#i do love dogs but the sensory experience is far from my preference

[hellenhighwater]

look guys I'm gonna be honest--i love dogs but the tactile experience of petting a cat is better 99% of the time. Cat fur is so much softer and less greasy and just generally better than most dog fur. IDK if there's some ideal chinchilla dog out there that I have yet to lay hands on but man, dog fur textures are whack. Cats, at least when they're healthy, are so reliably smooth and silky.

#i do love dogs but the sensory experience is far from my preference #i mean a clean well kept dog can be fine but they get so greasy so fast #i love them your honor but i have to wash my hands #dont get me wrong here i will pet every dog and i will have a good time #but its not cause they feel good its cause i love em #cats tho? want to stick my fface in the belly fluff #for texture reasons. and i do do that

[abluescarfonwaston]

I’d know him blind

It didn’t come all at once. He’d really thought they’d made it out unscathed. That the box he’d opened in that mage’s abandoned laboratory hadn’t worked.

As they walked back thick fog rolled in. Obscuring the sky. The path ahead. The trees aside them. Even dimming Geralt and Roach a few paces ahead into off grey.

He jogged closer to them. Geralt gave him a look.

“What? Sorry I don’t want to get lost.”

“Why would you get lost?”

“Because?” He waved at the thick grey mist around them. “The fog Geralt? Not all of us can follow a scent trail. Even if it’s yours.” He fanned the thick smell of Geralt’s sweat away.

He stopped. Turned to him.

“Theirs’s no fog Jaskier.” Grabbed his face. Studying his eyes as the fog rolled in thicker. Obscuring even Roach right behind him. “It’s clear out.”

“Oh.” His hands started shaking and his eyes grew hot. “Then I suppose we have a problem.”

And Geralt’s face; hard and angry and concerned disappeared into the grey.

 “Ah Master Witcher! Master Bard! Haven’t touched your room!” Something wooshed past his ear. Jangled at his side as Geralt moved oddly next to him.

“Thanks.” Geralt grunted moving him through the bar.

“Ah! Master bard!” Footsteps. Creaking wood. People talking. It was. It was a lot and nothing at all because he had no idea where or what or who it was. “You’ll be playing for us tonight yes? Dinner and a bath as agreed?”

“No.” Geralt growled. “He won’t.”

“Of course!” He agreed over top him. “I will however need a stage,” He didn’t remember if the bar had one. He preferred not to use them anyway. Moving through the crowds instead. But he doubted it did. “Or a chair at least. Our little adventure has left me a bit short sighted.” He grinned at where he hoped the man was.

There was a lull. Where the only noise was the bar. He shifted his feet.

“He’s blind.” Geralt said finally. He leaned a little harder into his solid mass. Steady and warm and there.

“Temporarily!” He quickly assured. The arm not wrapped around Geralt’s flapped. Smacking sharply into something. “Ow.”

“Oh!” The barkeep Seemed startled. He was further to the left than he’d thought. “We’ll set something up then! I hope you make a hasty recovery Master bard!”

“Jaskier is fine.” He assured. “Now if you’ll excuse us.” Geralt pulled him from the bar.

 “Why’d you agree to play!” Geralt snapped at him after he’d been deposited on the bed.

“I don’t need eyes to play and sing Geralt. What? Am I supposed to just sit in this tiny room and twiddle my thumbs all week?” He yelled into the darkness.

Geralt exhaled with a forced slowness. “I need to go return this.” Metal sliding on metal. The chain of the necklace they’d been sent to retrieve. That had been locked in the box he’d opened. Very cleverly he had thought. “Stay.”

“Stay!” He barked. “I’m not a fucking dog!” He yelled at after him as the door closed and his footsteps faded away.

Something creaked. He flinched away from it.

The bed was firm under him. The blanket decent but not soft.

He drummed his fingers on his leg.

Someone walked passed the room.

He grabbed the blanket and found the wall. Carefully followed it into the corner. Curled up there with the blanket around him.

He couldn’t read. Write. There was no one to talk to anymore. Just him and the grey darkness.

He hoped if someone came into their room they wouldn’t spot him. Because he couldn’t run. Couldn’t fight. Not that he was particularly good at that normally. But he couldn’t tell if he was hidden. Because he couldn’t see.

He couldn’t see.

Geralt was gone and he couldn’t see and every time something made a sound he couldn’t identify he flinched.

Temporary. Should only last a week. Geralt assured.

But Geralt didn’t know that much about magic. Or he might have been lying. To keep him from panicking.

He was panicking now. But there was no one there to see. So he let himself.

And when he was too exhausted to panic more he fell asleep and he hardly noticed the difference because everything was dark anyway.

 Someone was moving in the room.

He shoved himself into the corner tighter as the footsteps creaked the floorboards and he breathed in to scream-

His nose filled with the musk of onion and sweat.

He relaxed in a boneless heap. “You scared me Geralt. I thought you were a thief or something.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Unidentifiable ruffling joined his voice. “If you’re going to play you should go down soon.”

“Right.” He stood. Throwing the blanket in the direction of the bed. “Where’s my lute?”

There was the familiar sound of Geralt’s feet softly hitting the wood even in his boots. Far too delicate steps for a man of his size. He exhaled, the terror receding with the recognition of each step. It was gently placed in his outstretched hands.

He traced the wood. Her finish. Ran his fingers down her strings.

She was familiar. Safe. He didn’t need to see to know her.

“Alright. Help your best friend down the stairs will you?”

“We’re not friends.” He grumbled as he did exactly that.

 Playing was wonderful. Even if he couldn’t dance with the songs. Move with them. Smile and wink effectively to charm the audience of their earnings.

The after was less fun.

People approaching. There was too much random noise to figure out who they were or where exactly they were. Talking to him. He chatted back. He always loved a conversation.

It was harder when he couldn’t see them. Judge how he was coming off aside from their tone of voice and words.

Something touched his knee.

He leaped back. Knocking the chair out from under him. Tripping on it as he backed away.

There were people asking him all kinds of questions at once and reaching out to touch him and-

Geralt’s hand wrapped around his bicep. The exact shape and warmth and way he always did. Hauling him up and away from the crowded room.

“Show’s over.” He growled.

He clung to Geralt as he was hauled from the room. Thrown over his shoulder.

He couldn’t keep track of the room or the people in it or where they were going. His eyes searched the darkness uselessly.

But the leather was familiar under his fingers.

The movement of it steadying.

Something creaked.

“Stop grabbing my ass Jaskier.”

“Wha- is that what this is?” He moved his hands slightly to better feel the muscle moving under the leather. “It’s very lovely. A lovely bottom.”

The world spun and the bed creaked under him as he was roughly dropped into it.

There were several moments of silence. He wondered if Geralt was glaring at him since he clearly wasn’t putting his Lute away for him.

“I know this might come as a shock to you but I can’t actually see you right now so whatever lecture you’re trying to impart with a stern face,” He demonstrated the expected face, “and disappointed eyes I can’t actually see. So they’re actually even less effective than normal. So there.”

“I.” A pause. “You panicked. Why?”

He grimaced into the pillow. Schooled his face and rolled onto his side. Propped his face on his palm facing Geralt’s general direction.

“I didn’t panic.” He scoffed and shook his head. “You kidnapped me from my adoring fans! Very rude Geralt.”

“You fell out of your chair.”

“Sabotage!” He said too quickly. “I was knocked out of my chair!”

“No you weren’t.”

“Are you telling the story or am I?”

“Tell it right then.” He growled.

His smile partially collapsed. It was a silly thing to have panicked over. He knew that. People touched him all the time.

He raised and lowered a shoulder casually rebuilding the easy smile. “Someone touched me and I over reacted. What a shame too. I’ve heard having sex blindfolded really ups the thrill of it and-“

“Stop.” Geralt groaned.

He barreled on anyway. “If anything doing it blind has to be its own experience. Really maximizing the sensory deprivation.” He rolled onto his back. “Put my lute away and come to bed. What are you doing? Standing there like a statue all night? Is that the plan? You are no longer allowed to make plans if that’s the case.”

He heard the quiet thump of her being hung up by the doorway. The soft padding of Geralt’s feet on the wood. He scooched over on the bed for him.

Geralt didn’t get in.

He frowned and pat the mattress obligingly.

“I touched you without asking too.”

He turned to him. The grey was almost black. So it was likely dark out. “So?”

Unhelpful silence.

He patted the bed again. “Either talk or lie down you broody old man.”

The bed creaked slightly. “I’m getting in.”

He snorted. “Gathered that thank you.”

A short huff of frustration. “Don’t want you to panic again.”

He rolled his eyes. “Well excuse me for wanting to know who’s touching me before they do.”

“I wasn’t-“ The bed creaked forebodingly. Hopefully it would stay in one piece. That had been an issue at some of the cheaper inns they’d stayed at.

He popped off his doublet and loosened the drawstring of his pants. He waited to hear the familiar sound of Geralt shuffling out of his leathers.

His side remained eerily silent.

“What are you doing- Sleeping in your clothing tonight? We don’t do laundry enough as it is. Don’t make it worse.”

“I didn’t.” An irritated sigh. He stared judgingly in his direction. “Fine.”

The familiar sound of Geralt struggling out of his deliciously form fitting pants.

He wrangled the blankets over him as he tossed his trousers aside.

“Geralt?”

“What?” Came the grit out reply.

“Stop being weird. I’m blind not glass.”

“I don’t need you screaming bloody murder into my ear if I roll over.”

He reached out into the darkness and grabbed for the irritating bastard.

“That’s my pec Jaskier.”

“You certain?” He fondled it a bit more. “Damn I forget how muscular you are sometimes.”

His hand was knocked away as he laughed. Quickly grabbed the offending arm in his before it could escape.

“It’s fine Geralt. I know you in the dark just fine. It’s not like I can normally see you once the lights go out anyway.”

A quite inhale and exhale.

Geralt shuffled closer. He curled into Geralt’s chest.

“Besides.” He yawned and draped an arm over him. “I don’t need to see you to know it’s you.”

I knew you by the way your feet hit the ground and your hand felt around my arm. He didn’t say. I know you by the way the leather moves over your muscles and you exhale.

Geralt snorted disbelievingly.

“It’s true.” He tucked a leg between Geralt’s and nuzzled himself to a comfortable position. “You’ve got a pretty strong smell.”

#whumptober2020 #no.26 #blindness #fic #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #geralt #jaskier #writing #is this a companion piece to the white wolves? #Why yes it is #damn i need to work on that fic #also i wrote this on October 1st and SAT on it for a MONTH #so that takes discipline at least

[kakakakashi]

Oh my fucking NSFW alphabet and me not asking for Kakashi 👀

I knew he was gonna be first. I knew it. This one is LOOOOOOOOOONG, and idk if they’ll all be this long, but I couldn’t help myself. 

*NSFW under the cut*

A - Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

It depends on what you did. Kakashi is a wild card when it comes to the bedroom. He likes a lot of different things, and he likes it rough most of the time. The aftercare varies accordingly, but he always makes sure that you’re good before he falls asleep. Please, do the same for him if you’re rough with him. The man will claim you don’t need to coddle him, but he’ll melt if you take care of him.

B - Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

…….. Do you even have to ask me this question? The man has called your ass proof of some god’s existence at some point or another. He’s a fan of your legs too, especially in combination with your ass, but like… It’s the booty that gets this man going every time.

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He loves a good facial. I just… I don’t know what to tell you. Like… it is what it is. You can’t convince me that it’s his favorite place to cum. Second favorite is inside you, but that’s another story.

D - Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I don’t think Kakashi necessarily has a dirty secret that he’d never tell you. He definitely takes a while to open up about things, but like, once he’s open with you and you’re open with him, anything goes. I’ll expand on this later.

E - Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Kakashi isn’t necessarily experienced regarding the number of partners he’s had. I know a lot of people think he’s a sex fiend, but I just can’t see it. I think with his mental state, his fear of vulnerability, and the self-loathing and overwhelming guilt he obviously deals with on a day to day basis, somewhere deep down in his subconscious, he doesn’t believe that he deserves to be loved in any way, shape, or formed. I feel like that’s part of why he reads Icha Icha too. Like, he wants that connection, but he believes he can never have it. That said, Icha Icha opened a lot of doors for him. I think that because of that, he does know what he’s doing. It’s how he discovered a lot of his kinks in my opinion. He’s had a few partners at certain points in his life, but not an obscene amount. However, he does know what he’s doing. The man’s done his research.

F - Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

I’m sorry. You expect him to pick one? It depends on a lot of things to him. I think he sees all the pros & cons of different positions in different situations and adjusts accordingly. I think he likes it best when you fuck him & have his legs over your shoulders, though. If he’s fucking you, though, he likes to take you from behind in front of a mirror.

G - Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Again, I think it depends on what you’re doing. Mostly, he’s serious, but he knows how to crack a joke at the perfect moment to make everything all that much better. He’s 500% going to tease you, though. That’s another story. He’s a little shit, so he’ll joke around in that sense.

H - Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

Okay, unpopular opinion here. I think Kakashi rocks a bush. I honestly do. If you wanted him to trim, he will, but I don’t think he’d go bare. This is mostly because he doesn’t have anyone to impress like ever, and nobody ever sees him naked like ever. Not to mention, he doesn’t necessarily have the time to keep up with grooming when he’s on missions and such, especially if he tried to go bare. Like, he doesn’t have the time or energy to deal with preventing ingrowns and taking care of the skin irritation. Therefore, I think he’s just to the point of “You know what? Fuck it.” The man doesn’t have time for that shit. He likes as minimal effort as possible. It’s actually really hot though, and it works for him somehow. The carpet does match the drapes as well. Down there is just slightly darker.

I - Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Again, I think it just depends on the surrounding circumstances. Sex as a whole is already a really intimate experience for Kakashi. Even if it’s rough and dominant, it’s still intimate for him. When it comes to romance, it depends on the vibe between you at the moment. If he’s just come back from a mission where he’s so tired, but he missed you so much, and the both of you just want to hold each other, he’s the most romantic. However, if he’s calling you names while your cherry red ass is up in the air, it’s not necessarily romantic. However, if you’re pegging him and calling him a good boy or something in the “not necessarily romantic” category, there’s still an element of romance to it because you know that you care about each other, and that’s why you’re in the situation you’re in. You know Kakashi trusts you to make him feel good, and he knows you trust him in the same way. It’s a more of an unspoken connection where you care about each other’s pleasure as opposed to an empty rose petals and candles kind of thing.

J - Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He loves it when you make him touch himself for you. He loves to make you touch yourself for him too. Also, I have a kind of specific hc about this, and it goes with what I wrote here. So, after you and Kakashi open up about what you do and don’t like, you set up boundaries & agree to certain things & all that fun stuff. Now, if you discuss it & consent to it, even as just an rp situation or something, I can 500% see Kakashi doing something along the lines of this. When he catches you touching yourself or even just changing or naked or something. He might start jerking off while you have no idea he’s there. I feel like watching you would make him so hard, and he’d just fuckin blow if he could get away with it without you noticing. Omg, and if you punish him for being a pervert after, god, the man’s in love.

Omg, and if you heard him come in or something, but just let him fuck his hand while you put on a show for him until he’s about to come before you tell him you knew he was there the whole time, he’s gonna spill as soon as the words leave your mouth. Like, it’s just so hot to him.

K - Kink (One or more of their kinks)

I think it’s easier to list kinks he doesn’t have? Anyway, I’m just gonna do some of them. He likes pegging, dirty talk, degradation, humiliation, praise, voyeurism, exhibitionism, spanking (both heavy and light), edging, overstimulation, forced orgasms, bondage, sensory deprivation, hair pulling, and many more. Lol.

He also has some more questionable kinks including his thing for feet that’s not quite the usual fetish, but like, if you suggested giving him a foot job, he wouldn’t say no. Not to mention, if you’re being dominant, he’s kind of into you calling him a bad dog while he’s tied up on the floor and humping your leg. Whoops. Did I say that out loud?

L - Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Tbh, Kakashi loves the risk involved with potentially getting caught. Idk why, but I just have this gut feeling. Like, it really just gets his rocks off somehow. So, he’d probably like anywhere semipublic. Like, in a bathroom or against a tree while you’re away from the campsite on a mission. He’s not going to shove his hand down your pants when people are around, but he likes there to be a slight element of risk. I think he’d prefer people to hear what you’re doing as opposed to potentially seeing anything if that makes sense. Although, other than that, I do think he’s partial to the bedroom because you guys can entertain more of your kinks in the privacy of home. I mean, you can’t really peg him while you’re on a mission. Ya know.

M - Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Tbh, I think it depends. If you’re in the wrong place at the wrong time, he’s stubborn, and he won’t give in. For example, if you’re on an important mission that has a lot of risks. Kakashi isn’t going to neglect his responsibilities for a quickie. If anything, I think he’d be kind of upset that you wouldn’t value the delicate nature of the situation. I also think that if anybody else tried to get him going other than his partner, it would be like talking to a brick wall. He has no patience or energy to even act like he entertains it. If it’s you, and you’re, say, at home and just existing together, the slightest thing can set him off. Just a glimpse of skin or even just a memory of you. If you wear his clothes, smile at him, or even just say his name in a specific way, he’ll be in the mood.

N - NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

I don’t think Kakashi would ever use any form of ninjutsu on you. Like, I think he would be too terrified to hurt you, and it would trigger a lot in him.

In my opinion, it also takes Kakashi a loooooong time to get comfortable with you. You have to know him for years as friends before you get together. It takes a while for things to move forward. It takes a while for you guys to have sex. He definitely won’t break out all of his kinks at once. He really needs you to be patient until he’s ready to bring them up. If you try to push him too far too fast, I don’t think he’d be okay with that. However, if you’ve been with Kakashi long enough for him to really trust you 100%, I don’t think anything is really off limits.

O - Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

I think we all know Kakashi’s good with his mouth. The man’s read enough smut to have countless tricks up his sleeve, and he undoubtedly pulls out all the stops to make you squirm. He’s going to find all your sensitive spots, and he’s going to abuse them until you’re so wound up you could scream. Then, he’s going to pull back just enough that you can’t get where you want and start the process over again.

However, while he loves giving, he fucking loves a good blow job. The man will be putty in your hands if you put your mouth on him. And if you let him fuck your face? Well, he’s definitely not lasting long. He loves making a mess of your face when he shoves his cock down your throat. It’s one of his favorite sights in the world.

P - Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He can go either way depending on the mood, and I also think that he uses a combination of the two in order to drag out the pleasure as long as possible with you. He’ll start out so slow, but as things heat up, he’ll pick up the pace… only to slow down again and make you want to cry. He enjoys the same treatment very much as well.  

Q - Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

You’re kidding, right? I don’t think Kakashi could ever say “no” to a quickie. The man loves them, especially if you might get caught.

R - Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

The man will try anything once. He’s so game.

S - Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Okay, so I think Kakashi usually only goes for one or two rounds, but he lasts for a time that’s above average. Not to mention, it also depends on what you consider a “round” because he does tend to prefer to give you more orgasms than him. He just feels that it’s what he should do. He’s really a considerate partner in my opinion, and he will keep going somehow until you’re both satisfied, even if he has to take a quick break in between.

T - Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

The man has oodles of delicious toys. He loves using them on himself and on you. He also loves when you use them on yourself and on him. Toys are something he regularly enjoys using in the bedroom with you. He thinks they just bring everything to a whole new level, and they provide lots of fun and entertainment.

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease)

You pull out a dictionary and look up the word tease? You’re gonna find a picture of Kakashi Hatake. The man’s merciless, and it makes him so fucking smug.

V - Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

It depends on where you are and what you’re doing. He can be loud when it’s really good, but he only lets those noises out in the comfort of home. He knows how to control himself and muffle the sounds he can’t contain. However, sometimes, he can be quiet as a mouse, all labored breaths and grunts into your ear. Either way, it’s a sound that shakes you to your core.

W - Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Kakashi in lacy little panties… just… *chef’s kiss*

Also, I hc that Kakashi gets really pink & flushed while having sex. Like, it would be super cute if he wasn’t making you see stars tbh. 

X - X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

I’m going to leave this art by @dianaii here. It’s exactly how I’ve always pictured that dumb dork. Also this art by @rrrotten because it’s a close second. 

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

I think Kakashi’s got a weird combo here because he’s very athletic, so I think it would be above average. However, the man is depressed af, and his mental state is just a cocktail of mental issues, so I’d think it was below average. However, he reads Icha Icha all the time, so I think that would have an impact. The only thing is that Kakashi has literally said that his favorite part of the book is the plot, so what is the truth? Overall, I think he’s a really flexible partner who can really match whatever you bring to the table.

Z - ZZZ (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

See aftercare. As soon as he’s sure you’re good, he’s gonna be napping. He’ll at least close his eyes and relax if his brain doesn’t quiet down enough for him to sleep, though. 

#cherry's 300 follower celebration #naruto imagines #kakashi x reader #cherry has ideas sometimes #hi. i’m cherry queen of the sin bin. #Anonymous #cherry posts about ninja nerds #100

[narratornavigatorstoryteller]

hi this is a mello-centric account but here's my matt analysis

general 

smoking

often, people who smoke do so as the result of pressure or as a coping mechanism. he's clearly smart enough to recognize what is and isn't a good idea, so i don't believe he'd start smoking just because someone else said he should. instead, i'd say he smokes as a coping mechanism. i'm not sure what exactly he'd be coping with, however, it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume stress, anxiety, and the environment in which he was raised are all contributing factors.

interest in technology

i take this to be one of a Few things that could point to him possibly having adhd or autism, likely with technology as a hyperfixation. will expand on this farther down.

was smart enough to be in 3rd place

i feel as though he could've ranked higher in the wammy's system, not because he "didn't apply himself," but more because he didn't Care. as someone with interests (and potentially, an ideal career) outside of becoming L's successor, i wouldn't be surprised if matt were on level with or even above mello. maybe it's respect or simple lack of wanting that keeps him in third.

comparable to a dog

for matt, this would be a different meaning than mello. where mello's dog comparison takes on a sharper, more assertive tone, i personally see matt as being much more responsive and analytical. where mello has a set plan in place that can be adjusted accordingly, matt has a much looser set of major goals and prefers to analyze the situation as it progresses.

i also feel like he is a leader, however he lacks the motivation to apply it. instead, going back to the dog comparison, he'll take what he's given within reason. if mello says to answer when he calls, then matt will. if wammy's house says to get ranked as high as possible, he will. at the same time, if he feels something is unnecessary, he won't even consider it. why aim for top two if third is good enough? why genuinely try to become L's successor if he just doesn't want to?

long story short, matt's what i'd like to call a selective follower; he has the qualifications to be a strong and good leader, but is very picky about where and why he applies them. as a selective follower, he'll do what he's told, but only when he actually believes in whoever is trying to instruct him. he is loyal, but might not be above playing traitor if he saw good reason to.

i doubt he was very well liked at wammy's, and was often misread by other students

as number 3, matt prevents number 4, 5, 6, etc. from even having a chance at the top. additionally, he likely presents himself as an awkward loner (with his social skills being 3/10) with a nic addiction and a love of video games. this presentation alongside his obviously high intelligence might cause people to resent and misunderstand him, seeing matt as nothing more than another obstacle between them and a higher position. social awkwardness is now read as conceitedness ("he thinks he's too good for us") and the video games and lack of rank progression are read as refusal to apply himself (which, while true, would now be read more negatively due to the situation)

goggles

i personally like to think he wears them because of light sensitivity, but at the same time i want to see them as a symbol of his constant personality masking. i can't see him as anything other than deeply thoughtful and extremely loyal. in times of stress, he projects confidence and pride, possibly to mask a fear of failure and being seen as weak. i also see a potential fear of vulnerability in him, though whether this is with himself, with others, or just in general is debatable (by obscuring his eyes, it makes it harder for them to be read, building up a wall between him and whoever he's with).

neurodivergence

i have no doubt that he is either autistic or has adhd. To start: boredom. it’s a recurring theme in death note for characters to experience boredom and have strange means of dealing with it (e.g., ryuk, light [debatable], and L). for mail, i’d say that this points even more in the direction of him being neurodivergent coded, as boredom is also a symptom found in various neurodivergencies. next; video games and electronics. hyperfixations are used as a way to relieve stress, or as something that a person simply enjoys and thinks about in ways that go far beyond their control. in chapter 85, while “watching mogi and misa” for mello, matt is shown actually playing video games instead, and states that he found his original task boring. some neurodivergent people may find it hard to complete certain tasks, especially if they don’t find them interesting, and it makes sense that he would turn to his hyperfixation instead. for now i’ll end on his social skills. in the offical stats, matt’s social skills are rated at a 3/10, which, if i’m not mistaken, is second lowest for the human death note characters at least, with near and L tying for absolute lowest at 1/10. while not everyone experiences this, its a common symptom to have “trouble” socialising, or to not be very good at reading social cues. due to his high observation skills, i’d say that a lot of what builds up his social interactions is mirroring; things he picked up from watching others, especially those at wammy’s house. i know i said i’d end with that, but some smaller points that i won’t talk too much on are his goggles (possible light sensitivity/sensory issues, also potentially a comfort item), his gloves (could be a sensory thing, or even a strong aversion to germs, though the latter is less likely due to the next point), and his environment (from what we’re shown, his workspace is very cluttered and disorganized)

relationships

mello

mello’s the only one we ever see any interaction with. They’re officially described as “friends," and stayed together for a bit before takada's kidnapping. they seem to hold mutual respect and trust for each other, with matt being willing to assist in mello's plans and mello calling matt to work with him after the explosion. when matt slipped up while spying on misa, mello was shown to be a bit annoyed, however he didn’t mention it and simply carried on with things the best he could. their relationship overall seems to be a very good one, even after all their years apart.

#death note #mail jeevas #matt death note #character analysis #matt

[queenjunoking]

Wolf Taming Pt 26

CW: Noncon - Shock Collar - Pain - Petplay - Drugs - Kidnapping  - Manipulation - Consent Violation 

2 Years Ago

“Morning Z.” A woman’s voice pulled me from my sleep. I blinked a few times to clear my eyes and saw Briar standing in the doorway holding a plate. “Oh dear. Were you actually sleeping last night? I’m really sorry I woke you up, you need all of it you can get.”

Briar was one of the few people I’d met that I could actually stand. She joined the Society about a month before I did and had been one of the few people who seemed genuine. For better or worse she had taken an interest in me after Eos had recommended I work here. She was nice and helpful, but it also meant enduring her quirks.

"Hello Miss Briar, how are you today?"

She sighed. "For the last time Z we're equals here. Briar is fine. It feels strange for you of all people to be calling me by a title."

"The Society has been pretty strict on titles, I'd prefer to keep to them while we're in one of their buildings."

"Z, between the two of us you're the one with an epithet. You should be a higher rank than you are. You're very good at what you do."

"The epithet is just a joke at my expense. If I was capable of doing things your way I would."

“I see. Epithets are a pretty big honor to have. Only like what, 7 percent of members have one? Why do you feel like it’s a joke?”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Psychoanalyze me. Leave that for whoever's in your file for today.” Briar was nice, but she stuck her nose where it didn’t belong. It seemed like she was digging for something when I talked to her. She was a psychologist before she joined the Society. From my own experience with psychologists they made it a habit to stick their noses where you didn’t want them too.

Briar went silent for a moment before changing the subject. “So who is it today?”

“Some rando who decided to look for the Society.”

“Reporter?”

“No.” I couldn’t manage to suppress a sigh. “A kinkster that doesn’t really get what this place is about. Unfortunately for her it’s a bit too late to back out. Could I have a minute so I can get dressed?”

“Sure, I’ll be waiting outside.”

I looked at the clock, it was already two in the afternoon. I didn’t think it was that late already, apparently I did fall asleep at some point. It’s not like I’d gone outside much recently, I mostly kept to myself and daylight didn’t easily reach a place this deep.

I put on a pair of my favorite jeans and a black t-shirt and I was ready. A lot of the other breakers liked to dress up, find a theme to their work. One girl here dressed as a latex nurse. One guy loved his heavy goth look. Briar loved leather. I mostly kept it casual. I didn’t see why I should need some gimmick for my job.

I opened the door and motioned to her to come with. “Alright, lets go.”

“Nuh-uh. Wait.” She put out an arm to bar my exit and motioned for me to back up. “Here, have something to eat before you gather your equipment.” She placed the plate she was handing onto my desk. Just some toast and jam.

“I could have gotten something to eat myself.”

“I’m sure you could have, but were you going too?”

“Maybe? I kind of have a lot to take care of.”

“Uh-huh. Did you eat anything yesterday?” I hated when she did this, I could feel her looking me over like she could pick out something I did to prove that I was lying to her. I’m not sure why she cared.

“Fine!’ I was getting exasperated. I took a bite of the toast. “I’m eating it. Happy now?”

“Happier. You need to take care of yourself.” I was bracing myself for another lecture, but she went quiet. “You really leaving at the end of the week, Z?”

“Mhm. Today’s lucky capture will be the last one I’ll have to do. Got a house lined up and stuff. We’ll see how it goes. Plus... she’ll be done today.”

“Oh, right. If you want some help with that later on let me know. It’ll be easier with two people. If you ever want to talk about it you know where I’ll be.”

“I don’t have anything I need to talk about. Have a good day Briar.” I heard a bit of a sad sigh when I walked away from her. I had other things on my mind, I didn’t really have time to think about her five hundredth attempt to get me to talk to her about something. I flipped open the file

Name: Kim Raum

Height: 5’ 5

Eyes: Grey

Hair: Blonde (Bleached and Dyed)

Former Job: Tech Firm Manager

Reason for Capture: She stuck her nose where it didn’t belong and learned too much. She has been designated a liability.

Additional Information: We’ve searched through her computers and phone and evidence she is already a submissive who fantasizes about being owned by another person. She has a particular interest in being a petgirl and has fantasies of being a fox girl. She has masochist tendencies. We believe it is these tendencies that got her onto a trail of rumors about the Society. Others involved have already been captured and brought to the auction house.

We did not bring her here for her own pleasure. She is here to be punished for her transgressions. We recommend either Miss Briar or Z for this task due to the particular needs required. A complete break is requested.

Known Fears or Phobias: N/A

Chosen Breaker: Z

Chosen Fate for the New Capture: Sold at Auction.

Breaker Percentage: 3%

Breaker Notes: I sent out an invitation to the target via a Society Member working in a kink dungeon she frequents to visit the Auction House. The member is known to her and she agreed to the “full experience” which included a “fake” kidnapping where she will be secured on an evening walk by a capture team lead by Jude. I have orders for her to be placed in my usual room where she will be under the belief that this is just a sex club of some sort. In order to expedite the process she was given something to fill out so she knows what kinds of activities she may experience here.

It was going to be a long day. We occasionally caught some reporters or friends of those we captured snooping about. If the Society felt it was safe to move against them we’d capture them. I’m not sure we ever came across someone who was looking to join willingly. They really had no idea what we were about.

I went to the preparation area and picked out the things I wanted. It was always the same list. I found my method effective enough I didn’t see a reason to change it. I filled out an order for it to be set out for 7 P.M., when I’d be meeting the person I’d be spending time with for a few days.

I got a message informing me last minute this session would be recorded as it was my last one. It was for record keeping as I had yet to have a recorded session. I sighed and returned to my room. I spent the remainder of my time trying to act in front of my mirror. I felt I was a pretty bad actor, but I only needed to be so convincing. My alarm went off at 6:45 and I made my way to the breaking chambers.

I opened the door and saw the occupant go from looking around the room to pretending to be asleep. I rolled my eyes and entered the room. They were shackled in my favorite device. It was similar to a chair you might see in a gynecologist office, but the stirrups could lock and the arms could be locked up near their head. It gave me full access to their body.

“Good evening Miss Raum, I know you’re awake.”

“What gave it away?”

“I saw you looking around.”

“That was more of a rhetorical… anyway. Are you Z? Where you the one who sent me that message?”

“I am. One of the perks of working here is getting a one night voucher you can give to someone. It’s a pretty special gift. I didn’t have anyone I wanted to give mine too so I asked Aiden if he knew anyone who would appreciate it. He dropped your name.”

“Guess I’m just lucky. This place is exciting. Have you seen the place up front? There's an entire stage, what’s it for?”

“This is the Auction House Miss Raum, the stage is the most important place in the entire building.”

I saw her eyes go wide. “Like you guys actually auction off people here? How does it work? Is it just like for some activities tonight or something?”

I smiled at her. “You’ll learn in due time. If you’re good for me you might get to see it yourself.”

“Aww… I have to be good?” She flashed some puppy dog eyes at me.

“Good is a relative term. Believe me, you’ll know if you’re being bad. But we have to go through the formalities before we really begin. We try to keep the Auction House pretty immersive, but we have to check in first. What is your name?

“Kim Raum.”

“Miss Raum-”

“Please just call me Kim.”

“Alright. Kim. Kim, do you remember the safeword you were given before?”

“Traffic light system, I got it.”

“And you know my particular area I work with?” I circled around behind her. I reached into the refrigerated portion and pulled out a knife and a pair of scissors and placed them in my pockets.

“Aiden said you like ‘sensory stuff’ and said it would be better to talk to you about it than him spoiling the surprise.”

“Pretty much. I hope it’ll be something you remember. Are you wearing the clothes I requested?” I stood behind her as we talked. Every movement mattered since this was being recorded.

“I might have worn something nicer had I realized what kind of upscale place this was, but I wore what you asked. Clothes I didn’t mind losing. Jude already showed me where to go to pick up new clothes after this. I have to admit, the immersive experience has been pretty great so far. Kidnapping team is quite fantastic.”

I gave her a smile. It’s interesting hearing someone so happy about a trap they willingly walked into. “You know what to do if it gets too much. I’m sure you know what to do if you want more as well. Just say your name and that you consent and we can begin. You can always revoke it at any time.”

“My name is Kim Raum and I consent to this.” I slipped a blindfold over her eyes. This always worked best when they couldn’t see.

I wrapped my arms around her from the back. I pressed the button on the switchblade and it shot out, grazing her cheek with it’s icy tip. I felt her tense up a bit. A great start.

“Oooooh nooooo. Are you going to hurt me? That’s terrible.” I could hear a bit of a laugh. I’m glad she was enjoying herself for now.

I walked around to the front of her, dragging the tip of the knife down from the side of her wrist to her waist as I walked by. Light enough not to draw blood. Hard enough to feel the cold sharp blade. “We’ll see. Your clothes are in my way.”

I pulled the pair of scissors out of my pocket. I felt her shiver as the metal touched her stomach. I held onto her shirt as I slid the scissors up her stomach, the scissors slid through the cloth like it was a hot knife through butter. I managed to bisect her shirt and bra with one motion. A lucky move to be honest, I usually had to make a second cut for that. With a few more swipes I cut down the sleeves to the center before I pulled the tatters off of her and threw them to the side.

I moved down to her pants and did the same thing. A single gliding cut up each pant leg and I could pull them off. I didn’t catch her panties with them unfortunately. The scissors had warmed up at this point so I placed them off to the side. I flicked open the knife and traced it over her as I studied them.

I decided to take the risk. I held the knife close like I was going to cut them off. Then with one motion I instead grabbed them and pulled, tearing the fabric and pulling them off. 

“Whoa.” “Yeah, I’m kind of impressed in myself to be honest. Wasn’t sure if it would work and it would have been embarrassing if it didn’t.” I walked back over to the cart and placed the knife and scissors back in the refrigerated compartments. “How about we switch it up a bit?”

“Got more settings than cold?” She did enjoy poking at me. I wasn’t sure if that really made me feel better or worse about what I was building up to.

I gave her a little chuckle. “A couple more at least.”

I placed a few things on a tray and brought it over to her. A wand vibrator, two lotions, some swabs, and some latex gloves.The vibrator came with an attachment so I could hook it to the chair. I put it on it’s lowest setting and placed it snug against her. “I like to introduce a bit of pleasure to go with the pain.”

“Oh? Were the scissors and the knife not supposed to be the pleasure portion?”

“I can see you were the right person to give that voucher to Kim. I’m sure you’ll appreciate what else we’ll be doing.” 

I slid on the gloves and applied a dab of the bottles to each nipple. I began rubbing it in and listened to her moan. Soon enough their effects began to work and she squirmed a bit. “Something wrong?”

“Probably not, just a little surprised. A tiny bit chilly on one side but the other side is a bit hot.” It was a neat little concoction. One side was a special mixture of a pepper the Society cultivated. The other side was a mint extract of some type. It wasn’t too bad without the full mixture.

“How’s it feeling?” I whispered into her ear.

“It’s an interesting feeling. Surely you can do a bit more though?”

Just the opening I was waiting for. I turned the wand up to a higher setting and walked back to the cart and picked up the items I needed for the main performance. Another lotion bottle, a spray bottle, a syringe, a vial, an enema bag, a jug of ice water, a special rubber gag and a hood. Everything she needed to be comfortable for a few hours. I removed her blindfold so she could see the tray.

“Is that a syringe?” I could hear the caution in her voice.

“Indeed it is. The Society creates a lot of their own drugs among other things. This is a particularly fun one I think you’ll enjoy.” I held up the syringe and filled it with the contents of the vial.

“Red. No.” She paused for a second to moan as the vibrator continued to do its work. “Red. No needles. No drugs.” She sat there, expecting something to happen. I was just searching for the best place to inject it. “What the fuck are you doing?! Stop!”

“What was that Kim?”

“Are you deaf I said re-” When she opened her mouth again I lifted the spray bottle and sprayed the contents into her mouth. “What the hell was-” she was interrupted again when she suddenly screamed and began to thrash in the chair. I felt a smile touch my lips but I quickly wiped it away.

I grabbed the rubber gag and shoved it into her mouth. It was an oval gag meant to keep the wearer’s mouth pried open but wouldn’t let them bite down all the way. It helped protect the tongue.

I grabbed her by the hair to pull her head to the headrest. “Look at me.” Her eyes darted towards me, wide. I could see she was afraid now. She knew the play was done. “Kim, that's a special spray made with a pepper that’s cultivated by our group. It’s called a Hellfire Kiss. I’ve obviously never tried it myself. I’m not really into spicy things. But I’m told it's over as hot as a Carolina Reaper but I’m afraid I don’t really have a reference for how hot that is. Be good and I’ll share something I have that’ll neutralize it. Be bad and I’m sure I can find other places you really don’t want this to touch. You’re shackled to a chair right now, you have nowhere you can escape to. Nod your head up and down if you want to be a good girl.”

She was still trying to break out of the chair, but she vigorously nodded her head up and down. “It’s so easy to be a good girl Kim, I’m glad you’ve decided to work with me.” I jabbed her with the needle and injected the substance. It was quite the lovely mixture. A special stimulant that helped the user take more of a beating before they would lose consciousness. It also intensified sensations, making everything she was feeling even more intense.

I pulled on another pair of latex gloves and squirted the lotion into my hands. I ignored her crying and applied the lotion to her nipples. She gasped as the full effect of the lotions started. The other two on their own were nice for sore muscles. If either was mixed with this one it intensified their effects. I was told that it was fairly safe but the sensation would keep intensifying for a while. As the seconds ticked by her thrashing renewed and unintelligent babble left her mouth.

It was easier not to acknowledge it. She would have to get used to not being acknowledged in any meaningful way.

I inserted the enema plug into her none too gently. I had things to do today and didn’t want to spend much more time here. She made a small noise of discontent at the feeling but started begging again when I started to fill the bag. I just kept ignoring her. It didn’t really matter what she wanted or what her thoughts on anything were anymore. It was time she learned that. I watched as it started to run into her. The water was just barely above freezing. It would be pretty painful. Beyond just being filled to the brim with water that cold it would cause pretty horrific cramping.

“Almost done. Then you can sit on your own for a few hours and think about how you willingly came here.” I placed the earbuds in her. They just played loud static. I wanted her to focus on the sensation. It was best to make sure every sense was being used.

I took one last look into her eyes before I pulled the hood over her head. It covered her eyes but left a place open for her nose and mouth. I opened the spray bottle and dipped some swabs in the mixture. I held the bottle up to her mouth and gave her another spray, resulting in a new round of screams. I went over to the table and picked out a plug for the gag and inserted it, forcing her to breathe through her nose. I heard her whimper as the first round of cramps spread through her. I took the swabs and swirled them around her nose. I watched her fingers curl as she tried to reach for her face. This method kept it around longer. She’d be breathing it in for awhile.

With that I was done. In a few hours she’d pass out and someone else would clean her up. I’d be repeating this activity several times a day for the rest of the week and hope she broke before the end of the week.

I looked back at my last victim. Anyone else would have drawn out what they were doing. Slowly breaking them over time until they acknowledge their new lot in life. But not me. I did my best to overwhelm them with sensations until it was too much for them. She was a sobbing mess now but soon she would break and be fine. I broke them as quick as I could to protect them from anymore suffering.

I was a figure of mercy.

I cared for them.

[crimeronan]

i wanna hear more about your headcanon of declan as autistic (no pressure! only if u want to)

oh ariana we’re really in it now

not all of these bullet points are specifically related to autism bc this just turned into a post about how fond i am of declan.  however.  autistic declan lynch rights here we go

speech

declanisms

really, keeping a list of action-based conversation starters to meet your goals that all sound like something a caricature of a high-level business executive would say... honey

memorizing clever turns of phrase and the cadence of storytelling

and refusing to ever use this love of language in public lest it make him vulnerable or ruin anything he’s built

having practiced regulating his vocal tone and inflection to make them both as normal and as free of personality as possible

being unable to modulate his vocal tone and inflection when he’s Not actively concentrating on regulating them - speaking impulsively from a place of upset, getting excited about things, etc

physicality

having also practiced his physicality to appear as unthreatening and unobtrusive as possible

mirroring strangers, casual acquaintances, criminal associates

actively schooling himself not to talk with his hands; natural storytelling comes with gesturing and physical involvement

having pleasant conversations and being pleasant to exist around while managing to have absolutely no friends

anxious stomachaches

nervous tics

refusing to allow himself comfortable clothing or a comfortable living space despite seeming to want these things

deciding he can have nice shoes, as a treat (doesn’t have anything to do with neurodivergence i just think it’s cute)

internal emotions

Everything Is Horrible, All The Time, But That’s Fine Because That’s Just How Life Is For Me And I’ve Accepted It

deeply unhappy, deeply bored, deeply exhausted, deeply terrified

given up on dreams and ambitions because they will never be accessible to someone like him (one of those things that in-narrative isn’t autism-related, but sure can be a hashtag relatable feel)

happiness, excitement, joy, any positive emotions are all “dangerous” because they represent a loss of control

zero to one hundred IMMEDIATELY in terms of anger, manic excitement, terror, misery, self-flagellation

constantly self-regulating, compartmentalizing, putting aside, and refusing to act on emotions despite feeling Incredibly Deeply

anxiety

obsessing, catastrophizing, making contingency plans, exploring bad outcomes, regretting past actions literally every single second of every day

aforementioned physical anxiety manifestations

resigned to ronan and matthew’s eventual deaths even when things are Mostly Okay

convinced that if and when something happens to ronan or matthew, it will be his fault

none of these things are autism-related specifically, there’s just something in his repetitive thoughts / methods of self-soothing / ways of internalizing trauma that's..... a feeling

child development

one of those kids who would have been called “precocious”

had developed a system for watching/protecting ronan and trying to convince ronan not to dream things by age five

specific interests in things deemed uninteresting or unimportant

didn’t engage in the same play behavior most kids his age would

got overwhelmed and cried over liking a gift too much

consciously aware of niall’s disdain for him, aurora’s ephemeral nature, and ronan’s dangerousness to himself at age five

some of these things are definitely exacerbated or fully caused by a childhood of emotional neglect and endangerment; autism reading integrates with this rather than replacing it.  i strongly feel declan would still have been a “precocious” child with a healthy happy parental upbringing as well

sense of responsibility

extremely stressed by any situation he can’t control

will attempt to control situations beyond his jurisdiction to minimize this

studies so many parenting books after technically becoming ronan and matthew’s caretaker because he has no frame of reference for parenting and does not trust his instincts

“if you want something done right, do it yourself” a life motto by declan lynch

“everything is my fault, all the time” a life motto by declan lynch

“except when it’s dad’s or ronan’s fault” a pretty fair addendum by declan lynch

mental stimulation

so unbelievably bored with his life situation

THRILLED any time he gets to play games or engage in clever conversation - seen a little in his “crime makes me feel alive” vibes, his back-and-forth banter with jordan

won’t let himself get engaged in things because passion feels unsafe

enjoys himself for about one hour of one single night and then immediately starts cracking to pieces about how living in a constant state of mental dissatisfaction is killing him slowly

somehow manages to be surprised by this turn of events

interests

he hides art he loves in a murder attic like a feral cat who refuses to eat in front of people. i don’t even need to get into this

absolutely immediately enchanted to the point of self-labeled stupidity by watching jordan paint

infodumping about art history

trading art interests with jordan bc he’s legitimately interested and excited by what she knows and feels passionate about

this entire post should just be the murder attic. declan oh my fucking god

aforementioned collecting of language he likes

the whole tyrian purple thing.  again.  declan oh my fucking god

emotional intimacy

craves emotional intimacy but is TERRIFIED of being known and/or being rejected

is convinced he can never and will never have emotional intimacy in his life

has all the stamina of a wet tissue in terms of keeping his emotional secrets when jordan cottons onto them

gets annoyed by relationships with people who want emotional connection but continues playacting through the motions of said relationships in the hopes of being less lonely

comforting people / expressing genuine care

declan attempted to dispense comfort.  “everybody dies, matthew”

i have to put attempted to dispense comfort on the list again.  oh my god.  to declan’s brain, emotional comfort is a vending machine that’s eaten ten dollars in a row and is now falling on him after he made the mistake of shaking it

declan regretted saying anything.  [immediately says the worst thing possible]

write your routine, ronan. now. now. write it. write it down. (because i’m worried you’re going to kill yourself but have no idea how to say that so i have to focus on concrete action.)

every time he’s tried to say “i’m worried about you” and instead gone “why are you inconveniencing me this way.” king

having no sense of how to communicate feelings or solve emotional conflicts through talking despite attempting to do these things frequently, AFTER STUDYING OUT OF BOOKS, to his detriment

preferring to take care of people silently and subtly through protecting them and making things easier for them, extremely similarly to how ronan does

irritability

constantly in a low level fugue state of annoyance

runs on caffeine and fumes

very thin patience for anyone else’s inability to stick to plans, manage time, regulate emotion, do their jobs, follow through on commitments, etc

the unceasing “i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy. i’m not unhappy” while at work screams of “i am in sensory/emotional hell all the time and checking slightly out of this plane to deal”

loses control all at once, when he does lose control

drains energy like a broken cellphone battery from the effort of combating misery, anxiety, mental overload, boredom, masking all thoughts and feelings

bonus content: parents

the actual in-universe reasons for these things aren’t related to neurodivergence as far as we know, but

growing up as the unfavored child whose interests are constantly ignored or shut down 

seeing your siblings get preferential treatment for no reason

being silenced or punished every time you express dissatisfaction or unhappiness or anger

being considered disposable

internalizing the idea that you’re a burden unless you’re worth something to others

that’s a real common lived realty for autistic ppl

bonus content: brothers

i read all three lynch brothers as being on the spectrum and all having different experiences with it

i read matthew as having had the inverse experience of declan, in which he flaps and stims and chews loudly and talks a mile a minute and expresses himself with excitement and passion and bouncing

& he has Not been punished for it or made to feel like it should be hidden

declan’s ferocious protectiveness of matthew is in many ways bc he wants to keep matthew from suffering the same way he has

differing autism spectrum experiences fit neatly into that

ronan and declan’s experiences are in some ways wildly different

in other ways, though

going zero to one hundred on the emotional spectrum, defaulting to anger to avoid fully feeling internal chaos, being unable to understand the other’s feelings or thought processes / making wildly incorrect conclusions about them, preferring to show feelings through action rather than words, struggling to translate genuine emotion into expression without coming across as a dick

they are Very Similar

declan and ronan do a lot of “dog growls at its own reflection” about this because neither of them is more furious than when they see their own perceived shortcomings in the other

i’m positive i’ve forgotten some things and also positive i have not communicated all of these thoughts as effectively as i would like but i have been typing this post for a thousand years.  here you go

#trc #cdth #declan lynch #i love my idiot son #suicide m #ableism - #Anonymous

[survey--s]

216.

survey by brelee

What was the last thing you had to eat and drink?   Prawn cocktail crisps and some Pepsi max.

Do you take any prescription medications?   Yes - tranexamic acid for my periods, but I only take them 2-3 days per month.

Do you enjoy lore?   No, not especially.

Are you afraid of what's in the ocean?   I’m fascinated by the oceans and what’s in them, but I totally understand why the darkness and depth of them really freaks some people out.

Do you think there are people who are capable of doing magic?   Not genuine magic, but obviously there are some amazing tricksters and illusionists out there.

Do you ever like to take a drive late at night?   I love being a passenger at night but not a driver.

When was the last time you visited a museum, if ever?   Uhh years ago. I don’t really like museums - my parents dragged me to so many when I was younger that i really put me off.

Would you ever own a horse, or have you?   I’d love to own one but financially it’s way out of my reach. Just the cost of livery, food, tack etc. is extortionate - let alone the cost of the horse itself.

What is your favorite memory related to rain?   There isn’t anything specific that comes to mind right now.

Does small talk bother you?   It doesn’t bother me as such, but I’m not very good at it and always end up feeling painfully awkward and like I’ve made a fool out of myself.

Do you ever experience sensory overload?   Definitely. I really, really struggle with it actually - loud noises, crowds, smells - I just find it really overwhelming and have to go and be alone.

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?   Yeah, I hate admitting I’m wrong - that doesn’t mean I won’t do it, though.

What do you think you'll be doing 5 years from now? What do you want to do?   I don’t really plan that far ahead as things are always changing and I wouldn’t want to end up being disappointed in myself.

Have you ever written a love letter?   Yeah.

Do you have a hard time making up your mind?   I’m really indecisive when it comes to minor things like choosing where to go for lunch, but I find it really easy to make major life decisions like quitting a job lol.

What's your favorite charity that you support?   Beagle Welfare.

What color are the shoes you wear the most?   They’re black.

Do you consider violet to be purple or blue?   Purple.

If anything was an Olympic sport, what could you win gold for?   Taking surveys.

Have you ever experienced bad karma?   I don’t believe in karma.

Would you rather have whiskers or claws like a cat?   Claws - they’d be great for fighting off attackers and you can always retract them and use your hands normally.

What's something you have a strong opinion on?   Religion.

Do you prefer driving, riding shotgun, or being in the backseat while on the road?   Driving - sitting in the back is a guaranteed way to give me motion sickness and even riding shotgun can cause me issues, lol.

If you ever played Mario Kart, what character did you always choose to play as?   Mario or Peach.

Do you believe that big foot is real? No.

Do you like to learn about different cultures?   Yes.

Do you stay awake til 3am often?   No, I did it all the time as a student/teenager and when I worked the late shift at work, but nowadays I’m normally asleep by 11.30am - maybe a bit later during the holidays.

Do you know anyone or have you ever been bitten by a wild animal?   Nope, just dog/cat bites.

What's the closest object to you that is blue?   The light on the internet router.

When did you last feel full of life?   Yesterday when I did a new move riding and the wind was in my hair and it all felt like it finally came together and I just felt free.

What do you normally daydream about?   Life in general, lol.

Have you ever seen a tornado?   Nope, thankfully we live somewhere with very few natural disasters.

What was the last thing you apologized for?   Treading on the cat, lol.

Do you ever do anything specific for the full moon?   No - is that even a thing?

Do you know anyone or do you practice witchcraft?   My cousin claims to but TBH I think it’s all a load of bollocks, lol.

When was the last time you were sick?   Luckily quite a while ago. I barely seem to get sick now I work outdoors and never see other people, hahah.

What was the last thing you purchased?   Candles for my wax burner and some dog treats as it was cheaper to order the treats instead of paying for delivery lol.

Do you ever plant flowers for the bees?   No, I’m really not very green-fingered.

What makes you feel powerful?   My dog coming back when I call him, lol.

What was your last coffee order?   Iced coffee.

If you had to wear a crown, what would you want it to look like?   A silver tiara with diamonds and rubies.

What was the last thing to scare you?   I can’t remember.

Do you have to sleep with a blanket to sleep well?   Yeah, under a blanket is vital to me, but I often have a foot or a leg out.

Watermelon or strawberries?   Watermelon.

Do you own any clothing in the shade of navy blue?   Yeah, jeans and jumpers, plus some vest tops and pajamas.

What was the last thing that caught your eye while shopping?   A cake, lol.

What's your top 3 groceries you buy each time you grocery shop?   Bread, milk, butter.

Do you ever listen to the radio while driving or bluetooth?   I plug my phone in and play music via Spotify - my car doesn’t have Bluetooth.

Have you ever had a peach smoothie?   Nope.

What's the last song you sang out loud?   I honestly don’t remember.

#survey #surveys

[thistleandthorn-rpg]

Congrats Em on your audition for Daisy Schuester! Please check out this page for what to do next, and send us her blog within 48 hours! Welcome to the group!

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias: Em Preferred pronoun: She / Her Age: 22 Timezone/Country: GMT, England RP Experience: I’ve been in the community for far too long. No, I’m kidding. I joined in 2011 and have been around ever since. Activity Level: 6-7 / 10. I work part time but most of my free time is spent online, and I’m usually around on mobile anyway.

IC INFORMATION:

Name: Daisy Olivia Schuester Designation: submissive Age: 21 Faceclaim: Holland Roden Birthday: October 28th Orientation: Pansexual Kinks: Bondage, impact play, sensory deprivation, humiliation, orgasm control/chastity, TPE, breathplay Anti-Kinks: feet, bestiality, scat, watersports, blood

BIO

As the only girl of the Schuester triplets, Daisy has always been doted on by her parents. Much like her father, Daisy has always been considered creative. The arts are something she has a passion for and she’s dabbled in every area possible - music, theatre, dance, writing - but what really hooked Daisy was art. There was something about drawing that drew her in and something about being able to express so many different emotions at any given time by something as simple as a piece of art had her hooked. From that moment on, Daisy could be found hunched up in a corner with her sketchbook and pencil, doodling and drawing to her heart’s content.

The Schuester family have always been firm believers in the way society worked and with Will being the Headmaster of Lima’s Institute, there had always been an influence on their society in the household. From a young age, Daisy understood the importance of a BDSM relationship and couldn’t wait for the day where she’d get to find one of her own, regardless as to what mark she’d be given, and make her family proud.

Daisy’s personality can only be described as fiery, much like her hair. While she is generally a good natured person, she isn’t one to take insult lightly and has been known to throw a scathing comment or two at someone who has upset her. But being marked as a sub has made her somewhat more subdued, knowing her place in their society. But that doesn’t mean to say she won’t bite if she’s pushed to it. Their closeness hasn’t stopped her siblings being on the receiving end of Daisy’s temper and she knows her personality makes up for her tiny stature and height. Despite her temper, though, Daisy is always eager to please and happy to help those who need it.

BIO QUESTIONS

What is your biggest fear and why?

Is this private? I mean, I don’t want to go and talk to just anyone about my biggest fears. Well… Okay. I think disappointing my family has to be my biggest fear. I’ve always wanted to make father proud, and I’ve always wanted to be the perfect daughter. I would joke here about how I’ve obviously succeeded but if we’re being completely honest with each other, then I’ll admit that sometimes I’m fearful I haven’t been able to do that. I just want my family to be proud of me. I mean, I do everything I can to make them proud: I’m a cheerleader, I get good grades. I hope it’s enough!

What 3 objects/places mean the most to you and why?

Oh, these are going to sound so silly to someone I don’t know! My first object would be the first ever sketch book I owned! I was really young when it was gifted to me and it’s filled with some of the first ever drawings I did. They’re not very good now (especially compared to what I can do after years of practice), but  it’s something I hold very dear to me.

I have a stuffed animal that I was given as a very young child. It’s a little stuffed dog and at this point, he’s pretty ragged. I mean, the fur has bald patches in and everything now! But I can’t ever bring myself to get rid of him, as he reminds me so much of home and is the one thing I carried everywhere with me. So he lives on my bed in my dorm!

Thirdly, I think the place that means the most to me is home. I was very fortunate enough to grow up in a home that was absolutely filled with love and care, and whenever I’m feeling upset or lonely, I know that by returning home, I’ll be welcomed with open arms and full of love. Cheesy, right?

Who is the one person you’d most like to meet (dead or alive)?

This often comes as a shock to people who don’t know me, but I’d have to say Freddie Mercury. I grew up with music all around in the household and my favorite band are, without a doubt, Queen. I’ve seen so many videos, archived footage, of Freddie Mercury and he just seems like the coolest guy in the world! And 100% the kind of person I’d love to hang out with.

What is the one moment you would describe as your happiest/most excited?

Oh, god, I have no idea! I mean, there have been far too many moments that have been happy and exciting in my life, so I don’t know if I can pinpoint just one? I know! I’ll give you my most recent one, would that be okay? Because if so, it’d have to be when I got accepted into the cheerleading team! God knows I love flipping around and cheering, so it was nice to be chosen to be part of our team!

#accepted

[those70scomics]

Hi, everyone! This week’s interview is with @jacquelineshyde / PoetDameron, an author who’s been posting her That ‘70s Show fanfic and poetry since 2016. Her prose and poetry have a gracefulness to them, in both imagery and subtext. Shades of emotion blend into one another, giving us a deeply complex and satisfying exploration of the characters.

The interview has been split into two parts. This is part 1.

Those ‘70s Comics:  What first inspired you to write That '70s Show fanfic?

jacquelineshyde: The bad ending. After watching season 8, there were a lot of things I had to say about it and about how things went down between Hyde and Jackie. It made me sick how the writers let go of such [a] wonderful couple and great characters, so I first started having ideas of how to fix the season; then I started ignoring the hell out of it and [created] plots out of season 7's mess. After a while, the ideas started to [gel] and make me want to try writing [stories]. Inspiration came quickly; it stormed my brain, and the words came out one after the other until I had three one-shots and two chapters of what today is Heart Like Yours (HLY: FFnet / AO3). 

T7C: What was the first fanfiction story you ever wrote, posted or unposted, and for what fandom? 

jacquelineshyde:  It was a five-page piece about dogs [on] vacation, written when I was five-years-old. A Lady and the Tramp fanfiction. Isn't it funny that fandom tends to compare that story with Hyde and Jackie? I must have a type for OTPs.

T7C: In addition to prose, you also write poetry for That '70s Show -- from Hyde's point of view, in particular. It's full of evocative, sensory, and sensual imagery. What inspired you to write poetry for T7S and from Hyde's point of view?

jacquelineshyde: The first poem I wrote for [Hyde and Jackie] is called “so don't lose hope”. It's about how Hyde believes Jackie always had everything but suddenly, out of nowhere, she wants him -- even when he has nothing and can't give her any (material) things.

This poem was inspired by Hyde yelling, "No, you don't!" at Jackie when she tells him he believes he is "the sweetest, coolest guy [she has] ever met" (”Moon Over Point Place” [2x26]). [That moment] made me think [that] he can't accept anyone thinking so highly of him (aside from the fact that she was [...] disrespectful of his personal space and life during those episodes [...]). Hyde's POV is very difficult for me. At first I thought it was [that] I had a hard time liking the character during seasons 1 and 2, but then I realized it was [that] he reminds me of two people in my life: myself and Someone Else. Someone Else always had this way of speaking that made me see the color purple in different tones inside my head -- and black melting into grey and then white -- and starless nights that get rainy, and I started to associate Hyde [with] all that imagery. My mind kept [conjuring] another image every time I tried to do Hyde's POV: a girl laughing on a comfy nest of blankets, with her cheeks pink and her nose red, and black hair everywhere on the pillows, tiny fingers touching his face, and Mila Kuni's bicolor eyes (I know Jackie's eyes are brown, but it's a mental image, and I've been liking MK since Forgetting Sarah Marshall). The image of the sun came afterward, and I thought of how much I loved my first girlfriend and how much I loved Someone Else, and the poetry came along. Hyde does show a [...] talent for [mental quickness with] words [in “Jackie Bags Hyde” (3x08) when he comes up] with the haiku (lol), and he is shown to read a lot and be insightful, a brilliant mind who tries to hide behind a lazy mask. [All of this developed into the Jackie on My Mind Poetry Project, written in] a black Moleskine, and a boy who tried to avoid the monster under his bed that turned out to be his own mother, [a boy] who then fell in love and realized it was possible for someone else to love him.

T7C: What's your process for writing poetry?

jacquelineshyde:  Well, I actually don't think I have one. When I write, I don't think, I don't eat, I don't sleep. It just happens. Poetry is easy for me [to write] for some reason. I never think about it because maybe if I do, I will try to make it perfect, and the shine will be gone. I tend to ruin my own stuff when I want it to be perfect, so I don't give it much thought. Maybe the solid answer would be that I get a word or a image, and I want to put it down in a [short monologue], and the poetry comes.

T7C: Does a particular mood, thought, or emotion you want to explore inspire the beginning of a poem?

jacquelineshyde: Most times, yes. When I get a prompt for poetry, the first thing I do is [make a] list in my head about what the prompt makes me think, then what it makes me believe, and finally what it makes me feel. This all happens in [a matter] of seconds, and then [the poem] just goes [from there].

T7C: What's one of your favorite Jackie/Hyde moments from That '70s Show? And what's one of your least favorites?

jacquelineshyde:  A favorite would be Jackie telling Hyde she can't stop him from breaking up with her [in “Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You” (5x14)] but that it would be a [waste] since she has fallen for him. I believe she knew [she loved him] for a while [before] that moment, and I also believe it wasn't truly her intention that her first, “I love you,” would come out like that, but she was also sure he needed to hear it (after four seasons of manipulating Kelso into staying with her and making it clear she was not going to let [Kelso] go until she said otherwise). Hyde is very vulnerable during this moment, and the entire arc is incredible when it comes to his feelings. She shows a growth she didn't have during her first relationship, and it says [a lot] about her and her relationship with Hyde. She understands where lines are drawn and that she can't control him or make him love her back. All she can do is love him and wait for him to understand it's real. And he does. And the one I hate, no doubt, is [in “Winter” (7x11)]: Hyde making this idiotic face at Jackie [when she asks] him if he seriously preferred to play with stolen toys instead of going with her [to the Ladies of Point Place party], even knowing he had broken a promise to her. It's the worst thing the writers could have done to him. The second I saw the moronic and asshole way he acts during this whole episode, I felt like it was the beginning of the nightmare that followed [during] the rest of season 7 -- and then the pit of despair that is season 8.

I hate the episode “Winter” with all my being. And, believe me, I'm going to quote my acting professor on this, "Don't underestimate Nina's capacity for rage out of dislike."

T7C: Of all the T7S fanfics you've written so far (or are in the middle of writing), which are you the most proud of?

jacquelineshyde: I must say I love my upcoming story Wear My Arms. It's a Hyde/Jackie Soulmate AU, in which one [experiences] the life of one’s soulmate for an hour, [as if watching] a movie. You fall asleep, and you see [your soulmate’s] life through [his or her] eyes for an hour. Hyde sees Jackie's life during season 1 when they aren't on good terms, and the story goes from that on. The entire fic is an ode to Hyde's complex character, his big capacity for love, how much he [grows] to love Jackie and -- through [his love for her, learns to love] himself. [Wear My Arms] has helped me a lot [in writing from] his POV and in my understanding of his character. Not to mention, this is literally the story of my poetry project Jackie on my Mind. This is the story where Hyde writes poetry and gets to see Jackie laughing in a nest of blankets. I'm very excited for other people to read this story!

Read part 2 here.

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Jackie x Hyde #Steven Hyde #Jackie Burkhart #jacquelineshyde #Interview #T7S Fanfic Author Interview #Special

[midwestmontessori]

Montessori infant toys: 3-6 months onward

Continuing on from the previous post on infant toys, here I will share toys for the next stage. While babies will continue to enjoy those materials, as well as the sensorial and life experiences I shared in the first post in the series, within a few weeks or months babies will progress with their fine and gross motor skills and be interested in new challenges (though not all at once).

I would say this would typically be between 3-6 months a child would be ready for these. Though as my good friend Junnifa often reminds me, it is better to offer too early than too late, observing the child to determine readiness.

At this point there is more movement in the child and more ability to interact with their materials. The infant may now be more confident in rolling and experimenting with other positions (I will cover this in more detail in a later post, but for the sake of natural gross motor development we avoid propping a child up to sit and instead allow them to explore positions on their own timetable). The infant may also be scooting more and more and doing more reaching for objects. 

So the materials I will share below will certainly be enjoyed but they aren’t the only work the child his doing. He is likely exploring his gross motor abilities and still absorbing the world sensorially, learning and participating more in care routines, absorbing language and music, and observing the family. He may still enjoy mobiles (particularly tactile) at this stage, as you can see Simon did at 4 months in the video below.

A video posted by a Midwest Montessori family (@midwestmontessori) on Dec 14, 2015 at 1:21pm PST

Simon also enjoyed looking at his butterflies mobile as he learned to roll over, which though he was working on this at 2 months, some infants don’t do until the 3-6 month range so I wanted to be sure and include that here.

But without further ado, our favorite Montessori toys for infants from 3-6 months onward...

Balls

My absolute favorite toys for this stage are balls. Balls of all different shapes, sizes, and textures. Not only do children enjoy balls at every stage, balls at this stage encourage movement since they move (roll) when touched. They encourage the child to go after them to retrieve them. A child will often push a ball around the room trying to get it and subsequently learn to scoot more efficiently and eventually to crawl.

So, while I did share balls in my previous post, I’ll share them again here, as I feel they are THAT important. The best thing about balls is that these same balls can and will be enjoyed by a child from their very first interactions at 2-3 months through their childhood. Even my husband enjoys tossing these around. They really are the best bang for your buck.

Balls I shared about previously (see this post for an explanation of why I think these particular balls are the shiz):

puzzle ball

Oball

Calmies natural rubber teether ball

New balls to add to the mix:

a plastic woven ball

This was actually a dog toy I found at PetSmart that looked like a fun ball for a child. (The one linked has a bell, ours did not but it would have been a nice feature.) Simon LOVED attacking this one from his belly and pulling it under his chest, pulling his knees into it (shown in the video below) as well. The bumpy texture that is created with the weave made it an easy one to grasp early on, though it was too heavy for him to hold from his back, but made a perfect belly toy. Because of the weight and sturdiness it could support his weight without rolling away or collapsing.

A video posted by a Midwest Montessori family (@midwestmontessori) on Dec 9, 2015 at 12:22pm PST

plush ball (IKEA)

Infantino sensory balls

perfect pacifier teether ball

This ball with little protrusions has been a favorite with both of our kids. They just love biting it. It also squeaks for when they get older and are into that sort of thing. This is another one he loved to go after on his belly.

A video posted by a Midwest Montessori family (@midwestmontessori) on Jan 1, 2016 at 10:11am PST

Other Toys for Young Babies

glitter drum (TAG toys)

Skwish

This is a far and away favorite in our home as well in other Montessori homes. It is so attractive and therefore appealing to the children and makes a rattle sound when shaken. It is wonderful for a child who is learning to grasp as well as a child who is learning to transfer an object between his hands or turn his hands to look at it. If I were making a “must haves” list, this would be on it. It was particularly on longer car trips as it would still be within reach when dropped.

smooth hair rollers

This is another RIE-inspired play object. Simon has been exploring these since around 4.5 months and enjoys taking them apart. Eventually he will learn that they can be put back together, one inside the next. But again, with the hands-off approach to learning, we plan to allow him to learn this for himself on his own time and through his own discovery process.

bell cylinder rattle (which you can see him crawling after in this video)

winkel - which you see Simon playing with from his transitional position to sitting below. This was as he was teaching himself to sit up; we never propped him up to sit.

rain stick

ball cylinder

beads (or this smaller version I may have chosen in hindsight)

egg shaker

How to Offer

A little note that these materials may be placed on the floor a bit further from the child than previously, to encourage movement. A shelf would still be more for the adult to store the materials at this point, while the child is pre-mobile, but it would be nice to have it set up and available for the child to absorb and have something to go after as another motivation to move. I will go into storage specifics in the next post in the series, but here you see Simon starting to explore his little shelf as he learns to roll and scoot toward it.

Gross Motor Toys

While the primary gross motor “toy” for the child at this age is simply the floor, it is not too early to have things in the environment for interest for the child to eventually scoot towards and explore. 

For us this was a little wicker ottoman/footstool. He loved scooting over it and feeling it at this age. Then at 5 months he (to our surprise) started trying to climb up to it and actually made it (see that here). We also had a yoga bolster available that he began to pull up on as well as the Pikler triangle.

Books

Another small thing children of this age will enjoy will be a few simple books. I prefer ones with real images in them to illustrations at this age personally. Simon enjoyed faces particularly. Smile! by Roberta Grobel Intrater was his favorite but we also liked Global Babies and the other books in the Baby Faces series.

That’s it! I hope you enjoyed this look at some materials for the infant from 3-6 months onward. I will note that we didn’t have much more than this available to Simon (or Charlotte). Infants really don’t need much and they especially don’t need toys that make noise or have lights and sounds. Active toys result in a passive child and passive toys invite the child to be active. Remember even at this age the child is developing his attention span and ability to concentrate and work with his hands and his mind, so the fewer distractions the better. 

Be sure to follow us on Facebook or Instagram so you don’t miss the rest of this Montessori infant toys series. As always, thanks for reading.

Check out infant toy storage ideas here.

#3months #4months #5months #6months #infantmaterials #toys&materials #simon3months #simon4months #simon5months #simon6months

[andrea-cristina-travel-blog]

Traveling Freestyle On The Open Roads Of America

I love decadent resorts. And if you know me, I feel the same about lavish cruises … In fact, I daresay they can be run-of-the-mill and I’ll STILL find ample reasons to like them. To me, travel is one of the greatest gifts of life. Something as simple as changing one’s geography, view and perspective can sow the seeds of learning and change. Essentially, to travel is to grow. And there are just so many different experiences and approaches to travel, there is really just no good reason to stop. Ever. And while there are few substitutes for the replenish and calm one gets from a week or two of doing nothing but pampering oneself, dining and letting troubles melt away into a sea of infinite calm (the kind of experience one might have at a four or five-star tropical escape) … there are other ways to recharge, revitalize and renew. One of those ways, we call, “Travel al Dente.” TAD can be done creatively. It can be a spur of the moment road trip. It could be pursued in tents. It can be enjoyed in odd urban sites or in areas so remote that they’ll confuse your GPS. Or you can even approach it without GPS (Though, it probably doesn’t hurt to have some tech available in case of emergency.) The goal here is to have an experience that brings you closer to the world around you. One that calms you, not because you are cosseted in lavish surroundings, but because it allows you to let go of your regular daily rigors and monotony by forcing you to be completely engaged in something else entirely. Look, nobody here is going to compare the quality of one vacation escape or engagement type to another or lend an arbitrary value judgement based on personal preference. In fact, I love each type of escape in its own way. I just see many (including myself), often because of limited time or know how, doing more of the resort or cruisy thing, and overlooking the joyous sensory overload of an experience al dente. Think about it this way. When one literally cooks al dente, the food is a bit firmer and much of the time, finds their meal requires a bit more effort to chew. But, the food itself is also enhanced. It is even MORE nutritious. The colors are brighter and ultimately, al dente food better for your body and mind. I am NOT advocating giving up pizza. Cook the heck out of it and I’m in. It’s just that I am just not writing about great pizza today. Rather, I am writing about a preparation style that requires the experience itself to be a bit less boiled down. Today, I am sitting at my desk at one of the largest travel companies in the world. We put together amazing trips and travel opportunities across the globe. We do it for individuals, members, companies – in fact, you wouldn’t believe how much of the travel that goes on in the world is touched by us in some form or fashion. Virtually everybody who works with me here loves people, loves vacations and probably with no exceptions, we love new ideas about taking trips. That, is today. I should tell you, however, that less than two weeks ago, I was in a late model Toyota Tacoma, one taillight out, driven by a guy named James. I had met James just three minutes earlier. He lives in a Fleetwood Bounder RV in Torrey, Utah. His Tacoma tires were kicking up the local red dust from the soil as he, for no reason other than his sense of humanity and good humor, was running me into the next town to a gas station that carried transmission fluid. Yep, my RV, a Fleetwood Southwind Storm was having transmission problems. Maybe a drink of some new fluid would get me going – at least far enough to get to a town with an actual repair shop (not one with a broken, hand-painted sign fastened onto a post by a guy named Mike who wasn’t “too keen on helping out until Tuesday or so.” See, hand-painted sign repairman Mike was, “into some other things right now.” I am not going to lie, I was stressed. My wife was there stranded; my four kids were there stranded. No cabs. No busses. No train station. Nada. Our RV was cracked down in a place that was so off-the-grid that the middle of nowhere was a few miles closer to civilization than were we. What’s more. When I did put in the transmission fluid – it didn’t work. Like Ren and Stimpy, we were MAROONED!!! (And I know most of you will likely miss that reference, but hey, it doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good one. Besides, in the days of Google, you can look anything up – hint, hint.) Okay, I am not going to belabor the RV crackdown. It was on the last leg of a truly amazing journey and in part, it was my fault. Why it happened or even that it happened is not critically important. What is important is that I learned and won’t be so foolish again … and that my kids learned that every problem has a solution if you keep your wits and stay positive. But even this realization is NOT WHY I am writing this little blog story. Nope. What its really about is … Heartbeat. It’s about the unmistakable, strong heartbeat I felt throughout our al dente journey. It was swimming in Glacier National Park’s Lake McDonald. I am telling you, it is a magical place. The lake water is so clear you can open your eyes underwater and seemingly see forever. We were also about 80 yards from some bighorn sheep, too. There was no zoo. They could have horned us, or rammed us, or whatever it is they do with those attached shofars of theirs.  We saw Billie Goats munching on wildflowers and my elder daughter (age 15) was singled out for an intense one-on-one conversation by a yellow-bellied marmot (No shame in this guy’s game. Not sure what it was, but he had a very important message to relay to her). The moment was epically hysterical. Did you know that in July in Montana there’s sunlight until after 11pm? I didn’t either. I mean, I knew the days were long in Alaska in the summer and that their winter’s days were notoriously dark … but there’s just things you get from al dente travel that mean so much. There we were. The campsite in Glacier. A much appreciated success after missing out on a site the night before because we were newbies and got hornswoggled by campsite reserving technique pros (another lesson). My son Aiden (age 14) was doing his “Ahhhnold” impersonation by campfire. It was well after ten o’clock – at night. Still light out, mind yout. We were laughing hysterically – our nine-year-old daughter was out of her mind – the clear result of doubling down on double stuffed s’mores amplified by a prodigious lack of sleep (those long days get you amped, I tell you). Admittedly, we also knew that we were likely annoying the group of strapping young University of Kansas guys camping nearby who, much to the liking of my fifteen-year-old daughter, seemed to be obsessed with changing their t-shirts 5-6 times a day. (Your guess is as good as mine.) Nevertheless, Aiden was on point. He was even lacing in four-letter words to enhance his act. All fair game under the towering pines of Glacier in the glow of campfire embers and bellies full of stick-broiled hot dogs, marshmallows, chocolate and grahams. Some other notable sights, moments, and thoughts from our journey (and these are mine though some may have been discussed with my wife and kids.) And that’s the thing, I am sure we ALL have our own list – with only instances of overlap. With no further ado … here are a few of my al dente highlights, for you: I know about the reputation for Washington cherries. But, if you were to have tree picked cherries from the orchards surrounding Flathead Lake, you too would immediately purchase the t-shirt. Norman MacLean was right. Missoula, Montana is everything he said it was. And to stand on the banks of the Blackfoot River with your family – no words spoken, watching and listening to the waters ripple over the rocks. You could feel the words of his classic American novel swirl all about you, “I am haunted by waters.” Kaleb, my twelve-year-old answered his mother after coming back to the RV from a rural Idaho gas station bathroom. “Yeah, Mom, the bathroom was fine. There was just this weird hole in the stall wall.” Whitefish, Montana is one of the most perfect towns on planet Earth. Period. One morning I awakened to the sounds of a river coursing beside our RV, we sat parked at a random pull-off I chose of the remote two-lane blacktop. I was still in the foothills on the way out of the mountains, but I could see a sun-kissed farmhouse in the distance with a tree that summoned recollections of Redd’s from Shawshank Redemption. My daughter blowing dandelion wisps into the air with a backdrop akin to a Riccola commercial. About 30 percent of the cars north of Utah are Subaru Outbacks. Another 15 percent are Forresters by the same maker. (I now want one too.) If cows and bulls ever unionized and staged a coup d’état, we’d all be screwed. Is it possible that there are more mosquitos NEAR cities? When traveling, do whatever is necessary to avoid major expressways. They are miserable, life denying crap flats. Use backroads whenever possible. The time you think you will make up by taking an expressway is simply not worth it … Ever. Allow yourself flexibility. Sometimes there are places along the way that are worth softening your al dente pledge for – even if just for the night. Always allow the room for something special. There is beauty everywhere. Sometimes, it is better to ride through it, or stay in the heart of it (than it is to fly over it or cruise past it.) Some wild bunnies are less afraid of people than others. My daughter made an actual friend that followed her around. I think it had something to do with her access to a particularly delicious leaf variety that Jade could grab from some low hanging branches that even said rabbit’s bunny “hops” couldn’t quite help her get to. Mountain goats’ ability to scale sheer rock is beyond explanation. There is a road named Going to the Sun Road. The moment you are on it, whether driving or riding, you realize that it was not a clever name, rather, a perfect one. There is a very real satisfaction to driving, maintaining the safety, cooking all the meals and overseeing the set-up and breakdown of a roving gypsy family trickster for the family. It just gives one the feeling of being complete. We call our rig Stomy. Music is only slightly less important that oxygen when you’re on the road. Some cheap advice to our readers: Travel al dente can be done locally or over great distance. Start small. Start big. It is all up to you. Throw caution to the wind, but do take time to be prepared. Go places that you picked randomly. Plan ahead. This is YOUR trip. If you have kids, take them. (And then remember/write down the places you’d like to revisit without them;) Don’t wait. Start planning some travel al dente immediately. You don’t need an RV. You can take your car or SUV. You can take a train and ride it to some off the beaten path places. You can take a bus somewhere. Go see what’s in between, above, below and around. Fill your cup with life. Share moments with those you love and tell your stories to those you cherish who were unable to join. Engage the world around you. Get in. Get on. Roll your sleeves up. Treat yourself to a little dirt under your fingernails. Make it a point … to be brave. P.S. If you’d like to know more about RVing or why/how we did what we did. Just check out or Insta @TheRVingRosenthals – See you there, road warriors! The post Traveling Freestyle On The Open Roads Of America appeared first on Must Do Travels.

https://www.mustdotravels.com/traveling-freestyle-open-roads-america/

#Things To Do #Travel Stories #America #Family #Glacier #Goats #Montana #Roadtrip #RV #travel #Utah

[ginasthoughtdump]

Addiction, therapy, future, mental illness, bad social constructing, and the huge danger of boredom

These questions keep coming up in my head and I haven't done a brain dump on these specific thoughts to get them out, so here we go:

1. Are people addicted to drugs because the chemicals have addicting attributes of is it more than that?

2. Are there better alternatives to therapy and why do we think the current models work?

3. Is mental illness genetic or the life experiences you encounter through living?

4. Do we give enough concern to the problem of "boredom" and it's correlation to depression?

5. Are the people designing our new social world really qualified to do so and what adverse effects are the results of these design?

A study that was done in 1978 tested the addiction to morphine in rats that I think is highly relevant today. Now there we plenty of other studies before that showed rats would prefer morphine water over plain water and that it was addicting and blah blah blah. The difference here is Alexander made a rat park, basically Disneyland for rats. When this alternative was introduced the rats, who are social creatures like us, took the regular water over ol' bama water( Alabama has the highest opioid use in the country). The idea being that if you give rats and therefore humans rewarding alternatives, you have less drug use.

(study) https://www.summitbehavioralhealth.com/…/overview-rat-park…/

I was talking with my kid who knows people who have addiction issues as many of us do now considering it will only be a matter of time before we all have a loved one in the same boat. One thing she noticed was that the people she knew that were home-schooled all seemed to jump right into every drug known to man once they got to the real world. She thought it was because they were deprived from the experiences of interaction and then kind of went loose with all the sensory enhancing once they got a chance. This is kind of what is happening in rural areas everywhere. Most addicts when interviewed in these small towns will tell you there is literally nothing to do here besides drugs. Of course there is no real job opportunity, no future of that changing, and it doesn't help that Big Pharma has just been allowed to send pallets of dangerous drugs to cities without any oversight. (Link) https://www.vox.com/…/opioid-epidemic-painkillers-west-virg…

Two things interest me in this information. One is that you could probably see a map of the issues with Opioids and where places have dick all to do, Buckeye ring a bell? Apache Junction isn't known for its parks people.

The other is this conservative idea that the decline of western society is in divorce, the liberal agenda, and not wanting to have this nuclear family model from the 60s. The way they combat this is by homeschooling their kids to hide them from influence and liberal programming. The problem is the result of this is drug addiction is ramping up more kills than Mortal Kombat.

The bible belt is hit very hard by drugs, my kid pointed out some terrible success rates with the rates of the kids she knows that were raised in home school christian settings and their battle with drugs. One example is two brothers both dying from alcohol excess, one a complete shut in with a heroin problem, the other who just slammed a bottle of fireball after heart surgery due to the effects. Overall it was 8 out of 10. The ones that joined the military seemed to avoid the issue the rest were swept away.

So the question is how dangerous is boredom? How dangerous is not having prospects of a future? I think the rat park is an example of idle hands make devil's work. We know that parents that get their kids into extracurricular activities have better outcomes but considering that most poor areas don't have the option of one job, and purchasing soccer outfits for kids, this may be a luxury of the rich. Rehab is a pipe dream for most poor people as well. Job opportunity and college plans is also a luxury of the affluent as much as the model of one parent working per household. So how do you combat and epidemic that poor people cant fix without an economic plan to shift poor and bored to middle class and working? Not by cutting funding but that is another debate. There is a finding that shows poverty is linked to mental health issues as well which makes perfect sense and the ramifications on addiction fall perfectly in line with that sense. (link) https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2016/10/30/499777541/can-poverty-lead-to-mental-illness

So how do you combat the addiction we now know exists? This idea of habit forming is true and dangerous if you don't respect it but do you heal the mind or do you fix it chemically? Some people have been going to extremes in the psychedelic frontier but I think they're missing something in some areas and completely bullshit in others. Where does the mental illness reside? Some think it is in your DNA. Others believe that is its a genetic trigger, like you are born with the genetic disposition but if certain events happen then the genes change. One example is how you can be predestined to develop breast cancer but it never triggers. Another is a linking between smoking at an early age can cause your child to be overweight. One other study was done on the MAOA, the warrior gene, or psychopath gene to some. The study showed that if certain environmental factors did not happen the gene would not trigger and the person would not be more impulsive of violence. (link) https://www.psychologytoday.com/…/evol…/201410/gene-violence

So how do you go about fixing yourself? Reset the brain with mushrooms? Do some therapy while on ecstasy? Microdosing LSD? Go on a Ayahuasca retreat? Take some electric volts to the brain? How bout regular therapy or counseling? I think you first got to find out one thing. Is your mental disorder something you are born with or something you were wired with through environment?

I tend to think it is the latter and here is my evidence. PTSD is a good example of something that was triggered through an event. Now some could say you were predisposed to be effected more so than someone else but they cant deny when it changed from dormant to affecting the individual. Another is the way they treat Schizophrenic behaviors with electric shock. They could literally wipe your brain of the existence of the disorder if you didnt mind losing your memory. This is a very good documentary on the subject of Bi-Polar but I want to note 2 things here. Most people dont just have one disorder, a ton have PTSD and considering they didnt look like vets I can assume their childhood was one of nightmares. The other is the woman who didnt want to lose her memory for the cure. Memory is paramount in these disorders even if you make a case for genetic predisposition you would also have to admit that environment plays a huge role in all these and in some it is seems like it is 100% that. (link) https://youtu.be/eyiZfzbgaW4

I believe the big reason why therapy works is because you play out the trauma over and over and talk about the terrible things you endured to someone. This could be a friend that doesn't mind hearing the story over and over or a therapist. I think the addition of medication is scary but as a stop gap I can see this as a necessity in a small timeline but there are a ton of adverse effects that are dangerous if going unchecked. Most mass shooters were on some anti depressants or adhd meds. This is why the holistic view garners some respect if used in logical ways and for a short time as well. Case in point is that you cant overdose on marijuana. So holistic does trump pharmaceutical if you cant die from it or the side effects of a pill meant to help you be happy makes you want to harm yourself and others. PTSD effected military folks have been swept under the rug by subscribing them some meds and sending them on their way. This is not being monitored by therapists but by doctors who get kick backs from the industry that benefits solely on people using more and more of their drugs. As you can see, business is good. (pic) https://margaretfarenger.files.wordpress.com/…/rates-of-pre…

This is an example of re-enacting trauma in a light way can repair the mind, this is similar to continuous telling of the story of your trauma. There are more elaborate studies that help people cope by recreating high quality versions of the trauma over and over till the brain can cope: (link) http://www.latimes.com/…/la-ss-morningside-can-paintball-he…

Now I think most people go to far on the merits of psychedelics and definitely on the catch all uses of marijuana. There are cases where it helps and the evidence in seizures is proof in the pudding. The over exaggeration of its effectiveness on cancer when its anti inflammatory effects are equal to you using tumeric or eating blue berries. Now I do think that if you were to take some ecstasy and focus on therapy, either talking about trauma or working out relationship issues, the different perspective and openness could make what would have been a toxic conversation one that is more easy to cope with. They have shown similar success with drugs like Ketamine and huge effects with mushrooms.

Now if you were to take ecstasy and sit there and talk about a bunch of bullshit like music or how could a mouse have a dog for a pet in Disney films, you are not getting shit out of the experience. The same could be applied to doing a bunch of psychedelics and going to burning man, what would you really learn from that? Intentions matter is all im saying. Other drugs like Ayahuasca and mushrooms have a different effect but the results on heroin addicts cannot be ignored. This isnt because you became one with the universe but the effects that brain wiring has on your life. If you were raised in a household where love meant violence and calm could be interrupted by chaos in any moment, you would have some fucked up wiring. It would effect the relationships you choose and the friends you can keep. There are ways to rewire the brain with actions. This is where therapy comes into play again. Someone telling you that what you think is boring is boring because your wiring needs enough positive links to love and relationships before it is wired to normal. The same reason why habits are formed like drinking while gaming, or the need to workout once you missed a day. (link) http://bigthink.com/ex…/how-to-rewire-your-brain-for-success

These drug may have an effect of getting their sooner by escalating the progress and putting you in a frame of mind to take it in more. Now these effects are fleeting but with practice and focus on the therapy and not just watching a shit Dead cover band you may get there without the danger of mood altering drugs that can have terrible reactions.

So what about our current social mediums? Do they actually do what we need them to do? Many people have talked about the dangers of social media and the addiction to likes. Here is a study which ranks them on how bad each one sucks but I have an idea behind why. (link) https://www.forbes.com/…/…/2017/05/31/instagram-depression/…

Here is a study showing the uptick in stress issues as a whole: (link) https://youtu.be/vqevGkjuLW0

Now most of these can be contributed to the asshole in charge, health care(mental as well), and economic concerns. 30% showed concerns about trust in government as well. Overall, people are not mentally better than they were last year and there are plenty of studies that show stressed households or classrooms can have huge effects on learning and stress in general. Stress is deeply tied to your health in a biological way as well so it is cause for concern.

I don't want to get to far down the rabbit hole but I think it is because we have people who have no idea how to talk to people creating social media apps. We have people that have no idea on dating making dating apps. That these applications dont take into account what is best for the user but what is best for making money and in return programming people to behave in a way that makes the developers money and provides mild success in the results desired by the person.

For example, the interfaces are one indicator that no one cares how you think. No one needed a tile interface for Windows 8/10 but here we are. Games are designed for in app purchasing and are curbing gamers to be loot and grind hounds that keeps them playing an unrewarding experience for continued activity and not a desire for rewarding game play. FB does a few things right but there are no ways to actually meet real people compared to AOL chat rooms in the 90s where a ton of people found love. World Of Warcraft does a better job match making friends/lovers than the current offerings and the reason why that is could be attributed to the way the app makes its money. Snapchat rewards users by encouraging them to stay active and post often which in turns means more ad clicks etc. None of these reward the user in the ways they want, you get a few clicks but no fill for the loneliness.

Use FB,IG, SC, Tinder all you want but in the end you will be no better off than when you started since there is nothing gained. I can use it to dump my thoughts into the ether but I dont expect anyone to read it, and no reward will be given for the effort. It has its merits but they are few. FB is great for connecting to the family and friends you already know but rewards you by making meaningless fake friends with no geographical filtering. Friends without the actual benefits of being one. It is devoid of filtering to location, unlike Tinder. Tinder on the other hand is devoid of emotion, information, and compatibility. You are given enough to explain yourself in emoticons and maybe your dick size :) but all you did was find out of someone 5 miles away swiped right, which is usually done be default for people not wasting time. So you match and it is cool you are close but now you have to sift through all the fake matches and see if you are compatible by having shitty after shitty conversation with people too busy maintaining their social media presence to respect your time. Also beware of neckbeards and the crazies. Other sites like OKCupid have personality matching by asking questions, sounds cool until you realize you match with an 80 year old woman or man in Novia Scotia, too bad they didnt have age or location sorting. It is no wonder ghosting exist, that people have moved their respect of the fake meaningless friends that accrue on social media and it has bleed over to someone literally unswiping you in front of your face and not caring about a human they were intimate enough to reply with one sentence over a text.

Twitch(Also any live shows with chat) is an interesting case for me. People watching gamers play is a simplified term for what it really is. The parts, well some, missing in other applications. For example, FB should have geographical filtering so Tinder half asses it. FB should have ways to talk to others and socialize so another app will half ass the lack of it by creating something that almost gives you everything but not quite to keep you along. Twitch fills in the gap of chatrooms no longer existing but also plays to a need of the socially awkward in the guise of gaming. What it really is, is a sense of community without the need for working on your social interaction skills. This is what is lacking in the current apps, this is why men cant put together 3 sentences before they say "I hope you get raped" for being ignored. So they go into a chatroom while someone is gaming who is successful because they talk to the discontent and not because they are good at them. These people are the therapists, a way to belong while remaining awkward. They can have one sided conversations with other regulars but they can still have a connection with the streamer of vlogger who reads their comments and validates them.

You really do have to appreciate the gift of gab, especially when it pays to keep the fans relevant, if you watch the successful ones they are really good at stringing people along and keeping then engaged by responding, the game is secondary: (link) https://www.twitch.tv/directory/game/Fortnite

It is no wonder an asshole who couldnt keep friends failed at successfully making an application where people have the same effect. They are just not capable of it sometimes, and other times your mental health has nothing to do with profits so it takes a bad seat. Much like our democracy got in the way of paid ads during our presidential campaign, we wonder why we keep getting sicker and never understand that the tools we have at our fingertips have not helped us at all but have made us worse if we put any faith in them. While developers not listening to the users in an Office suite may effect productivity, and a developer not listening to a user on a game may effect entertainment. Social media applications can effect your life, your stress levels, your sleep, your job, your mental health. So we better make damn sure we take that into account when we keep looking to them for happiness when I know they can never bring it.

#mental health #twitch #facebook #tinder #okcupid #ptsd #schizophrenia #rats #heroin #addiction #epigenetics #maoa #opioid

[sapphicsurveys]

Have you ever given a public speech? Fun story -- I got nominated for a Pathfinder award in high school and gave an impromptu speech even though we weren’t supposed to. When was the last time you sat in the back seat of a car? Today. I can’t drive. When was the last time you had a checkup? A few months ago? Have you ever cried in a movie theater? Just a week ago, with Call Me By Your Name...it was absolutely a sensory overload, in a good way... Has a stranger ever stared at you in public? Always. Not in a horny way. In a creeped-out way. Have you ever had anything stolen from you? Not intentionally on their part...as far as I know. Starting in what grade were crayons excluded from your school supply list? High school. Were you heartbroken? No, I’ve always hated colouring (and handwriting) because I have an extremely unsteady hand. When was your last run-in with the police? One of my parents’ driving fuckups.  Are you a good sport or a sore loser? Sore loser. Do you read comic books? No, and never did. Have you ever been so emotional it left people speechless? All the time, the intensity of the things I feel scares people off sometimes. It’s not anger, I’m never angry. It’s like....a bunch of miscellaneous shooting colours and a cool splash of water. That’s how I’d describe my emotions. When was the last time you threw up? Last year. Do you intentionally sing poorly in front of people to avoid a critique? No. I always try. But I always believe I’ve failed afterwards. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? Too often. What did you/what will you do on your 18th birthday? Went to Cafe Tu Tu Tango and started my failed university experience. When was the last time you had a dream with a premonition in it? A few days ago, but I can’t remember what it was. Did it come true? I think it did? I can’t tell since I don’t remember the original dream. Have you ever seriously pretended to be clinically insane? I HAVE been clinically insane. I might still be. Are there any words you cannot spell correctly, no matter how hard you try? No. Do you know anyone with a stutter? Misha from Armenia!! LMAO it was adorable to watch interviews with him. With a lisp? Nope. Do you doodle more on page borders or on entire pages? Borders. Have you ever been in a newspaper? When I was 3, with this creepy-looking Easter Bunny. Have you ever been on TV? Yes, for a fundraiser event I was at. What was the last board game you played? Monopoly. Did you win? That game has no end in sight. When was the last time you tried to speak with an accent? Sometimes I do it for fun to see if people can tell if I’m faking it. What was the accent? An ambiguous one. Have you ever made up a word before? Yes. Did you get anyone else to use it? Don’t think so. Are all 4 of your biological grandparents alive? Only my maternal grandma, and I’d never met any of the other 3. What is/was your GPA? 3.0 in high school, TBA for first semester of college. When was the last time you used a flashlight? During the hurricane. When was the last time you went to a museum? It was either an art museum down here with my grandma or the Gugenheim in NY with my mom. Do you have anything from IKEA in your room? Nope. If you were watching TV now instead of doing this, what would you watch? TLC, they have the funnest, dumbest reality shows. Or truTV for Impractical Jokers. When was the last time you played MASH? Elementary school. *** You live in a capital city. You live in an apartment. You live with a roommate.  You drive your own car. You know how to ride a motorbike. You have a motorbike license. You’ve crashed a car. You’ve crashed a motorbike. You are twenty years old. You have half-siblings. You’ve been cheated on. You don’t want a relationship right now. You’ve broken bones in your face. You’ve had stitches. You don’t wear a lot of colours. You never wear open-toed shoes. You prefer shopping in person so you can try clothes on. You buy most of your clothes online for convenience. One of your favourite vegetables is broccoli. One of your favourite fruits is pear. You’ve volunteered for a concert or festival. You aren’t too good at drawing or painting. You are good at colouring, though. You always seem to have cuts on your hands. You almost always have two jobs. You’ve had a lot of jobs throughout your life. You love superheroes. Daredevil is your favourite Marvel superhero. You think Marvel is better than DC.  You watch a lot of movies and TV shows. You’ve been high on marijuana, but you don’t like it. You feel that drumming is what you were born to do. You live in a place where light pollution prevents you from seeing stars. You had head lice several times when you were a kid. You hated gym class in school, but like being active. You get bored very quickly if you don’t have anything to keep you occupied. You know how to edit and master music tracks. You eat more meatless meals than meat ones. (but I LOVE meat) Dark chocolate is your kryptonite. You collect keychains. You want to earn a Bachelor’s degree.  You often have issues with your back. You find yourself daydreaming about random stuff a lot. You smoke and wish you could quit once and for all. Your smoking habits have pissed off people you love and care about. You have a pet dog. You really value your sleep and can sleep for long periods at a time. You are good at keeping track of things in your own head. You’re proud of your own achievements. You live a comfortable life and you’re happy. *** Have you ever felt like you were being crushed by an invisible weight?: 24/7, although it’s not really invisible, because I know what’s causing it. Have you ever looked back and realized that it’s been ages since you cried?: No, I cry on a weekly basis. Do you ever wish you could go back to kindergarten?: Never. I would never turn back time. Do you have a ‘good side’?: Yes. Would you rather spend your whole life in the light, or in the dark?: In the dark, as long as I could see somehow. Like, in nighttime. Basically I’d rather have all night and no day. Do you have a good luck charm?: My online bestie. Has anyone ever sang to you, just for you?: Yes. What’s the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had?: *puke emoji* Is there anyone that you have trouble saying goodbye to?: Yes. Do your friends like the person you’re dating/crushing on?: I have a crush on everyone in the world. Do you care if your parents approve of the people you date?: It would be awkward if they didn’t, but it’s not a dealbreaker. If asked to pick a number between one and five, what number would you pick?: The previous person’s answer biased me, so I can’t answer this one. Do you use Skype to talk to your friends?: Only iTalki language partners. In your opinion is calling easier than texting?: It’s easier. I hate calling just to talk, but I prefer calling if I need to say or hear something important. I will hang up right after hearing what I need to hear. Name all the people you’ve hugged today: Mom. Is there anything that you want to say right now to someone?: I’ve already said my piece to everyone I can think of. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?: It would be the same, LOL. Please don’t make me marry my parent. *puke emoji [2]* About how many times a day do you use the backspace button?: A million times. Actually, I used it just now. I make a lot of typos because I rush my typing. Are you allergic to any animals?: Cats, a little bit. Do you know anyone who smokes?: Yes, a lot of my mom’s friends. Do you usually spend your weekends out, or at home?: Out to dinner. Do you miss anyone right now?: Yes! How far away is your next birthday?: About 7 months away. Have you ever felt completely lost?: Yes, but then I always found my way back around again. What’s the stupidest question anyone could ever ask you?: There are an endless amount of those. Do you think it’s wrong for people to say 'retard/retarded’ as an insult?: Yes. What swear word do you use most often?: "Fucking” as an adjective, probably. Have you ever had to go to the police department?: Thankfully not. Have you ever lived through a hurricane?: I live in Florida. What do you think? Have you ever wished you could disappear?: Yes. Can you name all the candidates in the previous presidential election?: Yes. Do you eat organic foods?: Sure, but I don’t consciously think about it. Have you ever had a home grown tomato?: No. Have you ever held a real gun?: No. Would you rather wear Converse or Vans?: I don’t care what brand my sneakers are, as long as they fit nicely. Is there a song that reminds you of someone?: Of course. Have you ever been called bipolar?: I actually am bipolar. Bipolar 2. Do you think Facebook can be safe if you’re smart about what you post?: No. I’m addicted to Facebook and it’s destructive for me. But even for people who rarely use it, there are always dangers that someone will doxx you or try to get your account reported. Have you ever made fun of a handicapped person?: No. Do you think it’s okay to have sex before marriage?: Obviously. But if you’re straight, you should really use protection as long as you don’t want a baby. What are your views on abortion?: Undecided. Have you ever liked a book that you had to read for school?: The Great Gatsby was outstanding. Do you have any mosquito bites?: Again: I live in Florida. What do you think? Have you pulled an all-nighter in the last week?: No. Are there posters on your walls?: So many. Do you play any video games?: No. Have you ever been called a wimp?: Does anyone actually use that insult? When was the last time you made fun of someone else?: I never make fun of people for things they can’t help. Have you ever been jealous?: 24/7. Do you like to watch old sitcoms?: No. They depress me. Are there actually books on your bookshelf?: A bunch of old ones from when I was a kid. Have you ever tried any kind of diet?: For, like, a week. LOL. Could you go out in public wearing what you are now?: Yeah, I’m still wearing my clothes from class. If asked, could you run a mile nonstop right now?: Never. Do you follow a daily routine?: I’ve just started one recently. Do you have to plan your days out meticulously or are you spontaneous?: I like to be spontaneous, but at the same time I’m obsessed with order and structure. Both... Are you allowed to go over to the opposite sex’s house?: LOL. Do you think people’s idea of a 'date’ has changed over the years?: I think back in the day, it was more common for people to fuck on a first date. Nowadays, there’s a whole game to the dating scene. Have you ever given someone a friendship bracelet?: When I was in elementary school. Do you wear those rubber wristbands?: No. How does your behavior around adults differ from around friends?: I’m an adult. If a necklace/ring gives you green marks, do you still wear it?: I don’t wear jewelry at all, anyway. Do you have public display of affection issues, or do you not care?: I'm a hypocrite. I love partaking in PDA, but I hate to see anyone else doing it. How soon is too soon to kiss a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Never. Just do it when it feels right. It’s just a kiss, after all. Do you hate it when people try to pressure you into doing something?: Yes. What instrument do you play, if any?: None. I used to be able to play a bit of the piano and flute. Has anyone ever taken your breath away?: In the literal sense, only things like music and films have done that to me. Do you like to walk around town, or would you rather take a car?: Walk, listen to music, feel the nature, and watch the scenery, so long as the weather outside is nice, or at least bearable. Does time usually pass by too fast for you?: Too fast and too slow. What’s the sweetest thing the gender of your choice could ever do for you?: Be spontaneous with me. Do you think it’s mean for people to use 'gay’ as an insult?: Yes. Is there anyone that you’d drop everything to go see?: Yes. Have you comforted anyone lately?: Yes. *** 01. How often do you walk around barefoot? 24/7 so long as I’m in the house. 02. When you eat take-out, do you just eat it out of the containers provided? I prefer that to plates, I like eating out of and with plastic things because there’s no germs or residue. 03. How do you prefer to travel? Plane, train, driving? Plane, because I have big dreams of the places I want to see. 04. Would you need to sleep with someone before considering marrying them? Definitely. 05. How often do you make your bed? There’s no point if you’re just going to mess it up again. 07. Do you carry condoms? I’m a lesbian, so I don’t really need them. 08. Would you date someone who has a hearing aid? Yes! 09. If you were to be stuck on a deserted tropical island, how big would you like the island to be? Big, but not too big where it feels like an abyss. 10. How organized are the files on your computer? Disorganized. 11. Have you ever been to a strip club? It’s on my bucket list. 12. Have you ever brought home a stray animal? No, but it’s always been a dream of mine. I want to help all the cute animals. 13. Did you have a childhood hero? Were they real or fictional? Hero? Don’t think so. 14. If you are put on hold and the music playing is a song you know, do you sing along? It is always elevator music. 15. Are you physically strong? More than I thought before. 16. Would you date someone with braces? No, it would cause too much tearing with physical contact. 17. Does scuba diving interest you? No. 18. Would you ever ask your parents for relationship advice? I have, but I feel gross doing it. 19. Do you think people look up to you? People tell me they do, but I don’t believe them. 20. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? Never. I fall right asleep like a baby. 21. Can you drive a manual transmission? I can’t drive at all. 22. Have you ever re-gifted a gift you didn’t care for? My mom did it for me when I was little. Now that I’m older I appreciate every gift I receive. 23. Do you ever rehearse conversations before you have them? If it’s with someone I have a crush on. 24. You notice someone staring intently at you, what do you do? Stare right back at them, and make it somewhat of a contest. 25. Do you blush easily? Yes!! 26. Do you get angry at yourself or at others more often? Myself! I seldom get angry at others but I’m one of the people who is most hard on themselves in the world, I think. 27. Can you name five current world leaders? Yes. 28. When taking a cab, do you talk to the driver? I’ve taken an Uber twice. I didn’t want to, but they both initiated conversation, so I went along with it. 29. Do you like word games like Scrabble or Boggle? I love words, so yes. 30. Would you consider dating a psychiatrist or psychologist? Sure, but only if they are actually good in their field. I don’t want someone to try explaining all my behaviors in our relationship if they don’t know the first thing about how brains actually work. *** What is the current advertisement above?: There is none. Have you ever played tic tac toe on your arm in sharpie?: No. Has one of your friends ever tried to ‘hook you up?’: We’ve joked about it, but it never came to fruition. Do you prefer landmarks or street names when being given directions?: Landmarks. Do you read the prologues in the beginnings of books?: Not if it’s assigned reading. I know, it should be the other way around. Don’t bug bites make you sad?: They could be easily prevented, if my parents just listened to me and didn’t leave the front door open when they’re in the middle of something. Does your house have more than one fireplace?: It doesn’t have any. I repeat: I live in Florida. Would you say that you’re better in Math or English?: English, of course. What was your favourite gym class moment?: None. Have you ever watched The Mask Of Zorro?: Nope. If I were to give you a pet camel, what would you name it?: Todd. Do you think that ocean boardwalks are fun?: They’re gorgeous and wonderful and everything good in the world. When it rains does it leave a lake in your front yard?: Nope. What colour is your music device?: It’s my phone, and it’s either gold or rose gold, I can’t remember/tell. Your opinion on all of the new Disney/Nick stars with upcoming CDs?: Let me just say, Andi Mack is an amazing show! Okay, that’s it. Would you please make me some food?: I only know how to make a few things. Do you dread when people ask you to sign their yearbooks?: That was such a fun activity, I always wrote something cheeky. Does Harry Potter eat chicken nuggets?: No, they only have the highest quality of cuisine at Hogwarts. Does your mum watch Judge Judy too much?: That reminds me, she just got recruited for Jury Duty, LOL. Where is one place that you’d never be caught dead in?: A lingerie shop. Apple Jacks; Yay or nay?: I like cereal that’s actually cereal, not candy. Have you ever watched the movie Driving Lessons?: Never heard of it. Favourite candle scent?: I like all, except the fresh laundry and beach ones. Coke or Pepsi brand sodas?: Coke, is that even a question? If you could live in a world of your own, would you make everything madness?: The world we live in right now is utter madness. Do you have a favourite Scooby-Doo movie?: No. Have you ever been invited to a clam bake?: WTF?? Do storms frequently knock out your power?: Sometimes. Do you enjoy taking polls?: Yep! Do you dislike when people ruin the endings of anything for you?: Depends on how much I care about the series/movie that I’m going to watch. Do you think it’s cute when toddlers try to run away and fall down?: Toddlers and babies are gross, not cute. Have you ever eaten a penny?: ???? What is the last cartoon that you have watched?: Bojack Horseman...I THINK. Have you ever played Disc Golf or Ultimate Frisbee?: No. Cheez-its; yay or nay?: YAY! What is your favourite flavour of PopTart?: S’mores. Do you tan easily in the summertime?: No, I burn. Have you ever been to a funeral?: Yes, but I barely knew the guy, even though he was a family member. Do you enjoy listening to your grandparents tell stories of their past?: Yes, my grandma has some nice stories. Currently, what is going on around you?: I am listening to a white noise track on YouTube, because it’s the only way I can concentrate on anything. Can you read a compass well?: Not at all. If platypuses weren’t poisonous, would you have one for a pet?: No. *** do you ever wish you could just go to sleep and never wake up? Dying in my sleep is one of my biggest fears. do you want to have any children? if so, how many? Never. how many piercings have you had in your life all together? Ear piercings, but I made them close up. how many do you have now? Zero. do you have a problem with bisexual, gay, or bicurious people? I’m a lez myself. do you use hearts like this <3 a lot? Yep! <3 what were you doing at 12 AM? Filling out this survey, it’s been taking me so long, but I’m enjoying every minute of it. do you like where you live? Yes, but I’d hate to live here forever. how’s your sister? I have two half-sisters, but I never see them. is anyone over protective of you? My mom!!! have you ever made someone so mad that they broke something? I don’t recall. what color is your toothbrush? Multicoloured.  is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around now? Yes. what do you do when you’re having a bad day? Try to sleep, but then my thoughts are too distracting, so I take a walk. where is your mother right now? Sleeping. when was the last time you cried really hard? Seeing Call Me By Your Name in theatres. let’s test your memory, what were you doing at this exact moment a year ago? What a whack question. do you smoke weed everyday? I’ve only smoked it once, and I don’t plan on smoking it again. if the year consisted of only one season, which would you choose? Spring. have you ever liked someone older than you? Story of my life. who was the last person to call you? Mom. are you multi-tasking right now? Nope. what is the most irritating thing? Intimate sounds from people I dislike...I know that’s oddly specific. are you a patient person? No. do you ever listen to country music? Never. do you get mad when people smoke around you? Yes, I’m worried about secondhand smoke. did you lie on any of these questions so far? No. do you remember who you liked in january? It’s January right now. is life good or bad? Depends on the day. are you the oldest child? No. what was the last thing you said to someone? I don't remember. are you happy? Depends on the day. ever been told someone loved you? Yes. who was your last missed call? Too lazy to check. do you like cold and rainy days, or warm and sunny? Warm and cool at the same time. are you nervous about anything? Always. are you happier now, or three months ago? Now. what’s your current mood? Nervous. what color are your eyes? Hazel. do you and your mother have a good relationship? It’s complicated. do you know anyone with literally no common sense? Me. have you ever worn the opposite sex’s clothing? It’s my preference. honestly and don’t lie how's your heart these days? Overly passionate. have you ever had a summer romance? No. looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? No. do you remember who you had feelings for in december 2009? Yes. is a best friend pissing you off right now? Yes. what woke you up this morning? My alarm. do you have a brother? Half-brother whom I’ve never met. are you sad right now? Yes. do you like winter time? No. was it a boy or a girl to text you first today? Girl. what are you listening to right now? White noise. when was the last time you wanted to slap someone in their face? Today. are you scared of spiders? Yes. do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? I give endless chances. do you have siblings over the age of 21? All three of them. when’s the last time you cried yourself to sleep? Yesterday. do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? I know them way too well, actually. do you believe in divorce? I believe you shouldn’t get married in the first place. do you think you’re old? No. where have you lived throughout your life? New York and Florida. what’s the greatest thing that happened to you today? My first philosophy class. has anyone said they love you in the last week? Yes. would you rather visit australia, germany, croatia or jamaica? Croatia x10000 when was the last time you saw your dad? Today. if your boyfriend or girlfriend smoked pot, would you care? Only if it was daily. have you ever camped out with a significant other? I’ve never camped out at all. what keeps you awake at night? Nothing. As I said, I fall asleep like a baby. how many times have you stayed in a hotel? A lot. what does your third text message say? who is it from? Too lazy, again! plans for tomorrow? Two university classes. honestly, what’s on your mind right now? I'm tired but I want to complete this survey. other than a person, what was the last thing you cuddled with? My dog, of course. where was the last place you got completely wasted? I’ve never gotten completely wasted. do you need/want new clothes? I need them. I don’t want them. what did you eat for lunch today? A Dunkin’ Donuts wake-up wrap. how would you feel about traveling abroad alone? It’s my dream. what was the last thing you watched on tv? The Golden Globes (and I was disappointed with the results, of course, if you were paying attention to my previous answers on this survey.) when is the last time you wore a dress? For Christmas, I think? do you prefer hot, humid weather or bone-chilling cold weather? Hot and humid weather. last person you yelled at? Mom. have you ever watched one tree hill? No. who did you last have an alcoholic drink with? The guests at the Christmas party. are you afraid of falling in love? No, I love the feeling. what color eyes does your cat have? I have a dog, not a cat. what is the drinking age where you live? 21. do you lead people on? I’m very direct. how do you feel about your hair right now? It's up in a ponytail. I recently found a shampoo that works perfectly with it. have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die? Yes. who did you last say i love you to? My online bestie. when is your birthday? June 20th. is there any emotion you’re trying to avoid right now? One that I want to get rid of, but I acknowledge it. do you ever get “good morning” or “good night” texts? No. when did you last hold hands with someone? Oh God, it’s been a while. can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. stalked someone on a social network? 24/7. are you afraid of the dark? No. have you ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes. have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? Story of my life, again. 1) Have you ever read the play “Waiting for Godot?” Did you like it? I haven't. 2) Do you actually like the early Simpsons episodes? I don’t watch The Simpsons. 3) Do you ever get horrible back pains? I’m actually getting adjustments at the Chiropractor for them. I have bent nerves in my back. 4) Do you ever nick the free things they put in hotel rooms (soaps, biscuits, chocolates, etc.)? Yep. 5) How often does it snow where you are? Does it interrupt your day-to-day life? Never. 6) How often do your knees crack when you stand up/crouch down? Always. 7) What’s your favourite flavour of Pringles? Sour cream and onion. That’s a flavor, isn’t it? 8) Do you have an ex that acts really weird with you sometimes, but absolutely fine with you at other times? No. 9) Have you ever been skiing/snowboarding before? Did you like it? I haven’t. 10) Do you do your own grocery shopping or not? Nope. 11) Are you on the pill? Is it for contraception or for other reasons? I am, to make my periods lighter and to balance my hormones. 12) Is someone in your family affected by Asperger’s? I am. 13) Are you addicted to any kind of soda? Ginger ale. 14) Have you ever eaten sugar straight out of the packet? No, gross. 15) Do programmes about bad eating habits make you want to sit and eat junk food? Quite the opposite. 16) Do you ever get worried about calling up strangers on the phone (eg. in hotels or for jobs)? Always. 17) In a hotel do you always nose through all the drawers and cupboards? Yes, it’s so much fun! 18) How often do you crack your back? Often. 19) Is your keyboard missing any keys? No way. 20) Are you afraid of flying or do you enjoy it? Or is it just normal to you? I love it! I love being above the clouds and the world looking miniature compared to me. 21) Have you ever flown to another country by yourself? Not yet. 22) What can you see out of the window right now? Nothing, I have the blinds closed. 23) Is your phone/iPod charging right now? No. 24) Do you like Elvis Presley’s music? No. 25) Do you live outside the United States? No. 26) If so, does it bug you when surveys are really Americanised? -- 27) Do you still watch Futurama? Never did. 28) Do you watch reality shows? Which one is the worst in your opinion? Yes, and all of them are the worst. 29) What size bed do you have? Twin-sized. It’s so goddamn small. 30) Do you get really bad periods? If so, what do you do to make them less painful? Not ever since I’ve been taking the pill.

#survey

[betterreader]

A Week in Reviews: From Russian Literature and Southern Gothic to Contemporary German Fiction and Magical Realism

The Big Green Tent by Ludmila Ulitskaya

Morgan says; This book is an epic saga that follows three young friends growing up in turbulent 1950s Russia. Mikha, an orphaned poet; Sanya, a fragile pianist; and Ilya, a budding photographer and collector, struggle to reach adulthood in a society where their heroes have been censored and exiled. This big yet intimate novel offers a panoramic survey into everyday Russian life after Stalin. Each of the characters seek to transcend an oppressive regime through art, a love of Russian literature, and activism. And each of them ends up face-to-face with a secret police that is highly skilled at creating paranoia, division and self-betrayal. The Big Green Tent is a fascinating insight into how young Russians survived a volatile period of their contemporary history.

$26.99

An End to Murder by Colin and Damon Wilson

Nelson says; The final work of prolific criminologist Colin Wilson, An End to Murder was completed posthumously by his son after his death in 2013. Whilst the work stands on its own, it's also a memorial to his father. The tone is often conversational and it's clear both authors cherish life whilst considering whether human beings are in reality as cruel and violent as is generally believed. Ranging through history and content from Baron Gilles de Rais, 'Bluebeard', to modern forensic science they also explore the possibility that humankind is on the verge of a fundamental change: that we are about to become truly civilised.

$26.99

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

Mischa says; When I read Caraval I couldn't even put into words what a complex page-turner it is. The dazzling, yet perilous game of the circus-like Caraval parallels the much more sinister dangers that women must face on a regular basis; ones in which sisters Scarlet and Tella embody throughout the course of the book, and ones that are only overcome by their struggles not to be turned against one another. In an attempt to describe Caraval in the briefest way possible, I would say it's a bit like a more grotesque Alice in Wonderland, and every bit as magical and haunting as The Night Circus, however, utterly unique and highly compelling. It's a journey into another, more enchanting world, yet one that is every bit our own. It consumed my world!

$24.99

The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers

Mariana says; "[L]ove is a joint experience between two persons, but the fact that it is a joint experience does not mean that it is a similar experience to the two people involved."

This beautiful desperation to map the intangible is fitting of the writer who allegedly camped on seminal modernist Djuna Barnes's porch for days despite Barnes's refrain: "Whoever is ringing this bell, please go the hell away". The title story of this collection is a twisted Southern Gothic masterpiece, and its companions are not far behind.

$14.99

The Taste of Apple Seeds by Katharina Hagena 

Steph says; I was in Berlin visiting my family, and naturally wound up spending an entire evening in the Dussmann das KulturKaufhaus, a large bookshop in the heart of the city. The Taste of Apple Seeds was the book I bought there, after it was recommended to me by three different booksellers, two cousins and a staff shelf review. It spent years on the German bestseller list and has been translated into 26 languages (English being one of them). It is at once a meditation on family (and family secrets), friendship and memory. Hagena takes the reader on a sensory experience evoking the smell of apples and apple jam and blossoms and the sights and sounds of the beautiful German countryside.

$19.99

The Stranger in the Woods by Michael Finkel

Fergus says; Writer Finkel is the only person granted interviews by Christopher Knight, who, having 'disappeared' in 1986, was in 2013 discovered to have been living for 27 years in total seclusion in a tent the woods near Little North Pond, central Maine. Behind the short-lived newsworthiness of the discovery, and of Knight's forced removal from the woods, there remains the enigma of his preference for extreme privacy and solitude. I greatly enjoyed this book, which explores and takes the biographical measure of Knight's world-the social context of his anti-social existence. An autobiographical dimension unfolds as Finkel reveals and reflects upon the nature of his writerly use (invasive abuse?) of the attention-shy man, the story's singular object of 'human interest'.

$29.99

The Roanoke Girls by Amy Engel

Mischa says; To quote the novel itself, The Roanoke Girls is "equal parts horrifying and mesmerising." From the very first page this book sucks you into its dark and twisted world. The mystery of the Roanoke girls and why each one of them either dies or disappears unravels slowly, each thread like a tightly wound spool of tension. Engel has created a gritty Southern Gothic atmosphere that will appeal to fans of Robin Wasserman's Girls on Fire and a patriarchal cult-like thriller similar to Emma Cline's The Girls. Compelling and at times disturbing, I was consumed by the story of the Roanoke family, and the flawed and secretive characters that hide behind the facade of beauty and wealth. There is, however, something beautiful and poignant that lies within the darkness of this book; something you'll discover for yourself when you read it!

 $29.99

Barking Dogs by Rebekah Clarkson

Virginia says;

...The dogs do bark...

It has been a while since I have read such a strong, worthwhile collection of short stories. The connected short stories set at Mount Barker, SA, are maddeningly evocative and lively as the beasts in the title. Clarkson captures with humour and depth a collection of recognisable characters that are so lifelike I could smell them. A subtle critique of pop reality lifestyle consumption underpins these stories that are monstrously every day. I loved them.

$24.99

#staff picks #aweekinreviews