#i couldnt do this BEFORE getting a job i dont know how anyone is able to do this i dont know why its so hard for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hannieehaee · 7 months

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18+ / mdi

a member finding your nudes - 96 line

95 line, 96 line, 97 line, maknae line

wc: 1818

masterlist

jun -

jun was extremely close to all seventeen members, considering them all basically his blood brothers. although he felt this special connection to all of them, he couldnt help but feel a little extra close to minghao, sharing a language with him and being able to speak to him as freely as possible. this special sense of closeness between them allowed jun to come to minghao for advice whenever he wanted to edit a special vlog for carats, trusting his artistic advice more than anyone else.

as the two sat next to one another and fiddled with jun's phone, a notification from you arrived. on pure accident, minghao's fingers tapped the top of the screen just as the notification arrived, causing the text bubble to open up in the imessage app. unfortunately for jun, this was not one of the usual light-hearted and sweet messages you'd usually send him while he was away at the company.

no, this was a picture of you, fully nude, with a text attached asking him to hurry home and take care of you.

minghao was not an easy man to fluster, but jun had now come to find out that if he ever wanted to make the younger blush, your nude body would do just fine to get the job done. although embarrassed at the accidental intrusion, jun couldnt help but feel a sense of pride at minghao's reaction, knowing that his pretty girlfriend not only had such an effect on himself, but seemingly even on the stoic man sitting by his side.

this pride was short-lived, however, as the bashfulness grew in him, heating up at both the implications of your message and at the awkward conversation that would now follow between him and his friend.

"i- sorry," he chuckled awkwardly, not knowing what to say. he gently took the phone from his hands and put it in his back pocket, "i-"

"dont say anything. i'm .. i'm just gonna go," replied hao in a strained voice, hurriedly exiting the room and wondering how he would ever make eye contact with jun's pretty girl from now on.

soonyoung -

many thought that soonyoung was a little air-headed at times. it wasnt that he was dumb, no, he was actually quite smart, but he occasionally tended to let his actions come before allowing himself a chance to think.

this was one of those many instances.

due to some delays at the venue in which seventeen was currently promoting their new comeback at, the thirteen members were asked to wait in the changing/waiting room as the venue's staff figured out the issues preventing them from continuing the show as usual.

sitting between seokmin and seungkwan, soonyoung decided this might be the best time to take some pictures, considering that he was dressed up and had his hair and makeup all done. better now than after performing, when he would be all sweaty and disheveled, right? he, however, did not have his usual instagram phone on him, so he opted to use his personal one for the photos, reasoning that he could just send them to himself later.

he signaled for dokyeom's help, handing him his phone and finding a place to do his classic leaned back, hand in pocket pose, showing off his pretty outfit. after a few shots, both members sat back down and soonyoung looked at the photos, wondering which ones carats would like best. as he swiped through the dozens of new shots, he leaned back and allowed seungkwan and dokyeom to look at the images and even comment on which were best.

having completely forgotten that this was his personal phone, hoshi made the grave mistake of swiping one too many times, landing himself on a pretty picture you had just sent him the previous night. if it had been a regular picture, it wouldve simply earned an 'aw' from seungkwan and dokyeom, and maybe even an 'aigoo' from jeoghan who was now standing behind the couch looking over his shoulder. this picture, however, was not your average picture. this image showcased you laying on your side, boobs pressed together under the thin sheer fabric of baby blue lingerie that gave the perfect view of your nipples through the fabric.

okay, it couldve been worse. it couldve been an entirely nude pic, but despite the level of explicitness of the picture, soonyoung immediately panicked. in a frantic state, he attempted to exit out of the image, only to accidentally open up the photos app, where the miniatures of the many other nudes you had sent him that night stared back at him and his group mates. as a last desperate resort, soonyoung decided to just switch his phone off and flip it around just for good measure.

across the room, mingyu stared in curiosity at the scene, seeing four of his group mates with widened eyes. jeonghan held a shocked, but satisfied smirk, while seungkwan looked as scandalized as ever. hoshi and dokyeom shared a similar pale look as if theyd seen a ghost, making mingyu wonder what theyd just seen.

hoshi had never felt more flustered in his life (and that was saying something), fearing the stern scolding he would receive from seungcheol and from you for being careless enough to use his personal phone and accidentally exposing his girlfriend to his unsuspecting members.

wonwoo -

wonwoo always saw chan as a little brother. someone who could do no wrong in his eyes. which is why he trusted him with basically everything. he mightve been a few years younger, but wonwoo always thought of him as responsible and respected him as much as he would someone his age, trusting him with his belongings, even.

having a short dance break together in the most recent comeback, chan and wonwoo decided to arrive to practice earlier in order to get in tune with each other and not take up any designated rehearsal time for the group as a whole. a little over an hour had already gone by, leaving both members sweaty and in need of a break. while wonwoo dabbed away his sweat, chan sat down for a bit, going on his phone. that was when wonwoo's phone started to chime, short breaks between each vibration of the phone, signaling multiple messages.

"check that for me, will you?", said wonwoo absentmindedly, walking in the other direction to retrieve a water bottle from nearby.

chan followed his senior's orders without thinking too much of it, unlocking his phone and swiping up. he assumed itd be one of the other members or maybe wonwoo's dad checking in. what he didnt expect, however, was a row of messages from wonwoo's girlfriend, with a pretty ... explicit picture attached to it.

nonuuuu

you left without saying goodbye :((

shouldve waken me up, i couldve given u a little something ;)

*two picture attachments*

im aching for u :((( gonna miss u all day now :c'

the pictures detailed almost the entirety of your naked body, pretty tits being groped by your hands while you wore soft pink (was that silk ..?) panties. despite not wanting to disrespect wonwoo or his girlfriend, chan gulped, unable to take his eyes away from the messages.

".. chan? chan!"

chan's attention finally diverted from the small screen in his hands.

"who is it?"

"oh, i ... its just. uh, its your girlfriend," he stutters, extending wonwoo's phone out to him, fearing for his reaction.

wonwoo finally took a look at his messages, eyes widening, instantly putting it away as if it had burned him, "oh. just .. ignore that. it's not .. uhh, okay, anyways. we should get back to practicing," wonwoo tried to salvage the awkward situation without further embarrassing chan or his girlfriend or himself.

the two stood there awkwardly trying to ignore the elephant in the room (and the arousal you had inadvertently caused the two of them), thanking god at the timing of the rest of the members who were now finally walking in to join them.

"what's up," said an unsuspecting mingyu as he walked towards them, ready to rehearse.

jihoon -

soonyoung had the tendency of dropping by jihoon's studio unannounced pretty often. many of those times would be while jihoon himself was away. why jihoon gave hoshi the passcode to his studio, he didnt know, but it was now all said and done and there wasnt much he could do about it anymore. dont get him wrong, he enjoyed having his friend visit, but he also desired some alone time while working.

today was one of the many instances in which jihoon had to step out, leaving his studio locked, not thinking anyone would walk in in his absence. soonyoung, however, had different plans. as per usual, whenever the day seemed to slow down for him, soonyoung would waltz into woozi's universe factory and hang out while he watched him work, with today being one of those days.

he didnt pay much mind to jihoon's absence as he laid back on the couch and went on his phone while waiting for his friend's return. he stayed like this for a few minutes until he heard the chime of jihoon's phone on his desk. he ignored it, not being too interested by it. then the chime repeated. once. twice. three times. four, five, over the next few minutes. okay, now that caught his attention. being so close to jihoon, soonyoung didnt consider this snooping, reasoning that this was his best friend. what could there possibly be on his phone that he couldnt check simply out of sheer curiosity? thats when he made his first mistake.

he picked up his phone, tapping in jihoon's password and swiped up on the messages without thinking much of it. that's when he made his second mistake. his eyes widened like saucers at the messages in front of him, even more so at the image attached to it. what he was now seeing was a picture of you, shirtless and pushing your tits up while making a kissy face at the camera.

jihoonieeee

are u still at the studio ??'

*image attachment*

dont u wanna come see me? ill make it worth ur while <3'

hoshi made his third mistake of the day when he unconsciously decided to keep his eyes glued to the phone, failing to notice the arrival of his friend, who immediately took note of his phone in the hands of someone who wasnt its owner.

"soonyoung what the hell are you- HUH?", jihoon didnt even have a chance to finish his sentence before interrupting himself upon taking a look at what seemingly had his senior in a trance. "GIVE ME THAT! what are you doing?! get out!" he hissed as he physically pushed his friend out of the room, locking it as he muttered in annoyance at his nosy friend.

still in a trance, hoshi found himself dumbfounded, standing alone in the hallway, now having a totally different perception of jihoon's pretty girlfriend.

a/n: not proofread!! will get to 97 and maknae line soon i promise T-T

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rillils · 3 months

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post fall bucky having a fear of heights?? ive always thought that he'd be afraid of heights, like he wasnt afraid of it at all before his fall, go ask steve. but after falling?? he tries to hide it from steve, how scared he is.. and steve, bless his poor soul, he blames himself for not realizing sooner, he thinks he shouldve known, he couldnt possibly have. hes always seen bucky as this brave courage man, and bucky didnt want to ruin steve's image of him worse than he already think he did. and oh my fucking god

THE POST PLANE CRASH STEVE BEING AFRAID OF TIGHT SPACES?? BECAUSE IT BRINGS HIM BACK TO FEELING THE COLD SEEP IN THROUGH HIS VERY BONES WHILE HE GETS CRUSHED BY ALL THE WATER, ICE, AND DEBRIS?? DONT GET ME STARTED OH MY GOD

HONEY I FEEL LIKE YOUR LEVEL OF CRUELTY TOWARDS ME SPECIFICALLY IS REACHING DANGEROUS LEVELS HERE

but I get it, I getchu hon, sometimes we just gotta put the blorbos in a Situation™, that's how we roll.

but holy shit 😭😭😭

I mean god, Bucky-

imagine how tough it must be for him, every time they're on a mission, 'cause he's first and foremost a sniper, isn't he? and for him, that often involves perching on the roof of really high buildings, and keeping as still as possible for as long as necessary - and above all, keeping a steady hand, because what is a sniper supposed to be if not precise and lethal and reliable?

and factor in all the other possible contingencies, too! like having to bolt if he's spotted by the enemy, and having to climb back down in a rush. or helping chase after the bad guys from rooftop to rooftop. or when, god forbid, they have to jump out of a plane and parachute themselves to a certain site.

it's an absolute nightmare for Bucky, but he just keeps trying to tough it out, right? grit his teeth, push through even when his flesh palm is clammy with sweat, even when his stomach is churning and his legs feel like jelly, even when his hands start shaking despite his best efforts to hold them still. it's scary and mortifying all at once, and he can't bring himself to say anything about it to anyone, especially to Steve. because he knows Steve would try to suggest he take it easy and stay behind, while Steve himself is out there risking his neck, and the very notion makes Bucky feel sick.

so he's just desperately hanging in there, right?

until something happens. he's dizzy, his hands are shaking too bad, he flubs a shot, Steve almost gets killed because of it. Bucky snaps. this is the last straw. he's done.

I mean, imagine how it must tear. him. apart. how horribly it must hurt him to admit to himself that he can't go on like this anymore. because on the one hand, fuck it all to hell, he's supposed to be by Steve's side! watch his six, protect him, make sure he makes it home in one piece! it's what Bucky's been doing ever since they were kids, it's a fundamental part of who he is! to even imagine letting Steve walk into a fight alone - no, not 'alone', without Bucky - is unthinkable. it's like denying himself a basic need. like denying who Bucky is, what he feels he was born to do, a biological imperative.

but. on the other hand, the thought of putting Steve in danger, of Steve getting hurt (or worse) because Bucky couldn't do his job properly, is even more unbearable.

Steve counts on him, trusts him with his life - as he should be able to do, if they're going to be a team - but how can Bucky allow that anymore, now that he can't even trust himself? how can he be what Steve needs, if he's going to let him down when Steve needs him the most? how would he ever forgive himself if something happened to Steve because of him?

he barely holds himself together until they get home, and then he just, he breaks down. stumbles over to the couch, crumples in on himself, trembling, pale like a ghost, taking in big gulps of air like he'll drown otherwise. telling a worried Steve, who's crouching next to him in a heartbeat, "I can't do this anymore".

now Steve, he had noticed that something was off for a while now, and Bucky's words just confirm what he already suspected. he thinks, of course Bucky's sick of this, of course he doesn't want to fight anymore - god knows he's got plenty of reasons to want to leave all this shit behind.

Steve could never imagine what the actual issue is, here - not until he's trying to tell Bucky that it's his right to retire if that's what he wants, that of course Steve supports him, and Bucky interrupts him to confess, in between sobs, where exactly the problem lies, and how he fears he's no longer fit to accompany Steve on missions, 'cause he'd risk becoming a liability rather than backup.

CUE A WHOLE SHITTON OF FEELS because fuck, how long has Bucky been feeling this way, and how did Steve not realize it sooner, and the way Steve's face twists with guilt when he wonders where this fear of heights might come from, and gives himself the most obvious amd most fucking heartbreaking answer, and Bucky can tell that he's hurting and blaming himself and they're just BOTH hurting and blaming themselves and hfgskfjskks HONEY WE'RE SPEEDRUNNING THROUGH ALL THE STAGES OF GRIEF HERE HELP

no, but. they're gonna have an honest conversation about this, okay? painful, yes, but also liberating. they're going to air out some of that hurt, and actually let it heal out in the open for once.

I figure there's gonna be lots of bargaining first, on both parts, like Bucky arguing that he could still fight, just maybe stick to the ground instead, and Steve telling him that he doesn't have to, and really he'd be happier knowing that Bucky's safe at home and not forcing himself into dangerous situations, and Bucky grumbling 'cause oh how the tables have turned, and just, you know, trying to find a way to compromise.

I think, maybe this is how Steve first starts to really, genuinely consider retiring, himself. like, not just picturing it in a distant, wistful way, oh wouldn't it be nice if we could do that, etc - but really, really entertaining the idea. letting himself plan it out. talking about it with Bucky, even with Sam and Nat, giving himself the chance to consider another kind of life. after all, there are plenty of battles to fight in the world, and not all of them require fists and guns, right? and if he can fight those battles too alongside Bucky, then so much the better 💖

CLAUSTROPHOBIC STEVE THOUGH OMG

somehow the first thing that comes to mind is that one scene from CATWS, when he and Nat find Zola's computerized ass and he blows up the building, and they're stuck in a tiny hole under all the rubble until Steve gets them both out. I CAN PICTURE ONLY TOO VIVIDLY HOW FUCKING SCARY THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR HIM, OH MY GOD

as somebody who shares that kind of phobia, may I submit to you one of the most obvious, most mundane monsters he might face: ELEVATORS. especially of the narrow, non-see through kind, where you're literally locked inside a metal box until it releases you from that torment. IF IT DOES. like honey the anxiety is real af okay

in the spirit of putting the blorbos in a Situation™, please picture them both in an old-fashioned elevator.

Steve hasn't mentioned his fear to Bucky, he's just been lucky so far, so he didn't have to bring it up. but the stupid thing is so slow, and the space inside is so small, and sure, Steve never minded being in Bucky's close proximity, but he can't stop thinking about getting the fuck out of there asap.

at some point the fucking thing stops, and oh good god they're stuck inside, and it's gonna take a while for help to come.

and Bucky, sweet, horny, unsuspecting Bucky, just makes a little joke about knowing just how they could pass the time until then, wink wink. he crowds Steve back against the already narrow wall, starts sucking languid kisses into Steve's neck-- and Steve's frozen, breathing in quick shallow breaths that could be mistaken for gasps of pleasure, holding onto Bucky with an iron grip because he can feel himself spiraling into panic, heart racing wildly, eyes darting from wall to wall like he can see them rapidly closing in on him, suffocating him, squeezing him in--

and it takes a moment for Bucky to realize what's really going on, but when he pulls back and sees Steve so terrified, hyperventilating and about ten seconds away from passing out, he switches into Protective Boyfriend mode like *snaps fingers*

he's like, "sweetheart, what's wrong?", and the second Steve gasps "out, I need to get outta here, now", Bucky springs into action and pries the elevator's door open with his bare hands, helping Steve climb out (the next floor was already into view) and following suit.

of course they're gonna talk about it (and realize that they should maybe stop hiding their respective fears from each other), and from then on... yep, they stick to stairs <3

#stucky just stucky #stucky #this got long i'm so sorry #also #i really wanted to scribble a little thing about this - either headcanon or possibly even both - like a decent-looking fic you know #but the braincell refused to cooperate :'(#either way HONEY I LOVE YOU EVEN WHEN YOU MAKE ME AND THE BOYS SUFFER LIKE THIS #*SCREECHES*#i hope the read-more works ahsdjkshdkjsh

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the-s1lly-corner · 5 months

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I don't know if anyone has asked for this yet, but can we have a Nutcracker (preferably male) reader and/or ballerina (Preferably female) reader being besties and just doing little performances for everyone in the circus. This can either be romantic or platonic Reader(s) x TADC, I don't mind! Go crazy with it! Go wild! I love to read ur headcanons and stuff so much man/pos

Gangle, Kinger, Jax, Caine x reader who hosts shows!

two things! i couldnt decide on the gender of the reader so you can read it as both or either </3 other thing, i still dont take reqs for the entire cast (nothing against you this is a blog wide rule/character limit) so i went ahead and ran the request through a wheel to randomly select characters with that said, i hope you enjoy!

CAINE:

i think, given that hes the circus ringmaster of the circus as well as generally being in control of things thanks to his status of an ai, he tends to host your shows... might even make the other circus members watch. whether you want to read this as platonic or romantic, he just does it because he wants to support you and allow your talent to be seen...! though he might get rather.... loud about it. ive said it so many times but im ready to say it again, he would be your number one fan and hes going to be very clear about it. probably throws roses to the stage for you when youre done with your performance... cheers and claps the loudest... hell, if youre comfortable with it, he might just wear a shirt with your name and face on it..! truly your number 1 fan

JAX:

i think if this is platonic, depending on how close you guys are he might try to disrupt the show by being a jackass. generally being annoying and trying to get a reaction out of you... though i dont think he would do this if you guys are actually. close or good friends and/or dating... now practice? thats something else... definitely a case of him being able to see that you enjoy what you do and you have passion and dedicate himself so he might just try to contain himself and his need to be an asshole and cause havoc.. i think if asked what he thought he would seem a little neutral about it, hes not going to praise you excessively or be mean.. jax doesnt seem like the type to gush over someone or something no matter how much he liked it.. best youd get out of him is a "good job,".. definitely one that hinges off of how close you guys are and how much respect and boundaries are set up between you two

KINGER:

i think he might be a toned down caine, looks like he would give you a rose after your performance.. though if youre not a flower person i think he would swap the rose out for something else. while caine might be barely containing his excitement throughout your performance, kinger is much more likely to be able to sit still and quiet... although still very much consumed by you, perhaps even sitting on the edge of his seat in an attempt to get a better look at you. i think he would notice a lot of smaller details and stuff you put in your shows, such as costumes or decoration, too... maybe its self projection, but i think he bounces between being clueless to having a really really keen eye when it comes to things... also the fact i love the hc of "clueless/chaotic/commonly zoned out character noticing something vital or making a smart point for a moment before reverting back to status quo" is one of my favorite tropes.... loves watching you practice

GANGLE:

i think she might actually help you with costumes and stage decorations! sure her thing is mostly art and you might have to recruit the help of ragatha for some things but i think gangle would be more than willing to help you out... plus it gives her something to do, and it means spending time with you! and thats always nice! very receptive to the stuff you have to say but i think she might try to offer some alternatives to make things visually look more appealing... as for actual performances i think she would love them! she strikes me as a theatre kid, and your sort of thing is adjacent i think... might gush to you about the show and how you did, though its often that she might trail off and become sheepish if she feels she was getting too into her ramble.. generally very sweet, though, but due to her shyness shes not going to do more than the rest of the crowd (throwing flowers, clapping louder than everyone else, ect ect ect)

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #caine x you #jax x reader #jax x you #kinger x reader #kinger x you #gangle x reader #gangle x you

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astroyongie · 3 months

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i honestly feel like i was born in the wrong era. either im too old for something or someone or im past the point of being able to achieve something. then when looking at how all these kpop groups are so young yet successful and talented just makes me question why i didnt do something like that.

we didnt have kpop in my school time but why couldnt i have just picked something and stuck with it? on top of it i believe im never going to fit anyones ideal type so whats the point in existing cause no one gonna truly get to know me.

unless i can somehow pass away before im 50 then i dont have to continue to think about all this shit and how i shouldve done better or i shouldve picked such and such a career and i shouldve tried to put myself out there more but in my age theres really nothing out there to seek when its all handed to younger generations.

and i would want to have my own success based on my own effort but have fallen short in so many ways its impossible to not find something i could do about it bc im too far behind and it does get to a point where you think that it is too late bc in order to gain any talent you have to have done it from a young age.

i dont want to rely on someone else to do it for me but i couldnt do it myself due to personal situations. yet i feel like thats an excuse cause once again all these young idols seem to be ro have something about them that makes their life a success. like yes the end inudstry is far from perfect but thats what people have been seeking themselves so it cant all be that bad all the time for them if these groups including older age groups have went out got success and even they get all the benefits of the super rich lifestyle but at the same time money doesnt bring true happiness and it seems a very shallow way they live sometimes, they have a supply and demand contract with their audiences and rely so much on social media which although i use it im not attached to it and i cant relate to obsessing over latest dance trend. i also want to stop the woe is me narrative but its really fucking hard to not feel so ashamed, behind or negative about things.

the most advice people gove is bog standard like if ur bored, go out more but its hard not to feel left out, if ur loney go find someone, if u dont have an income go get a job its literally never that simple. even in education you still have to pay for it as an adult meaning you have to already have a job but even then theres still means of you getting misjudged for your age and classmates have already done that to me before it wasnt that fun. its like saying to someone depressed to go take medicine to take away the feeling.

idk what im doing anymore besides waiting to randomly pass away so i can be done with this shite. sorry for ranting so much but idk who else to speak too bc no one else never seems to understand my frustrations with the way things have panned out.

Comparing yourself to others people archievement is the worst thing you can do. because we are all different, we all go through different shits (just like you rightfully said) and not all of us have the same opportunities presented. beating yourself up for that is a cruel thing to do wishing yourself.

It does also seem like you struggle a lot with self worth, self love and that is probably because never once someone complimented you for the things that you have achieve (to this point were you believe you havent achieved anything).

Love, hatred that you carry is a motivator, and you need to accept one thing. as long as you are breathing nothing is to late to archive, as long as you are here you should be kinder to yourself. because why are you comparing yourself to idols? I often say this here but when was it the last time you appreciated life? when was the last time you went out, stared at the ocean, at the night sky, breathed into a forest, when was the last time you felt a sense of peace? seek that out. dwelling on what we could have been is cruel hun, and not helping you in any kind <3

its okay to rant, dont worry, I hope I dont sound to harsh either, its just that I pains me seeing you guys going through so much suffering when I promise you all, darkness cannot live without light. just find your way back to it, often you dont need a big reason. sometimes the most tiny thing can be a source of happiness, seek yours !

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kiango · 6 months

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Weeping crying shitting

genuinely how am i supposed to survive without a dog. i think im dying. i want him back. i need him bacjk. this is a fucking nightmare WHY do other people's dogs get to live to old age and have grey muzzles and live their lives to the fullest when i did EVERYTHING FUCKING RIGHT and he died so fucking young. im doing to scream. i did everything. everything i physically could have. before he was even alive, even, i did everything to prevent. this exact thing from happening. and he is dead. its not fair its not fair its not FAIR!!!!! dogs are neglected and abused horribly all the time and live to be 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and mine. 5. fucking 5. pampered from puppyhood and insured and religiously health checked and i get this shit.

i need him. i need him so bad. he didnt deserve to die like that. its. no one understands. no one. they all have had dogs die bhefore so they think they get it but they dont understand the enormity of what he was to me. he was all i had for a long time. he made me crawl from the deepest depths of my depression and he got me healthy and he made me a better person and he was my PARTNER. i LIVED with him in a STUDIO for 5 YEARS. I was ALONE in a new city with him. i did everything for him, everything in my life was tailored aroiund his comoft and happiness. the car? for him. the new house? for him. the old apartment? for him. the old job? for him. the current job? for him. my happiest was when i was giving all of myself to him and now hes. dead. hes fucking dead and i couldnt even be there for him in the end because no one KNEW that he had cancer so he. passed unexpectedly when he was being treated for his "illness" at the vet. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE!!! FOR HIM!!!! he went in his sleep, thank god, but he was ALONE!!!I dont want to hear anyone saying that. maybe he preferred being alone. i know. but i needed to be there with him at the end. and i wasnt able to. everything is FUCKING empty and HORRIBLE and I NEED HIM BACK AND HES NOT BHACK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I HATE THIS!!!!! I FUCKING AM LOSING MY GODDAMN MIND I HATE THIS!!!!! GIVE HIM BACK!!!!

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seyvetch · 1 year

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A vent post of things that have been on my mind lately

I want to fucking die ;-; (I have no plans to act on that just need to vent)

Ffs everything is just getting harder, people can leave me at any time like the person I loved the most who left me a month ago and Im becoming a worse person and I wasnt that amazing in the first place. Everything is just going worse, I barely have hope for future and I cant even feel love properly anymore. Im overwhelmed by minimal ammount work I used to be able to handle and unsure I could even work to get money to sustain myself.

Almost all that I feel is despair anger and apathy. Last time I tried to medicate it caused me great loss of appetite and I almost starved to death bc I couldnt eat. At this point I just want my life to end. I dont know how Im supposed to live in Russia like this nor do I know how to escape it.

3 people who Ill eternaly be greatful to said they would be willing to let me stay with them if I wanted to escape Russia but problem is: one broke all contact with me cuz the host got themself a boyfriend so apperently they didnt like I had a relationship with their sysmate, one ghosts me for some reason despite actively reblogging my posts and me seemingly being on good terms with them when we talk and the 3rd one lives in Germany - a country which language of I dont know still.

Well even if I stayed with any of them Id probably just ruin my relationship with them. Im not that great in person.

One other thing thats been on my mind is the first person I talked about in the list of people who offered me to stay with. I loved them more than anyone probably. More than myself certainly. I thought we were soulmates. I just cant get over them no matter how much I try not to care. They even appear in my dreams though its more like nightmares of rejection. Why did it have to go this way. Is it bad that I still have hope everything will work out? Its probably futile. Im blocked instantly any time I tried to reach them. Whats the most cruel is how the breakup went it wasnt even them to my knowledge who broke me up with them it was their host or another sysmate despite the previous promise that I could still date them. I dont even know how they feel about the breakup. Maybe it was them and they got tired of me. Ill never know bc I havent recieved as much as a goodbye before being blocked. Not as much as a word. I only know that they have a boyfriend bc I looked at their tiktok in trying to decypher why I was left like that :/.

Whatever the painll probably go away with time. What wont go away is my disabilities which are getting harder to deal with in terms of my productivity. Its only getting worse. I can barely make myself do the minimum required of me. How will I find the job? How will I get enough money to move to a different country before I cant leave Russia anymore? Could I leave Russia now if I had money? Would that even be possible? Is it already too late? Had I never had a chance to escape?

No matter how I look at it all I can see in my future is being alone stuck in this hellhole of a country which will only get wose and more authoritarian with time. And then if Im lucky another revolution will happen and devistate what remains of the country leaving the poeple maybe not as oppressed but left in poverty just like the horror stories my parents told me of what happened last time a revolution occured.

Everyone will just leave me behind no matter what I do. It always happens. Its just the matter of time.

Well we will see how it turns out but for now all I can do is to move forward.

#vent

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catspinach · 1 year

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sobriety reflection:

ive been completely sober for 4 months (make it 5 months if u dont count my brief christmas meltdown) though its been over a full year now since i realized that i needed to make a real change in my life. i stopped drinking for about a month before finally getting a job. at first I was able to go 2 or so months sober at a time before caving in, but there were scary periods where id be unable to stop for a month or so. sometimes id take shots before my shift, and a few times I've drank a full-size 700mL bottle of vodka in a span of 24hrs.

After binge drinking until i reached my absolute limit, I'd eventually get so hungover that i couldn't keep anything down and i wasn't able to slowly wean myself off of the alcohol. I'd suddenly stop drinking, eating, and sleeping, and to pass the time all i could do was pace around my little bedroom or throw up. nobody in my family knew how much i drank so i couldn't risk going downstairs, the tv was way too loud and bright, and i guess I'm simply unable to sit still when I'm not feeling well so I couldnt even sleep it off. when it got unbearable id attempt to meditate. that was probably the only thing that brought me any sort of peace.

My time drinking was spent bumming around alone, feeling depressed and extremely horny. when i was hungover I'd voice chat my (long distance) gf on fb messenger about how miserable i was, and how much i just wanted to die. then when i was feeling better id be unable to even look at our previous convo bc of the extreme guilt i felt. i cant imagine seeing someone i love going through such hell. having only me to bring them solace, yet not being able to help at all. It made me hate myself, which made me drink.

I went through another withdrawal phase and became aware that it was getting harder every time i tried sobering up. It really felt like I was on my deathbed, and I called everyone I could to try to get some sort of outpatient help, but they refused unless i did a month inpatient, and again my family didn't know. I was alone in this, very adamant about not going to AA. I was scared I'd run into someone I know and I heard it's not very effective for young alcoholics anyway. I drank on Christmas Eve a month later and threw up at grandma's on Christmas day. That was when I realized I had a choice to tell someone. That I had no excuse not to tell someone. So I called my sister in and I sat naked on the floor crying as i explained to her what was happening. We all left and she brought me to walgreens to get some Tums, promising not to tell anyone and offering me to stay at her place. which I declined lol fuck that

4 months later and i still get cravings often. i can stop myself from drinking now by reminding myself that tomorrow is a busy day at work, and by imagining it going down my throat. Now when so much as think about drinking I taste vomit.

The other day I almost snuck into my moms room for a shot before work, but stopped myself. I make $19/hr plus overtime, and I know that if i lose this job I won't be able to score one with matching pay. ive been practicing being kind to myself.

Lately I've been bumming again. sometimes life doesn't feel much different from how it did at my lowest– aside from feeling less nauseous now. i guess that's a start to bettering myself though.

#im proud i really am #but it still feels empty #sobriety #now im hooked on marijuana lol but at least its not making me sick

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kinnit · 1 year

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stanley mems masterpost

hi im a stanley (tsp) fictionkin. heres my memories from my tl since i wanted one place to compile them all. theyll also be in different categories!

this'll update every time i get new mems :]

general mems

i wasnt living in a game, i think. im still unsure about that. there was no other player entity as far as i can remember, though. and it was real life to me, it could have been a game to the narrator or anyone else though

i can remember a basic outline of where some of the endings took place- the true ending happened near the start but wasnt the first one, the zending happened around the end, and the skip button was the last button and the epilogue happened just after it i think. i know game-wise that timeline is weird but i remember the skip button happening last and i was wandering around that desert for a long time

the zending lasted a long time. i was in the lights room for a long time and it was really nice but i just couldnt stay there forever.

there were hundreds of resets and probably different endings that did not occur in the game

the true ending still resulted in a reset no matter how many times i went that route.

some of the endings were very, VERY long. like the zending, the bucket apartment ending, and the skip button ending to mention a few.

in general sometimes these resets could be months, even upwards to a year apart, or only a few minutes. it was frustrating sometimes

i remember the escape pod ending- i remember shooting into the sky and into space and looking at the stars, but after only a while id reset. maybe narrator WAS there and it played out right? i dunno man its kinda hard to remember there was so many resets in my canon

mems about myself

i had longish curly hair

i also had freckles

i wore silly ties every day to work, they all had different patterns. this also happened during the resets, i think i had a different one each reset

i was probably autistic

i think i had anxiety too

i almost never talked- part of it was i was just too stubborn to talk, the other part was that i was nonverbal a good chunk of the time. i also just found it hard to speak

i remembered every reset, but im unsure if narrator did

i was super self destructive at one point- before i had fully given into the fact that these resets were just gonna happen for the rest of my life.

i had a life before the events of the game- i cant remember my childhood or life outside work, but i remember loving my job and i remember my chats with the other employees and stuff like that!

narrator mems

i had an on and off relationship with narrator- one moment i hated him and the next he was my entire world. our relationship fluctuated like that a lot but no matter what we needed eachother

i think our relationship was at least vaugely homosexual ahahah. i dont think we ever officially dated but we had a really really close bond. i dunno how to explain it. we acted like we were an old married couple but we never . like . had an official relationship

i cannot stress how on and off our relationship was.

he could have had a physical form, he mentioned that he was able to manifest one once, but he never quite liked the idea and he preferred just being a voice. unsure if he ever showed a form or not

he could however like . without a form he could still touch? i remember him brushing the hair out of my face or putting his hand on my shoulder, but i never saw him

unsure if he created the world or caused the resets but he sure did have a hand in both those things even if he didnt outright do all of those things

i dont think he created the world but he could control it and add little things to it.

while i knew timekeeper & curator existed, i dont think the narrator did. he may have known about the curator and just never mentioned her to me, but he never knew about timekeeper and i just never told him my experiences with either of them, i kinda kept it a secret

in relation to what i was saying with the narrator showing his physical form, he said something along the lines of 'im too grand to be contained in one physical form!' or 'its too restricting, id rather just be a voice!' (both quotes ive gotten from other narrators ive spoken to)

i really miss him. i know i hated him a lot near the start and even middle of the timeline, but i really really grew fond of him even though we had our arguments. i really miss him. a lot.

timekeeper/settings/432 mems

we were both 'friends' (acquaintances?) before the events of the game

i think during the time before the events of the game he had ginger hair and glasses but i am unsure about this memory

they would talk to me through my computer inbetween resets, however i didnt know it was 432, my old friend, until the events of the epilouge

never saw him face-to-face during the events of the game, the last time i saw them face-to-face was when we were both at work and things were still normal

it was really comforting to talk to them inbetween resets.

bucket mems

the bucket was a comfort item to me <3 i loved it

for the first while it was just a comfort item, just that, but eventually as the resets kept happening and my mental state deteriorated i began to hear it talk to me and stuff like that.

i put a lot of stickers on it . i think more than in canon

i also held things in it sometimes

curator mems

i dont remember much about you.

she made the museums. they were very very pretty.

i was so scared of her.

she had more power than the narrator

#tsp kin

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horce-divorce · 2 years

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I've been hesitant to speculate about how different the culture is at live music these days for a few reasons, notably bc I've been too ill to go to shows since about 2012. But it seems to me as an observer there's a lot more incidents where ppl are getting hurt at shows than what used to and it's not like the setup is different. Venue management is worse maybe?? But you have to wonder how much of these crowds are younger kids where a vast majority have never been to shows prior to the pandemic era. I wonder how that's changed the behavior of the crowds

Like I just saw one person claim they haven't been to a show since they "were like 9."

9???? 9. who is out here taking their 9 year olds to shows??? Who are these 9yos?????

my first concert was Cher when I was 12 and that was a big fucking deal to my friends. none of them got to see a concert before me (we lived in bumfuck nowhere so this was a huge ordeal to even go). we busted our asses doing odd jobs ALL SUMMER to buy tickets to MCR when we were 13. And frankly I think if I had been dropped into a concert venue any sooner than that I'd have died lmfao I would NOT have been able to handle it. I almost couldnt handle Warped and I'd been to at least 3 big shows and 2 other types of fests by then.

also lol bc some of the advice I'm seeing from ppl who are a lot younger than me but who are going to shows lately is. "Idk dance around! Bring some water! Have fun! Try not to bump into anyone!" I'm sorry, try not to bump into anyone? at live music?? at live EMO music??? That's a rule now?? lmao since WHEN 😭

Tbf that's better than the shit ppl my age used to say in the myspace age when asked for concert advice. Shit like "DONT wear the same bands Tshirt to their own show. You'l look like a poser." Rofl.

But also at least we'd give reasonable expectations about the pit... I'm sorry if you're going in the pit you're going to be touching people. You're getting people's sweat and beer and hair all over you and there's nothing you can do about it. The pit is not simply an area where you can observe music from. The pit is a living thing (and so is the crowd; the pit is part of the crowd but the crowd is not necessarily part of the pit) and you have to be prepared for it to get a little sweaty and wacky. It is a Beast and cannot be simply tamed

that's PRECISELY WHY I can't go to shows anymore, medically speaking?? like. cus I can't do general admission anymore. 10+ years ago part of the experience of going to shows was specifically to go get lost in the pit and get sweaty and accidentally punched and thrown around. that's what the pit was FOR.

I have to wonder if kids don't know that these days and they go in thinking the pit is just like any other event where your personal space gets respected, and are then unprepared to Get Out when things get wild???? I guess I have seen a shift in language there... I knew a lot of ppl who meant "the pit" to be the front of the general admission space where everyone is crammed in, regardless. But some people use it specifically as in "mosh pit" which is a certain scenario. Moshing doesn't happen at every show but any big show HAS a pit. That's my colloquial understanding, anyway.

Idk this doesn't like Matter so I'm not doing deep discourse about it or anything lol I'm just so curious about how and when this changed. Someone who's been actively going to shows the whole time would be able to make better observations than me anyway, this is total speculation based on the complaints I'm seeing come out of, like, MCR shows for example. It seems like a lot of folks go to these shows not knowing what to expect, and are surprised when people get hurt, but when I was a teen we kinda accepted maybe getting hurt as part of the package deal. I mean no perhaps it shouldn't be? (Again, questions of venue management?) But you should be aware of crowds being inherently dangerous in general before you join one, just like you should be aware of potential dangers in any large group. There's just a bit more to concertoging than "have fun and be yourself" specifically for this reason lol

It's just so funny to me that these days kids are like "omg mind your business at shows" specifically cus like. Last time I saw the Used Bert hooked a loogie into the pit and it landed on some guys face. And bert went 'oh haha. woops' and the guy went "YEHHFDHDHYWHAHAHH!!!!!!!! WOOOOOI!!!!!" so he did it again. that was the culture of shows when I was going and I mean, the whole pit was just Like That. it was like a silent agreement that if you weren't into sharing bodily fluids you simply stayed away from the stage lol

Again: not saying that's how it should be or that Kids These Days Have It Too Easy. everything should be accessible and obviously this was not a culture that fostered inclusion rofl. I'm interested in the changes just bc it's different now, and when, and why and how? And bc I'm curious if it'll lead to be better venue management actually! If anyone can make venues finally shape the fuck up I fully believe it'll be the youths. Maybe someday I can go to shows again bc the kids these days had better standards than we did in the aughties. But in the meantime I just don't think you can be surprised if you go in the pit and get beer on you lol it'd be WAY weirder if you came out clean.

#me #music

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frostbite-the-bat · 7 months

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i still cant believe its been basically over a year since the start of my last year at my high school - like i am free from that now.

the first month or SO was pretty breezy - before things get harder and things are still getting started. but still, less breezy than the other years of course, as we already had some dumbass typical-for-my-school bullshit thrown at us.

i was terrified of my finals that were coming later next year, but i was still carrying through. i also began realizing i am basically in pain daily - NOT just my hands. but couldn't pinpoint the cause but i knew that practice where we do laborous physical shit was going to be a nightmare. (it was)

after covid and bad untreated carpal tunnel shit it was a nightmare to go through note-heavy classes too. not being able to pause for even a second or you miss out on important notes, getting weird looks from your teacher. literally gasping for air as your hands cannot handle the sharp pain from having to write this fast. and you're still 'slacking behind'.

that got better and then worse in some days. but. sure. can deal with that. have been dealing with that since.

but at time went on and on i became more and more miserable, more scared of my future. this school was hurting me more and more, being constantly neglected by my teacher. me especially. the others being better at what they did, so they got some special treatment. more time at the more laborous work for me!! it was a painful fucking nightmare both physically and mentally

i dreaded going there everyday. everyday i wanted to drop out - i wanted to get out of that god damn hell school. as things got worse so did my thoughts... and yet i made it! i managed to get through. i did it.

at this time last year i would've been already going through so much shit. and yet i'm here. like. i've actually done it. i lived. did i deserve that?? did anyone deserve that treatment we got there?? absolutely fucking not.

in all fucking seriousness i couldnt be happier right now doing nothing, even if it does get to my brain sometimes. even if i know i wont get good treatment in the future, possibly. but even then there's still a future for me. even if still under my parents - if i do get a job i can just quit i will not be tied to a shitty teacher and possible legal trouble if i dont attend. this teacher who also likes getting too personal and nice and then whips out some of the most cruel most insulting shit you could imagine. i hope shes fucking happy quitting the job after essentially abusing me and my classmates. i hope shes happy doing her own thing after screaming and yelling at me and telling me to cry harder when i did a simple mistake. i hope she's fucking proud of herself for this. i hope she knows how miserable we all were during her classes, or rather, the lack of them, as she never taught us anything and made us do her own personal event shit for her. i hope she knows i dont ever plan on doing anything in my life thats like what i studied at this school and graduated from basically because im so scarred by it.

seriously. how was any of this legal. it cant be. i feel so sorry for any future students, but also happy, since they wont have to deal with HER anymore.

i do not, honest to god, plan on going back to any school anytime soon, and i'm just fine staying unemployed for now even if just.. completely under my parents. i cant do shit anyway. but god im happy to just.

rest finally after all that. nobody deserves that. looking back and not living through it anymore makes me realize how fucked up it was. its so surreal. im not dealing with that anymore.

but god is it going to haunt me for a long time.

#vent

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deeeelightfuldee · 2 years

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are you someone who can do without having time for yourself? no, i love to have time to myself. thats my preference 99% of the time lol

where was the last place you turned a job application to? ooo. buy buy baby

do you give your number out to people easily? its never really bothered me to do so because blocking is so simple.

what’s your favorite song by Drake? take care

the last time you went out what were you wearing? like out out for a nice time? i wore these tight jeans that hug the booty. then i had on a white tank, a blue blouse, my jean jacket.

when you’re first getting learning something are you a quick learner or does it take you longer until you’re comfortable? I am a quick learner most of the time but if its something that builds on a LOT ... for instance, chem. then i take my time with each step so i dont miss anything.

have you ever used skype? if yes, who was the last person you chatted with? i think eitherrrrrrrr... michael? actually im 99% sure it was michael.

out of the jobs you’ve had which has taught you the most as far as job experience goes? nannying. nothing prepares you for more stuff than caring for another human being and keeping them alive.

what’s been the biggest adjustment you had to make from you current job and the previous one? the other one i could just clock in and out and not have to worry about taking my stuff home. caregiving means im always, always, always on.

are there any places that you go to where you just relax and can clear your mind? on a drive to my favorite roads. thats my happy place and i havent been able to do that in almost a year and a half. its extremely hard.

honestly, how would you describe yourself as a worker? I’m an extremely hard worker. i compete with myself, trying to be better than i was the day before. I am task oriented so i get shizzzz done. i have attention to detail. im clean. im organized.

do you use facebook a lot? no, not at all.

have you recently turned bailed on plans that you had? no, not to my recollection.

do you know of somebody having feelings for you right now who you’re not committed to? yeppppppppppp.

is there anything you can say you truly hate? lying

Look at your nails; Do they need to be cut? no, i cut them real short. i wish they were long but i just need them to be short rn.

What is the last gift you received and from who? an etsy giftcard from mom

Have you been on any type of online messengers today? my normal phone texting, snapchat messages, insta messages.

Who was the last person you called? Z

What are you wearing on your feet? Nothing at the moment. About how many hours of sleep did you get last night? like 5.

Can you crack your toes? frick yea.

What are you currently dressed in? a pair of nike shorts and a white tank

What was the last thing you watched on the TV? K wore me down to watch a movie lol

What was the last thing you looked up on Google? The lists of drake songs cus i couldnt recall the names

When did you cry last? Why? some stuff from greys. i think it was SO good for me too because ive been like penting up emotion

What is your state’s minimum wage? $15.40

Are you listening to any music right now? If so, what are you listening to? no, its just life as we know it going on in the background.

Is your hair naturally straight? no, its curly

Do you own a pair of slippers? welllllllll i actually own like 5 rn lol

Is there anyone that you’re mad at right now? mad, no.

Who was the last person to make you genuinely smile? a boy.

What kind of cologne/perfume do you like the opposite sex to wear? oooooooooooo... this is my dream, to go cologne shopping. i swear, there are some scents that just make meeeeeeeeeee melt.

When was the last time you went on a cleaning spree? last week, lol

Where are you planning to go on your next vacation? I am in the works of figuring that out.

Is there something you want to say to someone but can’t/won’t? i think ive given up on what i wanted to say. im kinda over it all.

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unlikelyempathpruneauthor · 3 years

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Tour without You

Summary: fans saw the video of cal singing ghost of you and people think you two broke up.

a/n: SO YALL KNOW WHICH VIDEO I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT? Idk if he was actually crying, but a part of me tells me he was, but idk who knows, but i hope he was okay and is doing okay now.

You were currently home watching duke at yours and cal’s place. You couldn't go on tour with cal because of work, so being alone was a norm you had grown into. Whenever you didn't go on tour you and cal would spend time calling one another whenever a show was over, so he could see you and if you needed to comfort him for anything. He hated when he had to leave you alone, but you would reassure him you had someone that was a part of him. Duke would usually stay with the dog sitter, but when you stayed back home you watched duke. You two would have some quality time together as usual so the small pup can use his energy throughout the day.

For Cal though today, just wasn't his day. Their bus tour had taken a re-route, they got to the venue late, he couldn't focus during rehearsal since it was cut short, from them arriving late. Usually when stress came he was able to handle it well, but you usually were there to comfort him right there and then, which also added to his stress as well, not being able to be with you in moments like these. Fans in the audience and online had seen his expression and worried for him, especially when singing Ghost of you. He hated that his stress would reflect how he acts during shows, but today was really bad for him. Cal doesn't really notice when fans are recording, but a video had gone viral during the concert within minutes and fans skepulating about you and cal. You had no idea of this hence you not being near your phone all day and having a nice day out with duke. Your phone had been blasting all night and once you got home with duke you checked it once seeing all the notifications on all of your socials.You were slightly confused as to why there were so many so you checked it out.

@5SOSUPDATES: is it possible cal and y/n broke up? Could be because they haven been posting with one another. Also today’s performance he seemed sad, especially during Ghost of you.

“What the hell?” you said as the puppy barked at you as you continued to look for something that gave you some sort of idea that was going on. Then MTV also made a topic off of it.

SPECULATING BREAK UP RUMOURS: POPSTAR CALUM HOOD AND GIRLFRIEND Y/N L/N POSSIBLY BROKE UP BEFORE A SHOW DURING TOUR

You were quick to find the resources they were using to claim these speculations and there was a video of cal singing ghost of you, at first it was all good, he was singing good, you saw no sad emotions, but when it got to him harmonizing, with the ghost of you, that's when his expression changed. At first you thought that it was just the way he was singing. But you looked over and yeah you were convinced he was crying.

You tried to first go over anything you might have said to make him upset, but there was nothing, you texted when you could and he seemed fine the night before, so you didn't know what was wrong. Unless he lied to you, which he would do when he was away from you. He didn't want to bother you, but you always told him to talk to you when he was feeling down and not himself. You were always going to be there to talk to him always. Just then you got a call from mali, you were quick to answer as she probably has seen these as well.

“Mali, hey.” you said as she spoke, “hey super weried, but have you been on your socials and possibly MTV?” she asked as you sighed, “yes i have.” you said as she contuned, “okay, is it ture?? Did you two break up? Omg did cal do something because i swear-” she said as you giggled and cut her off, “no we didn't, well at least i think so, but uh, no i called him before this show and he seemed fine, but you know how he is, he doesn't tell the full truth until you get it out of him.” you said as she hummed, “thats true, well are you talking to him tonight?” she asked as you hummed back, “yeah i should be getting a call in about an hour, i dont think he has checked his phone yet, so i'll call you first thing alright?” you said as she hummed and you two said your goodbyes. As your phone was still blowing up, more and more rumours were being made, but you didn't expect to be getting attacked.

5SOSWILDFLOWER: Yall, there are some photos of y/n with another guy before cal had gone to tour, guess cal has a reason.

Caly/n_stan: i don't think she would cheat though, they've been together for years.

Lukehemmingsstan: i mean yeah but people change especially when dating a celeb, and it wouldn't be the first time a 5sos member would be cheated on.

@mikeycliff5sos: i mean you can tell she was just in it for the money and the fame, she never spoke about her job.

You were at first confused as to what pictures you were talking about, but then you clearly remember you were with the dog sitter, who happens to be a guy. He was one of Cal's best friends and he always took care of duke when you were away. You were there before cal had gone to tour, to tell him personally that you were staying with duke, since you knew him and it would be nice to catch up on duke’s behavior. Of course the fans didn't know that, but that didn't mean they should attack you. You were kinda stressed about this situation, especially with the things being said, fans even started to question your real intentions with cal and wondered if you were just after cal for his money and fame questioning your line of work as well, which wasnt public because you line of work was importnatn, you were a visual editor at entertainment company and well you kept it private and you didn't want any problems.

On cal’s side of things, he hadnt checked his phone at all wanting to handle one side of stress at a time. After teh show he realxed before calling you, making sure he looked good and fine. But once he lifted his phone he had seen so many notifications, at first he thought it was about the show from tonight but when he clicked he saw everything that was being said about you and him that you two had broken up and the means things being said about you. He was quick to call you as you answered quickly hoping he was okay.

“Hey” you both said quite rapidly, “sorry you go first.” cal said as you sighed and spoke, “are you okay? But i want to know the full truth cal, you know you can talk to me.” you said as he rubebd his head and wished he had spoken to you before anything, he knew if he talked to you hten these rumours wouldnt be made. “Fuck love, im sorry, we had to reroute the show for tonight we got there late, and rehearsal was rushed and, today i didn't do my best to hide my stressed emotions, i tried, but i couldnt, all i wnated to do was talk to you before the show, but i wasnt able to,” he said as his voice was cracking and you felt bad for him, you knew he handled stress well, but you knew today was one of those days, “bub its okay, just talk to me about this kind of stress to help you when you can, no matter what time it may be. I know im not htere, but remeber im a phone call away, always. No matter waht okay, you call me when youre feeling like this.” you said as he smiled a little missing you so much more than he should be able to.

“Youre too good for me you know that? Im sorry for waht the fans are saying, i'll straighten it out babe, they shouldnt be saying this stuff about you,” he said as you giggled, “its fine, it hurt at first, but i mean this all happend beucase i was out with dukes dogsitter,” you said as he laughed a little, “gosh the fans are really out of hand, i love you so much, youre there for me more than many times i could even count, you know youre it for me,” he said as you blushed hearing his words, he would tell you this all the time. It was true, you were it for him and he was it for you. “And youre it for me too, and i'll happily be there for you, always you know that.” you said as he smiled and jsut couldnt wait to get home to you. After talking for about 2 hours, you said your goodbyes and you had gone with the rest of your day as cal had straighten out with the fans about his citation.

He posted a picture on his story of you and captioned it:

To clear out the rumours from today, me and y/n are happily together. y/n has not and has never cheated on me, for those who know she is everything to me and i will do anything to not lose her. There is no anger towards this situation jsut please, be careful with what you say on the interent, even if y/n and i dont post about us everyday its not htat wer are not together, we like to live in the present with one another since i go away for tour. Usually shes here with me, but sadly she isnt. So again please just be aware with what you are posting, we are human and things that were said towards her will hurt anyone.

#calum hood #calum 5sos #calumthomashood #5sos calum #calum hood imagine #calum hood 5sos

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skellebonez · 2 years

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*slams into your inbox* hiiii skelle sooo for the ask meme how about

13 (detective au) and 67 (character in peril) for shadowpeach

AND/OR

25 (fairy tale au) and 84 (married to the job) for shadowcoding?

you dont have to do both prompts if you dont want, thers just so many good ones i couldnt decide!! if you dont want, then just pick your favourite ^^ in curious to hear any/all ideas u have! have a nice day ♡

HEY SO THIS GOT... LONG.

Like ridiculously long. You sure know how to pick prompts that spark my brain in some way! I had to do both, I just had to. They're both under the cut so I don't completely drown the dashboard or ship tags, and the start of each is the larger blue line so if anyone reading this is only interested in one you know where to start and stop!

13 (detective au) and 67 (character in peril) for Shadowpeach

I do enjoy the occasional Private Detective AUs, specifically the kind of lone wolf “gonna do everything myself vigilante style” kind so I think this would be that kind of AU. The focus would be ShadowPeach but I like the idea of the private detectives in question being MK and Mei because they are best friends and partners in helping people out! So… both SWK and Macaque are famously missing, their many battles long after the Journey ended becoming legend until one final confrontation made them both vanish.

Until Macaque shows up at MK and Mei’s private detective business in disguise out of the blue one day, asking them to find an “old friend” (we know who) of his that’s been missing for “so many years he’s lost count”. Despite their suspicions about his intentions they take on the job because they haven’t had a high paying client in a long time and for some reason he’s paying them half in advance (well above their normal pay rate for a finished job)... so they think that even if they don’t this “old friend” they might figure out what is up with this guy and be able to get the full story and tip off the friend if he vanished for good reason.

As their investigation goes on they learn that something really weird has been going on and there is a string of disappearances in their city every 20 years where someone vanished under mysterious circumstances and a family member or family friend always comes to look for them and deal with their affairs… before that person vanishes and the cycle continues. It’s actually incredibly concerning that no one caught on to this before they did. And they eventually come to find the final person in the chain and it’s someone they’re far too close to and know personally, it cannot be a coincidence.

More investigation, they learn the person Macaque claims to be doesn’t exist, they confront him, and he finally reveals himself for who he actually is and the real reason he came back. An old enemy is returning and he cannot fight her on his own and he needs SWK to fight with him or else she might erase the memory of him from the world.

And then MK’s adoptive father would show up and who would it be? … yeah, it’s the final person who would have taken over the role of the disappeared, it’s SWK in disguise.

In this AU Sun Wukong has been taking on different “lives” and hiding out among the humans instead of SWK just vanishing to Flower Fruit Mountain and Mac doing… whatever it was he did. Every fight Macaque had with him (and it was a lot) over the centuries ended in him getting his ass kicked until around… I’ll say 5-400 years prior when Macaque just kinda gave up after he finally asked SWK what really happened and he was the one who vanished after that because he realized he wasn’t innocent in their falling out after all (at first he wouldn’t accept this but eventually he would realize SWK was telling the truth and boy did he fuck up claiming his friend just abandoned him and the mountain and everyone else on it).

This would only be half way through the fic, the secondary half would be a series of flashbacks to what happened between them before he left on the Journey interspersed around them finally talking to each other properly and working on how to fight off LBD’s growing power and teaming up with other LMK villains early to keep her from getting to them (they’re all characters in peril at this point). The entire time Macaque would be acknowledging what he did wrong and saying he doesn’t expect anything more than SWK to help defeat LBD because he’s “the hero, and don’t heroes do the right thing?”, meanwhile SWK knows he is not telling the whole truth. LBD should have been weak enough for Macaque to take down alone, why hasn’t he done that? And WHY has he only been using glamours and none of his other powers?

The ultimate climax of the story would be the revelation that most of Macaque’s powers were stolen by Not Mayor in a trap he had set for him when he tried to take out LBD himself, that’s why he needed to find SWK and that’s why he’s not been using them. He would end up nearly being killed in the final battle before LBD and Mayor are finally defeated and his powers are returned to him.

He ends up leaving, vanishing again, and SWK would set off to find him because they have “unresolved business”. MK would ask if this is like all the other times, the disappearances, and he would assure him that that part of his life is over and he’s coming back.

Fast forward to an epilogue chapter where he finds him on Mount Huaguo and they end up watching the moon set and the sun rise together and SWK turns to him and says hes changed a lot. He’s not the same Six-Eared Macaque he left behind despite his wishes to return. Macaque would tell him that he’s not the same Suun Wukong either. They’re both different people now.

And Sun Wukong would say “well, in that case…” and offer him a handshake. “I’m Sun Wukong, Great Sage Equal to Heaven, Handsome Monkey King, you’ve heard the legends I bet. Who are you?”

And it would end with Macaque taking his hand and answering with his own name, both agreeing they should get to know each other.

25 (fairy tale au) and 84 (married to the job) for Shadowcoding

OH MY GOSH THIS ONE.

Ok, so, I know a lot of fairy tale AUs are based on existing ones and that is the entire gimmick for the fics HOWEVER. I also love fics and stories that create their own original stories with fairy tale vibes and elements and that’s kind of what I am going for here.

Syntax would be the royal scientist for Spider Queen, a very powerful and feared ruler in this AU. Because I believe she is based on the Spider Sisters in JTTW she took the throne at a young age after her sisters were killed in a battle. Her sisters were the main defense of their kingdom, only a small army to back them up as they thought they were unstopable, and now SQ with Huntsman and Goliath as her royal advisors and right hand men, have been the only real offense and defense for a long time. Syntax would be a regular human she had brought in from their kingdom at some point after finding him traveling between kingdoms.

Spider Queen would ask him to modify her venom and tech (someone had to build her mechs before he showed up and it had to be her so she has ben making mechanical defenses for the kingdom) so that she could turn her subjects into spiders, thus increasing their number and making it so they are able to protect themselves should anyone attack the kingdom. In compensation he would have all the accommodations he so desired in the palace.

Much like in the show Syntax would be able to build the tech but fail at modifying the venom, working night after night working to exhaustion until a mysterious girl comes to the kingdom. She offers SQ what she needs to perfect the venom but the queen is skeptical, insisting that Syntax can do it. The Girl says that she bets that he could not fix the venom within the course of three nights, and if he does not she would. SQ makes a deal with her, and then it is revealed she is LBD and their bet is sealed. Should Syntax fail to make the venom she will modify it to her desires at noon the day after the third night and, as SQ made a deal with her and those cannot be broken in fairy tales, she pushes Syntax to do what he can before she loses their kingdom.

On the first night Syntax is visited by a shadow who whispers to him “go to the garden, hidden deep within the maze is a rare flower. Pluck it, set it in fine wine, and come sun down tomorrow add it to the venom”. He questions who the shadow is, the shadow smiling and telling him that he is someone who does not want LBD to win. He does so, having no other ideas of what to do (and fairy tale logic), and come the next night the venom does not work like it should but it does glow a different color and when testing a small drop on himself out of curiosity it greatly increases his strength and hearing for a short while.

On the second night the shadow returns, telling him to “take the deepest feelings from the queen, added immediately” and add them to the venom. Syntax realizes that he needs Spider Queen to tell him everything about why she wants this venom, confiding in him her worries and causing her to cry. He adds a tear he caught to the venom, the color changing once again. This time, when tested the drop increases his hearing to the point he can feel vibrations in the air and his vision gives him the ability to see ultraviolet color (still needs glasses, now he needs his visor) for a short time.

The third night he waits for the shadow to return, and he does. He tells him to come to a secret cave under the kingdom. There he will find a man encased in bone. Take him from his prison and add a drop of his shadow magic to the venom and it will be finished.

Huntsman and Goliath are skeptical about this, but wenn Syntax shows them what the venom can already do SQ insists they help him find this mysterious man in bone. There, under the kingdom and in the caves, they find Six-Eared Macaque, a legendary demon who was said to have gone missing centuries ago. They take him from his prison, still encased in bone despite their efforts, and while he feels bad about it Syntax takes a single drop of blood from one finger and adds it to the venom.

Before anyone can stop him he tries a full dose on himself and becomes a spider, the venom having worked as the shadow had told him.

When Syntax tells Macaque to show himself, to the confusion of everyone else, the shadow returns and praises him for figuring out who he was. He was captured by LBD long ago, used as a pawn in her schemes and he had been trapped only able to watch the world in this form. His reason for showing himself to Syntax was 3 fold. 1) he wanted LBD to be defeated. 2) He wanted Syntax, this ingenious man, to see if he could save him from the bone. 3) He was genuinely impressed by the man, working so hard for a kingdom that had taken him in.

Syntax knew it was also because he was lonely. He had spent so long alone thinking about what had happened.

LBD comes, as promised, and when she sees Syntax as a spider she attempts to kill him. Fairy tale logic, this is enough to break the deal between her and SQ and that power of a broken deal frees Macaque from the bone and he drives her out of the body that she is inhabiting (the little girl from the show, who we in the fandom call Bai He). LBD is not defeated, but she is driven off for now, and Macaque is offered the palace to rest in and recover before (if) he leaves.

He chooses to stay, leaving to fight LBD and ultimately defeat her with the help of others, because Syntax would help him get used to being in a body again and he is impressed by the man’s wit and tenacity.

The fic ends with the kingdom willingly becoming spiders for SQ, Macaque and Syntax as the Royal Guard and Royal Scientist, and Bai He adopted into the spider family.

Fairy Tale ending!

#fanfic trope mashup #shadowpeach #shadowcoding

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creweemmaeec11 · 3 years

Text

I'm not sure what this little snippet is, but enjoy it anyway I guess aha!

-------------------------------------

It was about time the hero tried a different tactic. They were tired of waiting for the villain to do something, then showing up to stop it. This time, the hero wanted to stop the villain before anything happened in the first place.

It was genius, really, and was something the hero really should have tried a long time ago.

The only problem, was *finding* the villain in the first place.

It wasn't like the hero had a home adress.

He'd spent nearly two hours scouring the city, hopping from rooftop to rooftop with no sign of anything abnormal when he heard a faint, almost whimpering sound.

The hero was thankful they had heightened senses, otherwise they may not have heard it at all.

They used their super strength to climb up the tall building, continuing to hop a few more rooftops when they froze.

Their eyes landed on the villan. He was sitting on a slightly sloped roof, back against a brick wall where the building continued upward. Their knees where pulled taught to their chest, cape wrapped around them like a blanket to shield them from the chill of the cool night air. One arm was wrapped around their knees, holding their dagger while the other hand was wiping at their face, trying to disperse the tears- *they were crying*.

The hero suddenly felt uneasy. What were they supposed to do here? They always saw the villain as cold, heartless, emotionless but, clearly that wasnt the case. They weren't sure what to do, or even how to feel with that information.

Information they clearly weren't supposed to have, given how high up and secluded this spot was. The villain clearly wanted to be left alone.

But, they were a hero! They're job was to help people and this villain was clearly in distress! He couldnt just leave!

They jumped onto the same roof as the villain, who didnt seem to notice. They were still a good 7-10 meters away from them, but the villain was usually very intune with the environment. The hero had never been able to get even near this close to them without the villain being fully aware.

They were now close enough to use their enhanced hearing to hear the ragged breathes and rapid heartbeat of the other.

The hero took a breath.

"Beautiful night out tonight," the hero offered in a friendly, conversational tone. They were smart enough to know that directly asking what was wrong wouldnt get them anywhere.

The villains reply came in form of a violent flinch and sharp inhale of breath. Their head snapped to look at the hero, shock and... was that *fear* written all over their face?

The villain never wore a mask, much like the hero, but they did usually have a hood down over their face, so being able to see it this clearly was strange.

However, with being able to see it this clearly, the hero could see how red and puffy the area around their eyes were, their cheeks thoroughly damp with tears, their eyes red.

The villain immediately directed their dagger at the hero, scrambling backwards across the roof frantically.

The hero held their hands up, "I come in peace,"

The villain stared at them in shock for a moment, "why are you... what... how long have you been..."

Before the hero could reply, the villain shook their head, steeling their features and pushing themselves to their feet. They wiped their face and took a deep breath, grasping for some sense of composure.

"What do you want?!" They snapped, "Why are you here?!"

Their grip tightened on their dagger.

"Theres no need for that, I come in peace, I swear," the hero tried.

"As if you would ever show up just to chat," the villain hissed.

The hero surveyed the situation. Clearly, the villain, who was usually overly composed and smooth, was distressed.

The villain was doing a good job faking composure, but it was obvious in way their fret twitched, weight shifting from foot to foot, fingers flexing while their eyes darted all over the place. They were one wrong word away from taking off.

Right now, the hero was a threat, and he needed to be seen as not one.

Slowly- very slowly, so the villain could track their movements, the hero sat down on the roof, sliding themselves to sit back against the brick wall like the villan had previously. He bend a knee, resting his elbow on it as he looked out at the city. They didnt look over at the villain, trusting their super hearing to tell them if they moved.

"The view from up here is pretty breath taking," The hero commented casually.

"What?"

"My favourite spots are usually around the inner city, like the tops of the big office buildings, but this spot might be even better, with the already tall building being on a hill and all."

Finially the hero dared a glance at the villain.

They were standing in the same spot, though their posture was more relaxed. They were staring at the hero with a dumbstruck look on their face.

"What are you doing?" They asked, narrowing their eyes.

"I mean, we could talk about the weather if youd rather?" The hero smirked.

The villain glanced away, seemingly considering running again.

"Come on," the hero added, "it's not like you have anything interesting going on tonight,"

"That's a rude assumption to make," The villain replied jokingly, crossing his arms and relaxing more as he glanced at his feet.

"Please, you know if you had something important going on tonight I would have been bat signaled already,"

The villain snorted at that. They gave the hero another look over, before caving and settling back down against the roof.

"Is this your way of telling me your bored? Have I not been active enough for you?"

"Thats- not what I meant," the hero sputtered, causing the villain to chuckle slightly.

The hero glanced over, watching the villain twirl his dagger in the air mindlessly. Or, well, mindedly, considering they were using their telekinesis. But it was twirling in a non threatening way, just spinning in the air like a spin top.

"That's a pretty cool trick," the hero commented.

"What? Oh-" the villain blushed, plucking the dagger out of the air like he hadn't even realized hed been doing it.

"sometimes I wish I had a cooler power," the hero started so the villain wouldnt have to explain themselves.

"Wait, really?" The villan asked, looking at the hero in shock.

"Yeah, I mean, dont get me wrong, enhanced senses and strength are certainly handy, but they arnt as cool as like flight,"

The villain hummed, fidgeting with the dagger in their hands, twirling the tip against their finger.

"Super senses also have their downsides, like when someone is trying to surprise you by baking you something, but you can smell it before you even get in the house,"

"I get the feeling theres a story there,"

"Friends tried to throw me a surprise party, I could hear them shuffling and whispering from down the hall, and I could smell the cake and such,"

"Only a hero would view not being able to be surprised as a *downside*" the villain replied, rolling their eyes.

"I guess I shouldn't complain though, it helps with being a hero a lot, without the hearing I probably wouldnt have heard you,"

Out of the corner of his eye, the hero saw the villain immediately tense, bristling slightly.

"Is that why your here? Doing this? You think I'm someone in need of saving?" They hissed.

"Partly," the hero admitted, "I dont think anyone deserves to be alone when there upset, but I'm also making sure you arent up to anything dastardly,"

"Oh yeah, I'm always doing something villainous alright, like crying on a rooftop," they replied mockingly, before realizing they were admitting to crying.

"I wont pressure you into an answer, but you know I have to ask..." the hero replied after a moment of silence.

"Theres no way-"

"Before you turn me down," the hero interjected, "consider I'm one of the few people who may actually understand, considering the uh... line of work,"

The villain stared with a blank, unreadable expression for a few moments, before huffing and looking off to the horizon again.

"Its the anniversary of something. That's the only information your getting,"

The hero hummed in response, continuing to look off into the horizon. They both stayed silent.

In the end, it was the villain who broke it.

"I need to go." They stated, standing up.

"oh really? Where are you off to?" The hero asked with genuine curiosity.

The villain shot them a baffled look, "you know I'm not going to tell you that... right?"

"Oh,"

"Your weird, hero,"

"Why thank you," The hero joked.

"Until next time," The villain stated, before stepping backwards off the roof.

"Farewell!" The hero called.

Things were... different after that night.

Second part here!

#hero x villain #writing #writers on tumblr #snippet #short fiction #heros #villains

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shhh-no-ones-home · 3 years

Text

inferno matt murdock x reader

+++++++++

prompt: "I'm not going to be sympathetic until you go to a doctor." ; "You're bleeding all over my carpet." ; "Tell me you need me."

idk how i did it but this is exactly 1000 words

song: my friend of misery by metallica

tag list: @cynic-spirit @juniebugg

+++++++++

"ya know im starting to think you like getting beat up."

he laughed as i sterilized the needle, looking over the cut in his shoulder again.

"that is not the first time anyone has said that to me."

i snorted.

"why does that not surprise me?"

he sent me a small smile.

"if it makes you feel any better, when i go out at night the goal is to not get beat up."

i sighed as i got to work on his arm.

"but like everything else you do, it is one of the drawbacks of the job."

he smiled wider, nodding in agreement.

"not exactly a perk."

i bit the inside of my cheek as i finished stitching him up and worked to clean it off with rubbing alcohol.

"i would say i feel for you but you keep going out and keep coming to me afterwards so there's not much i can do outside of literally fixing you."

"what? no 'gee matt, maybe you should get a better hobby' or 'that looks like it hurts, let me make it better'?"

i sent him a look.

"I'm not going to be sympathetic until you go to an actual doctor."

he shrugged before putting a clean shirt back on.

"i have an actual doctor."

i sat back as i cleaned up my supplies.

"i dont mean check ups and the guy you see when you have a cold matt. i mean, like, when youre bleeding all over my carpet and i cant get you patched up fast enough. when you need more help than i can dish out."

"if its any consolation i appreciate the help more than you know."

i made a face as i dropped my gloves into his kitchen trash can.

"oh i know, youve mentioned it before. but sometimes it doesnt feel like it. i just wish you could see how much you really need real help; whether that be from a side kick or more than just me."

i followed him to the couch and watched with my arms over my chest as he struggled to fall into the brown leather.

"i cant just give myself up like that y/n."

i sighed before sitting beside him in defeat.

"i know you cant, but i just- i dont even know anymore."

he turned his head like he was listening more intently.

"youre not quitting on me are you?"

he asked and i laughed a little bit.

"could i ever?"

there was a short pause.

"no, im not quitting on you. i just dont know what i need out of this anymore. at first i thought it was a companion. someone to take care of because i had just lost everyone else. but the more im here, the more im realizing just how dangerous that is. because just like them you could be gone sooner than i want and itll be my fault."

he was quick to sit up, hissing in pain as he touched my arm.

"it would never be your fault. i want you to know that right now."

i sent im a look.

"matt if you die on my watch then thats on me. of course it would be my fault. and itll be just like everyone else whos trusted me with their lives. i wont be able to follow through with my end of the bargain."

he shook his head quickly, wiping away the few tears that had slipped down my cheeks.

"hey, dont do that to yourself. i did this. if i reach my limit it would have nothing to do with you."

"what if i cant save you?"

he swallowed hard and i tried to study his face.

"then i wasn't worth saving."

"matt."

he titled his head up quickly.

"no, i mean it. if i come to you and you cant save me then i truly believe it was my time. god works in mysterious ways, and if i die then take it as a sign that my job is done. that He decided my job is done."

i let another tear slip, his hand holding my jaw lightly as i looked over him through blurry vision.

"i cant lose you too. you literally fell into my lap but at this point you're the only one ive got left. matt. please."

he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to mine.

"then tell me you need me."

i pulled away a little surprised.

"what?"

his eyes shifted back and forth like he was bargaining with himself.

"thus far i havent had a reason to quit. the city needs me, but if you need me more... maybe its time to take a break."

i let out a staggered breath that was almost a sob and he pulled me into a tight hug.

"i need you so much matty."

i cried, feeling him pet my hair down, his other hand pressed hard against my back.

"im such a mess."

i said through a sob/laugh and he pulled away, a small smile on his face.

"youre my mess. or uh, you are if you want to be."

he said a little shy and i smiled, nodding quickly.

"you mean that?"

he nodded once.

"ive spent my whole life pushing people away. maybe i need to learn how to let people back in."

"maybe we both do."

i took his hands in mine and rubbed my thumbs gently over his knuckles.

"we'll save each other."

he pressed his forehead to mine again.

"if youre the last person i ever save then all of the pain ive endure until now will have been worth it."

i couldnt help the smile that cracked across my face at that and before i knew what was happening his lips were on mine. it was gentle, salty because of the tears, and he tasted like iron from the blood still between his teeth. but god did this feel like the solidarity i had been waiting for. when he pulled away he smiled back at me like he had the same thought.

"my personal savior."

i joked and i could see the blush creeping to his bruised face.

"im yours just as much as you are mine."

#wattpad #x reader #matt murdock #daredevil #imagines #one shots #marvel #the defenders #339

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