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#i can't remember if i posted it but its not showing up when i search it
ghastlyaffairs · 1 month
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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of
also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut
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the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)
#hs#homestuck#dirk strider#eye strain#probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags#so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse#and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol#also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold#though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk#speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least#the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an#and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you#imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting#and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive#uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember#and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags#do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts#beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it#also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa#sigh poor thing#this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm#also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week#(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic#this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah
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synthshenanigans · 8 months
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New song reminded me. I can't remember if I posted it here or not but I have a google doc for HMS/CJ art references! Its got a good amount in there so should help lol. I usually update as soon as I can with a new song.
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tonyspank · 10 months
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WHO?
Warnings: GN! Reader, fluffy + my poor attempts at humor
Summary: You find out who Jenna Ortega is.
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You stand in front of your kitchen counter, watching your monitor as your viewers load into the Twitch chat. You smile watching the chat fly with questions and comments. "Hi, guys!" You wave at the camera, fixing your apron. "Be grateful I'm even streaming this because it was so difficult to get my setup in the kitchen."
You move from the counter to your camera, adjusting it a bit. "There," you mumble to yourself, glancing over to the chat again. "Happy Anniversary." You read off the chat, beginning to smile, "Thank you!"
@coolasacucumber where's babygirl jenna
@teamed28 anniversary??? TIME IS FLYING BROOO
@Versalcool171 why they look kinda cute in that apron
@TggthegreatRede HIIIIII
You move back to the counter, "Jenna isn't here, she's out doing something. But that's good because I'm surprising her with dinner for our anniversary! I have a table set up and everything on our balcony." You tell your viewers. You then look around the kitchen, gathering all the ingredients you need.
Soon a donation message pops up on your monitor and the bot begins reading it aloud. "What does Jenna's farts smell like?"
You pause your movements, standing completely still for a few seconds before moving again. You ignore the question, acting as if you never got it, but the smile on your face gives away your amusement. "Uh, anyway."
You break the silence and continue with your task. You lift up a salmon, "I'm cooking salmon, rice and broccoli for bae." You look up at the chat, watching thousands of reactions appear on the screen. You begin seasoning your salmon with a mixture of herbs and spices, and then place it in the hot pan.
Another donation rings through, "Can you tell us the story of how you met Jenna? I love you so much by the way." You chuckle and reply, "I love you too! Sure, once upon a time..." You say dramatically, laughing at your own joke.
"I was streaming, you know? The usual, then I got a donation."
TWO YEARS AGO
You watch as your screen shows victory, winning another match of Overwatch. Leaning back in your chair, you listen to the donation ringing through your headset. "Have you watched the new Wednesday show on Netflix?"
You furrow your eyebrows as your eyes are fixed on the screen. "Nah, I haven't. Like Wednesday Addams?" You laugh and tilt your head, waiting for the next match to start.
As you wait you decide to check the chat.
@Yuanycat530 Jenna Ortega's in the show
@zenocentric you gotta watch it for mommy jenna
@Momismme3600 its sooo good stg
@amburntfreemansgf MASONS WATCHING STREAM
You sit back up in your chair, adjusting the hat on your head. "Who?" You begin chuckling, completely confused about what your Twitch chat was talking about. "Guys I don't know who Jenna Ortega is."
Suddenly, a flood of messages appear, all talking about Jenna Ortega and the new show she's in. You close out of Overwatch and start sharing your Google to the stream, typing in Jenna Ortega.
You quickly learn that Jenna Ortega is an actress and you begin to recognize her. "Oh, shit. She was in Scream 5 with Mason and David?" You turn your head to the chat before glancing back at the search.
You smile to yourself as you remember the movie. You search in Instagram, looking up Jenna's username, before following her and beginning to scroll through her posts. She was absolutely beautiful; you shock yourself as you can't believe you could forget someone so stunning.
@y/nsdirtysock NOT HER BLUSHING
@amburntfreemansgf IS THIS JOE GOLDBERG?
@mrsasfjerEgads SHES SMILING HELLA HARD
You're knocked out of your daze as your phone begins ringing. You fumble around for your phone, trying to answer it before it goes to voicemail.
You answer it and it's Mason, facetiming you. Mason's face lights up when he sees you. "Why are you going through Jenna's Instagram?!" He laughs and you join in, showing the camera Mason.
"Bro! Chat asked me if I watched her show. I forgot who she was!" Mason grins at his screen, "How could you forget Jenna Ortega?" You shrug and laugh, "I don't know!" Mason laughs again before he places his phone down on his desk, you do the same, rubbing your hands down your face. "Mason join me on Overwatch."
Mason raises an eyebrow, considering the offer. "Sure, but you know I'm bad at this." You smile, loading Overwatch back up. "It's okay, Daddy will carry you." Mason chuckles and playfully rolls his eyes. "Alright, let's see if you can actually carry me this time." Moments later, Mason is in your party, taking a sip of his water.
"My chat says, how did Jenna's profile look?" Mason grins reading off of his live chat on his own screen. You pick an operator, shaking your head. "Tell your chat to stop harassing me," you joke, your smile never fading. Mason chuckles and raises an eyebrow. "Oh, they're just curious. I still can't believe you forgot who Jenna is!"
"Dude! It completely slipped my mind,"  you admit, shrugging. Mason chooses his own operator before walking over to your character and using the "Hello" command. You watch as Mason's character waves and greets your character on the screen. "Imagine if you joined me on Saturday," he says playfully.
His eyes then widen, and he says, Oh, my god, you should join me on Saturday." You can hear the excitement in his voice as he continues, "It'll be so fun, swear, and! And Jenna will be able to make an unforgettable impression." You shake your head, watching your character run to the point.
"Are you trying to play cupid?" You joke, laughing. Mason chuckles and replies, "Well, maybe just a little. But seriously, it would be great to have you there. I'm sure everyone won't mind."
You raise an eyebrow, considering his offer. "Alright, I'll come." You finally agree, unable to resist his infectious enthusiasm. Mason grins triumphantly, clearly pleased with himself.
"Awesome! You won't regret it, I promise," he says, glancing at his chat, leaving you wondering what kind of unforgettable impression Jenna could possibly make.
You huff out when D.Va kills you, leaning back in your chair as you wait to respawn. "Chat. If someone gifts 100 gifted subs, I'll tattoo Jenna's face on my buttocks." You joke, a small smirk on your lips.
Mason chuckles, clearly amused by your playful banter. "Hey, don't underestimate the power of your chat. Who knows, you might end up with a masterpiece on your backside," he teases, wiggling his eyebrows teasingly. You laugh along, secretly hoping that no one takes your joke too seriously.
However, as you continue playing, a notification pops up on your screen indicating that someone has indeed gifted 100 subs. Your eyes widen in disbelief. "Ain't no way!"
A FEW HOURS LATER
*jennaortega started following you*
You rise from your bed, clicking on the Instagram notification that pops up on your phone. Ain't no fucking way.
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Jenna - So...Saturday? Will a portrait of my face be on your butt?
You - you would like that wouldn't you?
Jenna - I'd prefer somewhere everyone can see Jenna - Maybe your forehead is a better spot
You - lol, how about we get matching ones then? You -that way when we kiss we can really make it look like we have four eyes
Jenna - Kiss? Who said anything about kissing? Jenna - I'm not that kind of girl 🤨
You - oh, so what kind of girl are you? ;)
Jenna - The kind that doesn't appreciate these cheesy pickup lines
You - ooh, dairy free You - completely understandable You - from now on i will acknowledge that
Jenna - xxx-xxx-xxx Jenna - Text me on IMessage
You - yes ma'am! 🫡
Reacted ❤️ to your message.
ONE YEAR LATER
"Chat, I'll let you know I just woke up. Don't mind this..." You say, motioning over your face, as you try to rub the sleep from your eyes. "Sorry if I seem out of it. It takes time for my brain to boot up."
You don't notice the way your chat freaks out about the hickey on your neck, as your focus is still on trying to fully wake up. The hickey, a remnant from last night's passionate embrace, remains unnoticed by you for now.
@h5therx is that a mf hickey
@TheGrapeNinja WHO WAS SUCKING ON UR NECK
@twizzy1 @TheGrapeNinja BLOOD THIS AINT EVEN MY NECK????
"Valorant, or Overwatch?" You ask, finally glancing over at your Twitch chat.
You notice a flurry of comments in the chat, with some viewers teasingly pointing out the hickey on your neck. You pause, staring at the chat, before quickly covering your neck with your hand, a blush creeping up your cheeks.
"Brooo, I didn't even know I had this," you mutter sheepishly, rubbing your hand over your neck.
The chat explodes with laughter and playful comments about your unexpected love mark. "Is she going to hear a word out of me." you mutter to yourself, talking about your girlfriend as you begin realizing that even the smallest details don't go unnoticed by your loyal viewers.
"Enough about my hickey! Pick a game!" You jokingly yell at your chat, reaching for a hoodie to cover up the mark. As you put on the hoodie, a donation comes through.
You pause for a moment, glancing at the donation message. "You said you were going to play Sims last stream. Don't worry about the hickey, we're just excited to see you play!"
You chuckle at the comment, grateful for the support and understanding from your viewers. With a smile, you reply, "Alright, alright! Sims it is then! Let's be delulu and create our dream life."
You start up the game and glance over to your chat. "Have you guys ever, like, gone to bed with like a thought or try to preload your own dream? Like, I be going to sleep with a specific idea or scenario in mind, hoping it will manifest in my dreams. It's like I'm trying to program my subconscious to create the perfect dream."
You pause, waiting for your viewers' responses, curious if anyone else has tried something similar.
@ricoottv Yes bruh I be dreaming about Gal Gadot dominating me fr
@24kGoldenRing @ricoottv 😨😨😨
@QuannMeline YESSSSS
As the chat starts flooding with responses, you notice that many of your viewers have indeed experimented with preloading their dreams. Some share their success stories, describing how they have had incredible adventures and even found solutions to real-life problems in their dream scenarios.
Others admit to having mixed results, with some dreams turning out exactly as they had hoped while others took unexpected turns. Excitement builds as everyone exchanges tips and techniques, eager to unlock the full potential of their dream worlds.
"I'm glad I'm not the only one." You chuckle and begin creating your Sim, carefully customizing every detail to make them as close to your ideal self as possible. You then put your face-cam side by side with your sim and ask, "Do they look like me?"
You wait for responses from your viewers, trying not to laugh at the potential comparisons they might make.
@tuneskixx it looks like u if u were mentally unstable
@47SH5T Y/N if they were off crack
@k0hjuh EWWWW
@Shaun Why the sim kinda 😍
"Me if I was off crack? Nah, that's wild." You say, rereading one of your subs chat. "Go to the gallery and find your love interest?" You read off, raising an eyebrow. Intrigued, you decide to take a break from creating your Sim and explore the gallery to see if there's a perfect match waiting for you.
There's a search bar, and without hesitation, you type in "Jenna Ortega." You eagerly scroll through the results, hoping to find a Sim that resembles Jenna Ortega.
Some of them look like her, and the others are far off, but you settle on one that seems to capture her essence the best. Excitedly, you click on the Sim and download it into your game.
"Guys, why does this actually look like Jenna?" You exclaim, unable to contain your excitement. "Yoo! They even have her cleft chin. But to be honest, Jenna doesn't really have a cleft chin, it only appears when she smiles or makes certain facial expressions."
@amburntfreemansgf nah bro a Jenna Ortega specialist
@AlexVsJay "jenna doesn't really have a cleft chin it only appears when makes certain facial expressions" 🤓☝️
@Shaun @amburntfreemansgf LMAOOOO
After adding a dog and cat to your household, you start your sim life as Jenna Ortega, her being your wife. You immerse yourself in the game, navigating through your and Jenna's daily activities and adventures.
"What the fuck!" You shout at the screen, your chat begins to fill up with messages at the sight of what's happening.
@mynames_jeff POV last night
@amburntfreemansgf sorry y'all jenna thought that was me 😅
@ricoottv OMGOMG
"Ya'll, I didn't tell them to do this! They real life just hopped out of the hot tub to make out." You tell your chat, watching as your sim and Jenna's sim kiss passionately. The unexpected display of affection between the sims surprises and amuses you, causing your chat to explode with laughter and comments.
You're so immersed in the game that you don't notice Jenna creeping into your room, a plate of cookies in hand.
@amburntfreemansgf BE SO FUCKING FOR REAL
@n6huh JENNA?????&1'
@t8lyer_44 I KNEW THEY WERE TOGETHER
@AlexVsJay Y/N has now becomepublic enemy #1
She sets the plate down on your desk, causing a wave of delicious aroma to fill the air. The smell wafts towards you, distracting you momentarily from the chaos happening on the screen.
You jump when you turn your head and see Jenna standing there, a smile on her face. Your eyes widen as you shut off your camera. "I'm live!" You say, forgetting that your stream can hear you. Jenna's eyes widen.
You two have been dating for quite a while, but you didn't tell anyone about your relationship.
"Do you think they saw me?" Jenna asks, her voice filled with concern. You shake your head before shrugging, "I don't know, baby. Shit, this is my fault. I should've told you I was live."
A donation rings through, catching both of your attention. You glance at the screen to see a message from a viewer, "Uhhh...the mic is on. Anyways, hi Jenna!" Jenna's face flushes with embarrassment as she realizes that your viewers heard everything.
Your jaw drops, and you decide to turn the camera back on again since it seems like the damage has already been done. You take a deep breath and address the viewers, "Well, I guess there's no hiding it now. Yes, Jenna and I are dating."
Jenna looks at you nervously, unsure of how the viewers will react. You continue, "We wanted to keep it private for a while, but that was kind of difficult." Jenna sits on your lap, waving at the camera. "Hi, everyone." You chuckle nervously, trying to ease the tension.
"We hope you all understand why we wanted to keep it quiet," you add, trying to reassure both Jenna and the audience. "But we also didn't want to hide something that makes us so happy." The viewers' reactions start pouring in, a mix of surprise, support, and curiosity.
Curiosity also makes its way to your and your girlfriend's faces as your Sims start to Woo-hoo in the hot tub. "Is...that us?" Jenna asks, her eyes widening with a smirk playing on her lips. You cover your face with your hands.
"Ain't no way, bruh." You mumble to yourself.
Another donation rings out, "DON'T ACT LIKE YALL WASN'T DOING THAT SAME STUFF LAST NIGHT. WE SEEN THE HICKEY!"
"AIN'T NO WAY!" You shout dramatically, causing Jenna to burst out laughing, covering her mouth with her hand to muffle the sound.
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facingthenorthwind · 8 months
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AO3 tag capitalisation and why you can't change it
Have you ever tagged your fic in all Title Case and then discovered one of your tags has become all lowercase when you hit save? Or had it become title case when you tried to type it in lowercase? Does this offend your aesthetic sensibilities?
If you said yes to any of these questions, I would like to offer my deepest condolences. I, too, have had this problem. Unfortunately, you can't fix it (except in one very specific situation).
The first time a tag is used determines its capitalisation (unless it becomes a canonical). For example, I'm sure not everyone who tagged kylux au intended for it to be all lowercase, but the first user who tagged it capitalised it that way, and so it remains. This is because the wrangulator (the part of the AO3 backend that handles tags; yes this is what we officially call it) treats different capitalisations of a tag as the same tag, and isn't capable of having it display differently in different fics.
There are two situations where capitalisation can change: firstly, it could become the exact phrasing of a canonical tag. This is what it's called when a tag becomes filterable and multiple tags that mean the same thing (called syns) get connected together and all redirect to the canonical. For more info, you can read this post I wrote! All canonical tags get changed to title case when they're made canonical, because the tag edit page that wranglers can see enables wranglers to change the capitalisation of a tag (it also allows us to change the diacritics, but not anything else). If your tag is a synonym of that canonical, its capitalisation does not get changed, only if you've used the exact phrasing that later becomes canonical (for how to tell what kind of tag something is, please see the post I linked earlier). For example, if I was the first user of the tag "obi-wan on tatooine" and typed it all lowercase, it will remain lowercase even when the tag wrangler syns it to the canonical "Obi-Wan Kenobi on Tatooine". But if I was the first use of "obi-wan kenobi on tatooine" and typed it all lowercase, when it's canonised it will change appearance on my work to be in title case. Tag wranglers will never change the capitalisation of your tag in any other situation.
Secondly, if you are the only use on an unfilterable tag (which means it has not been synned anywhere), it is technically possible to change the capitalisation if you decide that you want to change how it looks later. In order to do so, delete the tag from your work. Then wait approximately 24 hours (give it a few more for leeway) and tag your work again. You should be able to now tag it with different capitalisation. The reason you have to wait 24-ish hours is because of a part of the wrangulator called the rake. The rake deletes any unfilterable tag that has zero uses (except if it's used in a tagset) approximately 24 hours after it's made. Notably, any tag that has been synned to a canonical does not get raked. If you want to check if your zero-use tag has been deleted yet, you can search for its exact text in tag search. If it still exists, it will be a search result and show (0) after it. If it's been deleted, it won't show up at all. It's important to note that just because an unfilterable tag shows up in tag search with (0) after it, that doesn't mean it will be raked in the future! These are usually tags in a tagset, which don't disappear. A tagset (example) is used by people running challenges for participants to have a pool of tags to choose from. There is no way to determine whether a tag is in a tagset, not even as a wrangler! You just have to assume it's the case if it never disappears. And remember, if anyone else has used the tag you're trying to change, it won't work!
So in conclusion: sorry about the tag that is the wrong capitalisation. You almost certainly can't fix it.
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runningfrom2am · 5 months
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cold nights // part nine
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summary: may the odds be ever in your favour.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 3.6k
masterlists / nav / requests
tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, r is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.
a/n: this is the teaaaa guys,, also should i post the playlist tn?? i feel like its almost ready 0.0
series masterlist // playlist
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"You should go home. You can't save her by just hoping she comes out of her little tunnels again..." Coryo turns his head at the Dean's voice on his left. "She could be dead in there. You wouldn't know."
Your friend sighs, rolling his eyes and redirecting them to the screen ahead. Just in case.
"What are you reading?" He points to the open book on Coryo's desk in front of him as the boy quickly closes it, pulling it down onto his lap.
"Just a book." He mumbles.
The Dean gets closer, leaning over to read the cover as Coryo flips it over. "Just a book?" He probes it more, raising an eyebrow at him. "The very same one your poet was reading in all the live feeds of the zoo over the last few days. That's sweet."
"It's interesting. That's all. She asked for it, I wanted to know why." Coryo brushes it off, holding the paper tighter in his grip.
"What do you want from that girl?" He asks, leaning against the empty desk next to him.
"Nothing." Coryo insists. "I want her to live."
Dean Highbottom hums, giving a slight nod. "And the Plinth Prize would be a happy coincidence, I suppose."
Coriolanus smiles bitterly, thinking over what his best response would be. "I believe I'd be entitled to it."
"Of course you do." The Dean nods, flashing him a fake smile of encouragement. "Of course you do. The prize, the girl. Hm. How convenient you don't have to choose between them."
Coryo tucks the book under his leg at the statement, choosing not to grace his superior with any kind of response.
"Who do you think makes that final decision for the prize you so covet, Mister Snow? Wake up. Even if she somehow wins it all, I will do everything in my power to ensure that you don't see a dime." Dean Highbottom spits, looking up at the screen as well as Coryo slowly looks over at him. "So, ask yourself, how much do you care if she wins now?"
Coryo listens to the man's footsteps as he walks away, pretending to focus on the screen again. If he truly had no shot at the prize, would it be best for him to go home now and sleep like many of his classmates already had? Should he even bother to watch the cameras hoping that you'll reappear in the dark arena at some point tonight? Should he even come back? Of course he would. He couldn't live with the idea of you coming out, in desperate need of something only he could give you, food or water, and knowing that at some point you would realize he had lied to you. That he wasn't with you anymore. He would have to watch your heartbreak in holiday reruns for the rest of his life. Even if you died in that arena all alone, would you realize that he didn't care about you at the end? He couldn't take the idea of it.
As he returns to the book that he's pulled back onto his lap, he hopes you still remember.
It's another slow hour before you show your face again, slowly, carefully opening the vent across the arena as the motion cameras pick up on it, allowing Coryo to watch the closest one to you. It's a moment before he looks up, entranced in your book when he sees the movement in his peripheral vision. He was the only one there, now, and he knew it likely wasn't you that the cameras picked up so it took him a moment to even tear his eyes away from the desk, slotting the dried-up flower between the pages. When he does see it's you, he sits up quickly. Watching, waiting for the other shoe to drop. But it didn't come, there was no one else. It's just you.
Your eyes scan the arena in search of the nearest camera after seeing that there are no other tributes out in the clearing besides Lamina, where you left her on the beam. You crawl out, leaving the vent open behind you for a quick retreat. You find the camera, looking into it. You were covered in dirt head to toe, but even through that Coryo could see it when you tried to communicate with your gaze. With him.
You give a small wave to the camera, eyes flitting up with the sound of birds in the crumbled rafters above you.
He wasn't sure what you wanted, but he was grateful you listened. Tapping through his communicuff, he quickly finds water and hits send. Hopefully, it makes it to you instead of breaking like Lamina's did.
You stand up in front of the vent, stretching out your limbs from being curled up and crawling around in the vent system for so long. You wanted to explore as much of it as you could, but it was hot in there, and you desperately needed water so you could clear out the dust in your throat.
A smile falls onto your face briefly as you see the drone come in, carrying your water bottle. Coryo. He is watching. You hold your hand out, prepared to try and catch it before it crashes loudly into the stands just behind you. From watching what happened with Lamina's, you know you have to be careful. The blades aren't well covered, and they come flying in fast. Straight toward you. When it gets too close you bail, ducking down as the fast-moving drone flies straight past you and into the vent. You cringe at the loud banging that follows, echoing throughout the arena due to your beloved vent system. You stay hidden for a moment, making sure no one is coming after you before standing up and looking around. Satisfied that no one was coming besides Lamina who just stirred on her beam, you held your finger up toward the camera, signaling for Coryo to wait as you crawled back in.
He chews on the inside of his cheek as he waits, relieved when you emerge a minute or so later with an unbroken bottle in your hand as you kneel on the ground in front of the opening. You hold it up, shooting the camera a small smile before opening it and taking a sip. Or, you intended to, but you were so thirsty you downed almost the whole thing in one go.
You wipe your chin, take a deep breath, and close your eyes. It felt so good. Coryo is watching you intently. You don't look cold, which is good. Maybe even a little sweaty, if the hair that's clinging to your forehead is proof of that. You're probably hungry. And with that, he's sending you an apple. If you weren't hungry, it wasn't a lot to eat, but if you were, he would be able to tell by how you ate it.
You hear the distant whir of another drone, quickly standing up and stepping away from the vent. You want to avoid that loud echoing as much as you can. You brace yourself and duck beneath the seat in front of you, hiding behind the railing so it wouldn't hit you.
It crashes into the front of the stands, and you can hear it falling down onto the floor. You stand up slowly, looking over the edge. You were so hungry, now that you saw the apple there, that you hopped down over the side and walked along the edge of the railing before sliding down where it was safest. You watch your steps as you make your way over to the broken drone and the battered apple that was attached to it.
You scan the ground, looking for that delicious flash of red which you pick out quickly. You pick it up and wipe it off on your dress, taking a bite before you're even fully stood up again. You could moan just at the taste of it. You had missed fruit so much- occasionally Coryo and Sejanus had brought you some in the zoo, but now it was something else entirely. Every bite could be your last, and you try to enjoy it as best you can.
You track the arena again from the floor, looking around again for the nearest camera. You turn when you see it's pretty much directly above your head. You wave again, giving Coryo a grateful smile, weakened by the stress of the day's events, and by your inevitable death. Nevertheless, you tried to keep on a brave face; you didn't want him to view you as careless or ungrateful. "Thank you." You say, unsure if there is even a microphone.
You tilt your head at the camera, confusing him as you squint. "Can you hear me?" You ask and he nods, alone in the large room.
"I can hear you." He whispers back to the open air, watching as you swiftly turn around, facing away from the camera.
"If you can hear me, send..." You think about it. What is something they would definitely have available but obscure enough that you would know he heard you? "Send in something odd. Something you're surprised is even an option."
He flicks through the pages and pages of options, unsure what to pick. Bread was too basic, no apples, water, no. Milk? That's weird, and gross. It's perfect. He hits send and watches as you eat your apple, looking up at the opening at the top waiting for something else to come.
You smile as you see it coming in, looking back at the camera briefly before bracing yourself to dodge the flying gift. You wait until the last second, jumping out of the way as it smashes into the wall behind you, the bottle shattering and spraying the surface in milk. Coryo cringes just at the sight of it as you turn and look.
You scrunch up your nose and get closer, running your finger through the dripping liquid to try and identify it. "Milk?" You ask, looking up at the camera.
He smiles to match yours as it grows on your face and you start to laugh quietly. "That is odd, indeed." You giggle, shaking your head. "Well, thank you, dear Coryo. At least I shall have someone to talk to." You take another bite out of the apple in your hand.
"I hope you had a good day." You hum, covering your mouth as you chew. "But you should be getting home soon. I think it is late."
It's so you to be so caring, even finding yourself within the games you're still worried about him. He smiles to himself, shaking his head. He continues to click through the communicuff in the silence that follows, just to get a better idea of all your options, when he finds something better.
Finally, the keyboard makes sense. He quickly types the note out to you and hits send. It's pricey to send a note, putting a dent in your donations, but you had so many it wasn't really a concern at this point. After all, he was your mentor. It only made sense that he would kind of be able to communicate with you.
You perk your head up at the sound of another drone, ready to play this game again. You dodge it more smoothly this time, with a spin that puts a smile on your mentor's face before picking up the small container clipped on the bottom of the drone and prying it open.
You smile when you see it's just a piece of paper. "I'm not leaving. -C"  You read, looking up at the camera.
"Well then," You grin. "Let's talk! It is not day."
He remembers that one. You've said that one to him before- you said it was Romeo and Juliet. He's actually sure he just read it. If the book belonged to him, he would be highlighting and annotating every line you have recited to him over the last couple weeks just like he does in his textbooks.
"That's Romeo and Juliet, if you remember." You remind him, assuming that he wouldn't know it yet. Even if he had started reading it, which he shouldn't have considering you know he's been busy, it was unlikely he'd get that far in under a day. You didn't know that he was inhaling every word on the page in the moments you were off-screen, devouring every blank verse as if it were sacred. To you, and now to him, it almost was. 
You look around as you chew on your apple, stopping when you look at Marcus again. You sigh, sadly, seeing the birds now crowding his body as you quickly begin to make your way over. Lamina sits up as you approach, looking over the edge of the beam. "Just me." You whisper, reassuring her before you shoo the birds away as she lays back down.
You crouch down next to the boy, gently rolling him onto his back. You hadn't the chance earlier, too rushed by the daylight to get back into hiding, but now was as good a time as any. You gently cross his arms over his chest and close his eyes.
You sit back, carefully adjusting his clothes before getting up, as satisfied as you could be with the makeshift burial.
You take a few steps back, retreating quietly to the edge of the arena to get back to your vent. You climb up into the stands just as you hear another drone coming, quickly climbing the stairs so it doesn't fall back down into the ring. You grab it when it's settled, smiling to yourself when you see it's another note.
"No cameras in the vents. Only come out if you need anything. -C"
"Thank you, Coryo." You whisper, looking up at the camera and nodding before retreating inside, closing the fan quietly behind you.
You curl up just past the entrance to the vent, hoping to get some sleep near the fresh air. The exhaustion kicks in quickly after you eat the entire core of the apple, knocking you out in the darkness of the tunnel.
When you wake, it's still dark. You sit up quickly, realizing where you are. Rubbing your eyes, you look out of the vent to see the source of the sound that woke you. You quickly spot a figure kneeling over Marcus's body, blinking to try and see who it is through the sleep still in your eyes.
You should stay hidden, you know that, but from behind at least, it doesn't look like another tribute.
"Sejanus?" You whisper, the vast space carrying your voice to his ears and he quickly turns. You were lucky it was him, but you were able to make a quick escape if it turned out to be someone else. "Sejanus, it's just me." You continue, and as you ease yourself down the debris piled up against the wall he just turns back to Marcus.
You take careful, nearly silent steps as you walk up behind him. "Sejanus?" You say again, placing a hand on his shoulder.
He shakes his head slightly, looking up at you. Tears filled his eyes and stained his cheeks, and you very quickly felt the tears building up in your own eyes as well. "Oh..." You quickly kneel down next to him, pulling him into a hug which he gratefully accepts. "Oh, Sejanus I'm so sorry... I wanted to save him, I did..." You choke on every word as you apologize.
"It's not fair." He sniffs, shaking his head gently under your grip as you soothingly rub the back of his head.
"I know... He didn't deserve that." You agree, ignoring the tears dripping down to your jaw and tickling your skin. "But I want you to know I told him how loved he is, and how sorry we all are. He knew. In his final moments, he knew..."
He tenses under your hold. "It... it was you?" He mutters, pulling away.
"No! No, I-" You quickly defend yourself, head shaking as your arms drop from around him and he looks over at you, understated anger beginning to shine through. "Sejanus, I didn't..."
Any trust he had in you was seemingly gone at that moment. You were worried you flipped a switch you couldn't unturn, that any relationship you had built with the boy had died and been replaced with the thought that maybe you were no better than the game makers themselves. Marcus was defenseless, and it felt like Sejanus thought you took advantage of that.
Your thought process proved to be correct. "He was defenseless! Innocent!" You could tell he would shout if you weren't both so worried about staying quiet. His anger quickly reverted back to hurt. "How could you?"
"I promise, it's not what it sounds like-" You try to correct him, to get him to forgive you as your chest constricts around your lungs. One of the two friends you made in your final days; gone. Just like that.
"Hey!" Another voice startles the both of you, already just a few feet away. You didn't realize how vulnerable you were while you were fighting to prove yourself. You scramble to get up, standing just in front of Sejanus as he knelt on the ground, making no attempts to move. "Y/N. Get out of here." Coryo instructs you, still in his academy uniform.
"Coryo, I-"
"Go hide. Now. It's not safe for you out here." He insists, eyes cold and serious.
"No, not until-"
"I said go. I can't be talking to you, we'll both be punished. Go."
God, he wanted to talk to you. He wanted to do more than talk to you. He wanted to hug you for the first time unimpeded, to grab your hand and pull you outside to where you would be safe, but he knew that neither was an option. You're safer in the vent than you would be in the hands of Dr. Gaul after he was seen talking to you, that's for sure.
He has to bite his tongue to keep from asking you to stay while you scurry off to do as he said and climb back into the vent, his mother's scarf still tied securely around your waist. He hated that this could possibly be the last time you saw him, but he had no choice.
"Sejanus, let's go." He whispers to his friend, once he is satisfied that you are really going.
"She killed him..." He mumbles in response.
"She didn't kill him." Coryo quickly corrects him.
"She said-"
"He begged for their help, and she held his hand while she," He points up the beam where a now sleeping Lamina lay quietly, "did it. Now let's get out of here."
He urges him on and Sejanus looks up at him. "He asked them to." Coryo hisses to iterate his point. "Y/N couldn't do it even then."
Sejanus looks up to the vent just as the door creaks closed behind you. "I just wanted to help..." He says softly, eyes watering.
"If you want to help, the best thing you can do is come with me."
"No, I had to be where the cameras are, I need to show them-"
"Do you think anyone is watching this?" Coryo asks as his friend finally stands up. He was making progress, but slowly. This needed to move faster. "Gaul cut the feed. Come with me now, or-"
"But you said-"
"You can't help them if you die in here and become another body in Gaul's war." Coryo cuts him off. There was very little time for arguments, and that timer was rapidly ticking down. "Go home, spend your father's money, do some real good. And don't blame her. She's just as innocent as Marcus was and you know that. Who do you think shut his eyes? Posed him like that? She sobbed for an entire hour after holding his hand while he died!"
Sejanus is speechless, staring down at his tribute's body.
"I watched it all! She's alone in here. She has no one!" He whispers in his ear. "We are all she has. Me and you on the outside, and if you want to help that girl and all the tributes after her, we have to go right now or neither of us will see the light of day again and she will starve and die truly alone. Please, Sejanus. You're her friend... My friend. Come with me."
Sejanus looks at him, the two boys just inches apart as he nods with a resigning sigh. "Okay." He whispers.
Coryo sighs in relief. "Thank you, come-" He starts to turn back when they both are scared by the sound of footsteps sprinting toward them. "Come on!" He shouts, grabbing his classmate's sleeve and dragging him behind as they make for the red lighting of the exit.
You watch from the slits in the fan, hands perched on the blade as you lean against it to get a better view. Your heart is racing as you watch Coryo and Sejanus book it for the exit. God, you hope they make it.
They almost do.
Until Sejanus trips over the turnstile you know and hate, crying out in pain upon hitting the ground. Immediately, you're pushing the door open loudly and running along the railing, hoping to get closer to the exit without running the risk of cutting through the middle of the arena. "Coryo! Run!" You yell helplessly, careless of whether or not you'll be heard or seen by others. All you wanted was to create a distraction. To save him.
But he doesn't run, even as you see him stumble back in the red lighting of the tunnel, hissing when Bobbin's blade strikes him somewhere. "Coryo!" You cry out again, more out of fear. Was it serious? Was he already in the process of bleeding out?
You quickly hop the railing abandoning your safety, sliding down the concrete and stumbling upon hitting the ground. "I don't want to hurt you!" You hear his voice again as you run into full view of the tunnel, still about twenty feet away.
Just in time to see Bobbin fall back between the metal gate, landing a good ways away.
"Enjoy the show!"
You flinch when your friend steps out after him, chest rising and falling heavily as he stares down at the boy's body. Silent, unmoving, dead.
Then he brings the club down on him again.
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spacebarbarianweird · 7 months
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How about a fic of Astarion not liking his bite mark touched but then Tav does it. 💕
Here we go! Hope you will enjoy it!
The Marks on Our Skin
The bite mark is the only place on Astarion's body Tav doesn't touch. Until now.
Tags: fluff, comfort, f!Tav, established relationship, post-game
Read on AO3
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Headcanons
Astarion finds solace in the late evening hours when the sky still holds a warm glow, but the sun is almost gone down. It's neither day nor night, a perfect in-between that he eagerly anticipates.
Emerging from his tent, he sprawls out on the grass with a book in hand, watching as the sky slowly darkens, revealing the sparkling tapestry of stars above.
Astarion props a bag beneath his head, and the fingers trace the cover of the book, its surface still bearing the faint marks of dried blood. A soft smile tugs at his lips as he recognizes Tav's scent.
Astarion opens the book and makes a mental note to convince Tav to learn how to read. He sets the book aside and chooses another, its pages also marred by blood, though not Tav's this time. The text is written in the archaic elven dialect, a challenging puzzle that demands his full concentration. Yet, as he delves into the words, the text starts sounding familiar. As if he already read it, many years ago, when his eyes weren't red and sun didn't burn.
Unwanted memories and thoughts creep into his mind, stubborn as vermin, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't divert his focus.
"How's my favorite man doing?" a loud voice yanks him away from the abyss he had started to slip into.
Tav.
She walks unsteadily, like someone who's had enough to drink, not to think clearly but can still stand on two feet.
"I thought you went to search for quests, not for a drink," he says without any hint of accusation. Tav collapses beside him, and he catches a whiff of ale.
"Are you drunk?"
"No. Well, maybe a little." She giggles and nuzzles into his collarbone. "What's four mugs of ale for a warrior like me?"
He chuckles. "Considering your body type, it's quite a lot."
Tav focuses, attempting to devise something clever to say, but gives up. She presses her body closer to him, and Astarion can feel her heart beating.
"It's very inconsiderate of you to get drunk without me," he teases, studying her face. A soft smile graces his lips as he cannot tear his gaze away from her.
"You can drink my blood, and then we can get drunk together," she playfully suggests.
"I'm not going to feed on you until you get sober," he plants as tender kiss on her forehead.
"Alright, alright, next time, I won't go alone," she concedes. "What if someone wants to harm me or hit on me? You'll need to show them to who I belong to."
He chuckles, reminiscing about the first few months of their journey when he cringed at her casual remarks about belonging to him.
"No, you're not mine," he would protest. "You're not my possession, not my spawn, not my … anything. You're an independent person. Please don't say things like that."
Over time, he understood that Tav's words aren't meant to diminish her self-worth. It is simply an innocent joke between two genuinely free individuals in love. It is her way of reassuring him that she isn't going anywhere, even when Astarion questions his own value in her eyes.
As Tav tilts her chin upward, a subtle flinch passes through him, a reminder of the bite mark they have agreed not to touch.
"I like your bite mark," she drunkenly admits.
He pulls away, and her head falls onto the grass. "Tav, what in the sweet hells are you talking about?"
"I love your bite mark," she repeats. "It proves how strong you are. Did you notice it's not just fangs? It's also incisors. The bastard was so hungry and desperate for prey that he almost gnawed a part of your neck. It shows how strong you are that despite all the horrors and pain, you never gave up."
Tav yawns, her eyes half-closed. Astarion is sure it wasn't just four mugs of ale. She probably remembers drinking only four. The rest is the mystery.
His fingers tenderly brush against her cheek as he asks, "Do you truly mean all that?"
Tav's eyes meet his, her response unwavering. "I do."
He rises to his feet, carefully lifting Tav into his arms, and carries her into the tent. He lays her gently on the bedroll. It seems like they aren't going anywhere this night. Anyway, he has some books to finish reading,
Astarion lovingly tucks Tav beneath her blanket, ensuring she is shielded from the chill of the night.
"Little Star"
"Hm?"
"Can I touch your bite mark?"
He hesitates. It is the only part of his body Tav hasn't touched yet.
"Yes."
He doesn't understand why he agrees. But it's already too late to take away the permit.
Sitting up, a silly smile plays on her lips as she wraps her hands around his neck. With an unexpected boldness, she presses her lips against the scar on his neck. He can feel the touch of her tongue, the graze of her own incisors against his skin, almost as if she is trying to drink his blood.
As Tav releases him, she nestles on her bedroll and dozes off peacefully.
Astarion remains in the tent, keeping a watchful eye over Tav. When hunger gets too strong to bear, he ventures into the woods to hunt.
When he returns before the sun rise, his hunger satiated, and his strength renewen, Tav is still asleep.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Tav exclaims when she realizes it is already afternoon. "Now we'll have to wait the whole day before hitting the road again."
"That's alright, darling. I hope you had fun yesterday. I don't remember ever seeing you so wasted."
"I remember fighting someone who said she'd kill every vampire she came across."
"Did you win?"
"I'm sorry! I should be offended by the mere suggestion that I could lose in a tavern brawl!" She crawls closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder, her tone turning more serious. "Did I hurt you yesterday?"
"No," he assures.
"Really? I mean, do you say it because you mean it, not just to spare my feelings? It would make me sick if I crossed your boundaries and made you feel… bad."
"Everything is alright. I mean it."
"Can I do this again?"
He nods. Tav kisses his bite mark. Again and again, and he completely melts in her hands.
Astarion marvels at the simple ministration and how it brings him such bliss. He has little faith in gods or divine rewards, knowing nothing could compensate for what happened to him. And yet…
There is Tav. Tav, for whom he wants to be a better version of himself. Tav who caresses his scars and makes the pain fade. Tav, whose blood is, in a way, divine.
Tav eventually pulls away and invites him to lay his head on her lap. "Will you read to me?" she asks.
"The book with bloody fingertips?" he inquires.
"Yep. What's this book about?"
"It's a collection of fairytales for elven children."
Tav's eyes glisten. "Exactly what I need with my hangover."
Astarion opens the book and begins reading. Tav starts massaging his scalp and occasionally lightly touches the bite mark. Sometimes, when he pauses and looks up, he finds Tav's eyes focused on his face.
Those are simple stories. About heroes, magic, dragons, monsters. Naïve. Stupid. Childish. But Tav likes them. In the same way, she likes a good fight, ale, and nights of passion.
Moreover, he can't help but think Tav is similar to these fairytale heroes. She is the hero who protects him, who makes him better. Who gives him all the hope he needs to survive the day.
And he will do anything to make her happy and safe.
"Tav," he whispers.
"Yes, my heart?" she replies.
"I love you."
Tav kisses his forehead "Well, I will never grow tired of hearing that from you."
---
Tag list
@tragedybunny @caitlincat-95 @tallymonster @astarionsbeloved @lumienyx @fayeriess @aoirohi
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nostalgebraist · 1 year
Text
@oakfern replied to your post “it's going to be fun to watch the realization...”:
i feel like this is going to play out very similarly to voice assistants. there was a huge boom in ASR research, the products got a lot of hype, and they actually sold decently (at least alexa did). but 10 years on, they've been a massive failure, costing way more than they ever made back. even if ppl do think chatbot search engines are exciting and cool, it's not going to bring in more users or sell more products, and in the end it will just be a financial loss
​(Responding to this a week late)
I don't know much about the history of voice assistants. Are there any articles you recommend on the topic? Sounds interesting.
ETA: Iater, I found and read this article from Nov 2022, which reports that Alexa and co. still can't turn a profit after many years of trying.
But anyway, yeah... this is why I don't have a strong sense of how widespread/popular these "generative AI" products will be a year or two from now. Or even five years from now.
(Ten years from now? Maybe we can trust the verdict will be in at that point... but the tech landscape of 2033 is going to be so different from ours that the question "did 'generative AI' take off or not?" will no doubt sound quaint and irrelevant.)
Remember when self-driving cars were supposed to be right around the corner? Lots of people took this imminent self-driving future seriously.
And I looked at it, and thought "I don't get it, this problem seems way harder than people are giving it credit for. And these companies show no signs of having discovered some clever proprietary way forward." If people asked me about it, that's what I would say.
But even if I was sure that self-driving cars wouldn't arrive on schedule, that didn't give me much insight into the fate of "self-driving cars," the tech sector meme. It wasn't like there was some specific deadline, and when we crossed it everyone was going to look up and say "oh, I guess that didn't work, time to stop investing."
The influx of capital -- and everything downstream from it, the trusting news stories, the prominence of the "self-driving car future" in the public mind, the seriousness which it was talked about -- these things went on, heedless of anything except their own mysterious internal logic.
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They went on until . . . what? The pandemic, probably? I actually still don't know.
Something definitely happened:
In 2018 analysts put the market value of Waymo LLC, then a subsidiary of Alphabet Inc., at $175 billion. Its most recent funding round gave the company an estimated valuation of $30 billion, roughly the same as Cruise. Aurora Innovation Inc., a startup co-founded by Chris Urmson, Google’s former autonomous-vehicle chief, has lost more than 85% since last year [i.e. 2021] and is now worth less than $3 billion. This September a leaked memo from Urmson summed up Aurora’s cash-flow struggles and suggested it might have to sell out to a larger company. Many of the industry’s most promising efforts have met the same fate in recent years, including Drive.ai, Voyage, Zoox, and Uber’s self-driving division. “Long term, I think we will have autonomous vehicles that you and I can buy,” says Mike Ramsey, an analyst at market researcher Gartner Inc. “But we’re going to be old.”
Whatever killed the "self-driving car" meme, though, it wasn't some newly definitive article of proof that the underlying ideas were flawed. The ideas never made sense in the first place. The phenomenon was not really about the ideas making sense.
Some investors -- with enough capital, between them, to exert noticable distortionary effects on entire business sectors -- decided that "self-driving cars" were, like, A Thing now. And so they were, for a number of years. Huge numbers of people worked very hard trying to make "self-driving cars" into a viable product. They were paid very well to do. Talent was diverted away from other projects, en masse, into this effort. This went on as long as the investors felt like sustaining it, and they were in no danger of running out of money.
Often the "tech sector" feels less like a product of free-market incentives than it does like a massive, weird, and opaque public works product, orchestrated by eccentrics like Masayoshi Son, and ultimately organized according to the aesthetic proclivities and changing moods of its architects, not for the purpose of "doing business" in the conventional sense.
Gig economy delivery apps (Uber Eats, Doordash, etc.) have been ubiquitous for years, and have reported huge losses in every one of those years.
This entertaining post from 2020 about "pizza arbitrage" asks:
Which brings us to the question - what is the point of all this? These platforms are all losing money. Just think of all the meetings and lines of code and phone calls to make all of these nefarious things happen which just continue to bleed money. Why go through all this trouble?
Grubhub just lost $33 million on $360 million of revenue in Q1.
Doordash reportedly lost an insane $450 million off $900 million in revenue in 2019 (which does make me wonder if my dream of a decentralized network of pizza arbitrageurs does exist).
Uber Eats is Uber's "most profitable division” 😂😂. Uber Eats lost $461 million in Q4 2019 off of revenue of $734 million. Sometimes I need to write this out to remind myself. Uber Eats spent $1.2 billion to make $734 million. In one quarter.
And now, in February 2023?
DoorDash's total orders grew 27% to 467 million in the fourth quarter. That beat Wall Street’s forecast of 459 million, according to analysts polled by FactSet. Fourth quarter revenue jumped 40% to $1.82 billion, also ahead of analysts’ forecast of $1.77 billion.
But profits remain elusive for the 10-year-old company. DoorDash said its net loss widened to $640 million, or $1.65 per share, in the fourth quarter as it expanded into new categories and integrated Wolt into its operations.
Do their investors really believe these companies are going somewhere, and just taking their time to get there? Or is this more like a subsidy? The lost money (a predictable loss in the long term) merely the price paid for a desired good -- for an intoxicating exercise of godlike power, for the chance to reshape reality to one's whims on a large scale -- collapsing the usual boundary between self and outside, dream and reality? "The gig economy is A Thing, now," you say, and wave your hand -- and so it is.
Some people would pay a lot of money to be a god, I would think.
Anyway, "generative AI" is A Thing now. It wasn't A Thing a year ago, but now it is. How long will it remain one? The best I can say is: as long as the gods are feeling it.
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dead-slander · 3 months
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A night to remember
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Little authors note: This is my first fanfiction I've wrote in years. Hope people enjoy this fanfiction as I might be a bit rusty haha. smut was always my strong suit as I'm a little perv so I figured my first post should be that :0
Summary: The group has just gotten to the prison, it's the first time anyone has felt safe in a long time. You and Daryl have been getting closer and closer. You end up sharing his tent and you both find out how much you enjoy each other's company.
Includes: dirty talk, fingering, oral, wet dream, unprotected sex and Daryl being a sexy ass mf
Word count: 2065
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It's been a while since the walkers had appeared. Your group have been trying to find somewhere to stay for months now. Luckily the group you're with has been stable throughout this time till you all found the prison.
During the time you had been going out and hunting with Daryl to help out the group as much as you could. He was shut off from the group for so long but due to Sophia on the farm. Carol had looking after him and making sure he was ok during the time. As you were around Carol a lot you were able to make a bond with Daryl.
Daryl ended up teaching you lots of different ways to hunt animals. How to survive out in the open. You would spend days together in the woods searching for food. You and Daryl were a dream pair, able to get a lot of resources and even laugh about the small things. Your glad you have been able to get to know him.
during the time you've spent together you started to adapt feeling for him. Daryl is very closed off to most people, but you have been able to see that he's a very sensitive individual. He cares a lot about the people around him, he just prefers to not show it.
Now you're in the prisons field around a large fire making whatever food you have been able to hunt down. Everyone is talking about how the prison is amazing. it's safe and secure its the walkers inside that will be an issue.
You look over towards Daryl eating his food like an animal. most people would find it unattractive, but the animalistic nature is just so luring, you can't help but stare. The way his arms flex every time he goes for a bite. How the fire makes them glow and you can see every muscle in his strong arms move.
While you're in your own head staring at his arms, he looks up at you. His eyes are piercing into yours as if he knows what you've been thinking. You quickly look away and try make it look like you were looking around the area. You saw a slight smirk appear on his face as you look away.
Suddenly your awkward thoughts are interrupted by ricks voice. "I say we sleep as soon as were all done. we should try clear out the walkers there and get inside the prison. It will be much warmer and safer then here" Everyone agrees and starts finishing up.
You and Daryl have slept side by side for a while now. When going out on runs it would be easier bringing minimal things so you could take back more. It's just become a habit sleeping next to one another even if it's separate sleeping bags. You both head to the tent and get settled down.
"You been staring at me a lot the last few days, is there something I've done for this to happen?" Daryle questions as your about to get in the sleeping bag. Without hesitation you replied, "you're starting to smell, I don't want to be in the same tent with no ventilation." You practically kicked yourself when you said that, why can't you just admit to him you like him. "I don't think that's the reason (Y/N), no need to lie to me." He said smirking and he got into his sleeping bag right next to you. "Whatever, no point in arguing with you." Daryle shrugged it off and started to go to sleep.
After a few mineuts of uncomfteble shifting you finally fell asleep.
You were in a house. You had food on the stove and had music playing on a radio nearby. The sun was shining through the window of the kitchen, everything was nicely painted. Suddenly you hear a knock at the door and hear "I'm back from work" As you turn towards the kitchen entrance. Daryl walks through the door holding a bag.
"I didn't realize you were going to cook today I bought dinner." He said as he lifted the bag up slightly. You smiled at him, "it's fine we can always have a mix of both and save the leftovers." Daryl placed the bag down on the floor and placed his hands on your hips. "You look really good in that apron (Y/N)" He paused for a second and looked you up and down. "Would look better with nothing on underneath though."
He then went down to kiss you and you gladly accepted. You placed your hands behind his neck to deepen the kiss. He then breaks the kiss and grabs your legs to hoist you on the counter. "What's gotten you so worked up today?" You smirk at the expression on his face. His eyes were blown out and desperate. "I've just missed you, working on the bikes is great, but not having you there is a struggle. Then I walk in an see you in this. How else am I meant to react?"
You giggled and pulled him into another kiss. He slowly started to kiss your neck leaving small love bites on your collarbones. His hands gripped your trousers and pulled them down in one swift motion. Daryl then pulled your panties off and crouched down. Daryl had his face level to you pussy. "You've always been so good to me; I need to show you how much I appreciate you." he dove his face between your legs and started giving small kitten licks to your cunt.
Your fingers wove into his hair and started grabbing it so he would go harder. Daryal started giving long licks up and down your cunt avoiding the one place you wanted it. "Daryl please stop teasing me, I really need it!" You whined hoping he would do more. "Are you that desperate, doesn't sound like you want me to do any more than this. "Daryl, I swear to god, please don't stop. Keep going please."
After that he stated to suck on your clit, you let out a loud moan and he started to lick your clit faster than before. He put his fingers inside your cunt and moved them with a natural skill. A coil in your stomach started to tighten as you were getting close. "Come on sweet pea, cum for me" Just as you were about to reach your high you woke up.
You were covered in sweat and saw Daryl looking at you with a smirk on his face. "Well, I didn't realize you liked me that much sunshine." You immediately covered you face in embarrassment, just as you were going to stand up Daryl grabbed your arm. "I don't exactly know what you were dreaming about, but we can make it a reality?" He questioned with lust filled eyes.
You accepted his offer; he pulled you in closer towards him and you could feel how hard he was. "You can say no if you don't want to" You nodded your head, "I want a verbal answer (Y/N)" you looked at his stupid smile "Please Daryl, I really want to."
He pulled you into a rough kiss and pushed his tongue into your mouth. You gladly accepted and thought for dominance. His hands started to travel to your shoulders and then down to your chest giving them a gentle squeeze. He was being super gentle you, as if he squeezed too hard you would break. You moaned into the kiss and he squeezed a bit harder. You grabbed onto his broad shoulders and his hands traveled down you waste and gave you ass a squeeze.
You hands made their way down to his crotch rubbing his clothed cock softly. His breath hitched and he grabbed you ass harder. You started to take off his trousers and rubbed him over his boxers. He started to remove your shirt and your bra straight after. He kissed from your jaw to your chest and started to suck your nipples. You moaned at the feeling of his teeth grazing over slowly.
You finally grabbed his cock and realized how hard he really was. He removed his mouth as you started rubbing his length harder and started panting into your chest. You squeezed him a bit and rubbed up and down his length. You slowly got up from your spot and made your way down his stomach. You left small kisses on his hip bones and grabbed onto his boxers and pulled them down. Your eyes widened at the size of him, you got slightly scared that it wouldn't fit.
You heard a small chuckle from him as you looked up at him. "Don't worry sunshine I'll make it fit nice and easy." He smirked down at your expression. Just for that you slowly started to lick up his length teasing him with your eyes as you do so. You slowly place him into your mouth and start slowly bobbing your head. Daryl grunts grips your hair to try get you to move faster. Your hands reached down to play with his balls. As you look up into his eyes you can see a sheen of sweat on his forehead, his hair is sticking to it. Daryl pulls your hair a bit harder to pull you off.
All of a sudden get you get flipped over onto your back. He starts to rub your clit with his cock. He slowly drags it down to the entrance and starts pushing it inside. There's slight sting and you can feel tears prick your eyes. Daryl bends down to kiss your cheek and pleasure starts to numb the pain. He continues to push inside of you until he's fully inside of you. Daryl looks into your eyes with slight desperation, asking you if he can move. You start rolling your hips from underneath telling him its ok to thrust.
He finally starts thrusting slowly into you. Your legs wrap around him, making him move faster. Sweat forms on both of your bodies due to the heat of the situation. The tent if filled with his grunting and panting. Daryl realizes he's making noise and puts his head in the crook of your neck to muffle any moans, his hand goes down to your clit and starts to rub it in circles quickly. You moan loud at the rough feeling of his hands against your sensitive clit. "Daryl I-I think I-I'm getting close."
"Finish on my cock bunny, you know you want to" The nickname caused butterflies to form in your stomach and the coil to become even tighter. Just as you feel the coil snap Daryl rapidly thrusts into you. He places a hand over your mouth in the hopes it will make you a bit quieter. Just as the overstimulation was becoming too much he pulls out and finishes on your stomach.
He collapsed into you and the both of you couldn't help but chuckle from exhaustion. After a minuet or two he got up and grabbed a small rag from his bag and started to wipe you down. Daryl went beside you and pulled you into his chest.
"Daryl?" You asked as you looked up at him with doe like eyes. He looked at you with a raised brow "Is everything alright sunshine?" He asked with slight worry in his eyes thinking you thought this was a mistake. "This isn't a onetime thing, is it?" You asked as your eyes went glossy. He pulled you into a tight embrace "No, I would like to stay like this, just us." He went silent and looked up. "Unless you want it to be a onetime thing."
You broke away from the embrace and looked at him "Daryl, I want to keep doing this. I want more then to have sex; I've liked you for a while. I've never been sure if you liked me the same way." You looked down embarrassed at your confession and he sat up. He grabbed you face and looked into your eyes, "I've liked you for a long time (Y/N)"
He gently pulled you into a soft kiss. After a bit you time you both pulled away and smiled. He laid down once again and pat his chest, inviting you to cuddle into him. With that you both slowly drifted off to sleep.
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blockgamepirate · 3 months
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(that post was so banger it finally made me register an alt) Honestly, you are so correct about L'Manberg
I remember regularly lurking around mcytblr and reading analysis and I think I only saw coherent L'Manberg nationalism analysis from, like, Xephyr and a c!Dream blogger/fan. Which is crazy in retrospect, because the ease with which most of the fandom leaned into fictional country hardcore patriotism was/is kinda insane
And the ensuing anti Doomsday stance -- like we all know that terrorism is bad and shit, but absolute refusal to acknowledge that maybe Doomsday trio and co were not punished by the narrative for having done that was because they were right was. sure something!
omg that's very flattering thank you :D
By Xephyr I assume you mean @considermygenderminecrafted ? Because yes, xe has some of the best L'Manburg critique out there, as well as some of the best c!Wilbur critique, everybody should absolutely check it out immediately (altho frustratingly, I just tried to find some of their posts as an example but Tumblr's search function is still absolute garbage (Xeph, do you have some of your great posts at hand and if so, can you just link some of them in the reblogs or something?))
And yes. There are valid criticisms that can be made of the Doomsday Trio's tactics (which even Techno himself sort of acknowledged later), but at the end of the day, they were on the right side of history
(Well Dream's character less so, but I can't even be bothered to try to analyse him at this point because none of his plans make sense to me)
Also nobody ever seems to acknowledge that Doomsday Trio were acting in self-defence, since L'Manburg had already gone after both Techno and Phil, and was at the time trying to kill Dream as well, although he kinda beat them to the punch (possibly because he already knew they were planning to kill him? idk, I'm not sure if that was ever confirmed or not)
But yeah, the argument about them needing to be punished by the narrative was always absurd to me, and it just betrays the fandom's belief that L'Manburg was supposed to be objectively good, despite all the evidence that it very much was not, not even to its own citizens! And possibly also the unquestioned assumption of "state good, anarchy bad"
Meanwhile the actual narrative repeatedly shows that L'Manburg always ends up becoming toxic, corrupt and ultimately oppressive, even under the Good President, while on the other hand the anarchist commune eventually turns into a sanctuary for all sorts of people who need a safe place to stay (even arguably the aforementioned former Good President when he needs somewhere to hide his son from kidnappers)
And yeah, this is why I did get pretty heated about some of the debates at the time, and I kinda still do, because in the process of assuming that L'Manburg was always the good guys, they ended up repeatedly justifying just absolutely horrific state violence as well as excusing early L'Manburg's xenophobia (as comedic as it initially was), which unfortunately mirrors a lot of real world authoritarianism and xenophobia
To be fair a lot of this was probably also protagonist-centric morality, since most of these people also saw the L'Manburg side as the main characters, but then again what is nationalism if not a form of protagonist-centric morality where you see your own country as the protagonist of the world lol
I might actually need to make a proper post now since multiple people have shown interest, unfortunately I'm also very lazy and kinda made my main points in that low effort post already
Which would mean that it would actually have to be a high effort post to justify its existence
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genericpuff · 6 months
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I think praising someone (Mongie) considering her incredibly racist comments and disrespectful behavior towards nonwhite fans, simply because she isn’t Rachel, is a bit gross
? I mean, yeah I agree with you, she's acted very immaturely and cruel towards her nonwhite fans. I'm assuming this has to do with my post talking about mongie's announcements at NYCC with her getting an anime? (if not please link me to the specific post for context). I don't really see any of that as 'praising her', more so just acknowledging the fact that she at least had the balls to step away from WT when she knew it wasn't working for her anymore, and the fact that she's managed to succeed separate from WT thus proving that it is, in fact, possible to succeed in this industry without relying on one single platform. The comparison to Rachel was more so just to prove a point that LO is in development hell lmao
I was more so just trying to praise the action in and of itself, not praising mongie for being a good person. I'm very aware of and have talked about her issues involving her racist opinions (the Vicky incident especially), I don't think her not being Rachel makes her a good person or good creator by default and that's not the point I was trying to get across. I'm not interested in continuing to read her work (like with LO I used to be a huge fan of Let's Play until it fell tf off in S3, then I found out about all the racism) but I can acknowledge the fact that she found a way to break out of the mould of Webtoons because I think that's something that should be talked about so that others can see it is possible to survive outside of Webtoons (not just for the aspiring creators, but also for the Originals creators who have spoken up about feeling 'stuck' with Webtoons because they don't feel like they can succeed without WT). It's just a shame it was, y'know, the person who has treated her fanbase like shit and acted out over very valid criticisms of her depictions of nonwhite characters. That's pretty much all I was trying to get across, it's not much more complicated than that lmao Weird analogy but it's like when you smell something cooking that smells really good and then you find out that it involves ingredients you can't stand LOL
But hey, you do raise a good point that highlighting the success of someone who's shitty towards their readers and how they write nonwhite characters is just giving them more press and recognition, so let's use this opportunity to highlight a not problematic creator who also found success in this industry while never once being an Originals creator - Alice Oseman! Heartstopper is wonderful and beautifully written especially in its characterizations and depictions of queer relationships and identities, the Netflix adaption is very warm and comforting to watch, and Alice herself seems like someone who I'd love to have coffee with if I ever had the chance. Go read/watch Heartstopper y'all , and remember to include non-Originals creators in your search for good comics to read <3 I'll probably make an actual post about Heartstopper sometime because I still need to watch the second season of the show and I'm sure I'll have plenty to gush about after I watch it just like I did with the first :' )
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nabbit-unmasked · 3 months
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Hello there! Apologies for asking but is there any asks from me in your inbox? I cannot quite remember if I sent anything recently or if Tumblr has been eating my asks.
Secondly, I come to you with a question. How do you avoid/disengage in discourse within the alterhuman community? I am asking because, as of recently, the amount of discourse has gotten to me and I want to be able to take a step back from everything before I have to leave like I did with other communities I am in. Apologies if this isn't something you can answer, but I thought it would be worth the shot.
- @batty-babbles
Hi batty! I do have something, here it is:
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I took a little break from answering asks because I needed to recover my mental health before giving any detailed responses. Instead of making a whole new post, I'll just answer it here and say thank you for the kind words ^^ I'm gonna go ahead and delete the ask since I pretty much addressed it here.
As for your second question, I've definently been there before. Discourse sucks, and the are three ways I've been able to deal with it:
• Laugh to yourself about recurrent gatekeepers or bullies.
- If there's one person that keeps getting on your nerves, you could try to laugh when you read their posts. What kind of a clown would have a take like that?
• Take a break or step away.
-If the discourse is happening on a specific platform, try exploring the community on another platform. I stepped away from Reddit after discourse and debating and gatekeeping because popular, and I cane to tumblr where I'm having a good time.
-Also, from what I've noticed, Tumblrs algorithm will show you content related to whatever you've previously searched or interacted with, or it will even reccomend new blogs from other blogs you already follow. If you want to stop seeing so much discourse on your Tumblr feed, search up other things your interested in or interact a lot with the blogs you can trust.
• Know that you're mindset is all that matters.
I'm not sure if its personally affecting your identity or not, but I think this is helpful advice anyways.
You know yourself best, more than anyone else does. Only you know what's going on inside your head. Therefore, only you can know what you identify as, and only you can define alterhumanity for yourself. If you don't fit the mainstream-gatekeeping-antifake definition of whatever you are, no one will know, nor will they care. They can't see inside your mind, remember? We all identify ourselves, and no one can tell us what we are or aren't. That makes us all valid on the basis of alterhuman identities. It doesn't matter if you aren't mainstream---thats the whole point of alterhuman, unique experiences that aren't like any other.
Even if you aren't feeling this way about yourself, it applies to everyone. If you see someone you disagree with and they're spreading discourse, keep this in mind for whoever they're targeting.
I hope this was helpful :) let me know if you need anything else ^^
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yukidragon · 10 months
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hi im super new to swwsdj and its lore and i gotta ask, how exactly did jack die? was he murdered was it an onset accident and if so how did that accident go? if we dont truly know then whats ur hc for what happened to him? u seem to be the leading authority on the game since anytime i google it, ur blog shows up pretty prominently.
Wait, me, a leading authority of the game? Prominently featured in google searches? WHAT?
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Pardon me, I was just a little overwhelmed for a second there. I'm flattered and flustered all at once. I'm just a silly fan who likes to ramble all the thoughts I have for this lovely game. I had no idea that I rambled enough to be a prominent search result on google. Wow.
The real authority of the game are the kind folks over at SnaccPop Studios. You can check them out over at their patreon, twitter, and tumblr. Also, there's an official tumblr and twitter for Sunny Day Jack that you might consider checking out.
While I'm getting disclaimers out of the way, I also want to make sure to credit them and the awesome Sauce for their lovely art and for being cool with me putting their art in posts like these to help discuss their fabulous game. It really helps illustrate what I'm talking about when I can show the actual illustrations.
Also, remember not to share anything privately posted on the patreon!
Anyway... back to the topic. While we can't say with complete certainty what happened to Jack in 1984 on the day he died, since the game's story is still in development, evidence strongly hints that he was murdered. I theorized in the past that he was shot due to some teaser art and some sprites Sauce was kind enough to share that show him with what look suspiciously like gunshot wounds.
How the incident went down exactly is unknown, but this teaser certainly shows the brutal aftermath. Not to mention the demo shows us hints in the form of childish doodles before the start of the game. It seems there were children in the audience who witnessed the final moments of Sunny Day Jack...
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This bit of lost media from Sauce's old twitter is still so chilling to think about. Any development art can't be technically counted as canon if it's not on any official SDJ page, but this heavily suggests how the incident went down.
As for my headcanons about what happened... They've developed somewhat over time, as you can see in a few of my previous posts here, here, and here. I also touched on it in a potential storyline idea for my fanfic, Sunshine in Hell, with my version of his sunshine, Alice, being the reincarnation of someone who unfortunately witnessed the incident. I also played with an AU idea where MC/Alice time travels back to 1984 to stop the murder from happening.
While we do have hints that Jack was the victim of murder, and even what might have been the cause of death, we don't have any clues as to why it happened. We also don't know why his soul was trapped in the tape and turned him into the ghost(?) we know and love. We have a lot of speculation, from his past as Joseph Cullman catching up to him in a violent way, a jealous co-star wanting to take him out, or even a conspiracy set up by LambsWork Productions itself. It could go in any direction at this point.
Sorry I can't offer a definitive answer as to how Jack died or why, but I hope this at least gives you a few things to think about. I'm definitely looking forward to finding out the answers when the full game is released.
@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur
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teanshan · 8 months
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jealousy is my toxic trait. i can't get rid of it. the only thing i can do to diffuse these awful feelings is to demote the close relationship that I had, into basically an acquaintance.
a few years ago now, i had a very special mutual on my main blog. we bonded over our common interests, as is the tumblr way, and got quite close. we even met in person a couple of times bc she's from sydney and i'm in melbourne. back then I considered her my best friend.
well, it's a hard pill to swallow when you realise you're not someone elses best friend.
i remember it happening in real time. 'X', another tumblr user from fucking germany, was a mutual of both of us. would join us in reblog chains, comment on my art, and message my friend directly. and i could see them getting closer. my friend would send me screenshots of their messages, showing me how funny X is.
and i couldn't stand it. 'go away, she's my friend!' I wanted to scream.
it got worse and worse. they were talking everyday, tagging each other. my friend and I had less and less fandoms in common. we ended up only talking about our personal lives, and as we're both introverted nerds, personal updates were few and far between.
i couldn't get rid of these stupid, shitty feelings. i couldn't ignore their public friendship all over my dashboard. and i sure wasn't going to tell her to stop being friends with someone, how awful and entitled that would be!
so i had to unfollow her. and at some point she unfollowed me. we still chat sometimes over fb messenger, and she likes my personal ig posts and vice versa. but thats pretty much it. I hadn't felt those awful jealous feelings in years.
and then just ten minutes ago, simple curiosity took over me and I had to search her up on tumblr. its been so long that I actually forgot her username. I had to scroll through my old messages to find it.
and what do i see on her account? that she literally used 3 hours ago? reblog after reblog of X tagging her in posts and vice versa. daily correspondance. their friendship still very much alive and thriving and its making me sick to my stomach.
it sucks. im so fucking jealous.
she was my friend. my person to tag in posts like 'tfw your mutual lives in another state ;_;.' my person to message incoherent words like AKJFLSGKFG. she was my person.
god how fucking toxic is that mindset?! but what am i supposed to do! its a never-ending loop of shitty feelings. i cant fucking do anything. stupid.
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aziraphales-library · 7 months
Text
Lost Fic #157
1. Hello, first of all thank you for all your hard work 🫶 really appreciate! I'm looking for a fic i read about a year ago: unfortunately i can't remember much, so i apologise if it's a vague description. I also think i might be mixing some facts with this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39533883 so i’m sorry if i’m making it hard to find. Trigger warning from here on (depression, su! c!de): the fic was set in the crowley's flat and the characters were canon (im pretty sure it was set a short time after S1's canon events, but somehow C still had holy water). Crowley had just suffered some sort of physical and emotional trauma (r@pe? sorry, i can't quite remember) and couldn't trust neither Aziraphale nor himself. He fell in a state of depression and couldn't see any other way out but use the holy water in his safe. (Spoilers) | remember a scene where he weakly walked to the safe and wrote a note, then tried to reach the thermos but was stopped last second by Aziraphale. Thank you in advance🫶; and if you manage to find it, congrats😅 - anon
2. Helloo I hope it's not too hard to find but I lost a fic on ao3 a bit ago I didn't finish reading and was hoping someone recognise it, it starts off with post apoca-nope Crowley being confronted by demons in his flat who tell him to stay away from aziraphale and summon a screen through which to view him. buuut since there was no audio they all missed a conversation between aziraphale and god in which god gives him a golden string (I think) and explains that metatron has been giving orders independently from god, then asks aziraphale to go to heaven and stirr up trouble. And that's when I accidentally closed the Tumblr app and lost it :( - anon
3. so theres this fic i was reading where its post canon but basically crozira gets locked up in heaven and crowley does his snake thing and releases them both (was in the beginning ish) but thats all i remember 😭😭 im sorry if this is too much to ask for, thank you in advance!!! - @stars-v3ria
4. Hello! I hope y'all are doing all right in what I imagine is a swamp of new asks from season 2's approach. (Writing this in the final few weeks til release.) I'm writing in search of a lost fic--I've scrounged through the Aziraphale's True Form tag but come up empty. It was T, M, or E rated, and more or less a true form sex fic, but may or may not have included genital sex. The part I remember (which I think was the focus of the story, it being a oneshot) was framed as a divinity/grace kink scene in which Aziraphale revealed his true form to Crowley. It was overwhelming to him (verging on pain iirc), but also very beautiful, intense, and possibly sensual or sexual. The part I really remember, though, came at the end-- Crowley, crying, used their safeword, which was "Amen." And after that I think it was more on the tender side. Would you happen to have encountered such a story? Thank you very much for your time, and potentially that of your followers-- I very much appreciate all the work you do for the fandom. <3 P.S. In case this reaches the author, and you with to remain anonymous, please know that the fic really stuck with me and I was merely searching for it in hopes of leaving a comment to that effect. &lt;3 - @elderly-worm
5. Hello! I was recently told about the (cursed) movie script and was told that there is a fanfiction of Book and Show Crowley saving movie Aziraphale from movie Crowley. The person said they're sure they read it on ao3 but cannot find it now and I'm extremely curious. Any help would be very appreciated and thank you so much for the library you're doing here, helped me to find a lot of gems. - anon
If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)
- Mod D
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lost-tardis-room · 4 months
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please tell me all about in the blood (no pressure, i am genuinely interested though!!!!!!)
AHHAHHAHHHHHAAAA YES OKAY THANK YOU ELI
OKAYYYY SO in the blood, doctor who extended universe book, i think it takes place pretty soon after the Silence in the Library arc cos that's mentioned quite a bit, and Donna's husband Lee (who was, i may add, i think going to be canonically trans but they weren't sure how to show that in a split second without it being confusing but he's trans in my heart) from the simulation is on Donna's mind a fair bit so my guess is it's pretty soon after that ANYWAYS, fairly standard doctor who plot, big problem with technology and people on earth and of course it's because Aliens. specifically its that internet trolls are dying and ofc The Internet gets worked up about that, but as more and more people start venting their anger online everyone gets more and more angry and they become hysterical and sometimes die. which obviously is a big problem they have to solve, i won't give away the plot but its fairly average dr who stuff.
BUT. OHH BOY THE CHARACTERSSSSSSSASASSaSSASaSAS i mean i love ten & donna anyways but they are written SO WELL like SOOOO WELL it's SPOT ON and it's so perfect because they do the same things they always do - the doctor is fully prepared to die (well. very painfully regenerate) just as he always does and uhhh actually maybe it's better if i take pictures there was a lot of frantic margin scribbling & underlining hehee
uhm. spoilers below. and very long post
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my handwriting is nigh-on-illegible here i know but it says 'she remembers the Arachna-things [one google search later - Racnoss] from the Runaway Bride she knows he has killed people & that people get killed around him but... [long pause here as i thought of what to write. how do you justify that? greater good?] yeah i can imagine it really is easier to not think about it'.
this is just such an interetsing thing that they couldn't have shown in the show right, you can't show 'she didn't even really like to think about it' visually with the same impact. but like.... yeah. she saw him kill all the racnoss & still travels with him. moral grey areas flawed characters but.... the companions must do some serious mental gymnastics NOT TO MENTIOn the Doctor coping mechanisms or lack thereof.
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^^but then there's this!! the hope!! he really can't stand people dying even when he is surrounded by it!! he has to hope!!!
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^^ platonic doctordonna moment!!!!! i love them so much heheeee but also Lee.... oughhhhh
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^^ SUCH A DOCTOR MOMENT he HAS to carry on for the sake of THE WORLD even when it means Donna is at risk
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^^handwriting id - 'see THAT is such a Doctor moment - just like ' 'yeah i knew for ages', lied the Doctor' - he doesn't tell people things b/c he doesn't want to upset them & he hopes that if he doesn't mention it it wont happen. if you see your own grave you have to be buried there etc. & it's maddening for everyone but also kinda tragic'
the doctor was hiding that what Donna thought was going to fix the problem wasnt going to work b/c then she's get upset & angry, which spacey stuff blah blah is whats currently killing people - but Ten (teh Doctor in general) does this A Lot, not saying everything he knows because he thinks it's going to upset/panic/hurt people/
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^^ THIS!! he needs his best friend!!! without saying anything & over the phone, Donna can tell!! ajsnjansh i just love them so muchhhh
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^^ (they were back in london in present day) the Doctor feels guilty about pulling Donna from her normal, safe life, even though like she wanted to he probably couldn't have said no to that if he tried - and putting her in mortal space danger - but also completely removed from her normal life. she doesn't live like Clara, who fits weeks of time travel in time to show up to work, she's missing out on Normal Life. she's not at home. Sylvia knows she wont be staying for dinner.
sorry a lot of this is kinda depressing BUT i promise you there are joyous bits too! the Doctor is canonically a Kate Bush fangirl!!! and donna has to stop him drinking coffee cos he'e hyperactive enough as it is lol. and -
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hehe
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jaelijn · 7 months
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Thoughts on The Thing in the OFMD finale under the cut because I need to articulate this somewhere and I haven't seen anything similar expressed, though at this point I'm not going into the tags anymore. Spoilers obviously.
And because Tumblr no longer lets you effectively keep things out of the tags/search even though I would rather no one but my followers saw this: If you hated the finale, move on. This post is not for you.
I feel like people are forgetting that this isn't primarily an escapist realistically historically pirate show, it's a queer narrative.
And Izzy's queer storyline isn't and has never been "discover sexuality, achieve key to self and life happily ever after" (that's Ed's and Stede's), it's "it's never too late". It's never too late to experience queer joy. Even if you're 95 and one foot in the grave, you can still discover the queer community. Even if you spent your whole life hiding it so far, you can still have it now. Even if you die of AIDS tomorrow you can still go to pride today. Even if some bastard might gun you down tomorrow for no fucking reason other than hating queer folks, you can still have this: queer joy and queer community. It is never too late for queer joy.
And the response to one of our own dying isn't to crawl into a hole and be afraid. It's to be even more aggressivley and life-affirmingly queer. It's new starts and weddings and parties. It's a fuck you to every time one of our own dies brutally. When we lose people of our own, the best thing we can do is to celebrate life. Queer life and queer joy and the queer community. This is what queer pride IS.
Does it suck when someone dies? Yes! Yes! It sucks majorly. But it's a part and a reality of queer lifes. Sometimes one of us dies way before their time. Most of the time it's unfair. Sometimes one of us only finds us when it's already late. Sometimes we can't have a full and happy queer life. It sucks. It's tragic. But it's a part of the story that needs to be told, because the worst thing we can do is pretend tragedy doesn't exist in queerness, to erase the tragedy from memory and thought and with it the people we owe most to remember because they are no longer with us. And while we need queer joy, we also need tragedy: If only to remind us to be even louder, even prouder, even queerer! And a show where there is queer characters who continue that queer joy is a place to tell this story - this is not a show where one queer death erases all queerness from the narrative, this is a show where EVERYTHING is queer.
And narratively: I knew Izzy was dead from the moment of the Pinocchio joke. The villain wasn't going to let him get away; it was happening. (Incidentally, it is foreshadowed exactly like Lucius's 'death' was: a life-threatening loss of limb early in the series.). But while Lucius's 'death' was sharp and brutal and unwarranted and unmourned AND caused by one of our own, Izzy's death doesn't come before Izzy can complete his arc, it comes at its culmination and it comes by a villain. It's not supposed to be something to be celebrated, of course not - it's death! It's tragic! But Izzy dies after having let go of his own toxicity, after having experienced the most happiness of his life and while being confident that the people he loves are safe. He can let them go on without him. The fact that it is heartwrenching is the point, but it's in no shape or form a death that is Bad Writing (tm).
And it's cathartic. That's what death is supposed to be. That the crew are able to move on isn't that they don't care - it's that Izzy left them with the legacy of celebrating their community ESPECIALLY WHEN they might die the next day.
I see a lot of people saying that the other characters don't seem to care. I don't understand what show those people have watched. I can only assume they have their heads so far up their arses in the generalised "MCD is Evil" that they can't accept that sometimes a character death is narrative catharsis and that that rage completely blinds them to subtle emotion (and also not subtle emotions: This is Ed "hide in his cabin to have a cry" Teach openly sobbing on the deck of the ship for the love of everything!). They obviously haven't watched anyone's face in the scenes of Izzy dying - nor during the funeral either:
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Anyway - yes, the death hurts. It's supposed to hurt. But it makes narrative sense, it concludes Izzy's arc logically and powerfully and his legacy is, to me, a very very important queer story.
I, too, hope to never have a queer friend die, but if it happens, I hope that I'll have the strength to honour their death and their life by LIVING more proudly, more queerly in their memory, not by denying that they have died. Or by denying that I, too, might die at any time.
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