#i cant smile off the clock anymore. if something is important i need to act the way i really am or i will lose that person

[homingpigecns]

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until last year i stayed friends with a grand total of One (1) friend i knew in high school and now. i have finally stopped talking to that friend. it is sooooo so nice to romanticize longevity and history and wow they have always been there but there's a point where it's like.

it is so embarrassing so i haven't talked about it because it's really like, fully pathetic, but i saw them the first time recently bc i hadn't seen any rl friends bc i had a years long slump where i just kind of took up space at home and i was embarrassed about it but i got my life together again last summer and i was like okay, i can respond to the question "how are you doing?" without breaking down into tears, and my friend did express interest in seeing me again and i really wanted to see them. so i saw them a while ago and i had fun and i was so happy and i was so grateful to still have this connection after all these years, after all the ways i've been and my colorful history, and i just. their birthday was about a month later and really extremely uncharacteristically of me i remembered, and i ordered them a weird little personal birthday tchotchke off etsy and got them a michaels gift card and hit them up like. happy birthday we should hang out soon on the day of and it was all very nice. i didn't expect something soon nor did i care too much. but a couple months ago when twitter was gonna implode i followed them on insta (even though i deleted my personal insta because i know personal instas only teach me things about people i don't want to know) and as a consequence of that i learned that my friend was not able to see me because i was not invited to their birthday thing. which was with a friend of theirs i kind of know and an old close friend from high school i lost touch with but asked about and sjdfhsdf. literally expressed interest in the time i just saw them.

DO YOU KNOW HOW PATHETIC THAT IS........JUST EVERYTHING ABOUT IT..........LIKE I AM A KICKED PUPPY. I AM 24.....I HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE............I AM A UNION MEMBER........AND I GOT REALLY EXCITED ABOUT MY FRIENDS BIRTHDAY AND I WASN'T INVITED TO THE PARTY...........

and you know there are probably actual reasons. i burned bridges with people in high school that they liked more than me, and i am too mature to care about who likes more than whoever now, and it is too insane to hold things from high school against them now that i am 24 and have regular cardiologist appointments. but it is also like. how many times do i have to die. i have grown past so many things the last three years that i thought i could never overcome and i can't, i don't want to, grow into someone who is mature enough to hold someone who's been important to me since i was 14 at arms length so it doesn't hurt when they inevitably drop me. currently, i commute an hour in the wrong direction so i can be on the same train as a work friend and i am aware the energy is insane but it is my energy and giving it and getting good things from it is like. this is better for my personal development than whichever way the other direction goes.

and it's like i don't even blame my friend from high school for how they feel about me because i was insane in a bad way in high school and i've done enough it's like. whatever. but it's like, also, when it's like, yeah this was half of the two people who permanently messed you up to the point people still are like "hey i didn't see you there. come over and say hi next time" when i avoid them because they're talking to someone else, who watched your friend group make a group chat and hang out together with everyone except you and didn't say anything and you were grateful they still threw you the bone to hang out one on one and it's like. i'm not. i don't really hold it against them, it was years ago, i don't think about those people anymore and yes i am still weird in many ways but for other reasons as well, but there is like. a very huge lack of pattern recognition and failure to learn and it is absolutely. my fault. when you put it like oh the person who killed me a thousand times throughout high school and college still has the power to kill me now and sometimes will? VERY OBVIOUSLY I AM THE PROBLEM.......i can't play high school anymore i have to play Being At Work and Surviving Capitalism Despite Everything, Did You Know I Am 24

anyway i decided to just quietly softblock my friend on everything, unfriend on discord, remove myself from the situation when there wasn't really an inciting event so i could just kind of fade out. but i did just find out that my friend did notice, and blocked me on twitter without saying a word -- which you know, is fine and understandable, because i did do all of that first. but what a metaphor you know. that is what the years of friendship are, and that they have stacked up this much to still hurt me is my fault. but hopefully for the last time.

#you know i still have the birthday tchotchke and it is too nice for me to throw out and im gonna feel SO clown at michaels but like. #im really not supposed to cut people off anymore. but. that mindset did truly get me here. at the ripe age of 24. #as a person with HEALTH INSURANCE. #that hurt me man. it is so stupid bc i did it first. but man did that rude as hell You're blocked hurt my feelings today. #i was like. trying to see if i could get our chatlogs back after i deleted them which i always do after i stop talking to someone. #so probably for the better. but also #also discord definitely is what gave me away but i have like FIVE friends on discord i cant see their username all the time......... #it will hurt my feelings. i already hurt my feelings every time i see the birthday tchotchke #and u know not to play the victim bc im very evil and toxic and HOPEFULLY CHANGING all my post high school friendships have been positive #but i am evil and toxic and i do still have those tendencies secretly and its insane that my evil toxicity still let me be pathetic this #long like what were the self sabotaging defense mechanisms for i wasnt even defended #brandon oscillates #personal #vent #its just. i cant be friends with someone anymore and theres seven asterisks. other people can do that probably but like #i cant even pretend i can. i have feelings you know. at work every day i pretend im unshakable i smile at people who yell at me #i cant smile off the clock anymore. if something is important i need to act the way i really am or i will lose that person

[zmayadw]

Hello :) 

It’s time for the next part :)

Thanks again to all who read it so far!

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 3

I woke up with the sun already out, making my eyes adjust to the light again. I checked the clock above doors. 9.45. Huh, nice, I tought, the nurse didnt lie when she said the pain meds would make me sleep better. I felt more rested today, but still pretty sore. I managed to get up and go to bathroom. I looked myself in the mirror -I looked like hell. I hoped Jessy would come today with my stuff, I needed some fixing up urgently. As I was leaving the bathroom, my phone beeped with new message. My heart jumped with excitement,only to see it was Jessy. „Hey hey, sleeping beauty, im sorry, you will have to manage without my awesomness today, but dont worry, i'm sending the next best person to keep you company! ;D Call you later ,kisses!“ I smiled as I layed back to bed. That sweet nurse from before entered my room smiling. „Good morning, hun, hope you slept well“. „I sure did, thanks.“ I replied, while she settled the food tray with breakfast on the stand. She helped me make myself comfortable in bed, and putted the tray in front of me, when a voice came from the door. „Doris! My favorite nurs!“ It was Dan, and Doris chuckled as Dan came over to the bed. „Oh my, hun, if I knew who your friend was, I would have brought you something stronger then this tea“ I laughed, while Dan made a gesture with his hands, stabing at his heart. „Awww, c'mon Doris, dont be so cruel, you know you like me!“ Doris just waved her head as she went for the door. „If this schmuck starts to bother you too much, you just yell hun.“  I smiled at her „Thanks Doris, I might just do that.“  Dan looked at me. „Is that a 'thank you' I get for coming here?“ he siad, being dramatic as Dans always is. I grinned „Ofcourse not! But its entertaining to see you all squirmy.“ „Tsk,tsk, sure, pick on poor Dan.“ He grabed a chair and sat next to the bed. „You look like shit, Maya.“  „Gee, thanks Dan, thats really what I wanted to hear.“ I said, even tho I knew he was right, I did look awful. „Hey, dont get mad at me, I just say it as it is! Luckily, Dan is here to the rescue..again.“ he said handing me my backpack. „ Jessy went through your stuff, and filled your pack with what she tought you might need the most. She said to text her later if theres anything else you need so she can bring it.“ „Thanks Dan.“ I said taking the backpack from him. „And I mean thanks, not just for this.“ Dan looked at me, and I could read a bit of worry on his face. He quickly tried to hide it „Hey, no need to thank me, I told you once before, if theres a damsel in distress, im here to help.“ „Damsel“ I snorted. „Doubt that a damsel would act so stupid as I did.“ I felt that awfull feeling of guilt taking over me again. „Look Maya, i'm really not the one to judge you here. Yes, what you did was Incredibly stupid, and lets be honest, you almost got yourself killed. When Lily called me and told me everything, I was so pissed at both of you, well you mostly, but also kinda excited that someone actualy took the matter into its own hands.“ I looked at him with awe, I didnt quite expect it. He continued „And frankly, I kinda expected something like this from you sooner or later, well at least the part of you coming to Duskwood. As I was running to my car, calling Thomas and filing him in on everything,I got really angry at you for not turning to me for help. You know I would help you no matter what, I told you that hundred of times before.“  „Yes Dan, I know you would.“ I said, even more of that guilt creeping in. „But you didnt! Then I tought, maybe afterall you didnt trust me enough as you said.“ „I did trust you, I do trust you Dan, you have to know that.“ Now even tears started forming in my eyes. „I know, Maya, its just how I felt at the time. And when I got to the mine, Thomas was already there, with this cop who was close by and responded to the call since I told Lily to inform that inspector guy. He said we should wait for backup, but stuborn as I am, I just rushed in, Thomas yelling after me, but I just kept running. Good thing they went after me, because God only knows what would happen if they didnt.“ I couldnt keep the tears anymore, and I just burst out crying. Dan got up from his chair, sat next to me on the bed, hugging me. „ As I said im not here to judge you, or make you fell more guilty. Heck, I might have done the same thing, or something worse. Things wer starting to get us really nowhere, and something happening was kinda of a kickoff for me. And im not mad at you any more Maya, just to get that out in the opet.“ „Thanks Dan, I really appriciate it.“ I barely managed through my tears. „Yeah,yeah, im awesom, I know.“ He grined at me, as i looked him with eyes full of tears. He huged me a bit tighter, and I rested my head on his shoulder. „You got me really freaking scared there in that mine, Maya. When I saw you like that..“ he paused.  „I cant say how much im sorry about all, Dan. I did more harm then good, and I betrayed all of you guys again.“ „Well, at the end, you did find Hannah, so im sure Thomas wont have that much of a grudge.“ He grined at me, handing me a tissue, wich made me relax a bit. „Yes I did. And how are our little love birds doing?“ i asked wiping the tears, as Dan moved back to the chair. „Oh, theyr fine. Thomas is not letting Hannah alone for one milisecond, wich is a bit too wooshy mooshy if you ask me.“ He mad a face of gaging. „Oh, c'mon mister tough guy, that picture Jessy sent me of you two from last night was quite mooswhy wooshy in my eyes.“ I said teasingly. „If you ever say that to anyone about me, and I mean ANYONE, i swear Maya...“ I didnt let him finish, I just grined „Dont worry, your mooshy wooshy secret is safe with me.“ „Good, good. So when are they letting you go from this shit hole?“ „Oh, come on, its not that terrible here: food is not bad, room is nice and quiet, and I have a killer wiev, what's the hurry?“ „I promised you some whiskey.“ he grined „And Jessy wont let me drink, but when you get out she wont be abel to say no.“ „ You really ARE scared of Jessy.“ I said laughing. „She might be small, but the woman is a dynamite when serious!“ I laughed so hard, the tea I just sipped when out through my nose. „Thanks Dan, I needed this.“ „Dan to the rescue.“ He smiled and winked. „Sooo...“ he starte, and I got a feeling I knew what he gonna ask me. „Did the 'hackerboy' contaced you by now?“ „His name is Jake, could you please not call him that anymore.“ I said a bit too stern maybe. „All right, all right, no need to get all serious on me now. Did 'Jake' contacted you?“  I hesitated for a brief moment before answering „No, nothing yet. And to be honest, might be better like that. I myself am not too eager for that talk .“ „Heh, I can understand that. If I was that much pissed at you back then, I dont want to imagine how much 'hac..' , sorry, Jake is pissed at you right now.“  „Well, I guess I will find out soon enough..if he still wants to talk to me at all.“  Dan putted on his serious face, but with a little grin on it „Hey, if he talks bad to you, let me know, i'll show him off!“ „Ohh, im sure you would enjoy that..maybe even to much.“ I said, him grinning even more. „But thanks, Dan, again, for everything.“ „Yeah,yeah, dont you get all wooshy mooshy on me now also.“ he said, getting up. „Well, I gotta go. You get better soon, and call if you need anything.“  „Thanks, Dan, sure will.“ I replied, and waved him goodby. Doris came shortly after Dan left, and got me off the IV, suggesting I take a shower. I grabbed the pack Jessy sent me, and went through it. I took out some underweare, clean shirt and sweatpants, grabbed the shampoons, tooth brush and paste and headed for the bathroom. The shower did feel nice, but it took me ages to finish it, since I was still quite sore. A big bruise at my ribs was still making me short breathed at the times, and all the other cuts and bruises didnt help with easing the pain either. I had a  cut on the back of my head, wich was the reason my head still throbed a lot. I brushed my teeth, looked myself in the mirror, and already could notice some color coming back to my cheeks. I got back to bed and took my phone, might aswell check those messages and emails, its not like I'm have anything smarter to do. Most emails wer not important, I answered a few I needed, and switched to messages. Most of missed calls and messages wer from the night of the incident, so not much replaying needed here. Cleo sent a message saying shes happy im ok, and she will come to visit soon. Thomas also sent a message, thanking me for everything, emphasising tho that I was reckles and how all could have ended differently, but still no grudges from his side. He was just too happy Hannah was back with him. Ofcourse, they all wished me to get well soon, and they cant wait for when I get out so we can all meet properly.I replied to both, thanking them for good wishess. Staring at my chats screen, I opened my conversation with Jake. He was offline, ofcourse. I stared at the blinking pointer on the text space, but I didnt know what to write. My head was blank, I couldnt think of anything. After few minutes I exited the chat, settling the phone aside, and turning the tv on. Maybe some movie or something will get me relaxed a bit. I switched through channels, till I found something acceptable to watch. I ajusted myself on the pillow, and before I knew, dozed off.

#duskwood #duskwood dan #fanfic

[agentsoftie]

Chasing Cars ( C.M )

summary: you have a full on mental breakdown and penelope is there when you have it. her being the expressive person she is tells everyone leading for emily to get mad, and you to understand some feelings

a/n: this is a whole thing. so prepare yourself. also thanks elle and @anepiphany for helping out with this one!

warnings: mental breakdown, swearing (a lot of it), angry emily, heartbreak, basically angst

pairing: hotch x (fem) reader : emily x (fem) reader : rossi (platonic) x reader

song: chasing cars

tagging: @thestrawberrygirl, @marshmallowtraver, @ghostly-angelic, @criminalmindsmoodrn, @yesimaunicorn​

Remember to like and reblog!! And leave feedback!!

Today was not the day. Not the day to have fun, not the day to mess around, not the day to do anything, and yet here we were. Walking into the FBI, a place filled with bad things. And in that sense, enough horrible, terrible, and mortifying things to make an angel frown. This whole week was not going well for you. In fact, it was like your life just decided to turn on you when everything was going just your way. First, your dog died, then it was the 5th year anniversary of your brother’s tragic death. And not to mention your anxiety had been getting worse and worse ever since your best friends Emily’s death, and then resurrection. Oh and the fact that you’re 99% sure that the guy you love, hates you. Yeah, that doesn’t help your case either.

“You’re late.” You hear someone say in a very demeaning stern voice while you rush through the 2 glass doors that protect the outside world from all of the horrors. “Oh shit, sorry Hotch,” You murmur while quickly stumbling to your desk as if you were late for class. You spilt all your files on your desk and then plopped down in the chair as if it were nothing. You put down and debated on falling asleep, but then remembering that your boss would scold you more than he already has, and who would like that.

Penelope happened to be walking by your desk at this time. Everyone else was to busy to notice you, but she did. “Hey Y/N! Can you come with me real quick.” She said while tapping your desk. “What, I- yeah.” You say after jolting your head up and getting up. You followed her into her so-called “bat cave” until you asked why she called you in here. “So, why did you call me in here?” All she did was point to an extra chair and say sit, which you gladly did.

“You’ve been acting strange lately, almost like a different person. So spill.”

“Spill what?”

“Your feelings Y/N. Tell me everything. Because clearly no one cares enough to ask, except me of course. And it’s good to get your feeling out, no matter what they are. And that means I want you to lay everything on me. Make me your free therapist. Tell me all of your problems, all of them.”

You were trying to hold back your tears, you really were. “Penelope”' You said trying to catch your breath. “I just cant anymore. Everything is getting, so hard, and I just. I don’t know what to do. I can’t think straight anymore. And it’s like every day I’m failing, miserably. No matter how hard I try, or will ever try, Hotch will always resent me. I mean, he HATES me Penelope, HATES!! And you know what, I love him. I love it so much and he hates me and I just don’t know what to do. I try to be good enough for him, but everything I do is just, it’s not enough!”

At this point, you were balling. It was like a waterfall. “And did you know that my dog Honey dies 2 days ago? You didn’t do you. No one did! No one does! No pays and fucking attention to me, and I know that that’s pathetic but I am a human being too, I need attention and affection! And I understand that I shouldn’t get my personal life mixed up in work, but literally everyone fucking does it!! In some goddamn way, in some goddamn time, we’ve all fucking done it! But if I do it, I’m being a bad person, an attention seeker, a brat! I’m not a fucking brat Penelope! And you know what, I’m done with people treating me like a fucking doormat! Just because I smile people assume they can treat me like absolute garbage! LIke trash! And you know what! I don’t even know why I smile! I’m not fucking happy! I haven’t been happy for a while! You see this smile, ha, yeah its fucking fake. It’s all fucking fake! Ive gotten at a point where this stupid fucking smile is a reflex, I don’t want it to be a fucking reflex, Penelope!”

At this point, you didn’t even have full control over what you were saying. It was all just coming out, and you just couldn’t stop. “God and my best fucking friend died! Haha, and then she came fucking back like it was nothing! And of course, I didn’t say anything, but oh my fucking god! People just leave, and when they come back, they act like it's nothing. Did you know that today is the 5th year anniversary of my brother’s death? Yeah, this is why I’m late. BUt did Hotch give me a second to explain that I was at his grave, no, he fucking did-”

You were cut off by the door opening. “Hey! We heard some yelling here, is everything okay?” JJ says while looking at the mess that is you.

“Uh, yeah,” You say while wiping all the tears off your face. “We were, just um watching The Notebook, and well you know,”

“Oh okay,” She says in a sense of relief, “Also Y/N, everyone is asking for you to bring some coffee since we ran out of it here.”

“Uh, yeah okay.” You get up and leave like nothing just happened. Penelope was still processing everything you said so she was not paying attention to the fact that you were gone. You quickly grab your coat, purse, and keys and head out.

Penelope was still in shock due to everything that just happened. “Penelope, are you okay?” JJ asks.

“Yes, but no! But yes, ahh, okay. You know what, just get everyone in the briefing room.”

“We have a case? Shouldn’t we wait for Y/N to come back?”

“Yes, well no. God! Just get everyone in there, I have some very important news.”

“Babygirl, why are we here?” Derek says after everyone’s in the briefing room.

“Yeah Garcia, if this isn’t a case, you guys need to get back to work,” Hotch says.

“Oh but this is a case. A very severe one. How much time do we have?” she says while looking at the clock, “Okay 12 minutes should be enough.”

“Enough for what?” Spencer asked, trying to understand what was going on.

“Hush my sweet child let me talk. Uh, okay how does one do this?”

“Do what?” Emily yells.

“Let me think Emily! Okay, our dear friend and teammate Y/N, has been going through some shit and you guys, we, us, are not helping. The poor girl goes through shit every day and we don’t see a thing. Some profilers you all are. And I mean Emily, you’re her best friend! You should have known this!”

“Babygirl calm down. Why are you getting so mad?” Derek asks.

“I’m not mad! Well, I am, but you guys are not seeing the main point here! We’ve all been treating this poor helpless innocent girl like crap! And she can’t even go to her boss because he hates her!”

“I don’t hate Y/N!” Hotch yells trying to defend himself.

“You kinda do Hotch,” Spencer says, causing Hotch to give him a death wish.

“You guys!! I’m scared of her! She needs us! Her dog died yesterday and her brother's death anniversary is today! She’s hurting and we’re making her get coffee for god sakes!! And speaking of coffee, she’s most likely getting out of her car right now, so everyone acts normal, but not. Now scatter!” Penelope says while urging her hands. And with that everyone was out.

Everyone went back to their offices except for Rossi, he went into Hotch’s office. “Why didn’t you say anything?” Hotch yells at him. “Because that’s something for you to tell everyone. That’s something you tell her Aaron! You’re gonna have to accept the fact that you feel this was sooner or later, and I’m hoping sooner. And when you do, you’re going to have to tell her. And then apologize for all the shit you’ve done to her, and then if she wants, comfort her. And with that, she’s here. So for god sakes tell her.”

“But what if she says the opposite?” Hotch asks while Rossi is halfway out the door.

“You deal with it, and move on,”

“Here you all go!” You say while walking up to them. “One hot chocolate for Spencer. An iced coffee for miss Garcia and Jareau. One pumpkin spice latte for Mr. Clean, and a-” You were cut off by a very mad Emily. “Y/N we need to talk. Privately.” You couldn't tell why she was mad, but she was definitely pissed about something. Honestly everyone was off but you just couldn't tell why.

You both walked into the briefing room and before you could say anything she yelled at you, well not yell, but expressed loudly. “Why!” She asked. You were confused, as anyone would be. “What?” You answered not understanding anything. “Why did you tell everything to Garcia! Am I not good enough for you! Am I not your friend anymore? Because I swear Y/N if that's the case then I don't know why I even came back.Because you what, when i\I came back I thought that you out of everyone would trust me.”

“Oh really! Emily, you left! You were gone! And didn’t even bother to tell me, your best fucking friend!!”

“Okay, you know what Y/N, yes I was gone! But I did for my safety! I did it four all of our safety!”

“Emily, we could have helped you! You didnt have to go halfway around the fucking world!”

“No Y/N you don't understand, and never will!! But you what, all that time that I was in France I couldn't stop thinking about you! About what you were doing! About how you were! And you know what I still feel that way! I want to be with you! You’re my best fucking friend! But you don't tell me SHIT!! WHY!! You're gonna tell Penelope but no me!! Me!! And Penelope out of all people!! Y/N if you’re hurting you should have come to me!! I've been through this!! I am going through this!!”

“Why cant you realize that you can fucking come to me!!! I mean did do something fuking wrong?! Y/N, I'm asking you. “ You didn’t answer, how were you supposed to. You were still taking everything in and honestly none of it made sense. Was she mad, was she concerned. All you could tell was that there were tears running down your face and you didn't know how to stop it. You tried to breathe but you just couldn’t. “Y/N! God, whatever. Just know that you probably hate me right now, but I'll always be there for you.”

And with that she was out. She walked out of the room without looking back, or maybe she did, you just didn't see. This was too complicated for you to understand. Ha, and you were a profiler for god sakes. You wanted to run out but before you could you heard the door open. You didn’t look up because you were too ashamed to face Emily with all the tears running down your face. But suddenly you felt an arm on your shoulder. You turned around to see that shadow of a tall man that glared over you.

“Hotch?” You asked quietly. “Y/N,” he said looking down at you. You still hadn’t faced him in the eye. You couldn't, you were a mess and you couldn't let him of all people see you like this. Although when you think about it, if you like him, shouldn't he see you like this. You being the real, true, authentic Y/N. “Hotch, I, can explain.” You say while snifiling, his hands still on you. “No, let me explain.”

“Ever since the day you came here, I’ve been a terrible friend, boss, and all around human being. I’ve treated you like a child, and you're not one. You’re an exceptional agent and I'm so proud and grateful to have you on my team. And the fact that i keep making your life probably miserable, yeah, ha, im so fucking sorry Y/N. It’s just that, I'm scared. Scared of truly accepting my feelings of you. After Haley, I just can’t risk it. And that means I cant have feelings for you.”

“So, I thought that if I treated you worse then I wouldn't feel for you, but I was wrong. You are an amazing, brilliant, gorgeous woman who I just can't not not. The way you act with Jack just, it just makes me wanna marry you! But I was too scared to tell you. And I regret that everyday. I guess what I am trying to say is that I love you and that I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through.”

Did your boss, Hotch, just say that he loves you. Were you dreaming, was this real? Did you love him back? Of course, I mean you've been pining over him since you came to the BAU, right. He stopped talking for a few seconds, but then he did something unspeakable. He kissed you. And it was in this moment, when you truly realized. You didn’t love Aaron Hotchner. You loved someone else. Have you ever even loved him? You didn’t know. Maybe, the only reason you liked him was because he, well, there was something about him. But we will never know, or at least for now that is.

You pulled away after realizing that you weren’t kissing back. He didn’t seem to notice that small detail. “Hotch, no I can't.” You mutter while looking at him. “What do you mean?” He says confused. “I mean, you can't waltz in here saying that you love me and you’re sorry for the way you treated me and expect everything to be fine. Everything you did, everything you said, all those time and days, yeah they hurt. And you just can't say those 3 words and expect everything to be okay!” You hadn't realized it, but his hands weren't on you anymore, instead they were slowly retracting from you.

“That’s not how this works okay, you really hurt me. And I loved you. If you told me that you had any interest in me in a non-planonical way. I would have said yes. But instead you chose to hurt me and I can’t really forgive you for that.”

“Y/N I… I understand, I'm sorry. I truly am, I hope you can forgive me.” He says while in shock.

“I hope I can too Hotch.” And then suddenly you were out the door. Running down the stairs as if your life depended on it. “Where are you going!” Hotch yelled from the door of the briefing room. “Somewhere over the rainbow!” You said while quickly grabbing your coat from your desk. You realized that she would most likely be getting in her car right now since she wasn't at her desk. So with that knowledge, you sprinted down the stairs since you thought it would be faster, it wasn't.

And look, there she was. Right by her car trying to find the key to unlock it. “Emily!” You yelled while running over to her as fast as your now jelly legs could carry you. “Emily, wait up!!” She heard you this time and looked up to see you running over to her. “Y/N, is everything okay?” She was cut off with a kiss. A soft, tender, sweet kiss, right on the lips. It wasn't too big, but it was big enough. You pulled apart when you realized she wasn't kissing back.

“Y/N I-”

“No, wait, let me. Emily it took me so long to finally understand. Understand that it was you along. You were always there for me when I needed you the most, and I was stupid for not telling you, or realizing. You’re the one who’s opinion I care about the most, not Hotch! You’re the one i wanna see first when i get hurt, not Hotch! You’re the one I wanna see every morning I wake up, not Hotch!! I wanna be with you Em. Because you make me happy like that. You make me wanna be a better person everyday and I need that in my life! I need you in my fucking life Emily! And so I love you! I love you! I fucking love you Emily!”

“Y/N I- what are you saying?”

“I'm saying that I love you! I love you so much! I love you the way Romeo loved Juliet and the way the sun loves the moon!”

“Y/N, I love you too. But not in that way. Um, I'm dating JJ.”

Your heart dropped. You couldn't breathe. All the air was still there, but you couldn't take any of it in without dying. Was this real. For how long? Was it really too late? Why would this happen? Was everything not enough? After everything you had been through, did you really need this. And why did it have to be this? Why couldn't you just be happy for once? Just once!

“Oh,” You say not sure what to say. “That’s um, that's great Em. I’m really happy for you.” And with that, you started heading to the building. “Y/N wait!” She yelled. You just turned around and smiled a half assed smile, but she didn't have to know that. She probably did. How could you have not known. I mean you were a profile for god sakes! That was your job! This is what you do and you can’t even figure shit like this out!

You walked with a moping look and the personality of a dead person. You kept your head down as you dragged your legs up into the BAU. Keeping your head down fearing from someone who might accidentally see your waterfall of tears. You made your way up into the only place where you knew you could go for a hug and comfort. Well, besides the batcave. Rossi’s office. The door was open so you made your way in and immediately shut it causing him to look up in fright.

“Y/N you scared me. Are you okay?” He said while getting up as a reaction of seeing your crying face.

“No Rossi, I'm not.” You say while snifiling. He sat you down on his couch and placed a blanket over you. “What happened my dolce colomba?” The tears started spilling again when you told him everything. You couldn't help but not to. It was impossible. “My sweet sweet child, this looks hard. This is hard. But I want you to always know that I am always gonna be here for you. No matter what. I love you. We all love you.”

“Rossi, what do I do?”

“You just live. Try and see the good in every moment. For instance right now, youre talking with me instead of working on some boring paperwork so think about that. Think about your brother and all the memories you shared. But for now, just live because before you know it all of this will be over and you'll wonder where everything went. So no matter how just live in the moment. Even if it's hard, do it.”

“Living is hard.”

“I know mia dolce colomba, I know. But we do it anyway, It is not like we have a choice. But just alway rember that I will always be here for you. So if you ever wanna go chasing cars, make sure to call me.”

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #spencer reid #jennifer jareau #reader insert #aaron hotchner #david rossi #mira writes #penelope garcia

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Discord pt 90

[Date: 17/03, 02.33 PM GMT - 17/03, 03.53 PM GMT]

[This conversation was going on in #arg, partly simultaneously to another in #general. The second is referenced later and was posted separately before this one.]  

[Direct continuation of pt 89]

[After Void pointed out the gdoc change, Fetch added another message:]

[Added was: “Please don’t tell them please don’t tell them please just pretend you never saw this just please.”]

Void: “nvm may be just my bad internet fucking things up ignore me”

Jack the Observer: “Oh. I see it.

Little sunflower seeds in green and yellow :)”

[Maxwell: “Where do you see that?”]

Jack the Observer: “Ask fetch, I think. He’s the one who edits the blog”

Jack the Observer: “But it’s there, if you look.”

Maxwell: “Fetch....”

fetch: “It isn't though?? I'm looking at the doc right now and there's nothing about sunflower seeds”

Jack the Observer: “I can send pictures, fetch.

If you would prefer?”

Maxwell: “i cant find anything”

fetch: “jack. after yesterday do you really wanna push me.”

Jack the Observer: “Yeah, i kind of do, actually

I could

I feel like it’s important and relevant information”

Void: “fetch knows best about what is there just ignore what i said,,,,”

fetch: “yeah. let's just ignore it.”

Maxwell: “but you all said...seeds”

donti (e): “... fetch please, this is serious.. it could endanger everyone here”

Jack the Observer: “Sunflower seeds :) leaves in yellow and green. You think if i won’t let Max hide it, I’ll let you, Fetch?”

fetch: “jack. drop it. right fucking now with that stupid fucking smile.”

Jack the Observer: “You are, in fact, just as important as Max is.

Unfortunately.

And it’s imperative that we keep all of you safe.”

Maxwell: “that...is one of the nicest things ive heard you say to us....”

fetch: “i know the doc better than anyone. i know what's there and whats not. if I say there's nothing there then there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “You put it there, Fetch.”

fetch: “there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “ Uh huh. /s”

jaynoblade: “he's right. there's nothing there. i just looked”

fetch: “im not ignoring anything there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “Jay, what the fuck”

jaynoblade: “genuinely. i just looked. nothing”

donti (e): “hey hey hHEYyyyy chill”

Jack the Observer: “Is it gone — wait”

fetch: “check for yourself, jack”

[Context: Fetch deleted his edits about the seeds.]

Jack the Observer: “Oh, no i still have it”

fetch: “as i said. there's nothing there.”

Jack the Observer: “I still have it. And i have more pictures if you want to see them.”

donti (e): “... seeds?”

Maxwell: “thats just an image of a previous thing?”

fetch: “how do i know you aren't just editing shit”

[donti (e): “... seeds?”]

Jack the Observer:��“I’m trying to have Fetch tell you first.”

kateza: “Hi good morning what’s going on?”

Mothbo: “Jack saw something no one else did”

[fetch: “how do i know you aren't just editing shit”]

Jack the Observer: “Fetch. You know I don’t lie.”

[Mothbo: “Jack saw something no one else did”]

Jack the Observer: “Haha :)”

fetch: “but you sure as hell spout a lot of bullshit.

now for the last time. There's nothing. there. Fucking drop it.

please.”

Jack the Observer: “And now instead of knight you sound like Max

Crazy”

Maxwell: “what?”

Jack the Observer: ““Oh no, i don’t want to tell them, please i just want to suffer by myself and not accept any help even though I clearly need it, no everyone else is busy, everyone else is stressed, they can’t know please don’t tell them”

That’s what you sound like

And that’s what Fetch sounds like too”

fetch: “you better watch your fuckin mouth, pal.”

Mothbo: “Jack, that's not going to help them all. I know you're hurt cos of Syd but don't take it out on them.”

Maxwell: “....”

[Mothbo: “Jack, that's not going to help them all. I know you're hurt cos of Syd but don't take it out on them.”]

Jack the Observer: “I’m not angry, I’m amused. And I’ll admit, slightly frustrated. What is up with these people and their self esteem issues.”

fetch: “what's up with you and your attachment to someone that doesn't exist anymore?”

Maxwell: “.....fuck off”

Jack the Observer: “If you don’t tell them within the hour ill see you in #img”

[fetch: “what's up with you and your attachment to someone that doesn't exist anymore?”]

Jack the Observer: “Oh, so you don’t exist when Knight is out? Shut the fuck up”

Maxwell: “i....”

Jack the Observer: “I’m glad you’re not all acting so goody goody and nice talking me anymore. This is refreshing.”

[People tell Jack and Fetch to stop arguing with each other. That just solved nothing and there’s no time to waste]

fetch: “i don't have the energy to fight anymore. there's nothing in the doc, whatever you have is edited bullshit, end of story.”

Jack the Observer: “Okay, we’re just going to ignore someone purposefully endangering their own health then. Sounds good to me /s”

[kateza: “I just woke up, I’m assuming something supposedly happened with the doc, I’m assuming the edit history was checked can we please stop fighting I don’t like this”]

Jack the Observer: “I can see something important. I’m being forced to keep imperative information to myself. You can see why I might take issue with this.”

fetch: “i thought you loved keeping information to yourself. that's what an observer does right. he just takes in information and does nothing with it. he doesn't get involved.”

Jack the Observer: “This is different.”

fetch: “of course it is.

just drop it.”

donti (e): “ah.”

Jack the Observer: “Yeah it fucking is different, Fetch. We fucking need you on this team. We’re meant to just ignore when you’re hurting? We’re meant to ignore when you’re endangering yourself?”

fetch: “i said. drop it.”

Jack the Observer: “Holy fucking shit not everything is about Syd”

Jack the Observer: “Maybe this is just about you”

fetch: “well maybe I don't want to be paid attention to. i'm not a fucking zoo exhibit. just leave me the fuck alone.”

Jack the Observer: “I don’t know how many times? I have to say this? But if I saw you as nothing more than a “zoo exhibit” i literally wouldn’t care about this at all”

Void: “fetch, people will learn one way or another. please at least take the chance to tell them yourself?”

Jack the Observer: “Clock is ticking”

fetch: “there's nothing to tell. im fucking fine.”

Jack the Observer: “There you go, sounding like Max again”

kateza: “wait, ok, so now fetch supposedly has the buds? Is that’s what’s going on? No one is catchinng me up everyone’s just arguing”

Jack the Observer: ““I’m fine I’m fine” you’re clearly not.”

[kateza: “wait, ok, so now fetch supposedly has the buds? Is that’s what’s going on? No one is catchinng me up everyone’s just arguing”]

Jack the Observer: “I can see something. Fetch isn’t letting me tell anyone.”

fetch: “well MAYBE I DONT WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP.”

donti (e): “HEEEEY HEY

jacks doing what he can”

fetch: “YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT? YOU CANT FUCKING HELP ME.”

Jack the Observer: “...”

fetch: “QUIT TRYING.”

Jack the Observer: “...”

Jack the Observer: “...

...

that was a bit too loud for me, actually. Ill be in #img in fifty minutes.”

Jack the Observer: “good luck.”

fetch: “fine. i need a nap anyway.”

Maxwell: “......”

[People talk about how important it is to share information, especially with how the situation currently is, and that they’d have to work together if they were ever going to resolve anything about this problem. They then note that if this in-fighting continues, more and more people might be dragged into Crown’s court. But then…]

jaynoblade: “okay, this is somewhat off topic, but.... do we even really know who crown is? because we thought he was ranboo in enderwalk, but then in that one ask he implied that he isn’t”

Maxwell: “hes something else then....”

Maxwell: “uh small problem”

donti (e): “prince read the backlog.”

[This refers to the conversation that had been simultaneously going on in #general2.]

A random Spark: “I know...which means Prince probably now knows the deal with the three court members and why they're gone”

kateza: “which means we'll be having another mind wipe probably :/”

LLyr: “D:”

Maxwell: “OH NO OH NO OH NO”

Maxwell: “i...”

donti (e): “if we had explained it fae would be wiped and then we'd be in trouble.”

Maxwell: “can we tell faem? fae already know....”

Maxwell: “he only brought up me and fetch....should we tell him about marcus?”

donti (e): “... maybe?”

A random Spark: “It's a good idea to.”

LLyr: “if the dam has already broken, i dont see a reason to keep it hidden. maybe ask marcus what he thinks about it?”

Maxwell: “i wanna say his name...”

donti (e): “you already namedropped him,

go for it

he might as well get the facts.”

kateza: “i don't like this

i don't like where this is going”

Maxwell: “jack what did you put in images”

Jack the Observer: “What i promised i would.”

donti (e): “fetches entry.”

Maxwell: “hes..oh god”

Maxwell: “i messed up i messed up i messed up--”

kateza: “no no no

you tried to help max. you did what you thought was right and even if it didn't have the outcome you want you tried to do what was right and that's good of you”

Maxwell: “i made it worse no no no no”

Jack the Observer: “You calm down too.

Panicking isn’t going to help prince.

It’s fine. Let faem remember.”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:fetch #if the crown fits

[littlebitoffanfic]

Each Other

Fandom: Texas Chainsaw Massacre Character: Thomas Hewitt Relationship: Thomas/reader Request: “I don’t care what you look like, I never have! I love you for you. but you push me away and I cant take it anymore.” For Thomas Hewitt please? You waited at the bottom of the stairs, your knee bouncing as your anxiety soared with each second. It was now dark out and everyone else had gone to bed, but you were waiting up for him to come up from the basement. Every time you heard the slightest creak from down there, you would sit up in anticipation. But Thomas never came up. closing your eyes tight, you tried to stop more tears from falling. Childhood sweethearts growing up, you longed for more from him. You never cared about his face, never seeing it as an issue until he started to. It wasn’t till he was in his late teens/early twenties and started working at the slaughter house and he started hearing the whispers and snide remarks from the others. Hoyt and Luda had tried to keep him sheltered from that sort of hate but they had also installed a hate from those who were outside the family apart from you. So he started wearing the masks. At first, you didn’t mind it. If it helped him deal with those horrible people as well as allow him to continue without feeling self-conscious. But then he started wearing it around you, and it placed a barrier between you two. You felt like he no longer wanted you around, and wouldn’t seek you out. Sometimes, you would see the glimpses that he still loved you, but then he would retreat away from you. You could trace most of why he acted like this to you back to once when you visited him at work. You followed the assistant through the factory, looking around you as you did. It wasn’t the most clean factory but it was a necessary part of the town. “Hewitt! You got a visitor.” He called and you looked forward into the room the guy had guided you into. Standing at one of the empty work benches was Thomas. You smiled at him, walking past the guy toward your old friend. “you forgot your lunch so I brought it up.” You hold up the small bag which contained a sandwich and a few other items for him to eat. you saw the kindness in his normally harsh eyes as he smiles down at you from behind the mask they made him wear. A leather muzzle, you thought, but Thomas really didn’t seem to mind it. “How’d you think an animal like that god a girl like her?” you heard one of the guys say to the other who had been walking past at the time. You heard it, and so did Thomas. He looked down, away from you. it was enough to break the sweet moment as Thomas took the bag from you and turn his back on you. --------time skip ---------------- You huffed a little, looking at the grand father clock in the hallway. Just then, you heard movement from below and the sound of stairs creaking. he was coming. Sitting bolt up right and twist to look over your shoulder, you couldn’t help but hold your breath as the doors slide open. Thomas walked out from the basement and started towards the stairs. The second Thomas’ eyes fall on your figure at the end of the stairs he froze, obviously debating whether to retreat back down stairs and if you had seen him or not. “Thomas?” you called out to him, grabbing onto the railing so you could pull yourself up to stand on the bottom step. “Its late. Are you finished?” Thomas seemed unable to look you in the eyes. He glanced down at his clothes. He was no longer wearing his apron and he had undone the first few buttons of his shirt. Looking over his shoulder. The basement was dark, and he had already turned off all the lights. He knew you already knew the answer, but he shook his head anyways. Something drew his eyes up to meet your own, and he instantly regretted it. He could see that sadness in your eyes as you swallowed. He could see the redness around your eyes and the way your cheeks glistened in the low light from your tears. “Cant you come to bed?” You stepped down the stairs and walked towards him but Thomas couldn’t help but take a step back from you which made you freeze. A soft sob left your lips that you instantly covered with a shaking hand. Fresh tears ran down your cheek as you stared up at him in confusion. Thomas couldn’t take any more of it. He turned on his heel and headed straight back to the basement, closing the door before you could follow him. Thomas held the door closed as he heard your footsteps running to the door as you attempted to open it but he was stronger than you. He heard you let out a mixture between a hiccup and a sob as you tried and failed to get to him. “Please Thomas. Don’t do this.” You begged through the door, knowing he was on the other side holding it shut. He gritted his teeth together as his whole body felt conflicted between keep the door shut and throwing it open to let you run into his arms. He felt you give up and slide to the ground as you cried against the door. Proper sobs that made him fall to his knees. He held the handle so hard it made his knuckles turn white even though you had given up. This was for your own good, he told himself. You deserved so much better than this, than him. He would be alone for the rest of his life, that he could deal with as long as you were happy. You pressed your forehead against the cold metal door as you made small gasps for air. “Thomas.” You whined his name and he flinched from behind the door. ““I don’t care what you look like, I never have! I love you for you. but you push me away and I cant take it anymore.” Thomas squeezed his eyes shut, determined not to let tears fall from his own eyes. He could feel the panic building from within his chest. He had fought so hard to have you, to keep you. he always tried to show you he truly loved you to the moon and back. Thomas didn’t know how long he sat there. He didn’t know how long he waited in the dark for you to leave. Eventually, he pressed his ear to the door and heard a soft snore. Pushing himself to his feet, he slowly pulled the door open to find you had passed out on the floor. He stared down at you for a moment, knowing how important his next move is. he knew he should leave you. Retreat back down to the basement and wait till morning. You would wake up and remember what happened and maybe leave him. You had said you couldn’t any more of this. Or he could scope you up into your arms and carry you upstairs. Thomas knew what he should do. But he couldn’t. he couldn’t leave you on the floor like this. No matter how much he knew you deserved more. Bending down, he picked you up bridal style. You were fast asleep but you instantly cuddled against him. He could feel you were cold and you still hiccupped a little when you were breathing. you dozed on his shoulder until he started climbing the stairs. On the final step, the floor board squeaked and Thomas’ head snapped towards you. your eyes fluttered open and instantly found his own. Your arms wrapped around his shoulder and you buried your face in his neck as you drifted off. You weren’t awake for long and probably didn’t remember exactly what had happened. All you saw was him and you instantly responded with affection. Thomas held you close as he carried you to the room he normally shared with you, although he hadn’t really slept in it properly for a few months now. When he entered, he couldn’t help but feel at home. Your soft fragrance filled the room and it had always been the nicest room in the house. The bed was still made, meaning you hadn’t just woken up and went to see him. You had stayed up to see him. Thomas stood in the middle of the room with you in his arms. He had never been so conflicted in his life. Apparently, you didn’t fall straight back asleep. Your fingers moved into his hair and to the ties of his mask. He didn’t realise you were aware of what you were doing until his mask fell away. But he couldn’t do anything since he had you in his arms. You pulled back from his neck to move in for a kiss. One that surprised Thomas but he was unable to restrain himself from kissing you back. If you were a snake, this would be your killer bite. Because he knew this was enough to shatter his will power to walk away from you right now. You kissed him with more passion than he deserved. Thomas felt his knees going for the 3rd or 4th time that night. He turned and lowered himself to sit on the edge of the bed before he dropped you both. You were quick to move and straddle his hips. His hands never left your body before settling on your hips as you ground against him. Thomas couldn’t help but moan against your lips as he felt your hands slip round to cup his cheeks tenderly. “I love you.” you whispered when you pulled away from the kiss for breath. And Thomas broke. The sobs raked his body as he ducked his head away from your loving gaze. He felt too embarrassed to even look at you right now. He opted to buried his face in your neck as you had done. His arms wrapped around your waist and he held you tight against his body. After everything he had done, after how badly he had deteriorated over the years, you would happily throw yourself into his arms. he tried to nod, to respond to your words of affection with his own but he couldn’t. You didn’t question his actions, but allowed him to cry for as long as he needed. Eventually though, you drifted off. -----------time skip ----------------- When you woke, it was morning out. The sun shone in the window and through the curtains. The skin under your eyes were sore and tender to touch as you sat up and avoided rubbing your eyes. The second you remembered what had happened the night before, you looked to the side of bed that was Thomas’s. but it was empty. You almost cried out, feeling your heart break in two. Until you heard footsteps outside your room and the door opened. Thomas entered the room and in his hand was a bouquet of flowers from the garden wrapped in a ribbon. He paused when he saw you were awake but came in anyway. He wasn’t wearing his mask, and you weren’t sure where it had dropped to the night before. Thomas walked around to your side of the bed and sat down. He reached out a hand to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing over your sore undereye. You instantly leaned into his touch, smiling as your raised your own hand to cup his own. When your eyes met his, you could see the regret and sadness in his eyes as he stroked your cheek lovingly. You opened your mouth to say something, but then closed it. Because that was the beauty about Thomas. He didn’t require you to say a word. He was able to communicate to you with a simple touch and motion of his hand. His eyes were filled with his emotions and he was able to tell you everything you needed to hear right now. Maybe he couldn’t explain why he had turned from you for a while, or why he would never feel worthy of you. but he could show you how much you meant to him. In that simple moment, you didn’t have to worry about the outside world and their words. Just about each other.

#Thomas Hewitt #thomas hewitt x reader #leatherface #leatherface x reader #Texas Chainsaw Massacre

[elijahhudson]

like to be you

faye & eli june 2nd

Eli has lived with Faye for a few weeks now, and they've loved it. The only thing was, now that the both of them had summer jobs, their schedules were beginning to clash and they weren't seeing each other as much as they would like to. The couple had a conversation about needing to spend some time together and decide to stay at home on Saturday night so Eli can make Faye a nice, romantic dinner. While she was at work, he got ingredients and flowers to surprise her with. He even timed everything out where when she got home from work, the food would be hot and ready on the table. But the timer on the oven was only two minutes away from going off and Eli still hadn't gotten a text from Faye saying she was on her way home.

Faye had decided that for the summer, she was going to work two jobs. She didn’t realize how much of an impact that would have on every other aspect of her life until she started to only see her boyfriend for a couple minutes before falling asleep each night. The girl had been so caught up in her schedule it was starting to confuse her and when she was asked to cover for two extra hours at the coffee shop, she didn’t even even realize that it was Saturday and she had plans with Eli for dinner. Finally she was clocking out and she shot a text to her boyfriend letting him know she was on her way home, not realizing she’s was two hours late. Her drive was short and within 15 minutes, she was entering her apartment and calling out to him, “Eli?”

Eli was getting anxious as he waited for Faye’s arrival. He kept moving the food in and out of the oven to keep it warm but after waiting an hour and fifteen minutes, he knew there was no point in continuing. Eli threw the flowers in the trash and put all the food in the fridge. He sat on the couch, arms folded over his chest as he waited for even longer. When she finally came home, his brows raised, “Wow, look who wasn’t abducted by aliens.”

Faye walked into the apartment further and grinned before furrowing her brow at him. She put her bag down on the counter as she started to undo the buttons on her work shirt, “I was at work, what’s that suppose to mean?” Faye put her shirt on top of her bag with her undershirt still on and moved over to him.

Eli frowns deeply at her, “You were supposed to be home two hours ago. For dinner.”

Faye furrows her brow as she sits down next to him and pulls her hair down, “No, we had dinner planned for Saturday.”

Eli motions around him, “It is Saturday!”

Faye raises her eyebrows and frowns, “Wait, it is?!” She sighs softly and rubs her forehead, “I honestly thought it was Friday!”

Eli shakes his head and purses his lips, "This was our one night of the week that we could actually spend together, and you forgot."

Faye scoots closer to him and pouts a little, “I know but I’ve been overwhelmed with work. I really forgot the day.”

Eli stands up and shakes his head, going into the kitchen.”

Faye frowns deeply as he gets up before getting up and following him, “Are you really that mad at me about this?”

Eli looks back at her, "Yeah, I am, Faye. I've been sitting here waiting for you like an idiot."

Faye runs her fingers through her hair and sighs, “I know and I’m sorry but it was a mistake.”

Eli shakes his head, "I guess our priorities are just different."

Faye frowns and shakes her head, “You know that’s not true.”

Eli purses his lips and raises his brows, "Do I? Because you're acting like this is no big deal."

Faye puts her hand on his arm, “I know it’s a big deal but I didn’t mean to. I’m really sorry.”

Eli pulls his arm back and frowns, “If I did this to you, you wouldn’t be instantly forgiving.”

Faye steps back and crosses her arms over her chest, “I don’t know what you want me to do.”

Eli shrugs, “I don’t know.”

Faye sighs softly and shakes her head, “Well...I’m going to shower then. I can’t do anything to make it up to you and you won’t listen to me.”

Eli waves her off and walks towards the second bedroom where his art supplies is, "Fine."

Faye frowns and turns away from him to go into the bathroom.

Eli grabs a clean canvas and starts to do a splatter painting to take out his frustration.

Faye sighs as she turns on the water and leans against the bathroom door, covering her face.

Eli keeps painting for a while before sighing heavily and sitting down on the floor.

Faye lets the bathroom fill up with steam before shaking her head and exiting the bathroom door, going to the spare bedroom, “Eli, I cant fight with you. Please, please, please forgive me.”

Eli looks up at her and frowns, "You forgot about me."

Faye kneels down in front of him, “I know, I’m so sorry. I should never forget about you, I was selfish with work.”

Eli sighs softly and looks down, "I put a lot of effort into tonight, Faye.. It was our one night to finally spend time together, so it just feels shitty."

Faye bites her lip and nods her head, “I know. I don’t know what to do.”

Eli lets out a deep breath and leans back against the wall.

Faye sits back on her legs and feels her eyes well up, “I’m so sorry.”

Eli nods a little, "It's okay."

Faye wipes under her eyes and shakes her head, “No, it’s not okay. I feel like I’m a terrible girlfriend. I’m always doing this to you.” She sniffs softly before standing back up, “You’re much more important to me than any work or school or anything but since the beginning all I’ve done is hurt you over and over and I don’t want to...maybe you deserve more. I’m sorry.” She shakes her head and goes to leave the room to return to the shower.

Eli frowns deeply and quickly follows her, "You're really gonna say that to me and just walk away?"

Faye turns around and throws her hands up a little, “What else can I do? It’s the truth. You’ve never done anything wrong to me. You have been nothing short of perfect and I fuck up all the time and I don’t know what else to do! I don’t know how to make this up to you and I can’t make you feel any better right now...I’m making you feel worse so yes I am walking away.” She turns again to continue to the bathroom.

Eli groans frustratedly, "God damn it, Faye, stop!" He gently grabs her wrist, "I said it was okay, so stop walking away from me!"

Faye lets him stop her as she frowns and shakes her head, “I don’t think it’s okay, Eli.” She looks at him, “You know I love you so much that it hurts? And seeing you so upset over something I did? I don’t want to keep doing that. I’m not trying to either but it keeps happening.”

Eli pulls her to him and sighs, "Okay, I was upset but you acting like you aren't good enough for me and walking away from me is what's making it worse. Just take a breath and listen to me for a second. We live together, Faye. I have invested myself completely in you, and our relationship so please don't say shit like that to me anymore."

Faye listens to him and takes a deep breath before gently biting down on her inner cheek to stop herself from getting more emotional, “Okay, I won’t.”

Eli holds her face in his hands and bends down so they're at eye level, "Hey.. Look at me.."

Faye looks up at him and feels her eyes well up slightly, “I’m sorry..I’ve made this about me now.”

Eli laughs a little and nods, "Kind of.. But it doesn't matter. I love you to the moon and back."

Faye groans and closes her eyes, “I love you too.”

Eli hugs her to him and lets out a soft breath.

Faye slides her hands up his back with a sigh, “I’m going to do better, I promise.”

Eli nods a little and kisses the top of her head, "Okay."

Faye closes her eyes against his chest, “How can I make up tonight for you? I’ll call out tomorrow?”

Eli shakes his head, "I don't want you to."

Faye grips his shirt gently, “I want to. I want to stay right here.”

Eli lets out a soft breath, "I don't want you to get in trouble or anything, Faye.."

Faye shakes her head, “I won’t. I’ll have someone to cover my shift. A couple people owe me.”

Eli nods a little, "Okay, babe. If it's what you want."

Faye looks up at him, “What do you want?”

Eli shrugs slightly, "I don't know.."

Faye leans up to kiss him gently, “Let me know when you do. I’m going to be here.”

Eli smiles a little at her and nods, "Thank you."

Faye sighs softly and pulls back, “Well, I still should take that shower. Wanna join?”

Eli nods his head, "Yeah, sure."

Faye smiles and holds her hand out for him.

Eli takes her hand and interlocks their fingers.

Faye squeezes his hand and leads him into the bathroom, turning to him and starting to push his shirt up.

Eli lifts his arms up and helps her get his shirt off.

Faye takes off his shirt and kisses his chest gently.

Eli kisses the top of her head softly.

Faye smiles softly and runs her nails along his chest, “I love you.”

Eli nods his head, "I love you, too."

Faye puts her hands on his cheeks, “Always, okay?”

Eli nods again as he looks down at her, "Okay."

Faye leans up and kisses him gently.

Eli returns the gentle kiss and rubs her waist.

Faye pulls back and starts to take off her own clothes.

Eli takes off his pants and boxers before getting into the shower.

Faye gets into the shower after him and puts her head under the water.

Eli leans back against the wall a little as he watches her.

Faye closes her eyes as she lets her hair soak under the water.

Eli lets out a soft breath and moves to be under the water with her.

Faye sighs softly as she scoots over to let him under the shower head.

Eli runs his fingers back through his hair and shuts his eyes as he tilts his head back.

Faye grabs shampoo and starts to lather it into her hair with a soft hum.

Eli watches her and then leans back against the wall again.

Faye looks up at him and smiled as she rinses her hair.

Eli grabs body wash and starts to wash himself.

Faye finishes her hair and starts to help him lather the soap on her chest with a grin.

Eli watches her for a moment and bites his lip.

Faye kisses his collarbone gently a few times as she continues to wash his body.

Eli looks down at her, "I don't want you to say awful things about yourself to get yourself out of trouble anymore."

Faye pulls back a little to look up at him and furrows her brow, “It wasn’t to get myself out of trouble.”

Eli lets out a soft breath, "You sure?"

Faye frowns and runs her thumb over his jaw, “I’m sure. I just..” She sighs softly, “Sometimes I do feel that way. I can’t help it, I’m sure it’s all in my mind and it has a lot to do with everything that happened when we first started off and how I feel.”

Eli sighs softly, "Okay, but you need to let the past shit go. I don't even think about that stuff anymore, and that's why I'm here, living with you, Faye."

Faye nods her head as she looks down, “I know that and I have but it’s hard. I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Eli gently holds her chin and tilts her head up so she looks at him, "I've forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself so you can move on and just be happy with me."

Faye nods her head as she looks up at him, “I am. I’m really happy with you and I promise I’ve let everything go. I just can’t help my insecurities sometimes especially when I hurt you.”

Eli drops his hand and frowns, "I don't know how to help when I'm telling you that I've forgiven you."

Faye nods her head, “I know you have and I’m not saying anything except I have my own insecurities about myself and all I can say is that I’m working on forgiving myself for things, does that make sense? I know you love me and I know you forgive me, but there’s this tiny voice in my head that makes me feel bad.” She sighed and shook her head, “I don’t know what else to do about that.”

Eli bites his lip, "Okay.."

Faye puts her hand on his chest over his heart, “I’m sorry. I’m trying and I just want to be the best person for you.”

Eli looks at her and tilts his head to the side, "I love you for the way you are."

Faye smiles at him and nods her head, “I know. You don’t understand how happy that makes me.”

Eli leans down and kisses her softly.

Faye returns the kiss gently as she slides her hand to his neck.

Eli pulls back a little and grins, "Hey, I don't have threesomes with just anybody, you know."

Faye laughs and leans her head against his chest and hugging him, “You make a valid point, Eli Hudson.”

Eli chuckles and gently squeezes her.

Faye kisses his chest gently, “I love you a lot.”

Eli kisses the top of her head, “I love you just as much.”

Faye squeezes him gently, “Want to finish up in here and get out?”

Eli nods and smiles, "Let's do that."

Faye pulls away from him to get back under the water and finish rinsing herself off.

Eli quickly shampoos his hair and then rinses it out.

Faye waits until they both are finished washing and rinsing everything before turning off the water then pulling the shower curtain back.

Eli grabs a towel and dries himself off before wrapping it around his waist and getting out.

Faye wraps a towel around herself before putting her hair up with another one, “So lets salvage this night, hm? What do you wanna do?”

Eli shrugs a little, "Dunno."

Faye moves her hands onto his shoulders and shrugs back, “Do you want to stay in or go out anywhere? We could even just go up on the roof of the building and sit by the pool. Maybe heat up dinner?”

Eli nods slightly, "The latter sounds nice."

Faye smiles with a nod as she kisses him quickly before pulling back to go get changed.

Eli follows her out of the bathroom and gets dressed

Faye quickly changes into comfy clothes and smiles at him, “Okay what did you make tonight?”

Eli runs the towel over his hair, "Chicken parm."

Faye smiles widely as she grins, “Mmm you spoil me.”

Eli laughs softly, "Hopefully you like it."

Faye nods her head with a takes his hand to lead him towards the kitchen, “I’m sureee I will!”

Eli follows her with a smile, "Well if you don't, you don't have to force yourself to eat it."

Faye gives him a look and shakes her head, “I eat anything, babe.”

Eli rolls his eyes, "You don't eat baaad stuff."

Faye laughs and pokes his arm gently, “It’s gonna be great. Let’s heat it up.”

Eli gets the food from the fridge and puts it in the microwave.

Faye hums softly and starts to pull out plates and silverware.

Eli leans against the counter as he waits for the food to heat up.

Faye puts everything out before smiling at him and leans up to kiss him gently.

Eli leans down to meet the kiss.

Faye pulls back slightly and nudges her nose against his.

Eli smiles at her, "Love you." The microwave goes off so he takes the food out.

Faye smiles back at him, “Love you.” She pulls away so he can grab the food.

Eli moves the food to the table and pulls out her chair for her.

Faye thanks him before sitting down and taking a forkful of her food, humming softly.

Eli sits down and smiles, "You like it?"

Faye nods her head as she chews, “Wow..I really like it! I’m very impressed, Eli Hudson!”

Eli raises his brows and smiles, "Good."

Faye smiles and takes another bite happily

Eli starts to eat and smiles to himself.

Faye reaches over and squeezes his leg, “What should we do tomorrow?”

Eli hums as he thinks, "Zoo?"

Faye raises her eyebrows with a smile, “That’s an amazing idea.”

Eli smiles at her, "Thank you."

Faye eats more of her food with a hum, “What’s your favorite thing at the zoo? Not favorite animal but what part do you think is the best to see?”

Eli smiles at her, "I love going to the arctic section."

Faye hums and raises her eyebrows, “Ooh like seals and penguins?”

Eli grins and nods, "And polar bears."

Faye giggles with a nod, “Definitely fun. I love penguins especially.”

Eli laughs and nods, "Me too."

Faye smiles as she takes another bite, “My favorite is the monkeys though. They are always entertaining.”

Eli nods and laughs, "One time, I saw a chimp steal a blanket from another chimp and they chased after him. I mean, those were apes but still entertaining."

Faye raises her eyebrows before giggling, “Oh that sounds amazing. Apes too, I think Gorillas and Chimps are always so funny.”

Eli nods and smiles, "Me too. I also like the Africa section."

Faye smiles as she takes another bite of her food, “I think elephants are my favorite animal in general.”

Eli smiles and nods, "They're so cute."

Faye grins with a nod, “And so smart.”

Eli smiles, "Did you see the video of the baby elephant playing with someone who was trying to garden?"

Faye raises her eyebrows and shakes her head, “No! I gotta see that.”

Eli laughs and pulls it up on his phone, turning it to her to show her.

Faye leans over to watch the video and watches it with a grin, “That is so cute oh my god!”

Eli grins and nods, "Right? I was dying watching it."

Faye giggles and shakes her head, “They are so funny I love them.”

Eli nods and smiles, "I'd love to go an Elephant sanctuary."

Faye reaches over and squeezes his leg, “Lets put it on a bucket list.”

Eli grins widely and nods, "Okay."

Faye smiles and kisses his cheek gently, “I wanna go backpacking through Europe. Imagine the summer after we graduate and we go together?”

Eli smiles brightly, "Living out of hostels, yeah? Sounds amazing."

Faye giggles with a nod, “I bet my parents could be convinced to help us pay for it too.”

Eli raises his brows, "Oh, I couldn't let them do that for me."

Faye shakes her head with a smile, “Not the whole thing but help. They did the whole backpacking thing and alwaaayyys rave about it.”

Eli laughs softly, "Your parents are something else."

Faye rolls her eyes with a laugh, “They are from Mars I swear.”

Eli chuckles, "It's refreshing to be around."

Faye raises her eyebrows and smiles, “They are embarrassing.”

Eli laughs and nods, "They're not boring though."

Faye shakes her head with a laugh, “You’re right, they definitely aren’t.”

Eli chuckles and grins at her.

Faye finishes up her food and hums, “Thank you for dinner. I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier but I really appreciate it and you.”

Eli nods a little, "I forgive you."

Faye smiles as she nods her head, “Are you done eating? I’ll clean.”

Eli nods and smiles, "All done."

Faye takes their plates and stands as she goes into the kitchen to start washing their dishes.

Eli watches for a moment before putting away the leftovers.

Faye finishes up washing all the dishes before turning to him with a smile.

Eli looks over at her and holds his hand out towards her.

Faye takes his hand and pulls him closer to her.

Eli leans down and kisses her lips.

Faye smiles and returns the kiss, squeezing his hand.

Eli squeezes her hand back as he lets his lips linger on hers.

Faye pulls back just slightly and smiles, “I love you.”

Eli grins at her, "I love you too."

Faye wraps her arms around his middle and hugs him close.

Eli hugs her tight, kissing the top of her head.

Faye smiles against his chest as she closes her eyes, “This is my favorite place in the entire world.”

Eli smiles and rubs her back lovingly, "Right here?"

Faye nods her head with a soft hum, “Yep. Right here.”

Eli smiles and kisses her head a few more times.

Faye kisses his chest gently before pulling back with a smile.

Eli rubs her back, “Wanna hang out and watch a movie?”

Faye nods her head with a smile, “Yeah, lets curl up on the couch.”

Eli nods and pulls her to the couch,

Faye follows after him before plopping down on the couch and grabbing the tv remote.

Eli puts his arm around her shoulders as he leans back.

Faye leans into his side as she turns on the tv, “Netflix?”

Eli nods and shrugs, "Sure."

Faye puts on Netflix and starts to scroll through as she leans into his side.

Eli rubs her shoulder, "Put on whatever."

Faye nods her head as she searches until she finds an animal documentary, “To get us excited for tomorrow.”

Eli laughs and nods, "Perfect."

Faye grins and leans into his side with a happy sigh.

Eli kisses her temple and rubs her arm.

Faye closes her eyes briefly at his kiss as she drapes her arm across his middle.

Eli slides his hand down to her back and leans his cheek on her head.

Faye smiles as she watches the tv.

Eli laughs, "I used to watch the animal planet when I got home from school as a kid."

Faye glances up at him with a grin, “Yeah? What shows did you like?”

Eli smiles, "The america's funniest animals one with the clips."

Faye looks back at the tv with a smile, “You’re too cute. Now you can just look them up on Instagram.”

Eli nods his head, "Times are a lot different."

Faye nods her head a little, “I know. I’m torn between missing the simpler times and liking the technology.”

Eli chuckles and nods, "At least we're not the spoiled kids with both."

Faye nods her head with a smile, “You’re right.”

Eli shakes his head, "When I see eight year olds with smart phones..."

Faye wrinkles her nose and shakes her head, “That’s just crazy. What can they possible use it for? I hardly use mine! Only to talk to you and write little notes!”

Eli makes a face, "Snapchat!"

Faye laughs and looks up at him, “Oh like the little face thingys?”

Eli nods his head, "I think so. And to talk to each other."

Faye nods as she grins, “I had a phone I think when I was like 13 and I definitely texted boys a lot so.”

Eli chuckles, "I got my first phone at 13 too."

Faye turns to look up at him, “Did you ever have girlfriends in middle school?”

Eli raises his brows and laughs, "Um two. They didn't last long though."

Faye giggles and taps his jaw, “Heartbreaker?”

Eli rolls his eyes and laughs, "Far from it. They broke up with me after a month max."

Faye grins and shakes her head, “Aww, that’s rude. They didn’t know what they were missing!”

Eli chuckles, "I'm not sure if 13 year old me is as impressive as 19 year old me."

Faye leans up and kisses him quickly, “Their loss is my gain anyways.”

Eli nods his head and laughs, "I love you."

Faye smiles and lays her head back down, “I love you.”

Eli rubs her back and smiles. "Yeah, you better," he teases with a grin.

Faye taps his chest gently with a giggle, “I doooo. More than coffee and puppies.”

Eli playfully gasps, "That's a lot!"

Faye grins with a shrug, “Well, I do!”

Eli grins and kisses her softly.

Faye hums and returns the kiss softly.

Eli smiles widely against her lips and pulls back, “I love you just as much.”

Faye taps his jaw gently with a grin, “Oh yeah?”

Eli gives her a look playfully, “Obviously.”

Faye giggles and kisses him gently.

Eli smiles against her lips.

Faye pulls back slightly and kisses his nose.

Eli grins and laughs softly.

Faye smiles and kisses him again.

Eli returns the kiss and sighs happily.

Faye smiles and pulls back slightly, “Wanna get in bed and put this on our laptop?”

Eli nods his head and smiles, "That sounds like a great idea."

Faye stands up and grins, holding her hand out to him as she turns off the tv.

Eli gets up and smiles as he goes to their bedroom with her and he climbs into bed.

Faye gets in next to him and sets her laptop up with the show before curling up next to him.

Eli puts his arms around her and kisses her head.

Faye smiles and kisses him gently, “Thank you for forgiving me. And for dinner.”

Eli nods his head, "You're welcome for both."

Faye hums as she watches the documentary a little more before starting to drift off.

Eli gets tired and kisses Faye's ear as he notices her starting to fall asleep, "Night, baby.."

Faye yawns sleepily as she nuzzles into him, “Night...” She relaxes and drifts off to sleep with him.