#i changed the blood spot quite a bit bc it wasn’t originally showing up | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kn1feinthec0ffee · 4 years

Text

in too deep (part 5) - jules

jules x reader

TW: drugging

warnings: beating, homophobia, threat of death, i think that’s pretty much it??

notes: ooooohhh we’re getting closer to the end! not that i’m excited for this to end, but i’m just excited for you guys to see it

i really hope that me putting homophobia in this story doesn’t make you guys think i’m homophobic bc that’s the farthest thing from true. since i changed the gender of the mickey stand-in, i felt like it might be more interesting to add another dynamic into the story so it wasn’t just a word for word copy of the original except with a girl, bc that seems really one-dimensional to me. i feel like i need to put one of those things they have in movie credits like “the views in this film in no way reflect the views of the studio that produced it” kinda thing

also i think this may be my favorite part that i’ve written, bc if you didn’t notice, i’ve never left the reader’s perspective during the whole thing, so i had to improv a bit during the parts of the movie we didn’t get to see with mickey, and maybe i’m just a lil proud of myself :’)

******************************

for the first time since you came up with your brilliant plan to siphon the gas, you actually felt a glimmer of hope. jules was smart, she’d surely find a way out of the house; and she was damn loyal, too, so you knew there was no chance she’d leave you behind.

sadly all those hopes were dashed when you heard the basement door creak open again.

fuck, this whole plan was dependent on the fact that no one else came downstairs! your hands clammed up, your heart rate quickening as footsteps descended the stairs, stopping dead in their tracks once they reached the bottom.

“where the hell’d that little bitch go?” george roared, scanning every nook and cranny in the basement to see if jules was hiding anywhere. “answer me!”

you stayed silent, more out of fear than some sort of strategy. you quickly realized this was the wrong decision as george viciously backhanded you across the face. your head whipped to the side, eyes blinking back into focus from the impact. you felt something sticky on your lips and realized it was blood.

“you’re so angry,” you groaned. “why? just ‘cause you’re shooting blanks?” you pouted in mock sympathy. this sudden boost of confidence seemed to be a mistake as you saw george’s expression shift into a dangerously content one.

“i’m gonna rip your fuckin’ heart out.” your face dropped as he spoke. “i understand you not wantin’ to tell me where she is. in fact, if i were in your position i suppose i’d do the same. but god almighty i’m gonna watch ya’ die. i’m gonna hurt ya’.”

you were stunned into silence but you decided saying something, anything, would be better than nothing. “she’s gone, man. you just need to give it up.”

this seemed to strike a nerve in him. he turned towards you again and delivered another swift slap, knocking the wind out of you. he smacked you again, the back of your head knocking into the pole and causing your consciousness to fade for a moment.

“you think i’m full of hot air, don’t you? only good on roughin’ you up?” he asked rhetorically. “you know i worked as a door-to-door salesman for a few years? learned a lot, but the most important thing i learned was how to read people. and at the end of the day, you’re just an open book, sweetheart.”

the name sounded like poison dripping from his lips. it made you sick, that name belonged to jules.

“i know your type, believe you me, i’ve seen quite a few in my time. you see, you like to think you’re tough, strong, resilient, but at the end of the day, you just value her life above yours.” he laughed to himself. “am i right?”

he chuckled again when you didn’t answer. “that’s alright, you don’t have to answer, i know i’m right. well, you people are more loyal than i thought. guess i gotta give credit where credit’s due.”

“fuck you.” you spat. “don’t fucking talk about her like that.” he stood up again, this time grabbing something from a shelf before making his way back to you.

“alright, no more pussyfootin’ around, time to get down to business.” he revealed the knife, positioning it under your ear as he prepared to slice it off.

“sheisn’tgoingtothecops!” you breathed out quickly, hoping he’d let you keep both ears with the statement.

“what? what’d you say?” he seemed caught of guard by the sudden admission, backing off of you.

“not yet, anyway.” you took a moment to catch your breath. “i told her to wait. yeah, we got a little meet up spot. now if i don’t show up there in an hour or so, then yeah, cops galore. you’re fucked, buddy. but, if i do show up, we just continue on our way like none of this happened.”

you took another shaky breath before you continued. “if we’re being honest here, i don’t want the cops involved any more than you do. y’know, the whole ‘not gainfully employed’ thing? the cops aren’t a huge fan of that one.”

george seemed to take this into consideration, nodding quietly to himself. “what about sweetiepie?”

“her? i don’t give a fuck about her, she’s the whole reason i’m in this mess.” you winked at her, hoping she’d understand the message.

george snapped the blade shut, producing the key from to the cuffs from his jacket pocket.

------------------------------

“any last words for this son of a bitch?” george asked gloria as he trained the pistol on you.

“oh, i do wish you’d handled things differently. we could’ve had somethin’ beautiful here.” she smiled sadly, mourning what could’ve been.

“i’ll see you in hell,” george mumbled as he opened the door for you. you stepped into the doorway, only to stop dead in your tracks when you heard your girlfriend’s voice. shit.

“stop, don’t kill her!” jules shouted from the top of the steps, baby doll in hand. “i will smash it!” she held it over the railing, dangling precariously above the hardwood flooring beneath.

“whew, that was close.” george laughed, closing the door behind you. “unhand my baby!” gloria whined.

“alright, missy, calm down. no one’s gonna get hurt.” he kept the gun aimed at your head, but gloria quickly pried it out of his hands and took a shot at jules. she crouched to shield herself from the bullet that thankfully missed, but in doing so let go of the baby that plummeted to the floor, shattering into hundreds of pieces.

“get your ass down here or i’ll blow her brains out!” george shouted gruffly as jules descended the staircase. she ran to you, hugging you close and helping you to stand on your injured leg.

gloria rushed out of the room, bloody pieces of ceramic in hand as george turned back to you. “look what you gone and did. what did i do to deserve you two?”

------------------------------

“cooking’s a zen art for my dear gloria. i’ve found there’s a method to it: the more upset she is, the bigger the dish it takes to pull her out.” george explained. “needless to say, i think the two of you just summoned up a banquet.”

the two of you had been crudely duct-taped to some chairs in the dining room, forced to listen to the stuffy dialogue between the husband and wife. “why? why do you keep her down there?” jules asked.

“it’s not what you think.” he looked over his shoulder to make sure she wasn’t listening. “my gloria, she’s always wanted a child. unfortunately, the good lord did not have that in his plans for us. so, i had to take matters into my own hands.”

“oh, so you kidnapped her.” jules stated bluntly. george glared at her, but continued his explanation.

“as you get older, things get... complicated, and i swear to god i had no ill intentions. i just wanted to make my wife happy.” he smiled. “and she was for a bit, until she started to remind her of what she couldn’t have. she asked me to make her go away, but i couldn’t bring myself do that, so the basement is our compromise.”

“dinner is served!” gloria announced, wheeling in a cart full of dishes of shepherd’s pie. she placed one on everyone’s plate before she sat down. they quickly said grace before digging into their food.

“so are you guys gonna kill us or...? what’s the deal?” jules asked matter-of-factly. you wanted to nudge her shoulder and ask her what in the hell made her so bold, but you didn’t want to cause a scene.

“george, you didn’t tell them?” gloria asked confusedly. “i wanted to make ‘em squirm a bit,” he smirked.

“t-tell us what?” you cursed yourself for stuttering but you couldn’t help it, it came out when you were anxious.

“we’re not gonna kill you.” george mumbled, almost sounding disappointed. “i said we’re not gonna kill ‘ya, what are you deaf?” you stifled a grin at jules, not wanting to change their decision to set you free. “we’ve decided that, despite your piss-poor behavior, the logistics of it just don’t make no sense for us.”

“sooner or later someone’s gonna come lookin’ for you two. now, i can hide a body like the easter bunny hides an egg, but the two of you have been sweatin’, spittin’, and pissin’ all over this place.” he paused to take a sip of his drink. “anywho, i’m bound to miss a spot. i figure we have a better chance of hitting the road. we’ll give it 48 hours, tip off the police, they’ll come by and pick ya’ up. i reckon you’ll do some time for whatever the hell you two did, but at least you’ll still be drawing breath. so congratulations, you should be thankful. you just won the damn lottery.”

jules spared a glance at you as if to say, what now? “take your time eatin’ you got another couple days in those chairs.” george muttered as he took another bite of his meal.

screw it, you thought. we’re hungry and going to jail in the next two days, what harm could a nice meal do? you both picked up your forks and knives and tucked in to the plate in front of you. you nearly let out a moan in satisfaction as the food hit your tongue. you scooped up more greedily as you had no clue if and when the next time you’d get fed would be.

“wait,” jules swallowed the food in her mouth. “what’s gonna happen to her?” gloria glanced over to george, waiting for the answer to the question as well.

“well, i’m sure they’ll put her some place nice. these orphanages, i hear they’re like five-star resorts.” george answered.

“does that upset you?” gloria turned to jules, a smile of mock empathy on her face. “anything’s better than down there.” jules mumbled.

“you got a heart of gold, jules. is your full name julia?” jules nodded in response. “my mother’s name was julia. she had a good heart, too, you remind me of her.”

“she died of cancer when i was real little. it was a slow, painful process, but i was with her every step of the way!” she grinned as her husband blew her a kiss. “the day before she died, she told me to look in the closet, that i’d find a special surprise for me in there. it was a package, wrapped up nice and pretty, with a tiny card with my name on it. she insisted i opened it, so i wiped away my tears, tore open the paper and there it was. a doll.”

everything stilled. every sound, the scraping of cutlery on the plate, the sound of everyone breathing, even the breeze blowing through the window decided this was a nice time to take a break.

“she said it was a magic doll,” she continued. “that no matter how sad i became, and believe me, i became very sad, i’d always have him with me. my ethan.”

your gut instincts finally kicked in as you spat out the food that was in your mouth, the gross pile of chewed up beef and potatoes looking oddly blurry to you. jules looked equally as mortified, probably even more since she was the one who brought about the end of the magic doll.

“and she was right; he was magical. and you took him away from me.” she grinned her creepy stepford wife grin once more. jules mumbled something but everything sounded miles away from you as your head swam.

“wha-what is this?” you slurred, the bright colors of the table morphing into one another.

“this is a drug overdose, y/n.” he chuckled when you sluggishly turned your head towards him. “i know, i know, i fibbed about lettin’ you live, but see, you had a veritable pharmacy in that bag of yours. you two just munched down enough pills to put a bull to bed,” his voice muffled into indiscernible nonsense, though you knew he was still speaking.

“f-fuck you,” jules managed, still keeping her head up. you, on the other hand, were slumped over, teetering on the edge of unconsciousness.

george got up from his seat, pulling your head up by your hair. “not so tough now, are ya’?” he jested.

jules muttered something in your defense, but as soon as your head dropped, you were down for the count; just missing the hopeful ring of the doorbell, possibly signaling you might live to see another day.

******************************

i should probably put a link to previous parts at the top but i have no clue how to do that lol

tags: @emmyrosee @flowers-in-your-hayr @willyourecognisemee @bill-skarsgard-owns-my-ass

#jules #jules x reader #jules oneshot #jules imagine #jules fanfiction #jules fanfic #jules fic #jules villains #villains #villains 2019 #maika monroe #maika monroe character #my writing

7 notes · View notes

vvienersoldier · 6 years

Text

Revenge

Summary: (Y/N) has had just about enough of Loki Laufeyson and his gang bullying her and her fellow Hufflepuffs, so she calls upon a certain son of Odin to help her get back at the annoying Slytherin menace.

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x reader

Warnings: swearing, bullying, minor mentions of blood, Loki being a shithead

Word Count: 2.5k

A/N: disclaimer I’m actually a Ravenclaw, but the story seemed to work better with Hufflepuff!reader bc who doesn’t love those beautiful little beans?? If there are any Hufflepuffs reading this that want me to change the character to be more realistic, lmk and I’ll be happy to work with you <3 also shoutout once again to @bigexplodingstar bc Sarah is the patron saint of me getting my life together <3 <3 <3

Walking with a few of your fellow Hufflepuffs down the hall, you couldn’t help but tense when you spotted Loki and his gang of obnoxious friends, all dressed in green and silver accented robes.

As soon as his sights zeroed in on you, you knew. You never understood why, but he’d always taken great joy in torturing you more than any of your friends, even your fellow muggleborn friends.

“(Y/N), sweetie,” he crooned in that infuriatingly condescending voice, “it seems as though you’ve got one of your unhealthy muggle sweets on your robes.”

A blush raced up from the very tips of your toes to cover your neck and face in an unattractive red color, which made Loki and his crew burst into laughter, all jostling each other as they moved on, Loki purposefully knocking your shoulder and making you spill your texts and papers all over the hallway.

“Go eat a brick and choke, Laufeyson,” you muttered under your breath, causing your friend closest to you, Gina, to pause in her gathering of papers to stifle her giggles.

“You are always finding clever ways to insult people,” she teased, a smile on her face before she saw the buildup of unshed tears shining in your eyes. “Aw, (Y/N), don’t let those pure-bloods get to you, they love to make everyone who isn’t like them feel bad about it.”

You nodded and shrugged, wiping at your eyes quickly and giving her a fond smile. “It’s weird to be thrown into all of these politics that I had no clue existed until a few years ago; this whole place is still pretty crazy to me if I’m being honest. I mean, a school full of magic? C’mon, that’s something you read about in books.”

Her reply was cut off as you heard chatter begin around you, making you and Gina both scan the area for what the buzz was about.

“(Y/N), who did this?” You nearly jumped out of your skin as you heard the booming voice of your friend Thor from behind you.

“O-Oh, hey Thor… Uh, nobody, I was just being my clumsy self,” you floundered for an excuse lamely, making him give you a knowing look that told you he saw straight through your shit.

“You offend me, (Y/N); I’m a jock, not dim,” he sighed, before bending down to grab your things from you and standing up with you and Gina.

“Who do you think it was Thor? Loki’s bent on making my life miserable,” you muttered, scuffing your feet and shrugging hopelessly.

Instead of the outburst you expected from him, the burly man only let out a rather raucous laugh, handing you your texts back so he could grip the breast of his red and gold robes with mirth.

“Oh, my friend, if you could see into the head of my brother, you’d change your mind quite quick,” he chuckled, pulling you into a bone crushing hug before excusing himself to his next class.

○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○

LOKI P.O.V.

My blood boiled as I watched my oaf of an adopted brother pull (Y/N) into a firm hug.

He had no right to go meddling in my affairs, and he knew just what he was doing.

As I continued to watch (Y/N) from my spot at an outdoor table in the courtyard that had become infamous for being Slytherin central, I paid close attention to the tense way she held her shoulders and her downtrodden expression. It hurt to know that I was the cause of that look, but Father would kill me if he found that I had been fraternizing with a Hufflepuff, and a mudblood at that.

An old hatred for Thor flared up again, making me grit my teeth as I wondered what made him so special that Father would allow him to traipse around, befriending anybody he wished.

As I watched her leave, my thoughts turned once again towards (Y/N) and the knowledge that I’d never be able to interact with her outside of these childish antics I’d been putting her through in hopes to get her to stop being so damn kind towards me in class. I’d tried to put her off originally by asking for quills and never giving them back to possibly show her that I wasn’t interested in being any more friendly than desk mates.

She didn’t seem to get the hint, and the guilty feeling in my gut only grew as I had become harsher and harsher towards her in an attempt to convince myself that there was absolutely nothing charming about a girl too kind to defend herself.

○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○

It had been a few days since the last time Loki had harassed you, and you were becoming suspicious. You weren’t sure why he hadn’t struck again sooner, and you were becoming paranoid as you waited for the other shoe to drop.

When Gina came barreling into your room three nights later after dinner, tear stained and distraught, it finally seemed to drop, hitting you right in the heart as it fell.

As she told you the story of how Loki and some of his friends had cornered her outside of the dining hall, tormenting her relentlessly over her blood status and (quite traumatic) upbringing, your hands began to shake with an anger you’d never felt towards any other person before.

“Gina, honey, do you still know where that fancy quill you were telling me about is?” You questioned her stoically, causing her to look up at you in a panic.

“(Y/N), n-no, you’ll get in trouble,” she sniffled, curling further into your side as you smiled grimly down at her, resting your cheek to her hair.

“Don’t you worry about that, I know someone who’ll help,” you soothed, holding her tightly through the night until her sobs and sniffles had faded into the rhythmic breathing of sleep.

○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○

The next morning, you set out to the Quidditch pitch, intent on finding Thor quickly before you were interrogated by your fellow Hufflepuffs (bless them) on why you were in such a foul mood.

Instead, you found the one person whom you’d ever wished harm upon.

“(Y/L/N), here to make a fool of yourself?” A snarky voice questioned behind you, thinly veiled mockery dripping from his tone.

“‘Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous,’” you quoted, watching his rather un-ugly face scrunch in anger and the barest hint of a smirk before spotting Thor and calling his name.

“(Y/N), what are you doing out here?” He asked as you arrived at his side, a grin splitting his face as he pulled you into one of his signature crushing hugs.

“Thor, I need your help,” you told him softly, looking you at him without a hint of joy in your normally sanguine features, “he’s gone too far this time.”

Hackles raising almost instantly, his gaze found Loki over your shoulder, who was already watching your exchange with a cool mask molded over his features. “What has my brother done to wrong you? I swear, if he’s harmed you, I will make him pay,” he vowed, brow furrowed in concern.

“No, no, I just- I need to ask you for a cover,” you said, before launching into an explanation of the events of the previous night, as well as your plan to get back at Loki.

“(Y/N), Loki isn’t one to be messed with like this, I worry about the consequences of your plan. Not to mention if you get caught.” He worried, before seeing the determined set to your jaw and raising his hands in surrender. “I’ll do what I can,” he relented.

○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○

Later that day during dinner, Loki noticed the absence of you, as well as the absence of the obnoxious booming laughter of his brother among the idiot’s friend group. Something was going on, and Loki wasn’t one to be out of the loop when mischief was involved.

Excusing himself from dinner, he found himself wandering the halls, trying to detect where you and his brother could possibly be, for there was no other explanation as to why both of you’d be gone unless you were with each other creating mischief. Luckily, mischief happened to be Loki’s middle name.

Loki finally found what he was looking for as he rounded the corner, seeing Thor run a hand through his hair to fix it while you readjusted your robes with reddened ears, a sure sign that the two of you’d been up to no good.

“Well, I hope this isn’t an attempt to plot my downfall; you’ll have to be much more covert if you want that to work,” Loki taunted sarcastically, a grin stretching his features as he watched you jump practically out of your skin at his sudden arrival. He did well to hide the jealousy still kindled within him towards Thor being able to be your friend (or seemingly more), but quelled it with the bitter knowledge that you were much too passive to get along well someone like Loki.

Before he could say any more, you gave Thor a knowing look and bit your lip, mumbling an excuse to leave.

“(Y/N), wait,” Thor called, grabbing your arm gently and pulling you into one of his giant bear hug, a chuckle of, “he’s still oblivious, and practically green with envy.” Letting you go slowly, he pressed a kiss to your temple before releasing you.

Sure enough, as you passed Loki in the hall, he looked quite crestfallen, which confused you to no end and made a pang of something echo in your chest.

However, that pang was thoroughly snuffed as his wolfish grin returned along with a mocking, “where’s my hug, (Y/N)?”

“Go piss on an electric fence, Laufeyson,” you grumbled as you passed him, still very angry with him about his treatment of Gina.

All you got in response was a chuckle from behind you, Loki giving you the closest thing to a look of admiration Thor had ever seen on his brother’s face.

○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○ ・○・ ○

The next day during your shared History of Magic, sure as the sun rises, Loki’d breezed in late and asked (demanded) to borrow a quill from you.

You sighed as you normally did, but this time instead of scowling into your bag, you had to bite back a grin as you pulled the black feathered quill from your supplies and handed it over to him, having trained your face into your usual miserable look whenever you were around Loki.

“You certainly have an ugly taste in quills, (Y/N), what sort of muggle-looking monstrosity is this?” Loki tutted before dipping the quill into his pot of ink to begin his notes for the class.

As he began, Loki felt a sharp scratching on the back of his hand and paused to itch at it, a mild look of shock flitting across his face as his fingers came away with the barest hint of blood. Being sat in the back of the classroom, nobody around seemed to notice his look of bewilderment as he saw an exact copy of what he’d written moments before carved into the back of his hand.

“(Y/N), you wily little woman,” Loki chuckled in amazement, grinning down at you unabashedly, “it seems you’ve outfoxed me.”

You only glared back up at him, a defiant set to your jaw. “It’s what you deserve after what you did to Gina. You ought to apologize, you scoundrel,” you admonished. With a raised brow and a look that you had to admit looked quite like adoration, he inclined his head, seeming to agree to your demand.

“So you won’t stand up for yourself, but the moment one of your friends is in distress, you enlist my brother to exact your revenge,” he mused, having finally figured out what you and Thor were doing in the hallway, “a Hufflepuff through and through, my dear.”

Instead of trying to figure out what that look on his face was for, you offered him a quill that wouldn’t scar his hand permanently with history notes and ignored his near constant glances your way for the rest of the lecture.

Once you were let out of class, you hastily collected your things and made a beeline for the door only to be stopped in the hallway when you felt a hand touch your shoulder gently, causing you to tense up instinctively.

“I mean no harm,” you heard Loki’s voice, a hint of something sounding suspiciously close to guilt coloring his tone. Straightening your shoulders, you looked up into his eyes, raising an eyebrow to him.

“That seems to be going against your usual M.O., doesn’t it?” You quipped, emboldened by your earlier rebellion against the man in front of you.

Having the courtesy to appear somewhat stricken by your comment, he took a deep breath and began his story of how his father was always expecting more from him than Thor; about how being a Slytherin like his father put even more pressure on him since Thor was a Gryffindor; about how he was shamed from interacting with anyone who wasn’t a pure-blood by his father.

“Loki… you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to do more to impress your father just because you’re adopted,” you spoke softly, a gentle hand placed on his forearm to try and comfort him. You weren’t quite sure where this one-eighty turn came from, but you’d take this Loki over the one who you now understood hid his pain in malice.

He was quite obviously upset, and you suspected that being in a highly visible place like the hallway wasn’t helping matters. Making a quick decision, you grabbed his hand and led him to a quiet clearing you liked to retreat to when things got too hectic inside the walls of the school.

As you settled into the grass across from him, you noticed that he was staring at you with that same look as before, making you furrow your brows. “Would you stop looking at me like the human version of the heart eyes emoji?” You joked lamely, only to receive a blank stare from him.

“The what?”

“Christ, I forget you savages don’t have smartphones,” you grumbled softly, hearing an offended scoff across from you.

“Savage? My family has been part of the Ministry for centuries,” he argued, scowling at you.

“Well, what’s so special about that when I can look at memes?”

“What the bloody fuck is a meme?”

“Loki, if we’re going to try to be friends, you’re going to need to convince your father to get some WiFi up in here,” you sighed.

“That still doesn’t explain what the hell a ‘meme’ is,” he huffed, utter exasperation written across his face.

You only giggled at his expression, still caution to get close to him as you pulled out your phone and began showing him saved photos of undoubtedly outdated memes.

Spending the remainder of your phone's battery life sat in that field trying to explain what a meme was, you decided that maybe, just maybe, Loki Laufeyson wasn't an absolute bastard; just an annoying shithead.

Masterlist

#loki laufeyson x reader #loki x reader #Loki Laufeyson #loki #thor odinson #thor #hogwarts au #hufflepuff reader #slytherin loki #gryffindor thor #hufflepuff #slytherin #gryffindor #this was so much fun to write #i really want a thor hug tbh #also loki why are u so rude to people u like thats not how u get a date

156 notes · View notes

courtneymayhem · 7 years

Text

Found this gem from my trip

March 30, 2017 I am definitely still on CT time even though I only took a short nap when I got here yesterday and went to bed at a decent hour after walking around for 4 hours. I slept until 2 o'clock London time, which is 10am at home. I randomly woke up at 3:30 am and didn't fall asleep until 6am. That's when I sort of decided to skip my Stonehenge day trip. Part of it was avoidance behavior bc I didn't want to interact with my roommates and part of it was discomfort with the idea of navigating so far away from the city. As much as I wanted to see it, I don't really regret sleeping in (a faux pas of traveling). I obviously needed the sleep and I had more time to explore London, which is the reason I am here at all. March 31, 2017 I wanted to walk to Westminster alley and go to the free war museum on the way, but ended up strolling through a beautiful park and ended up walking an hour in the opposite direction through a residential community. I stand by my previous assessment. Observing the locals is by far more stimulating than the tourist spots. Pretty much everyone I met was nice. One gentleman passed by me twice and asked if I lived in the area bc he thought he recognized me. I said no but that we had just walked past each other prior and he smiled and told me to have a nice walk. Wandered around until I wound up in Westminster anyway and only came across two rude Brits. A couple of women who acknowledged my request for directions and proceeded to ignore me. I've seemed to have developed a sense of direction though and didn't need them. The architecture is UNREAL. Dad would love it. My parents are saviors and added the international unlimited plan to my line. It's a little pricey, but essential. I didn't realize how vital my iPhone would be. Citymapper is an absolute lifesaver. And I know my mom tracks my on Find my Friends. My original plan was to buy a local SIM card, as advised by many travel blogs and my cellphone service provider, but it was such a rip off. I misheard the salesman and thought I was getting 1GB of data but it was only 50mb. I used that in one day! And after that I kept getting texts saying the price per additional MB was increasing. Total. B.S. never use Vodafone. April 1, 2017 I continue to wake up at weird hours but am definitely getting better. Had to get up at 830 today to be ready for check out at 10. Hopefully that will put me on a good sleep schedule. And I definitely dehydrated the first two days. I need to be better about filling my water bottles. And eating. I have been in London for...24 hours now, and I have eaten a 6" meatball sub from subway and a chewy granola bar. Half of it was being tired and not hungry and the other part was idk. Currently trying to charge up all my devices. Tourist mistake #1: the outlets here have on/off switches. I have been waiting for my devices to charge for an hour. Never turned on the switch 🙄 glad I have the time to wait. I am going to hop on the bus and check out Buckingham palace before I head to the airport. I have almost all of the money I put in my Oyster card left still bc I have walked everywhere thus far so I want to use it. And I get a little more exploring with limited time. I am only three days into my trip and I already feel like I have learned a lot. Traveling alone is...quiet and a little daunting at times. I have moments of insecurity about my ability to navigate transportation and flights and reservations and money. But it's not as hard as it seems. And I know that I will achieve a new level of confidence by the end of this adventure. I am beginning to realize that this is exactly what I am meant to do at this point in my life. I am where I am supposed to be. *Also April 1, 2017 Jk this day is a wash. Lol. Being my last day in London, I set out to find fish and chips. I have been looking for it since I arrived bc my mom insists that it will change my life, but the tantalizing noms have eluded me. I literally starved myself bc I knew that as soon as I ate something, I would come across it in my travels. FISH AND CHIPS WAS THE ONLY GOAL OF THE DAY! Instead of walking aimlessly, I decided to ride a double decker, an experience in itself. The combination of starvation and motion sickness did me dirty and I puked all over myself and the bus. Luckily my stomach was so empty it was mostly just bile. Obviously I got off the bus. I had to half strip in the street bc the puke got into my camisole and I was in a residential neighborhood with no public restrooms. But I had my whole pack with me so I cleaned myself up pretty well considering. Even that couldn't detour me from my mission to find the fish and chips though and I marched onward. Unfortunately I marched straight into a ghetto ass neighborhood. I didn't feel unsafe per se, but I was definitely on guard. Still, I could find no fish and chips and I worried about my blood sugar so I ate my second subway sub in London. My adventure did bring me to meet a very pleasant gentleman who sat at the table with me. We never even exchanged names, but we talked about the political climate of the world, Brexit and Trump mostly. And when it was clear to him that I was quite lost, he walked me to the train station and directed me to the best route to arrive at Gatwick airport. I had to abandon my fruitless search for fish and chips, but figured it best to cut my losses. I am not even going to bother explaining in detail how I ride the same train up and down the line looking for the airport. It was across the way from a ginormous green field with horses, so of course I was distracted. I got there eventually, and had some pleasant small talk with two beautiful women in the way. Hannah and... I forgot. Hannah reminded me of Caitlin so I remember her. The day continued to suck once I got to the airport. Gatwick has the WORST schematics of any airtime have ever seen. It was hell trying to find the check in counter. Normally I avoid checking in person, and I almost never check luggage, by printing my boarding pass at home, but the airline is Spanish and I couldn't figure out how, even if I did have a printer. Then security tells me I have too many liquids bc they have stricter policies than the US. So I went back to the check in counter. Waited in line. Checked the bag. Had to bring it to the oversized bag place bc it was a backback and might get stuck in the conveyor belt. And all three oversized bag counters had no idea which airline they represented. So that was annoying. AFTER ALL THAT I made it thru security and chilled in the terminal, which looked like a fucking mall and was totally ridiculous, bc the airline wouldn't post the gate for my flight until 30 minutes prior to boarding. Smooth sailing from there tho. Flight was fine. Got my bag and a taxi bc it was too late to try and figure out the transportation. My hostel was...a bit of a startle. I was spoiled in London. At night the location appeared sketchy, and the doorman was...eh. Not rude, but not a ray of sunshine. The key to my door has a certain knack to it that I couldn't really figure out until the next day and the rooms were TINY. Bathrooms weren't a sesspool, nor would I walk barefoot...or touch anything more than necessary. I got a kick out of the shower though. Two tiny little stalls with a curtain for a floor with at least 20 rooms and four people to a room. Fuck modestly tho. A shower is a shower. April 2, 2017 Funny how one day can shake your confidence. I had a sort of crappy day traveling from London to Barcelona yesterday and woke up disheartened today. Didn't really even muster up the enthusiasm to explore until the afternoon. April 3, 2017 Guess I didn't feel like writing yesterday. Glad I got out and about to shake off my funk. Barcelona really is gorgeous!! More beautiful than London by far. I could live very happily here. I only wish Spanish people were friendlier. I smile at people and they give me dirty looks. And the men are pigs. More so than usual. People complain about the prices but I think it's all very reasonable. I bought some fresh fruit, a soda, and a giant bottle of water for 3.4 E and now I'm sitting at a cute little umbrella having the most delicious chicken risotto ever for like ... 13 bucks. Why isn't American food this good?! Even made with frozen veggies, this dish is great. Served under a cabana on a gorgeous strip lined with palm trees. I wasn't particularly hungry but I want to see the nightlife. And show my French roommates that I'm not a shut in. They leave stupid early in the morning and come back crazy late. They probably think I never leave. I obviously do but it's amazing how time slows down when you're exploring. Sometimes it feels like I've been walking around all day but it's only 4 hours. I havent broken my habit of sleeping on. I felt guilty for a while, but I've realized that this is my journey and I can do what I want. I'm not a museum or church touring type. I honestly just enjoy absorbing the atmosphere and casually finding the sights on my own terms. I don't feel rushed and I don't feel like I'm missing out bc so much can be done in a short time. Plus Barcelona never sleeps so I can stay up and out as late as I want. The restaurants don't even close until midnight. The clubs don't even START until 2-3am. Too late for my taste. Thankfully I'm not really a clubber. I haven't even had anything to drink since I left home. It's not in the budget. Speaking of budget, I think I'm doing pretty darn well. All things included I have spent 350 (rounded up about 30 just in case) in 6 days including the first day, which was mostly spent in JFK or in the air. But money was spent so it counts! Well. I have eaten a real meal. Maybe not a traditional Spanish one. Idk. I never know what to order. But I'm going back to my room I think. Tomorrow I should go to the beach. It's literally right down the street. This location really is perfect. April 4, 2017 It wasn't a beach. It was port vell. Which I am only slightly disappointed about. I had no intention of laying on the beach or swimming, but Barcelona has reignited my creativity. I would have love to photograph a beautiful beach. I might attempt to climb montjuic, if I can figure out how to get there. I have heard that it's a brutal climb. Ive also heard the panoramic view is worth the effort. Currently I am sitting on a bench under a balm tree with my back to the ocean eating an orange I bought yesterday. I forgot how much I love the smell of the ocean. So many people are walking by all these beautiful things without really noticing. We take so much for granted in this world. How unappreciative we are to have become desensitized to it all. This is why I wanted to go on this trip. The sights and attractions are great, but it is so rare to find a quiet sense of wonder like I have on a bench at a busy intersection. I crave reaffirmation that life is more than ordinary if I am brave enough to seek out the extraordinary. I want this inner peace to grow strong like a nurtured muscle and always carry it with me. Between the change of diet and exercise, this trip will jump start my journey to a healthier body. And this journal will jump start a a life long journey to a healthier soul. On a lighter subject, my roommates were not French. They were from Belarus and spoke Russian. How I mixed that up I have no idea. They were such a cute couple: Iliad and ??? Literally. They were both hot AF. Their dream is to bike across the US from Atlantic to Pacific. But they left this morning and two new guys checked in. One of them is staying at the hostel bc he just got divorced and was running around to job interviews. Idk anything about the other. He ran away pretty quick. Doubt I'll really get to talk to either bc I'm leaving very late tonight. Sort of dreading the task of finding my way back to the airport. I have spent three days in Barcelona without needing transportation and I would hate to have to purchase a pass now. My moment of introspection is fading. Time to wander some more and continue my quest for inner tranquility. At least I know my way around now without a GPS. I discovered a whole new section of las ramblas! It's all twisty narrow side streets and boutiques. For the first time time flew by. I was in my zone photographing the streets. I love the mix of nature, modern, and traditional. This is probably the main tourist area and I only just discovered it. Lol. It doesn't matter bc nothing caught my eye. Although I did really love this one art gallery I found on a particularly quiet street. It only features local artists and the displays were beautiful! If I had the money and room to show them off I would buy one. I did get a business card however. I also think I made tourist mistake #3. The hostel cleaned out my bunk. I think I was supposed to check out this morning. But whatever. I'm already being charged I'm sure so I might as well stay until tonight. (False: hostel is super chill and let me keep my locker in my room until I'm ready to leave.) I'll chill out at the airport until my flight in the morning. So ready for Paris!! This trip is turning out to be pretty incredible. My favorite spot in Barcelona is a tucked away courtyard garden behind the public library. It smells like jasmine and you can't hear the city. I can tell it is a local hiding spot bc old men come to play life sized chess and students sit on the stone perimeter to do homework. Tourists pass through, but it's too perfect to breeze by IMO. Meandering slowly around the city today has easily been the best of my three days here, each better than the last. Idt it's possible to run out of things to see. Not even tourist areas, but just wandering through the maze of adorable side streets and shops. Every turn is basically a new street but it's impossible to get lost. Technically I didn't "accomplish" anything today, but I think I connected to the city more. Posing in front of monuments does nothing for me. This is where it's at. On the other hand, I'm ready to move on. Barcelona is amazing, but there are many more amazing places to see. Leading up to my departure from the states, everyone kept asking me why I would ever want to travel alone. YOURE A SOLO WOMAN! They would try and reason. Not only does that line of thinking disgust and infuriate me, but I also pity these people. Only someone who has completely shed the comfort of the familiar will understand the freedom that comes with embracing the bumpy road. I've always been laid back, but even I have had to roll with a few punches. Anything can happen: good or bad. It doesn't matter though because it hasn't happened yet. It's awe inspiring to know that I did this. I made this happen. I worked for it, planned it, and I'm doing it. I wish everyone could feel how I feel. It's a subtle, sustaining satisfaction but better than brief bursts of ecstasy. A last minute perusal of las ramblas found a nice Spanish restaurant. It looked authentic like online. Tiny portions of excellent food. Sort of pricey. I got the calamari tapa and 7 rings of fried squid cost 6.5 euros. In all fairness though, it was cut thicker than we do in the US and only lightly battered. It was very good with lemon and I am totally satisfied bc I have eaten close to nothing in a week, with that one exception. I also hailed my first cab! I think I looked like a natural 😉 but I also get the impression that the taxi I took LEAVING the airport when I got here ripped me off. Shouldn't cost 25% more to leave the airport than to get there. Lesson learned. Let's call it travel mistake #4 On to travel mistakes 5 & 6: i messed up the days for my hostel and had to check out (they would have let me stay, but I kinda just wanted to get going) and I got to the airport at 11PM for a 7AM flight. I intended to just nap in the terminal but the airport is taking a siesta. For real. There's no one here. I guess they don't have nighttime flights?!? Whatever. I have my kindle charged and aderall if I need to stay awake. April 5, 2017 Happiness is fleeting so what's the point. Minor existential meltdown in the airport at three AM. Can't decide if any of this is worth it. Enjoying all these beautiful places only really feels good in the present. Bliss becomes depression the moment the wonder of it all wears off and then I'm off to another city. I can't seem to stay present. But I keep trying to recapture happiness. As if happiness really existed. Even strangers ask me why I am so sad. I brush it off like I am tired. In truth I'm just tired of being sad. Omfg. Literally two seconds later and the most perfect song comes on "I hope you dance". Thanks universe. I needed this 😘 b/t the very uplifting songs that keep popping up and a review of the pictures I've taken so far, I think I've figured out why I love photography, amateur it may be. My photos are MINE. I took them bc I saw something inspiring and they always bring that feeling back. It doesn't matter if no one else "gets" them bc they're for me. I think the concept I struggle with is that there are no answers. I like answers. I like knowing how and why things are the way they are. But there is no reason. There is no god or higher power. Happiness is a snapshot. It only takes a second, but you hold onto it to get you through all the bullshit. Eventually your life is a collage of snapshots. And I think that's pretty cool bc they're the only things that matter in the end. So take your happiness while you can and self-sooth when you can't. Am I distancing myself? Omg sleep deprivation fucks me up. That was some heavy shit out of no where. Doesn't matter cause I'm in PARIS BABY!! Literally too tired to muster up an ounce of enthusiasm. I barely remember how I got here from the airport. I have an hour and a half to check in and then I'm sleeping. I can explore Paris at night. God DAYUM. French cops walk around with big guns. Why are all the foreign cops so hot... Went for a late night walk. Grody. Paris is dirty and the men are gross. Crêpe was good. Kinda scary at night. April 6, 2017 Paris has been a disappointment. Totally overrated. I'm glad I can say that I've been here and I have selfies with the Arch de Triumphe and the Effiel tower, but that's it. I didn't connect at all. There was no authenticity imo. I walked around for a good 6 hours and it didn't really impress me in the least. I was more impressed with the most amazing orange I have ever eaten. Literally orgasmic. And i ate a whole baguette. I never knew that bread could taste EVEN BETTER. Both of which I bought from a tiny market a few doors down from my hostel. Even so far removed from the city center, this area is my favorite. It's dirtier than the tourist spots but has more character. I have been propositioned by two men in my 1 + 1/2 days here. Like, really. One rando stopped me on the street and I have no idea what he was talking about. The other was a street artist I bought a couple doodles from. He was talking about how French men are different from American men bc the French make love with their tongue....and then he asked what his chances were. I said none. I was gay and that I was leaving now. I do really love this hostel tho. Might be my favorite. I showered and got pretty to socialize at the downstairs bar but ended up sitting on the canal balcony reading... April 7, 2017 Bit of an annoying mix up with my bus this morning but it worked out. I mean, then we sat in traffic forever and the driver stopped for a break but I'm in no hurry. Lol. Met a nice girl named Catherine. Hung out for the rest of the day. Spent fucking forever walking up and down these hilly streets looking for my hostel in bumfuck nowhere. Found it but decided to just stay closer to town. But god is Brussels beautiful. And the food is so good! April 8, 2017 Total in love with Belgium. 🇧🇪 the modern parts don't overwhelm the historical parts and everything is delicious. I walked around quite a bit with Caroline yesterday and got the lay of the land so today I only needed to retrace our steps to get back to all the fun stuff, plus a few new landmarks I didn't see before. I also spent some time checking out the shops. Thankfully they weren't as artificial as Barcelona or high end as Paris. I even found a cute little chocolate shop. I wish I could have bought the fresh candies in the display case, but they'd never survive until I get home so I bought several large bars for mom, dad, Jim, and Jill. And an extra. Maybe for me. Maybe for Karen or Kat. Idk yet. I should also get Kristina and kai something. She really is such a good person and she has had a hard life. Idk if she even realizes that tho bc it's all she's known. I don't know many people who could survive her life and still be so kind and... spiritual. She has a lot of faith in the universe. So rare nowadays and I love it, if for no other reason than to reflect on my life of relative comfort. And she would be so happy with anything. She just wants that damn penpal tho. I'll do that and pick up a little something. I think that's pretty much the extent of my friends list... lmao I really love this bar I found. Ita called Gecko and it's one of the only places not choked to death by tourists. I've been nursing a 50cl beer for almost two hours and continuing a book I started reading in the park across from the Grand Palace. The music is banging. Totally in my element. A little buzzed with great tunes and a beautiful city around me. This trip is amazing. Although I wasn't going to bc I'm not a waffle person, I do think I will try one before I go. I think I'll regret it if I don't. I didn't eat the waffle. So I went to Amsterdam on an empty tummy full of beer. Arrived late. April 9, 2017 Met two American girls at the hostel breakfast, Rachel and cassie. They are studying abroad in Italy. I might have talked Rachel into being Kristina's pen pal. They were pretty nice. Also ran into my roommate, Stacy, outside the hostel and walked around with her for a while. No where in particular. Just around the park and down some streets. Walked around and just enjoyed the city. The canals are beautiful! I could stroll around all day. I basically did! I walked ~15 miles today, although I did take a much needed, space cookie-induced rest midday. I went back out later to see the red light district at night. Dutch Fuckboy. Enough said. April 10, 2017 I'm ready for a chill day. Woke up tired from being out late with the Fuckboy and wasn't really motivated to explore Amsterdam anymore. I can't believe I only spent one day there and can feel so at home so quickly. Plus, it was really cold and looked like rain coming in so I decided to make the hour + journey to the bus station early. Glad I did bc I made a new friend. The girl sitting next to me in Starbucks was crying quietly so I started talking to her about schools in holland vs the US and whatever else came to mind. It worked. She stopped crying and we chatted for over an hour. Then she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend yesterday and we talked about that. She sincerely appreciated the conversation I think and I feel like I helped someone today. We are FB friends now and I told her that she can always vent to me. I hope she takes me up on my offer. She is a nice person and I know she will do well for herself. Lmao July 26, 2017 Guess I never finished narrating my European saga. Probably bc I went to Berlin next and had too much fun and made too many friends to talk about exsistentialism and philosophy and shit. Regardless, some retrospective musings: Hope I never forget Berlin. I'll definitely go back. Next time I will completely bypass Western Europe and just do the eastern half. Start in Berlin, Prague, Budapest, Slovenia, Croatia, etc. And travel SLOWER. Needed more than 4-5 days for Berlin BY FAR. Could do 10 in Berlin and 7 in Prague probs. Although, I still do want to hit up Ireland and Scotland. Maybe do those two with Iceland as a separate trip. Next year I'm thinking Brazil (already learning Portuguese). And Southeast Asia is on the list for sure. Plus a few smaller, domestic trips for long weekends: Niagra falls, the Caribbean, camping, etc. I definitely require a lot of travel to stay happy and to deal with this bullshit world we live in. I do kind of wish I had someone with the travel bug like me. And that can afford to go/save to go. I definitely battled with the difference between being alone vs being lonely. It was better when I started socializing. Idky i didn't in the beginning. I will see the world one part at a time or until mankind has destroyed everything.

0 notes