomplete up until now.”

You absentmindedly put your hand on your stomach- receiving a kick. You glare at the place where your hand is resting.

“Will you stop kicking me for five minutes!?” You scream, “I WAS IN THIS BODY FIRST!”

Astarion looks at you bewildered and confused, but quickly realizes you aren’t talking about him. The smile that spreads across his face is wide and Astarion gingerly moves closer. You are still a little cautious- needing to protect not only yourself, but also your unborn child. He moves to the right of you and goes to move you just slightly so he can slip in behind you.

“Could I? I mean if it’s not crossing any boundaries!”

Astarion is on edge- you can tell that much, but he doesn’t look at you like he did that last time you saw him- Astarion is looking at you like you are the most precious individual who has ever walked this earth.

You nod shyly, and then Astarion slots himself behind you, your back against his chest, his face in the crook of your neck, and his legs on either side of yours. He cautiously puts his hands on your stomach and is immediately kicked.

Astarion laughs with joy, “she’s strong!”

“Strong willed and strong physically,” you shake your head and you are laughing a bit now too, “you may just get your wish yet.”

“What wish?”

It had slipped. You hadn’t meant to bring it up again- or maybe you did. You want to know for sure if he still feels that way, but the confusion in his voice says he doesn’t. You go rigid and go to dismiss it when you feel his posture change behind you, his grip loosening ever so slightly.

“Right… that.”

The silence is nerve-wracking. You’ve lost him again, you are sure of it. A stray tear begins to roll down your cheek.

“Astarion-“

“No, let me think, Darling. I want to make sure I say everything I want to say correctly.”

You continue to sit there in silence, he places soft kisses on your neck. You feel him smile against your skin at the needy moan that escapes your lips. You absentmindedly reach out for one of his hands and begin to play with his fingers while he thinks. Astarion used to let you do this all the time while you were traveling- it helps you feel grounded.

“I was so consumed by all that power in the moment,” he says slowly, “I wasn’t thinking. By the time I had realized what I had done, I felt like it was already too late- you most likely hated me and moved on.”

You have to bite your tongue- you want to scream. Hate him? Never. You had been miserable without him around for that last month of traveling. Your heart had felt like a dead weight in your chest and you had been moving around like a zombie.

“So I tried to move on… I even tried to be with others, but I just couldn’t do it. It’s selfish, but I want you. I never want anything bad to happen to you- I certainly don’t ever want you to die screaming. I don’t want you to ever carry a child that is not mine.”

You are surprised by the warmth in your core when he says his last sentence. There is something so primal there that you have to really focus on what he is saying next.

Astarion clears his throat before finishing speaking, “I don’t want to be without you anymore- four months is too long. I don’t want to miss out on anymore of your pregnancy and I want to be here for you- with you- doing this together like we should have been doing this whole time. I was a horrible fool- please give me another chance. Please, Darling. I love you- so so much more than I ever thought anyone could ever love someone.”

Astarion’s words hang in the air and you are trying not to begin crying for the 15th billion time. This is what you had wanted to hear all along. You can feel his tears on the collar of your shirt- the way he inhales as if to memorize your scent like this is the last time. Astarion is not expecting you to say yes- you know that because he’s starting to loosen up, pulling away from you so that he can respect your decision.

“I love you too,” you whisper, “I don’t want to be without you anymore either. I forgive you- please stay.”

“I won’t be going anywhere unless you want me too, my Love.”

#baldurs gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #baldurs gate astarion #astarion x you #bg3 spoilers #astarion romance #astarion x tav #karlach #bg3 #astarion x f! reader #astarion x f!tav #pregnancy #astarion acunin

[fairsexynasty]

—DIFFICULT THINGS

jamie tartt x lasso!reader

ONE. TOWNIE

summary: lucy moves to richmond with a memory that doesn’t quite forget what her dad did to her. however, ted is as happy as a goldfish.

warnings: cursing, unlikeable female protagonist, father issues, abandonment issues, resentment

a/n: welcome to this very new series i WILL finish. my love for this show has overtaken my time and i am very excited to be writing this. this chapter is set during “two aces.”

——————

Leonard Cohen once said, “There’s a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.” But my world has been infused with the darkest of shadows. Everywhere I search is covered by a dark spot. It seeps into my life from my dreams, nightmares, and memories. I don’t think I was delivered by the hand of God, nor will I be expecting any blessing in the near future. It’s the hope that kills you.

I had that epiphany when I turned seven. No one had ever seen a child so jaded, so self-aware. When I learned that the father I wished for wasn’t that interested in fully being in my life, I accepted it entirely, for what it was worth. He’s popped in and out, coming in as quickly as he leaves, only sticking around for moments he deemed essential to me.

And the worse part is that he’s a good man—a good man with a daughter who felt evil.

I used to wish something terrible would happen to me. A broken collarbone. A car accident. Cancer. If something like that happened to me, I thought he’d return and stay for good.

But those things never happened. I’ve never broken any bones. I’ve never crashed my car into a tree. I’m perfectly healthy. And after all this time, Dad has moved on.

I have a half-brother. Thirteen or fourteen years my junior, it’s disgusting how I’m not too sure about the gap. I’ve never met him, nor do I want to meet him. I envy a child who cannot understand the weight of the word ‘father’ because he’ll always take it for granted.

When I crawl through my memories, I can see Dad crystal clear. He showed up to every one of my birthdays until age sixteen. That’s probably because my brother was old enough to ask and understand why Dad was leaving him. Dad came to my first dance, a father-daughter dance. It was one of the nights I honestly felt pretty. He and I danced the night away, stuffing our faces with candy and desserts and drinking our weight’s worth of soda pop. Dad taught me how to ride a bike. Although it ended with scraping my knees, he helped me up, cleaned my knees, and kissed each one. Dad drove me to my first day of high school. The morning went by quickly, but I can still remember the smile on his face as I waved goodbye to him and walked through the school doors.

I want to be thankful for what I’ve gotten from my dad. But he could have done so much more. Am I not worth the effort?

And it hurts to hate my mother as much as I do.

She could clean up her act for Dad, but once he was on his way home, she’d finally ease into consciousness. We would fight. She’d accuse me of not appreciating her. She’d belittle me and never congratulated me on my accomplishments. She’s manipulative. Controlling. Narcissistic. Evil. I know I’m no good, either. But women like that love confrontation. And she got the best of me every single time.

But I’m a grown woman now. I’m twenty. I have a life. A freedom I’ve never known. I’m trying to be honest, to prove I am everything Mom never thought I’d be. I’m trying to make Dad proud of me. Because everyone else is sure as hell proud of him, he’s Ted Lasso: a simple man with a simple plan who was pulled to spread his kindness in Richmond, England, by coaching their god-awful team. I watched the news with a frown as soon as they announced his new endeavor. If he got a new beginning, why can’t I?

And that’s why I decided to pack up my things and move to England.

I’ve been here before. My mother and I moved around due to her line of work. Whether it was Shanghai, Princeton, Kuala Lumpur, or Rome, I could never call those places home. I feel like Richmond is going to be different. I’m not hopeful. Just curious.

——

The park seems comforting. There appears to be a rhythm that compliments the people. Kids playing soccer, and shops opening for the day.

I sit and watch the world awaken. People pass me by as I sit on the bench, not one of them stopping their routine for me, except one.

lHis greetings were met with responses of “Wanker,” a word I found oddly endearing. He continued down the park trail, saying ‘good morning’ to me mindlessly.

I replied with a deadpan “Wanker,” which surprised him, given my American accent. He turned back, his eyes lighting up in recognition.

“Oh, my lordy-lord,” he muttered, smiling as he said my name, “Lucy.” He looks at me as if I’m a fucking unicorn. His eyes soften, and the smile that always reaches his eyes is suddenly on his face. “ Lucy !” he breathes out as if he’s too scared to say it louder like I’ll run away and leave.

“Hi, Dad.” He pulls me from my seat on the bench and envelops me into the biggest bear hug I’ve ever gotten from him. And those hugs are grizzly and unrelenting.

He lifts me off my feet and holds my head to his shoulder. “Oh, how I love you, Lucy girl. I can’t believe it!”

I groan, feeling slightly embarrassed. "Dad, please put me down. I'm not as tiny as Henry is," I say with a laugh. He puts me down with a smile, but there’s a flash of a solemn look on his face. I guess my mention of Henry has filled him with some semblance of guilt. I can’t tell if that satisfies me or not. "I think you're wondering why I'm here," I say, the false smile still on my face. "And the only reason is because I wanted to see you, Dad. I missed you," I add, trying to perfect the role of the doting daughter, even though it doesn't come naturally.

“Oh, I missed you too, Pumpkin. I’m glad you’re here.” He spots my luggage standing against the bench. “Looks like you’re gonna be visiting for a while, huh?”

I nod slowly, my gaze briefly shifting away. "Yeah, I am. Needed a change of scenery for a while," I admit, hoping he won't probe further into my true reasons for being here.

Dad nods, but I spot him scanning my face for any information I won’t outwardly tell him. Perhaps it’s a parently instinct, or maybe it’s just a Ted Lasso thing. The smile on my face doesn’t falter.

“So, how’s your mom?”

The question hangs in the air, and I can sense the curiosity in his eyes. I clench my jaw and roll my eyes in annoyance. "I really don't want to talk about her right now," I say firmly, hoping to steer the conversation away from a topic I'd rather avoid.

Dad gives me one of those fatherly smiles, understanding my need for privacy but also indicating he'll inquire about it later. "Alright then. How about we get you settled into my place? Don't care if you've found one already. I got you here with me, and you're not going anywhere, missy. I hope that's alright with you," he adds, his face hopeful as he waits for my response.

I acquiesce to his requests. It’s the least I can do. “Sure, Dad. I’d love to.”

He cheers with a fist pump, then wrangles me into yet another bear hug before I tell him he’s crushing my ribs, and he dramatically lets me go with a pout on his face.

I follow him down the streets to his apartment door. We enter, and it’s pretty lovely, yet it feels so hollow. There’s an opened jar of peanut butter on the island. I can tell he radiates joy as we unpack my things into an extra bedroom. I wonder how lonely he’s been without his son and wife.

Yeah. This is the least I can do.

——

After unpacking and settling in, Dad practically begs me to come to Nelson Road with him, and since I’m already feeling a bit guilty, I come along with him.

Upon entering, some guy with a full beard and eyebrows that make him look perpetually constipated looks at me. Well, it’s more of a glare. He walks up to Dad and me, not once taking his eyes off me. I narrow my eyes in response, shooting him a cold glare of my own. “Who the fuck is this? Don’t tell me Rebecca hired another fucking American.” His voice is deep and rumbling and full of snark.

"Seriously, do all British guys walk around with a stick up their ass?" I quip, but my remark falls on deaf ears. I catch the man clenching his jaw at my question. Ah, it seems he doesn't take kindly to being disrespected. One jab at his masculinity, and he's ready to go to war without a second thought.

"Roy Kent, meet my daughter, Lucille," Dad introduces, but I quickly interject, "Lucy to you." I emphasize my preference, not one to stand on formality. "Who the fuck are you, Roy Kent?" I ask, gauging his reaction as he looks between me and my dad, clearly trying to figure something out. I decide to clear the air, "Yeah, my mom isn't Michelle," I clarify, hoping to put any confusion to rest.

Roy's response is a simple "Oh," followed by a grunt as he exits the scene. My dad remains unfazed and carries on, guiding me towards the locker room with his arm casually draped around my shoulder.

"Coach Beard! We've got a new cast member!" Dad announces to the room as we walk out together, seemingly excited to introduce me to his colleagues.

A man with a book and a golf hat turns his chair around and observes us. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t the fussbudget,” he says. “Hello, Lucy. I’m Coach Beard. I’ve heard all about you.”

I can't help but snort at the situation. "That's impossible," I retort with a snarky tone. Coach Beard finds my reaction amusing, letting out a chuckle, while my dad gives a slight frown, but I know a few jabs won't easily rattle him.

Suddenly, a strong voice breaks the chatter, announcing, "Ayo, the gaffer's got another kid!" The rest of the men turn their attention to me, their eyes filled with wonder and intrigue. They excitedly chat, asking if they saw what they think they did.

Exiting the office, we step into the open room where my dad proudly introduces me to the team. "Fellas, I'd like to introduce you to my daughter. This is Lucy, everyone."

The players greet me with waves and hellos, except for one guy sitting on the bench, engrossed in his phone, occasionally laughing. I point him out, asking, "Who's that?"

"Jamie Tartt. Hey, Beard, what's the deal with Jamie?" my dad inquires, and seemingly out of nowhere, Jamie appears beside us without making a sound.

Beard responds, "Says he can't practice today. Says he's hurt."

I observe my dad's face dropping with disappointment as he turns to walk out the door and over to Jamie, concern etched across his features.

The whole situation was intense, and I couldn't recall ever seeing my father this angry before. It seemed like there had never been an opportunity for him to get this worked up until now. Watching him unleash his frustration on Jamie reminded me of my mom, who had her share of heated moments. While my dad appeared to be justified in his outburst, Jamie's disrespectful behavior only reinforced my 'British men suck shit' theory.

Feeling overwhelmed, a tingling sensation crept into my head, and my heart raced with the familiar signs of an impending panic attack. I needed to escape, so I swiftly turned on my heel and walked out of the office, trying to distract myself by fiddling with the rings on my fingers.

Wandering aimlessly down the halls, I searched for a private space to catch my breath and calm down. Passing a laughing man, a short guy carrying a laundry bag, and a stunning blonde woman who seemed out of place here, I stopped in my tracks when I heard my dad's name mentioned in a hushed conversation.

"Rebecca, I don't think Coach Lasso will be too thrilled about you trading Jamie away.”

“Higgins, listen to me. I don't care if Lasso is trying to get through to Jamie or if he begs him to come back. Jamie is not returning, and that's precisely what I need," she asserts before abruptly changing the subject, "Now, let me go hunt down my biscuits. They're late."

Realization hits me like a ton of bricks. Dad is being sabotaged. All this time, I believed he was here to make a positive impact on the team, but it turns out they see him as nothing more than a joke. Stepping away from the door, I attempt to make a quick exit, only to collide with a statuesque woman who towers over me.

She glances down at me, exuding power through her stature and fashion, but I'm not intimidated. "Why, hello there, whoever you are. Are you lost?" she inquires.

Ah, this must be Rebecca. The woman who plans to screw my father over. I can't help but roll my eyes at her. "No. Just looking for the bathroom," I retort.

Rebecca gestures towards the sign, displaying her passive-aggressiveness. "Well, it's just around the corner. Right where the 'bathroom' sign is," she points out.

"Cool," I respond nonchalantly, not letting her faze me. "Oh, and by the way, my name's Lucy. Thanks for hiring my dad to coach!"

I catch a flicker of terror in Rebecca's eyes before I walk away, grinning to myself. Drama seems to follow me wherever I go, even in Richmond. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

——

After my quick trip to the loo, I wander over to the dog track, where Dad and Beard stand, closely observing the team's training session. I can't help but chuckle at Jamie's predicament as he wears a penny and sets up cones.

Dad notices my arrival and playfully calls out, "Oh, there you are, Waldo! What were you doing?"

His attempts at humor fail to catch me off guard. While I understand his references, I refuse to engage in the corniness. "Nothing, just using the bathroom," I reply with a mischievous grin, not willing to spill the beans about Rebecca's scheming ways. "Oh, and I met Rebecca. She seems nice," I lie sarcastically, well aware of her conniving nature.

Before Dad can respond, a rather handsome player approaches us gracefully. "Hello there. Sorry, Coach Lasso, but I couldn't continue practice without introducing myself to our guest," he says with a charming smile. "My name is Sam Obisanya. It's a pleasure to meet you, Lucy. The other players and I were wondering if you'd care to join us on the field for a few minutes. We'd like to have some fun at Jamie's expense. Is that alright?"

I return Sam's smile and reply, "Uh, sure. But I haven't played in years, dude. Not sure I'll be any good among you professionals.”

Sam brushes off my concerns, reassuring me, "Oh, that's alright, Lucy. I'm sure Thierry will let you score a couple of goals. Come on!" With that, he guides me towards the field, announcing to the team, "She said yes, you guys!" Their enthusiastic cheers fill the air.

As we assemble for a quick game, a guy with a buzzed fade named Isaac addresses me, confirming my name, "Alright, Lucy, is it?" I nod, and he explains the teams, "We're gonna split into five and five, and you're gonna play with the lads who ain't got a kit on."

"Sounds good," I respond with enthusiasm. I turn to the guys without kits, and each extends a hand for a handshake. I go down the line, shaking hands with each one. There's a short man with curly hair, Bumbercatch, followed by a tall fellow with a broad smile, Jan Maas. Then, a highly energetic man named Dani Rojas greets me, not wasting any time to exclaim, "Football is life!" right in front of me. The last guy, a mousey brunette named Colin, completes the line-up.

Quickly getting into formation with my newfound teammates, they place me front and center for the play. I'm facing off with Sam, who gives me a friendly smile. At the sound of the whistle, we both dash for the ball, but I swiftly take control and dribble it down the field. Roy Kent charges towards me, determined to tackle the ball away, but I outmaneuver him with a quick juke, causing him to land on his ass. The guys react with astonishment, and suddenly, the game shifts from Sam's gentle start to full intensity.

Isaac rushes towards me, sporting a determined expression, but I pass the ball to Dani Rojas, who's open and ready. Dani drives it down the field, but as soon as he spots an opportunity, he passes it back to me. With precision, I shoot the ball into the goal, leaving the goalkeeper stunned as it whizzes past him.

The entire team stands in complete silence, including my dad and Coach Beard, who are both staring at me with their mouths agape. The momentary hush is broken by Jamie Tartt, who teasingly remarks, "Ay, wanker's kid just got you real good, lads." He winks at me, provoking a gag from me followed by a flip-off.

Isaac can't contain his excitement, exclaiming, "Shit, bruv! You just broke Roy Kent's ankles!"

Roy growls behind me, clearly not pleased with being outplayed. "You got fucking lucky, kid," he grumbles.

I don't back down, confidently replying, "Luck's got nothing to do with it. Either you're cursed or you just ate shit, Kent."

I have to admit, Richmond has exceeded my expectations thus far, but I won't let it get the best of me just yet.

#fairsexynasty #ted lasso x reader #jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt x ofc #ted lasso fanfiction

[queerxqueen]

don’t you think it’s kinda unrealistic for el to breakup with mike? after the monologue? i wish they would breakup but yk she looks happy with him and with apocalypse/vecna there’s not time for this teen drama honestly:/ she got what she wanted to hear,why would she leave mike? she just lost max and she wouldn’t like to lose even mike,it doesn’t make sense to me.

Alright, I'll bite.

As a treat, I won't even mention Byler because I strongly believe Mike and El need to break up regardless of what happens with Byler.

Mike and Eleven can and should break up in Stranger Things 5

Eleven's story arc is about independence.

I feel like we've talked about this extensively before, but Eleven's arc for every season of Stranger Things has been about learning about who she is, what she's capable of, and who she wants to be. From escaping the labs and making her first friends in season 1, wanting to interact with the world and be normal in season 2, getting away from Mike and Hopper to truly find herself with Max in season 3, and dealing with being different and regaining her powers in season 4. Millie Bobby Brown herself described season 4 as being about El learning how to stand on her own two feet (x).

I will also emphasize that El's growth moments are always when she is apart from Mike. Every season, they must be separated in order to grow. We never actually see them happy and strong together, because--

Mike and Eleven aren't actually happy/good together.

Let's ignore that they start their romance when they're 12 and she's been out of the lab for a week in s1, ignore that they then don't speak for a year in s2, before being attached at the mouth to the point of isolating themselves from their friends in s3--let's put all that aside and just talk about season 4. Their relationship as we've most recently seen it.

First, it's an unbalanced relationship. Consider Eleven's Mike Shrine in her room compared with Mike having nothing of hers, even crumpling up not one but both of her letters to him that we see him read. Think of how Eleven wants the day at the roller rink to be so perfect while Mike barely cares all day. Think of how, of course, Mike can't even sign his letters love while Eleven does.

Next, they spend most of season 4 lying to each other and feeling like they're not enough for each other, in other words, making each other feel bad instead of uplifting each other as a relationship should. We see Eleven thinking that Mike thinks she's a monster; we get Mike thinking Eleven doesn't need him and he's a side character to her superhero. We see Eleven thinking Mike only loves her with her powers, and then get a confession that seems to prove that that's true despite his best efforts.

They truly don't feel that they can be themselves around one another. Eleven feels pressure to portray that she's popular and normal. Mike puts on a facade such as the terrible airport outfit which was confirmed to be something that was written into the script, something Mike would never usually wear, to show that he is "trying to make it work in California." (x)

Does any of this sound like a healthy happy relationship to you?

But, you say, they just fixed things, right, so why would they screw it up again??? Well--

The monologue didn't fix things.

Where do we see Eleven responding to the monologue? Where do we see Mileven interact positively again to show their relationship has stabilized? They almost talk at the pizza place but they're interrupted, and we have no idea what would have been said. But since their big fight, which Mike himself said to be "a fight you can't come back from" they haven't actually communicated at all about where they stand.

I'm not even going to go into all the reasons the monologue is filled with inconsistencies or outright lies, or how it makes much more sense for it to be a desperate response, saying what he feels he needs to say to empower El, based on Will's lie that she needs him and he's the heart.

Because beyond the monologue itself, there's the emotional beat that the monologue fulfills: it's the beginning of the end, the start of the all is lost beat where ultimately, our heroes lose.

To address your point which I've seen often on Reddit:

"There's not time for teen drama."

Stranger Things always has and always will have time for some level of teen drama. This argument is kind of absurd. The Duffers described the core of Stranger Things in their MasterClass as marrying the ordinary and extraordinary, and they've shown that in every season, where the monster sci-fi plot is complemented with the emotional and growth arcs of the various characters.

The Duffers have also explicitly said that they've left certain things and relationships open-ended and unresolved, such as with Nancy and Jonathan and Steve. We're also led to believe by vol 2 that we'll see more of Robin and Vickie. So there's plenty of evidence of more so-called "teen drama" to come. It's quite literally the emotional heart of the show.

Lastly, your worry about El losing Mike?

Mike and El will always be friends and will be better off that way.

Nothing else to add here.

Hope this helps <3

#antimileven #byer #stranger things #byler analysis #dont like dont interact pls milkvans pls #milkvan

[jitterbugjive]

So, some people may have noticed this but I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to bring attention to it and I wanted people to just assume it was someone theorizing. But it appears someone from my ex friend circle whom I had trusted with certain details of how Discord Whooves would end decided to stoop to a lower than low level and ruin the ending for anyone who stumbled on their posts that had been made on a blog made specifically to post spoilers and tag them with common tags Discord Whooves uses. I’m sure it was out of sheer spite towards me and the people who dared to support my work.

Saying bad things about me and things I’ve done and said, okay that’s justifiable. But going out of their way to take something I once trusted them with because I thought we were close friends, and then throwing it out for the world to see out of revenge against me and anyone following me? That’s just petty, immature, and a really low blow to make. Even if I really hated someone, I would never reveal their harmless secrets to the world just to get back at them. There’s a chance to be the better person, and at least have some code of ethics to know when it’s going too far. I deserved to be called out. I didn’t deserve to have my 12 years of work undermined by a vindictive person who can’t move forward, and my fans didn’t deserve it either because they are not even involved in this drama.

There is a point where revenge goes too far and one crosses over into just being villainously cruel.

It’s sad, and really pathetic that someone thinks they have to do everything in their power to screw me over in some way instead of trying to actually recover and get past the point of obsession over wanting to get back at me all the time.

I’m sorry the whole world isn’t against me like you want it to be. I’m sorry a lot of people believe in recovery and the fact that I feel terrible enough already about my shitty actions in the past and am doing everything in my power to avoid anything like that happening ever again. I’m sorry I’m not being bombarded by hoards of angry people calling me names and telling me to kill myself. I’m sorry my feeling horrible isn’t enough to satiate you and all you want is to see me suffer.

It’s been years now. YEARS. For the sake of your own mental well being, just cut me out of your life completely and stop obsessing over me. You already won. I am constantly in a state of panic thinking of this shit and how else it’s going to come and bite me in the ass. I lost the comic website I depended on, I’ve lost a huge chunk of my readership and no longer really have my ‘popular’ status. (very rarely get fan art, not being bombarded by asks constantly, no longer receive fan mail, original projects aren’t catching on very well) Selling commissions has gotten increasingly more difficult. My insomnia is worse than ever and I have to take heavy duty sedatives just to sleep because my mind won’t stop spiraling about this stuff. I cannot go a single day without feeling guilt, regret, self hatred, and doubt and wishing hopelessly that I just never did those things. I have severe trust issues and have almost no one I can feel comfortable enough sharing anything personal or story related with which was just made even WORSE by these recent actions, and I haven’t been able to form new bonds with anyone in years either.

I know I hurt you badly, I know what I did was incredibly wrong and irresponsible, and I don’t know how it’s affected you over the years but this rage and anger is not good for anyone. I don’t hate you. I just want you to be able to move on and learn to be healthy and happy and no longer stuck thinking about me and how much you hate me and want me to fall. I don’t want to be hurting you by just existing and trying to move on with my own life, and I wish there was something- ANYTHING I could do to bring you peace.

But the only one who can ultimately bring you peace is yourself. So you can keep on trying to claw and bite and drag me down with you, or you could be the better person and try to just move forward and put the past in the past where it belongs.

I’m not mad. I’m just incredibly disappointed. I would have thought you were better than this, but I was wrong. I was wrong to ever even trust you as a friend, and I wish we were never friends to begin with, or even ever met, and I’m sure you feel the same way.

#vent #drama

[siflshonen]

The recent ask about Hawks wishing to be Endeavor's son and how he may wish to "replace" Toya as the eldest son role in the Todoroki family makes me realize something I've known for a long time about Hawks. To me Hawks always represented the "what if" scenario for Toya had he been born with a desired quirk. Dabi and Hawks are both inverted mirrors of each other and while Dabi sees his father truthfully, Hawks keeps making excuses for Endeavor and turns a blind eye to his toxic behavior much like how a young Toya did despite both knowing Endeavor is the problem. Do you think Keigo is meant to represent what Toya could have been? (Neither is good or healthy of course)

Does Keigo represent what Toya could have been? Maybe! That is a comparison you could draw if you wanted to, but I don’t agree on one very important thing. While Keigo was naive about Endeavor’s deeds as a child and before the war, at this point in the manga, I don’t think Hawks is turning a blind eye to Endeavor. In fact, in a weird way, I think Endeavor’s past is part of the appeal for Hawks.

Enji’s an absolutely awful father who is trying his best to do better, even as he fails at it. That is basically like THE familial fantasy for Keigo.

Hawks and Endeavor both know what they did, and they know what the other person did (though Enji doesn’t know all the specifics that motivate Keigo…) and I don’t think they’re turning a blind eye to anything. In fact, I think that’s the point. They’re not allowing anyone to pretend something didn’t happen, but they are still maintaining their positions as Pro Heroes.

Right now, the attitude is very much “yeah, we did horrible things. It happened. We’re terrible. But also, the public needs us just as much as we need them and we all know it, so we’re going to figure it out later.”

(I also think it is important to note that Keigo has no ambition to “surpass All Might” or even “surpass” Endeavor. In his words, his “back just ain’t that broad.” Toya only really cares about “surpassing All Might” in that it would give him validation and attention from his father, so they’re, like, sort of alike in their major underlying motives, too.)

#bnha #BNHA meta #ask #takami Keigo #endeavor #enji todoroki #hawks #toya todoroki

[smallgodseries]

[image description: A golden-eyed figure wears a wide-brimmed white fedora with a wide gold hat band and a light golden scarf just below the nose and across the mouth and chin. They sport a white Inverness Cape with its collar turned up over a white double-breasted suit. It’s hard to see them clearly in the bright light. Text reads, “126, The Light, The Small God who knows what goodness lives in the hearts of men.”]

• • • • •

C’mere, kid.  I want to tell you a secret.

Whoa, whoa, not like that!  This isn’t one of those “strange man tells you something that you’re not supposed to share with your parents” situations.  I want you to share this with your parents.  I want you to share this with the whole world.  You wanna be my prophet, you go right ahead.  It’s not like most folks are gonna listen, but every so often, one of you people decides to try, and I’m always grateful, even if I don’t think there’s any point to it.

Okay.  You with me?  You listening?  You cleaned your ears out recently?  Because if you’re gonna be my prophet, I don’t want you to go around telling people I said something I didn’t.  That’s happened to so many of my friends.  They lay out one message, and folks pick it up and turn it into something terrible, into some sort of cudgel to beat people with.  And that’s not what I’m about.

Okay.  You’re good?  Then here you go.  This is the secret, this is the essential thing I wish you over-important primates would hammer through your heads, this is what matters:

People are essentially good, and essentially the same, everywhere you go.  Optimism isn’t shallow, and being a happy person doesn’t make you a fool.  You’re allowed to irrigate and plant flowers in your heart.  That won’t make you weak.  It won’t make you irresponsible, or petty.  Be joyous.  Find your light and nurture it, and once it’s strong and healthy enough to light up your room, open the windows and share it with the people around you.

There’s a lot of shadow in a lot of folks.  A little light can help to beat it back, and can bring us a better world.  All of us, not just the divine, and not just the damned.

Do your part, prophet or no.  Nurture and protect your joy.

• • • • •

Join Lee Moyer (Icon) and Seanan McGuire (Story) Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for a guide to the many small deities who manage our modern world:

Tumblr: https://smallgodseries.tumblr.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/smallgodseries

Instagram: https://instagram.com/smallgodseries/

Homepage: http://smallgodseries.com

#Small Gods #smallgodseries #Seanan McGuire #Lee Moyer #icons and stories

[bumblingbabooshka]

Picturing what a healthy Vulcan parent-child relationship would look like. I’m going to probably talk so much about Tuvok.

So the most famous Vulcan parent-child relationship in star trek is Sarek and Spock but this is not a typical parent-child dynamic. First of all, Sarek is shown to be a pretty terrible father whose three kids all have a negative relationship with him. But also Sarek and his family are not typical in that they are famous (for Sarek’s diplomatic status, his marriage to a human and his half-human child). Even the other relationships with his children are not typical. Michael is human and Sybok is ‘without logic’. From what I’ve seen (clips on youtube, take this with so many grains of salt) T’Pol and her mother are closer to being typical but again there’s some sort of extraordinary element in that there...seems to be some sort of conspiracy happening in the background of their relationship? Like some career drama? And also T’Pol is the first Vulcan to work closely with humans so that’s not typical. But they do seem to care much more for one another. (gritting my teeth) This is why I wish so badly that we saw or heard more from Tuvok about how he parents. But we can glean stuff of course from the episode ‘Innocence’ THE episode. Tuvok is very patient with the children. He tucks them in and agrees to ‘check the fire’ even though he knows it doesn’t need to be checked on and even says he sings his own children songs to go to bed. He also seems to expect them to be better behaved (more obedient) than they are, possibly because in Vulcans emotions are more controlled by their age. (Ex: A Vulcan child might not complain about not liking a situation beyond anyone’s control because they recognize it cannot be changed) In my headcanon I think it would take a lot of patience and structure to be a Vulcan parent. (I’ll literally never get over the fact that Tuvok apparently sung a 348 verse lullaby to his children semi-regularly) Vulcans are naturally very volatile and emotional so I imagine children are prone to such things, hence why Tuvok says they learn to detatch themselves from their emotions early. (He tells the children that he thinks they can do this as well so they probably do this younger than 10) He also says that he doesn’t understand why other cultures read their children frightening stories to get them to go to sleep which might be a Tuvok specific thing but also might be a Vulcan thing...trying to keep children calm. I also wonder if Vulcan parents being calm and unemotional helps with their children behaving the same way? Something very specific that struck me about Tuvok’s interactions with the children was that when they were scared of a monster, thinking that the other kids were eaten he said first “The other children are not within scanning range, that is all we know.” and then after they insisted he said “Yes, the existence of [a monster] is one possibility. But your emotional reactions are preventing you from accurately judging how unlikely that is to be true.” He doesn’t just say “That isn’t true.” to the kids, he acknowledges that it’s a possibility but he doesn’t think it’s very likely. Which just struck me as very...compassionate? Very logical but also something that I don’t think a human would do. I think a human would probably just try to convince the kids that the monster wasn’t real. Tuvok says that it’s possible the monster is real but that it’s very unlikely and so they should try not to focus on that possibility.  I’m also thinking about the times Tuvok is hugged by the children which he seems very surprised by. It’s possible that’s just because these are strange children or Tuvok specifically isn’t used to being hugged/doesn’t appreciate it but it could also be that hugging is not a typical response he expects from children their age and that hugging is not one of the ways in which Vulcans express affection towards their children. Again, it’s not like Vulcans don’t show affection. If singing someone over 300 verses of a lullaby isn’t affection I don’t know what is (and he also tucks the children in seemingly on instinct) but maybe that kind of physical affection (hugging, kissing) isn’t commonly practiced. Tuvok seems to take a lot of opportunities as teaching moments so I wonder if that’s also a form of affection. Like, instead of moments where a human would comfort a child (Ex: “I’m scared of a monster”) he uses it to teach.  Also, if Vulcan children have fairly good control of their emotions by the time they’re around ten or so - I wonder if there’s more...uh, equality? In that relationship, if that makes sense? Like for example, since Vulcan children wouldn’t bother with complaining about an unchangeable situation, would they be more likely to try to help Tuvok with the shuttle repairs instead of playing? Certainly they would at least just sit quietly, since I imagine Tuvok wouldn’t tell these kids to do something he wasn’t sure they could do based on his own experiences with his four children. Which again makes me so hungry for familial bond content...give it to me...I want to know about it!! Of course there’s Tuvok’s brilliant line about how he doesn’t “feel” anything for his children but they’re a part of him and he feels incomplete without them. Also when Neelix asks Tuvok about what it’s like to be a parent Tuvok says only the most dedicated should become parents in his opinion (and he has four children, he is the poster parent for dedication) and that he thinks about his children very often. This all says to me that Vulcan parent-child bonds are very strong and there is a lot of care in them, just maybe not what humans would recognize as such.

#vulcans #vulcan headcanons #I think too much about everything but that's okay #it's /fine/

[buriedabove]

❯ SONG CHALLENGE. Share at least 5 songs that you associate with or remind you of your muse.

BURIED ABOVE GROUND,  GILES COREY There’s a devil on my back  (  …  )  I’ve been wailing like a child  /  At the bottom of a well  /  I’ve been pacing like a man  /  In a prison cell  /  I get buried above the ground

If I were to choose a theme song for him,  that would be it.  The stagnancy causing the impression that he’s barely making any progress and the overall feeling of numbness are elements I keep accentuating in his characterisation  &  what always strikes me the most in this song is the last line about being buried above the ground.  He isn’t yet dead,  officially,  but he feels like he’s already used up his time on earth and now he’s nothing but a walking corpse,  stuck in his vicious cycles and crying out for help when nobody is listening.

OBSESSIONS,  MARINA People are staring,  time ticker-quicking,  skin is on fire  (  …  )  We’ve got obsessions  /  I wanna erase every nasty thought  /  That bugs me every day of every week  (  …  )  You never told me what it was that made you strong  /  And what it was that made you weak

Leon’s got a terrible tendency for doing things obsessively,  especially when it comes to picking apart the past.  Although he wouldn’t admit it openly,  he is concerned with how other people view him and he doesn’t hold himself in the highest regard once he’s starting to think about it more than a healthy amount.  He always feels like someone is watching his every single move  &  judging him for each twitch and quiver.  His mind usually is occupied by rumination far from positive,  and he obsessively tries to oust it,  but to no avail.  While he’s hung up on memories,  rarely does he make the bold move to open up to someone about how his experiences shaped him.

BULLET PROOF…  I WISH I WAS,  RADIOHEAD Every day,  every hour  /  Wish that I...  was bulletproof  (  …  )  You have turned me into this  /  Just wish that it  /  Was bulletproof  (  …  )  So,  pay me money and take a shot  /  Lead,  fill the hole in me

Despite standing tall against all odds and taking on the struggles thrown his way with a brave face,  it’s mostly an act.  Not indestructible nor unbreakable,  though he wishes he could be.  Only so much he can put his body through,  only so much he can put his psyche through.  But he no longer feels like a person;  he’s losing the grip on who he really is.  They made him into this,  that toy soldier taking every hit  &  shot fired.  With how disconnected he is from himself,  he doesn’t care what happens to him and how it may affect him.  He’s not his own person anymore,  they made him sign his life away.

GRAVEYARD WHISTLING,  NOTHING BUT THIEVES No one’s getting younger  /  Would you like a souvenir?  (  …  )  ‘Cause if you don't believe  /  Then you know,  then you know,  it can never do you harm  /  If you don’t believe  /  It can’t hurt you

I consider that one more fitting for older Leon,  who happens to be looking back at his life from a slightly different perspective.  Perhaps less regret and resentment is clouding his vision for once,  so he can finally take the examination of conscience in his stride.  The factor of faith also comes into the picture.  He doesn’t have a god he prays to and doubts the force majeure.  Because if he shoves it aside  &  makes himself a nonbeliever,  then it means it cannot touch him.  And if death were to come,  he shouldn’t fear it…  because it can’t hurt him.

SPECIAL CASES,  MASSIVE ATTACK The deadliest of sin is pride  /  Make you feel like you're always right  /  But there are always two sides  (  …  )  Take a look around the world  /  You see such mad things happening  /  There are few good men  /  Thank your lucky stars that he's one of them

Merely because he doesn’t necessarily respect himself,  it doesn’t mean that his ego can’t get bloated.  He hates being proved wrong  &  hubris he often indulges in.  At times,  it can be dangerous to have his common sense gone blurred and hazy due to unadulterated pride.  Still,  he remains appalled by the state of everything surrounding him and even though the havoc and desolation can sometimes strike him with utter powerlessness,  the flame urging him to keep fighting for the cause hasn’t been completely stubbed out.

TAGGED: @valour-bound ( thank you a lot! ) TAGGING: @prosopagn0sis, @lickbatteries, @heavenprotect, @untodeath ( for luis? ), @sp1ed, @lasraichean, @wintersdecay & whoever else wants to do it!

#drinks are on me. ❯ dashgames.

[winns-stuff]

LO RANT:

I’m gonna be completely and utterly biased when I say that I am 100% a Tori defender. Yep, I said it and I’m gonna stand with it. Listen, do I think it’s wrong that he just assumed the worst about Persephone around the time and spread rumors about her? Yeah 100% I don’t support him with that he’s on his own there, but what I mean by defending him is really understanding why he assumed so much in the first place. I get where he’s coming from besides the rumors.

Basically, we all know about LO and it’s constant harassment and disregard for employees/workers. There’s multiple times in this comic where a god has used their title to intimidate and even insult beings who “stand in their way” or become an obstacle for them. The way everyone lets it slide is kinda disheartening for me because it feels like what happens in real life too, hard working employees of various stores, restaurants, retail centers, etc. get either harassed, berated, insulted, and even mistreated on the job either by their employers or the customers themselves. This is literally JUST like how LO treats people who work middle class and I’m only saying middle class because that’s the dynamic that LO itself has set up for its world.

Knowing this though, you can also see why there’s some gods (Hera, Hades, Aphrodite, etc) who think lowly of the nymphs and other beings who are forced to work for them and be at their every call. I’m not saying all nymphs and other mythical beings are just plain workers obviously but the ones who are seem to always get overlooked or verbally abused or insulted by those they have to serve. The gods I’ve named have the nerve and absolute gaul to really talk so much incredible shit about these beings almost all the time and interact with them with such terrible intent, it’s genuinely angering how they just blatantly mistreat them and Rachel herself continues to use these themes and implicate them with every single interaction we see between them. I understand that they’re gods and the beings are not but you do not get respect with fear and I know that Rachel is probably trying to show us how respected the gods are but this honestly isn’t the best way to go for me personally.

But again, knowing how the gods treat beings like Tori on the daily it makes sense that he believed that Persephone was also someone just like them. She was around Hades and I’m pretty sure everyone knows of his terrible behavior and inappropriate work ethic so he probably believed that she reflected things such as that. That’s really all I excuse him for because I know he was doing his job but the rumors were completely unnecessary and mean spirited.

I wish though, instead of Hades impulsively pulling out his eye and being creepy and possessive. I say this because around the time he did that she was still his employee and they barely hit the talking stage, it’s weird that he got so attached and obsessive with her without actually knowing her that well and stuff like that is not healthy having someone literally almost kill for you even though you’ve known them for a couple of days shouldn’t be something we romanticize or even want in our lives. But instead of Hades making a life changing decision for Persephone I would’ve much rather either a conversation between them that led to him taking the newspapers down or Persephone handle it her own way. It’s unnecessary that Hades feels the need to do everything for Persephone, it’s not exactly showing that he respects her opinion or judgement.

But this whole exchange really rubbed me the wrong way and made me really dislike Persephone even more. Technically you’ve got your revenge and at the hospital I guess you already made amends of some sort, no need to literally drag a dead dog on a leash just do the account stuff and leave. I know this was her best attempt at standing up for herself and all but really it just makes me roll my eyes because for so long she never had half of the balls to say anything to any of the gods who’ve wronged her in a real way. Persephone always seems to do this thing where she unleashes hell to someone who’s already suffering and plays the victim, she never lashes out on anyone who genuinely deserves it and she basically turns a blind eye to them. She only punishes those she doesn’t think are worthy of her forgiveness even when there’s so many people she keeps around her who deserve it far more, those people are just used as jokes and gags but let a nymph or any being talk bad about Persephone and she’ll literally ruin their life.

All I’m saying is that if she can harass Tori at his work and intimidate him, I better see absolute fucking hellfire to anyone, and I mean anyone who does something worse. Because I’m tired of this shift of energy to some characters and not to others, it doesn’t make her seem like she’s badass just sorta like a cowardly bully in my eyes.

#lo critical #anti lore olympus #anti lo

[virusinfected-memes]

TIK TOK SENTENCE STARTERS, PT. 3 ;

50 starters. CW: alcohol, cussing, sexual themes. Some starters are just random quotes from Tik Tok creators, some starters are from Tik Tok trends that have popped up over the past year or so. The original sources of these trends are from various memes, shows, songs, and other popular media. Feel free to change words and pronouns as needed! [PARTS: 1 - 2]

"Guess who’s terrible at processing emotions? This guy!”

“If I have to gain any more character development in 2022, I think it will be the start of my villain origin story.”

“Did you get enough love, my little dove? Why do you cry?”

“What happened to us? We used to be best friends.”

“I’m so tired of shonen. Please release yourself from the shackles of shonen anime.”

“Honestly? We’re about to get colonized by aliens, so what can we do? Count your days. Count your fucking days, human beings, ‘cause as soon as the aliens drop, I’m gonna be an alien’s whore. I have no loyalty to the human race.”

“I wish that I never met you. Everything else is horrible by comparison.”

“I know my girlfriend is a witch.”

“It’s gross stuff, but it tastes good when you put it all together.”

“Is it me? Am I the drama?”

“Dear God, why is it so thick?”

“ ‘Spuddle’ is a seventeenth century word that means to feel extremely busy while achieving absolutely nothing.”

“This relationship isn’t healthy... I think we need to go on a steady diet.”

“Like, I’ve never wanted to be thrown across a room before, but... I feel things right now that I’ve never felt before.”

“Beans on toast does not look attractive. You know what? Let’s look up some beans on toast.”

“I have alcohol. I don’t have feelings.”

“Y’all wanna be edgy so bad.”

“All my life, I had to fight with no ass.”

“The Lord knows our hearts, okay? If the Lord didn’t want me to play, he shouldn’t have made me foolish. The Lord knew what they were doing when they made me. Shit! How the Lord gonna make me a fool and then don’t want me to play around? Like, make it make sense. It don’t.”

“This is great. Just the three of us. You, me, and this brick wall you built.”

“Are you falling in love? I have a feeling you are.”

“I know something you don’t. I know something you will never know.”

“It’s been a while since we’ve talked, but I missed you, you idiot.”

“The eyeliner might be poppin’, but the mental health be droppin’.”

“Anything that happens to you past midnight is between you and your god.”

“You know it’s not the same as it was.”

“Do you think you’re better off alone?”

“If I only could, I’d make a deal with God, and I’d get him to swap our places.”

“Dream when you’re feelin’ blue.”

“I don’t make my Sims woohoo. They be fuckin’.”

“I was gonna say something, but I said I was gonna be nice today.”

“Why don’t we go somewhere only we know?”

“When I was thirteen, me and my best friend had imaginary anime boyfriends.”

“I miss how Halloween used to be.”

“He’s my best friend, he’s my pal, he’s my homeboy, my rotten soldier. He’s my sweet cheese. My good time boy.”

“_____, wake up! I don’t like this!”

“If you wanna stop me, you’re gonna have to fuckin’ kill me!”

“Okay, but that’s not the point.”

“Open up the door. I only wanna play a little more.”

“Don’t you ever be wasting your good energy.”

“What’s it like being ugly and sad?”

“And nothing can go wrong... OH, NOO! IT ALL WENT WRONG!”

“My money don’t jingle, jingle. It folds.”

“Stop calling, stop calling, I don’t wanna think anymore.”

“Is your middle name cheddar cheese? ‘Cause you’re looking extra sharp today.”

“The CDC just called and they told me your smile is super contagious.”

“That’s suspicious... That’s weird.”

“I do not have time for this! I don’t have time for you!”

“Who the hell’s still an Elvis stan in the year of 2022? Go to therapy. Get help.”

“That’s so cute! Are you shitting me? Capitalism really popped off today.”

#ask meme #inbox meme #roleplay meme #rp meme #rp sentence starters #sentence starters #tik tok #* mine

[go6jo]

hello! i've been following you since i read one of your fics from 5:40 to 7:20 am literally and fell in love with your writing, but it's not about that now hehe. i saw you brought up the topic of suguru's parents and i've always wanted to talk to someone about it! cause at the beginning i was convinced that his parents were good, almost perfect — and that's why their son was probably a definition of a good kid. but after some time i thoguht that maybe it was exactly the opposite? maybe they weren't interested in him, didn't have time for him at all and he had to grow up on his own? looking at his strong moral compass, i believe he was able to distinguish how he should behave and that's how he grew up (he was a smart kid for sure <3) yet i'm still not sure about this either. now i'm wondering whether this might have some significance in the future, but knowing gege's desire to develop side plots, such as megumi's mother for example, it probably has nothing to do with it. but maybe one day he will explain it to us </3 i am sorry if this is chaotic and linguistically incorrect, im terribly tired but just really wanted to send you this so i could maybe chill a little before you move on to another topic, haha.

im always thinking about him i don’t think i’ll ever move on from this conversation really, not until we know what happened because it still bothers me to know that he went after his parents IMMEDIATELY AFTER he decimated the whole village. i think we only know, for a fact, that his parents were non sorcerers and i could only speculate about their relationship but, going along with what i previously wrote, about his parents becoming distant once suguru’s technique starts to manifest itself, i wonder if he tried to behave nicely to compensate for the fact that he was different, that he was an anomaly and that there was something intrinsically wrong with him, almost as if trying to make himself small, invisible so he wouldn’t be as much of a burden to his parents. and maybe he grew to blame himself, for the lack of love on his parents behalf. it was his fault that his parents didn’t love him anymore, so maybe if he were good, everything could go back to normal. and i want to believe that he was inherently good so bad and i know what grief does to a person but to change so drastically? i, too, wonder if he had been repressing that rage and that.. hatred for all his life and it was only a matter of time until it started to eat away at him. maybe all that time he had been trying so hard to be good when really he wished he could just succumb to those feelings, because that was the real him. him who had known nothing but pain and rejection throughout his whole childhood, who had to bend himself to others will, maybe he thought that if he put all those negative feelings into something good, maybe then it had all been worth it. the thing that made him different, the thing that pushed his parents away, it could be used for good and then it wouldn’t be as bad, maybe he could be useful. (however, perhaps later he realized that he wasn’t the bad guy, he wasn’t to blame for all his suffering, he was the victim and that’s what made him switch, he realized non sorcerers were the perpetrators of his pain)

and again, im only speculating, he could have had a healthy relationship with his parents and went to them only one last time for comfort before he could never go back, before he became a wanted criminal. maybe their death was an ‘accident’ because when he arrived home they asked him too many questions whose blood is that on your shirt? what did you do? and suddenly he was so overwhelmed by everything that it happened, though that’s unlikely. he could also have done it to prove a point, to himself, that if he could kill his own parents then he could kill anyone and fullfill his dream, he could’ve done it to cut ties with the old suguru and to embrace the new him. and still there’s a question i can’t stop thinking about which is did they know? did they know what he was, were they scared when he unleashed the curses and did they try to protect him from them because they didn’t know what was happening. did they run or did they surrender to him. but i still believe that seeing mimiko and nanako in such a state triggered something in him, it made some bitter memories from his childhood resurface and that was all he needed to do what he should’ve done already and a long time ago.

#i actually need gege to either write something about it or hand me the pen. because I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED #and thank you so much for sharing your opinion with me i love talking about him #geto #jjk meta

[transenbyconfessions]

CW for cancer

This is going to sound abhorrent. Sometimes I wish (only when my dysphoria is at its worst, I know it’s a terrible thing) I had breast cancer. Which is even more terrible since my grandmother had it and it nearly killed her. She ended up needing a double mastectomy but the chemo and everything wreaked havoc on her, I remember it. She’s healthy now but. I think about how out of reach medical transition is, how my family would never accept me if I began T or had a surgery. And the only way it could happen, only way I could keep both my family (who I do love!) and still get surgery would be breast cancer. And I know that you can have implants afterwards, but I’d still refuse. I’d say it’s because I didn’t want anymore procedures, or I’d think about it, or I’ll just wear a padded bra, it doesn’t bother me, etc. I’ve dealt with chronic illnesses my whole life, I know how to talk to doctors and make clear what I want and to not get pressured one way or the other. And I absolutely acknowledge the high risk of me dying! I know people who’ve had cancer and we’re not as lucky as my gran. But I still feel horrible. Especially since my gran is still alive, I wouldn’t want her to relive that trauma! But as I get older and more time passes when I’m not Out, the more it crops up in my head. I don’t like it. I just needed to say it aloud or have it known.

Submitted February 16, 2023

#transgender #trans #enby #nb #nonbinary #non-binary #non binary #trans masc #transmasc #trans masculine #transmasculine #trans man #trans boy #transgender man #transgender boy #trans guy #transgender guy #ftm #cancer #breast cancer #transphobia #transition #transitioning #top surgery

[sincerely-krp]

A humble, maybe desperate, request

Hello!

I am writing regarding the whole kji vs hs mods/bbh drama going on in the mewerp community right now. I would like to apologize in advance if my English is unnatural as I am not a native speaker. Also forgive me if I am not sending this where I should, I never had a tumblr blog and I am not too sure how it works.

I am a former member of the rp close to Jongin’s mun and I would like to have a sincere heart-to-heart between me and you guys.

Right now I am very concerned about my friend. Clearly neither side handled the issue well, yes, including my friend, and there were many mistakes that only escalated things into the mess that it became. So I was hoping that now that the incident is over, everyone would be able to close the chapter and move on. But now, I see other people bringing the topic up again and again in this blog. I see people who weren’t involved in the first place coming with their own versions of what happened, ranging from baseless lies to half-truths and quotes taken out of context. All this is only making mun upset again and urges them to respond to everything, even days later, which makes me terribly worried about their mental health despite them telling me they are fine. I am aware that my friend is definitely not the only one hurting from this all, but I am focusing on them because they are the ones I am close to and I see them dealing with it every day. I would like to clarify that no, my friend doesn’t know that I am sending you this message, so this is not me trying to throw a pity party. But at this point, I feel like, as a friend, I need to do my duty and try to step in and stop this madness. These things can have real life consequences, for everyone, that I am terrified to even think of and I just don’t want my friend to get stressed any more than they already have.

So, please, I beg you, from one person just trying to enjoy the internet to the other, please don’t post asks related to the HS incident anymore. Yes, I am aware this is a lot to ask for, I know this blog is dedicated to gossip and tea and it has the right to exist just like any other blog. I also acknowledge that people have the right to express their thoughts related to anything they want without censorship. I’m not trying to dictate what you should do with your own blog that you have 100% the right to run however you wish. I know that your intentions aren’t to hurt anyone irl. I’m not even opposed to reopening discussions about this incident after some time, when all parties have cooled down and can talk about it more objectively. What I’m trying to do is protect my friend’s mental health and hoping that by doing this, other people’s mental health will be spared too. Yes, you can say I’ve reached a point of desperation. I really just want peace, first of all, for my friend; but I also think it would benefit the rest of the rp too if the conversation died down and everyone gets back to enjoying the rp experience. At the end of the day, we all just want to enjoy our hobby and forget about the stress behind the screen. I just think everything has been dragged out way more than it needed to be and we’re not even having healthy discussions anymore, it’s just rants after rants that do nothing but everyone or someone…

As mun’s friend, I will also do my duty and have a serious conversation with them about everything and convince them to close this chapter too and stop responding to messages. Please help me by not posting asks anymore or at least limiting them as much as possible. I am very worried and I just want us all to move on, I truly feel that it’s time for us to close this messy chapter.

I know this is a lot. I know you’re not obligated to listen to me, nor are you obligated to respond. Either way, thank you for taking the time to read my message and please consider my proposal.

I hope you have a good day.

admin note: we will post the pent up hs asks in our inbox right now that came before this to be fair, and reblog this so it remains at the top after!

#submission

[give-soup-please]

Could you please write about a reader with parental abuse history being the adopted little sister to The Narrator? Like he sees them being gaslighted and verbally abused and is just: "No, you're going to have to go through me first", "I suppose you need a real elder figure to look up to and teach you things."

(alright, this one went straight into wish fulfillment territory. And I hope I wrote the narrator as a big brother well, I don't have a lot of experience with healthy sibling dynamics)

Narrator as big brother figure to his adopted little sister reader

The narrator has been keeping a close eye on you for a while now. Ever since he broke out of his game, he’s been listlessly wandering from place to place. There are very few willing protagonists on this side of reality. Various humans occupy his attention, but never for very long. Not until he finds you.

There’s something familiar about you. The narrator doesn’t have any relatives, not as far as he knows, but he looks at your actions, the way you move through the world, and it all feels so… recognizable. 

He knows what this is, it’s on the tip of his tongue. It’s the fear he gets before a reset is forced on him. It’s the feeling of total despair whenever Stanley stops responding to him. He sees in you similar shades of emotions to what he’s gone through. Yes, the situations are different, but it makes him upset to see it happen to someone else. 

He watches the fear you have of your parents, the despair of going to sleep in a place that’s terrible for you. He realizes that you need help. So he begins to step in.

He doesn’t quite know why, at first. It hardly makes sense to him. He’s always tried to hold back from being invested in the lives of others, and yet, and yet…

He sees the person hiding underneath the abuse. The spirit, beginning to shatter. The heart, under the stress of cracking. The wonderful being that could be, if given a fighting chance.

He’s still just a voice for the time being, so he comes into your bedroom one night when you’ve been crying. He clears his throat, and you startle.

“W-Who’s there?” You ask, keeping your voice low. You’re too afraid that if you’re loud, your parents will come back. He adopts the same quiet tone. “I was wondering-” and here he pauses, trying to work out what to say next. He decides to start simple. “It appears to me that you could use some help. You seem as though you’re in need of-” What word does he want to use? He flicks through several in the span of a few microseconds. “-A… narrative guide.”

Well, if your mind had snapped, at least it had chosen a nice voice to begin the descent into madness.

“Yeah, alright. My name is reader.” 

And so begins a very interesting dynamic. 

He’s very protective, always trying to sooth you in the best way he knows how: storytelling. Even though it’s been a long time since he and Stanley last interacted, it’s part of his function naturally to talk and spin tales. 

He will tell you Stanley’s story, and then- recognizing that you’ll get bored quicker than he did, researches what stories to tell you next. He’ll tell them all, grandly. Fairy Tales, fantasy, and interestingly enough, he begins to enjoy telling mythology stories as well. There’s something about slightly different versions of the same story that’s really soothing to him.

You’ll sink into bed after another grueling day with your abusers, and he’s there to sooth you with his voice and stories. You’ve fallen asleep many nights to the comforting sounds of him talking.

He begins to document everything your parents do. For some odd reason, their version of the truth and yours don’t match up. Your parents tend to insult and degrade you and then pretend that they didn’t. It’s sickening.

“No, no, no, reader. Your mother definitely said something awful a few hours ago. I won’t repeat it, because I don’t think you need to hear it twice, but I am telling you, she was cruel.”

He watches them play this disgusting game again and again, making you doubt your perception of reality. He’ll do his best to keep you grounded. Now that you’ve got a second pair of ears and eyes, life becomes a bit easier to manage. 

He comforts you as best he can. “Reader, I know it’s difficult, but you’ve got to remember there’s a better life waiting for you outside this place. I can’t intervene, not directly, but I can help hold you together until you have the resources to leave.” 

He celebrates every small victory you have, every inroad to health you create. He doesn’t know when it happens, but he eventually starts seeing you as a little sister.   

He listens to you, whenever you need to vent or complain. You have a lot to complain about, given your current living situation. The narrator is always there to lend a sympathetic ear.

He’s always available to help when you need it, whether it’s encouragement, help with school/work projects, or motivation. The narrator’s skills at convincing people to do things are unparalleled.  

The narrator inwardly seethes at your treatment. He’s watched you suffer for too long. He begins to develop a plan. One of your parents is yelling at you about something stupid. For the first time ever, he speaks up on your behalf. 

“You know, your parenting skills leave much to be desired.” Both you and your parent freeze. It’s the only thing you share in common. He continues, “Honestly, I have no faith in a universe that puts people like reader in the care of a wretch like you, but luckily they have me to help guide them properly.”

The narrator’s voice curls around the room in a slightly sickening way. You’d feel much worse if the venom was directed at you. “Reader is under my protection now, so I suggest you leave before things get ugly. Well, as ugly as your heart is, at any rate.”

Your parent flees the room in terror. You’re somewhere between laughter and tears. The narrator rests his hand on your shoulder, and speaks softly. “Are you alright?” You aren’t sure. 

One day, the treatment by your parent escalates. The narrator watches them storm to your room and feels a spike of fear. He quickly pools his energy together, just in case. They’re screaming in your face. You’re terrified. The narrator is filled with rage. In slow motion, he watches your parent lean back, ready to strike you. And in one visceral instant, he manifests in the physical world and blocks their hand. 

“Oh, no you don’t.” He snarls. The parent gasps in surprise and fear. “Reader, do me a favor. Close your eyes.” You’re quick to obey. Even behind your eyelids, you wince at the flash of white. You wait a few seconds, then cautiously open your eyes. Your parent is gone. 

“Where- did you kill them?” You ask. The narrator sighs. “Unfortunately, no. I don’t have that level of power in this world. I just teleported their body somewhere else. Seattle, the Sahara, somewhere beginning with an ‘S’.” He crouches down to where you’re sitting on the bed. “It’s alright, reader. You’re safe now.” 

“But- how are we going to- I can’t live without their financial support!”

The narrator sighs. “I know. I’ve been working on a few solutions to that. It’s not perfect. The next few months are going to be very hard. Unless-” He looks at you, kindly. “I could bring them back.”

“No!” You say. “I mean- no thank you.” 

The narrator doesn’t know how to feel about what he’s done. But you’re his little sister, and he couldn’t bear the thought of not protecting you when it counted the most.                

#the stanley parable #tsp narrator #headcanon #answered ask #tsp #stanley parable #narrator #platonic

[waolom]

hey friend, sorry if this is a little personal or you don’t want to answer, please feel free to ignore, but why did you decide to give up alcohol? i want to myself and i think i should, but i’m having trouble giving myself the push to get there. i’m worried about things seeming bleak, or boring, or that i’ll have to explain everywhere. any advice or inspiration is much obliged. congrats!!!!!

hey! no bestie it isnt too personal at all! im super open about stuff like this so please feel free to ask anytime you have questions! im happy to be a support for you because this has been hard but its also been so so so worth it and i will never look back!! <3 my response may be triggering for some due to the content so im gonna put it under a cut! so trigger warning: alcohol, blacking out.

for starters some people just cannot handle alcohol the same way - its literally a brain, chemical thing... some people just can't do it. for me it was endless nights of blacking out, having no idea what i said or did, sick of throwing up all the fucking time and ruining clothes and rugs. im one of the people that if i have one drink it will almost definitely turn into six which turns into ten which turns into black out. i was a nice drinker, i got real obsessed with how much i love everyone and was super friendly so that wasnt apart of my issue. i just felt like... i dont remember what i did or said. it triggered my ptsd and anxiety, every single day after i went hard drinking i would be an anxious mess and feeling suicidal because i was embarrassed or anxious that i had done or said something super humiliating even though that wasnt my track record. i just dont have a healthy ability to stop. i have no off button once the alcoho hits my system so i cannot control how much i drink. i tried that, may times and it never worked. its an all or nothing kind of thing for me.

i also chase the dopamine hit - every sip of alcohol once you start to feel drunk continues to feel like a dopamine hit! thats why you dont realize youre drinking way more than you want to sometimes, because once your kind of out of your normal mindset it takes over and tells you its a great idea..... at least for me it did!

my girlfriend and i went to a taylor swift themed night a bar just days after our decision to get sober and we thought it would be terrible and uncomfortable and i was like "i cant sing or dance without alcohol no way this is gonna be fun" and we did have a wonderful time! there are so many fun mocktails and almost every bartender ive ever come across will be more than happy to throw something fun together for you if youre worried about being able to go out out.

my father is an alcoholic and he and i are estranged because of it. he has been extremely, extremely sick lately with liver and kidney issues from his drinking. and for obvious reasons, i dont wish to repeat that cycle in my near future.

pro tip: if you're somewhere where you order your own drink privately if you get a soda water/sparkling water with lime and ask for it in a rocks glass no one will ever know you arent drinking! i do this a lot when at weddings or parties because i dont feel like talking to drunk assholes about how great they think being drunk is lmao

anon i am more than happy to clarify anything or answer any further questions you have!! its intense to go at this alone, so seriously i got you if you need anyone. <33

alcohol can absolutely be a fun tool if used responsibly and great for celebrations and all that fun stuff but like... you dnot need it to enjoy it. but its expensive, too - in so many ways! so you save money if you just get yourself a pretty lil soda with lime and prance around and just have fun being yourself without a substance taking control for you.

im actually learning a lot more about myself and what i really want and need out of social situations because im in control of myself and my autonomy instead of not remembering what even happened.

#tw: alcohol #tw: blacking out