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mr-grizzed · 5 months

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I LOVE HOW THE NOWHERE KING IS WRITTEN.

the title says it all!

but lemme go more in depth. centaurworld spoilers under the cut.

OK. so let me get started. basically where it starts is only being mentioned by name maybe TWICE before the season finale? and you forget all about it by the time you get there, due to the shows Wacky Antics and what not… but hes never truly elaborated upon? which i really like? its just a really vague lullaby that sounds really nice and then you hear the lyrics and ur like "Oh Yeah Ok i guess." and then you get to the rift, horse and rider meet up and for like 2 seconds ur like "HOORAY!" and then the GOOP starts dripping and ur like "oh nah." and then one of the hardest villain designs in fiction just APPEARS? and hes IMMEDIATELY on their ass about the key. standard villain affair after that, but he gets WAY more interesting later. trust. something that rlly sticks out to me abt the rift pt 1 and 2 is the line of "i intended to spare you all." which IM PRETTY SURE I DIDNT HALLUCINATE BUT STILL. thats just so????? What did he mean by that. also i like how when the woman appears, he IMMEDIATELY kneels and says "i never stopped thinking about you." we LOVE foreshadowing.

and then she DOES end up stabbing him, just not fatally. he escapes to the human world after they "smash his skull" and "kill him", while they all head to centaurworld. so far Yeah I Guess It ain't much but it does set up something later.

after this, in season 2, we're introduced to the general (He will be important.)

hes not rn but he will be. anywho, the nowhere king goes back to the human world, and starts amassing more of his army. he begins doing some Crazy Ass Shit fusing animals together to make super minotaurs, and just. villain affair yeah.

his story doesnt really pick up until the last episode, where horse uses her backstory magic to see whats inside of him. and as much as she sees, its just a black void.. til she does something and.

WHAT THE FUCK. normal ass elk in his brain ig?

so he introduces himself, and comments on how similar him and horse really are. horse asks wheres the nowhere king and hes like "oh. thats me. im a part of him." and then he gets hit with the "nowhere king is nothing but evil and you seem really nice!!! what do you mean youre a part of him?"

and then HERE WE FUCKING GO.

im doing this chronologically in order of timeframe when it all happened, not in timeframe of the show.

so its revealed that he USED TO BE A CENTAUR. particularly an elktaur, who was a mechanic who worked on the rift.

^ look at him.

and he kind of HATES it. he wishes he wasnt a centaur because as humans travel in and out of centaurworld, they always have to make some passing remark about how centaurs are seen as lesser than humans, to the point where he Literally Just Shoves someone through the portal to get them to stfu which. That was so fucking real of him. not to mention he literally just fixed an interdimensional portal from bugging out which ungrateful??????????? wtf u couldve died?????

then he meets this human princess.

standard love at first sight affair. he IMMEDIATELY becomes flustered as soon as shes like "we'll tell him the reason we were able to get back at all." while smiling at him.

(hi elktaur.)

ANYWHO she then leaves centaurworld, and throws a party for him at the human world for. Securing the safe travels of everyone between dimensions.

this booboo ass cake.

she then points out how hes missing his antlers, and rather has a hat on. to which he replies, "they fell off!" Oh we'll get to that

do they know how to eat a fucking cake. Sorry im getting too offtopic anyways

he then presents her with 2/6 key pieces, to which she fuses them together and makes one whole. she comments on how shes learned a lot about magic from being in centaurworld, and how you need to respect "both sides" which is going to be a MAJOR theme for these two.

he does feel, that the love isn't real though, or that it wouldnt work, due to the way he was. which was, a centaur. And we will get to what he did dont you worry

this is where we find out what happened to those antlers of his.

HE FUCKING SAWED THEM OFF. to appear more human.

he then tests the magic of the key by taking a turnip to the rift, and firing some sort of blast at it. and what hes resulted with is

it being separated into 2 things. Naturally you can see where this is going so ill cut to the chase. he blasts it at himself, hoping hell lose the side of him thats a beast, and hell be fully human, but then..

THATS RIGHT. THE FUCKING GENERAL IS THE "HUMAN HALF" OF HIM. when i saw this shit for the first time i YELLED.

the elk then proceeded to have a perfectly understandable panic attack. to which horse tries to comfort him, only going to another memory.

the elk and general confront eachother, with the elk saying "we made a mistake." and the general just absentmindedly going "yeah i shouldve invited you to the wedding lol" because he DID in fact marry the princess.

he tries to convince the other half of himself to undo the mistake theyve made, saying "we didnt even try. she couldve loved us how we were." only to be followed with, "no, she loves ME." and he straight up STARTS DROWNING THE ELK????

fortunately, it doesnt end up working.

theyre still connected. whatever affects one, affects the other. meaning that he dies if he kills the elk. so what does he do instead? well, captures him of course.

and its never shown on screen, but its stated he put him in the castles deepest dungeon, a windowless cell, which he couldnt even STAND in, for a decade.

by the time he escapes he. is a LITTLE screwed in the head. understandably. so he thinks to make his own family, by fusing humans and beasts.

he's made the first minotaur.

and this scene is especially rough because you can just SEE his slow decline into the nowhere king.

this is accentuated with him telling himself "i don't belong anywhere."

the self hatred fucking GOT him.

and he just starts to look worse and worse every time he spins that key.

Oh hey look at that hes starting to look kinda familiar

THERE WE AREEEEEEE!!!!!!

then we're brought to a scene where the princess takes the key out. to which she reality checks the FUCK out of the general.

"whatre you doing? put that thing down! havent you seen what it's done to him?"

"you locked him away in the dungeons. did you think there would be no effect?"

the princess then shatters the key, being thrown into centaurworld, with the general being thrown into the human world, and the elk -- now, nowhere king, being locked in the rift, as both doors close.

then stuff happens w rider and horse ig but this aint abt them sorry whats important is that the general tries to kill rider for shooting at the nowhere king

the princess, then appears and the general tries to counsel with her. "i had to do it! i had to do it so i could stay with you!

(images stop here bc i put too many above)

the princess then SNAPS and has her horse kick general off a cliff, to which the nowhere king follows him down.

the princess also follows them down, and uses the key, saying "let me see you how you were. one last time."

she tells him she would have loved him the way he was, after all.

and then.. she brings back the key scepter, and starts SINGING A REPRISE OF THE LULLABY FROM ALL THE WAY BACK IN THE BEGINNING, AS SHE WINDS UP AND..

ending the tale of the elk and the general, for good.

in conclusion, i am REALLY obsessed with the character and how they handled the nowhere king. the feeling of being a hopeless romantic, but having that feeling that youd NEVER be accepted, so fundamentally changing yourself and ripping yourself in half, ending up in fucking up both you, and the one you just wanted to be with, for good. not to mention the allegories for internalized racism, self-hatred, and dissociation, and GOD man hes just so fucking well written. this entire story is so well written and heartfelt, and its just. so surprising for a joke with such. Ehhh humor at points that theres this story thats so. heartfelt and dealt with so much care in the final episode thats been built on over the course of the series.

tl;dr hopeless romantic who gets racially profiled splits himself in half. shocked to learn he hurt his lover as well and gets killed for it.

tl;dr tl;dr elktaur rolls "Worst Idea Ever". asked to leave mortal plane.

#centaurworld #nowhere king #elktaur #elk #general #god hes SO fucking cool.#i needed a way to speak abt him #ill add the other images later im tired #i just spent an hour writing this #spoilers

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wherearemyglassesbro · 3 years

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Hi, law student anon here! (And no lmao I'm not british but I do live in England) I was wondering, do you have any headcanons for how the characters survived law school? Like what their uni was, their favourite modules, their experience, random trivia, anything really 😂

Hello arse anon!! I can try!! 😅😅

I won’t be mentioning real universities or businesses cause this is an ace attorney au at heart so...nothing is real lmao :) and I also don’t know what is taught at law school so sorry if this is vague...I am just a newbie college student...Wanting to go into secondary education *dies*

Francis: Francis started out college in an arts program! He was going to major in painting and interior design. He also planned on flipping houses with Jeanne. But when she was murdered during his sophomore year in college, he dropped out to grieve and regain his composure. Jeanne’s case made a huge impact on his life and he changed his career course to become a prosecutor. While he did party a little and was social, he was focused on his education. Jeanne’s parents and his own supported him all the way!! There were times where he struggled because of his Art Brain getting distracted but he pushed through!! As hard as he could!!! He did not enjoy learning about banking law or anything having to do with math. Poor Fran nearly flunked math lmao

Arthur: Arthur wanted to be a lawyer in order to break the cycle of dirtbag criminals in his family. But in the beginning, he intended on going into elder law. He made friends with multiple professors who told him he’d do great working with old people and Art really loved the idea of representing old people when they didn’t have anyone else on their side. As he worked through the law program, he decided on being a defense attorney instead! He wasn’t very social in college and seeing him in full punk attire for law lectures was truly a sight to see lmao. He did very well!! He was in the top 7 of his class! When he graduated, only Griffin came to see him. His parents didn’t enjoy the idea of him being a lawyer cause...they’re criminals lmaoooo

Alfred: Alfred switched majors like three times. He originally wanted to be a sports team manager!! He fell out of love with that very fast. Then he wanted to be a mechanic! He also ended up hating that. He’s always wanted to help people though as when he saw Arthur in court, he was like ‘wowie I could do that!!!’ So he did! He played football and basketball, juggled a frat life and law school all at once. It’s kinda impressive now he managed such a broad social life as well as his schooling. He struggled with writing because he tended to just barf words on a page. He knew what laws were and all the info he needed in order to win a fake case but he needed help learning to speak and write eloquently. Arthur tutored him :) and Matt picked on him “You can’t say ‘bro’ in court, Al” “Shut up!!!! >:(“

Yao: Back in his day, being a lawyer wasnt glorfied the way it is now. With the 3 day trial system being brand new, he had a lot to adjust to. He did his best and met his wife in college!! Yao was not only a teachers pet, he quickly worked his way up to be the head of the tennis team lol. His college experience wasn’t anything spectacular but once he graduated, he shadowed a bunch of defense attorneys who now have their own reality tv show lmao. Working in LA was hard and he came close to quitting many times but he got a big break when he got to work a murder case!! He won (even though the client was guilty oops) and people flocked to him! Without taking on that case, he would have totally quit working with the law and worked in real estate with his wife (now ex wife)

Roderich: Roddy went to a super expensive law school on the East coast before moving to California. His family is rich so they just threw money at him and let him do whatever he wanted. His childhood was great cause he got whatever he wanted but he didn’t have like...the opportunity to help others cause it wasn’t something rich people did. So as he grew up he wanted to help others and seeing prosecutors on tv or reading about them in books??? He decided that he wanted to do that. He did not make any friends in college. He went to class, grinded through work and slept when he could. He was on a constant grind, going out of his way to prove himself as the best and I mean...He was. Roderich ended up being in the top 3 of his class. He was scooped uo almost immediately by the city prosecutors office when he made it to LA and has been working with them ever since! He really wants to be the chief prosecutor but he isn’t gonna push his luck

Eliza: Eliza is a first generation college goer in her family! She busted her ASS to get scholarships for academics and soccer and took out a sizable loan in order to get herself through school. Literally a self made woman and she’s just awesome for it. She knew she wanted to be a lawyer from the start so figuring out a career path wasn’t very hard. She and her college soccer team were super close, they went out a lot and had grouo study sessions all the time. She still keeps in contact with a couple of them!! She sucked up a lot to her professors to get on their good sides so they’d curve her grade at the end of the semester and hey! She got most of them to do that so good for her

Ivan: Ivan was pushed into going to a school that he didn’t want to go to poor guy. His mother paid for everything but he wasn’t allowed to participate in clubs cause it would ‘distract him’. He managed to convince her to let him join the damn chess club during his second year of college but she made him quit when he started getting close to his teammates. He graduated early because he took so many credit hours but his college experience was shit overall. He made like two friends but spent almost all of his time studying or shadowing his mom’s friends in court or just sitting in on trials, writing reports on them as he watched. Then he’d hand them in to his mother later. She was stricter with him than she was with Natalya but still just...awful lol. He went to the lawschool his mother went to so they recognized his name and would be like “Oh! Hey we got a Braginsky here! How’s you’s mom?” He hated how everyone talked about her. Sometimes he thought that those professors would just pass him cause he was a Braginsky...ugh...

Natalya: Her mother put her through the same law school as Ivan. She worked herself to the bone to graduate early in order to catch up to him. She wants to be the best. She wants their mother to be proud of her. She shadowed multiple prosecutors who used to work with her mom and attended as many public trials as possible in order to take notes. Throughout her college years she has super dark eye bags cause she just....Didnt sleep. Ivan would take her in and make her rest at his place where it was quiet. She was allowed to be in the choir and her mom would actually come to their concerts which was something she would usually say no to. Nat was also allowed to have more friends than Ivan which kinda made her feel bad cause her brother is so isolated all the time. Oh well. She’s still his friend :’)

Kiku: Kiku survived law school through spite alone. His mom insisted that he was not cut out to be a lawyer and every time she said that, he wanted to be a lawyer even more!! He took out loans and got himself through school. He had a lot of professors that he ended up liking and bonded with his ‘criminal psychology’ professor!! He didn’t have many friends but he felt comfortable going to that professor for advice. Kiku was very interested In bankruptcy law from the beginning but he thought that being a defense attorney would be more rewarding as well as more impressive to his family

#lawyer au :)#long post #not tagging he:talia anymore cause I don’t wanna flood the tags :0

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currentfandomkick · 4 years

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Why Marinette Hates Tim

Marinette blames Tim next summer for all that happened. Why? He cursed her with a vague theory. And Max and her Both know give her a clue and she has to follow it to solve the puzzle—a fatal flaw for her, Puzzler, Hero Stalker (Tim), Riddler and her father, Professor Strange (even if he is using an alias and supposedly dead as far as legal documents go).

Hero Staker Tim swore he’d become Robin if the current one left. It was a joke between them, she thought. Then he vanished the next summer, the first one where there wasnt any Robin mentioned anywhere. It was eery.

Then, then Timothy Drake, heir to some company-who looks a lot like her Hero Stalker—is a Wayne. And there’s a new Robin. This... deeply bothers Marinette. Why? New Robin seeks her out and talks a lot like Hero Stalker. And has a too similar movement pattern and tells.

And wasnt Hero Stalker Tim from a rich but high on neglient at best family? Didnt that happen to Timothy Drake before ending up as a Wayne?

Her that puzzle peice was central to figuring this out and goddamnit. Frost, who hates gossip, told her to just look up the rich families with kids Hero Stalker’s age and see who looked like him and to leave from to his lab and antidotes already.

Frost accidently gave her the vital method to see if Hero Stalker was that dumb to be become Robin after Robin the Second (Jason) was brutally murdered. The answer was yes.

And now Marinette had a crisis. She knew Batman’s identity was Bruce Wayne. How? Tim calls Bruce his dad. New Robin slipped and called him dad. And Tim is New Robin since Tim is Hero Stalker and no one else came close to looking like Hero Stalker from the data pool which involved more hacking than she ever thought she would do.

Marinette, a child, figured out who Batman was by age 9 becuase his new Robin/former Stalker was too obviously himself. She is embarrassed on his behalf, and honestly debates asking Riddler to separate him and Bats in a non-lethal puzzle trap just to lecture him. Becuase what the fuck Hero Stalker! If she can figure it out, then everyone else can too! Probably(?) likely. Either way its bad!

She doesnt though... Riddler puts together she’s concerned for the new Robin, traps Bats in a different puzzle maze from Robin, who is stuck with a grounded Marinette. Why was she grounded, easy. She got caught returning stolen jewlry on camera. It was punishment for failing basic stealth—always take out any witness.

And instead of pointing out she knows who Bats is, she tells him to work on a different persona since ‘i made you weeks ago. Its pretending to be someone you’re not completely is all. I have to do that around Maman and Papa all the time, and whenever i go out with anyone really. Up your secret identity game already!’

Riddler is busy with Bats and didnt do cameras. Why? “Im not redesiging a perfectly good grounding maze every time. They take time and i dint always have it. Its time economics Batman. I dont know what our lovely Princess said or did to your Robin. He’s fine though, see? No major injuries.”

Tim relized Marinette knew Hero Stalker was batman’s new Robin. This meant one thing—he could still help her and the RKC now! Why? He knew even if they made him out, they want to help people and never be like their parents, duh. And if they added to his budding information network with incredibly accurate information so long as he didnt rat them out to Batman, its fine.

Afterall, Pixie Pop wants to help poeple and is working the rouges into vigilantes to help more than hurt, and is doing a great job of it for the most part. So if Pixie Pop is Princess who’s the maybe kryptonian and her powers align with that theory, so what? Superman has an heir already and a bio!son too, apparently. Lois didnt tell him since they werent together then and yeah. So really, Superman didnt need another kid, and Pixie Pop didnt want another dad—“i have Papa and Father and now four of my friends’ dads in Paris called dibs on partial custody. I have more dads than i need for a quartet. That is far too many dads and i refuse to get another one!”

Then Marinette is talking to Alix and finds out about an old director at the Lourve her dad knew, Diana Prince. Marinette was working on a Wonder Woman inspired outfit, and knew her history of Wonder Woman thank you. Its just...

Wonder Woman appeared just after Miss Prince Left. And from the videos Alix sent of her new hero, she was terrifyingly similar to Wonder Woman. Not only did they look alike and have the same hair style preference, it was the same face if she did facial recognition with Markov, her robot son with Max. Then there was gait, generao stances and how she interacted with men and women so differently as both people and damnit. Same person.

She curses Hero Staker Tim for this. She now has to hide two hero identities. Why her?

The third was debatably Ivy and Harley’s fault, but defiantely still Tim’s. Why? He was the one that got her hooked on Barry Allen’s cases, and pointing out that he didnt see meta as bad or evil but as people who can be good or be civilians peacefully. That, she needed that with how much vitrol she had to swallow about her powers indirectly from everywhere but her school and some parts of Gotham.

In her defense, she is a nerd here. A nerd. So realizing the The Flash is also the forensics guy from Central City that she kinda follows on all her social medias, watches the cases of unfold, and knows has a reputation for being late a lot like her but is still well liked. So she may fangirl about his cases with Hero Stalker erm. Tim now, still.

And if one day she managed to pout at her father enough to get him to agree to let her go with Harley and Ivy to Central City for a few days to see the meta museum they just opened up (technically the Flash Museum, but Marinette didn’t care. It was focused on metas not being horrible and that meant a lot to her scared, meta closeted butt).

And then her favorite forensic investigator, The Barry Allen, shows up? Best day ever. He’s nice! And concerned about how much of his cases she knows. Its not her fault this time though! Hero Stalker—Tim—sent her a case of his that went cold and she liked his science and yeah. New hero added to her listpersonal heroes list.

Harley isn’t even mad, just amused as Marinette fangirls over someone that isnt her and Barry has no clue how to respond as a tiny child know him as Barry Allen and thinks he’s awesome? Why?? He is happy but so confused and Iris is dying until Marinette cites cases that she shouldnt know about and tiny child why, how, when and where did you get that information!

The only answer is a friend likes cold cases and has no qualms hacking to find interesting ones, if he’s stumped then Marinette (Jill Smith mr. allen sir!) gets to try. And she is good at it since she can ask an officer in France (officer Raincomprix) about logistical things, common error margins and then puzzle it all out herself from there.

Somewhere she mentions absently that her mom doesnt like her science-y side since her dad was a bad person and liked science but she still likes learning and helping, even if the family buisness is food and service and they want her to either take over or become a designer. She’s thinking maybe for people woth disabilites so she can do more mental work and toy with hiw things bend and move and such.

Iris and Barry are ConcernedTM and debating how to get custody, or get her away from her mom or both. Probably both—no science allowed for a clear science obssessed kid is a red flag for bith of them that somethinf is very wrong. Harley and Ivy wave it off as “trust us, her mom aint budging.”

then the Flash is needed because of some gorilla—Marinette was more focused on an outfit on display and muttering over aerodynamics and friction. Barry is Concerned (smart kid, likes helping, potentially a league ally?) before he bolts, determined to get more on her when he returns and possibly see if he can get cps involved.

Marinette only notices that her hero moving so fast and oh god she did it again damnit! That was superspeed. And only one speedster had similiar measurements, the Flash.

She cant even tell Hero Stalker now because he’s Robin and the Justice League would Flip if they knew she knew 3 of their hero’s identities. She just hit her head and said “i did it again!” Harley pats her head while Marinette burrows into her because why is she a danger to the Justice League and secret identities! She doesnt want to be or to know damnit!

Tim sneezes in the distance and wonders who’s talking about him behind his back this time. He messages batgirl about this bad feeling he has and she laughs it off as the boy developing Batman’s paranoia.

Her Fourth solve was Green Arrow. It was an accident! She swears. She just saw oliver queen with a bow and arrow in a video shooting. and noticed he had a very distinct and familiar style to someone but not who. Then compared it to various archers as her brain was nagging. Then saw a green arrow video and cursed herself again then Tim five more times.

She sent a message to Rose asking why she’s a danger to all secret identities. Rose tells her it is her curse for being too damn smart and not leaving things alone.

Marinette tries reallly hard not to figure out the next one. But really, it should have been an earlier solve and she’s mad at herself for missing it for so long, even if it was more aviodance than denial.

Admittedly this one should have been an earlier solve, but she was very little when she found out about the surgery and everything and it was uncomfortable damnit! So she did what any reasonable child would. Ignore it. Then she went over the file to see if maybe she could possibly target parts of the kyptonian DNA in her to weaken it. And saw who the intended donor was, Clark Kent, a reporter that has impossible luck with big hero scoops, is never injured or rescued, and never been sick. He also looks like... one quick photoshop of his glasses onto superman with a clothing change and she sees her usual disguise technique on goddamn superman. She is overwhelmed with this as ‘oh god superman will kidnap me if he finds out!’ And hides from him whenever he’s in the region—be it France or Gotham.

Her friends think its hilarious, Marinette feels sick from it. She doesnt like this and is genuinely scared for her life and family’s safety now. And we all know how nervous marinettes are.

If at one point batman tried to talk to her on patrol and somewhat suceeded. As in, she spoke beofre bolting.

“I didnt figure out who boyscout and amazon and boltbrain and arrowhead are! Or you and the batfam! Bye!!!!” Yes, clearly Marinette can lie very well.

Batman sees through it and feels sick. He forces a league meeting asap and fills them in.

“this kid put five of our identities together and cant even lie. We need to recruit them.”

“Batman, is this that kid KF mentioned to me?”

Batman nodded. Flash sighed. “Okay. We are on a manhunt for a kid kyptonian that is terrified of all of us, very smart, and may have an active gotham villain as a parent. And somehow knows me and—wait. bats, do you have any pics of your rogues in civilian clothing? I need to test a theory...”

A few minutes later and “oh my god that little kid i met as a civilian figured me out!”

A few days later Flash finds her by acccident as a civilian kid in broad daylight on her own in Central. He doesnt show he knows she knows, And finds out she’s waiting for her babysitter to finish a class.

Flash just asks about a case he put together as Barry Allen that she might know about and...

“Uh, mr. Flash? Why are you asking me? The lead florensics was Barry Allen.”

He tries insulting Barry Allen—he’s late and sloppy and—

only for Marinette to defend him to the death. “He’s late because he stays up late working on other cases. Appearances and organizational skills arent what matters with his expertise mr. flash! He even foghts for metas to have their circumstances and powers impact on them considered dueing sentencing!”

Flash is very touched and shocked. only then he manages to get out of her that where she lives (france) being meta is a life sentence to “a living zombie And jail-time for being born a lot, even if it is t in normal prisons. And you know what? Mr. Allen stated so many times that you need to contextualize powers and abilities and intent in his testimonies for meta cases. Back home youre put in prison for defending yourself...” she tugs at her sleeve here.

“Maman screamed at me when she found out a few kids were getting stalked and i helped out and someone got it on tape. Not becuase my powers showed or anything—father made a treatment so they dont, well, they stay off when i use them and follow all the behavior and environmental rules so they cant put me in one of the centers. But she, she’s stills cared someone will try to check me for abilities back in France, and that she’ll lose me. She doesnt always realize i have them until things like that happen...”

Flash is desperately trying not to adopt her. Wally would love a little sister, and Superman has enoguh kids, Bats does too. he is oreventing arrow form having another one as she’s powered and that isnt a good when working with Green Arrow unless the meta is his girlfriend. And the girl loves science—come on!

batman, Green Arrow, Wonder Woman and Superman heard the Feance bit over comms and suddenly it hit them that the kid could be in danger for existing and that an entire country villified being meta to an extreme. That the girl is in hiding and probably using an alias constantly. Batman mentally adopted her ages ago and is now in Worried Dad mode like Flash and apparently Superman was falling into it too. Wonder Woman is in righteous rage mode and ready to fight france herself if she has to—no imprisoning metas for being metas!

Flash decided to be direct since he knew she trusted him as Mr. Allen and knows he’s Flash.“So, am i allowed to know which powers you have?”

Marinette shook her head, visbily distressed and floating skightly. “If, if they ever find out i cant. I cant risk Maman and Papa and Father. I dont know everything but Father only started being a good person after the, the incident where he had to go into witness protection. Maman is dead as far as a lot of people are concerned, or she never existed. Papa doesnt know about any of it. I cant. I cant risk what they worked for by being outted.”

Flash is very concerned. “Thats a lot of pressure to put in yourself, especially at your age.”

marinette didnt make eye contact then. “I have to. If i dont people can connect dots and dashes and blips. Father says its easy for him too and that possibilities are just what we’re both hardwired for but. But i shouldn’t catch as many as i do—my teachers keep saying i need to dial it back and stop catching on so fast and blurting it all out but, i just...” marientte is visibly drowning under the pressure to act not-meta and keep her family safe.

“Sounds like youre a real smart kid.”

“Smart kids dont get caught.” She meant herself with her jewlry returns, Flash thought she meant the JL, and tried to redirect the conversation.

If the JL was out then...

“If you cant tell me, can you at least tell me you have someone to talk to about these things?”

“Auntie Quinn and Rose. Rose doesnt like you guys though.”

Flash laughed a little at that. “Alright, fair enough. Who made her mad? Was it arrow?”

“Batman.” Marinette frowning as she said the enxt bit. “Something about her being given to someone that should never be allowed bear children? She rants a lot so i cant always keep up.”

Batman internally bangs his head against a table. Outwardly, he says “Ivy’s daughter, rose. That girl, she’s the Princess.”

The assemebled winced. They all pushed for Rose to be sent toback to her mother, Ivy, since they didnt trust her with any available mentor and Ivy was usually a low ranking Gotham eco-terrorist pacified by wayne gardens and green initiatives. Apprently Rose has a lot of sway over the Princess too.

Marinette changes the conversation while. Waiting for her babysitter, Ghoul, to leave class. She needs a distraction from her situation that the Flash was willing to give her.

“Can i look at the case again? Something doesnt add up... there! See? Its close to the Speedsters that leave marks at those angles but only if they really mess with the speed force and the spacetime continuum! But theres no evidence of that, its a lightning meta, Possibly using it to teleport since no one came in or out on camera. Its a slight angle and all but...”

Flash decides Marinette will join the Justice League one day or so help him! He also decides to target france’s anti-meta policies and possibly kidnap Marinette.

The League isnt letting him. But he has a fan of Barry Allen who is handling Gotham’s criminals and beign given slack by them... albeit also raised by in-part. But the girl has a strong moral compass that is a lot like most of League’s so.

He’s fighting Bats for custody on principle. His fangirl, he has dibs!

Dont know why it ended up with Flash becoming a ‘Marinette is my daughter now’ person but why not? Wally would like her as a sister, probably.

Marinette blames all of this and the future consequences on Tim. She hates her vanishing freind for this.

#maribat #bio!dad au #bio!dad strange #marinette strange dupain cheng #accidental secret identity solves #my au #my ideas #justice league is trying to get mari and there will be a custody battle #not just between heroes and rogues #but each other becuase yep. too many claims #wait until she gets tikki and diana throws her hat into the mentor ring

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raikoren · 4 years

Text

some onions bout the bnha manga since im reading it in jp nao

the more i read of bnha the more i realise. i kind of fucking hate this series. it’s got all the ingredients of the classic old big 3. brilliant art, a cool character here or there (sometimes), bursts of muddled clunky progression but a cool fight to soothe the pacing and the mostly frustrating boring uninteresting pussy story choices! the sloppy sort of toothless writing only shounen jump editors can give me. it really truly reminds me of how i felt reading bleach .. but it hasnt got the same charm to make me forgive it. the artist is really really talented though absolutely adore some layouts especially when handguy is included and we get some cool reaching illustrations. he and his team are commendable for making such polished work week in week out and its genuinely so fun to read from an art perspective and i really like the fact he leans very heavily into a much looser style that makes everything stretch in a satisfying way as if its designed for animation despite being so complex in its illustration.

its one of those series that is painfully mediocre shounen and you can immediately tell that by the fact that even in this hammy nonserious plot, somehow, the female characters still get completely fucking shafted as excpected. they literally do almost fuck all and the big three characters that get the most development and are considered in-universe ‘main characters’ all happen to be male despite the entire main cast supposedly being the absolute best of the best at the best of this top superhero school.

yaomomo is probably one of the most egregious examples. a character whos top of the class, who got in on recommendations (just like the other deuteragonist) with only three other students making the cut and her big character conflict was that she for some reason, felt inferior to todoroki shouto, whose initial character arc revolves around the fact that ‘he’s not trying his best’. it’s notable that todoroki is never considered to be some freak of nature genius in the same way other characters, he’s impressive but there are stronger. but for some reason, his superiority over yaomomo is pivotal to her character. she doubts her own decision making skills compared to his due to losing so badly at the sports festival against fumikage.

now lets see here: this fucking emotionally constipated idiot who is noted in writing to not using his full potential since he has no motivation to actually win, handicapping his own abilities for most of the time due to crippling personal issues, who ALSO completely jobbed at the festival and gave up at the last match against bakugou and suffered a humiliating defeat because he lacks shame and conviction and who ALSO got in on recommendations? todoroki is an interesting character in his own right, hes strong but his flaws are glaringly evident and interesting. but for some reason he gets elevated to this position of being yaomomo’s ‘wall’.

hes not a team player, yes hes notably perceptive but to position the realtionship between momo and him like this it feels like such a pointless angle to work in cause its so antithetical to yaomomos whole characterisation and contradicts her entire background for .. what? shes got such a strong natural-leader type personality or she is attempting to have one despite the author somehow forgetting. yes she’s nervous and panics sometimes, but i think her entire character arc is intended for her to overcome this as the main crux. there is no doubt that yaomomo is strong. she is excellent as a leader, works extremely well in a team, has a level head and every single time we see her the author always brings it back round to the fact she is an excellent strategist and everyone looks to her to make a tactical decision. almost like her entire character revolves around leadership and self-confidence.

but compared to how shes portrayed against a ‘tactician’ like midoriya for example you would literally never guess that about her unless they didnt spoonfeed it to you that yes, this character is supposed to be smart sorry we keep making her look inept despite her entire character skill and ability being completely and utterly centred around this main concept teehee.

even compared to yoarashi (who i love), who also got in on recommendations, she doesnt get the same level of merit in the fiction. shes never truly made out to be a big deal in the same way the others are which not only fucking blows but makes the story more and more of a grating power up treadmill like a classic shounen jump manga without any of the charm or love. interesting characters like yaomomo who have clear visions are easily pushed aside and their traits sidelined to put more emphasis on other characters.

plus when she does get to make a big decision the narrrative acts like ‘oh was it even the right choice?! did we even make it worse!???’ which would be an interesting introspection for the headstrong characters who jump straight into shit, a reprieve from the individual bullshittery they can pull off without consequence but even though we set this character up specifically to make the right tactical decision in a pinch were not even gonna give her that satisfaction of being a HERO in this situation in this hammy feel-good plot cause thats reserved for the cool main character. its truly fucking unbearable. in the next few panels the main big trio of strong characters are making thoughtless decisions left right and centre with no hesitation or comment from the narrative with no internal struggle but here we are .. at what should be the culmination of a character arc that just .. falls fucking flat. for one of the bigger characters in the supporting cast of the series.... man the writing is just so poor.

you could say that trying to set up some linear character development where ‘girl is strong > gets confidence shaken > confidence comes back’ struggle contrasting against her ojou-sama calm and secretly playful demeanour is meant to be interesting and give her depth but honestly its just played straight in the most truly boring way but its ok! todoroki said keep your chin up queen and shes fine now. hes gonna go save aizawa-sensei with no input, no plan and be a hero because being hero is just about being the main character! everyone else can fuck off. she really needed that validation since she most likely will not have her own achievements, being recognised by this moron is her progression as a character despite her own character arc being infinitely more interesting and nuanced.

i do not expect a lot from a shounen manga sir, i came in with middling expectations and to look at some cool art whilst i awkwardly practice my japanese and yet. here we fucking are. i keep reading this hoping we get some comeuppance or some result but man. i feel like bnha is actually one of the series i wont bother keeping up with at all. the practice was really good! dont get me wrong its a great light read but im honestly surprised at how skewed the actual story is compared to fanworks. i just wanted some easy jp practice but i became weirdly invested in this probably cause i have a huge bias with cool character designs and the anime production was so ambitious.

o yea and one other thing. with tsu, ochako and nejire being introduced as going on the hassaikai raid but then completely sidelined at the first boss, essentially being relegated to being the mob charas that fits the thematic needs of that one random villain character it was sooo fucking lame. it really felt like the midboss had more thematic weight than these three girls first big fight. they were truly only there to fit the ‘lust’ theme they couldve been replaced by anyone else with tits.

in that arc too, midoriya definitely stepped on my toes the most since he took up moments that i thought would be more meaningful and appropriate with the other dot-eye dude that fell compleltey flat with him, got to use possibly the coolest fucking villain as a beatstick meter to show idk he had even more of a god mode i guess sometimes thanks to taking eri into battle instead of ykno relying on the other UA students and also giving them time to shine rather than interspersing flashbacks and shit before every meaningful fight to show ‘hey look how much this character has grown’ in the most cop out sort of storytelling. jirou i think at least gets some life written into her with meeting her parents and the ua school festival arc showing her talents and passion but shes barely utilised too and hagakure is a literal noncharacter her gag is barely even included half the time. mina gets some characterisation but even then its in the form of through another male character, kirishima, and in both instances its like the two are fighting for the spotlight of relavance which is a shame cause theyre both cooooooooooooool aaaaaaaa. every single girl character just feels like an ‘add-on’ or an afterthought, even moreso than the already forgotten secondary cast of which the most interesting dynamics and characters libe (denki and fumikage are cool!).

plus one gripe is that literally 5 separate girl characters have the same “oho they have to take their clothes off for their quirk to work ohooohgoho! so nautghty guess it cant be helped” and that just makes me like. you fucking suck at this bro just be horny with your whole chest making them have a flimsy embarassed half-excuse to be horny is lame. if you wanna make horny characters just fucking do it! enough of this stupid preamble you have to shoehorn in to every character every fucking time. just make it slutty and move on. there’s no need to be so annoyingly coy about it. also UA is the best most prestigious hero course and the girls who are going to become the top pro heroes go to their internship and its a fkn beauty commercial and its like. if they were at least building towards some commentary that female pro heroes are treated less seriously than their male counterparts like with mt.ladys flirting and her immediate paparazzi who takes pics of her ass, or to show that to become popular it means some level of corporate gameplaying and fanservice, it could be something but theres literally zero effort to comment or build on it at all its literally just presented as is and played straight. this is what it means to be a girl hero. that’s all. no comment.

i feel like miruko was a half-hearted attempt to remedy the lack of girl heroes that are actually strong and not bg props but its like it just feels like its been written as they go along with no overarching theme, nothing being built on or anything to say and it just feels so unsatisfying to read. characters that are introduced regularly get used at beatsticks to show how strong they are and get obliterated soon after to serve to show how cool and totally serious this new villain is ykno??? its so fucking tired a really classically shit kind of pointless circling narrative, like nothing truly has any weight to it and everything is meaningless before one for alls almighty relevance and power and whatever the plot needs has suddenly always existed lol dont worry bout it bro it was totally always there heres a star wars reference!

imo outside of the mangas art, the best thing about bnha is the anime adaptation with the exception of season4. the concept of having a long running shounen but giving it ample time, and a higher ambition in terms of production value and having a just absolutely fucking solid staff really make the first three seasons of bnha anime. naturally the voice acting and sound is anime standard gold but the production cant be understated it pulls so much of the slack. the direction and pacing of the first three seasons is honestly really well done, it feels like stuff builds up with ample time and we get much more focus on the background characters even in simple ways like introducing new group shots etc that give them much needed characterisation. one of my fave episodes is s3e3 which gives us a feeling of actual life and interaction as the kids train hard and get to spend an evening together having a bbq and its honestly full of just like group shots, framing in a way that really truly makes it a believable group of good kids trying their best at summer camp and gives almost everyone some much needed screentime.

one thing i noted as well is that the anime really likes to drive home important emotional points for certain characters through some great character acting - like yaoyorozus pivotal fight with fumikage is barely a passing glance in the manga whereas the anime really captures her desperation and panic as she tries her absolute best to react to the situation, not giving up even as shes overpowered only to realise in horror shes already lost. theres so much more weight and time given to this match and tbh its annoying that something that is meant to be so pivotal is barely glossed over in the manga since its so important to her future character motivations. it feels like when these moments and the strength of the supporting characters is lacking, the main story beats become more and more blatantly repetitive. some of the best parts of the arc are the bakugo rescue plan but were always served a fresh bland helping of izuku midoriya being the main character over utilising the strengths of other characters in this pivotal situation. it’s not like theres any fear of giving other characters ‘origin’ chapters and handing over the reigns away from midoriya it just for some reason, the author chooses not to really bother fleshing out characters who dont have immediate plot relavance or not the main three which makes the whole cast weaker.

imo even the anime is suffering from the source materials holes and its own slightly shoddy choices in direction with season 4 for some reason deciding to faithfully adapt the awful pacing of the overhaul arc and faithfully make it as dry as possible and devoting a solid 6 episodes to the frankly lame school festival arc despite it clearly suffering for time in the first half. it also includes my new least favourite trope of cutting the sound design completely to a slow vocal track along with the most eye wateringly boring fight pacing it was literally like. sir i want to skip this. you are going to make me watch this stupid fight with the dude whos character motivations got explained to me three seconds ago? with a new power up for green boy? with no sound design so theres even less weight to this whole fucking fight? and youre not even going to let me listen to you say run? how fucking dare you do this to me. the anime adaptation cannot stand on its own two legs with the source material alone. it needs strong direction to patch up the holes or stellar animation to distract me since without either its truly a weak weak show.

i know i already talked about it but really wish overhaul and his whole arc was handled better since i felt like it had promise. the wild shift in tone as i was reading was actually pretty surprising and the whole premise reminds me of how fucking nutty and exciting the yorknew city arc in hxh was for that series. the possibility of building how the actual underworld functions, which is tantalisingly never truly talked about in a world of cartoony heroes and villains was interesting and i was ready to see what organised crime with fucking superpowers could bring to the table plus all the new characters really looked damn cool. but overhaul himself, despite his fucking amazing intro and his title of no.2 in the underworld after all for one was in like 12 chapters and the arc literally served to introduce a plot device then fuck off with all its characters immediately having no impact at all and not even utilising the introduced concepts of the yakuza, organised crime and drugs in the age of quirks in any fuckin way. the majority of development came from fucking flashbacks literally seconds before a fight and they were scarce with anything interesting. like SIR WHAT A WASTE I HAD FINALLY FOUND MY GRIMMJOW AGAINST THESE UNSEXY LoV LOSERS WITH NO CHARISMA AND YET everyone keeps telling me that it was just a weak arc and the others are better. but having read them i think its just emblematic of the sort of writing style which prioritises having cool ‘moments’ for its beloved main character over a a cool interesting solid story that produces amazing moments and has the insane shounen payoff that you expect.

my closing thoughts are that its at least a solid manga to read whilst eating breakfast a solid 3/10 and probably higher if you like little broccoli boy and for some reason want him to win. which i dont. he has a terminal case of unlikable bland shounen mc syndrome and the worst thing is that he didnt used to be like that, he grew into it. his whole character is such a waste to me, turning him into the chosen special one with the greatest quirk is the most boring path possible for someone who had such a strong desire and conviction to be a hero. that we see building themselves up out of their own merit for most of the series and then suddenly giving him the power of more quirks fucking sucks. having such a ridiculous power and such a devastating payoff kept his fights interesting and i think the fight where eri allowed him to use it at full power with no drawbacks was such a fucking let down. there were better ways for him to grow other than idk more quirks cause hes special. and truly outside of attaining more power to become no.1 he has very little conflict in his character after someone else goes out of the way to instill confidence in him its also very annoying that repeatedly were shown how hard everyone works to get into ua, to become the heroes they want to be but its always dwarfed in comparison to izuku and the whole fucking scene with allmight at the end of the kamino incident being specifically for izuku, instead of a rallying cry that you are next, every one of you must struggle to become the hero that you want to be - to bear the weight of the symbol of peace is not for one persons shoulders alone like its a shame cause the series spends so much time hammering home how these kids are the best of the best, the ones who really truly want it but theyre not really treated with the same regard at all and their struggles and improvement are nowhere near on the monumental level of midoriya.

i feel like the narrative has all the makings of something interesting, but somehow fucking hilariously misses its own point. truly ripping apart the idea of becoming the greatest hero, the ‘symbol of peace’, that becoming a pillar isnt any way for a human to live and glorifying one persons sacrifice for all our sakes isnt right and that the true insiduous evil of hero society is that it makes us truly believe that people are painted in black and white rather than many shades of grey and forces people to take on things they shouldnt, allows certain powerful individuals to enforce their own wills on the world and robs everyday people, the powerless and weak of any agency of how their society works. it acts like heroism is an inherent trait only afforded by the strong and that being anything less than the ultimate hero is a failure even if it means doing awful tings, like throwing away your children giving them mental scars, leaving behind whole families in the name of heroism falling in the line of duty being seen as some great honour, leaving kids to wander the streets since doing necessary but painful things are for better equipped people, right? wash your hands of it and let a hero deal with it. honestly i just want to see a weak supporting characters heroism. that was the charm of early bnha. ive had enough of this blind thoughtless heroism thats presented as the correct one, for the chosen few. i want to see the struggle for it, insatiable longing that you cant help pushing you on, but most of all i want to see the hero you can be in ways that are meaningful but yours alone and taking back the world inch by inch from the common villainy of our society with one person at a time, reaching out to your hand no matter how scarred. to look your dreams in the face and turn your back on them. tearing down the sun, shattering it into a million pieces, but the small shards shine brighter and can be held in mortal hands. but nah izuku is going to be all might super cop 2 dont worry bout it guys. dw he’ll also choose some poor fucking kid to bear this burden after he becomes useless in battle and we can discard him as a person and simply keep him as an icon since the narrative keeps allowing the villains to have valid criticisms against society but always dismiss them since theyre villains you know and youre not meant to actually think about changing society despite your position of power, just enjoy being no.1 whilst your alive and rinse and repeat pog.

i think thats why i can easily see why bakugo and todoroki are so popular through the series as they do take a long time to get through their extremely shitty issues and they are genuinely shitty little teen psychopaths who are horrible fucking bastards. but they grow up and in really tangible gratifying ways. they seem to have as many setbacks as they do wins, constantly fucked over by their own hubris but still finding a way to power through despite it all trying to awkwardly form connections and become better people as well as better heroes and they can not do so on their own. their struggles are treated with gravity and they always acquire some kind of new strength in return but at a pace that doesnt put them miles ahead of their other classmates but definitely feels weighted and substantial to their development. todoroki gritting his teeth but slowly realising that he has a fucking ridiculous opportunity in his hands with endeavours agency and even inviting his friends is monumental in its own way, endeavour texting his son and his son texting back is like. it really does feel like something. its also interesting that as broccoli boy gets stronger he gets subsequently less and less likeable imo like ... sir you are NO shirou emiya. you do not have the range or the sheer trauma to be so dogged and blind in your ideals despite the world you occupy and everyone else around you. i was sold shirou emiya superhero manga with sexy juwabe sunichi teacher and only one of those thigns is true!!!

#damn you ren #yea i just finished now and my head is busting open with thoughts #probably an awful word vomit of opinions but like. i just finished reading it and im like sir why do i do this #i have this awful illness its called being a shounen manga fan

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feralhogs · 5 years

Note

1-50 ho

you got it ho

1. What’s your favorite candle scent?

I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKED. ive been Purchasing various smelly candles for my gay divination activities, and i have a few nominees. i first thought of the candle i have now, a pink one with a very sweet vanilla smell, i love very sweet smells because it makes me think of candy which i tend to try to fill my inner void with. however im going to go with the first candle i bought, a dark orange one with a citrus smell. citrus scents are my next favourite and specifically this one reminded me of curiously smelling candles at my piano teachers apartment when i was very young.

2. What female celebrity do you wish was your sister?

idk. ive been listening to her lion king stuff lately. dont judge me i needed to hear remixes of lion king music i was lost in that sauce in high school. and i just think shes neat. i dont think she would aggressively make me feel bad about everything, UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE

3. What male celebrity do you wish was your brother?

Look……. i really don’t know???? what is the criteria?? do they need to be like my siblings? dare i criticize my arguably criticizable siblings by picking out my ideal siblings? if i pick an ideal sibling, what does that say about what im lacking in my life? do i pick celebrities i hate so theoretically my family shames them into becoming silent and self-defeating

4. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

50. i think im going to have to figure myself out for a long time, and achieve some personal goals first. thats my excessively confident prediction and PERHAPS educated guess

5. Do you know a hoarder?

nnnnnoooooooo????? not a real, cant function because of hoarding hoarder. i can see in a few family members, including myself, liking to hang onto things that maybe become sentimental/unnecessary clutter but that sounds like something many non-hoarders experience?

6. Can you do a split?

lemme try one sec

7. How old were you when you learned how to ride a bike?

Idk maybe 7? Or 11? i think my parents taught me at a children age and then i started biking for fun like, later, like pre middle school?

8. How many oceans have you swam in?

1. i dont really remember swimming in an ocean but i may have faded childhood memories of salty water and seaweed

9. How many countries have you been to?

2… i went to idaho for a band trip… my dad really doesnt like travelling

10. Is anyone in your family in the army?

HAHAHA

NO. ACTUALLY YES. but its funny because the specific brand of christianity we are supposed to be is super pacifist so ive heard. but then i remembered one dude apparently who joined the us military?????? it seemed like it was… an unusual choice. i dont really know anything else about this guy, not even his name

11. What would you name your daughter if you had one?

🙏 *inhale* buddy. oooooohhffffff i want to say something gender neutral honestly. i dont want to rock the boat being unconventional or something but im just thinking of all those years trying to live up to a feminine name

12. What would you name your son if you had one?

same i guess… why have i never thought about this????? was i preoccupied naming myself.

13. What’s the worst grade you got on a test?

hmmmmm hmmmmm trying to unlock the vault. i think i remember a 1 or a 0 on a math quiz. i think i got 30% or something very very bad (i dont even want to know) on my last english exam, but to be fair, i was having such a bad mental breakdown my professor did an intervention

14. What was your favorite TV show when you were a child?

like a very very small child? i was obsessed with the save-ums (?!?!?) for some reason. i would sing the anthem… no. theme song? i dont know. i guess it was catchy and there were lots of fun characters. OHHHH I SEE WHATS WRONG

ITS BECAUSE WE ONLY HAD A TV TILL I WAS LIKE 5 OR SOMETHING. what are you cultured people watching as children? what are the shows?

15. What did you dress up as on Halloween when you were eight?

>:(

My Halloween experience:

i dont even remember i probably had some kind of fairy wings? i think i remember fairy wings. we went to one (1) house. later on, since we werent allowed to go trick-or-treating, we were each allotted a certain amount of candy, and if we ate more than a designated amount per day, we were in trouble and wouldnt be allowed anymore. i do remember getting in trouble for this. i think i stole someones candy. sibling against sibling. finally we were allowed to go trick or treating, i went with my younger brothers and by then, was a teenager and felt too tall and really uncomfortable

LMAO I JUST REMEMBERED THAT LAST TIME WE WENT TRICK-OR-TREATING NOT IN A RURAL AREA, my dad drove us around in a van and watched us like a hawk i believe. it was very tense and methodical.

16. Have you read any of the Harry Potter, Hunger Games or Twilight series?

i read the harry potter series (I WROTE SIBLIGS LOL) more times than i could count while growing up. i read the first hunger games book and didnt fancy it for whatever reason, and i had an obnoxious twilight-hating phase.

17. Would you rather have an American accent or a British accent?

sometimes, though, im really genuinely worried about what accent i do have. im worried i read so much harry potter growing up, it rubbed off on me. when i was a server, people would ask about an unusual accent i apparently had, and once, when i was talking to a super british guy who called me luv at walmart, he was like STOP. WAIT. YOU HAVE A BRITISH ACCENT. and i was like WHAT UHHH BYEBYE AND HE WAS LIKE NO. I HEARD YOU. STOP and i was like that michael jackson meme where he covers his face running away and everyone else in the line was staring

18. Did your mother go to college?

i believe she went to a bible college where people put a grand piano on top of the roof.

19. Are your grandparents still married?

all of my grandparents are dead.

…. hmmMMMM yow. ok. my grandparents who werent estranged stayed married for as long as either of them were living… however, my OTHER grandparents, i mean the fucking kidnappers, my abuser grandpa… remarried? when he was… really really aging. im judging him for it because i know what kind of person he was.

20. Have you ever taken karate lessons?

I WISH. my parents didnt seem to like that sort of thing (surprise). im interested in it now but… as usual… i feel like its too late, im too old.

21. Do you know who Kermit the frog is?

….. i… i thought i did… hes blessed… thats all.

22. What’s the first amusement park you’ve been to?

ಠ_ಠ

*crickets*

how could you ask me this?

no wait! i went to the waterslides. then, later on, i was never allowed to go to the waterslides.

23. What language, besides your native language, would you like to be fluent in?

Spanish. ive been “intending” to learn for a long time, and a lot of people who have been really good influences on me and been genuinely kind to me speak it, id like to learn it

24. Do you spell the color as grey or gray?

grey

one sec

yup thats canadian!

25. Is your father bald?

on the top of his head, yes >:(

26. Do you know triplets?

no?

27. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?

no? what is this straight stuff? i listened to the dramatic titanic song and felt nothing.

28. Have you ever had Indian food?

i guess so, at a friends house! i dont think otherwise ive gone to a restaurant and actually had indian food

29. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?

*gazes tearily at my OWN FUCKING OLD WORKPLACE

the food was sO GOOD MAN. IT WAS SO GOOD. im just not saying because despite how stalkable i probably am already, i dont want to be specific

30. Have you ever been to Olive Garden?

no whats that

31. Do you belong to any warehouse stores (Costco, BJ’s, etc.)?

belong? whats bjs? whats a warehouse for?

32. What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?

i decided at one point they would never tell me this and it was no use asking. i do know they almost named my brother a very fusty old fashioned name fitting in with the thomas the tank engine theme

33. If you have a nickname, what is it?

G is the ONLY one i will accept so far.

34. Who’s your favorite person in the world?

i……… hmmmm…. i really dont like picking favourites. each person in my life has a unique relationship with me (even though a lot of them arent very warm, trusting or close). because of unhealthy middle school friendships ive grown an aversion to ranking relationships as if they have material value.

35. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?

rural, i think. i need nature in my life!!! but i also need to be able to have connections to people.

36. Can you whistle?

yes, but not very loudly or accurately

37. Do you sleep with a nightlight?

no, but ive always wanted a nightlight

38. Do you eat breakfast every morning?

ive started to, yeah! this morning i made a whole thing with bread and mushrooms and eggs, and coffee, and i ate it outside watching the traffic. im really trying to treat myself nicely you see. its what id do for someone else.

39. Do you take any pills or medication daily?

THAT

BOY

JUICE!

WELCOME TO MY BUILD A BOY WORKSHOP!

SHOTS!SHOTS!SHOTS!

and im really fortunate to be in pretty good health, and have access to things i do need

40. What medical conditions do you have?

I dont think… i actually have any. id say gender dysphoria but i think it was informed consent. (im VERY lucky)

im pretty sure there are SOME mental conditions running around undiagnosed. MY BRAIN IS NOT WORKING PROPERLY

41. How many times have you been to the hospital?

for myself? once… when i got hives and started swelling up all over, but otherwise was fine. i really wonder what that was. other times was visiting sick/dying relatives which has made me feel sad and apprehensive whenever i enter a hospital or smell the food

42. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?

yes! i had a gerbil named nemo!

43. Where do you buy your jeans?

i dont … remember … really nowhere special i actually have yet to find some jeans i LOVE. sometimes there is a pair of jeans that sparks joy. i do not have such a pair

44. What’s the last compliment you got?

my sister said my pants looked good on me. they are actually their pants, which they left on the floor in my room for an unknown reason, and they want them back. of course.

but because im excited about it and want to brag, the real compliment was when i made borscht and my sister not only ate it faster than me, but wanted a second helping. and my roommate stuck his face in the steam and said it smelled good. hell yes. i put fucking cilantro in it. fcking beast mode.

45. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?

yes. theyre usually really emotional and symbolic. if ive been talking to my parents, theyre usually nightmares. ive been reading about dream interpretation for a long time to deal with some of the ominous images that can come up

46. What flavor tea do you enjoy?

red rose reminds me of wheni was little my mom would make really sweet sweet red rose tea for me (thats the kind she drinks all the time) and it brings me those good feelings. otherwise licorice spice really appeald to me for some reason.

47. How many pairs of shoes do you currently own?

LMAO UHHH…brb

six. because of social pressure.

48. What religion will you raise your children to practice?

i never thought about this kind of thing…. i really don’t know….. id just want them to know how to be kind to others and themselves and thats literally it.

49. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

i was one of those edgy kids trying to spoil it for everyone. guess what other common fun thing my parents didnt do

50. Why do you have a youtube?

i dont! so i dont know what this question means! :)

HOLY SHIT I MADE IT THRU HIGH FIVE

#rambling #WOW #bug

2 notes · View notes

baconpal · 7 years

Text

since ive been complaining about shit already tonight i might aswell just mention random crap that i’ve been thinking about, but ill spare your dash, feel free to read me rambling about absolutely random shit if you want

first some video game stuff i guess;

the good: I don’t have a switch and still definitely cannont justify getting one yet but woo boy does ARMS look good, i wanna try it, and also splatoon 2, i really liked splats when it was first out, and martyo kart, but its p spensive stuff and im a cheap-ass

the new thing code vein thing is simultaneous promising and incredibly boring to me, cus anime styled action game with the potential for cute girls to be wielding giant fucking weapons is like, my dream, and the boss designs looked pretty good, if a bit unrelated in the trailer, like the moose knight dude is fucking sick and i wanna use his armor, but then there’s also like, abyssal spear lady miku whose fucking cute, and they’re shown right after each other and it becomes a bit hard to follow, and the story seems to be just fucking dark souls “wah we go hollow and the world is a fuck”, i wish it wasnt that, cus dark souls alone made that setting overused, and while a modern-ish universe certainly sounds nice, it looks fucking bleak and they spend half the video in places that just look like bluer versions of DaS3 areas

the bad: so ive already complained about momodora 4, some people like it for some fucking reason but i dont, and now 5 is happening because they cant just make a new fucking series i guess, and it looks awful, like honestly horrid, its fucking shitty 3d when nobody asked for it, and it’s like, all the worst parts of something like dark souls, and none of the good parts and it angers me to no end that they keep dragging this sorta cute and okay free game series into the mud like this when they could make new games and try new things

the ugly: i never funded or thought about supporting indivisible because i had zero fun with the demo and i never really cared for any of the designs other than the redesigns of other characters from other games, and maybe the big fist girl, who didnt really fit in the style to begin with, but now they’re going and doing major redesigns and model updates that just look stupid and lifeless, like “wah wah diversity” drama aside, that cowboy guy went from a gritty, perfectly decent design to like, fucking nothing, he’s nothing now, i cant even identify him as something because he’s just nothing, and the entire cast seems to have been stretched up for no reason, and now a lot of the interestingly wide characters arent very interesting anymore, im not mad about it cus i never planned on getting it, but as an artist when i see artists take a very solid and nice character/design and just make it fucking awful, it makes me mad, especially cus i’ve seen some artists i used to know do it too, not starting drama or something it just seems pretty dumb to take things that are nice and people like and make them into different things when you could just make a new thing and have both

also uh like my friend showed me this jap band called uplift spice and at first i thought they were meh but i cant stop listening to them now its fucken cute rock stuff and it kills me

now art stuff. these are the things i really wanna talk about but they’re really just me problems so if you’ve already made it this far maybe you’ll care about this random shit

so like commissions have gone decently recently, not complaining about nobody wantin em or something, but for the longest time i’ve had people ask me about commissions, ask if there’s slots open or something, or even straight up say they intend to commission me, and then i’ll never fucking hear from them ever again ever, and like, if you just ask “hey got slots?” doesnt mean i expect you to actually get a comm, but it usually suggests there will atleast be a follow up response like “okay thanks but nevermind” or “ok cool ill be contacting you soon” and then actually following up on it, cus without any closure i just get stressed out thinking about why they never get back to me, are the prices too much? are they worried i won’t accept the comm? did they fucking forget i exist? did they get hit by a car? like even if you fucking told me “nevermind i dont want a comm you’re fucking SMELLY and i HATE YOU” i’d feel better cus at least i wouldnt worry about it for a week or something, none of the people reading this are likely the kinds of people who do this, most of them dont even follow me, but cmon man why you gotta make me worry about this shit

and last thing probably (hopefully jesus what am i even typing all this for) so like now that i’m doin comms more to support my own ass i’m really not pushing for requests in my inbox since a lot of them i’d never do anyway unless i got paid, but at the same time, i really liked drawin the ghost lady for that one ask, cus nobody is ever going to comm me for my own characters unless your one of my super good friends and youre just looking for an excuse to give me money, if you DID honestly comm me my OCs i’d fucking love you that’d be sick, but regardless i think that the only requests ill end up doing anymore are cute megalo1 and 2 ideas or stuff of my OCs, but i dont even know if you guys remember or like any of them, i actually have way more of them than i post because i like to design for fun sometimes, but like other than maybe neon idk if any of my OCs are know to any of my followers other than good friends, so idk if you guys would even care enough to request my OCs, but they’re mine and they make me happy so if you wanna see more of them or ask questions about them or anything, feel free to send me asks or messages or whatever, it’d be cool

so ye that’s all the shit im thinken about right now, if you actually could read all that you’re fucking weird and i like you

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beardedwinnerobject-blog · 6 years

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"cheap full coverage car insurance in tooele utah

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Rough estimate for Car Insurance Cost For Second Year?

Hi peeps. I Have a question about car insurance. I am basically looking for qualified guesses from people who have previous experience with this sort of thing. I am a first year driver. Im 21 and i passed my test in early August and was driving straight away because i had bought my car the month before hand. The car i own is a 1.4 Ford Fiesta Zetec 2002. I paid around 1250 for the year for insurance and i did it through Quinn Direct. My question is, does anybody know a rough figure of what it might be next year baring in mind i have never claimed? I have tried running new quotes on comparison websites but they are based on new customers and all come out at around 1500 to 4000 If anyone has used this company or even another company and situation was similar could you please tell me the rough figure of what it was reduced to/from just so i can maybe have an idea of what to expect Any help is greatly appreciated. Cheers :)""

Motorcycle Insurance Question....?

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Is someone who is only insured on their works car insurance ok to drive my car?

My sons girlfriend does not have a car, but claims that she has insurance through her work, so she is ok to drive my car? Am I right in thinking that this means she can only drive company cars, and not MY car?""

Car insurance for a new driver?

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https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/alliance-insurance-car-quote-jacob-jacobs/"

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apsbicepstraining · 6 years

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Why we fell for clean eating

The long read: The oh-so-Instagrammable meat progress has been exhaustively discredited but it establishes no signeds of “re going away”. The real question is why we were so desperate to believe it

In the springtime of 2014, Jordan Younger “ve noticed that” her mane was falling out in clumps. Not cool was her action. At the time, Younger, 23, believed herself to be feeing the healthiest of every possible nutritions. She was a gluten-free, sugar-free, oil-free, grain-free, legume-free, plant-based raw vegan. As The Blonde Vegan, Younger was a wellness blogger in New York City, one of thousands on Instagram( where “shes had” 70,000 adherents) rallying under the hashtag #eatclean. Although she had no qualifications as a nutritionist, Younger had exchanged more than 40,000 two copies of her own $25, five-day purify programme a formula for the purposes of an all-raw, plant-based diet majoring on green juice.

But the clean diet that Younger was selling as the street to health was reaching its developer sick. Far from being super-healthy, she used suffering from a serious anorexia nervosa: orthorexia, an infatuation with downing exclusively meat the hell is pure and perfect. Youngers raw vegan food had caused her ages to stop and granted her scalp an orange touch from all the sugared potato and carrots she exhausted( the only carbohydrates she let herself ). Eventually, she endeavoured psychological promotion, and began to slowly expand the range of foods she would allow herself to devour, beginning with the fish. She recognised that the problem was not her veganism, per se, but the particularly rigid and restrictive diet government she had imposed on herself.

As Younger gradually recovered from her anorexia nervosa, she faced a new dilemma. What would parties ponder, she agonised, if they knew the Blonde Vegan was devouring fish? She levelled with her partisans in a blogpost entitled Why Im Transitioning Away from Veganism. Within hours of announcing her brand-new diet, Younger was receiving irate meanings from vegans requiring fund back from the purge programmes and T-shirts they had bought from her place( peculiarity slogans such as OH KALE YES ).

She lost partisans by the thousands and receives an daily raft of furious letters, including death threats. Some responded to her confession that she was suffering from an anorexia nervosa by alleging her of has become a fatty slouse of lard who didnt have the discipline is really clean.

For as long as beings have snacked meat, “theres been” diets and quack medications. But previously, these existed, like plot beliefs, on the fringes of nutrient culture. Clean eating was different, because it established itself as a challenge to mainstream ways of eating, and its wild notoriety during the past five years old has enabled it to move far beyond the fringes. Powered by social media, it has been more absolutist in its claims and most popular in its reaching than any previous institution of modern nutrition advice.

At its simplest, clean ingesting is about ingesting nothing but whole or unprocessed foods( what has been made by these profoundly equivocal expressions ). Some versions of clean feeing have been vegan, while others accept various meats( preferably wild) and something mysteriously announced bone broth( broth, to you and me ). At first, clean eating resounded modest and even homespun: rather than counting calories, you are able to dine as many nutritious home-cooked essences as possible.

But it quickly became clear that clean feeing was more than a nutrition; it was a notion system, which propagated the idea that the space most people devour was not just fattening, but impure. Seemingly out of nowhere, a whole cosmo of coconut oil, dubious hopes and spiralised courgettes has developed. Back in the distant mists of 2009, James Duigan, owner of The Bodyism gym in London and sometime personal manager to the modeling Elle MacPherson, publicized his first Clean and Lean book. As an early adopter of #eatclean, Duigan notes that he battled with his publisher to include ingredients like kale and quinoa, because no one had ever heard of them. Now quinoa is in every supermarket and kale has become as ordinary as loot. I long for the working day when clean eating meant not getting too much down your front, the novelist Susie Boyt joked recently.

Jordan Younger, AKA The Balanced Blonde, formerly The Blonde Vegan. Image: Whitford/ BFA/ Rex/ Shutterstock

Almost as soon as it became ubiquitous, clean eating activated a backlash. By 2015, Nigella Lawson was speaking for many when she expressed resentment at clean dining as a judgmental flesh of body fascism. Food is not dirty, Lawson wrote. Clean eating has been attacked by commentators such as the baker and cookbook generator Ruby Tandoh( who wrote a much-shared article on the subject in Vice magazine in May 2016) for being an incitement to eating disorders.

Others have pointed out that, as a procedure of healthy eating, its founded on bad discipline. In June, the American Heart Association suggested that the coconut petroleum beloved as a cure-all by clean eaters actually had no known offsetting favourable consequences, and that exhausting it is unable to result in higher LDL cholesterol. A few a few weeks later, Anthony Warner a nutrient consultant with a background in science who blogs as The Angry Chef produced a book-length assault on the science of clean eating, calling it a world-wide of quinoa container and nutribollocks fuelled by the modern intelligence age.

When Dr Giles Yeo, a geneticist at the University of Cambridge, presented an episode of the BBCs Horizon this year that has reviewed and considered the technical prove for different academies of clean eating, he found everything from innocuous recipes to serious malpractice.

He reported on the alkaline nutrition of Dr Robert O Young, who peddled the idea that canker was a result of feeing acidic meat. After being diagnosed with terminal cancer in her 20 s, Naima Houder-Mohammed, an officer in the British military, paid Young more than $77,000 for medicine( including dinners of avocado, which Young announces Gods butter) at his pH miracle ranch in the US in 2012. She died afterward that year. Separately, Young was incarcerated in June this year after being imprisoned of charges including practising medicine without a licence. While he may represent an extreme case, it is clear that many wellness gurus, as Yeos programme concluded, tell a troubling narrative founded on falsehoods.

As the negative press for clean gobbling has intensified over the past year, many of the early goddesses of #eatclean has endeavoured to rebrand saying they no longer use the word clean to describe the recipes that have sold them billions of works. Ella Mills AKA Deliciously Ella, the meat novelist and entrepreneur whose coconut-and-oat force projectiles sell for 1.79 apiece in British supermarkets said on Yeos Horizon curriculum that she felt that the word clean as applied to eating originally necessitated nothing but natural, real, unprocessed food. Now, it makes diet, it intends cult, she complained.

But however often principles of clean eating has been logically refuted and publicly abused, the thing itself depicts few signals of dying. Step into the cookbook section of any book browse and you will see how many recipe novelists continue to promise us inner purity and outer elegance. Even if “youve never” deliberately tried to eat clean, its impossible to avoid the trend altogether, because it changed the nutrients available to all of us, and the acces they are spoken of.

Avocados now outsell oranges in the UK. Susi Richards, heads of state of concoction increase at Sainsburys supermarkets, told me earlier this year that she had been taken aback by the pace at which demand for commodities fitting with the clean eating lifestyle have grown in the UK. Families who would once have snacked potato waffles are now experimenting with lower carb butternut squaffles( slicings of butternut squash slashed to resemble a waffle ). Nutribullets a brand of compact blenders designed for making supposedly radiance-bestowing juices and smoothies are now mentioned in some curves as casually as wooden spoons.

Why has clean gobbling demonstrated so difficult to kill off? Hadley Freeman, in the present working paper, marked clean eating as part of a post-truth culture, whose adherents are impervious, or even hostile, to realities and experts. But to understand how clean gobbling took hold with such perseverance, its necessary first to believe just what a terrifying happen nutrient has become for millions of people in the contemporary world. The interesting question is not whether clean snacking is nonsense, but why so many intelligent people decided to thrown their sect in it.

We are not the only generation to have looked in disgust at an unhealthy food milieu and wished that we could supplant it with nutrients “thats been” perfectly safe to snack. In the 1850 s, a British chemist called Arthur Hill Hassall became remain convinced that the whole food supply of London was riddled with poisons and fakery. Whats more, he was right. Hassall had done a series of investigations for the medical gazette the Lancet, and found that much of what was for sale as food and suck was not what it seemed: coffee made from burnt sugar and chicory; pickles dyed light-green with poison copper colourings.

Years of exposing the poison hypocrisies all around him seems to have driven Hassall to a territory of paranoia. He started to see poison everywhere, and has been determined that the answer was to create a list of entirely uncontaminated food products. In 1881, he set up his own house, The Pure Food Company, which would only use ingredients of unimpeachable character. Hassall took water that was softened and refined and compounded it with the most significant Smithfield beef to obligate the purest beef jelly and disgusting-sounding fibrinous meat lozenges the force balls of Victorian England. The Pure Food Company of 1881 dins just like a hundred wellness meat businesses today except for the fact that it collapsed within a year due to lack of sales.

We are once again living in an environment where everyday food, which should be something dependable and sustaining, has come to feel noxious. Unlike the Victorian, we do not fear that our coffee is phony so much as that our entire motif of gobbling may be bad for us, in ways that we cant fully distinguish. One of the things that becomes the new wave of wellness cookbooks so plea is that they assure the reader that they furnish a new space of gobbling that comes without any anxiety or guilt.

The founding principle of these modern wellness regimes is that our present direction of gobbling is slowly poisoning us. Much of the meat on offer to us today is nutritionally substandard, write the Hemsley sisters, best-selling champions of nutrient-dense nutrient. Its hard to disagree with the proposition that modern foods are generally substandard, even if you dont share the Hemsleys solution of proceeding grain-free. All of these foods have a grains of fact that is spun out into some big imagination, Giles Yeo says hence their gigantic appeal.

Melissa and Jasmine Hemsley. Photograph: Nick Hopper

Clean eating whether it is called that or not is perhaps best seen as a dysfunctional have responded to a still more dysfunctional food supply: a dream of integrity in a noxious nature. To walk into a modern western supermarket is to be assailed by aisle upon alley of salty, oily snacks and sugary cereals, of food that has been neither attested nor fermented, of cheap, sweetened potions and meat from swine kept in inhumane conditions.

In the postwar decades, most countries in the world underwent what the prof of nutrition Barry Popkin calls a nutrition transition to a westernised diet high-pitched in sugar, meat, fat, salt, refined oils and ultra-processed brews, and low-grade in veggies. Affluence and multi-national meat companies superseded the emptines of earlier generations with an unwholesome dinner of sweet boozings and convenience food that educate us from a young age to pray more of the same. Wherever this pattern of gobbling wandered, it brought with it dramatic rises in ill health, from allergies to cancer.

In prosperous countries, large numbers of people whether they wanted to lose weight or not grew understandably scared of the modern food supply and what it was doing to our torsoes: character 2 diabetes, obesity and cardiovascular disease , not to mention a multitude of other disorders that are influenced by diet, straying from Alzheimers to gout. When mainstream diets start to sicken parties, it is unsurprising that many of us should seek other ways and means of snacking to keep ourselves safe from impairment. Our collective feeling around diet was exacerbated by a general impression that mainstream scientific advice on food overstated by newspaper headlines had not been able be trusted. First these so-called experts tell us to avoid fat, then carbohydrate, and all the while beings get less and less health. What the fuck is these experts say next, and why should we believe them?

Into this atmosphere of nervousnes and disarray stepped a series of gurus offering meanings of superb simplicity and reassurance: dine this direction and I will clear you fresh and healthy again. It are difficult to pinpoint the exact minute when clean eating started, because it is not so much as a single nutrition as a portmanteau term that has acquired projects from innumerable pre-existing diets: a bit of Paleo here, some Atkins there, with a few remnants of 1960 s macrobiotics thrown in for good measure.

But some time in the early 2000 s, two distinct but interrelated versions of clean eating grew popular in the US one based on the sect of real meat, and the other on the relevant recommendations of detox. Formerly the concept of cleanliness had entered the realm of eating, it was only a matter of time before the basic mind spread contagiously across Instagram, where love of #eatclean could share their artfully photographed light-green juices and rainbow salad bowls.

The first and more moderate form of clean food beginning in 2007, when Tosca Reno, a Canadian fitness framework, publicized a work called The Eat-Clean Diet. In it, Reno described how she lost 34 kg( 75 lb) and altered her health by scaping all over-refined and processed foods, particularly lily-white flour and sugar. A usual Reno eat-clean meal might be stir-fried chicken and veggies over brown rice; or almond-date biscotti with a cup of tea. In many methods The Eat-Clean Diet was like any number of diet journals that had come before, advising abundance of veggies and modestly sectioned, home-cooked meals. The difference, which Anthony Warner calls a piece of genius on Renos part, was that she presented it, above all, as a holistic way of living.

Meanwhile, two seconds form of clean eating was spearheaded by a former cardiologist from Uruguay called Alejandro Junger, the author of Clean: The Revolutionary Program to Restore the Bodys Natural Ability to Mend Itself, which was published in 2009 after Jungers clean detox organization had been praised by Gwyneth Paltrow on her Goop website. Jungers organisation was far more stringent than Renos, involving, for a few weeks, a revolutionary riddance diet based on liquid banquets and a total exclusion of caffeine, booze, dairy and eggs, sugar, all vegetables in the nightshade house( tomatoes, aubergines and so on ), ruby-red meat( which, according to Junger, forms an acidic inner medium ), among other foods. During this phase, Junger admonished a largely liquid food either composed of home-made juices and soups, or of his own special powdered shakes. After the detox interval, Junger advised very cautiously reintroducing poisonous initiations such as wheat( a classic initiation of allergic replies) and dairy( an acid-forming food ).

Photograph: Alexandra Iakovleva/ Getty

To read Jungers book is to feel that everything edible in our world is potentially toxic. Yet, as with Arthur Hassall, many of Jungers fears may be justified. Junger writes as a doctor with first-hand knowledge of diet-related epidemics of cancer, congestive heart failure, diabetes and autoimmune disease. The journal is full-of-the-moon of action considers of individuals who follow Jungers detox and rise lighter, leaner and happier. Who is the candidate for using this programme? Junger asks, replying: Everyone who lives a modern life, fees a modern food and occupies the modern world.

To my amaze, I encountered myself compelled by the messianic feeling of Jungers Clean though not quite forced enough to pay $475 for his 21 -day programme( which, in any event, doesnt ship outside of North America ), or to give up my daily breakfast of inflammatory coffee, gut-irritating sourdough toast and acid-forming butter, on which I feel astonishingly well. When I told Giles Yeo how seductive I experienced Jungers terms, almost despite myself, he said: This is their magic! They are all charismatic human being. I do reckon the clean-eating gurus believe in it themselves. They drink the Koolaid.

Over the past 50 years, mainstream healthcare in the west has been inexplicably blind to the role that diet plays in preventing and alleviating ill health. When it started, #eatclean spoke to growing numbers of people who felt that their existing road of eating was causing them difficulties, from weight gain to headaches to stress, and that conventional medication had not been able improve. In the is a lack of nutrition lead from physicians, it was a natural pace for individuals to start experimenting with cutting out this food or that.

From 2009 to 2014, the number of Americans who actively evaded gluten, despite not suffered by coeliac malady, more than tripled. It too became fashionable to booze a whole pantheon of non-dairy milks, ranging from oat milk to almond milk. I have lactose-intolerant and vegan friends who say that #eatclean has represented it far easier for them to buy ingredients that they once had to go to specialist health-food stores to find. What isnt so easy now is to find reliable information on special foods in the high seas of half-truths and bunkum.

Someone who mentioned how quickly and radically #eatclean changed the market for health-food works is Anne Dolamore, a publisher at the independent meat publishers Grub Street, are stationed in London. Dolamore has been publishing health-related nutrient books since 1995, a meter when free-from cooking was a minuscule subculture. In the days before Google, Dolamore who has long was held that nutrient is medicine felt that volumes on special foods by columnists with proper credentials could dish a useful intent. In 1995, Grub Street wrote The Everyday Diabetic Cookbook, which has since exchanged over 100,000 imitations in the UK. Other successful books followed, including The Everyday Wheat-Free and Gluten-Free Cookbook by Michelle Berriedale-Johnson, published in 1998.

In 2012, the market for wellness cookbooks in the UK suddenly changed, starting with the astound success of Honestly Healthy by Natasha Corrett and Vicki Edgson, which sold around 80,000 imitates. Louise Haines, a publisher at 4th Estate, recalls that the previous large-hearted trend in British food publishing had been roasting, but the baking boom succumbed overnight, virtually, and a number of sugar-free notebooks came through.

At Grub Street, Anne Dolamore watched aghast as bestselling cookbooks piled up from a never-ending stream of blonde, willowy sovereignties, many of whom seemed to be designing nutritions based on little but their own limited know-how. If Junger and Reno laid the groundwork for chew clean to become a vast worldwide trend, it was social media and the internet that did the rest. Almost all of the authors of the British clean gobbling bestsellers started off as bloggers or Instagrammers, many of them beautiful women in their early 20 s who were genuinely convinced that the nutritions they had developed had antidote them of various types of chronic ailments.

Keep your chia seed smoothies off my Instagram feed

Every wellness guru worth her Himalayan pink salt has a floor of how changing what you eat can change their own lives. Food has the power to see or divulge you, wrote Amelia Freer in her 2014 bestseller Eat. Nourish. Glow.( which has sold more than 200,000 facsimiles ). Freer was guiding a busy life as a personal assistant to the Sovereign of Wales when she realised that her paunch looked and appeared as if it had a football in it from too many snatched dinners of cheese on toast or factory-made food. By giving up treated and convenience food( margarine, yuck !) along with gluten and carbohydrate, Freer claimed to have found the secrets to searching younger and find healthier.

Perhaps the best-known diet-transformation legend of all is that of Ella Mills possessor of more than a million Instagram adherents. In 2011, Mills was diagnosed with postural tachycardia syndrome, a condition characterised by dizziness and extreme wearines. Mills embarked blogging about nutrient after discovering that her evidences radically improved when she swapped her sugar-laden food for plant-based, natural foods. Mills who used to be a model obligated following a free-from food seem not drab or robbed, but deeply aspirational. By the time her first notebook appeared in January 2015, her vast following on social media facilitated her to sell 32,000 mimics in the first week alone.

Amelia Freer. Image: S Meddle/ ITV/ Rex/ Shutterstock

There was something equivocal about the road these books were sold. What they were selling alleged to be an alternative to a sordidly commercial nutrient industry. If its got a barcode or a predict, dont buy it, wrote Freer. Yet clean eating is itself a wildly profitable commercial enterprise, promoted employing photogenic young bloggers on a multi-billion-dollar tech pulpit. Literary agent Zoe Ross tells me that around 2015 she began to notice that the market was rubbing Instagram for copycat plays specifically very pretty, very young girls pushing curated meat and lifestyle.

After years on the margins, health-based cooking was eventually going a mass gathering. In 2016, 18 out the 20 top dealers in Amazon UKs food and suck book category had a focus on healthy eating and dieting. The paradox, nonetheless, was that the kind of well-researched books Dolamore and others formerly written no longer tended to sell so well, because health publishing was now dominated by social media fames. Bookshops were heaving with so many of these clean volumes that even the authors themselves started to feel that there were too many of them. Alice Liveing, a 23 -year-old personal trainer who writes as Clean Eating Alice, debated in her 2016 work Eat Well Every Day that she was endorse what I feel is a much-needed breath of fresh air in what I think is an fantastically saturated market. To my untrained see, browsing through her journal, Alices fresh approaching to diet appeared very similar to innumerable others: time and almond intensity pellets, kale chippings, beetroot and feta burgers.

Then again, shouldnt we commit clean chewing due ascribe towards achieving the miracle of swerving beetroot and kale into objects of longing? Data from specialists Kantar Worldpanel show that UK sales of fresh beetroot have risen dramatically from 42.8 m in 2013 to 50.5 m in 2015. Some would “re saying that”, in highly-developed nations where most people devour shockingly poor nutritions, low-grade in light-greens and high in sugar, this new confederation of health and food has done a modicum of good. Giles Yeo who invested some time cooking a spicy sweet-potato bowl with Ella Mills for his BBC programme agrees that many of the clean eating recipes he tried are actually a deliciou and cool channel to cook veggies. But why, Yeo questions, do these authors not simply say I am producing a very good vegetarian cookbook and stop there, instead of realise larger assertions about the influence of vegetables to beautify or foreclose illnes? The poison arises from the fact because this is wrapping the whole concept up in pseudoscience, Yeo says. If you base something on falsehoods, it empowers people to take extreme actions, and this is where the damage begins.

You cant acquired a brand-new sect organisation with the words I am publicizing a very good vegetarian cookbook. For this, you need something stronger. You require the assurance of make-believe, mumbled sweetly. Grind this cauliflower into minuscule slice and you can make a special kind of no-carb rice! Avoid all sugar and your skin will shimmer! Among interesting thing, clean chewing shows how vulnerable and forgotten billions of us feel about diet that are actually represents how misplaced we feel about our own figures. We are so unmoored that the authorities concerned will gave our belief in any employer who promises us that we, more, can become pure and good.

I can pinpoint the exact time that my own experiences about clean ingesting changed from hesitancy to outright dislike. I was on stagecoach at the Cheltenham literary gala with dietician Renee McGregor( who works both with Olympic jocks and anorexia nervosa sufferers) when a army of around 300 clean-eating love started jeering and shouting at us. We were supposedly taking part in a clean-eating debate with nutritionist Madeleine Shaw, columnist of Get the Glow and Ready Steady Glow.

Before that week, I had never read any of Shaws work. As I flicked through Ready Steady Glow, I was somewhat endeared by the upbeat colour( stop expropriating yourself and start living) and shining photos of a beam Shaw. I often surprise myself by determining new things to spiralise she writes, acquainting a sweetened potato noodle salad. Cauliflower pizza, in her look, is quite simply: the best fabrication ever.

But underneath the brightness there were notes of restriction that I discovered both perturbing and confused. As ever, all my recipes are sugar-and-wheat free, Shaw announces, simply to present a recipe for gluten-free brownies that contains 200 g of coconut sugar, a essence that costs a lot more than your median grey granulated carbohydrate, but is metabolised by the body in the same direction. I was still more alarmed by gradation four in Shaws nine-point food philosophy, which says that all bread and pasta should be avoided: they find themselves tan nutrients, which are full of substances, preservatives and genetically manipulated wheat, and not whole foods. Shaws book makes no distinction between a loaf of, say, bleached shredded white-hot, and a homemade wholemeal sourdough.

When we satisfied on theatre in Cheltenham, I expected Shaw why she told parties to cut out all bread, and was startled when she disavowed she had said any such act( rye food was her favourite, she contributed ). McGregor expected Shaw what she signified when she wrote that people should try to eat only clean proteins; meat that was not deep-fried was her rather astounding reply. McGregors main concern about clean eating, she lent, was that as health professionals considering young people with eating disorders, she had watched first-hand how the rules and restrictions of clean eating often segued into incapacitating anorexia or orthorexia.

Madeleine Shaw promoting her notebook Get the Glow. Picture: Joe Pepler/ REX/ Shutterstock

But I simply attend the positive, said Shaw , now mopping away weepings. It was at this point that the gathering, who were already restless whenever McGregor or I addrest, descended into outright hostility, shouting and whoosh for us to get off stage. In a work store after the contest, as devotees came up to Shaw to thank her for committing them the light, I more burst into rips when person or persons jabbed her paws at me and said I should be ashamed, as an elderly women( I am 43 ), to have criticised a younger one. On Twitter that night, some Shaw devotees formed derogatory explains about how McGregor and I looked, under the hashtag #youarewhatyoueat. The ramification was that, if we were less photogenic than Shaw, we clearly had nothing of any appraise to say about nutrient( never mind the fact that McGregor has positions in biochemistry and nutrition ).

Thinking about the event on the qualify home, I realised that the crowd were angry with us not because they disagreed with the details( its pretty clear that you cant have sugar in sugar-free recipes ), but because they disliked the facts of the case “that weve” quarrelling at all. To insist on the facts of the case drawn us come across as cruelly negative. We had punctured the glad belief-bubble of glowiness that they had come to imbibe from Shaw. Its impressing that in many of the wellness cookbooks, mainstream scientific testify on diet is perceived as more or less irrelevant , not least because the gurus find the contentment of science as part of what prepared our foods so bad in the first place.

Amelia Freer, in Eat. Nourish. Glow, admits that we cant prove that dairy is the cause of ailments ranging from IBS to joint pain, but concluded that there surely worth cutting dairy out anyway, just as a precaution. In another context, Freer writes that Im told it takes 17 times for scientific knowledge to filter down to become general knowledge, while advising that gluten should be avoided. Once we register its national territory where all expert and expertise are automatically suspect, you can start to claim almost anything and numerous #eatclean dominions do.

That night in Cheltenham, I learnt that clean eating or whatever call it now goes under had elements of a post-truth sect. As with any faith, it could be something darknes and divisive if you got on the wrong side of it. After Giles Yeos BBC programme was aired, he told me he was startled to find himself subjected to unrelenting online trolling. They said I was funded by big pharma, and therefore obviously wouldnt ascertain the benefits of a health diet over remedy. These were outright lies.( Yeo is employed by the University of Cambridge, and funded by the Medical Research Council .)

Its increasingly clear that clean eating, for all its good aims, can cause real harm, both to fact and to human being. Over the past 18 months, McGregor says, every single patron with an anorexia nervosa who strolls into my clinic doorways is either following or wants to follow a clean behavior of eating.

In her brand-new volume, Orthorexia, McGregor observes that while anorexia nervosa long predate the #eatclean veer, meat rulers( such as dining no dairy or forestalling all cereals) readily become a guise for curtailing meat intake. Likewise, they are not even good principles, based as they are on unsubstantiated, unscientific affirms. Take almond milk, which is widely touted as a superior alternative to kine milk. McGregor visualizes it as little better than expensive ocean, containing precisely 0.1 g protein per 100 ml, compared with 3.2 g per 100 ml in kine milk. But she often ascertains it very difficult to convince her buyers that restricting themselves to these clean meat is in the long run worse for their own health than what she calls unchecked ingesting balanced and went dinners, but no anxiety about the curious ice cream or chocolate bar.

Clearly , not everyone who bought a clean-eating volume has developed an eating disorder. But a push whose premise is that normal meat is unhealthy has now obscured the liquids of healthy gobbling for everyone else, by planting the idea that a good food is one founded on absolutes.

The true-blue tribulation of clean chewing is not that it is entirely spurious. It is that it contains a seed of reality, as Giles Yeo employs it. When you strip down all the pseudo nonsense, they are absolutely right to say that we should feed more vegetables, less refined sugar and less flesh, Yeo said, sipping a black coffee in his office at the Institute of Metabolic Science in Cambridge, where he spends his daytimes researching the root causes obesity. Yeo agrees with the clean eaters that our environment of inexpensive, bountiful, sugary, fatty nutrient is a recipe for widespread obesity and ill health. The trouble is its nearly impossible to pick out the sensible flecks of clean eating and neglect the residual. #Eatclean drew health chewing seem like something expensive, exclusive and difficult to achieve, as Anthony Warner writes. Whether the term scavenge is expended or not, there is a new puritanism about nutrient that has taken root very widely.

A few weeks ago, I overheard a fit, middle-aged mortal at the gym lecturing a sidekick for not feeing a better food a conversation that would formerly ought to have unimaginable among beings. The first human was telling the second that the skinny burgers he opted were nothing but shitty mince and sell and arguing that he could get almost everything he needed from a food of vegetables, cooked with no petroleum. Fat is fatty, at the end of the day, he agreed, before bemoaning the imbeciles who tried to eat something wholesome like a salad, then ruined everything by including salt. If you have one bad diet period a week, you untie all your good work.

The real question is how to fight this kind of diet absolutism without bouncing back to a moronic celebration of the modern food milieu that is demonstrably obligating so many beings sick. In 2016, more than 600 children in the UK were get registered as living with form 2 diabetes; before 2002, there were no reported cases of children suffering from the condition, whose reasons are diet-related.

Our food system is in desperate the requirements of reconstruct. Theres a danger that, in the fight against the absurdity of clean eating, we end up looking like apologists for a commercial food supply that is failing in its basic undertaking of nourishing us. Former orthorexia sufferer Edward L Yuen has argued in his 2014 journal, Beating Orthorexia that the old advice of everything in moderation no longer works in a meat milieu where gobbling in the middle ground is likely to be leave you with chronic illness. When components are supersized and Snickers forbids are exchanged by the metre( something I insured in my local Tesco recently ), devouring ordinarily is not inevitably a balanced option. The answer isnt yet another perfect diet, but a shift in our feeling of what constitutes normal food.

Sales of courgettes in the UK flew 20% from 2014 to 2015, fuelled by the rise of the spiraliser. But overall consumption of veggies, both in the UK and worldwide, is still vanishingly tiny( with 74% of the adult UK population not coping to dine five a day ). That is much lower than it was in the 1950 s, when freshly cooked daily snacks were still something that most people took for granted.

Among the affluent categorizes who already devour a healthier-than-average food, the Instagram goddesses generated a new simulate of dietary perfection to aims to achieve. For the rest of specific populations, however, it plainly placed the ideal of healthy meat further and further out of reaching. Behind the glossy extends of the clean-eating books, there is a coarse model of financial exclusion that says that someone who cant afford wheatgrass or spirulina can never be truly well.

As the conversation I overheard in the gym exemplifies, this way of thinking is especially dangerous because it overshadows the letter that, in fact, small changes in diet can have a large beneficial affect. If you think you cant be healthy unless you feed nothing but veggies, you might miss the fact that( as a recent synopsi of the evidence by epidemiologists proved) there are substantial the potential benefits of growing your fruit-and-veg intake from zero parcels a date to simply two.

Among its many other offences, clean eating was a series of claims about food that were all or nothing which only serves to underline the facts of the case that most people, as usual, are protruded with nothing.

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apsbicepstraining · 6 years

Text

Why we fell for clean eating

Jordan Younger, AKA The Balanced Blonde, formerly The Blonde Vegan. Image: Whitford/ BFA/ Rex/ Shutterstock

Melissa and Jasmine Hemsley. Photograph: Nick Hopper

Photograph: Alexandra Iakovleva/ Getty

Keep your chia seed smoothies off my Instagram feed

Amelia Freer. Image: S Meddle/ ITV/ Rex/ Shutterstock

Madeleine Shaw promoting her notebook Get the Glow. Picture: Joe Pepler/ REX/ Shutterstock

Main photograph: Alamy

Follow the Long Read on Twitter at @gdnlongread, or sign up to the long read weekly email

The post Why we fell for clean eating appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2nGofZ5 via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes

apsbicepstraining · 6 years

Text

Why we fell for clean eating

Jordan Younger, AKA The Balanced Blonde, formerly The Blonde Vegan. Image: Whitford/ BFA/ Rex/ Shutterstock

Melissa and Jasmine Hemsley. Photograph: Nick Hopper

Photograph: Alexandra Iakovleva/ Getty

Keep your chia seed smoothies off my Instagram feed

Amelia Freer. Image: S Meddle/ ITV/ Rex/ Shutterstock

Madeleine Shaw promoting her notebook Get the Glow. Picture: Joe Pepler/ REX/ Shutterstock

Main photograph: Alamy

Follow the Long Read on Twitter at @gdnlongread, or sign up to the long read weekly email

The post Why we fell for clean eating appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

from WordPress http://ift.tt/2nGofZ5 via IFTTT

#IFTTT #WordPress

0 notes